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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John, your og Okay Storytime podcast host, and

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Speaker 2: we got some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 1: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My friend was late for work, so I'm ending our friendship.

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Speaker 3: Me thirty four female and my former friend SM. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to call her Stephanie. My friend Stephanie thirty three

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Speaker 3: f have been friends and co workers for about a

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Speaker 3: year now. I usually don't take my friendships in work

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Speaker 3: out of work because of things like this, so we

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Speaker 3: keep our work friends at work and that's it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's why I'm not friends with any of my

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Speaker 4: other people I work with.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Correct, We had definitely bonded and spent lots of time

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Speaker 3: together outside of work and shared personal things. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from user Bazucocket on the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: Storytime separated in March. I had become pregnant and the

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Speaker 3: dad wasn't going to be involved, but she and everyone

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Speaker 3: else in my life have been very supportive.

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Speaker 2: I have always struggled.

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Speaker 3: Asking for help, mostly because I'm used to having to

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Speaker 3: do everything on my own. Stephanie had stated she was

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Speaker 3: planning to help me be in the room when I

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Speaker 3: gave birth and move in with me and help me

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Speaker 3: get through it and you know, raise the little bit be.

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Speaker 3: She helped me throw a gender reveal party. It was

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Speaker 3: on the rooftop of her apartment building. She was absent

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Speaker 3: for most of it, however, which was really weird to me.

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Speaker 3: The trouble started a few months ago when I started

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Speaker 3: to remodel the baby room. I needed to update the electricity.

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Speaker 3: Found out I had no insulation and my windows from

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Speaker 3: a few years ago had been installed in directly.

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Speaker 4: That's a rough thing to find out when you're about

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Speaker 4: to have a baby.

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Speaker 3: No electrical uh, no insulation, shoddy windows. When I ask

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Speaker 3: for help, saying no is always an option. I understand

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Speaker 3: people have personal things in their lives and limits. On

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Speaker 3: three separate occasions, I asked for help and she said

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Speaker 3: she would help, and then she didn't show up and

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Speaker 3: would message me hours later with a lame excuse and

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Speaker 3: no apology or acknowledgement of bailing on me. Instead, it

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Speaker 3: would just be a lame excuse.

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Speaker 4: But you know what's a lame excuse not mentioning that

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Speaker 4: this is literally an okay, story time story. This is

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Speaker 4: one of you.

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Speaker 2: Guys, bazooka kit are you there.

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Speaker 3: I actually got a little depressed from this and spent

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Speaker 3: a weekend crying. I didn't even need her to do

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Speaker 3: everything but just show up, yeah, and be present with

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Speaker 3: my ADHD. I'm more productive when someone else is there.

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Speaker 2: To mirror with. Yes, yes, it's true. Someone's called neurospiciness.

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Speaker 4: What's it called. There's a term for it. It's like

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Speaker 4: when you like, when you work better with someone in

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Speaker 4: the room.

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Speaker 2: I probably don't think it's called mirroring.

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Speaker 4: I think it's it's starts with a P. I want

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Speaker 4: to say, but this is so true. I like, I

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Speaker 4: love doing work, and like I don't need them to

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Speaker 4: talk to man but.

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Speaker 2: Doctor just presence.

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Speaker 3: The one time she did show up two hours late,

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Speaker 3: she took my paintings down that were held up by

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Speaker 3: pushpins and never re hung them. So now I have

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Speaker 3: another project to do. Also, I find this very disrespectful.

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Speaker 2: To do with anyone.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and also it didn't start with a P. It

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Speaker 4: was body doubling. Was the term out.

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Speaker 2: Body doubling, not body pubbling, body dububbling. That's a weird thing.

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Speaker 2: To do to show be like, yeah, I'll come and.

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Speaker 3: Help, and then be like, I'll just take these things

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Speaker 3: off the wall and leave.

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Speaker 4: I guess like, I'll just take these thank you.

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Speaker 2: These are in the wrong place. You'll figure it out. O.

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Speaker 3: P has a tendency to shut down when I'm frustrated

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Speaker 3: and avoid confrontation, and I'd rather cool off and not

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Speaker 3: say things I don't mean or be misunderstood. I have

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Speaker 3: been a little nervous I'll be delivering this baby solo,

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Speaker 3: especially since she is so flaky.

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Speaker 2: That's good. You should expect to be solo.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: At work patient care, I know I am good at

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Speaker 3: my job, seen as responsible and occasionally given leadership roles

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Speaker 3: despite only being there a year and a half. Stephanie, however,

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Speaker 3: has no call, no shows, comes back from breaks late,

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Speaker 3: and is very unreliable as a coworker.

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Speaker 4: Oh, that's like, it's exhausting when you have a friend,

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Speaker 4: you know, you're friends with someone who's a bad worker

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Speaker 4: and you work at the same you know, like, this

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Speaker 4: is not something that I've had here, but like.

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Speaker 3: Because then you got to You're a neverly gonna have

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Speaker 3: to You're gonna be put in a position where you

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Speaker 3: got to back them up, or someone's gonna say, have

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Speaker 3: you seen Stephanie, She's totally a wall, and you're like, like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know, but I'm sure she has a perfectly

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Speaker 3: good reason she does not.

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Speaker 2: Uh huh.

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Speaker 3: So with the work we do, details really matter, and

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Speaker 3: I've seen the consequences when details are missed unfortunately. For example,

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Speaker 3: one time I had to come into the room she

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Speaker 3: was working in to give her a break, only to

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Speaker 3: find after thirty minutes, none of the set up for

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Speaker 3: the patient was done.

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Speaker 2: Equipment, patient in the computer, and no op.

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Speaker 4: He is having to like fill in basically all this work.

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Speaker 3: If you're doing, like if you work in like a

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Speaker 3: medical field or patient care, it's like you can't just

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Speaker 3: be like, ah, somebody, they'll figure it out without me.

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Speaker 2: I guess what am I gonna do? Take care of

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Speaker 2: somebody's life?

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Speaker 3: Oh so my job probably not today. Today I'm watching

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Speaker 3: reality TV.

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Speaker 4: And she's like, ohp can you send me your HBO?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this usually takes ten minutes stops. So I have

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Speaker 3: no idea what she was doing, and I left to

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Speaker 3: give someone else a break instead because it wasn't fair

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Speaker 3: to me. One of the days I was in charge.

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Speaker 3: I was making the hurry up motion because I was

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Speaker 3: trying to get the room turned over, and she was

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Speaker 3: doing stuff that should have gotten done during the you

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Speaker 3: know the case. She then had an attitude when I

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Speaker 3: tried to send her on a break because people are

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Speaker 3: supposed to get breaks at the end of the day.

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Speaker 3: She tried to give me a hug and then gave

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Speaker 3: me an excuse, and I just wasn't having it. I

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Speaker 3: told her she needed quote to get a reality check damn,

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Speaker 3: which sounds correct. She looked shocked, but I think she

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Speaker 3: also needed to realize she was peeving off her coworkers,

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Speaker 3: not just me. Even the really chill people have complained

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Speaker 3: to our manager. It's been tenuous since. And she didn't

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Speaker 3: even come to the girl's trip with a few other girls.

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Speaker 2: You got dandruff girl.

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Speaker 4: Because I'm hoping everything's okay with her.

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Speaker 2: This islder, you know.

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Speaker 3: Freaking flakes. Yeah, mm hmm, Yeah, it's true. You know,

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Speaker 3: she may be going through her own things could be

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Speaker 3: a little you know, she's got a lot of people

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Speaker 3: with substance abuse stuff to kind of you know, go

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Speaker 3: through this kind.

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Speaker 4: Of wall or justly you know, sometimes people have like

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Speaker 4: mental health, you know, like issues, especially like if you

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Speaker 4: have I'm not saying that she does, but if she had,

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Speaker 4: like she was going through like depressive episode or something

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Speaker 4: like that, I do think. I think OP needs to

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Speaker 4: have a conversation with her and just like set her

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Speaker 4: down and be like, you have not been a very

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Speaker 4: good friend. Yeah, I want to know is there something up?

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Speaker 4: Is something else going on? And if you know, if

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Speaker 4: she's going forward still is not making any changes, then

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Speaker 4: you don't need to continue that friendship.

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Speaker 3: But at this point I just see her as flaky.

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Speaker 3: I would have talked it out with her then, to

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Speaker 3: be honest, But this last Monday, she changed what we

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Speaker 3: were doing as a normal practice, and none of my

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Speaker 3: other coworkers knew about it or have been doing it.

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Speaker 3: So I asked her to fill out a little paper

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Speaker 3: for our morning huddles, you know, a little standard operating procedure.

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Speaker 4: It feels a bit like OP is superior either.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she is.

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Speaker 3: It's like at the work she kind of has a

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Speaker 3: little more responsibility. And it's like so now it's a

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Speaker 3: weird scenario because it's like her friend is under underling,

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Speaker 3: you underling, and also it's her position. How do I

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Speaker 3: talk to you as a friend who's also kind of

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Speaker 3: your boss. She tried to explain her reasoning, and I said,

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Speaker 3: I just need you to fill it out. It's not

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Speaker 3: wrong or anything, but everyone on the team should know

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Speaker 3: how it works and how to troubleshoot it.

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Speaker 2: You just need to do your job correctly. Fill this

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Speaker 2: thing out.

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Speaker 3: After work, I decided to send her a message on

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Speaker 3: Instagram so i'd know if she read it and tried

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Speaker 3: to stick with our friendship issues. I stated, maybe it's

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Speaker 3: my fault for not communicating my hurt feelings sooner, but

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Speaker 3: I'm also feeling like I deserve a little more support

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Speaker 3: since I'm like fifty days from birthing my little human.

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Speaker 2: Bur them a little burn them a little baby, A.

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Speaker 4: Little human's about to come out.

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Speaker 3: About to burst out the oven. I also stated I

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Speaker 3: thought our friendship was better than this. After twenty four hours,

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Speaker 3: I was left on red seventy.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Stephie, you're blowing it.

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Speaker 4: Blowing it.

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Speaker 2: Yesterday I talked.

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Speaker 3: To our manager because I'm worried about this affecting patient

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Speaker 3: care and my co workers because oh boy, did they notice.

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Speaker 3: And you know that's fair. You were putting a position

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Speaker 3: where now you have to go to the high roupes.

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Speaker 3: That's probably not going to be a nice conversation later.

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Speaker 4: No, that's on her.

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Speaker 3: Work is a safe space for me, and everyone is

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Speaker 3: generally pretty awesome. Basically I won't have to worry because

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Speaker 3: I'm not the problem, but also was encouraged on being

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Speaker 3: more direct with issues or reporting them to management. I'm

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Speaker 3: not about to make a hostile work environment or target people,

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Speaker 3: but I also don't enjoy being abused for being a

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Speaker 3: hard worker. And we promise you don't have to work hard.

