1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental health podcast 2 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue. 3 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,160 Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glacier. 4 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 2: Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer. 5 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 2: I'm Jay Glazer, and we have an incredible guest today 6 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 2: that I cannot wait to learn from and have you 7 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 2: all learn from it as well. 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,639 Speaker 3: He has coached some of the most well known and most. 9 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 2: Decorated athletes of our time in those six inches between 10 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 2: our ears. But before I get to him, if you're 11 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 2: like many people, you may be surprised to learn that 12 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 2: one in five adults in this country experienced mental illness 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 2: last year, yet far too many failed to receive the 14 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,200 Speaker 2: support they need. 15 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:43,880 Speaker 4: Carolm. 16 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 2: Behavior health is doing something about it. They understand that 17 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 2: behavioral health is a key part of whole health, delivering 18 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,560 Speaker 2: compassionate care that treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs 19 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 2: and tandem Tarlem behavior health raising the quality of life 20 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 2: through empathy and action. We talked mental health a lot, 21 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 2: and that doesn't always mean issues. Mental health could lead 22 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 2: to mental wealth. It's what you do with what goes 23 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 2: on between your ears. And I always talk about you know, 24 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 2: we have physical coaches all the time that we all 25 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 2: lean into, but we need coaches for our mental health 26 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 2: as well, and there's just not too many of them 27 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 2: out there. This man, though he is coached Tom Brady's, 28 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:28,840 Speaker 2: Michael Phelps, Desmond An Hours, Charles Woodson, the best of 29 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 2: the best of the best, and Greg Harden just came 30 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 2: out with a new book, Stay Sane in an Insane World. 31 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 4: If as anybody who understands that, it is me, Greg. 32 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,479 Speaker 2: I always talking about the roommates in my head, trying 33 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,400 Speaker 2: to get them to play along nicely together. 34 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 4: How you doing that? Oh man? Life is great, and 35 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 4: I'm just thrilled and humbled to have an opportunity to 36 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 4: chat with you, Jay. I appreciate it, mate. 37 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 2: So he's right there, and I just want to go 38 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 2: back and forth in each other because we have a 39 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 2: lot of mutual friends that were working. 40 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 4: But you said life is great? Did you always think 41 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 4: like that? Are you ready for this? Yep? I'm too 42 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 4: dumb to beas I mean, I got tired of being 43 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 4: so smart that I was overthinking and overworking and anxious 44 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 4: all the time. So I decided that I really just 45 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 4: need to simplify things and keep it as simple as possible, 46 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 4: and I've been able to figure out what's working and 47 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 4: was not working, and was not working I attack relentlessly. 48 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 4: One of the things I loved in your book. 49 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 2: And we'll go back because I want people to know 50 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 2: your story also, But just something that really stood out 51 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 2: for me. And I've trained a lot of people with 52 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,120 Speaker 2: mixed martial arts, and it wasn't until a couple of 53 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 2: years ago Randy Couture, who's you know, my partner doing 54 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,359 Speaker 2: a lot of this stuff, Who's one of the baddest 55 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,120 Speaker 2: dudes on the planet. 56 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 3: I was getting upset with one of more fighters. 57 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 2: It's just over and over and over it, Like, man, 58 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:46,920 Speaker 2: how can I I'm explaining this? I thought in such 59 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 2: simple terms, and Randy pulled me aside. And Randy's coach, 60 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 2: he's won seven six world titles himself. I coached several 61 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 2: other world champions, and he says, hey, don't tell them 62 00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,959 Speaker 2: what you don't want, just tell. 63 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 4: Me to do one. 64 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 2: And I saw that in your book. Really like that 65 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 2: stood out for me. One of the first things that 66 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 2: I read. Go a little bit more into that about 67 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 2: getting you know the most out of people in. 68 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 4: The right way. Well, it's crucial that you give people 69 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,919 Speaker 4: an opportunity to tell you who they are. And if 70 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,359 Speaker 4: you don't ask questions and you're in there just running 71 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 4: your mouth telling them what they should think and what 72 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 4: they should do and how they should feel, you're stupid. 73 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 4: You've got to find out what's important to the person 74 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 4: you're talking to. You, what is their dream, what is 75 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 4: their idea, what is their definition of success, and help 76 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 4: them shape it in such a way that they include 77 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 4: mental fitness. See, we talk about mental health a lot, 78 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 4: and Folks, when I first started doing this thirty forty 79 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 4: years ago, mental health was it was hard to talk about. 80 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 4: So I started talking about mental fitness and training for 81 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 4: it and helping them understand that all of us are vulnerable. 82 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 4: But if we are serious about being a total person, 83 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 4: there are three levels of fitness, physical, mental, and spiritual. 