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Speaker 1: Hey, what's up, guys. Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheese

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Speaker 1: and Chill. This is sad News bittersweet. It is our

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Speaker 1: last episode for this season, but we will be back

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Speaker 1: next season. I have a lot of surprises for you,

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Speaker 1: so stay tuned. But AnyWho, today's episode is a very

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Speaker 1: special one. I have two of the most important people

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Speaker 1: in my life to women that I love very much,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about everything that has to

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Speaker 1: do with daddy issues and some ofmmy issues as well.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you can relate. I don't know, but let's get

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Speaker 1: into it. Here is my sister, Jacqueline Rivera Campos. We'll

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Speaker 1: figure it out, okay, Jacqueline, This is my sister Jackie

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Speaker 1: and Jenna Coelope.

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Speaker 2: Hi, guys, I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: So I've had them on the podcast before individually, and

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Speaker 1: now I realized one day, oh my gosh, I hadn't

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Speaker 1: had them together, and I wanted to talk about things

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Speaker 1: that I've dealt with and as I'm getting older, are

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Speaker 1: coming up things that I didn't think or things that

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Speaker 1: I thought I healed, things that I didn't feel were

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Speaker 1: an issue, and now I realized, through therapy and everything

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Speaker 1: that they stem from my childhood so it was my

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Speaker 1: idea to bring my sisters on and let's talk about

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Speaker 1: daddy issues. And yesterday on our group chat, I was flying. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was pretty intense on that group chat. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, thank god I was flying because I

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Speaker 1: got bombarded with like fifty messages and then Jenica, you

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Speaker 1: mentioned mommy issues and mind you, guys, this is not

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Speaker 1: to make our parents look bad in any way. That

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Speaker 1: is not what we're trying to do. These are real

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Speaker 1: things that happen, and my mom did her best and

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Speaker 1: my dad, in a way, I guess, did his best.

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Speaker 1: I can't speak for them because they're not here to

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Speaker 1: defend themselves. So this is just what we have lived

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Speaker 1: and what we've experienced, without making our parents look bad,

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Speaker 1: because that's not the point here. It's it's something that

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Speaker 1: really does happen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think people like see it like damn,

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Speaker 2: like like they take it the wrong way, right, and

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Speaker 2: it's like it seems like we're excusing it, but it's like, no,

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Speaker 2: we're not.

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Speaker 1: It's not that.

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Speaker 2: It's just like I think we've come to a point

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Speaker 2: of healing, yeah, and understanding that we're able to talk

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Speaker 2: about it because it's you know, people can it happened.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's normal. It happens to everybody.

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Speaker 3: Mom issues.

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Speaker 2: Everyone has daddy issues, and you know has their own experience.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I mean talking about that, okay. So daddy issues, okay,

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Speaker 1: stem from complicated and unhealthy relationships between a father and

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Speaker 1: a daughter. Whether he was an absent father or abusive,

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Speaker 1: or there was a healthy bond, all of these can

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Speaker 1: cause issues in romantic relationships later in life. So that's

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Speaker 1: what we're going to talk about. Because we hear it

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Speaker 1: and people throw it around and blah blah blah. But

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Speaker 1: this is this is real, This is real, and I

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Speaker 1: can tell you I'll start off. You don't mind because

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Speaker 1: I'm the eldest. I'm the eldest sister. It really, I think,

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Speaker 1: more than anything, I started realizing as I got older

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Speaker 1: that I had issues with abandonment. Abandonment issues and definitely

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Speaker 1: came from my dad. How he like just disappeared with

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Speaker 1: like no way of getting hold of him. I did

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Speaker 1: feel abandoned. I felt abandoned by my mom A couple

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Speaker 1: of times. I was yeah, we were So I think

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Speaker 1: those were things that I started showing up in my

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Speaker 1: relationships where I would maybe push them away first before

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Speaker 1: they tried, Yeah, before they right, does it happen to

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Speaker 1: like I'm not gonna get hurt?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? And you know what, I've noticed that I'm I've

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Speaker 1: gotten better bringing my guards down, like being a little

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Speaker 1: bit more vulnerable, a lot more vulnerable. I think there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of power and that I talk about it

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Speaker 1: here on the podcast all the time, but I've realized

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Speaker 1: that a lot of things that I let slide with

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Speaker 1: other people in my relationships, I don't. I'm very very firm,

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Speaker 1: very very yes. And sometimes I'm like, damn, where does

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Speaker 1: that come from? Is it? Is it still like? Am

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Speaker 1: I scared to be a band?

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Speaker 2: What do you mean?

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Speaker 3: A projective? Like if she gives grace to certain people

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Speaker 3: when they make mistakes, but not in her romantic relationship,

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Speaker 3: like she's harsher or harder.

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Speaker 1: I am harder. I am harder. And it's more of

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Speaker 1: like I got this shit, I'm not gonna let you

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Speaker 1: hurt me sort of things.

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Speaker 3: Your defenses are still Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know, and I don't like that because

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Speaker 1: it's like it's not cool for them to feel I

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Speaker 1: don't know, immedial like they're paying the price for right right,

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Speaker 1: And he's told me that before, and I have gotten better,

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Speaker 1: But there are things that I just don't tolerate elsewhere,

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Speaker 1: but in my relationship. I mean I tolerate elsewhere, but

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Speaker 1: in my relationship, I'm like, I'm very very stern. I

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Speaker 1: don't know how to I don't know what.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know where that would be from though,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't get where it's.

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Speaker 3: I think it's a defense mechanism. Yeah, sure, I don't

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Speaker 3: know if it has to do with maybe it has

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Speaker 3: to do with abandonment, like you feel like.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe that you're just at a point that you're

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Speaker 2: not going to tolerate.

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Speaker 3: You can't.

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Speaker 2: You just don't have the capacity to tolerate it in

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Speaker 2: a relationship anymore because like you've already been through.

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Speaker 1: So much there Maybe Yeah, now I think I'm like

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Speaker 1: it's my age, but through a lot I know what

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Speaker 1: I want. I know I'm not going to deal with

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like either you're here to give exactly

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Speaker 1: what I give, or because a.

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Speaker 2: Relationship you're with that person every single day. Yeah, like

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Speaker 2: you can tolerate it somewhere else exactly, you could tolerate

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Speaker 2: someone somewhere else because you're not never gonna be with

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Speaker 2: that person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know where that would come from.

