WEBVTT - Ep 302: Your Full Authentic Self ft. Jodi-Ann Burey 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:09.039 All right, hey, hey, va fam, It's Mandy. I'm back 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:12.920 with another very special guest with Brown Ambition. Today we 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:23.720 have the amazing, incredible, intelligent, charismatic snowboarding, podcasting, writing, TED 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:28.520 talking queen Jody An Beury. Jody Anne is. As I 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:31.040 just said, I don't even there's not enough hyphens for 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:33.960 Jody Ann. But where I discovered Jody Anne was through 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.000 her incredible TED talk, which you can check out. We'll 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:39.200 put a link in the show notes called the Myth 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:43.560 of Bringing your full authentic self to work, And through 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:46.240 her work, Jody Anne says she is on a mission 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:50.920 to disrupt business as usual to achieve social change, and 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:53.120 she's doing that in a couple of different ways, and 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:55.720 especially in the way that she's approached her career. So 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.920 we're gonna talk to Jodyanne about the TED talk about 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:02.320 the myth of women bringing their full authentic self to work. 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:06.440 Also her podcast. She has an amazing podcast called Black Cancer, 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:09.039 which we're going to talk about where she explores the 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:12.840 lives of people of color through their cancer journeys. I 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:16.560 cannot wait to get into this conversation. So without further ado, 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:19.200 Hello Jody Ann, thanks for joining. 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.640 Va Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me. 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:23.040 That was the best introduction ever. 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.640 Oh you're welcome. I want women and you know what. 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:29.039 I used to do it off air on my own, 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:31.560 but then I was like, I know it's uncomfortable to 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:33.960 hear your own bio, but I also want I'm like, here, 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.280 listen to your bio, you know, listen to what you 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:39.280 have done. So for those in the BA fam who 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:42.200 may not be aware of your work, where did you 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.600 get your start in your career and how did you 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:46.640 end up on that Ted Talk stage? Walk me through it? 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:48.280 So in nineteen eighty six. 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:52.040 Now, when two people love each other a lot. 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:55.440 Exactly exactly. There are two ways to think about this, Right, 0:01:56.000 --> 0:02:00.160 Normally I would say, oh, I'm a classic millennial in them, 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:03.040 like on my sixth or seventh career at this point, right, 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.720 And then the other side of the coin is what 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:09.840 happens to your career path when you graduate college with 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.400 this promise of if you go to a fancy school, 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:15.360 you get a fancy job and live a fancy life. 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:19.400 In two thousand and eight, in the Great Recession, you 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.680 know what happens to your career path when you're just 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.800 trying to make do, and then what also happens to 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:29.680 your career path when you're a black woman in predominantly 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:34.720 white spaces, trying to carve out space for how you 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:40.440 work right, your authenticity, your values, your ambitions. And so 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:43.440 I think on that second half of it, between the 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:46.160 recession and what is it like to navigate work as 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:50.520 a black woman. Yeah, you'll see people changing jobs every 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:54.320 couple of years or changing industries every couple of years, 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.480 and so I think that this path of the topic 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:02.160 of my TED talk, authenticity, kind of always been on 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:06.080 that path in some shape or form, trying to understand 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:10.000 who I am in these spaces, who I am as 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:13.480 a person who's born in Jamaica but moved to the 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:17.440 US within my first year of life, navigating those two 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:21.000 cultures within blackness, navigating what it's like to try to 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:24.560 succeed and understand yourself in the context of predominantly white 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:29.360 institutions and predominantly white workspaces. I've always been trying to 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:35.280 understand what is truly my authentic core and what have 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:38.560 I had to adapt as part of who I am 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:43.680 in the process of code switching for now twenty plus 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.600 years of my life, right, and so I think I've 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:51.360 always kind of been building through my own experiences personally, 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:56.360 my professional path, and just my scholarship of kind of 0:03:56.480 --> 0:04:01.720 authenticity in these types of contentious environment or environments that 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:06.680 have high stakes, because who you are in your authenticity 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:11.080 with your friendships isn't tied to your livelihood or your 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:16.280 health insurance. Yeah, so there's a lot of risk in 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:20.080 that space. So I think I've always been building content wise. 