84 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 4: Now I'm not going to define spiritual for you, but 85 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 4: I'll certainly define mental for you. If there was anyone 86 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 4: that would understand this, JSU and your gang and your team, 87 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 4: you ready, If we ask somebody from another planet to 88 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 4: h help help us understand physical fitness, they do. But 89 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,039 Speaker 4: if you had to explain it to somebody, you'd be 90 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 4: talking about their strength, their endurance, their stamina, their cardiovascular 91 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 4: and until you say the word recovery, you don't understand 92 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,040 Speaker 4: fitness and ask people, well, then what is mental fitness. 93 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 4: Well they'll go on and on and on and until 94 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 4: they understand we're talking about shortening, telescoping. How fast you recover. 95 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 4: All of us will experience trials and tribulations, all of 96 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 4: us will be broken hearted, grief laws, all of these 97 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,360 Speaker 4: things attack us. But how fast do you recover? Because 98 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,720 Speaker 4: you have to come back, and so what we want 99 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 4: to do it is shortened Jay's recovery time because he 100 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 4: go get you no anxiety, He's going you no depression. 101 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 4: That's gonna be talking about I've been waiting for your food. 102 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 4: I got you. Yeah, you're tie it good, come here. 103 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 4: Your recovery time, though, is what you've shortened, Jay, That's 104 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,599 Speaker 4: what you've been doing, and that's what we train people 105 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 4: to do. The understand the greatest and you've alluded to 106 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,279 Speaker 4: it and we've never talked, but you said it so clearly. 107 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 4: The greatest competition in your life. It's between your years. 108 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 4: There's no greater challenge. 109 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: So you're not just talking physical recovery. And by the way, 110 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 2: I love it, you said that, you know, ar gim unbreakable. 111 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: We recover you as far as we train you. I 112 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 2: was one of those meat head lifters and fighters who 113 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 2: trained four times a day and more and more more, 114 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 2: and then you know, as a coach a long time 115 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 2: ago saying, man, if you're healthier and that guy across 116 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 2: from you, you'll win. But it took me, you know, 117 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 2: obviously a while and to figure that out. You're not 118 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 2: just talking the physical recovery part. You're talking how do 119 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 2: I get these guys to mentally recover? 120 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 4: Bruh. So the people, everyone that came in my office 121 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 4: was not struggling with addiction or depression. They were trying 122 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 4: to figure out how to be the best possible performer 123 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,479 Speaker 4: they could be. So I have to convince them that 124 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 4: if you're training physically, you have to train mentally and 125 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 4: you can't come in here like once every six months 126 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,800 Speaker 4: and say I feel great. You got to come in 127 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 4: and get every chance you get. You've got to be 128 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 4: reinforced to reinvent yourself because everyone's got baggage and letting 129 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 4: go of yesterday's baggage or make you a better athlete, 130 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 4: becoming a more leading, with care, compassionate and concern will 131 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 4: make you a better athlete. Learning to ask for help 132 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 4: will make you a better athlete. So we're trying to 133 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 4: convince somebody if they are a better person, there'll be 134 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 4: a better athlete. I'm gonna go there, Jay, you're ready now, 135 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,359 Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you the secret that ain't a secret, 136 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 4: self love and self acceptance. Look, all of us want 137 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 4: four ags. We need attention, we need affection, we need approval, 138 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 4: and we need acceptance. Oftentimes we settle for attention and approval, 139 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 4: but you know, deep down in your heart what you 140 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 4: want is to be loved and to be accepted. But 141 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 4: until you put the word itself in front of it, 142 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 4: something that's missing. Self love and self acceptance must become 143 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 4: a mission and obsession for you to have the breakthrough 144 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 4: that helps you recover even faster from those moments of despair. 145 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 3: Like I alluded to earlier, You've worked with Tom Brady, 146 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 3: Michael Phillips, Charles Woodson, you know Doesn't Howard at University 147 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 3: of Michigan, and I know you work with other sports 148 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 3: teams a lot of other people as well. But how 149 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 3: did your journey get you there in the first place? 150 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 3: That they started leaning into you to help them strengthen 151 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 3: and recover those six inches between their ears and what's 152 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 3: behind the root. 153 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 4: Catge I was invited to work with the football team 154 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 4: at the University in Michigan, and I infiltrated a system 155 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 4: that was about getting the best out of people. Now, 156 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 4: I was invited because I was supposedly an expert on 157 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 4: alcohol and drugs. They asked me to come in and 158 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 4: give a speech. So I said, you want me to 159 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 4: come into a twenty minute raw rah forty minute we 160 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 4: love you, just say no to eighteen to twenty two 161 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 4: years old. That is the dumbest idea in the world, 162 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 4: I said. I said, so, let me give you the 163 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 4: names of some folks that might do it. And say, 164 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 4: but this is Michigan. I said, Yeah, I went to Michigan. 