1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: Ye, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a 2 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,799 Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope 8 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it 9 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship 10 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so 11 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,280 Speaker 1: much for joining me for session two oh eight of 12 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: the Therapy for a Black Girls podcast. We'll jump into 13 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: the episode right after a word from our sponsors. Before 14 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: we get into our chat about this season of Merried 15 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: at First Sight, I have to take a moment to 16 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: say thank you to all of you who took a 17 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,319 Speaker 1: minute to vote for us in the webb Bees. We won. 18 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: We won for best Health and Wellness Podcast. This week, 19 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: we were also awarded the Best Wellness and Relationships Podcast 20 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 1: by the Podcast Academy. I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude 21 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: for all of your continued support and for being such 22 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: valuable members of this community. For the Webbies, we had 23 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: to prepare a five words speech and mine was I 24 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: am because we are And there is no truer testament 25 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: to this community. All of this is because of you, 26 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: so thank you. If you've been watching this season of 27 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: Married at First Sight, you know that last week was 28 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: decision Day, and wow, what a decision day it was. 29 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 1: Joining me again to debrief on everything that's happened this 30 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: season is licensed marriage and family therapist Beverly Andre. Beverly 31 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 1: is licensed in Florida, New York, and New Jersey and 32 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: is the owner of b Heart Counseling Services. Her work 33 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: teaches black and brown women how to break down and 34 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: unpack narratives that no longer serve them. She's a member 35 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:34,080 Speaker 1: of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and 36 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 1: is also a Prepare Enriched certified pre marital facilitator. Beverly 37 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: joined us for session of the podcast just as this 38 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: season was starting, and it's back this week to talk 39 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: about which of the couples decided to stay together and 40 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 1: which of them have separated, her suggestions for those remaining together, 41 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 1: our thoughts on where the couple seem to struggle and 42 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: our predictions for what we'll see at the re union. 43 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: This episode does contain spoilers, so if you haven't watched yet, 44 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: definitely hold off until you do, and be sure to 45 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: share your thoughts with us about the season using the 46 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: hashag tv g in session. Here's our conversation. Thank you 47 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 1: so much for being back with us, Beverly, Thank you 48 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: for inviting me for a part two because listen so 49 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I owe a bit of an apology 50 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 1: to the audience, because, you know, for those of you 51 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: who may not have watched Merried at First Sight and 52 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: then started watching because you heard us talking about it 53 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: on the podcast, I feel like we did not give 54 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: you the best introduction to the show because this season 55 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: feels like it was very, very different to me than 56 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: the other seasons have been. So they may be have 57 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: a bit of an apology needed, But I would just 58 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: love to hear your thoughts, Beverly about what in the 59 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: world happened this season. It felt super long. They definitely 60 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 1: added like sessions. I think I feel like they added 61 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: all these extra episodes to draw the season out. I 62 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: feel like I haven't gone back and like done the 63 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: numbers to see like how many episodes there typically are, 64 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: but to me it definitely felt longer. I think the 65 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:17,559 Speaker 1: emotional draw so much, especially last episode. I just feel 66 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,799 Speaker 1: like everybody was kind of checked out at different points. 67 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 1: Based on the feedback I got on Twitter, I think 68 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:25,799 Speaker 1: at certain points it was like, okay, well let's bypass 69 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 1: a few of these couples and get the Christian page 70 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 1: and okay, with that fizzled out, it was like, okay, 71 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: what's happening with Ryan and Claire. It was a lot 72 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: of back and forth in terms of trying to remember 73 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: what's happening? Why are these couples interacting with each other 74 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 1: this way? But then it's like, okay, well you only 75 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: see a little bit versus you know, they're very much 76 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 1: lived experience. I think even the experts for fed up 77 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: because Dr Nyard and got the cow, and when Dr 78 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,160 Speaker 1: Pepper came up, oh my gosh, their facial expressions were like, Okay, 79 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: something has to give. So what do you think it 80 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: was about this season? While I think it got to 81 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: figure on she said that about Chris in particular, the 82 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: person who he was before is not the person that 83 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: they have seen throughout the season, right, So I think 84 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: that you have people who aren't showing up fully as 85 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: themselves during the casting period. And I also think that 86 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: you saw couples who had a lot of potential but 87 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: for some reason they were not hearing each other. Jacob 88 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: and Haley, I really see why they were paired up 89 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: with each other. However, I think that Haley was not 90 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: showing up as her full self in terms of what 91 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 1: she did and did not like about Jake. And I 92 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: think Jake got a really good sense of that and 93 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 1: was just like, Okay, tell me how you feel. Is 94 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: it an issue about looks? What is it? And I 95 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: don't think he got the sense that Haley was being forthcoming. 96 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: So when you saw Jacob like leaving her in South 97 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 1: Carolina just in the middle of the night, I was like, 98 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: this man is checked out, because there is no man 99 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: in his right mind in a relationship with somebody that 100 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: he wants to be in a relationship with is just 101 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,359 Speaker 1: going to check out on their partner like that. You 102 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 1: have a safety concern, right, They showed up separately. I 103 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 1: think she at one point in time when they were 104 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:25,559 Speaker 1: coming back from the honeymoon, she switched her seat. There's 105 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: a disregard to safety in the relationship. Physical safety meaning 106 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: I know where you at or who you wet, and 107 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: honestly emotional safety, like let me communicate this to you, 108 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,040 Speaker 1: so I am now one accountable for telling you this, 109 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: even though I'm not responsible for how you take it. 110 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 1: There was none of that. There was no conversation whatsoever. 