1 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 1: Addiction and the journey to sobriety are deeply personal and 2 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: often challenging experiences that millions of individuals face around the world. However, 3 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,439 Speaker 1: it is crucial to acknowledge the possibilities of recovery and 4 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: extended compassion, empathy, and support to those who are struggling 5 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: with addiction. And this week's episode, I am joined by 6 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 1: a special guest who would share her story as depicted 7 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: in her memoir Sober Daughter. Together, we would dive into 8 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 1: the challenges she encountered on her personal journey following the 9 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 1: loss of both of her parents, examining the profound impact 10 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: that grief and addiction had on her life. We will 11 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: also explore the different avenues of support she sought during 12 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: her recovery, highlighting the transformative power of finding help and 13 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: healing in the face of adversity. So to my guests, 14 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: how you're doing, how you feeling. 15 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 2: So good? I'm so happy to be here. Thank you 16 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 2: so much. 17 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: Yes, no, thank you so much for being a part 18 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 1: of the show. Before we start with your story, let's 19 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: talk about how alcoholism impacts black women and your experience. 20 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: In what ways has alcoholism impacted black women? 21 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 2: That's a loaded question. 22 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 3: Know well, you know, I mean, minorities in general are 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 3: disproportionately affected by alcoholism just because it has the you know, 24 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 3: socioeconomic factors, the poverty factors, the barriers to access to 25 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 3: treatment factors, you know, limited healthcare, limited support. It's prevalent everywhere, 26 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 3: and it's all the numbers are just rising and rising 27 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 3: and rising, but especially for Black women. You know, historically, 28 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 3: our connection with healthcare isn't the most supportive, and you know, 29 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,239 Speaker 3: our pain isn't taken as seriously as others. So it's 30 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 3: really important that I think black women who have come 31 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 3: through the other side are you know, championing and showing 32 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 3: other Black women about sobriety, about recovery, about addiction, and 33 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 3: you know, also showing that it's okay to talk about it. 34 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 3: It's you know, it's been taboo, it's been something that's 35 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:32,079 Speaker 3: swept under the rug. 36 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,359 Speaker 2: Culturally, it's not really talked about. 37 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 3: And I hope to break all those barriers because you know, 38 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 3: healing is more important than anything. 39 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: Right, No, I agree. Do you feel like there's been 40 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 1: any differences in the way Black women are treated, perceive 41 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: compared to other demographic groups when it comes to alcoholism. 42 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 2: Oh? 43 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think black women especially, I mean all minority 44 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 3: groups usually, you know, even the way that they talk 45 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 3: about headlines. You know, if it's affecting a white, higher 46 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 3: income demographic, it's like a pandemic. But right, you know, 47 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 3: it's an epidemic. 48 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: The crisis is a perfect example exactly. 49 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 3: They Russian they captain Saba. They're taking care of everybody, 50 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 3: right and with you know, black women or black you know, 51 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 3: community in general. It's just you know, it's something that 52 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 3: is looked at as a moral issue or like you know, 53 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 3: it can be somehow. 54 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: From the hood. So that's why she's drinking like that. 55 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's situational. It's because of her experiences like she did. 56 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 3: Or when they come into treatment black women, you know, 57 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 3: if your energy is different than what. 58 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 2: They're used to, which is like you know, maybe a. 59 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 3: Kid from Iowa, they might oh they're aggressive or they're 60 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 3: treatment resistant or all these things. And it's really just 61 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 3: putting more people who represent black women in spaces where 62 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 3: we're receiving the care and the help and the support. Right, 63 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 3: It's really important. 64 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: Right, No, I agree. So do you feel like any 65 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: positive shifts have happened when it comes to the awareness 66 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 1: and understanding of alcoholism, or you think we still have 67 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: a long way to go when it comes to women 68 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: of color. Why are you smiling? 69 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,479 Speaker 3: I think I think we are starting and we've got 70 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 3: a long way to go. 71 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 2: But I know so many other black women that feel 72 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 2: just like me. 73 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 3: You know, when we're in spaces and sobriety, we're usually 74 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 3: the only black woman in the room. 75 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, not ton to jump ahead to your ahead 76 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: of your story. But when I was like in Utah. 77 00:04:53,400 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess that's Utah right, Utah of my life exactly, 78 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 3: I've never even I was like snow ah, these horse 79 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 3: what is this right? You know, other people have it, 80 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 3: we should be able to experience it and whatever ways 81 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:17,919 Speaker 3: we you know, what connects to us. But I think 82 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,679 Speaker 3: that the more people talk about sobriety, the more people 83 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 3: talk about alcoholism black women who show, you know, one 84 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 3: that it's okay to talk about it, two you can 85 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 3: get help, you can recover, and three like sobriety. 86 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 2: Is not it's not boring, it's not you know, a 87 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 2: waste of time. It's not impossible. 88 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: Right now, tell us about your parents and your childhood. 89 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 2: Well, my parents, I have wonderful parents. I really did. 90 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 2: I had really wonderful parents. 91 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 3: My father came from here from Ethiopia, so I am 92 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 3: Ethiopian America in first generation here on my father's side, 93 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 3: and my mom was African American. Also had some other 94 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 3: lineage in there, some we don't really know what. I 95 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 3: don't know, Pantle, but mostly my dad was the big presence. So, like, 96 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 3: I grew up in Ethiopian culture and going home to 97 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 3: Ethiopia and like all these things, so I identify, you know, 98 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 3: it's Ethiopian a lot. And they were just very tight 99 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 3: knit because culturally, you know, your your face, you keep 100 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 3: everything in the family. And it was just me, my mom, 101 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:45,359 Speaker 3: and my dad. I'm an only child, and you know, 102 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 3: my dad had left his home country, my mom had 103 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 3: left Cleveland, Ohio, and it was just us three, and 104 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 3: we were just really really really tight, like weird, No, 105 00:06:59,279 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 3: it was close. 106 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like the perfect little family. 