WEBVTT - We All Scream for Kids?! 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:15.840 I got to say, welcome to We Knows Parenting and 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:21.759 Peter McNerney Beth and we're married and we have kids, 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:25.720 and that's why we're here to talk about parenting. This 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:30.040 podcast is all business. We take parenting very seriously. There's 0:00:30.080 --> 0:00:32.519 a right way to do it, and we know our 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:39.560 bio masters of parenting. Oh okay we should um, yeah, 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:41.560 we should occasionally check in and say what the point 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:44.040 of the whole podcast is. We have two kids, there's 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:48.960 now three and three quarters. I just mean we Knows parenting. 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.360 The sort of philosophy of this podcast is like we 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.600 don't really knows, and no one really knows, so we're 0:00:54.640 --> 0:01:00.319 just kind of nosing our way around it. Uh um. 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:04.040 That was the most best sync description of this podcast 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:09.360 I've heard since the last one. What happened this week? 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:12.600 I say my highlight of the week right after Bad 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:20.160 Beth is Brita's newest character, oh Man, who's pretending to 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:24.399 understand that he gets Man, pretending he gets it, and 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:28.480 he just goes, oh I get it, and he puts 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:31.840 his shoulders up. He does it in a really weird voice, 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:40.560 so it's like he's like, oh, I get it. And 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.800 then he was talking about the character later and he 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:46.560 was like, he doesn't get it. He says he gets it, 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:53.559 but he doesn't get it. Oh, I get it. It's great. 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.160 And the character only ever says that one thing over 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:01.040 and over. He's got a little repertoire. Now he's almost 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:04.360 he's halfway to a character reel. The other one is 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:08.120 just a collar pole and you say something you can eat. Yeah, 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.560 we've talked about that, but this is the newest one. 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:19.240 You I get it. I really couldn't be prouder it. 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:21.920 So that's your proudest thing from this week. That's my 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:24.560 proudest thing from this week for sure. Okay, well, my 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:26.679 proudest thing from this week is that we took the 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:31.640 kids somewhere. Yes, we did. Today. We very randomly took 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:37.160 them to a place called Sequest, which is an aquarium 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:42.079 slash petting zoo in a mall in Connecticut, in Connecticut 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:46.480 and surprisingly only five minutes away from us, which we didn't. Like. 0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:49.360 I don't know there, I had no idea until you 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:52.239 texted me yeah, And it's just like, you know, there's 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:54.360 things like that around, but then you're driving like two 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:56.880 hours ago apple picking or something, and you're just like, 0:02:56.880 --> 0:02:59.320 like we got we have apples here? Is it really 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.639 worth torturing my children to do something sort of fun? 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.920 So anyway, this was good because it was like it 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:09.920 was minimal, but it's enough to entertain children, like it 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:14.960 was for their from their perspective, they were being wowed. 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:20.440 They were being wound. They touched a wallaby. They touched 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:26.959 a wallaby. Yeah once the last you touched a wallaby? Listener. Um, 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:34.160 they chicken poop and it was it was fine, But 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:36.560 I will say it was like chaotic in there, and 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:38.640 I kind of knew going in. We picked Martin Luther 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:42.160 King Junior day and it was like everyone's off school 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.200 and everyone. I knew it would be crazy, but I 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:46.920 was like, you know, let's just do it. Like so 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:52.280 it could have been worse. Um, but anyway, it was 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:55.040 like there was like what you noticed in those situations 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:57.600 I find is that when it's getting tense, there's like 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:00.160 there's gonna be kids that kind of like melt out 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:03.240 and then you know whatever. But the thing that really 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.880 gets under my skin is when the parents are melting 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:09.880 down and you're like, oh my god, like just I 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:11.960 don't know, take the kid out of your can you stop, 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:16.600 Like screaming with everyone. That's like when I'm on an airplane, 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:19.000 I don't get stressed about this stuff. But if I 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:21.320 sit there and people are getting on and I I 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:25.800 start watching them trying to find overhead cabin space for 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.839 their bag, and they start getting stressed, and I get 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.320 so wrapped up in their drama. Really like a meditative 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.520 exercise to be around that many like stressed people and 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:41.920 not like tune into them. Let it go, Let it go. Yeah, 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.400 So it was over stimulating, but they saw some cool animals. 