Speaker 1: What's up, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast America's favorite
Speaker 1: podcast in the whole world. I'm just kidding. I made
Speaker 1: that up. Probably America's most unprepared podcast podcast, so we
Speaker 1: could probably follow in that category. What I do here
Speaker 1: is I answer your questions, which is why I'm not prepared,
Speaker 1: because I think it's better if I'm not. Because you
Speaker 1: ask me a question anything could be about any subject,
Speaker 1: and you email it podcast at grangersmith dot com. That's
Speaker 1: an email podcast at grangersmith dot com, and I will
Speaker 1: answer it as unpreparedly as I can, because that would
Speaker 1: mean that would that would make it more like you
Speaker 1: and I are sitting in the cap of a truck
Speaker 1: and you ask me a question. We're driving down a
Speaker 1: back road and you say, hey, man, could I run
Speaker 1: something bio something that's been bothering me? And in that situation,
Speaker 1: I would not be prepared. I would say, shoot, tell me,
Speaker 1: and you would dump it on me, and I would
Speaker 1: give you my best advice as a friend with a
Speaker 1: biblical worldview, sitting firmly on a biblical worldview, and try
Speaker 1: to to continue to direct you back towards what I
Speaker 1: firmly believe is the right, the true worldview. That's the
Speaker 1: introduction of trying to explain why I like to keep
Speaker 1: this loose. Okay, let's go to the first question, and
Speaker 1: it comes from Katie. It says, Hey, Grangeer, this is Katie.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight, married for sixteen years, got three kids.
Speaker 1: Both my husband and I grew up in church. My
Speaker 1: husband doesn't like most churches we have attended as an
Speaker 1: adult either. He thinks that they are slightly racist or
Speaker 1: too old school. It's interesting. He loves Jesus and praise
Speaker 1: it night like I do, although lately has been questioning
Speaker 1: the religion of Christianity. Says that Jesus was the king
Speaker 1: of the Jews and Christians in general have been evil
Speaker 1: in the past. My question is should I follow my
Speaker 1: husband and understand his questioning or find a church myself
Speaker 1: and go alone. So Katie, right off the bat, you know,
Speaker 1: we're riding in the truck, We're having this conversation, and
Speaker 1: I go, let's clarify a couple of things here you
Speaker 1: say in your little second segment. Here it says he
Speaker 1: loves Jesus and praise it night like I do. Literally,
Speaker 1: the next the next sentence is, although lately, he's been
Speaker 1: questioning the religion of Christianity, says Jesus was king of
Speaker 1: the Jews and Christians in general have been evil. So like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're trying, if you if you're
Speaker 1: trying to say that he is thinking. He's putting a
Speaker 1: separation between Jesus and Christianity, the religion which Christianity in
Speaker 1: itself means little Christ. It was that term. That phrase
Speaker 1: was originally used in a mocking way from the scoffers
Speaker 1: looking at believers in Jesus, going oh you little, you,
Speaker 1: little Christ, which is you Christians? You just try to
Speaker 1: you're trying to be like him? And to that we
Speaker 1: as Christians, we say, amen, it's a great title, you know, thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks for calling us that. You know, that's the goal.
Speaker 1: I want to be more like him. So and really
Speaker 1: that's our calling is to to be through sanctification, which
Speaker 1: after conversion, we are slowly shedding our identity with this
Speaker 1: world and gaining our identity in Christ and becoming more
Speaker 1: and more like him. And then and then when we
Speaker 1: receive new bodies and we're redeemed from this world, when
Speaker 1: we die or if he returns, then we will be
Speaker 1: like him in a glorified sense. That's getting maybe that's
Speaker 1: getting too theological for this question. But here's the deal, Katie.
Speaker 1: I don't think we overspiritualize this. I don't think we
Speaker 1: overthink this. I don't think we have to call it
Speaker 1: what it's not. I don't think we have to say
Speaker 1: things like, but he loves Jesus and praise at nine.
Speaker 1: He thinks churches are racist in old school, which is
Speaker 1: I don't think we have to say any of that.
Speaker 1: I think we just call it what is and say
Speaker 1: you need to say my husband's not a Christian. He's not,
Speaker 1: which is why all these weird questions come up, which
Speaker 1: is why he says that Christians have been evil in
Speaker 1: the past. I mean, let's think about that statement for
Speaker 1: a second. How strange that would be if you know,
Speaker 1: I've defined Christianity Christians as being little Christ and them
Speaker 1: people humans, faulty, imperfect humans, trying to emulate another, and
Speaker 1: in that messing up and and falling victim to their
Speaker 1: their their worldly, sinful, fleshly passions like we all do,
Speaker 1: and then then blaming the person that they're following for that.
