Speaker 1: I got to say, welcome to We Knows Parenting and
Speaker 1: Peter McNerney Beth and we're married and we have kids,
Speaker 1: and that's why we're here to talk about parenting. This
Speaker 1: podcast is all business. We take parenting very seriously. There's
Speaker 1: a right way to do it, and we know our
Speaker 1: bio masters of parenting. Oh okay we should um, yeah,
Speaker 1: we should occasionally check in and say what the point
Speaker 1: of the whole podcast is. We have two kids, there's
Speaker 1: now three and three quarters. I just mean we Knows parenting.
Speaker 1: The sort of philosophy of this podcast is like we
Speaker 1: don't really knows, and no one really knows, so we're
Speaker 1: just kind of nosing our way around it. Uh um.
Speaker 1: That was the most best sync description of this podcast
Speaker 1: I've heard since the last one. What happened this week?
Speaker 1: I say my highlight of the week right after Bad
Speaker 1: Beth is Brita's newest character, oh Man, who's pretending to
Speaker 1: understand that he gets Man, pretending he gets it, and
Speaker 1: he just goes, oh I get it, and he puts
Speaker 1: his shoulders up. He does it in a really weird voice,
Speaker 1: so it's like he's like, oh, I get it. And
Speaker 1: then he was talking about the character later and he
Speaker 1: was like, he doesn't get it. He says he gets it,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't get it. Oh, I get it. It's great.
Speaker 1: And the character only ever says that one thing over
Speaker 1: and over. He's got a little repertoire. Now he's almost
Speaker 1: he's halfway to a character reel. The other one is
Speaker 1: just a collar pole and you say something you can eat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've talked about that, but this is the newest one.
Speaker 1: You I get it. I really couldn't be prouder it.
Speaker 1: So that's your proudest thing from this week. That's my
Speaker 1: proudest thing from this week for sure. Okay, well, my
Speaker 1: proudest thing from this week is that we took the
Speaker 1: kids somewhere. Yes, we did. Today. We very randomly took
Speaker 1: them to a place called Sequest, which is an aquarium
Speaker 1: slash petting zoo in a mall in Connecticut, in Connecticut
Speaker 1: and surprisingly only five minutes away from us, which we didn't. Like.
Speaker 1: I don't know there, I had no idea until you
Speaker 1: texted me yeah, And it's just like, you know, there's
Speaker 1: things like that around, but then you're driving like two
Speaker 1: hours ago apple picking or something, and you're just like,
Speaker 1: like we got we have apples here? Is it really
Speaker 1: worth torturing my children to do something sort of fun?
Speaker 1: So anyway, this was good because it was like it
Speaker 1: was minimal, but it's enough to entertain children, like it
Speaker 1: was for their from their perspective, they were being wowed.
Speaker 1: They were being wound. They touched a wallaby. They touched
Speaker 1: a wallaby. Yeah once the last you touched a wallaby? Listener. Um,
Speaker 1: they chicken poop and it was it was fine, But
Speaker 1: I will say it was like chaotic in there, and
Speaker 1: I kind of knew going in. We picked Martin Luther
Speaker 1: King Junior day and it was like everyone's off school
Speaker 1: and everyone. I knew it would be crazy, but I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, let's just do it. Like so
Speaker 1: it could have been worse. Um, but anyway, it was
Speaker 1: like there was like what you noticed in those situations
Speaker 1: I find is that when it's getting tense, there's like
Speaker 1: there's gonna be kids that kind of like melt out
Speaker 1: and then you know whatever. But the thing that really
Speaker 1: gets under my skin is when the parents are melting
Speaker 1: down and you're like, oh my god, like just I
Speaker 1: don't know, take the kid out of your can you stop,
Speaker 1: Like screaming with everyone. That's like when I'm on an airplane,
Speaker 1: I don't get stressed about this stuff. But if I
Speaker 1: sit there and people are getting on and I I
Speaker 1: start watching them trying to find overhead cabin space for
Speaker 1: their bag, and they start getting stressed, and I get
Speaker 1: so wrapped up in their drama. Really like a meditative
Speaker 1: exercise to be around that many like stressed people and
Speaker 1: not like tune into them. Let it go, Let it go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it was over stimulating, but they saw some cool animals.
Speaker 1: There's like just there was a surprising array of animals
Speaker 1: that were felt really practical, like just a lot of
Speaker 1: lizards and snakes, cabara, a little sloth, sloth full on sloth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to buy special tickets to go touch to
Speaker 1: the sloth. There was a weird system where they're kind
Speaker 1: of like you can go in a lot of these
Speaker 1: cages if you just like grab one of us who
Speaker 1: works here. But there was like there's like no one
Speaker 1: available and there's like eight million people. There'd be like
Speaker 1: a line of people to go like stand in this
Speaker 1: animal cage for a second. And we opted out that
Speaker 1: one hallway was completely clogged and I had to say
Speaker 1: excuse me six times in a row. But between these
Speaker 1: two guys were facing back to back. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I have to say excuse my generalization, but I've had
Speaker 1: a week of men where men are just useless in
Speaker 1: these kinds of situations. Like I walked, I had to
Speaker 1: walk past the guys. I was like slightly bumped a
Speaker 1: guy's backpack because like everyone else there, I'm holding a
Speaker 1: child with one hand and I'm getting pulled and I
Speaker 1: need to move around and the hallway is too small
Speaker 1: and it's but like I like slightly bumped this guy.