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:48.480 There's like just there was a surprising array of animals 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:51.359 that were felt really practical, like just a lot of 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:59.480 lizards and snakes, cabara, a little sloth, sloth full on sloth. Yeah, 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:01.800 you have to buy special tickets to go touch to 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:05.080 the sloth. There was a weird system where they're kind 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:06.600 of like you can go in a lot of these 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:08.680 cages if you just like grab one of us who 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.240 works here. But there was like there's like no one 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:14.080 available and there's like eight million people. There'd be like 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:16.080 a line of people to go like stand in this 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.960 animal cage for a second. And we opted out that 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:22.080 one hallway was completely clogged and I had to say 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.600 excuse me six times in a row. But between these 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.000 two guys were facing back to back. Oh my god, 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:31.320 I have to say excuse my generalization, but I've had 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:35.279 a week of men where men are just useless in 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:38.719 these kinds of situations. Like I walked, I had to 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.040 walk past the guys. I was like slightly bumped a 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.560 guy's backpack because like everyone else there, I'm holding a 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:46.480 child with one hand and I'm getting pulled and I 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.479 need to move around and the hallway is too small 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:52.120 and it's but like I like slightly bumped this guy. 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.159 But he's standing just in the middle of everything, like 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:58.120 just completely oblivious to his surrounding. The guy probably I 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.880 don't know, but he's compeary. He gave me a look 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:03.800 that I was just like, oh, excuse me that I'm 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:09.279 at this place for children like my child. There was 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:10.960 like all these people blocking the way and not letting 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:12.760 parents through with their kids, and the kids were like 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.480 sneaking ahead, and there's just like no order. I think 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:18.760 I think it was the same guy. There's just well, 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.479 there's just all these people that are like I'm just 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.960 going to stand in place in this high traffic area 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:28.400 completely not paying attention, not being aware of your spatial 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:34.159 surroundings is I'm I'm so scared of being in people's 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:39.320 personal space that I get mad when people aren't don't 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:42.680 have the same fear I do. How dare you not 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:45.960 have my fear? Okay, anyway, it was but it was 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:49.000 a success. And then we went to there was like 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:52.560 minimal small food options, so we almost went to the 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:55.040 Cheesecake Factory, which I can't even remember the last time 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:57.200 eight at, but it was packed. And then we found 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:00.160 a little Japanese feared restaurant and while we're sitting are 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:04.560 getting the kids food, Brent was like, this was a 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.280 really great idea. Thank you for bringing me here. And 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:11.480 I was like, this is the best lunch ever. Yeah, 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:13.920 he did say. I was like, wow, I feel so 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:16.440 appreciated for one What did he say? He goes, this 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:19.400 is so much better than our regular lunch? Oh yeah, 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:21.160 And then I said what We said, what's your regular 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:24.200 and lunch? And he said peanut butter and chili. This 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:28.920 is way better. Sets me chicken. Yeah, boy, love sets 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.280 me chicken. Does not not a lot of interest in 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:39.040 using chopsticks, like I said, she is. She is much 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:43.840 more as a hand eye coordination. She's got it and 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:49.560 he's fine. He's just always too busy, like imagining that 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:54.240 the object is like a creature or it's like, honestly, 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:58.760 what skill is more practical? I mean the chopsticks? I 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:04.200 think maybe. Oh boy, so we did it. We got 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.960 out of the house for once. Um. I had a 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:11.320 tough bedtime tonight. Did you hear that? What's going on 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:15.880 in there? Brinton was doing great and then he suddenly 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:19.520 had time with it bed and he went into the 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:25.800 red zone, which is the school school's emotion like emotions labeling. 