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Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect n STI asked Bat still a

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Speaker 1: n and just like that, we're back on the air.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Carefully Reckless. What's your girl?

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Speaker 1: Just hilarious? Now, listen, this episode is kind of about me,

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Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure that y'all can relate to it

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Speaker 1: as well. Right, everybody who's a mother or who's the

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Speaker 1: father can so grab your t grab your halls because

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Speaker 1: it's story time. Okay. So look, I was dating this guy,

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Speaker 1: and listen, I know every story that I tell you

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Speaker 1: all about me price starts like that. But bitch or whatever.

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Speaker 1: When you date a lot of guys, you got a

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Speaker 1: lot of stories. So listen. He was successful in his

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Speaker 1: own right. And you know, y'all know who I am. Cool.

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Speaker 1: He had a child. I have a child. After dating

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Speaker 1: for about two or three months, I let him me ask. Yes,

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Speaker 1: he met Ash. Now fast forward, we were dating for

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Speaker 1: about five six months. I never got to see his

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Speaker 1: kid at all. I mean like, he wouldn't even bring

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Speaker 1: the little boy up. I would have to ask about him, like,

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Speaker 1: how is your son? Is he still alive? What does

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Speaker 1: he do? What does he like? Does he look like you?

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Speaker 1: Who does he look like? I don't know anything about

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Speaker 1: this little boy except for that you have a son.

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Speaker 1: It was the weekend. Ashton's dad usually gets him on

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Speaker 1: the weekends. Something happened. I kept them home, but that

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Speaker 1: was usually when me and the guy would hang out

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Speaker 1: during the weekends because I will be gone during the

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Speaker 1: week all the time. Called the guy, look, got my kid.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be able to hang out this weekend.

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Speaker 1: I got my son, So we're gonna do some kids ship.

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Speaker 1: He said, okay, cool, Cool, Cool? Can I come along?

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Speaker 1: I said, okay, cool, We're going to Urban Air alright, fine, cool.

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Speaker 1: I'm waiting for this nigger to be like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: bring my son to you know what I'm saying. We

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Speaker 1: five and a half months in almost six I'm like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: you know I ain't gonna bite the little you feel me? Cool?

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Speaker 1: Bring him around. He never said it, never said anything

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Speaker 1: about it. So when we hung up, I text him.

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Speaker 1: I said, it wouldn't be too much for you to

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Speaker 1: bring your son, just so ashen can have some company,

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Speaker 1: you know, while we're all there. The nigga texts back,

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Speaker 1: Now he'd be with his mom's on the weekend. Nigga

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Speaker 1: here with his mom all week and the weekend. When

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Speaker 1: do you ever have this kid? Like, when do you

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Speaker 1: ever ever in your life? Like? What's going on with this?

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Speaker 1: Later I found out after we stopped talking because he

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Speaker 1: did something else that made me unattracted to him. So whatever,

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Speaker 1: Later on we became friends because you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: hold grudges with Nigga's don't funk with no more is whatever?

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Speaker 1: You know, if you cool, are you cool? You were

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Speaker 1: probably meant to be my homeboy and not my lover,

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Speaker 1: So that's fine. He tells me why we at lunch

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Speaker 1: one day, oh Na, my baby MoMA didn't want me

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Speaker 1: to bring my son around you, And as long as

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Speaker 1: I was messing with you, she didn't let me see him.

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Speaker 1: That's why you never saw me with him. Now, when

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Speaker 1: he said that, a couple of red flags, you know,

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Speaker 1: shot up for me. That's all I need is one

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Speaker 1: time for motherfucking red flag. And there was a couple

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Speaker 1: of Okay. The first red flag was she not be

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Speaker 1: over you. She must not be or she cannot be

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Speaker 1: over you if she does not want your child even

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Speaker 1: to see me. To meet me to be around me.

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Speaker 1: If you only been together in three years, you got

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Speaker 1: to be digging shorty down still to this day, to

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Speaker 1: this day for her to be saying, oh, no, she

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Speaker 1: can't come around my child. The child is five. You're

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Speaker 1: telling me you haven't been together since too. You haven't

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Speaker 1: been sexually attracted to us since the baby was two

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Speaker 1: years old. Y'all haven't even laid in the same bed

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Speaker 1: or felt the same about one another since the baby

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Speaker 1: was two years old. Then that's a lie to me.