111 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 1: And I think the communication issues also extended to Eric 112 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: and Virginia. When they would talk to each other, they 113 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: would talk at each other instead of talking to understand. 114 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 1: And so you saw people who were like, I need 115 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: to get my point across that. I have different thoughts 116 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: about Virginia and how and why she was communicating with Eric. 117 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 1: But I think a lot of these couples were talking 118 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,600 Speaker 1: at each other instead of Okay, you're a stranger to 119 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: me and I'm trying to learn you, so let me 120 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: communicate to understand. I agree with you. I think I 121 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: can see why some of them were matched, But then 122 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: other things became apparent for me and during the season 123 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: that made me wonder, like why would they be matched? 124 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: So Ryan and Clara, for instance, it seems like they 125 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 1: have very different approaches as it relates to like religion 126 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: and spirituality, which I think can be a deal breaker 127 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 1: for a lot of couples, and so I don't know 128 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: if they asked about that during the screening process, but 129 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: it feels like that would have been something that came 130 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: up there would have said these people might not be 131 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: the best match. Also, Brianna and Vincent in terms of kids, 132 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: right you know, so Vincent is like clearly very young, 133 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: homely in terms of wanting kids, and Brianna is a 134 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: little more hesitant, you know, rightfully so for some health concerns. 135 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: And so for me, it felt like there were some 136 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: things that I would have thought would have been caught 137 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: in like the screening process that it seems like we're 138 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: not either talks about or word not as bigable real 139 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: flag for them. Well, you know, I had that thought 140 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,280 Speaker 1: as well, and I remember the experts talking about that 141 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 1: on an interview and they were mentioning something along the 142 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: lines that, you know, when it comes to the values, 143 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: we tried to definitely make sure that the values aligned, 144 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 1: but obviously it's not a perfect matchup in terms of 145 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: this is your perfect person. I think with Vincent and 146 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,679 Speaker 1: Brianna that Vincent, first of all, he's a Dominican man 147 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 1: through and through. He is from you know, Latin America 148 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: Caribbean all the way. He's like, I want all my kids. 149 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: I want to be on my deathbed and see all 150 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: my shifts surrounding me. So that was definitely a high 151 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: value for him. But with Brianna, it doesn't seem like 152 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,719 Speaker 1: kids was a non negotiable for her as opposed to 153 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: due to some health concerns. I have second thoughts about 154 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: you know, motherhood and all of that and what it 155 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: means for me and my life, which rightfully so it 156 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 1: makes sense. So I think maybe if the medical I mean, 157 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't want to offer an assumption, 158 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: but the show only showed that it was a medical reason. 159 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: Maybe that they did have the same values in terms 160 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: of children and family, But that medical point for Brianna 161 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,439 Speaker 1: was maybe I can't have kids, you know, for myself, 162 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 1: and maybe serigacy or adoption or anything like that might 163 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: be okay for her. With Ryan Clara, as much as 164 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: Ryan was talking about his spirituality and raising his children 165 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: in church, Clara was like, well, I believe in, you know, 166 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,679 Speaker 1: having free choice, and so I don't think it was 167 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 1: a non negotiable for her as opposed to I want 168 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: my kids to have their own choice. As opposed to 169 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 1: forcing them, so I can see some wiggle room with them. 170 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 1: With Eric in Virginia, That's what kind of gave me 171 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 1: pause in terms of like housing, where we're gonna live, 172 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: who's to move in with, who, thoughts about age, because 173 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: that kept coming up for them, and with some comments 174 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: that she was making, I think there was a difference 175 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 1: in politics, and that led to a really big blowout 176 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: for them because she mentioned it while talking to the experts. 177 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: He has his belief that believe don't align with mine, 178 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: and I don't know how we're going to navigate that. 179 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,199 Speaker 1: And it was really important for her, especially with the 180 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 1: people that she has in her life, and how maybe 181 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:33,959 Speaker 1: her politics might be leaning more so on based off 182 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: of those relationships. And we also got thinking about the 183 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,600 Speaker 1: time frame of like you know, and election season, so 184 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: I wondered that heightened things for them if they were 185 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: on different size of the political field. You know, I 186 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: am thinking, Beverly, as I thought back about it. The 187 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,079 Speaker 1: season prior to this one, I think was right at 188 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,959 Speaker 1: the top of the pandemic, so you saw more conversation 189 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: about what was happening and how it was impacting the couples. 190 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: I felt like whereas this season, it feels like maybe 191 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: they were like taking all these different safety precautions because 192 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,680 Speaker 1: you still saw like the cast together a lot, you 193 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: saw them out a lot, and so there wasn't very 194 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 1: much conversation around like how the political happenings and the 195 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: pandemic were impacting these relationships. And we know people who 196 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: were in relationships, you know, years prior to this, and 197 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: how they have been impacted by the pandemic and everything 198 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: has been happening, right, and these are new people, So 199 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: I am kind of surprised and wonder how much of 200 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: that also colored what we saw this season. Right, we 201 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: know people's anxieties and whatever was coming up for them 202 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: to maybe voiced or unvoiced, but we didn't hear very 203 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 1: much about that, So I wonder how much that played 204 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: into everything we saw as well. I mean, I don't 205 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: know if they recorded it, but I think that would 206 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: have definitely been an audit layer that the audience would 207 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: have appreciated scene, because, like you said, there are season 208 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:05,200 Speaker 1: couple struggling with having that much access to their partner 209 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,360 Speaker 1: on a daily basis during the what we're still in 210 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:13,560 Speaker 1: a pandemic. There's some season couples that definitely struggle. So 211 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: you have these brand new strangers who are with each 212 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 1: other pretty much all day, every day, trying to figure 213 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,200 Speaker 1: out how to make it work, and my developing feelings 214 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,679 Speaker 1: with you because we're in a pandemic and we have 215 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: to be a little bit more in contact with each other, 216 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: or are these genuine emotions that I'm starting to develop 217 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,200 Speaker 1: for you. Hearing the couples talk more about that would 218 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: have been really interesting. It would have gave it a 219 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: little not credibility, but I think people would have been 220 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:44,679 Speaker 1: able to empathize more the individual couples because they're like, Okay, 221 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: how do I know what's real? It's just like people 222 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: who are dating in a pandemic and my feelings for 223 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,680 Speaker 1: you skewed by what's happening in the world. I definitely 224 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: think it would have added a layer. M So last 225 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 1: week was decision Day. This upcoming week we will have reunion. 