WEBVTT - Best Of Full Interview: Pastor Michael Todd On Facing Your Damage, Finding Your Value, Support Systems, Spit Incident + More 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.440 Wake that ass up in the morning. 0:00:02.600 --> 0:00:03.640 The Breakfast Club. 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:08.039 Morning, everybody, It's DJ n V Charlamagne the Guy. 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:10.240 We are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:13.320 in the building. Yes, indeed we have Pastor Mike Todd. 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:15.440 Welcome brother, what's going on? Family'all good? 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.680 Yes, man, I'm blessed. Man, I'm at the Breakfast Club 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:19.840 with y'all. 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:21.360 I'm blessed, black and holly favored. 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:25.119 You are definitely black, blessed and highly favored. It I 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:27.000 feel like all of us are blessed, black and hot. 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:28.640 Feels good. 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:30.159 Thank you for having me, Man, Happy to have you 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:34.280 new book, damage would not destroyed from trauma to triumph. Yes, sir, 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:35.639 powerful title. Bro. 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:39.279 It's my life and it's honestly, I believe a lot 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:40.720 of people's life that they don't share. 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:42.360 You know. 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:45.840 You see everybody from people who've gone from the gutter 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.640 to this big platform, or people who've just made it 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:50.840 out of the hood or just made it from where 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:52.560 they thought they would never come, but then they shut 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:55.560 up and stopped telling the actual story about how they 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:57.760 got from where they were to where they are now. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:00:58.840 I have a theory about that. 0:00:58.880 --> 0:00:59.520 What is it? 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.360 I think the theory now, like I'm forty five years old, 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.000 so you look good. It so grown, thank you brother. 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:07.960 So growing up, you know, it was those stories of overcoming, 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:11.000 those stories of making mistakes and you know, becoming a 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:15.600 better person that we always gravitated towards that we learned from. Nowadays, 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.640 because of this soul called cancel culture, Yeah, nobody wants 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:20.959 to talk about the mistakes that they made. Yeah know, 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:22.800 nobody because they feel like they'll be judged for them 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:24.480 and crucified for them, which they probably. 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:25.840 Will, well, but it's temporary. 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:29.160 Like the truth of the matter is, because I'm a 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.240 person of faith, I believe the truth of the matter 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:33.679 is the we overcome by the blood of the Lamb. 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:36.039 That's what crisis them. But the words of our own testimony, 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:38.560 even if you don't believe what I believe, the truth 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:40.319 is when you see somebody else go through something and 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:42.720 you make it through it, it gives you courage, It 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:45.479 gives you hope, it gives you dang maybe I can 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.080 do that too. And a lot of people are robbing 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.600 other people of the fuel that they need to overcome 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:54.600 their actual situation because they scared. Number one and number 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:58.200 two is because they feel like, maybe my worst moment 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.120 defined me, but I found that my worst moment that's 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.360 who that's what made me. And so I just wanted 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:08.839 to come like completely clean, completely raw. I say, hot, humble, open, 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:12.320 and transparent, and I mean it takes also the power 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:13.920 out of what anybody can ever say about me. 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:16.520 I used to I believe you. I agree with everything 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:18.480 you say. I always say, live your truth, so nobody 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:20.840 can use your truth against you. Well, boy, they will. 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:21.440 Try, they'll try. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:23.960 The truth of the matter is, but if it's real, 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:26.240 like when you cut it open and it's real and 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:29.079 you actually grew from it, and you actually learn from 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:32.280 the cheating, and you actually did the work and went 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.680 the therapy and you actually yeah, no, I did'bazzle that money, 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:37.600 but I'm not gonna do that and never again. And 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:41.960 I'm like, when you actually grow. I believe that this 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:45.080 life is about progression, not perfection. And on the GRAM 0:02:45.200 --> 0:02:47.960 and in front of people, were always trying to present perfection. 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:51.119 But I really believe, like when you cut it all down, 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.520 it's one baby step in front of another baby step 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:55.440 in front of another baby step, and you look up 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:57.200 and like, how did I get here? It was a 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:00.880 bunch of small moments that got you today. You say that, 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:01.679 but then I don't. 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.040 I don't think people necessarily care about that, right, because 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.520 let's let's take one of the biggest things I think 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:07.840 people have been talking about in the last week, right, 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:08.640 Jada piot Smiths. 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:09.120 Yeah, right. 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.560 People have been talking about how she's so foul on 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:13.760 Will and how she did this and how. But we 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.560 always talk about tell your truth right, good, bad, and different. 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:18.560 We don't know what happened in their relationship. Have nob 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.360 the way your marriage is, the way my marriage is, 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.679 the way their his marriages is not the way their 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.120 marriage might be, So you we don't know, But people 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:27.359 have been killing them and killing their relationship based on 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:28.240 things that we don't know. 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:29.560 When she was just sharing her. 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.000 Truth because please believe, I'm sure there's somebody out there 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.400 that's living a life just like them and now feels 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:35.920 comfortable being able to talk about. 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:37.440 It because she was able to talk about But but 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.760 those are moments like, think about what y'all talked about 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:41.800 a year ago compared to what y'all talk about today, 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:44.200 compared to what you're gonna talk about next month. The 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:46.280 truth of the matter is in the culture that we 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.600 the feedback culture that we live in right now, everybody's 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:52.120 just trying to say, what's gonna get them a happy 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:54.600 meal off of the YouTube clips, right like, that's what 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.160 everybody's trying to say right now. But the truth of 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:00.200 the matter is the person that is in the situation, 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.360 that's in the fire, is that fire actually purifying something 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.480 out of you? Is that fire actually making you into something? 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:10.440 Fire is not bad. It actually purifies the real and 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:13.720 so most people, every piece of gold and jewelry had 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:17.880 to be put against fire. The problem is when it's 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.640 not authentically who you are, when it's not really what's 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.440 in you, that stuff gets melted away and that's where 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:26.600 people get exposed. That's where people like I was all 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.960 about this and not all about this. When fire hit, 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.080 it shows like that's not what you was really about. 