Speaker 1: It's it would be like I see a kid on
Speaker 1: the street with a basketball and he has deflated the
Speaker 1: basketball and he's using it like a paddle and walking
Speaker 1: around town slapping people with it. Yeah, and he's like
Speaker 1: the kid that gets in all the trouble because he
Speaker 1: slapping everybody with a deflated bat basketball. And I look
Speaker 1: at that and I say, I never trust it. The
Speaker 1: NBA can't stand the NBA. I mean, look at that.
Speaker 1: Look at that, and you go grant to that. What
Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with the NBA at all.
Speaker 1: There's nothing at all to do with professional basketball. This
Speaker 1: is just this is a kid who's using a basketball
Speaker 1: in the wrong way. And so that's that's what I think.
Speaker 1: Every time someone says Christianity has been their Christians have
Speaker 1: been evil in the past, I say, does that surprise
Speaker 1: you that that shouldn't be surprising to anyone. What should
Speaker 1: be surprising is that any Christians are actually good at all.
Speaker 1: If you see that, you should say, that's a miracle
Speaker 1: because I knew that person before he knew Jesus. I
Speaker 1: knew that person and he was a wretch, and now
Speaker 1: look at him, he's actually kind of decent. That's a miracle.
Speaker 1: We don't say that as much usually we say the opposite,
Speaker 1: Say that person says they're a Christian, but look, they're
Speaker 1: actually a hypocrite. And to that, I say, as a
Speaker 1: Christian myself, Christians are really and should only be the
Speaker 1: only people in the world who gather together and actually
Speaker 1: realize that they are hypocrites. The rest of the world's
Speaker 1: hypocrites too, they just don't admit it. Christians should readily admit, yes,
Speaker 1: we're hypocritical. Lord help me, Lord, help me in my criticism,
Speaker 1: in my hypocriticism, Lord help me be better like we
Speaker 1: should delive in that world. We're just constantly digging and
Speaker 1: stirring and desiring more and shedding, shedding the flesh. Okay,
Speaker 1: So where does that leave you, Katie? You know, with
Speaker 1: what I've said, it leaves me with to answer your question,
Speaker 1: should I follow my husband and understand his questioning or
Speaker 1: find a church myself and go alone. Well, you can't
Speaker 1: follow your husband because he's not going anywhere. He's not
Speaker 1: going anywhere. He's he's dead in the water. He is
Speaker 1: spiritually dead, and he's he's emotionally dead for you to follow.
Speaker 1: So he's like sitting, he's like in quicksand right now,
Speaker 1: So you can't go in there with him unless and
Speaker 1: this is another conversation we would have if I was
Speaker 1: in the truck with you, I'd say, tell me about you,
Speaker 1: you know, let me know, let me know more about
Speaker 1: what's going on with you, because how do we know
Speaker 1: that you're not in the same boat. I think that's
Speaker 1: I think we would that those are questions I would ask,
Speaker 1: These are things I would wonder. And so the the
Speaker 1: answer to should I follow my husband is that's a no.
Speaker 1: When we could eliminate that, that's off the table. And
Speaker 1: then the other thing is let me let me kind
Speaker 1: of circle back to the beginning of this question where
Speaker 1: you said your husband hasn't a liked, hasn't liked most
Speaker 1: churches you've attended. He thinks they're this, or he thinks
Speaker 1: they're that, or they're just not quite as what he wants.
Speaker 1: We know now that he's not a Christian, so we
Speaker 1: know that none of those reasons matter at all, because
Speaker 1: a non Christian has no business deciding which church they
Speaker 1: will go to. Right, that's common sense? Right, that doesn't
Speaker 1: You don't have to be religious, You don't have to
Speaker 1: be a Christian at all to agree with me on
Speaker 1: that right, we could say that if you if you're
Speaker 1: not part of the religion, then you can't be part
Speaker 1: of the decision of which group of that religion to
Speaker 1: gather in. Right, That's totally obvious. And so yes too,
Speaker 1: you can continue search and you might be able to
Speaker 1: go back to some of the churches where he said
Speaker 1: he they were slightly racist. That's very strange. I would
Speaker 1: want to ask many more questions about what you mean
Speaker 1: what you mean by that, because if you take the
Speaker 1: Bible and you take it to its most logical conclusion,
Speaker 1: it could be the farthest furthest thing from racism that
Speaker 1: you could possibly find. All people are created equal in
Speaker 1: the eyes of God. That's clear. And then the old
Speaker 1: school thing, that's that's an argument that that's another interesting
Speaker 1: question I would want to ask more about because because
Speaker 1: the Bible, the message in the Bible has not changed,
Speaker 1: and so the only thing that changes really is the
Speaker 1: culture by which we apply the truth of the Bible too.
