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Speaker 1: What's up this lip service? I'm Angela Yee, I'm g

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Speaker 1: g McGuire, I'm Stephanie Santiago, I'm Laura Maura. Oh we

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Speaker 1: have Gia Casey. This is her first time on the service.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I specifically told Envy to

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Speaker 1: stay home because I wanted to just have ge On

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Speaker 1: without him, because you know, we make fun of him

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Speaker 1: at work all the time about different things that have

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Speaker 1: happened to him that you know, vibrate dildo situation and

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Speaker 1: all of that I've heard. But you guys have a

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Speaker 1: book out now, Real Life, Real Love, which is, by

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Speaker 1: the way, an amazing read. I'm I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: Early on, I cried, I did, because you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: sensitive when I read certain things. But I think I

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Speaker 1: know you guys have told this story before about your

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Speaker 1: face getting slice and you getting into where those girls

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Speaker 1: jumped you, but reading it like in real time, and

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Speaker 1: how Envy was supposed to pick you up but he

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Speaker 1: was working, and then you know that part was like

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Speaker 1: I just can't even imagine something like that happening. But

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Speaker 1: then and he said, you know, after that, things were

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Speaker 1: never they saying. But what I love is you said

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Speaker 1: you were stronger after that. Absolutely. Absolutely. Growing up in

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Speaker 1: Queen's Brooklyn originally from Brooklyn and then I moved to

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Speaker 1: Queens when I was fourteen, there was just a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that I felt kept replaying throughout my life. Um.

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Speaker 1: And one of those things was people's people feeling as

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Speaker 1: though they know who you are before they get to

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Speaker 1: know who you are, they see you as one thing,

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Speaker 1: just based on your pearance, and um, for me, it

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Speaker 1: was people assuming that I was stuck up or bougie

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Speaker 1: or conceited, and I'm the exact opposite. People would be like,

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Speaker 1: you're actually nice. Well, yeah, I am nice, but I'm

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Speaker 1: a tomboy. Like It's just I went through that my

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Speaker 1: whole life. And I've gotten into fights my entire life, um,

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Speaker 1: ever since I was Um, I think onto my first

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Speaker 1: fight when I was maybe twelve, and constantly you know,

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Speaker 1: never a fight that you initiated, Oh god, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: never a fight that I initiated. But I became very

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Speaker 1: tough skinned, very thick skinned because of misconceptions and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: And um, and it also encouraged me to be strong

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Speaker 1: because I felt like I was always defending myself. Do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I also grew up

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Speaker 1: with that, you know, like I didn't want people to

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Speaker 1: feel as that they could take advantage of me or

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Speaker 1: play me, do you know what I mean? So it's like, okay, yes,

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Speaker 1: you go extra the other way, and that's why. And

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Speaker 1: I could totally really you know, been growing up in

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Speaker 1: the city and the pretty girls, we always know how

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Speaker 1: to fight, Like don't I have a sleep on the

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Speaker 1: pretty girls from New York Because we would look at

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Speaker 1: certain girls and they'd be like, Oh, she's looking at

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Speaker 1: us wrong, she's all stuck up, and we will I

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Speaker 1: will always end up in a fight because I have

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Speaker 1: I looked at somebody up and down, or because somebody's

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Speaker 1: boyfriend was being too friendly to me. Like being a

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Speaker 1: pretty girl you have to be like on a high

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Speaker 1: defense in New York City. Yeah, I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's just I got into a fight one time when

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Speaker 1: I was a freshman in high school. No, no, actually

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Speaker 1: I was a sophomore in high school and I got

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Speaker 1: on the bus and this girl just looked at me

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Speaker 1: and then snuffed me in the face. I never met

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Speaker 1: this girl before, I never saw her. We had no

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Speaker 1: affiliation or anything. We got into a fight on the bus.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy, just the thing, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: And I understood what it was at the time, and

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Speaker 1: that was just, you know, just my life. That's perceptive

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Speaker 1: that you understood what it was. It's hard not to

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Speaker 1: because it's more their issue than you're. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: all there issue with themselves. But the first thing, if

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Speaker 1: you know, you get into a situation with somebody, the

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Speaker 1: first thing is, oh, this light skin bitch or you know,

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Speaker 1: this piss colored bitch or bleach casper, you know, just

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Speaker 1: the joke. So it's it's not lost on you what's

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Speaker 1: actually going on. You know, why there's issues and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not even saying that, you know, it's jealousy,

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Speaker 1: like I'm not putting those things on you know, the

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Speaker 1: people that you have have offended me. I'm just saying that

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Speaker 1: our society, especially at that time, was just um divisive.

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Speaker 1: It was very it was very divisive, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, and that divisiveness was encouraged. So it was

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Speaker 1: a whole societal issue within our culture and part of it.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest, even from the other side

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Speaker 1: of it, and I know it's going to sound strange

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Speaker 1: for me. To say, but I even somewhat understand, just

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Speaker 1: the same way that black people understand white privilege. As

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Speaker 1: a light skinned woman, I understood light skin privilege and

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Speaker 1: it does exist. Yeah, because if you see other music

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Speaker 1: videos or even guys saying I only like yellow bones,

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Speaker 1: only date light skan girl, we used to hear that

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Speaker 1: a lot. You know, are people being like I like

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Speaker 1: mixed girls, the term good here, all of the exotic

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Speaker 1: and all of that, and so yes, it's a fucked

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Speaker 1: up way for exact people to think. And someone even

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Speaker 1: put myself in the position of being like a darker

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Speaker 1: complexed girl at the time and trying to imagine how

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Speaker 1: that would feel. So not to give permission to it

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Speaker 1: or to say that it's okay, but the very least

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Speaker 1: I understood. And that's kind of how I try to

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Speaker 1: go through life. I don't try to just look at

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Speaker 1: things through my perspective. I try to look at things

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Speaker 1: through everyone involved perspective. Yeah, I mean, okay, let's talk

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Speaker 1: about how envy even got you, because I say Rashwan

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Speaker 1: was back then, Yes, actually was jan that's right. But

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Speaker 1: I guess when you think about a DJ, envy is

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Speaker 1: also not like the connotation but how he even got

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Speaker 1: you is a really funny story. Right first he was

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Speaker 1: kind of in the friend zone, but then you were

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Speaker 1: dating somebody else and he called on three ways? So

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Speaker 1: can you tell this what he did? Because this is

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Speaker 1: some crazy shit. So I had moved from Brooklyn to Queens,

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Speaker 1: sorry to hear that night. Um, and then I transferred

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Speaker 1: into a Shawn's school and I was a new girl

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Speaker 1: in school, so I had options, do you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? And I was It's just the nature of it, right,

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Speaker 1: So I was, you know, talking to different people, and

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Speaker 1: I was talking to this kid from christ the kid,

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Speaker 1: So I went to St. Francis, perhaps Shan and the

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Speaker 1: king was big and bast your life might have been

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Speaker 1: way didn't first book? You know, I never looked him up,

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Speaker 1: but he was on the swim team and we were talking.

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Speaker 1: And when Rashawn first kicked it to me, not to

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Speaker 1: say that I wasn't interested, but I just had, you know,

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Speaker 1: I had options, and I was trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: which way you want to He likes to tell this story.

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Speaker 1: I wish you were here to tell it. I used

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Speaker 1: to run I used to run track, and um, you know,

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Speaker 1: we would wear these like skimpy little one piece track

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Speaker 1: outfits and one short where I would, yes, like a

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Speaker 1: little exactly little short short's little you know. No, he

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Speaker 1: did did wear him and I don't know, you know Mono, right,

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Speaker 1: say Mono. So they've been friends longer than I've even

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Speaker 1: known Rashan. Rashan I've been together for twenty seven years,

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Speaker 1: so he's known Mono about thirty years. I remember they're

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Speaker 1: falling out girl, that's a whole Yes. Um. We wore

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Speaker 1: like partial uniforms, so it's kind of like a dress code,

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Speaker 1: but they gave you what pieces you could wear, so

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Speaker 1: they would wear the slack pant, their little slack pants.

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Speaker 1: Rashan will were like a pastel pink polo button down

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Speaker 1: with the pink scrunch socks, and Randy would come in

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Speaker 1: on the same days. He was a plan, right, Randy

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Speaker 1: were coming on the same day with the lavender past

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Speaker 1: though button down scrunch shocks, and at the time it

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Speaker 1: was very like swaggy, you know what I mean. So

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Speaker 1: he did catch my attention and I did be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he's cute friend. At that point, you know, I think

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Speaker 1: I thought he's I liked him, but he kept trying

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Speaker 1: to give me a telephone number, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh yea, yeah, I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you.

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Speaker 1: And then he would come to school and I day, like,

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Speaker 1: you didn't call and I'm like, he got caught up,

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Speaker 1: you know whatever. He's like in case you lost it again.

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Speaker 1: And that's went on for some time, and then finally

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Speaker 1: he was like, well, can I have your telephone number?

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Speaker 1: I'll call you since you're like so big, So I

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Speaker 1: gave him my number and then I finally picked up.

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Speaker 1: And then after speaking to him for about like a

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Speaker 1: week and two weeks, I was like, Wow, there's really

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Speaker 1: there's really something to this kid. Like he's so charming

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Speaker 1: and charismatic, and he was very invested, do you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. It wasn't just like chit chat and

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Speaker 1: like he was like trying to make me his wife.

