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Speaker 1: What's up. It's about you. Put Angela yee. I'm Angela Yee.

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Speaker 2: Jasmine Brand is here and we have a first timer

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Speaker 2: on way ye put Angela yee, actually our first interview ever.

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Speaker 3: Grace Harry is here, thank you. I'm a virgin here,

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Speaker 3: yes she is.

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Speaker 4: You're gonna pop your cherry, yes, I can't wait.

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Speaker 2: And you have a book and you are a joy

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Speaker 2: strategist yes, And I remember when we had a conversation

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Speaker 2: about this, I didn't know what it was. So let's

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Speaker 2: just start off with what a joy strategist does?

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Speaker 1: What you do?

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Speaker 5: I made it up, and I made it up because

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Speaker 5: we just got so specific about how we're supposed to

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Speaker 5: live our lives, you know, like all these rules and

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Speaker 5: things that we no longer have fact checked against our

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Speaker 5: own heart, and so there's a way we're supposed to

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Speaker 5: live life to be in service with other people and

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Speaker 5: do the right thing and make everyone happy, which is

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Speaker 5: really against the strategy of our own hearts.

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Speaker 2: Doing things to please other people sometimes can be and

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Speaker 2: I feel and I'm a people pleaser, you know, but

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Speaker 2: I also enjoy like doing positive things for people.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes you do have to say no.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, well I think The issue is that we're all

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Speaker 5: people pleasers. You know, we're born into these families and

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Speaker 5: they have a concept of what we're supposed to do

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Speaker 5: to be and stay in those families, and so being

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Speaker 5: in service gets very complicated, and you know a lot

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Speaker 5: of religions and spiritualities kind of have their own language

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Speaker 5: how to squash in service to others. But really it's

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Speaker 5: service to yourself, right. It's being on the airplane and

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Speaker 5: putting your own mask on first, is really what I'm

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Speaker 5: talking about.

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Speaker 4: When did you know that you had like a joy

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Speaker 4: deficit or that you needed you know, I love a

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Speaker 4: joy deficit, or when you needed joy? At what moment?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I was sitting in a very aspirational life, you know,

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Speaker 5: I was sitting in a life that people felt was

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Speaker 5: the life to have, and I felt very empty and

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Speaker 5: sad inside.

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Speaker 3: And you know it would be.

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Speaker 5: Easy for me at that time in the height of

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Speaker 5: my I say, I'm a recovering people pleaser, fear of

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Speaker 5: projection ite. So in the height of that, I just

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Speaker 5: I wanted you to like me. I wanted you to

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Speaker 5: want to be around me. I wanted to be wanted,

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Speaker 5: and that created an other grace, that created a different

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Speaker 5: kind of person, and I would find myself talking inside

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Speaker 5: my head, you know, not having I would be sitting

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Speaker 5: here with you and you'd ask me a question and

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Speaker 5: I'd be calculating the right answer.

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Speaker 3: And that's exhausting, right, and most.

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Speaker 5: Of us it can be tiring, right. It's an entire

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Speaker 5: persona of something else. And then I started watching my

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Speaker 5: own kids and how they don't give can I curse? Yes,

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Speaker 5: a curst? They didn't give ten thousand Harry fucks. You know,

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Speaker 5: It's like they had their own needs. And at the

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Speaker 5: same time, I believe kids do as you do, not

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Speaker 5: as you say. So I'm mirroring for them a behavior

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Speaker 5: and even a love behavior that I don't want to

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Speaker 5: see in my children as adults, and see my grandkids

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Speaker 5: and my grandkids grandkids bring forth, especially as women.

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Speaker 2: You know what I love about Grace. She's very honest

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Speaker 2: about a lot of things. So I want to have

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Speaker 2: like a whole, open, honest conversation because when I first

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Speaker 2: met Grace, she was like, what have you heard about me?

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Speaker 4: And that's the question that I asked.

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Speaker 3: You know, you know why I live in a little bubble.

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Speaker 3: I do my own thing, but I like to know right, right.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, woo, that's a loaded question because

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Speaker 2: so for people listening, there's a lot of if you

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Speaker 2: google Grace, you know, and.

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Speaker 1: This has to be somewhat annoying to see, like who.

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Speaker 2: You've been affiliated with always comes up, like as one

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Speaker 2: of the first things, it'll be like Usher's ex wife,

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Speaker 2: because you guys were together, you were married, you ended

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Speaker 2: up getting divorced. But even before that, I knew who

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Speaker 2: you were because I knew your first husband from doing

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Speaker 2: a Mix Show Power Summit. Yes, Renee the Best, Yes,

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Speaker 2: Renee McClean, So I remember you from back in those days.

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Speaker 2: And for people who don't know what the Mix Show

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Speaker 2: Power Summit was, it was like a huge annual event

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Speaker 2: for all of the DJs and the labels to be

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Speaker 2: able to showcase the new artists in front of the DJs.

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Speaker 1: It would be like in.

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Speaker 2: Dominican Republic or Puerto Rico, but it was like a

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Speaker 2: real flyaway trip. And I feel like you were very

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Speaker 2: involved in that too, because it was always Renee and Grace,

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Speaker 2: Renee and Grace you know back then, so I didn't.

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Speaker 2: And that's who you have your two children with, right, yes, correct, Okay,

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Speaker 2: So that but before that, you actually wore an executive

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Speaker 2: chef yes for the Cosby Show.

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Speaker 4: Yes, wait, that's random.

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Speaker 3: Yeah okay.

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Speaker 5: First of all, yes, I like to say it's my

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Speaker 5: new line because it's been coming up recently. That usher

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Speaker 5: is amazing. But him being my third husband is the

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Speaker 5: least interesting thing about me, having nothing to do with him.

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Speaker 5: He was third husband, Yes, and amazing.

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Speaker 4: You know first, who was second?

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Speaker 3: Lou Miguel, Ludwig von Erhard Miguel.

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Speaker 4: What did he do?

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Speaker 3: He's a producer? Okay, yeah, what do you do?

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Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, you got all well known exes, all.

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Speaker 5: Right, I get yeah, brandam Padam. I actually was not

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Speaker 5: a part of the Mike Show Power Summit. What we

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Speaker 5: did together was you did a thing called well I'm blinking,

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Speaker 5: this is how old I am fifty three, the rap roast.

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Speaker 5: And what we did is because I always it was

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Speaker 5: really important to me that we have these big gifts

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Speaker 5: in life and that we always do a gift back,

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Speaker 5: especially to the communities that supported us. I was a

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Speaker 5: few years ago with a bunch of rappers I won't

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Speaker 5: name now, and they're all sitting around talking about how

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Speaker 5: fucked up it is that this is happening, and this

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Speaker 5: is happening these communities that they came from, but nobody's

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Speaker 5: living in those communities. And so that concept that if

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Speaker 5: we can give back, but if we're not in a

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Speaker 5: community fixing the school and walking the neighborhood and buying

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Speaker 5: from a local, you know, we really can't do a

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Speaker 5: give back. So this concept was to roast some of

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Speaker 5: the music industry so that we can get people to

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Speaker 5: come and want to just rub up on these people.

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Speaker 5: But also every single end was giving money or support

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Speaker 5: to a charity that came from their community. So I

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Speaker 5: loved that and we did that structure and as we

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Speaker 5: were ending, I think, usher, I mean us sure, Renee say,

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Speaker 5: I can't give them straight. Renee was leaving Innerscope and

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Speaker 5: wanted to do something else and was loving the DJs

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Speaker 5: and wanted the DJs to have a different kind of

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Speaker 5: autonomy with their career. And I feel like that's what

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Speaker 5: birth the Mike Shaw Power Summit.

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Speaker 2: Right because I was working for eminem at the time,

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Speaker 2: so they were a huge sponsor, so I was very involved,

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Speaker 2: like I had to be there, and they weren't a

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Speaker 2: lot of women there.

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Speaker 4: I will say that it's sound surprising.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because a lot of the DJs are men, and

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Speaker 2: a lot of the people that worked at labels and

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Speaker 2: promotions were at that time men also. All Right, so

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Speaker 2: let's get back to who you are. Because when you

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Speaker 2: asked me that, I was like, Okay, what can I

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Speaker 2: tell her? You know that I've heard because I didn't

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Speaker 2: know you before that, I've only heard stories. I knew

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Speaker 2: the Benita apple Bum story, that that Q Tip who

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Speaker 2: you dated in the past, that song was about you,

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Speaker 2: and I saw you talking to Torae I like to

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Speaker 2: kiss you where some brothers won't, and talking about how

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Speaker 2: black men weren't known to do oral sex.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know when did it become around? What time

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Speaker 4: did it become cool for them to start admitting it?

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Speaker 3: And you know what's a funny question.

