1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,000 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of two and soon to be three 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 1: and a practicing physician. We are two working parents who 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to episode six, where 10 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about one of Sarah and 11 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: my favorite topics, which is planning good weekends. We love 12 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: our weekends. We want to create weekends that feel good, 13 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: just the right balance between stuff and open time, and 14 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 1: weekends that make you say, I'm hitting Monday ready to go. 15 00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: Those are the best weekends we have. But one thing 16 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: we've been thinking about recently is also professionally oriented. Sarah 17 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: just had a major accomplishment that she got to put 18 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: on her CV is that she gave what's called grand rounds. 19 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: What is that? For those of us who are not 20 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: in the medical world, can you tell us about that? Yeah, 21 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: isn't that such a fancy It sounds like a very 22 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: old school term, as many medical realm words are. We 23 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 1: like our EP and MS and our our lingo. Anyway, 24 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: grand rounds are basically just like either a hospital wide 25 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 1: or a division wide presentation that you're giving for a 26 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,680 Speaker 1: group of doctors and nurses and other professionals. Sometimes it's 27 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: all doctors, sometimes it's mixed. Ours happens to be a mix. 28 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 1: So I got to speak to everybody about one of 29 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: our brand new programs and it went really really well. 30 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: It was last week, and I had kind of had 31 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: it on my calendar for a long time, trying not 32 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: to ruminate about it, and I really did kind of 33 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 1: follow my own advice where I kind of just didn't 34 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: really worry about it until the month or so before. 35 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: But there was a bit of a ramp up. It 36 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: turned out to go really well, and I've gotten multiple 37 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: people come up to me and ask about, like, you know, 38 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: sending patients to this clinic and asking questions, So I 39 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: think it was a success. And how long was the 40 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: presentation that you needed to give? It was an hour? 41 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: It was an hour? And how did you feel during it? 42 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 1: Like were you nervous? I was nervous as I was 43 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 1: setting up, and I mean, you know, it's not as 44 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: high stakes as say a TED talk, which some of 45 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 1: us here have given, so you know, I'm sure that 46 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: was like incredibly nerve wracking. The part that I loved 47 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,080 Speaker 1: about doing it is that I was talking about something 48 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: that I was the expert on, and as long as 49 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: I kind of kept that at the forefront of my mind, 50 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: like none of these people are gonna question me on 51 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: my particular field and the research that I've done, then 52 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 1: it's sort of like, well, I have the upper hand 53 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 1: and I get to kind of go through all this 54 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 1: information and enjoy it. And you know, once if as 55 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: long as I focused on that fact and not the 56 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: fact that you know, there are people more senior than 57 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: me at the presentation, or people who might be judging 58 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 1: me in some way but like they don't know about 59 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: what the topic that I'm speaking about, it was great. 60 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: So no, I wasn't terribly nervous. And I also want 61 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: to say, like that's been something that's come with time, 62 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: because I do think people think, oh, you know, I 63 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 1: just am not the speaking type or like I couldn't 64 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,920 Speaker 1: do that. But I think the more you just do 65 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: it and do it and do it and do it 66 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: and do it and do it. Almost anybody can become effective. 67 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: And part of that is having confidence in yourself just 68 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: from having done it exactly, and you practiced beforehand too, 69 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 1: write It's not like you got up on stage and 70 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: be like, I'm going to talk for an hour. I 71 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 1: mean you knew what you were going to say, absolutely. 72 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: I mean, once I crafted my slides, I gave it 73 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: to my car, I gave it to the wall I've 74 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: given in this case, I didn't. But I've definitely given 75 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 1: presentations to my husband just sort of hear what he 76 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: has to say, and to have like a little bit 77 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: of an audience before my real audience. So that is 78 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: absolutely key. Didn't you do your Ted talk like twenty 79 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: or thirty times to yourself before you went on stage? 80 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 1: So what I often do is I go up to 81 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: my bedroom. I actually sometimes even go into the bathroom 82 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 1: and shut the door. There's mirrors in the bathrooms. That's 83 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,839 Speaker 1: why I'm in there, right, so that I can see 84 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: myself talking. So sometimes I'll even put on what I'm 85 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: planning to wear for my talks, and I will practice. 