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Speaker 1: You ain't gonna tell me nothing. I don't give a funk.

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Speaker 1: I don't care the second red flag that went up. You,

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Speaker 1: as a man, chose this unofficial relationship with me, over

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Speaker 1: seeing and being able to build a bond with your child.

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Speaker 1: That says a lot about you as a man, sir.

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Speaker 1: I'm just being honest with you in this very moment.

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Speaker 1: Like I told him, Yo, you really put five months

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Speaker 1: on a shelf with your son for five months with me.

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Speaker 1: That says a lot about you as a man. I

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Speaker 1: actually have way less respect for you. Unless it was

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Speaker 1: something else, you understand what I'm saying. Unless he was

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Speaker 1: still seeing his child just when he wasn't saying me,

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Speaker 1: I told you I was gone during the week, So

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Speaker 1: that's the third red flag unless you were lying. You

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Speaker 1: mean to tell me you ain't been able to see

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Speaker 1: your son in five months because you was fucking with me,

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Speaker 1: because she was dealing with me, because we were unofficial,

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Speaker 1: and when I stay unofficial, I'm heavy on the un

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Speaker 1: You feel me like, seriously capital you in official That

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Speaker 1: means you was still going over there sucking un sucking

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Speaker 1: or during the week I'm saying, maybe still putting in

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Speaker 1: her head that you were gonna come back so you'll

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Speaker 1: canna be a family. You just working on you and

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Speaker 1: and you you you're trying to fix yourself and you know,

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Speaker 1: feeding her all this bullshit. That further complicates the relationship

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Speaker 1: that me and you have because now I'm looking at

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Speaker 1: you like, damn, are you even a father? Did you

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Speaker 1: lie about your son? And then it also further complicates

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Speaker 1: the co parenting situation because now you can't even raise

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Speaker 1: your child with her like you want to or like

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Speaker 1: you should be able to, because she forbids you to

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Speaker 1: take the child around any other women. Hold up, Hold up,

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Speaker 1: I noticed ship getting good, but listen to just a

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Speaker 1: couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me,

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Speaker 1: you'll listen. So that was story time. Hold that for me.

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Speaker 1: Now let's switch over to carefully reckless discussions. Does your

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Speaker 1: co parenting situation put a strain on your current relationship

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Speaker 1: or current relations For me, I think it depends on

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Speaker 1: how serious the relationship is. How serious the relations are,

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Speaker 1: because you're gonna be dating someone, but you know, as

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Speaker 1: a man and a woman, you kind of picture where

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Speaker 1: it can go within like the first month. You know,

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Speaker 1: some people need two months, some people even need three

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Speaker 1: to get that clarity, to get to know that person,

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Speaker 1: get to see what type of rule they're going down,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But when you do get

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Speaker 1: the clarity, you can kind of see where it's going.

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Speaker 1: So then later, you know, kids and ship come into play.

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Speaker 1: But it depends on how serious. Now, if you're talking

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Speaker 1: to somebody that you see yourself with and y'all haven't

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Speaker 1: really put a bow on it yet, meaning make it official,

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Speaker 1: but you know that this woman is gonna have to

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Speaker 1: meet your kids, or you know this guy is gonna

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Speaker 1: have to meet your child or children or what have you,

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Speaker 1: then you let that happen. Sometimes depending on who the

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Speaker 1: other parents is there needs to be a conversation in

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Speaker 1: place because a lot of baby moms can't handle their

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Speaker 1: children being around other women, especially when it's like a cycle,

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Speaker 1: and that's vice versa. Let me explain. So, my son's father,

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Speaker 1: little baby father, y'all know, room, When we first broke

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Speaker 1: up officially, when Ashton was like one year old, Rome

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Speaker 1: didn't jump into another relationship. No, he did not I did.

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Speaker 1: That was the only person that I fell in love

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Speaker 1: with in my whole life, Like Andre was the only

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Speaker 1: person that I was in love with. So I introduced

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Speaker 1: him to my child a couple of months after us No, no,

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Speaker 1: A couple of weeks after us dating. Yes, that I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I ain't know lying now, am I bad? I said much?