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Speaker 5: My daughter and I were talking about that the other

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Speaker 5: day because you can even see I liked to Okay,

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Speaker 5: I'm not don't get on a soapbox, but all my

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Speaker 5: male musicgadast your friends want to debate me. I'm the

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Speaker 5: current female rapper, and I have a lot of thoughts

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Speaker 5: about that, Okay, feelings. But what's interesting to me about

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Speaker 5: that is I found that there was early times where male,

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Speaker 5: and I hate making all these things of verses, but

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Speaker 5: males were very vocal what would you could do for them?

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Speaker 5: But they what they were not going to write. And

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Speaker 5: I feel like that was a part of the music and.

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Speaker 3: The culture even in the eighties.

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Speaker 2: And you know, it was a very Caribbean thing too,

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Speaker 2: like yeah, not to men. Men don't do that, Like

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Speaker 2: Jamaican men in particular. They'll let you know, like they're

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Speaker 2: not supposed to do that, right, Yeah, But.

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Speaker 4: At what point did when did rappers start talking about.

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Speaker 3: So what the woman asked you a question is remember

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Speaker 3: the little Wayne song.

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Speaker 5: I feel like he was one of the first to

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Speaker 5: be yeah, like I do this and like it I could.

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Speaker 3: Be giving.

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Speaker 1: His flowers.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, that's a good place to have flowers.

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Speaker 5: I literally have been doing these. I mean this is

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Speaker 5: a whole other thing. But working during the pandemic, I

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Speaker 5: was working with a lot of people who are starting

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Speaker 5: creating businesses, and that was a big part of the strategy.

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Speaker 5: As soon as the doors closed, all of a sudden,

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Speaker 5: people were looking at this person on their left or right,

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Speaker 5: and they weren't in their big life, like who's you

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Speaker 5: right and.

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Speaker 3: What do I want with you? And who's you.

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Speaker 5: And it became a real conversation around intimacy, right and

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Speaker 5: slowing down and connecting and so that's a big topic.

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Speaker 5: So anyone who's out there promoting just connecting in a

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Speaker 5: way where everyone's having pleasure, I'm all for it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you definitely are and like you know, just

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Speaker 2: even the conversations that we were having, so you also

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Speaker 2: while we were out there, I want to talk about

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Speaker 2: this because it's not as taboo anymore.

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Speaker 4: I know where this is going.

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Speaker 1: The shrooms, I just.

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Speaker 2: Don't that in the green room, and I feel like

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Speaker 2: that has changed so quickly. There was a period of

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Speaker 2: time when it was like, shrooms are terrible?

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Speaker 1: What is wrong with you?

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Speaker 2: And I've always enjoyed it from when I first did it.

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Speaker 2: I probably the first time I did it was probably

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Speaker 2: like over ten years ago.

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Speaker 4: And it was just doing it before it was cool.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, even when I was on the Breakfast Club, they

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Speaker 2: would be like, oh, you do that, like you know,

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Speaker 2: and now everybody's like, oh, I'm microdosing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a nice buzzword. Now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah it is a thing and you can actually buy

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Speaker 2: it like inside of chocolate and things like that, and

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Speaker 2: people are coming at like with their own lines.

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Speaker 1: So can you talk about what that's done for you?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And I'm glad you brought that out because again,

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Speaker 5: the biggest part of my book that I want everyone

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Speaker 5: to take away two things. One who said, you know,

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Speaker 5: who said this is called a microphone. Who said, that's

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Speaker 5: called a door. So if we can start to look

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Speaker 5: at life that way, we can decide what really feels

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Speaker 5: good for us and what we want.

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Speaker 3: To who do you want in our life? And what

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Speaker 3: do we enjoy?

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Speaker 5: And the second thing is we live in a world

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Speaker 5: where we do the thing that sanctioned as right, you know.

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Speaker 5: And I'm not penalizing alcohol or anything else, but there's

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Speaker 5: a lot of ways to disconnect and very few ways

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Speaker 5: to be enhanced and supported to go inside and do

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Speaker 5: some inner systemic change. And so I think, oh, I

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Speaker 5: think I must have been like fourteen, and I was

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Speaker 5: in this wilderness survival camp group and I was bitten

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Speaker 5: by a poisonous snake. Is a whole weird story, and

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Speaker 5: it was in that moment I had these strange dreams

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Speaker 5: and I got to some things that I was wrestling.

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Speaker 5: I mean, what was happening in my fourteen year old

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Speaker 5: life or thirteen year old life. But things felt more clear,

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Speaker 5: and it was through that journey that I started to

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Speaker 5: lean into other indigenous practices and started going and I

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Speaker 5: had a peyote experience, and I really do I do

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Speaker 5: not enjoy some Okay, I'm not going to make it.

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Speaker 5: I talk about this all the time, but I find

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Speaker 5: that people then take these experiences and without integration and

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Speaker 5: without really the work aspect in that they think it's

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Speaker 5: a party drug. And so for me, it was very

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Speaker 5: serious to not only start to experiment with things, but

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Speaker 5: experiment with things inside the lineage from where they came

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Speaker 5: okay you know, not just where they were created, but

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Speaker 5: also the proper ritual and practice around how to do that,

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Speaker 5: and leaned into it. And I'm proud that I'm a

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Speaker 5: lot of people that we all knows first a.

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Speaker 3: Lot of people are.

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Speaker 5: Like the first of mushrooms was with Craze, And to me,

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Speaker 5: that wasn't to play with people outside and being a

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Speaker 5: club experience. It was that we all, especially as creators, right,

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Speaker 5: we have so many parts of ourselves and it's a

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Speaker 5: very complicated thing in this world to know which part

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Speaker 5: of yourself is safe to lead with. Right, You're Angela,

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Speaker 5: you're Jasmine. There's a version of you that's here that's

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Speaker 5: different than the version of you that's in the bathroom,

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Speaker 5: that's with your friends, that you've known your whole life,

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Speaker 5: that's with a partner. And it's so important to learn

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Speaker 5: how to integrate all those parts and not penalize any

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Speaker 5: one version, but learn to stand up in the truth

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Speaker 5: of you and be supported by all these other experiences.

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Speaker 2: In a safe space too, by the way, mostly in

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Speaker 2: the space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's important.

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Speaker 2: And as we're talking about different versions of ourselves, one

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Speaker 2: thing you talk about in this book, whenever you're looking

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Speaker 2: for something outside of yourself, you're missing something in your

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Speaker 2: own life. And please and I think that's important too,

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Speaker 2: because you know, there's these expectations, like you said, for women,

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Speaker 2: that we're supposed to be married at a certain age,

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Speaker 2: to have children at a certain age. And so how

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Speaker 2: did that make you earlier live your life?

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Speaker 3: Oh? I was the poster child of outside successing. You know.

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Speaker 5: It was absolutely not about me, and and what really

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Speaker 5: turned me around was getting to, as I said, this

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Speaker 5: aspirational version of my life where I work, who I'm

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Speaker 5: married to. But none of those things felt good inside

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Speaker 5: my body, and so yeah, it's leaning into what actually

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Speaker 5: feels good for you. And where that starts is the permission,

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Speaker 5: you know, back to us as women, as humans, as

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Speaker 5: brown humans. There's so many rules and regulations that we

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Speaker 5: feel we have to abide bye to kind of survive

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Speaker 5: in this world. But getting into the truth of who

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Speaker 5: you are and what really feels good and being a

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Speaker 5: pioneer of your own heart, that's intersystemic change. And we

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Speaker 5: can't make changes unless we really go in and do

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Speaker 5: the internal work with anybody.

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Speaker 4: What does the internal work look like?

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Speaker 1: It really?

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Speaker 5: And I say this and it always sounds so coy

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Speaker 5: like it's different for everyone, but it really freaking is.

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Speaker 4: You know some people, what was it like for you?

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Speaker 5: For me, it was first admitting that something wasn't feeling

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Speaker 5: good because I felt like an asshole. You know, I'm

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Speaker 5: so blessed. I've had such an incredibly blessed life. How

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Speaker 5: could I sit here and shoot on any version of it?

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Speaker 5: What does that mean about me? What kind of person

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Speaker 5: am I? And it really was leaning into my life

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Speaker 5: coach my twenty eight year old daughter, who she gave

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Speaker 5: me that perspective that I was, as you see, I

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Speaker 5: was running around the world, like what do you think

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Speaker 5: of me? And she gave me this really beautiful perspective

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Speaker 5: that is, I think that you're an incredible person and

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Speaker 5: you love to infuse happiness enjoy in other people, but

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Speaker 5: you don't give that to yourself, right, And that to

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Speaker 5: me felt like the biggest fraud because how can we

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Speaker 5: promote something that we don't live. Yeah, and that's really

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Speaker 5: important to me to promote it. And so it was complicated.

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Speaker 5: You know, people in my life that I was married

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Speaker 5: to or friends with were not recognizing me quickly as

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Speaker 5: I stop being the person who would talk to you,

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Speaker 5: but I'm talking inside my head the whole time because

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Speaker 5: I don't want to say the thing that's wrong or

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Speaker 5: the thing that's going to make you unhappy, to being

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Speaker 5: the person who was like, nah, now.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to do that. Now that doesn't feel good.

