WEBVTT - Is Asking For Open Relationship Grounds for Divorce? 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:13.880 What's up everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:17.200 for being here. I answer your questions podcast at grangersmith 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:19.200 dot com, and you could ask me anything you want. 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:21.280 That's the format of this podcast. That's a way it's 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:25.000 been for a long time. And so I want to 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:27.960 tell you that I think about this often before I 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.400 start a podcast, that I don't have any notes. I'm 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:34.600 not prepared with a bunch of like fancy quotes or 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:40.519 book recommendations or cross references, and I don't think the 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:45.120 podcast should be that way. I think it's better if 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:48.920 I hear a question from you about whatever is going 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:52.320 on in your life, and I answer it like I 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:56.280 would if we were close friends riding side by side 0:00:56.360 --> 0:01:00.120 in a pickup truck on a back road. I think 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:05.120 that way, and I say that to say that you 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.440 know that that means I'm not always right about things, 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:11.600 but it's more so that we all think together. We 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:18.880 think through these often. These questions are really difficult life situations, 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:22.679 and so we should think of them because I you know, 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.640 think about all the people that don't ask a question, 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:32.960 They just listen, and everyone's got something going on, you know, 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.560 everyone's got some kind of problem and so for all 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:40.119 of those people that don't ask a question, we're learning 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:44.360 how to think through them right once again. The email 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:46.920 is podcast at grangersmith dot com. First question comes from 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:51.280 Kayley and this says this, Hey granger, I have sort 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.880 of a multi question email for you. My husband and 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:58.680 I have two children, ages seven and nine, and our 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:02.600 nine year old is autistic. He doesn't speak and struggles 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:07.400 with being very hyperactive. He can get very disregulated in 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:10.720 unfamiliar environments. We do not attend church due to it 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:14.000 being very difficult to have him sitting or basically going 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:17.480 into overdrive in an open space where there are lots 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:21.800 of things to touch or to look at. He is 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.680 also in a looper in other words, he could run 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.400 away and put himself in danger. Having a child with 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:29.960 special needs can be very isolating, and while I know 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:33.120 God knows my heart, I crave being a part of 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:35.560 a community and I think it's a big missing piece 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:37.800 of our life as a family. I guess my question 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:39.720 is should we try and find a church that can 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:44.560 accommodate children in general, but specifically that has a special 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.240 needs program? But also, what are your thoughts on having 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:50.799 special needs programs for children that separate them from their 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.960 parents during services. I know some churches do not agree 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:57.800 with that concept. I appreciate your feedback and opinion. Thank you, Kaylee. 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:01.160 All right, Kaylee, Well, thank you for for trusting me. 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:05.200 Trusting me in this podcast was something that's probably so 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.679 you know, the forefront of your mind all the time 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:13.200 and so sensitive of a subject. So thank you for 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:18.360 trusting me with that. And I think we could kind 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:24.760 of approach this from a few different ways. One something 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:26.120 that stuck out to me the first time I read 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:31.679 it just now was you said having a special needs 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:36.160 child could be very isolating. And while I know I 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:38.840 know God knows my heart, I crave being a part 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:42.640 of a community. I don't necessarily know what you mean 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.320 by saying God knows my heart, but I've craved been 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:50.640 part of a community. You probably mean God knows that 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:52.560 I want to be in church even though i'm not, 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:55.280 and he has grace that i'm not. I think that's 0:03:55.280 --> 0:04:01.080 what you mean, and I understand, I understand that. But 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:07.040 but what's more interesting about that thought is that you 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.400 crave to be part of a community, and that is 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:15.960 this is a craving that humans have