Speaker 1: Hey, what's up, guys. Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheese
Speaker 1: and Chill. This is sad News bittersweet. It is our
Speaker 1: last episode for this season, but we will be back
Speaker 1: next season. I have a lot of surprises for you,
Speaker 1: so stay tuned. But AnyWho, today's episode is a very
Speaker 1: special one. I have two of the most important people
Speaker 1: in my life to women that I love very much,
Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about everything that has to
Speaker 1: do with daddy issues and some ofmmy issues as well.
Speaker 1: Maybe you can relate. I don't know, but let's get
Speaker 1: into it. Here is my sister, Jacqueline Rivera Campos. We'll
Speaker 1: figure it out, okay, Jacqueline, This is my sister Jackie
Speaker 1: and Jenna Coelope.
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, I'm excited.
Speaker 1: So I've had them on the podcast before individually, and
Speaker 1: now I realized one day, oh my gosh, I hadn't
Speaker 1: had them together, and I wanted to talk about things
Speaker 1: that I've dealt with and as I'm getting older, are
Speaker 1: coming up things that I didn't think or things that
Speaker 1: I thought I healed, things that I didn't feel were
Speaker 1: an issue, and now I realized, through therapy and everything
Speaker 1: that they stem from my childhood so it was my
Speaker 1: idea to bring my sisters on and let's talk about
Speaker 1: daddy issues. And yesterday on our group chat, I was flying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was pretty intense on that group chat. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, thank god I was flying because I
Speaker 1: got bombarded with like fifty messages and then Jenica, you
Speaker 1: mentioned mommy issues and mind you, guys, this is not
Speaker 1: to make our parents look bad in any way. That
Speaker 1: is not what we're trying to do. These are real
Speaker 1: things that happen, and my mom did her best and
Speaker 1: my dad, in a way, I guess, did his best.
Speaker 1: I can't speak for them because they're not here to
Speaker 1: defend themselves. So this is just what we have lived
Speaker 1: and what we've experienced, without making our parents look bad,
Speaker 1: because that's not the point here. It's it's something that
Speaker 1: really does happen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think people like see it like damn,
Speaker 2: like like they take it the wrong way, right, and
Speaker 2: it's like it seems like we're excusing it, but it's like, no,
Speaker 2: we're not.
Speaker 1: It's not that.
Speaker 2: It's just like I think we've come to a point
Speaker 2: of healing, yeah, and understanding that we're able to talk
Speaker 2: about it because it's you know, people can it happened.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's normal. It happens to everybody.
Speaker 3: Mom issues.
Speaker 2: Everyone has daddy issues, and you know has their own experience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I mean talking about that, okay. So daddy issues, okay,
Speaker 1: stem from complicated and unhealthy relationships between a father and
Speaker 1: a daughter. Whether he was an absent father or abusive,
Speaker 1: or there was a healthy bond, all of these can
Speaker 1: cause issues in romantic relationships later in life. So that's
Speaker 1: what we're going to talk about. Because we hear it
Speaker 1: and people throw it around and blah blah blah. But
Speaker 1: this is this is real, This is real, and I
Speaker 1: can tell you I'll start off. You don't mind because
Speaker 1: I'm the eldest. I'm the eldest sister. It really, I think,
Speaker 1: more than anything, I started realizing as I got older
Speaker 1: that I had issues with abandonment. Abandonment issues and definitely
Speaker 1: came from my dad. How he like just disappeared with
Speaker 1: like no way of getting hold of him. I did
Speaker 1: feel abandoned. I felt abandoned by my mom A couple
Speaker 1: of times. I was yeah, we were So I think
Speaker 1: those were things that I started showing up in my
Speaker 1: relationships where I would maybe push them away first before
Speaker 1: they tried, Yeah, before they right, does it happen to
Speaker 1: like I'm not gonna get hurt?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: Yeah? And you know what, I've noticed that I'm I've
Speaker 1: gotten better bringing my guards down, like being a little
Speaker 1: bit more vulnerable, a lot more vulnerable. I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of power and that I talk about it
Speaker 1: here on the podcast all the time, but I've realized
Speaker 1: that a lot of things that I let slide with
Speaker 1: other people in my relationships, I don't. I'm very very firm,
Speaker 1: very very yes. And sometimes I'm like, damn, where does
Speaker 1: that come from? Is it? Is it still like? Am
Speaker 1: I scared to be a band?
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 3: A projective? Like if she gives grace to certain people
Speaker 3: when they make mistakes, but not in her romantic relationship,
Speaker 3: like she's harsher or harder.
Speaker 1: I am harder. I am harder. And it's more of
Speaker 1: like I got this shit, I'm not gonna let you
Speaker 1: hurt me sort of things.
Speaker 3: Your defenses are still Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, and I don't like that because
Speaker 1: it's like it's not cool for them to feel I
Speaker 1: don't know, immedial like they're paying the price for right right,
Speaker 1: And he's told me that before, and I have gotten better,
Speaker 1: But there are things that I just don't tolerate elsewhere,
Speaker 1: but in my relationship. I mean I tolerate elsewhere, but
Speaker 1: in my relationship, I'm like, I'm very very stern. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to I don't know what.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know where that would be from though,
Speaker 2: Like I don't get where it's.
Speaker 3: I think it's a defense mechanism. Yeah, sure, I don't
Speaker 3: know if it has to do with maybe it has
Speaker 3: to do with abandonment, like you feel like.
Speaker 2: Or maybe that you're just at a point that you're
Speaker 2: not going to tolerate.
Speaker 3: You can't.
Speaker 2: You just don't have the capacity to tolerate it in
Speaker 2: a relationship anymore because like you've already been through.
Speaker 1: So much there Maybe Yeah, now I think I'm like
Speaker 1: it's my age, but through a lot I know what
Speaker 1: I want. I know I'm not going to deal with
Speaker 1: It's kind of like either you're here to give exactly
Speaker 1: what I give, or because a.
Speaker 2: Relationship you're with that person every single day. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: you can tolerate it somewhere else exactly, you could tolerate
Speaker 2: someone somewhere else because you're not never gonna be with
Speaker 2: that person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But I don't know where that would come from.
Speaker 1: I know it's just something that came up, I guess,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean it's it is a defense mechanism,
Speaker 1: but it's also I feel like with the abandonment thing,
Speaker 1: I'm a lot better. You are a lot better.
Speaker 2: Okay, what But it's weird because.
Speaker 1: I don't say I.