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Speaker 1: After like two weeks, you know, but I still had

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Speaker 1: this other kid on the side. I didn't tell about

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Speaker 1: really what Sean was on the side at that point

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Speaker 1: because well, this is true, this is true, Sean was

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Speaker 1: actually my side. Um. So Shan found out and he

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Speaker 1: found out who the kid was, got his number, called him,

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Speaker 1: and then called me on three way and was like, yes, So, um,

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Speaker 1: I heard you talking to some and so and I

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Speaker 1: was like yeah. He was like, well, he's on the phone.

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Speaker 1: Why I agree to this. It's like he's on the phone.

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Speaker 1: So he was like, so right here and now I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna need you to choose. I'm gonna needs you to pick.

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Speaker 1: It's either me. And he was like, because I ain't

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Speaker 1: share the ultimatum. Yeah, Netflix, Yes. I was like I

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Speaker 1: got all hot and bothered, like I choose you. Yes.

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Speaker 1: Then I was like sorry, Jonathan. Yeah. But because it

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Speaker 1: was very it was very hard, it was manly, it

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Speaker 1: was assertive. That's not the type of thing you would

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Speaker 1: have expected from a sixteen year old, you know. And

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Speaker 1: he's never faltered on that, Like, that's one thing that

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Speaker 1: he has been. He's been invested literally since day one.

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Speaker 1: So I like that about him. But I like a

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Speaker 1: man's man, you know, Like I like someone that's very manly.

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Speaker 1: And I know when the show, you guys joke and play,

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Speaker 1: and you know, there's a certain persona associated with that,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. He can't change a tire,

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Speaker 1: but no, he can't. He can't put a hole in

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Speaker 1: the wall to hang a picture, but like you know,

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Speaker 1: and you know that's what he would say. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: I'm like all right, you know, so so I like

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Speaker 1: that about him, you know. Um, and then we started

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Speaker 1: dating and like we fell in love with each other

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Speaker 1: like quick immediately, it had. So let me ask you this,

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Speaker 1: and the time that he was courting you because you

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Speaker 1: were keeping your options open for you the only person

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Speaker 1: he was talking to then, or were they like other

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Speaker 1: girls that he was entertaining. I'm just curious. It was

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Speaker 1: just it was just tunnel vision. Yeah, No, it was

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Speaker 1: tunnel vision. It was just me, and he made sure

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Speaker 1: that it was just him, so it was yeah, we

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Speaker 1: were exclusive immediately. Did your parents like him right away? Well,

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Speaker 1: the truth is my father liked him because Rashawn always

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Speaker 1: came across as very very protective, well protective you know. Um.

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Speaker 1: My mother liked him, but my mother thought that he

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Speaker 1: was too immature for me. So one day I come downstairs,

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Speaker 1: she's like, come in my room, going there, and she's like,

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Speaker 1: m do you think that maybe he might be a

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Speaker 1: little image too immature for you? And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: why would you say that. She's like, oh, he just

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Speaker 1: walks into the house and it's like I'm Mrs Grante

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Speaker 1: Grant and then he just goes upstairs, right, He doesn't

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Speaker 1: engage in conversation upstairs. Oh yeah, and my parents were

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Speaker 1: very cool. I was gonna say, because I wasn't allowed

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Speaker 1: to have boys in my room when I was in

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Speaker 1: high school. I had such a dope relationship with my

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Speaker 1: mother and my father that they knew that if I

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Speaker 1: allowed a boy into my room that nothing was going

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Speaker 1: to happen. Did you, well, you're allowed to have boys

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Speaker 1: in your room. I was having slumber parties in high school.

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Speaker 1: I was having some of her, but now a boy

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Speaker 1: like I had coed sumber I had a co ed

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Speaker 1: slumber party when and I'm talking about like from temp

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Speaker 1: grade all the way through. So do you allow your

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Speaker 1: kids like this is your daughters or sons, like can

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Speaker 1: they have I would? I would at them only because

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Speaker 1: I raised my children the way I was raised. Is

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Speaker 1: there a certain age where you're like it's okay or

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Speaker 1: just in general? Well, I just think it's inappropriate before

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Speaker 1: you know, like maybe like seventeen um. I would trust

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Speaker 1: my kids from the yet. But I would say, like

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Speaker 1: seventeen um, if a parent that of an invitee allows

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Speaker 1: their child to come and sleep over. It's okay with

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Speaker 1: me as long as you Yeah, I'm both of my kids.

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Speaker 1: I would because I was raised in a very open

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Speaker 1: conversation communication type of households, so where there was so

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Speaker 1: much trust, and my parents poured so much into me,

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Speaker 1: and they taught me right from wrong and morals and

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Speaker 1: you know, all of these things. And they always wanted

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Speaker 1: me to live my best life. They always wanted me

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Speaker 1: to have fun. They always encouraged me to be the

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Speaker 1: best at anything that I attempted to do. They believed

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Speaker 1: in me. So I would never do anything to dishonor them.

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Speaker 1: And the proof is in the pudding. You know. I

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Speaker 1: was of Shawn took my virginity like I was a virgin.

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Speaker 1: I did you know what he was doing? Um, I

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Speaker 1: mean we both, we both, I don't have to think

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Speaker 1: about it. Like we both were in this in the

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Speaker 1: same space regarding that. So I think we were because

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Speaker 1: he was kind of virgin ish. Yeah, Like we were

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Speaker 1: both extremely inexperience in experience. You guys were learning together.

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Speaker 1: So we were learning together to that was so fast

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Speaker 1: because he probably was so excited like Atla always came.

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Speaker 1: He not like he was tender, and he took his

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Speaker 1: time and he was considerate, he was thoughtful. He made

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Speaker 1: a whole situation out of it. He asked my permission.

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Speaker 1: He did have a mixed tape. I remember. That was hilarious.

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Speaker 1: It was like the whole It was at the Marriott

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Speaker 1: Marquis in Times Square. Yes, first experiencing. Yes, here's a

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Speaker 1: horror stories. I had a nice one, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you said, I had a guy who was really considerate

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Speaker 1: and chancel and he made sure everything was really moist.

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Speaker 1: He ate it before he tried anything. It was really nice,

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Speaker 1: you know, and slow, and I felt really loved. And

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Speaker 1: you know, some girls have such horrible stories about their

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Speaker 1: first My face time is terrible. I hated. But we

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Speaker 1: waited a year. We had sex on our one year anniversary.

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Speaker 1: So it was planned, like this is the day we're

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Speaker 1: gonna do it in the hotel. Didn't decide, but I

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Speaker 1: knew that I would not before one year, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I had to be in love and I had

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Speaker 1: to be ready, you know, I was sixteen. I had

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Speaker 1: to be ready. Watch corner like how did you learn?

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Speaker 1: How did you learn? Now? But what we'll talk about

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Speaker 1: that in a second. To that did you have to

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Speaker 1: ask anybody, like what am I supposed to do? Or

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Speaker 1: you just went in like I just went in, like

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Speaker 1: we're two young kids, like we'll figure that. It's not

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Speaker 1: too it's not that hard and so long, and like

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Speaker 1: you said, you were already in love. So the passion

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Speaker 1: was there, the chemistry was there, and even though y'all

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Speaker 1: didn't know really what I was doing, I'm sure y'all

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Speaker 1: like we figured it out out. No, yes, okay, did

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Speaker 1: you come? No? Because you didn't, Okay I did. My

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Speaker 1: first boyfriend, I didn't come like I didn't. What did

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Speaker 1: you think? I didn't. Actually, my son from my first

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Speaker 1: that's my one year old, and the pot dickens, like

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. I thought women can only come from

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that why he was pet so I

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Speaker 1: never knew how to while until you know, that's a

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Speaker 1: whole conversation. And it's crazy because he didn't even teach

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Speaker 1: me that the whole time I was with him. I

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Speaker 1: didn't know. You just had no ideas. And in my

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Speaker 1: first sex sexual ID, I did because I had an

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Speaker 1: world before I actually you know had Yeah, so I

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Speaker 1: was coming from that before I knew what it was.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't come from into course the first time

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Speaker 1: I had sex. No, not not all right. I also

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Speaker 1: think if you're both kind of inexperienced, he doesn't know

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Speaker 1: how to make you come, of course, right, course, of

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Speaker 1: course not. No. I was sixteen, he was seventeen, and

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Speaker 1: that's perfect. Like I said, like I was a virgin.

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Speaker 1: He was virgin ish. You know, he had attempted with

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Speaker 1: someone his first girlfriend before, but just never finished. He

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Speaker 1: told you that like early Okay, oh yeah, yeah, I knew,

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Speaker 1: I knew, I knew what the girl was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, that was virgin and that was his

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Speaker 1: first girlfriend, you know, but he didn't see it all

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Speaker 1: the way through. I've never heard about his first girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: So you guys all went to school together. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: she was just a girl from his neighborhood. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: was he still cool with her like while he No,

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Speaker 1: he never spoke to her again. I y, yeah, that

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Speaker 1: was it. I want to see pictures of you guys

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Speaker 1: in high school. You guys would Probaba came to work

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Speaker 1: one day devastated because he said that you had told

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Speaker 1: him that you weren't you were faking orgasms, And we

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Speaker 1: actually got to you a present. Okay, here you go,

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Speaker 1: it's a T shirt. No fake orgasm both. Luckily I

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Speaker 1: haven't had to fake an orgasm about married twenty one

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Speaker 1: years and about at least maybe eleven years. What made

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Speaker 1: you talent that years? Truthfully? Because we we're having sex

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Speaker 1: for years and I was faking like all of my orgasms,

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Speaker 1: all all of the through intercourse, okay, and you were

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Speaker 1: like everything what it was a whole performance that it

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Speaker 1: was because it was it because you guys were going

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Speaker 1: through things around that time in your relationship and you

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Speaker 1: were not mentally No, that's not the reason why we

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Speaker 1: talk about it in great detail in the book from

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Speaker 1: my perspective and from his perspective. But it was my fault.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't his fault. You know, as women, we are

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00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:28,680
Speaker 1: well known as girls were raised to think that women

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Speaker 1: are like playthings for men. You know, we are here

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00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 1: for the pleasing for the men, and we're taught that subconsciously.

