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Speaker 1: Pushkin.

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Speaker 2: The destination is on your right. The Somerville Public Library

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Speaker 2: in East Branch arrived.

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Speaker 3: I'm headed to my local library, but not to check

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Speaker 3: out a book. I'm on a quest, a quest that

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Speaker 3: has obsessed philosophers, poets, and mystics for ages. I'm on

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Speaker 3: a quest to confront death.

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Speaker 4: Do you know the death cafe?

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Speaker 3: I'm about to attend what's known as a death cafe.

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Speaker 3: Deaf cafes are small community get togethers in which total

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Speaker 3: strangers meet to talk candidly about their inevitable demise, usually

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Speaker 3: over tea and cake. There are ten people at this

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Speaker 3: particular death cafe, all first time attendees, just like me.

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Speaker 3: We discussed how we'd like to spend our final seconds alive,

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Speaker 3: what we wanted done with our bodies after we passed,

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Speaker 3: and the fears we have about dying. It was intense.

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Speaker 3: There were some laughs, but also tears.

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Speaker 2: Were you scared before you came? I was scared?

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Speaker 1: I was like, what was SCAREDY?

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Speaker 4: I was more curious than scared, I was. I was

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Speaker 4: actually very excited. I was thinking about this last night.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm humped for the death cafe. Yeah, I

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Speaker 4: think I was. I just I like doing weird experiences.

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Speaker 4: This is a weird thing I signed up for, and

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Speaker 4: it was nice. I got a lot of good ideas

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Speaker 4: on where I'd like to view when I die. I

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Speaker 4: never thought about that same. Yeah, it was nice to

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Speaker 4: get me able to talk about death in a very

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Speaker 4: open environment. There's cake, and there was cake.

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Speaker 2: That was a good cake.

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Speaker 3: I left the death Cafe with the huge slights of

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Speaker 3: red velvet cake and a lot to think about. You see,

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Speaker 3: I really really hate talking about planning for, or even

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Speaker 3: contemplating my own death, so I may as well come clean.

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Speaker 3: I doctor Lorie Santo's, am a fanatophobe. What is theanatophobia?

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Speaker 3: You ask, well? Fanatophobia, which I think I'm saying right,

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Speaker 3: is the fear of death. I find the fact that

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Speaker 3: I'm going to die not just a downer but deeply terrifying.

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Speaker 3: The thought that I and all the people I love

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Speaker 3: won't be around someday makes me feel literally nauseous. And

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Speaker 3: this inability to confront death winds up being pretty bad

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Speaker 3: for my happiness. First off, I'm super health anxious. I'm

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Speaker 3: convinced that every bump and weird bodily sensation is some

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Speaker 3: terminal illness just waiting to take me out, which is

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Speaker 3: not a fun way to live. My fanatophobia causes other

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Speaker 3: problems too. I'm scared to look at my retirement savings

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Speaker 3: because inevitably this question comes up. So how long do

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Speaker 3: you think this money needs to last?

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Speaker 5: Aka?

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Speaker 3: When do you think you're gonna die? Ah, And surveys

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Speaker 3: show I'm not the only ones spooked by dying. On average,

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Speaker 3: people report death as their number one terror, which beats

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Speaker 3: out even public speaking. Our collective denial of death means

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Speaker 3: that most of us don't do what we need to

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Speaker 3: do to get ready for it. Only about half of

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Speaker 3: people in the US today have life insurance and only

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Speaker 3: a quarter have a living will. Now you might be thinking, well,

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Speaker 3: death sucks. Is it so bad that we're a little

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Speaker 3: bit sanatophobic. Unfortunately, it turns out that avoiding our mortality

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Speaker 3: may be much worse for our happiness than we realize,

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Speaker 3: because the science shows that facing up to the shortness

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Speaker 3: of life may be the best way to make sure

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Speaker 3: that your short life is one that you actually live well.

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Speaker 3: Hence my quest to stop hiding and to finally meet

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Speaker 3: death head on. Our minds are constantly telling us what

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Speaker 3: to do to be happy. But what if our minds

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Speaker 3: are wrong? What if our minds are lying to us,

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Speaker 3: leading us away from what will really make us happy.

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Speaker 3: The good news is that understanding the science of the

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Speaker 3: mind points us all back in the right direction. You're

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Speaker 3: listening to the Happiness Lab with doctor Laurie Santos. Hello, Well,

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Speaker 3: good morning, good morning.

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Speaker 2: Hello, and it's so good to meet you, Laurie. Hello.

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Speaker 3: Psychologist Jodi Wellman does not share my all consuming fear

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Speaker 3: of death? Is it the natophobia? Is that how you

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Speaker 3: say it?

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Speaker 1: Fanataphobia? I see thanataphobia, but thanatophobia. I have really terrible thanatophobia.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, really spooked about death. It's one of the

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Speaker 1: reasons I was so excited.

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Speaker 3: To get your book. Jody's book is called You Only

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Speaker 3: Die Once, How to make it to the end with

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Speaker 3: no regrets. You Only Die Once is a celebration of

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Speaker 3: all things thanatophilia, embracing the fact that your time is limited.

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Speaker 3: I enjoyed the book a lot, but reading it did

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Speaker 3: make me feel a little queasy.

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Speaker 6: Am I striving to make us barf in our mouths

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Speaker 6: while we think about this? No, if I know that

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Speaker 6: it's going to cause just enough existential like poking of

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Speaker 6: the ribs.

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Speaker 2: Oh, then I get so excited.

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Speaker 3: Jody's path that thanatophilia began with a tragedy. Her mother

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Speaker 3: died at only fifty eight years old, and Jody was

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Speaker 3: stuck cleaning out her apartment.

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Speaker 6: For me, it was like this, I don't know, a

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Speaker 6: show and tell in a way of all of her

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Speaker 6: dreams and hopes and plans and intentions that she didn't execute.

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Speaker 6: So I kind of call it like the graveyard of

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Speaker 6: hopes and dreams.

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Speaker 3: Jody found unfinished drafts of books, business plan that had

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Speaker 3: never been implemented, and long lists of cool stuff that

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Speaker 3: her mother had wanted to do but never got around

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Speaker 3: to doing. It all hit Jody like a ton of bricks.

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Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I don't want to get to the

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Speaker 6: end and have all of these manuscripts not sent out,

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Speaker 6: and plans and hopes that I didn't try. You know

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Speaker 6: that felt more fearful to me than anything.

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Speaker 3: Jody wasn't exactly enjoying her life at the time. She

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Speaker 3: was very much in danger of repeating her mother's pattern.

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Speaker 6: By this point, I was officially disenchanted at work, but

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Speaker 6: I didn't really know what to do about it. So

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Speaker 6: here I am day going about my work, and I

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Speaker 6: stabled a couple pages together, and my stapler ran out,

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Speaker 6: and so I went.

