Speaker 1: Hey, Hello, welcome to the visuals with that guess with
Speaker 1: Marie and her friend Sydney. Yo, my voice is yo,
Speaker 1: me and you. We got matching voices. I don't think
Speaker 1: mine is that deep? Is it? I don't know? Is it, sir?
Speaker 1: How deep your love? Me? Tell me what it's going
Speaker 1: to be. Yo, I'm getting so congested. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on right now. Ew, I
Speaker 1: got the sniffles. I put vix all over my neck
Speaker 1: and nose everything. Wow, to put it everywhere? I sniffed it.
Speaker 1: I like vix Why it's I don't like it at all.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel old, but I used to. My
Speaker 1: mom used to put it on me when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, so I feel like it makes me feel young.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel old. Maybe you're using something like wrong.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're using like ben gate. No, imagine, not be
Speaker 1: using the right fixture. Yay, using like a hemorrhoid cream
Speaker 1: says you're using the wrong. Let me see a picture
Speaker 1: of the box. Like I'm cutting corners. I'm just spost
Speaker 1: have been gay on my chest right on top of
Speaker 1: my upper lip. Gross, it's got a strong smell. It'll cut,
Speaker 1: you'll cut the mucus A gross cut the mucus. I
Speaker 1: need musin X. That's what I need. You want to do?
Speaker 1: You dropping names? We're not sponsored by. Don't go by that.
Speaker 1: We'll get some ben game sis. This is how you
Speaker 1: get sponsored. You gotta do the plugs. You gotta do
Speaker 1: the free work. Yes, because somebody over at Marketing and
Speaker 1: Musinx is like them two dudes that do that podcast,
Speaker 1: you know, the ones with the raspy voices. They real
Speaker 1: funny yo, that we can do a little group the
Speaker 1: Raspby voices quad Stone, the quid stone about raspby, Raspby
Speaker 1: and Raspby, raspy and raspy and Raspby from B two K.
Speaker 1: Here's the one with the juicy lips. Yeah, he's the
Speaker 1: one who said he got touched. But that's why his
Speaker 1: lips look like that. Oh come on, Marie, so fucking deepitch,
Speaker 1: this is why we can't. Rasby probably work at like
Speaker 1: a foot locker now, or that's how they got that
Speaker 1: short and bump bump bump. You know he work out
Speaker 1: like a planet fitness now. You know when you think
Speaker 1: of like one hit wonders, like you think that they'd
Speaker 1: be at their jobs and like their song will randomly
Speaker 1: come on the radio sometimes remember j Kwan, everybody in
Speaker 1: the club getting too and that's a good song. Okay.
Speaker 1: The problem is when I hear that song at the nightclub,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's time to go. Well, yeah, it comes
Speaker 1: on right before Candy Rain, yes, or they play it
Speaker 1: at the top because nobody's there. And if you're there
Speaker 1: when they're playing it, then you're there too early. Yeah
Speaker 1: you got there at like ten thirty. Yeah, doors didn't
Speaker 1: even really open, the janitors. But you see, you're saying
Speaker 1: ten thirty. But we live in New York, where things
Speaker 1: stay open till six o'clock in the morning. In like
Speaker 1: Jersey and places like that, stuff shuts down at like midnight.
Speaker 1: So we're leaving our house when they're leaving the club.
Speaker 1: But you know why they should shut down early because
Speaker 1: y'all animals, y'all don't know how to act after fucking
Speaker 1: two am, three am. Savages, savages. That's why I shut
Speaker 1: the shit down. They're like, you know what, I think,
Speaker 1: I'm done with all my songs for the night, and
Speaker 1: they just New Jersey people turned into grimlins after midnight.
Speaker 1: They turned to Ferby's. Yeah, this is hilarious because our
Speaker 1: guest is from New Jerseys. Yes, we're not gonna give
Speaker 1: him any time to defend him. Yes, Ferbie Tellertovy Teller Ferby,
Speaker 1: what were you an expert in this week? What was
Speaker 1: that excerpt in this week? Oh? Are you not prepared?
Speaker 1: You know, you ain't do You ain't do the work.
Speaker 1: You ain't do the homework. Honestly, I feel like we've
Speaker 1: been doing a lot of them, and I've been running
Speaker 1: out and expertise. I feel like, okay, so I don't
Speaker 1: know when we're gonna post this, but you know, so
Speaker 1: I'm getting ready to go to LA and we're recording
Speaker 1: legit thirty eight episodes in a week. So y'all are
Speaker 1: just getting some old, old old things from us. Definitely. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what I was an expert in. I
Speaker 1: was an expert in dodgy dodging stuff and hurting feelings.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what happened. So you know, I'm
Speaker 1: on this little dating app and I went out with
Speaker 1: this dude. Uh he's Italian and but from Italy, like
Speaker 1: in New York working on his pH d. He was like,
Speaker 1: let's meat for tea, but he hit me up. It
Speaker 1: was brunch time, right. I was like, cool, cool, cool,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna eat. I get to this place. It's in
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend's neighborhood, so I'm already apprehensive. That's the food.
Speaker 1: But if you want to make a nigga mad, another
Speaker 1: white man. But this was not an attractive white man.
Speaker 1: So I was like, Oh, he's not gonna be mad
Speaker 1: about this. This is there's nothing happening here. So I
Speaker 1: so I get there. The dude is already there. He's
Speaker 1: waiting for me outside. I was like, you don't look
Speaker 1: like your picture. That what photos were? He looked like
Speaker 1: he was. He was like six foot something. That right, right,
Speaker 1: But when when you think of Italian man, what in
Speaker 1: your mind, what does he look like like? From Italy?
Speaker 1: He got like dark hair, he probably got like a
Speaker 1: like like green eyes or something. My tale which he
Speaker 1: maybe got like some hair popping out the turtle neck,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But this guy was like
Speaker 1: he looked real young, but like old at the same time.
Speaker 1: He's been through something. He's been through things, right, So
Speaker 1: we get in. It's brunch. Everybody's in there with their friends,
Speaker 1: eating and having a good time. He's like, do you
Speaker 1: want to have some tea. I'm like, cool, we're gonna
Speaker 1: do the tea and then we're gonna do the food.
Speaker 1: They give us a menu. He was like, I might
Speaker 1: do like a pastry or something pastry. That's the you know, bitch,
Speaker 1: you're getting it even to day Sis, we're not eating today,
Speaker 1: old snack. I was like, wow, because I could tell
Speaker 1: that he was one of those When the check came,
Speaker 1: he's gonna be like, you owe eighteen dollars in the thirties.
Speaker 1: He was like, a snack for my snack, that's it.
Speaker 1: So I'm sitting there drinking my tea real fast, just
Speaker 1: burning my thoat because I'm ready to go right I'm
Speaker 1: like already, I'm like no, I'm not here for this.
Speaker 1: But he was also really boring, like real he was
Speaker 1: talking about Donald Trump, like god know, the Dreamers. On
Speaker 1: the first day. I was like, niggas is drinking Mimosa's
Speaker 1: around us and you're talking about this And did he
Speaker 1: look at your face? Did you have your face on?
Speaker 1: Since we were sitting No, I didn't have a face.
Speaker 1: He said, can you get her a stick of gum?
Speaker 1: I went up there with my with my with my
Speaker 1: regular face, and did you have a head wrap one?
Speaker 1: Did you have a No, I don't think I might.
Speaker 1: You don't megap one for brunch?
Speaker 2: Wait?
Speaker 1: Wait, did you go look like you were doing the laundry.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm just making it stop. And you know,
Speaker 1: when I do laundry, I'll be real free because it's
Speaker 1: in my building, so I don't even have own pants.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'd be like, I'd be like, what up, Jenny,
Speaker 1: how you doing just washing some panties because I'm all
Speaker 1: out anyway, So, uh, I finished the tea. They came.
Speaker 1: The bartender came several times to be like, did y'all
Speaker 1: need anything? And he was like he was like, and
Speaker 1: I was like, so I go to the bathroom, come
Speaker 1: back and start putting my coat on immediately, right, He's like,
Speaker 1: what are you up to for the rest of the day.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm about to go get some food
Speaker 1: because I'm hungry. He was like, oh okay. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get some food after this because I'm famished. Right,
Speaker 1: So we go outside. He's like, let me walk you
Speaker 1: to the train. We're going the same direction. I'm already
Speaker 1: trying to say goodbye at the door. We're going the
Speaker 1: same way right. We crossed the street together. He I
Speaker 1: hug him, He hugged me. He tried to kiss me.