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Speaker 3: To join us live on YouTube every weekday at three pm,

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Speaker 3: just tap our profile. So today, five days after sending

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Speaker 3: the message, she finally messaged me back damn, stating she

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Speaker 3: doesn't know why I didn't apologize and was confused when

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Speaker 3: I got really quiet and distant, literally stated why in

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Speaker 3: my message. But okay, because like per my last yeah,

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Speaker 3: per my last yeah. To be honest, I have already

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Speaker 3: mourned the loss of this friendship and understand it will

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Speaker 3: bring me peace to not pursue it further. I responded,

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Speaker 3: message read, am I the a hole? I do intend

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Speaker 3: to keep work civil, But one coworker ask if I

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Speaker 3: just apologize, even if I didn't mean it to.

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Speaker 4: Keep the peace, I think, I mean, you have to

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Speaker 4: be civil at work, but I think that letting this

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Speaker 4: friendship kind of naturally die as it is, like she's

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Speaker 4: already not being there for you. You don't have to

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Speaker 4: reach out to her anymore. You've got your own you

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Speaker 4: got your own stuff going on here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, baby, you are literally about to pop out a

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Speaker 3: little mini person. That's going to happen, and it sucks

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Speaker 3: that this person won't be able to be there for

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Speaker 3: you for it. But you are definitely not an a

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Speaker 3: hole for having you know, sort of reached the end

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Speaker 3: of the line here. I think with this relationship with

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Speaker 3: it well, I mean, well technically it's with the friendship, right, yes,

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Speaker 3: because you're still going to have a relationship worthwhile person

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Speaker 3: because of work. So I think it is maybe a

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Speaker 3: good call to maybe just you know, if you've already

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Speaker 3: made your piece just now keeping it at work. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: you just got to be the bigger person and it make.

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Speaker 2: The flow feel good.

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Speaker 3: And honestly, from the sound of it, she probably won't

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Speaker 3: be there much longer anyway.

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Speaker 4: No, I mean, you've already reported her, you know, to

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Speaker 4: the higher ups, and they'll decide whether or not they

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Speaker 4: want to keep her. But I think you were already

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Speaker 4: kind of, as you said, mourning the loss of the relationships.

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Speaker 4: She was already being flaky outside of work, and you

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Speaker 4: were already navigating that seemingly well at work. So I

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Speaker 4: think just operating the same way that you were already doing.

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Speaker 3: I think the moment she came over and just took

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Speaker 3: your pictures off the wall and then like left without

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Speaker 3: putting them back up, yeah, it was the beginning of

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Speaker 3: the end right there.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm being wildly unreasonable and jealous

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Speaker 4: over this, So I need some outside opinions. Well, we'll

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Speaker 4: get them to you. I twenty nine female, have been

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Speaker 4: with my boyfriend, thirty male for three years and we

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Speaker 4: share an apartment. He has a female friend, now thirty

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Speaker 4: four female, and they were friends for years before I

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Speaker 4: came along. I had no issues with their closeness. I

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Speaker 4: have male friends and knew i'd be a hypocrite to

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Speaker 4: leap to judgments, But at this point I feel I'm

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Speaker 4: justified in thinking the way I do about her. The

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Speaker 4: first time I met her, it was extremely obvious Nell

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Speaker 4: didn't like me. She came into the bar all excited

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Speaker 4: to see my boyfriend. Before noticing me, She's.

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Speaker 2: Like, uh, Nell, you smell Nell.

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Speaker 4: Her entire demeanor changed. She shook my hand and dug

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Speaker 4: her nails into my skin. Oh my god, Pat's power

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00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,520
Speaker 4: play right there, Yeah, before ignoring me the rest of

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Speaker 4: the night. She even seemed upset at one point that

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Speaker 4: I took the seat beside my boyfriend and quietly left

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Speaker 4: halfway through the evening without saying goodbye. She's freaking jealous,

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Speaker 4: so it's safe to say my first impression of her

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Speaker 4: wasn't good. But I tried to reason with myself that

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Speaker 4: not everyone gets along and I don't need to be

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Speaker 4: friends with my boyfriend's friends. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from throw a pretty net on the best of Redditor

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Speaker 4: updates suburg However, as time passed, it became really clear

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Speaker 4: Nell's attitude towards me wasn't improving. She had a way

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Speaker 4: of openly mocking me in front of groups of people,

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Speaker 4: making side comments or loudly joking about my voice or appearance.

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Speaker 4: My boyfriend would stand there and say nothing, and after

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Speaker 4: the fact, when I asked him about it, you'd say

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Speaker 4: he hadn't noticed. She also made a show of hugging

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Speaker 4: him hello and goodbye, and not me. She would mix

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Speaker 4: that kind of stuff in with smiles and basic politeness,

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Speaker 4: so it was tough to articulate exactly what she'd done.

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Speaker 4: I felt very much like I was back in high school.

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Speaker 4: From that point on, I basically decided I didn't need

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Speaker 4: to have someone like that in my life, so just

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Speaker 4: stopped going to things she was at. I haven't seen

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Speaker 4: her in about a year. My boyfriend still sees her

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Speaker 4: regularly and they text often.

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Speaker 2: Wait, No, you're losing now, that's not the right move.

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Speaker 4: I'm now at the stage where I fully believe they've

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Speaker 4: either dated in the past or have something going on now.

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Speaker 4: I've tried gently bringing this up, but he denies they've

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Speaker 4: ever dated and makes me feel like I'm being jealous

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Speaker 4: and bitter by asking. I ended up suppressing those feelings

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Speaker 4: before something brings them up again. I've reached the end

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Speaker 4: of my tether with it. The final straw for me

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Speaker 4: came the other day when my boyfriend and left his

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Speaker 4: phone open uh oh, and I saw a text exchange

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Speaker 4: between the two. Nell had sent him a heart emoji,

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Speaker 4: and my boyfriend had written something about how he was

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Speaker 4: thinking of her.

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Speaker 2: Oh, oh, hell no, Nell.

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Speaker 4: Get the hell out of here.

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Speaker 2: Nell, that'sir you having.

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Speaker 3: And the boyfriend needs to get hit in the head

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Speaker 3: with a bell.

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Speaker 4: Mm hmm, or get Nell out of there. I know

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Speaker 4: I should have sent something then and there, but I

305
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,560
Speaker 4: felt dumb and decided to go to bed. I'm trying

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00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,840
Speaker 4: to work out how to handle this. Is it possible

307
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,080
Speaker 4: nothing's going on here. It's something I've tried arguing in

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Speaker 4: my head, but then something else pops up that makes

309
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,920
Speaker 4: me doubt it. Maybe friends do just send hearts and

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Speaker 4: I'm making this up because I don't care for Nell.

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Speaker 4: I don't want that to be the case. I'm basically

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Speaker 4: at a point where I feel he either has to

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Speaker 4: tell me the truth and restrict contact with Nell, or

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Speaker 4: else I don't feel like I can maintain the relationship.

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Speaker 4: I feel constantly disrespected and I want something to change,

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Speaker 4: but don't know how to go about. Any advice would

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00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,040
Speaker 4: be welcome, and there is an update to finish this

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Speaker 4: story off. Boy, I mean, you are being disrespected, and

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Speaker 4: I think the fact that your boyfriend is not doing

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Speaker 4: anything about it means maybe this relationship is over.

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Speaker 3: No, he's this is clearly and I think I think

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00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,920
Speaker 3: she was playing Missus Steele, your man and it, and

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Speaker 3: I think she mays, I think she's working because I

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00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,720
Speaker 3: don't have any I mean, like with there's some context

325
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Speaker 3: in maybe which I would send like a platonic friend

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00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,120
Speaker 3: who's a girl like the like heart and then like

327
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Speaker 3: thinking of you, like if they just went through something.

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00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, or like there are there are the specific context.

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Speaker 3: But not just like like like oh, it's just a

330
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Speaker 3: one pm on a Tuesday, I'm thinking about you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's that's boyfriend behavior.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, big red flag for both Nell and your stinky boyfriend.

333
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,400
Speaker 4: A few days ago, after a lot of tearful soul searching,

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00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,440
Speaker 4: I decided the best thing for me would be to

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00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,400
Speaker 4: walk away from the relationship.

336
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Speaker 2: Don't you run run away from sprint away?

337
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Speaker 4: And I'm glad that you decided that, because we also

338
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,960
Speaker 4: decided that for I sat my boyfriend down and talked

339
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,000
Speaker 4: to him about it. I explained that I always felt

340
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,320
Speaker 4: like the third wheel in my own relationship and that

341
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,480
Speaker 4: for my own happiness, I didn't want to be in

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00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,960
Speaker 4: a relationship that made me feel that way anymore. I

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00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,480
Speaker 4: gave examples to him that I did in my original post,

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00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,120
Speaker 4: such as his lack of boundaries with Nell, and his

345
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,240
Speaker 4: disinterest in standing up for me whenever she mocked me.

346
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,680
Speaker 4: I also said my trust in him had been eroded

347
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,600
Speaker 4: to the point where I felt unsure of what I

348
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,760
Speaker 4: really was to him. I told him I still cared

349
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,360
Speaker 4: about him and wanted him to be happy, but that

350
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,480
Speaker 4: I wanted to be happy too. My boyfriend sat silently

351
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 4: for a while before asking, so you're jealous of Nell.

352
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,040
Speaker 4: That's not the takeaway, you dumb?

353
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:37,800
Speaker 1: Do you do?

354
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 4: Head? Ooh my? Oh?

355
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 2: The rage, the rage within me? That guy, no way.

356
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,200
Speaker 4: I felt like he barely processed anything I just said,

357
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 4: and when I tried clarifying, he got defensive and told

358
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,880
Speaker 4: me he was allowed female friends, which is not what

359
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,840
Speaker 4: Opie is saying. I could tell he wanted to turn

360
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 4: it into an argument, and since my mind was already

361
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,680
Speaker 4: made up and I said what I wanted, I ended

362
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,360
Speaker 4: the conversation and he played a computer game and acted

363
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,720
Speaker 4: like I wasn't there as I packed my things and left.

364
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 3: What a baby, Yeah, freaking baby to be like, you're

365
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 3: jealous of the girl who I'm constantly.

366
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,400
Speaker 2: Talking to and like makes fun all the time.

367
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,560
Speaker 3: Literally gone out of your way to cut out of

368
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 3: your own life because you do not like spending a

369
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,320
Speaker 3: single moment with her.

370
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess you're just jelly baby.

371
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,240
Speaker 4: I guess it's all on you. Just it couldn't be

372
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,920
Speaker 4: anything that I've done. Yeah, fuddle, No, it.

373
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 2: Sounds like I bet you this guy's cheating.

374
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's just he's just putting, projecting that you're jealous

375
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 3: of my completely platonic friend that I send hearts to.

