1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot im, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: Hey what's up everybody? This is Jill Scott. You are 3 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: listening to Jay dot Ill with myself and my cohorts. 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 1: Oh that's me. I think that's me ya, and that's 5 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:29,200 Speaker 1: also me. That would be Agia Gray Danceler. Full government 6 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:38,560 Speaker 1: in the house, commit a crime according to jail, let's go, cohorts, hoorts. 7 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: What was it that we wanted? We didn't want? We 8 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 1: wanted accomplices? Oh, accies committing work. That's what I'm going 9 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 1: to say from now on, my accomplices. It feels like 10 00:00:54,400 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: the work is important, yea, and not legal and legal 11 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: ship these loans and how you perceive things. You're gonna 12 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: talk about a whole different other side of the truth. 13 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about having a wife. We were 14 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,399 Speaker 1: talking a few minutes ago, and what we discovered is 15 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: that us women, some women want a husband, but everybody 16 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: needs a wife. Now this just blew me away. I'm 17 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 1: sitting here. What is this? What is this emotion with 18 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 1: head flying off? What? What? Because because the concept of 19 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: a wife, you know, is that nurturing, loving, caring, sensitive, thoughtful, helpful, 20 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: you know, all of those, all of the stuff was 21 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: supposed to be the stuff that a wife is supposed 22 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: to be. And I want that too. Why I can't 23 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:08,919 Speaker 1: have a wife something to eat and tell me I'm 24 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 1: wonderful when I'm barely ship, come in. We're not looking 25 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 1: for a housekeeper. We're not looking for a nanny. A 26 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: wife and not just a girlfriendship because you know, it's 27 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 1: more responsibility with the wife. Ay, yes, listen, here, here's 28 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: here's this, here's the start off. It's already sad. It's 29 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: already sad because the entire definition of wife them feel 30 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: like servitude to begin already, here comes at miss Asia 31 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: with a lasson. First of all, I just at I'm 32 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: gonna say the whole I'm just I'm not gonna go 33 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: there right now, because we just we just thought about 34 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: what I'm saying is it's already sad when we think 35 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: in our minds. You think the word wife, and if 36 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: he was to write down ten words, most of those 37 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: words are words that have to do with service, right, yeah, 38 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: service of some sort. Right. So not that service is 39 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: a bad thing. Service is a beautiful thing to which 40 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 1: all humans should surrender some part of their being to service. However, 41 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: I always find it so interesting. You say everybody's wife. Yes, 42 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: everyone needs someone to feel happy, to impart some sort 43 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: of service on them. It's just unfortunate that that has 44 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: to be associated with that's already said. But I'll tell 45 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 1: you I want one. I still want one man, I 46 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: still want Yeah. We discovered too that all of us 47 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: have a wife. We do. We have a wife. I 48 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:03,839 Speaker 1: love my wife. I got two wives the whole. You're 49 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: a wealthy woman, a girl. Everybody can't give you everything, 50 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 1: and that is something that I learned from you. Asia. 51 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: You have said that enough that that has registered in 52 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: my spirit with currently with the man that I am enjoying. 53 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:33,720 Speaker 1: Realizing that he cannot be everything to me is absolutely 54 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: what he is. And and as time goes, you know 55 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 1: the growth hopefully you know. Or I don't have any 56 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: pressure in my spirit. There's no pressure. I'm just like 57 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,679 Speaker 1: I said, I'm rebuked. I rebuked the spirit of pressure. 58 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: That spirit. I'm not interested in in in pressure in 59 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: any way, shape or form. Uh. I like people to 60 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 1: be an expert at being themselves. But go ahead, I'm 61 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:03,160 Speaker 1: scott ring. I have a sister. No she's not my 62 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 1: biological sister, but she's always been a big sister to me. 63 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: She's a couple of years older than me. We went 64 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: to the same high school, and she's she's she's always 65 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 1: been a big sister. So she she's like the person 66 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: that looked out for me when I was fourteen and 67 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: just coming to girls high school. You know, she was 68 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: the one that showed me where the classes were, and 69 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: showed me, you know, how to get the lunch, and 70 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: showed me, you know, and took me to the college parties, 71 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: and it showed me how to put on eyeliner, you know, 72 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 1: all of this stuff. Years later, she is my parenting partner, 73 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:43,280 Speaker 1: your wife. She has transition and can you just define that? 74 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 1: How did she transition from you know, a sister to 75 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:51,239 Speaker 1: a wife in that way? Because because now we lived together, 76 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: so it's a part of you know, what what are 77 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: we making for dinner? What what are we having for 78 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: dinner tonight? What is the whole process of our home? 79 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: She gardens. I love that ship. She's playing it something. 80 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:10,720 Speaker 1: I'm like, you look at my basis. That's my wife, girl. 81 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 1: Do that? I love it. I go out, I make 82 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: the money. I tell her, I say, hey, listen, we 83 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: need some flora expert to come by and come look 84 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: at this wood in this one area. So I got it, 85 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,280 Speaker 1: and then they come and then look at it. When 86 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: I get back, she tells me all about it. She 87 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: calls me, it's this great. She don't just make a 88 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 1: decision and just roll with it. This whole great symbiotic relate. 