Speaker 1: But he's standing just in the middle of everything, like
Speaker 1: just completely oblivious to his surrounding. The guy probably I
Speaker 1: don't know, but he's compeary. He gave me a look
Speaker 1: that I was just like, oh, excuse me that I'm
Speaker 1: at this place for children like my child. There was
Speaker 1: like all these people blocking the way and not letting
Speaker 1: parents through with their kids, and the kids were like
Speaker 1: sneaking ahead, and there's just like no order. I think
Speaker 1: I think it was the same guy. There's just well,
Speaker 1: there's just all these people that are like I'm just
Speaker 1: going to stand in place in this high traffic area
Speaker 1: completely not paying attention, not being aware of your spatial
Speaker 1: surroundings is I'm I'm so scared of being in people's
Speaker 1: personal space that I get mad when people aren't don't
Speaker 1: have the same fear I do. How dare you not
Speaker 1: have my fear? Okay, anyway, it was but it was
Speaker 1: a success. And then we went to there was like
Speaker 1: minimal small food options, so we almost went to the
Speaker 1: Cheesecake Factory, which I can't even remember the last time
Speaker 1: eight at, but it was packed. And then we found
Speaker 1: a little Japanese feared restaurant and while we're sitting are
Speaker 1: getting the kids food, Brent was like, this was a
Speaker 1: really great idea. Thank you for bringing me here. And
Speaker 1: I was like, this is the best lunch ever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he did say. I was like, wow, I feel so
Speaker 1: appreciated for one What did he say? He goes, this
Speaker 1: is so much better than our regular lunch? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: And then I said what We said, what's your regular
Speaker 1: and lunch? And he said peanut butter and chili. This
Speaker 1: is way better. Sets me chicken. Yeah, boy, love sets
Speaker 1: me chicken. Does not not a lot of interest in
Speaker 1: using chopsticks, like I said, she is. She is much
Speaker 1: more as a hand eye coordination. She's got it and
Speaker 1: he's fine. He's just always too busy, like imagining that
Speaker 1: the object is like a creature or it's like, honestly,
Speaker 1: what skill is more practical? I mean the chopsticks? I
Speaker 1: think maybe. Oh boy, so we did it. We got
Speaker 1: out of the house for once. Um. I had a
Speaker 1: tough bedtime tonight. Did you hear that? What's going on
Speaker 1: in there? Brinton was doing great and then he suddenly
Speaker 1: had time with it bed and he went into the
Speaker 1: red zone, which is the school school's emotion like emotions labeling.
Speaker 1: He went to the red zone, which is anger, frustration.
Speaker 1: Wait he told you he went to the red zone. No,
Speaker 1: I I had a really bad night with him last night.
Speaker 1: I was like my reaction to him was embarrassing and
Speaker 1: I just couldn't Like I just had like such a
Speaker 1: long day of him not listening to anything, and he
Speaker 1: got to a point where he was like kicking me
Speaker 1: and I was like tickling him back, and he just
Speaker 1: wouldn't stop, and I was just like, you know, you
Speaker 1: have to like restrain him. He's like started screaming. I
Speaker 1: was just like, you have to stop hitting people. And
Speaker 1: I was like, so angry. It's just like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't take it anymore. Um. I could tell
Speaker 1: he was in that mode, and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: putting my foot down and I'm going to count to three.
Speaker 1: But I also I want to remain a soft presence
Speaker 1: here because I could see him looking at me, and
Speaker 1: I've had a bad day. Just I'm not a bad
Speaker 1: it was fine day. I think it's just been a
Speaker 1: stressful week. I don't know, there's something always, it seems
Speaker 1: seemingly always lately, there's something in the air. But they're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like the news and the
Speaker 1: news coupled with it being winter and everyone being like
Speaker 1: inside together. Yeah, so anyway, should we do an update
Speaker 1: on the house? Yeah? I mean so, I feel like
Speaker 1: we The fearful part of my brain as like we
Speaker 1: totally jinxed ourselves. Well, this is why I didn't want
Speaker 1: to talk about it, because I didn't want to have
Speaker 1: to live out loud the various delays and frustrations. That
Speaker 1: is such a privileged thing to complain. We were so certain.
Speaker 1: I was so certain that I was like, well, we're
Speaker 1: going to sign this contract tomorrow, so let's start talking
Speaker 1: about it. I think what's happening is very normal. There's
Speaker 1: like some contracts stuff that has to be negotiated, and
Speaker 1: the seller is getting emotional about having to sell her house,
Speaker 1: which is understandable, and it's just like normal delays, and
Speaker 1: she's just sort of taking her time, and I'm getting
Speaker 1: more and more paranoid. Well, supposedly she was sick this week,
Speaker 1: so yeah, but I just sit here all day long
Speaker 1: going some some billionaires going to come in and just
Speaker 1: off off a billion dollars. My worst case, I like,
Speaker 1: I've my worst case scenario is that like we can't
Speaker 1: get these renovations done in time, and then we have
Speaker 1: to move in for schools, we have to find a
Speaker 1: sublet and like move all of our stuff twice and
Speaker 1: or like store it. You know, that's my nightmare scenario.