Speaker 2: Wanted to sound rude, okay, but I think we all
Speaker 2: equally do not like to be alone. You push people away,
Speaker 2: but you don't like to be alone.
Speaker 1: But you know what I swear to you, I feel
Speaker 1: like not that I want to be alone now, but
Speaker 1: before I couldn't. Before I didn't like to be alone.
Speaker 1: I needed someone, whether it be an assistant, a friend,
Speaker 1: or I was always with someone. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: feel the absence. And then when I got separated my
Speaker 1: first marriage, that really did teach me to be alone.
Speaker 1: And it's okay, and I can get through anything. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I know I do better in relationships, like I'm a
Speaker 1: serial monogamous, Like I like love, I love love. I
Speaker 1: do better being in a relationship than not being in
Speaker 1: a relationship.
Speaker 2: But I was saying, it's interesting how you have like
Speaker 2: the abandonment, but you push people away, but you want
Speaker 2: to be with somebody, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: But why they'll because I don't see this is the thing?
Speaker 1: This is you guys, we didn't plan this. We're just like, seriously,
Speaker 1: she's done my cards down. I was like, you know
Speaker 1: what if this, I'm just gonna have a conversation with
Speaker 1: my sisters. This is real and I don't even know
Speaker 1: where this conversation is gonna go. It's just I just
Speaker 1: wanted to talk to my sisters and I and I
Speaker 1: was thinking about that because I feel like in friendships
Speaker 1: or other people in my life without saying names, and
Speaker 1: I know you guys know who I might be talking about,
Speaker 1: there are things that I don't like about the person,
Speaker 1: that don't make me feel good, that don't sit in
Speaker 1: my spirit, but I keep them around, Like what why?
Speaker 1: But in a relationship you're ready to like, I'm like
Speaker 1: that you got off.
Speaker 2: Because I don't think you can tolerate it in that area. Yes,
Speaker 2: in the relationship love area, you can't tolerate anything.
Speaker 3: I think it's I don't know if you can't tolerate it.
Speaker 3: I think it's that your relationship is the place you're supposed.
Speaker 2: To feel safest exactly, and.
Speaker 3: When they do ship that makes you so so sorry,
Speaker 3: no say ship. When they do things that makes you
Speaker 3: feel unsafe, you're like, no, I'm not gonna do that.
Speaker 3: But it's not that it's because you love them less.
Speaker 3: It's because they're supposed to be your safest and it
Speaker 3: reminds you of when you you first didn't feel.
Speaker 2: Safe because the other people you can keep them out exactly.
Speaker 1: Not as a relationship, okay, yeah, because which I think
Speaker 1: is really crazy.
Speaker 3: Like I think not having a dad, because there's different
Speaker 3: types of daddy issues you can know, and ours was
Speaker 3: completely absent. He was gone. You know, I think you
Speaker 3: remember more than I do. But it's crazy that not
Speaker 3: having a father is something that stole our feminine energy,
Speaker 3: like and then having a mother that was who she
Speaker 3: was and as strong as she was. It's like we're
Speaker 3: a double battling. I didn't think that fathers are the
Speaker 3: ones that teach their daughters to have feminine energy, but
Speaker 3: they do if they love.
Speaker 1: You right, if they love you right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that is I feel like that's my problem
Speaker 2: in dating right now, is that I do not know
Speaker 2: how to be more feminine.
Speaker 1: MM it's hard, very hard. I'm finally in my stepped
Speaker 1: into my feminine energy with them because he makes me
Speaker 1: feel safe. Because and if I don't feel safe, dude,
Speaker 1: I don't know, some toxic as sh it comes out.
Speaker 1: But because I feel safe with him, I'm able to
Speaker 1: step into submissiveness doesn't feel yeah, and I feel like, okay,
Speaker 1: I want to make this person happy. I feel like
Speaker 1: I never thought that I was going to change my name.
Speaker 1: I am Janey Sanchez now officially. He and I was like,
Speaker 1: can I be Jene Mariene Sanchez And he's like, no,
Speaker 1: I want you to be Sanchez completely. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: he deserves it. Okay, fine, I'll do it.
Speaker 3: And someone else do you know what?
Speaker 1: It's just thank you so much. Finally I can be
Speaker 1: like fuck, I can rest like a breathe bitch, like
Speaker 1: you know, like I feel like, oh, thank you so so.
Speaker 1: But yes, Jenny. But here's the thing. It's interesting because Jackie,
Speaker 1: our experience with our dad is weird, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if you guys can like.
Speaker 3: Ours is very different, always different. I fell into people
Speaker 3: pleasing because I didn't want to lose more people.
Speaker 2: I was pleaser too, though I agree with that too.
Speaker 2: I felt like because I lost both of my parents,
Speaker 2: I had to like I had. That was my fear
Speaker 2: of abandonment, and because Mom wasn't always present. Yeah, Mom
Speaker 2: was always gone.
Speaker 3: She's a busy guy.
Speaker 2: I relied on Mom to be both my mom and dad,
Speaker 2: and she couldn't be. So it's kind of like damn,
Speaker 2: like I don't like, I don't know, it's weird.
Speaker 1: Do you remember your relationship with your dad?
Speaker 2: I remember bits and pieces. I know that I was loved.
Speaker 2: Do I remember filling love? I don't remember. I only
Speaker 2: know that I'm loved because everyone tells me, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's harder.
Speaker 2: But that's also because my memories my dad passed away
Speaker 2: when I was eleven, when I was Johnny's age, when
Speaker 2: Mom passed away. So it's a lot of like it,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you don't have like specific no, but I.
Speaker 2: Know I don't remember any like him hurting me or anything.
Speaker 1: But I do remember her so much.
Speaker 2: I do remember a lot of him and Mom's relationship,
Speaker 2: you know, like they were friends, but it wasn't. I
Speaker 2: never saw like a loving relationship. Ever, I've never seen
Speaker 2: a healthy marriage in my life. I don't think any
Speaker 2: of us have. No, No, I've never.
