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Speaker 1: There's something about a fitted sheet. It feels personal, and

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Speaker 1: it also felt just like bad design, and that nobody

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Speaker 1: thought it through and that there are all kinds of

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Speaker 1: ramifications that passed me off. I've looked up on the

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Speaker 1: internet how to do it, and I get there's a way,

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Speaker 1: but it's not really exactly how I would want it

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Speaker 1: to be. It's not neat. Hello, I'm Mini Driver. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to Many Questions, Season two. I've always loved Prust's question

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Speaker 1: that it was originally a nineteenth century parlor game where

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Speaker 1: players would ask each other thirty five questions aimed at

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Speaker 1: revealing the other players true nature. It's just the scientific

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Speaker 1: method really. In asking different people the same set of questions,

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Speaker 1: you can make observations about which truths appeared to be universal.

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Speaker 1: I love this discipline, and it made me wonder, what

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Speaker 1: if these questions were just the jumping off point, what

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Speaker 1: greater depths would be revealed if I asked these questions

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Speaker 1: as conversation starters with thought leaders and trailblazers across all

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Speaker 1: these different disciplines. So I adapted prus questionnaire and I

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Speaker 1: wrote my own seven questions that I personally think a

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Speaker 1: pertinent to a person's story, they are, when and where

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Speaker 1: were you happiest? What is the quality you like least

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Speaker 1: about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you?

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Speaker 1: What question would you most like answered? What person, place,

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Speaker 1: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be

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Speaker 1: your last meal? And can you tell me something in

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Speaker 1: your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And

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Speaker 1: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that

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Speaker 1: I am honored and humbled to have had the chance

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Speaker 1: to engage with. You may not hear their answers to

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Speaker 1: all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to

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Speaker 1: which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising,

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Speaker 1: or created the most fertile ground to connect. My guest

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Speaker 1: today is actor Constance Will. Constance has starred in the

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Speaker 1: Film's Crazy Rich, Asan's Hustlers, and the TV series Fresh

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Speaker 1: off the Boat. She's been included in Time Magazine's list

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Speaker 1: of the hundred most Influential people in the World, and

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Speaker 1: she has just had a new book published. Her book,

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Speaker 1: Making a Scene is a series of essays that delve

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Speaker 1: into her memories of childhood, young love and heartbreak, and more.

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Speaker 1: Devastatingly sexual assault and harassment. It was really interesting reading

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Speaker 1: about her experience of life inside Hollywood, and her stories

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Speaker 1: offer a behind the scenes look at being Asian American

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Speaker 1: in the entertainment industry and the continuing evolution of her

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Speaker 1: own identity and influence in the public eye. We bonded

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Speaker 1: over a shared love of Marjorie Williams two book, The

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Speaker 1: Velveteen Rabbit, and I really really enjoyed our conversation. What relationship,

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Speaker 1: real or fictionalized, defines love for you? I write about

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Speaker 1: this in my book. There is a chapter called real Love,

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Speaker 1: and it's actually about my pet bunny rabbit. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying that my pet bunny rabbit epitomizes real love,

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Speaker 1: because I've had greater love affairs than the one with

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Speaker 1: my pet. But in the end, I talked about a

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Speaker 1: section in that children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit, Oh Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where he talks about what is real and what is

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Speaker 1: real love and it's not about how you're made. And

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Speaker 1: the skin horse says something like, usually by the time

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Speaker 1: you're real, all your hair has been loved off and

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Speaker 1: your eyes have dropped down, and you're really shabby, and

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Speaker 1: it hurts sometimes but it doesn't matter because by the

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Speaker 1: time you're real, that kind of thing doesn't matter. And

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Speaker 1: if somebody thinks that matters, then they just don't understand.

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Speaker 1: That story, I think really epitomizes real love. Velveteen Rabbit.

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Speaker 1: I think that was probably the first book that I

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Speaker 1: cried with my mother about. It's beautiful. That's such a

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Speaker 1: gentle choice of definition of love and of a book

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Speaker 1: as well. It's funny the wisdom you find in a

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Speaker 1: kid's book. I you don't think you would, but then

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Speaker 1: there's just such moving wisdom, and Velveteen Rabbit it's a

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Speaker 1: perfect example of that. I agree. It's beautiful and really sad.