Speaker 1: And so I'm trying to be so patient with this
Speaker 1: woman because her position is very relatable and real. But
Speaker 1: I'm also like the clock is ticking on these renovations
Speaker 1: and I really need to know if this is a
Speaker 1: realistic plan for much longer. So, like, are we buying
Speaker 1: this house? Yeah, we're trying to figure out school for
Speaker 1: next year, and uh, we're doing a family visited to
Speaker 1: a school. It's just like my least favorite thing in
Speaker 1: the world is like when your whole life is like
Speaker 1: experiencing like a domino effect, like where it's hinging on
Speaker 1: one thing, one thing, it's I don't know anyway, just
Speaker 1: my name signed on a piece of paper and they'll
Speaker 1: feel a lot better. Yeah, it'll all be fine. It's
Speaker 1: not stressful at all. So yeah, that's what you know.
Speaker 1: We've been through this process a few times, and there's
Speaker 1: always a certain point where I'm like, oh, we're good. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is going to be easy now, And what a joke.
Speaker 1: It's never easy. It's always stressful. There's always going to
Speaker 1: be something. But at least, um, everyone knows now so
Speaker 1: I can talk to everybody about it, just about Yeah
Speaker 1: these are everyone feel bad for us. Yeah anyway, so
Speaker 1: I just wanted to all be over. Yeah. Yeah, um
Speaker 1: we also oh gosh, oh gosh, what did we do?
Speaker 1: What are we doing? What do we do? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't remember anything anymore. I just lost my mind.
Speaker 1: I hope you're deleting this apart from the podcast. No,
Speaker 1: I won't. This is where real, This is real. This
Speaker 1: is where real parenting happens in this moment of what
Speaker 1: am I was supposed to be doing something? What am
Speaker 1: I supposed to be doing? Don't you feel like since
Speaker 1: you became apparent you've completely lost your memory or is
Speaker 1: it just moms? I definitely feel like that sometimes it's
Speaker 1: I feel like today, I feel like that a hundred percent,
Speaker 1: where I know I have so many things to do
Speaker 1: and this house thing is looming, and I was just
Speaker 1: tired and depressed, and then you walked up to me
Speaker 1: tonight I had I had a moment where I had
Speaker 1: to literally very earnestly put my face into my hands
Speaker 1: and just hold them there for ten seconds where I
Speaker 1: just got, you know, this task, And then I got
Speaker 1: two emails back to back that we're like, oh, here's
Speaker 1: very time sensitive work, things that need to be dealt
Speaker 1: with immediately. And then you came up and you're like,
Speaker 1: should we make this for dinner? And it almost broke me.
Speaker 1: It just feels like, well, I only asked you that
Speaker 1: because I was asked you like two hours before you
Speaker 1: want to do for dinner? It was a reason something
Speaker 1: I did at the time. It's a reasonable question and
Speaker 1: just put on top of all of these things that
Speaker 1: didn't exist before. I just think there's something about winter
Speaker 1: that just makes it so hard to motivate to do anything,
Speaker 1: like you know what you mean, like knowing like that
Speaker 1: we had to I don't know, it's just that we
Speaker 1: had to write. We were writing a letter to the
Speaker 1: seller for this house, and I'm like, it's so hard
Speaker 1: to try to write like a compassionate letter to someone
Speaker 1: that doesn't sound artificial, and like just like trying to
Speaker 1: write that out. And thankfully my sister was here and
Speaker 1: she's actually like better at that. So I was like dreading,
Speaker 1: cracking my laptop open and working on this one. I've
Speaker 1: been like offline all weekend and just don't have it
Speaker 1: in me to like like I was just my brain.
Speaker 1: I was like I need to shut down. I need
Speaker 1: to like have some like non screen time with my family.
Speaker 1: Um Like, I like opened it up and started looking
Speaker 1: at the letter draft and like showing my sister, and
Speaker 1: once we started working on it, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank god I did this now. And it didn't like
Speaker 1: put this off until like eleven pm tonight, when I'm
Speaker 1: like completely brain. Oh there's so many things. I mean,
Speaker 1: anytime I feel totally overwhelmed with work. It's so hard
Speaker 1: to not think about all of it at the same time,
Speaker 1: and then it's overwhelming. In those moments, I have to
Speaker 1: just drill down and find one thing I can accomplish. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: even making a list, I still I see the whole thing,
Speaker 1: And when I'm super overwhelmed, I'm like, I just need
Speaker 1: to complete one thing, and if I just focus on it,
Speaker 1: I'll forget about the other for a while. And then
Speaker 1: when I come back to the list and when thing's gone,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is more manageable. Well, I also think
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to let yourself do the like procrastinating
Speaker 1: like easy things, just so you start to generate a
Speaker 1: sense of accomplishment, like be like, okay, I'm running to
Speaker 1: the post office. I'm doing this, like even if it's
Speaker 1: not the most like time sensitive thing on your to
Speaker 1: do list, Like I just need to clear the clutter.
