Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you want your way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim, and give us time and a
Speaker 2: terminal and gay we want to send you off inside.
Speaker 2: We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Malforn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do your need ride?
Speaker 3: Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
Speaker 3: a ride? That says Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbanks, And this is Karen Kilgaroff.
Speaker 4: It is the middle of the night, which is five
Speaker 4: o'clock pm.
Speaker 1: Very spooky there. The sky is mid blue, dark blue
Speaker 1: gray clouds with a yellow horizon, like something that's happening over.
Speaker 3: There, with a kiss of mauve.
Speaker 4: I feel like there are times where I do a
Speaker 4: Jimmy Glick impression and I just realized it, and I'm
Speaker 4: going to try not to anymore.
Speaker 1: Why I love Jimmy Glick and no.
Speaker 3: One accused me of it, so I'm going to keep
Speaker 3: doing it.
Speaker 1: Also, it's just it felt more like a It felt
Speaker 1: very It didn't feel like you were doing a Karen.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not. You don't consciously.
Speaker 4: I just happened to hear myself, which I rarely listen
Speaker 4: to myself, especially on this podcast. I find it unlistenable. Yeah, no,
Speaker 4: I'm kidding. I've listened, and I think we're great. Oh oh,
Speaker 4: I just heard.
Speaker 3: My voice just then. It sounded a little glicky.
Speaker 1: It was slightly glicky. I just think that Martin Short
Speaker 1: on that show figured out a way to be perfectly
Speaker 1: funny at a tempo that's not common.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can.
Speaker 1: So you have to, like, as a comic, you have
Speaker 1: to be like, what's going on here? I have to
Speaker 1: figure it out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And the one the main thing you can learn is
Speaker 4: you can insult someone as long as.
Speaker 1: You have your fort And then he jumps up and
Speaker 1: puts his feet under him and puts his hand to this.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's uh, it's something to watch and we all.
Speaker 1: Have it's it's of a time for sure, but oh
Speaker 1: my god, it just I think Martin Short is one
Speaker 1: of the funniest human beings.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he really is. I watched Inner Space recently.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good movie, right, it's great.
Speaker 3: It holds up. Yeah, and I think I already talked
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 1: It's is that a Rob Reiner joint?
Speaker 4: I think it is. It is a Rob Reiner joint. Yes,
Speaker 4: I guess, I'm I'm I'm pretty sure. But they when
Speaker 4: he's swimming around in quaid, they use actual footage. The
Speaker 4: background is not I thought when I watched it, I'm like,
Speaker 4: it's going to be grainy footage of the inside of
Speaker 4: a body. But no, they made models of like our
Speaker 4: heart and lungs and cells, and it's.
Speaker 3: Just really cool as a miniature lover.
Speaker 4: It's a it's a it's a mini feature, yes, really,
Speaker 4: But my point I was gonna. I realized something today
Speaker 4: is that we all say we hate daylight savings because
Speaker 4: of this time of year. But yes, actually daylight savings
Speaker 4: is what just ended. Right now, We're in normal time.
Speaker 4: It's supposed to be dark at five, So what are
Speaker 4: people complaining about?
Speaker 1: Just the darkness? I think personal darkness, I think the
Speaker 1: darkness around us.
Speaker 4: But if they got a lot of people get excited
Speaker 4: when the conversation of states giving up daylight savings time
Speaker 4: not doing it anymore. But actually that would just make
Speaker 4: it to where it was this all the time it's
Speaker 4: dark earlier.
Speaker 1: Yes, they are. I feel like you're correct in that
Speaker 1: the phrasing and the terms they're using are incorrect when
Speaker 1: they say I don't like daylight savings, Yes you do.
Speaker 1: You don't like normal farm.
Speaker 4: Time or these are people that don't like how light
Speaker 4: it is early and they don't haven't discovered, like I
Speaker 4: have blackout curtains.
Speaker 1: You mean in the morning.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like at a paper route hour, you get jostled
Speaker 4: awake by the sun.
Speaker 1: I guess that's what, and then screws up your route
Speaker 1: for the day. Yeah, missing you miss miss Landry's house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and give her mister Weatherby's paper and oh, no
Speaker 4: sports section.
Speaker 1: We've all been there.
Speaker 4: So I guess I like daylight savings time. I've been
Speaker 4: talking bad about it because I didn't realize in my
Speaker 4: head I switched them.
Speaker 1: You got the terms wrong.
Speaker 4: I did, But I wonder there must be not interesting.
Speaker 4: But I think a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I think it is though, because I think it's like
Speaker 1: a I think it's a social media shared mistake where
Speaker 1: everyone's referring to what we're in right now as daylight savings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's incorrect.
Speaker 3: This is the weather, that's the pits, but this is
Speaker 3: just life.
Speaker 1: But also it's not whether it's just this, it's just
Speaker 1: a way we're all agreeing to your past time.
Speaker 4: You're very right that the sunrising and setting is no
Speaker 4: type of weather.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to really one up you on that one.
Speaker 1: It felt good inside, but I do apologize.
Speaker 4: Every sunrise I look out the window and say, it
Speaker 4: looks like we're going to get some weather.
Speaker 1: All clear.
Speaker 3: But I just made the.
Speaker 1: Sun again, the sun coming up.
Speaker 3: Yes, Oh maybe it's just all exhausting.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think for sure it is. I think
Speaker 1: every single fucking way any person is trying to be
Speaker 1: right now is exhausting.
Speaker 3: In another shower, I just showered yesterday. That kind of thing.
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to shower every day when there are volcanoes
Speaker 1: going off in Iceland, Italy and now I think America.
Speaker 3: Right. Plus, no one's snelling me.
Speaker 1: It's just if you need it. Another it's just for.
Speaker 3: My own comfort. I don't like having a sticky neck.
Speaker 1: You mean the showering of the not showering, and.
Speaker 5: Then when I don't shower, I get a sticky neck.
Speaker 5: And a character is that when I don't shower, I
Speaker 5: get a sticky neck. It's like a lighthearted Bruno Kirby.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a it's a it's a convivial Bobby Slaton convivial. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had to dig deep. That's why it took me
Speaker 1: five full seconds to think of that word.
Speaker 4: So if he was like not the bulldog of comedy
Speaker 4: but the or Am I wrong about that?
Speaker 1: No, you're correct?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, the only hatshot I've seen with a spiked
Speaker 4: dog collar.
Speaker 1: Oh and there is his fist up in the shot.
Speaker 4: I think, so maybe a fingerless love if I'm not mistaken.
Speaker 1: Uh, you know. But I will say this about Bobby
Speaker 1: Slayton because he was a San Francisco headliner when I
Speaker 1: started comedy at San Francisco. Was very meaningful. He's very
Speaker 1: meaningful to me. He's a classic headliner. But also he
Speaker 1: did lots of like character work in movies and TV shows,
Speaker 1: and he's a fucking great actor.
Speaker 4: If I showed you this headshot of old Bobby Slayton,
Speaker 4: people would go, oh that guy.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, he's really good. Some of his comedy is,
Speaker 1: or maybe a lot of his comedy is kind of
Speaker 1: shitty to be shitty, right, but there's something to that.
