WEBVTT - The Parent Trap 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.120 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:08.680 and the Black Effect n STI asked Bat still a 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:20.640 n and just like that, we're back on the air. 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:24.080 Welcome back to another episode of Carefully Reckless. What's your girl? 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:27.720 Just hilarious? Now, listen, this episode is kind of about me, 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:29.639 but I'm pretty sure that y'all can relate to it 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:32.519 as well. Right, everybody who's a mother or who's the 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:35.840 father can so grab your t grab your halls because 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:40.800 it's story time. Okay. So look, I was dating this guy, 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.559 and listen, I know every story that I tell you 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.800 all about me price starts like that. But bitch or whatever. 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:48.280 When you date a lot of guys, you got a 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.720 lot of stories. So listen. He was successful in his 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:54.280 own right. And you know, y'all know who I am. Cool. 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.360 He had a child. I have a child. After dating 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.840 for about two or three months, I let him me ask. Yes, 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:03.800 he met Ash. Now fast forward, we were dating for 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:06.480 about five six months. I never got to see his 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:09.319 kid at all. I mean like, he wouldn't even bring 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:12.440 the little boy up. I would have to ask about him, like, 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.480 how is your son? Is he still alive? What does 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:16.360 he do? What does he like? Does he look like you? 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:18.319 Who does he look like? I don't know anything about 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:20.960 this little boy except for that you have a son. 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:25.520 It was the weekend. Ashton's dad usually gets him on 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:28.960 the weekends. Something happened. I kept them home, but that 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:30.840 was usually when me and the guy would hang out 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:33.240 during the weekends because I will be gone during the 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:36.040 week all the time. Called the guy, look, got my kid. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:38.080 I'm not gonna be able to hang out this weekend. 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.360 I got my son, So we're gonna do some kids ship. 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:42.640 He said, okay, cool, Cool, Cool? Can I come along? 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:46.039 I said, okay, cool, We're going to Urban Air alright, fine, cool. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.920 I'm waiting for this nigger to be like, I'm gonna 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:50.640 bring my son to you know what I'm saying. We 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.400 five and a half months in almost six I'm like, okay, cool, 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:55.880 you know I ain't gonna bite the little you feel me? Cool? 0:01:56.080 --> 0:01:58.960 Bring him around. He never said it, never said anything 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:00.840 about it. So when we hung up, I text him. 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:02.600 I said, it wouldn't be too much for you to 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:05.000 bring your son, just so ashen can have some company, 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:07.800 you know, while we're all there. The nigga texts back, 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:11.160 Now he'd be with his mom's on the weekend. Nigga 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:14.119 here with his mom all week and the weekend. When 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:16.480 do you ever have this kid? Like, when do you 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:18.840 ever ever in your life? Like? What's going on with this? 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:22.000 Later I found out after we stopped talking because he 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:24.720 did something else that made me unattracted to him. So whatever, 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:28.079 Later on we became friends because you know, I don't 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.520 hold grudges with Nigga's don't funk with no more is whatever? 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.120 You know, if you cool, are you cool? You were 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.280 probably meant to be my homeboy and not my lover, 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:37.040 So that's fine. He tells me why we at lunch 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.280 one day, oh Na, my baby MoMA didn't want me 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:42.600 to bring my son around you, And as long as 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:45.000 I was messing with you, she didn't let me see him. 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:49.160 That's why you never saw me with him. Now, when 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.640 he said that, a couple of red flags, you know, 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:53.959 shot up for me. That's all I need is one 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.720 time for motherfucking red flag. And there was a couple 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:00.400 of Okay. The first red flag was she not be 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:03.480 over you. She must not be or she cannot be 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:07.120 over you if she does not want your child even 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:10.200 to see me. To meet me to be around me. 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:12.519 If you only been together in three years, you got 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:14.760 to be digging shorty down still to this day, to 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:17.160 this day for her to be saying, oh, no, she 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.880 can't come around my child. The child is five. You're 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.200 telling me you haven't been together since too. You haven't 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:24.240 been sexually attracted to us since the baby was two 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:26.800 years old. Y'all haven't even laid in the same bed 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:29.200 or felt the same about one another since the baby 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:31.440 was two years old. Then that's a lie to me. 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:33.200 You ain't gonna tell me nothing. I don't give a funk. 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:36.720 I don't care the second red flag that went up. You, 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:42.800 as a man, chose this unofficial relationship with me, over 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:46.600 seeing and being able to build a bond with your child. 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:49.040 That says a lot about you as a man, sir. 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:52.120 I'm just being honest with you in this very moment. 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:55.600 Like I told him, Yo, you really put five months 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.600 on a shelf with your son for five months with me. 