WEBVTT - Constance Wu 0:00:00.640 --> 0:00:03.440 There's something about a fitted sheet. It feels personal, and 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:06.480 it also felt just like bad design, and that nobody 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:08.319 thought it through and that there are all kinds of 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:11.840 ramifications that passed me off. I've looked up on the 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:14.360 internet how to do it, and I get there's a way, 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:17.680 but it's not really exactly how I would want it 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:24.440 to be. It's not neat. Hello, I'm Mini Driver. Welcome 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:28.840 to Many Questions, Season two. I've always loved Prust's question 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:33.000 that it was originally a nineteenth century parlor game where 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:36.360 players would ask each other thirty five questions aimed at 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:40.560 revealing the other players true nature. It's just the scientific 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:44.479 method really. In asking different people the same set of questions, 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:48.200 you can make observations about which truths appeared to be universal. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:52.080 I love this discipline, and it made me wonder, what 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:54.880 if these questions were just the jumping off point, what 0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:58.360 greater depths would be revealed if I asked these questions 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:02.760 as conversation starters with thought leaders and trailblazers across all 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:06.399 these different disciplines. So I adapted prus questionnaire and I 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:09.120 wrote my own seven questions that I personally think a 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:12.360 pertinent to a person's story, they are, when and where 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:15.240 were you happiest? What is the quality you like least 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:19.760 about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:23.880 What question would you most like answered? What person, place, 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.920 or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:29.520 your last meal? And can you tell me something in 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:33.240 your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:37.720 I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:40.319 I am honored and humbled to have had the chance 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:42.920 to engage with. You may not hear their answers to 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:46.319 all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:50.760 which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising, 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:57.200 or created the most fertile ground to connect. My guest 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:01.520 today is actor Constance Will. Constance has starred in the 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:05.120 Film's Crazy Rich, Asan's Hustlers, and the TV series Fresh 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.560 off the Boat. She's been included in Time Magazine's list 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:11.480 of the hundred most Influential people in the World, and 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.880 she has just had a new book published. Her book, 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:18.080 Making a Scene is a series of essays that delve 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.760 into her memories of childhood, young love and heartbreak, and more. 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:26.920 Devastatingly sexual assault and harassment. It was really interesting reading 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:31.440 about her experience of life inside Hollywood, and her stories 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:33.960 offer a behind the scenes look at being Asian American 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:37.560 in the entertainment industry and the continuing evolution of her 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:40.920 own identity and influence in the public eye. We bonded 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:45.160 over a shared love of Marjorie Williams two book, The 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:54.640 Velveteen Rabbit, and I really really enjoyed our conversation. What relationship, 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.760 real or fictionalized, defines love for you? I write about 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:02.080 this in my book. There is a chapter called real Love, 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:06.000 and it's actually about my pet bunny rabbit. And I'm 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:09.000 not saying that my pet bunny rabbit epitomizes real love, 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:11.520 because I've had greater love affairs than the one with 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:14.560 my pet. But in the end, I talked about a 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:18.080 section in that children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit, Oh Yeah, 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:21.680 where he talks about what is real and what is 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:24.200 real love and it's not about how you're made. And 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:26.959 the skin horse says something like, usually by the time 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.760 you're real, all your hair has been loved off and 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.280 your eyes have dropped down, and you're really shabby, and 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.800 it hurts sometimes but it doesn't matter because by the 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:38.240 time you're real, that kind of thing doesn't matter. And 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:41.600 if somebody thinks that matters, then they just don't understand. 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.600 That story, I think really epitomizes real love. Velveteen Rabbit. 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:47.840 I think that was probably the first book that I 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:52.600 cried with my mother about. It's beautiful. That's such a 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:56.040 gentle choice of definition of love and of a book 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:58.520 as well. It's funny the wisdom you find in a 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:02.440 kid's book. I you don't think you would, but then 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.600 there's just such moving wisdom, and Velveteen Rabbit it's a 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:11.240 perfect example of that. I agree. It's beautiful and really sad. 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.640 We read that along with this book called The Water Babies, 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:19.880 which is another unfathomably English book that is super super sad. 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:22.520 But you think it's a kid's book about kids who 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:25.520 were like chimney sweeps. You know, in the Victorian era 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:28.080 they would send little children because they were tiny and 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.080 they could fit up the chimneys and they could clean 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:33.320 them out. My god, there's a uniquely British sort of 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:36.479 torture small children. Anyway, it's about one of these little 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.039 chimney sweeps and how he comes down into the bedroom 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:42.920 of this girl in the fancy house and becomes her friend. 