376
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, he's protecting. I've been staying with my best friend,

377
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 4: who was amazing and always so supportive. We're actually looking

378
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,480
Speaker 4: into sharing a place officially. We love. I burst into

379
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,000
Speaker 4: tears on her doorstep and we hugged it out before

380
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 4: having a movie night with pizza and some wine.

381
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,240
Speaker 2: Classic. That sounds like, Oh my goodness.

382
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 4: I don't drink, but I'd love some pizza.

383
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,000
Speaker 2: Pizza, pizza wonderful.

384
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 3: Oh my god, condense the pizza into don't do that, actually,

385
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,240
Speaker 3: don't do that, don't make pizza wine.

386
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,960
Speaker 4: It felt really therapeutic, like a weight was lifted off

387
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 4: my shoulders. My family have been amazing to rallying round

388
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,120
Speaker 4: and taking me out for little meals and stuff.

389
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 2: I even got.

390
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,680
Speaker 4: One or two sweet messages from my boyfriend's friends wow,

391
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,199
Speaker 4: saying they were sorry and that they fully understood my

392
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 4: point of view, which is interesting. That is interesting that

393
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 4: they're on your side because they probably also noticed. They

394
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,239
Speaker 4: probably also noticed how Nell was treating you.

395
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 3: If these were events, that's really that's got to be

396
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 3: really like affirming to be like, yeah, all the friends are.

397
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 2: Also like yeah, now, what the hell sucks? And what

398
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:37,960
Speaker 2: the hell? Now?

399
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,040
Speaker 4: What the hell?

400
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 2: Can't stop saying that.

401
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,000
Speaker 4: I imagine that would be the end of it. But the

402
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,080
Speaker 4: next morning I woke up to messages from a number

403
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 4: I didn't know. It was, now mind your own you

404
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 4: got your boy, You literally got the boy? Why are

405
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 4: you still after a people?

406
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 3: Nell's trying to cast a spell, and I say, no, no, no.

407
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 4: I honestly didn't think she'd contact me, so to see

408
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 4: walls and walls of texts in my inbox was a shock.

409
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 4: Let me run down some of the things she said.

410
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 4: She repeatedly insisted that she never bullied me, and she

411
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,640
Speaker 4: said she had no idea where that came from. She said,

412
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,120
Speaker 4: I always seemed cold towards her, so trying to make

413
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 4: little jokes to break the ice. Openly mocking someone is

414
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 4: an interesting method, but I digress. Lastly, she told me

415
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 4: I was making things up by suggesting she ever had

416
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,080
Speaker 4: a thing with my axe. They were just friends. She's like,

417
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 4: as much as I want, I wish that we were more,

418
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 4: we're just friends.

419
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 3: I casted my spell and it did not go well.

420
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 3: So as nell I am not.

421
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,919
Speaker 2: Your boyfriend's girl, uh fell flat.

422
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 4: She finished with a passive aggressive apology that I ruined

423
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,960
Speaker 4: my own relationship by being jealous and listening to the

424
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 4: voices in my head. That's gone. I'll be crazy.

425
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know this girl is is like it sounds

426
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,840
Speaker 2: like she's a perfect match for the boyfriend because they

427
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 2: both suck.

428
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 3: They both freaking so that's why their best friends see

429
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 3: little sucky peas in a little sucky pod.

430
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 4: I didn't respond to her venom or try to get

431
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 4: the last word. I know she wanted to repeat her

432
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 4: tried and true method of hitting out at me and

433
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,440
Speaker 4: enjoying my reactions, so I didn't give her one. I've

434
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 4: been focusing on other things to start building my self

435
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,560
Speaker 4: esteem and happiness back. And you guys can build your

436
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 4: happiness with us by joining us live every weekday at

437
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 4: three PMPSD.

438
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 3: Just tap her profile brick by brick by this algorithm brick.

439
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 4: I love those trick dogs. It's like I didn't place

440
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 4: this brick. When you get like a really weird, I

441
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 4: didn't put that brick there, put that brick there. My

442
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 4: ex has not tried to contact me since I left,

443
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 4: and I'm glad. Frankly, I think him and Nell are

444
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,000
Speaker 4: perfect for each other. I'm well and truly done with this,

445
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 4: and I'm so excited for new things in my life.

446
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 4: My friend and I are making arrangements to officially have

447
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 4: a place together, and I officially got promoted at work today.

448
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 4: Life is looking up. When you didn't have to deal

449
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,920
Speaker 4: with your boyfriend. I feel like it was a little

450
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 4: hug from the universe in all things are looking bright.

451
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,400
Speaker 4: So to end things, I want to thank everyone again

452
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 4: for the message. I think hearing your opinions, as well

453
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 4: as getting all my thoughts out in a post are

454
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,560
Speaker 4: what really opened my eyes and allowed me to leave.

455
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 4: I finally feel I'm making myself the priority. Feel pretty

456
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,000
Speaker 4: freaking great.

457
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 3: We love us, loving ourselves, love the love self, Cared

458
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:23,399
Speaker 3: go on freaking great. Man better off without Smelly Nelly

459
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 3: in her Cie Nelly and her stinky antics.

460
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, so true, Kimberly Fine says, And she smells like

461
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 4: anchovies and she's Oh, Kimberly finds his nell had a smell.

462
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 4: The smelly smell that smells Nellie so true. I always

463
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 4: say that my best friend asked to sleep with my boyfriend.

464
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,959
Speaker 4: I'm cutting her off. Oh what do you mean you're

465
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 4: cutting our she asked. Me and Kylie have been best

466
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 4: friends since childhood. One month ago, her boyfriend cheated on her,

467
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 4: which absolutely devastated her. Me and my boyfriend were there

468
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 4: for her support. She was very friendly with my boyfriends

469
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 4: and our relationship started. Kylie was hurt and broken by

470
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 4: the way. This comes from Practical Analysts seventy six on

471
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 4: the r slas Shoky story time Separate It. Me and

472
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 4: my boyfriend did everything so that she could feel better. Recently,

473
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 4: we took her out to spend time with us. We

474
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 4: took her into dinner with us, took her with us

475
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 4: on holiday. Eventually, Kylie started to get better and better.

476
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 4: She started to smile again and was looking very happy,

477
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 4: But she kept herself away from dating because she told

478
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 4: us that she couldn't believe in a guy this Soon,

479
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 4: we respected her decision and were fully supportive of her. Yesterday,

480
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 4: Kylie came to our house. My boyfriend was going outside

481
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,240
Speaker 4: to bring some food in and greeted Kylie and told

482
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 4: her to stay here and have lunch with us. Kylie

483
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 4: smiled and agreed. When he left, Kylie came to me

484
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,719
Speaker 4: and told me she wanted to tell me something. I

485
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 4: asked her what. She told me if I could do

486
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 4: a favor for her. She wasn't looking at me while

487
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,680
Speaker 4: saying this, so I felt a little awkward. Then out

488
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 4: of nowhere, she asked me if she could sleep with

489
00:21:58,560 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 4: my boyfriend.

490
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: For one night, just a quick favor, one night, just

491
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 2: a quick favor. I just have one favor, please.

492
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 4: I couldn't believe my ears what I just heard. It

493
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 4: took some time to get my senses back, and I

494
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 4: told her what the f was she talking about. She's like,

495
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 4: I just wanted to sleep with their boyfriend. Please.

496
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 2: You guys have been so nice to me. I feel

497
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 2: so much better.

498
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,199
Speaker 3: And I think the cherry on top would be taking

499
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 3: your boyfriend's cherry for myself.

500
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,479
Speaker 4: It's just a favor. It's just a really favorite between friends.

501
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 4: Then she started to tell me that how bad and

502
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 4: miserable she was feeling because of her breakup, and that

503
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,640
Speaker 4: my boyfriend treated her best made her feel happy. How

504
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 4: my boyfriend took us to dinner trips, which her ex

505
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 4: never did.

506
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 2: It's my boyfriend, it's my boyfriend. You can't have my boyfriend.

507
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 4: It's still my boyfriend. And we did not break up

508
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 4: just because he's nice. That's why he's my boyfriend.

509
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 2: That's crazy, She's.

510
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 4: Like it, just want him a little bit. She told

511
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 4: me that she started to feel wanted while spending time

512
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 4: with them. She also told me that her low self

513
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 4: esteem was badly damaged and she couldn't trust anyone except

514
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,120
Speaker 4: my boyfriend.

515
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 2: That girl, that's your low self esteem talking right now.

516
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 4: You can find someone else.

517
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 2: Oh, one boy was nice to me and would be

518
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 2: nice to me again. I have to have that one.

519
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, this is all you, girl. You need to

520
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 4: find another, literally, any other person. There's so many fish.

521
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 4: How she wants to feel herself once again by sleeping

522
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 4: with my boyfriend. Also just so disrespectful to the boyfriend.

523
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is he Just a piece of meat. It's

524
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 2: just a basic, amazing little piece.

525
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 3: Of meat with a smile. Huh God, and you want

526
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 3: a piece of that meat?

527
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 4: She told me it will help her gain self esteem

528
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 4: once again, and she'll do better in the future by

529
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 4: trusting others, and told me it would be a great

530
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 4: favor for her if I agreed to this. I was

531
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 4: listening to her, standing like I was dumb. After she

532
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 4: finished her lecture, I shouted at her and told her

533
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 4: to get away from my house. At first, she told

534
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 4: me to think about it calmly, but I was in

535
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 4: no mood to Noko sheet about this, So after some time,

536
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,360
Speaker 4: she became aggressive towards me and told me I'm an

537
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 4: ungrateful person because she helped me in my past many times,

538
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 4: and I'm not helping her once. She told me, I'm

539
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 4: a selfish person and my boyfriend deserves way better than me.

540
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 4: She told me she'll snatch my boyfriend from me. She's like,

541
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 4: if I asked and you won't give him, so I'm

542
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 4: gonna take him.

543
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 3: It's like I tried to be friendly, but now I

544
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 3: will take your man, my foss.

545
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 4: I tried to do with these way, but I guess

546
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 4: we're going the hard way and that she doesn't give

547
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 4: an f about our relationship. After saying all this, she

548
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 4: went away. Now I'm confused thinking about what just happened?

549
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 4: I went to chat with other friends about this. When

550
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 4: I opened it, I saw almost everyone blocked me after

551
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,679
Speaker 4: saying some horrible things. I was sure she told our

552
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 4: friends something.

553
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't doubt that this crazy lady, deranged woman

554
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 3: to spread life.

555
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 4: Yeah.

556
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 2: Is.

557
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 3: And now I'm starting to wonder if even her ex

558
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 3: boyfriend was that crazy that at all.

559
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 4: Well, he she done her? That's never okay?

560
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,720
Speaker 2: But but did she that's true?

561
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 3: Is he?

562
00:24:58,119 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 4: Is she lying about that too?

563
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 2: Hmmm?