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:01.920 That says a lot about you as a man. I 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:05.960 actually have way less respect for you. Unless it was 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:08.400 something else, you understand what I'm saying. Unless he was 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.680 still seeing his child just when he wasn't saying me, 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:13.760 I told you I was gone during the week, So 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.479 that's the third red flag unless you were lying. You 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:18.960 mean to tell me you ain't been able to see 0:04:18.960 --> 0:04:22.159 your son in five months because you was fucking with me, 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:25.359 because she was dealing with me, because we were unofficial, 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.680 and when I stay unofficial, I'm heavy on the un 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:32.640 You feel me like, seriously capital you in official That 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:35.159 means you was still going over there sucking un sucking 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.240 or during the week I'm saying, maybe still putting in 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:40.000 her head that you were gonna come back so you'll 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:42.560 canna be a family. You just working on you and 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:45.760 and you you you're trying to fix yourself and you know, 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:51.840 feeding her all this bullshit. That further complicates the relationship 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.920 that me and you have because now I'm looking at 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:56.560 you like, damn, are you even a father? Did you 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.560 lie about your son? And then it also further complicates 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:03.640 the co parenting situation because now you can't even raise 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:07.240 your child with her like you want to or like 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.359 you should be able to, because she forbids you to 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:13.560 take the child around any other women. Hold up, Hold up, 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:15.680 I noticed ship getting good, but listen to just a 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.640 couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:23.360 you'll listen. So that was story time. Hold that for me. 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:27.560 Now let's switch over to carefully reckless discussions. Does your 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:31.880 co parenting situation put a strain on your current relationship 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.599 or current relations For me, I think it depends on 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:39.280 how serious the relationship is. How serious the relations are, 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.560 because you're gonna be dating someone, but you know, as 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:45.400 a man and a woman, you kind of picture where 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:48.000 it can go within like the first month. You know, 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:51.239 some people need two months, some people even need three 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:53.880 to get that clarity, to get to know that person, 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.080 get to see what type of rule they're going down, 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:57.800 you know what I'm saying. But when you do get 0:05:57.800 --> 0:05:59.920 the clarity, you can kind of see where it's going. 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:03.760 So then later, you know, kids and ship come into play. 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:05.800 But it depends on how serious. Now, if you're talking 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.680 to somebody that you see yourself with and y'all haven't 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.279 really put a bow on it yet, meaning make it official, 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.000 but you know that this woman is gonna have to 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:14.600 meet your kids, or you know this guy is gonna 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:17.600 have to meet your child or children or what have you, 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:21.000 then you let that happen. Sometimes depending on who the 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.640 other parents is there needs to be a conversation in 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.680 place because a lot of baby moms can't handle their 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:31.120 children being around other women, especially when it's like a cycle, 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:34.800 and that's vice versa. Let me explain. So, my son's father, 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:37.600 little baby father, y'all know, room, When we first broke 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:41.839 up officially, when Ashton was like one year old, Rome 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:45.600 didn't jump into another relationship. No, he did not I did. 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:48.120 That was the only person that I fell in love 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:51.119 with in my whole life, Like Andre was the only 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:53.839 person that I was in love with. So I introduced 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.720 him to my child a couple of months after us No, no, 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:59.880 A couple of weeks after us dating. Yes, that I'm sorry. 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:02.240 I ain't know lying now, am I bad? I said much? 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:05.080 It was weeks, you know. Rome, on the other hand, 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:09.240 he was not trying to be committed to anybody. He 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:11.920 was still getting over me. He just knew he didn't 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:13.960 want to be a one woman's man. He knew he 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:17.000 couldn't do it, but he wasn't over me. So you 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:18.960 know what happens when you get a bunch of rebound 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:20.800 bitches that to take your mind off of the one 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:22.760 you really want or you wish, you could really have. 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:24.800 So it was one week it was this bitch, and 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:26.280 then the next week it was that bitch, and then 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:28.040 the next week ad that it was this girl one 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:31.280 then and Rome had my son around all of them. 