WEBVTT - Losing Nana 0:00:00.630 --> 0:00:04.609 No matter how long you prepare for that moment when 0:00:04.630 --> 0:00:08.090 your grandmother is no longer here, you will never be ready. 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:11.700 That is an actual fact. I know that from experience. 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:13.300 And rest in peace, Nana. 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:18.800 Probably by far one of the funniest, most candid women 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:19.380 I've ever met. 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:21.160 Deadass. 0:00:24.010 --> 0:00:27.030 It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest, and straight 0:00:27.070 --> 0:00:29.110 from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become 0:00:29.130 --> 0:00:32.449 Webby Award winning podcasters and New York Times bestselling authors. 0:00:32.610 --> 0:00:35.270 Deadass was more than a podcast for us. It was 0:00:35.390 --> 0:00:38.010 about our growth. A place where we could be vulnerable, 0:00:38.170 --> 0:00:38.729 be raw. 0:00:39.190 --> 0:00:41.290 But most importantly, be us. 0:00:41.450 --> 0:00:44.430 But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we. 0:00:44.530 --> 0:00:47.410 And through it all, one thing has never changed. 0:00:47.909 --> 0:00:50.470 This is Ellis Ever After. Deadass. 0:00:50.750 --> 0:00:52.440 Because we got a lot to talk about. 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:53.940 Story time. 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:54.460 So I'm. 0:00:56.190 --> 0:00:58.070 Going to take you guys back to the moment that 0:00:58.090 --> 0:01:00.410 I found out that my grandmother had passed. 0:01:00.630 --> 0:01:03.450 It was Sunday morning. 0:01:04.850 --> 0:01:08.480 I get a phone call from my dad at around 8, 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:10.450 15 in the morning. 0:01:11.310 --> 0:01:13.130 And phone rings. 0:01:13.310 --> 0:01:17.170 My father normally doesn't call that early. So I literally 0:01:17.230 --> 0:01:19.990 said to myself when he called, man, who died? Like, 0:01:20.170 --> 0:01:22.530 why are you calling me this early? That's what I'm 0:01:22.550 --> 0:01:25.120 saying in my mind. And I said, yo, what's up? 0:01:25.220 --> 0:01:26.500 He goes, hey, what's up, bro? 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:26.809 You up? 0:01:26.819 --> 0:01:28.780 I said, well, I'm up now. You know what I'm saying? 0:01:28.810 --> 0:01:31.750 He said, is Kadeen up with you? And I'm like, no, 0:01:31.790 --> 0:01:34.230 she's sleeping. And he's like, well, wake Kadeen up. 0:01:34.290 --> 0:01:35.790 And I'm like, why? Why do I have to wake 0:01:36.270 --> 0:01:37.670 Kadeen up? Like, what's going on? 0:01:38.490 --> 0:01:41.949 And my father was just like, first thing he said was, 0:01:42.370 --> 0:01:47.020 mommy passed. So, you know, I hear mommy passed. I'm 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:47.920 thinking my mom. 0:01:48.820 --> 0:01:50.720 And I was like, what? And then I hit my 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:52.260 mother in the background and said, no, nana. 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:53.060 Yeah. 0:01:53.260 --> 0:01:54.000 And your father was crying. 0:01:54.020 --> 0:01:56.029 And my father, at that point, because when he said it, 0:01:56.420 --> 0:01:57.480 he had said it out loud. 0:01:57.500 --> 0:01:57.820 Mommy died. 0:01:57.860 --> 0:02:00.310 Mommy died. And he started crying. And then I hit 0:02:00.330 --> 0:02:01.990 my mother in the back. I said, Nana passed. And 0:02:02.010 --> 0:02:04.370 I was like, oh, shoot. His mom passed. 0:02:05.170 --> 0:02:12.680 And I immediately went into like emotional preservation mode. Like, 0:02:13.060 --> 0:02:15.720 you're OK, Deval. You knew this day was coming. Nana's 0:02:15.740 --> 0:02:19.160 been sick. Make sure your dad's OK. So I immediately started. 0:02:19.510 --> 0:02:21.740 Talking to him like, are you okay, Scoob? Everything's fine. 0:02:21.780 --> 0:02:24.359 You know, Nana's been sick for a long time. Just 0:02:24.419 --> 0:02:26.520 immediately going into saying all of the things. 0:02:26.340 --> 0:02:30.820 That I had prepared myself to say. And I'm telling 0:02:30.860 --> 0:02:35.000 you this part of the story because the funeral happened, 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:37.840 and I get to the funeral, and I have to, 0:02:37.860 --> 0:02:42.019 you know, give the tribute to Nana. And I wanted 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:44.180 to give the tribute in a certain way, and I 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:47.640 was preparing myself to give the tribute in a certain 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.850 way And when I got to that point, it. 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:51.570 All fell apart. 0:02:52.530 --> 0:02:53.830 All right, karaoke time. 0:02:54.650 --> 0:02:55.530 Karaoke time. 0:02:56.950 --> 0:03:01.950 In honor of my grandmother, Della Mae Perry Ellis. This 0:03:02.010 --> 0:03:03.970 is the very first song she taught me to sing. 0:03:05.030 --> 0:03:07.390 It was her and my Aunt Debbie, because my Aunt 0:03:07.430 --> 0:03:10.870 Debbie was the choir director for the Sunday School Chorus. 0:03:11.450 --> 0:03:14.910 I was no more than four years old. And I'm 0:03:14.930 --> 0:03:18.110 going to sing this song, and I'm not going to cry. 0:03:24.650 --> 0:03:26.389 This little light of mine. 0:03:30.570 --> 0:03:32.090 I'm gonna let it shine. 0:03:32.250 --> 0:03:32.630 Thank you. 0:03:33.510 --> 0:03:35.230 This little light of mine. 0:03:36.390 --> 0:03:37.970 I'm gonna let it shine. 0:03:37.990 --> 0:03:43.650 This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. 0:03:44.210 --> 0:03:48.110 Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. 0:03:49.550 --> 0:03:49.890 Thank you. 0:03:50.450 --> 0:03:50.870 Of course. 0:03:50.890 --> 0:03:53.310 And I love you. 0:03:58.190 --> 0:04:01.710 Bringing back memories to, I forget what season and what 0:04:01.750 --> 0:04:04.060 year it was that we did this for my grandmother. 0:04:05.700 --> 0:04:07.080 That was 2024, March. 0:04:07.940 --> 0:04:08.220 Yeah. 0:04:09.700 --> 0:04:12.080 And my uncle, October 2023. Yeah. 0:04:12.100 --> 0:04:17.790 It's funny, that morning that your dad called was the 0:04:18.089 --> 0:04:20.810 third year anniversary of my uncle's passing as well, too. 0:04:21.910 --> 0:04:23.170 And Nana passed on our 24th. 0:04:24.950 --> 0:04:27.050 Date anniversary, we call it, October 3rd. 0:04:29.490 --> 0:04:30.950 So a date that we'll always remember. 0:04:30.970 --> 0:04:34.380 I remember hearing his dad on the, you know, he's 0:04:34.420 --> 0:04:36.359 laying next to me and asking if I was awake. 0:04:37.180 --> 0:04:41.860 And like the Val said, going into preservation mode. You know, 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.219 I instantly ask him, of course, like, are you okay? 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:45.219 How are you feeling? 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:49.950 And there's really no right thing to say in that 0:04:50.010 --> 0:04:52.250 moment either. You just kind of have to be there, 0:04:52.290 --> 0:04:55.370 be a presence. But I also know that DeVal had 0:04:55.410 --> 0:04:59.750 explained to me with Nana in her particular case that 0:04:59.770 --> 0:05:02.250 he felt like he grieved her already, or at least 0:05:02.270 --> 0:05:05.410 he grieved the Nana that he grew up with. So 0:05:06.270 --> 0:05:09.660 at first him saying like, nah, I prepared for this already. 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:12.760 I know I get it. You know, I was inclined 0:05:12.779 --> 0:05:15.680 to feel like, okay, well that's his process. You know, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:18.000 I wasn't expecting him to be dealing with any kind 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.180 of way in particular because that's how grief can be. 0:05:20.220 --> 0:05:20.900 It's not linear. 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:23.400 But still kind of try to keep an eye on you. 0:05:24.290 --> 0:05:28.110 you know, that day, just to see where your mind was. 0:05:28.730 --> 0:05:32.250 And I don't think you actually fully cried or showed 0:05:32.310 --> 0:05:36.130 any emotion when it came to Nana until the actual funeral, 0:05:36.350 --> 0:05:36.690 at least. 0:05:37.250 --> 0:05:41.000 It's layered for me because grief is one thing, but 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.719 my Nana also had orders. And people who know Della, 0:05:46.339 --> 0:05:49.100 Della is very, like, direct with how she want things. 0:05:49.180 --> 0:05:51.539 But she's also, like, she's funny. She's a comedian. 0:05:51.580 --> 0:05:53.990 She said to us, I was like, Nana, When you die, 0:05:54.589 --> 0:05:57.419 when you die, because I remember when, I forgot whose 0:05:57.460 --> 0:05:59.300 funeral it was, but we were. 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.180 In South Carolina. We went to a funeral and it 0:06:01.460 --> 0:06:02.480 was sad. 0:06:03.020 --> 0:06:06.640 Southern funerals back then, especially when you're Southern Baptist, there's 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:07.880 no dancing. 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:13.130 It's very, very solemn. They sing hymns. It's not really 0:06:13.150 --> 0:06:14.550 a day of celebration. 0:06:14.570 --> 0:06:15.070 Celebration, yeah. 0:06:15.490 --> 0:06:17.610 And I remember Nana saying to me, like, man. 0:06:17.630 --> 0:06:19.630 When I die, y'all better be in here dancing because 0:06:19.690 --> 0:06:20.990 I'm going to see the Lord. 0:06:21.870 --> 0:06:23.550 And she's like, don't be crying. Anything you want to 0:06:23.589 --> 0:06:25.230 say to me, you better say it while I'm alive. 0:06:25.270 --> 0:06:26.950 I don't want to hear none of that falling over 0:06:26.990 --> 0:06:29.220 my casket when I'm going. That's how Nana used to 0:06:29.260 --> 0:06:32.760 talk to us as a child. And going to see 0:06:32.779 --> 0:06:36.719 her every summer in Morristown, Tennessee, like she became almost 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:38.020 like our second mom. 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:39.719 Me, Devon, Brian, Tori. 0:06:40.770 --> 0:06:43.010 Jonathan and Kimberly, when they came down, it was like 0:06:43.150 --> 0:06:45.370 Nana was our mom in that moment. So when she's 0:06:45.410 --> 0:06:47.650 telling you things, you're listening to her like, this is 0:06:47.690 --> 0:06:49.690 the woman who's telling me how to live my life. 0:06:50.550 --> 0:06:53.510 So when my dad told me that she had passed, 0:06:54.380 --> 0:06:57.000 the first thing that went through my mind was Nana 0:06:57.040 --> 0:07:01.539 suffered from dementia. Nana hasn't been this version of herself 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:03.440 for like almost 15 years. 0:07:04.500 --> 0:07:07.120 So I had been grieving. 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.960 The loss of my Nana for so long. And part 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:14.100 of The guilt that I have is that one of 0:07:14.140 --> 0:07:16.760 the last times I went to go see Nana, she 0:07:16.780 --> 0:07:18.239 was staying at the home in Atrium. 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:22.100 And a couple years prior to that, she was losing 0:07:22.140 --> 0:07:22.720 her memory. 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:26.570 She hadn't called me DeVal in years. She called me 0:07:26.610 --> 0:07:30.310 Troy because I looked like my dad. She didn't recognize 0:07:30.350 --> 0:07:32.670 Jackson because Jackson looks more like you at that time, 0:07:32.690 --> 0:07:34.970 looked more like you. But Aiden looked like me and Brian. 0:07:34.990 --> 0:07:37.870 So she would call Aiden Brian or DeVal. 0:07:37.890 --> 0:07:40.380 They go DeVal. And that's when I was realizing, like, man, 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:43.120 she's losing her memory. But in her mind, she's in 0:07:43.140 --> 0:07:43.280 the 90s. 0:07:43.340 --> 0:07:44.820 Yeah, she's seeing the little kids. 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:45.840 She's seeing the little kids. 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:47.740 Used to visit her every summer and all that, yeah. 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:49.760 And that was hard, but it was still cool because 0:07:49.780 --> 0:07:51.480 I was like, yo, I can just be my dad. 