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Speaker 1: I know it's just something that came up, I guess,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean it's it is a defense mechanism,

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Speaker 1: but it's also I feel like with the abandonment thing,

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Speaker 1: I'm a lot better. You are a lot better.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what But it's weird because.

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Speaker 1: I don't say I.

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Speaker 2: Wanted to sound rude, okay, but I think we all

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Speaker 2: equally do not like to be alone. You push people away,

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Speaker 2: but you don't like to be alone.

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Speaker 1: But you know what I swear to you, I feel

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Speaker 1: like not that I want to be alone now, but

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Speaker 1: before I couldn't. Before I didn't like to be alone.

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Speaker 1: I needed someone, whether it be an assistant, a friend,

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Speaker 1: or I was always with someone. I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: feel the absence. And then when I got separated my

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Speaker 1: first marriage, that really did teach me to be alone.

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Speaker 1: And it's okay, and I can get through anything. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know I do better in relationships, like I'm a

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Speaker 1: serial monogamous, Like I like love, I love love. I

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Speaker 1: do better being in a relationship than not being in

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Speaker 1: a relationship.

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Speaker 2: But I was saying, it's interesting how you have like

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Speaker 2: the abandonment, but you push people away, but you want

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Speaker 2: to be with somebody, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: But why they'll because I don't see this is the thing?

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Speaker 1: This is you guys, we didn't plan this. We're just like, seriously,

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Speaker 1: she's done my cards down. I was like, you know

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Speaker 1: what if this, I'm just gonna have a conversation with

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Speaker 1: my sisters. This is real and I don't even know

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Speaker 1: where this conversation is gonna go. It's just I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk to my sisters and I and I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about that because I feel like in friendships

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Speaker 1: or other people in my life without saying names, and

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Speaker 1: I know you guys know who I might be talking about,

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Speaker 1: there are things that I don't like about the person,

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Speaker 1: that don't make me feel good, that don't sit in

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Speaker 1: my spirit, but I keep them around, Like what why?

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Speaker 1: But in a relationship you're ready to like, I'm like

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Speaker 1: that you got off.

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Speaker 2: Because I don't think you can tolerate it in that area. Yes,

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Speaker 2: in the relationship love area, you can't tolerate anything.

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Speaker 3: I think it's I don't know if you can't tolerate it.

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Speaker 3: I think it's that your relationship is the place you're supposed.

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Speaker 2: To feel safest exactly, and.

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Speaker 3: When they do ship that makes you so so sorry,

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Speaker 3: no say ship. When they do things that makes you

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Speaker 3: feel unsafe, you're like, no, I'm not gonna do that.

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Speaker 3: But it's not that it's because you love them less.

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Speaker 3: It's because they're supposed to be your safest and it

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Speaker 3: reminds you of when you you first didn't feel.

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Speaker 2: Safe because the other people you can keep them out exactly.

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Speaker 1: Not as a relationship, okay, yeah, because which I think

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Speaker 1: is really crazy.

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Speaker 3: Like I think not having a dad, because there's different

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Speaker 3: types of daddy issues you can know, and ours was

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Speaker 3: completely absent. He was gone. You know, I think you

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Speaker 3: remember more than I do. But it's crazy that not

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Speaker 3: having a father is something that stole our feminine energy,

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Speaker 3: like and then having a mother that was who she

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Speaker 3: was and as strong as she was. It's like we're

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Speaker 3: a double battling. I didn't think that fathers are the

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Speaker 3: ones that teach their daughters to have feminine energy, but

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Speaker 3: they do if they love.

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Speaker 1: You right, if they love you right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And that is I feel like that's my problem

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Speaker 2: in dating right now, is that I do not know

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Speaker 2: how to be more feminine.

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Speaker 1: MM it's hard, very hard. I'm finally in my stepped

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Speaker 1: into my feminine energy with them because he makes me

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Speaker 1: feel safe. Because and if I don't feel safe, dude,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, some toxic as sh it comes out.

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Speaker 1: But because I feel safe with him, I'm able to

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Speaker 1: step into submissiveness doesn't feel yeah, and I feel like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I want to make this person happy. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I never thought that I was going to change my name.

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Speaker 1: I am Janey Sanchez now officially. He and I was like,

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Speaker 1: can I be Jene Mariene Sanchez And he's like, no,

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Speaker 1: I want you to be Sanchez completely. And I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: he deserves it. Okay, fine, I'll do it.

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Speaker 3: And someone else do you know what?

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Speaker 1: It's just thank you so much. Finally I can be

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Speaker 1: like fuck, I can rest like a breathe bitch, like

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Speaker 1: you know, like I feel like, oh, thank you so so.

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Speaker 1: But yes, Jenny. But here's the thing. It's interesting because Jackie,

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Speaker 1: our experience with our dad is weird, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you guys can like.

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Speaker 3: Ours is very different, always different. I fell into people

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Speaker 3: pleasing because I didn't want to lose more people.

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Speaker 2: I was pleaser too, though I agree with that too.

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Speaker 2: I felt like because I lost both of my parents,

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Speaker 2: I had to like I had. That was my fear

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Speaker 2: of abandonment, and because Mom wasn't always present. Yeah, Mom

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Speaker 2: was always gone.

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Speaker 3: She's a busy guy.

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Speaker 2: I relied on Mom to be both my mom and dad,

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Speaker 2: and she couldn't be. So it's kind of like damn,

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Speaker 2: like I don't like, I don't know, it's weird.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember your relationship with your dad?

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Speaker 2: I remember bits and pieces. I know that I was loved.

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Speaker 2: Do I remember filling love? I don't remember. I only

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Speaker 2: know that I'm loved because everyone tells me, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's harder.

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Speaker 2: But that's also because my memories my dad passed away

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Speaker 2: when I was eleven, when I was Johnny's age, when

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Speaker 2: Mom passed away. So it's a lot of like it,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you don't have like specific no, but I.

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Speaker 2: Know I don't remember any like him hurting me or anything.

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Speaker 1: But I do remember her so much.