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Speaker 1: When you think about it, billboards, beautiful women advertising everything,

337
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 1: sexy cars with a sexy woman draped across the hood.

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Speaker 1: Even now, Instagram just everything is built on the back

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Speaker 1: of sex and sexuality and anything relating to sex and

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Speaker 1: We're kind of programmed that way when you think about it. Um,

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Speaker 1: So when I started having sex, I was acting on

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Speaker 1: that program. You know, I'm thinking that I yes, and

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00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,440
Speaker 1: and it also felt good. You know when you when

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Speaker 1: you take a test and you get are like yes,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So when I'm engaging in

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Speaker 1: intimate situations with my boyfriend and my husband and I'm

347
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 1: pleasing him like, it feels like yes. And you all know,

348
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,840
Speaker 1: the more you perform, the more excited they get, the

349
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 1: more they think that they're putting in, the better the

350
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 1: whole experience is. But for the fact that there's a

351
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 1: big orgasm for you at the end. But you're performing,

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00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 1: you're thinking about, Okay, how do I look, How does

353
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 1: my face look? How am I moving in life? Yes?

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Speaker 1: And then at the end I would feel like I

355
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 1: could just you know, reach over, grab a cigarette of life,

356
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 1: you know, like it felt like that. So it was

357
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Speaker 1: partially from my ego and it was also to enhance

358
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Speaker 1: his ego. And then I was going down a rabbit hole,

359
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,640
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Because once I started

360
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Speaker 1: it right, I can't go back and undo it. Did Okay,

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00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 1: enough is enough? Let me let him know what's going on? Like,

362
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 1: what was the turning point for you to be like,

363
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Speaker 1: let me stop this and let him know it's really

364
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 1: not So we had gotten into an argument, okay about

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Speaker 1: something that wasn't even related, and that's significant work. You

366
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 1: didn't the garage, but guess what, I don't come like that.

367
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 1: It was similar. It wasn't as an insignificant I was

368
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Speaker 1: taking out the garbage, but it was something insignificant, and

369
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 1: I was frustrated because he had no interest in resolving

370
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Speaker 1: the problem and then to put a patch on it.

371
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Speaker 1: He wanted to have sex with me because if I

372
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Speaker 1: bleep her down, then she'd be happy. Because even though

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Speaker 1: speaking my orgasms, I enjoyed every moment. It was the intimacy,

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00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: it was the love and just sidebar. You know, for

375
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,719
Speaker 1: women it's not really when when you have an orgasm,

376
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: it's not really about the man. I can have an

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Speaker 1: orgasm if for Sean's penis was three inches now, because

378
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 1: I know it's about me. It's about the connection, It's

379
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: about the love. It's about stopping and concentrating on my

380
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 1: own body, my own sensations, and being less performative. It's

381
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: about taking during the sexual experience and not worrying so

382
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,160
Speaker 1: much about giving. And once I learned to do that,

383
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, I have all this power

384
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Speaker 1: within myself to control my body and to control the

385
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 1: degree to which I enjoy it. I have an orgasm

386
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:48,439
Speaker 1: every single time. Whether it's oral, whether it's intercourse, it

387
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,679
Speaker 1: really doesn't matter. And it's because I dictate that. So

388
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 1: what I did that day by blurting it out because

389
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: I was so upset, I'm like, you just wanna you

390
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,239
Speaker 1: just want to glaze over this with sex, and I'm

391
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: not even gonna come. I'm like, well, guess what I'm

392
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 1: thinking it. He was like, he was like, well, how

393
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 1: long have you been facing it? I was like, well,

394
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 1: I've never not faked it. And let me tell you,

395
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with you. Um. That was the

396
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 1: absolute worst thing that I could have done in my marriage.

397
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 1: It was the worst thing. And it wasn't the honesty

398
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: that was so terrible. It was the way in which

399
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 1: I delivered in the midst of an argument. It wasn't

400
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: well thought out. It was harsh, it was insensitive, it

401
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: was hurtful, it was spiteful, and I used it as

402
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: a tool a weapon. I did I weaponized it that

403
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 1: would make him not get when you you know, because

404
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 1: for a guy his ego and I saw in the

405
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: book you talked about how do you tell somebody they're

406
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 1: not good in bed? And you're like, you don't, you don't,

407
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 1: you don't. Why would you destroy somebody like that? No,

408
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: there are other ways that you can communicate what you

409
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 1: want to make it better to get to that point

410
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 1: without crushing them, because when you love somebody, you don't

411
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: crush him. And I wasn't loving him right In the book,

412
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 1: there's a whole section on right fighting. You know, we

413
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: would are you just to be right to My goal

414
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: going into an argument was to that was the only

415
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 1: thing that mattered. Getting to a common ground didn't matter.

416
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: Resolving the issue didn't matter. And you know, being in

417
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: a safe space just nothing mad as long as I

418
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: could walk away and like puff my chest out like

419
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 1: it's stupid, like you know what I mean, And that

420
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: that was so misguided and it was young, it was inexperience,

421
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: it was dumb. It was dumb, and um that's part

422
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 1: of the reason why we wrote the book, because had

423
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,640
Speaker 1: I had a tool like that, then I would have

424
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: seen all the flaws in myself, and I would have

425
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 1: been able to identify the flaws in him because it

426
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: was like a tennis man, like we were just messing

427
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: up left and right with each other. I would have

428
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: been able to identify those things and made some changes

429
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 1: I could, of course corrected. But the problem is a

430
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: lot of girls. They don't sit down. They don't have

431
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:12,439
Speaker 1: a relationship with their mother the same way that I

432
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 1: had a relationship with you know what I mean. A

433
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 1: lot of girls are just out there for themselves and

434
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: learning from their friends and talking ish and you know

435
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: doing You're not getting information from a safe place. We've

436
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: been through. I feel like everything. Okay, let's go back

437
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,880
Speaker 1: to that, because in the early days I had no

438
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 1: idea that he was this like ridiculously controlling. Now he

439
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: talks about an incident where, you know, he was going

440
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 1: to DJ and you went to a club the armory

441
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:45,959
Speaker 1: at the Army and then one of his snitche college

442
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: party was like gears in the club and he turned

443
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: around from on the road and came to the club

444
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: and found you grinding on somebody because you know is

445
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: by Jamaicans. Yes, he was grinding on somebody, and he

446
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 1: snatched you right up sure did not in a an

447
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: abusive way, like a like a rag doll, treated me

448
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 1: like a rag doll. Yes, what happened was ever since

449
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: day one, he was very very possessive, controlling and like

450
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:31,160
Speaker 1: obsessive even you know, um, I think he still gives

451
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: me that he doesn't know. I don't think it's he

452
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: controls it now. It's in a constructive way. Sometimes, you know,

453
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: it's like he's more so about providing and protecting. It's

454
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,639
Speaker 1: not about the obsession and the controlling, because now he

455
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: realizes that I love him for him, I truly love him,

456
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: and he couldn't chase me away from him at this point,

457
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,159
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? So he doesn't have

458
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 1: that insecurity that ruled him because, as he says in

459
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 1: the book, he was so preoccupied thinking that one day

460
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: I would meet somebody more fill in the blank than him,

461
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: as he puts it, more handsome, more charismatic, more intelligent,

462
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: more this, more of that. So for him, he felt

463
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: as though he just wanted to keep me like Rapunzel

464
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: in the tower, like I don't want you going out,

465
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,399
Speaker 1: and I don't want you hanging out with your friends.

466
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 1: I don't want you wearing anything that shows your cleavage.

467
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 1: I don't want you do you know what I mean.

468
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,479
Speaker 1: I don't do don't work anymore, I don't want when

469
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: he literally did not want me out in public unless

470
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: I was out with him. And where that halfway flew

471
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: for me was the fact that I truly loved being

472
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: with him when we were in high school and as

473
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: it speaks to that day that he wasn't there um

474
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 1: when I was attacked. We were together every day after school,

475
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: like every single day, every day, not one day except

476
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: that day were we not together. We left school together,

477
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 1: we got something to eat, we went and did something fun,

478
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 1: and before the end of the evening he dropped me

479
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,400
Speaker 1: home back at my mom's you know what I mean?

480
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: Like we were together. Even in college, we were together

481
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 1: every single day. I was at O DU. He was

482
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 1: at Hampton. Every day after his last class. He would

483
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: come and pick me up after my last class, bring

484
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 1: me back to Hampton. I slept at his house. Then

485
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: he brought me back to O d you in the

486
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,239
Speaker 1: morning before my first class. And then we did that

487
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 1: every single day until I replaced my car because I

488
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: got into an accident, which is why he had to

489
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 1: come and pick me up. But we genuinely enjoyed spending

490
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: all of our time together. So for me, it wasn't

491
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: as alarming. I didn't feel as though I was in

492
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 1: a vice. I didn't feel like, oh my gosh, I

493
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: just can't breathe. I just want to do this such

494
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 1: a no, I just wanted He was okay, so let's

495
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: talk about that day, because you did go to the

496
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: club and tell them you weren't. So what was going

497
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: on that day? That day? He was doing a club

498
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: at Virginia State. So again we're in Hampton, right, and

499
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: he got hired to do a club ina averrging Estate.