165 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 4: This is Michigan football. Yeah, I love Michigan football. That's nice, 166 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 4: but that doesn't work. They know more about alcohol and 167 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,959 Speaker 4: drugs than we do and standing up in front of 168 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 4: the group and then you get to check a box 169 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 4: and say we did a lecture. Now, I can't have 170 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 4: my name associated with that show. The head coach at 171 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 4: the time was a gentleman named Shim Becker. Shim Becker 172 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,960 Speaker 4: wanted to do, who is this fool? Let me meet him? 173 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 4: So I came in and suggested to him that if 174 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 4: he was serious, would be this part of the program, 175 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 4: and the whole program would include something that didn't exist yet, 176 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 4: integrated behavioral health care. That's what you know about behavioral 177 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 4: health care, but it didn't have that name at the time. 178 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 4: So I'm saying, if I come in and talk to 179 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 4: your team, I need to know who the physician is. 180 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 4: I need to know who the sport administrator is. I 181 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 4: need to know who the treatment facility is going to be. 182 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 4: I need to know how we're going to capture. If 183 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 4: a guy raised his hands, say oh my god, I 184 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 4: just have to confess I'm struggling mightily, what would happen 185 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 4: to him? And if you can't tell me what happened 186 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,439 Speaker 4: to that kid, if you're talking about you kicking him out, 187 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 4: I don't want any parts of it. And that's how 188 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 4: it got started. The next thing, you know, several years 189 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 4: goes by and a new athletic director comes in and says, 190 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 4: we're not using you effectively, are we? I said it 191 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 4: was a matter of facture not. He said, well, what 192 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 4: would do differently? I say, instead of being focused on 193 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 4: pathology and some and getting in trouble, we need to 194 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,719 Speaker 4: set it up so a young person could talk to 195 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 4: somebody other than a coach about daily living problems. Because 196 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 4: the biggest problem you have athletes in college is they 197 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 4: keep turning out to be human beings. Don't tell anybody, 198 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,599 Speaker 4: but they're going through the same crap the rest of 199 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 4: those students are going through. Plus they have a full 200 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 4: two full time jobs being a student and being a 201 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 4: first class, top tier peak performing athlete. But who they 202 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 4: are yet, Yes, don't get me started. Your three hundred 203 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 4: pounds six foot inches tall, it looks like a grown 204 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 4: ass man and your kid an adolescent struggling to find 205 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 4: out who you are, where you fit. Then our needs 206 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 4: So if we can give them a vehicle by which 207 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:57,080 Speaker 4: they could just talk to somebody, continuum up there. You 208 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 4: can come in and talk to me about you dating 209 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 4: a food, or you can come in and talk about 210 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 4: this depression is killing me. That's a wide range. Jay, 211 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,960 Speaker 4: my mom and daddy crazy. I think I'm gonna kill 212 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 4: myself tonight. That's a wide range. I had a kid, 213 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 4: This is a true story. I had a kid who 214 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 4: was the top tier Lineman. He was that guy, all 215 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 4: big ten, all American, all boom boom boom, and it's 216 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,680 Speaker 4: the night of the biggest game of his life and 217 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 4: he says, look, I've been trying not to bother you 218 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 4: about this, but a girl I'm dating, I mean, we 219 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:39,679 Speaker 4: broke up and she's on drugs and she's suicidal and 220 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 4: she's sitting outside of my house every night with a gun. Yeah, 221 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 4: we got a twenty year old kid who's trying to 222 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 4: decide what he won't he won't tell anybody that's what 223 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 4: she's doing, and he doesn't want to get her in trouble. 224 00:11:54,559 --> 00:12:00,720 Speaker 4: But she's threatening herself, she's threatening him, she's threatening the community. Brah. 225 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 4: So historically that's not what he've been sent in for. 226 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 4: Does he have a cocaine problem? No, his girlfriend has 227 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 4: a cocaine problem and she's crossing the line. So having 228 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 4: built into a system an opportunity for young people to say, 229 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 4: I just need to just chat, I just need to vent. 230 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 4: Tom Brady didn't come in to see me because he 231 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,439 Speaker 4: was in trouble. He came in because he was confused. 232 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 4: Desman Howard is coming in talking about say, man, I've 233 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 4: seen what you've done tell me what to do? What 234 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:39,559 Speaker 4: there's a nineteen Jay? Judsemin Howard studied me for a 235 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 4: year before he talked to me. Wow, Wow, Judgmin Howard 236 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 4: studied me and says, look, I'm watching you and like, 237 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 4: I see what you've done, what you're doing. You're standing 238 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 4: in front of us and you I mean, they tell 239 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 4: you that we have a short attention span. They tell 240 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 4: you that you can only talk to us for ten minutes. 241 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 4: You keep us for forty five minutes straight and nobody 242 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,719 Speaker 4: is saying anything except responding to what you want. How 243 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 4: do you do that? You sometimes look like a preacher, 244 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 4: sometimes you look like a comedian. Then you seem like 245 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 4: a bloody professor. Is that on purpose? Sir? What did 246 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 4: you say? How old are you? Nineteen years old? Jay 247 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,680 Speaker 4: saying I want to do that. I want to do that. 248 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 4: I want to command the audience. I want to be 249 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 4: that guy. In addition to that, I want to be 250 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 4: the best player on the team. So when you talk. 251 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 2: About Brady, I always say, with Tom Man, you want 252 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,280 Speaker 2: to find out, you want to be the best. 253 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 3: Find out with the best doesn't do more than them, 254 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 3: And that's the secret of success. 255 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 4: Right. 