WEBVTT - Your Spouse Might Not Be a Christian 0:00:10.880 --> 0:00:13.440 What's up, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast America's favorite 0:00:13.440 --> 0:00:16.480 podcast in the whole world. I'm just kidding. I made 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:23.040 that up. Probably America's most unprepared podcast podcast, so we 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:25.320 could probably follow in that category. What I do here 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:27.840 is I answer your questions, which is why I'm not prepared, 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:30.280 because I think it's better if I'm not. Because you 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:34.279 ask me a question anything could be about any subject, 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:38.400 and you email it podcast at grangersmith dot com. That's 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:42.280 an email podcast at grangersmith dot com, and I will 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:47.760 answer it as unpreparedly as I can, because that would 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:50.559 mean that would that would make it more like you 0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:52.280 and I are sitting in the cap of a truck 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:53.960 and you ask me a question. We're driving down a 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.920 back road and you say, hey, man, could I run 0:00:56.960 --> 0:00:59.480 something bio something that's been bothering me? And in that situation, 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:02.800 I would not be prepared. I would say, shoot, tell me, 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:05.080 and you would dump it on me, and I would 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:10.040 give you my best advice as a friend with a 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:16.360 biblical worldview, sitting firmly on a biblical worldview, and try 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:23.080 to to continue to direct you back towards what I 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:31.800 firmly believe is the right, the true worldview. That's the 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:37.440 introduction of trying to explain why I like to keep 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:41.480 this loose. Okay, let's go to the first question, and 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:43.760 it comes from Katie. It says, Hey, Grangeer, this is Katie. 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:49.080 I'm thirty eight, married for sixteen years, got three kids. 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.920 Both my husband and I grew up in church. My 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:57.520 husband doesn't like most churches we have attended as an 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:01.880 adult either. He thinks that they are slightly racist or 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:06.200 too old school. It's interesting. He loves Jesus and praise 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:10.639 it night like I do, although lately has been questioning 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:15.760 the religion of Christianity. Says that Jesus was the king 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:19.640 of the Jews and Christians in general have been evil 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:22.120 in the past. My question is should I follow my 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.160 husband and understand his questioning or find a church myself 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:28.680 and go alone. So Katie, right off the bat, you know, 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.960 we're riding in the truck, We're having this conversation, and 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:35.280 I go, let's clarify a couple of things here you 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:39.760 say in your little second segment. Here it says he 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.600 loves Jesus and praise it night like I do. Literally, 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:46.560 the next the next sentence is, although lately, he's been 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:54.480 questioning the religion of Christianity, says Jesus was king of 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:57.400 the Jews and Christians in general have been evil. So like, 0:02:57.480 --> 0:02:59.399 I don't know if you're trying, if you if you're 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.120 trying to say that he is thinking. He's putting a 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:08.520 separation between Jesus and Christianity, the religion which Christianity in 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:13.640 itself means little Christ. It was that term. That phrase 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:18.920 was originally used in a mocking way from the scoffers 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:22.880 looking at believers in Jesus, going oh you little, you, 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.680 little Christ, which is you Christians? You just try to 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:30.080 you're trying to be like him? And to that we 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:33.560 as Christians, we say, amen, it's a great title, you know, thanks, 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:36.560 thanks for calling us that. You know, that's the goal. 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:42.440 I want to be more like him. So and really 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:46.680 that's our calling is to to be through sanctification, which 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:53.800 after conversion, we are slowly shedding our identity with this 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:58.840 world and gaining our identity in Christ and becoming more 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.560 and more like him. And then and then when we 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:06.200 receive new bodies and we're redeemed from this world, when 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:09.520 we die or if he returns, then we will be 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:14.960 like him in a glorified sense. That's getting maybe that's 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:19.760 getting too theological for this question. But here's the deal, Katie. 