Speaker 1: And so if a church is not keeping up with
Speaker 1: the ability to apply solid, biblical, unchanging truth to an
Speaker 1: ever changing, fleety culture, if they've lost the ability to
Speaker 1: do that, and that's what you mean by old school
Speaker 1: then I agree with you. But if you mean by
Speaker 1: old school, or if your husband means by old school
Speaker 1: they sing old songs, I say, well, all songs are
Speaker 1: going to be old in ten years these days. If
Speaker 1: you say old school meaning that has old people in it,
Speaker 1: I say that's great. I want old people in the church.
Speaker 1: If you say old school in terms of they do
Speaker 1: old timey things like light candles and go through different
Speaker 1: kind of liturgy, then I say that's probably the denomination
Speaker 1: you're looking at, and not necessarily that particular style of church.
Speaker 1: Right I hope, I hope. I do this podcast, and
Speaker 1: I don't know as a whole if I'm making sense.
Speaker 1: If you're tracking with me, I hope you're tracking with me.
Speaker 1: But here's my point. Your husband's not a Christian. You
Speaker 1: might not be either. You need to keep looking for
Speaker 1: a church. Non Christian shouldn't be the deciding factor on
Speaker 1: which church they like. You have to pour yourself into
Speaker 1: a bunch of other believers. Let them bring you into
Speaker 1: the family, join them. Of course, you're not going to
Speaker 1: follow your husband. He can't follow him because he's not
Speaker 1: going anywhere. You need to love him, you need to
Speaker 1: you need to understand him. And be there for him
Speaker 1: and serve him all these things, and you need to.
Speaker 1: You could still go to church and do still love
Speaker 1: and not judge, and not be hypocritical and not push
Speaker 1: him out. You could still go to church and join
Speaker 1: a body of believers and sit under faithful teaching and
Speaker 1: have your own quiet devotional time with your own Bible
Speaker 1: and learn who God is, which we see as He's
Speaker 1: revealed himself through the Bible. We get to know who
Speaker 1: God is because He's told us about himself through the Bible.
Speaker 1: So as you start to read your Bible every morning
Speaker 1: and you learn more and more about who He is,
Speaker 1: and you surround yourself with other believers, and you still
Speaker 1: love and serve and respect with gentleness your husband. That's
Speaker 1: the best you could do. And you tell him the gospel,
Speaker 1: and then you and you pray unceasingly for his soul
Speaker 1: for salvation. And then one day he comes in and
Speaker 1: he says, you know, I gotta tell you, Katie, I've
Speaker 1: watched you and the kids go to this church, and
Speaker 1: I've watched how they have loved you and wrap their
Speaker 1: arms around you, and how you have loved them, and
Speaker 1: you've served them, and I feel left out and what
Speaker 1: I see out here in the world and everything else
Speaker 1: going on, I don't see. I don't see that. With
Speaker 1: where you are, I see something special there. And do
Speaker 1: you think I could go with you? I could join
Speaker 1: you and you could say yes. I've been waiting for
Speaker 1: you to say that, and I would say that would
Speaker 1: be a really, really good scenario to happen through this.
Speaker 1: I hope that I'm clear on this. Let's go to
Speaker 1: another question, Shelby. Hey, Granger, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: take care of this problem that I've been having. I
Speaker 1: have terrible nightmares that stem from being raped as a
Speaker 1: little kid. Then as I got older, I became addicted
Speaker 1: to pornography. I have been freed from pornography for about
Speaker 1: two and a half years now, but I continue to
Speaker 1: have frequent nightmares about fifty percent of the time. All
Speaker 1: of the nightmares that come from these two things are
Speaker 1: nearly unbearable and make it difficult for me to even
Speaker 1: try to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, these
Speaker 1: things play through my mind. I don't know what I
Speaker 1: need to do in order to make these dreams less frequent.
Speaker 1: Thanks Shelby, so sorry for this horror that sounds like
Speaker 1: you're in right now. I have two things for you
Speaker 1: right off the bat. Number one, you have to understand
Speaker 1: that God is sovereign. God is all purposing, all knowing,
Speaker 1: all powerful, sovereign over everything, including evil, including salvation of souls.
Speaker 1: He's sovereign even over free will. He's sovereign over everything
Speaker 1: that does not deny that our human responsibility to respond
Speaker 1: to him, to respond to his word, to his sovereignty
Speaker 1: as his people. But we have failed to do that.
Speaker 1: We have failed to do that in every way. Knowing this,
Speaker 1: God sent forth his son Jesus, born of woman, born
Speaker 1: under the law, to redeem those who were under the law.
Speaker 1: And he did that by living a perfect life, going
Speaker 1: to the cross, dying on the cross. Three days later,
Speaker 1: he resurrected from the cross, proving that that sacrifice on
Speaker 1: the cross was accepted by God. What does that mean.