Speaker 1: It's like why sometimes when I wake up in the morning,
Speaker 1: if I'm working from home, I might as well just
Speaker 1: clean the house the second I wake up, because until
Speaker 1: I actually just like give everything a tidying, I'm not
Speaker 1: actually getting any work done. It's just like and like
Speaker 1: weighed down by like it's I don't know, cleaning cleaning
Speaker 1: up is sometimes the yeah best, It's a good break,
Speaker 1: like for your brain too. I think to like think
Speaker 1: while you're moving, just any sort of accomplished tab I
Speaker 1: mean this is also not to go down this road.
Speaker 1: But our addiction to technology, addiction to our phones, looking
Speaker 1: at your phone all day creates the exact opposite feeling,
Speaker 1: which is I have a million tasks and I've accomplished
Speaker 1: none of them because your phone tells you got to
Speaker 1: go go after all these goodies, these things that there's
Speaker 1: no pay off, and so you're just left with the
Speaker 1: feeling of I still have things to do, but you'll
Speaker 1: never complete them. So putting it down and cleaning the
Speaker 1: apartment suddenly having a real tangible task to complete is
Speaker 1: my anti antidote. Um my whole life. I wanted to
Speaker 1: say antichdote, an antidote. Antidote anecdote is different. I always
Speaker 1: I've also also said demon instead of demon my my
Speaker 1: cute in uh, what is the word I want to say?
Speaker 1: I want to say idiosyncratic video There it is like
Speaker 1: when I said, like, do you think you're starting to
Speaker 1: lose your mind a little bit? As apparent you were like,
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes but not you were like, I know
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. And then you're in the course
Speaker 1: of this conversation your brain just fell apart in front
Speaker 1: of us. I feel like you lose your mind. No, no,
Speaker 1: I never have. But this is like something Donald Trump
Speaker 1: did this week. I didn't like, actually click on the
Speaker 1: video because no one wants to be triggered. At this point,
Speaker 1: we know he's pure garbage, but like he apparently he
Speaker 1: started trying to read a teleprompter and he just like
Speaker 1: had a brain melt and couldn't read. Like this, this
Speaker 1: man is just so broken on every level. Anyway, I
Speaker 1: can't I can't go down this road. No one wants
Speaker 1: to talk about this. I get it. But did I
Speaker 1: just do we just relate to him for a second though?
Speaker 1: Did we do that? Never mind, it's not a fun game.
Speaker 1: It's not a fun game. It's not a fun game.
Speaker 1: I might be having a drink while I'm doing a podcast.
Speaker 1: I think he's on some like serious like weird ampheta
Speaker 1: means or something. He's like, you might be having a
Speaker 1: drink while you're doing a podcast. Was that a related thought? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like he's on another level. I think great. Oh,
Speaker 1: I might be having a drink on a podcast, but
Speaker 1: at least I'm not I might be having a drink
Speaker 1: on a podcast, but I'm not crazy. Hey, I might
Speaker 1: be having a chrick in a podcast. Okay, anyway, word,
Speaker 1: but let's get back on track to UM. Let's get
Speaker 1: back on track by ending the segment. And now it's
Speaker 1: time for did you know? This is where we share
Speaker 1: something um that we've learned, that we've read were past along.
Speaker 1: This article was sent to us by listener Aliana Um
Speaker 1: and Beth. Yeah. Eleana sent us this with a nice night.
Speaker 1: She said, here's an article that seems interesting, though it's
Speaker 1: kind of a downer, so no solution is offered, kind
Speaker 1: of an owner as no solution is offered. Um, it's true,
Speaker 1: but this article is called Scary Mommy. This article is
Speaker 1: from Scary Mommy. It's called what It's Like to Parent
Speaker 1: Without a Village by Elizabeth Bradbent. And I'll read the
Speaker 1: first paragraph here. Um, it's six am, back in the nineties,
Speaker 1: and I've just woken with a fever. Back then, in
Speaker 1: the small town propped up by a steel mill and
Speaker 1: sadness a lack of opportunity and a lack of hope.
Speaker 1: My mother would pick up the phone, call her mother
Speaker 1: and say, Mom, one of the kids is sick. Can
Speaker 1: you keep her? And I would be some summarily packed off,
Speaker 1: sniffing and sneezing to my grandmother's mom. Mom fed me
Speaker 1: buttered toast and read Tom's Lawyer Allowed until I fell asleep.
Speaker 1: I watched Gilligan's Island and Eight Saltines. My brother spent
Speaker 1: his yearly battles with seasonal bronchitis sleeping on my paternal
Speaker 1: grandmother's pull out. We had a village. Um, and then
Speaker 1: it just kind of goes on, um talking about sort
Speaker 1: of I think what we're all familiar with, these more
Speaker 1: tight knit communities that people used to have where they
Speaker 1: would live close to their other relatives and have more
Speaker 1: of a support system. Um. Anyway, I thought it was
Speaker 1: an interesting essay. Um, it is, like I do think.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously a lot of people have pointed this
Speaker 1: out that like in the past, women had a village,
Speaker 1: and then when women entered the workflow force, nothing really
Speaker 1: like came into support that, and now we're all just
Speaker 1: doing like ten times as much work trying to like
Speaker 1: figure it out. So and also millennials have migrated sort
Speaker 1: of away from their hometowns more than past generations. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I very much related to this. As the article goes on,
Speaker 1: and she's like, and now my husband and I both work,
Speaker 1: and suddenly I read in the school schedule is impossible
Speaker 1: to read and suddenly realized I have to go to
Speaker 1: an orientation in the middle of the day. Uh, and
Speaker 1: you have to get off work and a last minute babysitter.
