WEBVTT - Episode 351: A Long Time C*mming (Feat. Gia Casey) 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:04.920 What's up this lip service? I'm Angela Yee, I'm g 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:13.040 g McGuire, I'm Stephanie Santiago, I'm Laura Maura. Oh we 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:15.480 have Gia Casey. This is her first time on the service. 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:18.560 Thank you for having me. I specifically told Envy to 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:21.040 stay home because I wanted to just have ge On 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:23.160 without him, because you know, we make fun of him 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:24.880 at work all the time about different things that have 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:28.360 happened to him that you know, vibrate dildo situation and 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:32.879 all of that I've heard. But you guys have a 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:35.640 book out now, Real Life, Real Love, which is, by 0:00:35.680 --> 0:00:37.760 the way, an amazing read. I'm I'm not gonna lie. 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:41.519 Early on, I cried, I did, because you know, I'm 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:44.760 sensitive when I read certain things. But I think I 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:47.159 know you guys have told this story before about your 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:50.200 face getting slice and you getting into where those girls 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:53.760 jumped you, but reading it like in real time, and 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:55.520 how Envy was supposed to pick you up but he 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:58.560 was working, and then you know that part was like 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.040 I just can't even imagine something like that happening. But 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.200 then and he said, you know, after that, things were 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:06.880 never they saying. But what I love is you said 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:11.800 you were stronger after that. Absolutely. Absolutely. Growing up in 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:15.360 Queen's Brooklyn originally from Brooklyn and then I moved to 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:17.880 Queens when I was fourteen, there was just a lot 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:23.000 of things that I felt kept replaying throughout my life. Um. 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:30.000 And one of those things was people's people feeling as 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.240 though they know who you are before they get to 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:36.560 know who you are, they see you as one thing, 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:39.800 just based on your pearance, and um, for me, it 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.440 was people assuming that I was stuck up or bougie 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:46.240 or conceited, and I'm the exact opposite. People would be like, 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:50.560 you're actually nice. Well, yeah, I am nice, but I'm 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:54.440 a tomboy. Like It's just I went through that my 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:58.640 whole life. And I've gotten into fights my entire life, um, 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.400 ever since I was Um, I think onto my first 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:06.480 fight when I was maybe twelve, and constantly you know, 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.799 never a fight that you initiated, Oh god, no, no, no, no, 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:14.000 never a fight that I initiated. But I became very 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:19.760 tough skinned, very thick skinned because of misconceptions and whatnot. 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:23.200 And um, and it also encouraged me to be strong 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.880 because I felt like I was always defending myself. Do 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:28.120 you know what I mean. And I also grew up 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.600 with that, you know, like I didn't want people to 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:32.360 feel as that they could take advantage of me or 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.240 play me, do you know what I mean? So it's like, okay, yes, 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.799 you go extra the other way, and that's why. And 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:40.520 I could totally really you know, been growing up in 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:44.040 the city and the pretty girls, we always know how 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:45.720 to fight, Like don't I have a sleep on the 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.560 pretty girls from New York Because we would look at 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.240 certain girls and they'd be like, Oh, she's looking at 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:52.920 us wrong, she's all stuck up, and we will I 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.440 will always end up in a fight because I have 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:59.480 I looked at somebody up and down, or because somebody's 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:02.640 boyfriend was being too friendly to me. Like being a 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:04.919 pretty girl you have to be like on a high 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.880 defense in New York City. Yeah, I mean, you know, 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:10.480 it's just I got into a fight one time when 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.519 I was a freshman in high school. No, no, actually 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:15.919 I was a sophomore in high school and I got 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:18.600 on the bus and this girl just looked at me 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:22.280 and then snuffed me in the face. I never met 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:25.760 this girl before, I never saw her. We had no 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:28.639 affiliation or anything. We got into a fight on the bus. 