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Speaker 1: We read that along with this book called The Water Babies,

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Speaker 1: which is another unfathomably English book that is super super sad.

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Speaker 1: But you think it's a kid's book about kids who

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Speaker 1: were like chimney sweeps. You know, in the Victorian era

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Speaker 1: they would send little children because they were tiny and

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Speaker 1: they could fit up the chimneys and they could clean

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Speaker 1: them out. My god, there's a uniquely British sort of

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Speaker 1: torture small children. Anyway, it's about one of these little

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Speaker 1: chimney sweeps and how he comes down into the bedroom

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Speaker 1: of this girl in the fancy house and becomes her friend.

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Speaker 1: And it is about friendship and about love. But of course,

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Speaker 1: because it's I guess it was written in like the

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Speaker 1: nine twenties, Like the Child. He dies in the end,

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Speaker 1: and I remember like closing the book and being like,

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Speaker 1: you can't this can't be real, Like he can't actually,

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Speaker 1: he can't actually die, And my mother was like, yes,

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Speaker 1: he he did. Shall we watch Sesame Storie? But you

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Speaker 1: know why, this is how children's books are deep, because

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Speaker 1: it's like, these are real life things that happen that

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Speaker 1: you know, children are going to have to understand. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I got to read that book man now the water

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Speaker 1: the Water Babies. It's called The Water Babies, and it's

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Speaker 1: listen when I say that he dies, he does die,

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Speaker 1: because I did a lot of reception to the book.

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Speaker 1: But there's this whole world that he goes into underneath

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Speaker 1: the water, and you realize that it's the death process, right,

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Speaker 1: it's a metaphor. And he finds all these characters and

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Speaker 1: all these people, and you realized that the writer was

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Speaker 1: really trying to say that there is freedom and death

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Speaker 1: from the kind of the poverty and oppression of the

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Speaker 1: suffering of human experience. However, as a little child, it's

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Speaker 1: pretty devastating. But also I don't know, it stayed with

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Speaker 1: me my whole life in the same way. Those are

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Speaker 1: the two books, The Velveteen Rabbit and the Water Babies,

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Speaker 1: with the two books from my childhood that I will

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Speaker 1: reread them and love them. And there's a reason why

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Speaker 1: they're classics, because they're able to just hit that spot

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Speaker 1: in your heart. Exactly. I'm gonna go and reread it's

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Speaker 1: your bunny current. Yes, she's still downstairs right now. She's

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Speaker 1: nine years old. Funny, does she go to set with you? Ever?

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Speaker 1: She does? She she comes in my trailer almost every day.

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Speaker 1: And her eye has also dropped out, just like the

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Speaker 1: velveteen rabbit. She only has one eye didn't drop out.

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Speaker 1: I had to remove it because she had like a

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Speaker 1: cataract and like whatever. But it's funny, the parallel. It

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Speaker 1: is funny the parallels in Chinese astrology. Are you a rabbit?

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Speaker 1: I wish? No, I'm a dog? What are you? I'm

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Speaker 1: a dog? Really? Oh, that's funny, so cool. But they

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Speaker 1: get on really well with rabbits, Yes they do. And

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Speaker 1: everybody loves a dog who doesn't love a dog. Bad people, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: bad people don't like dogs. That's it. Sorry? Will you

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Speaker 1: tell me where and when you were happiest? Probably right

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Speaker 1: after I pooped out a baby. It is exactly like

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Speaker 1: pooping out, isn't it. Nobody talks about that enough. The

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Speaker 1: nurse I was like holding my leg as she was like,

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Speaker 1: it's like you're taking a big poop. It's like she

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Speaker 1: kept saying that as I was pushing did you I

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Speaker 1: got so scared that that was what was going to happen.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I just don't want to pooh on

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Speaker 1: the doctor. I don't want to do that whole thing.

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Speaker 1: I accepted that it was going to happen because they

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Speaker 1: because everybody told me, like, you know what, it's going

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Speaker 1: to happen. So and I don't know if it happened obviously,

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Speaker 1: because like you know, I had never darl and like,

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Speaker 1: they're not going to tell you that. The doctor is

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Speaker 1: not going to be like by the way, you ship

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Speaker 1: right in front of me, you ship the bed. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like I also shot a baby, man, like, come on,

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Speaker 1: not shot, but terrible. But I pushed out a baby.

