Speaker 1: Hey guys, this is Matt Rogers. I'm sitting here with
Speaker 1: my best friend in the world, Bowen Yang, and we
Speaker 1: are the duo that serves the Last Cultures podcast. He's
Speaker 1: trying to cut me off right there. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: that's the dynamic. But here's the thing. I have to
Speaker 1: be here for business right now because I have an
Speaker 1: important thing to talk about. It's our live show I
Speaker 1: Don't Think So Honey Live, which is going to be
Speaker 1: at the Bellhouse on November eighteen at ten pm. Is
Speaker 1: part of bo Podcast Festival. So I don't cut a
Speaker 1: bit off. I'm so sorry, but look, I was just
Speaker 1: so excited to talk about our next live show, I
Speaker 1: Don't Think So Honey Live on November eighteenth at ten
Speaker 1: pm at the Bell House. That's part of the Brooklyn
Speaker 1: Podcast Festival. Is it because we have amazing people like
Speaker 1: Francesco Ramsey, Jill Kim Booster, Achilla Hughes, Brandon, Scott Jones,
Speaker 1: Sarah Tola, Mush, Mike Kelton in so much more, all
Speaker 1: serving one minute rans on culture. It is. And it's
Speaker 1: so funny because I was going to say that same
Speaker 1: exact thing. That's because that's what's on the paper in
Speaker 1: front of us. We don't have a paper in front
Speaker 1: of us. Who's right, who's wrong? Find out at the show.
Speaker 1: They're there, we go, We'll figure that out. Guys, give
Speaker 1: it up for Pat Benattar. What have we said in
Speaker 1: the past. We've said, right now, what the pop landscape
Speaker 1: is missing is a Pat better. We said the pop
Speaker 1: landscape is missing a Pat Benatar. And can I tell
Speaker 1: you what I had said? Hold on first, let me
Speaker 1: reveal my hair. Yeah, right, am I giving you Archie.
Speaker 1: The goal was to give you like hot Archie. I
Speaker 1: don't know what the funk this thing is on my arms.
Speaker 1: You had brought up that there needs to be a
Speaker 1: Pat Benettar devoid in pop culture right now? Is a
Speaker 1: Pat Benatar type, And I said, Demi Demi, Demi is
Speaker 1: kind of filling that space right now. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel Demi is wonderful. I feel that it would
Speaker 1: have been smart for Taylor Swift to come back with
Speaker 1: like a rock album or like to try to do
Speaker 1: a rock album. Yeah, and then she could have tried
Speaker 1: to be like the Pat Benettar and would have bought it.
Speaker 1: It would have been shitty, but people would have bought
Speaker 1: and there's just like a space for that because where
Speaker 1: is Pat Benatar? I don't know Pat Benatar. Imagine that
Speaker 1: would be the gag um if Pat Benatar were to
Speaker 1: come out, it would be the gag. Did you know
Speaker 1: my dad? My dad went to high school with Pat Benatar,
Speaker 1: Long Island? Have I discussed this? I don't think who
Speaker 1: here listens to the podcast at all? Thank you? Well,
Speaker 1: we should first say, my name is Matt Rogers, my
Speaker 1: name is and this is lost Culture Recess presents culture
Speaker 1: War and I don't think so honey deathmatch? Yes, and
Speaker 1: I don't think it's honey death match. Now who has
Speaker 1: been to I don't think so honey in the past
Speaker 1: our live shows? All right, great, it can get really
Speaker 1: really fucking violent up here. So we thought, let's lean
Speaker 1: into that. Let's gamify that experience. Let's gamify that experience
Speaker 1: because it's rule. It's it's actually a rule of culture
Speaker 1: number seventy four. You gotta gamify that experience. Guys, I
Speaker 1: think we can all say that one together, just rule
Speaker 1: number seventy four of culture. Gamify that experience. There was
Speaker 1: people that were confused. Some people say, you gotta gamify
Speaker 1: that experience. Do you know what. There's about two plus
Speaker 1: people in the room. People are gonna get confused. Um um, okay,
Speaker 1: you know what, you know what? Um I no, no, no
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no no, no. We're not gonna talk about
Speaker 1: pep Enitar anymore. You know why, because I don't want
Speaker 1: to hear another, fucking folks, the anecdote about your fucking
Speaker 1: dad from Long Island who went to high school with
Speaker 1: Pat Benatar. You guys, I would say my narrative is
Speaker 1: exponentially more compelling, and yet I don't talk about my
Speaker 1: fucking parents at every turn. Look, this is this is
Speaker 1: the narrative I'm pushing all night. I am an immigrants.
Speaker 1: I've come so far, im. I would hate for you
Speaker 1: to give immigrants a bad name here tonight by losing.
Speaker 1: That's right, I'm the villain of the show. Thank you
Speaker 1: the few of you who are on my side tonight.
Speaker 1: I've picked the Republican color, a color I don't look
Speaker 1: very good in. And also you might say you're not
Speaker 1: even wearing a single color. That's because I, and this
Speaker 1: is my mantra of the night, have a handicap. I
Speaker 1: am color blind. It has been so hard. No, but
Speaker 1: you know what's interesting you want to know why I
Speaker 1: know stories about my parents because my parents fucking talk
Speaker 1: to me. Uh, Bowen's parents don't give a shit about him.
Speaker 1: My mother would be here. She's not tonight, but she would.
Speaker 1: Your parents are cheap, They wouldn't shell out money to
Speaker 1: fly from Denver. My parents have to get on the
Speaker 1: L I R R trash in order to come here,
Speaker 1: and they will sit there next to someone named Stephanie
Speaker 1: throwing up into a fucking bag so they can come
Speaker 1: support their son. Fuck you, how about that? Also? I
Speaker 1: want to say Bowen didn't vote. That's not that's not true. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: is it not true? No Pooking proven he did not.
Speaker 1: He did not take a picture of the sticker. I
Speaker 1: can picture on a piece of paper. I will kind
Speaker 1: not the sticker. Will kindly refer everyone in this room
Speaker 1: to my Instagram account, in which I posted the stub
Speaker 1: at that a Rapaho County, a swing county within the
Speaker 1: swing state of Colorado, provides in the absentee ballot. They
Speaker 1: give you a stub. I had no adhesive on it
Speaker 1: to stick it on my chest, but I voted for
Speaker 1: the two sort of non consequential elections in my County.
Speaker 1: I only had too. I had the mayor of Centennial,
Speaker 1: and then I had Um, which which was between two
Speaker 1: people unconsequential, the bow and Yang story. And then and
Speaker 1: then like some like circuit judge and sounds not important
Speaker 1: and interesting. Your parents are bored of you a minute?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Um? We can we can now report
Speaker 1: what culture war? Can now report? Oh? I guess yeah,
Speaker 1: well we've been careful before you do this. Can we
Speaker 1: report this? I think we can because at least Morale
Speaker 1: has had some reservations. Really are in from Virginia that
Speaker 1: call it for the Democrats for the governor's race for
Speaker 1: North Um. Yes, this is also an election event. Who
Speaker 1: here went to an election show last year and left crying? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Same same. Okay, let's bring it back to acrimony. Um,
Speaker 1: what what then? Bring it back to crimony? Tell everyone
Speaker 1: what the funk we're doing tonight? Okay, So what the
Speaker 1: funk we're doing is we're here and this is culture war.
Speaker 1: This is what we were called the super Bowl of Fagotry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the gay events of the year. Seriously, we're
Speaker 1: so so excited. Did you guys all came out? Thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much. For coming out. It's fucking raining,
Speaker 1: which is just such a metaphor for the hardship, for
Speaker 1: the queer hardship, for the queer hardship. Yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: LGB it's the LGBT struggle outside um. And so what
Speaker 1: we're doing tonight is Bone and I have enlisted truly
Speaker 1: the all stars of Lost Culture Rests. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: I mean, every single person that's going to get up
Speaker 1: on this stage has absolutely killed it at one of
Speaker 1: our live shows in the past or on the show itself.