86 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,960 Speaker 1: And I said the Ted Talk, I probably practice. Yeah, 87 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: twenty thirty times before I got up to give it. 88 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: And that's a short one that was about twelve minutes long. 89 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,720 Speaker 1: So that wasn't hard to keep practicing because it's only 90 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: a twelve minute time each time I'm doing it. But 91 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure I knew it in and out. 92 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: I knew exactly what time I would be at at 93 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: different segments in it, so I wouldn't be thinking, oh, 94 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 1: am I running behind? Am I ahead of time? I 95 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: know I was right on the money with it, and 96 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: you know, just even figuring out what people are probably 97 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: going to react to and building in a little bit 98 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,479 Speaker 1: of space for that. But I cannot stress enough, like 99 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 1: practicing with public speaking. I think a lot of people 100 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: who think public speaking is hard or not something they 101 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: can do, it's because they're not practiced enough, and not 102 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: just even practicing for yourself in front of a mirror 103 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: or a friend or family member. But the more even 104 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: like small groups you can give speeches to, the more 105 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: comfortable you are getting up in front of people, that's 106 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: it's just comes with time. Yeah, the different audience thing 107 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: helps so much. And if you're in medicine or you know, 108 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: another in a science field or something, and there are 109 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: learners that you can give your talk to. That is 110 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: like the best form of practice because you get to 111 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: kind of go through the whole thing, you see how 112 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: they react to it, and then they get kind of 113 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: a bonus teaching session. So yeah, now I know that 114 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: I've even I've given sort of my stump time management talk, 115 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: which is about a fifty minute talk. I don't know 116 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 1: hundreds of times now, but I still practice. If I 117 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,280 Speaker 1: haven't given it in the last week or so before 118 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 1: I'm going to another engagement, I will definitely still practice 119 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: it because yeah, because it's totally it's like a short 120 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: term memory thing. It's not it's a short term memory. 121 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 1: It doesn't so I don't want to get up in 122 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: front of people be like, oh what am I going 123 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 1: to say to you people? So it's definitely about knowing 124 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: it in and out and then you know, then you're 125 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 1: just sharing something you know, right, You're helping people like 126 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: you were telling these people something new that they didn't 127 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 1: know and so you could share it with them. Well. 128 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: So I think thinking through things ahead of time is 129 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: also one of our best tips for weekends. We're so planners. 130 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: You can tell us by listening to this podcast, But 131 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: I know we're gonna have to have someone on at 132 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 1: some point who's like the anti plan, because I'm curious actually, 133 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,160 Speaker 1: like how do you how do even make it work? 134 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know how that works. I'm 135 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,360 Speaker 1: sure somebody does. Somebody makes it work. So if you're 136 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: that person, let us know, we'd love to hear from you. 137 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 1: But Sarah and I plan our weekends, Like, how how 138 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: do you plan your weekends? What's what's kind of your 139 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: weekend planning process? Yeah? So I think I start actually 140 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,239 Speaker 1: a little later than you. I usually start like Monday. 141 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: Well okay, actually, let me take a step back. So 142 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: the big pig you're planning, like specifically whether we need childcare, 143 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: that is done like months in advance, and literally this 144 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: morning I sat down with our nanny and with my 145 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 1: phone so that I could text babysitters and like ramped 146 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 1: figured out and again we're recording this late August. I 147 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 1: figured out all the childcare for September and October, and 148 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: I started on November so that I know, like, this 149 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: is what we're gonna have because part of it is 150 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: that we have calls, so we need to account for that. 151 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: So it's work. But then part of it is just 152 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 1: like when are we gonna want to have date nights? 153 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 1: When are we gonna do nothing? Because honestly, like it's 154 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: just number one is one of my least favorite things. 155 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 1: You know, we're talking about undoing the mental load last time, 156 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 1: finding babysitters or sort of getting that anchored down is 157 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: not my favorite. So it's so much easier to do 158 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: it in advance and have people commit. You know, also 159 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: from a psychological standpoint, people are very willing to do 160 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: things in the future. It's like when the November exactly exactly, 161 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: so okay. So that's sort of the long range part 162 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: of it. But then I don't really do specifics until 163 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: usually Monday or Tuesday of that week. I'll sit there 164 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: and kind of look at like, oh, do I want 165 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: to call anyone up for a playdate? Do we have 166 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: any birthday parties? Have I ordered the gifts? Usually I 167 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 1: order them when I RSVP? But you know, have I 168 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: gotten everything done you need to do for that? Is 169 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: there any reservations, like you know, low key kind of 170 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,679 Speaker 1: ones that I want to make You know, again, sometimes 171 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: these have already been calendared ahead of time, Like I 172 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: have some friends who are also big planners, so I 173 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: don't have to think of I'll say, oh, we already 174 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: talked about doing something with this family on Sunday, so 175 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 1: we're good. But I don't really put things together until 176 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: like Monday or Tuesday of the week, and then on Friday, 177 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: I send my husband an email that he actually will 178 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: ask like if you're going to gotten it and no, 179 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: but he likes, like to the point where like he'll ask, oh, 180 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,559 Speaker 1: did you spend the weekend plan yet, like because if 181 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: it's not done, he's sort of wondering, uh, hey, what's 182 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: going on? So this is a symbiotic thing. But I 183 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: spend on a week in email that's like Friday night, 184 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: movie night, Saturday, you know, swim class and then pool 185 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: time and then lunch with these people, et cetera. So 186 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: like I will really kind of map it out fairly 187 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,079 Speaker 1: granularly on Friday afternoons. Looks give you to that, et cetera. 