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Speaker 1: It was weeks, you know. Rome, on the other hand,

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Speaker 1: he was not trying to be committed to anybody. He

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Speaker 1: was still getting over me. He just knew he didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be a one woman's man. He knew he

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Speaker 1: couldn't do it, but he wasn't over me. So you

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Speaker 1: know what happens when you get a bunch of rebound

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Speaker 1: bitches that to take your mind off of the one

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Speaker 1: you really want or you wish, you could really have.

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Speaker 1: So it was one week it was this bitch, and

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Speaker 1: then the next week it was that bitch, and then

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Speaker 1: the next week ad that it was this girl one

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Speaker 1: then and Rome had my son around all of them.

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Speaker 1: Why because it's good and bad. He would always have

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Speaker 1: his son. For one, Rome always had Ashton all the

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Speaker 1: time I worked Rome with self employed. But if you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, but you know, he still had

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Speaker 1: my son all the time. He was a student, he

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Speaker 1: was going to college, had my son and in the

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Speaker 1: damn school with him everywhere. So it was good because

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Speaker 1: he was just a committed full time father. It was

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Speaker 1: bad because my son had to grow up around all

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Speaker 1: these women who kissing on him and taking pictures with

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Speaker 1: him and posting them and all this ship and everybody thinks, oh,

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Speaker 1: I got oh, I'm met his baby. So I know

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Speaker 1: he he really gonna think he really gonna stay with me,

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Speaker 1: Na bitch, No no no. Kesha had the baby a

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Speaker 1: week ago, and two kid had the baby the week

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Speaker 1: before that. You know what I'm saying, ray Nisha gonna

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Speaker 1: have a baby next week. But this is just your

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Speaker 1: week with the baby. So the baby is a runnal

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Speaker 1: at this point you feel me like everybody get their

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Speaker 1: hands on them for a week. That's it. That was

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Speaker 1: the bad part about it. Now back to my relationship

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Speaker 1: with Andre after room, my co parenting situation definitely put

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Speaker 1: a strain on my relationship because Rome wasn't over me.

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Speaker 1: So Rome didn't want me to have anybody else around

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Speaker 1: his son, and he made it such a big fucking

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Speaker 1: deal that this one dude, this one man was around

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Speaker 1: his son. But I couldn't make no type of fuss

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Speaker 1: about nothing. And I didn't why because I didn't care.

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Speaker 1: I didn't care if he was around Raineum on Monday,

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Speaker 1: if he was around Precious on Tuesday, if he was

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Speaker 1: around putting the lape on Wednesday, if he like I

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Speaker 1: didn't care about that. Why because my feelings were already

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Speaker 1: expired for Rome. I was fed up when I was

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Speaker 1: with him because all I was doing was being cheated

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Speaker 1: on while I was pregnant up until I hand the baby,

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Speaker 1: up until the same day we broke up. He ended

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Speaker 1: up going out with a bit that night, so I

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Speaker 1: was done. I had mentally checked out a minute ago,

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Speaker 1: like like a while before this, but I was trying

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Speaker 1: to make it work for my baby I've always wanted

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Speaker 1: a family like the one I grew up in. Two parents,

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Speaker 1: where two children, we grew up in a house together.

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Speaker 1: We were fine. Never even knew that my mother my

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Speaker 1: father were having complications when I was younger, because they

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Speaker 1: knew how to hide their ship. They didn't put their

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Speaker 1: ship on social media. They didn't tell everybody in the neighborhood.

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Speaker 1: They didn't go on TV, they didn't call I on

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Speaker 1: we didn't call Dr Phil. They handled their problems together,

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Speaker 1: so they raised us together. Does it put a strain

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Speaker 1: on your current relations your co parenting situation? It can

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Speaker 1: in many different instances. If you have a bitter baby mother, yes,

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Speaker 1: If you got a bitter baby daddy, yes, it really

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Speaker 1: does happen because a lot of people can't let go

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Speaker 1: of feelings and really pay attention to what the child needs.