Speaker 1: When I tell you I matrixed cis when I tell
Speaker 1: you the dip in my back, when I dip you dip,
Speaker 1: we dip. I dipped so hard in the middle of
Speaker 1: the street. Just see Ara style. Just no, you can't
Speaker 1: kiss me. You can't kiss me. You didn't feed me.
Speaker 1: You can't kiss me anyway, but you definitely can't if
Speaker 1: you got me, what what did he get you? A
Speaker 1: no sense didn't get you didn't my mouth was he
Speaker 1: got your biscuits. Try he got your little bescott a
Speaker 1: biscotti in the middle of the street, curved him. Cars
Speaker 1: are driving by, just just driving by. And I crossed
Speaker 1: the street, went right into the bodega and got a
Speaker 1: sausagegak and cheese Italian niggas is bold, okay, because I
Speaker 1: told you I went out with one several several several
Speaker 1: years ago. He bought me a Zar dress and he
Speaker 1: thought he was gonna get anal from a Zara dress,
Speaker 1: a Zara dress that was on sale. He tried to
Speaker 1: act like you got your clearances and then went I
Speaker 1: was like, wait, it's the same dress. So I let
Speaker 1: him put it in my butt. And I was like, say,
Speaker 1: let him put it in your butt? Did you have
Speaker 1: the dress on the wind? Did you like the dress
Speaker 1: up for him to get to your butt? Since for
Speaker 1: nine ninety nine it was off the shoulder, sis for
Speaker 1: eighty percent off, you let him get one hundred percent
Speaker 1: of the ass off? Should wow? Listen? He gave me
Speaker 1: half a Creed bottle. You're saying it was off the shoulder,
Speaker 1: so he slid the dick from the top. The dress
Speaker 1: was of the Please tell me what Italian dudes are bold?
Speaker 1: They shoot, they shot, okay, they don't care if they
Speaker 1: played for the Knicks. They shoot it, they drop it everything,
Speaker 1: they don't care. So my core is real strong. So
Speaker 1: sorry for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Honestly,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be going outside if you're not getting no
Speaker 1: food to stay home. Dude, I got milk and cereal
Speaker 1: at the house. Okay, you got old packs of rond
Speaker 1: com in here. Okay, old packs. You know they don't expire,
Speaker 1: all right? They that MSG keeps them fresh. What was
Speaker 1: our expert in what was our expert in tricking dominoes?
Speaker 1: Oh you were able to trick them into getting Oh. Yes,
Speaker 1: I put in another address. I put in another name,
Speaker 1: but I put in my number. Them niggas banned me.
Speaker 1: I said, for real, not really, I put in another
Speaker 1: for real, not really. I put in another address, like
Speaker 1: four blocks down, no, no, four doors down, and then
Speaker 1: I just had them call me and then like we're downstairs.
Speaker 1: And then he's like all the way up the block
Speaker 1: and I'm like air ure ay ya ya, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like yeah yeah. I was yelling at all
Speaker 1: this ship to Dominoes, and he was like, oh the addresses.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I got, fat finger,
Speaker 1: little typos. I don't really know how to type little
Speaker 1: typos ten nineteen twenty one to who knows you know?
Speaker 1: Here it is, thank you, and I got my wings
Speaker 1: and I got my pizza, So fuck you Dominoes. I
Speaker 1: get mine run of applause for you for thank you gaming.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna stop me. Who gonna stop me? Who
Speaker 1: gonna check me boo? Not domino Dominoes. Okay, okay, speaking
Speaker 1: of check me boo? Uh, speaking of Dominoes, speaking of Dominoes,
Speaker 1: speaking of Doe, No, just get it, get it, so sorry,
Speaker 1: what is wrong with you? I don't know, it's the tea.
Speaker 1: I'm so rude. Actually, ain't no drugs. And this is
Speaker 1: one of my favorite comedians. Okay, get into it. He's
Speaker 1: from Newark, so that says a lot. It does because
Speaker 1: if you're from Newark and I like you, like you
Speaker 1: have to be funny. Oh okay, yeah, I'll see what
Speaker 1: you're saying. Yeah, well, go ahead and do the introduction. Nigga,
Speaker 1: damn Okay. He's a comedian, he's a writer, he has
Speaker 1: a podcast. He'd be dicking people down on the regular
Speaker 1: on Thursday. Thursday. He got a dick appointment. After this,
Speaker 1: he told us give it for Garden Baker Bone. Gordon
Speaker 1: baker Bone is our to the dom people. You you
Speaker 1: got to listen to the last couple of episodes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she said, I said it too many times. But I
Speaker 1: got banned and I ran up. I pulled up on
Speaker 1: Dominoes and I tried to curse them out. Pulled up
Speaker 1: on foot though, Yeah, on foot, so I didn't have
Speaker 1: another car to get into like you. Yeah, but they
Speaker 1: banned me, but it was for like three four weeks.
Speaker 1: But I got mine. I got mine. Nigga what kind
Speaker 1: of what kind of dipping sauces you got for the winch?
Speaker 1: I have some blue cheese. I put it in an
Speaker 1: extra one for me. I was like, treat yourself, bitch,
Speaker 1: treat yourself, bitch. Actually I forgot to say your expertise, Gordon,
Speaker 1: it's cookouts, yep, sort cookouts expert. I my own cookouts,
Speaker 1: and I scamed my way in on other people's cookouts,
Speaker 1: white barbecues. I don't like white barbecue. Well let's talk.
Speaker 1: What's the white people. White people have barbecues. Black people
Speaker 1: have cookouts. Yes, so when you go to white person barbecue,
Speaker 1: what do they have? Hot dogs? Hamburgers? Right?
Speaker 3: Hot dogs hamburgers unless they try to get fancy and
Speaker 3: they try to do like wings on the grill and
Speaker 3: it's not great at all and they'd be dry. There's
Speaker 3: no sauce on it. And just like I but like,
Speaker 3: barbecues are more for drinking. You go there just to drink, and.
Speaker 1: These are like an alcoholic You mean you sound like
Speaker 1: an alcoholic. Yeah, well maybe all my white friends they drink.
Speaker 1: So I go to cookouts for food. That's what you
Speaker 1: go to cookouts for food. You go to barbecues with
Speaker 1: white people. We went to a barbecue once and the
Speaker 1: white people, right, remember it was like the grill. They
Speaker 1: was flipping things with their fingers. Yeah, white people let me.
Speaker 1: They were petting the dog and then giving the dogs. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I went to a Memorial Day barbecue and the dude
Speaker 1: was on the grill and then he was like letting
Speaker 1: the dog lick his fingers, but flipping the meat with
Speaker 1: them same dog tongue fingers. And I was eating a
Speaker 1: burger at the time. I threw the burger off the roof.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is why I don't like eating
Speaker 1: your food, Barbara. Just's just for games and drinking.
Speaker 3: They don't really partaking like the good deliciousness to make
Speaker 3: quality burgers.
Speaker 1: Like I go all out for mine. But what do
Speaker 1: you look like? I could tell by your headline. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm turning into my grandfather. And my grandfather used to
Speaker 1: be in front of the I just thought it was
Speaker 1: goofy how much pride he took it. Okay, So tell
Speaker 1: me what you're doing to your burgers that make your
Speaker 1: burgers special. I do it like a bacon brisket burger.
Speaker 1: Your brisk wait wait wait wait, I'm count jump on
Speaker 1: the train.
Speaker 3: To New Jersey for that brown beef brisket makes one.
Speaker 3: I'm a little bit of fat pork belly and uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah okay Rachel Rad right, Rachel Rad Yeah, do that?
Speaker 1: What else I do? I do brons because like some
Speaker 1: dudes like rots, that's a that's a link. Yeah, brought
Speaker 1: worst real ba do bros? Bro? Do you even brought bro? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I got a couple of brons. The truck Sheryl's coming
Speaker 1: just bringing the kids. Uh yeah, like just my cookouts
Speaker 1: because I do. I do my own now and I
Speaker 1: in whte my friends. You got a yard. I used
Speaker 1: to do it in my parents yard, but now I'll
Speaker 1: run out to the park at Nork and wait, hold on,
Speaker 1: can you tell the listeners about where you're from, because
Speaker 1: I feel like they don't know how terrible it is.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, I do it. I do it at
Speaker 1: the park. White people listening in York, New Jersey get
Speaker 1: a bad rap. It's just Google Newerk. Yeah you said
Speaker 1: it's a bad It has a bad rap. It has
Speaker 1: a bad rap. No, no, no, what's a movie from Newark?
Speaker 1: New Jersey drives? Okay, I don't know that New Jersey drive.
Speaker 3: Terrible movie New Jersey was a number one car theft
Speaker 3: capital in the world for like ten years, so they
Speaker 3: decided to make a movie.