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Speaker 3: I don't like that. But we have a GPS.

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Speaker 5: It's our own hearts. I'm not the joy strategist, your

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Speaker 5: heart is. And when we don't listen to them, but

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Speaker 5: we'll have an uber. I had an uber a few

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Speaker 5: weeks ago who fought me tooth and nail that this

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Speaker 5: was the address I was going to because the GPS

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Speaker 5: said it, and I said, I grew up in this

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Speaker 5: fucking house. I know, I know where I am, but

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Speaker 5: it really just re reminded me that when we have

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Speaker 5: these things that are strong in us and we when

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Speaker 5: we really focus these tools to guide us, they work,

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Speaker 5: and we have it in our own hearts. We're just

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Speaker 5: afraid by society and propaganda. But we have these things

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Speaker 5: that are passed down about love.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 5: I had a woman who remain nameless, God rest her soul,

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Speaker 5: who told me, when you get married the first time,

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Speaker 5: she said, let your husband get on and do his business, right,

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Speaker 5: I think, because someone else will do it if you

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Speaker 5: don't do it. That is the worst advice I've ever

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Speaker 5: heard in my life, because basically it was it's not

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Speaker 5: about you. And I'm not even dissing that there was

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Speaker 5: a reality of time and life where that was a

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Speaker 5: real life necessity, you know what, because that could mean

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Speaker 5: your life or your safety, or the or the or

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Speaker 5: the feeding of your children or you know whatever. But

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Speaker 5: now we know too much and we're too aware, and

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Speaker 5: we can make this new concept of female liberation another

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Speaker 5: tagline or we can fucking be a it and what

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Speaker 5: that means is showing other women who are younger and

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Speaker 5: people who are less courageous that we choose ourselves first.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever been with someone who was like, you

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Speaker 2: don't have to work anymore, I'll take care of you. Yes,

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Speaker 2: and you can, she said yes, because you've always worked.

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Speaker 1: Was that something that because I've heard that happen.

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Speaker 2: I've actually had somebody say that to me in the

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Speaker 2: past and it did not sit well with me. So

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Speaker 2: what were your thoughts when that happened?

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Speaker 5: I think with everything it's intention, you know, I think

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Speaker 5: that there's a version of that where I say, Jasmine,

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Speaker 5: you've been working hard, You're amazing. I love you, I

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Speaker 5: want you to have this opportunity to change your life.

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Speaker 5: And just in the way, if I have a partner

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Speaker 5: who's trying to become a doctor and they're spending years

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Speaker 5: in medical school, well now it's your turn, and I

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Speaker 5: want to support you and supporting me and where we

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Speaker 5: are now, that's a beautiful gesture. But when it comes

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Speaker 5: down to you know, this is the four Agreements. I

365
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Speaker 5: don't know if you've ever read that book, how they

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Speaker 5: talk about where two what do wey say like our

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Speaker 5: skin is raw and we're just pain. Bodies hitting each

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Speaker 5: other skin all the time. So often that kind of

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Speaker 5: gesture comes with a lot of strings attached. Yeah yeah,

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Speaker 5: and so usually said it earlier.

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Speaker 3: What does that mean? What am I?

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Speaker 1: What is it?

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Speaker 5: You don't have to work again? Outside? But what kind

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Speaker 5: of work do I have to do in his house?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: In his mierol in his house, I thought you all night, Like,

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Speaker 4: come on, So I just go to work.

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Speaker 3: And That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: It's like with every single thing, you know, we we've

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Speaker 5: lived life, especially myself. I lived this life of like

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Speaker 5: pick me, you know, but really life is a supermarket. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: and we walk in and I'm like, I want everything

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Speaker 5: on Ile five. I want nothing on Aisle seven. And

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Speaker 5: we deserve to live that way.

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Speaker 1: What do you think about this whole data pickets?

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Speaker 4: Man? You know?

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Speaker 1: I was. I was like, Grace is coming.

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Speaker 2: We got to tie to her about that because I

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Speaker 2: see her getting a lot of flak right on social

390
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Speaker 2: media and people are doing memes and they're like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: that's enough.

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Speaker 1: We don't.

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Speaker 2: But she does have a book that is out at

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Speaker 2: this point, and Will Smith has discussed things in the

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Speaker 2: past about their relationship, and it is her truth to tell?

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Speaker 1: Is it ever too much?

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Speaker 3: Okay? Can I answer this in five different way? Yes?

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Speaker 5: Because you know I have a thing about talking about

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Speaker 5: people and they're not here. And the reason I say

400
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Speaker 5: that is because we don't know, right and if I'm

401
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Speaker 5: not in the room and you were naked all together, I.

402
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Speaker 1: Don't really but we know what she's telling us interviews.

403
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Speaker 5: Totally, totally. But what I'm saying is, so I start there.

404
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,239
Speaker 5: I start there just because that's the truth of all

405
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Speaker 5: of us. And if we can hold that a little bit,

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Speaker 5: that's a good start. The second part is with everything,

407
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Speaker 5: it's not about exactly what Jada saying. Well, and by

408
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Speaker 5: the way, I live in a little bubble, so I

409
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Speaker 5: haven't really seen anything in this morning in just preparation.

410
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Speaker 5: I just deep down a whole bunch what's happening. But

411
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Speaker 5: I think the bigger issue is brown love period. You know,

412
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Speaker 5: back to all the rules and the roles we're supposed

413
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Speaker 5: to play. We have to take that back a little further,

414
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Speaker 5: and we're seeing other cultures really lean into that kind

415
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Speaker 5: of decision about who we want to show up for

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Speaker 5: in partnership. And yet I don't know if we Brown

417
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Speaker 5: people have that same kind of mission, because we don't

418
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Speaker 5: really have that permission in life to just make up

419
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Speaker 5: our own rules in a lot of ways. But I

420
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Speaker 5: feel that we are opening up in our hearts to

421
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Speaker 5: new ideas, but we're not really creating the structures around

422
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Speaker 5: how to do that, supporting and caring about other people's

423
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Speaker 5: hearts as well. So what I see when I see

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Speaker 5: that whole situation, and I actually hit AMR this morning

425
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Speaker 5: about that because I happen to be at the Oscars

426
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Speaker 5: when all that went down, and it was.

427
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Speaker 3: A fascinating thing thing to see.

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Speaker 5: And what I really saw, even from that first moment

429
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Speaker 5: with Chris and Will and Emir and Quesla was much

430
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Speaker 5: more of a non permission to be who you really

431
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Speaker 5: fucking are, Right, That's let's start there, Like who is

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Speaker 5: Will and his truth? Whose will as a man? What

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Speaker 5: is the role that he feels he has to stand

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Speaker 5: up to and be in order to be in love

435
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Speaker 5: with this vergion of person, and what are her expectations

436
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,560
Speaker 5: and rules around that? And if we could start getting

437
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Speaker 5: a little bit honest even as we enter relationships about

438
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,359
Speaker 5: what we actually need and how we actually feel. I

439
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,639
Speaker 5: read this book years ago with a not a good

440
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 5: title called getting to I do dumb title's because not

441
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,440
Speaker 5: everyone's trying to get married. Yeah, she was a ninety

442
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 5: seven year old woman and.

443
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,880
Speaker 3: She was a relationship coach.

444
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 5: And the whole book is about if you want to

445
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 5: be cherished, right, and that's your goal, then don't be

446
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,840
Speaker 5: the boss at home and be running up things. And

447
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 5: that's not even a male female thing, that's just Oh,

448
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,119
Speaker 5: I want to be cherished. So I don't want to

449
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,639
Speaker 5: make and I say this all the time, strong women

450
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,919
Speaker 5: are always misunderstood because we don't want to make all

451
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,919
Speaker 5: the decisions. We want someone else strong enough to make

452
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 5: us a sub because we trust that they could be

453
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 5: the dom right you know what I mean, like strong

454
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 5: enough to let me relax and be in this position so.

455
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,280
Speaker 2: That we don't have to make all the decisions on everything,

456
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 2: because I know you're gonna figure it out, do the

457
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 2: right thing, and take care of it.

458
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,680
Speaker 3: That's right, And I've given you permission to do that.

459
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 3: You know, just because I'm a boss in here doesn't

460
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,440
Speaker 3: mean I want to get home and be the boss.

461
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 3: I want to.

462
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,679
Speaker 5: Actually have a place where I can sit on someone's

463
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,680
Speaker 5: lap and be in a ball. I want a place

464
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 5: where I can be. So when I pulled the whole

465
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,640
Speaker 5: situation back and just looked at all three of them.

466
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 5: I don't know well Dreda, but I know Chris and

467
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 5: I know a Questlove well. And what I saw to

468
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 5: me was this new concept of how we actually are

469
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 5: living in this world in love with ourselves, and how

470
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 5: do we relate to that with other people?

471
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 3: So is it too much?

472
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 4: Yes?