564
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,400
Speaker 4: I didn't tell my boyfriend anything about it, but now

565
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,200
Speaker 4: I'm feeling paranoid what she's been saying lately. I'm getting

566
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 4: bad thoughts that she'll do something which will cause damage

567
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 4: in my wonderful relationship. I've always known that Kylie was

568
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 4: supportive in my relationship, but never thought she would do

569
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 4: something like this. Now I want to kick her out

570
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,479
Speaker 4: totally from my life. But my boyfriend doesn't know anything

571
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 4: about it because he considers Kylie like his sister. Oo Oh, No,

572
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,400
Speaker 4: so am I the ale here for wanting to break

573
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 4: things off with her? No, you're not the ale, but

574
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 4: absolutely tell your boyfriend, tell the whole gosh darn world.

575
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 3: Heeds more than the TLDR. He needs the entire he

576
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 3: needs the full scoop.

577
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 4: Yeah. Also he needs to know before she's trying to

578
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 4: get a.

579
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 2: Full scoop of him ype his.

580
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's gonna if OPI doesn't get ahead of

581
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 4: the story. What's her name? Kylie is going to be

582
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 4: like to the Boyfriend's gonna be like, oh, well, you know,

583
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 4: OPI did this and this and lie about stuff.

584
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 3: So Opie needs to get ahead, especially if the sister

585
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 3: thing is there. It's like, yeah, and you know what.

586
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 3: Back to the did she really get cheated on? Because

587
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 3: how can you if someone you're a victim of being

588
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 3: cheated on? Why your first response after someone being like

589
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 3: I won't let you see yeah, my boyfriend that I'm

590
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,400
Speaker 3: still with, you'd be like, fine, I'm going.

591
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: To take him from you.

592
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 4: Do it anyway. I'm gonna do that now. Pretty awful.

593
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 4: Pretty awful. But there is an update. Hello everyone. At first,

594
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 4: I'd like to thank you for all of your suggestions. Yes,

595
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 4: all of you were right. I should have told my

596
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 4: boyfriend immediately, but I didn't. I'll admit my stupidity and

597
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 4: take responsibility for that. Sorry for late update because we

598
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 4: were tired after all this drama and we went to

599
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 4: sleep together. Here's something I want to make clear. Before

600
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 4: the update, many of you commented it's a fake post.

601
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 4: It seems I get, but it's not even I couldn't

602
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 4: believe that I'd face this kind of unthinkable situation. Maybe

603
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 4: I wasn't able to write the whole situation properly because

604
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 4: English is not my first language. It was a way

605
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 4: worse long period for me. But and maybe I couldn't

606
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 4: fully describe the whole story or how everything happened, which

607
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 4: makes my story suspicious. But it's not the Only proof

608
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,719
Speaker 4: I have is the screenshot of my friends who blocked me.

609
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 4: So if you think it's a fa fake post, you

610
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 4: can assume it's because different people different views. If any

611
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 4: one of you wanted to see those greenshots, you can

612
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 4: DM me. Many of you asked why my friends blocked

613
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 4: me without even knowing my situation. I don't know exactly

614
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 4: what she told them, but I'm actually grateful to Kylie

615
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 4: because because of this, I understood that those are not

616
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 4: my real friends. I didn't even try to contact with

617
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 4: them after they blocked me. I didn't even try to

618
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 4: know what the reason for blocking me was. I was

619
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 4: sure that they're no longer my friends and I have

620
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 4: cut them off completely. And on to the update. Around

621
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 4: eleven thirty pm, my boyfriend came home. I was sitting

622
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 4: downstairs OPI did that kind of thing where she's like

623
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 4: in one of the spinning chairs and she wills around,

624
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 4: She's like. He came and asked what happened and why

625
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 4: I called him so urgently. I told him to sit down.

626
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 4: He did, and I told him everything Kylie said to me,

627
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 4: didn't spare a single word, and also told him that

628
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 4: she fabricated something to my friends so that they would

629
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 4: block me. I showed him the blocked contacts. He was

630
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 4: hearing all of this silently. For a second. He didn't

631
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 4: move his eyes from my eyes. From his look, I

632
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,439
Speaker 4: understood that he was in total disbelief of what he

633
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 4: was hearing. Composed himself and hugged me tight. Oh that

634
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 4: that's good. Yes, we love it. We love a good love,

635
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 4: a good partner. I hugged him too, and spent some

636
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 4: time like that. After that. He said he couldn't believe

637
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 4: Kylie would think something like that. He also told me

638
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 4: he never gave Kylie an opportunity to think like that.

639
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 4: And couldn't even imagine that Kylie could say something like

640
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,159
Speaker 4: that to my face. He told me he felt emotionally

641
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 4: drained because he thought he was getting a sister's affection

642
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 4: from Kylie, but now it seems like his efforts were

643
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 4: in vain. I comforted him by taking him on my

644
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 4: chest and told him it's okay, it's not his fault.

645
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 4: At that moment, he was sobbing a little bit. Kylie,

646
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 4: you saw this, poor nice man.

647
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 2: I just wanted my sister, but she wanted my butt.

648
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 4: There is a little bit more to the story, but

649
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 4: as like, I have been in this situation before where

650
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 4: you think someone like you have a friendship with someone

651
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 4: or like a sibling bond, and then that you find

652
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 4: out that they like you, and it's like kind of crushing.

653
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 3: You're like, damn, I feel like most of the time

654
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 3: that the roles in that position, your switch the vers Yeah,

655
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 3: he would like the.

656
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 2: Girls who were like, why can't I have friends?

657
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 3: Yes.

658
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 4: He checked if there were any messages that Kylie sent him.

659
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 4: Luckily she didn't. Then he heard a long text describing

660
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 4: how disappointing Kylie's actions are, and also told her that

661
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 4: he never ever wants to see her again, and he

662
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 4: will file a restraining order if she ever came near

663
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 4: our home. After sending that, he blocked her on every

664
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: social media. Props to you man, Props to this man.

665
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 2: I slow clap, I slow clap for this man.

666
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 4: I understand why Kylie wants him, but she can't have him.

667
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 4: M's mine. I was happy seeing how he stood up

668
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 4: with me in this situation. After all this, we took

669
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 4: dinner together and went to sleep, And you guys can don't.

670
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 3: Go to sleep until after you tune into our Live

671
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 3: every weekday down three pmcific standard time. Just tap the profile.

672
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, another one where there were two options. But here's

673
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 4: the update. None of us heard anything from Kylie after

674
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 4: she left her house and we don't want to now.

675
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 4: I hope everything will keep getting better between me and

676
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: my boyfriend. We are planning our engagement soon. Thanks again

677
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 4: to everyone who suggested me the right advice in this

678
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 4: situation and helped me to cover this up. But that

679
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 4: is the end of that story, and I think that

680
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 4: was the right solution.

681
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 3: Just cut her off, cut her off, and you know what,

682
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 3: good on you for recognizing like, yeah, the friends needed

683
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: to be cut off too, because yes, to really.

684
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 4: Why did they all believe without asking?

685
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, zero extra context. They're just like I believe Kylie

686
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 3: so quick.

687
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't even need to check this.

688
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: She must be really convincing, so convinsing. Hey's Sam.

689
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

690
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

691
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 4: My brother in law is using my baby picture to

692
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 4: convince girls to date him.

693
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: Prime tender strategy. What it's like when you take a

694
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: photo of someone's dog, but it's just someone's infants.

695
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 4: That's wild. My husband, thirty five years old, and I

696
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 4: twenty seven years old, have been together for three years.

697
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 4: We got married last year, I got pregnant. We bought

698
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 4: a house and moved in, all within a three month span.

699
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from deleted account on the

700
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 4: r slash Oaky storytime suburden. So before getting married, my

701
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 4: husband lived with his brother in a condo that his

702
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 4: parents bought for them. My husband has a really good career,

703
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 4: as do I, and is in a very loving family

704
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 4: who has always been close to his family and his brother,

705
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 4: his only sibling. I've always admired this about him. Even

706
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 4: though he is close to his family, he has had

707
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 4: issues in the past with them respecting his boundaries and

708
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 4: getting frustrated with his brother. His brother is thirty three

709
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 4: years old, in and out of non career jobs, has

710
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 4: a lack of motivation, and has to always smoke Mary

711
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 4: Jay to the boy where he cannot function, as in

712
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 4: he becomes very incoherent and cannot maintain a basic conversation.

713
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 4: When my husband lived with my brother in law, my

714
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 4: husband was the only one who cooked and cleaned. Eventually,

715
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 4: my husband found it to be more comfortable going to

716
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 4: my place because I lived alone and the police was

717
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 4: always cleaner. That is frustrating. Whenever we went back to

718
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 4: his condo, the place was a wreck with trash and

719
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 4: the sink, layers of mold in the bathroom, and his

720
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 4: brother would only sleep on a mattress that was dirty

721
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 4: because he believed it was too much of a hassle

722
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 4: to use sheets.

723
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

724
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 4: The only time the place got clean was when my

725
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 4: mother in law would come and clean it for my

726
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 4: brother in law. Don't baby your son, he needs to

727
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 4: figure that out. I never once complained about my husband's

728
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 4: brother or had issues with him. I was merely there

729
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 4: just to hear my husband vent about his living condition.

730
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 4: When we got married, I found out I was pregnant.

731
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 4: The next move for us was to buy a house

732
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 4: and move in together. At this point, I only have

733
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 4: met my mother in law and father in law a

734
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 4: couple of times. I always thought they were very nice

735
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 4: and never foresaw any issues with them, especially because I'm

736
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 4: very relaxed. I'm a very relaxed person with a good career,

737
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 4: and I'm also a very loving family member as well.

738
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 4: We told my in laws I was pregnant and we

739
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 4: were working on buying a house, and they were over

740
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 4: the moon happy to be grandparents. I was excited to

741
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 4: have a relationship with them, and my mother in law

742
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 4: offered to help with childcare. Since my husband and I

743
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 4: both work, I couldn't have an imagined a better scenario.

744
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 4: We ended up buying a house in the same town

745
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 4: as my in law's, thinking it would be nice to

746
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 4: raise her family nearby, even though I technically would be

747
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 4: moving further away from my own family. A couple of

748
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 4: months go by, we moved into our house and I

749
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 4: was five months pregnant. My husband and I had plans

750
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 4: to go out to breakfast one morning with my in

751
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 4: laws and my brother in law my husband ended up

752
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 4: getting called into work, but I decided to go myself.

753
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 4: First time I was alone with his family without my

754
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 4: husband around. It was, in my opinion, a totally normal

755
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 4: breakfast with them. Everyone seemed happy and I did not

756
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 4: recall there being any issues. However, a couple days later,

757
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 4: my mother in law called my husband out of the blue,

758
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 4: saying she was upset that I was extremely rude to

759
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 4: my brother in law while we were at breakfast. My

760
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 4: husband confronted me and asked what happened. I was extremely

761
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 4: caught off guard and had no idea what happened. Still don't.