Speaker 1: Heavy d was in it, Queen Latifa was in it.
Speaker 3: And they didn't actually have directors go around shooting people
Speaker 3: pretending to steal cars. They just took stolen car footage, yes,
Speaker 3: that cops had from their DADH camp. Yes, that movie
Speaker 3: sounded real, Little Bud. It was that movie sound like
Speaker 3: a home video. It was very newer.
Speaker 1: Donald was in it from a scrubs. Uh, well, I
Speaker 1: know him from Clueless. Yeah, he was Stacey Dash, his
Speaker 1: boyfriend and he embracest. Yeah, he was in it.
Speaker 3: And like the best word about New Jersey drive is like, well,
Speaker 3: for me, it was like where I lived, so I
Speaker 3: knew all those streets and I knew like.
Speaker 1: So you were happy to see it, you know how
Speaker 1: it was getting depicted right het us on the big screen?
Speaker 1: We do it well, dude.
Speaker 3: I got the pressed one time because I found out,
Speaker 3: like I used to watch Acon's ghetto video. So as
Speaker 3: long as just that, I just sang, it's a song
Speaker 3: ghetto about like just how living in pocket, how poverty is,
Speaker 3: and I'm watching the video, I was like, man, this
Speaker 3: town looks terrible.
Speaker 1: Man. I watched like five times and then they drove
Speaker 1: by your car. That's my that's my parents house. There.
Speaker 1: I am on the drill in the park. I was like,
Speaker 1: damn he living bad out there. And I was like,
Speaker 1: and then he were on the screen. You're like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, waving at a coon body rolling man, Like Jersey,
Speaker 1: we get a bath, right, Yeah, we close at two o'clock,
Speaker 1: but like our strip club stay open till five and
Speaker 1: got strip clubs over there. Yeah, most of our strip
Speaker 1: clubs is BYO big, so people just coming with YO big.
Speaker 1: If I have to bring my drinks to the strip club,
Speaker 1: I'm not coming to the strip club. How is the
Speaker 1: strip club making any money if they're not selling out?
Speaker 3: Charge the cover and they charge your flight. Say if
Speaker 3: you need a cup or like you want to sew
Speaker 3: the charge of the cups?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well if you b yob and you're not bringing cups,
Speaker 1: then you deserve to get charged with im. Like I
Speaker 1: brought the liquor. Who got the cups? Exactly? Can't bring
Speaker 1: the liquor inside. You gotta leave the liquer in your trunk.
Speaker 1: You can bring any beer, champagne, wine, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: You can bring a champagne to the strip club, not
Speaker 1: bringing my own champagne? Were doing? What are we celebrating?
Speaker 1: The strip club is by your own stripper too, probably,
Speaker 1: it's like, what are we celebrated. I'm dropping off my sister,
Speaker 1: like I just started CVS. Now she's up there torking, okay,
Speaker 1: and she didn't take it. She didn't give me all
Speaker 1: our change.
Speaker 3: Me and my friends we do this thing called Epic
Speaker 3: Brunch in Jersey, Like we go to this place.
Speaker 1: It's a strip club. You'll go to go to trip
Speaker 1: club back because it's free on Sunday. I was like,
Speaker 1: I thought the brunch was a strip cl I was not.
Speaker 1: What the fun is all? You can eat asses at
Speaker 1: the strip club, but you gotta bring yours, asked Benedict. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were going Sundays because it's free before if
Speaker 3: we get there about like three.
Speaker 1: So we like the strip club that early on a Sunday.
Speaker 1: You have no family, no family, you don't love yourself?
Speaker 1: Should it be backed there? Oh my god? What is it?
Speaker 1: Is it full nude so you can see? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it gets pretty raunchy on Sunday and the Lord's Day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably across the street from the church, like a big
Speaker 1: ass church with bills, and my friends were going look
Speaker 1: real quick. We played cards while there and watch football,
Speaker 1: play spades at the Strip Club. Yes, we play. Listen
Speaker 1: if you could see my phallopian tubes and you playing,
Speaker 1: you know, everybody getting shot up and everybody getting draw
Speaker 1: for everything, everybody getting draws the game. She just took
Speaker 1: off for bra.
Speaker 3: No, she just took off a broad to the side
Speaker 3: and just laid down for two songs and got back
Speaker 3: up and then left after she was done.
Speaker 1: I just laid the funk down. I'm like, hey, do
Speaker 1: what you want. This ain't even my full time gig.
Speaker 1: I'm just here trying to exactly I'm just here trying
Speaker 1: to send my kids to private school.
Speaker 3: Dope, But you just got to go to the right parts.
Speaker 3: Everybody think it's that white part. We got some dope
Speaker 3: parts in Urbanton. No, if the hitginess are there, that
Speaker 3: means it's dangerous.
Speaker 1: I have I have a terrible story about going to Newark.
Speaker 1: I met a dude. I already hate the story. I
Speaker 1: met a dude at one of those like expensive boutiques
Speaker 1: like Intermix or whatever something like that. I met him.
Speaker 1: I thought he worked there. He actually was just a
Speaker 1: delivery guy. You didn't see the brown shorts. Just like
Speaker 1: he looked real. He matches really well. I had no
Speaker 1: fucking idea. He jumped into his car. I'm about to
Speaker 1: give me some new Jay brand jeans. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: some Citizen and Humanity jeans. I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: about to eat a plug a plug. So he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, come through and I was like, okay. Cool.
Speaker 1: Where you live He's like New Jersey. I was like, okay.
Speaker 1: He was like Newark. I had never been to Newark before.
Speaker 1: What the name sounds hood to me? People people in
Speaker 1: Australia here Newark and they're like, oh, that sounds like
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: Saycause when it sounds like New York and that's not
Speaker 3: don't don't act like that's where you're.
Speaker 1: Going York Newark nor people in New York nigga that
Speaker 1: don't try to don't you cherry on top put an accent?
Speaker 1: Take you believe you? He said. He said, okay, So
Speaker 1: when you get off the train, I had to walk
Speaker 1: from the path to his place. He's like, all right,
Speaker 1: So it's it's a little rough, is he didn't come
Speaker 1: pick you up, no, because he was scared. He was
Speaker 1: he don't really He was like, no, I don't really
Speaker 1: come out after a certain time, I can't really come out.
Speaker 1: I was like, man, the dick better be great. So
Speaker 1: I go there. He don't even have his own place.
Speaker 1: He's got a room he's renting. He's renting a room.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it looked like when I got off the train,
Speaker 1: it looked like a grand theft auto, like somebody somebody
Speaker 1: hit you with their car and stole purse. They're like
Speaker 1: ten points. You just laying on the street, Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: yes left you. How long was the walk because in
Speaker 1: my mind it was way too many? But walk it
Speaker 1: was Dinny walks alow too. I had a heal on.
Speaker 1: It wasn't. He was trying to look cute for his
Speaker 1: jersey dick. It was like five blocks or whatever. So
Speaker 1: he can't know. But he came and he met me
Speaker 1: at the bus stop near his place because we went
Speaker 1: to go get We got some You got you got
Speaker 1: some drinks. I'm both y'all split an Amaretta sour. He
Speaker 1: got Arizona iced tea and raspberry is four loco. You
Speaker 1: had two straus Hey, that that dollar. Can you got
Speaker 1: a lot for a dollar for Arizona iced tea? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get diabetes and you lose your leg, you can
Speaker 1: actually split it with somebody else. You lose half the leg,
Speaker 1: you lose half it. So I'm there. He's got a room,
Speaker 1: so he's got other roommates. But they are like, they're
Speaker 1: like bangers. They're legit in a gang. So there's the guns,
Speaker 1: like there's full guns on the on the mantle, and
Speaker 1: you walked in here like these the corn here is
Speaker 1: very hunters and gathering everywhere. That's militious everywhere. But he
Speaker 1: had a cat, so I was like that that cat
Speaker 1: was Queen Bee. That cat is the one that told
Speaker 1: him who around, dude, what gang was this? Did you ask?
Speaker 1: Did you ask if he was affiliated? Did you have
Speaker 1: the right colors? He's like, I just rent a room.
Speaker 1: I don't really know these niggas as well. You don't
Speaker 1: worry again, he's no way, you just got guns. That
Speaker 1: was his mother's house. Those were his brothers, and that
Speaker 1: was his dad. No. One of the dudes that came
Speaker 1: out definitely didn't look anything like it. Since you were
Speaker 1: at a halfway house, you were at a half way house.