256 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 2: Just how many people really want to put that work 257 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 2: in now, as many people want to put that work 258 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 2: in like Tom does. 259 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 4: But give me what you think makes. 260 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 2: The different than everybody else, and then be some of 261 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 2: the things you did to help talk get to this 262 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 2: love what. 263 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 4: Makes Tom Brady and a handful of other people that 264 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 4: you've alluded to different. They were hung that's predictable, but 265 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 4: they were humble, hungry and humble. Come on, Jay, I 266 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,959 Speaker 4: mean hungry a bear coming out of hibernation, but humble 267 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 4: enough to say, school me, coach me. They were coachable, right, coachable, Jay, 268 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 4: that's who you love the guy Yo, Jim's coaching Bo 269 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 4: that's my guy. 270 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, who don't take offense to it? Absolutely, come on. 271 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 4: No, give it to me, give it to me straight. 272 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 4: They wanted it straight, No chaser, you understand that's what 273 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 4: they wanted. What happened with Tom was uh is legendary 274 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 4: and you'll hear me trailers and shows making it very clear. 275 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 4: It's nothing I can teach Tom Brady about football. There's 276 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 4: nothing I could tell Austin Matthews about hockey. There's nothing 277 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 4: I can tell Jay Jay j about being all the things. 278 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 4: But if what I can tell Tom Brady anyone that 279 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,920 Speaker 4: will listened to me. It is to practice training, rehearse 280 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,880 Speaker 4: giving one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time 281 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 4: at everything you do, not just at MMA, not just 282 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 4: at lifting weights. But if you can give one hundred 283 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 4: percent of the stuff you don't even like what happens 284 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 4: to you when you get to the stuff you love. 285 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 4: You've got a habit of pushing yourself. Now you look 286 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 4: at Brady and you say, now, this is wind lose 287 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 4: a draw. He said, oh, what does that mean? I said, 288 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 4: Brady is the guy that will say, yeah, you said 289 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 4: one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time, wind 290 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 4: lose or draw. I said, that means that, brother, if 291 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 4: I fight Jay Glazer and he beats my behind, and 292 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 4: he said, damn, I don't ever want to fight that guy. 293 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 4: You've done all you can do. All I'm asking you 294 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 4: is to do all you can do every time. And so, 295 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 4: if we're real honest, you can't give one hundred percent 296 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 4: of the time. But if it's your default mode, if 297 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 4: it's where you are always trying to go, if it 298 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 4: is in the back of your mind, if it's your 299 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 4: mindset is where, if it's how you roll my worst day, 300 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 4: it will be better than the average man's best day. 301 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 2: Bam, love that, man, Love that, absolutely love that. Yeah, 302 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 2: you know, these guys are not the most trusting people. 303 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 2: Who know, How did he get their trust? How do 304 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 2: you get Tom Brady's trust and Michael Trust's trust. 305 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 4: Tom Brady watched what Desmond Howard and I did and 306 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 4: Desmond Howard Desmond Howard created this secret weapon guy right 307 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 4: in Sports Illustrated nineteen Lotty Dottie show. Tom watched what 308 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 4: Desmond and I did and he talks to Desmond and 309 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 4: Desmond said, this is the guy. So he says, I 310 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 4: just want to chat with you because you know, I 311 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 4: know Desmond was getting ready to leave and you talk 312 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 4: to him, and right now I'm struggling mightily. This is 313 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 4: I don't know if I should stay here. Tom says, 314 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 4: you know, gee, I want to be the starting quarterback 315 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 4: at Michigan. So I'm coming to see you. And I 316 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 4: have to say, Tom, Tommy, I can't help you be 317 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 4: starting quarterback at Michigan, but I can help you believe 318 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 4: if no one else believes in your ass and who 319 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 4: you are and who you're going to become. He said, 320 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 4: Let's start right there. He said, let's go, Rob all 321 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,920 Speaker 4: I can help you. I don't well, the coaches don't believe. 322 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 4: I don't care what your coaches think. What do you think? 323 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,919 Speaker 4: How do you see yourself? If you don't believe in yourself, 324 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 4: why should anybody else? He said, Oh, this guy was 325 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 4: so coachable, so humble, so hungry. He would just take notes. 326 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 4: Here's the piece. You've got to decide, Tom Brady. You've 327 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 4: got to decide, Desmond Howard, that with or without football, 328 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,359 Speaker 4: your life is going to be amazing. Once you decide that, 329 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 4: your life is want to be amazing. Whether this crap 330 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 4: works or not, we just increase the chances that are 331 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 4: the work. So everywhere is what you're saying. Tom Brady 332 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 4: looks at you, and you know me. I say, what 333 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 4: did I just say? Tom? He said, well, you said 334 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 4: that basically, I'm more than a football player, That's all 335 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 4: I said, Tom, you must not define yourself as a 336 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 4: football player. You are man, and what kind of man 337 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,199 Speaker 4: do you want to be? How do you want to 338 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 4: operate as a human being? You got to decide you 339 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 4: want to go to the NFL. You need to screw 340 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 4: the NFL. What does the NFL stand for? 341 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:38,680 Speaker 2: Long? 342 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 4: Not for long. So until you understand that football is 343 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 4: a vehicle, a vehicle for you to