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.800 But as far as the ted stage, and I know 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:26.599 you talked about the podcast and to make that linkage here, 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.360 four years ago around this time I had my surgery. 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:33.560 I'm sure we'll get more into that. But as a 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:39.760 part of going through that process of the prediagnosis depression 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.520 that I was experiencing, the post diagnosis depression I was 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:47.720 experiencing just like how traumatic that health crisis was when 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:50.320 you're in a situation when you have to really grapple 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:53.720 with your own mortality. There was a period of time 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:58.000 that I couldn't see myself in the future, Like I 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.640 really just like, all right, let's just make it through 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:03.279 the end of today, maybe we make it tomorrow. But 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:07.920 I really could not see or imagine my life beyond 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:11.320 like the immediate crisis that I was in, and so 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:15.960 the moment that I had the thought that, oh, I'm 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:20.839 going to apply for TED ex Seattle became the moment 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:24.960 where I'm like, wait, are you seeing yourself in the future? 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:29.160 Yeah, do you see a vision? 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.839 Do you see a path for you know? Your life? 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:37.440 What you can contribute? And I think, most critically, what 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.920 I want to leave behind? What do I have to 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:47.839 say that can outlast me and kind of reach way 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:50.600 beyond I could in my little corner of the world. 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:52.960 And so that's kind of how I got to the 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:57.000 TED stage. Like both content wise, life experience wise, but 0:05:57.160 --> 0:06:02.159 also what makes you take that LEADEP was this desire 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:08.040 to leave something behind. It's interesting because you think about 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:11.000 leaving things behind, but I don't think I really fully 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:14.760 grappled with or thought of what being on the TED 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.800 stage would create a head for me. 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:22.040 You know what do you mean by that? The opportunities 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.159 that came with it, the spotlight, the exposure. 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:26.839 Yeah, there are a lot of good things that come 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:30.840 with that. I will say taking that TED stage during 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:34.680 the pandemic it was in twenty twenty has radically transformed 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:40.000 the trajectory of my life just objectively but also as 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.760 I was trying to grapple with like who I was 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.720 with this, like planning for my life, Like why it 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:48.760 was so critical for me to even start having the 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:52.000 thought of TED. Once you reach and I'm sure you've 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:55.400 experienced this but I don't want to project, but you 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:58.960 get this public sense of who you are. You know, 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:01.479 who you are on social media, who you are on 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:04.479 the TED stage, what people think about you kind of 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.960 through these mediated platforms, and then who you actually are. 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:12.520 Let's talk about your health scare, not even a health scare, 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:17.200 your traumatic health event you were at, what happened? How 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:20.559 old were you because I mean this is I can't 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.360 even fathom being You were probably in your mid twenties. 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:25.720 No, it was thirty two when I got there. 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:29.680 Thirty two, early thirty Okay, so tell us. Yeah, so 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:34.040 so talk about this, this this experience, and how did 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.360 that sort of change your outlook on your career and everything. 