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:53.200 But then it got to a point when she was 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:54.700 in the atrium where I went to go see her. 0:07:55.540 --> 0:07:57.960 And she looked at me and it was like, your 0:07:57.980 --> 0:07:58.540 grandson's here. 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:00.810 I was like, hey, Nana. And she didn't call me Troy. 0:08:00.930 --> 0:08:01.900 She didn't call me anybody. 0:08:02.670 --> 0:08:07.790 She just started crying. Just started crying. And I'm looking 0:08:07.810 --> 0:08:10.210 at her and I'm like, it's okay, Nana. And she 0:08:10.230 --> 0:08:13.130 didn't embrace me back. She didn't remember who I was. 0:08:13.670 --> 0:08:16.650 And then I started crying. And I started asking myself, like, 0:08:17.430 --> 0:08:21.950 who is this benefiting? If my presence is making her cry, 0:08:22.130 --> 0:08:24.910 because it's like a reminder to her. Because even before that, 0:08:24.930 --> 0:08:26.630 she would look at me, she'd be like, I'm sick, 0:08:26.710 --> 0:08:29.330 ain't I? She'd be in that basement and she'd be. 0:08:29.310 --> 0:08:33.000 Like, I'm sick. And I'm like, no, Nana, you're not sick. 0:08:33.010 --> 0:08:33.520 You're just old. 0:08:33.540 --> 0:08:35.680 You know, people, I lose stuff all the time just 0:08:35.700 --> 0:08:36.780 trying to help her get through it. 0:08:37.220 --> 0:08:40.020 But at that point, it was almost like she recognized 0:08:40.260 --> 0:08:43.340 how sick she was. And she knew that she's supposed 0:08:43.380 --> 0:08:44.500 to know who I am. 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:45.120 Right, right, right. 0:08:45.179 --> 0:08:46.280 And it was hurting her. 0:08:46.620 --> 0:08:49.160 That she couldn't put two and two together in that moment. Yeah. 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.540 And I felt like I was bringing more harm than good. 0:08:51.700 --> 0:08:53.520 And also the guilt in me, I just couldn't see 0:08:53.570 --> 0:08:54.880 my Nana like that. Right. 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:59.209 Like I watched this woman, you know, she was our age. 0:09:00.110 --> 0:09:01.710 when she was watching us as kids. 0:09:01.990 --> 0:09:02.190 Right. 0:09:02.309 --> 0:09:04.330 So I watched her be vibrant. I watched her swim. 0:09:04.410 --> 0:09:06.710 I watched her dance and run. And I watched her 0:09:06.790 --> 0:09:08.430 be a fully fledged human. 0:09:08.570 --> 0:09:08.870 Right. 0:09:09.010 --> 0:09:11.069 So it was like, I can't watch my nana like this. 0:09:11.910 --> 0:09:14.250 So I had prepared myself mentally to say, you know what? 0:09:14.580 --> 0:09:19.560 When she goes, I've already been prepared. And then when 0:09:19.620 --> 0:09:21.520 she was gone, the first thing that came to my 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:25.380 mind was, my kids don't know who my grandmother is. 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:26.040 Wow. 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:36.790 And The anger, like, it's not fair, you know? And 0:09:36.809 --> 0:09:42.290 to have to spend a decade plus going to see 0:09:42.330 --> 0:09:45.209 a woman, trying to talk to a woman, FaceTime a woman, 0:09:45.270 --> 0:09:48.210 and watch her be lost, but then also thinking about 0:09:48.710 --> 0:09:52.630 the 15... I have a 15-year-old son. Those are years 0:09:52.670 --> 0:09:55.730 they could sit down and talk to their grandmother that 0:09:55.770 --> 0:09:58.650 came from the gym close out. and be like, Nana, 0:09:58.690 --> 0:10:01.030 how did you navigate? How did you do these things? 0:10:01.730 --> 0:10:03.689 And going through all of that, I just got really, 0:10:03.790 --> 0:10:07.360 really angry. And I was just like, is grief supposed 0:10:07.390 --> 0:10:08.880 to be anger and frustration? 0:10:08.890 --> 0:10:09.360 I didn't know. 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:13.500 And I'm sitting up there trying to go through this tribute, 0:10:13.900 --> 0:10:16.079 trying to do all the things she say. Don't be 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:17.120 up there crying for me. 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:19.920 And I was getting mad. 0:10:20.730 --> 0:10:21.089 I hear you. 0:10:21.429 --> 0:10:22.950 And I miss my Nana. 0:10:23.710 --> 0:10:24.290 Absolutely. 0:10:25.070 --> 0:10:26.929 One thing I know Nana taught you to be was 0:10:27.490 --> 0:10:31.309 exactly who you are. She never allowed you to dim 0:10:31.330 --> 0:10:31.710 your light. 0:10:32.170 --> 0:10:32.429 Yes. 0:10:32.710 --> 0:10:35.130 You know, so always taught you to have an opinion. 0:10:35.390 --> 0:10:35.699 Yes. 0:10:36.130 --> 0:10:37.780 She's, I think, one of the few that you said 0:10:38.059 --> 0:10:41.319 wouldn't try to talk you out of the way you 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:43.880 felt or if anything, she embraced it. 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:44.199 Yes. 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.100 And I know that you really appreciated that about her, 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:49.320 being one of those few adults that you grew up 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:49.920 with like that. 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:51.820 You think Nana would love opera no more? 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:52.900 What? 0:10:53.380 --> 0:10:54.820 Would she have an opinion about something? 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:58.559 Nana, this is how Nana is big on the Bible. Like, 0:10:58.580 --> 0:10:59.180 big on the Bible. 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.349 Every morning when we left her house to go to 0:11:01.370 --> 0:11:03.670 the Boys and Girls Club, we had to say the 0:11:03.809 --> 0:11:04.230 23rd Psalm. 0:11:04.970 --> 0:11:08.510 Every morning, she would say it with us. And she 0:11:08.550 --> 0:11:13.339 would be talking about people, and my grandfather would be like, Nella, Nella, 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:16.020 what's about that gossiping? And she'd be like, okay, Charles, okay, Charles. 0:11:16.059 --> 0:11:18.100 And she'd lean over and be like, it ain't gossiping 0:11:18.140 --> 0:11:18.520 if it's true. 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:21.709 You know, like, and she would say it in a 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.069 funny way, but my nana, there's a reason why I 0:11:25.070 --> 0:11:25.830 am the way I am. 0:11:25.970 --> 0:11:27.069 My father's outspoken. 0:11:27.190 --> 0:11:29.350 My Aunt Monique, my Aunt Debbie, my Uncle Charles are 0:11:29.470 --> 0:11:33.209 all outspoken people. Because my grandmother, whose family fought on 0:11:33.230 --> 0:11:37.150 the front lines during the Civil Rights Movement, they marched 0:11:37.490 --> 0:11:43.500 there in South Carolina. There was a shooting. I think 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.599 it was at South Carolina University. But it's like a 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:50.569 famous shooting that happened where... a KKK member came and 0:11:50.610 --> 0:11:53.510 shot up the school. And my family was a part 0:11:53.570 --> 0:11:57.030 of that. Like that whole outburst of things. And my family, 0:11:57.070 --> 0:11:59.510 because of that, always wanted to speak up on the 0:11:59.550 --> 0:12:00.730 things that happened in the South. 0:12:01.290 --> 0:12:03.340 So my grandmother always used to be like, you know, 0:12:04.100 --> 0:12:04.660 never let. 0:12:04.580 --> 0:12:07.480 Nobody tell you how to feel or what to say, 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.380 but there's always a time and a place. And when 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.900 you grow up in Jim Crow South, you have to 0:12:12.980 --> 0:12:16.920 learn how to navigate. You know, so I took the 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:21.110 tribute for her Funeral, very personal, because she's always telling 0:12:21.150 --> 0:12:23.750 me there's always a time and a place. This ain't 0:12:23.790 --> 0:12:25.110 the time and a place to cry. 0:12:24.970 --> 0:12:29.079 Over me, to vow. Celebrate me. I tried my hardest, Nana. 0:12:29.300 --> 0:12:29.660 You did. 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:31.520 I did. I broke down a couple times. 0:12:31.620 --> 0:12:33.080 Yeah, but we had a couple laughs. 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.900 But I wasn't as bad as Devon. I'll say that. 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:39.800 You know, everybody got their own way to grieve. 0:12:39.820 --> 0:12:41.540 And I wasn't as bad as Brian. You'd have been 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:43.860 mad at Brian. Brian making jokes the whole time. 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:45.780 Trying to be funny. Well, she probably would have been happy. 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:46.940 Yeah, she would have been happy, but she would have 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:48.060 been popping him. She would have been like. 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:48.390 That's my boy. 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:50.320 Because in church, she would have been popping him. She 0:12:50.340 --> 0:12:53.110 don't play in church. But we held you down then. 0:12:53.230 --> 0:12:53.890 I love that. 0:12:54.130 --> 0:12:54.689 Good stuff. 0:12:55.130 --> 0:12:55.650 All right, Tribs. 0:12:56.290 --> 0:12:57.990 You want to jump into some Op or No Op 0:12:58.010 --> 0:13:00.730 real quick before we get into chatting a little bit 0:13:00.770 --> 0:13:03.130 more about dementia and Alzheimer's? 0:13:04.030 --> 0:13:04.770 Absolutely. 0:13:05.270 --> 0:13:10.449 The first thing is a little personal. I've started a 0:13:10.510 --> 0:13:12.890 movement called Femmaxing. 0:13:14.970 --> 0:13:16.050 I've been seeing the content. 0:13:16.110 --> 0:13:18.010 I've been seeing the content too. 0:13:18.050 --> 0:13:19.620 And I've been hearing about the spoils. 0:13:19.910 --> 0:13:23.340 The spoils of Femmaxing. I'm telling you, it has made 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:24.760 my life so much better. 0:13:24.780 --> 0:13:25.500 Okay. 0:13:26.540 --> 0:13:28.520 Give us some deets or the deets that you can share. 0:13:28.540 --> 0:13:30.580 What exactly is a Femmaxer? 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:36.920 Femmaxing for me... is being as feminine as I can be. Like, 0:13:37.500 --> 0:13:39.920 I can be probably as feminine as, like, a butch 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:41.359 gay man can get. 0:13:41.420 --> 0:13:43.280 You know what I'm saying? 0:13:43.380 --> 0:13:43.679 What? 0:13:44.940 --> 0:13:47.610 Like, having a dress on with a beard. Like, think 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:48.780 Saucy Santana. 0:13:49.250 --> 0:13:53.590 You are way more feminine than that. You are way more. 0:13:53.770 --> 0:13:54.630 Absolutely, Drew. 0:13:54.650 --> 0:13:56.050 She trying to downplay herself. 0:13:56.090 --> 0:13:59.770 Yeah. But, yeah, it's just doing your femme thing. And 0:13:59.809 --> 0:14:03.020 there's different ways to femme max. Like, It's not just 0:14:03.059 --> 0:14:05.400 about the way you dress, you know. I got my 0:14:05.420 --> 0:14:07.100 eyelashes done. That's Femmaxing. 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:11.920 I put, wait, I put bedazzles on a jersey. 0:14:11.940 --> 0:14:17.679 That's Femmaxing. But also being helpless is Femmaxing. Having to 0:14:17.820 --> 0:14:19.400 ask for help is definitely Femmaxing. 0:14:19.420 --> 0:14:20.380 Damsel in distress. 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:21.570 Absolutely. 0:14:21.620 --> 0:14:21.970 Gotcha. 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:23.510 The feminine is coming for you, Tribble. 0:14:23.550 --> 0:14:24.050 I hope you know that. 0:14:24.070 --> 0:14:24.550 Crashing out. 0:14:24.590 --> 0:14:27.970 Crashing out is Femmaxing as well. Drama. Being dramatic. 0:14:28.370 --> 0:14:28.570 Yeah. 0:14:29.490 --> 0:14:31.250 So, you know, Femmax can go. 0:14:31.270 --> 0:14:33.170 So it can also just be an aura, a presence, 0:14:33.210 --> 0:14:33.970 an energy, essentially. 0:14:33.990 --> 0:14:35.210 I got no op. You want to know why I 0:14:35.210 --> 0:14:35.989 got no op on this? 0:14:36.190 --> 0:14:36.430 Why? 0:14:36.530 --> 0:14:38.570 As a man, if I say any of these things, 0:14:38.690 --> 0:14:40.370 it's not going to be called Femmax. It's going to 0:14:40.390 --> 0:14:43.150 be called misogyny. So you know what I'm going to do? 0:14:44.030 --> 0:14:45.380 Know when to not have an opinion. 