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:33.919 That's crazy, just the thing, you know what I mean, 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:37.440 And I understood what it was at the time, and 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.480 that was just, you know, just my life. That's perceptive 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:42.280 that you understood what it was. It's hard not to 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.800 because it's more their issue than you're. You know, it's 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:49.920 all there issue with themselves. But the first thing, if 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:51.840 you know, you get into a situation with somebody, the 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.839 first thing is, oh, this light skin bitch or you know, 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:58.280 this piss colored bitch or bleach casper, you know, just 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.440 the joke. So it's it's not lost on you what's 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:06.000 actually going on. You know, why there's issues and whatnot. 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:09.680 And I'm not even saying that, you know, it's jealousy, 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:12.480 like I'm not putting those things on you know, the 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:16.120 people that you have have offended me. I'm just saying that 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:21.719 our society, especially at that time, was just um divisive. 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:24.840 It was very it was very divisive, you know what 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:28.000 I mean, and that divisiveness was encouraged. So it was 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:32.920 a whole societal issue within our culture and part of it. 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:35.120 I'm going to be honest, even from the other side 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.400 of it, and I know it's going to sound strange 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:42.320 for me. To say, but I even somewhat understand, just 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:47.560 the same way that black people understand white privilege. As 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:51.040 a light skinned woman, I understood light skin privilege and 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:54.440 it does exist. Yeah, because if you see other music 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:58.320 videos or even guys saying I only like yellow bones, 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:01.080 only date light skan girl, we used to hear that 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.520 a lot. You know, are people being like I like 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:07.880 mixed girls, the term good here, all of the exotic 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.640 and all of that, and so yes, it's a fucked 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.520 up way for exact people to think. And someone even 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:15.880 put myself in the position of being like a darker 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:19.359 complexed girl at the time and trying to imagine how 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:24.200 that would feel. So not to give permission to it 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.880 or to say that it's okay, but the very least 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:29.760 I understood. And that's kind of how I try to 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:31.800 go through life. I don't try to just look at 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:34.320 things through my perspective. I try to look at things 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:39.920 through everyone involved perspective. Yeah, I mean, okay, let's talk 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:43.160 about how envy even got you, because I say Rashwan 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:54.760 was back then, Yes, actually was jan that's right. But 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:56.440 I guess when you think about a DJ, envy is 0:05:56.480 --> 0:06:01.240 also not like the connotation but how he even got 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:04.400 you is a really funny story. Right first he was 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.920 kind of in the friend zone, but then you were 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.240 dating somebody else and he called on three ways? So 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:12.599 can you tell this what he did? Because this is 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:18.839 some crazy shit. So I had moved from Brooklyn to Queens, 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:24.640 sorry to hear that night. Um, and then I transferred 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.480 into a Shawn's school and I was a new girl 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:31.120 in school, so I had options, do you know what 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.880 I mean? And I was It's just the nature of it, right, 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:36.279 So I was, you know, talking to different people, and 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.920 I was talking to this kid from christ the kid, 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:41.520 So I went to St. Francis, perhaps Shan and the 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.280 king was big and bast your life might have been 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:50.960 way didn't first book? You know, I never looked him up, 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:53.240 but he was on the swim team and we were talking. 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:57.000 And when Rashawn first kicked it to me, not to 0:06:57.040 --> 0:07:00.600 say that I wasn't interested, but I just had, you know, 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.120 I had options, and I was trying to figure out 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:07.039 which way you want to He likes to tell this story. 