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Speaker 2: To the storeroom.

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Speaker 6: I loaded up the stapler, and this thought occurred to

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Speaker 6: me as I was putting the.

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Speaker 2: Row of staples into the stapler.

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Speaker 6: I said, I'd better not be here by the time

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Speaker 6: this row of staples runs out.

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Speaker 3: So Jody had finally set a time limit for taking action.

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Speaker 3: She was sure she'd be making some big changes, you

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Speaker 3: know soon right. But then one fateful day, the stapler

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Speaker 3: ran out again and Jody was still in her job

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Speaker 3: with no plan B, and.

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Speaker 2: I felt so dropkicked.

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Speaker 3: That's when Jody had an epiphany.

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Speaker 2: Wait a sec.

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Speaker 6: You can't just expect stuff to happen to you, to

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Speaker 6: be miraculously like helicoptered out of your average job into

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Speaker 6: something that's going to inspire you.

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Speaker 2: You need to do something about it.

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Speaker 3: And do something Jody did. She quit her boring job

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Speaker 3: and entered a master's program in positive psychology. During her studies,

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Speaker 3: she became fascinated with one topic, in particular, the concept

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Speaker 3: of death awareness, the act of intentionally thinking about your mortality.

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Speaker 3: It's a practice that the ancient's called Memento maury.

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Speaker 6: It's the Latin phrase that means remember that we must die.

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Speaker 3: Memento mori has roots in religion and philosophy, but it

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Speaker 3: was also expressed through art and fashion, and Jody has

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Speaker 3: lovingly adopted these traditions. She wears black jewelry and draws

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Speaker 3: cartoons of the grim Reaper. Jody's favorite possession is a

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Speaker 3: tarnished gold coin engraved with the text of that Latin model.

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Speaker 3: Whenever Jody stumbles across the coin in her purse, she

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Speaker 3: ritualistically says, I AM going to die soon.

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Speaker 2: It's just that little subtle reminder that says, oh, yeah, right,

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Speaker 2: we're temporary.

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Speaker 3: It may sound morbid, but the science suggests that Jody

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Speaker 3: might be onto something. Researchers have studied what happens when

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Speaker 3: people come dangerously close to the end, Folks with fatal

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Speaker 3: cancers who suddenly got better, or survivors of terrible car accidents.

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Speaker 6: It's like they put new glasses on and it can

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Speaker 6: see things with clarity that we don't because we're just

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Speaker 6: sweating the small stuff all frickin' day long. Whereas they

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Speaker 6: have this ability to say that little email that I

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Speaker 6: haven't answered yet.

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Speaker 2: In the Kurian scheme of things, it's lucky to be alive.

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Speaker 2: That doesn't matter. This does, And one.

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Speaker 3: Thing that really matters to people who've nearly died are

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Speaker 3: their friends and family. People who face death make time

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Speaker 3: for those that matter and get more discerning about those

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Speaker 3: that don't.

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Speaker 6: You enliven me, I'm going to spend more time with you.

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Speaker 6: You de energize me. I'm going to opt to spend

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Speaker 6: less or no time with you. So there's that refinement

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Speaker 6: of the way your time is spent.

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Speaker 3: Brushes with mortality also cause us to help others more often,

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Speaker 3: a practice that lots of research shows is a great

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Speaker 3: way to improve your well being. It's twenty twenty one

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Speaker 3: and Russell Lowe is lying in a California hospital bed.

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Speaker 3: Russell was a physician, but this time he's the one

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Speaker 3: in need of virgic care. Russell contracted an infection, a

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Speaker 3: bad one. His medical team wasn't sure he would make him. Eventually,

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Speaker 3: the doctors got the infection under control, but they told

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Speaker 3: Russell just how close he'd come to checking out for good.

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Speaker 3: Russell's near death experience shook him, but rather than turning inward,

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Speaker 3: he connected with the nurses who'd been at his side

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Speaker 3: throughout the entire ordeal. He began learning about the financial

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Speaker 3: hardships they faced while training to help people just like him.

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Speaker 3: This was my opportunity to live my life differently, to

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Speaker 3: give back to the people who are helping me. So

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Speaker 3: Russell set up a scholarship fund at cal State San

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Speaker 3: Marcos to give students the resources they need to become nurses.

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Speaker 3: His ordeal taught him to help pay it forward. Stories

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Speaker 3: like this happen all the time, But it turns out

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Speaker 3: you don't need an actual near death experience to change

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Speaker 3: your life. Research shows you can use your imagination. In

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Speaker 3: one study, psychologists told people to vividly imagine a near

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Speaker 3: death scenario, like waking up in a smoke filled room

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Speaker 3: and realizing your house is on fire. Subjects were then

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Speaker 3: invited to play a game that involved keeping a stash

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Speaker 3: of money for themselves or donating it to help other players.

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Speaker 3: People who thought about scary moments before the game behaved

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Speaker 3: more generously. They also experienced more gratitude than those that

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Speaker 3: didn't engage in a morbid reflection. And you don't even

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Speaker 3: need to get that morbid to start seeing some benefits.

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Speaker 3: In another experiment, college seniors were reminded just how little

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Speaker 3: time they had left at university. Afterwards, they reported higher

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Speaker 3: levels of happiness all the way up to graduation. And

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Speaker 3: why was that while seniors who got the college's short

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Speaker 3: memo wind up packing more fun activities in during their

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Speaker 3: final months than seniors who didn't get a reminder. When

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Speaker 3: time is short, we force ourselves to finally get around

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Speaker 3: to all the stuff we care about. We recognize we

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Speaker 3: don't have forever to complete that business plan or screenplay,

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Speaker 3: which motivates our brains to get over all the usual

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Speaker 3: doubts and actually take action.

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Speaker 2: We have nothing to lose, and life's too short to

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Speaker 2: not do the thing that we might want to do.

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Speaker 3: All this was sounding great in theory, but I mean,

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Speaker 3: just speaking.

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Speaker 1: For myself, death is like an absolute doubt or like

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Speaker 1: it super freaks me out, Like I hate hate thinking

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Speaker 1: about it.

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Speaker 2: How is it literally talking about it right now?

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Speaker 5: As together?

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Speaker 1: It's no, Seriously, it kind of freaks me out.

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Speaker 3: Like reading your book.

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Speaker 1: The distinct sensation I experienced was that I'm about to vomit. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't feel awesome. I'm really really avoiding of it. Yeah, yeah, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: can I be fixed? Can I be fixed? I think

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Speaker 1: you're fixable.

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Speaker 3: JODI's fix begins with what she calls the life calculator exercise.