always had. You 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:17.840 don't have to be a Christian. To have that craving, 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:23.000 you just have to be a human. And that is 0:04:23.040 --> 0:04:25.320 because we're made in God's image and we were made 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:28.360 with a need. We we were you know, we were 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:32.480 created with certain desires, right, and one of those desires 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:37.840 we are created to have is to seek to crave 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:43.320 other people around us. And there are many reasons. I'm 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:44.680 not going to ask, I'm not going to act like 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:47.119 I know all the reasons, but one of the clear 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:53.920 reasons is our gifts that were given to us different 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:56.880 from other people. Certain people have certain gifts, other people 0:04:57.000 --> 0:05:00.880 have other gifts. In the Bible, it talks about members 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.320 of a body like an eye, how obviously has a 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:09.200 different function than a hand, and a hand as a 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:13.279 different function than an ear, or a nose or a foot. 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:17.000 And it's the same with us. Right. If you look 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:21.520 around any community, any city, or town, or neighborhood or 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:26.080 even family, everyone has they bring something different to the table. 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:30.960 Everyone does. And the Church is supposed to be like that. 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:35.159 It's made up the body, which is the Church. The 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.880 head is Christ. That's the symbolism given in the Bible. 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:42.400 The head is Christ and the body is the Church, 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:46.320 and the Church is the gathering of people. That's what 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:48.640 that word church, that the roots of that word mean, 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:54.160 that means gathering. And so if we think of ourselves 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:59.320 as the body with different members functioning differently, then we 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:04.039 really needed each other to function as a is a 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:08.120 functioning body, you know, like if we were missing eyes, 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:12.240 we wouldn't be a good body. If we were missing ears, 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:16.599 or if we're missing hands, we wouldn't be the church 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.640 as it's supposed to be, as it's intended to be. 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.560 And why did I say that, Well, the reason I'm 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:29.280 saying that is because we all are given different gifts. 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:36.360 Those gifts that God gave us are only activated, are 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:42.599 used in the context of the gathering. Like an eye 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:46.679 is no good by itself, and an eye that sees 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:52.559 benefits the body, but to itself it's nothing. A hand 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:55.520 is nothing by itself unless it's benefiting the body. You 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:59.360 see what I mean. And so these gifts spiritual gifts, 0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:04.040 you can call them physical gifts. The different attributes, the 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:10.960 characteristics that God has gifted us with are seen and 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:15.600 used in the context of the body. For instance, most 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:18.920 of my life have been a singer. Now as a singer, 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:24.840 the gift that God gave me to sing. Now, whether 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:27.680 whether I'm good or not, that's irrelevant. The gift that 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:32.720 God gave me to sing means nothing by myself. If 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:37.480 I'm isolated and it's stuck in a room my whole life, 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.760 then I don't get to share my gift. My singing 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:48.240 only influences me so much before it's meant to influence, encourage, 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.720 lift up others. And it's the same with every gift. 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.840 So that's why you crave to be part of the community, 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:00.520 because not only do you crave without being able to 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:05.360 say it, using your gifts in the church, but you 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:09.360 also crave the other people's gifts given to you. So 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:12.680 you are like a hand saying I just wish I 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:16.840 had an eye and a nose, and an ear, and 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.440 the the ear and the and the nose and the 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:22.520 and the eye, say I wish we had a hand. 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:27.160 And it all comes together when the church, the gathering, 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:33.920 does what it does, and that is gather. So think 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.640 about that. Let's start with the conversation with that idea 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:40.160 that yes, you crave being a part of community. Then 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:43.839 that's not just a unique something, that something that's unique 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:46.240 to you. That's because you're made in the image of 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:50.960 God and you're you crave to gather with the body. Okay, 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:56.640 So so then let's put that on top of let's 0:08:56.720 --> 0:09:01.360 use that lens and think about your autot son. Is 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:11.080 his son? Yes, son. I'm trying to say this as 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:14.800 easy as I can. But the problem, the problem that 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:17.920 you're dealing with really okay, let me just say it plainly. 