get what you 344 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 4: want for self expression. If you don't use it and 345 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 4: play with it and turn it intoto an adventure, you're 346 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,440 Speaker 4: going to be confused because if it's not working, you're 347 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 4: gonna be all said. Because football to work, I need 348 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,160 Speaker 4: you to be so obsessed and we're trying to figure 349 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 4: out who you are and who you want to become 350 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 4: that football just falls in place. Does that fall under 351 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 4: you know? I saw in your book. I saw it 352 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:11,879 Speaker 4: stood out to me. 353 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:16,200 Speaker 3: Your control the controllables, yes, sir, Yes. 354 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 4: Sir jay. I can't control what your coaches think. I 355 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 4: can't control what your coach is are gonna do. You 356 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 4: can't control how old is your coach Tommy uh forty five, 357 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,400 Speaker 4: fifty years old. What's the likelihood of your coach changing zero? Okay? 358 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 4: So what can you change my attitude? How I'm approaching it, 359 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 4: how I'm responding to it, How you control your response, 360 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 4: control your reactions. That's what you can control. You can't 361 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 4: control them. That's what it means. You teach people to 362 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:52,200 Speaker 4: go to the space where they have control over something 363 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 4: you can barely control yourself but you better fight for that. 364 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,120 Speaker 4: You better focus like a laser beam on controlling how 365 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 4: you respond and you react. 366 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 3: And I'll get into Michael Phelps. 367 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 2: Is Michael Phelps my dude, And I just want to 368 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,920 Speaker 2: let you know Michael Phelps and I have both come 369 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 2: out and talk about our mental health issues, our depression 370 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,400 Speaker 2: and anxiety, and it's been one of the best things 371 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,879 Speaker 2: I think that ever could happen to either one of us, 372 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 2: because he and I I had him on this podcast 373 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,880 Speaker 2: and we were so wrong and vulnerable. He and I've 374 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: known each other because we did Subway commercial together about 375 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 2: fifteen years ago. 376 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,399 Speaker 3: Set along those lines and we lost touch, but. 377 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 2: We started talking about our mental health issues. Suddenly we 378 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 2: had a battle buddy. He reaches out to me. I 379 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,440 Speaker 2: reached out to him when I'm struggling. I've reached out 380 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 2: to him when he's struggling. He reaches out to me. 381 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 2: We have his team, but also we reach out to 382 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 2: each other when we're not struggling, so we always know 383 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 2: about So he's very special to me as well. 384 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 4: I know he is. 385 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,679 Speaker 3: When I hit him when I told him I'm you 386 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:48,480 Speaker 3: know I'm having you. 387 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 4: On, he said, that's my dude. That's my guy. 388 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 2: He's the best. So he went crazy. So I know 389 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 2: why he's so special. Tell me how you guys linked 390 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 2: up and what you did with him. 391 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 4: Jay, way back to what fifteen years ago, you were 392 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 4: a totally different person. I created a character that everybody 393 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 4: I thought everybody I remember that commercial. I was just 394 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,159 Speaker 4: trying to have fun to hide my pain. You were 395 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:19,199 Speaker 4: gifted and talented doing I was the sport administrator for 396 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 4: swimming and diving and water polo, right, and so we 397 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,919 Speaker 4: had to hire a new head coach for the men's 398 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 4: swim team. Show. This guy named Bob Bowman. Resume shows up, 399 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:36,000 Speaker 4: and I'm fascinated by this person. Now I'm not thinking 400 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 4: clearly at the time, Michael Phelps. I'm not even thinking 401 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 4: that the resume is not saying Michael Phelps, and I'm 402 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,359 Speaker 4: looking at Bowman's profile and saying, God, I like this guy. 403 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,080 Speaker 4: We got an interview and he comes in the interviews. 404 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,160 Speaker 4: I say, Hey, this is the guy I want to hire. 405 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 4: The rest of y'all make your decision, but this is 406 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 4: the guy I want to hire. We hire Bob Bowman. 407 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,879 Speaker 4: Who shows up with Bob Bowman Michael. So, now Michael 408 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 4: Phelps is the volunteer assistant coach for a college swim 409 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 4: team and in the pool with our guys, kicking a 410 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:16,919 Speaker 4: bus and training them. So Bob Bowman turns out to 411 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 4: be the most coachable coach oxymoron, the most coachable coach 412 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,359 Speaker 4: I'd ever worked with. Wow, that's a heck of a 413 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 4: statement there, Broh. I'll say it to anyone. And I've 414 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 4: had some great coaches and some great experiences with Bob 415 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 4: Bowman said, tell me what works what doesn't work, because 416 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,399 Speaker 4: it was a different age group and population that he 417 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 4: had never worked with before. So he said, you know, 418 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,400 Speaker 4: you're my administrator. I'll listen to you. So your goes 419 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,120 Speaker 4: by and he says, you know, me and Michae are 420 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 4: going through some challenge. I mean we're talking to Michael 421 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,679 Speaker 4: is now eighteen nineteen years old, and you know he 422 00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:01,440 Speaker 4: hasn't had a childhood. He was identified at twelve years 423 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 4: old to be an op to be an Olympian. By fifteen, 424 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 4: he's in the Olympics. By eighteen nineteen, he's back in 425 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:15,160 Speaker 4: the Olympics, kicking ass and taking names. But rebellion has 426 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 4: to take place, so he begins to act out and 427 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,199 Speaker 4: like Bob is so confused. He's never been like this, 428 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 4: He's always been perfect, and yet why is this going on? 429 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 4: And he can't understand that he's saraghate daddy. Who else 430 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 4: you gonna rebel against? Bob? Bob's my guy. I'm coaching Bob. 431 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,240 Speaker 4: And he said, do you think he could talk to Michael? 