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.920 I wish you were here to tell it. I used 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:13.880 to run I used to run track, and um, you know, 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.840 we would wear these like skimpy little one piece track 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:19.520 outfits and one short where I would, yes, like a 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:23.840 little exactly little short short's little you know. No, he 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:28.440 did did wear him and I don't know, you know Mono, right, 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.760 say Mono. So they've been friends longer than I've even 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.080 known Rashan. Rashan I've been together for twenty seven years, 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.360 so he's known Mono about thirty years. I remember they're 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:43.080 falling out girl, that's a whole Yes. Um. We wore 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:46.880 like partial uniforms, so it's kind of like a dress code, 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:48.720 but they gave you what pieces you could wear, so 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:51.160 they would wear the slack pant, their little slack pants. 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:55.840 Rashan will were like a pastel pink polo button down 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.840 with the pink scrunch socks, and Randy would come in 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:00.880 on the same days. He was a plan, right, Randy 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:03.280 were coming on the same day with the lavender past 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.120 though button down scrunch shocks, and at the time it 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.360 was very like swaggy, you know what I mean. So 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.920 he did catch my attention and I did be like, oh, 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:16.600 he's cute friend. At that point, you know, I think 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.400 I thought he's I liked him, but he kept trying 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:22.120 to give me a telephone number, and I was like, 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:23.800 oh yea, yeah, I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:25.320 And then he would come to school and I day, like, 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:28.560 you didn't call and I'm like, he got caught up, 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:32.680 you know whatever. He's like in case you lost it again. 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:35.720 And that's went on for some time, and then finally 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:37.440 he was like, well, can I have your telephone number? 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.200 I'll call you since you're like so big, So I 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:42.280 gave him my number and then I finally picked up. 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:45.360 And then after speaking to him for about like a 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:48.760 week and two weeks, I was like, Wow, there's really 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:51.720 there's really something to this kid. Like he's so charming 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:56.000 and charismatic, and he was very invested, do you know 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.040 what I mean. It wasn't just like chit chat and 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.720 like he was like trying to make me his wife. 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:04.600 After like two weeks, you know, but I still had 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:07.240 this other kid on the side. I didn't tell about 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:08.839 really what Sean was on the side at that point 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.360 because well, this is true, this is true, Sean was 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:21.160 actually my side. Um. So Shan found out and he 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:24.960 found out who the kid was, got his number, called him, 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:29.800 and then called me on three way and was like, yes, So, um, 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.559 I heard you talking to some and so and I 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:34.360 was like yeah. He was like, well, he's on the phone. 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:38.320 Why I agree to this. It's like he's on the phone. 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:40.360 So he was like, so right here and now I'm 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:42.959 gonna need you to choose. I'm gonna needs you to pick. 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:45.640 It's either me. And he was like, because I ain't 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:51.720 share the ultimatum. Yeah, Netflix, Yes. I was like I 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:59.520 got all hot and bothered, like I choose you. Yes. 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:06.200 Then I was like sorry, Jonathan. Yeah. But because it 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:08.760 was very it was very hard, it was manly, it 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.080 was assertive. That's not the type of thing you would 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:14.680 have expected from a sixteen year old, you know. And 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.319 he's never faltered on that, Like, that's one thing that 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:21.520 he has been. He's been invested literally since day one. 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:23.760 So I like that about him. But I like a 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:27.720 man's man, you know, Like I like someone that's very manly. 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.640 And I know when the show, you guys joke and play, 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:33.880 and you know, there's a certain persona associated with that, 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:35.920 you know what I mean. He can't change a tire, 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:38.520 but no, he can't. He can't put a hole in 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:40.560 the wall to hang a picture, but like you know, 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:47.240 and you know that's what he would say. Yeah, So 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:51.400 I'm like all right, you know, so so I like 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:53.720 that about him, you know. Um, and then we started 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:56.840 dating and like we fell in love with each other 0:10:57.040 --> 0:11:00.599 like quick immediately, it had. So let me ask you this, 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:03.000 and the time that he was courting you because you 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:06.120 were keeping your options open for you the only person 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.240 he was talking to then, or were they like other 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:11.200 girls that he was entertaining. I'm just curious. It was 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:13.480 just it was just tunnel vision. Yeah, No, it was 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:15.760 tunnel vision. It was just me, and he made sure 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:18.800 that it was just him, so it was yeah, we 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:22.920 were exclusive immediately. Did your parents like him right away? Well, 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:28.160 the truth is my father liked him because Rashawn always 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:33.520 came across as very very protective, well protective you know. Um. 