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:21.320 The problem you're dealing with is you haven't found a 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:26.920 healthy church yet. Because because a healthy church, and once again, 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:29.760 don't think of it as a building. Don't think of 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:34.280 church when I say that as a denominational building with 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:37.360 bricks and mortar. When I use that word, think of 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:40.200 it every time as the body, the gathering of people. 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:45.280 You haven't you haven't been part of a healthy body 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:49.600 of the gathering of people yet, because you could make 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.880 these kind of decisions with them, and they would come 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:57.560 together with your autistic son and help you. And I 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:00.600 don't think right, I know, I know they don't have 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:05.440 to be qualified in special needs children, and I think 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.400 they would move the direction if you were part of 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:10.679 that body, They would move the inento the direction of 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:15.080 learning how to better serve you and your autistic son 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:20.079 in your family. But right off the bat, you wouldn't 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:23.520 say I should go find a church that has a 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:27.320 special needs program. Instead, you would say, I'm going to 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:32.959 go find a church that preaches the Gospel clearly and 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:39.360 applies it for the body of people. Because if a 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:47.160 church is doing that, they're preaching a clear gospel, I'm unashamed, boldly, 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:53.199 with humility and love. When they're doing that, then that 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:57.080 fulfills all the requirements you're going to need for your son. 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:00.120 You see what I mean, Because if you go to 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:01.800 a church the opposite, if you go to a church 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:10.040 that has a very good doctorate driven special needs program, 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:14.199 but they're not preaching the Gospel, then they're actually killing 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:19.160 you and your son. And I've said it before on 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:22.400 this podcasts. It's like a little drop of cyanide poisoning 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.600 that you're putting into your drink every time you go 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:29.800 to a church that's not feeding you the Word of 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:33.880 God through the preaching. I mean, that's that is the 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:37.559 number one thing in a church. Everything else is secondary, 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:43.240 and that is preaching the Word of God. And I'm 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:47.240 not talking about preaching the needs of man or families 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.880 or marriages. I'm talking about preaching what the word says 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:53.720 and applying it to you in your life. If you're 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.440 not getting that, then you're not growing in your knowledge 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.200 of God. If you're not, If you're not growing in 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:00.720 your knowledge of God, then then you're growing in something else, 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:07.120 and that's usually fear, anxiety, hopelessness. Those things of the 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:14.320 world start growing in you. So all that to say, 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.520 you say, should we try to find the church that 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:21.680 ad that can accommodate special needs children? Basically you're saying 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:25.679 I say no, you find a healthy church that preaches 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:29.040 the gospel, that loves you, that loves your family, that 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:32.120 loves your son, and welcomes you in like the body's 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:36.760 supposed to. And they will say, Kaylee, we're going to 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.880 love your son. We're going to find ways that we 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:44.840 could we could serve you and your family. Well, now 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.920 there's one last little question here that you asked, and 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.880 that is what are your thoughts on having a special 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:53.160 needs program that separates the children from the parents during 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:57.280 the services. I think that gets worked out with the 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:04.880 healthy church. So I'm not going to stand on either 0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:08.200 side of the fence saying children absolutely should be in 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:11.600 the services. I think they're welcome to be in the services. 