432 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 4: I said in the hold on player, Mike was gonna 433 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 4: come talk to me. He said yeah, but I said, 434 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 4: I tell you what you tell Mike that I'm fascinated 435 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,080 Speaker 4: with him and want to meet him and then tell 436 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 4: him who I've worked with. And he said, okay, Mike 437 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:55,640 Speaker 4: comes in and we're kicking it. Jay Glazer, listen carefully. 438 00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 4: I treated Michael Phelps like he was a person, like 439 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 4: he was just another cat off the block. Stars fool, 440 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 4: I say, stars all the time. Come on, sit down, 441 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 4: Let's talk about who you are, where you're going, and 442 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,679 Speaker 4: how you're going to get this and what are you 443 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 4: going to do besides gold medals? And when are you 444 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,919 Speaker 4: gonna give one hundred percent again? Because you're not and 445 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,800 Speaker 4: you look at me like what I said. So we 446 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,119 Speaker 4: just would kick it. We would just kick it, and 447 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 4: we wouldn't talk about anything except his life and he did, 448 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,640 Speaker 4: who gets to do that? He doesn't get to do that. 449 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 4: I don't care that you're all this and that you 450 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 4: know what's working what's not working in your life. And 451 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 4: that door opens up. It opens up a door to 452 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 4: talk about life and the pursuit of happiness. So what 453 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 4: would make you happy? Other than I said, what if 454 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 4: you got rich and famous? For real? What would you 455 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:51,600 Speaker 4: do with power and influence? JG. That's what I talked 456 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:56,439 Speaker 4: about to my guys. So what happens if this turns 457 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 4: into everything you dreamed of? Now, what are you gonna 458 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 4: do when you're gonna let go of daddy issues? When 459 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,120 Speaker 4: you're gonna go yesterday's baggage? I said, bro, I can 460 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 4: make you'll be a better a better Olympian if you 461 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 4: let go of some of this crap you dragging around 462 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:18,199 Speaker 4: everywhere you go. So I wasn't a therapist, but I 463 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 4: convinced him that he might need to tug this. Yeah. 464 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 4: So we've had a great relationship since he was a 465 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:30,720 Speaker 4: teenager and ann Arbor trying to find himself, and that's 466 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,240 Speaker 4: what he was trying to do. And I was fortunate 467 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,920 Speaker 4: enough to be there and he allowed me to talk 468 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 4: to him like he was a regular guy. 469 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,360 Speaker 3: I think people like this, you know, they definitely need 470 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,680 Speaker 3: somebody like you, because for me. 471 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 2: I wasn't able to feel loved from the inside out 472 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,199 Speaker 2: because of depression anxiety, so I didn't understand what that was. 473 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,679 Speaker 2: But as a result of that, it forced me to 474 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,400 Speaker 2: go seek out and do I thought such great things 475 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 2: to get some love from the outside in, and I 476 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,880 Speaker 2: hope they meet in the middle. But the biggest shock 477 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 2: to my system was quote unquote made it. I wasn't 478 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 2: happy my wallet was not an antidepressant. Holy crowd, you 479 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 2: gotta be kidding me, Like and unicorns like that outside 480 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 2: stuff wanting to make me happy for the inside. 481 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,879 Speaker 4: Out where we find out from Jay, listen to what 482 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,640 Speaker 4: you just said. Remember I talked about the four a's, 483 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 4: the need for attention, affection, approval, and acceptance. I've made 484 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,960 Speaker 4: a fool of myself, but I've also risen to the 485 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 4: highest levels possible pursuing attention, affection, approval, and acceptance. That's 486 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 4: what you did. That quest for the four a's lead 487 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 4: you down this path, which ended up being an amazing path. 488 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,439 Speaker 4: It doesn't cure you, it doesn't fix you, but it 489 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,680 Speaker 4: sets you up to be on a mission. Your mission 490 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:58,280 Speaker 4: comes from your challenges. Your pain has created a monster 491 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 4: on mental health, SAIDs no doubt. 492 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,200 Speaker 2: Scars make me who I am, no doubt. I don't 493 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 2: talk about my successes, talk about my scars. I've bragg 494 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 2: to myself. 495 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,159 Speaker 3: About my stars, not my success. 496 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 2: And I think you know that's a big thing we 497 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 2: to teach people is that, look, we're not all going 498 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:14,640 Speaker 2: to have a success that we want. 499 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 4: We all got scars. If you lean in on those scars, 500 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 4: those could be your superpowers. And so being able to 501 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:25,160 Speaker 4: help people have a clue, and they get tired of clues. 502 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 4: Tell me what to do. Sometimes they say you need 503 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:33,840 Speaker 4: to obsess over self more and self acceptance. You're obsessed 504 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:38,919 Speaker 4: with everybody else's love. You're obsessed over about everybody else's acceptance. 505 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 4: When at some point will you deliberately and intentionally decide 506 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 4: I'm gonna love me, I'm gonna love me so much 507 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 4: how I can afford to love you? Because where we 508 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 4: go is like how I feel about me, flaws and 509 00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 4: all flaws and all until flaws and all's is and included. 