89 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 1: Let me stop dragging my whole We we get stuff done. 90 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: We get stuff done. We get it done, and we 91 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: get it done together, and it's awesome. And I bet 92 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: you know when you need your space. I bet you 93 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: know when you need your space. I bet you, Oh 94 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: my god. Not only she does things like, uh, we're 95 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: gonna go. We're gonna go grab some pizza. You take 96 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 1: a nap in the back to renegotiate with my wife. 97 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: My wife lives with me. You might need to add 98 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: a wife because you got that you want her. I've 99 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: been saying this for years and to actually have it 100 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: is just out of control. I want her to be happy. 101 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: God knows I want her to be happy, but I 102 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: don't want her to leave. He's like, I don't want 103 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: her to leave. Like, okay, So you you know, if 104 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: you ever, you know, take the time and date somebody, 105 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 1: and you know, if you enjoy maybe he should live here. 106 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: Maybe I hope to because I don't feel like, don't 107 00:07:54,520 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: leave a girl, don't leave me. I had to tell 108 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: it's funny. I had to tell my man one day 109 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: because he said to me, and this is this goes really, 110 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: I mean, I go from funny this series. But he 111 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: said to me, um, we were in Long Beach now, 112 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: just for reference, I live in l A. Long Beaches, 113 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: like forty five minutes away. Long Beach is nice and 114 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 1: it's cheaper, right, So we're there and he's like, man, bag, 115 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: you should think about getting the place here, and blah 116 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 1: blah blah. And I had to break down to him. 117 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: I said, you know, I don't have my people here. 118 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: You gotta understand, as a single lady, you have to 119 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: at least have And now I know the name the 120 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: reference a wife close to you. Like when I moved 121 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: to my place here now in Hollywood, I knew that 122 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: my wife's Kadija lived uh five minutes away, so she 123 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:39,839 Speaker 1: could get here if I needed her too. She could 124 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: water my plants when I'm away, she could do these 125 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 1: kind of things. I don't have a wife and Long 126 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,839 Speaker 1: Beach there for you know what I'm saying. And I'm 127 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,719 Speaker 1: just it's just it's it's a day of appreciation of 128 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: your wife. I would just like to shout out to 129 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: my wife's Candija, who also bought me my new Martha 130 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: Stewart yellow roaster um. And it sometimes when she's on 131 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 1: the Target website and she sees a good onesie, she'll 132 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: just buy it for me because she knows my size 133 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: and she knows what I like. That's what my wife thoughts. 134 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 1: I'm just I don't know whatevery. I just, you know, 135 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,319 Speaker 1: kind of well, let me let me this is my 136 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 1: let me go ahead and chime in. Okay, considering that 137 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:23,320 Speaker 1: my lifestyle, um that I have, first of all a husband, 138 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:27,080 Speaker 1: right and I have six children, that means I require 139 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: a little bit more than a single wife, because that's 140 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: there's so much more being drained from my person on 141 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: a daily That's why I have to I might even 142 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about somebody else and I'm like, I don't know, 143 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,080 Speaker 1: she's it's a lot that The point is, it requires 144 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: a lot of support. Do you hear what I'm saying? So, 145 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: I mean, I would have to say it does. It 146 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: just ranges one of the wonderful things that that one 147 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: of my wives did for me recently. Was she knew 148 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: that I had been stuck in this house during quarantine 149 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: and with all of these p people. Okay, she was like, 150 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 1: she was like, she was like, girl, first of all, 151 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,319 Speaker 1: let me go ahead and take this hotel resipe. Baby, 152 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: go over there for two days and don't answer your 153 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: phone for these people. Okay, you go over there for 154 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: two days. You've been you've been in there. You've been 155 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 1: staring in these people's eyes for nine months, okay, every 156 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: day for nine months. She says, So I need you. 157 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: I need you to go ahead take a little break. Okay, yeah, yeah, 158 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 1: so yeah, any number of different things like, oh, do 159 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: you need a resource? Oh here, get this resource. Here, girl, 160 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: take this, take that you need to do it. Quarantine happened. 161 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: I wasn't on the road. My wife called me and said, um, yeah, 162 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,560 Speaker 1: I got a business and I need a consultant. Let'm 163 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: just gonna give you this job. Oh if my wife 164 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: did that for me, she hit me a job. She 165 00:10:55,480 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 1: got me a job. Girl, Yeah, my wife, So I 166 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 1: don't want the job. I don't want the job. Let 167 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,959 Speaker 1: me tell you I didn't have no job, so she 168 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: knew I had needed one. So you know what I'm saying. 169 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: They would picked up, they would pick up an extra shirt, 170 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: that the extra outfit you you out of ear rings, 171 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:26,719 Speaker 1: what you need, Yes, you know what, cookies, cookies just 172 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: show up at the door, pie, you know, all kinds 173 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 1: of wonderful things. But you know, it's interesting because for me, 174 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: I realized that in a marriage for women, it could 175 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: just be and I had this conversation with y'all before, 176 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,439 Speaker 1: it could just be so much extra labor. And the 177 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: labor of it all is, you know what, it has 178 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 1: to be replenished. You just can't walk around constantly putting 179 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: that type of labor in all of the time and 180 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 1: have no replenishment. And so unfortunately, on the other side 181 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,360 Speaker 1: of things, the replenishment comes from the care and nurturing 182 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: of the wife in many instances, you know what I'm saying. 