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:30.000 He went to the red zone, which is anger, frustration. 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:33.240 Wait he told you he went to the red zone. No, 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:37.480 I I had a really bad night with him last night. 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:42.120 I was like my reaction to him was embarrassing and 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.240 I just couldn't Like I just had like such a 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.480 long day of him not listening to anything, and he 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:51.839 got to a point where he was like kicking me 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:53.760 and I was like tickling him back, and he just 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:56.560 wouldn't stop, and I was just like, you know, you 0:08:56.559 --> 0:08:59.680 have to like restrain him. He's like started screaming. I 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.640 was just like, you have to stop hitting people. And 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:06.960 I was like, so angry. It's just like, I don't know, 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:10.360 I just couldn't take it anymore. Um. I could tell 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:12.720 he was in that mode, and I was like, I'm 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.280 putting my foot down and I'm going to count to three. 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:21.360 But I also I want to remain a soft presence 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:24.760 here because I could see him looking at me, and 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:29.280 I've had a bad day. Just I'm not a bad 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:31.040 it was fine day. I think it's just been a 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:36.760 stressful week. I don't know, there's something always, it seems 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:40.200 seemingly always lately, there's something in the air. But they're like, 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.040 I don't know. I feel like the news and the 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:47.679 news coupled with it being winter and everyone being like 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:54.040 inside together. Yeah, so anyway, should we do an update 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:58.840 on the house? Yeah? I mean so, I feel like 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:01.720 we The fearful part of my brain as like we 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:04.360 totally jinxed ourselves. Well, this is why I didn't want 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:06.040 to talk about it, because I didn't want to have 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:09.520 to live out loud the various delays and frustrations. That 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.679 is such a privileged thing to complain. We were so certain. 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:14.640 I was so certain that I was like, well, we're 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:17.920 going to sign this contract tomorrow, so let's start talking 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.439 about it. I think what's happening is very normal. There's 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:23.160 like some contracts stuff that has to be negotiated, and 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:27.120 the seller is getting emotional about having to sell her house, 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:33.280 which is understandable, and it's just like normal delays, and 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:37.480 she's just sort of taking her time, and I'm getting 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:41.160 more and more paranoid. Well, supposedly she was sick this week, 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:44.400 so yeah, but I just sit here all day long 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:48.760 going some some billionaires going to come in and just 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:54.080 off off a billion dollars. My worst case, I like, 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:57.600 I've my worst case scenario is that like we can't 0:10:57.640 --> 0:10:59.800 get these renovations done in time, and then we have 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:02.000 to move in for schools, we have to find a 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:05.360 sublet and like move all of our stuff twice and 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:08.560 or like store it. You know, that's my nightmare scenario. 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.440 And so I'm trying to be so patient with this 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:16.760 woman because her position is very relatable and real. But 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:20.160 I'm also like the clock is ticking on these renovations 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:22.840 and I really need to know if this is a 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:26.160 realistic plan for much longer. So, like, are we buying 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.640 this house? Yeah, we're trying to figure out school for 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.920 next year, and uh, we're doing a family visited to 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.559 a school. It's just like my least favorite thing in 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:37.160 the world is like when your whole life is like 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.640 experiencing like a domino effect, like where it's hinging on 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:45.840 one thing, one thing, it's I don't know anyway, just 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:48.520 my name signed on a piece of paper and they'll 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:52.200 feel a lot better. Yeah, it'll all be fine. It's 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:57.680 not stressful at all. So yeah, that's what you know. 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:01.199 We've been through this process a few times, and there's 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:03.800 always a certain point where I'm like, oh, we're good. Oh, 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.560 this is going to be easy now, And what a joke. 