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:34.239 And so for me, I just think that too many people, 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:38.279 especially black, especially black people, we do not face the 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:39.640 damage that we went through. 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:42.400 We run from it, we go away from it. 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.599 We try to Gucci Louie down, we try to get 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.920 out of the neighborhood. We try to but the truth 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:50.880 of the matter is we're running from an insecurity at fifteen. 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:52.159 Putting kon on dog shit. 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:53.120 That's like that. 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.279 I wouldn't say it like that, but because you said 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:58.039 it like that, say amen, you know what I'm saying. 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.720 But the truth of the matter is we're hoping people 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.880 don't actually find out what it really is. And we're 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:06.360 about to go into Thanksgiving, people going back to families 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:06.800 they hate. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:08.919 We're going back into Christmas. 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.120 People about to buy expensive stuff and going through debt 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.640 for children that they don't know, but they keep Jordan's up, Like, 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.640 just think about all the things, Like these kids don't 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.400 even know who their real daddy is or who their 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:23.520 actual family is. But instead of facing it, instead of 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:26.239 going to counseling with our kids, instead of just saying 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:30.400 I'm sorry, like we just gonna keep moving on up. 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:34.120 We gonna keep buying new cars, we gonna keep getting 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:37.920 new wigs, And I'm like, yo, something has to change. 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.799 We have to deal with our damage. And I believe 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.960 that God loves damaged people. Like you can't find nobody 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.880 in the Bible, nobody in faith that wasn't jacked up. 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:51.200 But God does his best work with damaged people. If 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:53.279 you would just admit I'm damaged. 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:57.160 How important is a support system right, because he came 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.240 with your wife, charl Amazement, with his wife twenty five 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.080 of him my wife. How important is that because a 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:03.800 lot of times you hear people say I don't need that. 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:05.880 I'm looking for a guy that's gonna make this much money. 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:06.400 But that's done. 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:07.880 They never talk about the heart. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:13.480 The truth of the matter is dumb. Yeah, it's dumb. 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:15.520 Like I tell people all the time. I did a book. 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:18.800 My first book was called Relationship Goals, and I have 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.600 this whole chapter in the book about rip up your list, 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:23.800 And I know people are gonna say whatever they're gonna 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:24.520 say about they got. 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:25.600 This list, you're still single. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:30.200 The truth of the matter is, like the truth of 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:33.320 the matter is is a lot of times God never 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:36.039 hands you a finished product. He hands you something you 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:39.039 gotta work. And that's why Ike is one of the 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:41.600 greatest furniture companies. No matter what you think about it 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.000 is they give you something that you have to put 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.479 your hands to, to a symbol, and it gives people 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:50.159 another greater level of satisfaction because when they actually put 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:52.640 their hands in to help make that thing happen, it 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:55.719 feels like I've accomplished something. Relationship is the same way. 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.320 God never TDJ says it. God never gives you a table, 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.279 He gives you a true The same thing with the relationship, 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:04.920 and so I think many times people need to rip 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:07.000 up their lists and actually look for the things that 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:11.080 are in the heart. You can't instagram integrity, you can't 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:12.360 facebook faithfulness. 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.440 And so look at my man he da da dah. 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:18.080 The greatest things that have made me and my wife's 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:22.520 relationship work, I cannot show you on a post. It 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:25.720 has to be lived out, proved out, and over time. 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.360 And so when you say support system, bro, that's what 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:31.680 that is. Literally the only reason I'm here right now 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.040 is because I got people who could see me at 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:36.240 my worst and still think of me in my best 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:40.400 situation to steal. Like while it still smells like that 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.600 word that you said just the second ago, they still 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.240 walking with me, and like, I'll actually I'll be with 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.040 you because I know it's not gonna be like this. 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:51.080 The whole time I tell people, community is everything. Having 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:54.160 mentors is everything. Being around people that are further than 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:57.760 you is everything. And if you're gonna deal with your damage, 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:00.000 you need that because a lot of people do it 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:03.560 in isolation, and COVID has really jacked up people. And 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:05.600 when I say that, I'm not even talking from a 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:09.160 health standpoint physically. I'm talking about a mental health standpoint, 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:13.520 a spiritual health standpoint, a relational health standpoint. People went 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:18.239 into their caves and started spectating on what everybody was doing, 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:21.000 and it made them look out instead of looking. 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.680 I agree with that, but I also feel like during COVID, 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:25.920 a lot of people had to stop and see themselves 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:26.760 for the first time. 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.000 Yeah, and they didn't like what they saw, But then 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:33.079 we went back outside. So it's one thing to see it, 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.559 it's another thing to deal with it. It's one thing 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.960 to see it, and it's another thing. I mean, vacations 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.840 or or travel is gone up like a thousand percent 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:46.480 because people are trying to escape, running from they running 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:49.160 from themself, and the only person you cannot finess is 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:49.880 you or. 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:52.840 This significant other. A lot of people in COVID realized 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:54.280 they didn't like their partner. 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:55.040 They hated them. 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:57.320 They hated their partner because you know, usually you think 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:57.880 about it, you. 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.640 Know, you work for eight nine hours and yeah, you 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:01.360 come home for a couple hours and you only really 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:02.959 see in your partner for a couple hours. 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:05.760 But COVID exposed to everybody. 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:08.480 And this is where I think for most of us, 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:11.480 it's time to take our trauma and know that our 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:15.160 trauma can go to triumph. Every horrible thing that ever 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:18.480 happened to me, every trashy thing I did to myself, 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:23.080 When I brought that to counseling, to my community, to 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.719 christ it was like, oh, yeah, we can package that, 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.040 we can move that, we could cut that. Oh you 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.720 needed to learn that, and then it became the pain 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.920 that built the platform. And I'm just trying to go first, 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:36.160 specially in somebody who does what I do as a 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.520 pastor or a leader. We usually stand on a platform 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:41.040 and tell everybody, you know, you need to work on this, 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:42.800 you can do this. And I was like, yeah, I'm 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:44.480 gonna take a different approach. I'm gonna go do it. 