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Speaker 1: It's about the child. When you say co parents parents,

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Speaker 1: it's a child involved, there are children involved, or else

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Speaker 1: it would be no parent at all. Now do you

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Speaker 1: feel it's necessary to raise the child in the same house, now, listen,

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Speaker 1: it's too answers to that. A lot of people feel

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Speaker 1: different ways. You know, back to how I was feeling,

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Speaker 1: I was willing to be miserable and unhappy with Ashton's

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Speaker 1: dad just to raise ash in the same house. And

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Speaker 1: then I kicked myself an ask and woke up like,

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Speaker 1: oh funck, no, uh, I can't do this. I gotta

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Speaker 1: do this for me myself. I gotta think about my sanity,

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Speaker 1: my mental stress, my uh. I gotta get the funk

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Speaker 1: out of here. I gotta I gotta break this off

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Speaker 1: of this there. As bad as I wanted Ashton to

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Speaker 1: have that family dynamic, my baby was whineing' gonna remember

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Speaker 1: ship I left his ass. But a lot of people

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Speaker 1: feel that way, and a lot of people have done

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Speaker 1: that years on years, and yes, for years. You'll be

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Speaker 1: miserable in the same house with somebody you've got kids with,

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Speaker 1: only because you want the kids to see y'all grow

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Speaker 1: up together. That's not a good thing, though. It's not

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Speaker 1: a good thing because if you are miserable and if

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Speaker 1: you are unhappy, it will start to show even in

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Speaker 1: your performance as a parent. I'm talking about toxicity at

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Speaker 1: its best. Sometimes it may hinder a child for you

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Speaker 1: to stay and raise them in the same house knowing

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Speaker 1: that you and the other parents are not good for

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Speaker 1: each other. Y'all can come to blows. Y'all can mentally

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Speaker 1: abuse each other, y'all can verbally abuse each other, And

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Speaker 1: then the child gotta be raised, gotta grow up in

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Speaker 1: that household where his parents were bickering, Her parents were bickering.

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Speaker 1: Their parents were bickering their whole fucking life. It can

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Speaker 1: hinder a child. If you raise a child in the

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Speaker 1: midst of negativity and dysfunction, that is what your child

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Speaker 1: will absorb and be fucked up. Then there's counseling and

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Speaker 1: therapy that you've gotta pay thousands, thousands of dollars to.

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Speaker 1: You know, some works and some doesn't. When you can

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Speaker 1: just prevent that ship and think of yourself. Now, I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying be selfish, you know, but think more about

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Speaker 1: the child, think about the long term of it. You

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Speaker 1: may think, oh, I want I want my child to

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Speaker 1: grow up like I did. I had both of my parents.

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Speaker 1: I really did fine. But that doesn't mean that something

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Speaker 1: is gonna end up being wrong with your child if

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Speaker 1: you choose yourself, because listen, if you separate yourselves, the

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Speaker 1: baby can have too healthy environments. Sometimes you need that

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Speaker 1: breakaway to live apart, to feel free and to be

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Speaker 1: happy again, to be jolly, to be in a positive

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Speaker 1: state of mind. I'm telling you, the aura is better,

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Speaker 1: the environment is better, the air is clear. If a

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Speaker 1: baby got to places like that, they can go mommy

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Speaker 1: house and daddy house. I promise you that baby will

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Speaker 1: be just fine. And that's that. Now. Is it easy

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Speaker 1: co parenting when you aren't together, like if you're not

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Speaker 1: in a relation ship with the mother or the father,

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Speaker 1: is it easy? In my opinion, I feel if the

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Speaker 1: only goal is to raise the child the right way

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Speaker 1: and not focused on each other, then yes, me and

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Speaker 1: my child's father, for example, that's like my homie. That's

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Speaker 1: my nigga right there. You know, that's my man's for sure.

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Speaker 1: I'm not attracted to him in any type of way,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. No, that does not mean

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Speaker 1: he's ugly. Baby father ain't ugly by a long shot.

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Speaker 1: And saying he might be boldened in the corners, you know,

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Speaker 1: but that's one thing he ain't. He ain't never been.