226 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: So by the time many of you listening to the podcast, 227 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: it will probably be the day of the reunion. So 228 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 1: we saw that a number of them stay together, which 229 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 1: was kind of shocking to me. I definitely did not 230 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,920 Speaker 1: expect as many of them that stayed together to stay 231 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: together and I think the ones that ended I was 232 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: not surprised by, but I would love to hear from 233 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: you any suggestions you would have for the couples who 234 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: did stay together. So with Ryan and Clara, I would 235 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:34,319 Speaker 1: say that having clear boundaries about what's okay to talk 236 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: about with friends and family in the relationship, because when 237 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 1: it came to, like them having sexual intimacy with each other, 238 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,319 Speaker 1: she would talk to her friends or talk to the 239 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: expert and oh, everything's fine, it's perfect. There's no relationship 240 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 1: that's perfect. But I think she was trying to honor 241 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:57,679 Speaker 1: the fact that Ryan didn't want to have conversation outside 242 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: of them too about that. And then we saw in 243 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 1: like the Girl's NiFe and since what's going off? She 244 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: was a big mad And I think that when you 245 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 1: don't feel like you have a certain number of people 246 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: or set people where you can really talk about the 247 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 1: things that's going on in your relationship without feeling like 248 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 1: your betraying your partner, it really brings on isolation and 249 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: that person can blow up and just start in their 250 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: business any and everywhere. So I think moving forward, I 251 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 1: would definitely suggest, hey, like, are you okay? If I 252 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: talked to my best friend about things that may be 253 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: going on because you don't want to feel like your 254 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: betraying your partner, But you also do need an outlet 255 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: because she wasn't given the full picture to the experts 256 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: at first. Then what if she doesn't have a therapist 257 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 1: that she's seen and she doesn't feel like she can 258 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: talk to the therapist about Like there needs to be 259 00:14:55,640 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: at least one other person that she feels comfortable talking to. Um, 260 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: let me just stop here, Beverly, because I feel like 261 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 1: we do need to do a little bit more digging. Clearly, 262 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: we don't know all of it. We just know when 263 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: we saw. But it definitely seemed like something was going 264 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 1: on between Ryan and Clara that I cannot quite put 265 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 1: my finger on. I could not quite understand the intimacy issue. 266 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: For him. It sounded like he kept saying, like I 267 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: really want this to be meaningful. It sounded like he 268 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: was waiting for something to happen to make it okay 269 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: for them to be intimate, well penetration intimate, because it 270 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 1: sounds like they had been intimate in lots of difference, right, 271 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: So so what do you think was really happening there? Again, 272 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: this is only based on what we saw because we don't. Okay, 273 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: so based on what we saw, it has been presented. 274 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:47,080 Speaker 1: Ryan is really religion. Spirituality is really important for him. 275 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: And I think that Ryan didn't want to venture into 276 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: the physical realm with someone who was not for sure 277 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: going to be his wife. He did not want to 278 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: say I love you to somebody who was not to 279 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: be his wife. Fully, he does have agency over his body, 280 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 1: and I think that's really important as a man of color, 281 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: that he can assert himself and say I have agency 282 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: over my body. I do not want to share it. Yes, 283 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: we are married, but until I know it's a for 284 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: sure thing, I want to keep this to myself. I 285 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: completely respect that. What doesn't make sense to me is 286 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: that the fact that y'all were still in the gray area, 287 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: like she was just like, I'm getting you off every 288 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: night and getting nothing in return. So I'm just like, wait, wait, wait, wait. 289 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 1: This sounds a little imbalance because we can't say that 290 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: you know certain things are no, but then certain things 291 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: are yes for me and you get nothing. I believe 292 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: in equity, so I think it should be given take 293 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: And you know what, he may have gotten hurt by 294 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: some women, and maybe he wants to protect his heart, 295 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: and I think maybe he thinks by abstaining from sex 296 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 1: that that would be a way of protecting himself. I'm 297 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:02,119 Speaker 1: really interested to see what happened in these reunion episodes 298 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 1: and they told to get married. So is it no 299 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: longer a hard stopped or are you all the way 300 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: in now? Right? I do definitely feel like the cameras, 301 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: it feels like played a big role in that he 302 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,640 Speaker 1: just did not want that part of the relationship really 303 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: share with the cameras, And so it'll be interesting. Yeah, 304 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 1: you're right, it'll be interesting to one here what's happened 305 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 1: now that the cameras have kind of stopped rolling, but 306 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: also when he has now had the opportunity to maybe 307 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 1: go back and watch the show, Like what kind of 308 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 1: commentary he will have now based on being able to 309 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,360 Speaker 1: see her talking with the girls, right, Like what kinds 310 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 1: of thoughts maybe, and what kinds of conversations they've had 311 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: with one another since the cameras have stopped. I think 312 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: that is something he seems very private, Like even with 313 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 1: with with the other guys when they were always Ryan 314 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 1: was not an extroverted person who was speaking first or 315 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 1: anything like that. He can very late by, and I 316 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 1: can imagine that he wanted to reserve as much of 317 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 1: his privacy even though it's a reality TV show. You 318 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: wanted to reserve as much as he could, even though 319 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: you know the cameras were there. Right, We will see, 320 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: We will see over the next couple of weeks. I 321 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 1: guess more with Beverly after the break. So with suggestions 322 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: would you have for Brianna and Vincent? Brianna and Vincent 323 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 1: M I think not weaponizing words. I think that you 324 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 1: can't express your feelings about your partner without character assassination. 