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Speaker 2: I do remember a lot of him and Mom's relationship,

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Speaker 2: you know, like they were friends, but it wasn't. I

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Speaker 2: never saw like a loving relationship. Ever, I've never seen

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Speaker 2: a healthy marriage in my life. I don't think any

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Speaker 2: of us have. No, No, I've never.

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Speaker 1: Like so I was so scared to get married for

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Speaker 1: so long. Yeah, it is, I mean, okay, because he

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Speaker 1: and the second part of that question is because obviously

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Speaker 1: the dad of that I'm talking about is Juan Lopez,

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Speaker 1: which to me, that's your father without taking anything away

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Speaker 1: from her biological father. But when that happened, when that

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Speaker 1: came about you and you found out, I know you

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Speaker 1: went through a lot. Did you feel what did how

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Speaker 1: did that affect you in the way you see relationships

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Speaker 1: or even mom or your or Juan Lopez your dad process. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I think I things come up to this day, like

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Speaker 2: as in relationships, Like I'm just like I don't know,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm so good by myself and I think that's

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Speaker 2: a problem. Like I know how to be by myself

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Speaker 2: that I can be home for like a week and

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Speaker 2: not want to go out or whatever, and I'm fine

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Speaker 2: with that, but I think that's a thing, like I'm

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Speaker 2: scared to go out and like be rejected or like

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Speaker 2: also those people go away as well, like you rather

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Speaker 2: not even like I'm comfortable with, yes, exactly, I'm comfortable

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Speaker 2: with where I'm at and like my friend and like

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Speaker 2: I'm okay in my space, like I don't need it,

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Speaker 2: But then I want attention. I want to be in

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Speaker 2: a relationship, but I don't like And I think that's because, like,

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Speaker 2: I'm so used to not having those figures in my.

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Speaker 1: Life, right, so it's to me yeaeah.

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Speaker 2: So like and I'm so used to being my own

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Speaker 2: like I like, I'm used to being my own boss.

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Speaker 2: Like I don't like I don't have to like you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't have to tell exactly, but you're willing. I'm willing.

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Speaker 1: I'm absolutely willing because that's yeah, because being too independent,

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Speaker 1: i've learned is not is not good in a relationship either.

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Speaker 1: And that's what we saw with Mom. And I've realized

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Speaker 1: respectfully that I have. I looked and I was thinking,

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Speaker 1: cause I know we were going to talk about this.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I do have more mommy issues and

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Speaker 1: daddy issues. Why. I think because we spent more time

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Speaker 1: with mom. Mom had to be our mom and our dad.

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Speaker 1: So that's why I'm like so compassionate about her. Now

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Speaker 1: that I step back and I'm like it wasn't easy

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Speaker 1: being in her position. She needed to be tough. She

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Speaker 1: needed this because if she wasn't even femininis exactly, she

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Speaker 1: couldn't because the guys that she chose.

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Speaker 2: And I think that it comes off like we're just

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Speaker 2: like very like oh, the independence, Like we're just like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: we don't take anything. We don't. I don't think any

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Speaker 2: of us like no for an answer, Like we're just.

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Speaker 1: Like we have very very strong characters, and.

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Speaker 2: That comes off intimidating, like all of us and like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's sister comes off intimidating.

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Speaker 1: At least you are now. Yeah, yeah, you stepped into

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Speaker 1: your own for sure. Before you were a lot more submissive.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's balance, you know.

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Speaker 3: I do feel like I don't like to hear no,

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Speaker 3: So that's that's unpull.

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Speaker 4: That's like you're just like like, oh, like I don't know,

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Speaker 4: like your's I feel like, and I said it to

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Speaker 4: everybody in the group chat the other day, it's like

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Speaker 4: we've I feel like we've gone through too much already

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Speaker 4: where we're just over it and we're not going to take.

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Speaker 1: It, like yeah, we're not going to take people's bs exactly.

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Speaker 3: And more everything that we've lived.

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Speaker 2: That's also like exactly, that's why when you were saying

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Speaker 2: about like in your relationship, like you're tolering things, because

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Speaker 2: we're just already like, yeah, been through too much to.

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Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, I think finally in my relationship, I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: still a strong woman and he knows it and he

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Speaker 1: likes it. But I've also learned to be soft because

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Speaker 1: a man needs that. You need to feed the king

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Speaker 1: and a man in order for him to give you everything.

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Speaker 1: It took me a long time to learn that. But also, yes,

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Speaker 1: he also knows as much as I love him, if

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Speaker 1: there's something that's not making me happy, if I don't

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Speaker 1: feel emotional stability, if I don't feel safe security, if

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Speaker 1: I don't have those things, and almost as Conki stando,

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Speaker 1: which is where the whole Patando song came from, because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I need that I know myself. I need

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Speaker 1: you to always don't catch my standard. Don't get comfortable

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Speaker 1: and vice versa. I can, yes, don't get comfortable where

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Speaker 1: you feel. Oh, I have her in my I know

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Speaker 1: myself and I know what I like and if you're

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Speaker 1: not giving it to me, I'm not saying that I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna go out and get it. But I know my

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Speaker 1: history and I know I'm like, if you're not feeding

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Speaker 1: all of this, I would I'll do the same for you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the I wonders, And that's why we got it. On

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Speaker 1: my end, I want to take care of him and

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Speaker 1: make sure he has everything he needs and make sure

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Speaker 1: that he's getting late as much as he wants to

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Speaker 1: get late, and you know, feeding him and taking the

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Speaker 1: time to make his coffee, all those little things, leaving notes,

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Speaker 1: all that stuff so he doesn't have to look anywhere else.

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Speaker 1: But it took me a long time to accept that

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Speaker 1: and be like what, because I would be like, why

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Speaker 1: is this pattern? Why does this keep happening? Because there's

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Speaker 1: things that I needed to change from things that I

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Speaker 1: saw in my childhood because I never saw a healthy

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Speaker 1: relationship either, and we had said we want to break

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Speaker 1: the shit.

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Speaker 3: But I didn't want to add if all you guys remember,

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Speaker 3: I wanted to add that. I think it also where

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Speaker 3: you're at now. It's work that you've done, but are

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Speaker 3: also a lot of what he's done. He's he's not

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Speaker 3: intimidated by the strong woman that you are. No, it

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Speaker 3: still allows you to be who you are. You're strong

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Speaker 3: because you saw mom be that way because of how

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Speaker 3: life molded you. But then because he's not intimidated and

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Speaker 3: he embraces that, it allows you to just sit back

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Speaker 3: and like okay, and I want to yes, because you're

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Speaker 3: not having to guard that person. You're like, Okay, let's

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Speaker 3: venture into what it could be like to be feminine

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Speaker 3: and leving in some you know, yes, that.

