Speaker 1: So we've talked about the Jennifer Lopez has been athleic
Speaker 1: conversation before. Please understand this is I would never ever
Speaker 1: say anything negative about them because I don't know them,
Speaker 1: but it's a vehicle to talk about something you can
Speaker 1: all see, and so it's something that could affect all
Speaker 1: of us. And what that is is that Jennifer Lopez
Speaker 1: loves success and hard work and has an unparalleled work
Speaker 1: ethic and drive for success, for fame, for publicity, which
Speaker 1: I get, and for reinvention. And she's been very successful,
Speaker 1: and she's very talented. She's a good dancer, she's beautiful,
Speaker 1: and she works it. She doesn't mind spending six hours
Speaker 1: getting ready to go to something that is very difficult
Speaker 1: in a relationship, which we discussed. But she could arguably
Speaker 1: be described as addicted to success or fame or something.
Speaker 1: And she married someone who's a literal addict, admitted addict.
Speaker 1: I would never out someone's addiction either, but who seems
Speaker 1: to be irreverent and insular. He's hysterical, he's talented, he's smart,
Speaker 1: he's creative, but you can tell that he's uncomfortable with
Speaker 1: fame and the spotlight and that he's an introvert, and
Speaker 1: that he can come outside, but he wants to go
Speaker 1: back inside, and that he's also not that vain, he
Speaker 1: doesn't really care what he looks like. You know, I
Speaker 1: get that. I'm more like I'm actually like both of them.
Speaker 1: I'm driven, and I like publicity, and I market and
Speaker 1: I'm successful, and I'm a woman. I'm also an introvert,
Speaker 1: and I also don't care what people think of the
Speaker 1: way that I look. And I also like my privacy,
Speaker 1: and I don't go to a lot of red carpet events.
Speaker 2: And I believe that they have had a love.
Speaker 1: Connection, and that the intoxication of Jennifer Lopez and of
Speaker 1: the relationship and of some hit that was gotten from
Speaker 1: this relationship fed Ben, who is an admitted addict. And
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, Jennifer Garner was likely very
Speaker 1: consistent and very solid, and addicts like to get a
Speaker 1: hit or a high off of something. I could see
Speaker 1: that Ben was getting that high off of dunkin Donuts.
Speaker 1: I could see that he wasn't probably happy and in
Speaker 1: a great place doing the Tom Brady roast that was
Speaker 1: probably like a crash. And it feels like the intoxication
Speaker 1: of Jennifer Lopez, which was a hit, a strong hit,
Speaker 1: and a high that Ben Affleck sustained wore off because
Speaker 1: they were in a lifestyle. They were traveling and on
Speaker 1: yachts and with rare diamonds and going to events and
Speaker 1: looking amazing and looking happy and getting attention from the
Speaker 1: media and on red car events, and he was launching
Speaker 1: a movie and she was launching a movie, and you know,
Speaker 1: it all seemed amazing, and I think it probably was amazing.
Speaker 1: But having done that on television in a smaller scale
Speaker 1: for reality TV, you kind of are getting a hit
Speaker 1: and high off of She here was getting a hit
Speaker 1: and a high off of all the pr and the
Speaker 1: success and the attention. And he was getting a hit
Speaker 1: and a high off of the excitement of the connection
Speaker 1: and the electricity of the two of them and the chemistry.
Speaker 1: And it wears off. All highs do wear off. And
Speaker 1: I believe that you can make a break. Coastin taught
Speaker 1: me this. He's a life coach. You can create a
Speaker 1: lifestyle out of a life. Meaning if you have a
Speaker 1: good solid base, you have a life, you have a partner,
Speaker 1: you're really solid, you have the cake, then you can
Speaker 1: add the frosting, which is the lifestyle. So you can
Speaker 1: create a lifestyle out of a life. So you can
Speaker 1: have a life and then have fun. Go spend money,
Speaker 1: Go be superficial, Go buy the big houses, go to
Speaker 1: the red carpet.
Speaker 2: Events, all that.
Speaker 1: But you can't make a life out of the lifestyle.
Speaker 1: You can't put the frosting first. It's what housewives thrives on.
Speaker 1: Relationships that are so excited. They're having problems in their
Speaker 1: own relationships, but they go on there and the hit
Speaker 1: and the high of the buying, the cars, the attention,
Speaker 1: the press, the reunions, the stuff, the luxury goods, the
Speaker 1: real estate, the make up, the glam, the trips, all
Speaker 1: of it. You know, that's a lifestyle. But what happens
Speaker 1: is if you don't have a solid foundation, which is
Speaker 1: the life, it won't sustain. I don't think that in
Speaker 1: this new two point zero era or even the first
Speaker 1: time benefer have never had a solid foundation where you've blended,
Speaker 1: you layered in the ingredients you've had the two of you,
Speaker 1: your connect You're silent, you don't let anyone know you're
Speaker 1: really finding out whether this can go the distance. You're
Speaker 1: just keeping to yourself, nurturing, building layering. Then you're adding
Speaker 1: in some more ingredients and to you know, the batter.