Speaker 1: I mean, and they're all going to go head to head,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna have a blue ribbon judging panel to
Speaker 1: decide who moves on to each round. And yes, this
Speaker 1: is Team Matt versus Team Bowing. But let's get real,
Speaker 1: at the end, there will only be one Lost Culture
Speaker 1: Rests Icon Award winner. Now, Yes, Yes, Now the prize Yeah,
Speaker 1: the prize is the title of Lost Cultures to US
Speaker 1: Icon Award winner. Yes, and a MO prize of one
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. You will get, Yes, you will get, Yes,
Speaker 1: give it up. You will get in two installments, a
Speaker 1: Venmo prize of one hundred dollars. Matt let's tell everyone
Speaker 1: what our winner could do with a hundred dollars. What
Speaker 1: could they do with a hundred dollars? Um? You could
Speaker 1: buy half a plane ticket to Orlando, Florida, or or
Speaker 1: or if you you know, get it early enough, like
Speaker 1: three quarters of a plane ticket. Yes, yes, you could
Speaker 1: pay for um a third of a strep test at
Speaker 1: City MD. You need to get insurance. I have insurance,
Speaker 1: but I have a fucking bullshit deductible, and so you
Speaker 1: have to pay a hundred hours to take a STRAP test. No,
Speaker 1: you know what this was? Did you even have strap?
Speaker 1: Didn't have strap? And you know what City MD is? Amazing?
Speaker 1: City m D is a fast casual painkiller restaurant. They
Speaker 1: misdiagnosed me thrice. I can't do it. They're amazing. What
Speaker 1: they do is they bring like medical staff and then
Speaker 1: they'll like displace at bodega. And then but then they
Speaker 1: like they keep some of the they keep some of
Speaker 1: the personnel. So like a cat gave me my strap test.
Speaker 1: It was amazing, It was amazing. Best friend men's best friend. Cats. Okay,
Speaker 1: you guys, I think it might be time just get
Speaker 1: this started. Let's get this started. We have our judges
Speaker 1: speaking to that mike bitch, because let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. You're not going to ruin
Speaker 1: this for me. I'm a gonna listen to this later.
Speaker 1: And you didn't know how to talk on the mic.
Speaker 1: And by the way it's being recorded, so like react
Speaker 1: fucking talk in the mic. It's a constant problem. No
Speaker 1: excuse me, no, no, no no, no, no no, no no. You
Speaker 1: had to be noted. I am an immigrant and I
Speaker 1: can't quite push air through like some fucking pseudo drama major,
Speaker 1: a tish pseudo trama I failed dramatic writing major. I
Speaker 1: have another shitty degree. I'm proud to get my other
Speaker 1: bullshit degree, my alternative arts degree. Um no, I'm saying
Speaker 1: I'll work on this. Okay, this is a point of unity.
Speaker 1: You're doing really good. Now I'm talking down the axis
Speaker 1: for a sonorous proximity effect. Okay, you guys, let's bring
Speaker 1: on our judges, shall we. Let's bring up the judges.
Speaker 1: First off, there he is, okay, I have all right,
Speaker 1: first up, you take it away, but we have um
Speaker 1: our historic lost culture is just guest who has been
Speaker 1: the only two time guests besides Pat Regan, who want
Speaker 1: a technicality, you had to return because this first episode
Speaker 1: was lost. Now his amazing comedy Central half hour is out.
Speaker 1: You can buy that. You can watch that on the app,
Speaker 1: or buy the episode on Amazon, or you can listen
Speaker 1: to his amazing best selling comedy album Model Minority and um, bitch,
Speaker 1: you'll hear all about him very soon in a couple
Speaker 1: of years. Um, but that's like when his next big
Speaker 1: break will be. Guys, give it up for Joel, Kim Booster, Joe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love Joel. You're all right here with me, baby,
Speaker 1: all right, So Joel is here. Joel, let's just quickly
Speaker 1: run through. What are you looking for? And I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. I know that your criteria is very specific. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so uh make some moise if you heard my episode
Speaker 1: that just saired, my second episode recently, Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I laid it out pretty clearly in my own I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. In that episode, which is bring
Speaker 1: me Culture. I don't want to hear about your frustrations
Speaker 1: with some lady on the train or your jeans, Okay,
Speaker 1: Like I want to hear about culture. I want to
Speaker 1: hear about dance. I want to hear about music. I
Speaker 1: want to hear about movies, food, culture. Food is culture,
Speaker 1: you know, but give it big, make sure it's in
Speaker 1: the realm. I don't want some like bullshit from your life. Okay, uh,
Speaker 1: I want culture. I don't want some bullshit from your life.
Speaker 1: Quote him. That is Joel Kim Booster. Joel Kim Booster.
Speaker 1: Everybody next to the stage. This is the fucking head
Speaker 1: pitch in charge right now. Everyone. You can hear her
Speaker 1: on Amazing podcast on Forever Dog Network. Here we go.
Speaker 1: She is the host of Fresh Batch. You know her
Speaker 1: from After Paradise, you know her from the view. Everyone,
Speaker 1: please give it up for Michelle fucking Collins. Yes, hello,
Speaker 1: Darling Georgia. Yes, give it up for the Tunic, the Tunic.
Speaker 1: Give it up for the Tunic. You guys look great.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're serving Prince of Fire and nice
Speaker 1: you're serving Tunic. Listen. I have so much Tunic to
Speaker 1: give tonight. I can't wait. Thank you guys for having me.
Speaker 1: We're so excited. So listen, Chritsiria, what are you looking
Speaker 1: for tonight? What is going to make you serve a
Speaker 1: high score up for? I don't think so. Um. I'm
Speaker 1: like a real fucking bitch. So I want passion, like
Speaker 1: I want you to come up with passion um, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you some inspiration. Many many years ago,
Speaker 1: I was at St. Vincent's hospital after being bitten by
Speaker 1: a rabid dog, and I overheard Mincent this happened, r
Speaker 1: I p St. Vincent's. It's still there, it's haunted, it's
Speaker 1: creeping hotel. I also stay there many nights, and it's
Speaker 1: also an AIRBNBA times listen. I had some hard times.
Speaker 1: But look, no, but I saw this woman and I'm
Speaker 1: not going to assume she's an addict, but she was
Speaker 1: sucked up and they were trying to gurney her. They
Speaker 1: were like, get on the gurnie, get on the gurney.
Speaker 1: And she looked at the doctors and the nurses and
Speaker 1: she said, I'll rent space in your head all night, bitch.
Speaker 1: I want tonight. That's the energy. I want tonight here
Speaker 1: for all of you, Okay, and you yes, oh, I've
Speaker 1: I will so I can serve up psychotic person in
Speaker 1: the hospital realness. And you better too, every all of
Speaker 1: our contestine. So who's who's this next? Who's our Simon
Speaker 1: Cowell coming to the stage right now? Bowen, this is
Speaker 1: our Simon cow This is our judge who has the
Speaker 1: most technical knowledge of culture. I will say yes, he's
Speaker 1: the senior culture editor at Esquire and he um, he
Speaker 1: picks this stories. He's the one who curates what we see.
Speaker 1: So just think about that, and um, really challenge what
Speaker 1: he deems um culturally relevant. Um, you have an opportunity
Speaker 1: here tonight. If if his judgments don't go a certain way,
Speaker 1: you I I call on you all too. Who's going
Speaker 1: on for a long time? It's like, shut up. Everyone's
Speaker 1: bored to you, including your parents. Welcome to this stage, Tyler,
Speaker 1: Come hello, Darling, Tyler Coates. So tell me, Tyler, what
Speaker 1: are we looking for? And I don't think so? Honey,
Speaker 1: tonight you've done them. I've done one. Yes, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: really I want to learn tonight. You want to learn?
Speaker 1: I want to learn something new? Oh wow, he wants
Speaker 1: an education pressure, But I want to learn. I love that. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean I think that we can provide that. I
Speaker 1: think we even listed some of the fucking best people
Speaker 1: that we know to do the show. What do you
Speaker 1: say we get it started? Shall we? Okay? We have Joel,
Speaker 1: we have Michelle, we have Tyler. Now everyone. Here's what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen. We're gonna bring up our first battle pairing,
Speaker 1: and then they're gonna do there I don't think so,
Speaker 1: Honey's and then you guys are going to give feedback
Speaker 1: afterwards and then reveal simultaneously who you've chosen, but first
Speaker 1: in order to determine an order of who is going
Speaker 1: to go first and second for this first round, Bowen
Speaker 1: Yang and I are going to do and I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, ourselves. So um, let's just say, let's
Speaker 1: do what we usually do on the show. Yeah, how
Speaker 1: about you go first, I'll go second, and then we'll
Speaker 1: see who emerges victorious to determine the order. All right,
Speaker 1: this first round is going to be under the umbrella
Speaker 1: of people. We've asked everyone that prepared and I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Tonight to prepare and I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Based on people, this can be a specific person, a celebrity,
Speaker 1: it can be a group of people, a kind of person,
Speaker 1: very large umbrella. And I'm happy you're just seeing my
Speaker 1: alpa from another angle and laughing. I'm happy to start
Speaker 1: us off. Do we have a timer? We do, We
Speaker 1: don't have the paddles. We find them too. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: obstructive labor. Let's do this. This is Matt Rodgers is
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Honey. Time starts now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, Jesus Christ, bitch, it's time to come back.