0:14:45.430 --> 0:14:46.840 Have at it, have at it, Trouble. 0:14:46.860 --> 0:14:48.720 Mansplaining Femmax. 0:14:48.740 --> 0:14:49.220 Right, right. 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:50.560 I can't have an opinion. 0:14:50.620 --> 0:14:51.680 You're not going to win. 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:53.859 All I know is that I like it, though. Because 0:14:53.900 --> 0:14:58.080 when you Femmax, damsel in distress. Get them eyelashes done. 0:14:58.240 --> 0:14:58.920 You do love that. 0:14:58.960 --> 0:14:59.380 Be dazzled. 0:14:59.440 --> 0:14:59.900 I like that. 0:14:59.980 --> 0:15:00.280 Yeah. 0:15:00.300 --> 0:15:00.479 I do. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:01.140 I'm not going to lie. 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:03.440 Kadeen's Femmaxing today with a crop top. 0:15:03.580 --> 0:15:04.780 Crop tops are Femmaxing. 0:15:04.860 --> 0:15:05.200 I am, indeed. 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:05.920 Is it Femmaxing? 0:15:05.970 --> 0:15:06.340 Yeah, it is. 0:15:06.350 --> 0:15:06.640 Very good. 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:07.950 How about Babiana? Does she pass? 0:15:07.970 --> 0:15:09.410 Babiana's Femmaxing. 0:15:09.510 --> 0:15:10.130 Absolutely. 0:15:10.150 --> 0:15:10.460 There we go. 0:15:10.470 --> 0:15:12.630 So I do got a question, though. Question. 0:15:12.650 --> 0:15:12.910 Okay. 0:15:13.550 --> 0:15:16.450 Was Sidney Sweeney Femmaxing in her ad that got all 0:15:16.470 --> 0:15:17.390 the feminists mad? 0:15:18.050 --> 0:15:18.730 What was the ad again? 0:15:20.470 --> 0:15:23.150 My oppas I like I don't care the funny thing 0:15:23.210 --> 0:15:25.390 is I've never actually seen the ad but I did 0:15:25.470 --> 0:15:27.170 see all the backlash I guess she had on a 0:15:27.210 --> 0:15:29.130 bra like a sports. 0:15:28.890 --> 0:15:30.460 Bra sports bra I can tell you what she's saying 0:15:30.500 --> 0:15:33.840 in the ad what did she say sports that's all 0:15:33.860 --> 0:15:34.300 she said. 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:36.880 Yeah oh that's about how much clothes she got on too. 0:15:38.220 --> 0:15:41.320 That much clothes on but is that femaxing I don't 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:45.010 know I don't pay attention to white women anymore. 0:15:46.020 --> 0:15:47.560 I got in enough trouble. 0:15:47.580 --> 0:15:49.540 For the next hour. 0:15:51.700 --> 0:15:52.979 I got in enough trouble the last time. 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.040 Tripp was going bad with that. Tripp was like, she's 0:15:55.060 --> 0:15:55.640 not returning. 0:15:55.660 --> 0:15:56.380 I can't do that. 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:56.840 No. 0:15:57.820 --> 0:16:01.490 We're also talking about some medical stuff today. I know 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:06.290 dementia can be a costly illness for families. And it 0:16:06.330 --> 0:16:08.650 led me to this interesting story. There's a senator from 0:16:08.710 --> 0:16:12.730 Kansas named Roger Marshall. And he was a doctor before 0:16:12.770 --> 0:16:15.390 he was a senator. And his claim to fame as 0:16:15.450 --> 0:16:18.950 a doctor is that he sued over 700 of his 0:16:19.070 --> 0:16:21.570 patients for unpaid debts. 0:16:22.210 --> 0:16:23.810 So there was an example. 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:28.360 A woman had to have an emergency hysterectomy and they 0:16:28.380 --> 0:16:29.270 couldn't pay for it. 0:16:29.660 --> 0:16:35.440 And he had them arrested. Are you serious? 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:38.490 81 of those 700 patients that he sued were arrested. 0:16:39.220 --> 0:16:42.000 Now he's a senator and he's running for re-election, which 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:42.420 we got. 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:44.850 To talk about. We got to vote November 3rd. 0:16:44.870 --> 0:16:45.570 My God. 0:16:45.670 --> 0:16:47.630 He should have just gave it back. That was the case. 0:16:47.750 --> 0:16:49.570 I'm going to go for early voting sidebar. 0:16:49.930 --> 0:16:50.350 Yeah. 0:16:50.370 --> 0:16:53.810 He's going to give the hysterectomy back. That's hilarious. 0:16:53.830 --> 0:16:54.490 That's insane. 0:16:54.510 --> 0:16:55.330 Put it back in. 0:16:55.630 --> 0:16:55.890 Yeah. 0:16:55.910 --> 0:16:57.489 So op or no op? Should you be able to 0:16:57.550 --> 0:16:59.460 do that? And would you vote for this guy if 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:00.340 you lived in Kansas? 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:02.200 First of all, I do have a question. 0:17:02.300 --> 0:17:06.380 I thought there were HIPAA laws that protected people. For example, 0:17:06.500 --> 0:17:09.629 like he's a doctor. You have to have an emergency hysterectomy. 0:17:09.670 --> 0:17:12.050 That's something you have to do as a doctor. How 0:17:12.090 --> 0:17:15.010 can he then sue someone? It's almost like if someone's 0:17:15.030 --> 0:17:17.449 in cardiac arrest and then you, you know. 0:17:17.470 --> 0:17:18.350 You have to save their life. 0:17:18.369 --> 0:17:19.250 You have to save their life. 0:17:19.410 --> 0:17:19.550 Right. 0:17:19.580 --> 0:17:20.899 Unless they have a DNR. You can then sue them 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:24.180 for services rendered. Like, that to me doesn't seem to 0:17:24.220 --> 0:17:24.680 make sense. 0:17:24.740 --> 0:17:27.239 Yeah, there are, I guess there are some states that 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.119 have laws against it. Maybe Kansas doesn't. 0:17:29.660 --> 0:17:32.179 But aren't you required if there is an emergency and 0:17:32.220 --> 0:17:34.740 you get to the emergency room, regardless of what your 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:38.439 status is, they have to perform whatever life-saving procedure on you? 0:17:38.450 --> 0:17:41.270 Well, he performed the procedure, but then he wasn't paid, 0:17:41.330 --> 0:17:43.590 so he sued them for the debt, for the service 0:17:43.609 --> 0:17:44.210 that he rendered. 0:17:44.750 --> 0:17:45.770 Sounds about American. 0:17:45.790 --> 0:17:47.919 But I think what they're trying to say is he 0:17:47.940 --> 0:17:49.120 didn't have a choice whether he. 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:49.660 Did it or not. 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:50.520 Right. 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:52.939 It was life-saving at that point. 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:53.730 But he did it, no? 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:54.639 He did it. 0:17:54.700 --> 0:17:55.020 He did it. 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:59.020 But now when it's done, he's looking for payment, which. 0:17:58.500 --> 0:17:59.750 Any business person would do. 0:18:00.220 --> 0:18:00.460 True. 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:01.260 Business person, yes. 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.620 Yeah, but calling the cops is a completely different thing. 0:18:03.900 --> 0:18:04.040 Right. 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:05.000 Having them arrested is crazy. 0:18:05.020 --> 0:18:06.580 People don't pay their debts all the time. 0:18:06.740 --> 0:18:09.180 You're just not necessarily calling cops on them and them 0:18:09.220 --> 0:18:10.100 getting arrested. 0:18:09.820 --> 0:18:10.899 For the last payment. 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:13.660 And then when you become a doctor, I mean, I'm unsure, 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:15.680 so I'll already say that, but isn't there some sort 0:18:15.700 --> 0:18:17.639 of oath that you have to take from an ethical 0:18:17.660 --> 0:18:18.500 standpoint that. 0:18:18.390 --> 0:18:19.669 If someone is in dire need? 0:18:19.770 --> 0:18:20.610 Yes, a hypothetical oath. 0:18:20.630 --> 0:18:20.970 Mm-hmm. 0:18:21.350 --> 0:18:22.129 Hypothetical. 0:18:22.550 --> 0:18:23.090 Hypocratic. 0:18:25.290 --> 0:18:26.030 I know, I know, I know. 0:18:26.250 --> 0:18:29.149 But no, but but isn't there like there has to 0:18:29.190 --> 0:18:31.369 be something that protects people when it comes to that? 0:18:31.390 --> 0:18:33.810 Because here's the thing. If she does need an emergency, 0:18:33.830 --> 0:18:35.550 he's directing me. He says, well, I'm not going to 0:18:35.570 --> 0:18:36.409 do it because I don't know if I'm going to 0:18:36.430 --> 0:18:37.830 get paid. He's going to get sued. 0:18:38.090 --> 0:18:38.330 Right. 0:18:38.369 --> 0:18:39.990 So I'll be liable for her potential death. 0:18:40.170 --> 0:18:40.320 Yes. 0:18:40.380 --> 0:18:43.040 So I understand why he has to do it. Yeah. 0:18:43.060 --> 0:18:45.140 But then there has to be a middle person, whether 0:18:45.180 --> 0:18:47.909 she has insurance or not. Someone has to cover that 0:18:47.930 --> 0:18:48.710 and it shouldn't be her. 0:18:48.830 --> 0:18:51.830 Collections. Why is this even a thought? 0:18:52.450 --> 0:18:54.710 Some of the collections that you're not paying, why call 0:18:54.730 --> 0:18:56.410 the cops on her? 0:18:56.770 --> 0:19:00.970 I feel like maybe this is a thing that all 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:05.399 providers could do, but probably most of them don't because 0:19:05.460 --> 0:19:09.960 it's just crazy. Medical debt is something that Americans really 0:19:09.980 --> 0:19:14.100 can't help. It's something that is just, Par for the 0:19:14.140 --> 0:19:15.820 course because we don't have universal health care. 0:19:15.980 --> 0:19:16.540 Which is crazy. 0:19:16.580 --> 0:19:21.380 So I think most providers probably won't sue, but this 0:19:21.420 --> 0:19:21.800 guy did. 0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:23.900 If I was running, because I know you're talking about voting, 0:19:23.940 --> 0:19:26.120 if I was running, I would run first on universal 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:28.199 health care. The reason being is because in order to 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:32.660 live in this industrial system that America has, you have 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.680 to work, right? Okay, we all have to work. There's 0:19:35.770 --> 0:19:38.650 nothing you're going to provide us for free when we 0:19:38.750 --> 0:19:39.450 have to work. 0:19:40.630 --> 0:19:41.290 You know what I'm saying? 0:19:41.490 --> 0:19:43.330 Think about it. If I got to go to work, 0:19:44.190 --> 0:19:46.280 I just have to. You got to give me health 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:47.379 insurance to make sure I'm healthy. 0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:49.100 Just give it to me. You're going to make me 0:19:49.140 --> 0:19:49.879 pay for everything. 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:51.700 That's why I think the system is crumbling in front 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:51.959 of us. 0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:55.360 There's nothing that we get as citizens just being here 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:55.780 for free. 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:57.300 So many other countries do it. 0:19:57.440 --> 0:19:57.740 Yes. 0:19:58.040 --> 0:20:01.340 They'll call that socialism. But if I'm a leader of 0:20:01.380 --> 0:20:04.030 a free world, I'm going to make sure everyone is educated. 0:20:04.050 --> 0:20:06.170 I'm going to make sure they're healthy for free. That's 0:20:06.210 --> 0:20:07.990 how you get the best type of people to be 0:20:08.020 --> 0:20:09.740 productive in your society. 0:20:09.780 --> 0:20:12.399 You know what I'm saying? I saw something. I don't 0:20:12.420 --> 0:20:12.920 know if it's true. 0:20:13.020 --> 0:20:14.780 I saw it on threads a couple weeks ago that 0:20:14.820 --> 0:20:20.720 said the healthcare system in the U.S. is 25% of 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:22.030 our nation's GDP. 0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:22.680 Yes. 0:20:22.850 --> 0:20:26.370 So the fact that it's that much money... Are you serious? 0:20:26.390 --> 0:20:28.550 You can't... It has to stay private. 0:20:28.609 --> 0:20:29.310 Explains everything. 0:20:29.830 --> 0:20:32.780 You can't make it government funded because.... 0:20:33.710 --> 0:20:34.169 There we go. 0:20:34.210 --> 0:20:34.870 I didn't know that. 0:20:34.890 --> 0:20:36.490 They didn't get money from it. I didn't know that. 25% 0:20:36.490 --> 0:20:37.750 of the GDP is crazy. 0:20:37.790 --> 0:20:38.250 Yeah. 0:20:38.270 --> 0:20:39.130 It's insane. 