500
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 1: I couldn't fit in the car because it would always

501
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: be me and all of his friends. I was always

502
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 1: there to be like ten dudes and me. But I

503
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: couldn't fit in the car obviously, and he needed you

504
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: know guys, you know, security type thing his friends and whatnot,

505
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 1: so I couldn't go. So it was a college party

506
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: at the Armory and he was like, yeah, you know

507
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: you're not going to that party, right, And I was like, yeah,

508
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: but I am going to the party. So like, what's

509
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: gonna happen? He was like, he was like, now you're

510
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: not going, and it turned into this big argument. So

511
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: finally I was like, all right, I'm not gonna go,

512
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: but I am, but I am just and the argument.

513
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: So he goes. He gets on the road and then

514
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: little Sean, who was like family to us, but it

515
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,959
Speaker 1: started so mad at him, honestly, yes, and he's like

516
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 1: my homie too, what I'm trying? What the fun? Stabbed

517
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: me in the back. So I go with all my girls.

518
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: I drove and I'm there and yeah, like they're playing

519
00:29:55,480 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 1: dance hole and I was dancing with this dude. How

520
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 1: you were dancing, you know, like Brooklyn basement party, already

521
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: against the world like I used to, with my feet

522
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 1: on the wall, the wine on my head like you do,

523
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: like your hand. But that was, yeah, that was the thing.

524
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: That's what the departments and field. We were familiar with

525
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: each other. Yes, I knew who he was, he knew

526
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: who I was, but we weren't like cool or anything

527
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: like that. Sean. Let's exactly. So we were dancing and

528
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: my head was down, you know, and I just looked

529
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: up and I saw Rashawn literally charging at me, charging

530
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: at me. It was like that moment, you know, how

531
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:50,719
Speaker 1: he's saying like your life flash before my heart like

532
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: that whatever that horrionis. Or I was like and next

533
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: time I was up and over his shoulder and he

534
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: just ran me to like the next side of the

535
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: of the room and he put me down. Everybody's looking.

536
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: He was like, yo, how could you do this to me? Like, oh,

537
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 1: I can imagine like I'm watching you dance with him

538
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 1: from across the room, or I could imagine that you

539
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: having sex with him. It was just this whole like

540
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: it really it really bothered him just to see someone

541
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: else touching me, especially in like a sexual type of way.

542
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: You know. I saw that, so it really affected him.

543
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: I was like, we were just dancing, you know, like

544
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: everybody knows that you're like this, and he and he

545
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: knows that, like he knew that, and he was like,

546
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 1: we're leaving. I'm like, I can't because I drove and

547
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: you probably didn't want to. Of course I didn't want

548
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: to at that point, like I know, I wasn't gonna

549
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: have fun. Now he's standing standing behind me, like literally

550
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: like holding me from behind because he's taller than me,

551
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: and it was just like he was like claiming his property,

552
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And I literally just

553
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: waited for the rest of my girlfriends to have fun

554
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: and then we left and he was heartbroken, you know

555
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: he was. He was heartbroken. So let me ask you

556
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: this because you know clearly like we and I know

557
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: this is in the book too, the time that he

558
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: ended up calling you because he did funk up in

559
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: the relationship. So that must have really cut you off

560
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 1: guard because you see him doing all these things and

561
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: when you're young, showing you how much he's in love

562
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: with you. He doesn't want anybody else around you. He's

563
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: so um, possessive and jealous. So did that catch you

564
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: completely off guard? To say that I was thrown for

565
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: a loop would be the biggest understatement. We had our problems,

566
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 1: you know, but our problems were rooted in his insecurity,

567
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: and those are problems that I felt as though I

568
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: could manage if I loved him out of it, because

569
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: I knew that once he understood that he was as

570
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: amazing as he really was and that I was as

571
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: in love with him as I really was, that he

572
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 1: would eventually grow out of that, because that's all that

573
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: that was. He didn't think he did believe that he

574
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 1: deserved me, when he absolutely did. He absolutely did, so

575
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,719
Speaker 1: I knew that I just had to give of myself,

576
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 1: but I don't know, I just I felt so bad

577
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 1: for him at that time. So yeah, I was really

578
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: caught off guard because he was so affectionate, he was

579
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: so loving, consistent, He was consistent, he was generous, he

580
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 1: was thoughtful, He was more romantic than I have ever been.

581
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: He always like he's the he's the romantic one in

582
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: the relationship. He's the one that's going to think of

583
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 1: off the wall things, grand things like he's gonna he's

584
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: gonna do the words. Even with twelve days of Christmas,

585
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: it's not even the gifts, because start shopping almost a

586
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: year about sometimes like he's shopping like a year in advance.

587
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: He does all of these things, and throughout our entire

588
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 1: relationship he would say things like if you like it,

589
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: I love it, or I live to make you happy.

590
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: Just seeing that smile on your face it's all that

591
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: I need. And he's never faltered in that. So while

592
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: he was carrying through his indiscretion, he was still that

593
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: amazing husband to me at home. And again, not that

594
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: we weren't flawed, but our flaws were relatively specific and

595
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: surrounding one thing. I would have never like our friends,

596
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: everyone in our life, my mother grew to absolutely adore him,

597
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 1: his parents love you, his parents loved me like. It

598
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 1: was wonderful. Far from perfect, but it was wonderful. I

599
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 1: would have never thought that he even had it in him.

600
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 1: I couldn't even wrap my mind around the fact that

601
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: like he could be attracted to somebody else, so that

602
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,280
Speaker 1: he could. It was hard for me to understand because

603
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: he put so much into our relationship, do you know

604
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 1: what I mean? And then logically you think like, well,

605
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: there's that, but you're so worried about losing me. But

606
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: in this situation, you're doing everything that you can to

607
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: ensure that you lose me. Because I was raised by

608
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 1: very strong parents, particularly a very strong mother, and I

609
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: have always been very clear and just in my life.

610
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 1: You know, at the time especially, I was very black

611
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: and white, like, not very gray. I don't put up

612
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 1: with anything from anyone, not friends, not boyfriends, not husband,

613
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: not my children. I'm very clear about in my life

614
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 1: what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. And at that time particularly,

615
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: I wasn't very tolerant and I absolutely was not a

616
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 1: forgiving person. If my friend messed up with me, Like,

617
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 1: I don't even call you to tell you that a

618
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: problem with what we what you did. I just not

619
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: talking to you that block you, like like it's not

620
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,760
Speaker 1: even worth a conversation. And that's my personality. So he knew,

621
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: like he knew what he was up against when he

622
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 1: did that. That's crazy because you know, even looking back

623
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: to that time and you're talking about it in the

624
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,399
Speaker 1: book and everything and being open and honest about it.

625
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: I never would have even thought that would happen. But

626
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: do you feel like, because we've discussed this, you don't

627
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: like being public. You didn't even really want like your

628
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: picture out there at the time. And yeah, and at

629
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: that time, it wasn't like and was like posting. People

630
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 1: didn't even know, Like some people acted like they didn't know.

631
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 1: I remember somebody was like, oh, yeah, I mean he's not.

632
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: I was like, yes, he's definitely married, like because you

633
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 1: could google it and see it's not and I had

634
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: seen a press confidence that you did exactly. Listen, let's

635
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 1: just be very clear, Like I wasn't a public person,

636
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 1: but people knew that Rashaun was married. We were serious together.

637
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: I always knew that he was married. People knew. He

638
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,720
Speaker 1: was on Miss Jones in the Morning for years prior,

639
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 1: and he talked about me, he talked about the kids.

640
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 1: And then on top of that, we went through a

641
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: whole public debacle with another radio show host that I

642
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: refused to mention the name. I did a press conference

643
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 1: that radio jock was fired, his multimillion dollar his multimillion

644
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: dollar contract was killed. It was done because he was

645
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,879
Speaker 1: in violation. I mean, it was a very very big thing.

646
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,240
Speaker 1: It was on tent Tex, it was on the news,

647
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 1: We were in the newspapers. I was no way somebody

648
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 1: didn't know. Anybody that claims that I was a secret

649
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: is a freaking lunatic. So if you're you've never been

650
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 1: to their house and nothing, that they've never closed a

651
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 1: picture of you, there's no way you could really think

652
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 1: that's like a real situation. Of course, not even even

653
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 1: if even if he's trying to make you believe that.

654
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: So you're like, you still know as a woman, we do,

655
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: we go and do and I mean like like what

656
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: so what now? Google isn't the thing? Right? Like? Are

657
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: you just gonna play stupid? Aby? Do you google them? Right? Awes?

658
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 1: I do? If? I okay, I'm not if I don't

659
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 1: trust me. The moment I tell him, give me a second,

660
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,439
Speaker 1: what's their name again? And they're looking like I just said,

661
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: it's so funny they want my friends because I'm like, well, no,

662
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 1: because he's really nice and no, but hold on, girl,

663
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: what's his name again? How are you spelling? Where do

664
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: they live? They'll come back with the whole background check.

665
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: So if I'm not doing it, trust them, believe one

666
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 1: of my close friends. The second I mentioned a guy's name,

667
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,479
Speaker 1: they're like, they don't forgive me any time I even

668
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: consider somebody now with God, not worth even if even

669
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 1: they're checking. I found a guy that I started talking to,

670
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 1: but this was back in high school and it was

671
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: the first guy that I actually got it. My first

672
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: orgasm was with this guy at there my son's dad

673
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: and when I met him. We met him at a

674
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: club in Miami, play back in the days. It's called

675
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 1: six o nine and cocing a girl, and I met

676
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: him there. He was just so fine, dressed in all

677
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 1: khaki tan khaki um dickies. I talked to my friend

678
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: about him, and like two days later, while he was

679
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: in school, she's like, pitch, what girl he was on?