325 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: Because one thing Bessa kept saying was like, Oh, she's bossy, 326 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 1: she's bossy, she's bossy. Okay, Well, Vincent, sounds like you're 327 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:49,200 Speaker 1: adopting how her family use the word bossy. Oh yeah, 328 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 1: she's a bossy person. But your interpretation of bossy and 329 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,120 Speaker 1: what you're trying to communicate to your partner, it's use 330 00:18:56,200 --> 00:19:00,200 Speaker 1: the tone and she understands it to me differently, Maybe 331 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: you're trying to say, you know, I don't like being 332 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 1: talked over, or maybe you're trying to say I don't 333 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: like you know x Y and Z. I felt some 334 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: type of way about it. I had to checkline. Solf 335 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 1: I felt Vincent, you can say hey, when you overspeak 336 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 1: or you talk over me, I get a sense that 337 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 1: you don't really care about how I feel. That is 338 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 1: a different message than your bossy, right, because you're literally 339 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: saying what you don't like about that person. And I 340 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 1: would imagine your reaction, and maybe some of the other 341 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: listeners comes from, like how often that word is thrown, 342 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: especially at black women and other people. It would just 343 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: be assertive or you know, all these other things, but 344 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 1: black girls often get labeled as bossy in a negative 345 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 1: kind of a way. And so I'm sure that's what 346 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,159 Speaker 1: your reaction was, right, because it's like, okay, well you 347 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,360 Speaker 1: want her to shrink herself? Is that the issue? Or 348 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: do you not like the fact that she can't insert 349 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 1: herself which may be a thing, and that's okay, you 350 00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:58,880 Speaker 1: can work on that. But you saying you are it's 351 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: very definitive, and it's like, okay, well unless you remove 352 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 1: that trade, then I have a problem with you. And 353 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 1: even she said some things about Vincent too, and you know, 354 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: he got a little sensitive about it. So them is 355 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: being aware of their word choice and making sure they're 356 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: not attacking their partner. With their words. Yeah, yeah, and 357 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: it did seem another point of growth for them as 358 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,159 Speaker 1: a couple. It feels like, is that Vincent it seemed 359 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: really was hesitant to trying new things and like didn't 360 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,360 Speaker 1: want to seem like he was not like perfect when 361 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 1: he started, Like you saw this with the dancing, you 362 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,199 Speaker 1: know this with the horseback riding, So I would imagine 363 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 1: and I and Brianna seems really adventurous, Like it seems 364 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 1: like she likes a lot of different new things and 365 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: so that will be something that will have to continue 366 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: to navigate as well well. And somebody had mentioned something 367 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: on Twitter. They asked me if the different culture backgrounds 368 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,120 Speaker 1: I think that their communication. I'm like, it definitely does. 369 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,640 Speaker 1: I can watch with Vince, especially with like a lot 370 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: in culture and my Chiosmo. You know, the males happen 371 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 1: to be like manly man, not make mistakes that you're 372 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: supposed to be strong and all of these. So if 373 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: you're in a situation that make you uncomfortable, and it's 374 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: clear as they as you're uncomfortable, it's like, okay, what 375 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 1: does that say about you as a man in front 376 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: of your woman? He doesn't want to feel embarrassed he 377 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,119 Speaker 1: doesn't want to feel like he doesn't know what he's 378 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 1: not doing in front of her because he wants to 379 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,439 Speaker 1: maintain his image for a woman. So I can imagine 380 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 1: how that definitely was a factor and how they were 381 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 1: interacting with each other, especially on camera, because it's not 382 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: just them too in a bubble? Is them too in 383 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: a bubble in the whole world is watching, right, That's 384 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 1: the other thing that I don't think we saw either 385 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: with Ryan and Clara, are with Brianna and Vincent, like 386 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 1: these cultural conversations. Now that doesn't mean that they didn't happen, 387 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,360 Speaker 1: but I think that that would have been a good 388 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: thing to add to to hear them talking about how 389 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,800 Speaker 1: their different cultures might impact how they show up in 390 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,400 Speaker 1: the relationships. Right, Yeah, I had thoughts about that. I'm 391 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,119 Speaker 1: surprised he didn't come up, especially with Ryan was wearing 392 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: very black Lives Matter, her power to the people type, 393 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 1: So I'm very surprised that didn't come up with them too. Well, 394 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: he didn't come up on the show, right or we 395 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,520 Speaker 1: didn't see the footage. It may have come up, it 396 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: wasn't air. And then what suggestions would you have for 397 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: Virginia and Eric with Virginia and Eric, I would suggest 398 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 1: for Eric that he realizes that his age does play 399 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 1: a factor into the power dynamics in the relationship, and 400 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: also ultimatums do not help a relationship out. Ever, those 401 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: are two things that I was noticing that was happening. 402 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 1: I'm like, sir, you have to go ahead and fix that. 403 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: If y'all want to stay married, you can't keep doing ultimatums. 404 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: And you have to realize the power dynamics between you 405 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,159 Speaker 1: and Virginia because she wants to have a voice and 406 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,760 Speaker 1: you're shutting it down because you believe that you're an 407 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 1: expert in all things, so it comes off as that 408 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: her voice doesn't matter. So when she starts to get 409 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: sluder with you, is because she doesn't feel heard and respected. 410 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: Even though you may have the wisdom of age and experience, 411 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 1: she is still part of the relationship and getting and 412 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: doing or saying ultimatums to try to get your way 413 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: doesn't help you, guys connect. It actually pushes her away further. 