Speaker 1: It means that he took on the punishment that we
Speaker 1: deserve for rejecting, for not responding to him. He took
Speaker 1: on that punishment onto his own body. He became sin
Speaker 1: for us so that in him we might become the
Speaker 1: righteousness of God. Peter Wrights, so that he could then
Speaker 1: reconcile us or Another word for that is he could
Speaker 1: bring us to God because we've been separated from Him
Speaker 1: through our sin and all our problems and all everything
Speaker 1: that we have done to separate ourselves from God. Jesus goes,
Speaker 1: I bring you back to him. I bring you back
Speaker 1: to Him, and I do that from the cross. So
Speaker 1: all who look to him Jesus repent, turn away from
Speaker 1: their sin and believe in him, and to turn to
Speaker 1: Jesus by faith. Then we are redeemed, which means we
Speaker 1: are justified, which is a great way of saying we're
Speaker 1: saved eternally. Our souls are safe through that. Through that
Speaker 1: being safe, that being justified, what happens to us is
Speaker 1: we are adopted as sons and daughters of God, the
Speaker 1: king of the universe. It's incredible co errs with Jesus,
Speaker 1: who he gets it by divine right as a son,
Speaker 1: and we get it as an adopted co irr, which
Speaker 1: is crazy. Heirs to the kingdom, all of it ours.
Speaker 1: And when that takes root in your heart and you
Speaker 1: begin to ponder for a moment our total depravity, our
Speaker 1: our desire to seek things like pornography like you said,
Speaker 1: or anything else that separates us from God and the
Speaker 1: fact that no matter how bad it gets for us,
Speaker 1: that Jesus comes in and goes, I die for that.
Speaker 1: I died for that. I died for that. Look to me,
Speaker 1: and you're safe, justified, redeemed, restored, forgiven, adopted, co errors
Speaker 1: your mind. Okay, So then we look to him and
Speaker 1: and when that takes root in your heart, these things
Speaker 1: just start to break their hold in us. These ideas
Speaker 1: that were that were addicted to something and we're having
Speaker 1: nightmares about something, and then everything is temporal, it's all temporary,
Speaker 1: and these temporary things they start to lose their hold.
Speaker 1: They start to just slowly break a part like old
Speaker 1: paint on a fence. It just starts to flake away.
Speaker 1: The stuff that once was just so polished and had
Speaker 1: us held and glued starts to break away and just
Speaker 1: fall off. That's what happens when the Gospel takes root
Speaker 1: in your heart. And that's why I say it to you,
Speaker 1: and that's why I repeat it to myself, and that's
Speaker 1: why I say it every time I'm on this podcast,
Speaker 1: because Paul says, the gospel is the power of God
Speaker 1: for salvation, that hearing it, hearing it is a mechanism
Speaker 1: that starts to break apart, that paint, that temporal paint
Speaker 1: in your body that just goes I am not of
Speaker 1: this world and I hear that. Now that's number one.
Speaker 1: Number two, this is getting into the realm of I
Speaker 1: would encourage professional help with this because when it starts
Speaker 1: to become outside that, when it starts to become in
Speaker 1: the in the in the world of ruining your your
Speaker 1: ruining your life, because there is a there is something
Speaker 1: that is stuck in your mind that needs to be unlodged,
Speaker 1: and it's it's a it's it's at a neural level,
Speaker 1: that's in your sleep. Then I say, there may may
Speaker 1: I'm not advocating any of this, but I'm saying there
Speaker 1: may be a doctor that needs to see you. I
Speaker 1: would say that would that would be an encouraging thing
Speaker 1: for me to tell you after you've heard the Gospel
Speaker 1: and you let that take root in your soul, I
Speaker 1: say it would It would not. It is secondary, yes
Speaker 1: to the God, but but I would say it would
Speaker 1: not be a bad thing to then see a doctor
Speaker 1: with these things. If you want to get a hold
Speaker 1: of me, go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
Speaker 1: and I could send you a video message made right
Speaker 1: here on my phone whatever you want me to say,
Speaker 1: Happy Birthday, happy anniversary. It's a great way for you
Speaker 1: and I to stay in contact and to get someone
Speaker 1: a gift that might seem to have everything. Hey, get
Speaker 1: him a gift at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: So your next question comes from anonymous here. It says,
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, I love your music and your podcast. I've
Speaker 1: been going through a tough time lately. My mom and
Speaker 1: dad got divorced when my sister and I were two.
