Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Overcomfort podcast. I am your host,
Speaker 1: Jennica Lopez. Thank you guys so much for tuning in
Speaker 1: to today's episode. I am so glad you guys are
Speaker 1: here today. Today's episode is for all my single, dating, engaged,
Speaker 1: or even just navigating past and present relationships. I believe
Speaker 1: that today's conversation is going to encourage you and encourage me.
Speaker 1: If you guys do not know, I have been single
Speaker 1: for a very very long time and I've enjoyed my singleness.
Speaker 1: It has been a little bit lonely, but I've turned
Speaker 1: it from something from seeing it as something negative to
Speaker 1: something positive. I see as a season of preparation, as
Speaker 1: something I'm getting ready for and to become the woman
Speaker 1: I need to be for my future partner, person, husband, etc.
Speaker 1: And with that also means knowing who you are and
Speaker 1: having your boundaries not just in your friendships or in
Speaker 1: your personal circle, but also in your relationship as well.
Speaker 1: So today we're going to dive in into an important topic,
Speaker 1: honoring yourself and your boundaries in dating and relationships. First
Speaker 1: things first, we have to remember our worth and who
Speaker 1: we are as people with or without a partner. Our
Speaker 1: worth is not defined by another person. And we also
Speaker 1: have to recognize our boundaries and have them very firm
Speaker 1: and stand by them and recognize where they come from
Speaker 1: and why those boundaries are placed. It's so easy to
Speaker 1: get caught up in emotions and desires and expectations from others. Everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody goes through it. It's okay. But the true truth
Speaker 1: is is that God calls us to honor ourselves because
Speaker 1: we are made in His image, not by the person
Speaker 1: that we see ourselves as, but by who God sees
Speaker 1: us as. When we set boundaries and we stick to them,
Speaker 1: we show respect for the person we were created to be.
Speaker 1: So grab your coffee, let's take a deep breath, and
Speaker 1: let's talk about how we can navigate relationships in a
Speaker 1: way that also aligns with God's plan for us. Like
Speaker 1: I said, you guys, I have been single for a
Speaker 1: long time, and I used to see it as something negative, like, oh,
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? What's like? Am I am? I
Speaker 1: not likable? Is it because of who I am? Is
Speaker 1: it because etc? And then I would also compromise, like
Speaker 1: everything that I've worked hard for, Like obviously I'm a
Speaker 1: single woman twenty seven, I have my own house, I
Speaker 1: have my own car, I pay my own bills, I
Speaker 1: make sure that everything's taken care of and whatever, and
Speaker 1: that can be intimidating. So I always thought that I
Speaker 1: was the problem. But then I realized I'm like, no, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find someone that matches exactly me and matches
Speaker 1: my energy, or that loves me and accepts me in
Speaker 1: every single way emotionally, physically, et cetera. So let's start
Speaker 1: with why do boundaries matter? Why do they even matter?
Speaker 1: Why do we have these things where like we tell
Speaker 1: people where like we don't. I don't really like this,
Speaker 1: like why, Like what is the reason behind them? And
Speaker 1: a lot of people think that boundaries are about keeping
Speaker 1: people out or being too strict, But in reality, boundaries
Speaker 1: are about protecting what's valuable. And there's a proverb that says,
Speaker 1: above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do
Speaker 1: flows from it. That's Proverbs four twenty three. We are
Speaker 1: called to guard our hearts because our emotions and decisions
Speaker 1: and future relationships flow from it. I think I said
Speaker 1: this in a couple episodes back. Whatever comes into your
Speaker 1: heart and your mind is how you exert. It's what
Speaker 1: you're going to be given. It's what you're giving out.
Speaker 1: If we just let anyone in without wisdom, without discernment,
Speaker 1: without really just accepting whatever person even the bare minimum,
Speaker 1: we risk pain, confusion, unhealthy patterns, and heartbreak. To be honest,
Speaker 1: we are the cause of our own heartbreak if we're
Speaker 1: not recognizing patterns. So boundaries and dating help us stay
Speaker 1: emotionally and spiritually healthy, avoid unnecessary heartbreak, and also honoring
Speaker 1: God with our bodies and hearts. For example, if you
Speaker 1: know that physical boundaries are important for your purity, setting
Speaker 1: those expectations and a relationship is wise and dating. For example, me,
Speaker 1: I have been I believe the correct term is a
Speaker 1: little bit not abstinate for oh for a while now,
Speaker 1: and I'm choosing to. And I'm choosing because I do
Speaker 1: feel that although sex is, you know, important, and people believe, oh,
Speaker 1: we got to test drive the car before we purchase
Speaker 1: it or whatever, I think, at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: take sex out of the picture. Are you still gonna
Speaker 1: love me emotionally who I am as a person and
Speaker 1: how much are you willing to wait for me? I
Speaker 1: feel like that is super important. Oh. Another example is
Speaker 1: if you struggle with people pleasing like me, having emotional
Speaker 1: boundaries can help you prevent from compromising your values and
Speaker 1: just to keep somebody around. So say you're talking or
Speaker 1: dating somebody and this person you know really wants a
Speaker 1: certain thing. He wants you to I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't know, go somewhere. But it makes you feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and it's like, no, I'm not. I'm gonna stay on
Speaker 1: firm by what I'm feeling. And at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, boundaries aren't about rejection. They're about protection. They
Speaker 1: are meant to help you. And I don't want to
Speaker 1: say block, but God your heart and protect what's valuable.