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:35.880 Why because it's good and bad. He would always have 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:39.720 his son. For one, Rome always had Ashton all the 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:43.440 time I worked Rome with self employed. But if you 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.880 know what I'm saying, but you know, he still had 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.560 my son all the time. He was a student, he 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:51.160 was going to college, had my son and in the 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:54.800 damn school with him everywhere. So it was good because 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:58.320 he was just a committed full time father. It was 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:02.200 bad because my son had to grow up around all 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:04.680 these women who kissing on him and taking pictures with 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.480 him and posting them and all this ship and everybody thinks, oh, 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:09.920 I got oh, I'm met his baby. So I know 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.240 he he really gonna think he really gonna stay with me, 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.400 Na bitch, No no no. Kesha had the baby a 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.360 week ago, and two kid had the baby the week 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:20.880 before that. You know what I'm saying, ray Nisha gonna 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:22.720 have a baby next week. But this is just your 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:24.800 week with the baby. So the baby is a runnal 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:27.080 at this point you feel me like everybody get their 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:29.160 hands on them for a week. That's it. That was 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:31.720 the bad part about it. Now back to my relationship 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:36.160 with Andre after room, my co parenting situation definitely put 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:41.680 a strain on my relationship because Rome wasn't over me. 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:44.800 So Rome didn't want me to have anybody else around 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:47.920 his son, and he made it such a big fucking 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:52.439 deal that this one dude, this one man was around 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:55.240 his son. But I couldn't make no type of fuss 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:59.280 about nothing. And I didn't why because I didn't care. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:02.319 I didn't care if he was around Raineum on Monday, 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:04.599 if he was around Precious on Tuesday, if he was 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:06.840 around putting the lape on Wednesday, if he like I 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:09.120 didn't care about that. Why because my feelings were already 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:11.640 expired for Rome. I was fed up when I was 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:13.240 with him because all I was doing was being cheated 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.080 on while I was pregnant up until I hand the baby, 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.000 up until the same day we broke up. He ended 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.760 up going out with a bit that night, so I 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:24.400 was done. I had mentally checked out a minute ago, 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.080 like like a while before this, but I was trying 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.559 to make it work for my baby I've always wanted 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.760 a family like the one I grew up in. Two parents, 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:36.560 where two children, we grew up in a house together. 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:38.920 We were fine. Never even knew that my mother my 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:41.280 father were having complications when I was younger, because they 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:43.600 knew how to hide their ship. They didn't put their 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:46.920 ship on social media. They didn't tell everybody in the neighborhood. 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.280 They didn't go on TV, they didn't call I on 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:52.840 we didn't call Dr Phil. They handled their problems together, 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:56.319 so they raised us together. Does it put a strain 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:59.600 on your current relations your co parenting situation? It can 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:03.400 in many different instances. If you have a bitter baby mother, yes, 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:06.760 If you got a bitter baby daddy, yes, it really 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:08.840 does happen because a lot of people can't let go 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:12.200 of feelings and really pay attention to what the child needs. 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:15.600 It's about the child. When you say co parents parents, 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:18.880 it's a child involved, there are children involved, or else 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:22.920 it would be no parent at all. Now do you 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:27.360 feel it's necessary to raise the child in the same house, now, listen, 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:29.400 it's too answers to that. A lot of people feel 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:32.240 different ways. You know, back to how I was feeling, 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:36.679 I was willing to be miserable and unhappy with Ashton's 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.880 dad just to raise ash in the same house. And 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:42.200 then I kicked myself an ask and woke up like, 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:46.360 oh funck, no, uh, I can't do this. I gotta 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:49.640 do this for me myself. I gotta think about my sanity, 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:53.360 my mental stress, my uh. I gotta get the funk 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:55.160 out of here. I gotta I gotta break this off 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:57.880 of this there. As bad as I wanted Ashton to 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:01.800 have that family dynamic, my baby was whineing' gonna remember 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.440 ship I left his ass. But a lot of people 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:06.800 feel that way, and a lot of people have done 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:09.280 that years on years, and yes, for years. You'll be 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:11.960 miserable in the same house with somebody you've got kids with, 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.200 only because you want the kids to see y'all grow 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:16.600 up together. That's not a good thing, though. It's not 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.400 a good thing because if you are miserable and if 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:22.040 you are unhappy, it will start to show even in 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:26.000 your performance as a parent. I'm talking about toxicity at 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:29.679 its best. Sometimes it may hinder a child for you 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.200 to stay and raise them in the same house knowing 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.080 that you and the other parents are not good for 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:36.559 each other. Y'all can come to blows. Y'all can mentally 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.000 abuse each other, y'all can verbally abuse each other, And 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:42.640 then the child gotta be raised, gotta grow up in 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:46.560 that household where his parents were bickering, Her parents were bickering. 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:50.080 Their parents were bickering their whole fucking life. It can 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.320 hinder a child. If you raise a child in the 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.800 midst of negativity and dysfunction, that is what your child 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:59.120 will absorb and be fucked up. Then there's counseling and 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:02.480 therapy that you've gotta pay thousands, thousands of dollars to. 