Speaker 1: My dad has not supported me my whole life and
Speaker 1: almost puts me underneath his own needs before anything else,
Speaker 1: including his own kids. To keep this short, I have
Speaker 1: not been to the house I'm assuming his house for
Speaker 1: two years because of many situations that have happened. His
Speaker 1: parents have not been doing well lately, and I went
Speaker 1: up last year by myself to see them, and then
Speaker 1: I get yelled at by them for about two hours
Speaker 1: for not showing up from my dad and that I
Speaker 1: have not been to his house. I am torn whether
Speaker 1: to go back or not. I know I will regret
Speaker 1: one day if and when they pass and I did
Speaker 1: not see them the rest of my family supports me
Speaker 1: some more than others, but I would love to have
Speaker 1: some of your input from the outside looking in. Thanks
Speaker 1: for your time, Okay, Anonymous, appreciate you let me dive
Speaker 1: into this with the information that I know your dad
Speaker 1: is that this is a story we see, typical story
Speaker 1: a dad not in your life. I wish I knew,
Speaker 1: I wish I knew if you were male or female. No,
Speaker 1: and he's a narcissist. Sounds like, you know, your typical
Speaker 1: narcissistic dad. And then like a typical narcissistic dad, as
Speaker 1: he gets older, he starts blaming you that you don't
Speaker 1: come to his house when most of his life he
Speaker 1: has kept you out, kept you at bay and underneath
Speaker 1: his own needs. It's always interesting, but it usually happens
Speaker 1: that way. Right, he's going to blame you for abandoning
Speaker 1: him after he was never part of your life. So
Speaker 1: you go back and you visit your grandparents. Right. It's
Speaker 1: interesting that you said his parents and you didn't say
Speaker 1: my grandparents, which I don't think there's another way to
Speaker 1: look at it. Besides, they are your grandparents, but you
Speaker 1: you haven't said it that way. You didn't say that
Speaker 1: you never said it that way. Okay, So you said
Speaker 1: his parents, I've not been doing very well lately, and
Speaker 1: I went up there last year by myself and got
Speaker 1: yelled at by them for two hours for not showing
Speaker 1: up for my dad. So they don't even support you.
Speaker 1: There are probably things, Anonymous that I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: and so I don't want to assume that you're perfect here.
Speaker 1: In fact, I know I don't. I know that you're not,
Speaker 1: and that's okay, and that I don't need that information.
Speaker 1: But I will say there might be some big things
Speaker 1: that I don't know that you have done in the
Speaker 1: past and kind of riled people up, and that's why
Speaker 1: half the family is mad at you and the other
Speaker 1: half supports you. So I don't want to get too
Speaker 1: deep in this conversation without knowing you at all, without
Speaker 1: having you know all these secondary questions I have answered,
Speaker 1: But we could look at this at face value. You
Speaker 1: got yelled at them for two hours for not showing up.
Speaker 1: I'm not concerned about that. I wouldn't be concerned if
Speaker 1: you and I were talking to the truck about that,
Speaker 1: because you can't con you can even if you've done
Speaker 1: stuff in the past. You can't control if they yell
Speaker 1: at you. But what you can do is control how
Speaker 1: you respond to them. It's the only thing you have
Speaker 1: control over really in these kind of situations is how
Speaker 1: you respond to them. Are you loving? You kind? Are respectful?
Speaker 1: Are you gentle? Are you non aggressive? Or are you
Speaker 1: someone that wants to argue about every point? Are you
Speaker 1: someone that stands with no humility? In fact, you stand
Speaker 1: with some kind of fierce pride against everything that they're
Speaker 1: trying to make an accusation against you with That doesn't
Speaker 1: get you anywhere, and it doesn't prove a point for
Speaker 1: you to be the better person in this situation by
Speaker 1: standing proud and standing firm in your resolution, you know,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to family, that just doesn't get
Speaker 1: you anywhere. Instead, you come in with humility and you say, Grandma, Grandpa,
Speaker 1: I believe you're right. I have not been there for dad.
Speaker 1: And in your mind you're thinking, but because dad's a narcissist,
Speaker 1: that's why I haven't been there for him. And if
Speaker 1: he only was better to me growing up, and he
Speaker 1: wasn't and he was oppressive to me, that's why I
Speaker 1: avoid him. That's what you want to say. Just don't
Speaker 1: say it because ultimately they know this, so it doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be repeated. Instead, you say it, you know
Speaker 1: you're right, I haven't been there for him, and that's
Speaker 1: not a lie. They are right you haven't been there
Speaker 1: for him, So you're just repeating the truth, right, I
Speaker 1: haven't been there for him and a son, assuming your son,
Speaker 1: a son should be there for their dad. I want
Speaker 1: to get better at this? Can you help me get
Speaker 1: better at this? Can you imagine if you actually said
Speaker 1: it that way, in that tone, if you said that,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be yelling at you for two hours like
Speaker 1: you said here. They would have ended in ten seconds
Speaker 1: and they would have been like, oh, well, yeah, let's talk.
