WEBVTT - Daddy Issues, Mommy Issues and Everything In Between 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.240 Hey, what's up, guys. Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheese 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:18.480 and Chill. This is sad News bittersweet. It is our 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.960 last episode for this season, but we will be back 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:23.880 next season. I have a lot of surprises for you, 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.520 so stay tuned. But AnyWho, today's episode is a very 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:32.080 special one. I have two of the most important people 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:36.520 in my life to women that I love very much, 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.640 and we're going to talk about everything that has to 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:44.560 do with daddy issues and some ofmmy issues as well. 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.279 Maybe you can relate. I don't know, but let's get 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:54.560 into it. Here is my sister, Jacqueline Rivera Campos. We'll 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:58.280 figure it out, okay, Jacqueline, This is my sister Jackie 0:00:58.960 --> 0:00:59.880 and Jenna Coelope. 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:02.920 Hi, guys, I'm excited. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:06.880 So I've had them on the podcast before individually, and 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:09.800 now I realized one day, oh my gosh, I hadn't 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:12.119 had them together, and I wanted to talk about things 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.800 that I've dealt with and as I'm getting older, are 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:20.440 coming up things that I didn't think or things that 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:23.760 I thought I healed, things that I didn't feel were 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.480 an issue, and now I realized, through therapy and everything 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:30.480 that they stem from my childhood so it was my 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.319 idea to bring my sisters on and let's talk about 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:36.920 daddy issues. And yesterday on our group chat, I was flying. Yeah, 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:38.679 it was pretty intense on that group chat. I was like, 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:40.400 oh my gosh, thank god I was flying because I 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:45.080 got bombarded with like fifty messages and then Jenica, you 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:50.720 mentioned mommy issues and mind you, guys, this is not 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.160 to make our parents look bad in any way. That 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.280 is not what we're trying to do. These are real 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:58.200 things that happen, and my mom did her best and 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.280 my dad, in a way, I guess, did his best. 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:03.280 I can't speak for them because they're not here to 0:02:03.360 --> 0:02:06.000 defend themselves. So this is just what we have lived 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.799 and what we've experienced, without making our parents look bad, 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:12.200 because that's not the point here. It's it's something that 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:13.040 really does happen. 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:15.799 Yeah, And I think people like see it like damn, 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:18.920 like like they take it the wrong way, right, and 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.680 it's like it seems like we're excusing it, but it's like, no, 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:22.120 we're not. 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:22.880 It's not that. 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:24.440 It's just like I think we've come to a point 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.880 of healing, yeah, and understanding that we're able to talk 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:31.040 about it because it's you know, people can it happened. 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:33.520 I feel like it's normal. It happens to everybody. 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:34.200 Mom issues. 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:37.680 Everyone has daddy issues, and you know has their own experience. 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:41.480 Yeah, so I mean talking about that, okay. So daddy issues, okay, 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:45.440 stem from complicated and unhealthy relationships between a father and 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.560 a daughter. Whether he was an absent father or abusive, 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:52.519 or there was a healthy bond, all of these can 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:55.840 cause issues in romantic relationships later in life. So that's 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:57.560 what we're going to talk about. Because we hear it 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.400 and people throw it around and blah blah blah. But 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:01.600 this is this is real, This is real, and I 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.720 can tell you I'll start off. You don't mind because 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:08.360 I'm the eldest. I'm the eldest sister. It really, I think, 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:12.040 more than anything, I started realizing as I got older 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:17.840 that I had issues with abandonment. Abandonment issues and definitely 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:23.239 came from my dad. How he like just disappeared with 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.919 like no way of getting hold of him. I did 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:29.080 feel abandoned. I felt abandoned by my mom A couple 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:33.200 of times. I was yeah, we were So I think 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:35.440 those were things that I started showing up in my 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:42.480 relationships where I would maybe push them away first before 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:44.600 they tried, Yeah, before they right, does it happen to 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:46.880 like I'm not gonna get hurt? 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:47.000 So? 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:54.320 Yeah? And you know what, I've noticed that I'm I've 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.720 gotten better bringing my guards down, like being a little 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:00.400 bit more vulnerable, a lot more vulnerable. I think there's 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:01.560 a lot of power and that I talk about it 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:03.880 here on the podcast all the time, but I've realized 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:08.840 that a lot of things that I let slide with 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:13.040 other people in my relationships, I don't. I'm very very firm, 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:17.480 very very yes. And sometimes I'm like, damn, where does 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:20.440 that come from? Is it? Is it still like? Am 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:21.360 I scared to be a band? 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:22.400 What do you mean? 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.120 A projective? Like if she gives grace to certain people 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:29.520 when they make mistakes, but not in her romantic relationship, 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:31.160 like she's harsher or harder. 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:33.599 I am harder. I am harder. And it's more of 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:36.040 like I got this shit, I'm not gonna let you 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:37.640 hurt me sort of things. 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.520 Your defenses are still Yeah. 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.200 So I don't know, and I don't like that because 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:48.080 it's like it's not cool for them to feel I 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:51.720 don't know, immedial like they're paying the price for right right, 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:54.200 And he's told me that before, and I have gotten better, 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.960 But there are things that I just don't tolerate elsewhere, 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:00.240 but in my relationship. I mean I tolerate elsewhere, but 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.120 in my relationship, I'm like, I'm very very stern. I 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:04.359 don't know how to I don't know what. 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:06.120 Yeah, I don't know where that would be from though, 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:07.680 Like I don't get where it's. 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:12.599 I think it's a defense mechanism. Yeah, sure, I don't 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:14.440 know if it has to do with maybe it has 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:16.480 to do with abandonment, like you feel like. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.080 Or maybe that you're just at a point that you're 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:21.080 not going to tolerate. 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:22.080 You can't. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.120 You just don't have the capacity to tolerate it in 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:29.360 a relationship anymore because like you've already been through. 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:32.520 So much there Maybe Yeah, now I think I'm like 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:34.760 it's my age, but through a lot I know what 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:36.640 I want. I know I'm not going to deal with 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.440 It's kind of like either you're here to give exactly 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.080 what I give, or because a. 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.680 Relationship you're with that person every single day. Yeah, like 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.600 you can tolerate it somewhere else exactly, you could tolerate 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:50.719 someone somewhere else because you're not never gonna be with 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:51.320 that person. 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:53.240 Yeah, you know what I mean. 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:54.599 But I don't know where that would come from. 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.000 I know it's just something that came up, I guess, 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.480 but yeah, I mean it's it is a defense mechanism, 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.840 but it's also I feel like with the abandonment thing, 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:05.159 I'm a lot better. You are a lot better. 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:08.279 Okay, what But it's weird because. 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:11.159 I don't say I. 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:14.080 Wanted to sound rude, okay, but I think we all 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:17.920 equally do not like to be alone. You push people away, 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:19.320 but you don't like to be alone. 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:21.720 But you know what I swear to you, I feel 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:24.080 like not that I want to be alone now, but 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:27.599 before I couldn't. Before I didn't like to be alone. 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:29.919 I needed someone, whether it be an assistant, a friend, 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:32.240 or I was always with someone. I didn't want to 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:34.440 feel the absence. And then when I got separated my 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:37.560 first marriage, that really did teach me to be alone. 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:42.040 And it's okay, and I can get through anything. But yeah, 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:46.159 I know I do better in relationships, like I'm a 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:50.320 serial monogamous, Like I like love, I love love. I 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:52.600 do better being in a relationship than not being in 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:53.120 a relationship. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.159 But I was saying, it's interesting how you have like 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:59.280 the abandonment, but you push people away, but you want 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:00.680 to be with somebody, you know what I mean? 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:04.200 But why they'll because I don't see this is the thing? 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:08.039 This is you guys, we didn't plan this. We're just like, seriously, 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:11.320 she's done my cards down. I was like, you know 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:12.960 what if this, I'm just gonna have a conversation with 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.120 my sisters. This is real and I don't even know 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:17.320 where this conversation is gonna go. It's just I just 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.600 wanted to talk to my sisters and I and I 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:22.960 was thinking about that because I feel like in friendships 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.120 or other people in my life without saying names, and 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:27.400 I know you guys know who I might be talking about, 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:29.320 there are things that I don't like about the person, 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:31.360 that don't make me feel good, that don't sit in 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:34.320 my spirit, but I keep them around, Like what why? 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:38.600 But in a relationship you're ready to like, I'm like 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:40.320 that you got off. 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:46.320 Because I don't think you can tolerate it in that area. Yes, 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:49.440 in the relationship love area, you can't tolerate anything. 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:52.400 I think it's I don't know if you can't tolerate it. 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:56.200 I think it's that your relationship is the place you're supposed. 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.000 To feel safest exactly, and. 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:00.000 When they do ship that makes you so so sorry, 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.560 no say ship. When they do things that makes you 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:06.200 feel unsafe, you're like, no, I'm not gonna do that. 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.760 But it's not that it's because you love them less. 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.200 It's because they're supposed to be your safest and it 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:14.120 reminds you of when you you first didn't feel. 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:20.440 Safe because the other people you can keep them out exactly. 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:26.640 Not as a relationship, okay, yeah, because which I think 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:27.440 is really crazy. 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:33.120 Like I think not having a dad, because there's different 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:35.440 types of daddy issues you can know, and ours was 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:38.920 completely absent. He was gone. You know, I think you 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:42.400 remember more than I do. But it's crazy that not 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:46.760 having a father is something that stole our feminine energy, 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:50.640 like and then having a mother that was who she 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:53.839 was and as strong as she was. It's like we're 0:08:53.880 --> 0:08:56.840 a double battling. I didn't think that fathers are the 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:59.440 ones that teach their daughters to have feminine energy, but 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:00.760 they do if they love. 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:02.000 You right, if they love you right. 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:06.760 Yeah, And that is I feel like that's my problem 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:09.960 in dating right now, is that I do not know 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:11.920 how to be more feminine. 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:18.640 MM it's hard, very hard. I'm finally in my stepped 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:21.840 into my feminine energy with them because he makes me 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:25.280 feel safe. Because and if I don't feel safe, dude, 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.480 I don't know, some toxic as sh it comes out. 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:30.960 But because I feel safe with him, I'm able to 0:09:31.000 --> 0:09:37.319 step into submissiveness doesn't feel yeah, and I feel like, okay, 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:39.200 I want to make this person happy. I feel like 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.480 I never thought that I was going to change my name. 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:46.520 I am Janey Sanchez now officially. He and I was like, 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:48.320 can I be Jene Mariene Sanchez And he's like, no, 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:50.320 I want you to be Sanchez completely. And I was like, okay, 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:52.360 he deserves it. Okay, fine, I'll do it. 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:58.199 And someone else do you know what? 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:00.800 It's just thank you so much. Finally I can be 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:03.200 like fuck, I can rest like a breathe bitch, like 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:09.760 you know, like I feel like, oh, thank you so so. 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.800 But yes, Jenny. But here's the thing. It's interesting because Jackie, 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:16.079 our experience with our dad is weird, and I don't 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:17.120 know if you guys can like. 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:21.560 Ours is very different, always different. I fell into people 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:23.760 pleasing because I didn't want to lose more people. 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.720 I was pleaser too, though I agree with that too. 