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:43.200 Yeah. So I think I've been struggling with different health ailments, 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:47.280 very benign like ah, my elbow hurts, you know, like 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:51.960 my wrisk, like very very tiny, tiny things for about 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:54.880 three years, and so that took me in and out 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:59.680 of different doctors' offices doing MRIs and X rays and 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:04.440 trying braces and exercises and creams, and the work of 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:09.400 that is mentally exhausting, physically exhausting, and it's expensive. The 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:13.200 first MRI that I had cost four hundred dollars and 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:16.120 I have eld insurance. Okay, so it's like it was 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:18.040 just it was a lot, and I was getting very 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:21.320 tired of that, especially in a lot of these in 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:26.800 and out of new doctors' offices, being met with racism 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:31.720 and different bias, which shows up as I mean, are 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:35.600 you really in a lot of pain? I had one 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:38.839 doctor tell me that a lot of what I was 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:44.000 experiencing was a result of having a sedentary lifestyle, and 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:47.239 I'm like, well, how do you know that, because I snowboard, 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:50.600 I surf, I run, I lift weights. I was on 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:54.719 a competitive dragon boating team. So he's looking at me like, oh, 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:57.040 why didn't you tell me, Well, why did you assume 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:59.840 looking at me? I don't know if it was color, 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:03.079 my skin, shape of my body that you assumed that 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:05.200 I was sitting at home watch TV all day, which 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.360 is also fine for people who do that, not trying 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:10.800 to judge on people's lifestyles, right, And so just kind 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:15.920 of deal with like the back and forth of that 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:20.720 and the it was just draining. I cannot describe like 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:24.320 the level of pain, but you're just like it's whatever 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:26.520 you push through, you go to work. I still did 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:30.240 all my physical activities and I was hurting the whole time, 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.120 which is a whole other thing of why do we 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:37.319 normalize being in pain like that? Wasn't okay. At some 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.680 point I was describing all of this to my sister 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.160 and she just interrupted me and she's like, Joe, you 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:47.160 are not Serena Williams. And I'm like, first of all, 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:48.880 you don't have to comfort me like that. I know 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.040 that I know that I'm not Serena Williams, Like, what 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.640 is your point here? But the point she was making 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:58.679 was that I'm just a regular active person. You know, 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:03.000 Serena Williams isn't a elked athlete. Right, being a regular 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.600 active person should not create the amount of ailment that 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:08.760 I was having. Right that the fact that I was 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:12.680 in pain was not normal or should be warranted for 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:15.280 the types of activities that I was doing, because again, 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:17.840 it's not like I'm doing a lot, but I'm not 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:22.520 an elite level competitive greatest in the world athlete, and 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.240 so that kind of snapped to me that this is 0:10:26.280 --> 0:10:30.600 actually not okay, and so I kind of grited down 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:35.480 barried it. I gave myself four months to do every 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:39.920 single test that they could do, unrelenting right, that I 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.400 would just give myself that amount to really do the 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:47.080 investigative work, which is itself a massive privilege to be 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.480 able to take the time off, to be able to 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:52.640 have the health insurance or the finances to cover that, 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:57.959 or even the mental capacity to invest in your health 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.680 in yourself that way. And so I was like, I 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.560 have all these things lined up for me. I'm just 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:04.640 going to commit for the next couple of months to 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:07.680 figure it out. Literally. The next test that I did, 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:13.000 which was an MRI my cervical spine, found a massive 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:16.760 tumor inside of my spinal cord. So the way it 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:21.640 was explained to me was if I did nothing, I 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:26.000 would be completely paralyzed from the neck down in a year, 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:28.959 So I should have surgery and should have it within 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:31.280 the week, which I pushed back because I was already 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.440 scheduled to go snowboarding in Europe. So I was like, yeah, 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.160 I'm going to Europe first, and then I'll be back 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:36.599 after that. 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:44.559 Wait. Wait, you were snowboarding, surfing, all this stuff and 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:49.440 you had a massive spinal tumor massive doing nothing would 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:53.280 have made you paralyzed. And you said, uh huh, I 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.640 hear you. But the flight is booked and the hotels 0:11:56.640 --> 0:12:02.240 were bookly fundable. So br be you didn't tell your mom, 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:03.400 did you? 