510 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 4: That's not love and love and love till you give 511 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 4: it away. But the love I'm giving away is simply counterfeit. Ah, well, 512 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 4: how do I get there? Because I want to be 513 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 4: a loving, caring, compassionate, concerned individual. And in order to 514 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 4: give the love that I want to give, it has 515 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 4: to come from my heart. It has to be something 516 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,680 Speaker 4: I can see in me. It doesn't mean it's perfect. 517 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 4: It will never be perfect. And the pursuit of perfection 518 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,720 Speaker 4: is a fool's game. But pursuing perfection is fun. But 519 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 4: if you try to be perfect, you'll kill yourself. You'll 520 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 4: never be happy. We talk about the approval part. 521 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,600 Speaker 2: It wasn't until this past year that I learned how 522 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 2: important it is for me to build up my self approval, 523 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,280 Speaker 2: not approval from everybody else. But man, I'm fifty three. 524 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 2: I didn't learn how to start doing that till recently. 525 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 2: I wish I met you freaking twenty five years ago. 526 00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 4: Bruh, Jay, I'm like thin was in my middle thirties, 527 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 4: and I'm giving all these speeches and the lectures and 528 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 4: talking about four a's and like I was. For some reason, 529 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 4: it hit me, my god, I'm almost forty years old 530 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 4: and I'm still seeking my father's approval. What am I doing? 531 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 4: And so I decided that my father loved me, he 532 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 4: just didn't know how to show it. I decided my 533 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 4: father believed in me, but he didn't. His fault he 534 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 4: didn't know who his father was, how no one modeled 535 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 4: for him how to be a daddy. And instead of 536 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 4: me just pissing and moaning about what he didn't do, 537 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 4: I had to start looking at what did he do 538 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 4: and what did he do right? And what he did wrong. 539 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 4: I've articulated it, I've chronicled, I've documented it. But when 540 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,120 Speaker 4: am I going to allow him to be a human 541 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 4: being instead of daddy who I woulded? So I decided 542 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 4: my father loved me and that he thought highly of me, 543 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 4: and I said I'm done with that, said with a guy. 544 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 4: Two weeks later, the phone rings, Hey, this is your pops. 545 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 4: Hey Dad, how you doing? He said, I'm all right? 546 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 4: Uh you know what's going on? I said, I'm surprised. 547 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 4: Why are you calling me? And he said, well I 548 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:19,120 Speaker 4: needed your advice. Who's this? No, really can't speak to 549 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 4: my father? He said, no, you're you're funny, And I 550 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 4: figured you know more about this than I do. Who 551 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:29,760 Speaker 4: is this? Bruh? I'm I'm flipping out because he's never 552 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 4: talked like this. But whatever God you believe in sent 553 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,160 Speaker 4: me a message that food. You did the right thing 554 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 4: forgiving your father for not being perfect. Let him go 555 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 4: of yesterday's baggage. My father called and told me he 556 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 4: loved me and admired and respected me. I was, I 557 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,480 Speaker 4: mean on All I did was decide two weeks ago 558 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 4: to stop holding him hostage to what he didn't do. 559 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 2: Open up your universe, right Lord, you started tracting something 560 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 2: that you never thought you'd Yeah, that's beautiful, that's amazing. 561 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,640 Speaker 4: That's a truth car for a lot of us. Bruh. 562 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 4: But let's think about how it applies. Who thinks of 563 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 4: m MVP. Who sits up and thinks about what am 564 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 4: I going to do next? It comes up with stuff 565 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:21,000 Speaker 4: that's gonna save lives. Okay, my next mission is to 566 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 4: save more lives day. That's what you did. And so 567 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,440 Speaker 4: everybody run around trying to how great you are you 568 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 4: you can't hear that. But what you can hear is 569 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 4: what you have done is concrete and measurable. You've changed lives, 570 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 4: You've saved lives, and you did it on purpose. 571 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 2: I do thank you so much. I wouldn't been able 572 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 2: to accept that years ago, I can now is that right? 573 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 2: Being of services that keeps being the blue? It's beautiful 574 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 2: and a dream. Do you be doing this Never I 575 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 2: didn't have those cars, I couldn't do it. 576 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 4: Bro if it didn't have the scars, you wouldn't be 577 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 4: able to look at the cat who you as you've 578 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 4: never been in and say I can relate, and they 579 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 4: say I think you can. They know you can, Because Brad, 580 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 4: this ain't about us. This book is not about me. 581 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:16,680 Speaker 4: There's stories in this book, short to the point knocking 582 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:20,080 Speaker 4: on your butt, stories that you will love and somebody 583 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:21,719 Speaker 4: you don't have to read it all that you can 584 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 4: just open that bad boy up and a story will 585 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 4: pop you in your eyes. Right. But there's short stories 586 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 4: to tell people that the history of folks who are 587 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 4: like them, everybody I talk about. This is not about athletics. 588 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,920 Speaker 4: This is not about stars. It's about people struggling to 589 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 4: find out who they are and how to become the 590 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:46,400 Speaker 4: world's greatest expert on one subject themselves. 591 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,840 Speaker 2: Beautiful, give me before I let you go, two more questions, Yes, sir, 592 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 2: give me another message in this book that you want 593 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 2: to make sure the world to hear that I haven't 594 00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 2: brought up. The most important piece is that no one 595 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 2: can make you feel inferior without your permission, eleanor Roosevelt. 