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:44.840 First. 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:46.560 I'm gonna go to intensive therapy. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.200 Me and my wife gonna fly to Colorado for a 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:53.520 whole year every month and spend five days in counseling 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:57.360 for five hours. We're gonna, we're gon, We're gonna work work, oh, 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:02.800 because what's not transformed is transfer. Everybody leaving an inheritance 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:04.280 for their kids and money and cars. 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:08.160 But they're leaving poor spiritual, emotional, and mental health. 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:10.760 So what happens when you give a kid who's never 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:14.200 been seen, who's never actually known their identity, and who 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:16.400 has no self worth a million dollars? 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:17.880 What do you think they're gonna do. 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.200 They're gonna buy friends, They're gonna go out here and 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.520 try to numb because they don't want to feel like 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.760 I just think that we could do it better. 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:30.679 I'm not saying be broke, I'm saying be rich everywhere. 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:33.200 What was your breakthrough moment that invites you to be 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:35.800 so vulnerable in this book. 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.439 Bro I have a son, our second son. His name 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:39.640 is MJ my namesake. 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:43.640 He has autism, and me and my wife we're going 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:47.000 through the height of our ministry and our business is 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.119 growing and everything's exploding. 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:51.840 My first book goes number one New York Times Bestseller. 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:55.840 I barely graduated English class, Like, I'm in a shock. 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:59.400 And then our only son, we take him to the 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:04.160 doctor and they're like, yeah, he's not progressing normally. He's 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.600 not talking, he's not looking anymore, and he was going 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.800 the right way and then just something switched. And my 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.000 motor has always been let me be greater let me 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:13.920 be better, let me make more money, let me do this. 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.959 And I tried to do everything I knew how to do, 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:22.280 and it didn't fix nothing. Getting a bigger platform, writing 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:25.000 another book, making more money, it didn't do anything. And 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:27.600 so when my motor broke, it was like, what's going on. 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:32.000 I'm watching my wife slip into depression. Nothing is working, 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:33.480 and so I was like, hold on, we got to 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:35.360 start working on this. I was sitting with my mentor, 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:39.240 Tim Ross at a crackle barrel outside of Oklahoma City, 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:41.880 and I was just telling him what I was going through, 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:45.160 and we started thinking about back over my life and 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:47.920 he said yeah. He was like, yeah, when did God's 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:52.000 standard become lower than your standard? And I was like, 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:54.000 what are you talking about. He was like, Michael, you've 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:55.520 been telling me all this stuff. You want to make 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:56.319 better and you want it. 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:56.680 To be great. 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.160 You keep using this word great, great, great, he said, 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:01.839 But in the beginning, when God created the heavens and 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.760 the earth, he looked at it and he said it's good. 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.320 And then he created the stars. 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:09.400 And he created the land and said you go right here, 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:11.160 you go right here, created the animals. Going through the 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:13.679 whole creation, he said it's good. Then he created man 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:15.320 on the sixth day, and he said, you know what, 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.480 that's very good. He said, if God's standard is good, 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:23.840 why is yours great? And then he asked me this question. 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:28.000 He said, when did you make a decision that good 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:31.360 was not good enough? And immediately I went back to 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.959 twelve years old when I'm in church. My parents raised 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:37.640 us in church, and I played drums since I was young, 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:39.119 and I would. 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.480 Go at twelve years old to the choir rehearsal because my. 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:44.320 Dream was to play in big church, like play with 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:46.319 the big choir, like not the you for the junior. 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:48.280 I wanted to play and I was good, and I 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:51.240 would go every Tuesday, only twelve year old there and 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:52.520 they would never let me play. 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:53.840 They would tell me I was great. 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:55.880 They would tell me that man, you getting so good 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.200 and bingch my cheeks, take all the little stuff. 0:12:58.280 --> 0:12:59.760 But they would never let me play. They probably had 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:00.960 a legitimate reason. 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.319 But I remember sitting on that that maroon chair in 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:06.679 the back and deciding, I guess good is not good enough. 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.839 I will only be great. And what ended up happening 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:10.599 from twelve. 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:13.640 Years old to thirty five years old. I would not 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:17.240 settle for anything good. And now I'm looking at my 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.960 son and he's not good and I couldn't. 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:21.880 I couldn't. 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:26.760 I couldn't rationalize or reconcile what was going on in me. 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.240 And God was like, You're gonna have to become okay 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:31.600 with things being good. And I had to go and 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:34.640 heal that twelve year old Michael to be able to 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:39.040 even raise the thirty five year old Michael and raise 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.280 his son. And Bro, I went on a journey Bro 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.680 to like actually deal with the damage that was in me. 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:49.920 And as I did that, it was what'd you say? 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.360 My wife said. I couldn't fix her either. I couldn't 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:55.520 even relate because there was so much stuff on the 0:13:55.559 --> 0:13:59.520 inside of me that I had just put success over, 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:02.920 money over, put all this other stuff over. And it 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:05.920 was kind of like, yeah, like we out here and man, 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.560 because I went on this heeling journey because I spent 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.760 the money. Everybody talking about investing property, You're the only 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:14.400 thing that is priceless. 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:15.760 Always invest in your mental wealth. 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:19.000 I want you invest in yourself. You got Jay's you 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.360 don't even wear for three years, you sending them in 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:26.640 boxes and you won't even invest in dealing with why 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:30.360 your daddy left you, and you you so broken over it, 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:33.520 but you just can't even communicate to nobody. And now 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:37.800 you're raising another generation that you're there present, but you're 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:39.360 not there present emotionally. 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:41.520 You have to start from some place you got us. 