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.120 I think I think having children in the services is 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.520 a very beautiful thing. Having babies crying in a service 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.040 is actually a beautiful thing because it's a it's a 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:24.480 sign that the soil is fertile in the church, you know, 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:28.200 and and it's growing and it's healthy. That's that's a 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.280 great fruit of a healthy church is there's babies, you know. 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:36.840 And so I'm not going to say that children shouldn't 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:39.599 be in the service. They're a distraction. But at the 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.800 same time, if you have a special needs son that 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:46.000 just actually physically just can't sit there, then then we 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:47.760 don't want to push that too far, and we want 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.720 to say, yeah, then he needs to he needs to 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:53.559 have his needs met and he needs to be growing 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:56.679 in the church in another way. And so if he 0:13:57.160 --> 0:14:01.760 needs to leave the service with with a group or 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.240 with someone that could teach him in another way, and 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.160 I say, okay, I don't have a problem with that, 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:11.320 as long as the church is a family. And sometimes 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:13.360 that just means it can't be too big. Because if 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:16.400 a church is way too big, and if a church 0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:18.880 has a special needs program, they're probably too big. You 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:22.240 could say that too. That's an all that's a red flag. 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:25.720 If a church is too big to be able to 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:31.640 accommodate personally, then I think I think that's also a problem. 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.720 We can probably talk about this for an hour, but 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:37.240 I think I've given you enough of my opinion on this. 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.920 Next question comes from Christine. It says, hey, grandeur Christine here, 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:43.480 I'm twenty years old and I'm a believer. I have 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:46.160 a friend who's twenty one and she's been married for 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.160 a year and a half now, and they're really struggling. 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.080 She's a Christian, but since they've been married, her husband 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:54.160 doesn't want anything to do with God and basically just 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:58.080 uses her for her body. He's winning an open relationship 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:00.920 and she's not open to that. She's almost to the 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:02.720 end of her rope and doesn't know what to do. 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:07.280 I know that she has guy best friends that she 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:11.000 messages with I ask and she also asks them for advice, 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.840 and she asked me for advice as well. I'm not married, 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.080 but I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice. 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.760 So what advice do you have and what would you 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.920 tell her or encourage her with? And what should I 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.960 tell her? Thank you for answering PS. She tells me 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:30.640 ninety seven percent of the details about her marriage, and 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:33.160 she doesn't have a whole lot of friends, and he 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:36.080 has quite a few drinking buddies. I think I got 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:40.880 the situation. Christine. Thanks for thanks for opening up with 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:43.480 this and bringing your friend, and know that this is 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:46.520 going to be difficult for both of y'all, especially her. 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:57.400 So the last few years of doing this podcast, I 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.920 worry and you guys could you guys could let me 0:15:59.920 --> 0:16:02.480 know by commenting. But which is in fact might be 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:06.320 a good point to make right now. If you want 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.160 to comment on something I'm saying, or double down on 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:13.200 something I'm saying, go to the YouTube version of this 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:14.800 and you could be listening anywhere, but go to the 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:19.120 go to YouTube on you can just google or YouTube 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:22.960 Granger Smith podcast and go to this episode and then 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.800 go comment below your thoughts. You could do that on 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:28.840 any episode and I'll check those out, and that way 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.440 we could have also have a dialogue that way. But 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:35.480 there is a theme that that it's been like a 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:39.360 thread just kind of threading its way through these last 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:44.720 few years, and that is this the lack of a good, 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:52.600 healthy local church is so commonly the root of many problems. 