Speaker 1: If you were real, wouldn't you'll be back now? It
Speaker 1: would be a good time. Also, a bitch, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but what are your credits? You turn water into wine? Bitch? No,
Speaker 1: that's just some weird water or some shitty wine. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you where where I can get wine that tastes
Speaker 1: like that. Go to cottage. It's a Union Square. It's
Speaker 1: a little Chinese all you kiddy restaurant. They have wine
Speaker 1: that tastes like water. Bitch. Yes, you know it's bad.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Jesus Christ, bitch. You know what,
Speaker 1: if Michael Jackson was around in Bethlehem, we would have
Speaker 1: called him Jesus the moon Walk. We would have said, bitch,
Speaker 1: that guy's turning water into wine metatorically. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ and his believers. I'm sorry, but we should
Speaker 1: say you walking through the doors right now and stopping this.
Speaker 1: If you were real, I don't think so, honey. Jesus
Speaker 1: cry and that's one minute. Matt Rogers, Okay, beat it
Speaker 1: all right, Um, this is my turn, and then after
Speaker 1: I go, we'll go to judges, and then I guess
Speaker 1: I'll give your timer as well. Let's just getting my
Speaker 1: phone out. Hold on, okay, this is bone Yang's I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey on people, and as time starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey even knew any of the
Speaker 1: A C. L U. Taylor Swift, Oh, You're gonna sick
Speaker 1: your lawyers on a blog that has seventy eight Twitter
Speaker 1: followers for correctly stating that white supremacists are embracing you
Speaker 1: as their pop star. No, no, no, I don't think so, honey. Look,
Speaker 1: think of a better Nazi dog whistle than constantly referring
Speaker 1: to blue fucking eyes. Drain your fucking boner for blue
Speaker 1: eyes before you start parading Uzoa Dubo around, Dubo around?
Speaker 1: Is your only black friend in the squad? Okay? And look,
Speaker 1: I don't think so any Taylor Swift. Don't think you
Speaker 1: can just buy a Tribeca townhouse owned by Dominique Strauss
Speaker 1: Khan banged rapist Dominique Strauss con and us to not
Speaker 1: notice what the funk would happen to that one dollar
Speaker 1: lawsuit that you want to take a stand against sexual harassment.
Speaker 1: That would be like if I bought a house from
Speaker 1: allegedly white supremacist Taylor Oneman Bowen Yang Mine was researched mine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of originality on display there. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, Okay, so we're gonna go to the judges
Speaker 1: for feedback, Joel, what did you think about? Wow? I
Speaker 1: thought this Those were both really fantastic because I thought
Speaker 1: they both encapsulated who you both are and your individual
Speaker 1: styles of I don't think so, honey. We got a
Speaker 1: lot of long island nonsense over here, which I love.
Speaker 1: Where did you tell people to go for water cottage?
Speaker 1: And actually it's really cute. It's it's it's like on
Speaker 1: the cheaper side, you can go with the large exactly,
Speaker 1: the cheaper side, um, exactly. And from Bowen, I love
Speaker 1: the I love the details that Boone always brings the
Speaker 1: dominant Strauss Khan Um do you tell like, where are
Speaker 1: you finding that sort of richness in? And I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, Um. I gotta say, And um, Bowen
Speaker 1: really came alive for me in a way that I
Speaker 1: find him normally to present his I don't think so,
Speaker 1: Honey is sort of half asleep, quite honestly, and so
Speaker 1: it was really nice to see him, to see the
Speaker 1: passion that I've been wanting to see from him. And
Speaker 1: it goes back, Matt. What I set up top is
Speaker 1: Jesus culture. Yes, I would argue that dance does he
Speaker 1: act that? I don't know? Um, So I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to give it to Bowen this time. I'm so sorry, Okay, Michelle, Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I have to say that as a Jew, Jesus is
Speaker 1: culture because growing up, my family used to sneak into
Speaker 1: church for wine and wait first, and that really is true.
Speaker 1: We used to go pretend to be Christian because it
Speaker 1: was so beautiful and there was a silent night. And
Speaker 1: one time went to a really religious church and they
Speaker 1: it got too real and my mom was like, we
Speaker 1: gotta go. I was like on my knees, like covered
Speaker 1: in blood, Like what church is this? So I will
Speaker 1: say this is really true. So for me, Jesus is culture.
Speaker 1: Oh and you were both fantastic boh, and I will
Speaker 1: say something. When you began, I didn't hear that you said,
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, and I thought you were talking about the
Speaker 1: head of the A C L you And I literally
Speaker 1: turned to Tyler. I was like, how did so he
Speaker 1: was friends with? But so for me, I was a
Speaker 1: little lost because of that, because of sound issues. So
Speaker 1: for that and because I'm a Jew. For Jesus, I
Speaker 1: gotta give it to Matt. But I love you. I
Speaker 1: love you Boat and Tyler Cokes. This was tough because
Speaker 1: I can't name two people I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: more about. So the fact that you brought out the guns,
Speaker 1: you know, right at the top of the show, Bold
Speaker 1: would have done differently myself. But having said that, you know,
Speaker 1: I think the presentation for both of you was really
Speaker 1: what did it for me? You know, Matt, you flail
Speaker 1: about love it. It's exciting to see Bowen. I love
Speaker 1: the cape so but ultimately, ultimately, because you know, who
Speaker 1: have I heard the most about for most of my life,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, it's a little I've heard it all, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I'm gonna go with Taylor
Speaker 1: Smith and bow I concede. I concede, Okay, So all
Speaker 1: reminder the judges. That was great. We're gonna give the
Speaker 1: feedback and then we're gonna ask for who you voted
Speaker 1: for at the end for going forward, going forward, that
Speaker 1: was amazing, But going forward different? Um um, keeping well,
Speaker 1: will you decide will you go? Will you will your
Speaker 1: people be going first or will they be going second.
Speaker 1: I'm going to decide, as my gambit for the rest
Speaker 1: of this round that my contestants will go second. All right,
Speaker 1: then it is decreed Matt's contestants will go first all
Speaker 1: through round one, and let's start round one right now.
Speaker 1: Now this first battle pairing, I'm gonna bring my contestant
Speaker 1: to the stage. This is the Lost Culture Rests Icon
Speaker 1: Award winner. This is the reason why we do this show.
Speaker 1: A two time guest on our show. The first time
Speaker 1: it was too hot to even make it to the airwaves. Bitch,
Speaker 1: wasn't a mechanical error which it was too hot. He's
Speaker 1: slayed every single time he's done. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: I'm so proud to bring Pat Reagan sage. Come on, bitch,
Speaker 1: we do too. This is your right here all right, bowen, alright, um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring up my contestant in this matchup. You know, uh,
Speaker 1: this next person as um, someone who just is edifying,
Speaker 1: who really teaches us something new in the way that
Speaker 1: he communicates, and um not not not not that many
Speaker 1: people can do that, and um, the fact that I
Speaker 1: can learn something from him says a lot. That's fucking crazy,
Speaker 1: narcissistic bullshit. Now, um, he has turned out iconic. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey, is himself that display range And
Speaker 1: I am so excited to welcome Dylan Marin Dylan. All right,
Speaker 1: so this matchup is what we call the light versus
Speaker 1: the dark. Up to you if you can figure out
Speaker 1: who's who now? All right, Pat, it's time? Are you ready?
Speaker 1: So I will the opposing side will keep time? All right, right,
Speaker 1: this is Pat Regans. I don't think so honey. Time
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so honey, customers, because guess what,
Speaker 1: I'm a celebrated comedian, and I'm so good at comedy
Speaker 1: that I work retail and I work running specialty, which
Speaker 1: means I get to deal with the feet of strangers.