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Speaker 1: It is ugly. But I'm saying I'm not attracted to him.

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Speaker 1: There will never be another relationship that comes out of

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Speaker 1: me and Jerome, but we are tightening it. We're very

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Speaker 1: close and a lot of times I joke in my

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Speaker 1: videos and I say, you know, we're like brother and sister. No,

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Speaker 1: for real, we fight like brother and sister. Then we're

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Speaker 1: back cool like brother and sister ship like that, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, or like two best friends with

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Speaker 1: regular friends, like you know, we're cool as fuck. He

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Speaker 1: calls me for advice about women, you know, about the

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Speaker 1: women he's dealing with in his in his life. I

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Speaker 1: don't call him about the niggas I'm dealing with in

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Speaker 1: my life. You know, Rome is very Rome is very childish,

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Speaker 1: so I can't call him like that. He was like, well,

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Speaker 1: first of all, Nick probably ain't got no call. They

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Speaker 1: could probably don't look like me. They could probably like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like Rome is that type of nigga, Like

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But that's not because he's

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Speaker 1: attractive to me. That's just who he is. Period. He'll

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Speaker 1: say that ship about a bit she was dealing with

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Speaker 1: in the fourth grade. If she came and asked him

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Speaker 1: a question about the nigga she dealing with. Now, that's

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Speaker 1: just who he is. You know. You have to understand

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Speaker 1: Rome to love him. So the task is at its

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Speaker 1: easiest when all love is gone when when the feelings

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Speaker 1: are no more, when you don't feel some type of

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Speaker 1: way about your baby mother still, when you still aren't

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Speaker 1: hoping for a future with your baby father or whatever,

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Speaker 1: when you aren't leading the other on, or you know,

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Speaker 1: bullshit in the line and all that type of If

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Speaker 1: there are no ties intimately, no ties mentally at all,

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Speaker 1: then yes it is easy co parenting. But then there

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Speaker 1: are other levels to it. One parent maybe financially fit

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Speaker 1: and the other parent may not be. So you know,

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Speaker 1: you got the moms that run down child support, not

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Speaker 1: even the ones that do it out of spite, the

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Speaker 1: ones that do it because they really need it. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying That you're not really providing what

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Speaker 1: you should be providing for your child. So that's why

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Speaker 1: some of these women do it a lot of women

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Speaker 1: more than often do it out of spite these days.

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Speaker 1: But what it's really for is the child. And when

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Speaker 1: you need something that you can't get it from the dad,

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Speaker 1: that's what you do. You're gonna put that mother on

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Speaker 1: child support. It's just the negative connotation wrapped around child

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Speaker 1: support now and ship, so a lot of people look

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Speaker 1: at it differently than it should be looked at it's

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Speaker 1: solely for the child, and then you fled out. Just

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Speaker 1: got dead beat parents out this bit like for real,

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Speaker 1: the other parents that don't want to do ship at all.

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Speaker 1: It ain't even got nothing to do with him being

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Speaker 1: in a relationship or y'all not being together. It's just

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Speaker 1: that he don't do period. It's just that she won't

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Speaker 1: do period. You know what I'm saying. You got those

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell y'all about that. Just

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Speaker 1: keep praying for that per and keep your fists high. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Now we got a commercial, and if you click off

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Speaker 1: this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen.

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Speaker 1: That brings me to just fix my mess. And y'all

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Speaker 1: know I always turned to y'all for instances like this

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Speaker 1: so I can relate to y'all as y'all can relate

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Speaker 1: to me. Now, I asked on Instagram, is it easy

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Speaker 1: co parenting when you're not together? How so go? I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna read a few responses off phenomenally. Marie on Instagram

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Speaker 1: says no, because mine don't want nothing to do with

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Speaker 1: the kids unless he can have me. And this happens

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Speaker 1: to women more often than not. That is very very

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Speaker 1: fucked up. Honestly, I'm very sorry. So you're doing this

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Speaker 1: by yourself. You are what they call a single mother baby,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very very sorry about that, Marie. Damn. But

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Speaker 1: I don't care how bad you need that motherfucker, how

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Speaker 1: bad you need that brother to be the father for

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Speaker 1: them kids. If that ain't who you want to be with,

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Speaker 1: you bet not crack them legs open, because he needs

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Speaker 1: to know what's the respect thing you got. I had

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Speaker 1: that standard for yourself, and he needs to know whether

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Speaker 1: I'm fucking with her or not. She has my children

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Speaker 1: who she works to take care of every day of

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Speaker 1: their lives. He needs to come to Jesus moment with

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Speaker 1: his dumbass self. MS dots Sparkle eighty four on Instagram says, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's easy. My son's father and I've been doing it

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Speaker 1: since he was too and he's about to be fourteen.