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:03.640 No? 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:05.520 Are you kidding? My mom never would have left me. 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:07.880 I was gonna say, Mama never knew that you were 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:09.720 getting on that flight with a smile to. 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:13.559 Were No, that was not information we were sharing the public. 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:15.640 Oh my god. 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:18.720 So this was going through my head because he told 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:23.840 me that the surgery itself carried the same risks, right, 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:28.120 that the surgery itself could paralyze me if it. 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:30.040 Was something with you when you were getting this news. 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:35.520 No, So I'm like, Okay, if that's what I'm facing, 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:39.400 If I'm facing potential complete paralysis from the neck down 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:45.520 this week, I'm going to Europe right because it could 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:49.320 be the last time I was ever able to travel 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:54.440 independently or to snowboard and to like have that experience. 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:56.600 I didn't know what was ahead of me, and so 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.400 I start bargaining. I'm like, can I push it back 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:02.400 a month, and he's like, you have a ticking time 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.959 bomb in your neck. I cannot make you better than 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.960 you are from when you go into surgery, and so 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:12.040 you could be compromising. You know the best thing that 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.360 you have going for you right now, which is the 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:17.400 fact that you're healthy right like you have a lot 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.920 of mobility. He actually said to me that when he 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:23.880 saw my scans, he didn't he didn't expect someone who 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:27.360 could walk to come into his office, like that's that's 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:31.080 where we were. And so after the deliberation, I was like, 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:34.080 I have to go to Europe, like I have to 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:37.240 do this trip like this to be my last opportunity 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.400 for anything like this. And so kind of went through 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:45.280 that whole process, had the surgery, had a lot of rehab. 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:49.120 You go to Europe. Had an amazing trip. I hope. 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:53.520 It was phenomenal, the best snowboarding on my life. 0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:57.640 The powder was fresh. I don't know snowboarding technology, but 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.560 I mean terminology, but there was snow when you boarded it. 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.280 Okay, there was snow and I boarded it. It was 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:05.600 it was It was great. I mean I cried for 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:09.320 a lot of it, just trying to like really take 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.760 it in so I didn't know. I didn't know. I 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:16.760 didn't know if I could die. You know, surgeries are serious, right, 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.200 I didn't know if I would be paralyzed. I didn't 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:22.560 know anything. You know, my family and I my sisters 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:28.080 in military. They planned that if I ended up severely 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:33.280 like paralyzed, that she would adopt me as her child 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:35.560 so I can get health insurance through the military and 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:37.640 I wouldn't have to bankrupt my entire family for the 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:40.160 rest of my life, you know. Like so there were 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:46.280 a lot of what ifs ahead, and I just needed 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:49.320 to focus on there. Now I'm going to Europe, I'm 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:53.000 gonna have surgery. We'll see what happens after that. When 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:55.040 I came back to work from that. And one thing 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.120 I you know at the intersections with work here that 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.280 I want to emphasize is that when do you have 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.960 a health crisis, or someone in your household or someone 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:06.720 that you take care of has a major health crisis, 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:13.080 you have to decide what is likely an inevitability that 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:17.680 you have to tell somebody at work, And not all 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:24.560 workplaces know how to handle the real humanness that comes 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:31.760 with when a health crisis is in play. Whatever meetings 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:39.120 I had, whatever deadlines I was working on did not matter. 