Speaker 1: You see how quickly it gets diffused. But it takes
Speaker 1: a measure of humility to get there, because even me,
Speaker 1: as I say that, if I'm in your situation, I
Speaker 1: have to fight this sudden urge, this pride that wells up,
Speaker 1: that goes oh, I want to fight you. You're yelling
Speaker 1: at me, so I want to yell back to prove
Speaker 1: my word. And you asked me. Look in the very
Speaker 1: last sentence, you said, I want to know your input
Speaker 1: from the outside looking in, And that's a great way
Speaker 1: to look at it, because from the outside looking in,
Speaker 1: I don't have any pride in this. I don't have
Speaker 1: any reason for you to win an argument, or for
Speaker 1: you to look good or to be held up in
Speaker 1: a nice light. That is irrelevant to me. Instead, I
Speaker 1: just I want you to have peace. I want the
Speaker 1: situation diffused. I want you to get to a place
Speaker 1: where you could to begin reconciliation with your family. And
Speaker 1: to even get there, to the position of where reconciliation
Speaker 1: can begin, somebody has to put down the pride, and
Speaker 1: like we said before, since you can't control them, it
Speaker 1: only has to be you. You're the only one that has
Speaker 1: control over your own pride. We hope and we pray
Speaker 1: that they come to the same kind of conclusion and
Speaker 1: they start welling up with their own humility and putting
Speaker 1: down their pride, humbling themselves. But you can't control that,
Speaker 1: and odds are they probably won't. So let's go to
Speaker 1: the next part of your question. You say, I'm torn
Speaker 1: whether to go back or not. I know I will
Speaker 1: regret one day if they pass and I do not
Speaker 1: see them, then that's on you. Because I believe you're right.
Speaker 1: I believe you've said it, you've typed it, you sit
Speaker 1: the email. I believe that you are you will self
Speaker 1: fulfill your own self prophecy that if they do pass,
Speaker 1: you will have a level maybe you won't be crippling,
Speaker 1: but you will have a level of regret for not
Speaker 1: going to see them. And so how do you stop that?
Speaker 1: You go and see them, You say, granted, they might
Speaker 1: yell at me for two hours. I think we kind
Speaker 1: of went down that road. I think we've figured out
Speaker 1: how to de use that. Humble yourselves. And as far
Speaker 1: as your dad, it's the same thing, and we deal
Speaker 1: with this almost every single podcast. I will say something
Speaker 1: along the lines of to forgive someone is not the
Speaker 1: same thing as trusting someone. It's not the same thing
Speaker 1: as seeing them in a different way than you ever
Speaker 1: saw them before. That's not what forgiveness means. Forgiveness doesn't mean, Dad,
Speaker 1: I forgive you and thereby see you as a different
Speaker 1: person than I used to see you, as you used
Speaker 1: to be narcissist and now you're not anymore. That's part
Speaker 1: of this forgiveness is not true. You know that everyone
Speaker 1: knows that. So forgiving your heart position is part of
Speaker 1: this humility, part of humbling yourself saying, Dad, Dad, I
Speaker 1: forgive you, and I want to be here, and you're
Speaker 1: thinking in your mind, but you've never been there for me, Dad,
Speaker 1: And you know that this forgiving doesn't change that, but
Speaker 1: it sure will give you peace, and it sure will
Speaker 1: prevent you from having that regret of not being there
Speaker 1: whenever your grandparents pass. So you go back into the fire,
Speaker 1: You humble yourself, You listen more than you talk, You
Speaker 1: fight the urge to well up in pride and lash
Speaker 1: back when they lash at you. And I think you'll
Speaker 1: walk away feeling a lot better. Next question, we have
Speaker 1: time for some more. Let's do this. Next question says
Speaker 1: Hello Grandeur. I'm currently twenty. This is from Brandon by
Speaker 1: the way, twenty years old from Missouri who is studying
Speaker 1: cybersecurity as well as at a well known university. My
Speaker 1: father has a nineteen seventy nine Chevy Camaro Z E
Speaker 1: twenty eight in the garage on Jack's It is his
Speaker 1: first ever car that he bought when he was seventeen,
Speaker 1: and he told me a lot about it. Right before
Speaker 1: I was born. He stripped the Camaro to nearly the
Speaker 1: frame and sold it all with the intention of being
Speaker 1: it being a father son project car during my teenage years. Well,
Speaker 1: a divorce happened and that never happened earlier. He told
Speaker 1: me that he's considering selling it to a scrap yard
Speaker 1: next year to free up space, since he's never been
Speaker 1: able to have the money to restore it since I
Speaker 1: was sixteen. I have dreamt of surprising him with the
Speaker 1: money to restore it, or using it using some sort
Speaker 1: of life insurance policy money to restore the Camaro, and
Speaker 1: I've even planned on putting three hundred dollars a month
Speaker 1: into savings for the next twenty years to afford a
Speaker 1: professionally built rist mood, which is around one hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: He says, I would like to talk to him about
Speaker 1: it this fall while we're out fishing. I don't really
Speaker 1: know how to convince him to keep the Camaro. He
Speaker 1: needs the space in the garage and needs every bit
Speaker 1: of the money, but I know he's emotionally attached to
Speaker 1: the car. I don't have any place to store the
Speaker 1: car now, and to counter any question about finances from
Speaker 1: you on or my father, I know that I will
Speaker 1: be well off with money, given my career path and
Speaker 1: my salary, potential, conservative spending my parents' life insurance, so
Speaker 1: money will not be an issue. Any advice on this
Speaker 1: approach would be awesome. Thank you, Brandon. All Right, let
Speaker 1: me try to follow what's going on here with you. Brandon.