183 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: And so we're trying to get you know, the other people, 184 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 1: the men in your life or the other people in 185 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: your life, even if you currently have a wife, right, 186 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: But she ain't really got that. She understood that the 187 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 1: finer points, I know, some of them building us to like, 188 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: I got a wife, but I need that ain't popping off. 189 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,839 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, you know, and but I 190 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: think its roles. But really what it really boils down 191 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: to and and me and Jill talked about this is 192 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: just that you, just like she said, you can't get 193 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: everything from everybody, and that your partner is not going 194 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 1: to be able to always understand how to think of 195 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,719 Speaker 1: you before you don't think of you first or be 196 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,599 Speaker 1: concerned with your needs, and you're not always going to 197 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: know or be able to do that either. In theory, 198 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: I think it's it all is great. You think, oh, yeah, 199 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: now I have to think about myself. But that's even 200 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 1: some labor in and of itself to have to constantly 201 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,679 Speaker 1: remind your own self to show Sometimes you just need 202 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 1: your down. Sometimes you just down, your levels are low, 203 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,199 Speaker 1: and you need somebody to come in there and say, hey, 204 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 1: I'm thinking of you. Did you are you tired? Um? 205 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: Can I help you? What are you struggling with right now? 206 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 1: What are you feeling? And it's not always going to 207 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 1: be the partner. It's not always gonna be that partner. 208 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: My wife has a wife, it ain't me, oh ha 209 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: ha ha, because she needs a wife. Wife, she needs 210 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: a wife to handle you. I'm sure that's right. It's 211 00:13:53,960 --> 00:14:01,560 Speaker 1: a very she needs a wife. Yes, yes, I don't. 212 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 1: I don't going for months at a time exactly. I'm 213 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: going for months at a time, and I'm doing what 214 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: I'm doing, and I know, like the people that love 215 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 1: me know that when I'm working, I get really really 216 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,360 Speaker 1: focused so that I can get it done. It takes everything, 217 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: It takes everything. And the older I get, the more 218 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 1: it takes to complete the task, the payment is higher. 219 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 1: I'll put it to you like that. The payment is 220 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 1: hired to get things done. And she she checks in. 221 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: She well, first of all, she definitely takes care of 222 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: my son in my absence, so our boys. Very odd thing. 223 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: Like I said, she's not my biological sister, but her 224 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 1: father and my son's father father, my son's grandfather and 225 00:14:54,640 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: her father are cousins. My our children are second cousins. 226 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: They're related. Why we didn't know that until I can't 227 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: remember her my my sisters, what she's I can't remember 228 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: her aunt's name right now. But she was like, oh, 229 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: that's all you know, how black folks, that's all, that's all, 230 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: Johnny brother. I didn't hear that now that yeah, the cousins, 231 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 1: cousin you know, just explaining you how it happened. See 232 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: people say stuff like by marriage someone someone logical that, 233 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: which is so crazy to me, Like who could write 234 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: that I meant to be? Like we're meant to be sisters. 235 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: She's meant to be you know. I hope she doesn't 236 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 1: take that wrong. We call her my my wife. But 237 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: that's how I feel. I really feel like it is 238 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: a compliment. But let me say this, it is a compliment. 239 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: Some people are gonna be caught up in the language 240 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: we're using today, and in this moment, I wanna at 241 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: least say that what is being said is that support. 242 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: It's something that you have to curate for yourself. You 243 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And if I'm wrong, y'all jump 244 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: in there. But I'm thinking. I'm thinking that the core 245 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 1: of this conversation is about what does it take to 246 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: support your well being and to think creatively and acknowledge 247 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: those people who are able to meet those needs with 248 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: the importance that they should have, and to acknowledge that 249 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 1: it's necessary for your well being. It's like it's necessary 250 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: and that everyone needs that necessary interaction from some one 251 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 1: or group of people, and typically it's going to have 252 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: to be a group of people. It's gonna have to 253 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 1: at least be two people, gonna have to at least 254 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: be too. And the reason why I think I have 255 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: a receipt on this is that one thing you will 256 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: notice is that when any person, male or female is 257 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: isolated within a marriage or relationship, they tend to not 258 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 1: be well mentally. One of those people that I don't 259 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,160 Speaker 1: have any friends. I don't. I don't have any friends, 260 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: I don't you know. In fact, it's a tool of abusers. Also, 261 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: they like to isolate people in relationships because they're less 262 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 1: likely to have their needs met. They can get real, 263 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: you know, they can. They're easily easier to manipulate. Right. 264 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,440 Speaker 1: So really what we're saying is that it is just 265 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,720 Speaker 1: support and well being has to be spread out. You 266 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 1: have to have folks around you willing to think of you, 267 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 1: willing to serve and be in service. And in that 268 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: way you can also you can be in service. Also, 269 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: It's like in order for you to be in service, 270 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,879 Speaker 1: you have to have someone's service in you. It's a 271 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,360 Speaker 1: communal it's a communal existence. I don't think it's having 272 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: a wife. It's not like you go out and look 273 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: for your wife either. They show up like a gift, 274 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 1: like a genie in the bottle herd. Who's gonna be what? 275 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,000 Speaker 1: Open like, Okay, I'm right here for you. I want 276 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: you to be a great mom, and I want you 277 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: to have a successful business, and i want you to 278 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 1: have a happy relationship, and I want everything that's good 279 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 