680
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 1: Inmate dot com. He has this much record. I just

681
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 1: got out of prison, like my job. I was a

682
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 1: senior in high school. She said, he just got out

683
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: of prison. I'm like, how keep finding all that ship out? Like, yeah, yeah,

684
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 1: I will tell you everything. Sometimes you'd be like, girl,

685
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:41,239
Speaker 1: stop telling me right, Like I don't want to know. Yes,

686
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: so with him, Like if you're in a position to

687
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: take a particular interest in him, then yes, I'm sure

688
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: that you can google it. Let's be real. That was

689
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 1: it for you to actually come out like and be

690
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 1: more in the you know, like you guys have had

691
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 1: the podcast together because you were so private before that. Yes,

692
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 1: I wasn't deliberately private. I I am not a private person, um,

693
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 1: the type of person like I'll share everything because I

694
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,720
Speaker 1: just feel like when you share your life with people

695
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: as we do on the podcast, as we did in

696
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: the book, it's there's a sense of community in that

697
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:21,360
Speaker 1: where you share your reality and it gives other people,

698
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 1: particularly you know, for us women, um, something to relate to,

699
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: and you realize like you're not the only one. You're

700
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: not the only one that that bad things happen to.

701
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 1: You're not the only one that felt that way, and

702
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: it's like a sisterhood in that. So for me, being

703
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: open and sharing the good and the bad is very,

704
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: very important because in our day and age, you know,

705
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 1: everything is about image, and you only know about people

706
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: if you're based on something a platform like social media,

707
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 1: what they want you to perceive them to be. They

708
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 1: create exactly, and it's it's very particular, and it's in

709
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: a way manipulative, do you know what I mean? So

710
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: if you're just sitting back and taking all this sin

711
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: and believing it, then what does it take for you know,

712
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 1: a young girl to look at somebody or even a

713
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,919
Speaker 1: grown ass woman to be like, damn, my life ain't

714
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 1: should because look at this, this is reality. There's something

715
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 1: wrong with me. There's something wrong with my relationship, maybe

716
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 1: there's something wrong with my upbringing, and it just breads insecurity.

717
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,439
Speaker 1: But when you can see people for who they really

718
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: are and what they really go through, you could say, Okay,

719
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 1: well you know what, maybe it's not great, but at

720
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,320
Speaker 1: least there's a sense of community here where I feel

721
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 1: as though I'm not the only one I can relate.

722
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 1: There's a reference point for you, you know. So for me,

723
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 1: it's always been important to share and to be open

724
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: about it. So I just I was never interested in

725
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 1: social media at the time. I've never been to this day,

726
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: I've never even opened up a Facebook page. I don't

727
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: even know what the Facebook home page out there keeps

728
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 1: telling me that, right that I've never been on Twitter,

729
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 1: I've never tweeted, Like, I've never tweeted, you know what

730
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: I mean. My daughter was I don't know, be eleven

731
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: or twelve or thirteen whatever and put me onto Instagram.

732
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 1: So if you go to my Instagram, the very first

733
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 1: picture is just a picture of Madison's eye because we

734
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: were sitting on this and she was like, no, it's

735
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 1: like you take a picture. She took a picture of

736
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: her eye, she posted it. She showed me how to

737
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: do it, and I was like, oh, that's what this

738
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: thing is. I didn't even really understand or grasp social media. Meanwhile,

739
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: Rashawn was on Twitter, Shawn was on Instagram. Sidebar. All

740
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: the evidence like stuff was there. And I mean, so

741
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 1: I wasn't deliberately like one of your friends because she

742
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 1: was like connected in the industry and that yes, I

743
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: had met this older woman and she was in the industry,

744
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 1: like she had managed some people and whatnot. We had

745
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 1: daughters the same age, My daughter in Madison were the

746
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 1: same age, and we started hanging out. The girls went

747
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:51,800
Speaker 1: to camp together, and every week he found a reason

748
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: for me to not hang out with her or I

749
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: think that she's this, And it was reminiscent of how

750
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: he was in college, you know, is like, yes, he

751
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: felt like she would be the potential to closer to

752
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 1: the truth, right what had happened she well, listen. I

753
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 1: feel like, and I always say this, like on on

754
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,720
Speaker 1: the Breakfast Club and I say it in real life,

755
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 1: but whatever decisions people making their relationship, like it is

756
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: what it is. If you decide something happens, if you

757
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,399
Speaker 1: want to stay, that's on you. If you decide something happens,

758
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,720
Speaker 1: you want to leave. Because I also feel like women

759
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 1: get like demonized for leaving and giving up too, Like

760
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: I've heard that so much. Like really, I'm all the

761
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: time people act like something wrong with you as a

762
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: woman if you don't want to stick through something, if

763
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 1: you're not right or die if I've definitely and you

764
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: know what part of it might be because I work

765
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 1: with men, and I've always worked around a lot of men,

766
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 1: so they make it seem like from a man's perspective, right,

767
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 1: and they feel like writer Die is important, right, Like,

768
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 1: you know, listen, all of us have been through a

769
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,280
Speaker 1: lot of things in this room, and we've made decisions

770
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 1: and it's not a right decision or a wrong decision.

771
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:03,240
Speaker 1: It's just a personal decision, you know. And so for yourself,

772
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: it took a lot for you to decide to stay.

773
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,720
Speaker 1: And I think that's important too, because I'm sorry to instrupt,

774
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: but I didn't stay because I was a writer die.

775
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,279
Speaker 1: I just want to put that out there right right

776
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,319
Speaker 1: reason and listen on the Breakfast Club, and he was

777
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: so distracted every single day at work. I was like,

778
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,720
Speaker 1: we would be doing interviews, we would be doing a show,

779
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 1: he wouldn't know what was going on. He would be

780
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 1: on his phone the whole time. I would be like,

781
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 1: I didn't know if the show was going to continue

782
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: because he was so and it was early on he

783
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,240
Speaker 1: was so like every day he wasn't doing all interviews,

784
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: he was leaving. There was days he wasn't coming in

785
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: at all, you know, because he was trying to figure

786
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,720
Speaker 1: out what am I gonna do? He was so devastated

787
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 1: and like normally for myself, like I think about You know,

788
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 1: I've been in situations and clearly I'm not married, but

789
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: you know, I've been in situations where something's happened, a

790
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 1: guy's cheated, and I'm like, I'm not dealing with that

791
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: anymore because i know how I'm going to be. It

792
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,439
Speaker 1: actually made me look at things different really to see

793
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: what your guy's situation was, you know what I'm seeking

794
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 1: to see, like how he was reacting. I actually felt

795
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 1: bad for him, and normally I wouldn't feel bad for

796
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 1: a guy who did the things that he did. But

797
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: it made me look at things differently. You know. So

798
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 1: let's talk about that time period because there are guys

799
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 1: that really do mess up, and there are women that

800
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 1: want to stay in their relationship and fix things but

801
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: they don't know how. Oh no, I didn't want to

802
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: stay in my relationship with Like I said, I was

803
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 1: very black and white. So as soon as I found

804
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:37,479
Speaker 1: out that what I had had a notion of was true, um,

805
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: and you would have to read it in the book

806
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,479
Speaker 1: because it is a very Yeah, it's a long story.

807
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell that because if you need

808
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,879
Speaker 1: people to buy this book, but it's a very it's

809
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 1: a very interesting story. That pulls at your heart from

810
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 1: different directions. But once I found out that it was true, Um,

811
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,759
Speaker 1: we were in a car. I'll tell a little bit.

812
00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: I realized it, and I decided that I had to

813
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: confront him, but in a way that would get him

814
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 1: to confess because you didn't know all the details, you know,

815
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 1: we did. I had to absolutely mind bleep him. I

816
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: had to make him think that I knew and that

817
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 1: I wasn't coming to him and asking him if it

818
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 1: was true. I was basically telling him that I knew

819
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: it to be true, giving him giving you an opportunity

820
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 1: to have a conversation about it. You can tell me

821
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: whatever you want me to know about it, or you

822
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 1: can say nothing at all, because I know, while really

823
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 1: I knew nothing, I just believed it to be true.

824
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 1: You wanted to You weren't sure, and I wasn't sure.

825
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 1: My intuition told me that it was true. And it's

826
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: just it's that it's that thing that you try to

827
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: shoot away. Your intuition is telling you something negative that

828
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 1: you don't want to believe. But you know, damn well,

829
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: there's something too. And it was nothing he was doing

830
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: in the home. But I couldn't figure out in my

831
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: own reality, why this particular information would be on a block.

832
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? So I confronted him.

833
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 1: Long story short, he confessed. It was very heart wrenching.

834
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: We were in a car in a home depot parking lot.

835
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: I called him. I told him I was on my

836
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,839
Speaker 1: way home, and I was like, we need to talk.

837
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: He's like, we need What do you mean we need

838
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 1: to talk because watching on TV after dinner tonight, you

839
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like, I was like, just

840
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 1: meet me at home. Now. Both of us are about

841
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 1: maybe twenty five minutes away from the house. I was like,

842
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 1: meet me at home. He's like, now are you at

843
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: right now? I was like, I'm on seventeen, about to

844
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: pass the home depot. He's like, pull into the parking lot.