Speaker 1: Will they treat me like a disobedient dog and every
Speaker 1: day kind of stand there and they walk into my
Speaker 1: space and I'm kind of like, oh, no, one invited
Speaker 1: you here, hi, And then they started and then I
Speaker 1: have to ask them like can I help you find anything?
Speaker 1: And they act like I belong on a government watch list.
Speaker 1: And second, I did not invent this custom. I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to do this. And then they said and then as
Speaker 1: like give them the right shoe. And one time a
Speaker 1: lady said, um, these the shoe looks like an alien.
Speaker 1: Do you have any issues that don't look like aliens?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, it's green. Um, let me
Speaker 1: go back and work my magic. And then one time
Speaker 1: a gentleman picked up a pair of pants and said, um,
Speaker 1: did these pants do anything? And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: but their pants, so what were they? And he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess. One time a lady picked up a fucking
Speaker 1: shoe and said, how do you make this? And I said,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I've never made one. That's one minute,
Speaker 1: and everybody, all right, let's move straight to Dylan right now.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna throw it over you too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I take center stage. You may if you like. He
Speaker 1: feels like he has to do a lot. All right,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna start your time. Dylan you're I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: People who think they're dismantling the patriarchy by making small
Speaker 1: penis jokes, fuck you, I don't think so, honey. They're
Speaker 1: on original and you are building a structure to the
Speaker 1: very thing you want to demolish. Every time you hold
Speaker 1: your pinky up and and compare it to a man's penis.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but you're erecting a small altar to toxic masculinity.
Speaker 1: What is funny about the size of Donald Trump's hands
Speaker 1: and nothing? It's because they belonged to Donald Trump. That's
Speaker 1: what sucks about them. Okay, And you know what, my love,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but the fuck boys who you intended
Speaker 1: to dame these jokes that aren't listening. But you know
Speaker 1: who isn't is listening me because I didn't take my
Speaker 1: pants off for six years after coming out because I
Speaker 1: was so crippled by your jokes. But don't you worry, baby,
Speaker 1: because unlike you, my capacity for empathy is a grower
Speaker 1: and a show. I want to say something. I want
Speaker 1: to say something. Okay, I want to say something. Okay, Matt,
Speaker 1: he did, he did go five seconds over. Okay, and
Speaker 1: did go five seconds over. I will say Pat technically
Speaker 1: went three seconds over as well. It sounds like they're
Speaker 1: even then we should never have said anything at all. Right,
Speaker 1: let's throw it over the judges now, Joel, let's get
Speaker 1: your thoughts. Wow. Um, really great showings from both of you. Pat. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I've been a fan of your since Vegas Week. Um,
Speaker 1: I've been rooting for you. I loved your blind audition. Um.
Speaker 1: You know famously I turned my chair for you. You
Speaker 1: did not pick me. Um. Yeah, I am not sure
Speaker 1: that customers for me our culture. Um. Again, when I
Speaker 1: said I don't want to hear about bullshit from your life,
Speaker 1: that seals like textbook bullshit from your life. Um. And
Speaker 1: Mac Dylan, Um, you know clearly this speaks to me
Speaker 1: as an Asian American person. I've been the butt of
Speaker 1: small penis tricks my entire life since I realized I
Speaker 1: had a penis. Um. So I felt that I love
Speaker 1: the impassion. Um. I would it felt a little more
Speaker 1: like I was reading than laughing. Um. But but I
Speaker 1: guess like jokes are closer to culture for me, and
Speaker 1: I think Pat was doing mostly just This was in
Speaker 1: his excuse to do stand up. I guess, um, so
Speaker 1: I gotta give it to Dylan, all right, Jol didn't
Speaker 1: take the note. Okay, let's move on to Michelle. Michelle, Hi, Well,
Speaker 1: these on both these topics really spoke very dearly to me.
Speaker 1: On one because I used to work at a store
Speaker 1: and customers customer, and I am a customer off and
Speaker 1: a customer. But I gotta tell you, sometimes maybe you
Speaker 1: have the attitude. You know, sometimes I come in real
Speaker 1: nice and friendly and sometimes I'm a Sephora Rouge member
Speaker 1: and I deserve a little respect, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So like, maybe you should realize that, like you're getting
Speaker 1: kay to do that and put up with the bullshit
Speaker 1: for money, for my money, you know what I mean? Now,
Speaker 1: But I do love your adorable now on this side, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a songs queen, so I will
Speaker 1: say that it did open up my eyes to how
Speaker 1: other men feel. That's very nice. I gonest I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I never thought of it that way. So um, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna save the winner for the end. But I will
Speaker 1: say you're both absolutely adorable, not that it matters, but
Speaker 1: they're both very cute, very cute. Um, I'm often a customer.
Speaker 1: I think I'm a good customer because I shop online,
Speaker 1: which is how you're supposed to do it. You don't
Speaker 1: have to deal with anyone's bullshit. You don't give anyone bullshit.
Speaker 1: It's the best way to do it. So you know
Speaker 1: I have great empathy for you. Uh. You know I
Speaker 1: love learning. As I said, Um, I love passionate teaching,
Speaker 1: which is what I got. Uh. And you know I
Speaker 1: mean not a subject I think I learned a lot about,
Speaker 1: but I still appreciate it. All right, Okay, Judges, it
Speaker 1: is now time to reveal on account of three who
Speaker 1: you've voted for for this round of Culture War. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna countdown one, two, three, show DL, Pat Dylan.
Speaker 1: You guys, we have our first winner. Dylan Marin advances
Speaker 1: to the round. Give it up for Patt Reagan. Wow,
Speaker 1: give up for Dylan Marin now, unbelievable. Unbelievable. So that
Speaker 1: means the first round does go to Team Bowen. There
Speaker 1: we go, so thank you. That's okay, We're all still
Speaker 1: in the game. Now listen, um coming to the stage
Speaker 1: right now. This round is the Lifestyle Queen. The Lifestyle
Speaker 1: Queens These are the queens of lifestyle. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you something right now. My girl is the host of
Speaker 1: the Roast of your fifteen year old self, which you
Speaker 1: can find right here at this very New York Comedy Festival.
Speaker 1: She is a pillar of the New York comedy community,
Speaker 1: one of my favorite people ever. She is a graduate
Speaker 1: of the University of Delaware and her name is Elisa More. Yes,
Speaker 1: what do you have, trash? And my guest, my contestant, teammate, friend, confidant,
Speaker 1: is coming up and she has her own New York
Speaker 1: Comedy Festival show this week as well. She's throwing herself
Speaker 1: her own botton mitzpa, but making it a comedy show.
Speaker 1: Can you fucking believe I relate to that because my sister,
Speaker 1: at the age of twenty nine threw herself an adult
Speaker 1: bottom mitzvah. And I am a fucking menst right now.
Speaker 1: I'm just for a life. I'm a mention. Uh. She
Speaker 1: host her own podcast to Lady Lovin. She's an amazing comedian. Guys,
Speaker 1: give it up for greta title man, Hello Grata. Now,
Speaker 1: these are the lifestyle queens. If they say for you
Speaker 1: to do something, you do it. If they tell you
Speaker 1: to buy something, you buy it it influencer. All right,
Speaker 1: so alas we are going first position, I'll take my position.
Speaker 1: Here we go, Bowen, Are you ready socialized? Any one second?
Speaker 1: I'm just checking with my contestant, my teammate. This is
Speaker 1: a lease morales is. I don't think so, honey. Time
Speaker 1: starts now, I don't think so, honey. And this is controversial,
Speaker 1: but I don't think so honey. Justin motherfucking Trudeau, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't buy it. I'm not buying it. His vibe
Speaker 1: to me, his vibe to me, says guy who wears it.