1: for you to have. I want you to have all 280 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: of those things. I'm here to assist, you know, And 281 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 1: that's that's incredible. It's like an angel, a angel. Sometimes 282 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,360 Speaker 1: you make a little path with your wife. If y'all 283 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: just both happen to be single that and you know 284 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: forty years, y'all just get that house together and then 285 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: continue this relationship. I made a pack with my wife 286 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 1: that that is not something we will be doing. I'm like, 287 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm already allergic to dogs, Like we're not 288 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 1: going to have you know. I have my my niece 289 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 1: dog because she is a she has a dog. And 290 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 1: my niece dog got me last night. She she has 291 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 1: to have a certain amount of wash because she has 292 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: oil in her hair. She has hair, and I love 293 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,119 Speaker 1: her to pieces, but she got me last night when 294 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: she were just laying watching the movie. My whole neck 295 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 1: blew up. I was like, uh, are you saying you 296 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 1: don't want to be older with dogs? That what you mean? 297 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,399 Speaker 1: Like living? I don't want to be older with a 298 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 1: bunch of dogs, and I don't want to be older 299 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,040 Speaker 1: with a bunch of cats either. Just you be you 300 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: and your bitches. You don't gotta be it could be 301 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: all human beings. You know, my wife loves cats and 302 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 1: mostly dogs. My wife loves dogs that still dogs. Yeah, sorry, 303 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 1: but that's not That's not what I want to do. 304 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 1: But I don't. I told her, and I mean it, 305 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: you know, after these kids grow up and get out 306 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 1: of here, and she don't. She ain't gotta go nowear 307 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 1: she ain't got here. I don't. I really don't want 308 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 1: her to. I really don't want her to. Maybe one 309 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 1: hypo allergenic dog at a time, maybe we'll be right back. 310 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: I feel like my husband has gotten to the point 311 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:13,880 Speaker 1: where he recognizes that he needs he needs the wives. 312 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,879 Speaker 1: At first, it was just like why who is you 313 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 1: on the phone with? Like what are you doing? Like who? What? What? 314 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,680 Speaker 1: Someone so must have said that to you, someone someone ever, 315 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 1: like Litok, honey, let me tell you something, let it happen, 316 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,120 Speaker 1: Let this be great, because I'm telling you this take 317 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: the pressure off you. I don't even I don't need 318 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: you to do X y Z, because guess what that's covered. 319 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: You gotta embrace embrace the wife, embrace up because she doesn't. 320 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 1: She makes things so much easier for you. And I 321 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 1: think he's gotten to the point where he starts to 322 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:55,640 Speaker 1: really see that that there's a joy, there's an ease factor, right, 323 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,440 Speaker 1: and that he don't have to take the responsibility for 324 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,119 Speaker 1: my happiness. And I think sometimes that can be a 325 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: great big um. Yeah, that's a weight around the neck 326 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: of your partner to feel responsible for your happiness, you 327 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's one thing to care about 328 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,879 Speaker 1: you and to be compassionate, But that's like if they 329 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,880 Speaker 1: missed the mark, then what do they feel about themselves? 330 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: But when they realize that it's a joint it's a 331 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,159 Speaker 1: joint venture, then it's like, oh, I missed that, but 332 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: the wife got it. The word got it. And I've 333 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:34,320 Speaker 1: been wife to some people sometime and then disappear for 334 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 1: a while and then come back and being wife again. 335 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:41,119 Speaker 1: You know, it's like that's a good but that's a 336 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: good wife because your wife know when to back up 337 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: and give you room to and she's all. She always 338 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: there when you need a regardless regardless. But I got 339 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,920 Speaker 1: a questioned to y'all because all things being fair and equal, 340 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,679 Speaker 1: but things aren't fair and equal. We know this, right, 341 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,360 Speaker 1: we know men and women are different. However, is there 342 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:01,159 Speaker 1: a space on the opposite side or men and I 343 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 1: know we can't say men and their husband and their husband, 344 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 1: I don't even know. Let's not even look at words, 345 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 1: but just that that position that they would need something 346 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 1: similar but gives them different things, you know what I mean? Like, 347 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 1: is there I don't know. I think, I think probably yeah, 348 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 1: But I feel like men would have to speak on 349 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 1: that from a place that's not grounded in the patriarchy. 350 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,800 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about needs that you think 351 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: you have because society says you should have it. I 352 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,440 Speaker 1: want you to kind of get to know who you 353 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 1: are at your core and and then create a support 354 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: system for those needs, not need not you know what 355 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,199 Speaker 1: I'm saying. I don't want it to feed no toxic situation, 356 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 1: Like I don't think like that my wife feeds my toxicity. No. 357 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: I guess in a perfect and a perfect world, it 358 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 1: would be possibly an elder man who was not affected by, 359 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 1: which is, how can that ever be patriarchy or trauma 360 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: from your situation? That's why be sad for men, because 361 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, men need some type of like emotional wifery 362 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: in a male type of way coming from a man. 363 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,480 Speaker 1: And but it just seems so I don't want to 364 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,920 Speaker 1: say impossible, but such a reach because you gotta find 365 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:25,719 Speaker 1: that man who can provide together, all right, they need 366 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,280 Speaker 1: a brother that can provide that when it's missing, or 367 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: even let them give them a road map to how 368 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,680 Speaker 1: to find it for themselves. But who is the super brother? 