188 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: I actually want to hear it. So tell me about 189 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: a recent weekend. Let's let's get what a racon. Yeah, okay, 190 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to skip the past weekend because someone was 191 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: sick and that's something you can never plan for and 192 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: I think when someone gets sick you just sort of 193 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 1: have to declare it a wash and see how you 194 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: can relax in any way, shape or form. But the 195 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: weekend prior to that, my husband and I were both 196 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 1: off and actually using my planner to like refresh my 197 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 1: memory here because I did write it all down there. 198 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: But on Friday night we just had movie night. That's 199 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: our typical, low key plan. On Saturday, in the morning, 200 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: my husband had some oh I know what he was doing. 201 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,840 Speaker 1: He was like removing the satellite dish from our thing 202 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: with his uncle. But that fun times. Yeah, it came 203 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,079 Speaker 1: into the plan because an aunt and uncle came over 204 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 1: and had breakfast with the kids. My breakfast together. Yeah, 205 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,959 Speaker 1: it was awesome. Then we had a birthday party at 206 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: like a kid's play place. Then we just sort of 207 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: had some downtime at home and I don't remember what 208 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,719 Speaker 1: we did. We might have swam, we might have just 209 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: like played. Like you know, we do like to schedule 210 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: some time that's just totally unscheduled. I guess there's nothing 211 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: wrong with planning on scheduled time. You got to because 212 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,559 Speaker 1: otherwise there might be something comes up during it. I 213 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:19,960 Speaker 1: don't know, you want to. If you want to have downtime, 214 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: you got to plan for that too. Yeah, And then 215 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: we went out to dinner, which we had scheduled a babysitter, 216 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,719 Speaker 1: and we went to see Dunkirk, and we went out 217 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 1: to a Miami restaurant for this thing called Miami Spice 218 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:34,679 Speaker 1: where you get like a discount fixed price meal as 219 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: long as you go to a certain time, and they 220 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: do that in August and September here because I guess 221 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 1: those are like the opposite of peak season, so downtime. 222 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 1: And then on Sunday, we had planned in advance. I 223 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: think we both went running, first myself and then my 224 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 1: husband in like insequentially, and then we went to the 225 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,200 Speaker 1: Science Museum. We had actually tried to go a couple 226 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: of times and the parking garage fills up, so we 227 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: knew we had to go early, so we kind of 228 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 1: just headed there around nine thirty and we're there for 229 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: most of the day. And then again had some sort 230 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: of planned downtime, and then I cooked dinner, and I 231 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: think I'd even asked ur nanny to shop for the 232 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: ingredients on Friday so that we had them. So I 233 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: even planned so that I wouldn't have to like run 234 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: out to the grocery store. So yeah, that was an 235 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: example of one that worked pretty well and was pretty planned. 236 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: It still had a good amount of unstructured I think 237 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,560 Speaker 1: we both worked out one or two times. The kids 238 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: had the party. It was good, it was good. It 239 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: wouldn't have worked if I hadn't like done the babysitter 240 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 1: in advance. Oh no, and you wouldn't have been like, 241 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: I mean, what often happens with people is they know 242 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,200 Speaker 1: that that you know, restaurant week or whatever it is, 243 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: is coming up, and then they don't think about it 244 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: ahead of time, and then a lot of places are 245 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: booked up, for instance, or you couldn't get a sitter, 246 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 1: and knowing that you needed to go to the Science 247 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: Museum right away would make it a much more pleasant 248 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 1: experience than if you're driving around hunting for parking. And 249 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,679 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes with little kids, it's good to just 250 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 1: get going in the morning and that spend a lot 251 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 1: of energy deciding what you're going to do. We learned 252 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: that one hard way on two unsuccessful trips. We're like, okay, 253 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: have to go, nine am, have to go. It was great, Yeah, 254 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: and then you're out and you're doing your thing, and 255 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: then you could come home and have your downtime and 256 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: it's exactly what about you this is I like the specifics. 257 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 1: I agree, yeh, there's a I want to know. No, 258 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: the specifics are great too well, so we we we're 259 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: recording this right after we got back from a week 260 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: at the beach. But the weekend before we went to 261 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 1: the beach, I knew that two of my kids had 262 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: a pool party on Friday night for their karate studio 263 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 1: was celebrating forty years of being in business. So we 264 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: went to that. It wasn't great because it was actually 265 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: kind of chilly. Believe it or not, it was only 266 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 1: about seventy degrees that night, so being in the pool 267 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,839 Speaker 1: was not actually that fun, which who knew in mid 268 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 1: August that would actually happen. But we had that in 269 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 1: the morning I had of Saturday morning, I had set 270 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 1: up with a running friend of mine. We were going 271 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: to run ten miles. She's training for a half and 272 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: she was viewing it more as a slow ten miles. 