414 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: With Virginia, I think realizing that if you do have 415 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,400 Speaker 1: your personal things that trigger you or behaviors that trigger you, 416 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: being able to want to tell your partner Hey, this 417 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,160 Speaker 1: is how you keep me emotionally safe in conversation because 418 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 1: this is my trigger and this is what's happening. I'm 419 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: really trying to work on that. So this is how 420 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:40,360 Speaker 1: you keep me emotionally safe and being able to receive 421 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,840 Speaker 1: what he has to say. Both of that just be 422 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,119 Speaker 1: button head. She wants to go and you know, sleep 423 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 1: on her homeboy's couch. He's like, well, it's the safety 424 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: issue for me. And then when she tries to explain herself, 425 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 1: he's like, well, you know, I don't like it, and 426 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,880 Speaker 1: if you're gonna continue doing it, the marriage is over. 427 00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: So they never get anywhere. They never get anywhere because 428 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 1: he's not realizing that, Hey, she wants to feel like 429 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 1: she has some autonomy. You have a home, she has 430 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 1: an apartment, and you're like, oh, well she needs to 431 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: move in, and it's just like, well, she wants to 432 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: go ahead and find a different home that you guys 433 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,159 Speaker 1: can create from scratch, and for her that's probably like okay, 434 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,640 Speaker 1: well I can have some power in this situation because 435 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,560 Speaker 1: this is a neutral space that we're both co creating, 436 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: as opposed to I'm leaving behind all of my things 437 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 1: and moving in with you. And then you gotta issue 438 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: with her dog, so right, so I don't really motivate 439 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 1: her to you know, I want to connect with you, 440 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: so she runs. And I feel like this has come 441 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 1: up on past seasons of the show too. It feels 442 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 1: like there needs to be more conversation about like what 443 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: happens if the couples stay together, because undoubtedly there's somebody 444 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 1: who like owns a home and then you know, so 445 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,360 Speaker 1: that feels like a huge part of what's to navigate 446 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,200 Speaker 1: as well, because it feels like that is a source 447 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 1: of tension for the couples for multiple seasons. Now, I mean, 448 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,760 Speaker 1: you don't know who you're going to be paired with. 449 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 1: And let's say if this show wasn't a factor, if 450 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,159 Speaker 1: y'all were dating and you all decided to get married, 451 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 1: that tension would still be there. So show or not 452 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: show when it comes to figure out, Okay, you know 453 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: wherever I am in life and where my partner is 454 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: if they have a home, Okay, what do we do? Yeah? Yeah, 455 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 1: I think the speed of this is what changes that 456 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 1: because in theory, you would likely maybe be dating someone 457 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: longer before you would make that decision about whether you're 458 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: gonna sell your home or not. M Yeah, so something 459 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 1: to be mindful for if you decide to sign up 460 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 1: for a show like this. Yeah, if I've had women 461 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: tell me, you know, their family members have told them, Oh, 462 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 1: don't buy a home if you're single, because what will 463 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: that look like. No man is going to want to 464 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,160 Speaker 1: move into a woman's home, and it's just like whoa, 465 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,560 Speaker 1: you tell me to put my life on pause, potential partner, 466 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,320 Speaker 1: and you don't tend to hear it the other way. 467 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,160 Speaker 1: The expectation is that if you are dating a male 468 00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 1: partner that you will move into his home. Nobody's else eyes, 469 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,200 Speaker 1: don't buy a home because that's not gonna be attractive 470 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,159 Speaker 1: to women. You made one support because it looks like 471 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: you're too independent, right right. That's typically a gold star 472 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 1: actually for guys. So we definitely have to talk about 473 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: Christian Page. My goodness. So I was not sure, and 474 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: it definitely feels like we got teased a lot this season. 475 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,159 Speaker 1: You would think that storyline was like wrapped up and 476 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,239 Speaker 1: then they would bring them back for some reason. So 477 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,360 Speaker 1: by the time we got to decision day, I don't 478 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 1: know what I was thinking, but I was not anticipating 479 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 1: that we would have the interaction that we did end 480 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 1: up seeing. I wish you could see my face right now. 481 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 1: I'm just just shaking my head. Lord, I'm shaking my 482 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,480 Speaker 1: head because I can't remember which one expert said it, 483 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:52,400 Speaker 1: but they were recording for six hours, right, So yeah, 484 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 1: it sounds like it completely changed their production schedule because 485 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 1: I think decision day is typically one day, but this 486 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: shifted it into two days. Listen, they had the experts 487 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: were in the same outfit because of this, because of 488 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,639 Speaker 1: its nonsense, it was six hours, but how it was edited, 489 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 1: it seemed like Page said I'm done, I'm leaving it. 490 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 1: Then this man decided to share the news that you know, 491 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 1: him and Mercedes lost their child, and then came back 492 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: and was like, oh well, this is the woman that 493 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,719 Speaker 1: I need in my life, and and and then all 494 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: I saw it was Page that transformed. I said, what 495 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 1: is happening here? She sat up straighter, she started leaning 496 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,359 Speaker 1: more towards Chris. She came back and she had his 497 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: his what you call it, wait to the jacket, and 498 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,640 Speaker 1: I said, okay, put the jack on, you know, when 499 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: you're inside and not when she's outside. But nonetheless, like 500 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 1: you saw the body language change, and they came back inside. 501 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 1: I said, all right, here we go, and they say, 502 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,919 Speaker 1: you know, it's just like he said, the thing that 503 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,959 Speaker 1: she's been waiting to hear since their wedding day, and 504 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 1: pay said, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I 505 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,160 Speaker 1: thought this was a done deal, Like this one phrase 506 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: that he just said did not absolve him for the 507 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:12,800 Speaker 1: entire season. And so for me, I was thinking, Okay, 508 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: where has this been normalized for her? What has she 509 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:20,880 Speaker 1: seen that makes this situation okay? And her training her 510 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,840 Speaker 1: mind okay, the fact that she's contemplating it, and she 511 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 1: was like, oh, this was God ordined. I'm like, okay, 512 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:31,119 Speaker 1: how much of our sisters are enslaved to this theological 513 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:36,159 Speaker 1: standpoint that at the expense of self, my husband is 514 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 1: first and foremost for me, like his needs supersede my 515 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 1: own right if I'm married that no matter what's going on, 516 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 1: I need. I need to hold what she said, I'm 517 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 1: a rotter die or I'm true to this or something 518 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 1: like that. I'm like, where did you learn this? Because 519 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: that is what's making you second guests, being with somebody 520 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 1: who is mistreating you. And so I think all of 521 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,000 Speaker 1: it must have come to a head because when she 522 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,080 Speaker 1: ran out and started crying and started shaking. I said, 523 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: there's some more work that needs to be done outside 524 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: of this experience. There's some work that needs to be 525 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: done because for us as an audience, we're like, this 526 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 1: is a no brainer, but for her it is very 527 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 1: much complex. Like she was very invested in this process, 528 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: and I give her so much respect for that, because 529 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,280 Speaker 1: it does take a lot to put yourself out there. 