Speaker 1: When I tell you, we was on that tween bed,
Speaker 1: tween beaned. I was on the day base sheets, caper mache, curtains,
Speaker 1: barely there. I was like, wow, he had the he
Speaker 1: had the Venetian blinds, but like somebody was missing. Some
Speaker 1: of them are like broken. Yeah, when I tell you,
Speaker 1: I gave it up. And I was thinking the whole time, like, yo,
Speaker 1: how bad is this? Is it that bad? Well? How
Speaker 1: good was the the penis was there? He had a
Speaker 1: penish My god, it was present, was paying attention, it
Speaker 1: was present, but it was passing notes. Are we are
Speaker 1: we ever going to get to get I mean, I
Speaker 1: want this dude in New York? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm never going back. And then did he walking to
Speaker 1: the bus stop or he made you me? He walked me.
Speaker 1: He walked me back to the train. The next day
Speaker 1: he watched me, he walked. He's like, I can come
Speaker 1: out with you. Well he had to go he could have. Well,
Speaker 1: he got to take the train to the delivery truck.
Speaker 1: So he sounds like he can. He sound like he
Speaker 1: had the delivery truck at the at there when you
Speaker 1: were having sex with him, did you see an ankle bracelet,
Speaker 1: no nony tattoos, no, no, the low key tell me
Speaker 1: why years later? This person is a comedian that we know. No,
Speaker 1: you don't know him, but I'll show you a picture
Speaker 1: of him. Actually probably they probably went to school together. Yo,
Speaker 1: you actually might fucking know him. Let me pull it this,
Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay, listen, just turn into something you're like, please,
Speaker 1: don't let it be somebody else. Don't know who it is.
Speaker 1: He got a cliff lip. He might. He's really big,
Speaker 1: he's tall mm hm. And he's asked me to be
Speaker 1: on the warm up, and I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: letting nobody who've been up in me up on the show.
Speaker 1: It's one of those it's one of those comedians that
Speaker 1: got a lot of hood flyers. It's graund Look at
Speaker 1: Gordon's face. It's not it's not let me he knew.
Speaker 1: Let me see my god, my, oh my god, oh
Speaker 1: lord lord wow, look niggas man. I'll tell you, yo.
Speaker 1: I want to tell you I was a I was
Speaker 1: a cool twenty two so it was nowhere near Oh man,
Speaker 1: it's not. Wait, I want to see who it is. Everybody, Marie.
Speaker 1: I don't want to show you that. Why you showed it.
Speaker 1: You know what, I just I'll just text Gordon later.
Speaker 1: Oh Sis, that is a strong forehead. That's a strong dome, sais.
Speaker 1: Since I'm a lesbian, so all my dick resume has
Speaker 1: been deleted. Yeah, the cookies have been cleared yet the
Speaker 1: cookie cash.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Gordon, he wasn't know if you're okay, I'm not
Speaker 4: er man talk about cookouts.
Speaker 1: What are y'all doing? Let's get what I'm doing, not y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the new Well, at least I got
Speaker 1: walked back to the path. Okay, the least. But since
Speaker 1: you were on the Jersey side, you were on the
Speaker 1: New York side of the path. You were on the
Speaker 1: New Jersey side. He was on the New Jersey side.
Speaker 1: Get live down there, Get live? Did he pour Hennessy
Speaker 1: on your naked body? Heat himself? I feel like they
Speaker 1: don't do hennessy and Newer No we do. Yeah, y'all
Speaker 1: make y'all homemade drinks. They make they make bath bruise
Speaker 1: over y'all got moonshine v s O p is like
Speaker 1: top shelf. Andy started to come back now but no, no,
Speaker 1: like all right, let's get back and so what what what?
Speaker 1: What drinks would you have at a cookout?
Speaker 3: Yeah, drinks. I usually I tell people like to bring
Speaker 3: their own. But if I do have something, do you
Speaker 3: trust that? Do you trust people to bring their own?
Speaker 3: Like if they made the drink, you're not afraid. No, no,
Speaker 3: don't bring any something that you made a bottle? What
Speaker 3: I bought some jungle juice? Where you want me to
Speaker 3: sit it.
Speaker 1: Thereofing everybody at my cookout that everyone passed out, not
Speaker 1: at the park that he rented. The park rented. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that people paid to rent the parkist for
Speaker 1: the day. Everybody got to put in two dollars. I
Speaker 1: feel like in Brooklyn people just pull a grill out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no one pays for anything. He cops rolling up and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh yeah, we're your permit. You got a
Speaker 1: permit and your papers at you throw the grill at
Speaker 1: the cop and then you run to the bar.
Speaker 3: That's my spare grill. That's that's my good grill. Like
Speaker 3: that is one thing that made me about New York.
Speaker 3: Y'all can just pull up anywhere with a grill and
Speaker 3: start cooking.
Speaker 1: I mean, but you can't have a grill in certain sections,
Speaker 1: no apartments like you can't have it on your roof.
Speaker 1: Some some places, like some condos, they like you can't
Speaker 1: have a key order That sentences is condo condo in
Speaker 1: an apartment complex, you can do whatever you want. In
Speaker 1: a condo, there's a housing board, there's a co op board.
Speaker 1: Then yeah, but that doesn't make sense. I'm if I'm
Speaker 1: paying for this place, why can't I have my grill out?
Speaker 1: But are you paink sis? I'm asking real questions.
Speaker 3: God, Like, yeah, so like we can have we have
Speaker 3: liquor and ship like that. But like I tell people
Speaker 3: to bring that because if I'm a ply of food,
Speaker 3: at least you could bring your own drink.
Speaker 1: I have juice and stuff, got mixers? What kind of
Speaker 1: beverages you got? You got RC? No? I do? I
Speaker 1: go grab my mom's Costco card and go over there.
Speaker 1: And I try to like because I.
Speaker 3: Even like the one thing I can't stand. I do
Speaker 3: people to go to people cook out in the van? God,
Speaker 3: so they gonna talk about you. Yeah, I talked about everybody.
Speaker 3: But what the condiments looking like?
Speaker 1: Oh? Uh, ketch up a one mustard? I just want
Speaker 1: to let you know, A one is really disrespectful to
Speaker 1: steak like a good sta put on my burger and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know you'd be making brisket.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, I go fancy with my burgers. Man, I
Speaker 3: get like boards, head cheese and whatnot.
Speaker 1: That's from the deli. Nigga Like, that's from the that's
Speaker 1: fancy to me. Do you have a good I got
Speaker 1: a good Chipotle good every now and then. Leg spicy goodness.
Speaker 1: I like spicy food. Tell by your neck you like
Speaker 1: you like to eat your dad's guy in me? So
Speaker 1: what you be having? Like? Do you West Indian? It
Speaker 1: up a little bit like plantons and stuff. We don't
Speaker 1: do plantons.
Speaker 3: We do other stuff like snacks, like pine tarts and
Speaker 3: stuff like that pine tart. It's it's like a pastry.
Speaker 1: You'll be in the chef making paste. Don't make pastries.
Speaker 1: I have somebody else do that. Okay, that's gay. Bake.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to bake. Let me look what
Speaker 1: is it called? Pine? Okay? So are you doing like
Speaker 1: a salad? What what you're doing?
Speaker 3: You're doing like a rice. I don't do salads. If
Speaker 3: you want a salad, you gotta bring a salad.
Speaker 1: Bro Why you don't make a salad? Salads are good.
Speaker 1: I know, like I have other stuff.
Speaker 3: I have fruits and pineapples and all that type of stuff,
Speaker 3: like a fruit salad, potato salad.
Speaker 1: But what else do you have besides these burgers? Uh?
Speaker 1: Sometimes I might do steak.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I might do like some little shrimps and whatnot
Speaker 3: on the ground.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you, because I feel like, hold on,
Speaker 1: these pine tarts are the yummiest I'm here for. I'm
Speaker 1: here for what else? Like little apple pie? Yeah? Is it?
Speaker 1: Is it? Apple? Know? It's I don't even know what's
Speaker 1: in it. It's some type of preservative that my mom
Speaker 1: and my aunt's some gams preserved. When my mom does
Speaker 1: her cookouts, she makes she'll make rice and beans, she'll
Speaker 1: make chicken, she'll do she does right what my mother
Speaker 1: you gotta have. She'll make pasta with shrimp in it.
Speaker 1: My mother makes she like when all West Indian cookies
Speaker 1: that I go to in Brooklyn. That's how the food is.
Speaker 1: It's like food food. And then like the burgers are
Speaker 1: like I might have a burger, Yeah, there's no burgers
Speaker 1: are hot dogs at these types of the don't care
Speaker 1: about damn hot dogs like they.