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Speaker 1: It's about our child, not us, and it works, thank God, hallelujah.

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Speaker 1: I love it. It's about the child, the child. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, you wouldn't be a parent if you didn't

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Speaker 1: have a child. So when I asked a co parenting question,

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Speaker 1: think about the child. This person wants to remain anonymous.

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Speaker 1: Easy as hell. We are the best of friends and

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Speaker 1: we aren't attracted to each other at all. Our children

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Speaker 1: was affected by our divorce long ago. However, they eventually

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Speaker 1: got over it. Oh well cool, that's good. That means

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Speaker 1: that your children may be grown now. I love that.

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Speaker 1: I have no feedback. That's perfect baby to say. Here's

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Speaker 1: another one. My baby mother is a lame. She brings

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Speaker 1: my son around every dude she sleeps with, so sadly, no,

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Speaker 1: co parenting is not easy. Now listen, brother, is the

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Speaker 1: co parenting not easy because you still want your baby mother?

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Speaker 1: You still have those feelings for her? Is that why

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Speaker 1: she's a lame? Is that why you had to disrespect

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Speaker 1: to her like that before telling me what it is?

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Speaker 1: Because you still didn't tell me how it's not easy?

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Speaker 1: How does her bringing your son around every nigga that

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Speaker 1: she sleep with making it hard for you to raise

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Speaker 1: him with her when y'all are not together? That was

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Speaker 1: the question. Mabe, go back to the drone board. How

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Speaker 1: let me next week, I might I might read it.

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Speaker 1: This last person says, yes, it's easy. I felt when

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Speaker 1: we were together we had two different ways of parenting,

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Speaker 1: which was confusing our son since we've been living apart

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Speaker 1: and we're not together, it's easy, or raising my child

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Speaker 1: my way. Wow. Okay, this was the first and only

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Speaker 1: person that had this response. Now, when you think about it,

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Speaker 1: that's a little toxic, but I do on the stand

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Speaker 1: it that means that y'all didn't see no future in

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Speaker 1: sight for y'all. Anyway, she said they had two different

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Speaker 1: ways of parenting, which confused their child. Now, she never

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Speaker 1: made it about them being together or having love for

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Speaker 1: one another, or being bitter or whatever. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what their relationship with each other was like. However, to her,

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Speaker 1: it was about the child being raised two different ways. Now,

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Speaker 1: I bet she's not the only person in the world

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Speaker 1: with feels like that. That's amazing. I have really really

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Speaker 1: nothing to say about that, because all indeed, it was

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Speaker 1: about the job. I love that. So listen, people, when

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Speaker 1: you co parent, you just have to know what is

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Speaker 1: right for the child. If you are dating someone and

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Speaker 1: you never get to meet their children, that's the red

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Speaker 1: motherfucking flag. If you're dating somebody who got kids and

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Speaker 1: you never see them with their kids, you never hear

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Speaker 1: about their kids, that's the red motherfucking flag if you

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Speaker 1: feel that it is hard to co parent because you

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Speaker 1: are in a relationship, there needs to be some type

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Speaker 1: of closure that you and the other parents have to

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Speaker 1: get to the bottom too, just so it's healthy. It's

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Speaker 1: healthy going forward for you, the child, and any other

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Speaker 1: companions that are in the way. And boom the end

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Speaker 1: of the episode, just like that. I love y'all because

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Speaker 1: y'all love me. And next week tune and I got

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Speaker 1: a very special episode for y'all next week Wednesday, Every Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: hump Day and my deepest pan boys. Peace Carefully Reckless

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Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.

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Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I

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Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.