Speaker 1: We're gonna want a quick break and we'll be right
Speaker 1: back you guys, All right, welcome back, you guys. Honoring
Speaker 1: yourself through those boundaries. Honoring yourself means recognizing that you
Speaker 1: are worthy of love, respect, and care. My favorite Bible
Speaker 1: verse is also Psalms one thirty nine and fourteen because
Speaker 1: it reminds us. It says, I praise you because I'm
Speaker 1: fearfully wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know
Speaker 1: that fool and well. Listen, ladies, listen, listen very clearly, ladies,
Speaker 1: God did not create us to settle for less than
Speaker 1: his best. When you honor yourself, you acknowledge that your
Speaker 1: time is valuable, your heart is precious, and your body
Speaker 1: is the temple of God, the Holy Spirit. You guys,
Speaker 1: we are not meant to settle, ladies. I know, no,
Speaker 1: I know that we have this craving. We want attention.
Speaker 1: We want guys to like us. We want you know,
Speaker 1: and we take the first person, We bite on the
Speaker 1: first thing that comes our way. But no, we are
Speaker 1: not meant to settle. We are meant to be chased after,
Speaker 1: to be pursued, to be wanted. Now I'm not saying
Speaker 1: like desperate, like oh my god, play hard to get
Speaker 1: like forever and ever, but no, it's like, honor yourself.
Speaker 1: Your time is valuable, your heart is precious. It's not
Speaker 1: to be played with. It's meant to be protected and guarded.
Speaker 1: And are you going to care for this heart you
Speaker 1: like the person that I am. Okay, protect my heart
Speaker 1: and your body as well. It is it's how we
Speaker 1: take care of our body and what we do to
Speaker 1: it and how we treat it that that matters. Like
Speaker 1: how is this partner or a person that we're interested
Speaker 1: in going to take care of us in all those ways.
Speaker 1: So how do we honor ourselves in dating? Well? Number one,
Speaker 1: know you're worth. Know you're worth in God. Your value
Speaker 1: doesn't come from a relationship status. It comes from God.
Speaker 1: If you're constantly seeking validation from a partner, take a
Speaker 1: step back and ask yourself, am I looking for someone
Speaker 1: to fill a place that only God can feel? I
Speaker 1: think a lot of ladies with let's say daddy issues,
Speaker 1: we have those problems. We tend to draw partners that
Speaker 1: remind us that have a very father figure vibe, or
Speaker 1: actual dads, people with kids, people that had the same
Speaker 1: attitude as our father. Because it's comfortable, it's what we
Speaker 1: grew up with. It's something that it's it's a it's
Speaker 1: a curse and it's a generational thing that you guys
Speaker 1: have to break. And I've learned to do that as well.
Speaker 1: So we don't seek validation and a partner, Ladies, we
Speaker 1: seek validation in God and in ourselves, and we know
Speaker 1: our worth. Say no without guilt. It's okay to say
Speaker 1: no to situateationships, situations, relationships or behaviors that just don't
Speaker 1: align with God's plan for you. And I want to
Speaker 1: make this very important God himself, Jesus himself set boundaries.
Speaker 1: He walked away multiple multiple times to go pray by himself.
Speaker 1: He knew when to say no. And this also goes
Speaker 1: into friendships and families and whatever. When you're setting boundaries,
Speaker 1: it is okay because God even did it himself. I
Speaker 1: need a break, I need a moment from XYZ. It's
Speaker 1: okay to say no. Okay because you ultimately know. You
Speaker 1: have to be confident and know that whatever is planned
Speaker 1: and whatever is meant to be for me will come
Speaker 1: to me. It won't miss me, won't It won't pass
Speaker 1: me by, and when you're ready for it, it'll come.