Speaker 1: You're spending dollars and there's not that, oh you just
Speaker 1: dropped them at your your siblings, if your grandfo. I
Speaker 1: grew up two blocks from my grandparents in one direction
Speaker 1: and two blocks of my other grandparents in the other direction,
Speaker 1: and U uh is that? Yeah? Is that? And and
Speaker 1: now it's like you have to get someone to watch
Speaker 1: your kids, and it's always complicated. It's been five years
Speaker 1: and it's still complicated. Right, There's not like there's I
Speaker 1: think obviously, I think you can get a lot of
Speaker 1: help if you have the money for it. But like
Speaker 1: they're never going to have sort of the same dialogue
Speaker 1: as like your friend or your sister, who are like aunt,
Speaker 1: who this person who comes over and just like knows
Speaker 1: the kid, it knows the deal. We'll figure it out.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you like you know what I well,
Speaker 1: we do have that with one person with your sister.
Speaker 1: Is that one person village for us? Who is who
Speaker 1: is part of the reason we want to move back
Speaker 1: to Brooklyn to be closer to her, but also to
Speaker 1: your brother and his wife. Was also going to be
Speaker 1: more reasonable like yeah, I can watch their kid because
Speaker 1: they're they're twenty minutes away, it is an hour. It's
Speaker 1: interesting because, like the decision to move back, every time
Speaker 1: we move, I feel like it's sort of a really
Speaker 1: vulnerable decision because I feel like inevitably everyone you know
Speaker 1: is kind of judging you. And I do feel like
Speaker 1: there's a part maybe this is just my own paranoia,
Speaker 1: and I feel like the way people react it feels
Speaker 1: sometimes as though they're like, oh, so you were wrong
Speaker 1: to move to Westchester, And for me, I feel like
Speaker 1: very defensive, like because I think it was the right
Speaker 1: move for us at the time with our budget, etcetera.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I just feel like the one way I
Speaker 1: like I can sell people on this decision that like
Speaker 1: no one questions is when I'm like they're like why
Speaker 1: are you doing this? Because like they're confused, Like people
Speaker 1: who have moved up to Westchester, They're like, why would
Speaker 1: you leave? And when I'm like, well, we want to
Speaker 1: be near our family, They're like, oh, yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: Like you know, like that's funny, I mean, because I don't. Uh.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is also probably a big gendered thing
Speaker 1: when I think you feel more pressure, you feel more
Speaker 1: pressure that people are judging you as a as a
Speaker 1: parent than I am. I feel maybe it is as
Speaker 1: a woman that I feel more judged in general, but
Speaker 1: I feel like every major life decision I've made, like
Speaker 1: I feel like most of the people around me were
Speaker 1: like what are you doing? Like people like people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're getting married at the age of twenty four, you
Speaker 1: must be a complete idiot, like like, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand that reaction, but like the I think the
Speaker 1: boldness with which people will be like openly critical of
Speaker 1: your life to well, I think that's probably true. I
Speaker 1: do think also, you're more sensitive to that sort of thing,
Speaker 1: so and I'm and I'm naturally blind to it. So
Speaker 1: we have very different experiences because I don't ever think
Speaker 1: it's impossible for me not to see what people's actual
Speaker 1: reaction is in the moment, like their emotional reaction is
Speaker 1: like they're like, I mean, I don't ever care what
Speaker 1: people think. People have questions, they don't they don't understand why,
Speaker 1: but I don't ever perceive No part of me is
Speaker 1: like do they like that I'm doing this? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I think just I'm so I just love attention
Speaker 1: so much that it just feels positive to me, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: tell people about myself that I don't have room to
Speaker 1: notice what they think about it. Well, this is what
Speaker 1: I think was interesting of like we're trying to write
Speaker 1: this letter to the seller, where it's like crafting this
Speaker 1: thing that's compassionate but not too specific and not presuming
Speaker 1: anything about this person. Like I feel like my sister
Speaker 1: was really helpful at that because she works in like
Speaker 1: a local New York politics and I think she kind
Speaker 1: of understands like how do you phrase something, how do
Speaker 1: you present it or market it or whatever? And I
Speaker 1: feel like sort of somewhat familiar with you know, branding whatever.
Speaker 1: But like your assumptions I think or did were very
Speaker 1: much less trying to sell the other person and just
Speaker 1: being like, I want to say what how I feel
Speaker 1: exactly in this moment. It's like, you're not my impulses
Speaker 1: to get people to love me and my impulse, but
Speaker 1: what a beautiful family wants to move into this house.
Speaker 1: But I don't think you're like seeing the other side
Speaker 1: of it. Hey, did you notice that I kept myself
Speaker 1: out of the conversation, which I would have been completely
Speaker 1: happy to do this whole project by myself, but I
Speaker 1: think we both knew it wasn't going to land that way.