107 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,280 Speaker 3: It was, yeah, but you know it was it was 108 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:09,160 Speaker 3: really I I was sheltered a lot because I just 109 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 3: was with them so much. And my parents were activists 110 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 3: and they were educators and they were just big community people. 111 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 3: So I grew up in that and I just thought, 112 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 3: you know, they were just the best things. 113 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:28,239 Speaker 1: Do you think it was unhealthy that you didn't really? Yeah, 114 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: because not weird And only reason why I say unhealthy 115 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: because you relied so much on your parents, rightfully, so, 116 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: but like I always thought that my grandma was never 117 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: going to transition. I always thought she was going to 118 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: always be here. But I was just always I was 119 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: like addicted to her. 120 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I was there. You know. 121 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 3: Once I got to the other side and started doing like, 122 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 3: you know, the therapy and all the work, I learned 123 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 3: the big words. 124 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 2: But we were ameshed and healthy. We were way too. 125 00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 3: Ameshed, and you know it was it was very very 126 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 3: tight and close, and that just kind of set us up. 127 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 2: For a whole bunch of weird you know, right shit 128 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 2: from me. 129 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: Right, So when did you begin to notice that something 130 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: was wrong with your father? 131 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 2: I noticed, I think, I want to say, I was 132 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 2: like fifteen. 133 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 3: You know, my dad my parents were very active in 134 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 3: the community, but like it was just us through at home. 135 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 3: So he, you know, he would show up and like 136 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 3: be this like personality, but then at home he was 137 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 3: starting to like have a little less energy and like 138 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 3: a limb, and like I would start to notice, like 139 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 3: all of a sudden like this one eye started drooping 140 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 3: and like all these things. 141 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 2: And I was like, and he. 142 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 3: Always had an excuse, like he was he has some 143 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 3: weird story that the fan was going on too strong 144 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 3: at night, and like, I don't know what he said, 145 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 3: but it was a lie, right, I knew. 146 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,559 Speaker 2: I knew he was something was wrong, something was off right. 147 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: So when did you discover that he had leukemia? 148 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 2: Well that's the weird part too, that was. 149 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: Very real weird. When I read in the book, I 150 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: was like, wait, what happened? 151 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,599 Speaker 3: I know That's why I didn't writing, because I was like, 152 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 3: nobody's gonna believe me, right, So my dad actually had 153 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:31,439 Speaker 3: been diagnosed years before. So my dad was diagnosed with leukemia. 154 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 3: And by the time I found out, the entire Ethiopian 155 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 3: community in Los Angeles had already known, and my dad's 156 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:48,319 Speaker 3: everybody to secrecy they could not tell me. So they 157 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 3: were even having blood drives in literal Ethiopia in LA 158 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 3: and like people who had home in Ethiopia like huge 159 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 3: campaigns to try and like save my dad's life. 160 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 2: And I had no idea. 161 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: Well, I don't think you said that in the book. 162 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:06,319 Speaker 2: Did I. 163 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: I don't remember that part Wow, I'm surprised. Nobody slip 164 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: up and says something to you. 165 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 3: That's how everybody's scared of my parents. No, nobody told 166 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,200 Speaker 3: me they knew that was his. 167 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 2: Like one thing he was like, do not tell her. 168 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 3: And the way I found out is, you know, he 169 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,199 Speaker 3: just got sicker and sicker and sicker, and then they 170 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 3: just couldn't hide it anymore. 171 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 2: And I remember going to my mom. 172 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 3: And she was I was like, and that's when I 173 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,720 Speaker 3: started acting out. You know, we can bring it back 174 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,559 Speaker 3: to like I started acting out because I knew something 175 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 3: was off, and to me, I was like, I don't 176 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 3: know what's going on. I'm confused, so I'm just going 177 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,959 Speaker 3: to act out. And I'm so I started going out 178 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 3: with friends and drinking. 179 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 2: Right and not knowing, you know, I was like, I 180 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 2: just need to escape. 181 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 3: Like the actual the whole piece behind alcoholism is escapism. 182 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 3: It is, you know, trying to manipulate and leave reality 183 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 3: because I can't. I either can't cope there's too much 184 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 3: trauma or I just like don't want to deal right. 185 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 3: And my mom finally just sat me down and said, 186 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 3: you know, you need to look up tears for leukemia. 187 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 2: I said, what the hell of the fun who has leukemia. 188 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 3: She said, your dad doesn't. He has about less than 189 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 3: a year to live if we don't figure something out. 190 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: Do you wish that they would have told you that sooner? 191 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,679 Speaker 1: And if they did, do you think that the trajectory 192 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: of your life would have been different. 193 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 3: I fight with that all the time. I drank over 194 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:57,439 Speaker 3: that all the time. I have no idea, you know, 195 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 3: I'm so mad. I was so mad, but there was 196 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 3: you know, it's. 197 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 2: Like those huge blows you get. But then you know, 198 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 2: as also being a black woman and you. 199 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 3: Know, this only daughter in Ethiopian father, like I immediately 200 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 3: went into this like I don't have time to think 201 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 3: about that. 202 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 2: I got to show up and I gotta help, right 203 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 2: and I got to. 204 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 3: Take on now all this added responsibility, and so there 205 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 3: were those are a million things that I never got 206 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 3: to process. 207 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 2: Because my mom was like, we gotta you know, I 208 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,319 Speaker 2: have to go to work. You gotta take care of him. 209 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, okay, okay, yeah, And that's 210 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: a lot. We was just talking about this before we started, 211 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: and all my listeners know that I took care of 212 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,599 Speaker 1: my grandmother when she had all timer's and being a 213 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: caretaker is no fucking joke, Like so loop to people 214 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: who do that for a living, because that's a lot 215 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: of work to take care of somebody, especially when it's 216 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: a loved one. 217 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,439 Speaker 2: It really is. It's nobody talks about it. 218 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:04,960 Speaker 3: Nobody talks about how ugly it is. 219 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,959 Speaker 1: How it painful, traumatizing. 220 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 3: Traumatizing, and you know, end of life care is people 221 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 3: go to school for that. You know, they're like, I 222 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: had no idea what I was doing and I ended up, 223 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 3: you know, having to hospice my dad and just the member. 