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Speaker 1: Definitely my happiest moment because in the aftermath of oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I got it out mixed in with oh,

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Speaker 1: I have my dear little baby, yeah, who you've been

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Speaker 1: waiting to me for like nine months. And she was

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Speaker 1: so like not that babies can see when they're first born,

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Speaker 1: but she was so like in wonder of the world

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Speaker 1: and like taking it in and like it was just

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Speaker 1: the most beautiful thing to see and to hold her

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Speaker 1: against your skin and like to see that face, this

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Speaker 1: person you've been carrying inside you. I mean, it's there's

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Speaker 1: it's truly the happiest ever. It is right they told

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Speaker 1: me I was having a girl. The doctor had told

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Speaker 1: me the wrong thing. I wasn't surprised. I wanted love

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Speaker 1: to be the first word that she heard when she

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Speaker 1: came out. So as I was like having the baby

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Speaker 1: and pushing, I was like, and I pushed the baby

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Speaker 1: and it's a boy. And my mother goes, oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: it's a boy. And I went, what the that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: So that was the first thing my son heard. But

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Speaker 1: it is it's remarkable like that. It's certainly these little aliens.

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Speaker 1: But isn't that that the perfect encapsulation of life sometimes

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Speaker 1: is love? And what the fuck, I mean together and

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Speaker 1: also happiness. I was just talking to my friend Fern today.

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Speaker 1: We are so obsessed with the idea that happiness is

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Speaker 1: not an adjunct to all the other ships. It's the

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Speaker 1: bit that saves us, but it's often the kind of

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Speaker 1: corridor through all the stuff that doesn't work out. The

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Speaker 1: idea of that being untainted, that love being untainted by

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Speaker 1: what the funk is ridiculous. Their part in parcel. They

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Speaker 1: don't exist without each other and probably symbiotic and wouldn't

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Speaker 1: exist without the other one. Yeah, it's like light doesn't

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Speaker 1: exist without dark. Dark doesn't as well light. You gotta

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Speaker 1: find gratitude for both things. How does that happen? Though?

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Speaker 1: I feel like in this day and age they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: see on the ultrasound like, oh no, actually we're wrong,

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Speaker 1: this isn't it, Like that's crazy. Well, it turns out

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Speaker 1: with all the love in the world. And I'm not

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Speaker 1: even gonna name check him because I love him and

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Speaker 1: he's still delivering babies. But he was like the gaff

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Speaker 1: doctor of all time, Like he told more people like

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Speaker 1: the gender when they didn't want to know the thing

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Speaker 1: with the thing, there was a whole lot of kind

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Speaker 1: of Mr Magooism around my beautiful o G. So he

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Speaker 1: told me I was having a girl, and then I

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Speaker 1: burst into tears because I don't want to know. And

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Speaker 1: so then he wrote on my chart never mentioned the

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Speaker 1: gender again. So then all the other ultra sounds they

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Speaker 1: could see, but he completely forgotten that he said it

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Speaker 1: was a girl, they could see that it was a boy,

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Speaker 1: and nobody said anything ever again until I had the baby.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense. What question would you most like answered?

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Speaker 1: How a full defended sheet? I don't know me you

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Speaker 1: can have that because I'm with you on that one.

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Speaker 1: I've looked up on the internet how to do it,

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Speaker 1: and I guess there's a way, but it's not really

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Speaker 1: exactly how I would want it to be, Like it's

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Speaker 1: not neat. I agree with you. And also I don't

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Speaker 1: accept the imperfection, like I think we all spend a

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Speaker 1: lot of time trying to accommodate imperfection, and we're told

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Speaker 1: that everything is imperfect, which is completely accurate. There's something

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Speaker 1: about a fitted sheet. It feels personal, and it also

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Speaker 1: feels just like bad design and that nobody thought it

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Speaker 1: through and that there are all kinds of ramifications that

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Speaker 1: passed me off. Yeah, that's one, that's the practical one.