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Speaker 1: He's not like, he's not right. He doesn't feel inadequate,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't feel inferior, he doesn't feel those things. And

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Speaker 1: it's like he knows who he is and that helps.

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Speaker 3: So because because you know we we we had a

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Speaker 3: crazy traumatic like upbringing and we're all together and we

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Speaker 3: have siblings or whatever. And what's the difference you see

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Speaker 3: in Emilio because he's an only child and like, is

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Speaker 3: he as broken as we are? No?

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Speaker 1: I think he's done a lot of the work.

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Speaker 2: Because he doesn't have does he have daddy? Just because

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Speaker 2: he doesn't have his dad and his life either.

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Speaker 1: Right seem like it? It doesn't seem like it. But

357
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Speaker 1: because he had a very present Nino, his mom's brother,

358
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Speaker 1: was stepped in and was like a dad. And not

359
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Speaker 1: only that, there's two brothers. Yeah, two brothers and they

360
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 1: stepped in a lot of the family. They're very close,

361
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Speaker 1: so they all helped him, and he never felt like

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Speaker 1: he was missing a dad, I think because he always had. Yeah,

363
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 1: they're honestly, his mom dide a wonderful job with him.

364
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,080
Speaker 1: Mind joymedia will sit here and tell you. He's like, oh,

365
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Speaker 1: I was an narcissist and I was this, and I

366
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,640
Speaker 1: was jealous and really oh yeah, yes, no way, yeah,

367
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Speaker 1: it's insane. He's like, I know people can change, but

368
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 1: you have to recognize it first. He's like, I was

369
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Speaker 1: a narcissist, I was I cheated, I was a liar,

370
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Speaker 1: I was this. I was that. He's like, but I

371
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Speaker 1: was ready to say I want something different, and then

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Speaker 1: you came into my life and I would it so

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Speaker 1: happened to be that. I was ready, you know. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm ready to do this, and that's why

375
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Speaker 1: I think it's worked.

376
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 3: But he don't got this just what we got.

377
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it. No, he doesn't, Yeah, right,

378
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,880
Speaker 1: he doesn't. He doesn't realize like I mean, I think

379
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Speaker 1: I think with being with me, He's like, oh, shoot,

380
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Speaker 1: like all this happens in families at least didn't scare

381
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Speaker 1: him away. It didn't.

382
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Speaker 2: I have a lot of baggage.

383
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I feel like I'm going to be too much.

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Speaker 1: You will find the person that is willing to carry

385
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,480
Speaker 1: the bags with you, and that's what help you. Yeah.

386
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Speaker 3: See him be a little toxic and I'm like yeah,

387
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 3: and then he's just very patient and I'm like.

388
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:46,159
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, I'm yes, yes. The one thing that he

389
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 1: is but I think it works out for me is

390
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,600
Speaker 1: that he's needy. Oh and I love that. And it's

391
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'm like, okay, babe, we're both very needy

392
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 1: of attention and touch and this and that, and it works.

393
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 1: But it took so long to get to them. Wait,

394
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,560
Speaker 1: you know, like to like.

395
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 3: Like to find someone, you know, I like to get

396
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 3: that because then if you're too needy, then you feel like, man,

397
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 3: this person is feel like this.

398
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. But you turned

399
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:19,400
Speaker 1: out when you met him thirty thirty five, thirty six.

400
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, I'm to wait for someone to like match

401
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 3: your energy.

402
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I've also realized that it's because I had

403
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 1: a lot of things I needed to heal. I needed

404
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,399
Speaker 1: to heal a lot of things, and I would overcompensate

405
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 1: a lot of relationships because in a way, I don't

406
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 1: want you to leave, you know, I want like such

407
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: a crappy yeah yeah. So wait, what do you have

408
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 1: any daddy issues.

409
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 3: Checkie, Yeah I do. I'm I'm a sick validation and

410
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,919
Speaker 3: that blinds you when you're when you don't, it blinds

411
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 3: you from seeing the red flags, like.

412
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Speaker 2: You excuse behavior.

413
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. Same, That's what I used to do.

414
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm just want somebody I want, you.

415
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, yeah yeah.

416
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: And if the person, if the person detaches, then I

417
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 3: feel like I'm gonna overcompensate, like let me, let me

418
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 3: show you, let me prove to you.

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00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:15,360
Speaker 1: Okay.

420
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 2: So now my question is is how are you showing

421
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 2: that to Jayla?

422
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 3: You know what, because you have already No, I feel

423
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 3: an urgency. I feel an urgency to heal something about

424
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,400
Speaker 3: because I'm married or I felt like, oh I'm healed. No,

425
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 3: not at all. And I can see the same patterns

426
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 3: in Jaila, and I thought it was insane because she

427
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 3: has two dads and I was like, oh, she's she's good,

428
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 3: She's not gonna have this shoes I have. But that's

429
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 3: not the case. Yeah, so I have to be an example,

430
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 3: and I need there's like a sense of urgency, like

431
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 3: you need to get it together because I can see

432
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 3: certain things. Yeah, that sucks, but we're gonna get there.

433
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 3: We're gon we're gonna get better, We're gonna heal.

434
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'm What I try to figure out is

435
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 1: it's okay because we had dad, right, we had Dad.

436
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 1: Didn't sound weird, but he was a really good dad.

437
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: He was attentive. He wanted to see us every weekend,

438
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 1: like he wanted to be in our lives. Yeah, and

439
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 1: he had no issue with cooking for us. And I

440
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 1: learned a lot of my organization skills come from Dadow.

441
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 1: Mind you he did what he did, you know he had.

442
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a it's a sickness. Yeah, soon,

443
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know so, But then he left.

444
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: So I've been trying to think about, like, Okay, I

445
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 1: had this. I have a dad that loves me.

446
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 3: I feel like you compartmentalized like the dad that loves you.

447
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 3: Because there's things, certain things that I remember. I don't

448
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:56,920
Speaker 3: remember a lot, but there's certain things I do remember.