224 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 3: It's just like I had, I learned I could turn 225 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 3: off a switch and just like drink at night to 226 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 3: fall asleep and like not remember what I was seeing, 227 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 3: you know, like my dad, it was just like body 228 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 3: falling apart, you know, helping him to the bathroom, help 229 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:49,280 Speaker 3: cleaning the bed, cleaning his body, like everything, and it 230 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 3: was just too much. 231 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 2: I couldn't. I had nowhere and nobody to tell. Yeah. 232 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you also discover your dad when he passed away. 233 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad, he did not make it. 234 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 3: He ended up passing away and right before, right before 235 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 3: I turned nineteen, and I was devastated. Yeah, yes, I 236 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,199 Speaker 3: didn't know how I didn't know where to put that, 237 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 3: and my mom didn't have any tools or you know, 238 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 3: emotional capability to handle it either, right, and so we 239 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 3: just shut down, the both of us. 240 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 2: You know, neither one of us like really grieved. There 241 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 2: was nothing. We were just like a huge, just death piece. 242 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 2: That's all I knew. Right. 243 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: I'm curious, did your mom and dad did they drink 244 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: or did anybody your family drink like that? 245 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 2: No? 246 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: No, I was thinking that the whole time because I'm 247 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: like for somebody, because like my mom is an alcoholic. 248 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm very like I don't like to endulge 249 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: too much into like things that because we have a 250 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 1: very addictive bloodline because my dad is also addicted to drugs. 251 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,600 Speaker 1: So I'm always like skeptical about certain things. But I 252 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, like them, I wonder if her 253 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: dad ever drink anything, or if your mom or somebody. 254 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: No, my parents did not drink. I've never seen. 255 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 3: I think they might have had a margarita before I 256 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 3: was born, but I never saw my parents drink. 257 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 2: They never drink. 258 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 3: And so that's another reason why I know alcoholism can 259 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 3: be hereditary. Yeah, it can be getic, or it can 260 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 3: just be situational like it does not matter. Yeah, you know, 261 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 3: I just knew I had all these problems and I 262 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 3: didn't know how to solve them, and I just did 263 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 3: not want to deal with it right. 264 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: And how did your father's passing affect your mom? 265 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 2: Oh, my mom was devastated. My mom. 266 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 3: They were in love and love you know, my parents 267 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 3: were champions of each other and they were just really 268 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 3: best friends. 269 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 2: And she just. 270 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 3: She I think the way she handled it showed me 271 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 3: that's how you handle it. And she handled it the 272 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 3: only way she knew how to, which was she didn't 273 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 3: talk about it. 274 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 2: She just completely shut down. She stopped taking care of herself. 275 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 2: She you know, only thing was. 276 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: I feel like she just I feel like she just 277 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 1: mentally clocked out. 278 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 3: She just yeah, she couldn't she you know, I know 279 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 3: now the only reason thing that kept her going was me. 280 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, but she she she pretty much left with my dad. 281 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, when did you start to notice that something was 282 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: wrong with your mother? Well, I'm not gonna lie your story. 283 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 1: And I was reading this at night in the bed, like, no, 284 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: this book got me to emotion because you went through 285 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: a lot to be so young, like minus the being 286 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: an alcoholic, but just taking care of your parents, even 287 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 1: your mom situation that we're going to talk about, and 288 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: just like literally just starting back over. I was like, 289 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 1: come on now, if this isn't a professional homegirl, I 290 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 1: don't know what is. 291 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 2: Listen. 292 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 3: I knew that's why I had to write it, because 293 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 3: I think it's too much to tell one person. 294 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, like, nobody's gonna believe you if you didn't. 295 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 2: I know, I know, you know my mom was she 296 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,479 Speaker 2: was like never very very healthy. 297 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 3: They were you know, she was like give me some 298 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 3: soul food and some hamhocks and some macaroni and cheese, 299 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 3: and like she loved cook and all that stuff. And 300 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 3: she wasn't like a health not or anything. But because 301 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 3: she was in so much grief and that she just 302 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:58,160 Speaker 3: shut down, like everything stopped, and you know, I started 303 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 3: noticing like she was like her skin was getting, you know, discolored, 304 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,639 Speaker 3: and she was just like not herself a lot, and 305 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,679 Speaker 3: then you know, she had her first kind of spell. 306 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 3: And mind you like this full time, I'm now picking 307 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 3: up the slack for my dad and I'm still living 308 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:23,880 Speaker 3: at home because culturally for my dad, like I'm I wasn't. 309 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,120 Speaker 2: Allowed to leave the house unless I was married, right, right. 310 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 3: So I stayed home to take care of my dad, 311 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 3: and then I still stayed home to take care of 312 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 3: my mom. So I'm still in this cycle. And I'm like, 313 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 3: you know, trying to take care of her, trying to 314 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,920 Speaker 3: cook healthy things. She didn't want it. And then she, 315 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:49,959 Speaker 3: out of nowhere, just like, had this diabetic mini stroke, 316 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 3: and I didn't know what it was. I got so scared, 317 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 3: and I rushed her to the hospital and found out, 318 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 3: you know that she had this entire time, she had 319 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,879 Speaker 3: unmanaged and unchecked diabetes. 320 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: Do you think she knew. 321 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 2: I think she knew. Wow, she hid that from me. 322 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 3: Wow. 323 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,119 Speaker 1: Your black parents and they secrets. 324 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 2: I'm telling you, Yeah. 325 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 3: The one thing I hope people get from me is like, 326 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 3: secrets will kill us. They do kill us, because they 327 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,760 Speaker 3: kept so many secrets. And by the time I could, 328 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 3: you know, get a handle on it, it was too 329 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 3: far gone, right right. 330 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 2: I started shutting down one by one. 331 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 3: Her kidney started going down, her livers started going down, 332 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,639 Speaker 3: you know, she couldn't walk anymore. And the thing that 333 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 3: just like blew it all out was this blesion that 334 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,680 Speaker 3: came up on the back, right. 