369 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: Do you remember on Black Mirror? That means no, no, no, 370 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 1: no head of rod. Men need to start befriend and 371 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:50,360 Speaker 1: gay men more. Who having having real friendships with gay men? 372 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh my literally you just it's so 373 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,879 Speaker 1: funny you say that because literally one of my favorite 374 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 1: men in my life right now is a former intern 375 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: of mind who is and the conversations that me and 376 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 1: him have about emotions and just being able to be 377 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: your true self is I mean without feeling, without having 378 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 1: all that all that you know, homophone weird, Like, just 379 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: don't make it weird, bro, Like, just have a real 380 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,880 Speaker 1: friendship with somebody under who who's having an experience that's 381 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,119 Speaker 1: different from yours that causes them to have a different 382 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 1: level of empathy. Because gay men are not necessarily more 383 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: woman like, they have more empathy because their experience in 384 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:38,880 Speaker 1: life from a marginalized place and I think sexual Yeah, 385 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 1: and it has heterosexual men. That's how they benefit from 386 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 1: having wives, because they have a person as a certain 387 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,880 Speaker 1: level of empathy from their position. So I feel like men, 388 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 1: you know, and and and and by being be having 389 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: more intimate relationships with gay men, you have also a 390 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 1: person who understands your manhood too, so he understands he 391 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:06,640 Speaker 1: has empathy and he had to save the world. Honestly, 392 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 1: I've never been able to figure out what on earth 393 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 1: homosexuality had to do with masculinity. Doesn't have anything, but 394 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,120 Speaker 1: and that's my point. Yeah yeah, yeah, right, so yeah, 395 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,400 Speaker 1: I mean right, never been able to grasp that ship 396 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: is bro. I'm so dumbfounded, Like that was the that 397 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: was the easy answer to the hardest question. That's still 398 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 1: not easy to make it happen but still provide some 399 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 1: type of solution. I mean, I won't said what happens 400 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 1: if a straight man is hanging around with with a 401 00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:43,160 Speaker 1: gay man automatically, you know, the lookie lose and the opinionates, 402 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 1: you know, jump in and say, oh, well, I've seen him, 403 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,640 Speaker 1: so I know. Let me just say this for anybody 404 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 1: who's confused about the wives situation. We don't sleep together. 405 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: We're not We're not intimate in any way except we're 406 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,760 Speaker 1: intimate in everywhere except physical. She's not into me. I tried, 407 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 1: but she's not into me. I'm not her type. I'm 408 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 1: just joking, but yes, you're right, Yeah, yeah, my whole 409 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:15,879 Speaker 1: face like, you're right. Yeah, we already had this. I 410 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,200 Speaker 1: just wanted to put it out there that it's not 411 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: but she's still with me, and yeah, and we're still together. 412 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 1: I love me and I love you, know what I mean. 413 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: But it's the empathy factor, right, And it's like women, 414 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: women connect at this level of care and service to 415 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: one another because there's a common sense of what is 416 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: needed there, you know what I mean, And not every 417 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: single woman you come in contact with. It's like you said, 418 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 1: it's like you wanna be out there looking. It's just 419 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 1: your connect with another spirit and it's like, oo, I 420 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,679 Speaker 1: got you, I got you, And it's funny. I might 421 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: be reaching on this, but I'm just thinking I'm still 422 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 1: stuck in this fucking genius moment that agent just hap. 423 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,119 Speaker 1: It was genius. It was fucking genius genius. And I'm like, 424 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, it makes me think because you know, a 425 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:08,959 Speaker 1: lot of people don't want to have it. I mean, 426 00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 1: you know what, they're not having uncomfortable conversations. No, no, no, no, no, no, 427 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 1: I'm not scared. I'm saying I would be curious on 428 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 1: the back end here men, you know what, you know 429 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: what they say about that, it's a part too. I 430 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,080 Speaker 1: know we're gonna do this, We're gonna. I feel like 431 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 1: we should do this. But I also was thinking, I 432 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 1: was like, huh is that with like Luther Vandross did 433 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 1: for the heterosexual man? Like hmm, I'm trying to think 434 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,919 Speaker 1: of when heterosexual black men do let gay black men 435 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: in their lives and how they do it. You know 436 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like when you don't even realize when 437 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,880 Speaker 1: they're translating something and you don't even realize that you're 438 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 1: using this person, is that you know what I mean? 439 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,280 Speaker 1: Like Luther is a best as a Bethel of the 440 00:27:51,359 --> 00:28:05,240 Speaker 1: Bethel love making and between you and your in person. Yeah, yeah, come, 441 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just saying in an idea of fun 442 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,360 Speaker 1: and dancing and and taking down those walls of masculinity. 443 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,320 Speaker 1: I don't know, I think about like a silvestor, you 444 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, I just think about like 445 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: breaking down these walls and what you don't even realize. 446 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: I feel like white supremacy is so strong, white supremacy, 447 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,199 Speaker 1: white supremacist delusion. Let's put that in there because we're 448 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: gonna make sure that we're we're saying what it really 449 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: is is a lie. It makes people so fearful. There's 450 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: this has got to be a trust factor, and people 451 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 1: have got to let go of all the fear. Right 452 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:50,760 Speaker 1: and gay men have a fair amount of caution as 453 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 1: it comes to having conversation and friendships because it makes 454 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,080 Speaker 1: sense why they would have been victimized so much. And 455 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 1: then you know, but like again, I can't speak for 456 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 1: people in their in their particular life and what they feel. 457 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna speak for men. I'm not gonna speak 458 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: for straight men or gay men or whomever. All I 459 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: can say is this is that that conversation or that 460 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: connection in order to happen, you would have to have 461 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: a mutual and equal disdain for white supremacist delusion in 462 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,120 Speaker 1: order for that to happen, because you have to not 463 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 1: give a fuck. Yes, you gotta know exactly who the 464 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 1: real enemy is and make sure you leave that outside. 