Speaker 1: So well, it's a sensitive situation. It's this woman who
Speaker 1: clearly is like very sad to be leaving her house
Speaker 1: she lived in, which is understandable, And so I do
Speaker 1: feel very like wary of the way we present like, hey,
Speaker 1: we're this family coming in to take your house and
Speaker 1: have a happy life together, Like like you can't you
Speaker 1: have to phrase these things so that you're not like
Speaker 1: so that you're sensitive to what this person is clearly
Speaker 1: going through. No, I understand. I think I understand a
Speaker 1: lot better than you give me credit for. Um, But
Speaker 1: I'm I'm also accept the criticisms of this theoretical letter
Speaker 1: that I did not write, Um, I know exactly how
Speaker 1: I would be good at it and where I would
Speaker 1: be blind. But speaking of the village, this is exactly this.
Speaker 1: I like. I read this article and it again reaffirmed
Speaker 1: how excited I am to move back to our village.
Speaker 1: I mean, right, because we have friends in Brooklyn, we don't.
Speaker 1: We have friends in Memericck that we've met since we
Speaker 1: moved here. But they're not like our core friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're not somebody I would call to like talk about
Speaker 1: my problems. Um, so it's just nice to be like
Speaker 1: we can move to a place where, like if one
Speaker 1: of us was like having a hard day and I
Speaker 1: was like, I really would love to go out and
Speaker 1: get one drink with my friend, that the other person
Speaker 1: could be like, it's not It's only gonna take you
Speaker 1: like two hours. Yeah, go do that. Like our kids
Speaker 1: are now three and five, and so I'm going to
Speaker 1: ignore them while you're gone anyway. Yeah, well, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: going to be so much better. But he says, keep
Speaker 1: getting I'm confident we'll find something else to be stressed
Speaker 1: out about once are perfect life forms around us. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm already stressed about a lot of the details that
Speaker 1: I haven't fully thought about yet anyway, but yeah, how
Speaker 1: do you do? That's just the difference is like we
Speaker 1: have people here now that if we're in a jam,
Speaker 1: we can there's some people we can call who can
Speaker 1: like watch one of our kids and would trade favors.
Speaker 1: But it's it's stressful. I don't want to do that,
Speaker 1: and if I do, then I stress that I'm like
Speaker 1: I asked too much of them, and it's like we
Speaker 1: haven't built up a lot of credit with them in
Speaker 1: terms of returning that favor. Like we're like I think
Speaker 1: we're kind of like split even that's the thing was
Speaker 1: I feel like we have to keep score. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: know they're worried about it too, because well just because
Speaker 1: I feel like they're busy and we're busy. So if
Speaker 1: they were just unloading their kids on us all the time,
Speaker 1: like both we would feel put upon them. But if
Speaker 1: my brother did it, I'm like I wouldn't think twice.
Speaker 1: I'm a great my sister, and I'm like, we all
Speaker 1: have fevers and I just need you to come here
Speaker 1: and bring us gatorade. Like she's like that's her job
Speaker 1: as my sister to walk into our germ den and
Speaker 1: do that it's also you know, with your family, I
Speaker 1: can be like, hey, can you do this favor? And
Speaker 1: my brother will say no if it's a doesn't fit
Speaker 1: or it's annoying, Whereas I'm so scared of asking somebody
Speaker 1: for a favor and they say yes, and I never
Speaker 1: find out that they didn't want to say yes, Like
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want to feel that. I
Speaker 1: don't even want to worry that. That's true. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the village. You don't think twice that the village is
Speaker 1: there for you. I mean, I think people find their
Speaker 1: people with that. I just don't think. I don't we
Speaker 1: have we don't have that here quite yet. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: obviously I think some people listening would relate to this
Speaker 1: a lot there and some people really wouldn't because they
Speaker 1: do have that. Did We talk about the article a
Speaker 1: few months back where like people were kind of creating
Speaker 1: almost like little compounds. But it was like this one
Speaker 1: group of friends who had just kind of like purposely
Speaker 1: bought properties on the same block, so it was like
Speaker 1: three or four families like right around across the street
Speaker 1: from each other, and they would just like always be
Speaker 1: kind of like handing off their kids to each other,
Speaker 1: running to do something, doing like a big family dinner
Speaker 1: with all the families and just like kind of splitting
Speaker 1: the Was it a commune, No, but they like jokingly
Speaker 1: called it like a commune, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It was like not, it was more just like regular
Speaker 1: people who like kind of made a point to live
Speaker 1: close together. And I was like, it's so smart. Do
Speaker 1: you remember one of those It's one of those like
Speaker 1: the world's most incredible architecture, like how the most extraordinary houses,
Speaker 1: And there's one that's it's like these two sisters ors
Speaker 1: built at these two houses in a way that has
Speaker 1: this like communal courtyard in the middle, and they're connected,
Speaker 1: but they're also designed perfectly so they face completely away
Speaker 1: from each other. So you have your own unique, independent house,
Speaker 1: and then you also have it's a it's a it's
Speaker 1: a really tiny micro village. And I didn't think about
Speaker 1: it that way then. But not thinking about this, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: I want the people. I want to be able to