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Speaker 1: You know. There's an ex lover of mine who had

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Speaker 1: a very long love it there off and on for

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Speaker 1: over a decade. I write about him in my book

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Speaker 1: and the final time we broke up because any times,

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Speaker 1: you know, he said he didn't want to commit because

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Speaker 1: he was trying to protect himself from being hurt. And

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Speaker 1: I wonder if that worked out for him, if he

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Speaker 1: suffered over it, because I I don't nestally have a

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Speaker 1: feeling that you can't ever protect yourself from pain without

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Speaker 1: blocking yourself from love. So I have a feeling that

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Speaker 1: he still does suffer over it. So the pain protection

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Speaker 1: plan didn't work. So if it didn't work, then why

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Speaker 1: not just choose love if pain is going to happen anyway,

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Speaker 1: because at least then you have both. But I truly

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Speaker 1: wonder because I don't know, because I I don't talk

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Speaker 1: to him anymore, and not because we're on bad terms,

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Speaker 1: we're not, but because it was just like you know,

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Speaker 1: when you have a connection with somebody that's so deep

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Speaker 1: that even talking to them resparks this thing that you

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Speaker 1: can't you know, it's not gonna work out. Because we

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Speaker 1: tried a million times, so it's just like, all right,

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Speaker 1: this is my kryptonite. So maybe let's just like not.

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Speaker 1: But you know, I'll always love him and Cary love

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Speaker 1: for him and want nothing but happiness for him. So

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Speaker 1: I do genuinely wonder if he ever suffered over it,

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Speaker 1: if his pain protection plan worked or not. I wonder. Wow,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like I wonder in the absence of vulnerability,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think you can get the

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Speaker 1: full experience of anything without a certain level of vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: I really don't. Yeah, I would say that in my

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Speaker 1: tennis lessons, all the way through to love and shopping,

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Speaker 1: there has to be a level of revealing the soft underbelly.

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, you have to. It's like the light

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Speaker 1: the dark. Like we said earlier, one doesn't exist without

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Speaker 1: the others. So you have to accept both in order

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Speaker 1: to have the full experience. But I think I use

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Speaker 1: he didn't think so, so you know, so I wonder.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I had that with a dude. I

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Speaker 1: had that with a dude, And it's so funny it

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Speaker 1: came around and like literally eighteen years later of him

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Speaker 1: coming and saying, this is why that happened, and he

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Speaker 1: didn't end up with someone that he loved. He ended

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Speaker 1: up with somebody who could accommodate the way in which

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Speaker 1: he wanted to live his life. And he was like,

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Speaker 1: I never wanted to be in love with you, because

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Speaker 1: if I was in love with you, I know I

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Speaker 1: would have hurt you because it was all this other

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Speaker 1: stuff that I couldn't do. I couldn't let it in.

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Speaker 1: But there was something about the acknowledging that was satisfying,

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Speaker 1: you know, and me and this guy he did do

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Speaker 1: that also ten years later after our first breakup, and

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Speaker 1: so then I was like, oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: finally the time. And I thought he had changed, but

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Speaker 1: he had changed enough that he could understand that, but

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Speaker 1: fears and ego eventually crept in and he wasn't able

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Speaker 1: to sustain it. But I'm proud of myself because, you know,

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Speaker 1: I basically like let him break my heart three times

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Speaker 1: over the course of fifteen years, every time thinking something

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Speaker 1: would change. But I guess it didn't. I guess history

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Speaker 1: repeats itself, which is why I'm not talking to him

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Speaker 1: ever again, because well, let's not repeat more history, right, well,

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Speaker 1: and you never run into him, no, no, he lives

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Speaker 1: in New York, first of all, and you know we

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Speaker 1: run in very different circles. Great, I think that whole

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Speaker 1: definition of insanity of like doing the same thing over

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Speaker 1: and over again and expect sometimes you have to just

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Speaker 1: admit that with people. But it's hard because you always

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Speaker 1: think you want to be able to accommodate change and

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Speaker 1: growth and the idea that that is possible, but I think, honestly,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it isn't. And also, like I could believe that

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Speaker 1: he's changed without having to be there to witness it.