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Speaker 3: The goal is to calculate just how many mondays you

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Speaker 3: have left. You start with the average US life expectancy,

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Speaker 3: just over eighty years for women and just under eighty

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Speaker 3: for men. You then subtract your current age, take that

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Speaker 3: number and multiply it by fifty two. And that's about

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Speaker 3: the number of mondays you've got left. So if I

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Speaker 3: did the math right, I think it is eighteen forty nine.

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Speaker 2: Does that sound right? Yeah, eighteen forty nine. Please tell

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Speaker 2: me how nauseous did you feel?

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Speaker 4: Right? Hollar?

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Speaker 5: Very nauseous?

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Speaker 1: Like, eighteen forty nine is a big number, but it's

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Speaker 1: a pretty fineite.

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Speaker 3: What can I actually fit into one thousand, eight hundred

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Speaker 3: and forty nine weeks? I mean, I love movies and

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Speaker 3: try to watch at least one new one a week.

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Speaker 3: Have I really got only one thousand, eight hundred and

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Speaker 3: forty nine movies left before I die? I mean, there's

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Speaker 3: probably not even enough time to get through that first

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Speaker 3: scrolling page on Netflix. How many more times am I

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Speaker 3: going to watch favorites like Casablanca or The Big Lebowski

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Speaker 3: or Star Wars, and god, how many more novels do

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Speaker 3: I have time left to read? Or restaurants to try out,

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Speaker 3: or fireworks displays to watch, or vacations to go on? Ugh.

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Speaker 3: The life Calculator exercise was giving me heart palpitations, but

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Speaker 3: Jody says that's kind of the point.

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Speaker 6: So yes, and yes, I feel really revolted by this,

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Speaker 6: and I'm going to book a vacation. The dose is

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Speaker 6: just right enough to take my breath away, but not

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Speaker 6: enough to paralyze me.

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Speaker 2: It's just enough to say, what am I doing? What's

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Speaker 2: this all about? Am I making the best use of

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Speaker 2: my time?

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Speaker 6: And we have to reflectively keep coming back to that

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Speaker 6: reminder because we will get swept up in the current

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Speaker 6: of life.

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Speaker 3: I get Jody's point here. I don't want to get

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Speaker 3: swept up in the current of life. But sorry, death

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Speaker 3: still terrifies me. I just hate letting it creep into

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Speaker 3: my thoughts. What I need is someone who can help

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Speaker 3: me think of death as a bit more.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: Fun like if you're going on a trip someplace, most

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Speaker 5: of us are like excited about it. You know, a

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Speaker 5: vacation that you plan for a year or so, you

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Speaker 5: like to throw to go. You know, we could do

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Speaker 5: the same thing with our dying.

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Speaker 3: The happiness lab will return in a moment. So lots

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Speaker 3: of people.

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Speaker 1: Maybe think about death once in a while. I try

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Speaker 1: to avoid thinking about death. How often do you think

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Speaker 1: about death?

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Speaker 5: Every day? Multiple times a day.

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Speaker 3: This is Ailia Arthur. Ailua is definitely not scared of death.

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Speaker 5: Sometimes when I'm doing something ridiculous, like reaching when I'm

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Speaker 5: in the shower for a towel, that's just like a

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Speaker 5: little bit out of my grip, and I wonder what

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Speaker 5: would happen if I slipped and hit my head on

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Speaker 5: the edge of the think But often I'm thinking about

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Speaker 5: death all the time.

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Speaker 3: We tend to think of stuff associated with death as

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Speaker 3: being creepy. Funeral homes are creepy. Cemeteries are creepy. Morticians

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Speaker 3: are creepy. Aila switched careers to change that. She used

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Speaker 3: to be a lawyer and hated it. I was confused

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Speaker 3: and lost and hopeless. I had no sense of what

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Speaker 3: I wanted out of my own life. I couldn't figure

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Speaker 3: out what the point was. You know, you get up,

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Speaker 3: you go.

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Speaker 5: To work, you pay your bills, to pay your taxes,

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Speaker 5: eat food. What is the point of all of this?

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Speaker 3: Ailua finally took a medical leave and headed to Cuba.

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Speaker 5: And along the way I met a fellow traveler named Jessica,

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Speaker 5: a young German woman who had utin cancer and was

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Speaker 5: traveling to see the top six places in the world

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Speaker 5: she wanted to see before she died. It was kind

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Speaker 5: of like her bucket list trip. I mean, there was

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Speaker 5: like a little crack in the door, and I kicked

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Speaker 5: it all the way open. I asked so many very

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Speaker 5: very deep and personal questions, and she lit up in

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Speaker 5: answering them. Before you know it, we're speaking deeply about

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Speaker 5: her concerns about the afterlife of theirs one at all,

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Speaker 5: about what she hadn't done in her life, about her

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Speaker 5: sadness about her disease. And she shared with me that

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Speaker 5: it was the first time that she had been able

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Speaker 5: to have a real conversation about her mortality. People would

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Speaker 5: hush her, people would say, oh, don't worry about that,

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Speaker 5: You're going to get better, which is what we do.

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Speaker 5: You have to have hope, but you have to have faith.

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Speaker 5: She was like, all those things might also be true,

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Speaker 5: but I am also very sick with the disease that

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Speaker 5: might kill me. It was the first time that I

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Speaker 5: had been involved in that deep of a conversation about

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Speaker 5: the trajectory of one's life. But it also allowed me

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Speaker 5: to see how disconnected I'd been from the idea of

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Speaker 5: my own mortality. When I started thinking about my death,

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Speaker 5: the lid kind of came off, Well, who am I?

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Speaker 5: What do I want? What do I value? If the

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Speaker 5: end of my life were at the end of this year,

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Speaker 5: would I be okay to go? Would I be fighting

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Speaker 5: it to the nail? What do I still want to do?

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Speaker 5: It started to create a context that I never had before.

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Speaker 5: I was now feeling fully aware that it would end

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Speaker 5: at some point, So, knowing that it's going to end soon,

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Speaker 5: how do I want to fill it? It started to

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Speaker 5: shift the dial for me toward creating a life that

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Speaker 5: I would have felt comfortable dying from. And that's a

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Speaker 5: direction toward happiness for sure.

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Speaker 3: But the direction Ailua took might surprise you. She didn't

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Speaker 3: just lays around on Caribbean beaches all day. She decided

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Speaker 3: to spend her days with people facing their final days.

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Speaker 3: You see, Alua became a death doula.

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Speaker 5: A death doula somebody who does all of the non

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Speaker 5: medical care and support of the dying person through the

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Speaker 5: entire process. And how we define dying person really depends,

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Speaker 5: because anybody who's come into recognition or their mortality at

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Speaker 5: some point must also reckon with the fact that they

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Speaker 5: are currently dying. But overall, we're supporting folks when they

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Speaker 5: have some awareness that death is approaching and want to

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Speaker 5: plan and prepare.