Speaker 1: You're adding in chocolate chips, which means maybe it's a house.
Speaker 1: You're adding in nuts, which means maybe it's you know,
Speaker 1: the attention on a red carpet. Ryan Gosling and even
Speaker 1: Mendez have taught society that if you really cherish and
Speaker 1: nurture your relationship, it's sacred and you want to keep
Speaker 1: it to yourself.
Speaker 2: And I've made that mistake. I keep going.
Speaker 1: Lesser and lesser each relationship, like it'll be that I'll
Speaker 1: be hiding in a bunker. But at this stage, at
Speaker 1: this age, to bring the world into your relationship, when
Speaker 1: you have no foundation, you've never spent years with the person,
Speaker 1: with children with you know, holidays with year round, with
Speaker 1: four seasons, when you've never really done that, it's a
Speaker 1: dangerous game to bring in camera crews and documentaries and
Speaker 1: by the way, that's making this big. So let's take
Speaker 1: this down. Let's take this to the average person. You know,
Speaker 1: you're in your neighborhood and you meet somebody and they
Speaker 1: you know, you're all on a high and it's amazing.
Speaker 1: Maybe you were having an affair. Maybe that was exciting.
Speaker 1: Maybe you met someone really rich and that was exciting.
Speaker 1: Maybe you know, you just thought someone was really hot
Speaker 1: and you're a cougar and that was exciting. That's all frosting.
Speaker 1: That's all lifestyle. That's not life. You know, once you've
Speaker 1: been bored with someone, you've been bored with someone for
Speaker 1: several seasons, you know, four seasons, and then you decide
Speaker 1: you're going to add the frosting. Then you both make money.
Speaker 1: Maybe somebody hits it big. Then you guys can handle
Speaker 1: the money or the superficiality or other couples, or gossip,
Speaker 1: or the neighborhood, or having kids, or an issue the
Speaker 1: kids go through, or god forbid, somebody gets sick, or
Speaker 1: god forbid, one of your kids has a substance abuse issue.
Speaker 2: Like these are life's issues.
Speaker 1: Because when you're Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and you
Speaker 1: just meet and you're both hot and you're both interesting,
Speaker 1: and you're both intoxicated by the hit, you have to
Speaker 1: be careful with that.
Speaker 2: That's lass.
Speaker 1: You can't start showing your love letters to other people.
Speaker 1: You can't start having camera crews around, you can't start
Speaker 1: going to red carpet events together that's too much for
Speaker 1: someone like that, like anybody would know that, you can't
Speaker 1: start layering in the families and kids and events.
Speaker 2: It's too much. The damn will break.
Speaker 1: And I say that with respect and acknowledgment of my
Speaker 1: own flaws and.
Speaker 2: Errors in my life.
Speaker 1: I say that with institutional knowledge and wisdom of the staircase.
Speaker 1: I say that because each of them are in their fifties,
Speaker 1: and nobody's getting out without paying the bill, and everybody
Speaker 1: has to be in serious therapy to figure out. As
Speaker 1: Allen DeGeneres said to me, if you will keep making
Speaker 1: the same mistake until you learn the lesson, you don't
Speaker 1: have to like Ellen, you don't have to respect her,
Speaker 1: you don't have to agree with her. That advice is solid.
Speaker 1: You will keep making the same mistake until you learn
Speaker 1: the lesson.
Speaker 2: And also.
Speaker 1: You have to be comfortable, willing and allowing for yourself
Speaker 1: to be alone. The drug is the other person. It's
Speaker 1: easy to go find someone.
Speaker 2: It really is.
Speaker 1: People make it hard. It's easy to go find a
Speaker 1: seat to put your ass in. It's harder to be alone,
Speaker 1: but it's so much more rewarding, and it's so much
Speaker 1: more confident and secure and healing and necessary. You have
Speaker 1: to be fully put together. You are the addresser that
Speaker 1: has been fully put together. You have no dangling screws
Speaker 1: before you go get with another person and be in
Speaker 1: a relationship and add them into your world, and add
Speaker 1: your world into their world, and blend families. But it
Speaker 1: really it takes a while to layer these things in.
Speaker 2: You can't just electricity and love is not enough. It's not.
Speaker 1: But even if it were, big lives and big theatrics
Speaker 1: and big stunts and really superficial elements will take you
Speaker 1: down to the sticks. Everybody has to learn the lesson.
Speaker 1: Nobody gets out without paying the bill.
Speaker 3: Per let that to the after plaster p left that
Speaker 3: to the after