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:43.960 But that's why I went first, DJ ANDV. This is 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:46.560 why I wrote this book. This may not be my 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.680 most popular book, but it's my most valuable book because 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:53.520 if anybody actually reads this, if anybody actually like goes 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:55.360 in it, they're gonna be like, dang, I can see myself, 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:58.960 I can see where this could happen, and maybe I'll 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:02.320 take the first step right, And that's all I'm trying 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:04.720 to get somebody to do. Take a first step, Like, 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:09.520 don't even freaking think about being this next version of yourself. 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:14.960 Just take admit that you are still hurt from that 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:19.560 first relationship, because you have been in seventeen other relationships. 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:22.160 Acting like he ain't it, I ain't this, and like 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:25.160 you're still hurt from oh boy. 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:26.400 In two thousand and eight. 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.920 Man, you know, that's exactly why I wrote my second book, 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.440 Shook on Anxiety, playing tricks on me, And that's you know, 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:33.280 it was me just talking about the things I had 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:36.480 learned in therapy, but I had an actual psychiatrist, doctor 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.880 ish major in the book with me because that's what 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:41.640 I wanted. I wanted to admit that not only am 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:43.800 I damaged, I wanted to talk about my traumas, but 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:45.760 I wanted somebody to read that book and just take 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:46.560 a first step. 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:46.960 That's it. 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.920 That's it, because the first step leads to the next step, 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:54.480 and most of us have been so caught up on perfection, bro, 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.640 that it is jacking your whole life up. 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:00.920 It's progression. Somebody may lead to the next step. 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:04.880 But if you just scutin, like if you barely like dang, 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:06.720 I just listened to the podcast and I'm gonna go 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:08.600 get the book, or I'm gonna just watch a message 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.160 like or I'm gonna go get Charlot Mane, Like, just 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.160 take a step because the end of the day, man, 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.560 you're well being, who you really want to be is 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:18.440 available to you. 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:20.600 I love how you talk about you know how you 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:22.200 need God and therapy? 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:23.120 Yeah, bro, you know. 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:25.520 How people feel like you can't have bocal They'll say 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:28.600 things like you can't have faith in God. Faith and 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.000 fear don't coexist. 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:31.120 I don't I don't know. 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:33.840 The first thing you gotta realize is the opposite of 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.120 faith is not fear. The opposite of faith is love. 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:42.080 The Bible says perfect love cast out all fear. The 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:43.960 truth of the matter is, most people don't know how 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:47.560 love they are by God, so that's where fear really 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:50.200 comes from. But the truth of the matter for me is, 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:52.720 I've been raised in church. I'm a pastor's kid, I've 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:55.200 been around in my whole life, been at the altar, play, 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.440 done all the other stuff. And I believe. Me and 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.760 my wife believe in theology and therapy. We believe in 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:04.680 prayer and going to a practice. We believe in worshiping 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:06.919 and doing the hard work. Because the truth of the 0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:09.760 matter is, many times what happens at church, at. 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.240 The altar, in your alone time with. 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:17.199 God is a catalyst. It's supposed to start something. And 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:20.000 for years, especially in the black church room, for many reasons, 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.439 like maybe because we didn't have access to things, and 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:25.440 maybe because we weren't taught about them, or maybe generationally 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:27.720 there was a stigma on it. But we act like 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:29.119 everything happened when they prayed. 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:30.479 No no, no, no, no no no no. 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.200 Everything started when they prayed and we're supposed to continue 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.239 to pray. But there was some stuff that was in 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.359 me that I had to communicate about. If you watch 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:44.640 Jesus in the Bible, most of the miracles happened in communication. 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:48.160 They weren't just like bow and then it's over. It 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:50.679 was they were walking with him. He had disciples that 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.119 walked with him like me and you sitting here that 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:58.359 was still cutting people's ears off, still backstabbing, still doing stuff, But. 0:17:58.359 --> 0:17:59.560 It was a process. 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.600 And I just think that church has to do a 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:06.000 better job at letting people know that when you get saved, 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:10.520 that's your spirit getting saved, but you still got this flesh, 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:13.720 and you still got this soul, the mind, willing emotions, 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:18.640 and it has to be continually worked on. It has 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:22.560 to be continually transformed. And that's why I go to church, 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:24.760 That's why I read my Bible. Because I can make 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.600 a good decision today and be ready to go off 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:30.040 on somebody tomorrow. I need to continually be in this 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:34.639 process of becoming. The old folks would say sanctification, the 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:36.280 process of being made holy. 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.320 All I'm trying to do is be set apart. But 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:39.359 it's a process to that. 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:41.440 And I just think again, that's why I go back 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:42.760 to progression not perfection. 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:44.080 Men. That's your question, right, let's go. 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:46.320 So my daughter was talking to the other day and 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:48.359 she was talking about the Bible, right, yeah, and she 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:49.880 was telling me that there was a lot of things 0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:53.199 in the Bible that wasn't understandable to her, right, meaning 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.000 that she felt like the world crucifies you for certain 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:58.000 things that are in the Bible, but for other things, 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:01.119 they don't crucify you as much. So for her, she 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:05.160 was having a hard time necessarily believing as much because 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:07.239 she was like, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, and when 0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:09.520 a child says it doesn't make sense, she's putting two 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:11.680 and two together. So what would you say to a 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.119 child or young adult that's reading the Bible, even adult 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:16.000 that's reading the Bible, and say, hey, when you talk 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:18.240 about this in the Bible, it's kind of like it 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:19.040 happens every day. 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:20.560 But when you talk about this, it's. 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.359 Like, oh my gosh, you can't do that. So what 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:24.280 do you say on that effect? 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:28.000 Number One, you cannot look at culture to be able 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:30.639 to get what you need to get from the Bible. 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:31.840 So that's the first. 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:33.439 There's some things in the Bible that I cancel you 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:35.200 forever do those jobs sponsors. 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:37.399 But it's so in the Bible. 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.800 So the truth of the matter is the spirit of 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:41.959 the Bible is stronger than the word of the Bible, 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.120 the letter of the Bible. And that's why I. 