335 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: And she was hiding it from you on her foot, 336 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 1: and I'm like, how was she even managing that? Because 337 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: that shit hurts. 338 00:19:54,640 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 3: I know she hid this gaping hole that was on 339 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 3: the back of her achilles heel, right, and it was 340 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 3: just festering and festering. And I rushed her to the 341 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 3: emergency room because she she went she completely passed out. 342 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 1: How do you get that not to cut you off? 343 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 2: It's a sore if. 344 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 3: You are if you are unmanaged diabetes for that long, 345 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:31,400 Speaker 3: anything that pricks your skin or like causes a potential 346 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 3: infection can turn into a diabetic lesion. Wow. And that 347 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 3: that lesion just eats away at your entire flesh and 348 00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 3: then you'll have to be amputated. Wow. Wow. 349 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 1: And then she had to have surgery. 350 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 2: She had to have surgery. 351 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 3: I passed out in the hospital room once I saw 352 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 3: what it looked like, and they rushed her into surgery 353 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 3: and they had to do some crazy bypass. 354 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 2: And try and redirect her heart artery. 355 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:09,880 Speaker 3: I I'm telling you it was I don't I'm it's 356 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 3: hard to even Yeah, yeah, it didn't work. 357 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,920 Speaker 2: It didn't work. You know. The surgery was okay. 358 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 3: It they were able to like not cut off her leg, 359 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,920 Speaker 3: but she she made it out of the hospital back 360 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 3: to the house for I think one week and then 361 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 3: she just everything gave out. 362 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:39,200 Speaker 1: Right, And can you share with us the days leading 363 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 1: up to you being and being involved in the end 364 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: of life process with your mom, because I wasn't expecting that. Well, well, 365 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: just a lot for you to tell your story like this. No, no, no, no, okay, 366 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: because I know one thing I'm learned, well, I have learned, 367 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 1: especially when it comes to having people on the show 368 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: and they're telling, like, you know, traumatic things like it 369 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,480 Speaker 1: can be a lot. So I always try to be respectful. 370 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 1: But I do appreciate when my guests are transparent because 371 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: you just never know who this can help. 372 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 3: I know, No, I've done a lot of work around it, 373 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,160 Speaker 3: so you know, it's just sometimes I don't even remember 374 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 3: as much and then I'm like, ooh, but yeah. So 375 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 3: on my final I tried to get her to the 376 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 3: hospital one last time and we were there for I 377 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,360 Speaker 3: think four days or something, and I didn't tell anyone. 378 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,160 Speaker 3: So on top of my mom and dad keeping secrets, 379 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 3: my mom forced me to secrecy and she told me 380 00:22:40,880 --> 00:23:01,399 Speaker 3: I couldn't tell anybody, anybody anybody, So on top of 381 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 3: my mom and dad keeping secrets. My mom forced me 382 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 3: to secrecy and she told me I couldn't tell anybody, but. 383 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 1: Why because you couldn't. It's only so much that you 384 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: can do. 385 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 3: I think they thought I was I showed up, which 386 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 3: I think us as black women do a lot is. 387 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 2: I never said it was too much. 388 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 3: I never said it was I needed help, And finally 389 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,680 Speaker 3: I did in the last moment. But that was like, 390 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 3: you know, and and I just kept packing it on, 391 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 3: packing it on, packing it up, and you know, finally 392 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 3: the doctors were just like, there's nothing we can do. 393 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 3: And she went into another arrest and I remember them saying, 394 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 3: you know before, they won't admit her. They're like, we 395 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 3: can't admit her if she's not if she's not coherent, 396 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 3: like she'll need to stay. And I something and I 397 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 3: and I was like mom, Mom, Mom, like shaking her, 398 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 3: like say something. They say something. And the last words 399 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 3: my mom ever uttered, she looked up at me and 400 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 3: she said, hey boom, And I was the maddest I've 401 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 3: ever been. 402 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,919 Speaker 2: I was like, she's trying to make jokes, like girl, 403 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 2: like she's putting on her sholf. I was like, this 404 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 2: is serious, but it was try. I mean it all 405 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 2: happened so fast. 406 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 3: It was like emergencies, doctors, everybody was rushing, rushing, and 407 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 3: then you know, she crashed and they asked me, you know, 408 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,679 Speaker 3: can you sign this DNR paperwork? 409 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,400 Speaker 2: And I was like, what the fuck is DNR paperwork? 410 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 2: And it was to you know, do not resuscitate. 411 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 3: And I was just there by myself, and I remember 412 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 3: the nurse putting her hand on me and she was like, 413 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 3: you should not be here by yourself, right, what is 414 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 3: going on? 415 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 2: And I just everything kind of blacked out from there. 416 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 2: You know. They also don't talk about how long it 417 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,360 Speaker 2: takes for you to die. 418 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, I learned that new when I was reading your book, 419 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: cause I'm like, wow, it took a long time for 420 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:13,680 Speaker 1: her to transition. 421 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, once they unflugged the machines, it's really up to 422 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 3: the body and her spirits was like, Nope, we're gonna 423 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,960 Speaker 3: keep going and going and going. 424 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,399 Speaker 2: And it's the worst sound you've ever heard in your life. 425 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: What were you thinking, because were you to be sitting 426 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: there and like to see your mother transition, Like I 427 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 1: just can't even imagine, Like, were you like aware of 428 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: what was happening, or were you just like, what the fuck. 429 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 2: Was I was bawling. I was in shock, right, I 430 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 2: just I really, I really like went somewhere else. 431 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 3: Right, And finally some I don't remember if it was 432 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 3: a nurse who took my phone or somebody had called 433 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:07,479 Speaker 3: my best friend, and I remember my best friend rushing 434 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,240 Speaker 3: to the hospital and I just fell on the floor 435 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,200 Speaker 3: and she took me back to the house. 436 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 2: And then as soon as I got back to the house, 437 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 2: I got a call from the hospital that she passed. 438 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: So she was waiting on you to leave. 439 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:22,480 Speaker 2: She was waiting for me to leave. 440 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,440 Speaker 1: Wow. How did this experience with the in the life 441 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: process change your perspective on life, death and the importance 442 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 1: of quality of life? 443 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love that question. I have not 444 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:37,200 Speaker 2: been asked that yet. 445 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:42,399 Speaker 1: Okay, then my oprah On or krishaw have don't want 446 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,440 Speaker 1: to put it crude. 