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:11.719 It's never easy. It's always stressful. There's always going to 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:17.720 be something. But at least, um, everyone knows now so 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:25.400 I can talk to everybody about it, just about Yeah 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:30.320 these are everyone feel bad for us. Yeah anyway, so 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:39.160 I just wanted to all be over. Yeah. Yeah, um 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:43.720 we also oh gosh, oh gosh, what did we do? 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:48.040 What are we doing? What do we do? I don't know. 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.480 I don't remember anything anymore. I just lost my mind. 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:53.719 I hope you're deleting this apart from the podcast. No, 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:56.679 I won't. This is where real, This is real. This 0:12:56.760 --> 0:13:00.200 is where real parenting happens in this moment of what 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:02.079 am I was supposed to be doing something? What am 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.480 I supposed to be doing? Don't you feel like since 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:07.400 you became apparent you've completely lost your memory or is 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:13.280 it just moms? I definitely feel like that sometimes it's 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:16.560 I feel like today, I feel like that a hundred percent, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.319 where I know I have so many things to do 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:22.760 and this house thing is looming, and I was just 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:26.960 tired and depressed, and then you walked up to me 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:29.520 tonight I had I had a moment where I had 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:33.600 to literally very earnestly put my face into my hands 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:38.240 and just hold them there for ten seconds where I 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:42.920 just got, you know, this task, And then I got 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:46.240 two emails back to back that we're like, oh, here's 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:49.480 very time sensitive work, things that need to be dealt 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.040 with immediately. And then you came up and you're like, 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:56.600 should we make this for dinner? And it almost broke me. 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.560 It just feels like, well, I only asked you that 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.760 because I was asked you like two hours before you 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:05.760 want to do for dinner? It was a reason something 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:09.040 I did at the time. It's a reasonable question and 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:12.000 just put on top of all of these things that 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.480 didn't exist before. I just think there's something about winter 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:19.760 that just makes it so hard to motivate to do anything, 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:24.720 like you know what you mean, like knowing like that 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:28.760 we had to I don't know, it's just that we 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:30.640 had to write. We were writing a letter to the 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:35.120 seller for this house, and I'm like, it's so hard 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.640 to try to write like a compassionate letter to someone 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:44.080 that doesn't sound artificial, and like just like trying to 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.560 write that out. And thankfully my sister was here and 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:50.200 she's actually like better at that. So I was like dreading, 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:52.800 cracking my laptop open and working on this one. I've 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.600 been like offline all weekend and just don't have it 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:57.520 in me to like like I was just my brain. 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.120 I was like I need to shut down. I need 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:03.280 to like have some like non screen time with my family. 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:08.280 Um Like, I like opened it up and started looking 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.040 at the letter draft and like showing my sister, and 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.000 once we started working on it, I was like, oh, 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.920 thank god I did this now. And it didn't like 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.560 put this off until like eleven pm tonight, when I'm 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:22.600 like completely brain. Oh there's so many things. I mean, 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:26.240 anytime I feel totally overwhelmed with work. It's so hard 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.560 to not think about all of it at the same time, 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:33.720 and then it's overwhelming. In those moments, I have to 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:42.520 just drill down and find one thing I can accomplish. Yeah, well, 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.120 even making a list, I still I see the whole thing, 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.040 And when I'm super overwhelmed, I'm like, I just need 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:51.880 to complete one thing, and if I just focus on it, 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:54.640 I'll forget about the other for a while. And then 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:56.640 when I come back to the list and when thing's gone, 0:15:56.720 --> 0:16:00.560 I'm like, this is more manageable. Well, I also think 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.680 sometimes you have to let yourself do the like procrastinating 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.360 like easy things, just so you start to generate a 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:08.720 sense of accomplishment, like be like, okay, I'm running to 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:11.680 the post office. I'm doing this, like even if it's 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:15.120 not the most like time sensitive thing on your to 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:18.120 do list, Like I just need to clear the clutter. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:19.760 It's like why sometimes when I wake up in the morning, 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:22.320 if I'm working from home, I might as well just 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.800 clean the house the second I wake up, because until 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:28.400 I actually just like give everything a tidying, I'm not 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.400 actually getting any work done. It's just like and like 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:37.040 weighed down by like it's I don't know, cleaning cleaning 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:41.200 up is sometimes the yeah best, It's a good break, 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:43.720 like for your brain too. I think to like think 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.760 while you're moving, just any sort of accomplished tab I 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:51.520 mean this is also not to go down this road. 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:56.240 But our addiction to technology, addiction to our phones, looking 0:16:56.280 --> 0:17:00.080 at your phone all day creates the exact opposite feeling, 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:03.600 which is I have a million tasks and I've accomplished 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:05.560 none of them because your phone tells you got to 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.840 go go after all these goodies, these things that there's 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:10.600 no pay off, and so you're just left with the 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.480 feeling of I still have things to do, but you'll 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:17.399 never complete them. So putting it down and cleaning the 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:22.240 apartment suddenly having a real tangible task to complete is 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:27.440 my anti antidote. Um my whole life. I wanted to 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:39.760 say antichdote, an antidote. Antidote anecdote is different. I always 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:45.199 I've also also said demon instead of demon my my 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:58.000 cute in uh, what is the word I want to say? 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:04.800 I want to say idiosyncratic video There it is like 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.119 when I said, like, do you think you're starting to 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:09.080 lose your mind a little bit? As apparent you were like, 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:12.679 I mean sometimes but not you were like, I know 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:15.240 what I'm talking about. And then you're in the course 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:17.960 of this conversation your brain just fell apart in front 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:23.880 of us. I feel like you lose your mind. No, no, 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:29.560 I never have. But this is like something Donald Trump 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.359 did this week. I didn't like, actually click on the 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:33.440 video because no one wants to be triggered. At this point, 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:37.040 we know he's pure garbage, but like he apparently he 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:39.439 started trying to read a teleprompter and he just like 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:43.359 had a brain melt and couldn't read. Like this, this 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:48.240 man is just so broken on every level. Anyway, I 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:49.840 can't I can't go down this road. No one wants 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:53.320 to talk about this. I get it. But did I 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:55.640 just do we just relate to him for a second though? 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:58.840 Did we do that? Never mind, it's not a fun game. 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:01.840 It's not a fun game. It's not a fun game. 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:04.280 I might be having a drink while I'm doing a podcast. 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:08.360 I think he's on some like serious like weird ampheta 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:11.840 means or something. He's like, you might be having a 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:15.120 drink while you're doing a podcast. Was that a related thought? Yeah, 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:19.959 I'm just saying like he's on another level. I think great. Oh, 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:22.600 I might be having a drink on a podcast, but 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:26.520 at least I'm not I might be having a drink 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:30.280 on a podcast, but I'm not crazy. Hey, I might 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.919 be having a chrick in a podcast. Okay, anyway, word, 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:37.880 but let's get back on track to UM. Let's get 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:51.920 back on track by ending the segment. And now it's 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:56.240 time for did you know? This is where we share 0:19:56.280 --> 0:20:00.399 something um that we've learned, that we've read were past along. 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:05.080 This article was sent to us by listener Aliana Um 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:09.320 and Beth. Yeah. Eleana sent us this with a nice night. 