0:20:39.410 --> 0:20:39.780 That is crazy. 0:20:40.220 --> 0:20:43.800 And just speaking of healthcare being a right, the Supreme 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:49.220 Court just ruled that clean drinking water is not a 0:20:49.380 --> 0:20:54.149 right for U.S. citizens because people sued about the data 0:20:54.170 --> 0:20:59.190 centers polluting drinking water. And the Supreme Court said, too bad. 0:20:59.710 --> 0:21:00.250 So sad. 0:21:00.470 --> 0:21:03.429 But let's be honest. The Supreme Court is run and 0:21:03.650 --> 0:21:06.369 owned by big businesses. They put people there. 0:21:06.430 --> 0:21:09.189 To preserve their interests. It's all money. 0:21:09.210 --> 0:21:11.070 These are not people who care about us. 0:21:11.390 --> 0:21:12.090 Guys, it's a vicious cycle. 0:21:12.109 --> 0:21:13.710 This is a joke at this point. 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:15.520 It really is. Yeah, go ahead. 0:21:15.540 --> 0:21:15.879 No, no, no. 0:21:15.900 --> 0:21:16.140 Go ahead. 0:21:16.380 --> 0:21:18.320 No, I was going to segue, but finish your thought. 0:21:18.340 --> 0:21:19.780 No, I was just going to say the fact that 0:21:19.820 --> 0:21:23.090 they'll take your rainwater. That is God given. 0:21:23.450 --> 0:21:24.250 Right. 0:21:24.750 --> 0:21:26.690 You can't collect your own rainwater. 0:21:26.710 --> 0:21:28.520 You have to get water from us that we're going 0:21:28.540 --> 0:21:30.619 to charge you and put stuff in it. Tells you 0:21:30.660 --> 0:21:32.460 exactly the type of system we're dealing with. 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:34.300 Like serious. 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:34.640 Right. 0:21:35.220 --> 0:21:37.140 And then like I was saying, because of that system, 0:21:37.240 --> 0:21:40.100 they want to keep everybody stressed and sick. And then 0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:45.180 we lead to things like chronic diseases, autoimmune diseases, things 0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:46.240 like Alzheimer's and dementia. 0:21:46.260 --> 0:21:47.360 Alzheimer's and dementia. You're right. 0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:47.520 Yeah. 0:21:47.970 --> 0:21:49.670 Because that's all money for them in their pocket. 0:21:49.869 --> 0:21:53.390 Oh, yeah, for sure. Big Pharma. It's just, it's all connected. 0:21:53.609 --> 0:21:53.850 Yeah. 0:21:54.170 --> 0:21:54.850 It's unfortunate. 0:21:56.090 --> 0:22:00.520 So going back to Nana, going back to Uncle Charles. 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:01.080 Yeah. 0:22:01.859 --> 0:22:04.080 Do you know of any other family members that have 0:22:05.180 --> 0:22:05.820 suffered from it? 0:22:05.820 --> 0:22:07.960 All of Nana's sisters and brothers. 0:22:07.980 --> 0:22:08.600 That whole side. 0:22:08.859 --> 0:22:09.369 All have it. 0:22:10.100 --> 0:22:13.660 And I am not a clinical doctor, but I will 0:22:13.700 --> 0:22:22.220 say this. Stress and sugar. It's killing our people. I just, 0:22:22.859 --> 0:22:25.270 I look at it and I say, like my Uncle Charles, 0:22:25.290 --> 0:22:28.810 for example. Boy, my Uncle Charles, bro, he was such 0:22:29.250 --> 0:22:33.550 a vibrant, beautiful soul. I don't remember one time my 0:22:33.609 --> 0:22:37.869 whole life seeing Uncle Charles and him just being heavy 0:22:37.910 --> 0:22:41.060 and just, but he was always going through a lot, 0:22:41.260 --> 0:22:43.960 which means he found ways to kind of like mask 0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:46.000 it and suppress it, which is not healthy. 0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:46.780 No, it's not. 0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:47.439 It's not healthy. 0:22:47.619 --> 0:22:50.609 It'll manifest itself. in some way in your body. 0:22:50.810 --> 0:22:53.090 And then the economy got bad around 2008, 2009. 0:22:53.090 --> 0:22:56.730 He was working multiple jobs. It was just a very, 0:22:56.790 --> 0:23:00.270 very stressful time. But on top of that, though, he 0:23:00.330 --> 0:23:04.130 is also from a family from Orangeburg, South Carolina. We 0:23:04.190 --> 0:23:09.189 put sugar, salt, and bacon in everything. Like, we used 0:23:09.210 --> 0:23:11.780 to have this thing called mopping. Now they call it 0:23:11.960 --> 0:23:15.460 Carolina barbecue. It's a national thing that people, it's orange 0:23:15.500 --> 0:23:17.820 barbecue sauce. Yes, yes. My family used to make that 0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:20.520 from scratch because that was a thing from Orangeburg, South Carolina. 0:23:20.880 --> 0:23:28.760 It was ketchup, mustard, sugar, salt, pepper, a little bit 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:33.740 of vinegar, onion powder, garlic powder, and I think it 0:23:33.760 --> 0:23:36.700 was something like molasses. But I'm like, you put white 0:23:36.859 --> 0:23:41.340 cane sugar and molasses in something that already has ketchup. 0:23:41.380 --> 0:23:42.300 Which has sugar. 0:23:42.660 --> 0:23:43.700 And salt. And salt. 0:23:43.720 --> 0:23:45.080 You know what I'm saying? It's just all of that. 0:23:45.119 --> 0:23:45.800 And it tastes great. 0:23:46.530 --> 0:23:48.340 But then we would make this whole thing a mopping 0:23:48.540 --> 0:23:51.360 and then you make some pork ribs and then you 0:23:51.420 --> 0:23:52.430 baste the whole thing. 0:23:53.109 --> 0:23:55.980 So now you just That sound good. It was so good. 0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:57.480 Oh my gosh, it tastes so good. 0:23:57.580 --> 0:23:59.280 I'm over here salivating. 0:23:59.359 --> 0:23:59.899 Literally. 0:23:59.920 --> 0:24:02.200 With some potato salad. Your grandfather used to make a 0:24:02.220 --> 0:24:02.760 meat potato salad. 0:24:02.780 --> 0:24:04.960 That's one thing I'm happy that I sat and watched 0:24:04.980 --> 0:24:07.040 that man make his potato salad because I'm able to. 0:24:07.100 --> 0:24:08.040 And now you make it. 0:24:08.140 --> 0:24:10.929 I can make it. I can make it. Very close. 0:24:10.990 --> 0:24:12.590 I'm not going to say I got you popped, but 0:24:12.630 --> 0:24:14.070 you know what I'm saying? I'm right underneath you. 0:24:14.390 --> 0:24:16.350 You know what I'm saying? You do make a good 0:24:16.369 --> 0:24:18.689 potato salad. But even small things like grits. I put 0:24:18.710 --> 0:24:20.330 sugar in my grits because my family did. 0:24:20.490 --> 0:24:24.580 Last night I ate five many Snickers bars, and I 0:24:24.600 --> 0:24:27.600 feel like I just needed to confess that. Because I do, 0:24:27.660 --> 0:24:30.300 every time I eat some candy, I'd be like, this 0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:30.760 is going. 0:24:30.640 --> 0:24:31.060 To kill me. 0:24:31.140 --> 0:24:32.680 Was it the fun size or the bite size? 0:24:32.740 --> 0:24:33.400 Fun size. 0:24:33.700 --> 0:24:35.639 At least it was the fun size. This is the 0:24:35.660 --> 0:24:36.020 fun size. 0:24:36.060 --> 0:24:38.280 Halloween candy that I bought just for myself. 0:24:38.440 --> 0:24:40.840 Hey, at least you went. 0:24:40.780 --> 0:24:41.380 All the way there. 0:24:41.540 --> 0:24:43.440 Because if you would have had five bite size, I'd 0:24:43.460 --> 0:24:44.700 have been like, why did you waste your time? 0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:48.580 No, actually go through with it. I'm the same way, 0:24:48.640 --> 0:24:48.970 won't I? 0:24:49.380 --> 0:24:51.200 Okay, since we're confessing, I have a Klondike bar. 0:24:52.200 --> 0:24:52.580 One? 0:24:52.600 --> 0:24:53.139 Yeah, one. 0:24:53.160 --> 0:24:55.699 Knowing good and well that I don't do dairy like 0:24:55.740 --> 0:24:57.260 that no more and with sugar. 0:24:57.520 --> 0:24:59.340 So y'all everybody confessing? 0:24:59.380 --> 0:24:59.600 Yeah. 0:24:59.920 --> 0:25:01.160 I had cookies and ice cream last night. 0:25:01.260 --> 0:25:02.360 It was a big ass cookie too. 0:25:02.960 --> 0:25:03.960 The whole bowl was the cookie. 0:25:04.109 --> 0:25:05.109 Was it worth it? 0:25:05.150 --> 0:25:06.490 I love the wizard confession, Josh. 0:25:06.690 --> 0:25:08.910 I went to bed hungry. You went to bed hungry? 0:25:09.050 --> 0:25:10.930 That's a lie. I had dinner. 0:25:10.970 --> 0:25:11.310 Brokey? 0:25:11.530 --> 0:25:12.810 I got a confession. 0:25:13.570 --> 0:25:17.970 My brother ordered me a pack of Sour Powers. There's 0:25:17.970 --> 0:25:20.780 30 packs of Sour Powers. There's 10 Sour Powers in each. 0:25:21.490 --> 0:25:22.770 I got through the whole thing in a week. 0:25:23.070 --> 0:25:24.150 Oh my. 0:25:24.590 --> 0:25:28.010 I had a pretty good week, man. I ain't happy 0:25:28.090 --> 0:25:28.590 with that stuff. 0:25:28.810 --> 0:25:31.520 Our addiction is sugar because remember, I've been off sugar 0:25:31.540 --> 0:25:35.980 for a minute. But I'm not going to blame the grief. 0:25:36.740 --> 0:25:38.300 But you know, sometimes you're like, man, I don't give 0:25:38.340 --> 0:25:40.630 a fuck no more. I'm just eating it, man. I 0:25:40.650 --> 0:25:42.990 wake up in the morning. have me a pack of 0:25:43.030 --> 0:25:43.550 sour power. 0:25:43.590 --> 0:25:43.830 Why? 0:25:43.950 --> 0:25:46.189 I haven't eaten like this in forever. Why did I 0:25:46.230 --> 0:25:48.109 wake up and have a pack of sour power? 0:25:48.150 --> 0:25:50.590 Wake up in the morning and have a pack of 0:25:50.630 --> 0:25:51.870 sour power. 0:25:52.190 --> 0:25:54.369 It was your pre-workout. It was your pre-workout. 0:25:55.810 --> 0:25:57.770 I was having sour power before I went to work out. 0:25:58.410 --> 0:26:00.170 But the crazy part is since I started my day 0:26:00.210 --> 0:26:01.340 that way, I was just like, fuck it. 0:26:01.619 --> 0:26:03.119 Then I came back from workout, had a pack of 0:26:03.160 --> 0:26:03.680 sour power. 0:26:04.590 --> 0:26:06.210 Got finished playing pool, had a pack of, and I 0:26:06.210 --> 0:26:08.610 was like, yo, I went through five pack of sour 0:26:08.650 --> 0:26:09.210 powers today. 0:26:09.250 --> 0:26:10.550 Until the boys found your stash. 0:26:10.570 --> 0:26:12.189 That's crazy. Oh, the kids found it and it was 0:26:12.230 --> 0:26:15.010 a wrap. But that's how addicted we all are to sugar. 0:26:15.730 --> 0:26:18.170 And I don't know about y'all, but this is another 0:26:18.210 --> 0:26:20.129 reason why I've been trying to focus on this. 0:26:20.150 --> 0:26:21.630 And I really want to talk about dementia. 0:26:21.650 --> 0:26:25.320 Like one thing my grandmother did was teach us to 0:26:25.380 --> 0:26:29.600 find lessons in everything, right? I said, I will go 0:26:29.640 --> 0:26:33.020 to the kitchen sometimes and I'll lose my train of thought. Because, 0:26:33.060 --> 0:26:34.280 you know, you got so many things. And I say 0:26:34.300 --> 0:26:38.050 to myself, am I going through dementia? And because I 0:26:38.109 --> 0:26:42.949 have those thoughts, I'll choose not to have sugar in 0:26:42.970 --> 0:26:43.530 certain things. 0:26:43.570 --> 0:26:44.790 Like I've cut my milk. 0:26:44.810 --> 0:26:47.610 We've talked about all the changes we've made, you know, 0:26:47.650 --> 0:26:51.050 when it comes to those things dietarily. But I really 0:26:51.109 --> 0:26:53.370 have been deliberate about cutting sugar out of my diet. 0:26:53.410 --> 0:26:55.419 And I do feel better, y'all. I don't have as 0:26:55.480 --> 0:26:56.160 much brain fog. 0:26:56.220 --> 0:26:56.899 As much brain fog, yeah. 0:26:56.920 --> 0:26:58.960 My body has changed. I sleep better. 0:26:59.369 --> 0:27:00.949 I don't have these crashes in the middle of the 0:27:00.970 --> 0:27:03.909 day where all my energy drops. And I just wonder 0:27:04.050 --> 0:27:07.410 if my family would have took the same approach years ago, 0:27:07.650 --> 0:27:08.850 if it would have been the same output. 0:27:08.890 --> 0:27:11.250 Maybe Nana would have still got dementia. Maybe she would have. 0:27:11.270 --> 0:27:13.949 But maybe it wouldn't have happened at 70 and we 0:27:13.970 --> 0:27:16.950 wouldn't have had to deal with it for almost 20 years. 0:27:16.990 --> 0:27:17.660 You know what I'm saying? 0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:18.320 Right, right. 0:27:18.940 --> 0:27:21.320 I just, I implore everybody to, that's why I play 0:27:21.340 --> 0:27:23.460 with the Rubik's Cube. People ask me all the time, 0:27:23.480 --> 0:27:25.060 why you always got this Rubik's Cube? I want to 0:27:25.080 --> 0:27:26.960 make sure I can remember stuff. If I can remember 0:27:27.000 --> 0:27:29.159 these patterns and know how to do these things, then 0:27:29.180 --> 0:27:32.290 I know that my brain is continuously working. I just, Nana, 0:27:32.330 --> 0:27:35.890 thank you for leaving us this message in your death 0:27:35.930 --> 0:27:37.550 and in your absence, just letting us know that we 0:27:37.609 --> 0:27:38.790 have to take care of ourselves. 