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Speaker 1: I could think about, like, oh, you know what, that's

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Speaker 1: why the answer to your question is I wonder if

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Speaker 1: that's worked out for him, because I know that he

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Speaker 1: was working on things and I do wish nothing but

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Speaker 1: the best for him. But I could still hold faith

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Speaker 1: that his life is going to work out in a

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Speaker 1: beautiful way without having to be the one who's around

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Speaker 1: when it works out that way, because that's part of

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Speaker 1: my ability to change too, right to not engage in

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Speaker 1: that again? Yeah, yeah, what quality do you like at

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Speaker 1: least about yourself? I could be a little impatient with

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Speaker 1: people or just in general with tasks, you know, And

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Speaker 1: I'm just thinking, like asking your boyfriend to take out

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Speaker 1: the garbage. That's the thing that that should be done

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Speaker 1: when it's asked for, not three days later, when more

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Speaker 1: garbage is piled up, and then he's like, oh, but

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Speaker 1: I did take it out, and I'm like, yes, three

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Speaker 1: days after I asked you. You know, these very common

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Speaker 1: domestic squabbles. But yeah, sort of like to do list

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Speaker 1: type of things that should seem very ordinary. I get

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Speaker 1: impatient when they're procrastinated. Can I ask you, because I

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Speaker 1: know that you come from a lot of women in

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Speaker 1: your family? Yes, do you have four sisters or three?

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Speaker 1: Your one of four? I'm one of four, so four

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Speaker 1: girls in my family. So is everybody very different or

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Speaker 1: is that something that came from your family of Listen,

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Speaker 1: there ain't time. There's too many kids. There's too much

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Speaker 1: stuff to be done, and if I ask you to

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Speaker 1: do something, you better do it right. Then. I feel

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Speaker 1: like half and half. I feel like two of us

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Speaker 1: are kind of impatient with tasks and the other two

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Speaker 1: are much more relaxed about it. I guess you have

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Speaker 1: to have someone to be impatient with. Yeah, yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: two pairs of us. So it's like my older two

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Speaker 1: sisters are only a year apart, and myself and my

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Speaker 1: younger sister are only two years apart, and there's a

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Speaker 1: big gap in the middle. So I feel like each

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Speaker 1: pair balances each other out. So in the older pair,

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Speaker 1: there's somebody who's more on task and somebody who's more relaxed,

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Speaker 1: and then the younger pair, like I'm the extrovert, my

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Speaker 1: little sister is the introvert. We kind of balanced each

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Speaker 1: other out, is how it worked. That's really cool. I

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Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, me and my sister sometimes we switch roles.

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Speaker 1: That's the weird thing. Sometimes I'll be the taskmaster and

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Speaker 1: she'll be the supplicant, and then we flip. It's interesting.

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Speaker 1: I think I drive insane. What would be your last meal? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Probably Japanese chicken curry. It's like a comfort food for me,

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Speaker 1: and my mom used to make that. Like I just

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Speaker 1: even thinking about how she would be, like browning the

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Speaker 1: onions in the skillet before making it. I love it.

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Speaker 1: It's so good. Does she teach you how to cook? No,

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Speaker 1: you don't cook. I don't cook. She taught me a

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Speaker 1: little bit of a little bit. I take it back,

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Speaker 1: she tried to teach me how to cook. I didn't

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Speaker 1: pay attention. Did she teach your younger sister? No, My

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Speaker 1: younger sister is probably the same as me. My older

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Speaker 1: two sisters are much better cooks, and I think she

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Speaker 1: probably taught them better. I feel like the older kids

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Speaker 1: they have a more thorough experience with everything, right, because

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Speaker 1: by the younger kids, the parents are like fuck it,

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Speaker 1: I get on with it. I'm exhausted. Yeah, like do

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Speaker 1: whatever you want? You care? Yeah, exactly. It's funny. My

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Speaker 1: son is becoming a better cook. Now. How old is

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00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,960
Speaker 1: he was fourteen yesterday? Oh my god, yeah, it's bananas.

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Speaker 1: Has gone by so fast that I know. It's crazy.

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Speaker 1: You don't feel you just don't feel any older. I

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00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 1: don't feel any older. I don't feel any different. I

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00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,920
Speaker 1: don't feel any different than I was when I was

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Speaker 1: twenty six. I mean, thank god, I am very different,

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Speaker 1: but I don't feel any different at all from the

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Speaker 1: day that I had him. And it's the weirdest thing.