449
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 3: And it was fun, it was pretty. It was like music.

450
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: I just remember thought about music.

451
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but then then there's the other side. So

452
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 3: but that's probably are analyzing.

453
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 2: Are you excusing it? I don't think so, no excusing

454
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 2: what like I'm saying, like, does this fallen excusing behavior

455
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 2: because he because he was a good dad, but he

456
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 2: also did what he did.

457
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, so a lot of people would say we are

458
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 3: And sometimes I think like, is this a trauma response?

459
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 3: Because I want to forgive and I don't want to

460
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 3: hold a grudge. But again, You've never been that way.

461
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 1: I've never been one to like hold grudges or anything like.

462
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,640
Speaker 3: That to anyone who's hurt you, not just this person.

463
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: And to like to a fault because sometimes some people

464
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: don't deserve to come back into my life. And I

465
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: just keep it's okay, it's okay, and I kept allowing

466
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: it and still his day.

467
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 3: Is that a trauma response from what we lived? I

468
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 3: don't know.

469
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 1: I don't know.

470
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 3: It's so much it's like a yeah.

471
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 2: I think it's also that we I mean, maybe I'll

472
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 2: speak for myself. I know that I'm not a perfect

473
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:09,959
Speaker 2: person and I've made mistakes as well, so it's like

474
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 2: we overextend grace. I know that people can change. Yeah,

475
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 2: so it's like we also hope that you know, that

476
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 2: person changes.

477
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: Like we have that faith, yes, exactly, the doubt.

478
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 2: Because we've changed or we know we've done things or

479
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, so I don't know at least that's

480
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 2: just me.

481
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we're figuring this out as as we're here. Guys,

482
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: we don't have all of the answers. And I think

483
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 1: that's something I'm going to ask Tanya, my therapist. I'm

484
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: going to talk to her about it, like, hey, and

485
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,880
Speaker 1: it's weird because I feel like, in a way I've

486
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 1: healed a lot of it. It's a lot better, but

487
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 1: there's still little things that linger that if I don't

488
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 1: continue and I don't like exercise it like it's a

489
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: muscle my therapy, then I start, you start, you know,

490
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: backtracking a little bit, and I've not sound like I

491
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: need to stay on top of it. Yeah, you know,

492
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 1: I need to stay on top of it to be

493
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: to get checked to just you know, get that reality

494
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 1: check I guess of because these are things that are

495
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 1: that are just I guess in in a way.

496
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 3: Like in the depths of us it's generous, it's.

497
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: A yeah exactly, So I'm like, okay, if.

498
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,680
Speaker 3: They didn't do it, then it's our job to heal

499
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 3: and break it. And once you have children, I'm not

500
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 3: even joking, it's like a mirror, Like you'll see them

501
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 3: this Riandos in the good stuff and in the bad stuff,

502
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 3: and then you have to ask yourself, wait, do I

503
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,640
Speaker 3: do that? Is that like something learned? And a lot

504
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 3: of the times it's like we think we're good people

505
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,679
Speaker 3: because we don't, you know, do certain things, or we

506
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 3: don't steal, or we don't do these things. But like

507
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 3: once you see your kid, I'm like, shoot, like damn,

508
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 3: I gotta I gotta fix this because I still do that.

509
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's why I think I waited so long

510
00:25:58,359 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 1: to have because is.

511
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 3: It like you're waiting to get be better?

512
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 1: So that honestly, it wasn't even that. Now that I'm older,

513
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: now I'm like, Okay, now I feel like I've done

514
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 1: the work. I think that I can hopefully raise a

515
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: super child. You know, in my mind, obviously things are

516
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: going to happen. But I'm like, Okay, I feel ready.

517
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: But for so long I was afraid. I was I

518
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: don't want to have the same problems I had with

519
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: for instance, Mom, I'm telling you like I had a

520
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 1: lot more because I was so close to Mom and

521
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: live so much longer with her that I guess there

522
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 1: are more issues there because thatad just did what you know,

523
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: and he left, you know. So I think for that

524
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: for a long time, I was just more afraid of

525
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 1: even having a daughter, exactly repeat the cycle. Now I'm

526
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: not afraid. Now I feel better about it, but I

527
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 1: think for sure, I'm like, I need to figure this

528
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: out before I even bring another child into the world.

529
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 2: I think it's also understanding that we I think we're

530
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: learning as we're we're growing on we're learning right now

531
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 2: in this moment, like we're we've come to realization things

532
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 2: and I think that's gonna happen and for a long time,

533
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 2: I think for the rest of our lives, like we're

534
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 2: gonna learn something about ourselves and then we're gonna see

535
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 2: where it comes from. And it's like, Okay, yeah, how

536
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 2: am I gonna fix it now here in this in

537
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 2: this in this time of my life before my daughter

538
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: or even with you, Like how are you gonna heal

539
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 2: that part of you with Jayla? Now that she's fifteen.

540
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: So it's like I think we're all like, yeah, I

541
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 2: don't think it's ever gonna stop, Like the healing isn't

542
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 2: ever gonna stop.

543
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, We're always there's always gonna be something, you

544
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 1: know where I always say we we we evolve and

545
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: we grow and you know the whole thing. So, Jenny,

546
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: do you feel Jennica so called Jenny, do you feel

547
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 1: that you, like you said, it's more of the rejection

548
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,160
Speaker 1: thing because I've always looked at you like, I'm glad

549
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: that Jenica learn from us, you know, and you learned

550
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 1: like even like Johnny tells me this all the time,

551
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 1: He's like, I saw certain things and I grew up

552
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 1: and I knew what I did want and what I

553
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 1: didn't want, thanks to my siblings and my older siblings.

554
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: So did you do you feel that way with you?

555
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 2: I feel like because I wasn't welcome. No, I feel

556
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 2: like because I didn't see it and mom, like I

557
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 2: didn't see a healthy You know, I did have to

558
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 2: learn from you guys and your guys's boyfriends and also

559
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 2: living you know. No, And I don't say it like no, no, no,

560
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 2: but I did have a lot to learn from even

561
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 2: from my brother, you know how you know, how you

562
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 2: guys treat your partners or whatever, like I had to

563
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 2: just as it wasn't like intentionally, but it's also like

564
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 2: I know what I want and how I want to

565
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 2: be treated and what I'm looking for. Yeah, you know,

566
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 2: And it's like you guys, you know, your older sister.