0:27:39.030 --> 0:27:39.550 Absolutely. 0:27:39.730 --> 0:27:42.270 I forgot, well, Davao had his story time, but one 0:27:42.310 --> 0:27:44.270 of my most vivid, can I tell my most vivid 0:27:44.450 --> 0:27:45.550 Nana story? 0:27:45.609 --> 0:27:46.630 Go ahead. 0:27:47.940 --> 0:27:50.560 So Deval and I had just gotten married. 0:27:50.859 --> 0:27:52.500 Nana and Pop were at the wedding and all that. 0:27:53.040 --> 0:27:56.440 At this point, they were living in your parents' basement. 0:27:56.480 --> 0:27:56.800 Yeah. 0:27:56.880 --> 0:27:59.640 So Deval and I had came back from our honeymoon 0:27:59.920 --> 0:28:00.440 in Jamaica. 0:28:00.460 --> 0:28:01.040 Yeah. 0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:03.010 And of course, we went to see everybody. 0:28:03.030 --> 0:28:05.199 They want to know, like, how are the newlyweds? 0:28:05.609 --> 0:28:08.230 How is your honeymoon? All the details, all the things. 0:28:08.690 --> 0:28:10.590 So typically when you give the story about your honeymoon, 0:28:10.630 --> 0:28:12.070 it's just like, oh, yeah, like, you know, we went 0:28:12.109 --> 0:28:15.010 on this excursion and like the hotel was really nice 0:28:15.050 --> 0:28:16.850 and the food was good and all the things. 0:28:17.359 --> 0:28:21.200 So Nana came when she was like, hey, hey, come here. 0:28:21.420 --> 0:28:23.419 So she came. I was like, what's up, Nana? She 0:28:23.440 --> 0:28:25.619 was just like, how was your trip? I said, it 0:28:25.640 --> 0:28:29.000 was great. She's like, tell me one thing. Is your 0:28:29.040 --> 0:28:29.760 whole sore? 0:28:30.480 --> 0:28:31.060 What? 0:28:31.220 --> 0:28:31.720 Oh, God. 0:28:32.700 --> 0:28:33.140 Oh, God. 0:28:33.160 --> 0:28:33.780 That was my Nana. 0:28:34.040 --> 0:28:34.800 I promise you. 0:28:34.820 --> 0:28:36.740 That was my Nana. She said it with a smile 0:28:36.800 --> 0:28:37.800 on her face, too. 0:28:37.820 --> 0:28:38.800 I said, come again? 0:28:38.820 --> 0:28:38.900 Whoa. 0:28:39.160 --> 0:28:40.760 That's what she did, Nana. 0:28:40.780 --> 0:28:44.160 Yeah. 0:28:44.860 --> 0:28:48.120 And I said, come again? And she was like. don't 0:28:48.130 --> 0:28:50.660 act like you didn't hear what I said. You heard 0:28:50.700 --> 0:28:53.740 what I said. I said, you talking about like, she said, mm-hmm. 0:28:54.460 --> 0:28:57.150 She said, you got a baby in there? And the 0:28:57.210 --> 0:28:58.710 funny thing is that I did. 0:28:58.830 --> 0:29:02.440 Jackson was literally in there. 0:29:02.520 --> 0:29:03.480 That's wild. 0:29:03.520 --> 0:29:05.540 So when I told her, I was like, Nana, I 0:29:05.560 --> 0:29:07.000 was like, you know, once we announced that I was 0:29:07.040 --> 0:29:09.300 pregnant and whatnot, I was like, you remember the honeymoon? 0:29:09.320 --> 0:29:10.870 She said, mm-hmm. 0:29:10.940 --> 0:29:12.490 I said, yeah. She said, mm-hmm. 0:29:12.730 --> 0:29:14.110 It was like an understanding that we had. 0:29:14.170 --> 0:29:14.830 And she was like, yep. 0:29:15.370 --> 0:29:17.670 And she gave me this look and a wink like, 0:29:18.210 --> 0:29:20.590 get it, girl. And I was like, man, that was 0:29:20.650 --> 0:29:22.640 such a funny moment with her. I mean, there were 0:29:22.680 --> 0:29:24.060 so many Nana stories. 0:29:24.200 --> 0:29:26.780 She was vulgar like that without being vulgar. But that 0:29:26.800 --> 0:29:28.720 type of humor is why my dad, you see how 0:29:28.760 --> 0:29:31.270 my dad is? He makes all these explicit jokes the 0:29:31.290 --> 0:29:33.010 same way I make all these explicit jokes. 0:29:33.110 --> 0:29:34.350 It all comes from my Nana. 0:29:34.370 --> 0:29:37.210 From Nana. I knew it in that moment. Yeah, she 0:29:37.230 --> 0:29:39.570 did it. And it's funny because it didn't feel crass 0:29:39.610 --> 0:29:41.219 in that moment. It was just like girl talk. You 0:29:41.240 --> 0:29:42.960 know what I mean? Like, you know, like I would 0:29:43.000 --> 0:29:44.540 talk with a girlfriend, but I'm like, this is my 0:29:44.580 --> 0:29:46.660 husband's grandmother. 0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:47.870 Like, how do I answer this? 0:29:48.170 --> 0:29:49.190 I can't lie to the woman. 0:29:49.410 --> 0:29:51.170 That's right, Nana. Raise them up in the way. 0:29:51.310 --> 0:29:54.150 You know. Letting her know, man. 0:29:54.190 --> 0:29:56.310 I feel like she would be PG with you too, though. 0:29:56.690 --> 0:29:57.770 Yeah, for sure. 0:29:57.790 --> 0:30:03.050 Because... Your girls want to say your hole hurt. Your 0:30:03.090 --> 0:30:03.670 nanny sore. 0:30:03.730 --> 0:30:04.390 Your nanny. 0:30:04.510 --> 0:30:13.230 Your pum pum bring life. And y'all have any family members, 0:30:13.280 --> 0:30:15.640 any experience with Alzheimer's or dementia? 0:30:16.220 --> 0:30:18.120 Yeah, my grandfather had dementia. 0:30:18.140 --> 0:30:21.100 Dad's dad or mom's dad? 0:30:21.280 --> 0:30:22.100 My mom's dad. 0:30:22.260 --> 0:30:23.620 Okay. 0:30:24.300 --> 0:30:24.780 He sucked. 0:30:24.980 --> 0:30:25.660 I didn't like him. 0:30:25.940 --> 0:30:26.180 No. 0:30:26.800 --> 0:30:29.300 One time he got... he was missing. 0:30:29.360 --> 0:30:33.180 He had left and was found like walking around a 0:30:33.220 --> 0:30:37.160 neighborhood in Cincinnati telling people he was the mailman, which, 0:30:37.340 --> 0:30:39.500 but that was crazy. But, um, and then I just 0:30:39.540 --> 0:30:41.860 had a cousin who had dementia who passed away. 0:30:42.040 --> 0:30:45.920 He was only 59. So yeah, that was scary. 0:30:45.960 --> 0:30:49.920 I think, um, yeah, I mean, it was sad in 0:30:49.980 --> 0:30:52.660 both cases, especially my cousin cause he was so young 0:30:53.520 --> 0:30:55.620 and just seeing him like, like you said, with like 0:30:55.660 --> 0:30:59.450 the lost kind of, Face and feeling like it was 0:30:59.470 --> 0:31:01.520 just it sucked to witness that. 0:31:01.860 --> 0:31:05.340 Yeah, I watched a couple of my friends' grandparents go 0:31:05.360 --> 0:31:08.100 through Alzheimer's first. And the thing that scared me the 0:31:08.240 --> 0:31:12.380 most was the anger that comes. You know, sometimes they 0:31:12.400 --> 0:31:14.770 get older and they don't recognize people in the house. 0:31:15.270 --> 0:31:15.480 Right. 0:31:15.620 --> 0:31:17.910 And they'll lash out like, what are you doing here? 0:31:18.010 --> 0:31:19.670 And it becomes an unsafe environment. 0:31:19.940 --> 0:31:20.380 Oh, for sure. 0:31:20.400 --> 0:31:21.400 You know, for a lot of people. 0:31:21.440 --> 0:31:24.090 And in themselves, sometimes they put food on the stove 0:31:24.130 --> 0:31:25.550 and forget that the stove is on. 0:31:25.570 --> 0:31:25.710 Right. 0:31:25.890 --> 0:31:27.570 And you hear a lot of accidents with people who 0:31:27.610 --> 0:31:28.310 have Alzheimer's. 0:31:28.330 --> 0:31:28.550 Yeah. 0:31:28.870 --> 0:31:32.070 But Tribble, Tribble, has some stats here I do want 0:31:32.090 --> 0:31:35.040 to read out. More than 7 million Americans are living 0:31:35.080 --> 0:31:39.220 with Alzheimer's disease. In 2026, an estimated 7.4 million Americans 0:31:39.640 --> 0:31:42.380 age 65 and older have Alzheimer's. And that number is 0:31:42.420 --> 0:31:47.410 projected to reach 13.8 million by 2060. Alzheimer's is the 0:31:47.470 --> 0:31:50.570 most common cause of dementia, accounting for approximately 60 to 0:31:50.570 --> 0:31:51.770 80 of these cases. 0:31:51.890 --> 0:31:52.830 Now, listen to this. 0:31:53.550 --> 0:31:57.330 Women account for nearly two-thirds of Americans living with Alzheimer's. 0:31:58.010 --> 0:32:01.780 Approximately 4.5 million American women age 65 and older have 0:32:01.820 --> 0:32:05.940 the disease. Research estimates that women have a 48% lifetime 0:32:06.020 --> 0:32:10.740 risk of developing dementia between age 55 and 95, compared 0:32:10.860 --> 0:32:13.620 with 35% for men, which is crazy to me because. 0:32:13.380 --> 0:32:14.010 48% means that's a 50-50. 0:32:14.000 --> 0:32:14.340 That means. 0:32:16.950 --> 0:32:18.110 You may get it or you may not. 0:32:18.230 --> 0:32:21.430 It's a toss-up, which is nuts for me because for 0:32:21.470 --> 0:32:25.890 men it's 35%, which is one in three. Older black 0:32:25.950 --> 0:32:29.830 Americans are approximately twice as likely to have Alzheimer's or 0:32:29.990 --> 0:32:34.430 another dementia as older white Americans. Researchers associate this disparity 0:32:34.470 --> 0:32:39.820 with differences in cardiovascular health, healthcare access, socioeconomic conditions, and 0:32:39.960 --> 0:32:43.440 cumulative exposure to discrimination, not simply race or genetics. 0:32:43.930 --> 0:32:48.150 Which people need to understand, racism is literally killing us. 0:32:48.290 --> 0:32:50.550 It's literally, yeah. It's like embedded in us. 0:32:50.670 --> 0:32:50.850 Yes. 0:32:50.910 --> 0:32:53.350 Think about something as simple as, for example, may he 0:32:53.410 --> 0:32:56.270 rest in peace, Nolan Wells. The stress that. 0:32:56.190 --> 0:33:01.510 You feel as a parent to a black child. Yes. 0:33:02.060 --> 0:33:05.480 Is enough stress that will, if anything, sway the pendulum 0:33:06.060 --> 0:33:08.070 on the side where, you know what, I might just 0:33:08.240 --> 0:33:11.190 possibly end up with this because of just the stress 0:33:11.270 --> 0:33:13.670 on your brain having to worry and be concerned in 0:33:13.750 --> 0:33:15.810 perpetuity about your child. 0:33:16.170 --> 0:33:17.250 So that makes so much sense. 0:33:17.470 --> 0:33:20.830 It's funny you brought that up because my cousin Amber, 0:33:20.830 --> 0:33:25.560 22 years old, black woman, grew up with a great family, 0:33:25.640 --> 0:33:29.220 people around her, my family around her, her family, the Carries. 0:33:28.960 --> 0:33:32.080 Are great people. She felt like she was cheated as 0:33:32.140 --> 0:33:34.280 a child because her. 0:33:34.320 --> 0:33:38.120 Upbringing was harder because of the consequences that may come 0:33:38.200 --> 0:33:40.260 from just being black, simply existing. 0:33:40.820 --> 0:33:42.540 Like your parents a little bit more stressed. 0:33:42.740 --> 0:33:44.400 Every conversation is life or death. 0:33:44.460 --> 0:33:47.120 And she's like growing up in an experience, the world 0:33:47.180 --> 0:33:48.400 and seeing her white counterpart. 0:33:48.420 --> 0:33:50.870 She kind of felt like it's not fair that I 0:33:50.920 --> 0:33:53.070 have to I have to deal with that. 0:33:53.490 --> 0:33:55.210 And I have to kind of embrace that that's what 0:33:55.250 --> 0:33:57.170 it is because of who I am. She's like, it's 0:33:57.210 --> 0:33:57.730 not fair. 0:33:57.910 --> 0:33:58.130 Right. 0:33:58.330 --> 0:34:00.570 And I said, it's also not fair that you also 0:34:00.590 --> 0:34:02.390 have to deal with it on two fronts. Being black, 0:34:02.410 --> 0:34:05.150 but also being a woman. You know, it's like, imagine 0:34:05.170 --> 0:34:07.530 the stress. And when I look at these numbers, right, 0:34:07.590 --> 0:34:09.870 and it's 50-50 for a woman. And I ask her, 0:34:10.670 --> 0:34:14.109 do you worry, being a woman, worry about going out 0:34:14.190 --> 0:34:17.290 in public and something happened to you just because you're 0:34:17.310 --> 0:34:17.650 a woman? 0:34:18.290 --> 0:34:19.910 And she was like, yeah, that's a thought. 0:34:20.410 --> 0:34:21.760 I said, it's funny because as a man, I don't 0:34:21.800 --> 0:34:22.529 have that thought. 0:34:22.840 --> 0:34:22.990 Right. 0:34:23.540 --> 0:34:24.140 You know what I'm saying? 0:34:24.180 --> 0:34:24.430 Right. 0:34:24.450 --> 0:34:25.810 So that's just an added layer of. 0:34:26.050 --> 0:34:28.130 Which gives you the reason why it's 48% for women. 0:34:28.190 --> 0:34:32.090 For sure. I just want to explain how that stress 0:34:32.130 --> 0:34:32.830 could cause that. 0:34:32.890 --> 0:34:33.610 For sure. 0:34:33.810 --> 0:34:37.700 Not to mention, we don't do as much information gathering 0:34:37.760 --> 0:34:41.280 about women's health. We're just now learning about hormone disparities 0:34:41.320 --> 0:34:42.000 in women in 2026. 0:34:42.000 --> 0:34:44.160 Yeah, for sure. Perimenopause, HRT. 0:34:45.110 --> 0:34:46.990 Yeah, so it really makes me think maybe women are 0:34:47.030 --> 0:34:49.510 more predisposed to it because of the way our bodies 0:34:49.630 --> 0:34:50.590 can be so erratic. 0:34:50.730 --> 0:34:52.730 And the stresses you have when it comes to hormones. 0:34:52.750 --> 0:34:54.989 Yeah, absolutely. That makes perfect sense. 0:34:56.370 --> 0:35:04.729 I just implore anyone who is listening to this, black, white, man, woman, young, old, rich, 0:35:04.870 --> 0:35:09.810 or poor, really, really, really take heed to your mental health. 0:35:09.850 --> 0:35:11.529 It is important for all of us to understand that 0:35:11.550 --> 0:35:13.170 we keep talking about mental health. 