Speaker 1: You think it'd be cool to restore this car. Your
Speaker 1: dad is gonna give it away because he needs the money.
Speaker 1: But you don't have the money right now. But you're
Speaker 1: saying ill because I've got I'm in a good career
Speaker 1: path and so money's not gonna be an issue. I'm
Speaker 1: kind of shocked at this one hundred thousand dollars thing?
Speaker 1: Is that right? Is that? Is that what a nineteen
Speaker 1: seventy nine Camaro fully restored cost is one hundred thousand dollars?
Speaker 1: That is insanity? Is there is there a more affordable
Speaker 1: way to bond with your dad? That's okay, that's the
Speaker 1: first question I have. Look, man, I see, I get it.
Speaker 1: It's it's an heirloom, it's a it's a piece of
Speaker 1: your dad that that you remember. I can't help but
Speaker 1: wonder though, if if it's if it's more of a
Speaker 1: challenge for you and less of a bonding thing, like
Speaker 1: maybe you just really want an awesome car. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: part of it. You're like, maybe part of you goes
Speaker 1: would be awesome to have a fully restored seventy nine Camaro,
Speaker 1: especially it's twenty years old. I mean, that's a pretty average,
Speaker 1: common twenty year old dream to have an awesome restored car.
Speaker 1: And I get it. I you know, for me, a
Speaker 1: similar situation with my dad restoring the seventy four GMC pickup,
Speaker 1: except for full value of mine restored as maybe maybe
Speaker 1: fifteen thousand bucks. So we're not talking the same game here,
Speaker 1: you know, we're talking it's not the same. And mine
Speaker 1: also was a COVID project and I had Butcher Bull
Speaker 1: my two buddies helping me restore that, and it was
Speaker 1: just in mom's barn and we did it for a
Speaker 1: YouTube project. Really, that's kind of it's different. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I would have done it in any other circumstance.
Speaker 1: And so in that way, I do relate. In that
Speaker 1: same way, I can't relate, especially to the one hundred
Speaker 1: thousand dollars thing. If you don't have the money right now,
Speaker 1: then I wouldn't rely on that money coming in one day,
Speaker 1: because that could be a major problem if you're thinking
Speaker 1: I will have the money. I know I'll have the money,
Speaker 1: and then if it doesn't come, then you're in trouble
Speaker 1: with the Camaro. So my suggestion really is simple. The
Speaker 1: most logical conclusion to this is you just meet with
Speaker 1: your dad and you tell him this why you're fishing.
Speaker 1: You say, Dad, because maybe he doesn't know this about you.
Speaker 1: Maybe he just thought no one cares. This Camaro thing
Speaker 1: was my idea. Brandon just went along with it because
Speaker 1: he's Brandon, he's my son and he loves me. But
Speaker 1: this thing is this was always my deal, and so
Speaker 1: I got to get rid of it. I need the money.
Speaker 1: Maybe if you came to him and said, Dad, I
Speaker 1: want to let you know that Kamara thing is not
Speaker 1: just your deal. I think it's a big deal to
Speaker 1: me too, and I would love the chance to be
Speaker 1: with you and restore it. By the way, I'm throwing
Speaker 1: out the idea of the professionally built risk AMoD one
Speaker 1: hundred thousand. Throw that out. This is about you and
Speaker 1: your dad bonding through this together. Tell him this. Tell
Speaker 1: him Dad, I've been thinking about putting away three hundred
Speaker 1: bucks a month. I could pay that to you if
Speaker 1: you just keep it in your garage. Let's do this Dad.
Speaker 1: I want you to know I would love to do this.
Speaker 1: And then if he says I just I can't do it, Son,
Speaker 1: I need to get rid of it, then you gotta
Speaker 1: let it go. I think you got to let it go.
Speaker 1: This is a different story right now. If you have
Speaker 1: the money, Brandon, if you have the job already, then
Speaker 1: it's a different story. So maybe you just say, okay, Dad,
Speaker 1: can you make me a deal. How about this, Dad,
Speaker 1: give me five years. Give me five years. It gives
Speaker 1: you a good chance. Then, Brandon to save at three
Speaker 1: in a month to secure the job in the career
Speaker 1: that you want, and Dad just stores it for five years.
Speaker 1: If you don't make it by then Dad gets to
Speaker 1: sell it. If you do make it by, then you
Speaker 1: buy it from him and you guys help restore it together.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good compromise. If your dad says
Speaker 1: no to the five years, then that means he really
Speaker 1: needs the money and you've got to let this thing go.