567
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, And but I'm proud of you for that because

568
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: I see it.

569
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 3: More of.

570
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: What I pray for all the time for you is

571
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 1: for you not to go through what we went through,

572
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: and that when that guy comes around, he's ready. I don't.

573
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: I don't want you to go through the heartbreaks that

574
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 1: we went through. You know, like I don't have the capacity.

575
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 2: I don't have it. That's why I think, like I

576
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 2: haven't dated in so long because I can't.

577
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: You can't fathom going. I can't.

578
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 2: I don't want to. Like I'm tired.

579
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: Because you've been through so much. I'm just your dad,

580
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: your mom, the whole thing. Yeah, it's okay, it's okay, no,

581
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 1: but that I feel like you're gonna You're not meant

582
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: to go through what we went through. You're you're a

583
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 1: lot smarter, I feel, and I say that with so

584
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: much respect, but you're so much smarter, You're so independent,

585
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: like and I'm not just saying this because you're my

586
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: baby sister and I fucking love you, but I feel

587
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: like everyone can see you're gorgeous, but not only that,

588
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 1: like you have so many great things to give that

589
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just want that guy to already be ready.

590
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: He's preparing himself the way you have, so that once

591
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: you guys come together, you don't have to go through

592
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: the bullshit we went through. It's like, like, no, you

593
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: have been through a lot already, but I just wanted

594
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: to know. I'm like, okay, because I know you're not picky.

595
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: You just you know what you want.

596
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,479
Speaker 2: I think, but it comes off as picky, and I

597
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 2: think that's the like that's frustrating.

598
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think for a long like it might

599
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 3: come off as she's guarded. But I think she's probably

600
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,719
Speaker 3: because she has the softest heart then even us. And

601
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 3: it looks like, oh no.

602
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: She's just because we wear a heart on our sleeves, yes,

603
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: and which is not my emotions.

604
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 3: Is not guarding our heart yea, and that's how we

605
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 3: get hurt.

606
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

607
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 3: Do you feel like you didn't have any standards? I

608
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 3: feel like I didn't have any standards. I feel like

609
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 3: you do.

610
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 1: You have standards. Standards, yes, and that's good. See, I

611
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 1: guess I didn't. I didn't. Now that I think about it,

612
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: it's like.

613
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 3: Did you just receive whatever kind of love or was

614
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 3: there like a was there like a list of like

615
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 3: this is what I want, this is what I because

616
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 3: I know she has her list.

617
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 4: I know.

618
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 3: I don't know if I had.

619
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: I didn't have a list until all the heartbreaks, until

620
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 1: I had I hard headed, went through this, that that,

621
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 1: and continued with that pattern until I said I'm done

622
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: with this. I'm I don't want done, I don't want

623
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: this again, like I need what the hell am I doing?

624
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: Until I went boom, Janey, what do you need to change?

625
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: And then that's when everything changed for me. But I

626
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 1: didn't have standards. I didn't like, oh I want a

627
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 1: guy that, this and that, Like I was just like,

628
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: oh love, oh okay.

629
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 2: Hug me, love me.

630
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: And I feel like it has to do with Mom

631
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: and I were like business partners. She was more of

632
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: like it was business with mom and in that aspect,

633
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 1: and of course Dad wasn't there, so it was just

634
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 1: always busy, busy, busy.

635
00:31:58,480 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 3: You're trying to fill that cup.

636
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: If someone was like, oh oh, I think you're cute.

637
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 1: I can say all the words and yeah and now now,

638
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: which I'm glad that Janaka didn't hap to go to

639
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: that because Jeneka I think song was like hold up,

640
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: heck no, I'm not yes.

641
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 3: And I'm proud of her. I too, am like me

642
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 3: too and.

643
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 2: Her is in the room her, I'm proud of you.

644
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 3: Because as I am, like, it's crazy, like even within myself,

645
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 3: I think I was. My life goal was to like,

646
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 3: I need to be a wife. I need to be married,

647
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 3: because I didn't have that, so I wanted to fill

648
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 3: that void. And my mommy issues were that I wanted

649
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 3: to be the exact opposite of her. I don't want

650
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 3: to be anything like her. It turns out I'm a

651
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 3: lot like her.

652
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: And then until.

653
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 3: Later, until it was like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, that

654
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, Jackie, what were you? What are

655
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 3: you here for? Who were you? Because I came into

656
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 3: this world alone. I came into this world with a purpose,

657
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 3: and I did. I had never asked myself that question

658
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 3: until like twenty sixteen. And then it's like.

659
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 1: Shoot, like a whole new world.

660
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 3: And then you start investing in yourself and healing yourself,

661
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: and then that kind of pushes people away from you.

662
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

663
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 1: That's crazy because I was on the complete opposite, like

664
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: you wanted to be married and be the wife and

665
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: have be the mom and the whole thing, have a

666
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: stable home, and I was like, I don't know if

667
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: I never really cared about getting married and this and that.

668
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, if it happens, great, I'm like,

669
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: you know, and I was like, and if it doesn't work,

670
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't work next. Yeah, for so long. And that's

671
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 1: also not that's a whole lot. That's not healthy either,

672
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: because when I remember, Yeah, when I would ask you,

673
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, sister, can you do that?

674
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 3: Oh?

675
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: You were being a good wife.

676
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 3: Well, I think it also depends on because I'm trying

677
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 3: to I'm like, we had the same parents, and it

678
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 3: seems like we probably had the same traumas, but it

679
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 3: wasn't because you in mom's life were someone else. You

680
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 3: were a different position in her life than I was.

681
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

682
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is crazy as to like it's parallel, but

683
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 3: it's not.

684
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 2: Right.

685
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 3: That's insane.

686
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 1: I think it's just knowing what we really want and

687
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: being able to communicate that with our partners. And say

688
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: this is what I want, this is what I'm willing

689
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 1: to give, this is what I expect. What do you expect?

690
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 1: It's yeah, let's figure this out so that it fits.

691
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 3: And neither you said that like knowing what you really want.