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:46.960 Believe you have to have an actual relationship with God. 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.840 Because the Bible is the only book that you read it. 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:52.440 It'll start reading you, you'll read something like that, don't 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:54.800 feel right, and the heart of it, I believe the 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:57.520 spirit of God will speak to you, give you an 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.119 impression on your heart, bring clarity, and I think think 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:03.000 you should study to show yourself approved. There's tons of 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:07.080 stuff in the Bible that I'd be like, dang, like whoa, okay, 0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:09.399 what do I do with that? Well, this is a 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:11.760 different culture in a different time that all this stuff 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:15.280 was happening. But behind everything that happens in the Bible, 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:18.439 there's an idea, a spirit, and a meaning behind it, 0:20:18.640 --> 0:20:20.879 and it's finding that thing. What I would encourage your 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:23.240 daughter to do is first not just start. There's some 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.639 parts in the Bible that if you start there, you're 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:27.720 gonna be confused for the rest of your life. Start 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.480 with the Gospels, go to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:34.199 Just learn about Jesus. He's the fulfillment of the whole Bible. 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:36.480 So when you go to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:39.159 and watch how he touched people, Watch how he loved people. 0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:42.040 Watch how when church people were telling him not to 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:44.280 heal people, he was stepping out on days that he 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:47.640 was not supposed to heal nobody and reaching beyond people's 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:49.040 faults and seeing their needs. 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:52.359 Learn the person of Jesus. That's what I would tell anybody. 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:55.879 Don't go start in the Old Testament trying to figure 0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:59.359 out what all the sacrifices are in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. 0:20:59.560 --> 0:21:02.800 Just start because in the person of Jesus, he is 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:05.960 the Word. And when that word comes to life in you. 0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:08.000 And then tell her to watch some of my messages. 0:21:08.400 --> 0:21:10.199 Tell her to check in with somebody who's done the 0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:12.760 studying and can break it down in another level. 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:14.600 How does your daughter one twenty one? 0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:16.760 Tell her to go back and watch Relationship Goes by 0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:19.160 Mike Todd, Like, just send it to her, And I'm 0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:24.040 telling you there, sometimes it's harder to understand something when 0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:27.040 you approach it by yourself instead of approaching it with 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:28.400 somebody who knows. 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:29.600 How did your car work? 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:32.159 All of us we go to our car and we 0:21:32.280 --> 0:21:34.760 probably y'all y'all rich, So y'all push a start button 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:37.280 or don't even touch it and it comes on. 0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:40.480 You don't know all of the things that happened for 0:21:40.520 --> 0:21:41.159 that to happen. 0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:43.879 But if you get with a mechanic somebody who works 0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:46.560 with that, they'll be able to say, hey, this is 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:47.320 how this happens. 0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:49.200 And you come with another understanding. 0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:51.520 So I believe that the Bible is something that you 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:54.600 approach by yourself and you're alone time, but you can't 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:56.520 stay there. I had to get people to help me 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:59.200 understand that thing. And I think that's what I would 0:21:59.200 --> 0:21:59.760 tell your daughter. 0:22:00.000 --> 0:22:01.520 You know, I want to go back to the theology 0:22:02.359 --> 0:22:04.439 in therapy thing. I got a couple of questions about that. 0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:08.200 My good brother little Duval, he posted a few weeks ago. 0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:10.680 He put a lot of y'all going to therapy because 0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:11.720 you're avoiding God. 0:22:12.640 --> 0:22:15.639 No no, no, no no. I that may be his experience. 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:19.240 I think a lot of people need to go to 0:22:19.359 --> 0:22:23.280 therapy because of what God has shown them, And a 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:27.840 lot of times God shows you you in situations and 0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:30.480 I will agree. I'll say this, some people are going 0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:34.480 to therapy running from God, like I will say that, 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:38.320 because they need to prove that they are working on something, 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:41.160 and so going to therapy paying the thing not being 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:43.560 checked in just going and sitting there for an hour 0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.720 that could make you feel good, like you check something off. 0:22:47.000 --> 0:22:50.040 But I do truly believe that we have. 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:53.720 Been made by a creator and God has given people 0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:56.280 the ability to understand me and my wife had to 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:59.000 do this thing called reprocessing. I don't know if everybody 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:02.080 knows what that means, but like literally, you have to 0:23:02.119 --> 0:23:05.560 go to a situation, you have to think about that situation, 0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:08.199 and then you have to actually think about what you 0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:12.119 wish would have happened, how it could have been different. 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:15.639 You got to retrain the pathways in your brain to 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:20.200 be able to see here feel something different. And God 0:23:20.280 --> 0:23:22.960 made us that unique, and so I believe it's both. 0:23:23.000 --> 0:23:25.760 And I believe there are some people that will go 0:23:25.800 --> 0:23:27.960 to therapy running from God, and I think there's some 0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:30.879 people that go to God running from therapy. 0:23:31.240 --> 0:23:33.399 Do I think everybody needs therapy? Yes? 0:23:34.280 --> 0:23:38.199 The Bible says that there is wisdom in the multitude 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:42.359 of counselors. I don't think that everybody just needs therapy 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:45.000 for their emotional stuff. They need therapy for their finances. 0:23:46.240 --> 0:23:48.919 I got counselors for my finances. I got counselors from 0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:51.520 our relationship. I got counselors. If the Bible says there's 0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:57.160 wisdom in the multitude of counselors, like you need therapy 0:23:57.280 --> 0:24:00.879 and just how to respond sometimes to your kids, like 0:24:01.600 --> 0:24:05.120 I mean, we were all raised differently, but sometimes especially 0:24:05.200 --> 0:24:09.960 in our community, like the hand the embarrassing our kids, 0:24:10.000 --> 0:24:12.040 be rating our kids, A lot of that stuff is 0:24:12.080 --> 0:24:14.600 just because it happened to us, and we've never admitted 0:24:14.640 --> 0:24:16.480 how much that jacked us up. So then we try 0:24:16.480 --> 0:24:18.359 to do it to the next generation and see like 0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:22.520 and then and play it like it's good parenting. All 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:25.440 I'm saying is maybe you need to talk to somebody, 0:24:25.720 --> 0:24:30.640 like maybe you actually need to communicate what being embarrassed 0:24:30.680 --> 0:24:32.800 in the grocery store actually did to you and why 0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:35.639 you all puffed up every time anybody tries to correct you. 0:24:35.760 --> 0:24:39.280 I think the issue with mental and spiritual therapy is 0:24:39.800 --> 0:24:41.760 if we could actually look at it the way we 0:24:41.760 --> 0:24:44.080 look at physical therapy, we'd have a different we'd have 0:24:44.119 --> 0:24:46.720 a different mindset. On it because my arm breaks, I 0:24:46.720 --> 0:24:50.200 know I need to go. My mom can pray over it. Yes, 0:24:50.240 --> 0:24:51.520 I can go to church and everything, but I still 0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:52.280 got to go to a doctor. 0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:55.320 And it's not that just like you get the surgery, 0:24:56.000 --> 0:24:59.959 but then after it heals, you have to do thing. 0:25:01.280 --> 0:25:04.120 Why because I'm trying to get it not just back 0:25:04.160 --> 0:25:06.719 to where it was. I'm trying to get it stronger 0:25:06.720 --> 0:25:09.720 than it was, like so that it doesn't And they 0:25:09.760 --> 0:25:12.040 tell you if it breaks in that place and you 0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:15.680 actually do the therapy, it's a very small chance. 0:25:15.600 --> 0:25:18.480 That'll ever break there. Again. It's not that nothing else 0:25:18.480 --> 0:25:18.960 will break. 0:25:19.480 --> 0:25:23.080 But because you broke it there, you were damaged, you 0:25:23.119 --> 0:25:25.800 did the work, you healed, and then you did the therapy, 0:25:26.359 --> 0:25:29.000 you actually don't even have to worry about that area 0:25:29.080 --> 0:25:32.760 no more. And I agree with you, Charlet Magne. That's 0:25:32.760 --> 0:25:34.600 the coldest thing I think I heard you say in 0:25:34.600 --> 0:25:39.760 a year, Like if people would view the emotional healing 0:25:39.840 --> 0:25:44.040 they need like a physical healing, everybody would do the work. 0:25:44.080 --> 0:25:45.600 But you know the problem is the problem is is 0:25:45.640 --> 0:25:47.879 like what you said before, it's learned behavior. Yes, sir, 0:25:48.320 --> 0:25:51.240 like most of our parents no didn't go to therapy. 