Speaker 1: rely on people, and then also to have my space. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the only way I could do it is if I
Speaker 1: had completely like my own private property and space, because
Speaker 1: I don't, like, I really don't want like a communal
Speaker 1: eating situation on a daily basis. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be like in people's face at like ten pm, like
Speaker 1: I just want Like we we went to our good
Speaker 1: friend's birthday party and we were talking about this, and
Speaker 1: we're talking about just you know, we most almost everyone
Speaker 1: we know, including ourselves right now, live in apartments, and
Speaker 1: so many of our friends also still have roommates. And
Speaker 1: it was just hearing friends talking about roommates and how
Speaker 1: they came were talking about like weird rent situations they
Speaker 1: had in the past where they had like crazy low
Speaker 1: rent but like totally dysfunctional living situations where they were
Speaker 1: like living with their ex girlfriend and stuff like like you,
Speaker 1: but someone else had a similar story, and it's like you,
Speaker 1: when you live in New York, you get it because
Speaker 1: it's just like so much money down the drain rent
Speaker 1: all the time. We'd explain this to people a lot
Speaker 1: that when we started dating, I was sharing a room
Speaker 1: with my ex girlfriend who had broken up with six
Speaker 1: months earlier. And everyone's like why and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I paid three rent and they're like, oh, never move. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I made some I mean, you got it. You
Speaker 1: weren't weird it up by it. I think, no, the
Speaker 1: three in rent makes sense. You also were like barely
Speaker 1: employed if at all, so I was like, yeah, he
Speaker 1: shouldn't be like raising his rent right now and I
Speaker 1: was basically living with you. Yeah, so so thank you
Speaker 1: for that. By the way I figured it out, crushing it.
Speaker 1: It did probably accelerate our moving in process though that
Speaker 1: it was like probably most definitely, well at least was
Speaker 1: up and I'm like, I'm not going to resign this lease. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well I was also like, I'm not just it's going
Speaker 1: to keep housing you every night of the week without
Speaker 1: you sharing this rent. So that's also true. Well so
Speaker 1: that my X and I, who's now one of my
Speaker 1: dearest friends, we both started dating other people about the
Speaker 1: exact same time and share that room, so neither one
Speaker 1: of us were ever there, and then we both ended
Speaker 1: up marrying those people. It's crazy. This segment is called
Speaker 1: Listeners Want to Knows, where we take questions and comments
Speaker 1: from you guys. This is a comment. This comes to
Speaker 1: us from steps. The comment just not a question. It's
Speaker 1: a comment from Stephanie subject line podcast review. So I
Speaker 1: want to preface this by saying, if you're new to
Speaker 1: the podcast. We have periodically UM asked our listeners to
Speaker 1: rate and review the podcast, and Beth will make up
Speaker 1: a subject line that people should use when reviewing the podcast.
Speaker 1: So we've had such classics as this podcast got me pregnant, uh,
Speaker 1: this podcast slaps um so you know, all really good
Speaker 1: suggestions for podcast review. I can't believe. I can't what
Speaker 1: the first one was anyway from Stephanie. I posted this
Speaker 1: review on iTunes, but I wanted to email it to
Speaker 1: you guys as well, just to make sure that you
Speaker 1: know the impact your podcast is having on the world.
Speaker 1: Smiley face. Congrats on the new house, don't I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have said anything. We haven't signed a contract yet. I
Speaker 1: know you. You say these things as if they're happening,
Speaker 1: and now we have to sit in the unknown. We
Speaker 1: don't know, Peter, we don't know. All right, here's the
Speaker 1: subject blind of the review. Are you ready? This podcast
Speaker 1: got me pregnant? Literally? I've been waiting a long time
Speaker 1: to write this emault. I've been a fan of of
Speaker 1: Beth and Peter's family since I heard the hosts of
Speaker 1: The Lost Culturista's podcast refer to Brynn as their favorite
Speaker 1: living comedian for their suggestion if you don't listen to
Speaker 1: loss culture ristas with bon Yang and Matt Rogers or
Speaker 1: our friends and and very very funny comedians, you should
Speaker 1: um for their suggestion. I looked up Beth and Peter's
Speaker 1: Instagram accounts and immediately fell in love with their hilarious,
Speaker 1: adorable children, So naturally, I was thrilled when I heard
Speaker 1: they were starting a parenting podcast, and it did not disappoint.
Speaker 1: Getting a peek into Beth and Peter's lives with their
Speaker 1: kids helped me realize what I was missing out on
Speaker 1: by not having kids of my own. My husband and
Speaker 1: I decided it was finally time to take the leap,
Speaker 1: and we're expecting our first baby in May and it's
Speaker 1: a brand ak boy. I love you guys, and I
Speaker 1: love the podcast, even though I sound crazy when I'm
Speaker 1: trying to repeat funny Brannan Maven stories to friends, but
Speaker 1: I have to explain I don't know these kids in
Speaker 1: real life, just through a podcast. Stephanie, Wow, we did it, Beth,
Speaker 1: we fucking did it. I hope that kid is a
Speaker 1: good kid. Uh what, That's a great thing. That's a
Speaker 1: great thing to say when somebody says, Hey, I'm pregnant
Speaker 1: having a baby. Wow, I hope that kid is a
Speaker 1: good kid. Kind of feel like we altered the timeline,
Speaker 1: So I just hope we did good. I Um, well,
Speaker 1: I'd say the quality of the child is on them
Speaker 1: at this point. Yeah. No, it was a nice email.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's a nice person. She'll raise a good kid.