273 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: I was possibly viewing it as a quick ten miles 274 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: because my natural pace is quite a bit below hers. 275 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: But it was good. We chatted, We ran our ten miles. 276 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 1: I was home by about nine o'clock. We got some 277 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 1: I got some downtime during the day. My husband took 278 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: our two year old on an errand at one point, 279 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: so I got to read during that time. That was 280 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 1: really cool. We had some nap time that I also 281 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 1: got to read during. I always make sure I have 282 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: a book i'm working on, and so that way I can, 283 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: you know, I know what I'm going to do when 284 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: that downtime comes. So if my husband's all saiden, like, oh, 285 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 1: I'm going to take the two year old with me 286 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: to the dry cleaner, I'm like, ah, I know what 287 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: I'm going to do. I think that helps with with 288 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: weekends as well. And so I had a good book 289 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: I was reading. I was reading Kristin Lavn's Daughter. This 290 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 1: is this eleven hundred twenty four page epic. But we'll 291 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 1: talk about that some time. But then in Saturday evening 292 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: we had had to book this months ahead of time. 293 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: I got tickets for my husband and I and our 294 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: three big kids to go to a firework and fountain 295 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: to display at Longwood Gardens, which is this botanical garden 296 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: that's about fifty minutes from us. And these tickets literally 297 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: sold out the first day they were on line, so 298 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: I had written in my calendar months before they went 299 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: on sale to buy them on that date. That date 300 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,319 Speaker 1: I was ready. I went on I got my tickets, 301 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 1: and then we had these for months ahead of times. 302 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: So this thing had been in the works like literally 303 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: five months to go to Longwood Gardens. But it was great. 304 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: Like we went. We walked around the gardens at twilight. 305 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 1: It was a beautiful evening. I got some great photos 306 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: of flowers and sort of twilight is kind of this 307 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 1: otherworldly glow on them. I mean, it's gorgeous. And then 308 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: they had a beer garden that was there, so my 309 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: husband and I got beer and the kids got pretzels, 310 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: and then we went and watched the fireworks and the 311 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: light show on the fountain and then came home after 312 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: that and it was great and so cool. Yeah, and 313 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: then Sunday was pretty low key, but we were leaving 314 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: for the beach in the afternoon for a week at 315 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: the beach. We only live about ninety minutes from this 316 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: house we were renting on the beach that week. So 317 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,600 Speaker 1: we had a low key day up until that point 318 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: getting ready to go. But it was nice, you know, 319 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: after we'd gone out late the night before. It was 320 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: probably good to have not a whole lot planned on Sunday, 321 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: planned lying around time, planned lying around time, although if 322 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 1: you've got little kids, there's not a whole lot of 323 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: lying around time, which is one thing I think many 324 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 1: couples find out the hard way. Not that like toddlers 325 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: are hard to deal with, which I mean you learn 326 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: as a parent in general, but that you don't automatically 327 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 1: get down time on weekends and both parties want their 328 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: downtime to do their thing, but you sort of feel like, oh, well, 329 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 1: we should be together and we should be with the kids, 330 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 1: like if we're off doing our work during the week, 331 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 1: and so nobody winds up planning for that or asking 332 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: for that, and then you both are kind of resentful 333 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 1: at the end of the day of like, well, who 334 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: was with the toddler moore, or who took more time 335 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: or whatever. Talk it through. I mean, when you're planning 336 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: your weekends, say like I would really love to have 337 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: two hours to read. Can you take the baby for 338 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: two hours? And then I will take the baby for 339 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: two hours, And so each of us gets two hours 340 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: to do whatever we want, and there's not this argument 341 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 1: about it or bad feelings or like passive aggressive sort 342 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: of like oh here I am with the kid. You know, 343 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: if you can avoid that marital discord by talking through 344 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: it ahead of time, that's great, and you know, build 345 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 1: in time for family stuff too, but make sure you 346 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: get your downtime right. I mean yeah, and I will say, 347 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: you know on that note, because I said lying around 348 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: and you mentioned not being able to lie around with 349 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: a little one, You're very right about that. I mean, 350 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: you can, but only if you've like expended all of that. 351 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 1: You have to sort of be thoughtful about it. So 352 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: either it's lying around time in the morning for an 353 