0:25:51.280 --> 0:25:53.040 And if they did. Never told us hold like that 0:25:53.160 --> 0:25:54.960 was grown up business. We didn't know about it. 0:25:55.840 --> 0:25:56.440 To this day. 0:25:56.480 --> 0:25:59.400 I love my parents, but it still is a thing 0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:03.640 like you going to therapy, And again I haven't been able. 0:26:03.760 --> 0:26:06.920 I'm not a therapist to the nation her Mama, Ma, mama. 0:26:06.960 --> 0:26:08.639 As many times as we was telling them we were 0:26:08.680 --> 0:26:11.679 going to therapy, it almost seemed like a shot. It's 0:26:11.720 --> 0:26:14.320 a problem, what's wrong with you? 0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:15.080 Most people do. 0:26:15.400 --> 0:26:17.760 But the truth of the matter is both of our 0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:19.719 parents as well as many of our parents have had 0:26:19.760 --> 0:26:22.840 health issues. When they have to go get glasses, when 0:26:22.840 --> 0:26:24.280 they have to wear a boot, when they have to 0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:26.600 do anything to get back to the vision they were 0:26:26.640 --> 0:26:31.040 once at, nobody says anything. We spend money, we raise money, 0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:33.520 we use insurance, we do all of those things to 0:26:33.560 --> 0:26:35.960 get back to a place we were. Why wouldn't we 0:26:36.960 --> 0:26:41.160 since we've been damaged since five ten, seventeen twenty six, 0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:44.280 why wouldn't we do everything we can? And that's why 0:26:44.520 --> 0:26:47.840 when I wrote this book, I knew that I had 0:26:47.880 --> 0:26:52.600 to do something that most people, specifically in a pastoring role, 0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:56.760 a shepherd over people, or anybody that's doing this in 0:26:56.800 --> 0:27:01.199 twenty twenty three, that's too much ammunition for somebody to 0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:03.040 be able to discredit me. 0:27:03.600 --> 0:27:04.800 My freedom was more important. 0:27:05.800 --> 0:27:08.320 How do you know when to bring your pain to 0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:11.280 a therapist and when you bring your pain to God? 0:27:11.960 --> 0:27:14.760 I think you bring all your pain to God. I 0:27:14.760 --> 0:27:18.080 don't think the Bible says cast all your cares upon 0:27:18.160 --> 0:27:20.720 him because he cares for you. It says take on 0:27:21.359 --> 0:27:24.400 the easy yoke and the easy burden that he has 0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:27.399 traded him for that. I take everything to God. I 0:27:27.400 --> 0:27:30.160 acknowledge God in all my ways. He will direct my path. 0:27:30.240 --> 0:27:33.199 He directed my path to therapy. Bro wasn't I was 0:27:33.240 --> 0:27:35.600 the pastor. I was the crazy faith God. I was like, Yo, 0:27:35.640 --> 0:27:37.639 we're gonna pray, We're gonna believe. And God was like, no, 0:27:37.680 --> 0:27:39.040 you're gonna sit your butt down and talk to an 0:27:39.040 --> 0:27:39.680 old white lady. 0:27:40.720 --> 0:27:43.280 What like, let's just let's shout. 0:27:43.480 --> 0:27:46.119 And he was like, no, you need to cry, like 0:27:46.840 --> 0:27:51.720 I mean, I haven't cried. I can count on my 0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:55.680 hands how many times I have cried as a grown man. 0:27:56.560 --> 0:27:57.359 That's not okay. 0:27:58.280 --> 0:28:02.199 My body needs to relieve this STOs emotions and that stuff. 0:28:02.240 --> 0:28:04.080 But I had not been taught how to do that, 0:28:04.560 --> 0:28:06.399 and just how I needed to be taught how to 0:28:06.480 --> 0:28:10.040 drive taught how to run a business, taught how to 0:28:10.200 --> 0:28:13.280 actually be a husband. I needed to be taught how 0:28:13.320 --> 0:28:16.240 to be able to deal with my emotions. And it 0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:18.720 was almost like I was seeing in black and white. 0:28:19.160 --> 0:28:20.879 The reason the cover of the book is black and 0:28:20.880 --> 0:28:22.320 white is because that's why I was living. 0:28:22.359 --> 0:28:26.159 Even though I was smiling, it was black and white. Now, 0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:30.120 like how I live now, what God's done in my heart? 0:28:30.200 --> 0:28:32.280 Now, how I can love this woman now, the four 0:28:32.359 --> 0:28:35.200 kids that I'm raising, the people I can affect now, bro, 0:28:35.320 --> 0:28:37.200 it's three D HD color. 0:28:37.680 --> 0:28:38.760 And was it hard? 0:28:38.960 --> 0:28:39.200 Hell? 0:28:39.320 --> 0:28:42.880 Yes, Like it took a lot to keep showing up 0:28:42.960 --> 0:28:44.760 and to keep paying for it. Come on, let's be 0:28:44.840 --> 0:28:47.600 for real, Like when you start seeing that tax like 0:28:47.640 --> 0:28:51.560 you like, oh shoot, but was it worth it? I'm 0:28:51.600 --> 0:28:55.240 telling you right now it was the greatest investment that 0:28:55.280 --> 0:28:58.040 I've ever made in myself. And I couldn't keep it 0:28:58.080 --> 0:28:59.840 to myself. I could have wrote another book, I could 0:28:59.880 --> 0:29:02.000 have something, but God was like, Na, you need to 0:29:02.120 --> 0:29:04.320 you got to share this because there's more people who 0:29:04.320 --> 0:29:06.560 are damaged and they need to know they're not destroyed. 0:29:06.920 --> 0:29:08.480 What are untransferred wounds. 0:29:10.200 --> 0:29:17.000 It's the stuff that you said untransferred rooms, The truth 0:29:17.000 --> 0:29:21.400 of the matter is every wound that you get has 0:29:21.440 --> 0:29:25.200 the ability to transfer to somebody else in your actions 0:29:25.720 --> 0:29:28.880 or in your non actions. And that's why I said earlier, 0:29:28.880 --> 0:29:32.520 what's not transformed, its transferred. You got a lot of 0:29:32.560 --> 0:29:35.560 your mom and daddy and you that they didn't give 0:29:35.600 --> 0:29:40.640 you directly like they they gave it to you because 0:29:40.680 --> 0:29:44.000 you received it the way that you handle issues, the 0:29:44.000 --> 0:29:46.760 way that you go through stuff. We got a lot 0:29:46.800 --> 0:29:49.360 of stuff because they didn't handle it. I'll give a 0:29:49.360 --> 0:29:51.600 prime example. I tell it in the book. I had 0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:56.040 a pornography addiction. I mean jack the taking my money, 0:29:56.080 --> 0:30:01.280 my mind, my focus. Oh bro, Yeah, back in the day, 0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:03.640 you know when okay, come on now, don't act like 0:30:03.680 --> 0:30:05.160 you did in three ninety nine. 0:30:05.160 --> 0:30:06.320 Sometimes come on now. 0:30:06.560 --> 0:30:08.520 And if you was buying magazines or if you're doing 0:30:08.560 --> 0:30:10.840 any ofthing, come on, let's be honest. It was robbing 0:30:10.920 --> 0:30:14.000 me and the money was the least part of it. Well, 0:30:14.040 --> 0:30:17.680 I'm going through this whole thing by myself. I'm suffering, like, 0:30:18.080 --> 0:30:20.600 still trying to pray, still trying to love God, still 0:30:20.600 --> 0:30:22.640 trying to And if somebody's like the pastor, I tell 0:30:22.640 --> 0:30:25.240 it every Sunday, don't even trip like because we out here, 0:30:25.400 --> 0:30:29.920 every man is actually struggling with something. Okay, I'm out 0:30:29.920 --> 0:30:33.840 here addicted, trying to do what I've been called to do. 0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:38.000 After I actually start going through the process of healing 0:30:38.160 --> 0:30:41.360 and making decisions and making disciplines and being accountable and 0:30:41.400 --> 0:30:43.600 all this other stuff, I find out my dad he 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:45.960 was a drum major for Gramlin State University. 0:30:46.560 --> 0:30:49.720 And he said, they came to New York. It's crazy. 0:30:49.760 --> 0:30:51.680 I'm in New York right now. They came to New York. 0:30:52.200 --> 0:30:54.280 And there was a street back in the day. Now, 0:30:54.320 --> 0:30:56.560 this back back in the day where they had peep 0:30:56.600 --> 0:30:57.640 shows down the whole street. 0:30:57.680 --> 0:30:58.680 That's forty second Street. 0:30:58.720 --> 0:31:01.760 Okay, so he knows the street, forty street. 0:31:02.440 --> 0:31:05.240 And he said, back in the day, they got here 0:31:05.520 --> 0:31:08.280 on the bus, and he said, he got a pocket 0:31:08.320 --> 0:31:10.880 full of quarters, and you could go and you could 0:31:10.880 --> 0:31:14.959 put the thing, the money in the machine, and then 0:31:14.960 --> 0:31:17.360 the curtain would open and you see naked women. Back 0:31:17.400 --> 0:31:22.760 in the day, that was the equivalent of pornography, he said. 0:31:23.320 --> 0:31:25.240 After I told him what I was going through, he said, Mike, 0:31:25.320 --> 0:31:28.240 I'm sorry, I'm sorry I never told you about it. 0:31:28.960 --> 0:31:32.200 I'm sorry I never dealt with it publicly. I'm sorry 0:31:32.280 --> 0:31:36.040 that I did this, he said, because I had five sons, 0:31:36.840 --> 0:31:40.320 and every single one of my brothers and me dealt 0:31:40.360 --> 0:31:44.840 with the sexual addiction because what was not transformed in 0:31:44.920 --> 0:31:50.320 him was transferred into us, and all of us had 0:31:50.320 --> 0:31:52.040 to deal with it in another level. And that's what 0:31:52.120 --> 0:31:54.000 he told me. So I don't know the extent of it. 0:31:54.080 --> 0:31:56.240 I don't know how it affected him and my mom. 0:31:56.360 --> 0:31:56.680 I don't know. 0:31:56.720 --> 0:31:58.760 I mean, you know, when you're telling somebody something, at 0:31:58.760 --> 0:32:00.520 the end, it's like you tell him part you think 0:32:00.520 --> 0:32:02.720 they can handle. But I know there was real things 0:32:02.720 --> 0:32:04.480 there because now I'm a man raising four kids. 0:32:04.520 --> 0:32:06.200 How do you know you have a sexual addiction to 0:32:06.440 --> 0:32:09.240 a man? You're supposed to have a healthy sexual athect. 0:32:09.520 --> 0:32:11.200 Definitely, you're supposed to have a said, God gave it 0:32:11.240 --> 0:32:13.720 to you the truth of the man, women from the earth, 0:32:13.800 --> 0:32:16.200 women of God and of God. But God, all the 0:32:16.200 --> 0:32:19.520 greatest creation, Oh the best the creation. You see mine 0:32:19.520 --> 0:32:22.560 back there, glory to the most High God. The problem 0:32:22.680 --> 0:32:30.680 is the problem is our human nature is leans to 0:32:30.840 --> 0:32:34.400 over indulgence. I mean, I'm talking about just in a 0:32:34.440 --> 0:32:37.320 Krispy Kreme doumbn not. I mean, you don't even have 0:32:37.440 --> 0:32:40.040 to You're not even hungry. But if somebody puts some 0:32:40.040 --> 0:32:44.560 hot Krispy creams on the table and before you know it, 0:32:44.720 --> 0:32:48.240 six of them Jesus, like before you didn't even feel 0:32:48.280 --> 0:32:50.800 like it was and that and you're still not full. 0:32:52.120 --> 0:32:54.920 What happens when you eat what's going to go against 0:32:54.960 --> 0:32:57.200 what you need and you're still not fool. 0:32:57.000 --> 0:32:59.400 What if you pouring all of that into your woman? 