0:35:13.030 --> 0:35:15.240 As if it's just a, The catchphrase or something. 0:35:15.260 --> 0:35:15.780 The catchphrase, right? 0:35:15.989 --> 0:35:16.219 Yeah. 0:35:16.410 --> 0:35:19.410 But then when you look at these Alzheimer's and dementia numbers, 0:35:19.489 --> 0:35:21.509 it's like, no, mental health is just as important as 0:35:21.530 --> 0:35:25.610 your physical health because people are dying with Alzheimer's and dementia. 0:35:25.630 --> 0:35:29.469 So please continue to just love on each other, but 0:35:29.570 --> 0:35:30.250 love on yourself. 0:35:30.590 --> 0:35:31.070 Yeah. 0:35:31.090 --> 0:35:31.910 Take the stress away. 0:35:33.180 --> 0:35:34.200 Nana was 90, man. 0:35:34.580 --> 0:35:35.580 Yeah. 0:35:35.700 --> 0:35:39.900 My grandmother also had, she didn't have dementia, but she 0:35:39.960 --> 0:35:44.549 definitely had brain fog. ending her life because of her medications. 0:35:44.020 --> 0:35:46.239 That she was on. That's also part of it. 0:35:46.260 --> 0:35:46.940 Like a side effect. 0:35:47.000 --> 0:35:47.340 Yeah. 0:35:48.560 --> 0:35:50.900 My other grandmother either had dementia or Alzheimer's, I'm not 0:35:50.920 --> 0:35:54.359 really sure. But I know medication plays a real big 0:35:54.400 --> 0:35:57.640 part in how we interacted at the end of my 0:35:57.680 --> 0:35:58.280 grandmother's life. 0:35:58.640 --> 0:35:58.930 Yeah. 0:35:59.210 --> 0:36:02.930 My grandma Joseph, my dad's mom, she didn't have dementia 0:36:03.190 --> 0:36:04.710 because she definitely still. 0:36:04.489 --> 0:36:07.779 Remembered a lot. However, she had moments, right? 0:36:07.860 --> 0:36:10.089 So I don't know if it was like with us, 0:36:10.150 --> 0:36:11.609 like you said, for example, you walk into a room 0:36:11.650 --> 0:36:12.890 and you're like, why am I coming here? You got 0:36:12.910 --> 0:36:14.630 to retrace your step and you get back to where 0:36:14.650 --> 0:36:16.190 you were and you're like, oh, that's what I wanted. 0:36:16.489 --> 0:36:18.770 But she would like, for example, call the house phone 0:36:19.310 --> 0:36:20.950 and she'd like talk to the answering machine. This is 0:36:20.969 --> 0:36:22.569 back in the day when we had answering machines and 0:36:22.590 --> 0:36:24.710 she would make a, like leave a message and then. 0:36:24.640 --> 0:36:26.140 I'll call her back and I'm like, oh, grandma, I 0:36:26.140 --> 0:36:27.620 just missed your call. And she's like, I didn't call you. 0:36:27.640 --> 0:36:29.219 I'm like, yeah, you called me. She's like, that was today. 0:36:29.239 --> 0:36:30.940 I was like, girl, you just called me like 10 0:36:30.940 --> 0:36:33.299 minutes ago, you know? So just little moments like that, 0:36:33.360 --> 0:36:36.180 being forgetful or she'd be cooking sometimes and she'd forget 0:36:36.239 --> 0:36:38.200 if she put a particular seasoning in the pot and 0:36:38.219 --> 0:36:41.160 then I'd have to go taste it. But I don't 0:36:41.180 --> 0:36:43.549 think that's something that my family, at least I've heard of, 0:36:43.610 --> 0:36:47.870 anyone predisposed to. So it's interesting to see how genetically 0:36:47.910 --> 0:36:52.910 we're predisposed to certain things. But lifestyle, how we eat, 0:36:52.969 --> 0:36:55.460 how we take care of ourselves really play a major 0:36:55.520 --> 0:36:57.380 role in if this will come to fruition. 0:36:57.560 --> 0:36:59.950 And you and I have been like, Very diligent about that. 0:37:00.090 --> 0:37:01.870 You talk to me all the time. You always say 0:37:01.910 --> 0:37:04.110 I'm concerned about your stress levels devour. 0:37:04.150 --> 0:37:04.529 I am. 0:37:04.670 --> 0:37:05.350 I'm concerned about. 0:37:05.469 --> 0:37:05.810 I am. 0:37:05.969 --> 0:37:07.850 You know, it's predisposed in your family. 0:37:07.870 --> 0:37:08.089 Yeah. 0:37:08.110 --> 0:37:10.810 Because my uncle had it. My grandmother had it. All 0:37:10.830 --> 0:37:12.509 of my grandmother's siblings have it. 0:37:12.790 --> 0:37:15.490 It's a very real conversation. It's a very real concern. 0:37:15.510 --> 0:37:20.950 Like I more recently, considering the past stressful, you know, 0:37:21.030 --> 0:37:25.650 maybe like 12 to 14 months that we've had juggling 0:37:25.690 --> 0:37:26.350 so many things. 0:37:26.650 --> 0:37:28.549 I do worry about you. 0:37:29.219 --> 0:37:31.640 And how you're able to manage and process all the 0:37:31.680 --> 0:37:34.239 things that you have on your brain. And that's something 0:37:34.260 --> 0:37:37.910 that I said vocally, even just to your parents recently. 0:37:39.050 --> 0:37:41.650 That is a legitimate worry of mine. If you're not 0:37:41.810 --> 0:37:46.509 able to control the stress or find a way to 0:37:46.570 --> 0:37:49.500 decompress and not have your mind racing all the time, 0:37:50.080 --> 0:37:53.660 it would completely, absolutely shatter my heart and these boys' 0:37:53.719 --> 0:37:57.399 hearts if one day their father or my husband doesn't 0:37:57.440 --> 0:38:00.900 know who we are. And that's like a very real 0:38:00.980 --> 0:38:05.580 concern of mine as we get older. That's why for me, DeVal, 0:38:05.680 --> 0:38:08.830 you have the biggest heart. You try to help every 0:38:08.870 --> 0:38:12.390 and anybody, sometimes unprompted, unasked, because you just want the 0:38:12.450 --> 0:38:14.710 best for everyone and you want everyone to be okay. 0:38:15.630 --> 0:38:19.009 But at this point in time in our lives, I 0:38:19.050 --> 0:38:20.890 need you to put some things down. 0:38:21.670 --> 0:38:23.090 Well, I feel like this is an intervention. How I 0:38:23.090 --> 0:38:23.690 get in trouble? 0:38:23.710 --> 0:38:24.450 Yeah, bro. What do I do? 0:38:24.450 --> 0:38:24.940 You're in trouble, bro. 0:38:24.950 --> 0:38:25.270 What do I do? 0:38:25.270 --> 0:38:26.890 I got your back, bro. But if it's not lost 0:38:26.950 --> 0:38:28.029 on me, I hear you. 0:38:28.150 --> 0:38:28.609 I got your back. 0:38:28.650 --> 0:38:29.049 Just like, yeah. 0:38:29.070 --> 0:38:29.910 You don't hear my back, bro. 0:38:29.930 --> 0:38:31.160 Yeah, that's why we play pool so much. 0:38:31.239 --> 0:38:33.900 Matt knows, like, just finding ways to decompress. 0:38:33.920 --> 0:38:35.580 Like, if you're that person, I'm saying that to say, 0:38:35.640 --> 0:38:37.680 if you're that person who feels like you're that person 0:38:37.719 --> 0:38:40.550 in your family, you know, who's always, like, the burden 0:38:40.610 --> 0:38:42.910 is always on you, whether you're the oldest son, the 0:38:42.969 --> 0:38:45.960 oldest daughter, the oldest nephew, the oldest... Like there's so 0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:49.890 many different responsibilities that fall on us naturally or we 0:38:49.910 --> 0:38:53.069 feel like in that nurturing leader role we should take on. 0:38:53.450 --> 0:38:57.210 But it's like finding those outlets to let a bit go, 0:38:57.250 --> 0:38:59.009 let some of the stress go, decompress. 0:38:59.630 --> 0:39:01.170 Like for me, baby, I'm a book of flight. You 0:39:01.650 --> 0:39:02.049 know what I'm saying? 0:39:02.070 --> 0:39:03.730 That's why I love to travel because it's like I 0:39:03.750 --> 0:39:06.230 can get away for a little bit, you know, disconnect 0:39:06.270 --> 0:39:08.469 a little bit. But it is a legitimate concern of 0:39:08.510 --> 0:39:09.910 mine for for you. 0:39:10.890 --> 0:39:12.910 I'll be vulnerable and say you're not the only person 0:39:12.930 --> 0:39:13.719 that has that concern. 0:39:13.910 --> 0:39:16.359 I look at my family history and when I go 0:39:16.400 --> 0:39:18.180 into the kitchen, sometimes I try to make a joke 0:39:18.219 --> 0:39:20.680 and feel like, oh, did I forget that? But that's 0:39:20.719 --> 0:39:23.180 why I work out so much. That's why I try 0:39:23.200 --> 0:39:24.830 to sweat as much as I do. That's why I 0:39:24.850 --> 0:39:26.710 try to read as much as I read. That's why 0:39:26.730 --> 0:39:30.640 I changed my diet as much. Like remember when we 0:39:30.680 --> 0:39:32.580 said that the milk and the sugar and stuff, I 0:39:32.600 --> 0:39:35.420 just cut it cold turkey because that is a concern 0:39:35.440 --> 0:39:37.700 of mine as well. And I don't mind saying it publicly. 0:39:38.180 --> 0:39:41.319 You know, one of my fears is that I wake 0:39:41.380 --> 0:39:44.550 up one morning and not remember exactly what was happening 0:39:44.710 --> 0:39:46.910 because I've watched it happen with so many people in 0:39:46.930 --> 0:39:47.610 my family. 0:39:47.730 --> 0:39:47.910 Yeah. 0:39:48.440 --> 0:39:50.500 So I'm trying to change my diet and my lifestyle. 0:39:50.520 --> 0:39:52.620 That's why I'm not on the phone as much. So 0:39:52.660 --> 0:39:54.460 all the people always ask why you don't get back 0:39:54.480 --> 0:39:56.669 to text, why you don't. I don't like these devices. 0:39:57.489 --> 0:39:57.790 I don't. 0:39:57.810 --> 0:39:59.589 I feel like looking at this blue light and stuff 0:39:59.650 --> 0:40:02.710 is also giving me brain fog. So I'm just trying 0:40:02.730 --> 0:40:04.090 to do as many things as I can because I 0:40:04.090 --> 0:40:05.109 want to be here for you and the boys. 0:40:05.130 --> 0:40:06.410 You know what I'm saying? So I hear you. 0:40:06.450 --> 0:40:07.250 And I rebuke all of that. 0:40:07.550 --> 0:40:09.670 I hear you. You will not. 0:40:09.390 --> 0:40:11.109 Ever have to deal with that. 0:40:12.190 --> 0:40:14.470 Let's hope and pray that we can make the necessary 0:40:14.510 --> 0:40:18.280 changes where it stops with our generation. and the generations 0:40:18.400 --> 0:40:19.879 moving forward. You know? 0:40:20.600 --> 0:40:22.259 You know what I think, though, the best way to 0:40:22.300 --> 0:40:24.339 help someone who might be suffering from that? 0:40:25.570 --> 0:40:26.029 Some head. 0:40:26.770 --> 0:40:27.450 Oh, my God. 0:40:27.469 --> 0:40:29.669 I'm just saying. 0:40:29.770 --> 0:40:30.790 I told you I got your back. 0:40:30.810 --> 0:40:31.730 Starts in the head. 0:40:31.750 --> 0:40:32.710 Starts in the head. 0:40:32.730 --> 0:40:34.890 It starts there, so it might as well end there. 0:40:35.110 --> 0:40:36.100 That was a... Nana, did you hear that? 0:40:36.120 --> 0:40:37.060 Now you see why I did that? 0:40:37.080 --> 0:40:39.410 Did you hear that? Did you hear him, girl? 0:40:39.790 --> 0:40:41.509 Nana, you got to ask, does your jaw hurt? 0:40:41.870 --> 0:40:44.719 Uh-huh. 0:40:44.739 --> 0:40:46.100 Look at you rolling around with locked jaw. 0:40:46.260 --> 0:40:49.000 Don't worry, sir. It'll get better. It'll get better. 0:40:49.040 --> 0:40:50.700 I love you, Nana. 0:40:51.100 --> 0:40:51.760 Oh, my goodness. 0:40:51.820 --> 0:40:52.180 All right, y'all. 0:40:52.219 --> 0:40:53.490 Let's take a quick break. We're going to pay some 0:40:53.510 --> 0:40:55.770 bills and we'll come back with our listener letter of 0:40:55.810 --> 0:41:14.410 the day. All right, jumping on in. 0:41:37.969 --> 0:41:40.770 But I believe and what is supposed to look like 0:41:40.969 --> 0:41:45.220 with a husband being the head of the household biblically. 0:41:45.469 --> 0:41:47.239 When we finally had the conversation and he told me 0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:49.020 that he was no longer a believer, I told him 0:41:49.080 --> 0:41:51.840 I wish I would have known that beforehand because I 0:41:51.880 --> 0:41:55.379 would have never married him. I thought he just didn't 0:41:55.440 --> 0:41:57.440 want to go to church, so I never made a 0:41:57.480 --> 0:42:00.799 big deal until I realized how important it is for 0:42:00.860 --> 0:42:03.450 both a husband and a wife to both be in 0:42:03.510 --> 0:42:06.950 church and be equally yoked amongst themselves. the obvious things 0:42:06.989 --> 0:42:11.009 that make a relationship work. Fast forward years later, we're 0:42:11.050 --> 0:42:14.230 still together, but when churchy or religious conversations come up, 0:42:14.700 --> 0:42:17.660 when we're with others, he will always tell people that 0:42:17.680 --> 0:42:19.920 he doesn't believe in any of that, but his wife does, 0:42:20.260 --> 0:42:23.779 so he doesn't interfere with my beliefs. Then recently, he 0:42:23.820 --> 0:42:27.210 came home intoxicated and said God has never done anything 0:42:27.310 --> 0:42:29.810 for him, but mind you, he has beat cancer twice, 0:42:30.380 --> 0:42:32.469 The third time he was told the cancer came back 0:42:32.550 --> 0:42:34.350 and I told him to go to the doctor to get. 0:42:34.280 --> 0:42:34.969 New blood work. 0:42:35.350 --> 0:42:37.989 So he did and it came back fine. And he 0:42:38.030 --> 0:42:40.850 didn't actually have cancer for the third time after scans 0:42:40.910 --> 0:42:44.570 confirmed it as well. Him saying God never did anything 0:42:44.610 --> 0:42:46.770 for him really rubbed me the wrong way and made 0:42:46.810 --> 0:42:49.690 me not want to be with him all over again 0:42:49.810 --> 0:42:51.870 because he's showing me more and more that he has 0:42:51.930 --> 0:42:54.870 no interest in regaining a relationship with God. And I 0:42:54.930 --> 0:42:57.010 don't feel like I can continue to be with someone 0:42:57.050 --> 0:43:00.250 like that. I know you're probably asking why I stayed 0:43:00.410 --> 0:43:05.250 once we had the conversation and that it was because 0:43:05.310 --> 0:43:07.740 I thought it would still make, I could still make 0:43:07.780 --> 0:43:10.520 it work without realizing that I hadn't put it in 0:43:10.580 --> 0:43:14.480 God's hands. Now I have put my marriage in God's hands, 0:43:14.540 --> 0:43:17.920 but I feel like nothing is changing. I keep praying 0:43:17.940 --> 0:43:20.239 and asking God to change my husband's heart for him 0:43:20.300 --> 0:43:23.380 to want to start back going to church and gain 0:43:23.440 --> 0:43:26.379 a new relationship with God. So our relationship gets better. 