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Speaker 3: For Aileo describes her journey in a new book entitled

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Speaker 3: Briefly Perfectly Human, making an authentic life by getting real

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Speaker 3: about the end. Much of the impetus for taking on

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Speaker 3: this new role came from watching her brother in law

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Speaker 3: face terminal cancer.

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Speaker 5: I remember very distinctly trying to keep track of all

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Speaker 5: the questions that I had. You know, it was my

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Speaker 5: sister's husband, and so she'd be with him in the hospital,

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Speaker 5: and I'd be on the computer, click clock clock and

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Speaker 5: trying to get some information, trying to answer these questions,

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Speaker 5: and it was so tough. It was really tough to

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Speaker 5: navigate that process. I wanted somebody to be there. I

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Speaker 5: wanted somebody who cared, somebody who had enough resources, who

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Speaker 5: had answers to my questions or at least would say,

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Speaker 5: I don't know yet, but I'm going to find out

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Speaker 5: for you.

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Speaker 3: Death doula's are a lot like birth doula's, those professionals

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Speaker 3: trained to support people having a baby.

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Speaker 5: It just had a really good conversation with a friend

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Speaker 5: of mine who was pregnant, and she was talking all

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Speaker 5: about her birth plan, and she was talking about going

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Speaker 5: to the birth thing center and what she's eating and

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Speaker 5: what she likes to experience. Thinking through the plan helped

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Speaker 5: her quell her anxiety about what it is that's going

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Speaker 5: to be happening. Much like a birth dollah, death doulahs

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Speaker 5: can support people along the way, help them get clear

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Speaker 5: on their values so what they want it to look like,

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Speaker 5: what kind of support that they need.

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Speaker 3: And pregnancy isn't the only time we seek out outside support.

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Speaker 3: We're all perfectly happy to have professionals guide us through

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Speaker 3: other big life events. I mean, we have therapists who

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Speaker 3: help us through tough times, math tutors to guide us

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Speaker 3: through calculus, and personal trainers to get us into shape.

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Speaker 5: And so to me, death dullah's are a very very

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Speaker 5: natural and easy addition to that list of people that

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Speaker 5: can support At the time when I think we probably

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Speaker 5: need them the most.

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Speaker 3: Ailua now has hundreds of clients, and while I wasn't

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Speaker 3: ready to have her plan out my own death just yet,

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Speaker 3: I did want to learn about the wisdom she'd gained

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Speaker 3: from being so very close to death so very often.

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Speaker 3: I mean, she's heard so many people reflect on their

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Speaker 3: hopes and fears and regrets about the end. How has

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Speaker 3: that changed her own views on life.

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Speaker 5: I'm not a nihilist any means, but I wonder if

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Speaker 5: we put so much focus on making meaning in order

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Speaker 5: to contextualize life and make it make some type of

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Speaker 5: sense where there is no sense to be made. And

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Speaker 5: so rather than continuing to try to force things into

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Speaker 5: some box to make it make sense, maybe we can

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Speaker 5: just let go and experience it for what it is,

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Speaker 5: which is a really wild ride. So the meaning can

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Speaker 5: be made out of the little things that bring us joy,

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Speaker 5: the things that make being alive feel like a gift

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Speaker 5: in some capacity.

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Speaker 3: As we continued chatting, I was struck by alu As

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Speaker 3: constant gratitude. She just seems so appreciative of the things

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Speaker 3: that I take for granted all the time.

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Speaker 5: There is so much magic in the fact that we live,

401
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Speaker 5: you know, the fact that we are human just to

402
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Speaker 5: be alive, to be present for whatever our bodies capabilities are.

403
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Speaker 5: That in and of itself is a miracle, which makes

404
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Speaker 5: doing the dishes also feel like a miracle. To feel

405
00:19:00,716 --> 00:19:02,796
Speaker 5: water on my hands, to feel heat, to feel soap,

406
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Speaker 5: all of that grounding in my mortality means that at

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Speaker 5: some point I won't have access to all these senses anymore,

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Speaker 5: you know, And so how cool is it that I

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Speaker 5: can feel cold on my hands? How cool is it

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Speaker 5: that either have plates for me to eat off of?

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Speaker 5: That all makes me feel so much more connected to

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Speaker 5: this really strange experience of life.

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Speaker 1: I mean, when you say it like that, facing your

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Speaker 1: death doesn't sound so horrible things that are happening in

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Speaker 1: the present moment, but.

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Speaker 3: Right now it still feels a little terrifying.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: I mean, are you still skipped by it or is

419
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Speaker 1: it like, like, what are the emotions that it brings

420
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Speaker 1: up for you?

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Speaker 5: Curiosity? Mostly, I'm really really curious because all of the

422
00:19:40,116 --> 00:19:42,996
Speaker 5: questions around it remain a mystery. You know, I don't

423
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Speaker 5: know when it'll be Maybe it is just a really

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Speaker 5: fantastical ride through the universe and then there's no more

425
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Speaker 5: consciousness or maybe the afterlife, if there is one, is

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Speaker 5: like this really glorious place of existence. I have no idea,

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Speaker 5: and so I'm curious about it.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, so you experienced that as curiosity,

429
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Speaker 1: but I experience that as terror. So my usual move

430
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Speaker 1: when I don't know something is to like check right.

431
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Speaker 1: So I'm going to a restaurant and I'm thinking, oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if they have a good cocktail menu.

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Speaker 1: I pull out my phone and I like, check the

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Speaker 1: cocktail menu. You know. I'm going to a new doctor,

435
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Speaker 1: and I don't know how good he is, right Like,

436
00:20:17,636 --> 00:20:19,636
Speaker 1: I look up and try to check on these things.

437
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Speaker 1: But I think one of the scary things for me

438
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Speaker 1: about death is like, seems like you can't do that

439
00:20:23,236 --> 00:20:23,636
Speaker 1: with death.

440
00:20:24,036 --> 00:20:26,156
Speaker 5: You stin't know, you can't you don't.

441
00:20:25,956 --> 00:20:28,116
Speaker 3: Know, And so talk about how you can kind of

442
00:20:28,316 --> 00:20:30,836
Speaker 3: sit and allow that uncertainty.