473
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 3: Would I give personal details about my partners in that way?

474
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. It's their story to tell.

475
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 5: But I don't really I don't know the inner dynamics

476
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,400
Speaker 5: of their relationship. I don't know really what the pain

477
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 5: and the things that are actually battling and trying to

478
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 5: bring forth in the conversation. But what I do know

479
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 5: is that they need to create a new deal memo

480
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 5: all the way around, a new deal memo that need

481
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,920
Speaker 5: and I think everyone should. I think every three months

482
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,360
Speaker 5: with your friends, with your partners, three months.

483
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 4: Is kind of short, but that's the world we live

484
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 4: in now.

485
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 3: Changes every day.

486
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 5: Okay, Listen, we make a trip three months ago. We're

487
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,959
Speaker 5: gonna go to Jamaica. We're gonna go on this thing.

488
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 5: You might be in a completely different place of life.

489
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,919
Speaker 5: The trip is coming up and I'm going to call

490
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 5: you and say, oh, I know you just started that job.

491
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 5: I know you're in this new partners will back out

492
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 5: at their last.

493
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,920
Speaker 1: Back but I'm busy.

494
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,399
Speaker 4: For I wasn't like that before. She has a kid

495
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,199
Speaker 4: now made it different.

496
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 5: But also you're welcome to yourself because literally, and you

497
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,919
Speaker 5: know with integrity, you know it's not like you're at

498
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,120
Speaker 5: the airport and Angela's waiting for you. There are real

499
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 5: with me, but there are real times or I and

500
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,479
Speaker 5: for me this has been the worst and the hardest

501
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,240
Speaker 5: part because I want everyone to be happy. I want

502
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 5: her wone to be but recently, yeah, I'll make a

503
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,920
Speaker 5: plan because I'm like a five year old. I'm like,

504
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 5: oh that sounds fun.

505
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 3: Then the day of I want to go to my bed.

506
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 4: If you sound it fun at the time, No way.

507
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 2: And that's the struggle for me is that there's a

508
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 2: lot of times I'm exhausted and I don't want to

509
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 2: do something, but I also feel like I shouldn't back

510
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: out of things because if I give my word, I

511
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,880
Speaker 2: want people to feel like I'm still a good friend,

512
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 2: still reliable, because most of the time I don't feel

513
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 2: like doing things, but I know, and then when I

514
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 2: get there, I'm okay. And so I will say that

515
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 2: like there's and you know that, like there's a lot

516
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 2: of times that I will say yes, I'll do this,

517
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 2: and then it's oh man, I don't feel like I'll.

518
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,560
Speaker 4: Tell her like, well, let's just not do it, but

519
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 4: she's like, I know. But I will also say that

520
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 4: Angela and I are close friends, and a lot of

521
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 4: times I don't ask her to do things or four

522
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 4: things because I know even if she don't want to

523
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,359
Speaker 4: do it, she'll say yeah, she'll do it anyway. She's well,

524
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,239
Speaker 4: that's kind of like part of people pleasing though, right,

525
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 4: oh yes.

526
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 2: And then I know what Jasmine. If she says yeah,

527
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: there's a chance that she's not going to do it.

528
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 2: So I've always got a backup situation ready just in case.

529
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 3: But how about we just do a ne demo, a

530
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 3: new deal memo with yourself.

531
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 4: Okay, what did I look like?

532
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 5: So it looks like because I'm the same, I want

533
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 5: to say yes to everything. So now I have twenty

534
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 5: four hours. I don't say yes to anything until I've okay,

535
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 5: you know what, I let you know tomorrow. Can you

536
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 5: give me twenty four hours or what's up till what time?

537
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 5: Can I tell you so I can really fill into it.

538
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 5: Another thing for people like I like that for people

539
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 5: like you and I, is to create a negative space calendar.

540
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 5: I had to do this because I wanted to do

541
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 5: all these things for myself. But then all of a sudden,

542
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 5: I've you know, consulted on this and had this talk

543
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 5: and saved this person, and there was no time for me.

544
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 5: So I created a negative space calendar. It has the

545
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 5: time I'm working, but it has like the dance class

546
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 5: I want to go to this, and those are critical

547
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 5: because what what happened is if I didn't see anything

548
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 5: in my schedule, you you don't know how to say right, yeah,

549
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 5: Then I didn't know how to say no. So now

550
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 5: I look at that true schedule. You know, you have

551
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 5: a nap in there, lunch with yourself, you're taking a

552
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 5: morning walk, whatever the hell it is that makes you

553
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 5: feel good. And then you can't say yes to things

554
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 5: until you've checked all the boxes. For Angela, right, you

555
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 5: need to do that, Angelou, Okay, we could do together.

556
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 3: I made a little outline.

557
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, listen.

558
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,200
Speaker 2: You can find some of these tools and tricks in

559
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 2: the Joy strategist. I also want to talk about spending time,

560
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: like you said, with yourself, because it feels like you

561
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 2: you've said this that masturbation is also and being able

562
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 2: to touch yourself. It's really important as far as being

563
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 2: in tune with yourself. All right, So can we talk

564
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 2: about that a little bit because Dasman, do you masturbate often?

565
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know about often, but my

566
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 4: toy that you gave me, I do master. But I

567
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 4: feel like this is a little pride t am I.

568
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 4: But I feel like it's like desensitized me a little bit.

569
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, so yes, I had to lay off the.

570
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 4: Good somebody was like, wait a.

571
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 5: Minute, it's not who made those and also right there

572
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 5: in ten yeah they're beaten up after it is.

573
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 4: I feel like it kind of denizes, at least from

574
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 4: my situation.

575
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 5: Well, mo Jesmin has hit on the head. Life disensitive,

576
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 5: life desensitize it because the thing is is that before

577
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 5: even masturbation, you know this, I had a group of

578
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 5: friends back to this, people who were asking me to

579
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 5: work on their business pre pandemic, and then post during

580
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 5: we're like how do I So we had all these

581
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 5: new breakups and I'm noticing friends of mine going on

582
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 5: the first new date. It's going very very terribly, and

583
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 5: it's going very very terribly.

584
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 3: One of them came to me and said, oh, I

585
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 3: was on this new date. I said, how to go.

586
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 5: We started kissing and then she said I'm good, and

587
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 5: I said, oh, that's terrible. If a woman says I'm good,

588
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 5: you did something not great. And I realized that we

589
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 5: live in a fast, fast world, so we don't even

590
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 5: know that what intimacy is. And before we even get

591
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 5: to touching our own anything, let's slow it down, slow

592
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,680
Speaker 5: it down. Well, if you take your own arm and

593
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 5: you just touch yourself so soft, like hovering on the

594
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 5: top of your arm, and then take a long time

595
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 5: to get to your wrist, you'll turn yourself on. But

596
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 5: we don't take that soft, slow time with ourselves. So

597
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 5: before you even get to masturbating, just being sexy with yourself,

598
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,920
Speaker 5: passing a mirror and looking in your own eyes and

599
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 5: really being your own best lover.

600
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: Because we're very critical of ourselves. Yes, I find a

601
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 2: lot of times you're like, I need to fix this,

602
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 2: I need to do something. I don't like the way

603
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 2: this looks.

604
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 3: Oh I am the poster child glittering to myself in

605
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 3: a mirror. And it took me a long time.

606
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 5: And I read a book, a spiritual book years ago

607
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 5: called Louis You Could Heal Your Life by Louise L.

608
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 3: Hay, and the first exercise was looking in a mirror

609
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: in your own eyes. It took me months.

610
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 5: It took me months to achieve that. And then I

611
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 5: stopped trying to be like, Oh, I'm gorgeous, and that's

612
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 5: why I could look at my own eyes and instead

613
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 5: be like, oh, I have eyes. I'm so grateful that

614
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 5: I have eyes, right, and just take it back from

615
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 5: beauty and these again, these other concepts that people have

616
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 5: created for us, and.

617
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 3: Pull it back to what do we like about ourselves?

618
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 5: I am grateful that I fed my daughter this morning,

619
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 5: even though I'm exhausted working for jobs, whatever, you know,

620
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 5: whatever the thing is, taking it and slowing it down.

621
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 5: And then, yes, we're animals. If you have a part

622
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,959
Speaker 5: of your body that never gets used, it's not going

623
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 5: to be the thing that's the loudest on you. So

624
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 5: if there's no sexiness or juiciness in your body, how

625
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 5: as animals are we going to be out in the

626
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 5: world being attrited to each other.

627
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 3: There's nothing going on. What am I connecting to?

628
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 5: So I feel like masturbation is very advanced math for

629
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 5: people who've been raised in very spiritual or religious you know,

630
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 5: homes or institutions.

631
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 3: But it doesn't even need to be that dramatic.

632
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: It just needs to be touching your own skin, touching

633
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:47,719
Speaker 1: my own arm.

634
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 3: What you think about this?

635
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 5: If you are after work, you go home, you're exhausted.