465 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: That's funny. I'm sorry, but you know that it's funny 466 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,640 Speaker 1: because I'm just thinking about heterosexual black men and there 467 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,920 Speaker 1: their white women this, and I'm also thinking about the 468 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 1: gay with black men and their white manness, and I'm like, 469 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: you got you want to break that ship down because 470 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 1: everybody ain't listen. I told you before a lot I 471 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,360 Speaker 1: get where you be coming from. But I'm telling you 472 00:29:55,920 --> 00:30:01,320 Speaker 1: who people in relationship with has not. I don't want 473 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 1: to say nothing to do with certain things, but I'm 474 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,480 Speaker 1: talking about the way that you view yourself in community 475 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 1: with others. How do I view myself in community with others? Now? 476 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: If I view myself as a certain thing, then I 477 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable in community with other black people, or other women, 478 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 1: or other or people from with a different sexual orientation 479 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: because of how I feel about myself in community with them. 480 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,280 Speaker 1: So my thing is like this, if I'm married to 481 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 1: a white person or I'm in in in in community 482 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 1: with and I don't feel that about myself. To me, 483 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,640 Speaker 1: my issue isn't with you in that relationship. I only 484 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,880 Speaker 1: have an issue with you in that relationship when you 485 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: don't understand something about yourself and you bring that hatred 486 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,200 Speaker 1: for yourself and that misunderstand about who you are into 487 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 1: your community with someone outside of your blackness or your 488 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: womanness or your queerness or whatever. That's that's when it's 489 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,480 Speaker 1: a problem. But other than that, it's like, do you 490 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,600 Speaker 1: enjoy life? Just just don't just don't hate yourself here. 491 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 1: If you show up as a person who's very self aware, 492 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 1: then you can be in love with and partner with 493 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 1: whomever you like. If it's toxic, then that's different. And 494 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 1: sometimes you don't know if your perception of yourself is toxic. 495 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 1: Sometimes that ship is just really the way you see 496 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,240 Speaker 1: yourself until something happens and that light comes on and 497 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:24,600 Speaker 1: you're like, oh wait a minute, well see that. So, 498 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: if you have a perception of yourself and you grabbed 499 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: onto the ideas of what society is supposed to be 500 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 1: and how you're supposed to be, you're supposed to be 501 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 1: you're supposed to graduate from college at twenty two and 502 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,719 Speaker 1: you're supposed to get married at twenty four and you're 503 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,840 Speaker 1: supposed to have your first baby at supposed to have 504 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: three more before you turn thirty two, and you're supposed 505 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 1: to dada like when when it all falls down, and 506 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 1: typically it does. Whether you've lived that life, if you've 507 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: lived that life to the letter, you're probably insane right 508 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:04,720 Speaker 1: about now. Yes, yep, probably nuts. If you haven't lived 509 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:09,120 Speaker 1: that life to hold onto that, you're probably super depressed, 510 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 1: you know, or or deeply saddened that you haven't done 511 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 1: the things that you were supposed to do. This is 512 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,120 Speaker 1: this is, this is where we get back to having 513 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: a wife. A wife you read you from that shackle? 514 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 1: How about that? A wife says, whoever you show up 515 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,080 Speaker 1: as today is fine with me because I love you. 516 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 1: Because I love you, Yes, I love you, and I 517 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 1: want you to be all of who you are. And 518 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 1: that's the that's the that's the joy of having a wife. Yeah, wife, wife, 519 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: thank you so much for showing up. Shout out to 520 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,680 Speaker 1: all the wives and sometimes girlfriends. Does you know, sometimes 521 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,920 Speaker 1: you got some girlfriends in your life, then ain't there 522 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,760 Speaker 1: as much as the wife. But they still they on 523 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 1: their way. They're trying, they're trying a better girlfriend and 524 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,720 Speaker 1: a wife. That's that's a whole other level. We're talking 525 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,720 Speaker 1: about the actual spirit of wife, right, so that can 526 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,440 Speaker 1: drop itself in whomever at any time. That's why we 527 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: brought up who it would be for men. That's true 528 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 1: because that energy, that service energy, that energy of love, 529 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: that energy of acceptance, of compassion, of thinking forwards, centering 530 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 1: somebody's needs and understanding how to jump in there and 531 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,239 Speaker 1: support all of that. That's what we're talking about. We're 532 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,640 Speaker 1: just giving it the word wife because that's who we 533 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: associate these things with. But we're really not married to 534 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,800 Speaker 1: the word wife, no, unintended. We're just using that word 535 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,280 Speaker 1: because that's the word society has given us. But who 536 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:44,400 Speaker 1: the person we're talking about really is a gift. Okay, Yeah, 537 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,440 Speaker 1: that way we can make a unisex because the brothers 538 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,719 Speaker 1: they need a good gift too, And maybe you can 539 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,880 Speaker 1: go find one the gift in your family at the 540 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 1: church with the understanding for for a straight man that 541 00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 1: not every homosexual man once year. Don't say that, Jill, 542 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 1: Yes they do. Are you kidding me? They don't they don't. 543 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,440 Speaker 1: Oh my god, you are not that fine honey, a 544 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:14,360 Speaker 1: tall honey type. Oh you're just not my type, just 545 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: not my time. How about that that happens a lot. 546 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:24,719 Speaker 1: I'm not everybody's type, okay, Beyonce, everybody's but maybe not. 547 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:29,800 Speaker 1: You know, but what we're talking about here is not sexual. No, 548 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:35,640 Speaker 1: this is not sexual. It's not Take it right on 549 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: out your mind. We we we. Sex is not on 550 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,719 Speaker 1: the table in this convo. I can't wait to have 551 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 1: I can't wait to have this convo with a what 552 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 1: a man? I can't I'm like, I'm still putting a 553 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,800 Speaker 1: bookmarking this because I know we're gonna come back around. 