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:56.640 I said it on the last that was part of 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.760 the last answer. It's part of this answer. I don't 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:01.680 have it read the next question yet, but it's probably 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:08.159 part of the next question as well. I hope, and 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:12.080 really my hope for this this podcast is that And 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:14.280 I understand that not everyone's a Christian that listens, and 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:18.800 I completely get that, and this isn't a Christian only podcast, 0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:22.560 but I do hope that people they start to hear 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.040 me repeating things and it starts to sink in, like 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:29.240 like roots getting deeper and deeper into the soil. Really, 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:33.439 that's that's part of the hope for this. And so 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.840 when you say talking about your friend, you say she's 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:41.600 a Christian, and then you go into this big exposition 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:45.720 of why she's having huge problems. My mind, I always 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:50.480 wonder where's the pastor like, where where's her church? Where 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:55.040 are her sisters, who's taking her to lunch, who's taking 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:58.400 her to Bible study and walking through these things with her, 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:03.199 Who's counseling her, Who's who's encouraging her, Who's who's crying 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:06.119 with her, Who's saying coming over to my house, honey, 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:09.240 come to my house and sleep on our couch as 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:11.840 long as you want. While he's your husband's off doing this, 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:15.879 who's doing that? Because that's once again, just like the 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:20.040 last question, that's how a good church should be, functioning 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:26.760 like a family gathering of the body of believers. Okay, 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:31.800 so that's right off the bat. Let's go there. We're 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.280 gonna I'm gonna say a couple of things. He wants 0:18:34.280 --> 0:18:39.040 an open relationship. That's adultery. That's grounds for divorce in 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:43.560 the Bible. An open relationship is adultery. I don't I 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:46.679 don't know, there's there's not a that might be like 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.199 a nice way an open relationship might be like a 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:51.920 nice way of saying he wants to cheat on you, 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:56.320 you know, which is weird to me. He says, hey, babe, 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:59.200 I want to cheat on you. Is that cool? And 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:03.240 she's like, no, I'm not open to that. That. See, 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:05.640 when you change the word, it just gets way more 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.359 intense and you kind of reveal. It's kind of like 0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:11.000 flipping the lights on in an old motel room and 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.679 all the cockroaches start running everywhere. You don't see the 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:15.439 cockroaches in the dark, and you flip on the light 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:17.600 and you see them running everywhere. That's what happens when 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:21.359 you change that word. Open relationship to adultery. She's not 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.119 open to that. I wonder why, of course she's not 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:27.040 open to that. And then you say she's at the 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:31.359 end of a rope and doesn't know what to do. Yeah, 0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:35.040 I could, of course. She's twenty one years old. She 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:37.200 has a husband that just doesn't want anything to do 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.520 with God, wants to use her for her body. She's 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.159 not really down for that. And now he's asking to 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:46.160 cheat on her. If she's cool with that, and she's 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:51.760 not part of the part of the problem, if it's 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:55.480 not a problem yet, is the sentence she said you 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:59.720 said she has a bunch of best friends that are 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:04.600 got is that she messages and gets advice from. Not cool. 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:08.120 That's that's not gonna that's not gonna fix anything. That's 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:10.720 not gonna help anything. It can only make it worse. 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:14.680 Seeking counsel from best friends that are guys. When you're 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:17.480 married and you're talking about your husband and you're trying 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:19.960 to get advice from them, and your husband's asking you 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:23.320 to cheat on you, and meanwhile you're messaging these guys 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:25.840 saying what should I do? That's going to lead to 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:29.639 something worse, and you don't want to do that. I 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:32.479 think I think you understand what I'm talking about here. 0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:34.720 That's nothing good can come out of it, can come 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:37.440 out of that. And so so what do you do 0:20:39.880 --> 0:20:43.399 she is I would counsel her to first be in 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:47.040 a local church, to seek the counsel from the sisters 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:53.199 there and the pastor's plural, because the same problem is 0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:57.800 created if you're in a church and you're seeking private 0:20:57.840 --> 0:21:00.480 counsel from one pastor. That should never happen. A