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.560 I don't think we overspiritualize this. I don't think we 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:25.240 overthink this. I don't think we have to call it 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:27.360 what it's not. I don't think we have to say 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:29.800 things like, but he loves Jesus and praise at nine. 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.200 He thinks churches are racist in old school, which is 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:34.080 I don't think we have to say any of that. 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.560 I think we just call it what is and say 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:41.479 you need to say my husband's not a Christian. He's not, 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:47.680 which is why all these weird questions come up, which 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:52.279 is why he says that Christians have been evil in 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:55.159 the past. I mean, let's think about that statement for 0:04:55.160 --> 0:05:01.039 a second. How strange that would be if you know, 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:07.880 I've defined Christianity Christians as being little Christ and them 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:19.200 people humans, faulty, imperfect humans, trying to emulate another, and 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:25.599 in that messing up and and falling victim to their 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:30.080 their their worldly, sinful, fleshly passions like we all do, 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:35.240 and then then blaming the person that they're following for that. 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:42.400 It's it would be like I see a kid on 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:47.039 the street with a basketball and he has deflated the 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:51.719 basketball and he's using it like a paddle and walking 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:56.279 around town slapping people with it. Yeah, and he's like 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:58.320 the kid that gets in all the trouble because he 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:01.479 slapping everybody with a deflated bat basketball. And I look 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:04.480 at that and I say, I never trust it. The 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:08.760 NBA can't stand the NBA. I mean, look at that. 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:11.680 Look at that, and you go grant to that. What 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:13.920 that has nothing to do with the NBA at all. 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:17.640 There's nothing at all to do with professional basketball. This 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.880 is just this is a kid who's using a basketball 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:24.000 in the wrong way. And so that's that's what I think. 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:28.200 Every time someone says Christianity has been their Christians have 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.320 been evil in the past, I say, does that surprise 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:38.360 you that that shouldn't be surprising to anyone. What should 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:43.800 be surprising is that any Christians are actually good at all. 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:46.720 If you see that, you should say, that's a miracle 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:50.039 because I knew that person before he knew Jesus. I 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:53.040 knew that person and he was a wretch, and now 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:57.200 look at him, he's actually kind of decent. That's a miracle. 0:06:57.279 --> 0:06:59.920 We don't say that as much usually we say the opposite, 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:01.839 Say that person says they're a Christian, but look, they're 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:06.680 actually a hypocrite. And to that, I say, as a 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:12.520 Christian myself, Christians are really and should only be the 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:17.520 only people in the world who gather together and actually 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:20.400 realize that they are hypocrites. The rest of the world's 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:24.680 hypocrites too, they just don't admit it. Christians should readily admit, yes, 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:29.800 we're hypocritical. Lord help me, Lord, help me in my criticism, 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:35.080 in my hypocriticism, Lord help me be better like we 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:39.160 should delive in that world. We're just constantly digging and 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:45.760 stirring and desiring more and shedding, shedding the flesh. Okay, 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:49.120 So where does that leave you, Katie? You know, with 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:53.280 what I've said, it leaves me with to answer your question, 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:58.000 should I follow my husband and understand his questioning or 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:03.240 find a church myself and go alone. Well, you can't 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.520 follow your husband because he's not going anywhere. He's not 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:11.480 going anywhere. He's he's dead in the water. He is 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:16.400 spiritually dead, and he's he's emotionally dead for you to follow. 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.920 So he's like sitting, he's like in quicksand right now, 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:26.000 So you can't go in there with him unless and 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:28.400 this is another conversation we would have if I was 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.480 in the truck with you, I'd say, tell me about you, 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.920 you know, let me know, let me know more about 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:43.040 what's going on with you, because how do we know 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.120 that you're not in the same boat. I think that's 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:48.440 I think we would that those are questions I would ask, 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:54.560 These are things I would wonder. And so the the 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:56.760 answer to should I follow my husband is that's a no. 0:08:57.200 --> 0:09:01.560 When we could eliminate that, that's off the table. And 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:03.959 then the other thing is let me let me kind 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:05.480 of circle back to the beginning of this question where 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:10.319 you said your husband hasn't a liked, hasn't liked most 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:13.760 churches you've attended. He thinks they're this, or he thinks 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.640 they're that, or they're just not quite as what he wants. 