Speaker 1: Like so I was so scared to get married for
Speaker 1: so long. Yeah, it is, I mean, okay, because he
Speaker 1: and the second part of that question is because obviously
Speaker 1: the dad of that I'm talking about is Juan Lopez,
Speaker 1: which to me, that's your father without taking anything away
Speaker 1: from her biological father. But when that happened, when that
Speaker 1: came about you and you found out, I know you
Speaker 1: went through a lot. Did you feel what did how
Speaker 1: did that affect you in the way you see relationships
Speaker 1: or even mom or your or Juan Lopez your dad process. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think I things come up to this day, like
Speaker 2: as in relationships, Like I'm just like I don't know,
Speaker 2: Like I'm so good by myself and I think that's
Speaker 2: a problem. Like I know how to be by myself
Speaker 2: that I can be home for like a week and
Speaker 2: not want to go out or whatever, and I'm fine
Speaker 2: with that, but I think that's a thing, like I'm
Speaker 2: scared to go out and like be rejected or like
Speaker 2: also those people go away as well, like you rather
Speaker 2: not even like I'm comfortable with, yes, exactly, I'm comfortable
Speaker 2: with where I'm at and like my friend and like
Speaker 2: I'm okay in my space, like I don't need it,
Speaker 2: But then I want attention. I want to be in
Speaker 2: a relationship, but I don't like And I think that's because, like,
Speaker 2: I'm so used to not having those figures in my.
Speaker 1: Life, right, so it's to me yeaeah.
Speaker 2: So like and I'm so used to being my own
Speaker 2: like I like, I'm used to being my own boss.
Speaker 2: Like I don't like I don't have to like you know,
Speaker 2: I don't have to tell exactly, but you're willing. I'm willing.
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely willing because that's yeah, because being too independent,
Speaker 1: i've learned is not is not good in a relationship either.
Speaker 1: And that's what we saw with Mom. And I've realized
Speaker 1: respectfully that I have. I looked and I was thinking,
Speaker 1: cause I know we were going to talk about this.
Speaker 1: I feel like I do have more mommy issues and
Speaker 1: daddy issues. Why. I think because we spent more time
Speaker 1: with mom. Mom had to be our mom and our dad.
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm like so compassionate about her. Now
Speaker 1: that I step back and I'm like it wasn't easy
Speaker 1: being in her position. She needed to be tough. She
Speaker 1: needed this because if she wasn't even femininis exactly, she
Speaker 1: couldn't because the guys that she chose.
Speaker 2: And I think that it comes off like we're just
Speaker 2: like very like oh, the independence, Like we're just like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we don't take anything. We don't. I don't think any
Speaker 2: of us like no for an answer, Like we're just.
Speaker 1: Like we have very very strong characters, and.
Speaker 2: That comes off intimidating, like all of us and like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's sister comes off intimidating.
Speaker 1: At least you are now. Yeah, yeah, you stepped into
Speaker 1: your own for sure. Before you were a lot more submissive.
Speaker 1: I feel like there's balance, you know.
Speaker 3: I do feel like I don't like to hear no,
Speaker 3: So that's that's unpull.
Speaker 4: That's like you're just like like, oh, like I don't know,
Speaker 4: like your's I feel like, and I said it to
Speaker 4: everybody in the group chat the other day, it's like
Speaker 4: we've I feel like we've gone through too much already
Speaker 4: where we're just over it and we're not going to take.
Speaker 1: It, like yeah, we're not going to take people's bs exactly.
Speaker 3: And more everything that we've lived.
Speaker 2: That's also like exactly, that's why when you were saying
Speaker 2: about like in your relationship, like you're tolering things, because
Speaker 2: we're just already like, yeah, been through too much to.
Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, I think finally in my relationship, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: still a strong woman and he knows it and he
Speaker 1: likes it. But I've also learned to be soft because
Speaker 1: a man needs that. You need to feed the king
Speaker 1: and a man in order for him to give you everything.
Speaker 1: It took me a long time to learn that. But also, yes,
Speaker 1: he also knows as much as I love him, if
Speaker 1: there's something that's not making me happy, if I don't
Speaker 1: feel emotional stability, if I don't feel safe security, if
Speaker 1: I don't have those things, and almost as Conki stando,
Speaker 1: which is where the whole Patando song came from, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need that I know myself. I need
Speaker 1: you to always don't catch my standard. Don't get comfortable
Speaker 1: and vice versa. I can, yes, don't get comfortable where
Speaker 1: you feel. Oh, I have her in my I know
Speaker 1: myself and I know what I like and if you're
Speaker 1: not giving it to me, I'm not saying that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go out and get it. But I know my
Speaker 1: history and I know I'm like, if you're not feeding
Speaker 1: all of this, I would I'll do the same for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the I wonders, And that's why we got it. On
Speaker 1: my end, I want to take care of him and
Speaker 1: make sure he has everything he needs and make sure
Speaker 1: that he's getting late as much as he wants to
Speaker 1: get late, and you know, feeding him and taking the
Speaker 1: time to make his coffee, all those little things, leaving notes,
Speaker 1: all that stuff so he doesn't have to look anywhere else.
Speaker 1: But it took me a long time to accept that
Speaker 1: and be like what, because I would be like, why
Speaker 1: is this pattern? Why does this keep happening? Because there's
Speaker 1: things that I needed to change from things that I
Speaker 1: saw in my childhood because I never saw a healthy
Speaker 1: relationship either, and we had said we want to break
Speaker 1: the shit.
Speaker 3: But I didn't want to add if all you guys remember,
Speaker 3: I wanted to add that. I think it also where
Speaker 3: you're at now. It's work that you've done, but are
Speaker 3: also a lot of what he's done. He's he's not
Speaker 3: intimidated by the strong woman that you are. No, it
Speaker 3: still allows you to be who you are. You're strong
Speaker 3: because you saw mom be that way because of how
Speaker 3: life molded you. But then because he's not intimidated and
Speaker 3: he embraces that, it allows you to just sit back
Speaker 3: and like okay, and I want to yes, because you're
Speaker 3: not having to guard that person. You're like, Okay, let's
Speaker 3: venture into what it could be like to be feminine
Speaker 3: and leving in some you know, yes, that.
Speaker 1: He's not like, he's not right. He doesn't feel inadequate,
Speaker 1: he doesn't feel inferior, he doesn't feel those things. And
Speaker 1: it's like he knows who he is and that helps.
Speaker 3: So because because you know we we we had a
Speaker 3: crazy traumatic like upbringing and we're all together and we
Speaker 3: have siblings or whatever. And what's the difference you see
Speaker 3: in Emilio because he's an only child and like, is
Speaker 3: he as broken as we are? No?
Speaker 1: I think he's done a lot of the work.
Speaker 2: Because he doesn't have does he have daddy? Just because
Speaker 2: he doesn't have his dad and his life either.
Speaker 1: Right seem like it? It doesn't seem like it. But
Speaker 1: because he had a very present Nino, his mom's brother,
Speaker 1: was stepped in and was like a dad. And not
Speaker 1: only that, there's two brothers. Yeah, two brothers and they
Speaker 1: stepped in a lot of the family. They're very close,
Speaker 1: so they all helped him, and he never felt like
Speaker 1: he was missing a dad, I think because he always had. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're honestly, his mom dide a wonderful job with him.