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:11.600 She said, here's an article that seems interesting, though it's 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:15.240 kind of a downer, so no solution is offered, kind 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:19.639 of an owner as no solution is offered. Um, it's true, 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:24.760 but this article is called Scary Mommy. This article is 0:20:24.840 --> 0:20:27.320 from Scary Mommy. It's called what It's Like to Parent 0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:32.000 Without a Village by Elizabeth Bradbent. And I'll read the 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:37.920 first paragraph here. Um, it's six am, back in the nineties, 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:40.399 and I've just woken with a fever. Back then, in 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:42.600 the small town propped up by a steel mill and 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.320 sadness a lack of opportunity and a lack of hope. 0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:48.200 My mother would pick up the phone, call her mother 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:51.000 and say, Mom, one of the kids is sick. Can 0:20:51.080 --> 0:20:54.520 you keep her? And I would be some summarily packed off, 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:58.359 sniffing and sneezing to my grandmother's mom. Mom fed me 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:01.760 buttered toast and read Tom's Lawyer Allowed until I fell asleep. 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:05.720 I watched Gilligan's Island and Eight Saltines. My brother spent 0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:09.000 his yearly battles with seasonal bronchitis sleeping on my paternal 0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:13.360 grandmother's pull out. We had a village. Um, and then 0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:16.040 it just kind of goes on, um talking about sort 0:21:16.080 --> 0:21:18.840 of I think what we're all familiar with, these more 0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:22.600 tight knit communities that people used to have where they 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:25.440 would live close to their other relatives and have more 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:28.960 of a support system. Um. Anyway, I thought it was 0:21:28.960 --> 0:21:33.760 an interesting essay. Um, it is, like I do think. 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:35.600 I mean, obviously a lot of people have pointed this 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.040 out that like in the past, women had a village, 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:40.760 and then when women entered the workflow force, nothing really 0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:45.359 like came into support that, and now we're all just 0:21:45.440 --> 0:21:47.439 doing like ten times as much work trying to like 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:53.120 figure it out. So and also millennials have migrated sort 0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:57.159 of away from their hometowns more than past generations. Yeah, 0:21:57.280 --> 0:21:59.879 I very much related to this. As the article goes on, 0:22:00.000 --> 0:22:02.400 and she's like, and now my husband and I both work, 0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:06.639 and suddenly I read in the school schedule is impossible 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:08.280 to read and suddenly realized I have to go to 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:11.359 an orientation in the middle of the day. Uh, and 0:22:11.400 --> 0:22:14.560 you have to get off work and a last minute babysitter. 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:20.359 You're spending dollars and there's not that, oh you just 0:22:20.440 --> 0:22:24.479 dropped them at your your siblings, if your grandfo. I 0:22:24.480 --> 0:22:27.280 grew up two blocks from my grandparents in one direction 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:29.440 and two blocks of my other grandparents in the other direction, 0:22:30.440 --> 0:22:35.280 and U uh is that? Yeah? Is that? And and 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:38.160 now it's like you have to get someone to watch 0:22:38.200 --> 0:22:41.600 your kids, and it's always complicated. It's been five years 0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:46.080 and it's still complicated. Right, There's not like there's I 0:22:46.119 --> 0:22:48.520 think obviously, I think you can get a lot of 0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:50.440 help if you have the money for it. But like 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:53.520 they're never going to have sort of the same dialogue 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:56.560 as like your friend or your sister, who are like aunt, 0:22:56.760 --> 0:22:59.600 who this person who comes over and just like knows 0:22:59.640 --> 0:23:01.960 the kid, it knows the deal. We'll figure it out. 0:23:01.960 --> 0:23:03.959 We'll talk to you like you know what I well, 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:06.439 we do have that with one person with your sister. 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:10.520 Is that one person village for us? Who is who 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:12.040 is part of the reason we want to move back 0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:15.359 to Brooklyn to be closer to her, but also to 0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:17.439 your brother and his wife. Was also going to be 0:23:17.520 --> 0:23:21.479 more reasonable like yeah, I can watch their kid because 0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:25.840 they're they're twenty minutes away, it is an hour. It's 0:23:25.920 --> 0:23:30.040 interesting because, like the decision to move back, every time 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:31.680 we move, I feel like it's sort of a really 0:23:31.760 --> 0:23:35.760 vulnerable decision because I feel like inevitably everyone you know 0:23:35.880 --> 0:23:38.120 is kind of judging you. And I do feel like 0:23:38.640 --> 0:23:41.720 there's a part maybe this is just my own paranoia, 0:23:41.840 --> 0:23:44.879 and I feel like the way people react it feels 0:23:44.920 --> 0:23:48.720 sometimes as though they're like, oh, so you were wrong 0:23:48.800 --> 0:23:51.720 to move to Westchester, And for me, I feel like 0:23:51.800 --> 0:23:53.880 very defensive, like because I think it was the right 0:23:53.880 --> 0:23:56.400 move for us at the time with our budget, etcetera. 0:23:56.480 --> 0:23:59.760 But anyway, I just feel like the one way I 0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:03.320 like I can sell people on this decision that like 0:24:03.400 --> 0:24:06.760 no one questions is when I'm like they're like why 0:24:06.800 --> 0:24:09.040 are you doing this? Because like they're confused, Like people 0:24:09.080 --> 0:24:11.120 who have moved up to Westchester, They're like, why would 0:24:11.119 --> 0:24:13.520 you leave? And when I'm like, well, we want to 0:24:13.560 --> 0:24:16.879 be near our family, They're like, oh, yeah, of course, 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:21.880 Like you know, like that's funny, I mean, because I don't. Uh. 0:24:22.520 --> 0:24:25.200