447 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 3: Everything everything, everything, the fact that I'm alive right now. 448 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:58,399 Speaker 3: I mean, I have changed everything about my life because 449 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 3: I just know. I it's this close to death. I've 450 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 3: been a part of death so much. I think, I 451 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 3: just I'm not afraid of it. I'm not afraid of it. 452 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:15,040 Speaker 3: I do not want to waste my time. I literally 453 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,920 Speaker 3: I'm just like, what we're gonna do? 454 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,800 Speaker 2: Where are we gonna go? I don't care. I don't care. 455 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 2: You know, I went through hell and I'm just so 456 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,159 Speaker 2: grateful that I'm alive. And it took a lot for 457 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:35,720 Speaker 2: me to get to this place. Not gonna easy, but yeah, no, 458 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 2: I just don't really care about a lot of stuff 459 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 2: right now. 460 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,640 Speaker 1: I'm happy for you. I can tell I felt that one. Yeah, 461 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 1: do you have any regrets or anything about the situation 462 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: with your mom the inter life process? 463 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:55,159 Speaker 3: No, no, no, I'm just I'm really grateful that I 464 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 3: was able to be there and do everything that I could. 465 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,399 Speaker 2: And you know, I had to learn that it wasn't me. 466 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,440 Speaker 3: I cared for a long time, you know, like I 467 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,280 Speaker 3: could have saved them somehow or would have done better 468 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:12,520 Speaker 3: or something like that. 469 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 2: And you know, somebody told me, like I have spiritual 470 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 2: teachers now, and you know, like I have no control 471 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 2: over God's time. We don't I and I have no control. 472 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 1: There was it. 473 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 3: There's I have nothing to do with my parents' timeline, 474 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:36,879 Speaker 3: right you know, And that that freed me, and that 475 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 3: was just like, okay, you know, it's not my responsibility. 476 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 2: I I they I had the time that I had 477 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 2: and I. 478 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 3: It's now time for me to live my life, and 479 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 3: right a long time to be able to like want 480 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 3: to live because I wanted to die with them. After 481 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 3: my mom passed, That's why. And everything fell apart from me. 482 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 2: Right. 483 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: Where were some of the physical or health related consequences 484 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: as a result of drinking alcohol, Well. 485 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 3: They got bad for me because when my mom passed, 486 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 3: all I now had this you have a routine, Yeah, 487 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,800 Speaker 3: I now had this pattern of like, oh, I deal 488 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 3: with crazy chaos and then I drink to go to sleep, 489 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 3: or I drink to get through it, or I drink 490 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 3: to not feel it, or I drink to escape. And 491 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 3: what kept me kind of going was like I had 492 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,960 Speaker 3: them to take care of, right, And so once my 493 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:40,320 Speaker 3: mom passed away. 494 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 2: I was like, what the hell? Who am I? What 495 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,560 Speaker 2: do I have to live for? Everything's fucked right? 496 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 3: Right? 497 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:51,240 Speaker 2: And the grief I never felt anything like that in 498 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 2: my life. 499 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, grief is a bitch. 500 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,480 Speaker 2: Oh my god, they don't tell you. 501 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, grief is different. 502 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 2: Oh, I thought I was going crazy. I couldn't. I 503 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:05,959 Speaker 2: couldn't stop crying. 504 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: I mean, you were staying in the house that you 505 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 1: grew up in with your parents, Like, yeah, I can 506 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 1: only imagine that shit she was probably hearing seeing thinking. 507 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,720 Speaker 2: Like I was in a tone. 508 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: Girl, Yes, I was in a tone. 509 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,680 Speaker 2: I'm really and I now that I you know, people 510 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 2: are like you're fucking crazy. Like I was like, I 511 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:27,320 Speaker 2: didn't know what. 512 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:31,920 Speaker 3: To do, and I just drank and I drank so much, 513 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 3: and I just you know, I had a habit of like, 514 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,960 Speaker 3: don't tell people what's wrong, don't reach out for help, 515 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 3: don't And I started I lost so. 516 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:47,680 Speaker 2: Much weight, like I was now I'm like completely malnourished. 517 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 3: I can't eat, I'm just drinking. My brain's starting everything 518 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 3: starting to collapse. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna 519 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:54,720 Speaker 3: go like my. 520 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 2: Parents, right and. 521 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: Oh go ahead. 522 00:30:58,880 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 2: I was okay with that. 523 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,840 Speaker 1: Know I was going to say, how was you paying 524 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: for the alcohol? Because you you left your job in 525 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 1: just case, I'm like, where are you getting alcohol. 526 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 2: From my savings? 527 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 3: From my I got a package you know when I left, 528 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 3: because I was I was running a company and I 529 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 3: was doing stuff. 530 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,880 Speaker 2: And so I had my little savings. But that was 531 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 2: running out. So I was like, well one of us 532 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 2: is going to run out first, either the alcohol or me, 533 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 2: I don't know. 534 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: And how has alcoholism affected your relationship with your family 535 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,200 Speaker 1: and friends, because I'm surprised, like, did anybody want to 536 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: come and check up on you, like come to the house, 537 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: because before you go to be in that house by 538 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,960 Speaker 1: yourself is like that's crazy. 539 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they did. 540 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 3: You know how everything starts as like a funeral, like 541 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,800 Speaker 3: everyone's there, right, and then it dies down and. 542 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:55,479 Speaker 2: Then they stopped. 543 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,959 Speaker 3: You know, they're like, okay, she's you know, she got 544 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,000 Speaker 3: going to pick it up. I never picked it up, 545 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 3: you know, so they just went off about their life 546 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 3: and I was stuck in a time lapse. But they did. 547 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 3: They finally, you know, once I got bad enough I 548 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:20,080 Speaker 3: had seizures and the paramedics actually called my friends and 549 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 3: they found out how bad. 550 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 2: I was, and they didn't know how bad it was. 551 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 3: And they're the ones that actually pulled together and were like, 552 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 3: we don't know what's like. 553 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 2: They're like, none of our parents have died. No, we 554 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,240 Speaker 2: don't know what this is like, but you need help. Yeah. 555 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 3: And when I heard that, like one, it was the 556 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 3: validation of like, we don't know what you're going through. 