Speaker 1: Number three is to communicate clearly, effectively and kindly. And
Speaker 1: I think that's what people forget. Also is when you're
Speaker 1: communicating these boundaries, you have to speak with respect in
Speaker 1: order for that other person to understand you, Like, hey,
Speaker 1: very clearly, I just want to let you know I'm
Speaker 1: not liking this. I'm kind of just gonna stay away.
Speaker 1: If someone truly respects you, they'll respect your boundaries. If
Speaker 1: you push past them or make them, or they make
Speaker 1: you feel guilty, then that's a sign that maybe they're
Speaker 1: not the right person from you. Be calm, clear, collective,
Speaker 1: and kind. If someone doesn't respect them, then I'm sorry, babes,
Speaker 1: we gotta go. And I think ultimately, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Honoring yourself and boundaries isn't always easy. Sometimes it means
Speaker 1: walking away from something that feels good in the moment
Speaker 1: temporary satisfaction, but isn't good for your soul or your
Speaker 1: heart in the long run. You have to trust that
Speaker 1: God knows the plans that he has for you. He
Speaker 1: ultimately has plans to prosper you, not to harm you,
Speaker 1: but to give you hope and future and always align
Speaker 1: with his plan. When we trust God in our relationships,
Speaker 1: we also have confidence that his plans are better than
Speaker 1: anything we could arrange ourselves. We got to stop surrender
Speaker 1: and stop taking control. I know love is something that
Speaker 1: we all deep down crave and desire, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: We're human, that's part of who we are created. But
Speaker 1: we also have to trust that He created us with
Speaker 1: purpose and for a reason, and that his plans are
Speaker 1: better than any of the little plans that we have.
Speaker 1: So if you're struggling with boundaries right now, I just
Speaker 1: want you to remember you don't have to prove your
Speaker 1: worth to anyone. God already has that established. You don't
Speaker 1: have to fear being alone, no matter what age you're at,
Speaker 1: no matter how kids you have, no matter if you
Speaker 1: have this job or that job, you don't have to
Speaker 1: fear being alone. God is always with you. You're never
Speaker 1: ever alone. You don't have to lower your standards ladies.
Speaker 1: And I've been I will be honest, I have done
Speaker 1: that before. I have done it where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to be I want to normalize or I
Speaker 1: want to come off like you know normal. No, you
Speaker 1: don't have to lower your standards. You're in this position
Speaker 1: in your life for a reason, and God will bring
Speaker 1: the right person at the right time. I love to
Speaker 1: say this as well. God is never early. God is
Speaker 1: never late, but He's always on time. So whether you're single, dating,
Speaker 1: or healing from a past relationship, keep honoring yourself, have
Speaker 1: the self worth, have the self respect, because God's best
Speaker 1: is worth waiting for. I hope that this conversation has
Speaker 1: encouraged you today. Setting boundaries isn't about keeping love out
Speaker 1: you guys. It's not. It's about making room for the
Speaker 1: right kind of love, the kind that reflects God's heart
Speaker 1: for you and remember that your heart is precious, it
Speaker 1: is perfect, and it is meant to be protected and
Speaker 1: guard it. You guys, just keep in mind, how is
Speaker 1: this going to feed my heart? Is this gonna better it?
Speaker 1: Or is it going to harden it? And if you're
Speaker 1: in a season of learning to honor yourself and your boundaries.
Speaker 1: I just want to send a little prayer for you, guys,
Speaker 1: because I'm your sister, I'm your friend, and I believe
Speaker 1: that when someone is praying with you and for you,
Speaker 1: it is unimaginable what God can do when two or
Speaker 1: more pray together. And I don't want you guys to
Speaker 1: feel alone. We're in this journey together. So God, thank
Speaker 1: you for reminding us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Speaker 1: Help us walk in confidence knowing that we are worthy
Speaker 1: of love, respect, and care. Give us wisdom to set
Speaker 1: healthy boundaries and strength to uphold them. We trust that
Speaker 1: your plans for us are good. Help us wait for
Speaker 1: the relationships that honor you and bring us closer to
Speaker 1: you and you name Amen. If this episode encourage you,
Speaker 1: share it with a friend who needs this reminder. And
Speaker 1: if you haven't already, make sure you guys subscribe for
Speaker 1: just more encouragement and more episodes. We are going to
Speaker 1: wrap up this season next week, so thank you guys
Speaker 1: for tuning in, and I will be pray for your
Speaker 1: girl too. We're praying for the man of God, for
Speaker 1: the woman of God of your man listening to this
Speaker 1: or whatever, We're praying for our partners. Until next time.
Speaker 1: Always keep honoring yourself and trusting God's plan for your
Speaker 1: heart and I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Overcome
Speaker 1: for podcast is a production of Iheartmichael Podcast Network