Speaker 1: This is what a feminist looks like, t shirt on Tinder,
Speaker 1: but then tries to pee in your mouth when you
Speaker 1: get home. You know what I'm saying. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, and that's okay if you like that. But
Speaker 1: he's not really asking if you like that, he says,
Speaker 1: Justin Trudeaux looks like the fucking friend zone. Can't you
Speaker 1: just you just think about it, think about his face
Speaker 1: it just you can imagine him saying, but I'm so nice. Oh,
Speaker 1: then I listened to your feelings. So won't you touch
Speaker 1: the tip a little bit? No? No, Justin, I don't
Speaker 1: like the little socks. You're a grown ass man. You
Speaker 1: run a country, okay, I think and oh also as
Speaker 1: a as a prank, just intrudeue pretends to fall down
Speaker 1: the stairs. That's fucking weird. You can look up videos
Speaker 1: of it. I don't know what's that's about, but I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Yes, that's one minute. Wow, there
Speaker 1: we go. That was culture all right? Interesting? Um, you know,
Speaker 1: just because you're not a fucking judge. Okay, all right, um,
Speaker 1: all right, So it's time for Greta titleman. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, Honny. She's gonna take her space. That is
Speaker 1: a dress, Greta, Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Millie Bobby Brown, okay, bitch, So you shaved your fucking
Speaker 1: head and eight egg goes. So did I in high school?
Speaker 1: You fucking bitch. Oh you have a nosebleed and can't talk.
Speaker 1: That was me during my cocaine a day ship. Okay. Sorry,
Speaker 1: you're a child star, honey, and your parents had to
Speaker 1: prostitute your ass in Los Angeles. I do that on
Speaker 1: my own. I don't need supervision. And one more thing,
Speaker 1: braces ever heard of them? Bitch, ever fucking heard of.
Speaker 1: It's called him Visaline, Honey. I had it when I
Speaker 1: was thirteen, and you want to know what else I
Speaker 1: was doing? And I was sucking dick like a normal kid. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't want to watch you have your first kids
Speaker 1: on screen. I don't. I don't, So fuck you, Millie,
Speaker 1: Bobby Brown, fuck you well. And with that, let's go
Speaker 1: to the judges. Shock, Joel, let's get feedback from you,
Speaker 1: Joel on both the ladies, I'll do it. I'll do
Speaker 1: it right this time. I loved both of these. I think, Um,
Speaker 1: you guys really set the bar for this competition tonight.
Speaker 1: Um this at all was ah, It's everything I wanted
Speaker 1: from a I don't think so honey, you gave me culture.
Speaker 1: Both of you. You really went in in ways. The
Speaker 1: jokes were tight. Um Elise, specifically, what I love about
Speaker 1: you and what I love about the form that you
Speaker 1: guys have created. I don't think so, honey, that you
Speaker 1: really latch onto is. I love the cadence of repeating
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey throughout. Um you thread in
Speaker 1: the title of the show and of what we're doing here,
Speaker 1: and I love that. Um, you're a real scholar of
Speaker 1: the form Um and Greta, I thought it was electric.
Speaker 1: I thought going after a thirteen year old girl with
Speaker 1: the viciousness that you did took bravery, took guts Um.
Speaker 1: And also I love um. You know, I didn't come
Speaker 1: away with from Elise's knowing anything about Elise's, but I
Speaker 1: came away knowing that you are a rich slot Um
Speaker 1: and that's important. That's it. I love learning about you.
Speaker 1: I love learning about you throughout. I honestly don't know
Speaker 1: who I'm going to vote for tonight because it's it's tough. Well,
Speaker 1: I have to say something, Greta. I feel connected because Um.
Speaker 1: I also was not bought miss fun And I also
Speaker 1: fucking hate Millie Bobby Brown. And I have only heard
Speaker 1: wait now when no one laughs, people like she's a monster. Sorry,
Speaker 1: but I've only heard the worst stories, the crazy days
Speaker 1: and night style blind items about her and her dad
Speaker 1: um not together in a weird way, not the time
Speaker 1: for that guy's but just like you know, stage dad
Speaker 1: step And also, I believe she's twenty six. If you
Speaker 1: look at pictures of her, she is so wrinkled and
Speaker 1: the bitches wrinkled. Anyways, I'm jealous okay, and then Trudeau.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest. I think also this I don't think
Speaker 1: so Honey stems from a jealousy because I also have
Speaker 1: it of like hot guys to like don't pay attention,
Speaker 1: you know, which I get. It's like that, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. There's a style of man, Trudeau style.
Speaker 1: He also looks a little bit like Doug from Doug
Speaker 1: the cartoons. It's like me a minute, I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fun was that show called oh Doug. He's
Speaker 1: a bit Doug like. But alright, Tyler, take it, Tyler.
Speaker 1: I think both of these UH performers are incredibly brave
Speaker 1: going after a child, obviously, going after the only attractive
Speaker 1: person in power that we have, UM, and you know,
Speaker 1: and the bar is low with that one because look
Speaker 1: what else we have to deal with. UM. I think
Speaker 1: when it comes down to me or the details, I
Speaker 1: think that I learned a lot about you. And also
Speaker 1: the blue eye shed I really spoke to me when
Speaker 1: you're looking at me. I know that it's a little
Speaker 1: bit unfair because I'm so close to you, but it
Speaker 1: is what it is sometimes and um, but so I
Speaker 1: appreciate I appreciate the political and I appreciate the cultural
Speaker 1: and I think all that together really says something. It
Speaker 1: certainly presents a tough decision. All right, but we are
Speaker 1: now going to ask for the reveal. These are two
Speaker 1: amazing others. Want to give it up for them, give
Speaker 1: it up for grad Anais. But we are going to
Speaker 1: have to reveal now in three to one, here we go. Okay,
Speaker 1: three to one, here we go. Okay, that was a
Speaker 1: close one. It was a close one. It was very close.
Speaker 1: That was the first photo. It's very hard, it's very difficult.
Speaker 1: It was a photo finish. Now, all right, look, team
Speaker 1: Bowen has two. Team Matt. You know hi everybody. This
Speaker 1: is Matt Rodgers. I'm sitting here with Bone Yang and
Speaker 1: we're the co host of the Last Cultures podcast. And
Speaker 1: we're so excited because we have a beautiful, amazing, wonderful
Speaker 1: live show that we want you, yes, you to be at.
Speaker 1: It's called I Don't Think So Honey Live. It's our
Speaker 1: third installment of the show and it's all going down
Speaker 1: at the Bellhouse on Saturday, Novem ten pm as part
Speaker 1: of Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Now, I am so excited for
Speaker 1: all of these guests. We picked out fifty brand new
Speaker 1: comedians who have not done and I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Honey Live been one of our live shows before to
Speaker 1: take something to tasking culture that's bothering them. And this
Speaker 1: is so fun. We're so excited to be part of
Speaker 1: the festival, to do our first show at the Bellhouse,
Speaker 1: and we hope you come out. It's always such a
Speaker 1: fun time and who knows, maybe you might get called
Speaker 1: up to do your own. I don't think so. There
Speaker 1: will be a raffle, and if you win the raffle,
Speaker 1: not only will you be heralded for giving to charity,
Speaker 1: pails will be able to do it. I don't think
Speaker 1: so many of your own, that's right, an interactive show,
Speaker 1: you bitch. I don't know. I think you should really
Speaker 1: think about coming out to this. I think you're gonna
Speaker 1: have a good time, a lot of good talent, a
Speaker 1: lot of good friends. Possibly you know what, several drinks
Speaker 1: to choose from from the bar. Yeah, they have their
Speaker 1: liquor license. That's always number one, gotta have a liquor license.
Speaker 1: And then number two stage a stage, and number three
Speaker 1: the cabaret laws are gone. You can dance all you
Speaker 1: want now. Wow, Well, don't answer in the show, because
Speaker 1: you know there's a show going on and people want
Speaker 1: to be focused on that. But you know you wouldn't
Speaker 1: go to prison if you dance. We would just not
Speaker 1: not appreciate it. And that's what America is all about.
Speaker 1: See you with the show by So this next round,
Speaker 1: go ahead, bo and tell them all about it. This
Speaker 1: next round is entitled boys We used to be in
Speaker 1: love with but are now our co hosts on other shows.
Speaker 1: Now if you if you listen to our bonus episode,
Speaker 1: I'll refer you back to the podcast week sort of
Speaker 1: go into great detail about our sort of fraud histories
Speaker 1: with both of these boys. We each I mean, I've
Speaker 1: only had feelings for one and the same same for you.