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Speaker 1: In the new sneakers that I gave him, he is

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Speaker 1: now taller than me. Oh my god, it's amazing. It's crazy,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm they're still going do you remember when we did?

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Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, I totally remember that. It was awesome.

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Speaker 1: Now burgers and I'm like, oh, I suppose so. And

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Speaker 1: now he takes my hand across the street. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: like I'm a little old lady. It's the nicest thing

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Speaker 1: I have to say. How beautiful he's fantastic. How old

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Speaker 1: is your daughter? She just turned to My god, she's

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Speaker 1: a baby, but oh my god. It's so fun though,

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Speaker 1: just watching her become a person, to go from this

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Speaker 1: little nugget to like, the other day, I gave her

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Speaker 1: my almost empty Lacroix plan because as if I give

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Speaker 1: her a full one, she'll just dump the whole thing out.

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Speaker 1: And she she like took it and trying to simp

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Speaker 1: from it. Then she goes nothing there. You know, this

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00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,720
Speaker 1: is a two year old, you know, like she still

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Speaker 1: goes in the corner to announce that she's pooping, you know,

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00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,640
Speaker 1: like in her diaper. Oh my god, I love it.

364
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,080
Speaker 1: I know, it's really fun. Nothing there. You can't fool me.

365
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 1: There's nothing nothing here, nothing in this scan. I know.

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Speaker 1: They do go from being these like little drunk blobes

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Speaker 1: totally just sort of teaching, and then suddenly they turn

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Speaker 1: around and they're like and they also remember they're getting

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00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,880
Speaker 1: the measure of us. That's sort of watching and observing

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Speaker 1: and going like, I know this person is going to

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Speaker 1: give me absolutely everything. How can I manipulate the rest

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Speaker 1: out of them? Yeah, they're clever, They're clever and smart,

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Speaker 1: and we made them. Yeah, and it's our own fault.

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Speaker 1: In your life. Can you tell me about something that

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00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:09,919
Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster? Um? Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mentioning my book a lot, but because

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Speaker 1: my book is very formative for me, and there's a

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Speaker 1: chapter in which I talk about a thing that happened

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Speaker 1: to me in eighth grade that I could never get

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Speaker 1: over the pain of. And I've had objectively worse things

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00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: happened to me in my life. It was just basically

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Speaker 1: teacher accusing me of not really writing my term paper

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Speaker 1: and like plasiarizing. But it's something that like I just

384
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Speaker 1: could never get over, from when I'm twelve to now

385
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Speaker 1: when I'm forty, still can't get over. But in the

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00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 1: process of writing it, I took the time to think

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Speaker 1: about how it also helped me in a way that's

388
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 1: so obvious right that I can't believe it took me,

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Speaker 1: you know, almost thirty years to realize because you know,

390
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 1: she thought I plas your eyes. She didn't have any

391
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Speaker 1: proof because I didn't plas your eyes. So what she

392
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 1: did was she went to all my other teachers and

393
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,679
Speaker 1: made them say to my face, like, don't believe you're

394
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 1: good enough to have written it. And that was her proof,

395
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: I know, to make me cry even talking about it now,

396
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,719
Speaker 1: because it was like, because you can't find the proof,

397
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Speaker 1: you know, you're going to make all the teachers say

398
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: to my face, you're not good enough. But the only

399
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 1: teacher who believed that I was good enough to have

400
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: written it was my drama teacher. And I'm like, oh

401
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: my god, how did it take me thirty years to

402
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,199
Speaker 1: realize that the only teacher and I didn't used to

403
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,439
Speaker 1: want to be an actress who believed in me was

404
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 1: my drama teacher and I ended up becoming an actress.

405
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,399
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like, it's crazy to think about, but

406
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,159
Speaker 1: that's like basificly something that has stuck with me, and

407
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 1: I didn't realize for thirty years how it has shaped

408
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 1: me and helped me in a way that I really

409
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,920
Speaker 1: appreciate because I was just focusing on the pain of

410
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: it so much. I'm really sorry that happened. Oh it's okay. No,

411
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,159
Speaker 1: it's the worst. It's the word to be accused of

412
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 1: something that you didn't do, and to not be able

413
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Speaker 1: to put that down. That eighth grade teacher and my

414
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: drama teacher, Mr. Frazell, who believed in me, that really

415
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: altered my life. Did you talk to your drama teacher

416
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: about that whole thing? He unfortunately passed away. I looked

417
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 1: back for him when I was writing it, and I

418
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 1: realized and he passed away. I think you like a

419
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: heart attack a while ago. So that made me very sad.