636
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 5: You have to feed yourself, but you're tired, you don't

637
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 5: feel like it. You don't want to take a shower.

638
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,199
Speaker 5: It's exhausting, but let a booty call hit you up

639
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,880
Speaker 5: a little bit class shower' gonna make a meal?

640
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 3: Taken clue list. When she put the block of cookies

641
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 3: in the oven, number, she's like, really tired.

642
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 1: Maybe just the wet white And I'm just kidding, by

643
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: the way, for real, there's.

644
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 3: A lot of good brands. Now there's Honey or whatever.

645
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 3: I love that woman so but but in seriousness.

646
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 5: Get sexy with yourself, right, Just slow it down, like

647
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 5: enjoy yourself the way you would if you were trying

648
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 5: to make someone else feel that you were worth enjoying.

649
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 2: And one of the things in the book you do

650
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 2: talk about is also spending one or three minutes writing

651
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: or during what you're proud of yourself for. Since we

652
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 2: kind of talked about that and listen, I'm a big

653
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 2: fan of celebrating like small things, you know what, And.

654
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: I always tell you that, like what did we do today?

655
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: Okay, well let's celebrate that, just because we do have

656
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: so many small wins that sometimes we don't acknowledge or

657
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 2: take the time to be like, I'm proud of myself.

658
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 3: For this a thousand percent.

659
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 5: When you're listen, when you're around artists, I'd be on

660
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 5: set recording doing a video and an artist would come out.

661
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 5: I mean like jay Z will walk out of the

662
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 5: trailer and everyone's like he walked outside, you know. And

663
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 5: that's when I started thinking, no one's out there cheering

664
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 5: when I walk outside, I also brush my teeth and

665
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 5: put on a T shirt. Where's my fucking cheering section?

666
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,440
Speaker 2: But we are, I said, this woman on social media

667
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 2: hair alarm clock is applause.

668
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: So when she wakes up in the.

669
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 4: I'm going to change me too.

670
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: I'm borrowing that plotting when she's getting up, like so

671
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 1: that's her alarm.

672
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, sometimes I'll take I'll take lipstyllut lipstick on, I'll

673
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 5: kiss the mirror, and I'll write a note for myself

674
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 5: to find the next day what I would do for Listen,

675
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 5: if I'm your lover, I used to want.

676
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 3: To make sure you felt loved. Really, I want to

677
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 3: give you a bath.

678
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 5: I want to give a massage you. I want to

679
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 5: teach you things to eat, and help you with your

680
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 5: business and fix your family.

681
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 4: And it sounds a lot. It's too much. I mean,

682
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 4: it sounds great. It sounds like on the receiving end.

683
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 3: It's okay, it sounds like pick me.

684
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 5: So I started doing even ten percent of that for myself.

685
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 5: What a difference of a life, right, you know? And

686
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 5: then what am I inspiring for my kids?

687
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 3: My my all my kids.

688
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 5: I have three gift kids. You know, they have their

689
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 5: own moms and dads. But I get to now be

690
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 5: the fun X step mom that sends you know, memes

691
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 5: and cartoons and thoughts. But what I'm always pushing underneath

692
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 5: is you got this. Who you are right now is amazing.

693
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 5: I don't care if someone in school says you don't

694
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 5: have to write this or the right that. What is

695
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 5: great about you?

696
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 2: Lead with that And it's interesting because with Grace, I

697
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 2: feel like, like you said, you're not like paying attention

698
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 2: to what's going on online. You have to like see

699
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 2: what's happening, do these deep dives into it. But you've

700
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 2: had so many public things happening. Do you pay attention

701
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:28,959
Speaker 2: to what people say about you at all?

702
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 3: You know?

703
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 5: I really, I really fell in love with my third husband,

704
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 5: and had worked with so many artists and traveled with

705
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 5: them in the world I share, so I just didn't

706
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 5: even think that that would become a thing. Oh but

707
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 5: meaning that about this. Months weeks before that, I'm with

708
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 5: two different artists who are big, big, big in the world,

709
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 5: at the same location in Malibu. We've been having our

710
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,959
Speaker 5: little I thought secret whatever for like a year now.

711
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 5: When those pictures came online in Malibu, I freaked out,

712
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 5: and I freaked out more about my own children. I

713
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 5: bet La read once when I was an executive that

714
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 5: you couldn't find a photo of me online. I wasn't

715
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 5: doing trade photos every time I got promoted. I didn't

716
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 5: feel like it was about me until Melody Hopson said,

717
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 5: you're writing yourself out of history. So now I take pictures, okay,

718
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 5: but thank you melody. But so yeah, that was shocking

719
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 5: to me. And what was shocking to me was the

720
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 5: level of hate, you know, the level of anger things,

721
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 5: people making things up, armchair critics. But you know what,

722
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 5: that's what made me write the book because I felt

723
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 5: deeply emotionally disturbed that people are so sad in their

724
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 5: own being that they want to strike out of people

725
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 5: they don't even know, and that just I went to

726
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 5: such deep empathy around that, like I don't have that,

727
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 5: I don't have any feature of that. I want everyone

728
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 5: to win. I love people's successes. If I don't know you,

729
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 5: I'm just like, do your thing. So that was a

730
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 5: hard thing to experience. Also, I had to talk to

731
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 5: paparazzi a few times and be like, listen, I'm never

732
00:30:58,160 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 5: gonna come out of the car with my pussy out.

733
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 5: You know you're not gonna find me. Like it's never

734
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 5: so I'm boring. Shoot him, I'll get out of the way,

735
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 5: leave me alone.

736
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 4: Like this is not what I mean. You were with Usher,

737
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 4: I mean you were married to Usher, Like you had

738
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 4: to think that people were going to be fascinated with you.

739
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 5: You know, I really wasn't a person who leaned into

740
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 5: people's love stories outside of my own. And I worked

741
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 5: with a million I mean, I've been around the world with.

742
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 4: A huge artist, but we didn't know you were married

743
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 4: to them though.

744
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 5: But that's the thing I think about. I know what

745
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 5: was funny, what really made me think about it is

746
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 5: that I was traveling for a long time. I did

747
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 5: a bunch of jobs. I was out of the country

748
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 5: with j I was out of the country with Kanye

749
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 5: and different people. But when the whole thing happened with Usher,

750
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 5: I had to realize, like why, And then I thought

751
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 5: about my times with people like Lionel Ritchie or Mariah Carey,

752
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 5: and then it made sense about Usher because you love

753
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 5: Jay and you love Kanye, and their songs.

754
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 3: Mean a lot to you. But a song that you

755
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 3: maybe lost your virginity to or got married.

756
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 4: I have a connection.

757
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 5: There's an emotional connection. So that's why the relationship meant more.

758
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 5: I felt like I failed in every area because I

759
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 5: could care I mean, look at my hair. I could

760
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 5: care less about getting fancy. I want to be on

761
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 5: the red carpet. I just you know, it wasn't my

762
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 5: It wasn't a place that was comfortable for me. I

763
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 5: loved him and I loved what we were building, and

764
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 5: I loved all the philanthropic things we were doing, but

765
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 5: that version of a world that's aspirational not knowing me

766
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 5: because of the outside I didn't want to be a

767
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 5: part of that.

768
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 2: Are you were you also reluctant, even in the beginning

769
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 2: of your relationship to take it to that level outside

770
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 2: of work, like okay, oh yeah.

771
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 4: That that's a big deal. Yeah when work, and then

772
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 4: it crosses over.

773
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 5: Well, I felt like I'd done it smart because I

774
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 5: worked the label he brought in justin to sign, so

775
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 5: I didn't work with him in that way he was and.

776
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 3: Then I quit.

777
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 5: I had a friend to who killed took his life,

778
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 5: and I did not enjoy the way it was handled,

779
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 5: and I couldn't be in a space anymore that didn't

780
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 5: support human life as the number one thing. So I

781
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 5: didn't feel so much that it was more that I

782
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,479
Speaker 5: was worried about my own kids. It was a thing

783
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 5: where all of a sudden, the media was picking up

784
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 5: them and talking about that. And that's when I was like,

785
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 5: this is not and I said I will I don't

786
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 5: need to ever see this person again. If this is

787
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 5: going to hurt my children. And I remember calling this

788
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 5: leaf classic and I said, you know, I'm so sorry

789
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 5: about this.

790
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about the squander. She said,

791
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: what I got more followers like I was.

792
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 4: I felt like.

793
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 5: She was so confident that she was like it was

794
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 5: the best six And then I hit my son and

795
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 5: he said, oh, I didn't even notice, So you know

796
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 5: it was it was from that perspective that it all started.

797
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 3: But yeah, I that was very difficult for me.

798
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 2: I did not backlash for Yeah, just I understand what

799
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 2: you're saying, though, because I feel like, just similar to you,

800
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 2: I'm never going to go online and bash anybody. So

801
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 2: when someone does it to you, it kind of makes

802
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 2: you feel empathy for them because what is going on

803
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 2: in your life that you feel the need to be

804
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 2: this way because happy people don't do things like that.