596 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 2: Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel inferior without 597 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 2: your permission. 598 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,160 Speaker 4: Okay, let me tell you what Greg rope. Your self 599 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:20,480 Speaker 4: worth and self esteem must not be based on performance 600 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 4: or external facts. How I feel about me and got 601 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 4: jack to do it with how much money you're gonna 602 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 4: pay me. Ain't got jack to do with how many 603 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,479 Speaker 4: touchdowns are right? How I feel about me has to 604 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 4: go beyond what you think of me. What I'm doing, 605 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 4: I'm gonna fight for it, and you gotta be willing 606 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:46,000 Speaker 4: to fight for it and not just hope and wish. 607 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 4: Is this is your podcast X rated? Oh you can 608 00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 4: say whatever the fuck you want. Are you ready for this? Jay? 609 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 4: Don't don't judge me. All right, You're in my office 610 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 4: and you're telling me I wish I'm so tired of 611 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,520 Speaker 4: being this way. And I would say to you, Jay, 612 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 4: we've been together now for like several months, maybe a 613 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 4: couple of years. So I want you to do an experiment. 614 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,840 Speaker 4: I want you tonight. I want you to go home. 615 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,239 Speaker 4: I want you to take your left hand. I want 616 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 4: you to to wish in it. I want you to 617 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,440 Speaker 4: take your right hand, Jay, and I want you to 618 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 4: shit in it, and then come back and tell me 619 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:28,160 Speaker 4: which one got Field first. I got issues, I know, 620 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 4: I know, I'll do it well. Wish in one hand 621 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 4: and shouldn't the other, and tell me which gets Field first. 622 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 4: Wishing is not enough. You gotta fight for your sanity. 623 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,239 Speaker 4: You gotta do whatever it takes to stay sane in 624 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 4: this crazy world. They can't have me, they can't have you. Jay. 625 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,279 Speaker 2: Love that, man, I love that. If we do, we 626 00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:55,120 Speaker 2: let all the external voices shape us, and they become 627 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,200 Speaker 2: the truth. When they don't have a good truth, we 628 00:34:58,200 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 2: can decide what that truth. 629 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 4: Is the voices in you, he'd be lying, You're all 630 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:09,359 Speaker 4: fucked up. Yeah, and I am worthy. Fuck you. I'm 631 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,480 Speaker 4: fucked up, but I'm good with my fucked upness. Now. 632 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 4: I'm worthy of being fucked up. Predictable, predictable, therefore manageable. 633 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:19,759 Speaker 2: So my last question, he is I asked every one 634 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 2: of my guests, give me your unbreakable moment for me. 635 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,359 Speaker 2: Unbreakable is man a thing that was supposed to break 636 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,399 Speaker 2: you but didn't, and you came to the other side 637 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 2: of that tunnel, and as a result of that, and 638 00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:32,520 Speaker 2: you're stronger forever. 639 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 4: There are quite a few, but let me tell you 640 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,759 Speaker 4: this one, this one piece. I think I was in 641 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:42,440 Speaker 4: about twenty three years old, and I was living a 642 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 4: lifestyle that was definitely predictable in terms of what could happen. 643 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,600 Speaker 4: You're going to be locked up, You're going to be dead, 644 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 4: you're going to be hospitalized somehow, some it ain't gonna 645 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 4: end right the way you going. And I looked and 646 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:02,280 Speaker 4: I prayed, and I pondered, and I said, to God, 647 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 4: if I live to see twenty five, if I live 648 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 4: to see twenty five, there must be some purpose for 649 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 4: my life. Yeah. I hit twenty five, and oops, I 650 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 4: hadn't made a promise. And at twenty five, I said, 651 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,839 Speaker 4: at twenty five, I've been on this I've been on 652 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 4: a planet for a quarter of a century. I should 653 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,960 Speaker 4: at least have a clue who I am and where 654 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:29,640 Speaker 4: I'm trying to go. And so my first purpose was 655 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,640 Speaker 4: the pursuit of purpose. Man. 656 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,319 Speaker 2: I love that dude. I've loved connecting with you. I've 657 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 2: known about you for a long time. You weren't such 658 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,360 Speaker 2: a secret weapon of me I knew about you for 659 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,839 Speaker 2: a long time. I'm really glad we got a chance 660 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:44,279 Speaker 2: to connect. Young Read's book Stay Sane in an Insane World, 661 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 2: how to control the controllables and thrive. And I love 662 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,680 Speaker 2: that too, because you're not just surviving, you're thriving there. 663 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,680 Speaker 2: It is, man, I really appreciate it. Congratulate you on 664 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,799 Speaker 2: that as well. That's huge. You know, one thing when I, 665 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,759 Speaker 2: you know, wrote this book, is how many people you 666 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 2: end up helping and power and shaving. 667 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,319 Speaker 3: You don't know what's watching. 668 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,319 Speaker 2: Somewhere else, and it's it's I just want you to 669 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,759 Speaker 2: be able to love yourself up for that because you're 670 00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,240 Speaker 2: probably helping somebody right now that you have no idea about. 671 00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 4: Man, So who do you make it real clear? I 672 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,480 Speaker 4: don't buy books. I'm getting ready to buy your book, 673 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 4: but I hope people will appreciate that her picking mine up. 674 00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,880 Speaker 4: But Brad, thank you. I am so humbled and pleased 675 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 4: to have this opportunity to chat with you and get 676 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,239 Speaker 4: a clue about who you are for real, my dude, 677 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,920 Speaker 4: I appreciate you so much. Gain Greg Harden, everybody, thank 678 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:36,759 Speaker 4: you so much, my dude.