Speaker 1: Mind joymedia will sit here and tell you. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I was an narcissist and I was this, and I
Speaker 1: was jealous and really oh yeah, yes, no way, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's insane. He's like, I know people can change, but
Speaker 1: you have to recognize it first. He's like, I was
Speaker 1: a narcissist, I was I cheated, I was a liar,
Speaker 1: I was this. I was that. He's like, but I
Speaker 1: was ready to say I want something different, and then
Speaker 1: you came into my life and I would it so
Speaker 1: happened to be that. I was ready, you know. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm ready to do this, and that's why
Speaker 1: I think it's worked.
Speaker 3: But he don't got this just what we got.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it. No, he doesn't, Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: he doesn't. He doesn't realize like I mean, I think
Speaker 1: I think with being with me, He's like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 1: like all this happens in families at least didn't scare
Speaker 1: him away. It didn't.
Speaker 2: I have a lot of baggage.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I feel like I'm going to be too much.
Speaker 1: You will find the person that is willing to carry
Speaker 1: the bags with you, and that's what help you. Yeah.
Speaker 3: See him be a little toxic and I'm like yeah,
Speaker 3: and then he's just very patient and I'm like.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, I'm yes, yes. The one thing that he
Speaker 1: is but I think it works out for me is
Speaker 1: that he's needy. Oh and I love that. And it's
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'm like, okay, babe, we're both very needy
Speaker 1: of attention and touch and this and that, and it works.
Speaker 1: But it took so long to get to them. Wait,
Speaker 1: you know, like to like.
Speaker 3: Like to find someone, you know, I like to get
Speaker 3: that because then if you're too needy, then you feel like, man,
Speaker 3: this person is feel like this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. But you turned
Speaker 1: out when you met him thirty thirty five, thirty six.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, I'm to wait for someone to like match
Speaker 3: your energy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I've also realized that it's because I had
Speaker 1: a lot of things I needed to heal. I needed
Speaker 1: to heal a lot of things, and I would overcompensate
Speaker 1: a lot of relationships because in a way, I don't
Speaker 1: want you to leave, you know, I want like such
Speaker 1: a crappy yeah yeah. So wait, what do you have
Speaker 1: any daddy issues.
Speaker 3: Checkie, Yeah I do. I'm I'm a sick validation and
Speaker 3: that blinds you when you're when you don't, it blinds
Speaker 3: you from seeing the red flags, like.
Speaker 2: You excuse behavior.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Same, That's what I used to do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm just want somebody I want, you.
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: And if the person, if the person detaches, then I
Speaker 3: feel like I'm gonna overcompensate, like let me, let me
Speaker 3: show you, let me prove to you.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: So now my question is is how are you showing
Speaker 2: that to Jayla?
Speaker 3: You know what, because you have already No, I feel
Speaker 3: an urgency. I feel an urgency to heal something about
Speaker 3: because I'm married or I felt like, oh I'm healed. No,
Speaker 3: not at all. And I can see the same patterns
Speaker 3: in Jaila, and I thought it was insane because she
Speaker 3: has two dads and I was like, oh, she's she's good,
Speaker 3: She's not gonna have this shoes I have. But that's
Speaker 3: not the case. Yeah, so I have to be an example,
Speaker 3: and I need there's like a sense of urgency, like
Speaker 3: you need to get it together because I can see
Speaker 3: certain things. Yeah, that sucks, but we're gonna get there.
Speaker 3: We're gon we're gonna get better, We're gonna heal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'm What I try to figure out is
Speaker 1: it's okay because we had dad, right, we had Dad.
Speaker 1: Didn't sound weird, but he was a really good dad.
Speaker 1: He was attentive. He wanted to see us every weekend,
Speaker 1: like he wanted to be in our lives. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: he had no issue with cooking for us. And I
Speaker 1: learned a lot of my organization skills come from Dadow.
Speaker 1: Mind you he did what he did, you know he had.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a it's a sickness. Yeah, soon,
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know so, But then he left.
Speaker 1: So I've been trying to think about, like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: had this. I have a dad that loves me.
Speaker 3: I feel like you compartmentalized like the dad that loves you.
Speaker 3: Because there's things, certain things that I remember. I don't
Speaker 3: remember a lot, but there's certain things I do remember.
Speaker 3: And it was fun, it was pretty. It was like music.
Speaker 1: I just remember thought about music.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but then then there's the other side. So
Speaker 3: but that's probably are analyzing.
Speaker 2: Are you excusing it? I don't think so, no excusing
Speaker 2: what like I'm saying, like, does this fallen excusing behavior
Speaker 2: because he because he was a good dad, but he
Speaker 2: also did what he did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so a lot of people would say we are
Speaker 3: And sometimes I think like, is this a trauma response?
Speaker 3: Because I want to forgive and I don't want to
Speaker 3: hold a grudge. But again, You've never been that way.
Speaker 1: I've never been one to like hold grudges or anything like.
Speaker 3: That to anyone who's hurt you, not just this person.
Speaker 1: And to like to a fault because sometimes some people
Speaker 1: don't deserve to come back into my life. And I
Speaker 1: just keep it's okay, it's okay, and I kept allowing
Speaker 1: it and still his day.
Speaker 3: Is that a trauma response from what we lived? I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's so much it's like a yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's also that we I mean, maybe I'll
Speaker 2: speak for myself. I know that I'm not a perfect
Speaker 2: person and I've made mistakes as well, so it's like
Speaker 2: we overextend grace. I know that people can change. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's like we also hope that you know, that
Speaker 2: person changes.
Speaker 1: Like we have that faith, yes, exactly, the doubt.
Speaker 2: Because we've changed or we know we've done things or
Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, so I don't know at least that's
Speaker 2: just me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we're figuring this out as as we're here. Guys,
Speaker 1: we don't have all of the answers. And I think
Speaker 1: that's something I'm going to ask Tanya, my therapist. I'm
Speaker 1: going to talk to her about it, like, hey, and
Speaker 1: it's weird because I feel like, in a way I've
Speaker 1: healed a lot of it. It's a lot better, but
Speaker 1: there's still little things that linger that if I don't
Speaker 1: continue and I don't like exercise it like it's a
Speaker 1: muscle my therapy, then I start, you start, you know,
Speaker 1: backtracking a little bit, and I've not sound like I
Speaker 1: need to stay on top of it. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I need to stay on top of it to be
Speaker 1: to get checked to just you know, get that reality
Speaker 1: check I guess of because these are things that are
Speaker 1: that are just I guess in in a way.