Speaker 3: Have like for like my aunt's like my guy in
Speaker 3: the inside the family if they do a cookout, it's
Speaker 3: stuff like that.
Speaker 1: Me like, I'm more like my mom's or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like my mom's like we hood with like down South.
Speaker 1: That's a basic black cook I'm talking about like West Indian,
Speaker 1: just like someone cooked the ode and brought it outside.
Speaker 1: You could get. That's exactly what a cookout is for us.
Speaker 1: I went to my Haitian friends cookout and they had
Speaker 1: four different types of rice. It was it was rice,
Speaker 1: a black rice and yellow rice. And a cookout that's
Speaker 1: just someone cooked that's eating outside. But then the grill
Speaker 1: be ont they'll do the meat on the grill, the
Speaker 1: ribs and stuff. Yeah, all right, you have like a
Speaker 1: little jerk chicken going on there. I don't do jerk chicken.
Speaker 1: Why I don't want to cookout is this? You don't
Speaker 1: want cook You're not having a cookout. You having a barbecue, ye,
Speaker 1: black man, because I got jerk chicken and like cook
Speaker 1: up rice and all that, cook up cook up. What's
Speaker 1: the music situation? The situation now is the iPod. Somebody
Speaker 1: the iPod, your phone. He'll get up to the Bluetooth speaker.
Speaker 1: You have a DJ. Dude, dude, you got to have
Speaker 1: a real DJ at a cookout. You need people to
Speaker 1: have a good time sphere. Yeah, I mean exactly. The
Speaker 1: DJ money is for the venues. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: A little bit he had a good and then I
Speaker 1: got a big Sony speaker that there out there. You
Speaker 1: just got the car people his car up and turns us.
Speaker 1: You put the Beats pill and a cup, so then
Speaker 1: then you can echoes and you can hear. But only
Speaker 1: a cup that other people bought because they got to
Speaker 1: provide don't know, cups or I bring my cups. I
Speaker 1: have cups up the utensils. But like other than that,
Speaker 1: like are you buying the cheap paper plates that like
Speaker 1: you got a double stack, or you're buying like the
Speaker 1: stock at the white ones. No, I hate that that
Speaker 1: because you can't even take it to go plate with that,
Speaker 1: like just so you believe in it to go because
Speaker 1: some people get real like weird about that to go
Speaker 1: They're like, well, what did you bring? What's the situation?
Speaker 1: Well if you if you didn't bring nothing, you can't
Speaker 1: leave with three to go plates. I'll give you one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I said, well, what you're gonna do with
Speaker 1: all this food though, I'm gonna eat for the rest
Speaker 1: of the year. That's what I'm gonna do. I'letna eat
Speaker 1: for the rest of the here. We do that and
Speaker 1: then we play some spades, play some dominoes. That's musk.
Speaker 1: Anybody ever gotten shot at one of your cookouts?
Speaker 3: Not shot, but got into a fight, Like cookout don't
Speaker 3: ended a fighting you they wanted to throw hands with
Speaker 3: each other, like want some real ship, like somebody did
Speaker 3: some goofy ship or brought somebody in think should have
Speaker 3: been there.
Speaker 1: Ah, you have a specific story about somebody that was
Speaker 1: brought that wasn't supposed to be there. I showed up. So,
Speaker 1: but it's a cookout, it's in a public plate. You're
Speaker 1: not eating my food. If we're not together, if you're
Speaker 1: not eating my ass, you're not eating my food. Lowery,
Speaker 1: did you can you could rent that? Plots strict rules
Speaker 1: at the cookout. Like some exes they just show up.
Speaker 1: They say you having the cookout. They're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: coming through. No, don't do that. So then, okay, so
Speaker 1: your ex came, did you speak to her? Now I
Speaker 1: speak to her. My girl girl spoke to her and
Speaker 1: actually get out of there. Yeah, girl, Yeah, the girl
Speaker 1: I was dating at the time. Oh okay, So how
Speaker 1: she pulled up? What happened? She just came She was like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck you doing here? Got kind of animated.
Speaker 1: So the girls were fighting. Yeah, it was men and
Speaker 1: then they were fighting. It was fighting over the food.
Speaker 1: Nothing like that.
Speaker 3: Most of the dudes that come to my cookout, they
Speaker 3: cool ship. Most nobody really calls problems like that.
Speaker 1: And the newer we don't believe everybody know they're lifting
Speaker 1: their shirts up. They'd be like, well, what you gonna
Speaker 1: do that? What you're gonna do it? You know, we
Speaker 1: don't with each other trunk right now, we don't do
Speaker 1: it or just change. I don't think y'all know this,
Speaker 1: and that orgous changing. The Booker came through, started jogging,
Speaker 1: got his all cardio Booker and now you're a good job. Well,
Speaker 1: isn't he dating friend of her friend? He's dad a
Speaker 1: friend of a friend. But what you know about Corey
Speaker 1: Booker and newarksis I mean, I know that he's dating
Speaker 1: in front of him, so it's got to be doing
Speaker 1: good work friend. Yeah, a friend of our friend.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: They'd be going to Costa Rica and stuff. They be
Speaker 1: living their best their best lives.
Speaker 3: She's not like, oh see, that was the key part.
Speaker 3: There's a big rumor in that Corey Booker's guy.
Speaker 1: Oh not on our podcast. Not on our motherfucking podcast.
Speaker 1: You better not. I mean, we don't know how to
Speaker 1: be strapping up for him. We know that she is
Speaker 1: with him, we don't know speak of any The podcast
Speaker 1: is over. Shut it down if you want to do
Speaker 1: the podcast and an experts need anybody shutting down anofficial
Speaker 1: expert with Haikus. No, we can't have it my fault.
Speaker 1: But the rumor in Nork because like he changed North
Speaker 1: because the whole city let him talk. He was just
Speaker 1: so different from what was used to because I'm not
Speaker 1: used to educate. Came to North. It was like we're
Speaker 1: gonna change some stuff, and we're like, oh, he must
Speaker 1: be he jogging the Whole Foods? My god? Is the
Speaker 1: Whole Foods in Newark? Yeah? Don't you have a Twitter? Twitter?
Speaker 1: There's a Whole Foods in Newark? Yes, I live eight
Speaker 1: blocks away from the Whole Foods. Now, I'm boo. Can
Speaker 1: you love that's? Leave? Gett all that for you? What's
Speaker 1: the macaroni and cheese? Situation. Are y'all making a mac
Speaker 1: and cheese? Cheesus? What's the cheeses in the mac and cheese?
Speaker 3: I would make it my mom and she bakes it.
Speaker 3: I don't like anybody that don't bake their mac.
Speaker 1: Can't have mac and cheese without baking. Don't tell people
Speaker 1: that because people will come up to you and like, no,
Speaker 1: you just put it in the pot. Which people which
Speaker 1: people are saying that these the white Yeah, the people
Speaker 1: that are having barbecues.
Speaker 3: Barbecue, like some people do some wild ship, like with
Speaker 3: their fucking mac and cheese. Did y'all go to the
Speaker 3: creaky Cave when they had the mac and cheese contest?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not? Who the fuck did that? What was going on?
Speaker 3: Sausage and mac and cheese contest? And like people put
Speaker 3: wild ship? They mac and cheese loopy? Some of it
Speaker 3: was yeah, some of us on point. Somebody baked macaroni cheese.
Speaker 3: I had bacon and lobster in.
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, okay, they had money
Speaker 1: to black, I'm have money and lobster. Someone had like
Speaker 1: a halopeno mac and cheese. It was some other ship
Speaker 1: that I didn't touch. And then there was some boxed
Speaker 1: mac and cheese. It's like just like just weird noodles.
Speaker 1: I would just want to let y'all know. Uh. In college,
Speaker 1: I was like, Velveta is like the best in college?
Speaker 1: You said that, or as an adult you're saying that
Speaker 1: to now? I said at college. In college, I was
Speaker 1: the last time, no, no, no cheese. I have regular
Speaker 1: no good mac and cheese as an adult. But in
Speaker 1: college it was like Velveda that is. But what was
Speaker 1: the last time you had velveto college? I have not
Speaker 1: had a since college. Was it the microwave? You know,
Speaker 1: in the microwave, a hard boiled to screen Thanksgiving Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: dinner from the microwave out potato, miwave I do. That's crazy,
Speaker 1: That's what I do. Y' y'all got radiation all in
Speaker 1: your pores. That's why rouse it a couple of times.