443
00:20:30,356 --> 00:20:34,516
Speaker 5: Rather than imagine the worst possible scenario, I imagine one

444
00:20:34,556 --> 00:20:37,836
Speaker 5: that brings me some comfort. I imagine something that makes

445
00:20:37,916 --> 00:20:39,796
Speaker 5: me feel good about it. Because I don't know, and

446
00:20:39,836 --> 00:20:41,916
Speaker 5: we can't know, and what we tend to do is

447
00:20:42,036 --> 00:20:47,476
Speaker 5: flood the uncertainty with dread and fear and the opposite

448
00:20:47,676 --> 00:20:49,996
Speaker 5: could also be true. Like if you're going on a

449
00:20:50,036 --> 00:20:52,636
Speaker 5: trip someplace, most of us are like excited about it.

450
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,556
Speaker 5: You know, a vacation that you planned for a year

451
00:20:54,636 --> 00:20:56,556
Speaker 5: or so, you're like thrill to go. You've never been

452
00:20:56,596 --> 00:20:59,716
Speaker 5: there before. Maybe you've read some reviews, and I mean,

453
00:20:59,756 --> 00:21:01,396
Speaker 5: I think a good review about death is that nobody

454
00:21:01,476 --> 00:21:03,756
Speaker 5: has been there, has ever been back. They stayed there,

455
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:06,316
Speaker 5: must love it, they must love it, must be a

456
00:21:06,316 --> 00:21:09,876
Speaker 5: good time. So you're going on a trip, research maybe

457
00:21:09,916 --> 00:21:11,916
Speaker 5: like the food there, hotel, what you're going to do

458
00:21:11,956 --> 00:21:13,956
Speaker 5: while you're there. You get on a plane, you have

459
00:21:14,076 --> 00:21:16,236
Speaker 5: no idea what's to come when you land, Yet we

460
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,996
Speaker 5: anticipate that joyfully. We could do the same thing with

461
00:21:19,036 --> 00:21:22,156
Speaker 5: our dying. Every day we don't know. I wake up

462
00:21:22,196 --> 00:21:25,316
Speaker 5: not knowing if it's going to rain, whether or not

463
00:21:25,556 --> 00:21:27,396
Speaker 5: I'll need to pee on my way to work. We

464
00:21:27,516 --> 00:21:30,316
Speaker 5: don't know. We don't know anything about this life. So

465
00:21:30,396 --> 00:21:34,316
Speaker 5: we already are really masterful at navigating the unknown. We

466
00:21:34,436 --> 00:21:38,716
Speaker 5: keep navigating it. Plans change and we shift. We adapt,

467
00:21:38,956 --> 00:21:41,556
Speaker 5: or we get divorced, we adapt, we get a new job,

468
00:21:41,636 --> 00:21:43,476
Speaker 5: We adapt, over and over and over again.

469
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,716
Speaker 3: This remarkable capacity to adapt is what the psychologist Dan

470
00:21:47,796 --> 00:21:51,476
Speaker 3: Gilbert has christened our psychological immune system. Just as we

471
00:21:51,516 --> 00:21:53,836
Speaker 3: have a physical immune system to protect our bodies from

472
00:21:53,876 --> 00:21:56,996
Speaker 3: physical threats, so too, do we have a psychological immune

473
00:21:56,996 --> 00:22:00,276
Speaker 3: system designed to protect our mental health from psychological threats.

474
00:22:00,876 --> 00:22:03,356
Speaker 3: When uncertain moments come up, like a divorce, or a

475
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:07,116
Speaker 3: scary diagnosis, or a struggle at work, our psychological immune

476
00:22:07,116 --> 00:22:10,276
Speaker 3: system unconsciously takes over to help us adapt and thrive

477
00:22:10,356 --> 00:22:13,636
Speaker 3: through the uncertainty. Alua was reminding me that when it

478
00:22:13,716 --> 00:22:16,436
Speaker 3: finally comes time to face the scariness of my own death,

479
00:22:16,756 --> 00:22:19,756
Speaker 3: my psychological immune system will be there to help me adapt,

480
00:22:20,276 --> 00:22:21,276
Speaker 3: just like it always has.

481
00:22:21,396 --> 00:22:23,796
Speaker 5: We know how to do it already, and so we

482
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:26,716
Speaker 5: could attach the same perspective that we use on living

483
00:22:26,956 --> 00:22:30,396
Speaker 5: for our dying that when the time comes, I will adapt.

484
00:22:30,796 --> 00:22:33,316
Speaker 3: Chatting with Aluo was reminding me that I'm stronger than

485
00:22:33,356 --> 00:22:36,356
Speaker 3: I think even when it comes to facing death. So

486
00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:38,396
Speaker 3: when we get back from the break, I'll get even

487
00:22:38,516 --> 00:22:41,796
Speaker 3: more hardcore and my quest to embrace mortality. I'll go

488
00:22:41,836 --> 00:22:44,596
Speaker 3: on a death safari right in my own neighborhood, and

489
00:22:44,636 --> 00:22:47,276
Speaker 3: I'll attempt to stare my impermanence straight in the face.

490
00:22:47,436 --> 00:22:48,596
Speaker 2: Okay, so heading.

491
00:22:48,356 --> 00:22:54,476
Speaker 1: Over to the mirror. Yeah, uh, that's my aging forty

492
00:22:54,516 --> 00:22:55,236
Speaker 1: something body.

493
00:22:55,676 --> 00:23:06,836
Speaker 3: The Happiness Lab will be right back. Like I don't

494
00:23:06,916 --> 00:23:09,396
Speaker 3: like anything that's finite, Like I don't like when a

495
00:23:09,436 --> 00:23:11,916
Speaker 3: meal ends, I don't like when a vacation ends. I

496
00:23:11,916 --> 00:23:14,796
Speaker 3: don't like what a really good television series ends. And

497
00:23:14,836 --> 00:23:17,796
Speaker 3: so the idea that I my end is like really

498
00:23:18,276 --> 00:23:19,236
Speaker 3: uncomfortable for me.

499
00:23:19,436 --> 00:23:22,796
Speaker 5: It's difficult to think of myself as finite.

500
00:23:22,396 --> 00:23:25,396
Speaker 3: Death do la Ailua Arthur is very gently helping me

501
00:23:25,476 --> 00:23:26,996
Speaker 3: work through my fanta hiphobia.

502
00:23:27,476 --> 00:23:31,236
Speaker 5: My drive for life is big, and that makes it

503
00:23:31,316 --> 00:23:34,156
Speaker 5: hard to also release and to let it go when

504
00:23:34,196 --> 00:23:36,796
Speaker 5: I love it so much. But I think about this

505
00:23:36,876 --> 00:23:39,996
Speaker 5: all the time because when we say we love something,

506
00:23:40,036 --> 00:23:41,556
Speaker 5: I can't love it and also not love the end

507
00:23:41,596 --> 00:23:43,716
Speaker 5: of it. My end is a part of my life.

508
00:23:44,236 --> 00:23:45,996
Speaker 5: If I'm going to love my life, I've got to

509
00:23:46,036 --> 00:23:46,596
Speaker 5: love it all.