woman 0:21:01.440 --> 0:21:07.040 would never seek counsel alone with a pastor, much less 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:11.160 of a guy friend. But that includes pastors. So hey, 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:14.520 make let's let's make that aware as well. She's having 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:17.399 problem with with her marriage, she's not gonna it's not 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:19.280 going to fix anything by going to a local church 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:22.680 and sitting privately with a pastor that's a male. That's 0:21:22.720 --> 0:21:27.919 not gonna work. So plural, you know, a plurality of elders, 0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:32.480 she's gonna sit with them two or more. Uh, and 0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:35.679 with women, she's gonna sit with women, and she's gonna 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:38.479 she's been going to coffee with these, with these ladies. 0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:43.000 And probably I don't I don't know, that's my advice. Well, 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:45.560 you could end it there, but probably what would happen 0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:48.639 if she does that is they're going to take her 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:50.439 out for coffee and they're gonna be like, hey, you 0:21:50.440 --> 0:21:53.400 need to you need to be separated, because if he's 0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:57.840 asking for an open relationship, he's probably already cheating on you. 0:21:57.880 --> 0:21:59.879 We need to separate you and you guys need to 0:21:59.920 --> 0:22:05.480 have some biblical counseling together, some marriage counseling, and I 0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:07.600 would imagine you kick the can a little bit further. 0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:11.520 That's going to open up bigger problems. But you don't 0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:17.080 know what those problems are until you separate and you 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:20.359 find a local church, you seek wise counsel in the church. 0:22:20.920 --> 0:22:22.840 That's probably that's the end of my advice. Then it's 0:22:22.840 --> 0:22:26.920 probably going to lead to separating, and then after separating, 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:30.280 then you're gonna be going to counseling together probably and 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:32.280 then that's probably going to turn on more lights with 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:35.520 more cockroaches running everywhere. But this is where this is 0:22:35.520 --> 0:22:38.760 where it starts. So you can't take the last step. 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:42.760 You got to take the first step. So it's a 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:46.240 tough situation. But if she's claiming to be a Christian, 0:22:48.280 --> 0:22:50.800 she has to be involved with this local church. She 0:22:50.920 --> 0:22:55.880 has to There is no advice that comes in front 0:22:55.880 --> 0:23:00.840 of that one, because through the low Church will also 0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:04.760 be seeking God herself. She'll be she'll be seeking the 0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:08.320 Lord through his word in the Bible. Her spiritual disciplines 0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:11.040 will increase. We could start with that and tell her 0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.359 to do that stuff. But if she's outside of the body, 0:23:13.480 --> 0:23:15.560 you remember what I said in that last question, then 0:23:15.600 --> 0:23:18.200 she's just an eye without an ear. She's an ear 0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:22.160 without a hand, a hand without a nose. She can't 0:23:22.200 --> 0:23:25.919 do it. She's not made to be alone, and she 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:29.199 can't do this alone. The Bible would say you can't 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:32.440 do it alone, just like the first question when she said, 0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:34.720 I don't know what it is by a crave to 0:23:34.760 --> 0:23:37.359 be part of the community. That's part of the reason 0:23:37.440 --> 0:23:40.800 is when when trouble happens, when suffering and affliction in 0:23:40.520 --> 0:23:45.520 the world brings troubling, troubling things to you, the community 0:23:45.720 --> 0:23:51.720 is is how you're fortified. Right, that's the foundation that 0:23:51.800 --> 0:23:55.639 you You want to be in this community to stand 0:23:55.720 --> 0:24:00.439 on the foundation of faith of the community believers, and 0:24:00.480 --> 0:24:03.959 you're fortified to move forward in the suffering. Hey, if 0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:05.119 you want to get a hold of me, go to 0:24:05.200 --> 0:24:09.320 cameo dot com. Slash Grangersmith at is cameeo dot com 0:24:09.320 --> 0:24:11.800 slash granger Smith. And what that allows you to do 0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:14.399 is I can make you a video message according to 0:24:14.480 --> 0:24:16.960 whatever you want me to say. It could be happy birthday, 0:24:17.000 --> 0:24:20.840 happy anniversary, a word of encouragement, even at prayer request. 0:24:21.480 --> 0:24:23.080 And I love these. They come straight to my phone. 0:24:23.119 --> 0:24:25.640 I pull out my phone, I pull out my selfie 0:24:25.640 --> 0:24:28.680 camera and I begin to send you a message according 0:24:28.720 --> 0:24:30.520 to what you want me to say. This is great, 0:24:30.680 --> 0:24:33.400 especially with the holidays coming. To get someone a gift 0:24:33.440 --> 0:24:35.639 that you just don't know what to give them, well, 0:24:35.920 --> 0:24:39.120 get them a video message from me at cameo dot 0:24:39.119 --> 0:24:42.560 com slash Grangersmith. Okay, if you have a question for me, 0:24:42.640 --> 0:24:46.639 email podcast at grangersmith dot com. There is no limit 0:24:46.680 --> 0:24:48.840 to what you could ask about it subject could be anything. 0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:51.200 We'll find out what this next one is. It comes 0:24:51.200 --> 0:24:53.520 from Jake and it says, Hey, Grainger, thank you for 0:24:53.560 --> 0:24:55.680 the podcast. I've been listening for a while now. I've 0:24:55.680 --> 0:24:58.199 picked up on some things you've mentioned about fame, the 0:24:58.320 --> 0:25:01.399 music industry, and pride, and I've been mulling over what 0:25:01.480 --> 0:25:03.800 to say for some time now. And I heard the 0:25:03.800 --> 0:25:06.880 episode called I Left Music because it was a sin 0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:11.000 which prompted my response below. I'm a local artist. In 0:25:11.080 --> 0:25:13.879