762
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 4: I immediately called my mother in law to see what

763
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 4: was going on, and she proceeded to tell me she

764
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 4: thought I was making inappropriate facial expressions to my brother

765
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 4: in law and appeared to be dismissive towards him the

766
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 4: whole time we were at breakfast. She even went as

767
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 4: far to tell me I wasn't welcome in their home

768
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 4: if I was going to behave in such a way

769
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 4: because she thought I was bullying my brother in law

770
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 4: and treating him like a doormat.

771
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,240
Speaker 1: So many assumptions over facial expressions, Yeah.

772
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 4: Like she literally could have been like and they're like, ah.

773
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,359
Speaker 4: I apologize to her for feeling like I was being

774
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 4: rude and explained that I was unaware I was making

775
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 4: facial expressions and assured her I had absolutely no problems

776
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,320
Speaker 4: with my brother in law. I told her I would

777
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,399
Speaker 4: call my brother in law and tell him the same thing,

778
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 4: and she told me, but you should apologize to him.

779
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: You sniffed. I hated it.

780
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 4: I confronted my brother in law, and he made it

781
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 4: seem like he didn't have a problem, that it was

782
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 4: only his mom who brought it up. Well, it seems

783
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 4: like that she was like, you were making faces, and

784
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,760
Speaker 4: I noticed it. We squashed it, I thought. My husband

785
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 4: went over to his parents without me and had another

786
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 4: conversation with them about how it was not okay for

787
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,720
Speaker 4: his mom to come after me over something so small

788
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 4: that should really not even speak for his brother, and

789
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 4: that she owed me an apology for stressing me out

790
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 4: while pregnant and for her overstepping at least the partners

791
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 4: standing up. Yeah, she apologized to my husband and that

792
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,720
Speaker 4: was it. She only stated she felt sorry for my husband.

793
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 4: Only then my brother in law got word of my

794
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 4: husband going over there and called him to tell him

795
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 4: that my mother in law did not owe me an

796
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 4: apology and that I was really a bully to him

797
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 4: and made him feel unwelcome in our house. So now

798
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 4: he's taken back what he said. Yeah, it's fine, even

799
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 4: though he had been over to our house a couple

800
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,320
Speaker 4: of times while we were moving in and sat around

801
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 4: getting stoned while everyone else was pitching in with helping

802
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 4: us move into our place. My brother in law even

803
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 4: went as far to say that my apology was not

804
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 4: enough because I only apologized for making him and his

805
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 4: mom feel a certain way, but did not apologize for

806
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 4: my behavior.

807
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 1: I did you tell her that she didn't do anything

808
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,280
Speaker 1: if you thought she did do something.

809
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 4: There are certain types of behavior that maybe you don't

810
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 4: realize are hurtful, but you still need apologize for them.

811
00:35:58,320 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 4: Like if you say, like you make a joke, but

812
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,439
Speaker 4: it's still a little hurtful. She'd be like, I'm sorry.

813
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 4: I didn't realize that would come off that way, and

814
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 4: that was my intention. Wan happened again, but this is

815
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 4: her facial expression. Why would she apologize for that? At

816
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 4: that point, I got upset because I did not intentionally

817
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 4: do anything mean or behaved out at the ordinary I

818
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,879
Speaker 4: was just simply being myself. I felt like I really

819
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 4: was not the problem here and was getting targeted for

820
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 4: being the new woman in the family. And perhaps there

821
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,959
Speaker 4: was jealousy because my husband was living with me now.

822
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 4: I felt it was extremely unfair. Yeah, maybe the brother's like,

823
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 4: I want to go back to living with my brother.

824
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 4: We distance ourselves as a result and stopped hanging out

825
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 4: with my in laws. Well, a month goes by and

826
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 4: my mother in law still plan to throw me a

827
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 4: baby shower despite the whole issue. I don't know if

828
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 4: i'd trust her throw it for me.

829
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,439
Speaker 1: Well, especially if you like, had the big conflict that's

830
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: like not resolved and then she's gonna plan this a

831
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: big event for you that's real, really important.

832
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 4: I don't trust it. She planned it, paid for it,

833
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,359
Speaker 4: et cetera, which I personally appreciated because I don't really

834
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 4: like planning events and was busy working full time. She

835
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 4: sent my husband a list of people we had invited

836
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 4: to our baby shower, and then uninvited herself because we

837
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 4: haven't been talking or hanging out with them, mostly because

838
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 4: we were busy and really just didn't want to deal

839
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 4: with the drama. Eventually, she sent a group text, apologizing

840
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 4: to us and wanting to move forward, but explained she

841
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 4: thought it was rude of us to distance ourselves. I

842
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 4: explained to her that I had never had an issue

843
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 4: with anyone and that I was caught off guard with

844
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 4: the drama and was sorry that I gave a bad impression,

845
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 4: but ultimately did not have a problem. Her response was,

846
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 4: thank you for finally apologizing over text. Oh, we already

847
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 4: did apologize, so perplexed, So perplex I reminded her it

848
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 4: wasn't the only time I apologized. I also apologized over

849
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 4: the phone.

850
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: There was never a need for an apology.

851
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,879
Speaker 4: She continued to complain and made up that I told

852
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 4: my husband I didn't want a relationship with his family.

853
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 4: I told her I never said that, and all I

854
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 4: wanted was some distance because the drama made me uncomfortable.

855
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 4: This lady is making the problems out of thin air.

856
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,359
Speaker 4: She's a freaking magician, pulling problems out of her hat.

857
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 4: She then brought up that she he was also mad

858
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 4: my brother in law was only able to come over

859
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 4: to our house when I was gone at work. I

860
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 4: told her that I was uncomfortable being around him since

861
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 4: he had an issue with me. After text back and

862
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 4: forth for a little bit, we decided to move forward.

863
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: Also, I'm always so confused about people going about conflict overtech.

864
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 1: I know that's a common thing, but it just always

865
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: just blows my mind.

866
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,959
Speaker 4: I think there are certain things that you can bring

867
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,319
Speaker 4: up over text. Let's have this conversation, yeah, or like,

868
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,359
Speaker 4: here's a little TLDR of what I want to talk about.

869
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 4: Can we talk about this? But I think like big

870
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 4: conversations must be had over a call or in person

871
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 4: because you can't get you know, you can't get all the.

872
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 1: Subtext to so many cues that are lost.

873
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, maybe you threw a joke in there

874
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 4: and they took it seriously, or you're trying to say

875
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 4: something sweet and it comes off aggressive.

876
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: I can't imagine any conflict going well over text.

877
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 4: My brother in law refused to talk to me and

878
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 4: apologize for telling me he didn't have a problem, then

879
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 4: turning around to tell my husband he thought I was

880
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 4: a bully. Baby comes along and by that time my

881
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 4: mother in law go it was crazy and decks her

882
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 4: home out for my low, as if my low was

883
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 4: going to live there full time. And I'm talking she

884
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 4: had a garage stacked with toys for my little one,

885
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 4: despite us already having everything we needed, if not more,

886
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 4: and way way too much stuff, especially after the baby shower.

887
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 4: Since baby has been here, in laws have come by

888
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 4: and left food and gifts unannounced on our doorstep. Husband

889
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 4: was unhappy about it and brought it up to them.

890
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 4: They eased up for a bit, but still continued to

891
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 4: do it anyways. Since the birth of my little one,

892
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 4: my brother in law moved in with my mother in

893
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 4: law and father in law and quit his job. He

894
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:39,720
Speaker 4: also managed to get himself in trouble. Oh and this

895
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:43,760
Speaker 4: is where the title comes in. He was casually dating

896
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 4: a girl who told them she didn't want anything serious.

897
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 4: She started dating another guy too. My brother in law

898
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 4: found out, got jealous started stalking her, showing up to

899
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 4: her apartment watching who was coming and going from her place.

900
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 4: The girl found out and got a restraining order against him,

901
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 4: especially and she found out he was waiting outside with

902
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 4: the put this man in jail wild Why would the

903
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 4: parents defend this man. By the time I had to

904
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 4: go back to work, my husband and I could not

905
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 4: come to an agreement on childcare. I was okay with

906
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 4: the daycare and he wasn't an only wanted family watching

907
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 4: our little one. I of course, was very uncomfortable with

908
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 4: his parents still, and especially when my brother in law

909
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 4: was going to be at their house. I would not

910
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 4: want my child around this man.

911
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, hearing that he's intimidating woman with loaded guns.

912
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, no, would not want that. But

913
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 4: I compromised with my husband's wishes. After all, we only

914
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 4: needed part time childcare since my husband only works forty

915
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 4: eight hour shifts. Well, I think the compromise was that

916
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 4: they would just have the family watch it, which is

917
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 4: not really a compromise, it's just what he wanted. I

918
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 4: went back to work, but was guilty and stressed that

919
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 4: my child was at their house with my brother in

920
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 4: law I did not trust. On top of that, six

921
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 4: months postpartum, I found out I was pregnant again, so

922
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 4: I decided it might be best for me to just

923
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 4: be a stay at home mom. Two weeks after finding out,

924
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 4: I had a miscarriage, and I've been having a tough

925
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 4: time and withdrew from work, family and friends. This is

926
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 4: so stressful.

927
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: How common are miscarriages?

928
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 4: I don't know what the percentages, but I think that

929
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,760
Speaker 4: it's you know it can. That's why most people don't

930
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 4: like tell family that they're pregnant for a couple of months,

931
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 4: because there's a safe period. My in laws ended up

932
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 4: not hearing from my husband and I for a little bit.

933
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 4: My husband told them I was going through a miscarriage

934
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 4: and they left us alone for a bit. My husband

935
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 4: apparently told my father in law he would go golfing

936
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 4: with them, and they made plans one day, but my

937
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,319
Speaker 4: husband never reached out to them again. So the day

938
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 4: they were supposed to go golfing, I received a call

939
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 4: and voicemail for my mother in law at twelve ten

940
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 4: while I was at my follow up doctor's appointment from

941
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 4: or my miscarriage. She stated she hadn't heard from my

942
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 4: husband for a couple of days and was concerned and

943
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 4: for me to tell him to give them a call.

944
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 4: I called my husband and he said that my in laws,

945
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 4: mother in law, father in law, and brother in law

946
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 4: just showed up at the house at twelve third and

947
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 4: checked on him. I was upset because my mother in

948
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 4: law didn't even give me a chance to get back

949
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 4: to her and took it upon herself to just show

950
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 4: up to our house without mentioning she was going to

951
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 4: when she left a voicemail. I expressed my frustration to

952
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 4: my husband. He understood, and we decided we would have

953
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 4: a discussion with them about it. Same week, a friend

954
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 4: of mine found my brother in law's dating profile on bumble.

955
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 4: Now's the title what a Like Crazy Story? That was

956
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 4: also connected to this title?

957
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 1: Who picked that title?

958
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 4: No, that's pretty much the exact title. My brother in

959
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 4: law had his main picture as my baby.