805
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's I've always felt like that that kind

806
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: of helps me.

807
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 4: What's your relationship like now with us? Are you friends

808
00:33:58,760 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 4: or oh.

809
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I don't know friends.

810
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 5: I think that I don't want to over romanticize that

811
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 5: when you end and everyone's like it's rosy, you know,

812
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 5: it was complicated. I had a lot of opinions about things, posts,

813
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 5: and you know you do. But in preparation for all

814
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 5: of this, because I've never been in this role. I've

815
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 5: always been the grand supporter and happy to be there.

816
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 5: And if it weren't really about joy, and if I

817
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 5: weren't feeling such a joyless world right now, the whole planet,

818
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be doing this. And it's easy for me

819
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 5: to sit here and talk about this because I understand

820
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 5: that I have this platform. But I reached out to

821
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 5: everybody before I came to talk to you all ractually.

822
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 3: No, we know each other. You see me in a

823
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 3: weird situation.

824
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: We're about to get into that too.

825
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so.

826
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 4: Let's go there, go there.

827
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 3: So yeah, No, I mean definitely I wanted I want

828
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 3: him to read the book.

829
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,240
Speaker 5: Also, to be honest, I didn't want my book usurped

830
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 5: with a bunch of social media shit that it's not

831
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 5: about the book, right, So I didn't want it to

832
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 5: be the first opportunity. The last time I've actually spoken

833
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 5: was to write the letter of why we were no

834
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 5: longer going to be Yeah, So I didn't want the

835
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 5: book to turn into a usher and gray. Yeah, that's

836
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 5: not what this is about. No, there's no version of

837
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 5: that you know, and Renee is killing his life. He

838
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 5: did the most amazing thing during the pandemic, him and

839
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 5: his wife Lulette. I'm so proud of the whole roll

840
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 5: up and helping artists, you know, cash in on their

841
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 5: own reality or the time where they only survived on

842
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 5: performing and now there wasn't right. And when people have

843
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 5: tried to do those roll ups in the past, they

844
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 5: didn't support the artists actual so I was really proud

845
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 5: of them.

846
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 3: And this is not I said when I'm seventy.

847
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 5: Five, I'll write it because everybody would want to hear

848
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 5: that book about all the wild Chip because they'll be

849
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 5: old and they'll want to be sexy.

850
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 3: But now people are in their life cha yo, I

851
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 3: have some stories.

852
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 2: How did you get to a good place at co

853
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: parenting because your first husband did get remarried Lalette I

854
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 2: know her too, I remember her from those those days.

855
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 1: Awesome?

856
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 5: Was it?

857
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 1: Yeah?

858
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 2: I remember when you know all that was happening. But

859
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 2: how did you guys get into Was it difficult at first?

860
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 3: Or yeah?

861
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,800
Speaker 5: That was a a It was about pride swallowing For me.

862
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,879
Speaker 5: You know, what I did was not raised with my father.

863
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 5: My father was in an institutions, and you know, he

864
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 5: was in jail for most of my life, and so

865
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 5: I didn't have that and the stuff that I ran

866
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,720
Speaker 5: around with as a preteen, wanting everyone plug in because

867
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 5: I was just looking for love and super promiscuous and

868
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 5: you know, are you my mom? I love her, You're

869
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 5: I didn't want my daughter to have that, and she

870
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,720
Speaker 5: was such a daddy's girl. So immediately, the most important

871
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 5: thing was a mediation. I wanted to separate. You know,

872
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 5: when we when we were fucking and making people, we

873
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 5: were having a great time. So why should they reap

874
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,959
Speaker 5: the pain of now we're not together?

875
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 3: Why should it be their reality? Right?

876
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 5: I did things that I thought were so important, like, okay,

877
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 5: now we're going to live separately instead of them having

878
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 5: to schlep their shit everywhere. I left every other weekend

879
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 5: when it was Renee's weekend and stayed at my friend

880
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 5: Jason's house.

881
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 3: So that they weren't the kids in school like I am.

882
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 3: I ain't my parent.

883
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 5: I left my homework here because I just was thinking

884
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 5: mostly about them. And you know, the good news is

885
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 5: Renee felt a little guilty about how things went down,

886
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,320
Speaker 5: so he was happy to be in mediation. With me,

887
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 5: and also we share we're very similar upbringings, so he

888
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 5: understood what that felt like as well.

889
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 1: So good.

890
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,479
Speaker 5: We jumped right into that and stayed on the side

891
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 5: had mediation so that I could get my heart in

892
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 5: a good place on him. You know, there's two sides

893
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 5: to every relationship, and then there's a third side of

894
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 5: what really happened there from them in between their truths.

895
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 5: And it was important for me to get there so

896
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 5: I could look in my children's eyes forever and say

897
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 5: I tried everything, and how was it for.

898
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 2: You coming into the life for like you said, I

899
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,879
Speaker 2: share had children already, so even going to meet his kids,

900
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 2: because that's not an easy thing.

901
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 1: Also because is other people involved too.

902
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 5: So when I was writing my list of another partner,

903
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 5: you know, I put on there they have to have kids,

904
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 5: because I was I shop was closed.

905
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 3: I did it. I did it twice. I was like,

906
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 3: no more people are squshing out of my crutch. That's

907
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 3: not as fun as they try to make it out.

908
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 3: And I'm blessed. I have two amazing children, you know,

909
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 3: and now I have five. I have gift kids. I

910
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 3: love them all.

911
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 5: But I took that very seriously, and what people didn't realize.

912
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 5: You know, we show and I were together five years,

913
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 5: lived in different states before we were a thing, and

914
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,479
Speaker 5: I think that that's something that we really have to protect. Yeah,

915
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 5: and I feel like it's a it's a responsibility of

916
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 5: not just the parents, but of anyone coming into that

917
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 5: to not only lean into that person's comfortability around their children,

918
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 5: but also the children, because different children handle different things

919
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 5: at different times. I have a very shy child or

920
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 5: a very clingy child, and will take that as to

921
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 5: mean something else. I also really promote books. Kids books

922
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 5: are so good and they really help you tackle certain issues.

923
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 5: So I would get kids books and read them to

924
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 5: my kids and be also like, oh, it's saying, you know,

925
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 5: learning from.

926
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 3: We've ever grown really all right?

927
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 2: And then since we do know some people in common

928
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 2: a mayor aka questlove right. So I didn't realize this

929
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 2: at first, but you guys eventually did let people know

930
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 2: that you guys were in a relationship.

931
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 1: And I've never seen him do that before. He is

932
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: so fiercely private.

933
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 4: It seems very private.

934
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 3: It's very private.

935
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,800
Speaker 5: I feel like, you know, to be honest with you,

936
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 5: We've been friends for thirty something years, and I don't

937
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 5: We didn't do this intentionally, but it felt very much like, Okay,

938
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 5: if twenty if twenty nineteen, we're both still fucked up,

939
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 5: we'll meet at Earth at seventeenth Street and fourth and

940
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 5: we'll get each other straight because we've just ebbed and flows.

941
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,320
Speaker 5: It flowed into each other's lives over and over and

942
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 5: so many times, and in really important times. I never

943
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 5: would talk about Benina apple Bom before because I didn't

944
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 5: want to be you know, in those days, like I

945
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 5: didn't want to be a video ho right, embarrassed, right.

946
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 1: You wouldn't be in the video you said. You were like,

947
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to know about this.

948
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 5: I wanted to have a career, and in those days

949
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 5: it was really you had to really decide. So I

950
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 5: remember just moments where it was really time for me

951
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 5: to step up. You know, I've been being backstage at

952
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 5: a concert and the mirror being in there and saying

953
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,360
Speaker 5: to someone you know that she's blah blah blah. So

954
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:55,919
Speaker 5: it really was a mutual time of help. He wanted

955
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,359
Speaker 5: to do the movie. He was questioning whether he could

956
00:39:58,360 --> 00:39:59,919
Speaker 5: be a director, which is insane if you're a musical

957
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 5: director and a drummer and a DEJP, but whatever, and

958
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 5: I wanted to write a book. I wanted to lean

959
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 5: into that part and just didn't have any idea how

960
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 5: to do that. And so I think the reason that

961
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 5: he was so comfortable being so front and center with

962
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,760
Speaker 5: our relationship was because it was so aspirational.

963
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:16,919
Speaker 3: In so many ways.

964
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 5: We really saw each other in truth, we really wanted

965
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 5: to help each other, and neither of us had ever

966
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 5: really been in something that was, you know, there's I

967
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 5: had a life coach who said there's three kinds of

968
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 5: people in the world. There are matchers, takers, and givers,

969
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 5: and being a people pleaser, I only attracted takers, you know,

970
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 5: And there was a lot to take and I wanted

971
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 5: to just bleed myself dry to do that. And Emir's

972
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,760
Speaker 5: also more of a matcher person or a giver person.