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:37.080 My mother liked him, but my mother thought that he 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:41.040 was too immature for me. So one day I come downstairs, 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:43.120 she's like, come in my room, going there, and she's like, 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:47.559 m do you think that maybe he might be a 0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:50.160 little image too immature for you? And I'm like, well, 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.240 why would you say that. She's like, oh, he just 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.200 walks into the house and it's like I'm Mrs Grante 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:57.079 Grant and then he just goes upstairs, right, He doesn't 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.679 engage in conversation upstairs. Oh yeah, and my parents were 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:03.600 very cool. I was gonna say, because I wasn't allowed 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:05.520 to have boys in my room when I was in 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:09.960 high school. I had such a dope relationship with my 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:14.160 mother and my father that they knew that if I 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:16.480 allowed a boy into my room that nothing was going 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.320 to happen. Did you, well, you're allowed to have boys 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.640 in your room. I was having slumber parties in high school. 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:23.280 I was having some of her, but now a boy 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:27.640 like I had coed sumber I had a co ed 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:31.680 slumber party when and I'm talking about like from temp 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.520 grade all the way through. So do you allow your 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:37.240 kids like this is your daughters or sons, like can 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:40.600 they have I would? I would at them only because 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:44.400 I raised my children the way I was raised. Is 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.120 there a certain age where you're like it's okay or 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:50.040 just in general? Well, I just think it's inappropriate before 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.560 you know, like maybe like seventeen um. I would trust 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:55.800 my kids from the yet. But I would say, like 0:12:55.880 --> 0:13:00.480 seventeen um, if a parent that of an invitee allows 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.439 their child to come and sleep over. It's okay with 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:08.080 me as long as you Yeah, I'm both of my kids. 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:11.440 I would because I was raised in a very open 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:16.679 conversation communication type of households, so where there was so 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:20.760 much trust, and my parents poured so much into me, 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:25.240 and they taught me right from wrong and morals and 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:28.440 you know, all of these things. And they always wanted 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:30.680 me to live my best life. They always wanted me 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.440 to have fun. They always encouraged me to be the 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.680 best at anything that I attempted to do. They believed 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:40.400 in me. So I would never do anything to dishonor them. 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:42.520 And the proof is in the pudding. You know. I 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:45.480 was of Shawn took my virginity like I was a virgin. 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.440 I did you know what he was doing? Um, I 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.439 mean we both, we both, I don't have to think 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.400 about it. Like we both were in this in the 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:58.040 same space regarding that. So I think we were because 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.760 he was kind of virgin ish. Yeah, Like we were 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:04.760 both extremely inexperience in experience. You guys were learning together. 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.920 So we were learning together to that was so fast 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:11.360 because he probably was so excited like Atla always came. 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:17.920 He not like he was tender, and he took his 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:21.240 time and he was considerate, he was thoughtful. He made 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:25.280 a whole situation out of it. He asked my permission. 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:33.840 He did have a mixed tape. I remember. That was hilarious. 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.600 It was like the whole It was at the Marriott 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:43.440 Marquis in Times Square. Yes, first experiencing. Yes, here's a 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:48.400 horror stories. I had a nice one, you know, like 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.520 you said, I had a guy who was really considerate 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:55.440 and chancel and he made sure everything was really moist. 