Speaker 1: But now there are collaborators, and um, what what an
Speaker 1: emotional journey? What is what? Something that speaks to our
Speaker 1: emotional maturity? Which absolutely I'm so proud to bring my
Speaker 1: contestant to the stage. Back in two thousand thirteen, we
Speaker 1: showed a six week trist He once kicked me out
Speaker 1: of his apartment at two am because he didn't want
Speaker 1: to be cuddled. My dick was too hot. I think
Speaker 1: we watched each other to completion one time each He's
Speaker 1: my co host on the show Game Show, which you
Speaker 1: can see you this Saturday at u c VS. Everyone
Speaker 1: give it up for this fucking bitch, Dave Mazzoni. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you fucking bitch. Oh my god. Um. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: my teammate and I are past. Is something that's just
Speaker 1: a little bit more. Um, it's a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Nothing ever happened between them. It's forbidden. So um did
Speaker 1: my teammate and I shared a twelve hour road trip
Speaker 1: from Chicago to New York with a pickup truck full
Speaker 1: of his things. He was moving. I thought I was
Speaker 1: really getting close to him. Um. And I remember, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is a detail that's never been told. I remember
Speaker 1: when he dropped me off in my apartment. I texted
Speaker 1: him swoon and he did not text bath. But now
Speaker 1: we are close friends. We've you know, we've we've collaborated
Speaker 1: on proven, prove in quantities of shows. Please give it
Speaker 1: up for Sam Taggart. Swoon, swoon, swoon noon. I couldn't
Speaker 1: respond to the text. I was driving. That's all right.
Speaker 1: Well it's time these boys that we used to be
Speaker 1: in love with, who now are co host on other shows.
Speaker 1: It's time for your I don't think so, honey, Dave,
Speaker 1: you want to take center, Yes, I will take center.
Speaker 1: Alright ready, I'm gonna be at home for Team Matt,
Speaker 1: right at home. This is David Mazoni's Dave Mazoni's I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: The other gay slaying it at this wedding, no, bitch.
Speaker 1: From the moment I saw you Potta Moray into that
Speaker 1: pew at the church, I knew you were gonna come
Speaker 1: for me. Bitch. You fucking pivot turned like you owned it.
Speaker 1: And as we made eye contact, as the priest took
Speaker 1: the body and the blood and the bride and the
Speaker 1: groom and eleganomenomeno marriage right before our eyes, you looked
Speaker 1: at me and we said together, Dad, this is bullshit. Okay,
Speaker 1: so listen, we are not going to be friends. I
Speaker 1: know you went to a conservatory. Okay. The boatie is
Speaker 1: really on it. We get it. It's on the nose. Okay,
Speaker 1: so listen, remember we built this city. We built this
Speaker 1: city on team and shame. Okay, keep it to us out. Okay,
Speaker 1: we shouldn't be friends. They want to fit us into
Speaker 1: this box and just because we fit in there perfectly
Speaker 1: does not mean we need to let them know that bitch.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Other day, we are not
Speaker 1: friends one minute. I don't know you one minute, Dave
Speaker 1: Massoni give it up. Amazing, Oh very good. All right,
Speaker 1: So Sam, here's your time. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Sam Taggart, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: The entire population of a storia. I am not coming
Speaker 1: to your house swimming party for the last time. You know,
Speaker 1: just because you want to throw your social life away
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I'm throwing my night away. Oh Plus, even
Speaker 1: if I wanted to get there, how I mean to
Speaker 1: trains even go there, I swear to God. And if
Speaker 1: I hear one more time, Oh but there's this like
Speaker 1: incredible beer hall. If your specialty is beer, you're not special.
Speaker 1: That's the whole thing. Earlier this year, I famously went
Speaker 1: to Japan. The reason to get as far away from
Speaker 1: a storia as as humanly possible. A second, I know
Speaker 1: a storia and its population is not culture. Joel and
Speaker 1: I agree with one minute, and we should get it
Speaker 1: out of the Actually today it's gotta be over. I
Speaker 1: step in when there's pandering, I step in. All right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go to Joel Kim Booster with reaction. Um. Wow,
Speaker 1: this was an incredible one to two premiere faggots coming
Speaker 1: to the stage. Um, premier premier facts and listen. Okay,
Speaker 1: So neither of these really fit in my very narrow
Speaker 1: definition of culture. Um, but they are both things that
Speaker 1: speak to me because I am also territorial, like a
Speaker 1: feral cat at weddings with other gay men, and I
Speaker 1: also hate a storia. Um, so this is tough for me. Um. Dave,
Speaker 1: you did sort of give me culture though by just
Speaker 1: the way you perform. You gave me dance, you know
Speaker 1: you were you go the way up raise. You gave
Speaker 1: me the dance, and Sam, you gave me acting in
Speaker 1: that half of your I don't think so, honey. Was
Speaker 1: you playing the part of someone listening to your I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. You were giving me a lot
Speaker 1: of faces. You're giving me a lot of reactions. And
Speaker 1: so we got acting and dancing, and I don't know
Speaker 1: who I'm gonna go for alright, Michelle Collins, Hi, everyone, Um, okay,
Speaker 1: Well I want to say, Dave, this was interesting to me.
Speaker 1: Because I always befriend the Gates at the wedding and
Speaker 1: that's usually who talks to me, and so it was
Speaker 1: interesting that you guys fight. I was like, no, don't
Speaker 1: fight like it bothered me. I was like, no, shouldn't
Speaker 1: fight you No, I know, but I'm just saying that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, next time I'm gonna break it up. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be like kiss like something. I'm gonna be cute.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be really I'll be very drunk. You know,
Speaker 1: we usually end u kissing. We find it. I know.
Speaker 1: But I really loved your style. I did feel included.
Speaker 1: It was very Julie Tamore. It was very nice Tare.
Speaker 1: I was like that, sure, is that a giraffe head
Speaker 1: out the hat? I was shocked. And then sam, um,
Speaker 1: you're very handsome. I don't like how you treated my
Speaker 1: friend Bill. And I'm joking, I can't imagine. I know
Speaker 1: you're good looking, so I'm already like I don't like him.
Speaker 1: He's handsome. He's like hot. Okay, we got that right.
Speaker 1: It's like enough already, you know, but Dave's hot. Dave's
Speaker 1: hot time too. I know. It's more like i'd be confused.
Speaker 1: By that not but I love that. I like, I
Speaker 1: love it, but I'm like, what's happening here? Like is
Speaker 1: he or isn't he? Um? That being said, M I
Speaker 1: love Greek food, so I I will travel to a
Speaker 1: story for feta cheese. And that's how I feel about
Speaker 1: a story. I am a fat listen. I like Tyler Coates. Um.
Speaker 1: I yeah, let's talk about what I relate to here.
Speaker 1: I also ate a story. I've been there like three times, um,
Speaker 1: and that's enough for me. I am usually the only
Speaker 1: gay person at a wedding, but that's just because I
Speaker 1: have a weird friend group, so I'm not happy about it.
Speaker 1: But when we talk about performance, I think, like Dave,
Speaker 1: I just loved how expressive, how passionate you were, how
Speaker 1: much aggression you have, not just for other gay people,
Speaker 1: but for the audience too. I think it really came
Speaker 1: across and it was strong. Sam. It bothered me that
Speaker 1: you refere it's Joel and not me. It bothered me
Speaker 1: to Tyler, but that's just the personal thing. Uh. Great, alright,
Speaker 1: So we are now going to go to the judges
Speaker 1: for the vote, all right, and I'm gonna countdown from
Speaker 1: three to one. What do we got people, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave,
Speaker 1: Dave Day. Yes, there we go. Moving on to the
Speaker 1: next round. Sam Taggart and David's give it up for Sam.
Speaker 1: Oh baby, now tell her about this little battle match
Speaker 1: up here. About is the Titans of Intellect and and
Speaker 1: thedendum former co workers. Um, they don't like Trump. They
Speaker 1: don't like Trump. They wrote for the President's show. Give
Speaker 1: it up for the President Show, Get it up for
Speaker 1: the President Show, Bob Um. Alright, So Matt want to
Speaker 1: tr you're coming to the stage right now. I literally
Speaker 1: don't see it right now. Over there, Yes, she's over there.
Speaker 1: Ray Sunny, come on, how are you? Yes? Okay? And
Speaker 1: then coming up to the stage. Look, this is like
Speaker 1: off Red, and I love it. It's off Red. It works,
Speaker 1: it works. Matt's color blind. I'm an immigrant. So coming
Speaker 1: up to the stage, you have my teammates. She is,
Speaker 1: um just a just a lifesaver for doing this. I
Speaker 1: love her so much. She's so fucking funny. Please welcome
Speaker 1: to the stage. Meetread you horror. Alright, now, this is tough.