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:19.880 We know now that he's not a Christian, so we 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:23.840 know that none of those reasons matter at all, because 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:29.320 a non Christian has no business deciding which church they 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:33.640 will go to. Right, that's common sense? Right, that doesn't 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:35.400 You don't have to be religious, You don't have to 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:39.360 be a Christian at all to agree with me on 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:42.080 that right, we could say that if you if you're 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:46.440 not part of the religion, then you can't be part 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:50.200 of the decision of which group of that religion to 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:58.600 gather in. Right, That's totally obvious. And so yes too, 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.880 you can continue search and you might be able to 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:03.680 go back to some of the churches where he said 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:07.040 he they were slightly racist. That's very strange. I would 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:08.960 want to ask many more questions about what you mean 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:14.040 what you mean by that, because if you take the 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:18.000 Bible and you take it to its most logical conclusion, 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:23.240 it could be the farthest furthest thing from racism that 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:30.480 you could possibly find. All people are created equal in 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:34.000 the eyes of God. That's clear. And then the old 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:37.480 school thing, that's that's an argument that that's another interesting 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:40.880 question I would want to ask more about because because 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.080 the Bible, the message in the Bible has not changed, 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:47.839 and so the only thing that changes really is the 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:53.120 culture by which we apply the truth of the Bible too. 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:58.040 And so if a church is not keeping up with 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:06.480 the ability to apply solid, biblical, unchanging truth to an 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:11.560 ever changing, fleety culture, if they've lost the ability to 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:15.520 do that, and that's what you mean by old school 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.719 then I agree with you. But if you mean by 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.120 old school, or if your husband means by old school 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:25.240 they sing old songs, I say, well, all songs are 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:28.000 going to be old in ten years these days. If 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:30.800 you say old school meaning that has old people in it, 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.760 I say that's great. I want old people in the church. 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:39.000 If you say old school in terms of they do 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:45.559 old timey things like light candles and go through different 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:49.679 kind of liturgy, then I say that's probably the denomination 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:54.920 you're looking at, and not necessarily that particular style of church. 0:11:55.280 --> 0:12:00.839 Right I hope, I hope. I do this podcast, and 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:03.000 I don't know as a whole if I'm making sense. 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:05.200 If you're tracking with me, I hope you're tracking with me. 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.840 But here's my point. Your husband's not a Christian. You 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:11.280 might not be either. You need to keep looking for 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:14.520 a church. Non Christian shouldn't be the deciding factor on 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.960 which church they like. You have to pour yourself into 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.520 a bunch of other believers. Let them bring you into 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:23.040 the family, join them. Of course, you're not going to 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.000 follow your husband. He can't follow him because he's not 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:29.120 going anywhere. You need to love him, you need to 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.160 you need to understand him. And be there for him 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:35.080 and serve him all these things, and you need to. 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:38.200 You could still go to church and do still love 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.960 and not judge, and not be hypocritical and not push 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.080 him out. You could still go to church and join 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:46.000 a body of believers and sit under faithful teaching and 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.560 have your own quiet devotional time with your own Bible 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:51.040 and learn who God is, which we see as He's 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.679 revealed himself through the Bible. We get to know who 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.640 God is because He's told us about himself through the Bible. 