510
00:23:47,076 --> 00:23:49,076
Speaker 3: This idea of loving it all is something we've talked

511
00:23:49,076 --> 00:23:52,596
Speaker 3: about on this podcast before. We tend to pooh pooh experiences.

512
00:23:52,636 --> 00:23:56,316
Speaker 3: We don't enjoy feelings like sadness, anxiety, and fear, but

513
00:23:56,356 --> 00:23:59,196
Speaker 3: study after study shows we'd be better off embracing the

514
00:23:59,236 --> 00:24:02,236
Speaker 3: tough stuff in life rather than pushing it away like death.

515
00:24:02,316 --> 00:24:05,076
Speaker 3: Painful experiences are just part of what there is to love.

516
00:24:05,276 --> 00:24:08,396
Speaker 5: They are part of the human experience whole. Humans feel

517
00:24:08,436 --> 00:24:10,956
Speaker 5: a whole host of emotions, and none of them are

518
00:24:11,156 --> 00:24:13,956
Speaker 5: bad or wrong. They're just maybe a little bit more difficult.

519
00:24:14,116 --> 00:24:16,436
Speaker 5: So at least reframing to think of it as just

520
00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:18,276
Speaker 5: a part of what it's like to be human that

521
00:24:18,396 --> 00:24:20,676
Speaker 5: supports me a lot. Like even on my tougher days,

522
00:24:20,676 --> 00:24:23,916
Speaker 5: when I'm feeling like I'm in the trenches, I often

523
00:24:23,956 --> 00:24:26,396
Speaker 5: remember that this is just part of what it means,

524
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,196
Speaker 5: this is just how it goes.

525
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:32,076
Speaker 1: And I think another interesting thing about like recognizing the

526
00:24:32,156 --> 00:24:35,276
Speaker 1: temporariness of these negative emotions temporary like because you're going

527
00:24:35,356 --> 00:24:38,156
Speaker 1: to die, is it can actually make you enjoy them

528
00:24:38,196 --> 00:24:40,996
Speaker 1: more in a weird way. Right after I finished your book,

529
00:24:41,036 --> 00:24:43,036
Speaker 1: I kind of had this weird stomach thing.

530
00:24:43,236 --> 00:24:44,556
Speaker 3: It had nothing to do with your book.

531
00:24:44,396 --> 00:24:47,316
Speaker 1: By the way, It's a separate eating incident, but because

532
00:24:47,356 --> 00:24:50,276
Speaker 1: I had just been thinking so much about my impermanence,

533
00:24:50,436 --> 00:24:52,996
Speaker 1: I like readed what I would normally think of as

534
00:24:53,036 --> 00:24:55,916
Speaker 1: a not good sensation very differently, where I thought, Huh,

535
00:24:55,916 --> 00:24:58,996
Speaker 1: how curious that I'm experiencing something. I'm experiencing something that

536
00:24:59,036 --> 00:25:01,876
Speaker 1: feels really intense, kind of brought with it a sort

537
00:25:01,916 --> 00:25:04,636
Speaker 1: of kind of strange gratitude for something that I wouldn't

538
00:25:04,676 --> 00:25:07,836
Speaker 1: have had any gratitude for normally. Is this the kind

539
00:25:07,876 --> 00:25:09,556
Speaker 1: of thing you see in some of the people you

540
00:25:09,596 --> 00:25:09,956
Speaker 1: work with.

541
00:25:10,076 --> 00:25:11,676
Speaker 5: I've been noticing that more and more.

542
00:25:11,756 --> 00:25:12,116
Speaker 3: Yes.

543
00:25:12,236 --> 00:25:15,316
Speaker 5: And also a way to hold like the difficult stuff

544
00:25:15,436 --> 00:25:18,836
Speaker 5: very very gingerly, you know, because often when people are dying,

545
00:25:18,876 --> 00:25:20,676
Speaker 5: there's a hole of things going on in the body.

546
00:25:20,716 --> 00:25:23,196
Speaker 5: Hopefully the pain is well controlled, but the body's doing

547
00:25:23,316 --> 00:25:25,516
Speaker 5: things that we're not familiar with, we can't control it

548
00:25:25,556 --> 00:25:30,156
Speaker 5: at all, and holding it very very lightly today the

549
00:25:30,476 --> 00:25:33,636
Speaker 5: optic nerve is not working or today this is what

550
00:25:33,716 --> 00:25:37,636
Speaker 5: I'm experiencing. Does allow folks to move through the process,

551
00:25:37,676 --> 00:25:40,276
Speaker 5: I think, with a little bit more grace for themselves

552
00:25:40,596 --> 00:25:41,516
Speaker 5: and for their dying.

553
00:25:42,396 --> 00:25:44,716
Speaker 3: I told Ailua that I do want all the benefits

554
00:25:44,716 --> 00:25:48,076
Speaker 3: that come with accepting my mortality. The research suggests it'll

555
00:25:48,076 --> 00:25:51,356
Speaker 3: make me more compassionate, it'll encourage me to be more mindful,

556
00:25:51,636 --> 00:25:53,716
Speaker 3: and it'll push me to achieve stuff that I really

557
00:25:53,756 --> 00:25:57,156
Speaker 3: want to achieve in life. But I explained, I really

558
00:25:57,236 --> 00:25:59,796
Speaker 3: hate the idea that I'm going to die someday, and

559
00:25:59,836 --> 00:26:01,996
Speaker 3: that is when Ailua hit me with a truth bomb.

560
00:26:02,636 --> 00:26:05,356
Speaker 3: Death Is it some distant appointment oft in the future.

561
00:26:05,836 --> 00:26:08,356
Speaker 3: I'm actually deep in the process of dying right now.

562
00:26:09,196 --> 00:26:12,076
Speaker 3: Lewis says, I need to get used to that idea.

563
00:26:11,556 --> 00:26:13,956
Speaker 5: Because if we can get more comfortable with the fact

564
00:26:13,996 --> 00:26:16,636
Speaker 5: that living and dying is also happening, and which will

565
00:26:16,676 --> 00:26:19,556
Speaker 5: be happening all the way up until we're actually dead,

566
00:26:20,036 --> 00:26:22,956
Speaker 5: I think it maybe eases a bit of that fear

567
00:26:23,036 --> 00:26:24,636
Speaker 5: like one day I'm going to be dying. No, You're

568
00:26:24,676 --> 00:26:27,476
Speaker 5: dying right now. So noticing the living and dying things

569
00:26:27,476 --> 00:26:29,076
Speaker 5: that are around our environment.