557 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 3: That's really important to tell people because the number one 558 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 3: part of guilt is like we don't know how to 559 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 3: explain it and nobody can care it. So if you 560 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 3: can just sit with someone and just acknowledge how bad 561 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 3: it is and just be like, we don't know what 562 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,520 Speaker 3: you're going through, but we're here for you. M And 563 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 3: then they were like you can there's this place you 564 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 3: can go to that help. 565 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:11,440 Speaker 1: Right. 566 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,440 Speaker 2: I was like, let's go. 567 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 1: And I also felt like you just felt a sense 568 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: of just being overwhelmed and the anability to cope with 569 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: your circumstances. Like I feel like it was just it 570 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: was a lot, because when I was reading it, I 571 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 1: was like, wow, this this is a lot, Like I'm 572 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,040 Speaker 1: surprised you didn't tapped out sooner. 573 00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 2: I had comments from the book and they'd be like, 574 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,720 Speaker 2: I need a drink to finish this. 575 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,000 Speaker 1: You know, I'm telling you. I'm like, why am I 576 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:39,080 Speaker 1: reading this ship at night? 577 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 3: I know it really was. 578 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 2: I think a lot of black women, though can relate. 579 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 3: It's you know, super superpower, super woman, but uh huh, 580 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:53,640 Speaker 3: it's like. 581 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 2: We're gonna crack. Yeah, we are going to crack and 582 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 2: we don't have to. But I didn't know that. I 583 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,240 Speaker 2: didn't know that you can like build build. 584 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 3: In like softness and care and like all these things 585 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,240 Speaker 3: and support and I had to find out. 586 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 2: The hard way, right. 587 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 1: And how long were you in recovery? 588 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 2: I was in treatment? 589 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,879 Speaker 1: Is that the right word? Treatment? Yeah, because you're we're 590 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 1: always in recovery, right, yes? 591 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:27,400 Speaker 2: Okay, Yes, I was in treatment for nine months okay. 592 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,880 Speaker 1: And did you have any fears or resistance while in 593 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 1: treatment and if so, how did you overcome them? 594 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:39,120 Speaker 2: I didn't, only because I was so bad. 595 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,800 Speaker 3: I knew. 596 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,359 Speaker 2: I knew I was being saved by God. I knew 597 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,879 Speaker 2: because I was. I was out the door on my own, 598 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,799 Speaker 2: and somehow I got to fucking you sta. 599 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: Yeah all the places. 600 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,919 Speaker 3: That's how I know, Oh God exists, because my ass 601 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,239 Speaker 3: could not have got me to Utah. Yeah. 602 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,960 Speaker 2: I don't know how it happened, but I was just 603 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 2: like I carried that with me. 604 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,360 Speaker 3: I was like, this is happening for a reason, you know. 605 00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 3: I was like, because this wasn't designed by me, Like 606 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,399 Speaker 3: I'm gonna lean into this. And I really wanted help. Yeah, 607 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,360 Speaker 3: I just really wanted help. I was like, fucking help me, 608 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:24,759 Speaker 3: you know, right? 609 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 1: Did you say black people? 610 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:33,279 Speaker 2: Okay? So that's the resistance part. I kept saying that. 611 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 2: I was like, where the fuck are the black people? 612 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 2: Like what the fuck? Yeah? 613 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 3: What is it? Hello? Right? At one I found one 614 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,680 Speaker 3: and then I had a little rehab romance, and I 615 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:47,839 Speaker 3: was like, that's not oh shit. 616 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,879 Speaker 2: And what happened to that? That's shit? 617 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,120 Speaker 3: You know, you fall in love fast, you break up 618 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,720 Speaker 3: fast because you're not allowed to touch or do anything. 619 00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:01,920 Speaker 2: It feels so high school, right, But you know, there 620 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 2: were few and far between. 621 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:08,319 Speaker 3: But that was one of the resentments that I really had, 622 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,880 Speaker 3: was like I was like, once I'm done, I really 623 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,440 Speaker 3: want to find, you know, a community. 624 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 2: I really want to find more people like me. 625 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,520 Speaker 3: I really want to If I don't, I want to 626 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 3: be the face or the champion for it, because I 627 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,879 Speaker 3: saw how you know, disproportionate we are. 628 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: Right, right, So where were some of the challenges or 629 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,120 Speaker 1: setbacks you encounter and how did you navigate through them? 630 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 3: Oh? Early, sobriety is full of It's like it's like 631 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,320 Speaker 3: you are a newborn baby. Yeah, and you have to 632 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:47,880 Speaker 3: learn everything over again because for the majority of us, 633 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,840 Speaker 3: we have used alcohol and drinking as a solution to. 634 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,880 Speaker 2: All of our problems and so not. 635 00:36:55,960 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, so navigating anything sober felt really hard, like everything, 636 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,719 Speaker 3: you know, just like daily life like, oh, I have 637 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:07,880 Speaker 3: to listen to you, and I. 638 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,200 Speaker 2: Can't check out and take a drink, right, and that 639 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 2: I gotta you know, show up to this place. I'm anxious. 640 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:18,320 Speaker 3: I can't get like make new friends sober, you know, 641 00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:24,840 Speaker 3: date sober. It's just it's really the most authentic, true 642 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,000 Speaker 3: way to live. 643 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 2: But you need tools and you need skills. 644 00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:31,840 Speaker 3: You need to learn these things and have them in 645 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,040 Speaker 3: your pocket because most people. 646 00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 2: Are checking out some kind of way. And not to 647 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:40,960 Speaker 2: say that sober. 648 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:44,279 Speaker 3: People don't, it's just, you know, when you don't use substances, 649 00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:48,080 Speaker 3: you you now have to use different tools because that's 650 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 3: not an option or solution anymore. 651 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 1: Right, This question just popped in my head. Was the 652 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,600 Speaker 1: pandemic hard for you? 653 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 3: I love the pandemic and you all you know why No, 654 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,520 Speaker 3: because the pandemic pandemic is terrible. 655 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:02,920 Speaker 2: It sucked us all up. 656 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:11,200 Speaker 3: But but the reason I was, I think a year 657 00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,839 Speaker 3: and some change or a year or two sober, I think, 658 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,239 Speaker 3: and so you're still like figuring shit out and and 659 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 3: everything is still really really new. And so the key 660 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 3: component of alcoholism is isolation. 661 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: Right, right, that's that question. 662 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, And so the answer is connection. So when they 663 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:38,520 Speaker 2: told me. 664 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,640 Speaker 3: You don't have to go outside, you don't have to 665 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,800 Speaker 3: talk to anybody, you don't have to make no plans, 666 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:43,279 Speaker 3: you don't have. 667 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:44,680 Speaker 2: To put in all this effort. 