530 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 1: But you have somebody who did not have the same 531 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 1: interest and who was very calculated with his behaviors towards you, 532 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: and it just seemed a little too it's calculated the 533 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: fact that he shared this information and came back on 534 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 1: the show, and it was like, you're the person that 535 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,120 Speaker 1: I always needed and wanted, even though you weren't attracted 536 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: to her. You literally said that they found the ugliest 537 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: girl in Atlanta for me to marry. I had such 538 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 1: a strong reaction to Chris this whole season, and I 539 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: feel like after we recorded our first episode, then the 540 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 1: next week, it all kind of started becoming clear, like 541 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: this is gonna be an issue here. And I feel 542 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: like so much of Chris's behavior really is for the cameras, right, 543 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 1: because if that were the case if you decided, Okay, 544 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,479 Speaker 1: I want to try to give this another chance with Page. 545 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: Why was it a decision day before you were having 546 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: that conversation, right, well, I didn't understand because the cameras 547 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 1: were there, Beverly like, that is why, you know, if 548 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: you really wanted to make this relationship work, how is 549 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: it that you were not doing that before decision day? Right? Yeah. 550 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 1: I think more of that was really him trying to 551 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:40,080 Speaker 1: manage the audience's impression of him. I feel like he 552 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 1: is very much somebody who's you know, really invested in 553 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: like managing people's impressions of him and wanting to come 554 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,080 Speaker 1: off as this good guy and this godly man and 555 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,200 Speaker 1: all of these things. And so I really feel like 556 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 1: a lot of what we saw on decision day was 557 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: one he his attempt to try to control the image 558 00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,080 Speaker 1: we had of him, and also very controlling, even in 559 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 1: his statement of saying, I don't know that this has 560 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 1: been done before, this might be a first, right, So 561 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,719 Speaker 1: he is just very kind of controlling, trying to control 562 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: like the entire process, even though he had not been 563 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: consistent or showing up for the process. And he made 564 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 1: a mention of that when he was in the car, 565 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 1: he made a mention to Page like, oh, everybody hates 566 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 1: me or something like that. I'm like, okay, why was 567 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: somebody who is grieving the loss of his child think 568 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: about the procession of everybody's hating him, America's hating him? Sir? 569 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 1: Are you here to make this relationship work or are 570 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 1: you here to make it work for your professional endeavors? 571 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: And even in that, like would a lack of self awareness? Right, 572 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 1: like everybody hates me? Well, let me look at what 573 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: I might have done that would give people a negative 574 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,120 Speaker 1: impression of me. How might I change that? As opposed 575 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 1: to I just want people not to hate me. I 576 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: was really trying to make this his own, his own 577 00:31:55,480 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 1: spinoff of everybody Hates Chris. I literally really me. And 578 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,240 Speaker 1: it wasn't like you personally, people hate you because of 579 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:09,120 Speaker 1: you any vacuum. You literally dog this woman out the 580 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: entire season, embarrassed her, brought the mother of your child 581 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 1: to further embarrass her, use every opportunity to throw that 582 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,480 Speaker 1: in her face. And at the very end of it all, 583 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 1: you're the woman that that I need or that I 584 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:29,120 Speaker 1: want to be with. What And it wasn't the first 585 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 1: time he had said that, like when they met in 586 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 1: their apartment, he made it seem as if he was 587 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,720 Speaker 1: trying to make another attempt, and then we saw it 588 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:40,000 Speaker 1: go nowhere. It went nowhere. Chris cannot be held accountable, 589 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: not by his family members, not by his wife. The 590 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 1: man dropped his pastor because his pastor try to hold 591 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 1: him accountable. If your pastor cannot hold you accountable, who 592 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 1: else can? Right, especially when that seems like something that's 593 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,760 Speaker 1: so central to your identity, you know what? Say that 594 00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 1: man of God. More of my conversation with Beverly right 595 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: after the break, I knew it got so real because 596 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 1: Dotter Veron was like, no, this is not okay. And 597 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,320 Speaker 1: I was like to guess, to get us, come on 598 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 1: and break through to this man because he needs to 599 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,440 Speaker 1: hear it from somebody else that this is not okay. 600 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: And when Pastor cal was talking to him, it literally 601 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,840 Speaker 1: felt like he was saying, she's going to choose you. 602 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: You need to not choose her for her own good. 603 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 1: Like he literally was whispering in his ear, like you 604 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,760 Speaker 1: need to do the right thing. I think, for a 605 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 1: foot second, if it wasn't for the producers, Page would 606 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,760 Speaker 1: have said, yes, I want to stay married. This really 607 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,360 Speaker 1: brings me to an interesting point, Beverly, and I guess 608 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: we probably well, I know, we do approach it very 609 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 1: differently because we're clinicians, so helping people with their emotional 610 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,200 Speaker 1: is what we do. In my mind, it felt like 611 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,320 Speaker 1: it was a liability for them to even continue to 612 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,440 Speaker 1: film with Page and Chris right because after he has 613 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 1: called her the ugliest woman in Atlanta and done all 614 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,360 Speaker 1: of these things to degrade her, I am immediately jumping 615 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 1: into we need to now protect her. So for me, 616 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: it felt like a