0:43:26.930 --> 0:43:29.830 But how long should I wait? I no longer want 0:43:29.850 --> 0:43:32.200 to continue to be on this emotional roller coaster of 0:43:32.219 --> 0:43:35.040 being happy one day and sad or mad the next 0:43:35.100 --> 0:43:37.779 because my husband doesn't believe. And every time I go 0:43:37.820 --> 0:43:40.940 to church, people are asking where my husband is. What 0:43:41.040 --> 0:43:41.960 is a girl to do? 0:43:42.180 --> 0:43:45.020 Please help. All advice and criticism welcome. 0:43:49.130 --> 0:43:50.049 I got thoughts. 0:43:50.170 --> 0:43:53.730 I got one. Not pertaining to anything other than answering 0:43:53.750 --> 0:43:56.069 people when they ask where your husband is. He mind 0:43:56.110 --> 0:43:57.470 his business. Mind yours. 0:43:58.650 --> 0:44:01.140 See, to me, this doesn't sound like she has an 0:44:01.180 --> 0:44:03.739 allegiance to God. It sounds like she has allegiance to. 0:44:03.660 --> 0:44:05.440 The church and the people in the church. 0:44:05.460 --> 0:44:08.140 And because you can't convince him to do what the 0:44:08.180 --> 0:44:10.520 people in the church say, and you have to answer 0:44:10.560 --> 0:44:12.739 to the people in the church, you're feeling a way 0:44:12.780 --> 0:44:13.140 about it. 0:44:13.160 --> 0:44:15.560 That has absolutely nothing. 0:44:15.180 --> 0:44:17.130 To do with God. It's giving performative. 0:44:17.230 --> 0:44:18.930 I mean, I can see that. 0:44:18.950 --> 0:44:20.890 I kind of disagree. You can? 0:44:21.070 --> 0:44:21.650 Yeah. 0:44:21.870 --> 0:44:28.100 I think, I think, Going to church and people asking 0:44:28.140 --> 0:44:31.480 that question might bother her, but I don't think that's 0:44:31.500 --> 0:44:34.380 the biggest issue. I think the biggest issue is literally, 0:44:34.480 --> 0:44:36.860 she said it in her thing, she feels like they 0:44:36.930 --> 0:44:40.330 are unequally yoked, meaning they're not necessarily going in the 0:44:40.370 --> 0:44:41.770 same direction spiritually. 0:44:42.690 --> 0:44:44.510 My thing is, did she say that he does anything 0:44:44.870 --> 0:44:47.069 spiritually that makes her turn off? The only thing he 0:44:47.110 --> 0:44:48.270 doesn't do is not go to church. 0:44:48.790 --> 0:44:49.009 Right. 0:44:49.130 --> 0:44:49.850 So that's what I mean. 0:44:49.870 --> 0:44:52.680 Yeah, but she might be getting something at church that, 0:44:53.070 --> 0:44:55.450 that she's not necessarily getting at home, right? 0:44:55.550 --> 0:44:56.930 Like he's the head of a household, right? 0:44:57.590 --> 0:45:00.670 If they're both not going to church and she's getting 0:45:01.510 --> 0:45:05.069 fed spiritually at home, that's one thing, right? And church 0:45:05.140 --> 0:45:09.859 is probably not the priority in that scenario. But he's 0:45:09.880 --> 0:45:12.860 not doing anything and he doesn't necessarily believe because he 0:45:12.880 --> 0:45:16.120 has his own religious beliefs for whatever. 0:45:16.140 --> 0:45:17.819 So my rebuttal is. 0:45:19.270 --> 0:45:23.509 Mainly like, I don't think the church is, His lack 0:45:23.550 --> 0:45:27.290 of being in church is driving her feelings about him 0:45:27.330 --> 0:45:28.320 and his spirituality. 0:45:28.610 --> 0:45:30.400 It's more his disbelief in God. 0:45:30.640 --> 0:45:31.060 Correct. 0:45:31.120 --> 0:45:33.500 This is the only reason why I don't agree with you. 0:45:34.120 --> 0:45:36.480 I feel, based on what she read, if he did 0:45:36.520 --> 0:45:39.420 go to church and people didn't have to ask her 0:45:39.440 --> 0:45:41.839 those questions, if he just sat there and performed going 0:45:41.880 --> 0:45:44.049 to church and people didn't ask, she wouldn't care. 0:45:44.790 --> 0:45:46.450 She didn't say anything in this thing that. 0:45:46.350 --> 0:45:48.969 Says he doesn't move the right way. He doesn't treat 0:45:49.010 --> 0:45:51.430 me the right way. His beliefs are leading him in 0:45:51.489 --> 0:45:53.009 a way that I feel like his life is going 0:45:53.030 --> 0:45:53.589 to fall off. 0:45:54.090 --> 0:45:56.410 She's saying he don't go to church and people ask me. 0:45:57.210 --> 0:45:59.070 Like to me, it's like that can't be the reason 0:45:59.150 --> 0:46:01.370 why you want your husband to find God. 0:46:01.469 --> 0:46:02.350 It should be, you know what? 0:46:02.890 --> 0:46:06.610 My husband will find God on his search for it 0:46:06.969 --> 0:46:09.359 because I believe in God so much that I know 0:46:09.440 --> 0:46:12.299 God is going to find my husband. She didn't say that. 0:46:12.580 --> 0:46:14.870 She said, how long should I wait? Because people keep 0:46:14.969 --> 0:46:17.130 asking me, and I'm tired of asking that question. 0:46:17.170 --> 0:46:19.739 No, but how long should I wait on this man 0:46:19.780 --> 0:46:21.899 who's not going to church? But not necessarily how long 0:46:21.920 --> 0:46:23.580 should I wait for him to go to church because 0:46:23.620 --> 0:46:24.180 of the people? 0:46:25.000 --> 0:46:27.080 Either way, whether it's the people or church, it has 0:46:27.100 --> 0:46:28.700 nothing to do with his character. She didn't say anything's 0:46:28.719 --> 0:46:31.719 wrong with his character. So realistically, what are we talking about? 0:46:31.880 --> 0:46:33.420 He won't perform going to church? 0:46:34.340 --> 0:46:36.380 And she said that he's not a believer because of 0:46:36.500 --> 0:46:38.799 his own research. And then she also went on to 0:46:38.860 --> 0:46:41.020 say that How could he say God has never done 0:46:41.080 --> 0:46:42.900 anything for him because he beat cancer twice? 0:46:43.160 --> 0:46:44.540 He just may believe in science. 0:46:44.600 --> 0:46:46.160 He might say, well, I did the right courses of action. 0:46:46.180 --> 0:46:47.419 This isn't a church thing. 0:46:47.440 --> 0:46:48.380 The man don't believe. 0:46:48.460 --> 0:46:50.610 I actually think it's a mix of two. It sounds 0:46:50.640 --> 0:46:53.050 like his beliefs are changing a bit, which is fine. 0:46:53.469 --> 0:46:56.450 But she's also letting the feedback of the church influence 0:46:56.469 --> 0:46:56.950 how she's feeling. 0:46:56.969 --> 0:46:59.650 That could be absolutely. It might be twofold. 0:46:59.690 --> 0:46:59.870 Yeah. 0:46:59.890 --> 0:47:01.270 I agree with that. 0:47:01.330 --> 0:47:02.629 I mean, optics can play one thing. 0:47:03.080 --> 0:47:08.080 And how you feel outwardly and how people treat you, right? 0:47:08.120 --> 0:47:08.980 That might affect her. 0:47:09.080 --> 0:47:12.610 But also, like, if she's going there to get something 0:47:12.770 --> 0:47:16.390 and he's not necessarily there... then our household dynamic is 0:47:16.450 --> 0:47:17.810 not necessarily on the same page. 0:47:17.890 --> 0:47:18.430 Fair. 0:47:18.530 --> 0:47:22.870 I agree with that. That's important. My thing is the motive, though. 0:47:23.050 --> 0:47:23.690 I agree with you. 0:47:23.770 --> 0:47:25.790 You should be evenly yoked with someone. This should have 0:47:25.810 --> 0:47:27.830 been a conversation before you got married. 0:47:27.850 --> 0:47:29.650 I definitely should have spoke to her about, oh, my 0:47:29.690 --> 0:47:31.989 beliefs are changing, X, Y, Z. But that doesn't need 0:47:32.030 --> 0:47:33.750 to be because of the church. 0:47:34.650 --> 0:47:37.629 And then my thing is, is if you do get married, right? 0:47:37.969 --> 0:47:39.910 and say your spouse is on a walk. 0:47:39.989 --> 0:47:41.080 They're on their own walk. 0:47:41.340 --> 0:47:43.239 And what if they fall out of favor with the 0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:44.100 church for a minute? 0:47:44.160 --> 0:47:46.720 Do you then abandon your spouse because of that season 0:47:46.739 --> 0:47:46.940 of time? 0:47:46.960 --> 0:47:47.360 Yeah, you can. 0:47:47.760 --> 0:47:49.790 And that's what I'm saying. Her saying, how long do 0:47:49.870 --> 0:47:50.270 I wait? 0:47:50.730 --> 0:47:53.210 It's like, That's not for you to decide when his 0:47:53.270 --> 0:47:56.510 relationship with God is good enough for you as a spouse. 0:47:56.950 --> 0:47:59.030 You're supposed to be there to just continue to encourage 0:47:59.050 --> 0:48:02.050 him to find God and continue to walk. The judgment 0:48:02.430 --> 0:48:05.330 of people keep asking me, that to me is now you've. 0:48:05.190 --> 0:48:08.400 Completely turned me off. Because it's about the church, not 0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:09.719 about my relationship with God. 0:48:09.920 --> 0:48:10.440 I agree with you. 0:48:10.540 --> 0:48:12.759 I think the question shouldn't be even to us or 0:48:12.860 --> 0:48:16.259 anyone outside of her and God. 0:48:16.260 --> 0:48:17.500 100%, how long should I wait? 0:48:17.560 --> 0:48:17.840 Because. 0:48:18.310 --> 0:48:21.109 obviously you've prayed to God for something for this man 0:48:21.150 --> 0:48:26.430 to happen. Any opinion outside of that is just thoughts, right? 0:48:26.469 --> 0:48:27.029 Right, right. 0:48:27.090 --> 0:48:27.390 It's true. 0:48:27.469 --> 0:48:28.790 That's actually a really good point, Josh. 0:48:28.910 --> 0:48:32.070 So in essence, right, like she knows, right? There's a 0:48:32.370 --> 0:48:35.549 scripture in the Bible, Amos 3.3, it says, can two 0:48:35.590 --> 0:48:39.850 people walk together lest they agree, right? 0:48:40.150 --> 0:48:40.950 The reality is no. 0:48:41.030 --> 0:48:44.410 You cannot walk together and be in a disagreement with 0:48:44.430 --> 0:48:46.470 somebody if you guys have the same goals, right? 0:48:46.510 --> 0:48:46.720 Right. 0:48:47.230 --> 0:48:50.029 She's in a conundrum right now where she wants this 0:48:50.070 --> 0:48:53.529 man to either one, go to church, two, be spiritually 0:48:53.770 --> 0:48:55.990 yoked with her and have the same views. 0:48:56.550 --> 0:48:59.529 But I think it's a matter of her. I mean, 0:48:59.700 --> 0:49:02.469 if she believes in the power of God, it's praying 0:49:02.489 --> 0:49:06.319 and fasting. It is leaving it up to him, right? 0:49:06.380 --> 0:49:08.960 We've already made a bed for ourselves and made a 0:49:10.200 --> 0:49:12.920 commitment and an oath to be in this marriage, right? 0:49:13.280 --> 0:49:15.640 So now you're in this oath and commitment and you're 0:49:15.680 --> 0:49:20.730 not necessarily going the same way That same story. spiritual 0:49:21.030 --> 0:49:24.090 zeal that she has to want him to be together 0:49:24.130 --> 0:49:27.710 she needs to put that energy in in seeking god 0:49:27.770 --> 0:49:30.690 for him to either trouble his spirit. 0:49:30.290 --> 0:49:33.170 To make him want to show himself or show him 0:49:33.250 --> 0:49:37.229 something yeah yeah show this man something that that you 0:49:37.290 --> 0:49:39.710 feel like you see so that god can show it 0:49:39.730 --> 0:49:42.070 to him so that you guys can be equally yoked 0:49:42.110 --> 0:49:45.540 together outside of that there's nothing else that she can 0:49:45.620 --> 0:49:47.580 really do because yeah i. 0:49:47.520 --> 0:49:48.739 Mean the man don't want to go to church he's 0:49:48.760 --> 0:49:49.739 just really not going to go. 0:49:49.700 --> 0:49:52.100 To church right and if that's a deal breaker for 0:49:52.140 --> 0:49:54.850 her then she'll have to take it up with God essentially. 0:49:54.930 --> 0:49:56.270 Yeah, you got decisions to make, you know? 0:49:56.310 --> 0:49:58.509 And that was my thing. My thing is just like, 0:49:59.170 --> 0:50:02.350 if you're a Christian, or I don't know if she's 0:50:02.390 --> 0:50:02.930 a Christian or. 0:50:02.890 --> 0:50:05.130 Baptist, I don't know what her denomination is. 0:50:05.469 --> 0:50:07.910 But my belief is that you don't give up on 0:50:07.930 --> 0:50:10.680 your spouse, right? This could be a season. This season 0:50:10.700 --> 0:50:11.440 could last 10 days. 0:50:11.560 --> 0:50:12.640 It could last 10 years. 