845
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 1: I'll be there in ten minutes. RIGHTS like now he

846
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,359
Speaker 1: couldn't wait the extra twelve minutes to get home. Pull

847
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: into home depot parking lot. He pulls up. I confront

848
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 1: him again, Long story short, he confesses, and I pulled

849
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 1: away from him, and I remember looking at my real

850
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 1: re view mirror and just seeing him sitting on the

851
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 1: curb crying. I went straight to my house. It was

852
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 1: a few days before Christmas, my mother in law was there,

853
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,879
Speaker 1: his mom. Yes, my mother in law was there and

854
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 1: we were decorating because we were hosting Christmas that year.

855
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: And I walked right upstairs. She was standing right outside

856
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 1: my kids play room. I was like, yes, so, um,

857
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:21,359
Speaker 1: we're Shan and I are getting a divorce. Who And

858
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 1: she was like, I said, yeah, there's no Christmas this year,

859
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: so you could just let we could pack everything back

860
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 1: up because this marriage is over. And she's lying pretty

861
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 1: much that he sent to me in the car when

862
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,879
Speaker 1: I confronted him, whoever told you, they're just jealous? That's

863
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: what his mama said. So his mother said the same thing, Mama,

864
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 1: God bless her. I love her to death. But no,

865
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:54,719
Speaker 1: But you have to understand, nobody would have believed. Nobody

866
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 1: would nobody, our friends, our family, because he did not

867
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 1: present himself in the world that way. And honestly exactly

868
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:05,799
Speaker 1: because even me, like I had been in the club

869
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:07,800
Speaker 1: with him, you know, we were doing the breakfast class.

870
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 1: I've never seen him do anything. Yes, I think he

871
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:14,720
Speaker 1: had an indiscretion. I think that he made a bad decision.

872
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 1: I don't call it a mistake. He made a bad

873
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 1: decision and sidebar a huge catalyst. A huge cause of

874
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: the reason why was because of what I told him

875
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 1: just some years earlier about I was going to ask

876
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: you that. Yes, that was the biggest reason, because now

877
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: he had this huge hole in his ego and he

878
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: was hurt, and now he needed someone or something to

879
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 1: validate him, you know. And when he's at home, you know,

880
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 1: he's just for Shawn, husband and father, you know what

881
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 1: I mean. But when he's in the streets, he's empy,

882
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 1: you know what you mean. And it wasn't until you know,

883
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 1: sometime after I went out with him, I'm like, well,

884
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: you got groupies girls dance is seductively in front of

885
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 1: the DJO get your attention. Like the times he's been

886
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: at me and I've gone like, I really don't see,

887
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:13,360
Speaker 1: Like it's literally June um. And then if I'll come

888
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: like me, I really don't, so I wouldn't imagine yes,

889
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,399
Speaker 1: And then that's another thing. He's like, yeah, we're going out,

890
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 1: and then it's like two and the one las two

891
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,799
Speaker 1: in the one, right, So I really have I really

892
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: seen Yeah? Yeah, June, like I've never really seen you know,

893
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 1: women really around one time. Yeah, but it was your

894
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 1: home girls. I believe that I met, but it's because

895
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: like he keeps and I'm not saying I'm not saying

896
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 1: that he was out there. He was for the streets

897
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 1: like he I mean, like it was a situation that

898
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,800
Speaker 1: he got himself into. I'm not saying that it happened

899
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 1: over a long period of time. I'm not saying that

900
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 1: it happened with multiple women. I'm just saying that And

901
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 1: it could have been one woman, that could have been

902
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 1: fifty two women. For me, it didn't make a difference.

903
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: It was the betrayal. It was the lies that you

904
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:58,839
Speaker 1: had to tell me to get this done. Considering what

905
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: we have and what we had between us was very special.

906
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 1: So it's particularly devastated. Is it pardy that it was

907
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: public too? Like? Because I feel like that's another layer.

908
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 1: It's one thing when something happens and the whole you know,

909
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 1: everybody don't have to know about it, but it's a

910
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: whole other thing when people are like, you know, having

911
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 1: people wait in in on it. It would have carried

912
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:21,280
Speaker 1: out the same way. Um, whether it was public or private,

913
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 1: nothing would have changed. But of course it was more

914
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 1: difficult because after he said what he said on the

915
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 1: breakfast club public apology. I was like, don't do it.

916
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: He seemed very remote. It was it was the last

917
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:36,680
Speaker 1: ditch attempt for him to try to do something that

918
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 1: he thought was a grand gesture of his love, because

919
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 1: he had been trying for quite some time after I

920
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 1: had found out to relinquish what we had and it

921
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 1: was failing. And um, the night before he did that,

922
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: something significant had happened. Again, it's in the book, but

923
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 1: something significant had happened, and he realized, like, oh, it's over. Over,

924
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,839
Speaker 1: Like this isn't a bluff. He knew it in his heart.

925
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 1: A heartment, he was trying, it's not a bluff. Like

926
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:07,839
Speaker 1: she's already paid a divorce attorney, she's already told her,

927
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:12,360
Speaker 1: her mother, my parents, the kids, like I was preparing everybody,

928
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 1: and the worst party was over. He had the narrative,

929
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: asked June to come to you and talk to you.

930
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 1: Come on. I don't know doing was the right person

931
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 1: for that, because it's a great now. Dune is a

932
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 1: great guy, but you're not like you got to know

933
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 1: if I have a called June to try to salvage

934
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: nothing him about a geek and I'm looking at him

935
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: the same way that I look at people that don't

936
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: know me, and that I don't know Rashawn, that's say, oh,

937
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: she stayed with him for the money, right, And I'm

938
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 1: sitting there and I remember looking at him that day

939
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: when he's like, you're gonna leave all of this? You know,

940
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: we were in a club when he said that to me,

941
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 1: and I was like, so, you're gonna compare my love

942
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 1: in my heart to like material, some pounds of leather,

943
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 1: to like some handbags, some shoes, some jewelry. Jewice said this, Yeah, yeah,

944
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 1: but you were not the right person, like you misunderstood this.

945
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 1: It's actually that's actually the thought that I had in

946
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 1: that moment. I was literally thinking to myself, like, you're

947
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 1: going to compare like my love, my emotions, my life

948
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 1: to some leather. And you know, that's why gets really

949
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: think about it, like people try to act like Gea

950
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 1: was like there because honestly, and he says this all

951
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 1: the time and it's in the book, but you were

952
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: the one that was the breadwinner. At first. He really

953
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 1: did not want you to leave and go work and everything,

954
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:43,799
Speaker 1: you know, and you were very supportive of him and

955
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,440
Speaker 1: has come up and he's always very making sure that

956
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:48,879
Speaker 1: people know that story because you were together from such

957
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 1: a young and sixteen seventeen and so that's why even

958
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: with the Jesus and Marrow situation, he was so angry.

959
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 1: He knows the real he knows what really was going

960
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 1: on versus people see you today. Yeah, and you know,

961
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: I think that with the whole Jesus and Merrow thing, Um,

962
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: I think what bothered him. I think that he felt

963
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 1: as though he was defending me, but at the same time,

964
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 1: what they said, what is that insinuating? Yes, I know

965
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 1: it was poised as a joke, but we all know

966
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:21,319
Speaker 1: that jokes, all jokes are rooted into something, do you

967
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:23,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And that something is what bothered

968
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 1: him because it suggests that that's all that he's worth,

969
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:31,840
Speaker 1: that all he's worth, all that he's good for is right.

970
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 1: And I think that that was the message that was

971
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,839
Speaker 1: a little disturbing. And in this business they do act

972
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,319
Speaker 1: like if a man is providing and financially making sure

973
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 1: you're good. You've got a nice house, you got the family,

974
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: you know, a little cheating is okay. Yeah. No, not

975
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:49,319
Speaker 1: for me, No, not for me, because I think that

976
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 1: as women we do deserve it all you know, if

977
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:56,800
Speaker 1: we are deserving. When A. J. Johnson was on the

978
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: Breakfast Club and I know you've seen this A J.

979
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 1: Johnson and we asked her, like, you know, would you

980
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 1: want to know Gia ever when out with somebody else

981
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:07,480
Speaker 1: during the time that y'all had a break if anything

982
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: ever happened. He said he would never want to know that.

983
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 1: Did you see that, um she was in house party? Yes? Yes, yes, yeah.

984
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 1: Oh he's telling the damn truth, right. He does not

985
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 1: want to know him. I have asked him like, just

986
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 1: you know, you're laying in bed, you having stupid conversations,

987
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 1: you know. And I've asked him on several occasions, you know,

988
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 1: like so if I ever had an indiscretion, would you

989
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 1: ever stopped out on you? Would you want to know?

990
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 1: He's like, keep it to yourself. He does not want

991
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 1: to know. He was like, I can't take it. We

992
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:45,520
Speaker 1: know that, but yeah, because you know that she's I mean,

993
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 1: that was crazy because that turned into a whole conversation

994
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: of like why would you not want to because you

995
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 1: guys did have a period of time when you were

996
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,439
Speaker 1: not together, Like I mean, when you were like it's

997
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:57,839
Speaker 1: over and you thought, see because it would have been

998
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 1: okay for you, right you think at that time to

999
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 1: be like, let me go out with somebody else. M

1000
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 1: At that time, my focus was on how I was

1001
00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 1: going to co parent, how I was going to be divorced.

1002
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 1: But keeper Shawn insane because when I told him I

1003
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,760
Speaker 1: wanted a divorce, which was that same day, he sunk

1004
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 1: to a very very very low place, and I couldn't

1005
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: necessarily think about my feelings at that time. I was

1006
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 1: thinking about him, and I was thinking about my kids.