570
00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:32,876
Speaker 3: Aila suggested an exercise to help with this, one that

571
00:26:32,916 --> 00:26:34,996
Speaker 3: I tried out on my morning walk to my favorite

572
00:26:34,996 --> 00:26:38,396
Speaker 3: coffee shop. I took my usual path, but this time

573
00:26:38,476 --> 00:26:40,676
Speaker 3: I tried to notice all the signs of dying that

574
00:26:40,756 --> 00:26:43,836
Speaker 3: I normally ignore. I saw the gorgeous irises in my

575
00:26:43,836 --> 00:26:47,356
Speaker 3: neighbor's yard that had wilted and turned brown, that plaque

576
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:50,876
Speaker 3: commemorating a fallen soldier from World War Two, a banana

577
00:26:50,876 --> 00:26:53,836
Speaker 3: appeal rotting on a compost heap. I was shocked to

578
00:26:53,876 --> 00:26:56,876
Speaker 3: realize there were lots of signs of mortality all around me.

579
00:26:57,516 --> 00:27:00,316
Speaker 3: Noticing these things helped me remember that in the grand

580
00:27:00,356 --> 00:27:03,036
Speaker 3: scheme of things, I'm not so different from that rotting

581
00:27:03,036 --> 00:27:06,116
Speaker 3: banana or dried out flower. And for the first time,

582
00:27:06,236 --> 00:27:09,556
Speaker 3: this death awareness didn't make me nauseous. This time it

583
00:27:09,596 --> 00:27:13,156
Speaker 3: felt more like awe or connectedness, reassuring sense that I'm

584
00:27:13,236 --> 00:27:16,276
Speaker 3: just a small part of some larger hole. So when

585
00:27:16,356 --> 00:27:17,796
Speaker 3: I guess what next.

586
00:27:18,796 --> 00:27:22,076
Speaker 5: Another exercise that I sometimes encourage people to do, which

587
00:27:22,076 --> 00:27:23,476
Speaker 5: can be tough for some, I'm just going to go

588
00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:25,996
Speaker 5: ahead and say it, is to spend a little bit

589
00:27:25,996 --> 00:27:28,836
Speaker 5: of time in the mirror, looking at yourself, looking at

590
00:27:28,836 --> 00:27:31,196
Speaker 5: your body. I have a lot of mirrors in my house,

591
00:27:31,396 --> 00:27:33,596
Speaker 5: and at first I thought I was just painfully vain,

592
00:27:33,996 --> 00:27:39,036
Speaker 5: but I think that I really enjoy seeing myself and

593
00:27:39,076 --> 00:27:42,036
Speaker 5: also noticing the aging that's occurring all the time. And

594
00:27:42,076 --> 00:27:45,876
Speaker 5: I'm noticing the changes and approaching them without judgment as

595
00:27:45,916 --> 00:27:49,956
Speaker 5: best as possible, but rather with some awe and some curiosity.

596
00:27:50,156 --> 00:27:52,796
Speaker 5: My grades are popping off right now, and I find

597
00:27:52,796 --> 00:27:56,356
Speaker 5: it fascinating, like, look at this body. All the changes

598
00:27:56,396 --> 00:27:58,196
Speaker 5: has already been through, and death is going to be

599
00:27:58,236 --> 00:28:00,396
Speaker 5: just another change that the body's going through, but all

600
00:28:00,396 --> 00:28:03,836
Speaker 5: the changes it's already been through, like start start steeping ourselves,

601
00:28:03,836 --> 00:28:06,556
Speaker 5: and the fact that these bodies are very temporary beings.

602
00:28:06,556 --> 00:28:07,276
Speaker 5: They're fragile.

603
00:28:08,436 --> 00:28:10,716
Speaker 3: Okay, heading over to the mirror.

604
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:16,916
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my aging forty something body, getting some SAgs

605
00:28:16,996 --> 00:28:19,276
Speaker 1: where there were not SAgs before.

606
00:28:20,196 --> 00:28:22,876
Speaker 3: Definitely seeing that my skin is not what it used

607
00:28:22,916 --> 00:28:26,596
Speaker 3: to be. The mirror exercise was much more uncomfortable than

608
00:28:26,596 --> 00:28:29,956
Speaker 3: the death walk, but ultimately I was able to experience

609
00:28:29,996 --> 00:28:32,196
Speaker 3: a sense of awe how the passage of time was

610
00:28:32,276 --> 00:28:33,196
Speaker 3: changing my appearance.

611
00:28:34,196 --> 00:28:40,836
Speaker 1: Yeah, fascination, curiosity. I guess my grays are popping off too.

612
00:28:40,916 --> 00:28:44,556
Speaker 1: So yeah, got through the mirror exercise without barfing. I'm

613
00:28:44,596 --> 00:28:46,236
Speaker 1: going to call that another death awareness.

614
00:28:46,276 --> 00:28:48,156
Speaker 5: When here's the additional step that I think might be

615
00:28:48,196 --> 00:28:51,436
Speaker 5: a little resenting is to look at yourself in the

616
00:28:51,476 --> 00:28:55,516
Speaker 5: eyeballs and repeat to yourself, I'm going to die, Oh God,

617
00:28:55,836 --> 00:28:58,836
Speaker 5: a couple of times, two or three times, take deep

618
00:28:58,836 --> 00:29:00,876
Speaker 5: breasts in between. Okay, I see you smile.

619
00:29:02,236 --> 00:29:09,076
Speaker 1: If that's not a smile, it's like a fear, like, yeah, okay,

620
00:29:09,276 --> 00:29:13,516
Speaker 1: here goes, I am going to can't if you look

621
00:29:13,556 --> 00:29:17,276
Speaker 1: at myself in the eyes when I say this mirror

622
00:29:17,276 --> 00:29:20,236
Speaker 1: exercise two point zero was way way tougher than just

623
00:29:20,276 --> 00:29:24,676
Speaker 1: staring at some gray hair. Let's try some psychological distance, Laurie,

624
00:29:24,836 --> 00:29:28,396
Speaker 1: you are going to die full disclosure. I found it

625
00:29:28,476 --> 00:29:32,916
Speaker 1: existentially overwhelming at first, but after a few mornings trying

626
00:29:32,916 --> 00:29:35,676
Speaker 1: it out, Okay, it helps. If I close my eyes,

627
00:29:36,276 --> 00:29:41,196
Speaker 1: I am going to die. I am going to die.

628
00:29:43,436 --> 00:29:44,956
Speaker 1: I am going to die.

629
00:29:46,476 --> 00:29:49,596
Speaker 3: This exercise required a lot of bravery, but it also

630
00:29:49,676 --> 00:29:52,756
Speaker 3: hit exactly the kind of death awareness dose that psychologist

631
00:29:52,836 --> 00:29:56,556
Speaker 3: Jodie Wellman recommended earlier, a practice that does take your

632
00:29:56,556 --> 00:29:59,436
Speaker 3: breath away, but at the same time helps to inspire

633
00:29:59,436 --> 00:30:00,036
Speaker 3: a change.