liability for them to even continue 617 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,080 Speaker 1: to film or to even really have a decision day 618 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,720 Speaker 1: because he has made it clear we are no longer 619 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,360 Speaker 1: working on the marriage, and so what was there to 620 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 1: decide when he already made that decision earlier. It's ratings 621 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 1: the objects, Because if we're the artists and we're seeing 622 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,760 Speaker 1: this and we're like, Okay, y'all just letting this happen, 623 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 1: what does that say for anybody who's contemplating being on 624 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,360 Speaker 1: the show. If y'all can have this woman on this 625 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:51,200 Speaker 1: show who it appears needs some serious help, and y'all 626 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: just letting this wolf just attack her, what does it mean? 627 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,120 Speaker 1: For other people who want to come on this show, 628 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 1: will the show protect her right or him? If there's 629 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,359 Speaker 1: somebody who is clearly being manipulated, it really has to 630 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: be be on the ratings because you know, as clinicians, 631 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:12,080 Speaker 1: you know we abide by they do no harm. These 632 00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,239 Speaker 1: TV shows, Yes, you can have contracts and forms and 633 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,960 Speaker 1: all of that, but they don't have that same stance. 634 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 1: So when you have this woman who's here being braided, 635 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,399 Speaker 1: being insulted, like, how much more is she supposed to take? 636 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,360 Speaker 1: A think expensive the show, I'm guessing that they're coming 637 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 1: on the side of agency. Right. We're adults, we can 638 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 1: make our own decisions, and yes, I agree with that, 639 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: but I also think, like we saw them stand up 640 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: for her on decision Day, it feels like there should 641 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,040 Speaker 1: have been people standing up for her before a decision day. 642 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 1: We don't know, they didn't have separate conversations with Chris 643 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: he ran a little later. They did have separate conversations 644 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: with both of them, and yet they still made the 645 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 1: decisions to to show up. And you know what, Pastrick 646 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 1: caw says something really important on decision Day and Dr Pepper, 647 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,279 Speaker 1: she was like, even though they went through all of 648 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 1: this and we clearly see like they're not a good fit, 649 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:19,040 Speaker 1: like there is something still between them, and Pastor Cow 650 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,759 Speaker 1: was like, I can't be more upset than her. I 651 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 1: can have my personal looks like, I can't be more 652 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,480 Speaker 1: upset than her. That's what everybody watching the show. She 653 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,400 Speaker 1: has agency over her life. We cannot be more upset 654 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:37,120 Speaker 1: about Chris than her, because we're not in their relationship. 655 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:43,080 Speaker 1: If she's choosing to interact with him, still, that is 656 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,879 Speaker 1: her choice. It's a sad choice, but it's still her 657 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,320 Speaker 1: choice to make. Yeah, I think that that was the 658 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,759 Speaker 1: hard part for me. You know, we're not living it 659 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,920 Speaker 1: and we're only seeing what's been edited together, but it 660 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,880 Speaker 1: definitely felt like it was just such a bad situation 661 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 1: for her. My pool was it's like, oh my gosh, 662 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,239 Speaker 1: page choose yourself, choose yourself kind of thing. We know 663 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:08,080 Speaker 1: a page, we know a page via looks, via personality. 664 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,799 Speaker 1: I know people who look like her, who act like her, 665 00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:12,960 Speaker 1: and so it's very easy for us to see the 666 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,319 Speaker 1: women in our lives in that position. And it's like, well, friend, 667 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: I want you to win, Friend, I want you to 668 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,360 Speaker 1: be loved, friend, I want you to be respected, And 669 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 1: when you want that so bad for somebody, and she 670 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,960 Speaker 1: makes the choice that she wants to make for her life. 671 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,120 Speaker 1: It's like, Dad, I wish she could see you through 672 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:32,439 Speaker 1: my eyes. But you can't force somebody to to see 673 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,680 Speaker 1: themselves that way until they accepted for themselves. So you 674 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:37,719 Speaker 1: bring up a really good point, right, that all of 675 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:41,319 Speaker 1: us know someone like page right, So what suggestions would 676 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,879 Speaker 1: you give to the friends who are saying, like, oh, 677 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 1: I really want her to make a different decision. I 678 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: wish she could see her so like I see her. 679 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 1: What kind of suggestions would you offer? My suggestion would 680 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:58,080 Speaker 1: be for them to recognize their personal boundaries that as 681 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:02,399 Speaker 1: good as your intentions are, you cannot control somebody else's life. 682 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 1: That frustration and our emotional responses to the choices that 683 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,960 Speaker 1: they make. We end up having our feelings just skewed 684 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,600 Speaker 1: about our friend, and we remember where the line is 685 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,279 Speaker 1: for ourselves and our lives. Then we won't have that 686 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 1: deep level of investment for that person and their choices. 687 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 1: So just do it a self check for self first, 688 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,960 Speaker 1: and just making sure, okay, am I respecting that person's 689 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,839 Speaker 1: boundaries and and my respecting my own, and also going 690 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,840 Speaker 1: to your friends say hey, I really want to know. 691 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:36,000 Speaker 1: Are you okay with me sharing my thoughts on the situation? 692 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,680 Speaker 1: Are you able to receive that new they're able to 693 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,680 Speaker 1: receive it, go ahead and share it. If they're not 694 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: respect that they don't want to hear what you have 695 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: to say, and that they have every right to that 696 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,120 Speaker 1: may make you think about whether or not you can 697 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,759 Speaker 1: show up authentically in this relationship with your girlfriend. But 698 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,600 Speaker 1: they're not able to receive it, they have every right 699 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: to tell. You know, I just want to do my 700 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,439 Speaker 1: own thing, and so you know that in your hearts 701 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 1: and hearts that you tried. You respectfully went up to 702 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,920 Speaker 1: her and she didn't want to hear it. Now she 703 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 1: does want to hear. Share your piece and let it 704 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:12,359 Speaker 1: be that. Don't come back making side comments. Don't come 705 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,399 Speaker 1: back through your hurt being upset that she didn't take 706 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,799 Speaker 1: your advice. Just leave it for her to deal with. 707 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 1: She will respond to it accordingly. Just recognize like, these 708 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,960 Speaker 1: are my limits, because when we try to, you know, 709 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,920 Speaker 1: do for others and more than they want to do 710 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,080 Speaker 1: for them, then we get so upset because they're not 711 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,759 Speaker 1: doing that thing that we want them to do. Mm hmmm, yeah, 712 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 1: And I think it makes it difficult for us to 713 