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:29.160 I felt like because I lost both of my parents, 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:32.040 I had to like I had. That was my fear 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:36.200 of abandonment, and because Mom wasn't always present. Yeah, Mom 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:36.959 was always gone. 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:37.840 She's a busy guy. 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:42.080 I relied on Mom to be both my mom and dad, 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:45.880 and she couldn't be. So it's kind of like damn, 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:51.040 like I don't like, I don't know, it's weird. 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:52.679 Do you remember your relationship with your dad? 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:57.640 I remember bits and pieces. I know that I was loved. 0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:02.640 Do I remember filling love? I don't remember. I only 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:06.559 know that I'm loved because everyone tells me, you know 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:07.000 what I mean. 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:08.400 Yeah, so it's harder. 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:11.640 But that's also because my memories my dad passed away 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.680 when I was eleven, when I was Johnny's age, when 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:16.840 Mom passed away. So it's a lot of like it, 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:18.000 you know. 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:20.880 Yeah, so you don't have like specific no, but I. 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.400 Know I don't remember any like him hurting me or anything. 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:25.040 But I do remember her so much. 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.800 I do remember a lot of him and Mom's relationship, 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.920 you know, like they were friends, but it wasn't. I 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:36.839 never saw like a loving relationship. Ever, I've never seen 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.920 a healthy marriage in my life. I don't think any 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:44.000 of us have. No, No, I've never. 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:45.800 Like so I was so scared to get married for 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:50.640 so long. Yeah, it is, I mean, okay, because he 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:54.120 and the second part of that question is because obviously 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.600 the dad of that I'm talking about is Juan Lopez, 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:59.640 which to me, that's your father without taking anything away 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:02.520 from her biological father. But when that happened, when that 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.120 came about you and you found out, I know you 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:08.480 went through a lot. Did you feel what did how 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:12.840 did that affect you in the way you see relationships 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:19.080 or even mom or your or Juan Lopez your dad process. Yeah, 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:19.679 I don't know. 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.400 I think I things come up to this day, like 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:29.120 as in relationships, Like I'm just like I don't know, 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.680 Like I'm so good by myself and I think that's 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.800 a problem. Like I know how to be by myself 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.800 that I can be home for like a week and 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.080 not want to go out or whatever, and I'm fine 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:44.480 with that, but I think that's a thing, like I'm 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:49.840 scared to go out and like be rejected or like 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:53.240 also those people go away as well, like you rather 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.480 not even like I'm comfortable with, yes, exactly, I'm comfortable 0:12:56.520 --> 0:13:00.600 with where I'm at and like my friend and like 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.280 I'm okay in my space, like I don't need it, 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.199 But then I want attention. I want to be in 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:09.400 a relationship, but I don't like And I think that's because, like, 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:12.560 I'm so used to not having those figures in my. 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:16.240 Life, right, so it's to me yeaeah. 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:17.840 So like and I'm so used to being my own 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:20.840 like I like, I'm used to being my own boss. 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:23.559 Like I don't like I don't have to like you know, 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:27.400 I don't have to tell exactly, but you're willing. I'm willing. 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:30.680 I'm absolutely willing because that's yeah, because being too independent, 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.680 i've learned is not is not good in a relationship either. 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:36.320 And that's what we saw with Mom. And I've realized 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:38.960 respectfully that I have. I looked and I was thinking, 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:40.240 cause I know we were going to talk about this. 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:43.160 I feel like I do have more mommy issues and 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.120 daddy issues. Why. I think because we spent more time 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:47.120 with mom. Mom had to be our mom and our dad. 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:50.000 So that's why I'm like so compassionate about her. Now 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:52.280 that I step back and I'm like it wasn't easy 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.480 being in her position. She needed to be tough. She 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:58.760 needed this because if she wasn't even femininis exactly, she 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:00.560 couldn't because the guys that she chose. 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:03.520 And I think that it comes off like we're just 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:09.000 like very like oh, the independence, Like we're just like, yeah, 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.560 we don't take anything. We don't. I don't think any 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.720 of us like no for an answer, Like we're just. 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:17.280 Like we have very very strong characters, and. 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:21.240 That comes off intimidating, like all of us and like, yeah, 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:22.560 it's sister comes off intimidating. 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:27.040 At least you are now. Yeah, yeah, you stepped into 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.920 your own for sure. Before you were a lot more submissive. 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:34.600 I feel like there's balance, you know. 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.520 I do feel like I don't like to hear no, 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:38.800 So that's that's unpull. 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:43.960 That's like you're just like like, oh, like I don't know, 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.160 like your's I feel like, and I said it to 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.320 everybody in the group chat the other day, it's like 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.320 we've I feel like we've gone through too much already 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:53.560 where we're just over it and we're not going to take. 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:57.280 It, like yeah, we're not going to take people's bs exactly. 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:00.120 And more everything that we've lived. 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:04.600 That's also like exactly, that's why when you were saying 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.800 about like in your relationship, like you're tolering things, because 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.560 we're just already like, yeah, been through too much to. 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:15.840 Like, Yeah, I think finally in my relationship, I'm I'm 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:18.880 still a strong woman and he knows it and he 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:22.720 likes it. But I've also learned to be soft because 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:24.800 a man needs that. You need to feed the king 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.920 and a man in order for him to give you everything. 