Speaker 1: It's almost like he's like if Don Rickles were even meaner, right,
Speaker 1: which is you know, interesting, Yeah, it.
Speaker 4: Is, it is, he's possibly meaner. I did do a
Speaker 4: show with him in Mill Valley. Oh yeah, and I
Speaker 4: was like, yikes, you can't say that. I don't think
Speaker 4: I've ever said that to Rickles.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's a face thing, but I don't think I
Speaker 4: want to hug Don Rickles's face off.
Speaker 1: Don have you seen that fucking clip where Don Rickles
Speaker 1: is giving de Niro shit while they're filming Casino. No,
Speaker 1: So here's a story. This is all TikTok once again,
Speaker 1: this TikTok corner. Rickles found out that de Niro worshiped
Speaker 1: him because he's like an old insult comic, like a
Speaker 1: Catskill style comic, and apparently that's de Niro's favorite thing.
Speaker 4: And he had to study comedy because he was in
Speaker 4: the King of Comedy, that movie no one's really watched.
Speaker 3: That's pretty good, that's right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So and he knows it, he respects it, but
Speaker 1: he's like, but that's also and they say this in
Speaker 1: this TikTok that when they're explaining it, it's or it
Speaker 1: might be from a documentary where they're all explaining it,
Speaker 1: but it was the New York way of like wisecracks
Speaker 1: on the street type of guys or the like the
Speaker 1: funniest guys. So then someone tells Don Rickles this, So
Speaker 1: then Don Rickles just won't stop giving de Niro shit,
Speaker 1: like is just on him all the time. And DeNiro's
Speaker 1: just giggling the whole time because he fucking loves it
Speaker 1: and loves Don Rickles. So like they're showing the beginning
Speaker 1: have you seen this. They're showing the beginning of like
Speaker 1: a scene and you hear Robert de Niro go a
Speaker 1: sorry line and somebody's quietly reading him the line, and
Speaker 1: Don Rickles just starts going, why you make six million dollars?
Speaker 1: It's all you can't learn your lines, That's it's the
Speaker 1: easiest thing to do. I did, I know mine? And
Speaker 1: he just starts like fucking like going after him, like
Speaker 1: how unprofessional. It's just you have to see it. It's
Speaker 1: so fucking funny.
Speaker 4: Because I still am scared of that man because of
Speaker 4: cape fear. I don't even though he's got older, he
Speaker 4: scares me. I feel like he'll kill me.
Speaker 1: He wants to kill you.
Speaker 3: I think, yeah, I've heard you've heard this too.
Speaker 1: It's gossipy, but it's true.
Speaker 3: Oh, I guess I should stay in my apartment more.
Speaker 1: I think we should do many more gossip kind of
Speaker 1: chunks of conversation on.
Speaker 3: This podc Yeah, we should name names like de.
Speaker 1: Niro is aggressive. That's just the Hollywood subtle.
Speaker 3: But those are your words, not mine. I just leave
Speaker 3: you out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're just like, no way, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be a part of that. It's like, no. This is
Speaker 1: the point of gossiping is two people have to do
Speaker 1: it together and like doing it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not wearing cement shoes in the bottom of
Speaker 4: the harbor.
Speaker 1: He's not in the mafia. He's just played mafia.
Speaker 3: Oh sure he's friendly with him though.
Speaker 1: I'm sure they must love him so much. Look at
Speaker 1: that empty bed bath and beyond.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's all beyond now. I uh, since I got
Speaker 4: my quint's sheets and I got some pillows from the
Speaker 4: old Ikea, I my pillows were embarrassing. Yeah, just coffee stains,
Speaker 4: because that's we sleep. Coffee comes out, are you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Brown, I don't know. I do believe.
Speaker 4: I think that it's because I go to bed with
Speaker 4: a wet head Chris, But I don't know where their
Speaker 4: colors coming from. Are you telling me that when you
Speaker 4: take your pillow cases off, you're ten to twelve year
Speaker 4: old pillows, you don't have brown stains?
Speaker 1: You know, we all do, We all do?
Speaker 3: They're tan, sure, we all do.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 4: I got rid of them, and I'm sleeping so much
Speaker 4: better now. These sheets oh sleek. Oh yeah, I'm afraid
Speaker 4: I'll get them dirty. I take a shower to go.
Speaker 1: To bed because you want to be you want to
Speaker 1: rise to the level of your new sheets.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well they're white.
Speaker 1: Oh well, yeah, you better be careful, especially with all
Speaker 1: the brown coming out of.
Speaker 3: It. Is it is, but it's all taken care of.
Speaker 1: Now, okay, good? Yeah, Actually I.
Speaker 3: Put coffee filters in my ears.
Speaker 1: Yeah good. Oh I don't like it. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: it makes me think Tom Papa has that amazing joke
Speaker 1: where he goes, you ever take your pillowcase off. Your
Speaker 1: pillow looks like a Civil War bandage.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's great, it's so good. Yeah, that's better
Speaker 3: in my coffee line.
Speaker 4: It's not a contest, it is, you know, I'm constantly
Speaker 4: in competition with the Papa.
Speaker 1: With Papa, Oh yeah, Papa.
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 4: The algorithm has been sending me many animal video and
Speaker 4: I they were and monkeys.
Speaker 3: I'm still old school.
Speaker 4: I like little tiny monkeys doing things, picking at a thing,
Speaker 4: looking around as they play with something made for human
Speaker 4: and isotone or glove of band whatever. But I most
Speaker 4: recently it's interesting to think that animals have different, fully
Speaker 4: different personalities because they released this tiny gorilla into an
Speaker 4: adopted family, Like they took care of the gorilla, it's
Speaker 4: a baby, and they released it into this family. And
Speaker 4: it was like coing up to these new gorillas, trying
Speaker 4: to give them hugs no and yeah, and one of
Speaker 4: them was like all right and totally hugged him, and
Speaker 4: then another one that looked just like the first gorilla pushed.
Speaker 3: Him out of the way.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And then another one was like, oh, that was mean,
Speaker 4: and so didn't want to hug him, but just kind
Speaker 4: of put his arms around him and patted him on
Speaker 4: the back. And then they were all running by him
Speaker 4: and he was trying to hug everyone because he was excited.
Speaker 3: Somehow he knew, oh, this is my new family. I
Speaker 3: gotta be cool. I watched it over and over.
Speaker 4: It's just or the squirrel, like I've seen squirrels that
Speaker 4: are like basically commit suicide in front of me, especially
Speaker 4: in Texas. So squirrels would leap in the street. It
Speaker 4: became a normal thing, especially in Texas. I don't know why.
Speaker 4: Squirrels were everywhere with their tails up, which means they
Speaker 4: were alert.
Speaker 3: And then I've seen this, I know you've seen this.
Speaker 4: The squirrel that's staging its own death and put a
Speaker 4: broomstick on his belly.
Speaker 3: And pretends death.
Speaker 4: Why because he gets caught in a kitchen and he
Speaker 4: feels like maybe they're going to use the broom just
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 3: Know what it is, or maybe it's a pet.