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: hour or two because you know they have their favorite 354 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: shows to watch and you're gonna like have them watch 355 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: that mood. That's gonna be their screen time so that 356 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: you can lie around, or they're still napping and you're 357 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 1: gonna use their nap or you know that they're gonna 358 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: kind of play in a more relaxed way after using 359 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: all of their energy like a water park that day. 360 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: So there is there is something to be said for 361 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 1: like tiring them out and getting out and doing something 362 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,160 Speaker 1: on purpose to kind of make that lazy time happen 363 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 1: because it is not going to happen automatically, and it 364 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: is not going to happen for the entire day. So 365 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,359 Speaker 1: unless you do it like a trade off, which also 366 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: we do all the time. We do it to exercise, 367 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:21,919 Speaker 1: We do it because we want to work, or we 368 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 1: do it because we want to you know, get a 369 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:29,159 Speaker 1: massage or just relaxing, then yeah, you don't get anything. Yeah, 370 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 1: And if you have little enough kids, I mean, nap 371 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: time is good. I like the idea of everyone having 372 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 1: quiet time during nap time. If no one naps anymore, 373 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: it's kind of harder to pull off, and then you've 374 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 1: got your whole day to do stuff anyway, so you 375 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: don't have to observe this. But if you have one 376 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: little kid at least who naps, letting the older kids 377 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: maybe have their screen time or reading time during that, 378 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: and then you can take a nap, like if you 379 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: are up early with the kid, or if you are 380 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 1: tired from the week, or you can have your reading 381 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: downtime that or heck, you can even have a couple 382 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: time during that if that's you know, another way we 383 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 1: can euphemistically nap during that time. On the weekends. I 384 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 1: love it, but just that you have time for something 385 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,199 Speaker 1: else and make the most of that uh downtime that 386 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: you do have, even with little kids, it can go 387 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 1: a long way to making weekends feel a lot better. 388 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: My heart goes out to people whose kids like won't nap, 389 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: because that must be really no. I mean, like I've 390 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: been lucky, like you know ours up until the age 391 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,399 Speaker 1: where they sort of can play, they napped. But I 392 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: know that's not true for everybody. So yeah, there's lots 393 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 1: of things those people have every right to use screen 394 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,200 Speaker 1: time on how you get that out there, or for 395 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: baby sitting or friends and family or what exactly, like 396 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: you're having a play date exactly. But now there's certainly 397 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: obviously things on weekends that you may not want to do. 398 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,160 Speaker 1: We've been talking about planning fun stuff on the weekend, 399 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 1: and you know, many weekends wind up being consumed with 400 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:55,159 Speaker 1: sporting activities or birthday parties or whatever else that are 401 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,159 Speaker 1: sort of have to do. Sometimes it's that there's a 402 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: major chore that has to be taken care of, especially 403 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: people who have to be in the office during the 404 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 1: week with very little flexibility. Maybe there's things that have 405 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: to happen on the weekend in terms of errands or 406 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 1: chores or getting a plumber out if they can come 407 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 1: on Saturday, or something like that. So do you have 408 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: any good tips for dealing with those things? My mind 409 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: was lost in thinking about the parents who have their 410 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,679 Speaker 1: kids and travel teams where they're doing the entire weekend, 411 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 1: and how can I avoid that, and how can I 412 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: talk about that without having it in that my children 413 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: are related to me and so their athletic ability is limited. 414 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,400 Speaker 1: So I'm pretty sure there will be no travel teams 415 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 1: in our future, which is what I was upside. I 416 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: was thinking about that, which is even though like I 417 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: don't I don't feel personally qualified to speak on it, 418 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,400 Speaker 1: but I was just thinking about how if that ever 419 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,159 Speaker 1: did become an issue, I would be like the carpool lady, 420 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: So like, if my kid is going to travel every week, 421 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: I'm going to find four other families on that team 422 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 1: so that I'm only doing it one and of every 423 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 1: four weeks. Because as much as I want to be supportive, 424 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,199 Speaker 1: I have three kids and I have myself to think 425 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 1: about two, and I I'm not going to spend like 426 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 1: the entire day at a soccer field or whatever whatever 427 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 1: it maybe I think it's important. I mean, yeah, so 428 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,239 Speaker 1: if you have to be gone the whole weekend for that, 429 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,199 Speaker 1: that's one thing. But for many kids sports, it's at 430 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 1: least relatively limited. And so even if something like a 431 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: four hours of swim meet sounds really horrible, I'm long 432 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: and all that, it's there's a lot of time between 433 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,960 Speaker 1: six pm Friday and six am Monday. So yes, that 434 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 1: is true, sixty hours of which you are awake for 435 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,159 Speaker 1: you know, thirty six of them. I guess if you 436 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 1: sleep eight hours at night, So four hours of thirty 437 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: six devoted to the swim meet is not all weekend. 