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:45.640 And it is about friendship and about love. But of course, 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.039 because it's I guess it was written in like the 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:50.800 nine twenties, Like the Child. He dies in the end, 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.280 and I remember like closing the book and being like, 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:56.320 you can't this can't be real, Like he can't actually, 0:04:56.640 --> 0:04:59.280 he can't actually die, And my mother was like, yes, 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:05.440 he he did. Shall we watch Sesame Storie? But you 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:07.600 know why, this is how children's books are deep, because 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.080 it's like, these are real life things that happen that 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.440 you know, children are going to have to understand. I mean, 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:14.400 I got to read that book man now the water 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:17.400 the Water Babies. It's called The Water Babies, and it's 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:19.960 listen when I say that he dies, he does die, 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:21.600 because I did a lot of reception to the book. 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.560 But there's this whole world that he goes into underneath 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:27.480 the water, and you realize that it's the death process, right, 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.000 it's a metaphor. And he finds all these characters and 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:32.120 all these people, and you realized that the writer was 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.119 really trying to say that there is freedom and death 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:36.359 from the kind of the poverty and oppression of the 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:40.200 suffering of human experience. However, as a little child, it's 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:43.120 pretty devastating. But also I don't know, it stayed with 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.080 me my whole life in the same way. Those are 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:47.240 the two books, The Velveteen Rabbit and the Water Babies, 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:49.800 with the two books from my childhood that I will 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:52.400 reread them and love them. And there's a reason why 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.480 they're classics, because they're able to just hit that spot 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:59.040 in your heart. Exactly. I'm gonna go and reread it's 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:03.559 your bunny current. Yes, she's still downstairs right now. She's 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:07.599 nine years old. Funny, does she go to set with you? Ever? 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.880 She does? She she comes in my trailer almost every day. 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:12.960 And her eye has also dropped out, just like the 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:16.040 velveteen rabbit. She only has one eye didn't drop out. 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:17.880 I had to remove it because she had like a 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:22.279 cataract and like whatever. But it's funny, the parallel. It 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:26.520 is funny the parallels in Chinese astrology. Are you a rabbit? 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:29.640 I wish? No, I'm a dog? What are you? I'm 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:34.360 a dog? Really? Oh, that's funny, so cool. But they 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:36.920 get on really well with rabbits, Yes they do. And 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:40.480 everybody loves a dog who doesn't love a dog. Bad people, Yeah, 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:48.760 bad people don't like dogs. That's it. Sorry? Will you 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:52.960 tell me where and when you were happiest? Probably right 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:55.719 after I pooped out a baby. It is exactly like 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:58.560 pooping out, isn't it. Nobody talks about that enough. The 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:01.279 nurse I was like holding my leg as she was like, 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:04.240 it's like you're taking a big poop. It's like she 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:07.360 kept saying that as I was pushing did you I 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:09.360 got so scared that that was what was going to happen. 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.400 I was like, I just don't want to pooh on 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.640 the doctor. I don't want to do that whole thing. 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:18.160 I accepted that it was going to happen because they 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:20.520 because everybody told me, like, you know what, it's going 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:23.040 to happen. So and I don't know if it happened obviously, 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:24.960 because like you know, I had never darl and like, 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:27.000 they're not going to tell you that. The doctor is 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:28.800 not going to be like by the way, you ship 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:33.600 right in front of me, you ship the bed. Yeah, 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.320 it's like I also shot a baby, man, like, come on, 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.240 not shot, but terrible. But I pushed out a baby. 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:43.520 Definitely my happiest moment because in the aftermath of oh 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.880 my god, I got it out mixed in with oh, 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.520 I have my dear little baby, yeah, who you've been 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.640 waiting to me for like nine months. And she was 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:55.200 so like not that babies can see when they're first born, 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:58.240 but she was so like in wonder of the world 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:01.320 and like taking it in and like it was just 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:04.120 the most beautiful thing to see and to hold her 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:07.080 against your skin and like to see that face, this 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.560 person you've been carrying inside you. I mean, it's there's 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:13.000 it's truly the happiest ever. It is right they told 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.440 me I was having a girl. The doctor had told 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:19.760 me the wrong thing. I wasn't surprised. I wanted love 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:21.840 to be the first word that she heard when she 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.480 came out. So as I was like having the baby 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:30.240 and pushing, I was like, and I pushed the baby 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:32.560 and it's a boy. And my mother goes, oh my goodness, 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:36.839 it's a boy. And I went, what the that's amazing. 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:40.120 So that was the first thing my son heard. But 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:43.320 it is it's remarkable like that. It's certainly these little aliens. 