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.720 It took me a long time to learn that. But also, yes, 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:32.920 he also knows as much as I love him, if 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:35.160 there's something that's not making me happy, if I don't 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:40.720 feel emotional stability, if I don't feel safe security, if 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.240 I don't have those things, and almost as Conki stando, 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:45.920 which is where the whole Patando song came from, because 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.640 I'm like, I need that I know myself. I need 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:53.280 you to always don't catch my standard. Don't get comfortable 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:56.560 and vice versa. I can, yes, don't get comfortable where 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:58.640 you feel. Oh, I have her in my I know 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.640 myself and I know what I like and if you're 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:04.000 not giving it to me, I'm not saying that I'm 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:06.560 gonna go out and get it. But I know my 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.200 history and I know I'm like, if you're not feeding 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:12.280 all of this, I would I'll do the same for you. Yeah, 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:16.560 the I wonders, And that's why we got it. On 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:18.800 my end, I want to take care of him and 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:20.520 make sure he has everything he needs and make sure 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:21.960 that he's getting late as much as he wants to 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.640 get late, and you know, feeding him and taking the 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.840 time to make his coffee, all those little things, leaving notes, 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.080 all that stuff so he doesn't have to look anywhere else. 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:32.920 But it took me a long time to accept that 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:34.600 and be like what, because I would be like, why 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:37.000 is this pattern? Why does this keep happening? Because there's 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:39.120 things that I needed to change from things that I 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.560 saw in my childhood because I never saw a healthy 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:43.720 relationship either, and we had said we want to break 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:44.120 the shit. 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:46.520 But I didn't want to add if all you guys remember, 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:49.480 I wanted to add that. I think it also where 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:53.080 you're at now. It's work that you've done, but are 0:16:53.120 --> 0:17:00.880 also a lot of what he's done. He's he's not 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:04.159 intimidated by the strong woman that you are. No, it 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.560 still allows you to be who you are. You're strong 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:08.480 because you saw mom be that way because of how 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:11.639 life molded you. But then because he's not intimidated and 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.080 he embraces that, it allows you to just sit back 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.239 and like okay, and I want to yes, because you're 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.680 not having to guard that person. You're like, Okay, let's 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.240 venture into what it could be like to be feminine 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:25.480 and leving in some you know, yes, that. 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:30.960 He's not like, he's not right. He doesn't feel inadequate, 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.879 he doesn't feel inferior, he doesn't feel those things. And 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:36.159 it's like he knows who he is and that helps. 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:46.879 So because because you know we we we had a 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:51.679 crazy traumatic like upbringing and we're all together and we 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.280 have siblings or whatever. And what's the difference you see 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:58.800 in Emilio because he's an only child and like, is 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.600 he as broken as we are? No? 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:03.840 I think he's done a lot of the work. 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:07.280 Because he doesn't have does he have daddy? Just because 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.840 he doesn't have his dad and his life either. 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.280 Right seem like it? It doesn't seem like it. But 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:17.639 because he had a very present Nino, his mom's brother, 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:19.600 was stepped in and was like a dad. And not 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:22.879 only that, there's two brothers. Yeah, two brothers and they 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.200 stepped in a lot of the family. They're very close, 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:28.679 so they all helped him, and he never felt like 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:31.640 he was missing a dad, I think because he always had. Yeah, 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:34.760 they're honestly, his mom dide a wonderful job with him. 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:37.080 Mind joymedia will sit here and tell you. He's like, oh, 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:38.600 I was an narcissist and I was this, and I 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:42.640 was jealous and really oh yeah, yes, no way, yeah, 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.119 it's insane. He's like, I know people can change, but 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:46.840 you have to recognize it first. He's like, I was 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:49.560 a narcissist, I was I cheated, I was a liar, 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:51.199 I was this. I was that. He's like, but I 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:53.399 was ready to say I want something different, and then 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:54.960 you came into my life and I would it so 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:57.359 happened to be that. I was ready, you know. I 0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:00.680 was like, I'm ready to do this, and that's why 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:01.600 I think it's worked. 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:04.480 But he don't got this just what we got. 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:11.000 It doesn't seem like it. No, he doesn't, Yeah, right, 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:15.880 he doesn't. He doesn't realize like I mean, I think 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:17.520 I think with being with me, He's like, oh, shoot, 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:20.000 like all this happens in families at least didn't scare 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.520 him away. It didn't. 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:24.480 I have a lot of baggage. 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:27.280 Yeah, and I feel like I'm going to be too much. 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:30.320 You will find the person that is willing to carry 0:19:30.320 --> 0:19:33.480 the bags with you, and that's what help you. Yeah. 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.280 See him be a little toxic and I'm like yeah, 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:39.520 and then he's just very patient and I'm like. 0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:46.159 Wow, yeah, I'm yes, yes. The one thing that he 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:48.760 is but I think it works out for me is 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:52.600 that he's needy. Oh and I love that. And it's 0:19:52.600 --> 0:19:55.240 like sometimes I'm like, okay, babe, we're both very needy 0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:58.280 of attention and touch and this and that, and it works. 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:00.399 But it took so long to get to them. Wait, 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:02.560 you know, like to like. 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:04.000 Like to find someone, you know, I like to get 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:06.760 that because then if you're too needy, then you feel like, man, 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:09.960 this person is feel like this. 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:13.320 Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. But you turned 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:19.400 out when you met him thirty thirty five, thirty six. 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.920 Okay, Yeah, I'm to wait for someone to like match 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:23.560 your energy. 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:26.560 Yeah, But I've also realized that it's because I had 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:28.240 a lot of things I needed to heal. I needed 0:20:28.280 --> 0:20:31.399 to heal a lot of things, and I would overcompensate 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:34.000 a lot of relationships because in a way, I don't 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:36.480 want you to leave, you know, I want like such 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:39.280 a crappy yeah yeah. So wait, what do you have 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:40.240 any daddy issues. 0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:46.359 Checkie, Yeah I do. I'm I'm a sick validation and 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:50.919 that blinds you when you're when you don't, it blinds 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:52.840 you from seeing the red flags, like. 0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:53.920 You excuse behavior. 0:20:54.200 --> 0:20:57.800 Yeah. Same, That's what I used to do. 