420
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Speaker 1: But the teacher who accused me, I did not when

421
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: I wrote it. But I did reach out to her

422
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 1: ten years after it happened, when I was in college

423
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 1: and going through a lot of therapy because it's still

424
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: within my heart, and I called the into years trying

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00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 1: to prove to her. I was like, hey, remember me

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00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 1: in eighth grade. I really wrote that and it was

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00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: wrong of you to do that to a kid, like,

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00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 1: oh my god. I tried to give her a piece

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00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 1: of my mind. It didn't work. Writing me essay was

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00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 1: much more healing. Yeah, I bet I'm glad that you

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00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: did that. Yeah, And I wish that Mr. Frazell was

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00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 1: still alive for me to thank him, but by the

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00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 1: time I wrote that and realized that he had passed away. Unfortunately.

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00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 1: It's amazingly gifts. I mean, I hope everybody has a

435
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: teacher like that. I don't think everybody does, but I

436
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: certainly had a couple. It's so meaningful. It stays with you,

437
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 1: like whatever it is they gave you, or they defended

438
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: for you or they helped shape, stays with you for

439
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 1: you whole entire life, the whole life. Yeah, I was

440
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 1: writing your book enormously cathartic because there you are, actually

441
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: like to write a book like, it's quite something, I think,

442
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: to tell your stories to open up. Did that feel

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00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: like it answered some of that in a larger way

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00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 1: for yourself? Yeah, because I might have told that story

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00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 1: million times in therapy. The telling of it versus the

446
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 1: putting it down in language makes you think about it

447
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 1: in a different way, and it actually makes it kind

448
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: of more real. It's funny because it's like, sometimes it

449
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: feels like physical wounds feel more real than emotional wounds

450
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: because you have the scar to prove it right, But

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00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: emotional wounds have just as much of an effect on you,

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00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,439
Speaker 1: and it's almost feels like putting it down in written

453
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 1: language is like the physical proof that it happened to you.

454
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: And I think that's why it was healing, because it

455
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: opens the wound into like the physical area, so you like, oh,

456
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: see it, this is a thing that happens. Now that

457
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: I've put it in language, I can help give it

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00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: the time and carrot needs to heal. And so it was. Yes,

459
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: talk is great. I've been a therapy for like decades

460
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: and I love it, but writing it down in language

461
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,479
Speaker 1: is something that is definitely very underrated. And with healing,

462
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: talking is more cathartic. Writing was more healing. Yeah, that's

463
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 1: a really good way of putting it. Talking is cathartic.

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00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:28,640
Speaker 1: Writing is healing. Yes, exactly. I was told to journal.

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00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 1: It's hard. I was told to journal so often and

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00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: it's so hard to do it. But it was actually

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00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: easy to then go. You know, it's not the journaling.

468
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 1: I need to write these hard stories like I need

469
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 1: to or I want to try, And I think exactly

470
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: what you're saying, you need a structure to it. Yes,

471
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: isn't it interesting that rather than it like calcifying as

472
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 1: you say it, like I love the idea of words

473
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: of scar tissue of proof of emotional trauma, even with

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00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: a small tea or a big tea. Constance, thank you

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00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: so much. I so appreciate your time. It's great talking

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00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 1: to you. It really is fantastic. Thank you. I appreciate

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00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 1: that you can enjoy more of Constance's stories in her

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00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: new book, Making a Scene Out Now. Mini Questions is

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00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: hosted and written by Me Mini Driver, supervising producer Aaron Kaufman,

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00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 1: Producer Morgan Levoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry

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00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: Baby by Mini Driver, Additional music by Aaron Kaufman. Executive

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00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,920
Speaker 1: produced by Me Mini Driver. Special thanks to Jim Nikolay,

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00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella and Nique Oppenheim

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00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 1: at w kPr, de La Pescador, Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg,

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00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: and for constantly solicited tech support, Henry Driver