Speaker 4: All I know is the squirrel lays flat and then
Speaker 4: doesn't think it's convincing enough and grabs a broomstick and
Speaker 4: lays it on his chest and then goes back to
Speaker 4: pretending to be.
Speaker 3: Dead like it died in a broom accident.
Speaker 1: And it is insane.
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 4: I will send it to you. So there's there's I'm saying,
Speaker 4: there's smart squirrels, and then there's like high functioning anyone
Speaker 4: that's like pretending to be dead. I know possums do it,
Speaker 4: they're yeah, with the ability, that's right, But this squirrel
Speaker 4: was playing possum.
Speaker 1: This but also like playing like yes, acting but laying
Speaker 1: totally still and flat.
Speaker 3: I think it was one of those flying squirrels. That's
Speaker 3: why they were still flat.
Speaker 4: Maybe it was a very smart flying squirrel, which I
Speaker 4: don't even think is a road.
Speaker 1: No, I think it is because you know our friend Bradford,
Speaker 1: he had one in his house. I think they just
Speaker 1: have a little extra skin, flap of skin under their arms.
Speaker 1: But they seem like normal squirrels until they jump off something,
Speaker 1: and then.
Speaker 3: We may have flying squirrels in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: No, No, he lives in Wisconsin. Sorry, sorry, we.
Speaker 3: Have flying squirrels in Wisconsin.
Speaker 1: Really, I mean I.
Speaker 3: Really thought they were.
Speaker 1: Uh that's a very like that. We is very You're
Speaker 1: including yourself.
Speaker 4: Way Wait a minute, next time we go to Sheboygan,
Speaker 4: you and I we're gonna have flying squirrels.
Speaker 1: And Boygan is in Michigan, isn't it Uhboygan, Wisconsin? Is
Speaker 1: it Wisconsin?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: They make the cheese in a bucket with a little
Speaker 4: red squirrel on top.
Speaker 3: Is that right?
Speaker 1: I believe I want to have I want on Elise
Speaker 1: to tie break it. I have to say this. I
Speaker 1: love that we're wearing these matching sweatshirts. We haven't mentioned them.
Speaker 1: It's for a podcast. No one would ever know.
Speaker 4: We're both wearing super sweet coffee and tattoo sweatshirts.
Speaker 1: They're matching, they're matching. We're driving around it. I just
Speaker 1: realized it's our job.
Speaker 3: We should have uniforms that match.
Speaker 1: You're right, it feels good and fun. But I just realized,
Speaker 1: because there were kids yelling at us from that.
Speaker 3: Car, there's no way that they saw.
Speaker 1: They were making fun of us wearing matching sweatshirts. Well,
Speaker 1: what do they I mean, what do they care?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we look professional.
Speaker 1: This is what podcasting uniforms look like. Yeah, Sheboygan is
Speaker 1: indeed a city in Wisconsin. Oh, I'm so. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3: And the terrible thing is I knew I was right.
Speaker 1: And you couldn't stand behind it. I was like, ah,
Speaker 1: you're probably right, you know, I caius. That's my personality.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of bossy that way, where I just I'm
Speaker 1: really good at convincing people things that they know aren't
Speaker 1: true when they are true, just to kind of have
Speaker 1: my real estate.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 4: I also, you're a knowledgeable person. That's why I believe
Speaker 4: you it's not the tone you're taking.
Speaker 1: But I've told you time and again that I don't
Speaker 1: know American geography, what or presidents at all.
Speaker 3: Neither do I. God, Taft was a good one.
Speaker 1: The bathtub.
Speaker 3: Oh is he a tough guy.
Speaker 1: He's the tough guy.
Speaker 3: See you know plenty well.
Speaker 1: And the only reason I know that is because of
Speaker 1: a thing in exchange. Georgia and I had on a
Speaker 1: during a live show one time and I she said
Speaker 1: something about Taft and I went, ooh, Taft, and then
Speaker 1: we started laughing so hard. I was like, I had
Speaker 1: no idea why I did it. It was super weird.
Speaker 1: And then this listener, who is such a good artist,
Speaker 1: drew a picture that basically just had Taft in the
Speaker 1: bathtub with his leg straight up there, and underneath it
Speaker 1: just said ooh taft in like that fifties poodle curses.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, and it was It's my favorite art that.
Speaker 1: I mean, what.
Speaker 3: Is this bathtub business?
Speaker 1: He died in the bathtub, I believe.
Speaker 3: Oh oh Elvis style.
Speaker 1: I think Elvis died, yeah yeah, but in the bathroom.
Speaker 4: Yes, he died a little bit in the tub. I
Speaker 4: think the ship was everywhere, So that's terrible. That's a
Speaker 4: really bad it is and.
Speaker 1: Also it's like, but I did I was doing it again.
Speaker 4: Everyone in Graceland stopped listening so mad at us.
Speaker 1: Right now, I think Graceland closed.
Speaker 4: I think it's in Wisconsin, I have I actually don't
Speaker 4: know much about. Is Graceland a town or is that
Speaker 4: just what he calls his house or they call it
Speaker 4: it was.
Speaker 1: What they called their like a state.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, it's in Memphis, is it?
Speaker 1: I'm asuman, Yeah that's where he's from. I think, uh,
Speaker 1: it's it's or maybe it's Graceland.
Speaker 3: Is the city, Yeah, it could be, it could be.
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't they make it the city at this point?
Speaker 4: I love stories about Elvis that my dad tells me
Speaker 4: where he would beat someone up with karate and feel
Speaker 4: bad and give them keys to a new Cadillac stuff
Speaker 4: like that. Really, yeah, he's always beating people up and
Speaker 4: being like, here's a.
Speaker 1: Cadillac man because he was overreacting and he was admitting
Speaker 1: it yeah wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or or he just had a weird way of
Speaker 3: giving gifts.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know he was big into karate because
Speaker 1: it was the seventies.
Speaker 4: Yeah, apparently he was a black belt I mean, that's
Speaker 4: nothing that sneeze happened.
Speaker 3: Think if you're Elvis, they give it to you early.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they're kind of kissing him. But it's like,
Speaker 1: you can't get a black belt and then do that
Speaker 1: to people, you know, isn't part of learning it that
Speaker 1: you have to be good person?
Speaker 3: Right? Yeah? Because suddenly I legally your hands are weapons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't just be like, oh, I'm I'm upset.
Speaker 1: I mean to now karate chop fucking everybody.
Speaker 3: The funny thing is, though all assault is illegal, true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, whether you're trained or you're just kind of sloppy
Speaker 1: about it, you shouldn't do it.
Speaker 4: Even if I limp wristedly did get a karate chop
Speaker 4: with a high pitched squeal, I would be treated the
Speaker 4: same as Elvis.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 3: In that situation, Well.
Speaker 1: The effect could be different than Elvis is finely tuned
Speaker 1: karate chop.
Speaker 3: Right right, Yeah, he puts his pelvis into it.
Speaker 1: That Elvis.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: I felt like there was something about this flying squirrel
Speaker 1: animal video.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I just kind of brought that up.
Speaker 4: It was something I was so obvious when I have
Speaker 4: a planned topic.