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.320 You know, some works and some doesn't. When you can 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.240 just prevent that ship and think of yourself. Now, I'm 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:12.079 not saying be selfish, you know, but think more about 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:15.600 the child, think about the long term of it. You 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.120 may think, oh, I want I want my child to 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.319 grow up like I did. I had both of my parents. 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:24.280 I really did fine. But that doesn't mean that something 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:26.280 is gonna end up being wrong with your child if 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:30.960 you choose yourself, because listen, if you separate yourselves, the 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.360 baby can have too healthy environments. Sometimes you need that 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:37.760 breakaway to live apart, to feel free and to be 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:40.760 happy again, to be jolly, to be in a positive 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:43.600 state of mind. I'm telling you, the aura is better, 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:47.240 the environment is better, the air is clear. If a 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:49.959 baby got to places like that, they can go mommy 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:52.400 house and daddy house. I promise you that baby will 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:56.000 be just fine. And that's that. Now. Is it easy 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.120 co parenting when you aren't together, like if you're not 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:01.520 in a relation ship with the mother or the father, 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:05.320 is it easy? In my opinion, I feel if the 0:13:05.440 --> 0:13:08.840 only goal is to raise the child the right way 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:12.240 and not focused on each other, then yes, me and 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:16.200 my child's father, for example, that's like my homie. That's 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:18.959 my nigga right there. You know, that's my man's for sure. 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:21.839 I'm not attracted to him in any type of way, 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:23.400 you know what I'm saying. No, that does not mean 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.960 he's ugly. Baby father ain't ugly by a long shot. 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.320 And saying he might be boldened in the corners, you know, 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:30.920 but that's one thing he ain't. He ain't never been. 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:33.640 It is ugly. But I'm saying I'm not attracted to him. 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.760 There will never be another relationship that comes out of 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.960 me and Jerome, but we are tightening it. We're very 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.320 close and a lot of times I joke in my 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:44.679 videos and I say, you know, we're like brother and sister. No, 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.600 for real, we fight like brother and sister. Then we're 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.599 back cool like brother and sister ship like that, you 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.840 know what I'm saying, or like two best friends with 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.720 regular friends, like you know, we're cool as fuck. He 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.319 calls me for advice about women, you know, about the 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:59.720 women he's dealing with in his in his life. I 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:01.920 don't call him about the niggas I'm dealing with in 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:06.200 my life. You know, Rome is very Rome is very childish, 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.640 so I can't call him like that. He was like, well, 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:10.520 first of all, Nick probably ain't got no call. They 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:13.200 could probably don't look like me. They could probably like, 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.160 you know, like Rome is that type of nigga, Like 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.160 you know what I'm saying. But that's not because he's 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:20.000 attractive to me. That's just who he is. Period. He'll 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:22.080 say that ship about a bit she was dealing with 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:23.640 in the fourth grade. If she came and asked him 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:25.600 a question about the nigga she dealing with. Now, that's 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:27.480 just who he is. You know. You have to understand 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:31.560 Rome to love him. So the task is at its 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:36.040 easiest when all love is gone when when the feelings 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:39.480 are no more, when you don't feel some type of 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:42.320 way about your baby mother still, when you still aren't 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:45.400 hoping for a future with your baby father or whatever, 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.040 when you aren't leading the other on, or you know, 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.360 bullshit in the line and all that type of If 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:55.280 there are no ties intimately, no ties mentally at all, 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.600 then yes it is easy co parenting. But then there 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:02.120 are other levels to it. One parent maybe financially fit 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:05.240 and the other parent may not be. So you know, 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:08.400 you got the moms that run down child support, not 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.240 even the ones that do it out of spite, the 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:12.040 ones that do it because they really need it. You 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.160 know what I'm saying That you're not really providing what 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.960 you should be providing for your child. So that's why 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:18.760 some of these women do it a lot of women 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.600 more than often do it out of spite these days. 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:25.600 But what it's really for is the child. And when 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:27.960 you need something that you can't get it from the dad, 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.640 that's what you do. You're gonna put that mother on 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:34.200 child support. It's just the negative connotation wrapped around child 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.640 support now and ship, so a lot of people look 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:39.040 at it differently than it should be looked at it's 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.640 solely for the child, and then you fled out. Just 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.760 got dead beat parents out this bit like for real, 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.800 the other parents that don't want to do ship at all. 