668 00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:49,920 Speaker 3: I was like, yes, right, but I'm saying the fuck home, right, 669 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:55,279 Speaker 3: But then God is hilarious and I actually that only 670 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,000 Speaker 3: lasted for like the first few months, and then I 671 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,000 Speaker 3: ended up working all through pandemic on the front line 672 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:06,399 Speaker 3: in treatment, helping, you know, helping people get sober through 673 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 3: the pandemic. 674 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:14,080 Speaker 2: Was literally said, who get the fuck up? 675 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:14,880 Speaker 3: Right? Right? 676 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 2: So? 677 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 1: What role did therapy or counseling play? And you have 678 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 1: recovery journey? 679 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 3: Oh it's everything, you know. I, as a black woman, 680 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:27,280 Speaker 3: I'd never had therapy. 681 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,160 Speaker 2: I never thought it was I didn't. I thought it 682 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,440 Speaker 2: was like some woo wu shit, you know, like. 683 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:37,160 Speaker 1: Rich people do or we're crazy people do. 684 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:42,160 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, And I was like, but if you find 685 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,800 Speaker 3: somebody that you can build this a trust with a 686 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 3: relationship with it is so flutch because our friends and 687 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:58,480 Speaker 3: our family are not our best founding board. 688 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,359 Speaker 2: U for advice and how to navigate our life. 689 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,000 Speaker 3: And I had to find that out because I didn't 690 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:10,719 Speaker 3: have my parents anymore, so I had to you I 691 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,480 Speaker 3: know choice, I had to build a relationship with somebody 692 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,120 Speaker 3: that I trusted that can help me like direct and 693 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:20,719 Speaker 3: figure out all the things. And I learned so many 694 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,640 Speaker 3: you know, techniques and modalities and things about me. 695 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,280 Speaker 2: You know that I just have to be really mindful 696 00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:28,719 Speaker 2: of that. 697 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,400 Speaker 3: I you know, I can go into old behaviors or 698 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:37,440 Speaker 3: I can sabotage myself, and I have an awareness of 699 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,520 Speaker 3: who I am now right that like I can kind 700 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,880 Speaker 3: of maneuver through the world and I know like, oh, okay, 701 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,879 Speaker 3: you know, we're not going to take this old path 702 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,040 Speaker 3: or we're not going to hold on to that old 703 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:51,920 Speaker 3: behavior that doesn't serve us. 704 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:56,239 Speaker 2: And that's all through therapy and sobriety. 705 00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, and what are some of the most valuable lessons 706 00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,880 Speaker 1: you have learned about yourself doing your process of recovery. 707 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:11,239 Speaker 2: I think that we are so resilient. 708 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:11,959 Speaker 1: Mh. 709 00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:17,200 Speaker 3: I think my favorite thing is seeing people who have 710 00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:22,840 Speaker 3: been counted the fuck out from addiction, like you're like, 711 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,920 Speaker 3: there's no way, like he's that. 712 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,440 Speaker 2: Person's gonna die, you know, pount him out, like. 713 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:33,239 Speaker 3: And they put together some time and they rebuild their 714 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,200 Speaker 3: life and they you know, clean up and clean you know, 715 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:41,040 Speaker 3: make amends to people and show up as a different person, 716 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:41,600 Speaker 3: and you're like. 717 00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:47,120 Speaker 1: What the You're like, God, God is real good, They're real. 718 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 3: Like that's if you can want facts about God being 719 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,680 Speaker 3: like the people on the street that you are, like, 720 00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:58,200 Speaker 3: I've seeing people on skied rope that you're that you're like, 721 00:41:58,360 --> 00:41:59,520 Speaker 3: ain't no fucking away. 722 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,520 Speaker 2: And they and they make a full recovery. 723 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,560 Speaker 1: You know. That's why you can't tell me God ain't real, man, 724 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:09,640 Speaker 1: because I've seen it with my own eyes. I've been 725 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,160 Speaker 1: seeing some people and I'm like, wow, like I have 726 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:12,840 Speaker 1: no words. 727 00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. People change. 728 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:19,960 Speaker 3: I mean if you if you are willing to change 729 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,160 Speaker 3: the behaviors and and you know, actions and thoughts of 730 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 3: who you thought you were supposed to be, right, and 731 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:31,160 Speaker 3: you change into a person that is someone who's useful 732 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,720 Speaker 3: and purposeful and helpful. 733 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:36,200 Speaker 2: I mean it's like watching miracles. 734 00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:36,959 Speaker 3: Yeah. 735 00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:39,240 Speaker 1: Way, So, how long have you been sober? 736 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,960 Speaker 2: It's gonna be on about five years, coming up from 737 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:43,560 Speaker 2: five years? 738 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:50,279 Speaker 1: Okay, I see you come on, SI. How do you 739 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,960 Speaker 1: manage the various triggers or the temptations that might come 740 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,800 Speaker 1: along on your process or just on your journey, just 741 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:12,880 Speaker 1: on your journey? How do you manage the various triggers 742 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,000 Speaker 1: or the temptations that might come along on your process 743 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 1: or just on your journey. 744 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 2: I have a really strong recovery program. 745 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,239 Speaker 3: I am part of a group, I am part of 746 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:31,520 Speaker 3: a community. I attend, you know, weekly commitments to my recovery. 747 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:36,560 Speaker 3: I help other women in my recovery, and I'm around 748 00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,839 Speaker 3: a lot of people who are on the same path. 749 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,640 Speaker 3: So it's when I stay in the middle of that, 750 00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:48,359 Speaker 3: like I really don't even notice that anything's different. I'm 751 00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,960 Speaker 3: just like, this is how I am. And then you know, 752 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:55,640 Speaker 3: when I'm in situations that are like I don't know. 753 00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,320 Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't I don't even notice it anymore. 754 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,719 Speaker 3: You know, I have friends that drink, I have everybody's 755 00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:05,400 Speaker 3: going to be around family that's you know that wild crazy. 756 00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,520 Speaker 2: Uncle get lit. 757 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, it talks out of their neck being a little crazy, right. 758 00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,760 Speaker 3: You just I just use the tools that I learned 759 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,880 Speaker 3: in recovery. You know, it's just like, stay in my lane, 760 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,320 Speaker 3: keep my side of the street clean, see if I 761 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,640 Speaker 3: can be helpful, and go the fuck home. Right. 762 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:30,600 Speaker 1: That's it, right, That's what advice or encouragement what you 763 00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,239 Speaker 1: offer to someone who is considering or just starting their 764 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,680 Speaker 1: own journey of recovery or sobriarty. 765 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:38,560 Speaker 2: Don't do it alone. 