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 1: be there for them if they do decide to leave. Right, So, 714 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 1: when you have done so much and oh girl, got 715 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,960 Speaker 1: you gotta get out, you gotta get out, it tires 716 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 1: you out. And then if they make the decision to leave, 717 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,600 Speaker 1: you can't be there to support them authentically as opposed 718 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,080 Speaker 1: to like letting it play out, like you said, giving 719 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,359 Speaker 1: them the advice if they say they want it and 720 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,200 Speaker 1: then taking a step back. Got it. That's real. So 721 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,319 Speaker 1: what do you think we are going to see? So 722 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,920 Speaker 1: my understanding is that this is going to be a 723 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:05,600 Speaker 1: two week reunion, So again we are being drawn out. 724 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,120 Speaker 1: What do you think we are going to see from 725 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:12,080 Speaker 1: these reunion conversations? Okay, so based off of the preview, 726 00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:17,160 Speaker 1: I think that Chris and Page still had conversations just 727 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:18,759 Speaker 1: goo a divorce and if I want to work it out, 728 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,000 Speaker 1: go ahead and date each other and figure it out right, 729 00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:22,600 Speaker 1: go to a couple of therapy. I think she made 730 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,160 Speaker 1: a mention about it. I don't know, but if y'all 731 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 1: really want to make it work with each other, do 732 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,680 Speaker 1: you I think they're gonna talk about that. With Hailey 733 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,600 Speaker 1: and Jake. I think Jake is coming out with boxing 734 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:42,680 Speaker 1: gloves on. He is not going to shield anything because 735 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,399 Speaker 1: that one preview he was just like he wasn't test. 736 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,919 Speaker 1: I said, you were to come from Jacob and share 737 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,680 Speaker 1: how you feel, because she was a fraud essentially and 738 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,040 Speaker 1: didn't share her feelings and I had to deal with 739 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,879 Speaker 1: her this whole entire season. Missing in Brianna, I think 740 00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:00,239 Speaker 1: you'll get a feel of the learning curve of really 741 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,360 Speaker 1: moving in with each other and the cameras are gone. 742 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:09,640 Speaker 1: With Eric in Virginia, I have a big question mark 743 00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:15,719 Speaker 1: on them, a big question mark because I don't know 744 00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:22,640 Speaker 1: if they're going to work it out. I don't know 745 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,720 Speaker 1: if they're gonna work it out, only because I don't 746 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:30,359 Speaker 1: see Virginia being stifled, and I think that Eric has 747 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:34,560 Speaker 1: a really hard time making space for the woman that 748 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:40,279 Speaker 1: Virginia is still in the process of becoming. We're all 749 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,279 Speaker 1: in the process of growing. Where where she is in 750 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:50,920 Speaker 1: her life and her level of growth or maturity she 751 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 1: still has in comparison to him, where he is in 752 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,120 Speaker 1: life and his mindset and his values, they don't peer 753 00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:01,160 Speaker 1: up with hers, and I don't know how that's gonna work. 754 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,720 Speaker 1: But they decided to stay together. So there's that Ryan 755 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,880 Speaker 1: and Clara. I think all the questions are going to 756 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,600 Speaker 1: be about their love life. It's something like what is 757 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,759 Speaker 1: it going or not? And if it's not, what's up? 758 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,160 Speaker 1: We're gonna find out all those questions that people have 759 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:21,799 Speaker 1: at the end, We're gonna hopefully get some answers to it. Yeah, 760 00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,839 Speaker 1: And I also think it's interesting. So I think already 761 00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: Brianna and Vincent and Virginia and Erica have signed up 762 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,360 Speaker 1: to do couple Scam, which is like them following themselves 763 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:34,040 Speaker 1: and kind of sharing footage from what the life is 764 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,440 Speaker 1: like after the show. And I am not surprised that 765 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,640 Speaker 1: Ryan and Clara did not sign up for that because 766 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,719 Speaker 1: I feel like Ryan, no, well I don't know. I'm 767 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,799 Speaker 1: guessing they gave everybody the opportunity and they self selected end. 768 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,280 Speaker 1: But I feel like Ryan is kind of done with canvras. 769 00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:52,640 Speaker 1: You are listen, there is no way that Ryan was 770 00:42:52,719 --> 00:43:00,680 Speaker 1: going to continue doing. But you know what, that stiddens me. 771 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:03,719 Speaker 1: That's saddening because I feel like that would have been 772 00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 1: the one way that Ryan would have been held accountable. 773 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:08,759 Speaker 1: Because Ryan gives me that since that he doesn't think 774 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:12,800 Speaker 1: he's ever wrong. Well, I mean, he has not admitted 775 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,319 Speaker 1: to being wrong in anything we've seen this season, So 776 00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:21,600 Speaker 1: now one bit that man right there. We will definitely 777 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,759 Speaker 1: be staying soon. Make sure that you chat with us 778 00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,640 Speaker 1: on Beverly and I are typically live tweeting during the episode, 779 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,880 Speaker 1: so definitely catch us on Twitter if you want to 780 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 1: live tweet with us. Remind us where we can find you, Beverly, so, 781 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:38,040 Speaker 1: I'm on all social media platforms at Beverly Andre Underscore. 782 00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,160 Speaker 1: That's Beverly with the l E Y. And I'm also 783 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:45,000 Speaker 1: launching my personal website, Beverly Andre dot com. So excited, 784 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,960 Speaker 1: so that will be up soon, so that's where folks 785 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:49,759 Speaker 1: can find me. And if you're interested in therapy and 786 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,759 Speaker 1: you're in New York, Florida or New Jersey, the Heart 787 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,919 Speaker 1: Counseling dot com perfectly will be sure to include all 788 00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,280 Speaker 1: of that in the show notes. Thank you so much, Beverly, 789 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 1: you so much. I appreciate it it. I'm so glad 790 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,880 Speaker 1: Beverley was able to join us for today's conversation. To 791 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,480 Speaker 1: learn more about her and her work, be sure to 792 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 1: visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot 793 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,239 Speaker 1: com slash Session two oh eight, and be sure to 794 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,839 Speaker 1: text two sisters right now and tell them to check 795 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,600 Speaker 1: out this episode. Don't forget that. If you're looking for 796 00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:23,399 Speaker 1: a therapist in your area, be sure to check out 797 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,680 Speaker 1: our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com 798 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,520 Speaker 1: slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into 799 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,760 Speaker 1: this topic or just be in community with other sisters, 800 00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:36,400 Speaker 1: come on over and join us in the Sister Circle. 801 00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,840 Speaker 1: It's our cozy corner of the Internet designed just for 802 00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,600 Speaker 1: black women. You can join us at community dot Therapy 803 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,200 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com. Thank you all so much 804 00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:48,719 Speaker 1: for joining me again this week. I look forward to 805 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,959 Speaker 1: continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care. 806 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,760 Speaker 1: I tend to put pitchers wood