692
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 3: Someone asked me that the other day, like what do

693
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 3: you want? And I'm like, or what do you think

694
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 3: you deserve? And I'm like, I don't know, Like that's

695
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 3: crazy to not know, like I have it. I'm thirty

696
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 3: five years old and to like not, No, it's freaking crazy.

697
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 3: That's crazy.

698
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: Sorry, it's okay.

699
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,240
Speaker 3: And there's like a sense of urgency because it's crazy.

700
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 3: You think you're healed and you're not. There's still so

701
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 3: much like to dig deep and heal, and I feel

702
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 3: like a lot of it was like a band aid,

703
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:08,359
Speaker 3: Like you think having a family and being married, it's

704
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 3: like that's healed because it's not what it's what I

705
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 3: didn't have, but you didn't go through the process. And

706
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 3: I see it in Jayla and like I need to

707
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 3: figure out how to answer this question so that she doesn't.

708
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 3: I still have time, thank god, Yeah, so that she

709
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 3: doesn't do the same thing, because sadly, I'm not trying

710
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 3: to talk crap, but her dad is not like showing

711
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 3: her and that even showed like that, I'm like, why

712
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 3: why is she acting out? She has a father here,

713
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 3: he's present and he loves her and he picks her

714
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,959
Speaker 3: up on the weekends, but it's like he's he still

715
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 3: hasn't gone through his process. So no matter what, in

716
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 3: my head, I was like, as long as she has

717
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 3: a dad, she's gonna be good because I didn't have one.

718
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 3: But it's not the case.

719
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's wild. Sorry, no, no, no, it's true. I

720
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: I yeah, it's it's yeah. I think we're just out

721
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: here just trying to do our best. We were just

722
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 1: trying to do our best.

723
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 3: You know, I didn't really believe in the reparenting yourself.

724
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 3: You have to it's not but yeah.

725
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:15,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, and sometimes in certain cases, like for instances like Emilio,

726
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,840
Speaker 1: you know, he didn't. He never really felt he needed

727
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: a dad. So it's like he could have had his dad,

728
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: and what if his dad would have made done more

729
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 1: damage and he was not in his life and he

730
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: is who he is. I mean, he's not obviously perfect,

731
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:34,760
Speaker 1: but I feel, honestly, I think we should be proud

732
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 1: in him too. Like the type of man that he is,

733
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,719
Speaker 1: given that he didn't have a father and everything we've

734
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 1: been through, we could be a lot worse. Guys, like

735
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: I think about it all the time, like right or so,

736
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like things could always be worse,

737
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: and I feel.

738
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 3: But I do. I don't want to minimize what live.

739
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 1: No no, no more no. But I'm saying like we

740
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 1: could have gone a complete opposite way given the parts

741
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 1: that we were dealt.

742
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 3: I think what you mean and to add on to

743
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 3: what you're saying is that our hearts are still good.

744
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 1: M H. We can sit here and have this conversation

745
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 1: and as we're speaking, realizing certain things and not and

746
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: feel vulnerable. That's like I feel like there's that's the

747
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 1: first step in healing and changing is accepting. And we're

748
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: sitting here having this hard conversation that some people may

749
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: not understand, that some people may be like and it

750
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 1: sucks because we're talking about our experiences and what we've

751
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,720
Speaker 1: gone through. But it's hard because our mother is this huge,

752
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: amazing figure that people think we're talking crap. But if

753
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: our mom wasn't and we were able to speak about it,

754
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: but it's like, why can't we speak about our truth

755
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: and still respect us and still respect her and still

756
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: love her. I have so much more at the end

757
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 1: of the day. Yeah, she was a normal person and

758
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 1: she was doing her best, you know, And yeah, and

759
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 1: that's why it's Yeah, do.

760
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 3: You think she was trying to find a man for

761
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:09,359
Speaker 3: the boys, because that's a big difference. Like, I mean,

762
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 3: Mikey's very much like a Melia in the sense of

763
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 3: like I didn't need him, but he didn't have a

764
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 3: father figure, so there's a lot of things he didn't

765
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 3: learn and he's teaching himself.

766
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 2: I think had a hard time. I think maybe because

767
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 2: I she probably didn't know how to raise boys.

768
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: But she always did tell me, She's like, they don't

769
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 1: need their dad, they have enough mother with me. She

770
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 1: would always say, like they didn't not necessarily.

771
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 3: There's a mistake in them. And she wouldn't.

772
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:46,720
Speaker 1: Sometimes let the boyfriends. Yeah, there was too much pressure

773
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: on her where she was like, these are my kids?

774
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: Are my goddamn kids. And she would say, she's like,

775
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: it's my responsibility. I don't need you to come into

776
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 1: my life to raise my kids. I got that, I

777
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:57,880
Speaker 1: need you to come into my life to love me.

778
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 2: That comes from grandpa kicking her out. That comes from

779
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 2: the men abusing her, leaving these men like I don't

780
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 2: need men, fuck men andy shit like type like yeah,

781
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 2: which in her ego like I did it all by myself.

782
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 3: And and there's a lot of single mothers out there

783
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,879
Speaker 3: who are doing it by themselves. But that doesn't mean that,

784
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 3: and that doesn't mean that if they are like that,

785
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 3: it's wrong. I don't I don't want to. I want

786
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 3: to correct that. But it's also like there's a man

787
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 3: to teach, Like there's certain things as a woman we

788
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 3: just don't know exactly. And I know onm did her best,

789
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 3: but I know that my brother's lacked. Yeah, and that's

790
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 3: you know, I don't know.

791
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm proud of her still me too, Me too.

792
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 1: I I always say this. I was like I didn't

793
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: have the perfect mother, but I had the perfect mother

794
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 1: for me, like the mother that I needed, because if

795
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 1: she hadn't been so strict with me and her lessons,

796
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: I don't know who I would have been today, you know.

797
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: And and that's why I try like to step back

798
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 1: and just look at her life and understand her. And

799
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 1: she did her best, and that's that, you know.

800
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 2: No I think that now it's like recognizing that we

801
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 2: do have these issues. I don't like calling them issues

802
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 2: because it sounds negative. I think they're just a part

803
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:18,439
Speaker 2: of us that we you know, that we recognize. Yeah,

804
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 2: it's recognizing those those parts of us and fixing it

805
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 2: and knowing what we deserve exactly.