973
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 5: So it was a really nice experience for each other

974
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 5: to be in a relationship that was about matching, about

975
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 5: seeing each other and giving each other what we need

976
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 5: and also at times what we don't need, like pulling

977
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 5: back and having the time to also be in our

978
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,360
Speaker 5: own space and take our own time, and having a

979
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 5: relationship that supported that.

980
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,080
Speaker 2: I thought that was nice for him to be able to,

981
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 2: for the first time ever publicly be like do an

982
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 2: article where you're in the home and showing people the

983
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 2: home that you share together.

984
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 1: Because like I said, I've never seen him, you know,

985
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 1: do anything like that.

986
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 2: Did it It all occur to you, like, well, what

987
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 2: if you know, we take this next step and things

988
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 2: don't work out and I lose my friend who I've

989
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 2: been friends with for thirty years.

990
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 5: Well, because I'm an older lady, I we really talked

991
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 5: through everything in the beginning, and most of the stuff

992
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 5: he wrote the most beautiful I rejected. And Aldre can

993
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 5: confirm that I needed to have any celebrities quoting or

994
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 5: saying any about this book because we're all creators.

995
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 4: I've seen what he wrote in here. Yeah, and he.

996
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 5: Wrote I cried when he wrote that, and so I

997
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 5: was really working on that. So one of the things

998
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 5: I did right away was say, this is where I

999
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 5: am in truth. This is what I can offer in truth.

1000
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 5: You know, it's not you're not going to get ten

1001
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 5: percent of all my dazzle show from the past, but

1002
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 5: you're going to get the true me. And also, I

1003
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,840
Speaker 5: want to just stay upfront. I don't believe that anything's

1004
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:59,839
Speaker 5: forever and so some people take that as to sound unromantic,

1005
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 5: But to me, that's the most romantic because if I

1006
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 5: can say to you, I can give you a full

1007
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 5: a full grace today versus some fictitious we're gonna die together.

1008
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: You know.

1009
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 5: I was laughing the Disney and Landscape one of me

1010
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 5: because I crapped on Disney so hard in my in

1011
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 5: the presentation about how we've all been taught that someone

1012
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:19,319
Speaker 5: completes you and.

1013
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 3: Now you're whole.

1014
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I've had to go back and say, that's

1015
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 5: not really what Disney's promoting. They're promoting I think I

1016
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 5: said this the other day. I thought it was funny

1017
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 5: if you really look at the princess stories. These men

1018
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 5: had to work a lot, had to climb a tower

1019
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 5: and climb up someone's.

1020
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 3: Hair, and dwarves and tall task. So yeah, so that's

1021
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 3: the truth.

1022
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 5: Of it, and we deserve that, and I feel like

1023
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 5: the relationship that we had was amplifying that for each

1024
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 5: other and throughout our entire families all. Literally, my nephew

1025
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:44,440
Speaker 5: had a birthday two days ago.

1026
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 3: We have a family chat. I forget that he like

1027
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 3: he's everyone's congratulations, and there's a mirror happy birth, like, just.

1028
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 4: So, are you are you open to get married again?

1029
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 4: What's you?

1030
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 3: Are you?

1031
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 4: What are you? Are you dating now? To get married?

1032
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,359
Speaker 3: She loves it. I love full love.

1033
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 5: I've think it's so fun the beginning. The beginning is

1034
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,319
Speaker 5: I have a game I play and if you can't

1035
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 5: keep up, you're out. It's so I'll send you a

1036
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 5: song and it's exactly what I'm saying, and you can't

1037
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 5: respond in words. You have to respond in his song.

1038
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 4: That's got to be kind of well, you're a music girl.

1039
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 1: So it's it's you don't have an edge, but question.

1040
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 4: He would have more of it.

1041
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 1: I don't know who has more of an edge here,

1042
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: but he definitely has.

1043
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:24,760
Speaker 3: That's a battle. You have a battle of catalog.

1044
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 1: So when I write a song and then send it right,

1045
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 1: I might it doesn't exist.

1046
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 4: So are you single? Now?

1047
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 3: Are you dating?

1048
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:32,319
Speaker 4: Or do you have a man?

1049
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 3: I reject having a man. I don't have any any owners.

1050
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,839
Speaker 3: But I do have a friend. You have a friend

1051
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 3: more than a friend. Actually, he told me the day

1052
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:41,919
Speaker 3: I can't call my a friend. It's rude.

1053
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 4: So yes, but I am famous okay in his own reality.

1054
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 3: I guess are we all right? Yeah?

1055
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:53,839
Speaker 5: I I am not looking for anything in life right

1056
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 5: now more than just someone who's in support of the

1057
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 5: journey I'm on and I'm just learning to fall in

1058
00:43:58,239 --> 00:43:58,800
Speaker 5: love with myself.

1059
00:43:58,840 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 4: This is new, okay.

1060
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 5: So that is the most important thing, is how I

1061
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 5: treat myself right now, and anything that gets in the

1062
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 5: way of that is an enemy to it. So it's

1063
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:10,439
Speaker 5: a person in my life who literally for five years

1064
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,319
Speaker 5: was just not going away and smart like every six

1065
00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:17,839
Speaker 5: months will come back like ready now and ready now. See,

1066
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 5: guys know that too. They know there's somebody that's always

1067
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 5: going to be checking away. So you know what was

1068
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 5: interesting about it was when I was leaning out of it,

1069
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 5: every time I started to Okay, you know what, I'm

1070
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 5: doing the old thing because I'm putting on what it

1071
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 5: is on paper. But when I'm around that person, how

1072
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 5: I feel is delicious, and so it feels frightening actually

1073
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 5: because I'm better at the other I'm better when I'm

1074
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 5: having to give you the show because I'm really controlling it.

1075
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 5: But really this experience of just like it's truly a rollercoaster. Okay,

1076
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go with you, and it feels uncomfortable, and

1077
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 5: so that's the real work.

1078
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:54,720
Speaker 3: And you know, it's funny.

1079
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 5: What's his name, rom Das. You said this quote once

1080
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 5: and I never really took into I never connected to it.

1081
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 5: But he said that he medically learned to meditate and

1082
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 5: was meditating for ten years, but then he went home

1083
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 5: to his core family and everything went out the window.

1084
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,800
Speaker 5: And I'm noticing, you know, I've been allowing myself to

1085
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,439
Speaker 5: lean into this the last six months.

1086
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 3: It was celibate for four years.

1087
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 5: It really worked hard to you know, to really readdress

1088
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 5: what was happening with me, and it was just it's

1089
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 5: been funny to see that as much as I understand

1090
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 5: this intellectually and I know it, but being in practice

1091
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 5: with an open heart is really a lot of work

1092
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 5: and vire frightening.

1093
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is scary because your leg Is this always

1094
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: going to feel like this? Or is this a temporary thing?

1095
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,720
Speaker 1: Is this real? It is definitely scary.

1096
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 3: Yes.

1097
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 5: And you know what though, if I said to you, oh,

1098
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 5: I want to change my body and I want to

1099
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 5: get a personal trainer, I'd be complaining, bragging to you, Oh,

1100
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 5: I couldn't even sit in the toilet because my thighs

1101
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 5: were so weak and so, you know, so much pain

1102
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 5: from that experience, and we have to start to understand

1103
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 5: as a world that two opposing forces can also always

1104
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 5: be true, right, And that is that joy is your

1105
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 5: birthright and it's easy.

1106
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 3: When you lean into it.

1107
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 5: And also it's fucking hard because I believe we learned

1108
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 5: our first love relationship pre verbal. So in the same

1109
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 5: way you go back to your first you go back

1110
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 5: to your school. It looks so small, it.

1111
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:14,359
Speaker 3: Looks so big.

1112
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 5: So I feel like our heart stuff was that if

1113
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 5: let's say you're my mom, hm, and you're talking to

1114
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 5: Jasmine and you're saying, oh. For three days, I was

1115
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 5: nursing Grace and it was just so beautiful. Were looking

1116
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 5: to each other's eyes.

1117
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: It's magic.

1118
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 5: I could feel like the endorphins and oxytocin and our love.

1119
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 5: And then the seventh day you get out a phone call.

1120
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 5: Jasmine calls you and gives you bad news. I for

1121
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 5: in my seven year old life, this is the worst

1122
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 5: thing that's ever happened to me. So now I'm creating

1123
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 5: a dynamic.

1124
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 3: That's not there now. Day nine, you're telling Jasmine so cute.

1125
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 3: Whenever I nurse Gracey, she plays with my elbow. You

1126
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:49,359
Speaker 3: know what I did?

1127
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 5: That's my first performative love gesture. It's the first time

1128
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,479
Speaker 5: I realized I got to keep this love going.

1129
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 4: My daughter does it not when I'm nursause nurser, but

1130
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 4: when I get when i've she does like this. She

1131
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,799
Speaker 4: plays me chair, she grabs my arm to hug her.