960
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 3: I thought it was a Pieza baby.

961
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 4: I thought it was a Pieza baby.

962
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: It's hilarious.

963
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 4: I don't know.

964
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:43,800
Speaker 2: I thought that was crazy.

965
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,800
Speaker 4: This is still crazy. I was livid because he never

966
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 4: asked me for permission, does not respect me, and has

967
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: bragged to my husband about how he's recently been banging

968
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,760
Speaker 4: random girls he has been meeting on the app. Little

969
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 4: did we know he was using pictures of our baby

970
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 4: to lure girls to sleep with them. That's so icky.

971
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 1: Was he telling them that it was his child?

972
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 4: Presumably not. I don't know if that would convince them

973
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 4: to sleep with them. If he was like I'm a father, no,

974
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,760
Speaker 4: I feel like it was probably like this is my nephew.

975
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I'm good with kids. Look I'm a good guy.

976
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:17,800
Speaker 4: My husband was livid too and called his brother. My

977
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 4: husband was calm and firm when he spoke to his

978
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 4: brother and told him not to post pictures of our

979
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 4: little one, especially if he's going to use it on

980
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 4: platforms to meet strangers. My brother in law cussed my

981
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 4: husband out and told him he could do what he

982
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 4: wants and hung up. My husband had to call my

983
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 4: mother in law to get his brother to take down

984
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 4: pictures of our little one. My mother in law got

985
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 4: him to take it down, but got mad at my

986
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 4: husband for getting mad at his brother. These parents are exhausting.

987
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 4: I feel bad for this husband.

988
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 1: Constant drama over like nothing. I am uncomfortable with my

989
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: brother using our child to sleep with women, just like,

990
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 1: how dare you get mad?

991
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,240
Speaker 4: At that point, my husband let it all out about

992
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 4: how our boundaries with his family have been getting disrespected.

993
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 4: He brought up the small things that bothered us, like

994
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 4: every time we had my mother in law watch little one,

995
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 4: she was always changing her outfits that she wanted to

996
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 4: see her in. My husband eventually snapped and told my

997
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 4: mother in law she did not need to do that.

998
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 4: Mother in law acted like a victim and made husband

999
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,880
Speaker 4: guilty by saying, one day I'm going to die and

1000
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 4: you're going to regret being mean to me.

1001
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 1: Classic Jewish guilt shop.

1002
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,720
Speaker 4: Let me have your baby. Mother in law kept making

1003
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 4: comments little one only looked like their family in a

1004
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 4: way that was rude towards me. Mother in law kept

1005
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 4: giving us stuff we did not need, despite us telling

1006
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,280
Speaker 4: her no. Mother in law got mad and told husband

1007
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 4: it was dumb of us to be mad over those

1008
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 4: little things, and that if those little things bothered us,

1009
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,240
Speaker 4: there was a bigger issue at hand. Yeah, the bigger

1010
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,240
Speaker 4: issue is you guys saw That's the issue.

1011
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're just constantly feeling disrespected by your family.

1012
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 4: Ultimately, my husband told his family bridges were burned and

1013
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 4: that we are now going no contact with them for

1014
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:53,879
Speaker 4: a while. By the way, you can keep contacting us

1015
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 4: every weekday at three PMPST just to have her profile.

1016
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 4: And there's just a tiny little bit left to the story.

1017
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 4: I am. It's sad about the whole situation, and I'm

1018
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 4: trying to get closure and doing so. I think it

1019
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:08,879
Speaker 4: would be beneficial to hear some professional, objective opinions about

1020
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 4: the situation. Is there anything I should do differently? Is

1021
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 4: it a good call to get them off. Am I

1022
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 4: in the wrong. Please let me know your thoughts and

1023
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 4: if you have any advice, it is welcome. I think

1024
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 4: they're kind of doing everything that's right for them, because

1025
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 4: it's not op saying we need to go no contact

1026
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:25,760
Speaker 4: with your family, it's the husband.

1027
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seemed like the whole time they were communicating,

1028
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 1: and I understand this is just her perspective, and so

1029
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 1: it's like we can't know for sure how they communicated,

1030
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,959
Speaker 1: but it seemed the whole time they were just like, hey,

1031
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 1: this is uncomfortable, like please don't do these, this, this,

1032
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,439
Speaker 1: and this, and the whole time where there was like, uh, yeah,

1033
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: you're so right, and then like backtracking on it and

1034
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 1: there was weird things like that.

1035
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1036
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: So it's so hard to say, like if it's communicated

1037
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 1: in a different way, if there would be a different response.

1038
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 1: And then it just comes to your own personal discernment

1039
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: of if you make you share openly and honestly in

1040
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 1: a way that is, you know, attuned to the situation

1041
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: and make requests and someone's not meeting them, you could

1042
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 1: either you know, accept that this is the dynamic and

1043
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: feel and live with it, or you could just remove yourself.

1044
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:15,720
Speaker 1: So it's kind of you know your call.

1045
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,359
Speaker 4: I think it seems like they're both working together as

1046
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 4: a partner with a child to make the best decision

1047
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 4: for them.

1048
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 1: I call my parents out for parentsifying me. Now they

1049
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 1: refuse to talk to me. I twenty three year old female,

1050
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: am the oldest of three siblings. My parents divorced when

1051
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: I was six, and both of them moved on. My

1052
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,720
Speaker 1: mom remarried, had two kids, then divorced again. My dad

1053
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: has a daughter with his current girlfriend. We're a big

1054
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 1: mixed family, and we actually all get along pretty well.

1055
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 1: I love my siblings and I help with them a lot,

1056
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 1: especially when we have family gatherings. But lately it feels

1057
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 1: like I'm expected to do everything. My parents only really

1058
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: talk to me when they want something. By the way,

1059
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 1: this comes from you grow a a on The's okay storytime,

1060
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 1: so read it. So now, I'm three months pregnant with

1061
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,240
Speaker 1: my fiance, and two weeks ago we had a family

1062
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: gathering Like usual, I ended up watching all the kids.

1063
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: I didn't mind much until after dinner I sat down

1064
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,920
Speaker 1: with a brownie Sunday when my little sister, one of

1065
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 1: my mom's kids, asked for a bite. I gave her some,

1066
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 1: but then she kept asking for more and I ended

1067
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 1: up giving her most of it. My fiance said, okay,

1068
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: now leave your big sister some, and my dad responded

1069
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 1: with something like you should realize an older sister is

1070
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: like a second mother and that won't change even when

1071
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 1: she has her own kids.

1072
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 4: WHOA what what a wild response?

1073
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: Give her all the Sunday That hurt a little. I

1074
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,839
Speaker 1: had really wanted that dessert, but I gave it up

1075
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: my sister anyway, and hearing my dad basically say that

1076
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: I'll always be expected to take care of everyone even

1077
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: when I have my own baby hurt. My fiance tried

1078
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: to brush it off and went to see if there

1079
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: was still some left, but my parents got defensive and

1080
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:57,000
Speaker 1: started listing all the things an older sister should expect

1081
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 1: it to do, and I snapped and I told them

1082
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: they've never really treated me like a daughter, just someone

1083
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 1: who's expected to help out all the time. I immediately

1084
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: regretted it and apologized, but my mom grabbed my sister

1085
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 1: and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

1086
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: My dad didn't say anything, but now he barely responds

1087
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 1: to my text. I'm worried I messed up my relationship

1088
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: with my parents and siblings. Did I overreact? Or how

1089
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: do I fix this? But there are relevant comments and

1090
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: there's an update commentary. It sounds like you've been parentified

1091
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 1: your whole life. Your parents and younger siblings need to

1092
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: learn you are not their parent. You are an older sister.

1093
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 1: When you have your baby, they will become your main

1094
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 1: focus and your parents are going to have to get

1095
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 1: on board with that. Good luck, op, somehow, I think

1096
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 1: you are going to need it. They'll probably come back

1097
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: when they need something. Thanks for this, You're probably right.

1098
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,800
Speaker 1: I guess I've been too focused on not upsetting anyone,

1099
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: but I can't keep being the go to person, especially

1100
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 1: with a baby on the way. It's just hard not

1101
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 1: to feel guilty, even though I know I shouldn't. And yeah,

1102
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 1: it's definitely a pattern with them. They pull away when

1103
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,399
Speaker 1: they don't get their way, but come right back when

1104
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 1: they need something. Time to break the cycle, I guess,

1105
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 1: comeing to her, how old are these kids that they're

1106
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: stealing your food? She's sick, so I get her asking

1107
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: for food. It's expectation for my parents that bothers me.

1108
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,359
Speaker 1: And before we go into the update. Again, this is

1109
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 1: just an assumption, but I'm sensing a lot of like

1110
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 1: people pleasing tendencies absolutely.

1111
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 4: Which I think happens when you're parentified.

1112
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: Yes, it seems like there's been all these parent expectations

1113
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: on OPI, opie has gone along with it, hasn't stood

1114
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 1: up for themselves maybe the first or it's rare for

1115
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 1: them to do that, and they snap because they hit

1116
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 1: their limit. And now it's like, oh, they're standing up

1117
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: for themselves and we're not used to them, you know,

1118
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: pushing back on and so I think that's just relevant

1119
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:51,479
Speaker 1: or this being an opportunity to like re establish relationships, yeah,

1120
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: with your family and to like ask them hopefully they're

1121
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: open to conversations. Will you get to like negotiate how

1122
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 1: you want your relationship with them to be, how you

1123
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 1: want to be treated, how you want your relationship with

1124
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,839
Speaker 1: your siblings to be, and see if like we could

1125
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 1: come to common ground and just set expectations, because you

1126
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 1: have different expectations than I do and it keeps going

1127
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 1: into conflict.

1128
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's like you can set those expectations

1129
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 4: and if they refuse or if they you know, don't

1130
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 4: meet them, then it's time to like maybe take a

1131
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,560
Speaker 4: step back from them. But I think it's first talking

1132
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 4: about it and seeing if they're even you know, able

1133
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 4: to be reasoned with.

1134
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 1: And it's like going to be a hard thing, but

1135
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 1: I think it's in this situation it seems to be necessary. Agreed,

1136
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 1: So the update. Thanks to everyone who commented and offered support.

1137
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:38,359
Speaker 1: It really means a lot. I wanted to give an

1138
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 1: update on what's happened since two days ago. My dad

1139
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 1: called and said he was going to visit, but then

1140
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 1: changed his mind and asked if we can meet somewhere

1141
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: out instead. Okay, when I showed up, my mom was

1142
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: with him. I'm not sure why he didn't mention that.

1143
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 4: Feels a little bit like they're ambushing.