Speaker 1: At some point when the terminator comes, that kid will
Speaker 1: save us or that kid will be targeted because they're
Speaker 1: the savior of the world. And so I'm sorry, Stephanie,
Speaker 1: with the terminators are coming forward, you your bread anyway,
Speaker 1: That's so cool, that's really exciting. Wow, this podcast got
Speaker 1: me pregnant, literally were I hope you know, Stephanie, we're
Speaker 1: taking full credit. I know. I hope you understand. When
Speaker 1: you tell my husband give him an inch, he'll take
Speaker 1: a mile. He's burying this. I'm running a marathon. He's right.
Speaker 1: The responsibility for your child's existence now for all eternity. Hey,
Speaker 1: if you give me a gift, I'm going to use
Speaker 1: that gift. It's my gift, it's your gift. I think
Speaker 1: we should give a little credit to the woman who's
Speaker 1: going to be pregnant and carrying the baby, and you know,
Speaker 1: I just remembering it. I just remembered with the other
Speaker 1: subject line. We asked people to review our podcast for
Speaker 1: which is a sexy podcast for parents? Which was We
Speaker 1: got a lot of reviews. Oh yeah, it is a
Speaker 1: sexy podcast for parents, And because you're not a parent,
Speaker 1: it starts to make things so sexy you become a parent.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's a parent that this podcast makes you a parent. No,
Speaker 1: you gotta workshop that first draft, final draft. I think
Speaker 1: if you write an or a few this week, it
Speaker 1: should be I scream, you scream, we all scream for kids?
Speaker 1: Question mak um, I scream, you scream, we all scream
Speaker 1: for kids. It's an exclamation point in there too? Is
Speaker 1: it a t in taro bang? You know what in
Speaker 1: taro bang is? It's a question mark end exclamation point.
Speaker 1: You scream, I scream, we all scream for kids. Oh,
Speaker 1: I get it. I'm just drinking a beer on a podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just drinking a beer in a podcast.
Speaker 1: But I get it. This is the part of the
Speaker 1: podcast where we just remixed the rest of the episode,
Speaker 1: where we just take things we learned signing the contract.
Speaker 1: I get it. Takes the village. My friends and I
Speaker 1: have a conversational callback that I don't remember the origins
Speaker 1: of anymore. But we just say, clear your cash, Clear
Speaker 1: your cash, Clear your cash. Yeah, it's just sort of like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's a good like glitchy closer, you know,
Speaker 1: when things were going haywire. So when it's like I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm talking about any clear just to
Speaker 1: clear my cash, I'm running sluggish. I don't overthink it.
Speaker 1: You're not going to get it. You're in on it.
Speaker 1: So just I didn't hear it used in the wild,
Speaker 1: you know, I heard it in a clinical content would
Speaker 1: have to be there. I wasn't. I'm not invited into
Speaker 1: the room where it happens. I'm so sorry that I
Speaker 1: did that. I'm so sorry. I like, it wouldn't bother
Speaker 1: me if this podcast became something where we just quote
Speaker 1: Hamilton's lyrics out of the blue all the time. But
Speaker 1: I don't know if people would appreciate. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm not not thrown away my shot. That's all saying.
Speaker 1: What if this was just this podcast just became like
Speaker 1: Mulan rouge in what sense that just dying of cholera? Yes,
Speaker 1: that is your diag of cholera. You just remax mixed
Speaker 1: pop songs into I don't I gotta clear the cash?
Speaker 1: Did I do it right? They do it right? Um.
Speaker 1: I was trying to think of some lyrics from Mulan
Speaker 1: Rouge to sing and I couldn't ebody FEUs. I just
Speaker 1: I just went from Elton John to Oasis accidentally. Well,
Speaker 1: those songs are Medley's, I know. Well, that's it is.
Speaker 1: It's a very Mulan Rouge thing to do, just getting
Speaker 1: in the vibe of Mulan Rouge. I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: think of more Hamilton's songs, but I'm there's too much pressure,
Speaker 1: there's not Yeah, anyway, let's this is not? Is this
Speaker 1: good content? Please write, review, subscribe You scream my scream
Speaker 1: for kids. This has been another episode of We Knows Parenting.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to right in to ask us a question,
Speaker 1: we'd love another. Would you know scenarios? Send us say
Speaker 1: hypothetical nightmare parenting situation. We'd love to unpack it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Email us at we Knows pod at gmail dot com,
Speaker 1: or you can leave us a voicemail at three four
Speaker 1: seven three eight four seven three nine six. Find us
Speaker 1: on Instagram. We know SPoD um. You can find Beth
Speaker 1: in my cell my instagrams as well through there um, Facebook,
Speaker 1: on Twitter and leave us a review. I Scream, Us Scream,
Speaker 1: We all scream for kids on iTunes five stars. You
Speaker 1: know all that all that good stuff. We'd love it
Speaker 1: and have yourself a great night. Please please please bye
Speaker 1: bye