1132
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,839
Speaker 5: So but see, that's wonderful, and that's wonderful that you're

1133
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,399
Speaker 5: a mother that's leaning into that, because what she's she's

1134
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 5: showing you by grabbing your arm at the beginning is

1135
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 5: I don't know how to ask, but I want some love.

1136
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 5: I'm feeling scared and I want some love. And you're

1137
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 5: a mother who's leaned into that. But if you don't

1138
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 5: have a parent who's aware, because the first time anyone's

1139
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 5: a parent, you're an amateur, like the first time anyone's

1140
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 5: making a human, complete amateur. So we're making mistakes, and

1141
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,879
Speaker 5: I feel like we're designed to, because these little people

1142
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:32,839
Speaker 5: are here to show us our own rebirth and bring

1143
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 5: us into our own pleasure and our own joy. But

1144
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 5: we don't realize that the things that we learn preverbal,

1145
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,279
Speaker 5: they're not necessarily true. So I had to do the

1146
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 5: work of unpacking that. Wait, is love actually scary? No,

1147
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,719
Speaker 5: actually what's scary is the grasping of love. Being in

1148
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 5: this state I'm in right now is fantastic.

1149
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,359
Speaker 3: I'm having a ball. It's everything's new, everything exciting. It's

1150
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 3: so fun.

1151
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 1: It's always my favorite part.

1152
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 4: Beginning right too, sex at the beginning, by.

1153
00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,439
Speaker 5: The way, there's a way to keep that alive forever.

1154
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 5: That's a whole another conversation. We can do that as well.

1155
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 5: But so leaning into that, leaning into that was hard.

1156
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 5: But at the same time, I know that I have

1157
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 5: my own energy, ps my heart, and I also believe.

1158
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 5: I believe very strongly in God, a god of my understanding.

1159
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 5: Everyone has a different understanding of God, and so I

1160
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 5: know that what God has done for me in the

1161
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 5: past will do again and more. They're not going to

1162
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 5: just drop me on my ass today, so I have

1163
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 5: to just That goes back to the most important part

1164
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 5: of this book, learning to trust yourself.

1165
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 3: Right.

1166
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 1: And sometimes also we know that relationships do take work,

1167
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 1: but sometimes we feel bad, like how do you know

1168
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 1: when it's just time to let it go?

1169
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,919
Speaker 3: When it doesn't feel good? So it starts to be honest.

1170
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 4: Doesn't feel good though, right, No.

1171
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 5: No, no, let's let's let's be honest. Here right, you

1172
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 5: make your long list of everything you want in a person,

1173
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:49,800
Speaker 5: I want them to do this. I mean, here's online.

1174
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 5: I had someone who has a daily spiritual practice, but

1175
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 5: really I didn't have one. I haven't for the gram,

1176
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 5: you know, but really I don't know if that's my kid.

1177
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 5: Daughter's gonna die of me trying to use populus slang.

1178
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 5: I'm sorry I misleave, but you know it's.

1179
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:05,279
Speaker 3: Really the truth is is that I do know what

1180
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 3: feels good, and we do know, and when with.

1181
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,880
Speaker 5: People we love, we often have that little but we

1182
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 5: don't say it. So when we let those little things in,

1183
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:15,959
Speaker 5: we're getting to a place where we're not being honest

1184
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,840
Speaker 5: with that person or ourself anymore. So we know we

1185
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,800
Speaker 5: just don't want to know. We want to hold on

1186
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 5: because we've been taught that there's only one fish in

1187
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 5: the whole seat.

1188
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 3: So we get the thing and.

1189
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 2: We're like, and we also don't ever want to like

1190
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 2: quit and feel like we quit on someone or something.

1191
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 5: So don't quit on yourself, Yeah, because that's what we

1192
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:33,919
Speaker 5: do first when we go into something that's not really

1193
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 5: for us. If you have this long list and you've

1194
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 5: worked to be everything on that list since we're magnetic

1195
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 5: and we attract magnetically, then that.

1196
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 3: Person's not for you.

1197
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 5: If they're not matching your love, if they're not giving

1198
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 5: in the way that your love language is to give.

1199
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 5: Then this is what I mean about the deal memo.

1200
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 5: Start from beginning with the truth of what you really desire,

1201
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 5: and then teach yourself to be entitled enough to have it,

1202
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 5: and then you won't be in a situation where something

1203
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 5: all of a sudden deceives you and is different. Now,

1204
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 5: people do change, It's honest with you know what, this

1205
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:04,320
Speaker 5: was feeling great for seven months, but Jasmine, you no

1206
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 5: longer rub my head as I fall asleep, and that's

1207
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 5: a deal breaker. I'm out, and not that abruptly. But

1208
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 5: with love, it's like back to questlove. It's like we

1209
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 5: can love each other because we understood what we both wanted,

1210
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 5: and we also understood when what we wanted was no

1211
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 5: longer there and between us. Okay, So that is it's

1212
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 5: every way getting true with yourself and knowing that that's

1213
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 5: the only.

1214
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: Way to live a life that She's always on good

1215
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 1: terms of people too.

1216
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,919
Speaker 3: When it ends, I just no, no, no, It takes

1217
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 3: a long time.

1218
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: I was going to say Yeah, everybody's like, you know,

1219
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 1: we're good, We're cool.

1220
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, everyone's always good. It's just that we want to

1221
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 3: be We want to again. I'm on the radio.

1222
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 5: I want to sound like everything's good. Took a long time,

1223
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:43,840
Speaker 5: you know, I had I had to really lick my wounds.

1224
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:44,439
Speaker 3: I was hurt.

1225
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,760
Speaker 5: I felt like, you know, I was Being a people

1226
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 5: pleaser is really code for wanting to feel like a

1227
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 5: good person all the time.

1228
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 3: Right, That's a gold star in itself.

1229
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 5: So being a yucky person who just is selfish and

1230
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 5: stands up for themselves has a lot of judgment the world, Right,

1231
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 5: So I had to get comfortable being that icky person

1232
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 5: for myself.

1233
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 2: Well, listen, guys, this we could go on and on

1234
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 2: and on. Listen to joy Strategist. I'm so happy that

1235
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 2: we had a chance to do this because I know

1236
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:15,839
Speaker 2: we talked about this like years ago, about you coming

1237
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: up here and talking about the work that you do

1238
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:19,799
Speaker 2: as a joy strategist, the.

1239
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 4: First of its kind, the originator.

1240
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, the originator. How can people reach you, you know,

1241
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 2: just because of the work that you do. I know

1242
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 2: you work here in New York, right is it? I

1243
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 2: live upstate New York in Austin, Texas.

1244
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 5: Right, okay, between Well, first of you can I mean

1245
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 5: the joys the joy strategist dot com if you want

1246
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 5: to make an appointment or or talk or look at

1247
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 5: things or old articles or other experiences. I do playdates

1248
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 5: live so you could see some of those on there.

1249
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 5: Also Instagram at Grace Harry. I'm pretty accessible. I really

1250
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 5: just want to lead the revolution of joy so that

1251
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 5: we can get onto actually having fun in this world

1252
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 5: and not just you know, what's my job?

1253
00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:58,280
Speaker 3: Is he cheating?

1254
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: And please read this book. There's some great information in here.

1255
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:06,279
Speaker 2: One of the things I love was declaring yourself a

1256
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 2: victim only keeps you victimized, because I definitely know people

1257
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 2: who are always saying this happened to me, or this

1258
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 2: person did this to me, or how could you do this?

1259
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 2: And I've seen that happen in situations where people are

1260
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 2: always the victim, and therefore they cannot manifest the things

1261
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,320
Speaker 2: that they need in their life to get to the

1262
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:26,959
Speaker 2: next level.

1263
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 3: It's called manifucking.

1264
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 5: Manifucking It is when you want the thing, but you're

1265
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 5: really saying something else inside of yourself, so you can't

1266
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 5: get to the thing because you're running a different program.

1267
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,439
Speaker 2: But Grace Harry, again, thank you so much. You're always

1268
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 2: welcome to come up here. You So this is a

1269
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:45,400
Speaker 2: great conversation. And I'm gonna ask people what have you

1270
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 2: heard about me from when I meet them from now on?

1271
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 3: Like you, what have you heard about people you trust?

1272
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 5: I trust you, but not everyone is good at giving

1273
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 5: advice or information outside of their own perspective. And I

1274
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 5: could tell right away that you are right, and that's

1275
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 5: a that's an advanced math skill. A lot of peop

1276
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 5: people say, oh, you're gonna get married, you shouldn't get married.

1277
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 5: I've been divorced, but that's not fair. So I ask

1278
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 5: people that you know are going to give you a

1279
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 5: reflective perspective.

1280
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, one thing I did hear was that she

1281
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 1: is very what do they say?

1282
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 2: Very flowing and free? And I do get that from you,

1283
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,279
Speaker 2: So thank you. All right, it's way up at Angela Ye.

1284
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:22,319
Speaker 1: The Joy Strategist. Grace Harry, thank you so much,