Speaker 1: Let's get another question once again. If you have a
Speaker 1: question podcast at grangersmith dot com. One more. Next one
Speaker 1: comes from anonymous says, Hey, Granger, I want to remain Anonymous.
Speaker 1: I never loved to read growing up, but over the
Speaker 1: past few years, I've grown up with a passion for reading.
Speaker 1: A homeschool my kids. My husband and I lost a
Speaker 1: child in twenty fifteen. She lived for sixteen and a
Speaker 1: half hours and then passed away to my arms. Because
Speaker 1: I would love a list of books that you recommend
Speaker 1: that they can be grief journey books that could be
Speaker 1: biblical growth books. I do prefer real life growth type books.
Speaker 1: I would also love recommendations for books that I could
Speaker 1: read to my children. Recently, in the past two years,
Speaker 1: started back at church after stepping away from it in
Speaker 1: twenty fifteen. We are a reformed Baptist denomination. If that matters.
Speaker 1: I look up to you in Amber and how you
Speaker 1: have both let God's light shine through you. Thanks in
Speaker 1: advance for your help. Yeah, Anonymous, you didn't have to
Speaker 1: be anonymous for that kind of question. This is probably
Speaker 1: a format that wouldn't be helpful for me to go
Speaker 1: down the list. First of all, I don't have notes
Speaker 1: in front of me. It would just be off the
Speaker 1: top of my head. And I would say for biblical
Speaker 1: growth in this situation, I would go to the nine
Speaker 1: Marx collection number nine M A r KS. There's a
Speaker 1: bunch if you go to Amazon right now and just
Speaker 1: type in nine marks, there's a bunch of very short,
Speaker 1: easy to read, very practical, super down to earth, just
Speaker 1: points in one direction type books. And they all are
Speaker 1: very short, talking one hundred to one hundred and twenty
Speaker 1: pages type short, super easy to read, and multi topics.
Speaker 1: So you could look at one on what is a
Speaker 1: healthy church. You could look at one on conversion, which
Speaker 1: we talked about a little bit earlier in the podcast.
Speaker 1: You could look at one on baptism, or discipling or elders.
Speaker 1: There's a pretty decent list of different topics in biblical
Speaker 1: growth like you're talking about that I think could be
Speaker 1: really helpful for you. And so I don't necessarily have
Speaker 1: a list of grief journey books. I'm I guess besides,
Speaker 1: like a river, I don't run to those type of books,
Speaker 1: except for some of the older classics like C. S. Lewis.
Speaker 1: Anything by C. S. Lewis. He has a way of
Speaker 1: poetically and practically wrapping himself around a topic that needs
Speaker 1: to be understood. He did that in his children's books,
Speaker 1: and so we can go there too, and that could
Speaker 1: be the second part of your question. I think I would.
Speaker 1: If you're recommending books for your children, I would love
Speaker 1: to see them go to classic books like Chronicles of Narnia.
Speaker 1: I have Lincoln right now reading The Hardy Boys from
Speaker 1: the nineteen twenties. Really is when those books first started
Speaker 1: coming out, and then they were made popular in the fifties,
Speaker 1: and I read them as a kid, and I think
Speaker 1: every boy should go through the Hardy Books, Hardy Boys
Speaker 1: books collections. So London right now is reading Alice in Wonderland.
Speaker 1: I would stick with classics. It's and they might resist
Speaker 1: at first, but it's so important to have them grounded
Speaker 1: in those classic books. What am I missing here? The C. S.
Speaker 1: Lewis I would go first is A Grief Observed. That
Speaker 1: is his grief book as he was reflecting on the
Speaker 1: loss of his wife, A Grief Observed. Another great one
Speaker 1: by C. S. Lewis is Surprised by joy Man, Just
Speaker 1: a great way mere Christianity. Another famous one was a
Speaker 1: book by him as he was It's a great apologetic book,
Speaker 1: meaning it's a great book explaining what is Christianity, who
Speaker 1: is God? Where does all this come from? What does
Speaker 1: any of this mean? And what does that mean for me?
Speaker 1: He wrote it in light of World War two, and
Speaker 1: it was actually first a radio program, and it's so
Speaker 1: it's gonna start off without even mentioning Christianity. It's just
Speaker 1: starting with the natural law and how we get there
Speaker 1: from that, And so I would I think that's that's
Speaker 1: the list I would start at, without knowing you, without
Speaker 1: knowing anything more about you, I think I would stick there.
Speaker 1: I love personally, I love history, I love biographies, and
Speaker 1: that they would probably just bog down a list of
Speaker 1: boring things for you. But I think it's a good
Speaker 1: question and probably better answered in a different type format
Speaker 1: like social media, where could actually write some stuff out
Speaker 1: for you. So, if you guys have an email or
Speaker 1: a question for me, email podcast at gradersmith dot com
Speaker 1: and I'll see y'all next Monday. Thanks for joining me
Speaker 1: on the grader Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. Yigi