766 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:47,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, shout out to your friends, man, because Drew, Yeah, Drew. Yeah, 767 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:52,480 Speaker 1: that's what I'm talking about, Drew, Because community is everything. Man. 768 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:59,040 Speaker 2: I'm telling you that he bless him, God bless him. 769 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:04,080 Speaker 3: If the friends that you know really are invested in 770 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:09,400 Speaker 3: you being well, yeah, not you being sick and like 771 00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:13,920 Speaker 3: your worst version of yourself, you know, And I think 772 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:15,920 Speaker 3: those are the people we need to surround yourself with. 773 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:20,280 Speaker 3: It's like they are people who don't care about the bullshit, 774 00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:24,879 Speaker 3: but they're like are you, Like how are you doing? 775 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,560 Speaker 3: And like let's keep key, like let's talk about a lot, 776 00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,160 Speaker 3: like how our vision, our love are. 777 00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:35,160 Speaker 2: Like they value you, they see you like. That's also 778 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:39,359 Speaker 2: what I learned, you know, I learned that I'm good. 779 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,200 Speaker 2: I don't need all the extra. 780 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:48,160 Speaker 1: Stuff, right, I mean it's nice, but but you need 781 00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,480 Speaker 1: people to be around you that care about you and 782 00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:52,480 Speaker 1: only you, not what you do, not who you are 783 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:53,640 Speaker 1: to everybody else, just you. 784 00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:54,879 Speaker 2: Yep. 785 00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just curious. What did grief teach you about yourself? 786 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:01,440 Speaker 3: Oh? 787 00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:02,920 Speaker 2: That I'm very sensitive? 788 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you know I wanted to put on like 789 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:10,279 Speaker 3: a lot of times I want to put on this like. 790 00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,280 Speaker 2: Tough face or like all these things. 791 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:17,399 Speaker 3: But I'm really sensitive and you know, I care a lot, 792 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:22,520 Speaker 3: and you know, I didn't give myself grace. 793 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,279 Speaker 2: I was really hard on myself. I'm very I was 794 00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:26,440 Speaker 2: very self critical. 795 00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:30,680 Speaker 3: I was comparing myself to other people, like, well they 796 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,960 Speaker 3: had somebody and they are now. 797 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,319 Speaker 2: Okay, Why aren't I okay? Right? 798 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,880 Speaker 3: And I just I really learned to just like stay 799 00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,839 Speaker 3: in my own lane. Like my experience is my experience. 800 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,520 Speaker 3: If it's gonna take a year, it's gonna take a year. 801 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:49,040 Speaker 3: If I bound, who knows, you know. And I think 802 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,200 Speaker 3: that gave me grace in all areas of my life 803 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,560 Speaker 3: to just like be kinder to myself. 804 00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:03,120 Speaker 2: And like whatever it is, I'll be okay, right right. 805 00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,239 Speaker 1: I know earlier you mentioned that you were angry. Were 806 00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,560 Speaker 1: you angry as your parents were leaving? And if so, 807 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:09,640 Speaker 1: did you forgive them? 808 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:15,080 Speaker 2: Ooh girl, you gouch for next one? 809 00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,800 Speaker 1: No, because I know that feeling because I was angry 810 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,160 Speaker 1: when my grandmother left me. I was angry at God too, 811 00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:24,360 Speaker 1: so I know that feeling I. 812 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:25,560 Speaker 2: Didn't get, you know. 813 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:29,960 Speaker 3: I think they say, like the grief has the different areas. 814 00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:33,120 Speaker 3: You know that we go into the denial, the acceptance anger. 815 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:38,880 Speaker 3: Anger was the last for me because I think a 816 00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,320 Speaker 3: lot of women identified this with me too, as we 817 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:47,240 Speaker 3: repress our anger and we don't like to feel anger 818 00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:49,120 Speaker 3: or because we don't know how to voice it or 819 00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:51,680 Speaker 3: use it or whatever, and so it was the hardest 820 00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:56,160 Speaker 3: for me to tap into. But yeah, I finally got 821 00:47:56,239 --> 00:48:02,480 Speaker 3: into like why you know, like why did you not 822 00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:03,600 Speaker 3: take care of yourselves? 823 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:05,759 Speaker 2: Or why did you need me? 824 00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,359 Speaker 3: And I had you know, another thing they don't tell 825 00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,239 Speaker 3: you about is like, it's a lot of work for 826 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,560 Speaker 3: people to die. Yeah, it costs a lot of money. 827 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:16,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, you wasn't a lot of debt. 828 00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:23,760 Speaker 2: I was just it's five years later. I just finished 829 00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:28,560 Speaker 2: with the I R S. Like, yeah, the paperwork, the 830 00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,920 Speaker 2: paying for the cough and the cremission the. 831 00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:38,279 Speaker 3: Body, it's expensive. So that's where my anger was. I 832 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:42,160 Speaker 3: was like, how did y'all not have all your together? Yeah? 833 00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,840 Speaker 2: I'm like, make sure, no matter how old you are, 834 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:47,279 Speaker 2: have a. 835 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:51,560 Speaker 3: Will, have a trust, have all your shit together, because 836 00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:55,160 Speaker 3: it's not fair to lead to other people facts. 837 00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,720 Speaker 1: And last one, not least looking back, is there anything 838 00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:00,880 Speaker 1: you will have done differently? Throughout your journey. 839 00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:08,840 Speaker 3: Oh no, you know they say it was exactly what 840 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:10,919 Speaker 3: it was supposed to be like, so that I could 841 00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:15,319 Speaker 3: be right here, right right, No, because I would probably 842 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:17,680 Speaker 3: sluck it up even worse if you let me right. 843 00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:25,799 Speaker 1: Right That's a fact. YE gave me the joy, right 844 00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:27,640 Speaker 1: I would have really been in some shit. 845 00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:32,680 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be on this show right right ya. 846 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:36,360 Speaker 1: I think this was an amazing conversation. I so appreciate you. 847 00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,360 Speaker 1: I feel like this conversation is definitely going to resonate 848 00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,200 Speaker 1: with a lot of people because we all have some 849 00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:45,279 Speaker 1: battle that we're going through. So just to hear your 850 00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:47,840 Speaker 1: story and to read your book, which just it was 851 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:50,200 Speaker 1: a beautiful journey to be a part of. So I 852 00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:53,120 Speaker 1: thank you so much, Thank you so much. 853 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,640 Speaker 2: I loved being on your show. And you are powerful too. 854 00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:57,360 Speaker 2: Thank you. 855 00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:01,040 Speaker 3: I love you know your questions and your energy, and 856 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,320 Speaker 3: this was so great. I was so happy to be 857 00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:05,880 Speaker 3: a part of this. Thank you for having me. 858 00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,000 Speaker 1: Of course, of course, listen, y'all, we were just saying 859 00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:10,400 Speaker 1: before we started we were tired. I'm like, nope, I 860 00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:15,200 Speaker 1: have a good conversation. If y'all have any questions, comments 861 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,120 Speaker 1: with concerns, please make sure to email me at hello 862 00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:21,920 Speaker 1: at thepgpodcast dot com and until next time, everyone. 863 00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:23,040 Speaker 2: Later. 864 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:31,560 Speaker 1: You're gonna say bye, oh bye. The Professional Homegirl podcast 865 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,560 Speaker 1: is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network. For 866 00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:39,239 Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 867 00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,880 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget 868 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,880 Speaker 1: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect 869 00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,680 Speaker 1: with me on social media at the PG podcast