438 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,400 Speaker 1: Whereas you know, it becomes easy to be like, oh, 439 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,359 Speaker 1: I've spent the whole weekend at a swim meet. Well, no, 440 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,639 Speaker 1: it wasn't the whole weekend at the swim meet. It 441 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,000 Speaker 1: was four hours. And there's often stuff you could hear 442 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 1: that narrative a lot. I hear that narrative a lot 443 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: in these traveling sports teams, and I'm like, well, you've 444 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 1: signed up for it. But then again, I don't know 445 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: how I might feel if my child gets very intensely 446 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,919 Speaker 1: into it. But then if it's really for the child, 447 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 1: then then that's fine, you wouldn't mind if your carpooling. 448 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 1: I would mind if you're carpooling, And no, I got 449 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,920 Speaker 1: it in a lot of reading time this year at 450 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: my seven year old did wrestling, and so I'd go 451 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:09,480 Speaker 1: to wrestling meets, usually on Saturday mornings, and I'd read 452 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: because I didn't have the two year old with me, 453 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,400 Speaker 1: and so it was time I could relax other than 454 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: watching him do his you know, matches. But those were 455 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 1: only three minutes maybe three he'd do in the course 456 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,920 Speaker 1: of the morning, So there was a lot of downtime. 457 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,959 Speaker 1: And if you think about how you want to use that, 458 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: you can use it really well. I mean, you could 459 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,239 Speaker 1: go for a walk outside the venue. I mean, if 460 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,719 Speaker 1: you're at some place pretty, if you're like at a college, 461 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: there's often walking trails near that, or you could walk 462 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 1: around campus, or maybe even run if you plan for that. Yeah, 463 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 1: that's true. That could be perfect running opportunity. Actually, that 464 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:44,120 Speaker 1: makes sense. Exercising things like chores and errands, I mean, 465 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,400 Speaker 1: as much as possible. I always encourage people to try 466 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: and compress that. I mean, a lower your standards, like 467 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 1: just the house does not have to be spotless, but 468 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 1: it might help to say, okay, well, if we do 469 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,080 Speaker 1: want to vote some weekend time to making this place 470 00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,920 Speaker 1: look presentable, maybe we're going to give ourselves a nine 471 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: minute window and we're gonna set a timer. We're all 472 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: gonna do our chores during that ninety minutes, and when 473 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 1: it's done, it's done. And if it didn't get done 474 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: during that time, probably it wasn't the most important chore 475 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 1: to have happened, And that way it's not bleeding into 476 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: the entire rest of the weekend. Yeah, I'm somebody who's 477 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 1: like I'm tempted to kind of like continually clean up 478 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: the house, like if we do st We had a 479 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,360 Speaker 1: weekend recently when people weren't feeling well in the house, 480 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 1: so we didn't get out as much, just not to 481 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 1: spread our gross germs everywhere. And I like had to 482 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 1: resist the temptation to like clean up every two hours. 483 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 1: Number One, I don't want to teach my kids that 484 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 1: like they have someone following around them cleaning up after them, 485 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 1: because that's terrible. And number two, like it literally was 486 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 1: never ending because like they were playing a new thing. 487 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,400 Speaker 1: I mean, so I sort of told myself, Okay, you're 488 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: going to clean up at the end of the day. 489 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,440 Speaker 1: It's going to take thirty minutes. You can play a 490 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 1: podcast while it happens, and you can play our podcast. Well, 491 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 1: you can play our pack. It was totally doable, and 492 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 1: it really didn't matter that our house looked like crazy 493 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 1: the rest of the time because whatever they were playing 494 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,679 Speaker 1: and like no one was looking at it anyway. And 495 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 1: that's the thing. I mean, if you were cleaning up 496 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 1: every two hours, like two hours later, it was just 497 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 1: gonna be as messy as it was before, like those 498 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,880 Speaker 1: magnetiles as nature of cores a vacuum, like it's gonna fill. Yeah, exactly. 499 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: So just relax as much as possible. Errands as well, 500 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: It might be helpful to say there's a time for errands, 501 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: and we're just going to do our best not to 502 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 1: do errands at other points. Maybe compress the chores and 503 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: errands on one day so the other day is completely 504 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 1: open from those sorts of things. Well, Sarah, I can 505 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,120 Speaker 1: order everything online. Order everything online. That's so much better too, 506 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 1: Amazon Prime. That could be another love of the week. 507 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,640 Speaker 1: But speaking of our love of the week, I bet 508 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 1: some of those toys that came on that weekend. What's 509 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,680 Speaker 1: your love of the week this week, what do you have? Yes, 510 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: you love that segue. My love of the week is magnetiles. 