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.920 But isn't that that the perfect encapsulation of life sometimes 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:51.200 is love? And what the fuck, I mean together and 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.400 also happiness. I was just talking to my friend Fern today. 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:57.280 We are so obsessed with the idea that happiness is 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.400 not an adjunct to all the other ships. It's the 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.440 bit that saves us, but it's often the kind of 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:05.679 corridor through all the stuff that doesn't work out. The 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:09.439 idea of that being untainted, that love being untainted by 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:12.160 what the funk is ridiculous. Their part in parcel. They 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:15.720 don't exist without each other and probably symbiotic and wouldn't 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:18.480 exist without the other one. Yeah, it's like light doesn't 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:21.120 exist without dark. Dark doesn't as well light. You gotta 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:24.840 find gratitude for both things. How does that happen? Though? 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:26.680 I feel like in this day and age they wouldn't 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:29.679 see on the ultrasound like, oh no, actually we're wrong, 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.800 this isn't it, Like that's crazy. Well, it turns out 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.959 with all the love in the world. And I'm not 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.160 even gonna name check him because I love him and 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:40.360 he's still delivering babies. But he was like the gaff 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:44.240 doctor of all time, Like he told more people like 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.120 the gender when they didn't want to know the thing 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:49.720 with the thing, there was a whole lot of kind 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:54.600 of Mr Magooism around my beautiful o G. So he 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:56.199 told me I was having a girl, and then I 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:59.680 burst into tears because I don't want to know. And 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.800 so then he wrote on my chart never mentioned the 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:04.880 gender again. So then all the other ultra sounds they 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:06.800 could see, but he completely forgotten that he said it 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:08.160 was a girl, they could see that it was a boy, 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.760 and nobody said anything ever again until I had the baby. 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:28.280 That makes sense. What question would you most like answered? 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:32.440 How a full defended sheet? I don't know me you 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:34.200 can have that because I'm with you on that one. 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.320 I've looked up on the internet how to do it, 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:40.520 and I guess there's a way, but it's not really 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.680 exactly how I would want it to be, Like it's 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:46.520 not neat. I agree with you. And also I don't 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:48.840 accept the imperfection, like I think we all spend a 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.840 lot of time trying to accommodate imperfection, and we're told 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:55.199 that everything is imperfect, which is completely accurate. There's something 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.080 about a fitted sheet. It feels personal, and it also 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:01.079 feels just like bad design and that nobody thought it 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.600 through and that there are all kinds of ramifications that 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.680 passed me off. Yeah, that's one, that's the practical one. 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.200 You know. There's an ex lover of mine who had 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.000 a very long love it there off and on for 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.319 over a decade. I write about him in my book 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.640 and the final time we broke up because any times, 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:19.880 you know, he said he didn't want to commit because 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:23.360 he was trying to protect himself from being hurt. And 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:27.960 I wonder if that worked out for him, if he 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:30.440 suffered over it, because I I don't nestally have a 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.880 feeling that you can't ever protect yourself from pain without 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:37.200 blocking yourself from love. So I have a feeling that 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:41.119 he still does suffer over it. So the pain protection 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:44.880 plan didn't work. So if it didn't work, then why 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.480 not just choose love if pain is going to happen anyway, 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:50.760 because at least then you have both. But I truly 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:53.120 wonder because I don't know, because I I don't talk 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.360 to him anymore, and not because we're on bad terms, 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:57.160 we're not, but because it was just like you know, 0:11:57.200 --> 0:11:59.200 when you have a connection with somebody that's so deep 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:02.000 that even talking to them resparks this thing that you 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:03.839 can't you know, it's not gonna work out. Because we 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:05.760 tried a million times, so it's just like, all right, 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.360 this is my kryptonite. So maybe let's just like not. 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:10.800 But you know, I'll always love him and Cary love 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:13.320 for him and want nothing but happiness for him. So 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:16.520 I do genuinely wonder if he ever suffered over it, 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:20.600 if his pain protection plan worked or not. I wonder. Wow, 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:24.720 I don't know, like I wonder in the absence of vulnerability, 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:27.160 I don't know. I don't think you can get the 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:31.439 full experience of anything without a certain level of vulnerability. 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.240 I really don't. Yeah, I would say that in my 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:38.840 tennis lessons, all the way through to love and shopping, 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:42.400 there has to be a level of revealing the soft underbelly. 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.439 I think, yeah, you have to. It's like the light 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.959 the dark. Like we said earlier, one doesn't exist without 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:48.960 the others. So you have to accept both in order 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:51.240 to have the full experience. But I think I use 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:55.520 he didn't think so, so you know, so I wonder. 