Speaker 1: I know that they're both They just looked at each
Speaker 1: other very lovingly. They're very good friend. This is this
Speaker 1: is family. But but but but so what but so
Speaker 1: fucking what? Alright, so just own my dad. So this
Speaker 1: is fine, Ray, here we go. If you want to
Speaker 1: take center, you may. I don't think so, honey. She
Speaker 1: feels like she wants to plan. She wants to plan
Speaker 1: plan Alright, Here we go. Raceny's I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Justin
Speaker 1: Timberlake A Justin Timberlake is whack of ship for doing
Speaker 1: what he did to Janet and accepting that super Bowl
Speaker 1: performance next year. But we don't have to start and
Speaker 1: end there, because he's been whacked forever. The best dancer
Speaker 1: in in sync Joey Fat Tone, the best singer and
Speaker 1: in sync ja c Chase. Every time Justice goes on tour,
Speaker 1: he talks about Brittany's virginity. You suck a fuck you
Speaker 1: for that wack. You're a whack. Justin can't act. He's
Speaker 1: a him. He feels like Will Smith the first two
Speaker 1: seasons of Fresh Prince before he learned how to act.
Speaker 1: All right, he sucking. He loves black music. Have you
Speaker 1: seen him chow with a negro? Ever? Ever he was
Speaker 1: with Cameron Diaz whom I love. She's a dope. Bad
Speaker 1: that's one minute. But then all right, pray killed it.
Speaker 1: Here we go, killed it, here we go. This ist
Speaker 1: here comes to she's making her way. She can't fucking
Speaker 1: wait this one. Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Pinnacle of white mediocrity, Ben Affleck. Wow. So my hatred
Speaker 1: for Ben Affleck started long ago when he made the
Speaker 1: movie Argo. Fat motherfucker didn't do any research about Argo.
Speaker 1: Then he became a fucking superhero. Galgado squeezes herself into
Speaker 1: a band aid every single day, and Ben Affleck gets
Speaker 1: to waddle onto set and do whatever he wants. No personality.
Speaker 1: Tied for last place for ugliest fucking Affleck brothers bad
Speaker 1: brother John't empower your brother. If you want to be
Speaker 1: a good brother, tell your brother to figure out a ship.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you grabbed a woman's tent on television. Disgusting,
Speaker 1: fat motherfucker. I hated. I hate to body shame. No,
Speaker 1: I don't. He's disgusting. He gets to fun Jo gets
Speaker 1: about Jennifer Garf and what why he does bad movies.
Speaker 1: He is a bad writer, He's a racist. Argo is disgusting.
Speaker 1: They could do any research. They had them storm the
Speaker 1: capital any iron like zombies. Every person in that movie
Speaker 1: is stupid, including him. It's not funny. I hate it.
Speaker 1: But minute we have two fierce takedowns of true white
Speaker 1: mediocritie for last place for ugliest affleck brother. They should
Speaker 1: be applauded. Yes, that was amazing, This is good, that
Speaker 1: was necessary. All right, we're coming to Joel Kim Booster
Speaker 1: for reaction. Um. First of all, I love you, I
Speaker 1: love you both as a duo. I want to green
Speaker 1: light the show, um immediately. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: I just want to send you out on a tour
Speaker 1: bus somewhere in the middle of America and watch them
Speaker 1: figure you out. Um. It's great. Ray going for j
Speaker 1: T classic uh he What if he doesn't bring Janet
Speaker 1: onto the Super Bowl performance? I mean, would you freak
Speaker 1: out if she came? It would be amazing. Um. I
Speaker 1: think my favorite part of your I don't think so, Honey,
Speaker 1: was the way you pronounced fat own um. Really hitting
Speaker 1: the fat of fat own um was remarkable to me. Um,
Speaker 1: that's exciting. Um. Metra coming for Ben uh taught for
Speaker 1: the first place for ugliest Athlete brother was great. The
Speaker 1: picture of him waddling onto set was great. Lots of
Speaker 1: fat going on in both of these. Um interestingly enough, Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a tough one. It would be
Speaker 1: a tough one, okay, girl. First of all, fabulous job.
Speaker 1: It took me back to my barn our days. When
Speaker 1: I took back the night, I felt the energy I felt.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to make my breakfast or what.
Speaker 1: Such an inside joke now and gets it, but it's
Speaker 1: a college thing. Anyways, love day, you really brought me back.
Speaker 1: You're both great. Ray Um, I agree. I was never
Speaker 1: a JT fan ever. Ever. I never found a hot
Speaker 1: I hated his super fucking hair. I literally never liked
Speaker 1: his music. I hate the troll soundtrack especially. I just
Speaker 1: called a law I really never liked him, and I
Speaker 1: never I also don't eeem like his wife. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna put it out there. I find her talk about
Speaker 1: a bland, fucking bitch. I'll say it for you because
Speaker 1: I'm on a no clock. We'll be here till three am. Now, Metro,
Speaker 1: We're gonna have a bit of a problem because until
Speaker 1: the all the Weinstein stuff came out. First of all,
Speaker 1: Argo was not that long ago? Was I think, what
Speaker 1: likewelve because a long ago for me, it's like chasing
Speaker 1: a ship like that's a while ago. But I'm also
Speaker 1: old and I get it, girl, you're young. It's fine. Um,
Speaker 1: But I will say this, up until this whole Weinstein
Speaker 1: thing with the grabbing, which I was disgusting, I used
Speaker 1: to love Ben Affleck and to call him just physically
Speaker 1: everyone lacks, and to call him the ugliest Affleck is
Speaker 1: clearly not true. Casey is so fucking ugly? Are you
Speaker 1: literally kidding me? He is a wet sewer rat covered
Speaker 1: in drain hair. He's so horrible looking. Oh, he's awful
Speaker 1: and frankly, when Ben got fat again, I was excited
Speaker 1: because maybe I thought I had a chance. And that's
Speaker 1: the end of my thing. But you both did great
Speaker 1: And now from Tyler Coates, this is this is a
Speaker 1: good matchup because of the subjects to pinnacles of mediocrity,
Speaker 1: of of people pretending to do something interesting, especially justin Timberlake,
Speaker 1: who is not funny and I don't know who's telling
Speaker 1: him he is, but they keep doing it and we're
Speaker 1: the victims here. Um, Ben i'slack again, I mean thinks
Speaker 1: he's smart as dumb as ship. But again, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: kinda when he show when you saw dick and gone girl,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, it's tough. I'm
Speaker 1: real conflicted right now. It's a tough one, the very conflicted.
Speaker 1: But you know what I loved how the justice for Janet.
Speaker 1: I think it needs to come back. I think we
Speaker 1: need to talk about it more. The justice for not Argo,
Speaker 1: I mean, truly trash. So it's tough. It's a tough,
Speaker 1: tough one. Clear the air for one second. I will
Speaker 1: say that he's dead to me, Ben Affleck in the
Speaker 1: past six months. But I'm just saying that it took
Speaker 1: about for me to get there. I just don't you know, Okay,
Speaker 1: we get it. It took a lot for everyone get
Speaker 1: I don't like him anymore. I used to really like him.
Speaker 1: It is time for the judgers to get to work. Here.
Speaker 1: The judgers are going to be asked for their vote
Speaker 1: in five four three two one, Please reveal Ray Ray
Speaker 1: Ray killed it. That was that was that was really
Speaker 1: that was like a dead heat. This is a long
Speaker 1: awaited battle that's about to happen right now. This battle
Speaker 1: is a battle of the former Planet Hollywood Front of
Speaker 1: House staff. These two used to work at Planet Hire
Speaker 1: front or House staff. Now, let me tell you something,
Speaker 1: all week, in fact, all month on social media, I
Speaker 1: haven't seen dedication like this my team member. Right now,
Speaker 1: this is an unbelievably talented You're gonna go listen back
Speaker 1: to the last cultural episodes of this individual. You will
Speaker 1: not be disappointed this. This is a motherfucker who knows culture.