Speaker 1: You gotta put it in the in the in the
Speaker 1: oven for eight days, stab it, and I'm gonna got
Speaker 1: time to bake a potato that long. We got ship
Speaker 1: to do. We New Yorkers. Come on, quick listeners. How
Speaker 1: do you do your mac? How do you do your
Speaker 1: baked potatoes? How do you do it? That's crazy? I
Speaker 1: had somebody you ever had a microwave. I had a microwave,
Speaker 1: but I don't microwave my potatoes because I bake them.
Speaker 1: Wrap the foil, wrap them. I lead a house, come back,
Speaker 1: it's almost ready, building me on fire, Like, is it me?
Speaker 1: My potato still in there? The way baked potato works
Speaker 1: is you gotta You gotta make it when you're not hungry,
Speaker 1: because they will be finished. You gotta make it for
Speaker 1: when you will be hungry. Exactly. You gotta plant ahead.
Speaker 1: You gotta wake up and be like, I'm a bush
Speaker 1: my teeth. No, no, no, I'm a baked potato. It'll
Speaker 1: be ready in time. Then run my errands. It'll be
Speaker 1: ready by dusk. Listen, you take it, you, you wash it,
Speaker 1: You put some olive oil on it, you put some
Speaker 1: like salt on the on the outside, Stab it a
Speaker 1: couple of times, throw it and oil and throw it in.
Speaker 1: No wait now, cookouts, and when you go to other
Speaker 1: people's cookouts, do you trust everybody's food? Because you don't
Speaker 1: know if people are using gloves or washing their hands.
Speaker 1: You don't know if they re My favorite question that
Speaker 1: people ask when they go to the cookouts, is yo,
Speaker 1: who made this? Who thish is this who is so you?
Speaker 1: So people gotta label they gotta label this is or
Speaker 1: you just asked and then people just passed the word. Oh,
Speaker 1: Susan made that. She cool, Susan made it, And I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna eat it. I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: No black Susans know a couple of black Susans. I
Speaker 1: need a Pam. Pam is gonna throw the fuck down
Speaker 1: or whatever. I need somebody with a crooked wig to
Speaker 1: do it. Short crooked wig. Oh my god. If someone's
Speaker 1: sweating and it's not they didn't even start talking yet.
Speaker 1: That person they got like the neck rolls in the front,
Speaker 1: Do you know the food is gonna be get? That's
Speaker 1: what I need. If they got underarmed meat, yes, If
Speaker 1: they got the socks like those black people's. Those black
Speaker 1: people are sandals, you know, the thick African ones with
Speaker 1: the strap on the side. Yes, and they maybe have
Speaker 1: a little sock one, that's what the food is gonna
Speaker 1: be get. If they got vericose veins, the mac and cheese,
Speaker 1: it's lit. It's delicious, every every single one of my uncles. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If it's somebody who's like, well, there's a keen white burger.
Speaker 1: I'm not my sister trying to pull that ship. Now
Speaker 1: she got she got a vegan. How do you feel
Speaker 1: about that? How I feel like they desecrating the cookout?
Speaker 1: Which is this vegan ship. It's blast, it is very blasting.
Speaker 3: She's usually eat chicken all the time. She ate everything,
Speaker 3: and all of a sudden she got this new Jamaican husband.
Speaker 3: Now she uses all vegan and trying to tell me
Speaker 3: to change my life.
Speaker 1: And okay, when her husband comes to the cookouts, does
Speaker 1: he bring weed for you? No? Well then he can't come.
Speaker 1: Got we all get mad him because it goes there's
Speaker 1: nothing for me to eat. You don't have any like
Speaker 1: rice or anything like. Right, yo, let me tell you.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what happened. Somebody threw tofu on
Speaker 1: the fucking grill and I was like, shut it down,
Speaker 1: shut it down. They feel like tofu is gonna melt
Speaker 1: into the grill.
Speaker 3: The somebody brought a uh but they is it boca
Speaker 3: or boot something like that. But it was a spicy
Speaker 3: bean burger and they tried to slip it on the
Speaker 3: grill and someone ate it and got real pissed off
Speaker 3: and threw the whole box out.
Speaker 1: Was like, niggah, what are you doing? What kind of
Speaker 1: cheeses are you providing for these burgers? Oh? What dude?
Speaker 1: I do it all American cheese provo, Like I have
Speaker 1: a how dare you American people that's attacking cheese? After
Speaker 1: twenty one? Nobody should be eating American cheese. The niggas,
Speaker 1: I know them, niggas is from New York, so we
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna talk to it. At me to grab that
Speaker 1: goddamn plastic cheese and just rip that foil off. Man,
Speaker 1: have one of them come to my house and I'll
Speaker 1: give I'll give them some monster cheese. And how they
Speaker 1: feel about that monster? They like, she must be gay.
Speaker 1: It's real. Corey Booker, Well, I am as cheese. So
Speaker 1: so how do you do your Do you prep your
Speaker 1: burger meat the night before.
Speaker 3: Or are you getting the night before? I do my
Speaker 3: ribs the night before. Like, let's talk about ribs, pork pork.
Speaker 3: Traditional beef ribs takes a little bit too long. Like, guys,
Speaker 3: I don't know the difference between beef. Oh you know
Speaker 3: the difference. You can taste the difference. Beef ribs taste
Speaker 3: like steak. Uh, Pork ribs is that like the is
Speaker 3: that the default rib pork is the usual? Okay, well
Speaker 3: the night and I do my rap minds and foil
Speaker 3: when I cool them the grill cooking for at least.
Speaker 3: How you gonna come here without no food? Nothing?
Speaker 1: What's the backpack? Just condoms? Not just other stuff? Condoms? Uh,
Speaker 1: you fucking raw man, So you raw dogg in it
Speaker 1: on a Thursday. You don't care about your life. I
Speaker 1: don't care about my life. I mean he live in Newark,
Speaker 1: says you don't care about his life. Oh man, I
Speaker 1: come down to Nork man like a gonna You're gonna
Speaker 1: invite us to a cookout this summer? You know what? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you should come out the chop festt is the is
Speaker 1: a big ass festival they have downtown Nork. It's for
Speaker 1: the Portuguese whatever. Everybody show up from the town of Geese.
Speaker 3: We get through these big ass vats of uh fucking
Speaker 3: San Gria for like seven bucks. So everybody get saying
Speaker 3: grea drunk eat it's real chicken, and like it's just
Speaker 3: a whole bunch of.
Speaker 1: Great What what month of the years? This this is
Speaker 1: in June, first week in June. It's really hot. Newark
Speaker 1: and people do know how long enough, I feel like
Speaker 1: it's the beginning of beginning June. Yeah, yeah, it still
Speaker 1: was springish.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so everyone's out there having a good time,
Speaker 3: like everybody like people give nor a bad rap, like
Speaker 3: I all right, because I'd bite comics all the time
Speaker 3: to come to Nork like ha ha, No, I've only
Speaker 3: had one incident.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've had that. Oh my man, you was being serious.
Speaker 1: I'm not crossing the bridge. I had two comics come in.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I'm gonna pick you up
Speaker 1: from Penn Station. Oh see Sydney, he picks his people up.
Speaker 1: Your dude, lets you walk.
Speaker 3: Like I'm gonna pick you up in Penn Station and
Speaker 3: like we won't go and I'm driving down to come
Speaker 3: pick him up. They hopping the car, nervous and ship
Speaker 3: and I was like, what happened?
Speaker 1: Some dude just got stabbed in the neck. I was like,
Speaker 1: you're like that not like that's just tuesdays, that's fucking
Speaker 1: nothing for you. You don't care, like all right, that should happened,
Speaker 1: And just you're like, well, what did he what was
Speaker 1: he wearing? It was probably his fault. I guess I
Speaker 1: think we should do like some field work, some field
Speaker 1: investigating work. You should have a day in Newark, you
Speaker 1: like proved to us. No, no, no, no, not a day.
Speaker 1: I'll do like a couple of hours afternoon. When I say,
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 3: Like it is, it's amazing, because the people come over
Speaker 3: and they can't believe that's amazing.
Speaker 1: You You lucky to be outside and be alive. That's
Speaker 1: what that's amazing. You walk outside, you another day I lived.
Speaker 1: You're just happy to be here. You just nped out
Speaker 1: some people your mom like gunpowder. I don't even know
Speaker 1: what gun powder smell. It was like fireworks, like the
Speaker 1: fact that you know that telling us everything that we
Speaker 1: need to have, no idea, it smells like fireworks. It
Speaker 1: smells like mattress. You don't like let off a fire
Speaker 1: cracking before No, I like my fingers. Oh yea, So
Speaker 1: I feel like they're illegal here New Work. Y'all just
Speaker 1: be amazing. Fireworks.