634
00:30:00,316 --> 00:30:02,396
Speaker 2: An astonishing life doesn't just happen to us. We have

635
00:30:02,476 --> 00:30:04,996
Speaker 2: to take action towards it. But sometimes taking that bold

636
00:30:04,996 --> 00:30:06,196
Speaker 2: step it does take courage.

637
00:30:07,156 --> 00:30:10,516
Speaker 3: It's not exactly fun to remember that you're fine. Mortality

638
00:30:10,756 --> 00:30:13,196
Speaker 3: is a bummer, and thinking about it does feel like

639
00:30:13,236 --> 00:30:15,716
Speaker 3: a gut punch, But the science shows it's a gut

640
00:30:15,756 --> 00:30:18,996
Speaker 3: punch with a whole host of psychological benefits, ones that

641
00:30:19,036 --> 00:30:22,716
Speaker 3: I'm beginning to notice and appreciate. Reflecting on death has

642
00:30:22,716 --> 00:30:24,796
Speaker 3: helped me realize that there are lots of spots where

643
00:30:24,796 --> 00:30:27,516
Speaker 3: I'm just phoning in my life. My days are usually

644
00:30:27,556 --> 00:30:30,356
Speaker 3: busy and productive, but I don't always feel like I'm

645
00:30:30,396 --> 00:30:33,876
Speaker 3: really living. Thinking about my mortality has helped me remember

646
00:30:33,996 --> 00:30:37,076
Speaker 3: the people and places that light me up, and realizing

647
00:30:37,116 --> 00:30:39,436
Speaker 3: I have so few mondays left has made me start

648
00:30:39,476 --> 00:30:43,076
Speaker 3: scheduling stuff I really value. I've shifted from passive to

649
00:30:43,156 --> 00:30:46,236
Speaker 3: active mode. I bought a ring with that Latin phrase

650
00:30:46,276 --> 00:30:49,236
Speaker 3: on it, and Jody kindly sent me a ceramic skull

651
00:30:49,276 --> 00:30:52,516
Speaker 3: from her collection. It hasn't come easy, but I've learned

652
00:30:52,516 --> 00:30:54,956
Speaker 3: that a little bravery facing the tough stuff in life

653
00:30:55,276 --> 00:30:58,516
Speaker 3: and in death goes a long way, which reminds me

654
00:30:58,916 --> 00:31:00,916
Speaker 3: We've now come to the end of this season of

655
00:31:00,916 --> 00:31:03,516
Speaker 3: my grappling with the happiness challenges that I struggle with

656
00:31:03,556 --> 00:31:06,036
Speaker 3: the most. I wish I could say that these episodes

657
00:31:06,036 --> 00:31:09,076
Speaker 3: have turned me into some superwoman who's never stressed or

658
00:31:09,196 --> 00:31:13,316
Speaker 3: overworked or self critical. Sadly, I'm still just human, but

659
00:31:13,396 --> 00:31:15,436
Speaker 3: I think the strategies I've learned about over the last

660
00:31:15,476 --> 00:31:18,956
Speaker 3: few weeks have made me a better human. Maybe, Brian,

661
00:31:18,996 --> 00:31:19,476
Speaker 3: what do you think?

662
00:31:19,516 --> 00:31:21,996
Speaker 2: Am I a better human? Are you about human? I've

663
00:31:21,996 --> 00:31:23,356
Speaker 2: tried so hard during.

664
00:31:23,156 --> 00:31:28,756
Speaker 3: These we should have planned this out. I began this

665
00:31:28,836 --> 00:31:31,676
Speaker 3: season by confiding in my friend and producer Ryan Dilley.

666
00:31:32,116 --> 00:31:34,356
Speaker 3: He's been along for this whole project, so now that

667
00:31:34,396 --> 00:31:36,396
Speaker 3: we're at the end, I thought i'd see how he

668
00:31:36,476 --> 00:31:38,516
Speaker 3: thought I did. I think you've been really brave.

669
00:31:38,916 --> 00:31:40,316
Speaker 2: You've done a really good job. But some of these

670
00:31:40,356 --> 00:31:43,396
Speaker 2: really quite tough things. I'm kind of proud of you.

671
00:31:43,556 --> 00:31:46,316
Speaker 2: Oh you're proud of me. That's really sweet. I've earned

672
00:31:46,356 --> 00:31:48,636
Speaker 2: a ton from making they shows with you, But what

673
00:31:48,716 --> 00:31:49,556
Speaker 2: have you come away with?

674
00:31:50,316 --> 00:31:52,276
Speaker 1: I mean, lots of things, but I guess the biggest

675
00:31:52,316 --> 00:31:55,276
Speaker 1: thing is just that I can still change, but there's

676
00:31:55,276 --> 00:31:56,356
Speaker 1: still a room for improvement.

677
00:31:56,556 --> 00:31:59,756
Speaker 3: And it works if I give myself praise as your friend.

678
00:31:59,556 --> 00:32:00,876
Speaker 4: That's such a lovely thing to hear im, And I'm

679
00:32:00,876 --> 00:32:03,076
Speaker 4: so proud that you're able to make that progress.

680
00:32:03,756 --> 00:32:06,436
Speaker 3: This particular season may be over, but we're not taking

681
00:32:06,436 --> 00:32:09,556
Speaker 3: our summer break just yet. We'll have a longer justscussion

682
00:32:09,636 --> 00:32:11,916
Speaker 3: about what I learned from all the shows you've just heard,

683
00:32:12,436 --> 00:32:15,676
Speaker 3: and we've got some special Olympics themed shows too. I'll

684
00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:17,516
Speaker 3: chat with the runner who fell out of love with

685
00:32:17,556 --> 00:32:20,196
Speaker 3: the track, and we'll learn some happiness lessons from the

686
00:32:20,236 --> 00:32:22,956
Speaker 3: coaches who coached the coaches who coached Team USA.

687
00:32:23,596 --> 00:32:25,436
Speaker 2: This is such a special occasion for me.

688
00:32:25,516 --> 00:32:28,316
Speaker 6: I have been a big fan and it resonated so

689
00:32:28,436 --> 00:32:30,556
Speaker 6: much with me that we were sharing episodes of the

690
00:32:30,556 --> 00:32:32,876
Speaker 6: Happiness Lab with the coaches we were working with.

691
00:32:33,236 --> 00:32:36,236
Speaker 3: That's a lot of coaches, so do come back next

692
00:32:36,236 --> 00:32:41,356
Speaker 3: time for the Happiness Lab with me. Doctor Laurie Santos