0:14:55.440 --> 0:15:01.360 He ate it before he tried anything. It was really nice, 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:05.520 you know, and slow, and I felt really loved. And 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.440 you know, some girls have such horrible stories about their 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:13.240 first My face time is terrible. I hated. But we 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.920 waited a year. We had sex on our one year anniversary. 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:18.520 So it was planned, like this is the day we're 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:21.120 gonna do it in the hotel. Didn't decide, but I 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:24.720 knew that I would not before one year, you know, 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.440 like I had to be in love and I had 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.160 to be ready, you know, I was sixteen. I had 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:34.200 to be ready. Watch corner like how did you learn? 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.240 How did you learn? Now? But what we'll talk about 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.600 that in a second. To that did you have to 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:44.160 ask anybody, like what am I supposed to do? Or 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:46.520 you just went in like I just went in, like 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.600 we're two young kids, like we'll figure that. It's not 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:54.120 too it's not that hard and so long, and like 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:55.920 you said, you were already in love. So the passion 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.160 was there, the chemistry was there, and even though y'all 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:00.720 didn't know really what I was doing, I'm sure y'all 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:08.720 like we figured it out out. No, yes, okay, did 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:15.840 you come? No? Because you didn't, Okay I did. My 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:20.200 first boyfriend, I didn't come like I didn't. What did 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.760 you think? I didn't. Actually, my son from my first 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:27.040 that's my one year old, and the pot dickens, like 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:30.920 I didn't know. I thought women can only come from 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:34.200 I didn't know that why he was pet so I 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:39.120 never knew how to while until you know, that's a 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:42.160 whole conversation. And it's crazy because he didn't even teach 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:43.600 me that the whole time I was with him. I 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:48.120 didn't know. You just had no ideas. And in my 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:53.720 first sex sexual ID, I did because I had an 0:16:53.720 --> 0:17:01.200 world before I actually you know had Yeah, so I 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.679 was coming from that before I knew what it was. 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.640 But I didn't come from into course the first time 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:11.320 I had sex. No, not not all right. I also 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:14.000 think if you're both kind of inexperienced, he doesn't know 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:18.720 how to make you come, of course, right, course, of 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:21.719 course not. No. I was sixteen, he was seventeen, and 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.080 that's perfect. Like I said, like I was a virgin. 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.719 He was virgin ish. You know, he had attempted with 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:30.440 someone his first girlfriend before, but just never finished. He 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:33.120 told you that like early Okay, oh yeah, yeah, I knew, 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.080 I knew, I knew what the girl was like, you know, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.760 oh my god, that was virgin and that was his 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:41.239 first girlfriend, you know, but he didn't see it all 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:43.920 the way through. I've never heard about his first girlfriend. 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:46.480 So you guys all went to school together. No, no, no, 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:48.760 she was just a girl from his neighborhood. Okay, so 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:50.440 was he still cool with her like while he No, 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:56.560 he never spoke to her again. I y, yeah, that 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:58.640 was it. I want to see pictures of you guys 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:04.640 in high school. You guys would Probaba came to work 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:08.280 one day devastated because he said that you had told 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:11.720 him that you weren't you were faking orgasms, And we 0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:14.359 actually got to you a present. Okay, here you go, 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:22.280 it's a T shirt. No fake orgasm both. Luckily I 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:26.520 haven't had to fake an orgasm about married twenty one 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:32.240 years and about at least maybe eleven years. What made 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:39.480 you talent that years? Truthfully? Because we we're having sex 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:45.879 for years and I was faking like all of my orgasms, 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:52.479 all all of the through intercourse, okay, and you were 0:18:52.520 --> 0:19:00.480 like everything what it was a whole performance that it 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:03.240 was because it was it because you guys were going 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:05.439 through things around that time in your relationship and you 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:10.720 were not mentally No, that's not the reason why we 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:14.000 talk about it in great detail in the book from 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:17.879 my perspective and from his perspective. But it was my fault. 