1007
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 1: I still wanted my divorce, but I would say things

1008
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 1: like we can co parent. I don't hate you, you know,

1009
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,320
Speaker 1: was pre I just don't want to be married to you.

1010
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:43,880
Speaker 1: I just want to be your wife's morning. If you

1011
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,239
Speaker 1: would have said I hate you, I think it might have.

1012
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 1: I think I think it might have. But you know,

1013
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 1: like for me, I feel like women, particularly men too,

1014
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 1: But I'm talking about women. You make a lot of

1015
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: bad decisions because you make them with your heart. Do

1016
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,360
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? For me, it's the head

1017
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 1: and it's the heart. And I always listened to my

1018
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 1: head before I listened to my heart, because you know

1019
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:10,960
Speaker 1: your heart will be like yeah, girl, like forgive him.

1020
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:12,920
Speaker 1: Your head is like, um, so should I remind you

1021
00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:17,920
Speaker 1: about all the to put you in this situation? The

1022
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 1: head keeps you straight, do you know what I mean?

1023
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: So for me, it didn't matter if I was devastated,

1024
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 1: if I was crying my face into a pillow every night,

1025
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 1: it didn't matter how I felt. I didn't care about

1026
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,640
Speaker 1: how I felt. I cared about what I had made

1027
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 1: up my mind to do, and I was going to

1028
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 1: do it. And you know how they say only God

1029
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:41,919
Speaker 1: could come down. God literally had to come down and

1030
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: intervene in my relationship in a way that I couldn't

1031
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 1: chalk up to coincidence. My marriage that and you got this.

1032
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 1: Let me tell you that has got honestly that story,

1033
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 1: um in the book it it has to be, if

1034
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,280
Speaker 1: not the most significant thing, one of the absolute most

1035
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 1: significant things that has ever happened to me. It's the

1036
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:07,480
Speaker 1: reason why I don't regret what we went through. It

1037
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 1: was like a gift and a curse because I benefited

1038
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 1: so much more from that point than I ever suffered

1039
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 1: because of what He did to get us to that point.

1040
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:21,200
Speaker 1: So you think your relationship is stronger now, that's like,

1041
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 1: that's an understanding. You know, I've said this before. I

1042
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 1: feel like sometimes that doesn't do it. Just things like that,

1043
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 1: when you go through stuff in a relationship, even cheating,

1044
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:33,520
Speaker 1: that can't make your relationships stronger if the work is

1045
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:37,840
Speaker 1: done to correct the course. Yes, Um, there's a chapter

1046
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:41,080
Speaker 1: in the book called the New Deal, and for me

1047
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 1: it's probably I don't say I dare to say my

1048
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 1: favorite chapter, but it's a very very important chapter that's

1049
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 1: near and dear to me. A lot of women asked like,

1050
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 1: how did you forgive? How did he get back in

1051
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:55,240
Speaker 1: your good graces? Like how are you able to laugh

1052
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: about that now? Because I could laugh about it now.

1053
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: I don't hold anything, not a morsel in my heart

1054
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 1: because of what happened. Because you know, like, if you've

1055
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:06,840
Speaker 1: ever been cheated on by someone that you love, that

1056
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,439
Speaker 1: could be like fifteen years down the line you're still

1057
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 1: thinking about You're still harboring resentment. Exactly me. I've absolutely

1058
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 1: been able. I've been given the blessing of being able

1059
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 1: to completely let it go and move on and be

1060
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:26,080
Speaker 1: in a happier place than I ever thought was even possible.

1061
00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: Are there ever triggers for you? Like not anymore? But

1062
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 1: let me be very clear, it took years. This happened. Um,

1063
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 1: this happened about twelve years ago when I found out.

1064
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 1: When I read that blog, it was already about two

1065
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 1: years old. It had already ended two years prior to

1066
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 1: when I found out. So I was finding out about

1067
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 1: old old stuff, do you know what I mean? It

1068
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: just happened to resurface where I could like see that

1069
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 1: it happened to see what I mean. But yeah, no,

1070
00:59:55,720 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: I at the time, it took I would say, about

1071
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 1: maybe three or four years for me to learn to

1072
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 1: gain wisdom, to really understand what love was, and to

1073
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:14,800
Speaker 1: even more importantly understand what forgiveness for what real forgiveness is,

1074
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 1: because a lot of women you get cheated on and

1075
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 1: you stay, and it's like, well, of course, because you stay.

1076
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 1: You know, when you forgive, you don't forgive to relieve

1077
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 1: the other person of that burden. You forgive for yourself

1078
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 1: so you can relinquish yourself with your onfernity. I know

1079
01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:44,480
Speaker 1: your parents for giving him. Well, here's the thing, So

1080
01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 1: my father had already passed away. My father passed away

1081
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 1: when I was nineteen, and when this happened, my mother

1082
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 1: was probably three years into her battle with dementia, so

1083
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: she was never able to even know or understand what

1084
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:04,560
Speaker 1: had happened. I don't no one to really talk to

1085
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, but I didn't need anyone, okay, Um,

1086
01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 1: I didn't need anyone. I've always been like the type

1087
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 1: of person that if something happens, I deal with it

1088
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,040
Speaker 1: on my own. But you have friends together that you

1089
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 1: had had from when you were teenagers. We do, right,

1090
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: So what about with them? Like, what kind of advice

1091
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: were they giving you? Nothing? I didn't bring this to

1092
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 1: any of my friends, so they weren't calling you like, girl,

1093
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:31,960
Speaker 1: we've seen what's going on, like are you okay? Rashid See,

1094
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 1: at the time, we were being approached by different production

1095
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: companies who we have to do a reality show. We

1096
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 1: were approached by Real Housewives of New Jersey and just

1097
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 1: you know, producers that wanted to produce a family show.

1098
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 1: And it was like in the blogs. I don't even

1099
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:47,840
Speaker 1: know how the blogs found out about that stuff, but

1100
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 1: you know, they found out and we were seeing like

1101
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 1: different posts and everything. So my best friend who lives

1102
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 1: in California, um l a with my other best friend.

1103
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:57,280
Speaker 1: It's a couple of Sasha and Raschid. He had heard

1104
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 1: about what had happened when ra Seawan apologized and he

1105
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 1: thought that it was like fake to drum up public

1106
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 1: publicity for reality TV. So when he called me and

1107
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 1: he was like I heard and so and so forth,

1108
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:12,760
Speaker 1: he was like, and I'm like sitting it like it's

1109
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 1: this phrase. I was like, oh no, no, no no, honey,

1110
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: it's all true. It is all true. Everything that you read,

1111
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 1: it is all true. And he's like blown away. And

1112
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 1: he was the one person, the only person in my

1113
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 1: entire life of friends and family that did not support Rashwan.

1114
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 1: And he always said he's too controlling, he's too obsessive,

1115
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 1: he's too possessive, and I just he needs you too much.

1116
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,439
Speaker 1: And if you're ever to leave him, I just don't

1117
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 1: know what would happen. You know, you need to consider

1118
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:47,840
Speaker 1: maybe moving on or moving away slowly. And I was

1119
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:50,280
Speaker 1: like I would tell him, likeny, like it's not that seriously, Rashaan.

1120
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:53,280
Speaker 1: I've never been afraid of Rashwan. I've never been like,

1121
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 1: he's never been physically abused, like nothing like himself. He

1122
01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 1: would do something to himself. He would, it's not even

1123
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 1: before he would never, but he never, Yes, he would

1124
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 1: do something to himself. And it's always been Rashawn's thing,

1125
01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 1: like if we got into a bad argument, if I

1126
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:12,840
Speaker 1: was throwing now, mind you, I've We've never broken up

1127
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:15,960
Speaker 1: a day in twenty seven years. I've tried, just like

1128
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:18,600
Speaker 1: when I tried to divorce it. Don't think when you

1129
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,680
Speaker 1: guys are going through your things that you were broken up.

1130
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:28,000
Speaker 1: It just seems like I was trying had to be

1131
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 1: delicate with him because I was worried about his mental state.

1132
01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:35,479
Speaker 1: Is the most responsible person I've ever known. He's never late.

1133
01:03:35,960 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 1: He shows up to work like everyone if he does.

1134
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:46,160
Speaker 1: If he does, it's because it's something that's beyond his control.

1135
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 1: Like he doesn't wake up late. He doesn't like disregard,

1136
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 1: you know what. Like he shows up to work, he

1137
01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 1: gets he pays bills on time. Like he is someone

1138
01:03:57,280 --> 01:04:00,560
Speaker 1: that you can really really rely on on. And at

1139
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:02,600
Speaker 1: that time I would hear like he would not show

1140
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:07,080
Speaker 1: up for work, not he's coming to call his boss

1141
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 1: and not call his co host and say hey, I'm

1142
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:11,280
Speaker 1: not coming in or whatever. I would go in the

1143
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:14,160
Speaker 1: room in the morning and he would just be laying

1144
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 1: there because wectually be in the same room. He was

1145
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:18,360
Speaker 1: sleeping in the guest room. So I'll go down the hall,

1146
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 1: and I would open the door and it would be

1147
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:21,680
Speaker 1: locked up. They had a credit card, and I got

1148
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 1: to break into the room. I get in there and

1149
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'm like, you're not going to work.

1150
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:28,760
Speaker 1: He's like f work, He's like F life. I shouldn't

1151
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:31,440
Speaker 1: even be here. He was on a slippery slope, you know.