0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.079 So as you start to read your Bible every morning 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:00.960 and you learn more and more about who He is, 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.920 and you surround yourself with other believers, and you still 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:08.720 love and serve and respect with gentleness your husband. That's 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:11.720 the best you could do. And you tell him the gospel, 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:19.959 and then you and you pray unceasingly for his soul 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:23.080 for salvation. And then one day he comes in and 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:28.880 he says, you know, I gotta tell you, Katie, I've 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:33.880 watched you and the kids go to this church, and 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.080 I've watched how they have loved you and wrap their 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.959 arms around you, and how you have loved them, and 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:44.800 you've served them, and I feel left out and what 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:46.520 I see out here in the world and everything else 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:50.400 going on, I don't see. I don't see that. With 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:54.720 where you are, I see something special there. And do 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:56.800 you think I could go with you? I could join 0:13:56.840 --> 0:14:00.880 you and you could say yes. I've been waiting for 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:04.640 you to say that, and I would say that would 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:07.760 be a really, really good scenario to happen through this. 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:14.800 I hope that I'm clear on this. Let's go to 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:19.960 another question, Shelby. Hey, Granger, I don't know how to 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.760 take care of this problem that I've been having. I 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.560 have terrible nightmares that stem from being raped as a 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:29.160 little kid. Then as I got older, I became addicted 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:33.160 to pornography. I have been freed from pornography for about 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:35.760 two and a half years now, but I continue to 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:40.840 have frequent nightmares about fifty percent of the time. All 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:44.600 of the nightmares that come from these two things are 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:48.040 nearly unbearable and make it difficult for me to even 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.920 try to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, these 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:54.160 things play through my mind. I don't know what I 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:57.280 need to do in order to make these dreams less frequent. 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:03.880 Thanks Shelby, so sorry for this horror that sounds like 0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:07.960 you're in right now. I have two things for you 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:16.520 right off the bat. Number one, you have to understand 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:22.880 that God is sovereign. God is all purposing, all knowing, 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:30.480 all powerful, sovereign over everything, including evil, including salvation of souls. 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.960 He's sovereign even over free will. He's sovereign over everything 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:39.560 that does not deny that our human responsibility to respond 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:44.160 to him, to respond to his word, to his sovereignty 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:50.200 as his people. But we have failed to do that. 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.880 We have failed to do that in every way. Knowing this, 0:15:56.440 --> 0:16:00.680 God sent forth his son Jesus, born of woman, born 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:04.040 under the law, to redeem those who were under the law. 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:10.040 And he did that by living a perfect life, going 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:14.280 to the cross, dying on the cross. Three days later, 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:19.120 he resurrected from the cross, proving that that sacrifice on 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:24.520 the cross was accepted by God. What does that mean. 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.080 It means that he took on the punishment that we 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:30.440 deserve for rejecting, for not responding to him. He took 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:35.120 on that punishment onto his own body. He became sin 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:38.520 for us so that in him we might become the 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:44.080 righteousness of God. Peter Wrights, so that he could then 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:47.120 reconcile us or Another word for that is he could 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:51.640 bring us to God because we've been separated from Him 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.800 through our sin and all our problems and all everything 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:57.720 that we have done to separate ourselves from God. Jesus goes, 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.280 I bring you back to him. I bring you back 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.960 to Him, and I do that from the cross. So 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:08.960 all who look to him Jesus repent, turn away from 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.040 their sin and believe in him, and to turn to 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:18.560 Jesus by faith. Then we are redeemed, which means we 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:22.160 are justified, which is a great way of saying we're 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:30.199 saved eternally. Our souls are safe through that. Through that 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:34.080 being safe, that being justified, what happens to us is 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.840 we are adopted as sons and daughters of God, the 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:44.360 king of the universe. It's incredible co errs with Jesus, 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:46.760 who he gets it by divine right as a son, 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:51.440 and we get it as an adopted co irr, which 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:56.879 is crazy. Heirs to the kingdom, all of it ours. 