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:01.400 Yeah, because I'm just want somebody I want, you. 0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:05.920 Know, yeah, yeah yeah. 0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:09.320 And if the person, if the person detaches, then I 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:12.639 feel like I'm gonna overcompensate, like let me, let me 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:14.840 show you, let me prove to you. 0:21:14.960 --> 0:21:15.360 Okay. 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:17.960 So now my question is is how are you showing 0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:19.159 that to Jayla? 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:24.200 You know what, because you have already No, I feel 0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:31.399 an urgency. I feel an urgency to heal something about 0:21:32.000 --> 0:21:36.400 because I'm married or I felt like, oh I'm healed. No, 0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:38.640 not at all. And I can see the same patterns 0:21:38.680 --> 0:21:42.840 in Jaila, and I thought it was insane because she 0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:47.080 has two dads and I was like, oh, she's she's good, 0:21:47.200 --> 0:21:48.800 She's not gonna have this shoes I have. But that's 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:52.920 not the case. Yeah, so I have to be an example, 0:21:52.920 --> 0:21:55.000 and I need there's like a sense of urgency, like 0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:57.520 you need to get it together because I can see 0:21:57.680 --> 0:22:02.760 certain things. Yeah, that sucks, but we're gonna get there. 0:22:02.800 --> 0:22:04.440 We're gon we're gonna get better, We're gonna heal. 0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:07.280 Yeah, because I'm What I try to figure out is 0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:12.399 it's okay because we had dad, right, we had Dad. 0:22:13.040 --> 0:22:14.920 Didn't sound weird, but he was a really good dad. 0:22:17.160 --> 0:22:20.320 He was attentive. He wanted to see us every weekend, 0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:23.359 like he wanted to be in our lives. Yeah, and 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:25.879 he had no issue with cooking for us. And I 0:22:26.240 --> 0:22:30.680 learned a lot of my organization skills come from Dadow. 0:22:30.920 --> 0:22:33.440 Mind you he did what he did, you know he had. 0:22:34.560 --> 0:22:37.520 I feel like it's a it's a sickness. Yeah, soon, 0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:41.399 I don't know, you know so, But then he left. 0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:44.560 So I've been trying to think about, like, Okay, I 0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:46.639 had this. I have a dad that loves me. 0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:53.439 I feel like you compartmentalized like the dad that loves you. 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:55.320 Because there's things, certain things that I remember. I don't 0:22:55.320 --> 0:22:56.920 remember a lot, but there's certain things I do remember. 0:22:56.920 --> 0:22:59.840 And it was fun, it was pretty. It was like music. 0:22:59.880 --> 0:23:01.480 I just remember thought about music. 0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:05.439 Yeah, yeah, but then then there's the other side. So 0:23:06.000 --> 0:23:07.720 but that's probably are analyzing. 0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:11.560 Are you excusing it? I don't think so, no excusing 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:14.800 what like I'm saying, like, does this fallen excusing behavior 0:23:15.680 --> 0:23:19.000 because he because he was a good dad, but he 0:23:19.040 --> 0:23:19.920 also did what he did. 0:23:20.080 --> 0:23:24.080 Yeah, so a lot of people would say we are 0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:28.760 And sometimes I think like, is this a trauma response? 0:23:28.880 --> 0:23:31.040 Because I want to forgive and I don't want to 0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:34.480 hold a grudge. But again, You've never been that way. 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:39.120 I've never been one to like hold grudges or anything like. 0:23:39.080 --> 0:23:41.640 That to anyone who's hurt you, not just this person. 0:23:41.480 --> 0:23:44.560 And to like to a fault because sometimes some people 0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:46.520 don't deserve to come back into my life. And I 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:49.840 just keep it's okay, it's okay, and I kept allowing 0:23:49.840 --> 0:23:51.000 it and still his day. 0:23:51.320 --> 0:23:53.439 Is that a trauma response from what we lived? I 0:23:53.480 --> 0:23:53.879 don't know. 0:23:53.960 --> 0:23:54.359 I don't know. 0:23:54.480 --> 0:23:58.560 It's so much it's like a yeah. 0:23:57.560 --> 0:24:02.840 I think it's also that we I mean, maybe I'll 0:24:02.880 --> 0:24:05.240 speak for myself. I know that I'm not a perfect 0:24:05.280 --> 0:24:09.959 person and I've made mistakes as well, so it's like 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:16.520 we overextend grace. I know that people can change. Yeah, 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:21.800 so it's like we also hope that you know, that 0:24:21.840 --> 0:24:22.960 person changes. 0:24:23.359 --> 0:24:26.280 Like we have that faith, yes, exactly, the doubt. 0:24:26.119 --> 0:24:28.879 Because we've changed or we know we've done things or 0:24:29.280 --> 0:24:31.960 you know. Yeah, so I don't know at least that's 0:24:32.000 --> 0:24:32.240 just me. 0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:37.679 Yeah, I mean we're figuring this out as as we're here. Guys, 0:24:37.760 --> 0:24:39.800 we don't have all of the answers. And I think 0:24:39.840 --> 0:24:41.800 that's something I'm going to ask Tanya, my therapist. I'm 0:24:41.800 --> 0:24:44.639 going to talk to her about it, like, hey, and 0:24:44.720 --> 0:24:46.880 it's weird because I feel like, in a way I've 0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:50.159 healed a lot of it. It's a lot better, but 0:24:50.200 --> 0:24:52.960 there's still little things that linger that if I don't 0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:54.920 continue and I don't like exercise it like it's a 0:24:54.960 --> 0:24:58.520 muscle my therapy, then I start, you start, you know, 0:24:58.560 --> 0:25:00.560 backtracking a little bit, and I've not sound like I 0:25:00.560 --> 0:25:03.000 need to stay on top of it. Yeah, you know, 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:04.280 I need to stay on top of it to be 0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:07.639 to get checked to just you know, get that reality 0:25:07.720 --> 0:25:10.560 check I guess of because these are things that are 0:25:10.680 --> 0:25:13.560 that are just I guess in in a way. 0:25:15.600 --> 0:25:18.359 Like in the depths of us it's generous, it's. 0:25:18.200 --> 0:25:20.920 A yeah exactly, So I'm like, okay, if. 0:25:20.760 --> 0:25:23.680 They didn't do it, then it's our job to heal 0:25:23.760 --> 0:25:26.119 and break it. And once you have children, I'm not 0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:30.200 even joking, it's like a mirror, Like you'll see them 0:25:30.240 --> 0:25:33.119 this Riandos in the good stuff and in the bad stuff, 0:25:33.160 --> 0:25:35.560 and then you have to ask yourself, wait, do I 0:25:35.720 --> 0:25:38.640 do that? Is that like something learned? And a lot 0:25:38.640 --> 0:25:41.840 of the times it's like we think we're good people 0:25:41.920 --> 0:25:44.679 because we don't, you know, do certain things, or we 0:25:44.720 --> 0:25:46.920 don't steal, or we don't do these things. But like 0:25:47.600 --> 0:25:50.280 once you see your kid, I'm like, shoot, like damn, 0:25:50.280 --> 0:25:53.639 I gotta I gotta fix this because I still do that. 0:25:54.320 --> 0:25:57.560 Yeah, but that's why I think I waited so long 0:25:58.359 --> 0:25:59.640 to have because is. 0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:01.800 It like you're waiting to get be better? 0:26:01.840 --> 0:26:06.119 So that honestly, it wasn't even that. Now that I'm older, 0:26:06.200 --> 0:26:09.040 now I'm like, Okay, now I feel like I've done 0:26:09.040 --> 0:26:11.639 the work. I think that I can hopefully raise a 0:26:11.680 --> 0:26:14.119 super child. You know, in my mind, obviously things are 0:26:14.160 --> 0:26:15.960 going to happen. But I'm like, Okay, I feel ready. 0:26:16.000 --> 0:26:19.560 But for so long I was afraid. I was I 0:26:19.640 --> 0:26:25.359 don't want to have the same problems I had with 0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:27.960 for instance, Mom, I'm telling you like I had a 0:26:27.960 --> 0:26:29.800 lot more because I was so close to Mom and 0:26:30.080 --> 0:26:32.560 live so much longer with her that I guess there 0:26:32.560 --> 0:26:35.639 are more issues there because thatad just did what you know, 0:26:35.680 --> 0:26:38.960 and he left, you know. So I think for that 0:26:39.080 --> 0:26:41.320 for a long time, I was just more afraid of 0:26:41.600 --> 0:26:44.800 even having a daughter, exactly repeat the cycle. Now I'm 0:26:44.840 --> 0:26:47.159 not afraid. Now I feel better about it, but I 0:26:47.160 --> 0:26:50.879 think for sure, I'm like, I need to figure this 0:26:50.960 --> 0:26:53.840 out before I even bring another child into the world. 0:26:54.240 --> 0:26:58.000 I think it's also understanding that we I think we're 0:26:58.080 --> 0:27:01.240 learning as we're we're growing on we're learning right now 0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:04.000 in this moment, like we're we've come to realization things 0:27:04.000 --> 0:27:08.000 and I think that's gonna happen and for a long time, 0:27:08.040 --> 0:27:09.440 I think for the rest of our lives, like we're 0:27:09.440 --> 0:27:11.640 gonna learn something about ourselves and then we're gonna see 0:27:11.640 --> 0:27:14.080 where it comes from. And it's like, Okay, yeah, how 0:27:14.119 --> 0:27:17.639 am I gonna fix it now here in this in 0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:19.920 this in this time of my life before my daughter 0:27:20.320 --> 0:27:22.000 or even with you, Like how are you gonna heal 0:27:22.160 --> 0:27:24.360 that part of you with Jayla? Now that she's fifteen. 