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:57.920 I don't know. I had that with a dude. I 0:12:57.960 --> 0:12:59.520 had that with a dude, And it's so funny it 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:03.480 came around and like literally eighteen years later of him 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:06.040 coming and saying, this is why that happened, and he 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:07.800 didn't end up with someone that he loved. He ended 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:09.720 up with somebody who could accommodate the way in which 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:11.959 he wanted to live his life. And he was like, 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.800 I never wanted to be in love with you, because 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:16.560 if I was in love with you, I know I 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:18.400 would have hurt you because it was all this other 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:20.760 stuff that I couldn't do. I couldn't let it in. 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.520 But there was something about the acknowledging that was satisfying, 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:26.880 you know, and me and this guy he did do 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:30.840 that also ten years later after our first breakup, and 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:32.440 so then I was like, oh my god, this is 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.920 finally the time. And I thought he had changed, but 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:38.400 he had changed enough that he could understand that, but 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:42.560 fears and ego eventually crept in and he wasn't able 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:47.040 to sustain it. But I'm proud of myself because, you know, 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:50.680 I basically like let him break my heart three times 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:54.760 over the course of fifteen years, every time thinking something 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.679 would change. But I guess it didn't. I guess history 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:00.240 repeats itself, which is why I'm not talking to him 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.520 ever again, because well, let's not repeat more history, right, well, 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.600 and you never run into him, no, no, he lives 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:09.160 in New York, first of all, and you know we 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.079 run in very different circles. Great, I think that whole 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.760 definition of insanity of like doing the same thing over 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:18.280 and over again and expect sometimes you have to just 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.960 admit that with people. But it's hard because you always 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.120 think you want to be able to accommodate change and 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.680 growth and the idea that that is possible, but I think, honestly, 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.560 sometimes it isn't. And also, like I could believe that 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.400 he's changed without having to be there to witness it. 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:35.520 I could think about, like, oh, you know what, that's 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.160 why the answer to your question is I wonder if 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:41.120 that's worked out for him, because I know that he 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:43.200 was working on things and I do wish nothing but 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:45.280 the best for him. But I could still hold faith 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:47.120 that his life is going to work out in a 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:49.840 beautiful way without having to be the one who's around 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:52.520 when it works out that way, because that's part of 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:55.000 my ability to change too, right to not engage in 0:14:55.040 --> 0:15:03.640 that again? Yeah, yeah, what quality do you like at 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.880 least about yourself? I could be a little impatient with 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:11.760 people or just in general with tasks, you know, And 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.800 I'm just thinking, like asking your boyfriend to take out 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:18.720 the garbage. That's the thing that that should be done 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:23.040 when it's asked for, not three days later, when more 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:25.440 garbage is piled up, and then he's like, oh, but 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.000 I did take it out, and I'm like, yes, three 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:31.320 days after I asked you. You know, these very common 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:35.000 domestic squabbles. But yeah, sort of like to do list 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.400 type of things that should seem very ordinary. I get 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:42.720 impatient when they're procrastinated. Can I ask you, because I 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.840 know that you come from a lot of women in 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:49.800 your family? Yes, do you have four sisters or three? 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:51.920 Your one of four? I'm one of four, so four 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:55.240 girls in my family. So is everybody very different or 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.680 is that something that came from your family of Listen, 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:01.040 there ain't time. There's too many kids. There's too much 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:02.880 stuff to be done, and if I ask you to 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.240 do something, you better do it right. Then. I feel 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.160 like half and half. I feel like two of us 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:10.440 are kind of impatient with tasks and the other two 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:14.520 are much more relaxed about it. I guess you have 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:19.520 to have someone to be impatient with. Yeah, yeah, there's 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.600 two pairs of us. So it's like my older two 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:25.240 sisters are only a year apart, and myself and my 0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:27.240 younger sister are only two years apart, and there's a 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.880 big gap in the middle. So I feel like each 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.760 pair balances each other out. So in the older pair, 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:37.160 there's somebody who's more on task and somebody who's more relaxed, 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.000 and then the younger pair, like I'm the extrovert, my 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.240 little sister is the introvert. We kind of balanced each 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.720 other out, is how it worked. That's really cool. I 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.640 like that. Yeah, me and my sister sometimes we switch roles. 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:50.800 That's the weird thing. Sometimes I'll be the taskmaster and 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:54.440 she'll be the supplicant, and then we flip. It's interesting. 0:16:55.240 --> 0:17:04.240 I think I drive insane. What would be your last meal? Oh? 