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:42.720 As soon as I got that news, And thankfully where 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.280 I was working at the time, they're like, you do 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.840 what you have to do, all the paperwork, all the PTO, 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:52.120 all the disability whatever, we will handle that on the 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.800 back end. I did not have to worry about anything 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:59.240 when it came to my job. In fact, after surgery, 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.680 I was disability leave for four months, and they created 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:09.320 a policy at my organization. This is a very small organization, nonprofit, 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.760 so I don't even know if those large companies do this, 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:18.200 but they created a policy where you could donate your 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.560 PTO to someone else. And so in the creation of 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:25.840 that policy, I was able to extend my leave an 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:28.760 additional month because I was still I mean, I couldn't 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:31.720 even type after surgery, right, I had to relearn how 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:35.040 to do everything that I could extend my leave and 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:39.680 still get my full paycheck. It was probably the greatest 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:44.200 gift to not have to worry about my livelihood, how 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:45.840 I was going to be paying for all these bills, 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.080 what I would have to do work wise. They took 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:53.000 every single thing off my plane. Not everybody has that experience, 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.600 even when it's you who've been diagnosed with cancer or 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.680 you have this. We're seeing this now with COVID, how 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.880 sensitive companies are with giving space for that or understanding 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:08.199 the role of caregivers. You know, my sister's job was 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:11.160 very supportive of her because she was the one who 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:14.119 was primarily caring for me after I got discharged, And 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:17.080 so I just wanted to emphasize that because if we 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:20.119 talk about this in authenticity language like this is genuinely 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.240 what I was dealing with, what I was going through, 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:26.800 and my work environment had the ability to hold that 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:31.360 to support me as I was trying to like fright 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.200 for my life. Right, Not all places have that. It's 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.320 like are you going to be well or are you 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.680 going to work here? And we prefer that you work 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:42.679 here regardless of what physical, mental, or emotional damage that 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:45.720 does to you. I think, you know, just to land 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:49.479 the plane here. But after going through that experience, it 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:56.399 became very clear to me that difference between like how 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:58.879 different my experience could have been if I was working 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:03.040 somewhere else, And so that division of what is me 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:06.640 and what is this organization, what is the environment, what 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:10.240 is the individual, and what is the institution? Right, so 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:14.880 that became super clear for me. But also, and I've 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:16.399 talked to a lot of people on the podcast to 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:22.159 go through this, but the capacity for bullshit is like 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.439 almost eliminated after you go through something like that, And 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:30.920 so my decision making after that was very clear. Right 0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:35.600 at a job that I loved, it was absolute nonsense 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.000 to me, and I quit right. I wanted to kind 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:41.159 of create my life in this way. I'm not handwringing 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.680 and like I don't know what should I do? Should 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:46.280 I do this? Maybe I can wait? No, wait for what? 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:50.000 And so I still live my life that way with 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:52.439 people who want to plan stuff for me, like months 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:55.640 in advance or you know. I've had people ask me like, oh, 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:58.400 what are you working on or what goals do you have? 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:01.400 And I tell them the same thing, like I don't 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:04.479 plan my life more than two weeks out right, Like 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:08.119 I just because you don't know. And I think that 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:12.080 kind of trauma response also gives me a sense of 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:17.800 urgency and a way where I don't negotiate with what 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:21.040 keeps me healthy, what keeps me sane, and what keeps 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:26.080 me happy, like that's non negotiable, and so I always 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:29.000 try to take care of myself for clarity. 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:31.760 I mean what I mean it was trauma, but it 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.439 was like the positive the silver lining is that fast 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:40.280 track to clarity, fast tracked to being unbothered, oh, being 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.280 focused and understanding what's important. You know, when you say 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:48.320 you get stripped down to like family, your health, you 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:51.800 know what's in front of you. Nothing else matters. And 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:57.160 I am I don't want every Obviously, not everyone needs 0:19:57.160 --> 0:20:00.720 a spinal tumor. I've swear don't let it be a 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:03.520 spinal tumor. The client that I was talking to this morning, 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:05.720 when I tell you and it's so serendipitous that I'm 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:07.520 sitting with you now because I think back to my 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:10.600 I hate the word client makes it sound so transactional. 