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:49.480 It ain't even got nothing to do with him being 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:51.840 in a relationship or y'all not being together. It's just 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:54.640 that he don't do period. It's just that she won't 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:56.960 do period. You know what I'm saying. You got those 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.000 I don't know what to tell y'all about that. Just 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:02.120 keep praying for that per and keep your fists high. Okay, 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:04.080 Now we got a commercial, and if you click off 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:06.800 this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:10.440 That brings me to just fix my mess. And y'all 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:13.120 know I always turned to y'all for instances like this 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:15.480 so I can relate to y'all as y'all can relate 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:18.640 to me. Now, I asked on Instagram, is it easy 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:22.200 co parenting when you're not together? How so go? I'm 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:26.520 gonna read a few responses off phenomenally. Marie on Instagram 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:29.080 says no, because mine don't want nothing to do with 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:33.080 the kids unless he can have me. And this happens 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:36.120 to women more often than not. That is very very 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:39.240 fucked up. Honestly, I'm very sorry. So you're doing this 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.560 by yourself. You are what they call a single mother baby, 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:45.720 and I'm very very sorry about that, Marie. Damn. But 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.200 I don't care how bad you need that motherfucker, how 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:53.200 bad you need that brother to be the father for 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:55.560 them kids. If that ain't who you want to be with, 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:58.240 you bet not crack them legs open, because he needs 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:00.280 to know what's the respect thing you got. I had 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.520 that standard for yourself, and he needs to know whether 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:06.120 I'm fucking with her or not. She has my children 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.280 who she works to take care of every day of 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:11.800 their lives. He needs to come to Jesus moment with 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:17.560 his dumbass self. MS dots Sparkle eighty four on Instagram says, yes, 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:19.960 it's easy. My son's father and I've been doing it 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:22.280 since he was too and he's about to be fourteen. 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:27.080 It's about our child, not us, and it works, thank God, hallelujah. 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:30.280 I love it. It's about the child, the child. Like 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:33.120 I said, you wouldn't be a parent if you didn't 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:36.480 have a child. So when I asked a co parenting question, 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:41.320 think about the child. This person wants to remain anonymous. 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:43.600 Easy as hell. We are the best of friends and 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.600 we aren't attracted to each other at all. Our children 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:50.359 was affected by our divorce long ago. However, they eventually 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:53.560 got over it. Oh well cool, that's good. That means 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:55.600 that your children may be grown now. I love that. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:59.000 I have no feedback. That's perfect baby to say. Here's 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:02.119 another one. My baby mother is a lame. She brings 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:05.520 my son around every dude she sleeps with, so sadly, no, 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:09.439 co parenting is not easy. Now listen, brother, is the 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:13.480 co parenting not easy because you still want your baby mother? 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.480 You still have those feelings for her? Is that why 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:18.919 she's a lame? Is that why you had to disrespect 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:21.040 to her like that before telling me what it is? 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:23.720 Because you still didn't tell me how it's not easy? 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:27.240 How does her bringing your son around every nigga that 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:30.439 she sleep with making it hard for you to raise 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:33.720 him with her when y'all are not together? That was 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:35.800 the question. Mabe, go back to the drone board. How 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:37.560 let me next week, I might I might read it. 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:41.160 This last person says, yes, it's easy. I felt when 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:44.000 we were together we had two different ways of parenting, 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:47.439 which was confusing our son since we've been living apart 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:50.119 and we're not together, it's easy, or raising my child 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:54.280 my way. Wow. Okay, this was the first and only 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.000 person that had this response. Now, when you think about it, 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:00.400 that's a little toxic, but I do on the stand 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:02.879 it that means that y'all didn't see no future in 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:06.000 sight for y'all. Anyway, she said they had two different 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:09.080 ways of parenting, which confused their child. Now, she never 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:12.600 made it about them being together or having love for 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:15.119 one another, or being bitter or whatever. I don't know 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:19.080 what their relationship with each other was like. However, to her, 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:22.960 it was about the child being raised two different ways. Now, 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.320 I bet she's not the only person in the world 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:27.720 with feels like that. That's amazing. I have really really 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:30.879 nothing to say about that, because all indeed, it was 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.720 about the job. I love that. So listen, people, when 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:36.679 you co parent, you just have to know what is 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:39.879 right for the child. If you are dating someone and 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:41.800 you never get to meet their children, that's the red 0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:44.280 motherfucking flag. If you're dating somebody who got kids and 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:46.600