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:09.600 Probably Japanese chicken curry. It's like a comfort food for me, 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:11.800 and my mom used to make that. Like I just 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.240 even thinking about how she would be, like browning the 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:17.159 onions in the skillet before making it. I love it. 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:19.520 It's so good. Does she teach you how to cook? No, 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:23.240 you don't cook. I don't cook. She taught me a 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:25.280 little bit of a little bit. I take it back, 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:27.040 she tried to teach me how to cook. I didn't 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.720 pay attention. Did she teach your younger sister? No, My 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.919 younger sister is probably the same as me. My older 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:36.440 two sisters are much better cooks, and I think she 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.000 probably taught them better. I feel like the older kids 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:41.520 they have a more thorough experience with everything, right, because 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:43.639 by the younger kids, the parents are like fuck it, 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:47.919 I get on with it. I'm exhausted. Yeah, like do 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.040 whatever you want? You care? Yeah, exactly. It's funny. My 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.440 son is becoming a better cook. Now. How old is 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:57.960 he was fourteen yesterday? Oh my god, yeah, it's bananas. 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:02.760 Has gone by so fast that I know. It's crazy. 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:06.359 You don't feel you just don't feel any older. I 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.000 don't feel any older. I don't feel any different. I 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:10.920 don't feel any different than I was when I was 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:13.760 twenty six. I mean, thank god, I am very different, 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.119 but I don't feel any different at all from the 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:17.840 day that I had him. And it's the weirdest thing. 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:19.800 In the new sneakers that I gave him, he is 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:22.680 now taller than me. Oh my god, it's amazing. It's crazy, 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:26.040 Like I'm they're still going do you remember when we did? 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:29.040 And he's like, yeah, I totally remember that. It was awesome. 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:33.560 Now burgers and I'm like, oh, I suppose so. And 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:36.600 now he takes my hand across the street. Oh my god, 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:41.000 like I'm a little old lady. It's the nicest thing 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:45.400 I have to say. How beautiful he's fantastic. How old 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:48.600 is your daughter? She just turned to My god, she's 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:52.320 a baby, but oh my god. It's so fun though, 0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:54.959 just watching her become a person, to go from this 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:57.920 little nugget to like, the other day, I gave her 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:00.840 my almost empty Lacroix plan because as if I give 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:02.880 her a full one, she'll just dump the whole thing out. 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:04.720 And she she like took it and trying to simp 0:19:04.720 --> 0:19:09.800 from it. Then she goes nothing there. You know, this 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:11.720 is a two year old, you know, like she still 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.040 goes in the corner to announce that she's pooping, you know, 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.640 like in her diaper. Oh my god, I love it. 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.080 I know, it's really fun. Nothing there. You can't fool me. 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:24.800 There's nothing nothing here, nothing in this scan. I know. 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:27.840 They do go from being these like little drunk blobes 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:30.960 totally just sort of teaching, and then suddenly they turn 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:33.760 around and they're like and they also remember they're getting 0:19:33.760 --> 0:19:36.880 the measure of us. That's sort of watching and observing 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:38.560 and going like, I know this person is going to 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:42.919 give me absolutely everything. How can I manipulate the rest 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.399 out of them? Yeah, they're clever, They're clever and smart, 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:51.600 and we made them. Yeah, and it's our own fault. 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:05.119 In your life. Can you tell me about something that 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:09.919 has grown out of a personal disaster? Um? Yeah, you know, 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:12.280 you know, I mentioning my book a lot, but because 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:14.679 my book is very formative for me, and there's a 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:17.359 chapter in which I talk about a thing that happened 0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:19.880 to me in eighth grade that I could never get 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:22.800 over the pain of. And I've had objectively worse things 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.119 happened to me in my life. It was just basically 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:27.720 teacher accusing me of not really writing my term paper 0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:31.280 and like plasiarizing. But it's something that like I just 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:34.479 could never get over, from when I'm twelve to now 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:38.560 when I'm forty, still can't get over. But in the 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:41.639 process of writing it, I took the time to think 0:20:41.680 --> 0:20:44.040 about how it also helped me in a way that's 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:48.000 so obvious right that I can't believe it took me, 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:50.919 you know, almost thirty years to realize because you know, 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:53.440 she thought I plas your eyes. She didn't have any 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:56.000 proof because I didn't plas your eyes. So what she 0:20:56.080 --> 0:20:57.960 did was she went to all my other teachers and 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:00.679 made them say to my face, like, don't believe you're 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:03.399 good enough to have written it. And that was her proof, 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:05.840 I know, to make me cry even talking about it now, 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:09.719 because it was like, because you can't find the proof, 0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:12.120 you know, you're going to make all the teachers say 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:15.320 to my face, you're not good enough. But the only 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:17.639 teacher who believed that I was good enough to have 0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:20.440 written it was my drama teacher. And I'm like, oh 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:23.040