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:02.199 And when that takes root in your heart and you 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:07.320 begin to ponder for a moment our total depravity, our 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:13.040 our desire to seek things like pornography like you said, 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.720 or anything else that separates us from God and the 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.760 fact that no matter how bad it gets for us, 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.600 that Jesus comes in and goes, I die for that. 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:27.480 I died for that. I died for that. Look to me, 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:33.680 and you're safe, justified, redeemed, restored, forgiven, adopted, co errors 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:37.879 your mind. Okay, So then we look to him and 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.800 and when that takes root in your heart, these things 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:44.480 just start to break their hold in us. These ideas 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:48.879 that were that were addicted to something and we're having 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:54.080 nightmares about something, and then everything is temporal, it's all temporary, 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:58.040 and these temporary things they start to lose their hold. 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.080 They start to just slowly break a part like old 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.560 paint on a fence. It just starts to flake away. 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:07.680 The stuff that once was just so polished and had 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.600 us held and glued starts to break away and just 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:14.720 fall off. That's what happens when the Gospel takes root 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:18.320 in your heart. And that's why I say it to you, 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:20.440 and that's why I repeat it to myself, and that's 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.920 why I say it every time I'm on this podcast, 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.760 because Paul says, the gospel is the power of God 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:31.720 for salvation, that hearing it, hearing it is a mechanism 0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:35.879 that starts to break apart, that paint, that temporal paint 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:38.920 in your body that just goes I am not of 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:45.240 this world and I hear that. Now that's number one. 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:56.359 Number two, this is getting into the realm of I 0:19:56.359 --> 0:20:05.160 would encourage professional help with this because when it starts 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:10.320 to become outside that, when it starts to become in 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:16.560 the in the in the world of ruining your your 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:21.160 ruining your life, because there is a there is something 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:26.360 that is stuck in your mind that needs to be unlodged, 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.879 and it's it's a it's it's at a neural level, 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:36.600 that's in your sleep. Then I say, there may may 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:39.080 I'm not advocating any of this, but I'm saying there 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:45.359 may be a doctor that needs to see you. I 0:20:45.400 --> 0:20:47.600 would say that would that would be an encouraging thing 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:51.840 for me to tell you after you've heard the Gospel 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:56.239 and you let that take root in your soul, I 0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:59.359 say it would It would not. It is secondary, yes 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.120 to the God, but but I would say it would 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:06.120 not be a bad thing to then see a doctor 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:09.080 with these things. If you want to get a hold 0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:12.359 of me, go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith 0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:14.840 and I could send you a video message made right 0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:16.680 here on my phone whatever you want me to say, 0:21:16.680 --> 0:21:19.439 Happy Birthday, happy anniversary. It's a great way for you 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:21.600 and I to stay in contact and to get someone 0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:24.320 a gift that might seem to have everything. Hey, get 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.120 him a gift at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:37.840 So your next question comes from anonymous here. It says, 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:40.320 Hey Granger, I love your music and your podcast. I've 0:21:40.320 --> 0:21:42.320 been going through a tough time lately. My mom and 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:45.040 dad got divorced when my sister and I were two. 