0:27:27.520 --> 0:27:30.000 So it's like I think we're all like, yeah, I 0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:32.520 don't think it's ever gonna stop, Like the healing isn't 0:27:32.520 --> 0:27:33.280 ever gonna stop. 0:27:33.400 --> 0:27:36.960 Yeah, No, We're always there's always gonna be something, you 0:27:36.960 --> 0:27:41.280 know where I always say we we we evolve and 0:27:41.480 --> 0:27:45.600 we grow and you know the whole thing. So, Jenny, 0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:52.000 do you feel Jennica so called Jenny, do you feel 0:27:52.000 --> 0:27:55.360 that you, like you said, it's more of the rejection 0:27:55.520 --> 0:27:58.160 thing because I've always looked at you like, I'm glad 0:27:58.240 --> 0:28:03.520 that Jenica learn from us, you know, and you learned 0:28:03.560 --> 0:28:05.640 like even like Johnny tells me this all the time, 0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:07.800 He's like, I saw certain things and I grew up 0:28:08.640 --> 0:28:11.359 and I knew what I did want and what I 0:28:11.400 --> 0:28:14.200 didn't want, thanks to my siblings and my older siblings. 0:28:14.240 --> 0:28:15.720 So did you do you feel that way with you? 0:28:15.920 --> 0:28:19.800 I feel like because I wasn't welcome. No, I feel 0:28:19.800 --> 0:28:22.000 like because I didn't see it and mom, like I 0:28:22.000 --> 0:28:25.200 didn't see a healthy You know, I did have to 0:28:25.280 --> 0:28:29.080 learn from you guys and your guys's boyfriends and also 0:28:29.400 --> 0:28:33.000 living you know. No, And I don't say it like no, no, no, 0:28:33.760 --> 0:28:36.000 but I did have a lot to learn from even 0:28:36.040 --> 0:28:41.800 from my brother, you know how you know, how you 0:28:41.840 --> 0:28:44.080 guys treat your partners or whatever, like I had to 0:28:44.280 --> 0:28:48.080 just as it wasn't like intentionally, but it's also like 0:28:48.360 --> 0:28:52.360 I know what I want and how I want to 0:28:52.400 --> 0:28:56.800 be treated and what I'm looking for. Yeah, you know, 0:28:56.840 --> 0:28:59.920 And it's like you guys, you know, your older sister. 0:29:00.520 --> 0:29:03.040 Yeah, And but I'm proud of you for that because 0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:03.560 I see it. 0:29:03.680 --> 0:29:04.280 More of. 0:29:05.680 --> 0:29:07.360 What I pray for all the time for you is 0:29:07.400 --> 0:29:09.320 for you not to go through what we went through, 0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:14.320 and that when that guy comes around, he's ready. I don't. 0:29:14.320 --> 0:29:17.160 I don't want you to go through the heartbreaks that 0:29:17.200 --> 0:29:20.960 we went through. You know, like I don't have the capacity. 0:29:20.960 --> 0:29:23.400 I don't have it. That's why I think, like I 0:29:23.440 --> 0:29:25.480 haven't dated in so long because I can't. 0:29:26.360 --> 0:29:27.760 You can't fathom going. I can't. 0:29:27.800 --> 0:29:29.920 I don't want to. Like I'm tired. 0:29:30.480 --> 0:29:32.440 Because you've been through so much. I'm just your dad, 0:29:32.520 --> 0:29:36.320 your mom, the whole thing. Yeah, it's okay, it's okay, no, 0:29:36.440 --> 0:29:39.120 but that I feel like you're gonna You're not meant 0:29:39.200 --> 0:29:41.640 to go through what we went through. You're you're a 0:29:41.680 --> 0:29:44.360 lot smarter, I feel, and I say that with so 0:29:44.440 --> 0:29:48.120 much respect, but you're so much smarter, You're so independent, 0:29:48.840 --> 0:29:50.920 like and I'm not just saying this because you're my 0:29:51.400 --> 0:29:53.040 baby sister and I fucking love you, but I feel 0:29:53.080 --> 0:29:55.840 like everyone can see you're gorgeous, but not only that, 0:29:55.920 --> 0:29:58.280 like you have so many great things to give that 0:29:58.360 --> 0:30:00.880 I'm like, I just want that guy to already be ready. 0:30:00.880 --> 0:30:04.240 He's preparing himself the way you have, so that once 0:30:04.280 --> 0:30:05.880 you guys come together, you don't have to go through 0:30:05.920 --> 0:30:10.400 the bullshit we went through. It's like, like, no, you 0:30:10.520 --> 0:30:12.560 have been through a lot already, but I just wanted 0:30:12.560 --> 0:30:14.640 to know. I'm like, okay, because I know you're not picky. 0:30:14.680 --> 0:30:16.000 You just you know what you want. 0:30:16.040 --> 0:30:18.479 I think, but it comes off as picky, and I 0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:20.800 think that's the like that's frustrating. 0:30:20.920 --> 0:30:26.080 Yeah, but I think for a long like it might 0:30:26.160 --> 0:30:28.560 come off as she's guarded. But I think she's probably 0:30:28.560 --> 0:30:32.719 because she has the softest heart then even us. And 0:30:32.800 --> 0:30:33.920 it looks like, oh no. 0:30:33.840 --> 0:30:37.200 She's just because we wear a heart on our sleeves, yes, 0:30:37.240 --> 0:30:38.760 and which is not my emotions. 0:30:39.760 --> 0:30:42.360 Is not guarding our heart yea, and that's how we 0:30:42.360 --> 0:30:42.840 get hurt. 0:30:42.960 --> 0:30:44.040 Yeah. 0:30:44.080 --> 0:30:47.520 Do you feel like you didn't have any standards? I 0:30:47.520 --> 0:30:49.600 feel like I didn't have any standards. I feel like 0:30:49.600 --> 0:30:49.880 you do. 0:30:50.720 --> 0:30:54.240 You have standards. Standards, yes, and that's good. See, I 0:30:54.560 --> 0:30:57.160 guess I didn't. I didn't. Now that I think about it, 0:30:57.280 --> 0:30:57.640 it's like. 0:30:57.600 --> 0:30:59.520 Did you just receive whatever kind of love or was 0:30:59.560 --> 0:31:01.760 there like a was there like a list of like 0:31:01.840 --> 0:31:03.440 this is what I want, this is what I because 0:31:03.480 --> 0:31:04.600 I know she has her list. 0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:06.400 I know. 0:31:07.400 --> 0:31:08.840 I don't know if I had. 0:31:09.160 --> 0:31:13.040 I didn't have a list until all the heartbreaks, until 0:31:13.040 --> 0:31:16.600 I had I hard headed, went through this, that that, 0:31:16.680 --> 0:31:20.400 and continued with that pattern until I said I'm done 0:31:20.920 --> 0:31:26.000 with this. I'm I don't want done, I don't want 0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:28.880 this again, like I need what the hell am I doing? 0:31:29.000 --> 0:31:34.560 Until I went boom, Janey, what do you need to change? 0:31:34.720 --> 0:31:37.600 And then that's when everything changed for me. But I 0:31:37.640 --> 0:31:40.200 didn't have standards. I didn't like, oh I want a 0:31:40.200 --> 0:31:41.720 guy that, this and that, Like I was just like, 0:31:41.800 --> 0:31:44.400 oh love, oh okay. 0:31:44.280 --> 0:31:45.280 Hug me, love me. 0:31:45.880 --> 0:31:48.480 And I feel like it has to do with Mom 0:31:48.520 --> 0:31:51.000 and I were like business partners. She was more of 0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:55.040 like it was business with mom and in that aspect, 0:31:55.160 --> 0:31:57.400 and of course Dad wasn't there, so it was just 0:31:57.440 --> 0:31:58.680 always busy, busy, busy. 0:31:58.480 --> 0:31:59.560 You're trying to fill that cup. 0:32:00.200 --> 0:32:02.600 If someone was like, oh oh, I think you're cute. 0:32:02.880 --> 0:32:06.560 I can say all the words and yeah and now now, 0:32:06.920 --> 0:32:08.520 which I'm glad that Janaka didn't hap to go to 0:32:08.560 --> 0:32:10.600 that because Jeneka I think song was like hold up, 0:32:10.760 --> 0:32:12.680 heck no, I'm not yes. 0:32:12.600 --> 0:32:15.080 And I'm proud of her. I too, am like me 0:32:15.160 --> 0:32:16.400 too and. 0:32:16.520 --> 0:32:19.440 Her is in the room her, I'm proud of you. 0:32:20.080 --> 0:32:25.280 Because as I am, like, it's crazy, like even within myself, 0:32:26.000 --> 0:32:27.800 I think I was. My life goal was to like, 0:32:27.920 --> 0:32:29.960 I need to be a wife. I need to be married, 0:32:30.000 --> 0:32:31.720 because I didn't have that, so I wanted to fill 0:32:31.760 --> 0:32:34.320 that void. And my mommy issues were that I wanted 0:32:34.360 --> 0:32:36.640 to be the exact opposite of her. I don't want 0:32:36.640 --> 0:32:38.600 to be anything like her. It turns out I'm a 0:32:38.640 --> 0:32:39.240 lot like her. 0:32:41.520 --> 0:32:42.600 And then until. 0:32:42.400 --> 0:32:46.240 Later, until it was like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, that 0:32:46.280 --> 0:32:48.000 I was like, wait, Jackie, what were you? What are 0:32:48.000 --> 0:32:50.560 you here for? Who were you? Because I came into 0:32:50.560 --> 0:32:53.760 this world alone. I came into this world with a purpose, 0:32:53.760 --> 0:32:55.720 and I did. I had never asked myself that question 0:32:56.280 --> 0:32:58.680 until like twenty sixteen. And then it's like. 0:33:00.120 --> 0:33:02.000 Shoot, like a whole new world. 0:33:02.280 --> 0:33:05.480 And then you start investing in yourself and healing yourself, 0:33:05.520 --> 0:33:08.440 and then that kind of pushes people away from you. 0:33:08.800 --> 0:33:09.200 Mm hmm. 0:33:10.280 --> 0:33:14.200 That's crazy because I was on the complete opposite, like 0:33:14.400 --> 0:33:17.280 you wanted to be married and be the wife and 0:33:17.320 --> 0:33:19.680 have be the mom and the whole thing, have a 0:33:19.720 --> 0:33:23.760 stable home, and I was like, I don't know if 0:33:23.800 --> 0:33:26.320 I never really cared about getting married and this and that. 0:33:26.440 --> 0:33:27.920 I was like, Oh, if it happens, great, I'm like, 0:33:28.200 --> 0:33:30.160 you know, and I was like, and if it doesn't work, 0:33:30.200 --> 0:33:32.640 it doesn't work next. Yeah, for so long. And that's 0:33:32.640 --> 0:33:34.760 also not that's a whole lot. That's not healthy either, 0:33:35.080 --> 0:33:37.480 because when I remember, Yeah, when I would ask you, 0:33:37.520 --> 0:33:38.480 I'm like, sister, can you do that? 0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:38.600 Oh? 0:33:38.960 --> 0:33:40.680 You were being a good wife. 0:33:40.760 --> 0:33:44.600 Well, I think it also depends on because I'm trying 0:33:44.600 --> 0:33:46.440 to I'm like, we had the same parents, and it 0:33:46.480 --> 0:33:49.200 seems like we probably had the same traumas, but it 0:33:49.280 --> 0:33:52.840 wasn't because you in mom's life were someone else. You 0:33:52.840 --> 0:33:54.720 were a different position in her life than I was. 0:33:55.240 --> 0:33:55.760 Yeah. 0:33:56.640 --> 0:33:59.840 Yeah, which is crazy as to like it's parallel, but 0:33:59.840 --> 0:34:00.360 it's not. 0:34:01.920 --> 0:34:02.120 Right. 0:34:02.520 --> 0:34:08.960 That's insane. 0:34:09.600 --> 0:34:12.000 I think it's just knowing what we really want and 0:34:12.400 --> 0:34:15.200 being able to communicate that with our partners. And say 0:34:15.200 --> 0:34:17.120 this is what I want, this is what I'm willing 0:34:17.160 --> 0:34:19.280 to give, this is what I expect. What do you expect? 0:34:19.640 --> 0:34:22.520 It's yeah, let's figure this out so that it fits. 0:34:22.840 --> 0:34:26.160 And neither you said that like knowing what you really want. 0:34:26.440 --> 0:34:28.040 Someone asked me that the other day, like what do 0:34:28.080 --> 0:34:29.759 you want? And I'm like, or what do you think 0:34:29.760 --> 0:34:34.879 you deserve? And I'm like, I don't know, Like that's 0:34:35.040 --> 0:34:37.880 crazy to not know, like I have it. I'm thirty 0:34:37.960 --> 0:34:45.400 five years old and to like not, No, it's freaking crazy. 