554 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,640 Speaker 1: But I really want to talk to men about this, 555 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 1: like this concept of of having it a gay man 556 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,839 Speaker 1: in your life, but not every and not then let's 557 00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: not get a twisted out. Every gay man is in 558 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: tune with the things that we talked about, but it 559 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,000 Speaker 1: just seems like they've got a better handle on it 560 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,560 Speaker 1: than now. Every gay man is not in tune with 561 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 1: our perception or our our our particular definition of what 562 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:14,560 Speaker 1: is quote unquote femininity, and that femininity is supposedly also 563 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,840 Speaker 1: equal to nurturing in service, right, Like all of that is, 564 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: all of that is a problem. The point is that 565 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: gay men do have a life experience Yeah, that is unique, 566 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 1: and it has commentary on manhood that is important for 567 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,919 Speaker 1: all men to know and understand. And not for nothing. 568 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,799 Speaker 1: We're forgetting another thing that oftentimes, especially when were talking 569 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,480 Speaker 1: about black gay men, and I don't want to generalize, 570 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,239 Speaker 1: but it just seemed like to me and my experience 571 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:46,520 Speaker 1: that the black women in their lives are much more accepting. Therefore, 572 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:51,359 Speaker 1: the relationship between black heterosexual women and black gay men 573 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: is just closer. I don't know, it just feels like that, 574 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:58,120 Speaker 1: Like it just feels like, well, the double marginalized tend 575 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:03,400 Speaker 1: to connect. Yeah, I don't care who you are. If 576 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,000 Speaker 1: you got if you got a two fer, you usually 577 00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:14,359 Speaker 1: you usually understand that that's that's true. More real talk 578 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:29,120 Speaker 1: after the break. Okay, So there's another level. Then there's 579 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 1: also something. I don't know if there's anybody else out 580 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:35,400 Speaker 1: here who's experienced this, but I know, but I have. 581 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,520 Speaker 1: I have no other choice. I don't know what else 582 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:45,280 Speaker 1: to call it except a coven. Anybody else have a coven? Oh? Well, Asian, 583 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 1: you got one of those? Well, my I have four daughters, 584 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:54,600 Speaker 1: so I've raised a coven. Yes, my coven, the four 585 00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: of um three other sisters represent East South Northwest. We 586 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: would get together and we would talk about witches, witches equate. 587 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,800 Speaker 1: Typically you think about a cultor when you think of witches. 588 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,360 Speaker 1: Um Jed has asked me on multiple occasions if his 589 00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 1: grandmother was a witch, and I was like yes. He 590 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,080 Speaker 1: asked me if if I was a witch. I was 591 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 1: like yes. You know, I think that you know, there's 592 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:24,160 Speaker 1: a negativity associated with being a witch that you know, 593 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,200 Speaker 1: it's just not fair. Which they know their herbs, you know, 594 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:32,800 Speaker 1: I mean, they helped give birth to babies, they cure 595 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,960 Speaker 1: rectile problems and stuff. I mean it's a word invented 596 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:43,239 Speaker 1: by by men who needed to be to put these 597 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 1: powerful women into a smaller space and of reason to 598 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,760 Speaker 1: kill them. And the reason why is there a witch doctor? 599 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,920 Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Like there's a reason to 600 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:59,160 Speaker 1: okay doctor because it's her right, but the power for 601 00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:03,000 Speaker 1: women who were there to assist. Why wouldn't Why wouldn't 602 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,120 Speaker 1: we learn about the earth and the herbs and why 603 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,320 Speaker 1: wouldn't it I mean, that doesn't even make sense to 604 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 1: not learn about where you're living. So Um I had 605 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:16,560 Speaker 1: a coving and never anything negative, never, not one time. 606 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 1: We all believe in the in the Creator, always but 607 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:21,920 Speaker 1: we would get together and talk about the things that 608 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,280 Speaker 1: we wanted in our lives, and those things would show 609 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:31,200 Speaker 1: up blaringly. We had to be very mindful of the 610 00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:34,960 Speaker 1: words that we spoke in each other's presence because it 611 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,640 Speaker 1: would show, Uh, I want to come to y'all. Coving. 612 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,600 Speaker 1: I got some things. We were kind of party ways 613 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:46,560 Speaker 1: a little bit, yeah, But I mean the covering is powerful, 614 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,759 Speaker 1: more powerful together than a podcast. I know, I know, 615 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,160 Speaker 1: I know, I know. I always called my daughters the 616 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: coving because that's where the gods. They seem like they'd 617 00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:01,879 Speaker 1: be bound together against that little your son, like they're 618 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,839 Speaker 1: gonna poor thing. I'd be like the coven gonna get him, 619 00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,680 Speaker 1: because they once one started talking bad to him, they 620 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:11,920 Speaker 1: all they are not talking a back. Yeah girl, that 621 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,000 Speaker 1: he that that little one. He goes through it with 622 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,520 Speaker 1: them girls. But see he's the youngest boy in the 623 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 1: household full of sisters, so he's gonna be strong. Don't 624 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 1: get it wrong, don't get me, don't get it twisted. 