Speaker 3: And that was one. No, I'm not I want to
Speaker 3: talk about that squirrel.
Speaker 1: It's not a confrontation.
Speaker 4: I really thought, first of all, stop yelling at me.
Speaker 4: I really thought that you would know.
Speaker 1: Of the squirrel, since you're a TikToker, right, I am
Speaker 1: a TikToker, But I've never seen that one.
Speaker 4: I will look for it for sure. Yeah, you'll see
Speaker 4: it when I send it to you.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, please send it. But I guess the thing
Speaker 1: I was going to say is I have a theory,
Speaker 1: and this is gonna sound fucking crazy. Are you ready?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: I think animals and human beings are becoming like they
Speaker 1: are starting to be able to communicate with each other,
Speaker 1: because I've seen some TikTok videos where dogs clearly understand
Speaker 1: English and basically are communicating directly with their owners. I'm
Speaker 1: not talking about those stupid like the button that they
Speaker 1: you train them I put. I don't like it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's creepy.
Speaker 3: And I will watch it and be entertained and make
Speaker 3: sounds like I enjoy it.
Speaker 4: But I don't like that dog with a cat on
Speaker 4: its back, and on that cat's back as a little mouse.
Speaker 1: You don't like that, no, because you think it's fake.
Speaker 4: It's beautiful to see it. I know it's real and
Speaker 4: it took years of abusive training.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's right.
Speaker 4: If you're screaming at a mouse after just having yelled
Speaker 4: at a cat that just after on the heels of
Speaker 4: screaming at a dog that's swallows to catch a spider,
Speaker 4: it's just too many. It's too much abuse. Like my
Speaker 4: sea animals doing tricks. I feel like that was done
Speaker 4: out of instilling fear and reinforcing with treats.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, agree.
Speaker 4: But you think, wait, what's happening actual language, it's just
Speaker 4: a it's a rogue bus driver.
Speaker 3: There ain't no kids on that nose.
Speaker 4: That fire trus Oh should he helps solve another crime?
Speaker 1: Somebody?
Speaker 3: They're looking for a body.
Speaker 1: They're looking in a ravine.
Speaker 3: They're looking in a ravine with flashlights.
Speaker 1: Oh So I don't know why I turned down the
Speaker 1: street because I kind of don't know where I am now.
Speaker 3: Oh, I know where I.
Speaker 1: Am on the grid basically, but I don't. I think
Speaker 1: I had a plan in my head and it was
Speaker 1: the wrong story.
Speaker 3: And we're not off the grid. I think we're eventually
Speaker 3: going to find a coffee shop.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's right here. Why don't we make this machine
Speaker 1: help us find the coffee shop?
Speaker 3: Yes, think blank.
Speaker 4: Now, will if we drink coffee that's late in the evening,
Speaker 4: will you get Sometimes my legs jiggle and I have
Speaker 4: to have some far aflu or something.
Speaker 3: Calm it down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe we should get lemonade.
Speaker 3: I know I'm going to get coffee because that's what
Speaker 3: I want.
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too.
Speaker 3: Well, let's just quit lying to each other about this
Speaker 3: lemonade business.
Speaker 1: I had a strawberry lemonade from Del Taco the other night,
Speaker 1: and I swear to God, maybe it was just the like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to turn right there. God, damn it.
Speaker 3: Well that bus has that out for us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the bus is I want the bus to leave
Speaker 1: me alone. And it's hard to talk and kind of
Speaker 1: navigate all of this at the same time. But I
Speaker 1: never order strawberry lemonade, but it said on the Deltaco
Speaker 1: menu real strawberry lemonade, So I was like, that sounds
Speaker 1: like it could be really good. Yeah, if it's not
Speaker 1: super gross. And it was so good.
Speaker 3: So what's their chunks of.
Speaker 1: Strawberries in there?
Speaker 3: Strawberries?
Speaker 1: And they it was almost like they probably opened a
Speaker 1: bag of frozen strawberry. Sure, yeah, dumped them in a
Speaker 1: big vat.
Speaker 3: I mean they're not organic.
Speaker 1: No, it's not it some mom didn't chop them up
Speaker 1: for me personally, but it worked.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 4: I like the sound of it. I've become the sweetest
Speaker 4: of teeth. And I the other day I lost my
Speaker 4: mind because I rediscovered just straight up vanilla ice cream
Speaker 4: with cherries in it.
Speaker 3: Oh, get out of fucking town.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, I won't. I'm going to stay and
Speaker 1: ask you questions.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I couldn't a pint. I threw away
Speaker 3: the lid.
Speaker 1: Now was that cherry Garcia?
Speaker 4: No, it was it was the it was yeah, it
Speaker 4: was the what's the hagadas?
Speaker 1: It was Okay.
Speaker 4: It's not this crazy, Hey, Jimmy, fallon Mike's pretzels with
Speaker 4: caramelel or whatever you liked almost too much once and
Speaker 4: I only eat that chip too. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 4: but this was I was feeling like, I want a
Speaker 4: real laid back flavor. Let me go with a classic
Speaker 4: that I don't recall every eating.
Speaker 3: In my life.
Speaker 1: Simply vanilla ice cream with cherries.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm telling you. I was making noises, I was
Speaker 3: humming and stuff. Then God, know them.
Speaker 1: Was around question did they look like Maraschino cherries or
Speaker 1: do they look like pitted cherries from I mean regular
Speaker 1: cherries from the groceries.
Speaker 4: Yeah, these are sweet ass cherries. These are the kind
Speaker 4: you find in a Cosmo.
Speaker 1: Got it?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And the magazine and I am the brand, And so
Speaker 1: it was Hoggenda's. Did they say they're doing a throwback flavor.
Speaker 4: No, it was just like back of the freezer. No
Speaker 4: one's eating this. Hey, what do you think Fairbanks Isle?
Speaker 1: Okay, well, since you ignored my animal esp concept, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get thrown. I want to know.
Speaker 4: I was gonna dive back in. I want to know
Speaker 4: how you think they're talking to us.
Speaker 1: Okay, But before we get to that, I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: I think you might have bought a ghost pint. I
Speaker 1: think the pint of ice cream that you ate was
Speaker 1: from nineteen eighty one.
Speaker 3: It did? It was?
Speaker 4: I bought it out of nostalgia from a past life,
Speaker 4: because I said, in my life, I've never eaten it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but I yearned for it and I remembered it and
Speaker 4: it was from back when I lived on a Victorian farm,
Speaker 4: and you were right, Yeah, and brought back memories for sure.
Speaker 1: Uh okay, CATTYESP what I mean, animal a sp what
Speaker 1: do you think?
Speaker 3: What evidence have you seen?
Speaker 1: I guess it's both with both and dogs. But it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: So this one video I saw was a kitten, like
Speaker 1: a baby kitten, and it was it said, this is
Speaker 1: her first time trying wet food and the cat is eating.
Speaker 1: I'm going as they're eating, and it's the cutest thing
Speaker 1: in the world. And then as.
Speaker 4: The cat so the cat's basically going like, holy shit,
Speaker 4: what is It's so good?