Speaker 3: Like in the depths of us it's generous, it's.
Speaker 1: A yeah exactly, So I'm like, okay, if.
Speaker 3: They didn't do it, then it's our job to heal
Speaker 3: and break it. And once you have children, I'm not
Speaker 3: even joking, it's like a mirror, Like you'll see them
Speaker 3: this Riandos in the good stuff and in the bad stuff,
Speaker 3: and then you have to ask yourself, wait, do I
Speaker 3: do that? Is that like something learned? And a lot
Speaker 3: of the times it's like we think we're good people
Speaker 3: because we don't, you know, do certain things, or we
Speaker 3: don't steal, or we don't do these things. But like
Speaker 3: once you see your kid, I'm like, shoot, like damn,
Speaker 3: I gotta I gotta fix this because I still do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's why I think I waited so long
Speaker 1: to have because is.
Speaker 3: It like you're waiting to get be better?
Speaker 1: So that honestly, it wasn't even that. Now that I'm older,
Speaker 1: now I'm like, Okay, now I feel like I've done
Speaker 1: the work. I think that I can hopefully raise a
Speaker 1: super child. You know, in my mind, obviously things are
Speaker 1: going to happen. But I'm like, Okay, I feel ready.
Speaker 1: But for so long I was afraid. I was I
Speaker 1: don't want to have the same problems I had with
Speaker 1: for instance, Mom, I'm telling you like I had a
Speaker 1: lot more because I was so close to Mom and
Speaker 1: live so much longer with her that I guess there
Speaker 1: are more issues there because thatad just did what you know,
Speaker 1: and he left, you know. So I think for that
Speaker 1: for a long time, I was just more afraid of
Speaker 1: even having a daughter, exactly repeat the cycle. Now I'm
Speaker 1: not afraid. Now I feel better about it, but I
Speaker 1: think for sure, I'm like, I need to figure this
Speaker 1: out before I even bring another child into the world.
Speaker 2: I think it's also understanding that we I think we're
Speaker 2: learning as we're we're growing on we're learning right now
Speaker 2: in this moment, like we're we've come to realization things
Speaker 2: and I think that's gonna happen and for a long time,
Speaker 2: I think for the rest of our lives, like we're
Speaker 2: gonna learn something about ourselves and then we're gonna see
Speaker 2: where it comes from. And it's like, Okay, yeah, how
Speaker 2: am I gonna fix it now here in this in
Speaker 2: this in this time of my life before my daughter
Speaker 2: or even with you, Like how are you gonna heal
Speaker 2: that part of you with Jayla? Now that she's fifteen.
Speaker 2: So it's like I think we're all like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't think it's ever gonna stop, Like the healing isn't
Speaker 2: ever gonna stop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, We're always there's always gonna be something, you
Speaker 1: know where I always say we we we evolve and
Speaker 1: we grow and you know the whole thing. So, Jenny,
Speaker 1: do you feel Jennica so called Jenny, do you feel
Speaker 1: that you, like you said, it's more of the rejection
Speaker 1: thing because I've always looked at you like, I'm glad
Speaker 1: that Jenica learn from us, you know, and you learned
Speaker 1: like even like Johnny tells me this all the time,
Speaker 1: He's like, I saw certain things and I grew up
Speaker 1: and I knew what I did want and what I
Speaker 1: didn't want, thanks to my siblings and my older siblings.
Speaker 1: So did you do you feel that way with you?
Speaker 2: I feel like because I wasn't welcome. No, I feel
Speaker 2: like because I didn't see it and mom, like I
Speaker 2: didn't see a healthy You know, I did have to
Speaker 2: learn from you guys and your guys's boyfriends and also
Speaker 2: living you know. No, And I don't say it like no, no, no,
Speaker 2: but I did have a lot to learn from even
Speaker 2: from my brother, you know how you know, how you
Speaker 2: guys treat your partners or whatever, like I had to
Speaker 2: just as it wasn't like intentionally, but it's also like
Speaker 2: I know what I want and how I want to
Speaker 2: be treated and what I'm looking for. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: And it's like you guys, you know, your older sister.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And but I'm proud of you for that because
Speaker 1: I see it.
Speaker 3: More of.
Speaker 1: What I pray for all the time for you is
Speaker 1: for you not to go through what we went through,
Speaker 1: and that when that guy comes around, he's ready. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to go through the heartbreaks that
Speaker 1: we went through. You know, like I don't have the capacity.
Speaker 2: I don't have it. That's why I think, like I
Speaker 2: haven't dated in so long because I can't.
Speaker 1: You can't fathom going. I can't.
Speaker 2: I don't want to. Like I'm tired.
Speaker 1: Because you've been through so much. I'm just your dad,
Speaker 1: your mom, the whole thing. Yeah, it's okay, it's okay, no,
Speaker 1: but that I feel like you're gonna You're not meant
Speaker 1: to go through what we went through. You're you're a
Speaker 1: lot smarter, I feel, and I say that with so
Speaker 1: much respect, but you're so much smarter, You're so independent,
Speaker 1: like and I'm not just saying this because you're my
Speaker 1: baby sister and I fucking love you, but I feel
Speaker 1: like everyone can see you're gorgeous, but not only that,
Speaker 1: like you have so many great things to give that
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just want that guy to already be ready.
Speaker 1: He's preparing himself the way you have, so that once
Speaker 1: you guys come together, you don't have to go through
Speaker 1: the bullshit we went through. It's like, like, no, you
Speaker 1: have been through a lot already, but I just wanted
Speaker 1: to know. I'm like, okay, because I know you're not picky.
Speaker 1: You just you know what you want.
Speaker 2: I think, but it comes off as picky, and I
Speaker 2: think that's the like that's frustrating.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think for a long like it might
Speaker 3: come off as she's guarded. But I think she's probably
Speaker 3: because she has the softest heart then even us. And
Speaker 3: it looks like, oh no.
Speaker 1: She's just because we wear a heart on our sleeves, yes,
Speaker 1: and which is not my emotions.
Speaker 3: Is not guarding our heart yea, and that's how we
Speaker 3: get hurt.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like you didn't have any standards? I
Speaker 3: feel like I didn't have any standards. I feel like
Speaker 3: you do.
Speaker 1: You have standards. Standards, yes, and that's good. See, I
Speaker 1: guess I didn't. I didn't. Now that I think about it,
Speaker 1: it's like.
