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Speaker 1: So we've talked about the Jennifer Lopez has been athleic

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Speaker 1: conversation before. Please understand this is I would never ever

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Speaker 1: say anything negative about them because I don't know them,

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Speaker 1: but it's a vehicle to talk about something you can

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Speaker 1: all see, and so it's something that could affect all

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Speaker 1: of us. And what that is is that Jennifer Lopez

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Speaker 1: loves success and hard work and has an unparalleled work

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Speaker 1: ethic and drive for success, for fame, for publicity, which

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Speaker 1: I get, and for reinvention. And she's been very successful,

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Speaker 1: and she's very talented. She's a good dancer, she's beautiful,

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Speaker 1: and she works it. She doesn't mind spending six hours

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Speaker 1: getting ready to go to something that is very difficult

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Speaker 1: in a relationship, which we discussed. But she could arguably

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Speaker 1: be described as addicted to success or fame or something.

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Speaker 1: And she married someone who's a literal addict, admitted addict.

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Speaker 1: I would never out someone's addiction either, but who seems

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Speaker 1: to be irreverent and insular. He's hysterical, he's talented, he's smart,

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Speaker 1: he's creative, but you can tell that he's uncomfortable with

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Speaker 1: fame and the spotlight and that he's an introvert, and

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Speaker 1: that he can come outside, but he wants to go

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Speaker 1: back inside, and that he's also not that vain, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't really care what he looks like. You know, I

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Speaker 1: get that. I'm more like I'm actually like both of them.

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Speaker 1: I'm driven, and I like publicity, and I market and

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Speaker 1: I'm successful, and I'm a woman. I'm also an introvert,

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Speaker 1: and I also don't care what people think of the

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Speaker 1: way that I look. And I also like my privacy,

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Speaker 1: and I don't go to a lot of red carpet events.

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Speaker 2: And I believe that they have had a love.

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Speaker 1: Connection, and that the intoxication of Jennifer Lopez and of

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Speaker 1: the relationship and of some hit that was gotten from

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Speaker 1: this relationship fed Ben, who is an admitted addict. And

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Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, Jennifer Garner was likely very

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Speaker 1: consistent and very solid, and addicts like to get a

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Speaker 1: hit or a high off of something. I could see

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Speaker 1: that Ben was getting that high off of dunkin Donuts.

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Speaker 1: I could see that he wasn't probably happy and in

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Speaker 1: a great place doing the Tom Brady roast that was

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Speaker 1: probably like a crash. And it feels like the intoxication

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Speaker 1: of Jennifer Lopez, which was a hit, a strong hit,

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Speaker 1: and a high that Ben Affleck sustained wore off because

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Speaker 1: they were in a lifestyle. They were traveling and on

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Speaker 1: yachts and with rare diamonds and going to events and

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Speaker 1: looking amazing and looking happy and getting attention from the

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Speaker 1: media and on red car events, and he was launching

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Speaker 1: a movie and she was launching a movie, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it all seemed amazing, and I think it probably was amazing.

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Speaker 1: But having done that on television in a smaller scale

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Speaker 1: for reality TV, you kind of are getting a hit

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Speaker 1: and high off of She here was getting a hit

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Speaker 1: and a high off of all the pr and the

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Speaker 1: success and the attention. And he was getting a hit

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Speaker 1: and a high off of the excitement of the connection

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Speaker 1: and the electricity of the two of them and the chemistry.

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Speaker 1: And it wears off. All highs do wear off. And

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Speaker 1: I believe that you can make a break. Coastin taught

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Speaker 1: me this. He's a life coach. You can create a

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Speaker 1: lifestyle out of a life. Meaning if you have a

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Speaker 1: good solid base, you have a life, you have a partner,

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Speaker 1: you're really solid, you have the cake, then you can

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Speaker 1: add the frosting, which is the lifestyle. So you can

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Speaker 1: create a lifestyle out of a life. So you can

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Speaker 1: have a life and then have fun. Go spend money,

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Speaker 1: Go be superficial, Go buy the big houses, go to

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Speaker 1: the red carpet.

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Speaker 2: Events, all that.

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Speaker 1: But you can't make a life out of the lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: You can't put the frosting first. It's what housewives thrives on.

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Speaker 1: Relationships that are so excited. They're having problems in their

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Speaker 1: own relationships, but they go on there and the hit

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Speaker 1: and the high of the buying, the cars, the attention,

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Speaker 1: the press, the reunions, the stuff, the luxury goods, the

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Speaker 1: real estate, the make up, the glam, the trips, all

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Speaker 1: of it. You know, that's a lifestyle. But what happens

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Speaker 1: is if you don't have a solid foundation, which is

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Speaker 1: the life, it won't sustain. I don't think that in

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Speaker 1: this new two point zero era or even the first

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Speaker 1: time benefer have never had a solid foundation where you've blended,

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Speaker 1: you layered in the ingredients you've had the two of you,

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Speaker 1: your connect You're silent, you don't let anyone know you're

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Speaker 1: really finding out whether this can go the distance. You're

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Speaker 1: just keeping to yourself, nurturing, building layering. Then you're adding

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Speaker 1: in some more ingredients and to you know, the batter.