0:32:59.560 --> 0:33:03.040 Beautiful with your wife beautiful? I think all of that 0:33:03.160 --> 0:33:05.840 is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with that. The truth 0:33:05.880 --> 0:33:07.240 of the matter is if you pour it all into 0:33:07.240 --> 0:33:09.560 your wife and you still need it from the people 0:33:09.600 --> 0:33:12.160 at your job, and you still need it from that 0:33:12.320 --> 0:33:18.200 app and you still need it, I'm not saying within 0:33:18.320 --> 0:33:22.280 the confines of marriage as well as from my belief 0:33:22.440 --> 0:33:25.440 in confines and marriage, nothing's off limits. But that y'all 0:33:25.440 --> 0:33:29.200 agree on the truth of the matter is people think 0:33:29.680 --> 0:33:31.680 that the addiction gets solved when they get married. 0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:36.560 It never does. So there's some trauma or some drama, 0:33:37.040 --> 0:33:37.560 or some. 0:33:37.400 --> 0:33:40.160 Triggers that actually need to be dealt with, and everybody 0:33:40.160 --> 0:33:43.440 thinks it's the person. That's The person's not the problem. 0:33:43.800 --> 0:33:46.960 It's what's in you that you have not addressed. And 0:33:47.000 --> 0:33:50.080 so that's why four marriages, five marriages? I don't want 0:33:50.120 --> 0:33:52.200 to be married no more? And you just swing your okay, 0:33:52.440 --> 0:33:56.520 do that. But after you've done it with everybody, you 0:33:56.720 --> 0:33:59.000 still feel empty. 0:33:59.120 --> 0:34:00.480 How have you fel out? 0:34:00.680 --> 0:34:04.360 Everybody made whole careers about it, sung about it, and 0:34:04.520 --> 0:34:07.479 at the end of the day you still feel empty. 0:34:07.640 --> 0:34:08.560 It can't be the sex. 0:34:08.680 --> 0:34:10.719 Yeah, I feel like that's people who they trying to 0:34:10.760 --> 0:34:12.200 feed their ego and not they soul. 0:34:12.480 --> 0:34:14.200 But even if you're trying to feed your ego, where 0:34:14.239 --> 0:34:16.720 did that come from. Somebody didn't see you. 0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:17.600 You weren't affirmed. 0:34:17.640 --> 0:34:22.160 Somewhere, you got picked over, and it's like, nah, forget that. 0:34:22.280 --> 0:34:25.680 Everybody gonna see me now. And now I'm just saying 0:34:25.680 --> 0:34:27.759 that a lot of the things we clapped for as 0:34:27.800 --> 0:34:33.520 the fruit has a rotten root. Because for me, all 0:34:33.560 --> 0:34:36.759 the stuff that I was doing and being great at 0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:39.440 and doing what nobody else was doing in my small 0:34:39.640 --> 0:34:42.560 little community, like people were applauding me, I was getting 0:34:42.600 --> 0:34:45.239 attention for it. I was gonna be great. But the 0:34:45.280 --> 0:34:47.200 truth of the matter is the root of. 0:34:47.160 --> 0:34:48.160 It was foul. 0:34:49.000 --> 0:34:52.000 It was because I was not affirmed, I was not seen, 0:34:52.280 --> 0:34:55.000 and I was rejected And until I dealt with that. 0:34:55.320 --> 0:34:58.000 Everything I did, I was bro I had made more 0:34:58.000 --> 0:35:00.880 money than I had ever thought I was in. I 0:35:00.960 --> 0:35:04.000 was doing dreams. I couldn't feel it. I could not 0:35:04.200 --> 0:35:07.839 feel it because I haven't dealt with my real issue. 0:35:07.960 --> 0:35:11.160 And that's why I believe God many times brings you 0:35:11.200 --> 0:35:13.880 to a place where you have nothing else so that 0:35:13.920 --> 0:35:17.800 you can find everything. And too many people are running 0:35:17.840 --> 0:35:21.799 from that place. I actually believe everybody should hit rock 0:35:21.800 --> 0:35:25.720 bottom at least once. Whatever that is, hit it, because 0:35:25.719 --> 0:35:28.280 that's where you can fall apart. And when you fall apart, 0:35:28.320 --> 0:35:30.719 that's when God takes all the pieces and he makes 0:35:30.719 --> 0:35:34.240 a masterpiece. And so many people are trying their hardest 0:35:34.320 --> 0:35:35.160 not to fall apart. 0:35:35.719 --> 0:35:36.560 Just fall apart. 0:35:37.040 --> 0:35:40.080 God does his best work with pieces of people and 0:35:40.080 --> 0:35:41.480 then he creates masterpieces. 0:35:41.600 --> 0:35:45.000 Do you get counseling from the other pastes. 0:35:45.520 --> 0:35:47.200 Definitely. People have been in the game a lot longer 0:35:47.200 --> 0:35:47.400 than me. 0:35:48.680 --> 0:35:48.839 Yeah. 0:35:48.880 --> 0:35:49.040 Man. 0:35:49.040 --> 0:35:53.520 We had an awesome meeting for probably about five hours 0:35:53.560 --> 0:35:54.800 at a restaurant Tdj's. 0:35:54.840 --> 0:35:56.920 He's like the og of OG's. 0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:01.840 So we met and it was like in this secret 0:36:01.840 --> 0:36:04.280 building that was unmarked and we went. 0:36:04.200 --> 0:36:06.319 Up and like you hit the floor and it's like 0:36:06.320 --> 0:36:08.480 a restaurant. I'm like, where am I. 0:36:08.160 --> 0:36:10.600 Was like me and with the Godfather you understaying yeah, 0:36:11.000 --> 0:36:13.200 and I'm like, I'm like, what is going on? 0:36:13.440 --> 0:36:15.719 And that man just begin to pour into me. 0:36:15.920 --> 0:36:21.800 I love TD Jake's as just somebody who talks even 0:36:21.840 --> 0:36:22.600 more than preaching. 0:36:23.280 --> 0:36:25.799 If you ever get to just talk to him. 0:36:26.600 --> 0:36:32.320 It is like and that mentorship, mentorship from Tim Ross, 0:36:32.320 --> 0:36:36.799 mentorship from Robert Morris, mentorship from Stephen Ferdieck, mentorship from 0:36:36.880 --> 0:36:42.920 all Like, it's invaluable what you learn from people who've 0:36:42.960 --> 0:36:43.640 been damaged. 0:36:44.120 --> 0:36:47.160 Me and Stephen from the same hometown, no monks going 0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:47.880 to South Carolina. 0:36:47.960 --> 0:36:50.920 Bro, I just preached for him two weeks ago. Yeah, 0:36:50.920 --> 0:36:52.719 I'm preaching Charlotte two weeks ago and. 0:36:52.680 --> 0:36:54.600 My wife because I was already kicked out of school 0:36:54.600 --> 0:36:55.960 by then, but him and my wife went to high 0:36:55.960 --> 0:36:56.520 school together. 0:36:56.800 --> 0:36:57.040 Bro. 0:36:57.600 --> 0:37:00.960 It's it's it's it's invaluable what you can learn from 0:37:00.960 --> 0:37:03.759 somebody who will share from their damage. And that's what 0:37:03.800 --> 0:37:05.439 all of those men did. Like, if I think about 0:37:05.480 --> 0:37:07.840 it right now, like I'm thinking you call it mentoring, 0:37:08.239 --> 0:37:11.600 but all mentor mentoring it really is is people showing 0:37:11.600 --> 0:37:14.200 you where they messed up, where they should have done 0:37:14.239 --> 0:37:16.960 it differently, sharing from their damage and it helps push 0:37:16.960 --> 0:37:17.600 you into your desk. 0:37:17.760 --> 0:37:20.400 Was this after the spit incident? 0:37:20.800 --> 0:37:24.200 No, bro, that was before. Okay, I'm the spit hits 0:37:24.239 --> 0:37:25.399 the fan. That's what I call it. 0:37:26.040 --> 0:37:27.800 Break it down. People don't know. I know we reported 0:37:27.840 --> 0:37:28.480 a long time ago. 0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:32.120 It was smearing spin on your brother's fit. I don't 0:37:32.120 --> 0:37:34.719 even remember what it was. Now your point think about 0:37:34.719 --> 0:37:36.759 how that was back then, how everybody had you in 0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:38.840 the storm talking about I don't even remember what it. 0:37:39.160 --> 0:37:42.800 Yes, So I did an example at my church. I'm 0:37:42.840 --> 0:37:45.359 first off, let me say this. I am not a 0:37:45.400 --> 0:37:48.000 regular preacher, like when I say a regular preacher like 0:37:48.400 --> 0:37:50.919 I was bored in church, and so when God called 0:37:50.960 --> 0:37:52.640 me to preach, I was like, all right, I'm gonna 0:37:52.640 --> 0:37:55.640 actually use everything that I have to help people get it. 0:37:55.760 --> 0:37:59.600 And so I tell stories, I use examples, and honestly 0:37:59.640 --> 0:38:02.080 I'm doing everything how Virgil Ablo said for my seventeen 0:38:02.120 --> 0:38:04.399 year old self. Most seventeen year olds they don't care 0:38:04.400 --> 0:38:06.600 nothing about church. They're trying to see the girl with 0:38:06.640 --> 0:38:09.000 the booty and go eat and go play with it. 0:38:09.239 --> 0:38:12.000 So I'm trying to like capture. So I've always used 0:38:12.000 --> 0:38:14.920 examples and stuff like that. And so there's this story 0:38:14.960 --> 0:38:19.399 in the Bible where Jesus basically heals a man by 0:38:19.440 --> 0:38:21.799 spitting on his hand and putting on his face. And 0:38:21.880 --> 0:38:25.400 so this is an example I'd done three times before, 0:38:25.680 --> 0:38:27.480 and this is what my blood little brother. This is 0:38:27.560 --> 0:38:30.080 not some random audience member or anything like this. 0:38:30.160 --> 0:38:30.640 Now there is a. 0:38:30.560 --> 0:38:34.080 Brother we fought blood like, this is my little brother. 0:38:34.440 --> 0:38:37.040 And he wanted to do the example with me so 0:38:37.120 --> 0:38:40.160 I could show it. And the whole idea was, like, 0:38:40.600 --> 0:38:44.399 many people will not be willing to go through a 0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:48.200 messy process to get their healing. So the idea was 0:38:48.640 --> 0:38:51.520 this man was blind, he wasn't deaf. So if Jesus 0:38:51.600 --> 0:38:53.920 is about to spit, he's standing there in front of 0:38:54.000 --> 0:38:57.399 Jesus and he can hear, Like if you hear somebody 0:38:57.440 --> 0:39:00.160 about the Huckabu, you're like, oh my god. And I 0:39:00.239 --> 0:39:04.040 was trying to say, as disgusting as this is, that 0:39:04.120 --> 0:39:06.879 man stayed there and he received something that nobody else 0:39:06.920 --> 0:39:09.359 could give him. And as I was saying that, I said, 0:39:09.400 --> 0:39:13.000 maybe you the counseling would be messy for you, Maybe 0:39:13.040 --> 0:39:16.720 apologizing would be messing for you. Maybe downsizing your house 0:39:16.719 --> 0:39:18.759 would be messy for you after you've put on this 0:39:18.800 --> 0:39:21.600 whole thing about how God blessed you. But what if 0:39:21.680 --> 0:39:23.800 on the other side of this mess was your healing? 0:39:24.120 --> 0:39:27.279 And I did the example. It worked too well, and 0:39:28.840 --> 0:39:33.080 by that night we was on DMZ, CNN, next morning, 0:39:33.160 --> 0:39:36.000 Breakfast Club, all that other stuff, And it was somebody 0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:38.240 was saying to me the other day. 0:39:38.200 --> 0:39:40.080 There was like, do you wish it wouldn't have happened? 0:39:40.080 --> 0:39:44.200 I was like, honestly, no, I was like, it shocked me, 0:39:45.239 --> 0:39:49.359 but what I had to deal with internally and what 0:39:49.400 --> 0:39:52.920 I had to become okay with inside of me because 0:39:52.920 --> 0:39:53.800 of that situation. 0:39:54.480 --> 0:39:56.160 It made me into a man that I would have 0:39:56.200 --> 0:39:57.920 never met had it not happened. 0:40:00.160 --> 0:40:03.759 Go. I mean, for me, it changed my whole view 0:40:03.840 --> 0:40:07.160 of who I was called to reach and how much 0:40:07.200 --> 0:40:08.560 I needed anybody's applause. 0:40:09.400 --> 0:40:10.880 I was going The only reason I even bought it 0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:12.719 up because I felt like you was getting subbed a 0:40:12.760 --> 0:40:13.840 lot by other pastors. 0:40:14.320 --> 0:40:15.480 Yeah it was beautiful. 0:40:15.560 --> 0:40:17.319 Yeah, I feel like a lot of other pastors was 0:40:17.400 --> 0:40:20.520 like trying to call you out, but not say your name. 0:40:20.600 --> 0:40:23.640 They don't got my cell phone number, they ain't text me, 0:40:23.920 --> 0:40:24.680 they just show up. 0:40:25.400 --> 0:40:31.600 And this is the beautiful thing about people. Like for many. 0:40:31.440 --> 0:40:34.680 Years it was up and to the right everything about 0:40:34.719 --> 0:40:36.680 what we were doing. This was the first opportunity for 0:40:36.760 --> 0:40:40.200 somebody to take a hit, and some people tried. 