0:34:45.640 --> 0:34:48.880 That's crazy. 0:34:48.239 --> 0:34:49.640 Sorry, it's okay. 0:34:51.200 --> 0:34:54.240 And there's like a sense of urgency because it's crazy. 0:34:54.280 --> 0:34:57.319 You think you're healed and you're not. There's still so 0:34:57.600 --> 0:35:01.040 much like to dig deep and heal, and I feel 0:35:01.040 --> 0:35:02.560 like a lot of it was like a band aid, 0:35:03.200 --> 0:35:08.359 Like you think having a family and being married, it's 0:35:08.400 --> 0:35:10.880 like that's healed because it's not what it's what I 0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:13.239 didn't have, but you didn't go through the process. And 0:35:13.280 --> 0:35:15.719 I see it in Jayla and like I need to 0:35:15.760 --> 0:35:18.960 figure out how to answer this question so that she doesn't. 0:35:19.480 --> 0:35:21.799 I still have time, thank god, Yeah, so that she 0:35:21.840 --> 0:35:24.600 doesn't do the same thing, because sadly, I'm not trying 0:35:24.600 --> 0:35:29.200 to talk crap, but her dad is not like showing 0:35:29.239 --> 0:35:32.600 her and that even showed like that, I'm like, why 0:35:32.840 --> 0:35:34.839 why is she acting out? She has a father here, 0:35:34.840 --> 0:35:37.560 he's present and he loves her and he picks her 0:35:37.600 --> 0:35:39.959 up on the weekends, but it's like he's he still 0:35:39.960 --> 0:35:42.680 hasn't gone through his process. So no matter what, in 0:35:42.680 --> 0:35:44.160 my head, I was like, as long as she has 0:35:44.200 --> 0:35:46.759 a dad, she's gonna be good because I didn't have one. 0:35:47.719 --> 0:35:48.640 But it's not the case. 0:35:49.080 --> 0:35:54.120 Yeah, that's wild. Sorry, no, no, no, it's true. I 0:35:54.320 --> 0:35:59.520 I yeah, it's it's yeah. I think we're just out 0:35:59.520 --> 0:36:02.600 here just trying to do our best. We were just 0:36:02.600 --> 0:36:03.600 trying to do our best. 0:36:03.719 --> 0:36:06.560 You know, I didn't really believe in the reparenting yourself. 0:36:07.080 --> 0:36:09.640 You have to it's not but yeah. 0:36:10.719 --> 0:36:15.280 Yeah, and sometimes in certain cases, like for instances like Emilio, 0:36:15.520 --> 0:36:17.840 you know, he didn't. He never really felt he needed 0:36:17.840 --> 0:36:20.520 a dad. So it's like he could have had his dad, 0:36:20.520 --> 0:36:23.120 and what if his dad would have made done more 0:36:23.400 --> 0:36:27.040 damage and he was not in his life and he 0:36:27.160 --> 0:36:29.480 is who he is. I mean, he's not obviously perfect, 0:36:29.600 --> 0:36:34.760 but I feel, honestly, I think we should be proud 0:36:34.800 --> 0:36:36.799 in him too. Like the type of man that he is, 0:36:36.800 --> 0:36:38.719 given that he didn't have a father and everything we've 0:36:38.760 --> 0:36:41.920 been through, we could be a lot worse. Guys, like 0:36:42.000 --> 0:36:45.520 I think about it all the time, like right or so, 0:36:45.560 --> 0:36:47.800 I feel like I feel like things could always be worse, 0:36:48.040 --> 0:36:50.520 and I feel. 0:36:50.280 --> 0:36:53.160 But I do. I don't want to minimize what live. 0:36:55.160 --> 0:36:57.400 No no, no more no. But I'm saying like we 0:36:57.440 --> 0:37:00.520 could have gone a complete opposite way given the parts 0:37:00.520 --> 0:37:01.120 that we were dealt. 0:37:01.280 --> 0:37:04.520 I think what you mean and to add on to 0:37:04.600 --> 0:37:06.680 what you're saying is that our hearts are still good. 0:37:06.920 --> 0:37:11.880 M H. We can sit here and have this conversation 0:37:12.880 --> 0:37:15.480 and as we're speaking, realizing certain things and not and 0:37:15.520 --> 0:37:18.440 feel vulnerable. That's like I feel like there's that's the 0:37:18.480 --> 0:37:23.399 first step in healing and changing is accepting. And we're 0:37:23.400 --> 0:37:26.359 sitting here having this hard conversation that some people may 0:37:26.400 --> 0:37:28.680 not understand, that some people may be like and it 0:37:28.760 --> 0:37:33.200 sucks because we're talking about our experiences and what we've 0:37:33.200 --> 0:37:36.720 gone through. But it's hard because our mother is this huge, 0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:40.000 amazing figure that people think we're talking crap. But if 0:37:40.760 --> 0:37:43.440 our mom wasn't and we were able to speak about it, 0:37:43.480 --> 0:37:45.759 but it's like, why can't we speak about our truth 0:37:45.920 --> 0:37:48.160 and still respect us and still respect her and still 0:37:48.200 --> 0:37:51.560 love her. I have so much more at the end 0:37:51.560 --> 0:37:53.640 of the day. Yeah, she was a normal person and 0:37:53.719 --> 0:37:58.759 she was doing her best, you know, And yeah, and 0:37:58.800 --> 0:38:00.279 that's why it's Yeah, do. 0:38:00.239 --> 0:38:04.040 You think she was trying to find a man for 0:38:04.120 --> 0:38:09.359 the boys, because that's a big difference. Like, I mean, 0:38:09.480 --> 0:38:11.440 Mikey's very much like a Melia in the sense of 0:38:11.480 --> 0:38:14.360 like I didn't need him, but he didn't have a 0:38:14.400 --> 0:38:17.319 father figure, so there's a lot of things he didn't 0:38:17.760 --> 0:38:19.160 learn and he's teaching himself. 0:38:19.200 --> 0:38:24.920 I think had a hard time. I think maybe because 0:38:25.239 --> 0:38:30.080 I she probably didn't know how to raise boys. 0:38:31.400 --> 0:38:33.080 But she always did tell me, She's like, they don't 0:38:33.080 --> 0:38:36.440 need their dad, they have enough mother with me. She 0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:39.240 would always say, like they didn't not necessarily. 0:38:40.080 --> 0:38:42.560 There's a mistake in them. And she wouldn't. 0:38:42.200 --> 0:38:46.720 Sometimes let the boyfriends. Yeah, there was too much pressure 0:38:46.760 --> 0:38:48.640 on her where she was like, these are my kids? 0:38:48.760 --> 0:38:50.440 Are my goddamn kids. And she would say, she's like, 0:38:50.440 --> 0:38:54.520 it's my responsibility. I don't need you to come into 0:38:54.520 --> 0:38:56.279 my life to raise my kids. I got that, I 0:38:56.320 --> 0:38:57.880 need you to come into my life to love me. 0:38:58.080 --> 0:39:02.160 That comes from grandpa kicking her out. That comes from 0:39:02.960 --> 0:39:05.480 the men abusing her, leaving these men like I don't 0:39:05.480 --> 0:39:09.880 need men, fuck men andy shit like type like yeah, 0:39:10.680 --> 0:39:14.040 which in her ego like I did it all by myself. 0:39:14.400 --> 0:39:16.400 And and there's a lot of single mothers out there 0:39:16.400 --> 0:39:18.879 who are doing it by themselves. But that doesn't mean that, 0:39:19.600 --> 0:39:21.719 and that doesn't mean that if they are like that, 0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:23.960 it's wrong. I don't I don't want to. I want 0:39:24.000 --> 0:39:26.719 to correct that. But it's also like there's a man 0:39:27.120 --> 0:39:29.759 to teach, Like there's certain things as a woman we 0:39:29.880 --> 0:39:33.120 just don't know exactly. And I know onm did her best, 0:39:33.239 --> 0:39:37.680 but I know that my brother's lacked. Yeah, and that's 0:39:37.840 --> 0:39:39.200 you know, I don't know. 0:39:39.280 --> 0:39:43.279 Yeah, but I'm proud of her still me too, Me too. 0:39:43.320 --> 0:39:45.520 I I always say this. I was like I didn't 0:39:45.560 --> 0:39:47.480 have the perfect mother, but I had the perfect mother 0:39:47.520 --> 0:39:50.759 for me, like the mother that I needed, because if 0:39:50.800 --> 0:39:53.360 she hadn't been so strict with me and her lessons, 0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:56.239 I don't know who I would have been today, you know. 0:39:56.400 --> 0:39:58.719 And and that's why I try like to step back 0:39:58.760 --> 0:40:02.080 and just look at her life and understand her. And 0:40:02.600 --> 0:40:06.000 she did her best, and that's that, you know. 0:40:06.120 --> 0:40:08.120 No I think that now it's like recognizing that we 0:40:08.160 --> 0:40:12.520 do have these issues. I don't like calling them issues 0:40:12.560 --> 0:40:15.200 because it sounds negative. I think they're just a part 0:40:15.239 --> 0:40:18.439 of us that we you know, that we recognize. Yeah, 0:40:18.520 --> 0:40:23.600 it's recognizing those those parts of us and fixing it 0:40:23.680 --> 0:40:26.400 and knowing what we deserve exactly. 0:40:27.880 --> 0:40:31.680 Yeah, knowing what we deserve, what we want, what we 0:40:31.800 --> 0:40:38.560 can change, recognizing it, accepting it, and yeah, I mean, 0:40:38.600 --> 0:40:40.160 it took me a long time to get to this point, 0:40:40.200 --> 0:40:42.719 to be like, what do I really want, you know? 0:40:42.880 --> 0:40:46.080 And what is my heart really craving? And I think 0:40:46.120 --> 0:40:48.920 it's because I had to be an adult since I 0:40:49.040 --> 0:40:51.520 was so little. Now I want someone to take care 0:40:51.560 --> 0:40:54.680 of me emotionally because I've had to be strong forever 0:40:54.960 --> 0:40:57.680 forever that now at least I can communicate what works 0:40:57.719 --> 0:41:00.120 for me. But it took a long time time to 0:41:00.120 --> 0:41:03.200 get to that point. And I told the media from 0:41:03.239 --> 0:41:05.959 the very beginning, this is a type of relationship I need. 0:41:06.040 --> 0:41:09.480 I need to feel just wanted and cared for, and 0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:10.719 you're going to take care of me so I could 0:41:10.840 --> 0:41:14.839 just relax. Because I've had to be a mother, I've 0:41:14.880 --> 0:41:18.080 had to be like so grown up. There's a Chiquita, 0:41:18.760 --> 0:41:21.520 and I think once but again, I had to like 0:41:21.680 --> 0:41:23.400 I thought I needed to be strong. I thought I 0:41:23.440 --> 0:41:25.920 was an independent woman. I thought like, yes, yes, that's 0:41:25.960 --> 0:41:29.360 all cool, But I don't want to be an independent, 0:41:29.400 --> 0:41:31.759 strong woman that's alone. And what do I have to 0:41:31.800 --> 0:41:35.719 do to change that? You know, to be different in 0:41:35.800 --> 0:41:39.399 my relationships? So okay, I'm going to start with you, sister. 0:41:40.760 --> 0:41:46.640 What is something that you're doing now to not fall 0:41:46.680 --> 0:41:52.880 back into the people pleasing, into the validation all that stuff. 0:41:52.960 --> 0:41:54.680 Is there something in particular that you're doing. 0:41:58.719 --> 0:42:04.040 I think that I'm in a season. I've been in 0:42:04.080 --> 0:42:07.440 a season of losing a lot of people because there 0:42:07.440 --> 0:42:09.320 were a safety blanket. So I kind of feel like 0:42:09.400 --> 0:42:12.600 I didn't necessarily step into like I'm going to start 0:42:12.600 --> 0:42:17.360 my hating journey. It kind of just happened because I 0:42:17.400 --> 0:42:19.239 think that was my biggest fear of like I don't 0:42:19.239 --> 0:42:21.520 want to lose any more people. I'm going to do 0:42:21.520 --> 0:42:23.440 whatever I need to do to keep people. I'm going 0:42:23.480 --> 0:42:27.279 to be forgiving. I'm going to over communicate, which I 0:42:27.280 --> 0:42:31.400 feel like sometimes over communicating is a I thought communicatings. 