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Speaker 1: You're adding in chocolate chips, which means maybe it's a house.

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Speaker 1: You're adding in nuts, which means maybe it's you know,

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Speaker 1: the attention on a red carpet. Ryan Gosling and even

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Speaker 1: Mendez have taught society that if you really cherish and

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Speaker 1: nurture your relationship, it's sacred and you want to keep

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Speaker 1: it to yourself.

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Speaker 2: And I've made that mistake. I keep going.

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Speaker 1: Lesser and lesser each relationship, like it'll be that I'll

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Speaker 1: be hiding in a bunker. But at this stage, at

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Speaker 1: this age, to bring the world into your relationship, when

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Speaker 1: you have no foundation, you've never spent years with the person,

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Speaker 1: with children with you know, holidays with year round, with

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Speaker 1: four seasons, when you've never really done that, it's a

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Speaker 1: dangerous game to bring in camera crews and documentaries and

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Speaker 1: by the way, that's making this big. So let's take

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Speaker 1: this down. Let's take this to the average person. You know,

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Speaker 1: you're in your neighborhood and you meet somebody and they

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Speaker 1: you know, you're all on a high and it's amazing.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you were having an affair. Maybe that was exciting.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you met someone really rich and that was exciting.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you know, you just thought someone was really hot

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Speaker 1: and you're a cougar and that was exciting. That's all frosting.

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Speaker 1: That's all lifestyle. That's not life. You know, once you've

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Speaker 1: been bored with someone, you've been bored with someone for

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Speaker 1: several seasons, you know, four seasons, and then you decide

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Speaker 1: you're going to add the frosting. Then you both make money.

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Speaker 1: Maybe somebody hits it big. Then you guys can handle

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Speaker 1: the money or the superficiality or other couples, or gossip,

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Speaker 1: or the neighborhood, or having kids, or an issue the

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Speaker 1: kids go through, or god forbid, somebody gets sick, or

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Speaker 1: god forbid, one of your kids has a substance abuse issue.

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Speaker 2: Like these are life's issues.

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Speaker 1: Because when you're Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and you

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Speaker 1: just meet and you're both hot and you're both interesting,

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Speaker 1: and you're both intoxicated by the hit, you have to

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Speaker 1: be careful with that.

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Speaker 2: That's lass.

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Speaker 1: You can't start showing your love letters to other people.

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Speaker 1: You can't start having camera crews around, you can't start

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Speaker 1: going to red carpet events together that's too much for

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Speaker 1: someone like that, like anybody would know that, you can't

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Speaker 1: start layering in the families and kids and events.

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Speaker 2: It's too much. The damn will break.

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Speaker 1: And I say that with respect and acknowledgment of my

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Speaker 1: own flaws and.

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Speaker 2: Errors in my life.

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Speaker 1: I say that with institutional knowledge and wisdom of the staircase.

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Speaker 1: I say that because each of them are in their fifties,

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Speaker 1: and nobody's getting out without paying the bill, and everybody

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Speaker 1: has to be in serious therapy to figure out. As

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Speaker 1: Allen DeGeneres said to me, if you will keep making

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Speaker 1: the same mistake until you learn the lesson, you don't

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Speaker 1: have to like Ellen, you don't have to respect her,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to agree with her. That advice is solid.

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Speaker 1: You will keep making the same mistake until you learn

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Speaker 1: the lesson.

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Speaker 2: And also.

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Speaker 1: You have to be comfortable, willing and allowing for yourself

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Speaker 1: to be alone. The drug is the other person. It's

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Speaker 1: easy to go find someone.

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Speaker 2: It really is.

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Speaker 1: People make it hard. It's easy to go find a

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Speaker 1: seat to put your ass in. It's harder to be alone,

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Speaker 1: but it's so much more rewarding, and it's so much

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Speaker 1: more confident and secure and healing and necessary. You have

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Speaker 1: to be fully put together. You are the addresser that

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Speaker 1: has been fully put together. You have no dangling screws

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Speaker 1: before you go get with another person and be in

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Speaker 1: a relationship and add them into your world, and add

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Speaker 1: your world into their world, and blend families. But it

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Speaker 1: really it takes a while to layer these things in.

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Speaker 2: You can't just electricity and love is not enough. It's not.

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Speaker 1: But even if it were, big lives and big theatrics

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Speaker 1: and big stunts and really superficial elements will take you

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Speaker 1: down to the sticks. Everybody has to learn the lesson.

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Speaker 1: Nobody gets out without paying the bill.

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Speaker 3: Per let that to the after plaster p left that

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Speaker 3: to the after