Speaker 3: I go like like goted to it. I go over
Speaker 3: the Pennsylvania line, Like at the border of Pennsylvania Jersey,
Speaker 3: there's nothing but fireworks and a dirt ass cheap.
Speaker 1: So we go over, buy a ship, hang out in Pa.
Speaker 1: So the cops won't just follow us back and take
Speaker 1: him out of trunk and then come back and we
Speaker 1: just let him off. We get like mortars and ship.
Speaker 1: You do you cross state lines to go pick up
Speaker 1: some fireworks and that ain't some gas ship. I don't
Speaker 1: know what else sounds real. Corey Booker, No, Cory Booker. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I don't want no parts Cory Booker, Harry Brooker. I
Speaker 1: would never be a part of anything that they're saying,
Speaker 1: Like Booker is not shaming for your ass. He got
Speaker 1: a girlfriend already. No, I just friends. You don't know
Speaker 1: Corey Booker. He's not your friend, Senator Corey Booker now
Speaker 1: Senator Booker, No mayor, he's senator anyway, Uh party with us, man,
Speaker 1: we got fireworks, we got I'm coming to Pennsylvania to
Speaker 1: get fireworks as soon as I leave. As soon as
Speaker 1: I leave, I'm leaving too, and will drive me off
Speaker 1: on your way. I'm not walking. I'm downtown north now,
Speaker 1: so it's gonna be even better. Man. What's the difference
Speaker 1: between downtown Newark and Central.
Speaker 3: Ork and like Ivy Well, I'm saying all these streets
Speaker 3: like Avon is like where like my mom teaching I
Speaker 3: grew up in like little bricks and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: Nobody can little bricks sound like a project. I grew
Speaker 1: up in little bricks, Like that's a smaller project. That's
Speaker 1: exactly what it is. You're not all the way for
Speaker 1: you're on your way into house. Wait, I went before.
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you about how's like dating or
Speaker 1: hooking up or trying to talk to people at the cookouts?
Speaker 1: How does that that goes? That? It gets weird sometimes
Speaker 1: because it bes too many cousins, be too many dudes,
Speaker 1: and the girls are like I was gonna come and
Speaker 1: it was too many guys. They line up at the
Speaker 1: entrance of the park, so you can't girls be like,
Speaker 1: like I got food at home. Cousins like hit on cousins.
Speaker 3: Because that get weird because like it's two different sizes
Speaker 3: of my family comeing to meet at one time.
Speaker 1: They're not related. That's weird though, roll with both, y'all.
Speaker 1: Now y'all want to try to bang? That's that is girl.
Speaker 1: We went. We were invited to a cookout over the
Speaker 1: summer and it was I got the address, we show up.
Speaker 1: I was like, is this the projects? Oh yeah? We
Speaker 1: day like damn, but the food was cute and they
Speaker 1: had like it was and they had like gift bags
Speaker 1: for the kids and the mad candy. They had a
Speaker 1: did they have a bouncy They had a bouncy house
Speaker 1: in the middle in the front of the projects.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, and we were real cash. It was
Speaker 1: the cops pulled up and parked across the street. We
Speaker 1: were like, did y'all want some water? It was like
Speaker 1: a block party. It was the projects. The project had
Speaker 1: a cookout. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's a black party,
Speaker 1: but I mean, I couldn't believe we were there, but
Speaker 1: we were there. Honestly, they don't be the best parties.
Speaker 1: Everybody all the outside having a good time. It was
Speaker 1: all family. It was all fa and us. They're like, hey, cousin.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey cousin. Judging everybody. We were like,
Speaker 1: you live here, issue, you live in one of these units.
Speaker 1: The cops came up. I was like, I know y'all hungry,
Speaker 1: but this we're throwing burgers on the ground in front
Speaker 1: of them. And they had they had two different types
Speaker 1: of rice. I love when people have like having these
Speaker 1: ricest do you not have, like, so, what does the
Speaker 1: plate look like at your house like potato salad. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's on the what's the what's the it's meat pepper meats.
Speaker 1: It sounds like a lot of meat onions, maybe like
Speaker 1: some shrimp, depending on which ones. Okay, do you pull
Speaker 1: the vein out the shrimps, but get them. I have
Speaker 1: to a lot of people don't do that. Why people
Speaker 1: don't even know that there's veins that you got to
Speaker 1: take out. Those people should die. That's disgusted. You never
Speaker 1: meant to like a cookout and somebody people just a
Speaker 1: dark flyne in your shrimps. Ass. They're people listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast right now that we love who don't now
Speaker 1: then eat them, just like all right, this is my
Speaker 1: so wait, I cannot be honest. Potatoes alt cancel it.
Speaker 1: I don't get it. That's canceling. I'm not here. People
Speaker 1: talk about potato salad like it's the end all be all.
Speaker 1: It's not all that potato potatoes and I steal. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not here for warm mayonnaise, especially if you did
Speaker 1: the potatoes in the microwave for the mayonnaise potatoes. Give
Speaker 1: us what the give us your potato salad recipe. I
Speaker 1: don't have like, that's my mom exactly. I still don't
Speaker 1: want it. Okay, So potato sad over grill. I'm a
Speaker 1: grill guy, okay, but but I'm not done with the plates.
Speaker 1: So so potato salad that sounds cute, and then whatever
Speaker 1: the hot dogs, burgers all that ship. How about the fruits?
Speaker 1: And okay, what kind of fruits? With kind of fruits
Speaker 1: you got on in mango? I didn't know you were
Speaker 1: the rap salad? But why is that something that you
Speaker 1: want to eat? It goes well in like a smoothie
Speaker 1: or something, but it's not a yellow Papa is also
Speaker 1: another it's a smoothie fruit. I feel like when you
Speaker 1: eat a pie like regular, it's not that good.
Speaker 3: Everybody like, I don't like getting a watermelon, but I
Speaker 3: get it because you don't.
Speaker 1: Like. That's the one thing I feel selfconscious about. But
Speaker 1: you got chicken on the grill. I got chicken. Don't
Speaker 1: when I go to pick up the water but I'm like,
Speaker 1: god damn it, watermelon is fucking delicious. White people like watermelon.
Speaker 1: They love it. So cut up a watermelon for everybody,
Speaker 1: and everybody comes through, all the white You cut it up,
Speaker 1: you cut it out long, slices. Okay, do you do
Speaker 1: you invite white people to the cookout in Newark? Yes?
Speaker 1: And do they show up? Some do What kind of
Speaker 1: white person shows up to a newer like the fake
Speaker 1: Timski Mookie shows up? All of them, all my like
Speaker 1: hood white friends. They show up like some of my
Speaker 1: new white friends. Was like, he invited me. I don't
Speaker 1: want to look racist, so they show up. I don't
Speaker 1: want to look racey show up. That was my first cookout.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to bring. Dear white people, they
Speaker 1: bring like a keg. Dear white people. Don't do things
Speaker 1: to not look racist. Just continue to save yourself. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to Newark because a black dude invited me there.
Speaker 1: I don't want to look racist. It's good. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: stay home and be racist and alive. I agree with that.
Speaker 1: Everyone comes in, everyone goes home.
Speaker 3: I'm yet like beside that one little squabble with the
Speaker 3: axis that was that was about it.
Speaker 1: But everybody else have a good time. People might talk ship,
Speaker 1: get some side off, but nobody. But that's what a
Speaker 1: cookout is is people talking. Yes, you have to get
Speaker 1: in on the talking ship. You got to understand it's
Speaker 1: a part of the part of the chemistry. The meat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you grab something to eat, you walk over,
Speaker 3: you talk about what you're eating and who made it.
Speaker 1: And you talked about the people who are there. Exactly.
Speaker 1: What what the hell was she doing here? I didn't
Speaker 1: even know he got out? She drunk. She drunk already,
Speaker 1: look at she want to fall. She stay drunk while
Speaker 1: you drunk, Like it's great talk about the person you're
Speaker 1: with exactly, like literally, look she took her dress into
Speaker 1: her pants and the ass freaking loved joe An. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a fucking later. I'm a fucking later. My parents
Speaker 1: had a cookout and my brother bought a white girl.
Speaker 1: When I told you, my mother curved her while she
Speaker 1: was bringing the rice out. My mother was like, my
Speaker 1: mother was like, this is a Stephanie. My mother was like,
Speaker 1: my mother just kept bringing out rice. God, Stephanie was like,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. My mother was like, and then
Speaker 1: my dad was like, you know the Bible said. My
Speaker 1: dad took her to church. I was like, she's just
Speaker 1: here for the vegan options you'll have. No, I don't
Speaker 1: know even know what a vegan is. My doesn't know
Speaker 1: what a vegan is. What is that. I think. My
Speaker 1: mom thinks that's a car. My mom thinks a vegan.