Speaker 1: I'm freaking out. I can't believe this is so delicious. Dude,
Speaker 1: never give me that dry shit again. But whatever. And
Speaker 1: then when the cat turns around and goes and I
Speaker 1: immediately was like that kind is saying thank you.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: And then but the people were just filming it, so
Speaker 1: they were like do you like that or whatever? And
Speaker 1: then the cat comes over and is like trying, and
Speaker 1: it's like, pick that cat up. It wants to thank you,
Speaker 1: it wants to hug you, like it's so happy you
Speaker 1: gave it that. And maybe I'm just losing my mind,
Speaker 1: but I believed I was right. When I was looking
Speaker 1: at that cat, I was like I felt like I
Speaker 1: was interpreting the cat's intention.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think some are. And that's what my point is.
Speaker 4: Some are just regular cats or dogs. Other ones are
Speaker 4: have evolved kind of like we are. You know, our
Speaker 4: hands and feet are getting more webbed, and we're evolving
Speaker 4: as humans.
Speaker 3: I'm a better swimmer every year.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there might be holes in that theory, but I
Speaker 4: do think that's Have you seen the one where there's
Speaker 4: three dogs lined up and they're like, who did this?
Speaker 3: Who did this mess? Who made this mess?
Speaker 4: And they're all looking down guilty, and then one dog
Speaker 4: reaches over past the little dog in the middle and
Speaker 4: just puts his paw and the other dog and that
Speaker 4: dog gets pissed and just rubs his nose in his face.
Speaker 3: Like fuck you, he showed me out.
Speaker 4: It is the most and they're not making a noise,
Speaker 4: but it's so clear.
Speaker 1: And do you think they were trained into doing that?
Speaker 1: Do you they real?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: Because they were in trouble. They you could tell by
Speaker 4: their faces. The dogs can't act that way, like act.
Speaker 3: Guilty like you've done something bad.
Speaker 1: Oh that's true.
Speaker 4: I suppose they could if you if you abuse them enough.
Speaker 1: Or if you tied a little very What did you
Speaker 1: see that? No, that guy was doing a Papa wheelie
Speaker 1: up the way down the street with control, with and
Speaker 1: also not going round.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I used to think it was reckless.
Speaker 4: Now I see people riding wheelies, especially in my neighborhood
Speaker 4: so much like it'll be like fifteen kids on dirt
Speaker 4: bikes and they just we ride wheelies and they're so
Speaker 4: controlled that it's it doesn't even scare me anymore.
Speaker 3: I used to think it was insane. You stop, and I.
Speaker 1: Would think it was I would think it was insane.
Speaker 1: But that guy was great. Yeah, he handled shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it is a new is this? Oh it
Speaker 3: does have a drive through it.
Speaker 1: It does. Love everyone's so convenient modern convenience.
Speaker 3: Today's We got a fifty dollars coffee.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 4: From our friend. It would come via email, so it's
Speaker 4: very official. Patricia curly carely k e er not curly
Speaker 4: like mo and carey.
Speaker 1: Carey, Patricia, thank you so much. Was that's a big one.
Speaker 1: That's big, and that's generous and nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is very nice.
Speaker 1: And we appreciate you caring enough to listen in the
Speaker 1: first place, but then to give a gift.
Speaker 4: Well, I think they've seen that once we get hopped
Speaker 4: up on caffeine, the.
Speaker 3: Episodes get better than Yeah. Yeah, it's an investment. I'm
Speaker 3: very excited about.
Speaker 1: This just smells. Thank you, and can we have a
Speaker 1: couple of napkins? Thanks so much? Did you want yours hot?
Speaker 4: It's okay, no, okay, I think that what I've ordered
Speaker 4: is basically a tiny piece of cheesecake, so you want
Speaker 4: it cold?
Speaker 3: And uh, we're doing what everyone hates. We're all. I
Speaker 3: took a bite and I might not continue.
Speaker 1: I just am going to take one boat.
Speaker 4: Of course, if you could bear with us, audience, we're
Speaker 4: just taking a couple.
Speaker 1: Bites only, can you just put in a light keyboard
Speaker 1: sound while I try this?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No one should be forced to listen to other people
Speaker 1: eat on my but yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh shit, oh shit, that's some good stuff. At least
Speaker 3: we're not pulling over split in a box of donuts.
Speaker 1: We're continuing to drive and eating our own donuts.
Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 1: I get it, Sugar, I love you, Sugar, you every time.
Speaker 1: But also, you know, questionable about drinking coffee this late.
Speaker 1: It's not look it's six pm. It's not crazy late.
Speaker 1: It feels like it's nine.
Speaker 4: And I'm someone that can have a giant coffee and
Speaker 4: immediately have a nap. It just doesn't keep me from sleeping.
Speaker 1: But what a true treat to go get the usual
Speaker 1: coffee and they'd be like, you know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I'm going to eat that insane pastry. That's only for
Speaker 1: a treat, right.
Speaker 4: It's like a long time ago when I was opening
Speaker 4: for Larry the Cable Guy. He and his audience was
Speaker 4: screaming and yelling and they were all drunk, and he said,
Speaker 4: he said, I wrote this joke about birthday cake, and
Speaker 4: now it shouldn't have to be your birthday. You should
Speaker 4: be able to eat birthday cake whenever you want. But
Speaker 4: I don't think my audience will like it. Will you
Speaker 4: do the joke?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: So I can see how it does. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'll do that birthday cake joke.
Speaker 1: How to go?
Speaker 3: I It went.
Speaker 4: Okay, it would just it was a throwaway moment and
Speaker 4: I'm not giving the whole joke.
Speaker 3: I'm not doing it justice. I can't remember the twist.
Speaker 4: There was some sort of an act out, I think,
Speaker 4: but he was very thankful.
Speaker 1: Do you know that my old boss. Her dad was
Speaker 1: a lawyer at a TV network, I can't remember which one,
Speaker 1: and every day after he ate his lunch, he ate
Speaker 1: a piece of cake. Then he got at the commissary
Speaker 1: and people constantly said happy birthday or asked him what
Speaker 1: the special occasion Wasn't he just had a piece of
Speaker 1: cake every day?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 1: Isn't that the best?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I guess that that's okay, it is. I used to
Speaker 4: think it was crazy when at the end of eating
Speaker 4: meal there like did you leave room for this area? No,
Speaker 4: it's the last thing I want, And now I get it.
Speaker 3: It just I took.
Speaker 4: Wunderham. I never would get desserted. I do overeat when
Speaker 4: it's the entree, so I'm full. I'm never lying like,
Speaker 4: oh I shouldn't. I just never craved it, and now
Speaker 4: I do. Now I do get deserted. I do look
Speaker 4: at that excram menu that will make you come out
Speaker 4: with a large plate and showcase what you.
Speaker 1: Have wheel that cart by me. I'm really sorry I
Speaker 1: continue to eat that Danish. I couldn't help it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, it's sitting here burning a hole in
Speaker 3: my crotch. It's like.
Speaker 4: I really want to bite this thing. It's just sitting there.