1144
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe a little bit of that energy. My dad

1145
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 1: actually tried to listen and understand me, but my mom

1146
00:50:57,760 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 1: didn't really let me get my point across. It was

1147
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 1: so hard to explain how I've been feeling recently and

1148
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:04,319
Speaker 1: how it's been like this for years. I was only

1149
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,919
Speaker 1: nine when my first sibling was born. He's fourteen now,

1150
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 1: so five years later, I honestly can't remember if I've

1151
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 1: been able to act like their daughter since so these

1152
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: are dynamic that has been established for a long time. Yes,

1153
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: every time I tried to explain how draining this has

1154
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 1: been and my mom would jump in with it was

1155
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 1: just a brownie.

1156
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 4: Oh my god. And also the comment that he made

1157
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 4: that was the problem.

1158
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 1: Here, yeah, which is just like the comment was more

1159
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 1: so like indicative of the dynamic exactly. So after the conversation,

1160
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 1: I mean, for God's sake, it's not about the dessert.

1161
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:35,400
Speaker 1: But when she told it, it was a little bit

1162
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: about the dessert.

1163
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 4: Ope, He's like, I know, I talked about it at

1164
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 4: the beginning, but.

1165
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 1: It was a really good Sunday.

1166
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 4: That's not the main thing.

1167
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 1: Eventually, I just excuse myself and went home. After that conversation,

1168
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 1: I think I've made my mind to go low contact

1169
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 1: with my mom.

1170
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 4: Which I think is fair after you've had a full on,

1171
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 4: like sit down conversation with them where you've tried to

1172
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 4: give your thoughts and stuff. And also I think the

1173
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 4: reason she's saying low contact specifically with the mom is

1174
00:51:58,440 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 4: because the dad was more willing to.

1175
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,440
Speaker 1: Hear it's going to be incredibly hard, more than I

1176
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:05,319
Speaker 1: could even explain. I've always said yes and put my

1177
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 1: family first. But with my own little family on the way,

1178
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to bring these problems into everything. My

1179
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 1: fiance has been really supportive and said he's with me

1180
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: no matter what I decide. To answer some of the comments,

1181
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,840
Speaker 1: my fiance and I don't live with my parents. We

1182
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 1: have our own apartment and are working on building our

1183
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:25,320
Speaker 1: first house. Es to now, I'm pregnant with my fiance.

1184
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,359
Speaker 1: The pregnancy wasn't planned, but we decided to go through

1185
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:30,280
Speaker 1: with it, and we're hoping to be the best parents

1186
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: we can. Sometimes people don't perceive how demanding they've been

1187
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: until the victim cuts off contact and stays away for

1188
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 1: some time, months, if not years. Your mother will be

1189
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: overwhelmed by having to parent her younger kids. You will

1190
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 1: be angry, but the situation is her fault. Keep saying

1191
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:48,240
Speaker 1: no go low contact or no contact and focused instead

1192
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 1: of your fiance and your pregnancy. Oh Op says, you're right.

1193
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: I know she'll be angry, but at this point I

1194
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 1: want to focus on my fiance and my pregnancy. Comments here,

1195
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 1: can I ask, what's going to be so hard about

1196
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:01,960
Speaker 1: going low contact? Your mom? She seems like a not

1197
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 1: very nice person, very deflective. All she's going to do

1198
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: is cause stress in your pregnancy. Oh P says thank you.

1199
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 1: Going along low contact with my mom is tough because

1200
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 1: I've always prioritized family. It feels hard to break the tabit.

1201
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 1: I know she's not the nicest person, which is why

1202
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm trying to set boundaries. And yeah, she does know

1203
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 1: I am pregnant.

1204
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 4: It's always going to be hard going like low to

1205
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 4: no contact with your family. I mean, regardless of how

1206
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:25,879
Speaker 4: they've treated you in your life, there is still that

1207
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 4: familial bond that is hard to push past. And also

1208
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:32,919
Speaker 4: remembering that limiting contact means, you know, she's probably gonna

1209
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,320
Speaker 4: be limiting contact with her the rest of her family,

1210
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:37,319
Speaker 4: who she still loves. Yeah, so I think it's a

1211
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 4: hard decision.

1212
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 1: I'm just so hesitant to like the way I see

1213
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 1: low contact and no contact is like last resort and

1214
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: it feels like a hasual to me, Like, of course

1215
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,720
Speaker 1: it's everyone's you know, agency, they could make any decision

1216
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 1: they want. But to me, it doesn't seem like we've

1217
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 1: got to the point like there's no abuse going on.

1218
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,560
Speaker 4: But I think parentification is I mean.

1219
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 1: There's some form of like unhealthy relationship in a way,

1220
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: of course, and like if we want to drop that

1221
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 1: word and just be more specific, like for your parents

1222
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 1: to put these expectations that you're not agreeing to and

1223
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 1: responsibilities that are too much for you to handle, like

1224
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 1: that is inappropriate, yeah, and unhealthy, But I think there's still.

1225
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 4: Just saying there's still a way to get back to it.

1226
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 1: It just dynamics and not to like demonize your mom.

1227
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 1: Obviously we don't know what the rest of their relationships

1228
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: look like, but I don't think there's enough in that

1229
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:30,840
Speaker 1: for someone to be like, your mom's not a nice person.

1230
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, reditors are always crazy. I think there

1231
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 4: is enough for her to limit contact, though in my

1232
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 4: personal opinion, I do think that maybe in limiting contact,

1233
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 4: this mom might realize, oh my god, I'm losing my

1234
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,520
Speaker 4: relationship with my child because of my actions. So I

1235
00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 4: think there's always a way forward. But I think both

1236
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 4: sides have to put in work. And OP tried to

1237
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 4: m and she's still gonna see her mom. But it's

1238
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:56,000
Speaker 4: just like, you know what, this person is draining a

1239
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 4: lot from me and has been draining me my whole life,

1240
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 4: and now it's time to focus on myself, especially because

1241
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 4: she's becoming a new parent.

1242
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:03,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, do I even.

1243
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 4: Want to have to like try and explain something over

1244
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 4: and over and over when I'm focusing on being the

1245
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:10,359
Speaker 4: best parent that I could be. Now.

1246
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:13,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it makes perfect sense that she would want space. Yeah,

1247
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: I want to hear what comments? Then? Yeah, go up,

1248
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 1: Addie please.

1249
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:17,399
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1250
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 4: Kimberly find says she prioritizes family because she got to

1251
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 4: them while they were most malleable. Strangers don't tolerate this

1252
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 4: treatment because there's no sunk cost. Yeah, slyly Toave says,

1253
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 4: low contact or no contact me used to set the boundary.

1254
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 4: She releasays, you don't realize the abuse until you look

1255
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 4: at it from the outside. Her having a baby does

1256
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 4: not change that she will have to Well that was

1257
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:38,360
Speaker 4: the dad. Actually, I think you said that that you

1258
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 4: will have to parent her siblings is the biggest red.

1259
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:42,280
Speaker 1: Flag I've heard very concerning.

1260
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 4: Yeah. Rara King says, I feel like it's abuse when

1261
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:46,920
Speaker 4: the actual parents are neglecting their kids. But I was

1262
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 4: parentified because my mom had cancer and dad with mom

1263
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 4: at hospital working, we went from two income to one income.

1264
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 4: It was hard. There are so many different situations where

1265
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 4: kids get parentified, which aren't always in the parents' control,

1266
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 4: and it's not always abuse in the same way that

1267
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 4: you know. This story, I would say is more so,

1268
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 4: but it's still unfair to the child's regardless of the

1269
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 4: you know, Yeah, I think it explains it in some situations,

1270
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,319
Speaker 4: like obviously if you know if your parents are going

1271
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:12,359
Speaker 4: through hard times.

1272
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: But never a way a child should grow up exactly.

1273
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam.

1274
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: We get back to the stories.

1275
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1276
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,480
Speaker 4: My kids recently found out the reason why their dad

1277
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 4: and I divorced. They're devastated. I female, thirty five, have

1278
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 4: two teenage daughters eighteen and sixteen, with my ex husband

1279
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:32,879
Speaker 4: thirty seven. We were together until my daughters were eight

1280
00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 4: and ten when I found out my husband had been

1281
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 4: cheating on me for almost three years. Before finding out,

1282
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 4: I had already checked out of their relationship because while

1283
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 4: he was out with other women, I had to do

1284
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:48,439
Speaker 4: one hundred percent of the childcare plus work a full

1285
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 4: time job, so I never had time to myself. We

1286
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 4: did try to make it work, but I just didn't

1287
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:56,400
Speaker 4: love him anymore, so in the end we divorced. We

1288
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:58,840
Speaker 4: split everything down the middle. We both had fifty to

1289
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:01,760
Speaker 4: fifty custody since he started shaping up into a decent father,

1290
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:04,800
Speaker 4: we both decided that we would never tell our children

1291
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 4: the real reason because I wanted my daughters to have

1292
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 4: a good and healthy relationship with their dad. By the way,

1293
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:13,839
Speaker 4: this comes from Butterscotch West seventy two to forty three

1294
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 4: on the r slash Okay storytime severed it. So my

1295
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:19,120
Speaker 4: ex husband did end up marrying the girl he cheated

1296
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 4: on me with, but I harbored no hard feelings. I

1297
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:25,280
Speaker 4: just wanted her to treat my girls right. Fast forward. Now,

1298
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 4: my ex husband and his wife have two sons, seven

1299
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,440
Speaker 4: and five, and I'm married to my husband forty and

1300
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:33,320
Speaker 4: I'm currently six months pregnant with another girl. We all

1301
00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 4: get along well and there's no hard feelings towards anybody.

1302
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 4: Sometimes when I take my girls out, I take their brothers,

1303
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 4: and when me and my husband and I need alone time,

1304
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 4: they will take the girls. Recently, my daughters started putting

1305
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 4: together the pieces using their seven year old brother's birth date,

1306
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 4: and when my and their father's divorce was finalized, I

1307
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:52,960
Speaker 4: and their father didn't know they were doing this, but

1308
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 4: we did think it was weird that they asked us

1309
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 4: about our divorce until yesterday. Both of my daughters confronted

1310
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 4: me when I came home from work. Did try to

1311
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 4: deny it, but in the end I told them what happened.

1312
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 4: They asked me why didn't tell them, and I said,

1313
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 4: because it was none of their business what happened in

1314
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 4: a previous marriage. They mean, it's their parents.

1315
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:15,680
Speaker 1: This is the bio kids of mom and original dad.

1316
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:17,920
Speaker 1: Very relevant information, very relevant.

1317
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,760
Speaker 4: Everyone is happy and that's what matters. This caused a

1318
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 4: big fight of them claiming it was their business and

1319
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 4: now they're upset with me. But also I've been ignoring

1320
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 4: their father, which is hurting him and his family. Am

1321
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 4: I the ale? And there is an edit and an update.

1322
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 4: But what do we think? I think secrets always come

1323
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 4: out and you have to. You know, it's like when

1324
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:38,840
Speaker 4: you have like a famous person and they do something wrong.

1325
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 4: You gotta get ahead of the story.