511 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:57,680 Speaker 1: So anybody who has a child ages one through well, 512 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 1: I can say at least one through five because I've 513 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,120 Speaker 1: my kids play with them all through those ages, although 514 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 1: I don't see the obsession ending anytime soon. They're these 515 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: little flat magnetized shapes that can be put together in 516 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,639 Speaker 1: all kinds of different configurations. You can make castles, you 517 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 1: can make walls, you can make buildings. They stick together 518 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 1: very easily. They last forever. So I'm actually thinking about 519 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 1: trying to look towards eBay to expand my collection, because 520 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, these probably don't go bad, and they are 521 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,399 Speaker 1: fairly expensive. I am not kidding when I say that, 522 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 1: Like I could probably like get rid of most of 523 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,120 Speaker 1: our other toys, and as long as we still have those, 524 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: my kids would not notice. They just they are just 525 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 1: like they that is just what they've been doing. And 526 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: it's not like I can safely say it's not a 527 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 1: phase because I have pictures of us doing this when 528 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,680 Speaker 1: they were like one and three. Although I will say, 529 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 1: like the one year olds tend to be more of 530 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,360 Speaker 1: the knocking down than the building, but now that they're 531 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,680 Speaker 1: both old enough to be constructing, Like they'll just sit 532 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: there for hours, and even I like playing with them, 533 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,120 Speaker 1: like it's sort of unmeditating, that's right, So Magnetiles's that's 534 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: I check them out, check them out. I know I 535 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,159 Speaker 1: probably have some kids wo'd play with them. So my 536 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: love of the week. We're recording this in August. They 537 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 1: know this will be released in September, but we're still 538 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 1: out of school here. We start after Labor Day and 539 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,920 Speaker 1: it's at this point of the summer that everything's kind 540 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 1: of winding down. Sometimes there aren't even camps these last 541 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 1: weeks because some of the districts start earlier. So a 542 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,880 Speaker 1: friend of ours who has two kids the same age 543 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 1: as two of my kids, is hosting an informal camp 544 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: at their house, and so she hired a couple of 545 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 1: college students to supervise her three kids, and then a 546 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:39,239 Speaker 1: handful of their friends, and so we're all chipping in 547 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,879 Speaker 1: money to help defray the cost of supplies and paying 548 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,160 Speaker 1: these college students. But my kids love it, like this 549 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,359 Speaker 1: is possibly their favorite camp of the summer. They did 550 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,560 Speaker 1: this last year and they're doing it this year, and 551 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 1: it's because it is so informal, like they just play 552 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: in the mud with their friends for six hours. Like 553 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 1: there's no oh, let's try to make this educational, or 554 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,879 Speaker 1: we have a theme this week. It's just we're playing 555 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,919 Speaker 1: with our friends in the backyard. We're having a great time. 556 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 1: And there's something to be said for that. I mean, 557 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 1: you know, we probably have a lot of structured stuff 558 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,680 Speaker 1: even for young kids these days, with activities and camps 559 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 1: and you know, with school having homework at relatively young ages, 560 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,680 Speaker 1: and part of that's just the way the world is. 561 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 1: But stuff like this reminds me of how much fun 562 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: kids can have when they have a little bit less 563 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 1: of that in their time. And yeah, it's still a camp, 564 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 1: like we plan to bring them at nine and pick 565 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 1: them up at three, but it's been a lot of 566 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: fun for them, I guess. In the same vein, two 567 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 1: of my kids decided to make this giant fort in 568 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: the basement out of a box that we bought a 569 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: sofa from Ikea, and we just never got rid of 570 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 1: the box, so it's just been sitting in the basement 571 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,639 Speaker 1: for the past two months. And they took the box 572 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: and they made this fort and they put two sleeping 573 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,400 Speaker 1: bags in it. And pillows and a flashlight and their 574 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: water bottles and they have actually slept in it the 575 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,560 Speaker 1: past two nights in the basement. I totally did not 576 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 1: think that would work, but it did. Like they went 577 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 1: down at a normal bedtime and they got up at 578 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,560 Speaker 1: a normal wake up time and they are just happy 579 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 1: as clam. So here's to some structured So forget bunk beds. 580 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 1: I can just put my kids in a box. I 581 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,399 Speaker 1: love it. But your kids in a box on the 582 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:28,920 Speaker 1: floor and they will be so happy. That is cool. 583 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 1: I love the camp. Yeah, so we wanted to move 584 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 1: to our Q and A, which this week also came 585 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 1: from a blog comment, but I want to remind you 586 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: all that you can submit them either to either of 587 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,480 Speaker 1: our blogs or to our social media. We are always 588 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 1: looking for good questions to discuss on this podcast. This 589 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:52,200 Speaker 1: one was what are creative ways working moms with multiple 590 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 1: kids have to spend individual and special time with each 591 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,680 Speaker 1: And I wanted to direct that mostly at Laura because 592 00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 1: mine are little and there's only two of them so far, 593 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,720 Speaker 1: but she kind of has the whole spread and I 594 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 1: think she has some interesting ideas about this. So yeah, 595 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:10,080 Speaker 1: So my kids are ten, seven, five and two, and 596 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 1: the two year old takes a lot of time and attention, 597 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: partly for being two, and also he's just kind of 598 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 1: a more needy, energetic child, And so it has actually 599 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 1: required some focused effort to make sure that I am 600 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: not neglecting my older children, because when the two year 601 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,200 Speaker 1: old is sleeping or with somebody else, that mean my 602 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 1: first impulse is just to kind of sit down and 