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:48.159 My dad has not supported me my whole life and 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:53.640 almost puts me underneath his own needs before anything else, 0:21:53.680 --> 0:21:58.119 including his own kids. To keep this short, I have 0:21:58.240 --> 0:22:02.200 not been to the house I'm assuming his house for 0:22:02.520 --> 0:22:07.080 two years because of many situations that have happened. His 0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:12.280 parents have not been doing well lately, and I went 0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:14.400 up last year by myself to see them, and then 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:17.360 I get yelled at by them for about two hours 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:20.399 for not showing up from my dad and that I 0:22:20.400 --> 0:22:23.480 have not been to his house. I am torn whether 0:22:23.600 --> 0:22:27.080 to go back or not. I know I will regret 0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:30.120 one day if and when they pass and I did 0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:32.280 not see them the rest of my family supports me 0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:35.640 some more than others, but I would love to have 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:37.840 some of your input from the outside looking in. Thanks 0:22:37.840 --> 0:22:43.000 for your time, Okay, Anonymous, appreciate you let me dive 0:22:43.040 --> 0:22:49.560 into this with the information that I know your dad 0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:53.600 is that this is a story we see, typical story 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:56.800 a dad not in your life. I wish I knew, 0:22:56.960 --> 0:23:00.240 I wish I knew if you were male or female. No, 0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:07.000 and he's a narcissist. Sounds like, you know, your typical 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:13.760 narcissistic dad. And then like a typical narcissistic dad, as 0:23:13.760 --> 0:23:17.080 he gets older, he starts blaming you that you don't 0:23:17.119 --> 0:23:20.080 come to his house when most of his life he 0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:23.640 has kept you out, kept you at bay and underneath 0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:27.439 his own needs. It's always interesting, but it usually happens 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:30.840 that way. Right, he's going to blame you for abandoning 0:23:30.920 --> 0:23:34.639 him after he was never part of your life. So 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:40.640 you go back and you visit your grandparents. Right. It's 0:23:40.680 --> 0:23:43.080 interesting that you said his parents and you didn't say 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:48.000 my grandparents, which I don't think there's another way to 0:23:48.040 --> 0:23:51.560 look at it. Besides, they are your grandparents, but you 0:23:52.119 --> 0:23:55.879 you haven't said it that way. You didn't say that 0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:59.240 you never said it that way. Okay, So you said 0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:01.920 his parents, I've not been doing very well lately, and 0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:03.600 I went up there last year by myself and got 0:24:03.720 --> 0:24:05.800 yelled at by them for two hours for not showing 0:24:05.880 --> 0:24:08.280 up for my dad. So they don't even support you. 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.520 There are probably things, Anonymous that I don't know about you, 0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:16.280 and so I don't want to assume that you're perfect here. 0:24:17.560 --> 0:24:20.040 In fact, I know I don't. I know that you're not, 0:24:20.840 --> 0:24:24.160 and that's okay, and that I don't need that information. 0:24:24.760 --> 0:24:28.000 But I will say there might be some big things 0:24:28.040 --> 0:24:30.199 that I don't know that you have done in the 0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:32.960 past and kind of riled people up, and that's why 0:24:33.800 --> 0:24:35.680 half the family is mad at you and the other 0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:38.480 half supports you. So I don't want to get too 0:24:38.520 --> 0:24:42.280 deep in this conversation without knowing you at all, without 0:24:42.280 --> 0:24:45.760 having you know all these secondary questions I have answered, 0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:51.040 But we could look at this at face value. You 0:24:51.119 --> 0:24:53.160 got yelled at them for two hours for not showing up. 0:24:53.640 --> 0:24:56.840 I'm not concerned about that. I wouldn't be concerned if 0:24:56.840 --> 0:24:58.760 you and I were talking to the truck about that, 0:24:59.240 --> 0:25:01.840 because you can't con you can even if you've done 0:25:01.840 --> 0:25:04.880 stuff in the past. You can't control if they yell 0:25:04.920 --> 0:25:09.720 at you. But what you can do is control how 0:25:09.760 --> 0:25:12.600 you respond to them. It's the only thing you have 0:25:12.640 --> 0:25:16.399 control over really in these kind of situations is how 0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:23.600 you respond to them. Are you loving? You kind? Are respectful? 0:25:25.280 --> 0:25:32.320 Are you gentle? Are you non aggressive? Or are you 0:25:32.359 --> 0:25:35.080 someone that wants to argue about every point? Are you 0:25:35.520 --> 0:25:40.359 someone that stands with no humility? In fact, you stand 0:25:40.400 --> 0:25:45.760 with some kind of fierce pride against everything that they're 0:25:45.800 --> 0:25:51.520 trying to make an accusation against you with That doesn't 0:25:51.520 --> 0:25:56.080 get you anywhere, and it doesn't prove a point for 0:25:56.200 --> 0:26:00.000 you to be the better person in this situation by 0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:05.439 standing proud and standing firm in your resolution, you know, 0:26:07.560 --> 0:26:09.760 especially when it comes to family, that just doesn't get 0:26:09.800 --> 0:26:18.080 you anywhere. Instead, you come in with humility and you say, Grandma, Grandpa, 0:26:20.800 --> 0:26:28.160 I believe you're right. I have not been there for dad. 0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:32.360 And in your mind you're thinking, but because dad's a narcissist, 0:26:32.680 --> 0:26:35.080 that's why I haven't been there for him. And if 0:26:35.080 --> 0:26:36.960 he only was better to me growing up, and he 0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:40.240 wasn't and he was oppressive to me, that's why I 0:26:40.440 --> 0:26:43.679 avoid him. That's what you want to say. Just don't 0:26:43.720 --> 0:26:50.000 say it because ultimately they know this, so it doesn't 0:26:50.000 --> 0:26:53.760 need to be repeated. Instead, you say it, you know 0:26:55.680 --> 0:26:57.880 you're right, I haven't been there for him, and that's 0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:00.680 not a lie. They are right you haven't been there 0:27:00.720 --> 0:27:07.000 for him, So you're just repeating the truth, right, I 0:27:07.040 --> 0:27:12.040 haven't been there for him and a son, assuming your son, 0:27:12.520 --> 0:27:17.720 a son should be there for their dad. I want 0:27:17.760 --> 0:27:22.120 to get better at this? Can you help me get 0:27:22.119 --> 0:27:27.240