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:22.520 It wasn't his fault. You know, as women, we are 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:28.680 well known as girls were raised to think that women 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:32.760 are like playthings for men. You know, we are here 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:37.800 for the pleasing for the men, and we're taught that subconsciously. 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:43.119 When you think about it, billboards, beautiful women advertising everything, 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.240 sexy cars with a sexy woman draped across the hood. 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:51.560 Even now, Instagram just everything is built on the back 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:57.040 of sex and sexuality and anything relating to sex and 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:01.440 We're kind of programmed that way when you think about it. Um, 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:05.600 So when I started having sex, I was acting on 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:10.200 that program. You know, I'm thinking that I yes, and 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:13.440 and it also felt good. You know when you when 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:15.440 you take a test and you get are like yes, 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:19.480 you know what I mean. So when I'm engaging in 0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:25.200 intimate situations with my boyfriend and my husband and I'm 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:28.360 pleasing him like, it feels like yes. And you all know, 0:20:28.880 --> 0:20:31.840 the more you perform, the more excited they get, the 0:20:31.920 --> 0:20:34.760 more they think that they're putting in, the better the 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:38.159 whole experience is. But for the fact that there's a 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.200 big orgasm for you at the end. But you're performing, 0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:43.000 you're thinking about, Okay, how do I look, How does 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:47.000 my face look? How am I moving in life? Yes? 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:48.840 And then at the end I would feel like I 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:51.240 could just you know, reach over, grab a cigarette of life, 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.040 you know, like it felt like that. So it was 0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:58.440 partially from my ego and it was also to enhance 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:01.760 his ego. And then I was going down a rabbit hole, 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:03.640 do you know what I mean? Because once I started 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:08.640 it right, I can't go back and undo it. Did Okay, 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:10.560 enough is enough? Let me let him know what's going on? Like, 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:12.840 what was the turning point for you to be like, 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:15.480 let me stop this and let him know it's really 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:20.600 not So we had gotten into an argument, okay about 0:21:20.680 --> 0:21:24.560 something that wasn't even related, and that's significant work. You 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:31.200 didn't the garage, but guess what, I don't come like that. 0:21:32.480 --> 0:21:35.159 It was similar. It wasn't as an insignificant I was 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:38.440 taking out the garbage, but it was something insignificant, and 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:43.000 I was frustrated because he had no interest in resolving 0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:46.440 the problem and then to put a patch on it. 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:49.199 He wanted to have sex with me because if I 0:21:49.280 --> 0:21:55.879 bleep her down, then she'd be happy. Because even though 0:21:55.920 --> 0:22:04.280 speaking my orgasms, I enjoyed every moment. It was the intimacy, 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:06.760 it was the love and just sidebar. You know, for 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:09.719 women it's not really when when you have an orgasm, 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:12.280 it's not really about the man. I can have an 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:16.840 orgasm if for Sean's penis was three inches now, because 0:22:16.960 --> 0:22:20.480 I know it's about me. It's about the connection, It's 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.440 about the love. It's about stopping and concentrating on my 0:22:23.520 --> 0:22:27.760 own body, my own sensations, and being less performative. It's 0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:31.280 about taking during the sexual experience and not worrying so 0:22:31.359 --> 0:22:34.160 much about giving. And once I learned to do that, 0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:37.040 I'm like, oh my gosh, I have all this power 0:22:37.080 --> 0:22:40.199 within myself to control my body and to control the 0:22:40.240 --> 0:22:43.520 degree to which I enjoy it. I have an orgasm 0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:48.439 every single time. Whether it's oral, whether it's intercourse, it 0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:51.679 really doesn't matter. And it's because I dictate that. So 0:22:51.720 --> 0:22:55.280 what I did that day by blurting it out because 0:22:55.320 --> 0:22:57.600 I was so upset, I'm like, you just wanna you 0:22:57.680 --> 0:23:00.239 just want to glaze over this with sex, and I'm 0:23:00.240 --> 0:23:03.800 not even gonna come. I'm like, well, guess what I'm 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:07.400 thinking it. He was like, he was like, well, how 0:23:07.440 --> 0:23:09.640 long have you been facing it? I was like, well, 0:23:09.680 --> 0:23:13.520 I've never not faked it. And let me tell you, 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:16.439 I'm gonna be honest with you. Um. That was the 0:23:16.600 --> 0:23:21.000 absolute worst thing that I could have done in my marriage. 0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:24.560 It was the worst thing. And it wasn't the honesty 0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:28.080 that was so terrible. It was the way in which 0:23:28.160 --> 0:23:32.400 I delivered in the midst of an argument. It wasn't 0:23:32.440 --> 0:23:35.840 well thought out. It was harsh, it was insensitive, it 0:23:35.920 --> 0:23:38.280