0:50:13.120 --> 0:50:15.239 When you start asking how long should I wait, you've 0:50:15.280 --> 0:50:17.420 already prayed to God to send you somebody. And if 0:50:17.480 --> 0:50:19.560 God gave you the discernment to say this person is 0:50:19.620 --> 0:50:21.859 my person, maybe it is your walk. 0:50:22.270 --> 0:50:24.410 That is going to lead him back to the church. 0:50:24.850 --> 0:50:26.609 But if on your walk you say, well, I'm going 0:50:26.640 --> 0:50:29.120 to discard you because you're not doing everything, now you're 0:50:29.160 --> 0:50:30.640 not doing what God says. 0:50:30.739 --> 0:50:31.800 You see what I'm saying? 0:50:31.860 --> 0:50:33.080 Or moving in a God-like manner. 0:50:34.100 --> 0:50:37.400 But also using the church and people asking as a reason, 0:50:37.680 --> 0:50:40.600 that's never going to make him want to come here. 0:50:41.060 --> 0:50:42.820 It never made me want to go back to church. 0:50:43.140 --> 0:50:44.440 But you know what did make me want to go 0:50:44.480 --> 0:50:47.200 back to church? Going to see my family this past weekend. 0:50:47.719 --> 0:50:49.960 Going to see my family and seeing the people who 0:50:50.560 --> 0:50:53.839 have always spoke about God in a certain way, how 0:50:54.020 --> 0:50:56.580 even as they're older, they still speak about God through 0:50:56.680 --> 0:50:57.040 all the. 0:50:56.980 --> 0:50:58.859 Things they go through. That made me want to go 0:50:58.890 --> 0:50:59.390 back to church. 0:50:59.430 --> 0:51:00.390 The fellowship. 0:51:00.450 --> 0:51:00.730 Yes. 0:51:01.170 --> 0:51:02.910 And I've seen people who didn't fall in love with 0:51:02.950 --> 0:51:05.630 a building. They didn't falsely idolize a man or a 0:51:05.670 --> 0:51:07.010 woman that was up there on the pulpit. 0:51:07.050 --> 0:51:08.670 They were in church for their own healing. 0:51:09.290 --> 0:51:10.930 When I watched that this week and I was like, 0:51:11.010 --> 0:51:12.509 I saw a couple of my aunts and uncles and 0:51:12.550 --> 0:51:14.570 I was like, yo, you really have found peace in 0:51:14.610 --> 0:51:15.090 this world. 0:51:16.030 --> 0:51:18.029 And it had nothing to do with church, but it 0:51:18.070 --> 0:51:20.440 had everything to do with God. You know what I'm saying? 0:51:20.480 --> 0:51:22.819 So that I hope that she can find that. 0:51:23.000 --> 0:51:23.239 Yeah. 0:51:23.400 --> 0:51:25.920 You know, and not try to. We got to be 0:51:25.960 --> 0:51:27.819 here together. You know what I'm saying? 0:51:27.840 --> 0:51:31.820 You put us on also important is that a large 0:51:31.890 --> 0:51:35.340 part of people who go to church really. I mean, 0:51:35.550 --> 0:51:37.750 they definitely have a relationship with God and you probably 0:51:37.790 --> 0:51:40.250 have that relationship with him outside of the church. But 0:51:40.290 --> 0:51:43.810 the biggest factor of church for me personally is fellowship. 0:51:44.560 --> 0:51:44.759 Right. 0:51:44.800 --> 0:51:48.680 Like, yeah, coming together and with like minded people who 0:51:48.760 --> 0:51:53.310 have the same, the same demographic or same goals and views, 0:51:53.450 --> 0:51:57.049 family oriented, whatever it might be. I think he needs 0:51:57.070 --> 0:51:59.870 to also see something that he can relate to in 0:51:59.910 --> 0:52:00.430 that church. 0:52:00.550 --> 0:52:00.910 I agree. 0:52:01.140 --> 0:52:01.890 I agree. 0:52:02.180 --> 0:52:06.040 Talk about sometimes it's men's groups, sometimes it's sports, sometimes 0:52:06.120 --> 0:52:07.310 like there has to be a. 0:52:08.170 --> 0:52:10.630 I should say the hook should be God, right? 0:52:10.710 --> 0:52:11.150 Yes. 0:52:11.250 --> 0:52:13.989 But the hook can also be other things that lead 0:52:14.010 --> 0:52:14.870 and draw him into the building. 0:52:14.890 --> 0:52:16.270 Yeah, if you can do it in good company. 0:52:16.290 --> 0:52:18.430 I'm glad you brought that up because you see what 0:52:18.450 --> 0:52:22.210 happened with Glorilla and Kirk Franklin. And a lot of 0:52:22.250 --> 0:52:24.610 church people was upset at Kirk Franklin for doing a 0:52:24.650 --> 0:52:25.670 song with Glorilla. 0:52:26.680 --> 0:52:29.420 And she had asked him, he said in an interview 0:52:29.460 --> 0:52:30.319 with Sway that what. 0:52:30.239 --> 0:52:32.960 Hurt his spirit was after all the backlash came from 0:52:32.980 --> 0:52:36.000 the church people, she asked him like, man, if the 0:52:36.060 --> 0:52:39.220 Rocks can serve God, If the trees can praise God, 0:52:39.280 --> 0:52:40.080 how come I can't? 0:52:40.219 --> 0:52:42.279 When I go to praise God, it's like, and I'm like, 0:52:42.460 --> 0:52:44.430 that's a fact. You know what I'm saying? 0:52:44.450 --> 0:52:47.890 Like the church is supposed to be a physical manifestation 0:52:48.070 --> 0:52:49.450 of God in community. 0:52:50.190 --> 0:52:51.070 That's what it is. 0:52:51.110 --> 0:52:52.870 A gathering spot. 0:52:52.930 --> 0:52:55.370 But your community, you have to find like-minded people. 0:52:55.570 --> 0:52:55.810 Right. 0:52:55.910 --> 0:52:57.950 Just because you don't rock with that church don't mean 0:52:57.969 --> 0:52:59.510 you don't rock with every church. 0:52:59.530 --> 0:53:00.870 Correct. It's just that church. 0:53:01.440 --> 0:53:03.800 And I feel like maybe if he found some community 0:53:03.860 --> 0:53:06.859 within a church body, like you said, a men's group, 0:53:06.920 --> 0:53:09.060 or maybe he started out, like even in our group 0:53:09.100 --> 0:53:11.580 that we have where we work out, we sometimes talk 0:53:11.600 --> 0:53:12.700 about faith. Yeah. 0:53:12.840 --> 0:53:14.520 And it leads people back to- Where two or more 0:53:14.540 --> 0:53:15.080 are gathered. 0:53:15.140 --> 0:53:17.440 That is a fact because the church was not a 0:53:17.520 --> 0:53:19.100 physical place in the Bible. 0:53:19.300 --> 0:53:20.260 It's the body of Christ. 0:53:20.719 --> 0:53:21.439 You see what I'm saying? 0:53:21.480 --> 0:53:24.560 So hopefully she realizes that. And I pray that he 0:53:24.840 --> 0:53:27.560 realizes that because one thing I don't argue with is 0:53:27.620 --> 0:53:29.720 people in their belief system, but I believe in God. 0:53:30.450 --> 0:53:31.750 I believe that God exists. 0:53:31.510 --> 0:53:32.069 In all of us. 0:53:32.710 --> 0:53:34.630 So when someone says they don't believe in God, I 0:53:34.670 --> 0:53:37.250 pray for that person. But I pray that they find 0:53:37.290 --> 0:53:39.330 God in their own way. Not that I have to 0:53:39.390 --> 0:53:41.169 convince them of what God can do. 0:53:41.210 --> 0:53:41.790 You know what I'm saying? 0:53:41.810 --> 0:53:43.050 And I'm not going to tear anybody down. 0:53:43.550 --> 0:53:43.860 Exactly. 0:53:43.880 --> 0:53:45.370 Because I have to take a minute to pull back. 0:53:45.219 --> 0:53:48.400 And fully see what they believe in or not. I 0:53:48.440 --> 0:53:51.600 had my time when I didn't believe. Remember in college? 0:53:52.080 --> 0:53:54.820 My brother got crazy backlash from church people because he 0:53:54.860 --> 0:53:57.270 had a baby at 17. We went to college and 0:53:57.290 --> 0:54:00.270 started studying the religions and all the Abrahamic religions. 0:54:00.290 --> 0:54:01.670 I was like, this is whack, it's fake. 0:54:02.130 --> 0:54:04.009 And then when you start reading all this history and 0:54:04.070 --> 0:54:06.379 realize stuff and you go through things in life, you're like, nah, 0:54:06.400 --> 0:54:09.180 there's no way that God can be fake. There's no 0:54:09.219 --> 0:54:11.600 way because there's certain things I just cannot explain. 0:54:11.840 --> 0:54:12.140 Correct. 0:54:12.200 --> 0:54:14.799 Things that I know and see, somebody had to put 0:54:14.840 --> 0:54:17.980 it there. So I pray, sir, if you listen to. 0:54:17.940 --> 0:54:20.240 The podcast or ma'am, if you listen and you have 0:54:20.280 --> 0:54:22.170 him listen, I pray that you find God in your 0:54:22.270 --> 0:54:24.870 own way. I hope that you're not judged into it because. 0:54:24.760 --> 0:54:25.770 That's not the way either. 0:54:25.790 --> 0:54:26.690 And in your own time. 0:54:26.810 --> 0:54:28.930 I hope he genuinely finds it so that he can 0:54:28.969 --> 0:54:31.190 be happy with it. You know what I'm saying? 0:54:31.230 --> 0:54:33.430 Not just I'm doing it for my wife. Because we've 0:54:33.469 --> 0:54:36.410 also seen that in our families. How many dads you 0:54:36.430 --> 0:54:37.720 show up to and then you're like, I'm here because 0:54:37.739 --> 0:54:40.620 she got to come in. I'm like, that doesn't, and 0:54:40.640 --> 0:54:42.719 that turns other men off from church. You go to 0:54:42.739 --> 0:54:44.799 church and those are the men that's there that's saying that? 0:54:45.760 --> 0:54:45.940 Nah. 0:54:46.060 --> 0:54:46.410 There you go. 0:54:47.489 --> 0:54:47.890 All right, y'all. 0:54:47.910 --> 0:54:49.250 If you want to be featured as one of our 0:54:49.290 --> 0:54:53.150 listener letters on a future episode, email us at theellisadvice 0:54:53.270 --> 0:54:54.450 at gmail.com. 0:54:54.890 --> 0:54:58.650 That's T-H-E-E-L-L-I-S-E-S. 0:54:59.489 --> 0:55:00.209 A-D-V-I. 0:55:00.550 --> 0:55:02.830 No, I'm talking about the other one. I'm talking about 0:55:02.850 --> 0:55:04.870 the Ellis' business one. T-H-E-E-L-L-I-S. 0:55:04.989 --> 0:55:05.250 A-D-V-I-C-E. 0:55:12.590 --> 0:55:13.530 At gmail.com. 0:55:13.570 --> 0:55:14.910 Spelling like Matthew. 0:55:14.969 --> 0:55:16.549 Moment of truth time. 0:55:16.570 --> 0:55:17.669 I'm getting mad S's in there. 0:55:17.770 --> 0:55:18.350 I'm mad at them. 0:55:18.390 --> 0:55:19.790 Quicker letter, quicker letter. 0:55:21.489 --> 0:55:21.770 All right. 0:55:21.810 --> 0:55:25.320 Today we're talking. We're talking Nana. We're talking Alzheimer's and dementia. 0:55:25.890 --> 0:55:27.910 How do we want to wrap this episode up? What's 0:55:27.930 --> 0:55:28.780 the moment of truth y'all got? 0:55:30.360 --> 0:55:32.520 Keep working on your diet. Keep doing things to challenge 0:55:32.540 --> 0:55:35.120 your mind. Exercise that muscle. 0:55:35.940 --> 0:55:36.259 There you go. 0:55:37.190 --> 0:55:39.660 I got nothing, man. But I know memories don't live 0:55:39.700 --> 0:55:42.680 like people do. They always remember you. Things are good 0:55:42.780 --> 0:55:43.080 or bad. 0:55:43.219 --> 0:55:46.400 It's just the memories that you have. 0:55:46.739 --> 0:55:47.480 What is wrong with us? 0:55:47.480 --> 0:55:48.120 I have nothing. 0:55:48.140 --> 0:55:50.580 That was a good one. My moment of truth is 0:55:50.760 --> 0:55:52.000 just grief is a. 0:55:51.880 --> 0:55:55.279 Motherfucker, that's it. What a rollercoaster it is. 0:56:06.739 --> 0:56:07.940 Mine is rest in peace, Nana. 0:56:08.540 --> 0:56:14.500 Your spirit certainly lives on in your grandson, in your great-grandsons, 0:56:14.520 --> 0:56:15.780 because them kids are a riot. 0:56:15.880 --> 0:56:18.410 Let me tell you, personality, they got it. 0:56:19.989 --> 0:56:23.850 Mine is, I'm not going to curse, but after dementia, 0:56:23.870 --> 0:56:26.170 I'm not going to curse for my Nana. 0:56:26.690 --> 0:56:29.469 And I just love you, Nana. I miss you. I'll 0:56:29.489 --> 0:56:29.950 see you soon. 0:56:33.900 --> 0:56:36.279 All right. Be sure to find... Soon. When are we 0:56:36.340 --> 0:56:37.089 going to see her soon? 0:56:37.140 --> 0:56:38.830 No, I'm not going to see you soon, man. 0:56:38.890 --> 0:56:40.250 That's what we all thought. 0:56:40.330 --> 0:56:43.450 I didn't even mean it like that. 0:56:43.930 --> 0:56:44.950 I meant when I do. 0:56:45.590 --> 0:56:46.080 Just go to the. 0:56:46.290 --> 0:56:49.190 Just say the names. Just say the names, man. I 0:56:49.210 --> 0:56:51.310 couldn't even spell today. 0:56:51.390 --> 0:56:52.450 I can't say it. 0:56:52.530 --> 0:56:55.660 I'm rejoicing. That will be, but not soon, please. 0:56:55.760 --> 0:56:58.239 Be sure to find us on Patreon to see the 0:56:58.560 --> 0:57:01.960 after show as well as more Ellis Ever After content 0:57:02.020 --> 0:57:04.569 and as well as some Ellis family content and you 0:57:04.610 --> 0:57:06.660 can find us on social media I'm Kadeen I am 0:57:07.180 --> 0:57:08.160 I am Deval I'm. 0:57:08.080 --> 0:57:10.919 Underscore Matt dot Ellis and I'm Joshua underscore Dwayne. 0:57:10.760 --> 0:57:13.880 And I'm Matt Tribbs the cool T-R-I-B-B-Z the cool on 0:57:13.940 --> 0:57:17.020 everything and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts be sure 0:57:17.060 --> 0:57:18.860 to rate review and. 0:57:18.820 --> 0:57:21.340 Subscribe deadass. 0:57:26.920 --> 0:57:30.580 Ellis Ever After is an iHeart Media Podcast it's hosted 0:57:30.640 --> 0:57:35.310 by Kadeen and Deval Ellis It's produced by Tribble. Video 0:57:35.350 --> 0:57:39.910 production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis. Video editing by 0:57:39.950 --> 0:57:40.700 LaShawn Rowe. 0:59:00.070 --> 0:59:02.350 Thank you.