Speaker 1: She goes, she got a handsa hairstyff vegan, you get
Speaker 1: a new hat, it's called vegan. My mom thinks that's
Speaker 1: a school. I feel like we learned a lot about
Speaker 1: We did a cookout situation.
Speaker 3: Cookout situation, like because like I feel like that's the
Speaker 3: pivotal one. Like you go to other people, they try
Speaker 3: to be fancy, and they try to be upscale, and they.
Speaker 1: Have all this stuff. What should you not have at
Speaker 1: a cookout? What should you not have? A cook the
Speaker 1: name three things you shouldn't have it a cookout. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start the list. Potato salad, what I agree, that's disagree?
Speaker 1: I agree coleslaw, don't bring stupid and like a macaroni salad.
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not here for anything. Who like magari,
Speaker 1: I'm not here for anything. Yeah, y'all love high cholesterol,
Speaker 1: love it. We do it. We really to love it.
Speaker 1: It's like there's so much mayonnaise on his table and
Speaker 1: then you have Mannai's and a burger. It's like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck, we don't need all this ship. It depends
Speaker 1: on that.
Speaker 3: You don't do You don't show up to someone's cookout
Speaker 3: with like fried chicken from like a food chain because
Speaker 3: I gave people out some ship like that.
Speaker 1: I can't break Popeyes. You can't bring I can't bring that.
Speaker 1: Churches chicken? You want some church chicken? Yeah, I also
Speaker 1: don't understand why you would do that. You would do that? No,
Speaker 1: I've never done that. People try that like, oh oh,
Speaker 1: but I did go to one cookout where we were
Speaker 1: there late and there was no more food left and
Speaker 1: someone brought they just so happened to bring. If there's
Speaker 1: door bot fried chicken, if there's no more food left,
Speaker 1: that means you either didn't plan properly or the food
Speaker 1: was so good that people took all the to go
Speaker 1: plates and dipped. But you got there late. But you
Speaker 1: should never run out of food. That's like pivotal. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to feed the whole community. You should
Speaker 1: community somebody what you got nothing left? But how long
Speaker 1: we've been how long we've been in this park? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've been here several hours. Got the fireworks and you
Speaker 1: like you get like if you're early, you get the
Speaker 1: brisket burgers. But if you late. You get the Costco
Speaker 1: Costco patties. I just thow the grill came, damn. My
Speaker 1: mother gets the ground beef and then she like puts
Speaker 1: onions in it, and she puts seat and she like
Speaker 1: makes this the patties for the people.
Speaker 3: That show up early and on time for the cookout.
Speaker 3: Everybody else that come after that, you getting just bears Burger.
Speaker 1: The people who get there laid they're they're at a barbecue,
Speaker 1: not a cookout. They're at a barbecue. What you do
Speaker 1: is you go to a barbecue and then you go
Speaker 1: to a cookout. Well, we have a friend that he'll
Speaker 1: have really cute little barbecues on his on his roof. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the crab pat crab cakes, the crab cakes. Oh my god, god,
Speaker 1: there were barbecues be and then you said the rib.
Speaker 1: I didn't even get this, and I was getting ready
Speaker 1: to leave the house. I was like, well, I th
Speaker 1: guess I'm done, and he brought out the crab cakes.
Speaker 1: I was like, I got some time coming there for
Speaker 1: another hour and a half. And then the crazy thing
Speaker 1: is is that it was the meat, the type of
Speaker 1: rib that he had. It wasn't like a regular rib
Speaker 1: that probably be it was a It was a different
Speaker 1: it was it was likestino. It was like a human
Speaker 1: baby rib. It was like quail rib or crazy ribs.
Speaker 1: It was. It wasn't like the baby back ribs, the
Speaker 1: small short ones. It was longer ones. It was just
Speaker 1: everything was just so good. He think he he think
Speaker 1: he a little em Lagasi. He think he saw me.
Speaker 1: He'd be like bam, and I'm just like. He had
Speaker 1: a lobster pasta thing going on. It was it was pasta.
Speaker 1: He got real lobster. I think he's from Brooklyn, right, Yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: he lives in the city now, Yes, and he's doing
Speaker 1: lobster pasta because he because he got money. No, he
Speaker 1: got model bitches coming to his place. Yeah. They just
Speaker 1: ain't gonna come through and just get some rib. They
Speaker 1: would not come to Newark. Why I'm bringing everybody down?
Speaker 1: Where's security security? You mean the copsbody one one? That's it.
Speaker 1: That's okay. We'll come out to a cookout in Jersey. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well not if your hood cousin's gonna be there. Anybody
Speaker 1: can you introduce to my friend Marie? You don't have
Speaker 1: anybody for Murray. I got people. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you're gonna want him, and this is two thousand already. No,
Speaker 1: I probably don't know, Marie. This is your year to
Speaker 1: hoe it up, how it out and you need a
Speaker 1: rough net dude. That's like the game. She needs the game.
Speaker 1: She said, he's trying to hook me up with the
Speaker 1: Jason Jayson j j On. You got a j c
Speaker 1: On or Sean? Okay? Sean's okay. I would just go
Speaker 1: with a kid named day Sean and we called them
Speaker 1: dirty day Sean because he was he was a special
Speaker 1: lead and he used to fight the teacher. And I
Speaker 1: feel like he had like black gums and like and
Speaker 1: the lines on his teeth. You know, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get with a hood. I want him to have like
Speaker 1: a what do you call it? Do rag? I wanted
Speaker 1: to have a du outside with the cape out. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want date a dude who is a do
Speaker 1: rag outside with the cape cape. I want to do
Speaker 1: you want to roll it up and then it say
Speaker 1: I want a dude in a.
Speaker 2: Foo boo sweat pet just a thread? Are you trying
Speaker 2: to hook me a dude that you went to New
Speaker 2: Jersey Iceberg?
Speaker 1: I'm done some pole shirt and a Joe Boxer, Boxer.
Speaker 1: I'm not here for none of this. This has been
Speaker 1: great to where where can the people catch you? Plug
Speaker 1: all your social.
Speaker 3: Media at Baker Bone on Instagram and Twitter.
Speaker 1: Baker Phone, Baker Bone a k R b O E.
Speaker 1: Uh Bad Advice show on SoundCloud and iTunes and uh,
Speaker 1: I'm all around the city with the comics. Yeah, comics
Speaker 1: sense and you guys go on tour like regularly, we're
Speaker 1: going to a regularly. Were supposed to be going on
Speaker 1: tour this year.
Speaker 3: I don't know what's going to happen because some of
Speaker 3: us got writing jobs now, so we're trying.
Speaker 1: Okay, shout him out. He was like some of us
Speaker 1: got right. Mike Brown got another writing job. Mike Brown
Speaker 1: was our Mama's boy expert. So you got to listen
Speaker 1: to the episode is great. You can't. He never talked
Speaker 1: to you about living in Nork. No, you didn't even
Speaker 1: mention he knew better about Harlem and the Brown knew better.
Speaker 1: He was like Mike, but isn't he from New York.
Speaker 1: He's from New York, but he used to live in
Speaker 1: North but then he slipped a little bit. The devil.
Speaker 1: He lost it all. He started doing crack. He started
Speaker 1: doing crack and then his mom got him back into
Speaker 1: New York. That's why he was our Mama's boy expert.
Speaker 1: As always, you can find bonus episodes The Messy Ones
Speaker 1: on Patreon. If you follow the link, you can listen
Speaker 1: to more of this. Subscribe to that. Comment rate everything
Speaker 1: that you're hearing today. Make sure that you message us
Speaker 1: if you feel like you know there an expert that's
Speaker 1: something too. Yeah, messages you know, comment if you have
Speaker 1: any uh, if you have any replies to Gordon and
Speaker 1: his uh what is it? Potato salad? Tato salad? I
Speaker 1: guarantee you everyone listening like, yeah, he's right, got a
Speaker 1: potato salad? You guys are wrong and invite us to
Speaker 1: your cookouts. You're having rights at your at your cookouts.
Speaker 1: So you're like my West Indian side of the family,
Speaker 1: that's the West Indian. If you've not give been to
Speaker 1: a West Indian barbecue, then you are living wrong. If
Speaker 1: you don't know any West Indian people, then what are
Speaker 1: you doing with their life? Exactly? You got to have
Speaker 1: some in your life inside. If you don't know any
Speaker 1: West Indians, they're definitely doing customer service. If you don't
Speaker 1: know any West Indians and your life is very quiet.
Speaker 1: Gordon Jordan, Ladies and gentlemen,