1326
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. Especially the more time that builds, the harder it's

1327
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:44,400
Speaker 1: gonna hit when it comes out.

1328
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 4: Kimberly finds this tough spot, but not cop into it

1329
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 4: when directly confronted would be more problematic. At least Hope

1330
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 4: did say, yeah, that's what happens. And Helenna Bain says,

1331
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 4: I have so many mixed feelings about telling kids about infidelity. Yeah,

1332
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 4: it's tricky. It's so tricky, especially with young kids. But

1333
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 4: there is an edit. A lot of you guys are

1334
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 4: saying that my girls aren't dumb, and they would have

1335
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 4: found out they aren't. But I didn't think they would

1336
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 4: try to go in depth of what happened in me

1337
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 4: and their father's marriage. The reason for the divorce was

1338
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 4: always that we just didn't love each other anymore, but

1339
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 4: we loved them another at it. I'm not trying to

1340
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,560
Speaker 4: tell my girls how to feel at all. I just

1341
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 4: don't want them to have that thought in their head,

1342
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 4: what if my dad didn't cheat, maybe they would still

1343
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 4: be together, which isn't true. I want them to understand

1344
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,080
Speaker 4: that regardless of if their dad was faithful, we would

1345
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 4: have divorced. We were young, and we thought that you

1346
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:30,520
Speaker 4: were supposed to marry the person you had kids with.

1347
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 4: Of course, we loved each other, but as we grew older,

1348
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 4: we realized we just had different plans for life. My

1349
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 4: ex and I did decide that we would sit them

1350
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 4: down later today and have a chat. And there is

1351
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 4: an update that I think maybe she should have talked

1352
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 4: about the sooner, but she didn't. And I think she's

1353
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 4: going about it well now.

1354
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: I'm glad they're sending them down, they're having conversation about.

1355
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,440
Speaker 4: It with both of them involved. I think that's great.

1356
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 4: And it also seems like she's not like fully blaming

1357
00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 4: him for the affairs. She's like, you know what, we

1358
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 4: both lost love. You know, we love you guys. I

1359
00:59:58,160 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 4: think they're going about it well.

1360
00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and not to excuse the infidelity, but it wasn't

1361
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 1: like they were in a loving relationship and he cheated

1362
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:11,400
Speaker 1: and that's the sole reason, Like there's more context that.

1363
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 4: It's not ever like pointing fingers. It's just like you

1364
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:17,040
Speaker 4: know what, which which I think she has a right

1365
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 4: to do for herself. Absolutely like she was cheated on.

1366
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 4: Never okay, But I'm glad that she is not doing

1367
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:24,840
Speaker 4: that with her kids because it's not productive. Well, you

1368
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 4: have people call parenting. But there is an update. Hello,

1369
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 4: I decided to write an update, even though it's quite long. Today,

1370
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 4: my ex husband, me and the girls were supposed to

1371
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 4: have a family chat, but he had a family emergency

1372
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 4: concerning his wife because she had twisted her ankle at

1373
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:40,960
Speaker 4: her seven year old's son's soccer game. I hope she

1374
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 4: feels better. Anyway, they were understandably upset and took this

1375
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 4: as another sign that he was putting his new family over.

1376
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 4: Then I didn't say anything and instead let them vent

1377
01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 4: and I comfort them from what my ex husband is saying.

1378
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 4: We would have to wait another time to have this

1379
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,920
Speaker 4: conversation altogether, which I think is Joe. I think they

1380
01:00:57,960 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 4: do have to wait to have it until he's there.

1381
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 4: Irish Gig says, never put children in the middle of

1382
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 4: adult circumstances. Sometimes with children, we may have to do

1383
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 4: what's best for them until they are old enough to

1384
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,400
Speaker 4: have reason double understandings. I get, Yeah, I think it

1385
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 4: goes back to the age appropriate.

1386
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:13,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, like if they're five and you're like, your father

1387
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:16,600
Speaker 1: cheated on me, Like they don't even understand what that

1388
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 1: even means. But that's different than holding it for someone

1389
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 1: until like one of them's like a legal adult.

1390
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 4: But I think perhaps one way to do it is

1391
01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 4: you have like when they're younger, you say, you know,

1392
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 4: mom and dad didn't love each other anymore in the

1393
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 4: same way, and so we're not gonna have that relationship anymore,

1394
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 4: but we still love you something like that, and then

1395
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 4: as they get older and maybe talk about the infidelity

1396
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,040
Speaker 4: or something. Heleanna Baine says they bailed for twisted ankle,

1397
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 4: not even at thing sprain. Wowie, I honestly think that's

1398
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 4: a fair reason to bail when your partner has, you know,

1399
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 4: hurt themselves, especially when like maybe she drove and she

1400
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,120
Speaker 4: can't drive back, especially when you have a kid involved. Honestly,

1401
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 4: I think that's a fair reason to bail for this.

1402
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,520
Speaker 1: It's not like five times he bailed, Like, I don't

1403
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 1: think it's anything yet to like put accusations on it.

1404
01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 4: Someone got injured, it's his wife. Unless this is a pattern,

1405
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 4: I don't know if I agree, but we can read

1406
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,600
Speaker 4: more and find out. Regardless, I still wanted to talk

1407
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 4: to my girls tonight. At first, it was incredibly awkward

1408
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 4: and the air was filled with tension. I could feel

1409
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 4: that they didn't trust me, and it hurt because it's

1410
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 4: my fault. I started talking, and I first apologized for

1411
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 4: telling them that it wasn't their business. I reassured them

1412
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 4: that everything that had happened in their home was their business,

1413
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,480
Speaker 4: and I was truly sorry for making them feel like

1414
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:34,920
Speaker 4: they didn't matter. Because they were the most important things

1415
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 4: that ever happened to me. At this point, my sixteen

1416
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,800
Speaker 4: year old started to cry a bit, which made me

1417
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 4: start to cry because I know the news was a

1418
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:44,120
Speaker 4: lot for her. I ended up telling them that the

1419
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 4: reason why I kept it for so long was because

1420
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:48,479
Speaker 4: I wanted them to have a good relationship with their dad,

1421
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 4: and I didn't want them to worry about adult matters

1422
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 4: so young, especially when they already had a lot going on.

1423
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,640
Speaker 4: I told them I just wanted to shield them from

1424
01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:58,480
Speaker 4: anything that could hurt them, which I then apologized for

1425
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 4: because in the end, it was wrong and they deserve

1426
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 4: to know. I told them from now on, I was

1427
01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 4: going to be more open to any questions they had

1428
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:07,480
Speaker 4: about me and their father's marriage. I also explained that

1429
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,440
Speaker 4: I wouldn't tell them how they should move on when

1430
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:11,600
Speaker 4: it comes to their dad, and I would support them

1431
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 4: if they needed time away from them. I did tell

1432
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 4: them that any anger that they have towards their dad

1433
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:19,440
Speaker 4: and stepmom, they should never take it out on their brothers.

1434
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:21,680
Speaker 4: They said that they still loved their brothers, but they

1435
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 4: just didn't want to see their dad or step mom

1436
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 4: right now. I asked them how they felt and they

1437
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 4: are understandably upset and felt like they were easily replaceable,

1438
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 4: which broke my heart. I told them that their father

1439
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 4: has a lot to work on, but they can always

1440
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 4: count on me and they could never be replaceable to me.

1441
01:03:38,160 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 4: At this point, we were all crying while we were hugging.

1442
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 4: They ended up asking how I felt, and I was truthful.

1443
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 4: I told him I was confused and I didn't know

1444
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 4: how to feel. By this point, we were quiet. My

1445
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 4: sixteen year old was laying her head on my belly

1446
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:54,760
Speaker 4: while eighteen year old was resting her head on my shoulder.

1447
01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 4: And you can rest your head on our stream by

1448
01:03:57,400 --> 01:04:00,120
Speaker 4: joining us live every weekday at three pmpist shout.

1449
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 1: Out to her like her first reaction wasn't the best

1450
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:04,960
Speaker 1: and it is what it is, But it seems like

1451
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 1: she's vouding their feelings and being loving and caring and

1452
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 1: going about it in a way that feels very appropriate.

1453
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 4: I'm going to try to get my eighteen year old

1454
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 4: back into therapy. They do want to cut off their

1455
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 4: dad and stepmom, as a lot of you guys suspected,

1456
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:20,959
Speaker 4: but they're afraid they won't see the boys anymore, which

1457
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:23,280
Speaker 4: may be true regardless I and my husband are one

1458
01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:26,880
Speaker 4: hundred percent there for them. I am very thankful for

1459
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 4: all the advice given. I was being completely selfish, which

1460
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:32,080
Speaker 4: ended up hurting everyone even more. I don't know if

1461
01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 4: I will make another upset because I am eighty percent

1462
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,040
Speaker 4: sure the family talk with my ex husband will not happen.

1463
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:40,160
Speaker 1: Will it not happen because the children don't want to

1464
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:40,480
Speaker 1: have it?

1465
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. I think it needs to happen.

1466
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:46,360
Speaker 1: That's the issue with getting like a one sided view

1467
01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 1: from the mom, not that she's like creating any narrative,

1468
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:51,720
Speaker 1: but still you're getting like hurt and not the dad's

1469
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 1: perspective or anything around that.

1470
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:55,760
Speaker 4: I mean, like they can't force the kids to, you know,

1471
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 4: have that conversation if they really don't want to, Nor

1472
01:04:58,120 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 4: can they force them to have a relationship with the dad.

1473
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 4: But I would hope that they can at some point

1474
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 4: have a conversation with both parents present where they express

1475
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 4: their love for the kids and.

1476
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 1: You know, or even just with the dad and not

1477
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:10,280
Speaker 1: even the mom.

1478
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:11,720
Speaker 4: Maybe that's the solution there.

1479
01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:14,040
Speaker 1: That would be good too. You already had your mom's

1480
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,320
Speaker 1: respect too, Kimberly find says.

1481
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:17,120
Speaker 4: Now it's on Dad to make them a priority and

1482
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:19,480
Speaker 4: get some solid one on one time when they're comfortable,

1483
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 4: answer any questions, and make sure they know they weren't replaced. Agreed.

1484
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 4: That's a great point.

1485
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:25,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she.

1486
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:27,200
Speaker 4: Believe, says, bro, this is a pattern. They wouldn't feel

1487
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 4: like this. If it wasn't, they would not have been

1488
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:31,480
Speaker 4: figuring out the age thing. I don't think we know

1489
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,760
Speaker 4: for certain how he's treated him. It didn't seem like

1490
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:37,200
Speaker 4: in the past or throughout the story that he was,

1491
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:40,440
Speaker 4: you know, prioritizing anyone. But if that was the case,

1492
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:43,040
Speaker 4: it really depends on how he's treating them. If he

1493
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 4: is prioritizing his new family, then he needs to make

1494
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 4: sure that he is focusing on the kids. But that

1495
01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:48,920
Speaker 4: is the end of this story.