Speaker 1: Everyone give it up for Tim Murray. Yes, yes, kiss
Speaker 1: us to his critics, Yes, who can as how much
Speaker 1: they cost? Yes? Ready for battle? Who do you have? Okay? Um,
Speaker 1: my teammate is someone who um really came and swept
Speaker 1: in and saved Tim's lame ass in the kitchen one time,
Speaker 1: Planet Hollywood Times square. Um. So I feel like Tim
Speaker 1: really owes this personal lot, that he is virtuosic in
Speaker 1: his past. I don't think so. Honey's he was presciently
Speaker 1: reading to fill Kevin Spacey um talking about the movie,
Speaker 1: Uh what was it? Um? The usual suspects? He said,
Speaker 1: And I quote, if I wanted to listen to Kevin
Speaker 1: Spacey live for two hours, I'd ask him about the
Speaker 1: women he's fucked. Please, welcome to the stage, Michael Hartney, everybody, Michael, alright, okay, alright,
Speaker 1: so here we go. Tim, you're gonna be up first.
Speaker 1: You want to take center? Do you want to stay
Speaker 1: planted like a tree? I want to stay planted like
Speaker 1: a tree. Okay, like a tree, he says, This is
Speaker 1: Tim Murray's I don't think so, honey. As time starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. My fifth grade bully, Brett Wagner,
Speaker 1: I'm the school bus. You had a bucket full of
Speaker 1: ring pops, which are a staple of food culture, and
Speaker 1: you gave one to every single kid on the bus
Speaker 1: except for the kid that was sitting alone reading a
Speaker 1: Sarah Michelle Gellar biography, and you screamed out Timmy Murray
Speaker 1: doesn't get one because he's gay. Is being gay a
Speaker 1: bad thing? I don't think so. Candy everywhere. I can't
Speaker 1: walk to be without getting candy. And by Katy, I
Speaker 1: mean dick. And what are you? Brett? You're a business
Speaker 1: development manager in Sandusky, Ohio. You're bald and ship and
Speaker 1: somehow you're still hot, which is very upsetting to me.
Speaker 1: Fifteen seconds our sisters were best friends. That could have
Speaker 1: been our legacy but you blew it, just like you
Speaker 1: blew the big football game your senior year of high school,
Speaker 1: and football was your identity anything worse than being bad
Speaker 1: at your own identity? H don't man, pope all right? Decorum, decorum, decorum, decorum,
Speaker 1: demotional work, emotional work. Yeah, I don't know. This like
Speaker 1: brings me back to the season nine finale of Drag Race, obviously,
Speaker 1: but like was that the rubric? I don't know. Why
Speaker 1: are you pummiting right now? You're so when did? It's
Speaker 1: so annoying? No stunts, shut up. It's Michael turns. Alright,
Speaker 1: Michael Harney, take your space. I'm an immigrant. It is
Speaker 1: Michael Hartney's I don't think so, honey, and his time
Speaker 1: starts now. It's a sequel. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Brian Singer, Honey, you're next, bitch, You're next. You didn't
Speaker 1: get your throat fucking free for all if FIBA file
Speaker 1: pool parties and get away with it simply because you
Speaker 1: helmed apt pupil. Bitch, You've done unforgivable shit, robbed young
Speaker 1: boys of their dignity, cast Kate Bosworth as low as
Speaker 1: Lane equivalent evils a bitch plus you spell Brian with
Speaker 1: a wall second, which, as we all know, is the
Speaker 1: stupid way, bitch. If you asked Brian Singer himself, if
Speaker 1: he was a cool person, he would take the past
Speaker 1: out drugged up under aage boy hooker cocked out of
Speaker 1: his mouth and said, I don't think so, honey. Five seconds,
Speaker 1: no stunts, just content done, just cond no love, donets content.
Speaker 1: It's okay. We're good, We're good, We're done. There no decore, um,
Speaker 1: decore him. We've seen a real display. Some people. You're
Speaker 1: gonna go to Joel for feedback at this time? Wow? Um,
Speaker 1: where to begin? Um? But you're eating the ring pop.
Speaker 1: I am eating the ring pop. Please don't think that
Speaker 1: this has anything to do with who I will choose
Speaker 1: as a winner, but my own localood sugar. Um, Tim,
Speaker 1: that was not culture for me, um, Brett Wagner. Um,
Speaker 1: I will say it was effective. The presentation uh, very
Speaker 1: reminiscent of again season nine of RuPaul's Drag Race, which
Speaker 1: if you were privy to my feelings on that wind, Um,
Speaker 1: if you were in the room in our house on
Speaker 1: Fire Island, as Bowen and Matt were, um, you might
Speaker 1: know that I am not a big fan of stunts. Um,
Speaker 1: I love a rule. Do you think that's helping his case?
Speaker 1: That's what I want to know. I will say, though,
Speaker 1: I love theatricality, um, and that is culture to me.
Speaker 1: So I I turned now to Michael Hartney, a Broadway veteran,
Speaker 1: UM stalwart. You did give me culture, not content, or
Speaker 1: you did give me content not stunts. But I don't know.
Speaker 1: It was sort of like he did a Whitney song
Speaker 1: and you did a train ballot, you know. So I
Speaker 1: don't know where to go with this. I'm truly at
Speaker 1: a loss. Um. Alright, Michelle Collins, all right, well I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make this easy. I'm looking love stunts. I'm all big, dumb,
Speaker 1: fucking bitch. Okay, throw candy, amy, bummy kisses. I'm like,
Speaker 1: who are you? I love it. I'm genuinely so dumb,
Speaker 1: so like, thank you. The answer is yes. And also
Speaker 1: as a former bully child, I also really spoke to me. Um.
Speaker 1: I was once pas to do the Roger Rabbit at
Speaker 1: my bus stop and I did it. So what I'm
Speaker 1: saying is I'm not proud and it was tough for me,
Speaker 1: but you were very, very funny. And then this Brian
Speaker 1: singer situation, Michael, I've been reading every you know what
Speaker 1: bothered me. I have to I love you, by the way,
Speaker 1: the energy is tight, love planting Hollywood. I used to
Speaker 1: eat at the stage table. Remember there was one table
Speaker 1: on stage. I was like, I want to eat at
Speaker 1: that table. It was table seven seven table, literally like
Speaker 1: forty feet about the other tables. I was like that one,
Speaker 1: thank you delicious, the captain crunched chicken. Forget about it's delish.
Speaker 1: I love Bruce Willis merchandise, BacT to you. You we're great.
Speaker 1: But it was very serious. It's almost like two. It's
Speaker 1: hard for me to even laugh because he's so horrible
Speaker 1: Brian's singer. And then watching you also like mind blowing. Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't love that. I'm being honest because it was
Speaker 1: a child's mine. It was a child mine. But I
Speaker 1: love you and I adore you. So you're adorable and
Speaker 1: let's drink after great great feedback from Michelle and Tyler.
Speaker 1: I've never been to a planet, Hollywood, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm missing out if that's what's going on. Yes,
Speaker 1: so good, so Hollywood. Yeah, so you agree with Michelle.
Speaker 1: Very heavy topic important one and topical topical topic. Uh,
Speaker 1: yours was so effective and deeply emotional and and universal.
Speaker 1: I think we're all that bullied kid who would one
Speaker 1: day grow up and and pull a wig off and
Speaker 1: then throw literal blue blue mystery ringops. Love the mystery
Speaker 1: and I love blue. That's not again, that's not going
Speaker 1: to incree how I fall Um just giving all of
Speaker 1: my feedback as much as possible. Okay, amazing words. It sounded.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be a very tough decision that's about to
Speaker 1: be made. But I am going to ask for that decision.
Speaker 1: And this is tough. These guys both killed um, let's
Speaker 1: get it. In three two one, the reveal is Tim
Speaker 1: Tim Timson. That wait, I would like to say really quickly, Tim,
Speaker 1: do not There's better be a Sasha Valoura, not a Peppermint.
Speaker 1: You had a stunt for round one. I want to
Speaker 1: see stunts and all the other rounds. That's culture right there.
Speaker 1: That was unbelieveh. I wouldn't give it up from Michael Hartney.
Speaker 1: Michael Hartney, and I'm going to stress it might not
Speaker 1: be over yet for our eliminated contestants. Forever Dog. This
Speaker 1: has been a Forever Dog Production Executive produced by Brett Boham,
Speaker 1: Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please
Speaker 1: visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our
Speaker 1: shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following
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Speaker 1: liking our page on Facebook.