0:40:40.960 --> 0:40:43.400 But when God calls you, you can't cancel somebody. 0:40:43.560 --> 0:40:45.120 And that's why I was That's why I asked you, 0:40:45.120 --> 0:40:47.680 you know, who's your mentorship, because I felt like it's 0:40:47.760 --> 0:40:50.120 good to know that there were other pastors who weren't saying, Oh, 0:40:50.239 --> 0:40:51.799 you're not gonna talk about the brother I'm. 0:40:53.360 --> 0:40:55.520 I had people who pulled up on me. I had 0:40:55.560 --> 0:40:58.360 people who put their arm around me. But that's what 0:40:58.360 --> 0:41:00.279 we're supposed to do. If you said, if you say 0:41:00.280 --> 0:41:01.920 you my brother, if you say you're my sister, if 0:41:01.920 --> 0:41:04.800 you say we down, that means nothing on the mountaintop. 0:41:05.400 --> 0:41:08.680 It only means something in the valley. And so I'm 0:41:08.719 --> 0:41:11.319 grateful for all the men and women and people who 0:41:11.480 --> 0:41:14.560 rode with us through that storm. Because if you're doing anything, 0:41:15.080 --> 0:41:18.160 anything of significance, you gonna have in moments, it don't 0:41:18.200 --> 0:41:20.640 matter who you are. And so we walked through it, 0:41:20.960 --> 0:41:23.880 and God has changed me in the process because I 0:41:23.960 --> 0:41:28.800 wasn't trying to combat anything. What is this exposing about 0:41:28.840 --> 0:41:32.239 me and thank god I was in therapy, thank God, 0:41:32.239 --> 0:41:34.520 I had community, thank God. And the crazy thing is 0:41:34.560 --> 0:41:37.120 I had finished writing this book, so it wasn't even 0:41:37.160 --> 0:41:38.759 gonna be in the book, and God was like, I'm 0:41:38.760 --> 0:41:43.360 gonna give you a live example of what this looks 0:41:43.400 --> 0:41:45.360 like to be damaged but not destroyed. 0:41:45.560 --> 0:41:47.760 So I had to go back and re edit the book. 0:41:48.200 --> 0:41:50.439 Chapter two or three is when the spit hits the fan, 0:41:50.640 --> 0:41:53.359 and I walked through how the whole situation because I'm 0:41:53.400 --> 0:41:54.240 gonna use everything. 0:41:54.760 --> 0:41:55.920 I'm gonna die empty. 0:41:55.960 --> 0:41:58.560 Man, if it happens to me and God can get 0:41:58.560 --> 0:42:00.319 glory out of it, I'm gonna use all of it. 0:42:00.640 --> 0:42:03.240 No, bro, if we're supposed. 0:42:02.840 --> 0:42:05.920 To be defined by our worst moments, then everybody's jacked up. 0:42:06.400 --> 0:42:08.640 But if we can take our worst moments give it 0:42:08.680 --> 0:42:10.719 to God, he can flip that thing and turn it 0:42:10.760 --> 0:42:11.840 into something beautiful. 0:42:12.560 --> 0:42:14.480 That's not about me, that's about him. That used to 0:42:14.600 --> 0:42:17.320 be what the world was about. I mean, I guess 0:42:17.600 --> 0:42:19.680 I still that is what the world is. Yeah, I 0:42:19.719 --> 0:42:21.440 can't let social media make me think. 0:42:21.280 --> 0:42:23.279 Of Well, the truth of the matter is, it just 0:42:23.320 --> 0:42:25.200 doesn't get as many clips, that's right, right. 0:42:25.320 --> 0:42:26.600 A few weeks before this. 0:42:27.280 --> 0:42:30.959 Our church has been a generous church to nonprofits organizations 0:42:31.120 --> 0:42:35.200 sex trafficking. I started in the hood of Tulsa, Oklahoma, 0:42:35.280 --> 0:42:37.400 where right up the street from where the Race Massacres 0:42:37.400 --> 0:42:40.080 happened in nineteen twenty one. Like, that's where my church was. 0:42:40.400 --> 0:42:43.200 And God somehow took that from a three hundred member 0:42:43.280 --> 0:42:46.120 church to a large church that's effecting the world. Well, 0:42:46.400 --> 0:42:48.359 part of that was I'm not gonna be a church 0:42:48.400 --> 0:42:50.719 that just has resources and we're not gonna really give 0:42:51.320 --> 0:42:54.440 Prior to the spit hitting the fan incident, Charllemagne, we 0:42:54.520 --> 0:42:57.560 gave away in one year eight million dollars with no 0:42:57.680 --> 0:43:03.080 strings attached. Wow, not one news report, not one clip. 0:43:03.480 --> 0:43:06.120 Our local news didn't even cover it. Did y'all put 0:43:06.120 --> 0:43:11.560 out a press release about that eight million dollars. 0:43:11.880 --> 0:43:14.960 We even took the three surviving. 0:43:15.000 --> 0:43:20.560 Now there's only two people who survived the Race Massacres massacres, 0:43:20.640 --> 0:43:23.640 and we brought them on Juneteenth. And because they've not 0:43:23.680 --> 0:43:28.040 received reparations from anybody, not Oklahoma, not not the government anything, 0:43:28.239 --> 0:43:31.279 we gave them each two hundred thousand dollars with no 0:43:31.320 --> 0:43:32.000 strings attending. 0:43:32.680 --> 0:43:34.680 I know, but the truth of. 0:43:34.640 --> 0:43:39.040 The matter is that's not what people desire to feed 0:43:39.080 --> 0:43:43.040 on hope, They desire to feed on people's failures, and 0:43:43.120 --> 0:43:46.000 so until we actually do the inner work. 0:43:46.120 --> 0:43:47.560 Why the question is why? 0:43:48.800 --> 0:43:51.479 Why does the Will and Jada thing make us feel 0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:52.279 better about us? 0:43:52.560 --> 0:43:54.960 Because our relationships with jacked, but we're not living them 0:43:54.960 --> 0:43:56.799 out alive like they step away from the bike. 0:43:57.520 --> 0:44:02.799 Why does potentially seeing somebody lose their money make you 0:44:02.880 --> 0:44:05.560 feel Why? It's because at the end of the day, 0:44:05.719 --> 0:44:08.719 there's something in you that is not satisfied, not fulfilled, 0:44:08.920 --> 0:44:12.080 and so seeing what happens with mag thee Stallion and 0:44:12.160 --> 0:44:15.479 Tory Lanez and seeing what happens with this pastor who falls, 0:44:15.520 --> 0:44:19.000 and seeing what happened, it just makes us temporarily not 0:44:19.160 --> 0:44:22.400 think about how we need to do some work. And 0:44:22.440 --> 0:44:24.480 that's why the Bible says, like before you pull that 0:44:24.560 --> 0:44:27.640 whole log out, that speckle out of your brother's eye, 0:44:27.880 --> 0:44:28.520 you need to get. 0:44:28.360 --> 0:44:29.719 That tree log out of your own. 0:44:30.239 --> 0:44:32.239 And right now, it's very easy not to even look 0:44:32.280 --> 0:44:34.640 at yourself, because I can look at everybody else. 0:44:35.040 --> 0:44:36.480 Man damaged. 0:44:38.320 --> 0:44:39.600 What do you hope people get from this book? 0:44:39.680 --> 0:44:39.919 Man? 0:44:40.239 --> 0:44:43.200 I believe that if you read this book and actually 0:44:43.239 --> 0:44:46.440 do the work that's in here, I tell people this 0:44:46.560 --> 0:44:48.560 all the time. It may not have been your fault 0:44:48.600 --> 0:44:51.920 what happened to you, but it is now your responsibility. 0:44:52.040 --> 0:44:55.480 It's time to do the work. And I'm just I'm just. 0:44:55.480 --> 0:44:58.200 Here to say I've had to do the work in 0:44:58.239 --> 0:45:01.400 front of people, like with one hundreds of thousand people's 0:45:01.400 --> 0:45:04.040 watching me, judging me all this stuff. You can do 0:45:04.080 --> 0:45:07.560 this work, no matter where you are, how much money 0:45:07.560 --> 0:45:11.080 you have, what your family thinks about it. You will 0:45:11.120 --> 0:45:14.800 become a different person that will be able to actually 0:45:14.840 --> 0:45:17.240 be a blessing to other people. 0:45:17.640 --> 0:45:18.879 The healed version of you. 0:45:18.960 --> 0:45:21.080 Is better than the version of you that you have 0:45:21.160 --> 0:45:24.120 right now, if you do the work, if you actually 0:45:24.160 --> 0:45:27.400 do it. Let me just say it like this. I 0:45:27.480 --> 0:45:32.000 dedicated this book to my great grandkids. In the dedication 0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:37.120 now my oldest daughter's ten, and I dedicated it because 0:45:37.120 --> 0:45:39.360 the Bible says a good man leaves. 0:45:39.120 --> 0:45:40.880 An inheritance for his children's children. 0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:43.360 And yes, I want to leave them houses, yes I 0:45:43.400 --> 0:45:46.040 want to leave them investments, but I want to leave 0:45:46.040 --> 0:45:47.040 them emotional health. 0:45:47.480 --> 0:45:49.400 I pray one day my grandson. 0:45:48.960 --> 0:45:52.440 Picks this book up and is able to say, my 0:45:52.520 --> 0:45:56.000 grandpapa dealt with his stuff, And I know I'm struggling 0:45:56.120 --> 0:45:59.160 right now because life be lifing and everybody's going to 0:45:59.200 --> 0:46:01.960 go through it. God be God, but God be God, 0:46:02.160 --> 0:46:04.839 and therapy be be therapy. And that's why let me 0:46:05.000 --> 0:46:07.040 show you. I don't know what camera I can look 0:46:07.080 --> 0:46:09.319 into right here, the back of the but it's a 0:46:09.320 --> 0:46:12.320 double cover. The front is me smiling, that's the triumph, 0:46:12.719 --> 0:46:16.000 But the back of it is me, my dad, my 0:46:16.120 --> 0:46:20.920 four brothers, and my son. This this is a picture 0:46:21.040 --> 0:46:23.440 of all of us. It looks like me, but it's 0:46:23.480 --> 0:46:24.000 all of us. 0:46:24.400 --> 0:46:29.040 Because your damage affects every person. You say you love it, 0:46:29.080 --> 0:46:32.200 So if you want to do the work, join me damage, 0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:32.520 but not. 0:46:32.480 --> 0:46:36.840 To sure if we can pass on generational uh you know, traumas, 0:46:36.840 --> 0:46:38.600 we can definitely pass on generational blessed bro. 0:46:38.719 --> 0:46:42.240 You just said it, and take it from blessing generational healing, 0:46:43.640 --> 0:46:47.120 like what happens if the greatest thing I could give 0:46:47.600 --> 0:46:54.319 to the next generation is how to deal with their issues? Absolutely, yeah, youse, Father, 0:46:54.360 --> 0:46:57.399 We just thank you for this opportunity to be here, 0:46:58.120 --> 0:47:00.759 to be in this moment, to be with you, for 0:47:00.840 --> 0:47:03.919 everybody listening, and with my four brothers in the room. 0:47:04.360 --> 0:47:06.840 I thank you Father that something was said here that 0:47:07.000 --> 0:47:10.200 sparks their faith to believe that you can help them 0:47:10.239 --> 0:47:14.480 deal with their damage. God, we got different relationships, different responsibilities, 0:47:14.520 --> 0:47:16.960 different pains, different hurts. 0:47:17.000 --> 0:47:18.399 But God, you know them all. 0:47:19.000 --> 0:47:22.680 I thank you that by faith, something is about to 0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:25.080 change on the inside of every person under the sound 0:47:25.120 --> 0:47:27.960 of my voice, bring back a moment, a memory of 0:47:28.040 --> 0:47:31.040 reason why they need to make this step. And I 0:47:31.080 --> 0:47:33.280 thank you that no matter what has happened to them, 0:47:33.440 --> 0:47:36.560 no matter how bad or how good, I thank you 0:47:36.560 --> 0:47:38.399 that you can take our trauma and you can turn 0:47:38.440 --> 0:47:40.680 it into triumph. You can take our pain and you 0:47:40.719 --> 0:47:42.960 can turn it into platform. Father, I thank you for 0:47:43.040 --> 0:47:43.799 all the people who are. 0:47:43.800 --> 0:47:46.440 Damaged but not destroyed. Bless them, is my prayer in 0:47:46.520 --> 0:47:47.560 Jesus name. We agree. 0:47:47.640 --> 0:47:50.840 Amen, Amen, ladies and gentlemen. Past to Mike time. We 0:47:50.880 --> 0:47:51.920 appreciate you, brother. 0:47:51.719 --> 0:47:54.040 Hey bro, we can make this maybe like a monthly thing. 0:47:55.760 --> 0:47:57.799 Let's make it happen. I appreciate y'all. 0:47:57.840 --> 0:48:00.919 It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning to ass up Earth 0:48:01.120 --> 0:48:01.640 in the morning. 0:48:01.960 --> 0:48:02.759 Breakfast Club 0:48:06.760 --> 0:48:07.080 MHM.