Speaker 4: It's also a hazard. It could fall on the floor
Speaker 4: and they'll be covered with hair. But no, you got
Speaker 4: you got your car detailed. There's so many reasons I
Speaker 4: shouldn't throw cake on the floor this time.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is the time to not do it, right.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying if I did, there wouldn't be dog
Speaker 3: hair on That's right.
Speaker 1: You could eat. You could pick it back up and
Speaker 1: then eat eat off. You could eat off the floor
Speaker 1: of this car.
Speaker 4: Not when anyone ever says I'm getting my car detailed,
Speaker 4: I always just think of pulp fiction and that you
Speaker 4: had to do it because there was.
Speaker 3: A murder in the back.
Speaker 1: Did they get there's detailed after they went through that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, that's why they called Harvey Kaitel.
Speaker 4: Really he's a detailer. Yeah, he was the cleaner. Oh
Speaker 4: wasn't he called the fixer?
Speaker 1: I don't know that wolves very well. He was. He
Speaker 1: was the fixer calling the wolf.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I think he had a lot of nicknames
Speaker 3: in it.
Speaker 4: And and he he showed up and they said, okay,
Speaker 4: first of all, we're gonna need some towels. All of
Speaker 4: it was just basic cleaning knowledge. Yeah, that's what he did.
Speaker 4: That was his role in the movie. He cleaned up
Speaker 4: the back seat and he didn't even do it. He said,
Speaker 4: I need you to get all those hitty bitty pizzas
Speaker 4: of brain and skull and clean them up. And you
Speaker 4: can't leave Annie, we need this car clean. And they're like,
Speaker 4: thank you for doing this, and they shook his hand
Speaker 4: like it was it's a very strange if I think
Speaker 4: about it now, if I really dicet that movie, there's
Speaker 4: there's problems with it.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because he can't be the cleaner if you
Speaker 1: don't tell other people how they need to clean their thing,
Speaker 1: if they hired you as a cleaner, or maybe they
Speaker 1: mean that in like a a kind of mafia way, Yes,
Speaker 1: mafia way.
Speaker 3: That's how he was a cleaner.
Speaker 1: Like how Michael Clayton is is the what do they
Speaker 1: call it, the the what guy? The cleanup guy or whatever.
Speaker 1: There's a phrase for it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it usually means, you know, literally a mess.
Speaker 4: But in this case, and maybe that was a joke
Speaker 4: that everyone laughed about when they were reading the script,
Speaker 4: he's actually cleaning. He's telling them, he's dictating, right, I
Speaker 4: don't know.
Speaker 1: So it was like, oh, get it. It's literal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you get it? Do you get the funny joke.
Speaker 4: But I always if someone says they detailed their car,
Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, murderer, that's what I think.
Speaker 3: I wasn't thinking that about you.
Speaker 1: Well you already accuse me of that though, so well
Speaker 1: it's too late.
Speaker 3: You do wear a lot of black.
Speaker 4: Goth murders the time on the show where we cough
Speaker 4: and control.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is probably censorially for the listener, one
Speaker 1: of the worst shows we've ever done.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, and I agree with that. But the
Speaker 3: last time we did a solo, we were knocking it
Speaker 3: out of the park.
Speaker 4: We're not machines, okay, I mean our ability undulates.
Speaker 1: Like the Rising Seas or a New Muffin. There would
Speaker 1: be no Leftover's Thanksgiving and there's a guy with an axe.
Speaker 1: That's a new movie coming out. Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I have saying that on the sides of buses.
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving horror movie.
Speaker 3: I'll watch it. I love horror.
Speaker 1: Horror.
Speaker 3: I love horror horror. I do.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's okay that we're having a let We
Speaker 4: weren't prepared for this. We had we had a we
Speaker 4: had a guest cancelation, So it's it's good we're doing
Speaker 4: a solo episode and everything. You know, I think besides
Speaker 4: all the prep I usually put in, I yeah, time.
Speaker 1: You didn't do your vocal exercises. You don't stretch me.
Speaker 3: Me, me me.
Speaker 1: But I do think we're being a plus funny, so
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about that. I just felt bad because
Speaker 1: I was like, I literally with absolute disdain for the listener,
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm eating this fucking Danish.
Speaker 4: Yeah, distain on behalf of the listen. We don't have
Speaker 4: to distain for our listeners.
Speaker 1: Well, I feel like though it would be easy for
Speaker 1: a listener to interpret disdain from how rude that was
Speaker 1: exactly is my Yes, my apologies for that.
Speaker 4: I'm making up for it by having this wedge of
Speaker 4: cheesecake and rest on my chinos.
Speaker 3: Look at it there, just sit just riding that plate.
Speaker 1: I thought it was I thought that was a scone.
Speaker 3: No, I didn't know what I was getting.
Speaker 4: I just saw cranberry and it was triangular shaped.
Speaker 3: But I have gotten a piece of cake.
Speaker 1: Oh pretty good.
Speaker 3: Oh it's really good. I actually took another bite.
Speaker 1: Guys, you have to forgive our coping mechanisms. It's very
Speaker 1: dark outside. That's scary. Everything else is scary.
Speaker 3: I stop drinking.
Speaker 1: Chris has a sweet like mouthful of teeth.
Speaker 3: I can't help it.
Speaker 1: He can't help it, and he shouldn't have to help it. Right,
Speaker 1: he's adjusting. Everything's fine.
Speaker 4: I mean, if you don't want me to eat into
Speaker 4: the microphone, you might as well just push me off
Speaker 4: the wagon.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: It will be your fault if Chris starts drinking again,
Speaker 1: because you hate so much to listen to people's smack food.
Speaker 4: And I have to have candy Well re record in
Speaker 4: lieu of the VOD because I used to sit and
Speaker 4: nobody knew about it, including Karen.
Speaker 1: In the car.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's just my juice. Why do you think I
Speaker 3: always had juice that was.
Speaker 1: Kind of pale, the weird pale juice in a cup.
Speaker 3: M M. I had a real problem, Chris.
Speaker 1: Please don't bring that cup in the car. What I want,
Speaker 1: he would say.
Speaker 4: The problem is you can hear me getting all hyped
Speaker 4: up when I eat sweets.
Speaker 3: Now I want to get in a fucking fight. No, hey,
Speaker 3: what are you looking at? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, he's nice, not unless he's nice.
Speaker 3: Oh he's nice. I didn't expect that. No, I learned
Speaker 3: my lesson.
Speaker 1: Did you sorry? And I know I've asked you this before.
Speaker 1: Did you ever know or meet my old friend Danny
Speaker 1: Sebios who was in the comedy hang World, but he
Speaker 1: didn't do stand up. He was like a writer and a.
Speaker 3: I think no.
Speaker 4: I think actually if I saw a picture him, I
Speaker 4: would maybe know him. Yeah, I think you would, but
Speaker 4: I think more I've gotten to know him through your stories.
Speaker 1: He has all.
Speaker 3: Is it Daniel Frank?
Speaker 1: Do you remember this Daniel Frank?
Speaker 4: That was a comic scene guy. I think he used
Speaker 4: to do comedy.
Speaker 1: No, Danny Sebios had prematurely gray hair, but then he
Speaker 1: was other than that, a very very hip kind of hipster.