Speaker 3: Did you just receive whatever kind of love or was
Speaker 3: there like a was there like a list of like
Speaker 3: this is what I want, this is what I because
Speaker 3: I know she has her list.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I had.
Speaker 1: I didn't have a list until all the heartbreaks, until
Speaker 1: I had I hard headed, went through this, that that,
Speaker 1: and continued with that pattern until I said I'm done
Speaker 1: with this. I'm I don't want done, I don't want
Speaker 1: this again, like I need what the hell am I doing?
Speaker 1: Until I went boom, Janey, what do you need to change?
Speaker 1: And then that's when everything changed for me. But I
Speaker 1: didn't have standards. I didn't like, oh I want a
Speaker 1: guy that, this and that, Like I was just like,
Speaker 1: oh love, oh okay.
Speaker 2: Hug me, love me.
Speaker 1: And I feel like it has to do with Mom
Speaker 1: and I were like business partners. She was more of
Speaker 1: like it was business with mom and in that aspect,
Speaker 1: and of course Dad wasn't there, so it was just
Speaker 1: always busy, busy, busy.
Speaker 3: You're trying to fill that cup.
Speaker 1: If someone was like, oh oh, I think you're cute.
Speaker 1: I can say all the words and yeah and now now,
Speaker 1: which I'm glad that Janaka didn't hap to go to
Speaker 1: that because Jeneka I think song was like hold up,
Speaker 1: heck no, I'm not yes.
Speaker 3: And I'm proud of her. I too, am like me
Speaker 3: too and.
Speaker 2: Her is in the room her, I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3: Because as I am, like, it's crazy, like even within myself,
Speaker 3: I think I was. My life goal was to like,
Speaker 3: I need to be a wife. I need to be married,
Speaker 3: because I didn't have that, so I wanted to fill
Speaker 3: that void. And my mommy issues were that I wanted
Speaker 3: to be the exact opposite of her. I don't want
Speaker 3: to be anything like her. It turns out I'm a
Speaker 3: lot like her.
Speaker 1: And then until.
Speaker 3: Later, until it was like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, that
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, Jackie, what were you? What are
Speaker 3: you here for? Who were you? Because I came into
Speaker 3: this world alone. I came into this world with a purpose,
Speaker 3: and I did. I had never asked myself that question
Speaker 3: until like twenty sixteen. And then it's like.
Speaker 1: Shoot, like a whole new world.
Speaker 3: And then you start investing in yourself and healing yourself,
Speaker 3: and then that kind of pushes people away from you.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: That's crazy because I was on the complete opposite, like
Speaker 1: you wanted to be married and be the wife and
Speaker 1: have be the mom and the whole thing, have a
Speaker 1: stable home, and I was like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I never really cared about getting married and this and that.
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, if it happens, great, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, and I was like, and if it doesn't work,
Speaker 1: it doesn't work next. Yeah, for so long. And that's
Speaker 1: also not that's a whole lot. That's not healthy either,
Speaker 1: because when I remember, Yeah, when I would ask you,
Speaker 1: I'm like, sister, can you do that?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: You were being a good wife.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it also depends on because I'm trying
Speaker 3: to I'm like, we had the same parents, and it
Speaker 3: seems like we probably had the same traumas, but it
Speaker 3: wasn't because you in mom's life were someone else. You
Speaker 3: were a different position in her life than I was.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is crazy as to like it's parallel, but
Speaker 3: it's not.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: That's insane.
Speaker 1: I think it's just knowing what we really want and
Speaker 1: being able to communicate that with our partners. And say
Speaker 1: this is what I want, this is what I'm willing
Speaker 1: to give, this is what I expect. What do you expect?
Speaker 1: It's yeah, let's figure this out so that it fits.
Speaker 3: And neither you said that like knowing what you really want.
Speaker 3: Someone asked me that the other day, like what do
Speaker 3: you want? And I'm like, or what do you think
Speaker 3: you deserve? And I'm like, I don't know, Like that's
Speaker 3: crazy to not know, like I have it. I'm thirty
Speaker 3: five years old and to like not, No, it's freaking crazy.
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
Speaker 1: Sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 3: And there's like a sense of urgency because it's crazy.
Speaker 3: You think you're healed and you're not. There's still so
Speaker 3: much like to dig deep and heal, and I feel
Speaker 3: like a lot of it was like a band aid,
Speaker 3: Like you think having a family and being married, it's
Speaker 3: like that's healed because it's not what it's what I
Speaker 3: didn't have, but you didn't go through the process. And
Speaker 3: I see it in Jayla and like I need to
Speaker 3: figure out how to answer this question so that she doesn't.
Speaker 3: I still have time, thank god, Yeah, so that she
Speaker 3: doesn't do the same thing, because sadly, I'm not trying
Speaker 3: to talk crap, but her dad is not like showing
Speaker 3: her and that even showed like that, I'm like, why
Speaker 3: why is she acting out? She has a father here,
Speaker 3: he's present and he loves her and he picks her
Speaker 3: up on the weekends, but it's like he's he still
Speaker 3: hasn't gone through his process. So no matter what, in
Speaker 3: my head, I was like, as long as she has
Speaker 3: a dad, she's gonna be good because I didn't have one.
Speaker 3: But it's not the case.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's wild. Sorry, no, no, no, it's true. I
Speaker 1: I yeah, it's it's yeah. I think we're just out
Speaker 1: here just trying to do our best. We were just
Speaker 1: trying to do our best.
Speaker 3: You know, I didn't really believe in the reparenting yourself.
Speaker 3: You have to it's not but yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and sometimes in certain cases, like for instances like Emilio,
Speaker 1: you know, he didn't. He never really felt he needed
Speaker 1: a dad. So it's like he could have had his dad,
Speaker 1: and what if his dad would have made done more
Speaker 1: damage and he was not in his life and he
Speaker 1: is who he is. I mean, he's not obviously perfect,
Speaker 1: but I feel, honestly, I think we should be proud
Speaker 1: in him too. Like the type of man that he is,
Speaker 1: given that he didn't have a father and everything we've
Speaker 1: been through, we could be a lot worse. Guys, like
Speaker 1: I think about it all the time, like right or so,
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like things could always be worse,
Speaker 1: and I feel.
Speaker 3: But I do. I don't want to minimize what live.
Speaker 1: No no, no more no. But I'm saying like we
Speaker 1: could have gone a complete opposite way given the parts
Speaker 1: that we were dealt.