625 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,040 Speaker 1: He's gonna be strong when it's all said and done. 626 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,279 Speaker 1: But I always tease them and call them that because 627 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,359 Speaker 1: I'd be like, y'all need to calm down and ease 628 00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,479 Speaker 1: up on a child. Boy. He had not quick as y'all. 629 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,719 Speaker 1: He ain't gonna be quick as y'all. Y'all gotta calm 630 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:40,160 Speaker 1: down with that him. But I feel I feel like 631 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,440 Speaker 1: the connections that I have with y'all, and I've spoken 632 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 1: about this multiple times, the women in my life as 633 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:51,480 Speaker 1: a unit are forced to be reckoned with and they 634 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:56,360 Speaker 1: bring so much love and light to my life that 635 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:01,719 Speaker 1: I am convinced that this is an essential part of 636 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:08,040 Speaker 1: being a well and healthy woman is having women in 637 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,840 Speaker 1: your life and whatever capacity, whether it's one or it's five, 638 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,120 Speaker 1: I think it's very important to have that group or 639 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,640 Speaker 1: at least that other who is there to like, present 640 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:23,359 Speaker 1: that that extra boost of energy. I don't I can't 641 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,719 Speaker 1: explain why it's that way. I wish somebody would do 642 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,200 Speaker 1: a Somebody do that. Hey, if you're listening and you 643 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,400 Speaker 1: did your pH d work, or women in their power 644 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,600 Speaker 1: and how they connect with one another, or women in 645 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: friendships or women in intimate you know, friendships and closeness, 646 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:43,920 Speaker 1: please come on show and tell ye honey if you do, 647 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,000 Speaker 1: he said, if you've done the work, we want to 648 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,560 Speaker 1: talk through you because we want to know about it. 649 00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:53,920 Speaker 1: We want to know about wives and colins and all 650 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,920 Speaker 1: that ship because I bet you with some science. I 651 00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,719 Speaker 1: bet you with some science when when more than one 652 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,440 Speaker 1: of us, when we get together, our cycles become one. 653 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,560 Speaker 1: Look at it. Come on, this is this is this 654 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,759 Speaker 1: is not here say and then I'm time with some 655 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,440 Speaker 1: women and your cycles will become the same. How are 656 00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:14,440 Speaker 1: you gonna change my cycle? How you gonna do that? 657 00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 1: It's it's a very very powerful thing. And it's it's 658 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:22,920 Speaker 1: not some flinty you know, some old uh oh, some 659 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,600 Speaker 1: what do you call it? Backpack conversation. It's not you 660 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:31,959 Speaker 1: gotta cover and it ain't that he be morning, calm down, 661 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,520 Speaker 1: you go to church on Sunday and none of those things. 662 00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,439 Speaker 1: Stop it, stop it, stop it. If you gotta cover, 663 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:41,719 Speaker 1: and you've got something wonderful, if you've got good girlfriends 664 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,000 Speaker 1: in your life that that will be honest what you 665 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:49,880 Speaker 1: can tell you when you light skin, that's all. And 666 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,759 Speaker 1: if you've got a wife that'll that will love you 667 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:58,560 Speaker 1: through your delusion. You get to the other side. Um 668 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,560 Speaker 1: and also bring you fuzzy SoCs and maybe you know 669 00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:05,920 Speaker 1: some tea and a good cry or are you from 670 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,680 Speaker 1: something from target? If you need you know you know 671 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,040 Speaker 1: that's right, that's right, or or send you on a 672 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 1: little trippity trip because you know, help you stay with 673 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:20,760 Speaker 1: your man. You know you are, you are a blessed person. 674 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,640 Speaker 1: You are you are. Don't forget it. Don't forget it. 675 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:31,480 Speaker 1: Love y'all, we'll talk to you later. Fine, how do 676 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:42,400 Speaker 1: you eat an elephant? One by a time? Hey, hey, everybody, 677 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 1: it's producer Eaves here. I'll drop some links to articles 678 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:50,080 Speaker 1: on close nurturing friendships between women in the episode description. 679 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,120 Speaker 1: But your best resource here will probably be the people 680 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,200 Speaker 1: in your life, the wife angels. And if you don't 681 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,920 Speaker 1: have any in your life, is that something you need 682 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,759 Speaker 1: ned and can you find it? Give us some thought, 683 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,640 Speaker 1: and like Aga said, if you've done research on women 684 00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:09,840 Speaker 1: and friendships or platonic intimacy, let us know. Send us 685 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:27,400 Speaker 1: your books and papers. All right, y'all, see you next week. Hi, 686 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,239 Speaker 1: if you have comments on something you said in this 687 00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:34,759 Speaker 1: episode called eight six six, Hey ju, if you want 688 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,879 Speaker 1: to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four 689 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,279 Speaker 1: three nine five four five by don't forget to tell 690 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:44,160 Speaker 1: us your name and the episode you're referring to. You 691 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:48,520 Speaker 1: might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank 692 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,719 Speaker 1: you for listening to Jill Scott presents J dot Il 693 00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:55,760 Speaker 1: the Podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Laya 694 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,520 Speaker 1: st Clair, and Age A Great and Danceler. It's executive 695 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:03,319 Speaker 1: producer or Jill Scott, Shawn Ji and Brian Calhoun. It's 696 00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,839 Speaker 1: produced by Laya st Clair and me Eve Jeff Coke. 697 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,680 Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done 698 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:16,360 Speaker 1: by Christina Loranger. And then and then I looked at 699 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,799 Speaker 1: the belly of my own it was like, oh, ship, 700 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:28,040 Speaker 1: just like Spitch. I had that delusion too. I didn't 701 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,080 Speaker 1: even gonna lie to you because my mother and my 702 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,680 Speaker 1: mother's side of film is very very light, and so 703 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,120 Speaker 1: I always felt like the brownie and my family. So 704 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,719 Speaker 1: that's that was my perception of myself. And it's it's 705 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,840 Speaker 1: funny to other people. They think it's funny. Best friend 706 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,000 Speaker 1: shout out to Kim. She says, Yeah, I didn't want 707 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,800 Speaker 1: to tell you how didn't say stuff like light skips 708 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:55,759 Speaker 1: always talking about you're talking about yo. I'm gonna tell 709 00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,720 Speaker 1: you I didn't know. I didn't know, So I apologize. 710 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:04,040 Speaker 1: Gizz and No. J dot Ill is a production of 711 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:08,240 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, 712 00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:13,080 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 713 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,920 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.