Speaker 1: He wore very cool clothes, and he had great taste
Speaker 1: and he had great taste of music. Okay, he one
Speaker 1: time though, because we would drink to excess and that
Speaker 1: was he was one of my favorite people to drink
Speaker 1: to excess with because he was so fucking funny. Right,
Speaker 1: And this one time Maryland Rice Cub was driving and
Speaker 1: we drove into the Jack in the Box drive through
Speaker 1: on sunset and we were all so drunk and Danny
Speaker 1: stuck his head out the window and says, I'll have
Speaker 1: a number one. I'm going number two. And it is
Speaker 1: the dumbest fucking joke, but the way he did it
Speaker 1: is it's still making me laugh literally twenty years later,
Speaker 1: and it was all in the delivery, but it just yes,
Speaker 1: reminded me of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 4: That story proves that comedy is all about timing. Yes, no,
Speaker 4: you have good time. You have the best timing who me, Yeah,
Speaker 4: But you can't do other people's jokes because they have
Speaker 4: their timing.
Speaker 1: Well, right, You can't reenact a moment that killed you
Speaker 1: because most of it is you're drunk and you're like
Speaker 1: twenty seven, you're scared shitless, like you're overdrawn in your
Speaker 1: bank account again, you're fucking like everything is. You're running
Speaker 1: from the reality of in every way, and you're just
Speaker 1: trying to look for like a golden moment. And then
Speaker 1: they happen.
Speaker 4: In the Jack of the Box drive through, I recall
Speaker 4: a time at a Jack and the bugs drive through.
Speaker 4: Let's tell these stories. They've been sitting here for a
Speaker 4: long time. This is a long time ago. But I
Speaker 4: had just done comedy at the Saddle Ranch. Oh, they
Speaker 4: used to have a comedy night there. They would not
Speaker 4: turn off the electronic bowl.
Speaker 1: Why would they?
Speaker 3: No, No, that brought in more tips than the comedy did.
Speaker 4: But afterwards I went with the guy that booked the
Speaker 4: show and his his his jeep had a glitch where
Speaker 4: the horn was just honking intermittently, but as we started driving,
Speaker 4: it would stop and you'd kind of forget about it.
Speaker 4: But when he slowed down it would go beepe And
Speaker 4: we went into the drive through and in front of.
Speaker 3: Us were two cops.
Speaker 4: Both of us had had I think he had had
Speaker 4: drinks as well as me, but we were just in
Speaker 4: a beeping We were honking at the cops front, and
Speaker 4: they kept looking back like they just became people that
Speaker 4: were annoyed. I couldn't believe. And we were just waving
Speaker 4: and smiling like it's the car. I don't know why
Speaker 4: they didn't get out and and uh, you know, have their.
Speaker 3: Way with us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, we're sorry. They were in the Jack
Speaker 1: in the Box drive through. They were in a trooper's cruiser,
Speaker 1: so maybe they were like, oh, if they're being if
Speaker 1: they're making fun of us, there's nothing we can do
Speaker 1: about it, I.
Speaker 3: Guess, but there totally is they can do whatever they want.
Speaker 1: I mean, and yes and do it was it was
Speaker 1: I just recalled it.
Speaker 4: Now, what a what a terrible situation to suddenly be in,
Speaker 4: And we just couldn't stop laughing because there's nothing we
Speaker 4: can do about it. We couldn't back up and lin
Speaker 4: if there's a car behind us, I guess we're just
Speaker 4: gonna annoyingly hunk at the cops.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then try to explain it. That happened. One time,
Speaker 1: my dad had this old white truck that was embarrassing anyway,
Speaker 1: and he drove us to high school one morning and
Speaker 1: on the drive, the horn got stuck and we're like Dad, Like,
Speaker 1: as we were getting closer, we're like, no, you can't
Speaker 1: do it. And he drove us all the way in
Speaker 1: like cause we were like, please drop us off on
Speaker 1: the corner. He's like, nope, you're going in, and like so.
Speaker 3: Because he thought it was money, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And he was like, eh, it was like kind of
Speaker 1: doing it. That's that same way. It was, so.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like on an old truck where a horny is
Speaker 4: actually a button that can totally get stuck because it's.
Speaker 3: Filled with old skin cells.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I can't get yellow business. It's but nowadays,
Speaker 4: you know, everything's we're just in it. Right now, we're
Speaker 4: driving around in an iPod. Yeah right, something a better
Speaker 4: reference anymore? Please be interrupting with a better example than iPod.
Speaker 3: I'm embarrassed.
Speaker 1: Well, actually, the most.
Speaker 4: Technical thing I could think of, and it's been obsolete
Speaker 4: for over a decade. Oh, this fancy new car, it's
Speaker 4: like driving around in a Commodore.
Speaker 1: Sixty flower radio. It's insane in here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, boy, this this technology, it's like floating along a
Speaker 4: ham radio.
Speaker 3: H oh.
Speaker 1: Look at their going full on wintertime.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, I'm not above enjoying Christmas lights.
Speaker 1: Hell, yes, it's I'm ready for it right this second.
Speaker 3: Yeah me too.
Speaker 1: That looks really pretty.
Speaker 3: I might make a cornicopia this year for Thanksgiving. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and buckled shoes.
Speaker 4: I just didn't have Halloween, so I want to dress up.
Speaker 4: You know what you can do my system.
Speaker 3: And it's pumpkin bass.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do it, do it, and fill the cornucopia with
Speaker 1: your vanilla cherry ice cream. Just let it.
Speaker 3: Float out, let it melt in there.
Speaker 1: And then shove a Gordon there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you think it's a good idea. I'll do it.
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 3: Wonder where would I get one of.
Speaker 4: Those twisty baskets, one of those cone that's the cornicopia?
Speaker 3: Yeah, where do you get those? I never see them
Speaker 3: on sale.
Speaker 1: Thrift store, your grandmother's house, an old person's right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you kind of just have to stumble upon them.
Speaker 3: Someone has to.
Speaker 1: Pass because that's like saying, where do you get a
Speaker 1: mid sized white wicker basket where it's like, yeah, at
Speaker 1: your mom's house. There's like the moms have bought all
Speaker 1: of those.
Speaker 3: Karen, where do you in town?
Speaker 4: Do you think I would go purchase a ball of
Speaker 4: dusty potpourry.
Speaker 1: Home goods? Actually you might be able to get a
Speaker 1: cornicopeat wormut worm Goods.
Speaker 3: I really appreciated it.
Speaker 4: The other day I was going, I had my keys
Speaker 4: tasseled to my belt loop.
Speaker 3: You know I do.
Speaker 4: I basically am like a janitor. Now, yes, I hook
Speaker 4: them with a carabiner.
Speaker 1: Very cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I let them dangle. I want people to think
Speaker 4: I'm in charge of a building. I want them to
Speaker 4: think I'm a super Yeah.
Speaker 1: Everybody loves power.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I want to wheeld the power of a building.
Speaker 1: Cleaner power of keys.