Speaker 3: I think what you mean and to add on to
Speaker 3: what you're saying is that our hearts are still good.
Speaker 1: M H. We can sit here and have this conversation
Speaker 1: and as we're speaking, realizing certain things and not and
Speaker 1: feel vulnerable. That's like I feel like there's that's the
Speaker 1: first step in healing and changing is accepting. And we're
Speaker 1: sitting here having this hard conversation that some people may
Speaker 1: not understand, that some people may be like and it
Speaker 1: sucks because we're talking about our experiences and what we've
Speaker 1: gone through. But it's hard because our mother is this huge,
Speaker 1: amazing figure that people think we're talking crap. But if
Speaker 1: our mom wasn't and we were able to speak about it,
Speaker 1: but it's like, why can't we speak about our truth
Speaker 1: and still respect us and still respect her and still
Speaker 1: love her. I have so much more at the end
Speaker 1: of the day. Yeah, she was a normal person and
Speaker 1: she was doing her best, you know, And yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's why it's Yeah, do.
Speaker 3: You think she was trying to find a man for
Speaker 3: the boys, because that's a big difference. Like, I mean,
Speaker 3: Mikey's very much like a Melia in the sense of
Speaker 3: like I didn't need him, but he didn't have a
Speaker 3: father figure, so there's a lot of things he didn't
Speaker 3: learn and he's teaching himself.
Speaker 2: I think had a hard time. I think maybe because
Speaker 2: I she probably didn't know how to raise boys.
Speaker 1: But she always did tell me, She's like, they don't
Speaker 1: need their dad, they have enough mother with me. She
Speaker 1: would always say, like they didn't not necessarily.
Speaker 3: There's a mistake in them. And she wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Sometimes let the boyfriends. Yeah, there was too much pressure
Speaker 1: on her where she was like, these are my kids?
Speaker 1: Are my goddamn kids. And she would say, she's like,
Speaker 1: it's my responsibility. I don't need you to come into
Speaker 1: my life to raise my kids. I got that, I
Speaker 1: need you to come into my life to love me.
Speaker 2: That comes from grandpa kicking her out. That comes from
Speaker 2: the men abusing her, leaving these men like I don't
Speaker 2: need men, fuck men andy shit like type like yeah,
Speaker 2: which in her ego like I did it all by myself.
Speaker 3: And and there's a lot of single mothers out there
Speaker 3: who are doing it by themselves. But that doesn't mean that,
Speaker 3: and that doesn't mean that if they are like that,
Speaker 3: it's wrong. I don't I don't want to. I want
Speaker 3: to correct that. But it's also like there's a man
Speaker 3: to teach, Like there's certain things as a woman we
Speaker 3: just don't know exactly. And I know onm did her best,
Speaker 3: but I know that my brother's lacked. Yeah, and that's
Speaker 3: you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm proud of her still me too, Me too.
Speaker 1: I I always say this. I was like I didn't
Speaker 1: have the perfect mother, but I had the perfect mother
Speaker 1: for me, like the mother that I needed, because if
Speaker 1: she hadn't been so strict with me and her lessons,
Speaker 1: I don't know who I would have been today, you know.
Speaker 1: And and that's why I try like to step back
Speaker 1: and just look at her life and understand her. And
Speaker 1: she did her best, and that's that, you know.
Speaker 2: No I think that now it's like recognizing that we
Speaker 2: do have these issues. I don't like calling them issues
Speaker 2: because it sounds negative. I think they're just a part
Speaker 2: of us that we you know, that we recognize. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's recognizing those those parts of us and fixing it
Speaker 2: and knowing what we deserve exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, knowing what we deserve, what we want, what we
Speaker 1: can change, recognizing it, accepting it, and yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: it took me a long time to get to this point,
Speaker 1: to be like, what do I really want, you know?
Speaker 1: And what is my heart really craving? And I think
Speaker 1: it's because I had to be an adult since I
Speaker 1: was so little. Now I want someone to take care
Speaker 1: of me emotionally because I've had to be strong forever
Speaker 1: forever that now at least I can communicate what works
Speaker 1: for me. But it took a long time time to
Speaker 1: get to that point. And I told the media from
Speaker 1: the very beginning, this is a type of relationship I need.
Speaker 1: I need to feel just wanted and cared for, and
Speaker 1: you're going to take care of me so I could
Speaker 1: just relax. Because I've had to be a mother, I've
Speaker 1: had to be like so grown up. There's a Chiquita,
Speaker 1: and I think once but again, I had to like
Speaker 1: I thought I needed to be strong. I thought I
Speaker 1: was an independent woman. I thought like, yes, yes, that's
Speaker 1: all cool, But I don't want to be an independent,
Speaker 1: strong woman that's alone. And what do I have to
Speaker 1: do to change that? You know, to be different in
Speaker 1: my relationships? So okay, I'm going to start with you, sister.
Speaker 1: What is something that you're doing now to not fall
Speaker 1: back into the people pleasing, into the validation all that stuff.
Speaker 1: Is there something in particular that you're doing.
Speaker 3: I think that I'm in a season. I've been in
Speaker 3: a season of losing a lot of people because there
Speaker 3: were a safety blanket. So I kind of feel like
Speaker 3: I didn't necessarily step into like I'm going to start
Speaker 3: my hating journey. It kind of just happened because I
Speaker 3: think that was my biggest fear of like I don't
Speaker 3: want to lose any more people. I'm going to do
Speaker 3: whatever I need to do to keep people. I'm going
Speaker 3: to be forgiving. I'm going to over communicate, which I
Speaker 3: feel like sometimes over communicating is a I thought communicatings.
Speaker 1: It does, especially as over community.
Speaker 3: So I'm learning I'm asking myself what do I need
Speaker 3: to communicate? What am I trying to over explain to
Speaker 3: keep people. I'm learning to say no, which was probably
Speaker 3: one of the hardest things because it feels so bad
Speaker 3: to say no and to set a boundary, which because
Speaker 3: of what we've gone through sexual abuse, that you don't
Speaker 3: know how to have boundaries. So I've just barely started learning,
Speaker 3: but learning to say no. I'm asking myself when I
Speaker 3: need to explain and when I don't and not. I'm
Speaker 3: learning not to make excuses for people whoa which is
Speaker 3: really hard.
Speaker 2: Making excuses that's hard to.
Speaker 3: Pay attention to. You have to be actually aware.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to be.
Speaker 2: And I think overall, I think, if anything, I've learned
Speaker 2: to be more self aware, like how am I acting?