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:13.199 But this woman who has been working with me for 0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:15.080 a couple months now, and I looked at her and 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:17.240 I was like, you realize, I need you to act 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.760 more like your your house is on fire right now, 0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:23.120 like you're having an emergency. We need to call nine 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:27.320 one one, and their responses. Quit the responses. It's time 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.080 for you to walk away and take six months off. 0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:33.479 But and it was like she was waiting for something 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:38.119 big enough, the catastrophe, the tumor on a scan, you 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:41.840 know what I mean, And the fact that and it's 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:45.080 really difficult to kind of get people to a place 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:47.040 where they can see their own health and their own 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:51.520 well being as that emergency like it actually is in jeopardy. Wow, 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:54.080 All right, ba fam, let's take a quick break and 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:58.119 we'll be right back with more of my illuminating conversation 0:20:58.280 --> 0:21:03.760 with Jody Ambery. This is brown and all right, ba fam, 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.719 we are back. Let's dive right back into my conversation 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:13.120 with Jody Ambery. The surgery, the physical rehabilitation. How long 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:15.200 did all of that take? You said it was four 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:17.119 months of recovery, five months. 0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:21.800 Learning of not of not working. So I was in 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:26.080 hospital for about a month. And that's like can you walk? 0:21:26.600 --> 0:21:30.000 Can you write? Can you pick up a really small 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:32.080 thing and put it to the other side of the 0:21:32.119 --> 0:21:36.719 table like that? That process was so I don't want 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:40.760 to say humbling because it makes it sound like it 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:43.760 was a fun process. 0:21:43.760 --> 0:21:47.640 No, humbling usually means it was hard as shit. And 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:49.720 I thought you were big, tough shit before and now 0:21:49.760 --> 0:21:51.520 you need to pick up a pencil and. 0:21:51.440 --> 0:21:54.560 It's kind of like, you know, like it's kind of 0:21:54.600 --> 0:21:57.520 like that like inspiration porn that we do with people 0:21:57.600 --> 0:22:01.239 who have disabilities. So you can have someone who has 0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:05.560 a physical disability and they're just playing basketball, and then 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:09.119 all the comments will be like, now you have no 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:12.760 excuse to chase your dreams. And I'm like, here's a 0:22:12.840 --> 0:22:16.159 kid who's just like playing basketball. No one asked you 0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:20.960 to project like your shit onto that situation. And so 0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:23.960 there's this sense of like, when you go through something 0:22:24.000 --> 0:22:27.720 really difficult, that if you get on the quote unquote 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:31.720 other side of it, that the process itself was worth it. Right, 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:36.400 I would strongly prefer to not have had a spinal 0:22:36.480 --> 0:22:39.640 tumor or to be currently living with a spinal cord 0:22:39.680 --> 0:22:44.880 injury and all the disabilities and challenges and chronic pain 0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:47.199 that come from that. Like, I would absolutely rather not 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:49.560 have gone through that. The experience when I was in 0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:55.800 hospital was traumatizing and very very isolating. And this is 0:22:56.080 --> 0:22:59.280 pre COVID, right, So I had people visiting me every day, 0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:04.159 but it's really challenging. And I remember this one instance 0:23:04.440 --> 0:23:07.720 where they took me to the bottom of a staircase 0:23:07.920 --> 0:23:10.399 and she was like, all right, you know, for pta today, 0:23:10.440 --> 0:23:13.560 we're gonna walk up the stairs. And I was so 0:23:14.080 --> 0:23:17.720 irritated because I'm like, I'm that memorial Sloan kettering, like 0:23:17.760 --> 0:23:21.200 this is like the creme de la crem of cancer 0:23:21.280 --> 0:23:25.359 centers in the world, And what we're doing today is 0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:29.560 walking up these dingy back staircase like give me the 0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:33.120 bells and whistles, like I want cool equipment. So I'm 0:23:33.160 --> 0:23:35.520 all high and mighty off myself, like this is what 0:23:35.560 --> 0:23:38.359 we're doing, Like we're walking upstairs, and I stood at 0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:39.760 the bottom of the stairs and I just kind of 0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:43.960 looked up. I started crying because what's interesting about a 0:23:44.000 --> 0:23:47.280 spinal cord injury is that there's nothing physically wrong with 0:23:47.320 --> 0:23:51.719 my muscles, my legs, like my body functions. The problem 0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:55.760 is is that the brain cannot get the information to 0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:59.040 the rest of the body. And so when people use 0:23:59.119 --> 0:24:03.840 paralysis as a figurative sense of speech, I'm like, you 0:24:03.920 --> 0:24:08.720 have no idea what that experience is like to be 0:24:09.000 --> 0:24:14.640