603 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,440 Speaker 1: shut myself in a room and get away from it 604 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: all because I need downtime after dealing with him. But 605 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 1: of course I do like to spend time with my 606 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,960 Speaker 1: older kids, and they're getting a lot more fun at 607 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: this age too, So there's a couple of things we do, 608 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: both macro and more micro. The macro, which we discussed 609 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: on an earlier podcast, is that I try to do 610 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 1: mommy days, which with each of the three big kids 611 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 1: during the summer. So I know I have a very 612 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 1: flexible job, and I know many of our listeners have 613 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 1: a little bit less flexibility. But what I try to 614 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: have it almost everybody has paid him off. Yeah, pay 615 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 1: time Brandy kind of company. You can plan days off, 616 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: you can play. Before I went eighty percent, I could 617 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 1: say like I'm taking a day off a month using 618 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 1: my days. Yeah, and so I plan ahead of time 619 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: for a day that a kid doesn't have camp and 620 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 1: I can not have work on that day. I'll move 621 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,280 Speaker 1: stuff to other days and I will take the kids 622 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: one on one somewhere they want to go. And so 623 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 1: that's generally been an amusement park. We've gone to Hershey Park, 624 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 1: We've gone to Dutch Wonderland. Last year, my then nine 625 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: year old wanted to go to Washington, d C. To 626 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: see the zoo there, so I took him down for that. 627 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 1: We used points on Amtrak because I had all these 628 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,040 Speaker 1: Amtrak points, so you know, we could make it relatively 629 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: affordable for the day too. But it's just so nice 630 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 1: you get to spend one on one time with each kid. 631 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,440 Speaker 1: Then you don't have to have these fights at the 632 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,960 Speaker 1: amusement park of like, oh I want to do the 633 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 1: arcades while this other person wants to do the kidde rides. 634 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,720 Speaker 1: Like you just do what that kid wants to do. 635 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 1: And so we had a lot of great conversations. But 636 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be major or things like that either. 637 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 1: I think sort of taking opportunities to just get one kid. So, 638 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: for instance, if you are going to run an errand 639 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 1: try to bring one kid with you and then you 640 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,360 Speaker 1: can talk in the car. Or if you are you know, 641 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 1: running one kid to an activity and not having others 642 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 1: with you, if you can leave others with your partner 643 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 1: or with a sitter, then you get that time to 644 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: talk with them. I try to have a little bit 645 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,720 Speaker 1: of one on one time at night with the kids. 646 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 1: So I put my five year old daughter to bed 647 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: before the boys and my older boys, and so she 648 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,240 Speaker 1: and I have some story time and we have our ritual. 649 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 1: I have to take the bad dreams out of her head. 650 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,080 Speaker 1: So I have this whole thing where I'm finding the 651 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:40,160 Speaker 1: bad dreams behind her ears and under her pillows. I'm 652 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,560 Speaker 1: finding the bad dreams behind her stuffed animals ears and 653 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 1: under her stuffed animals pills. It's a little bit elaborate 654 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 1: at this point, but whatever, it seems to work. So 655 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 1: then we throw the bad dreams away and then kiss 656 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 1: and say good night. So that's, you know, time that 657 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: they chat. And my ten year old will come and 658 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 1: talk to me at night, and sometimes it's a little like, oh, 659 00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: I want to be done, Like I want to be 660 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: done with kids at nine thirty at night, and he's 661 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 1: not done for the night yet, But I'm telling myself, 662 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: you know, I bet in four years he will not 663 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: want to do this, like he will not want to 664 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 1: come talk to me about his life, and so I 665 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: should just embrace it and you know, sit and have 666 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: a chat and he'll tell me about his five favorite 667 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: things that happened that day. He loves lists, and so 668 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 1: just trying to seize those opportunities when they arise and say, oh, look, 669 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 1: I have one kid in front of me right now. 670 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 1: What would happen if I just gave this one kid 671 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 1: my full attention and it doesn't have to be much 672 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,560 Speaker 1: like three minutes honestly goes a long way toward making 673 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 1: them feel like they are truly there with you. Yeah, 674 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,560 Speaker 1: and you can learn a lot about what's going on 675 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,440 Speaker 1: with them in that time if they're in the mood 676 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 1: to share, because if they're figured out that like either 677 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:51,520 Speaker 1: they are or they really aren't, they may not be 678 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: yes exactly. All right, Well, thank you so much for listening. 679 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,080 Speaker 1: This has been episode six talking about what makes a 680 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,240 Speaker 1: good weekend. As always, we'd love to hear your tips 681 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,520 Speaker 1: on what you think makes a good weekend too. You 682 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 1: can email me El Vandercam at yahoo dot com or 683 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: visit us on social media. Thanks so much for listening. 684 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,720 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 685 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:21,480 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 686 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura Vandercam dot com. 687 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 688 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 689 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:33,040 Speaker 1: life work together.