Speaker 2: M And then I start seeing how that person's acting
Speaker 2: and looking at really recognizing what red flags are and
Speaker 2: not excusing those ones. You know, you're like, oh, like
Speaker 2: if it's a red flag, it's a red flag.
Speaker 3: Don't try to make it paint.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't squint your eyes to make it green.
Speaker 1: I know, is it yellow or orange?
Speaker 2: And you know what? For me, I think it's to
Speaker 2: stop seeing the potential, like I'm tired.
Speaker 3: Of like waste years of your life.
Speaker 2: Yes, like I do not want to wait for you
Speaker 2: to change or like you know, I don't know, so
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Just trying that was my thing. I thought I could
Speaker 1: fix everyone and everything. It's like, I'll fix him, I'll
Speaker 1: fix it. Maybe he needs me, uh huh, he needs
Speaker 1: me to help him, Like, that's not my responsibilit It's
Speaker 1: a huge freaking load to carry. And it's like, hold up,
Speaker 1: I have my baggage. You have your baggage, Yes, immediate,
Speaker 1: can you help me carry my bags? But they're really
Speaker 1: like not yours, so they're like but it's just like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: With the amount of bags you.
Speaker 2: The amount of luggage that you take on a ch
Speaker 2: it's really crazy.
Speaker 3: Safety.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a safety.
Speaker 2: You overpake somewhere. You always want to make something your home.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I guess so it's true.
Speaker 2: It's beautiful, that's fine.
Speaker 1: I take everything. I take it. You want any sense
Speaker 1: and I want to feel at home. Yeah I need that.
Speaker 1: If not, then, especially with as much as I travel,
Speaker 1: if I don't, I think i'd probably go a little
Speaker 1: quick gray, you know, more than I have this past year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's triggering for you yeah, yeah, So I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess it's my turn.
Speaker 3: What are you doing? What have you done? Because you
Speaker 3: are already in your fast I.
Speaker 2: Know you're already married. You're married. What do you feel
Speaker 2: like you're doing now like that that you have to learn?
Speaker 2: Like now that you're married, You're like, okay, now I'm
Speaker 2: recognizing this, Like.
Speaker 1: I am learning to put myself in other people's shoes
Speaker 1: and his shoes if there's something I could be a
Speaker 1: little snappy sometimes because of the stress and everything, and
Speaker 1: he'll tell me, hey, I don't like the way you
Speaker 1: just talk to me. And I didn't realize that sometimes
Speaker 1: I could be annoyed, and I'm just like I snap.
Speaker 1: That's another thing I don't do with everyone else. It's
Speaker 1: just with my partner and I have like a short
Speaker 1: few you know. So I'm like starting to put myself
Speaker 1: in his shoes and I'm like okay, And I'm really
Speaker 1: good with apologizing, Like I don't want to be prideful,
Speaker 1: and I check my heart and my ego and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: am I being like egotistic right now? Is this something?
Speaker 1: Is this my pride speaking? I literally asked myself that
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, let me step back. That's good, and
Speaker 1: I'll apologize, like, hey, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry that.
Speaker 1: And even if he doesn't tell me, I know, you know,
Speaker 1: when you're not doing something nice, you feel it in
Speaker 1: your gut. And it's not that I'm intentionally trying to
Speaker 1: be a bitch or take advantage of because that's not
Speaker 1: the case. It's just life happens. And sometimes I'm stressed out,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's not an excuse, but I will
Speaker 1: like go and I I'll apologize. My therapy is huge.
Speaker 1: I just realized that I haven't done therapy like almost
Speaker 1: two months. That's a long time, and I need to
Speaker 1: do it at least once a month, twice a month.
Speaker 1: I just know for me, I just need to be reminded.
Speaker 1: Even if I'm sitting in my session and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know this already. I know this already. Oh I know,
Speaker 1: like I'm already. Yes, I need that grounded. Yes, we
Speaker 1: all need to be guided and remind did and mentored,
Speaker 1: and that's what I need to stay intentional. So I'm
Speaker 1: doing that. And also I'm I'm okay with being I
Speaker 1: want to be in my feminine. I never felt like
Speaker 1: that before. So I constantly I'm like, what can I
Speaker 1: do to make him feel better, to help the relationship
Speaker 1: to really Like before it was like I still want
Speaker 1: to be me, and yes, I still want to be me,
Speaker 1: but now it's us Yeah, and I now but I
Speaker 1: want that.
Speaker 3: I think it's because you have you feel safe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel safe, so beautiful. Yeah, I'm just learning
Speaker 1: to step back and look from the outside in so
Speaker 1: that I don't you know, I like to treat people
Speaker 1: the way I want to be treated, so that also
Speaker 1: goes heavily in my relationship. It can't be just one sided. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah and yeah, So anyways talk Yeah
Speaker 1: for our tech talk. I think this is a very
Speaker 1: beautiful conversation. And thank you sisters so much for accepting
Speaker 1: the invitation, for accepting to speak about this that could
Speaker 1: be a little in a way triggering to some people.
Speaker 1: We apologize for that. It's just that's how we are.
Speaker 1: We're very honest with each other. We have a sister
Speaker 1: group chat and we talk about all kinds of things
Speaker 1: in there, and I thought, why not talk about something
Speaker 1: that I know is very real that I think we
Speaker 1: all even if you did have your parents together in
Speaker 1: the same household. There are things that we pick up
Speaker 1: from our parents and from their relationships, and it's something
Speaker 1: that we need to talk about and feel comfortable talking
Speaker 1: about that. So anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode,
Speaker 1: and thank you to Jennaka Lopez, to Jacqueline Rivera Campos, Jackie. Anyways,
Speaker 1: thank you to my sisters. Thank you to my sisters
Speaker 1: for coming. I love you. I love you guys so much.
Speaker 1: I hope you guys learned a few things from us,
Speaker 1: and I feel like there has to be like a
Speaker 1: part two in the next season. Me too. I have
Speaker 1: a lot of things I want to talk about and
Speaker 1: I thought I was more prepared, but you guys, like
Speaker 1: it just happens, is what happened? Yeah, this is what
Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, So next time, you know what, we
Speaker 1: should do it with a little bit of tequila overcome
Speaker 1: for podcasts. Yeah all right, yes, overcomefort positive. Yes, we'll
Speaker 1: do it there, we'll finish our conversation. Anyways, guys, love you,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and I will see you on
Speaker 1: the next episode. Peace Out. This is a production of
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and Mike podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at
Speaker 1: Mike Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i
Speaker 1: q u y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
Speaker 1: favorite shows.