1152
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 1: So we didn't actually break up. I'm like, okay, you

1153
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:36,960
Speaker 1: can stay here. Like I felt that I could kind

1154
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 1: of take care of him and just get us to

1155
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:41,640
Speaker 1: a place where I got what he what I wanted,

1156
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:43,840
Speaker 1: but that he was safe. Do you know what I mean?

1157
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 1: So no, we we've never actually broken up. Okay, So man, Yeah,

1158
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:53,240
Speaker 1: I appreciate you for coming out here and being still

1159
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 1: open and honest. I love hearing your perspective, you know,

1160
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:58,520
Speaker 1: because I see why you told him to stay home.

1161
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:02,200
Speaker 1: I see why woul everybody over talking. You know what

1162
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:06,640
Speaker 1: I'm saying. We all know his side of the story

1163
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:09,280
Speaker 1: so many different times we've heard him talk about it,

1164
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 1: so it was nice to hear things from your point

1165
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:14,439
Speaker 1: of view, you know, as always, And you know, I'm

1166
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:16,400
Speaker 1: glad that you guys wrote this book because there's a

1167
01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:18,040
Speaker 1: lot of gems in here. I know y'all are doing

1168
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 1: a ton of press even just thinking about marriage and

1169
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 1: the importance of marriage and how do you know it's

1170
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 1: time for you to get married? You have a whole

1171
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:28,840
Speaker 1: like questions about how you know that. But I think

1172
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 1: this is really helpful. Like I said, I've seen a

1173
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:33,840
Speaker 1: lot of these things transpired, but I didn't know the

1174
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 1: full story. I only knew things from Envy's point of view,

1175
01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:40,520
Speaker 1: you know, But I've always been team Gear, as you know.

1176
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 1: At one point he was like, you're the only girl

1177
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:45,680
Speaker 1: that's allowed to be in my phone for work purposes,

1178
01:05:46,360 --> 01:05:49,200
Speaker 1: you know, and even for yourself moving forward, right, you

1179
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 1: have access to everything, so you don't even have to Yeah. Yeah,

1180
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:55,000
Speaker 1: Like it's kind of like we're one, do you know

1181
01:05:55,040 --> 01:05:57,760
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like with his Instagram, Like I'm in

1182
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:00,960
Speaker 1: his Instagram, he's in my Instagram, so I could just

1183
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:03,080
Speaker 1: double tap and then all of a sudden, I have

1184
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:09,040
Speaker 1: control of his Instagram. He calls it a phone up

1185
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:11,960
Speaker 1: a phone up relationship. So we have access to each

1186
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:15,520
Speaker 1: other's Instagram and to each other's email. And it's not

1187
01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 1: through a sense of control or anything like that. It's

1188
01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:23,440
Speaker 1: just that you're completely open. Was this like that prior

1189
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:27,960
Speaker 1: to the incident always or do you feel that I'm

1190
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:30,280
Speaker 1: not the type of person that would ever go through

1191
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 1: a man's phone, because if I have to do that,

1192
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 1: then I don't want to be with you. You know,

1193
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:38,200
Speaker 1: I'm not playing detective work. I'm not like even when

1194
01:06:38,200 --> 01:06:41,320
Speaker 1: I found that blog that day, I googled looking for

1195
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 1: pictures from a photo shoot that he had just complained.

1196
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:45,640
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, it's about been about three weeks,

1197
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,480
Speaker 1: like the picture should be up. So I google and

1198
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:49,640
Speaker 1: I was looking for like the magazine photos and whatnot.

1199
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 1: When I google dj Envy, this blog came up and

1200
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:54,440
Speaker 1: I was like, what was that? And I've never been

1201
01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:57,600
Speaker 1: on that blog, so I'm like, men, I'm like, I

1202
01:06:57,720 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 1: know the blog exactly to take out and we're not

1203
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:08,920
Speaker 1: gonna talk about that, right, but yeah, it was. It

1204
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 1: was that blog, but I've never so no, I'm not

1205
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:16,200
Speaker 1: doing anything extra. I feel like, you have a cage

1206
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:18,080
Speaker 1: as a burden it. You should be able to leave

1207
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:21,120
Speaker 1: that door open and if the bird flies out, then

1208
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:23,600
Speaker 1: he is not for you that to sit his ass

1209
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:27,720
Speaker 1: right there perched on that little that little swing and

1210
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 1: be happy and if and if it flies then you're

1211
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:32,760
Speaker 1: like Okay, we'll have my answer, you know what I mean.

1212
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,760
Speaker 1: So that's awesome because I always felt like he could

1213
01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:38,720
Speaker 1: do whatever she wanted in life. So I always tell

1214
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:42,560
Speaker 1: Envy all the time, he's really fortunate than that dedication

1215
01:07:42,640 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: to your mom that probably, like you said, she was

1216
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:48,120
Speaker 1: already going through the manship reading what you wrote, it

1217
01:07:48,240 --> 01:07:51,600
Speaker 1: was kind of like that helped you get through that

1218
01:07:51,680 --> 01:07:54,440
Speaker 1: even though she wasn't able to be there at that moment.

1219
01:07:55,360 --> 01:07:58,320
Speaker 1: But everything that you know, you wrote, that, what she

1220
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,880
Speaker 1: taught you, and everything in let up to you being

1221
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 1: able to get through that situation with a clear mind.

1222
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:09,520
Speaker 1: That dedication was everything I am my mother's daughter, you know.

1223
01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 1: I always comparing your dedication to God and was like,

1224
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:28,200
Speaker 1: what's up with j Shout out to you guys. Make

1225
01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 1: sure you pick up in real life, real love. You

1226
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:33,679
Speaker 1: get to hear some of the most amazing, interesting stories

1227
01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:36,920
Speaker 1: from both points of view. And I do appreciate the

1228
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:38,960
Speaker 1: fact that and he was so transparent in it because

1229
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:40,600
Speaker 1: there's things that I never looked at. I was like,

1230
01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 1: I gotta to make fun of him for some things

1231
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:49,320
Speaker 1: like what things like the dildo situation or even like

1232
01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:51,280
Speaker 1: you know, I know that like we joke about the

1233
01:08:51,280 --> 01:08:54,800
Speaker 1: fact that he broke out of the mental hospital. But

1234
01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:57,240
Speaker 1: that was reading it in the in the book was

1235
01:08:57,280 --> 01:08:59,000
Speaker 1: so different because when he tells us a story, he

1236
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:01,880
Speaker 1: tells it in a joking. He makes light of it, right,

1237
01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:04,040
Speaker 1: But when he made it it was not light. Yeah,

1238
01:09:04,280 --> 01:09:06,640
Speaker 1: you know, so like he'll talk about driving out, you know,

1239
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:09,160
Speaker 1: my feet hanging out, his picture his feet hanging out.

1240
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 1: Because the way he tells the story, it doesn't sound

1241
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:14,679
Speaker 1: as serious as when you read it in the book

1242
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:17,640
Speaker 1: of what he was going through. He really did not

1243
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:20,280
Speaker 1: want to live, and so he can tell it to

1244
01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:22,200
Speaker 1: us in a certain way. And I know that sometimes

1245
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:25,200
Speaker 1: that's like a defense mechanism, you know, to be able

1246
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:27,840
Speaker 1: to make a light of something. But what was having

1247
01:09:27,880 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 1: to go through having to call the cops? You know?

1248
01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:32,439
Speaker 1: I saw him that night because I was or whatever.

1249
01:09:32,439 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 1: The next night, I was having a birthday party and

1250
01:09:34,360 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 1: he was DJ, and he showed up and the cops

1251
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,400
Speaker 1: were looking for him, and I was like, because we

1252
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:45,280
Speaker 1: had a bolo out for him. Yeah, he came to

1253
01:09:45,320 --> 01:09:46,760
Speaker 1: the job and then where he didn't come to work

1254
01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:49,800
Speaker 1: to the station. But then he shows up to DJ

1255
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:52,479
Speaker 1: the party and I'm like, empty, what are you doing?

1256
01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 1: There looking for you. But I'm like Empy, it's insane.

1257
01:09:56,720 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 1: He was a little insane. He was a little saying

1258
01:09:58,640 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 1: but you know, that was a very It was a

1259
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:03,200
Speaker 1: every dark place for him and saw us, you know,

1260
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:06,280
Speaker 1: but that was the thing, you know, when I told

1261
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 1: him that it was over, just like previous times when

1262
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,200
Speaker 1: I told him that it was over for other reasons

1263
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:14,000
Speaker 1: that were far less significant or serious, you know, it

1264
01:10:14,000 --> 01:10:15,640
Speaker 1: would bring him to a place where he felt as

1265
01:10:15,640 --> 01:10:18,040
Speaker 1: though he didn't want to be here anymore. It was like,

1266
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:21,960
Speaker 1: if I can't have you, if we can't live life together,

1267
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:26,040
Speaker 1: then I don't want to be here. And he meant

1268
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:29,040
Speaker 1: that with every five from the things that visits me,

1269
01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:36,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be him tomorrow. He takes he takes you

1270
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 1: through what that feels like, like what got him to

1271
01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:42,800
Speaker 1: that that point, you know what I mean. So um,

1272
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:53,759
Speaker 1: but we've healed from all of that. You're having orgasms. Yes,

1273
01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:02,680
Speaker 1: Live Service, thank you so much for coming out for

1274
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:06,760
Speaker 1: the first time. It's been Listen. We've been wanting to

1275
01:11:06,840 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 1: do time coming. Yeah, but I think this listen literally

1276
01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:21,719
Speaker 1: you got that all right. List Service here, Casey