Speaker 4: But I have to lunge my hips towards my padlock
Speaker 4: on my on my garage, there's just a classic padlock
Speaker 4: on there, so it looks shifty, it looks shady when
Speaker 4: I'm like, it looks like I'm hiding something.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 4: And uh my neighbor, a neighbor, a neighbor, I don't
Speaker 4: I've never seen them before.
Speaker 3: They're like, excuse me, do you live here?
Speaker 4: And I was like I do, and he's like, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: just checking and I was like thank you. Like he
Speaker 4: was like ready to fight whoever was breaking into a garage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 4: And I didn't quite register until he was long gone.
Speaker 4: He just he just walked into a mist and kind
Speaker 4: of dissipated.
Speaker 1: That was a ghost.
Speaker 3: It was another ghost.
Speaker 1: It's ghost. And he was like, would you like some
Speaker 1: of this delicious ice cream? Like sure?
Speaker 4: Cut to me just holding nothing is just pouring a
Speaker 4: canteen of sand in.
Speaker 3: My mouth, delicious.
Speaker 1: I love sugar. Everything's fine.
Speaker 3: Everything was fine these days. Nothing's terrible. No, yeah, sweet
Speaker 3: sweet sand.
Speaker 1: It's fine.
Speaker 4: Everything is fine. It's gonna be great.
Speaker 3: We're back at your house.
Speaker 1: We're back.
Speaker 3: Not only was this episode short? It was sweet?
Speaker 1: Was it short? I think right on time?
Speaker 3: Really?
Speaker 1: One hour boom?
Speaker 4: I guess you know classically that meant we were having fun.
Speaker 1: That's right, because by so so quickly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well I had a great time with you brand.
Speaker 4: I'm glad we dressed let's say, even though we couldn't
Speaker 4: show it off to anyone, I.
Speaker 1: Feel like the good good people kids at Super Sweet.
Speaker 1: The sweatshirts were wearing. Also the theme of this episode, hm, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: kind of thematic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we always pulled full circle and we don't even
Speaker 3: mean to this.
Speaker 1: I like this sweatshirt a lot, biggating tattooed. Just keep
Speaker 1: upping the game. How much do we have to interact
Speaker 1: with this brand?
Speaker 3: I just I just keep bringing That's how thankful I am.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's all it takes with this guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he likes his own name on a chalkboard in a
Speaker 1: business in Echo Park. What can you do for him?
Speaker 3: It is staggering how much that?
Speaker 4: That really punched me right in the old heart strings,
Speaker 4: right in the old I love sack.
Speaker 1: Wait, well then can I tell my can I tell
Speaker 1: my closer story?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I know you know the story, And I know
Speaker 1: I've told it already.
Speaker 4: Is this a closer story like a guy that finishes
Speaker 4: financial deals or a story that will end this podcast?
Speaker 1: It's going to end this podcast forever.
Speaker 3: I kind of knew the answer.
Speaker 1: This is the end of the podcast.
Speaker 3: What this is terrible? Do I sign a new contract?
Speaker 3: I'm going to miss everyone.
Speaker 1: I walked in. I was on the road doing colleges
Speaker 1: in like nineteen I was still drinking, so it was
Speaker 1: like nineteen ninety six and I was in upstate New
Speaker 1: York driving a rental car by myself, I think.
Speaker 3: So I had a college in Ithaca.
Speaker 1: It was wonderful going but basically by myself. I had
Speaker 1: twenty minutes material at an hour to do. I was
Speaker 1: eating it and then progressively getting a little bit better
Speaker 1: as it went. But it was really awful. And so
Speaker 1: I'm on like the third college or the third hotel,
Speaker 1: feeling like a failure, feeling unfunny as hell. I walk
Speaker 1: in and there's a little one of those boards that
Speaker 1: are now very popular with like young mothers to put
Speaker 1: in their kitchen. That's like it's black felt when you
Speaker 1: press in the white letters. Oh sure to say today
Speaker 1: is a great day or whatever?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they're a classic board.
Speaker 1: One of the one of those larger size Marquee boards
Speaker 1: is in the lobby of this hotel and it says welcome,
Speaker 1: guest of the day Karen Kilgera. As I'm walking in
Speaker 1: and I'm like, holy fuck, I'm so let's say it
Speaker 1: is Ithaca. I'm like, I've just pulled into this, like
Speaker 1: Marriotte in Ithaca and my name's on the board and I'm.
Speaker 3: Like a hotel. I didn't that didn't register. It wasn't
Speaker 3: at the school.
Speaker 1: Yes'm I'm walking up to the to the front desk
Speaker 1: to check in.
Speaker 3: Oh, this was a small town.
Speaker 1: And it says welcome Karen Kilgarriff, guest of the day.
Speaker 3: And when a hotel does that.
Speaker 1: So I walk up to the front desk to the
Speaker 1: girl and I go, oh, my god, Hi, it's me.
Speaker 1: I'm Karen Kilgarriff and she goes, oh, they just do
Speaker 1: that with whoever.
Speaker 3: Wait, she took it away.
Speaker 1: So immediately she didn't she didn't even look up from
Speaker 1: what she was working on. I was I was acting
Speaker 1: like I'd just been crowned Miss America and I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's me, it's arter and she's just like, oh, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they just do that. They pick someone randomly, randomly immediately
Speaker 1: shut it down. It was so fucking funny and it
Speaker 1: was so perfect to what the like it was.
Speaker 3: I refuse to believe her.
Speaker 4: I think that it said, Okay, one of the rooms
Speaker 4: is being calmped, there's a comedian in town.
Speaker 3: That's our premiere guest.
Speaker 1: No. I think I was overdoing it, and she was
Speaker 1: basically like, hey, don't get to like she shut her down,
Speaker 1: And what I should have said to her is, don't
Speaker 1: wor I've been eating at Royal at every college. I'm
Speaker 1: doing nowoners, lady, you don't need to bring me down
Speaker 1: any further than a person with no material doing nooners
Speaker 1: at a college and Upstate New York.
Speaker 4: I suck boo, who you're doing nooners? I'm getting off
Speaker 4: of a graveyard. Where's my marquise?
Speaker 3: She was just jealous.
Speaker 1: She might have been jealous because actually, college is even
Speaker 1: if you eat it at a college gig, you get
Speaker 1: paid really nicely.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if it's through the uh naka yeah, which I
Speaker 4: never did mind Roy's non union.
Speaker 3: I's a real college scab.
Speaker 1: Shit, yeah you scab.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you could still do college circuits underground.
Speaker 3: The school didn't even know about me being there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that that old guys in the cafeteria again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: go get the old security guard to get rid of it.
Speaker 3: Keeps going down to the quad and barking and flying.
Speaker 3: I guess let him perform.
Speaker 1: He keeps selling Hackey sack at people. We don't know
Speaker 1: what that is. We don't know what it means.
Speaker 3: It is regional. A lot of people call it footbag
Speaker 3: up in Ithaca. Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Speaker 1: Hey, Happy holidays and New Year.
Speaker 3: You've been listening to do you need a rut? Heyd Ryan?
Speaker 1: This has been an Exactly Right production produced by Annalise Nelson,
Speaker 1: mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Speaker 3: Theme song by Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 1: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 1: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n Ar Podcast.
Speaker 3: For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Oh You're welcome.