0:42:31.520 --> 0:42:33.760 It does, especially as over community. 0:42:33.800 --> 0:42:35.920 So I'm learning I'm asking myself what do I need 0:42:35.920 --> 0:42:38.319 to communicate? What am I trying to over explain to 0:42:38.600 --> 0:42:43.040 keep people. I'm learning to say no, which was probably 0:42:43.080 --> 0:42:46.200 one of the hardest things because it feels so bad 0:42:46.239 --> 0:42:49.960 to say no and to set a boundary, which because 0:42:50.040 --> 0:42:52.279 of what we've gone through sexual abuse, that you don't 0:42:52.280 --> 0:42:55.000 know how to have boundaries. So I've just barely started learning, 0:42:57.000 --> 0:43:01.440 but learning to say no. I'm asking myself when I 0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:07.400 need to explain and when I don't and not. I'm 0:43:07.480 --> 0:43:10.759 learning not to make excuses for people whoa which is 0:43:10.800 --> 0:43:11.279 really hard. 0:43:12.560 --> 0:43:15.879 Making excuses that's hard to. 0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:21.120 Pay attention to. You have to be actually aware. 0:43:20.920 --> 0:43:21.640 Yeah, you have to be. 0:43:22.200 --> 0:43:25.439 And I think overall, I think, if anything, I've learned 0:43:25.480 --> 0:43:28.000 to be more self aware, like how am I acting? 0:43:28.600 --> 0:43:31.560 M And then I start seeing how that person's acting 0:43:32.120 --> 0:43:35.520 and looking at really recognizing what red flags are and 0:43:35.680 --> 0:43:39.080 not excusing those ones. You know, you're like, oh, like 0:43:40.000 --> 0:43:41.600 if it's a red flag, it's a red flag. 0:43:41.840 --> 0:43:42.799 Don't try to make it paint. 0:43:42.880 --> 0:43:46.880 Yeah, don't squint your eyes to make it green. 0:43:47.120 --> 0:43:50.880 I know, is it yellow or orange? 0:43:51.320 --> 0:43:54.440 And you know what? For me, I think it's to 0:43:54.480 --> 0:43:58.279 stop seeing the potential, like I'm tired. 0:43:58.040 --> 0:43:59.920 Of like waste years of your life. 0:44:00.400 --> 0:44:03.120 Yes, like I do not want to wait for you 0:44:03.160 --> 0:44:07.040 to change or like you know, I don't know, so 0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:07.600 I don't know. 0:44:08.280 --> 0:44:12.040 Just trying that was my thing. I thought I could 0:44:12.120 --> 0:44:15.959 fix everyone and everything. It's like, I'll fix him, I'll 0:44:16.000 --> 0:44:19.040 fix it. Maybe he needs me, uh huh, he needs 0:44:19.120 --> 0:44:21.239 me to help him, Like, that's not my responsibilit It's 0:44:21.280 --> 0:44:24.560 a huge freaking load to carry. And it's like, hold up, 0:44:25.360 --> 0:44:27.840 I have my baggage. You have your baggage, Yes, immediate, 0:44:28.000 --> 0:44:30.440 can you help me carry my bags? But they're really 0:44:30.480 --> 0:44:36.440 like not yours, so they're like but it's just like yeah, yeah. 0:44:36.280 --> 0:44:41.799 With the amount of bags you. 0:44:42.160 --> 0:44:43.880 The amount of luggage that you take on a ch 0:44:44.440 --> 0:44:46.040 it's really crazy. 0:44:47.200 --> 0:44:47.520 Safety. 0:44:48.160 --> 0:44:49.440 Yeah, it's a safety. 0:44:50.560 --> 0:44:53.800 You overpake somewhere. You always want to make something your home. 0:44:54.520 --> 0:44:57.080 Like yeah, I guess so it's true. 0:44:57.640 --> 0:44:59.160 It's beautiful, that's fine. 0:44:59.239 --> 0:45:01.880 I take everything. I take it. You want any sense 0:45:02.040 --> 0:45:04.279 and I want to feel at home. Yeah I need that. 0:45:04.480 --> 0:45:07.440 If not, then, especially with as much as I travel, 0:45:07.920 --> 0:45:09.560 if I don't, I think i'd probably go a little 0:45:09.600 --> 0:45:14.040 quick gray, you know, more than I have this past year. Yeah, 0:45:14.080 --> 0:45:17.080 it's triggering for you yeah, yeah, So I mean, I 0:45:17.080 --> 0:45:19.080 guess it's my turn. 0:45:19.120 --> 0:45:21.000 What are you doing? What have you done? Because you 0:45:21.040 --> 0:45:22.680 are already in your fast I. 0:45:22.640 --> 0:45:25.359 Know you're already married. You're married. What do you feel 0:45:25.400 --> 0:45:29.000 like you're doing now like that that you have to learn? 0:45:29.080 --> 0:45:31.319 Like now that you're married, You're like, okay, now I'm 0:45:31.400 --> 0:45:32.520 recognizing this, Like. 0:45:34.239 --> 0:45:39.160 I am learning to put myself in other people's shoes 0:45:39.160 --> 0:45:42.600 and his shoes if there's something I could be a 0:45:42.640 --> 0:45:46.080 little snappy sometimes because of the stress and everything, and 0:45:48.000 --> 0:45:49.960 he'll tell me, hey, I don't like the way you 0:45:50.040 --> 0:45:53.160 just talk to me. And I didn't realize that sometimes 0:45:53.200 --> 0:45:54.720 I could be annoyed, and I'm just like I snap. 0:45:54.920 --> 0:45:56.920 That's another thing I don't do with everyone else. It's 0:45:57.000 --> 0:45:59.759 just with my partner and I have like a short 0:45:59.800 --> 0:46:01.680 few you know. So I'm like starting to put myself 0:46:01.680 --> 0:46:03.440 in his shoes and I'm like okay, And I'm really 0:46:03.440 --> 0:46:06.520 good with apologizing, Like I don't want to be prideful, 0:46:06.640 --> 0:46:08.640 and I check my heart and my ego and I'm like, okay, 0:46:08.640 --> 0:46:12.920 am I being like egotistic right now? Is this something? 0:46:13.000 --> 0:46:15.800 Is this my pride speaking? I literally asked myself that 0:46:15.840 --> 0:46:18.200 I'm like, okay, let me step back. That's good, and 0:46:18.200 --> 0:46:20.560 I'll apologize, like, hey, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry that. 0:46:20.600 --> 0:46:22.719 And even if he doesn't tell me, I know, you know, 0:46:22.840 --> 0:46:24.719 when you're not doing something nice, you feel it in 0:46:24.760 --> 0:46:26.880 your gut. And it's not that I'm intentionally trying to 0:46:26.920 --> 0:46:28.440 be a bitch or take advantage of because that's not 0:46:28.560 --> 0:46:31.640 the case. It's just life happens. And sometimes I'm stressed out, 0:46:31.719 --> 0:46:34.239 you know, and it's not an excuse, but I will 0:46:34.360 --> 0:46:38.440 like go and I I'll apologize. My therapy is huge. 0:46:38.480 --> 0:46:41.360 I just realized that I haven't done therapy like almost 0:46:41.360 --> 0:46:44.799 two months. That's a long time, and I need to 0:46:44.800 --> 0:46:47.360 do it at least once a month, twice a month. 0:46:48.280 --> 0:46:50.240 I just know for me, I just need to be reminded. 0:46:50.280 --> 0:46:52.200 Even if I'm sitting in my session and I'm like, oh, 0:46:52.200 --> 0:46:54.000 I know this already. I know this already. Oh I know, 0:46:54.120 --> 0:46:58.040 like I'm already. Yes, I need that grounded. Yes, we 0:46:58.120 --> 0:47:01.239 all need to be guided and remind did and mentored, 0:47:01.320 --> 0:47:03.879 and that's what I need to stay intentional. So I'm 0:47:03.880 --> 0:47:09.600 doing that. And also I'm I'm okay with being I 0:47:09.640 --> 0:47:12.080 want to be in my feminine. I never felt like 0:47:12.120 --> 0:47:15.120 that before. So I constantly I'm like, what can I 0:47:15.200 --> 0:47:19.160 do to make him feel better, to help the relationship 0:47:19.320 --> 0:47:21.920 to really Like before it was like I still want 0:47:21.920 --> 0:47:23.680 to be me, and yes, I still want to be me, 0:47:23.880 --> 0:47:26.799 but now it's us Yeah, and I now but I 0:47:26.880 --> 0:47:27.359 want that. 0:47:28.080 --> 0:47:29.840 I think it's because you have you feel safe. 0:47:30.920 --> 0:47:35.720 Yeah, I feel safe, so beautiful. Yeah, I'm just learning 0:47:35.760 --> 0:47:39.359 to step back and look from the outside in so 0:47:39.400 --> 0:47:42.479 that I don't you know, I like to treat people 0:47:42.480 --> 0:47:44.840 the way I want to be treated, so that also 0:47:44.920 --> 0:47:48.239 goes heavily in my relationship. It can't be just one sided. Yeah, 0:47:48.600 --> 0:47:56.439 and you know, yeah and yeah, So anyways talk Yeah 0:47:56.560 --> 0:48:01.040 for our tech talk. I think this is a very 0:48:01.080 --> 0:48:06.000 beautiful conversation. And thank you sisters so much for accepting 0:48:06.040 --> 0:48:08.640 the invitation, for accepting to speak about this that could 0:48:08.680 --> 0:48:11.280 be a little in a way triggering to some people. 0:48:11.840 --> 0:48:15.279 We apologize for that. It's just that's how we are. 0:48:15.280 --> 0:48:17.720 We're very honest with each other. We have a sister 0:48:17.760 --> 0:48:19.480 group chat and we talk about all kinds of things 0:48:19.480 --> 0:48:21.920 in there, and I thought, why not talk about something 0:48:21.920 --> 0:48:24.279 that I know is very real that I think we 0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:27.480 all even if you did have your parents together in 0:48:27.520 --> 0:48:31.759 the same household. There are things that we pick up 0:48:31.760 --> 0:48:34.240 from our parents and from their relationships, and it's something 0:48:34.239 --> 0:48:37.040 that we need to talk about and feel comfortable talking 0:48:37.040 --> 0:48:41.080 about that. So anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode, 0:48:41.480 --> 0:48:50.200 and thank you to Jennaka Lopez, to Jacqueline Rivera Campos, Jackie. Anyways, 0:48:50.239 --> 0:48:52.160 thank you to my sisters. Thank you to my sisters 0:48:52.200 --> 0:48:54.399 for coming. I love you. I love you guys so much. 0:48:54.400 --> 0:48:56.640 I hope you guys learned a few things from us, 0:48:56.719 --> 0:48:58.960 and I feel like there has to be like a 0:48:58.960 --> 0:49:02.600 part two in the next season. Me too. I have 0:49:02.719 --> 0:49:04.040 a lot of things I want to talk about and 0:49:04.080 --> 0:49:06.360 I thought I was more prepared, but you guys, like 0:49:06.640 --> 0:49:09.279 it just happens, is what happened? Yeah, this is what 0:49:09.320 --> 0:49:12.040 it is. Yeah, So next time, you know what, we 0:49:12.040 --> 0:49:15.320 should do it with a little bit of tequila overcome 0:49:15.360 --> 0:49:19.440 for podcasts. Yeah all right, yes, overcomefort positive. Yes, we'll 0:49:19.440 --> 0:49:22.080 do it there, we'll finish our conversation. Anyways, guys, love you, 0:49:22.400 --> 0:49:24.200 Thank you so much, and I will see you on 0:49:24.239 --> 0:49:31.319 the next episode. Peace Out. This is a production of 0:49:31.400 --> 0:49:36.160 iHeartRadio and Mike podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at 0:49:36.239 --> 0:49:40.759 Mike Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i 0:49:40.880 --> 0:49:44.520 q u y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit 0:49:44.560 --> 0:49:48.080 the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your 0:49:48.120 --> 0:49:49.280 favorite shows.