806
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, knowing what we deserve, what we want, what we

807
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: can change, recognizing it, accepting it, and yeah, I mean,

808
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: it took me a long time to get to this point,

809
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: to be like, what do I really want, you know?

810
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 1: And what is my heart really craving? And I think

811
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: it's because I had to be an adult since I

812
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 1: was so little. Now I want someone to take care

813
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: of me emotionally because I've had to be strong forever

814
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: forever that now at least I can communicate what works

815
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 1: for me. But it took a long time time to

816
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 1: get to that point. And I told the media from

817
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,959
Speaker 1: the very beginning, this is a type of relationship I need.

818
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: I need to feel just wanted and cared for, and

819
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 1: you're going to take care of me so I could

820
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 1: just relax. Because I've had to be a mother, I've

821
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: had to be like so grown up. There's a Chiquita,

822
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: and I think once but again, I had to like

823
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 1: I thought I needed to be strong. I thought I

824
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 1: was an independent woman. I thought like, yes, yes, that's

825
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 1: all cool, But I don't want to be an independent,

826
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: strong woman that's alone. And what do I have to

827
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 1: do to change that? You know, to be different in

828
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 1: my relationships? So okay, I'm going to start with you, sister.

829
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 1: What is something that you're doing now to not fall

830
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 1: back into the people pleasing, into the validation all that stuff.

831
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 1: Is there something in particular that you're doing.

832
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 3: I think that I'm in a season. I've been in

833
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 3: a season of losing a lot of people because there

834
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 3: were a safety blanket. So I kind of feel like

835
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 3: I didn't necessarily step into like I'm going to start

836
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 3: my hating journey. It kind of just happened because I

837
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 3: think that was my biggest fear of like I don't

838
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 3: want to lose any more people. I'm going to do

839
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 3: whatever I need to do to keep people. I'm going

840
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 3: to be forgiving. I'm going to over communicate, which I

841
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 3: feel like sometimes over communicating is a I thought communicatings.

842
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,760
Speaker 1: It does, especially as over community.

843
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 3: So I'm learning I'm asking myself what do I need

844
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 3: to communicate? What am I trying to over explain to

845
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 3: keep people. I'm learning to say no, which was probably

846
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 3: one of the hardest things because it feels so bad

847
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 3: to say no and to set a boundary, which because

848
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 3: of what we've gone through sexual abuse, that you don't

849
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 3: know how to have boundaries. So I've just barely started learning,

850
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 3: but learning to say no. I'm asking myself when I

851
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 3: need to explain and when I don't and not. I'm

852
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 3: learning not to make excuses for people whoa which is

853
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 3: really hard.

854
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,879
Speaker 2: Making excuses that's hard to.

855
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 3: Pay attention to. You have to be actually aware.

856
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to be.

857
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:25,439
Speaker 2: And I think overall, I think, if anything, I've learned

858
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 2: to be more self aware, like how am I acting?

859
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 2: M And then I start seeing how that person's acting

860
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 2: and looking at really recognizing what red flags are and

861
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 2: not excusing those ones. You know, you're like, oh, like

862
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: if it's a red flag, it's a red flag.

863
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 3: Don't try to make it paint.

864
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't squint your eyes to make it green.

865
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: I know, is it yellow or orange?

866
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: And you know what? For me, I think it's to

867
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 2: stop seeing the potential, like I'm tired.

868
00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 3: Of like waste years of your life.

869
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 2: Yes, like I do not want to wait for you

870
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 2: to change or like you know, I don't know, so

871
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 2: I don't know.

872
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: Just trying that was my thing. I thought I could

873
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,959
Speaker 1: fix everyone and everything. It's like, I'll fix him, I'll

874
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: fix it. Maybe he needs me, uh huh, he needs

875
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 1: me to help him, Like, that's not my responsibilit It's

876
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 1: a huge freaking load to carry. And it's like, hold up,

877
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:27,840
Speaker 1: I have my baggage. You have your baggage, Yes, immediate,

878
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: can you help me carry my bags? But they're really

879
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 1: like not yours, so they're like but it's just like yeah, yeah.

880
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 3: With the amount of bags you.

881
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 2: The amount of luggage that you take on a ch

882
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 2: it's really crazy.

883
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 3: Safety.

884
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a safety.

885
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 2: You overpake somewhere. You always want to make something your home.

886
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I guess so it's true.

887
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 2: It's beautiful, that's fine.

888
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: I take everything. I take it. You want any sense

889
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 1: and I want to feel at home. Yeah I need that.

890
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 1: If not, then, especially with as much as I travel,

891
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 1: if I don't, I think i'd probably go a little

892
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: quick gray, you know, more than I have this past year. Yeah,

893
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: it's triggering for you yeah, yeah, So I mean, I

894
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: guess it's my turn.

895
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 3: What are you doing? What have you done? Because you

896
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 3: are already in your fast I.

897
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 2: Know you're already married. You're married. What do you feel

898
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 2: like you're doing now like that that you have to learn?

899
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 2: Like now that you're married, You're like, okay, now I'm

900
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: recognizing this, Like.

901
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 1: I am learning to put myself in other people's shoes

902
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: and his shoes if there's something I could be a

903
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: little snappy sometimes because of the stress and everything, and

904
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 1: he'll tell me, hey, I don't like the way you

905
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 1: just talk to me. And I didn't realize that sometimes

906
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:54,720
Speaker 1: I could be annoyed, and I'm just like I snap.

907
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 1: That's another thing I don't do with everyone else. It's

908
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: just with my partner and I have like a short

909
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: few you know. So I'm like starting to put myself

910
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: in his shoes and I'm like okay, And I'm really

911
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: good with apologizing, Like I don't want to be prideful,

912
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 1: and I check my heart and my ego and I'm like, okay,

913
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 1: am I being like egotistic right now? Is this something?

914
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,800
Speaker 1: Is this my pride speaking? I literally asked myself that

915
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, let me step back. That's good, and

916
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 1: I'll apologize, like, hey, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry that.

917
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:22,719
Speaker 1: And even if he doesn't tell me, I know, you know,

918
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: when you're not doing something nice, you feel it in

919
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: your gut. And it's not that I'm intentionally trying to

920
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: be a bitch or take advantage of because that's not

921
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 1: the case. It's just life happens. And sometimes I'm stressed out,

922
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 1: you know, and it's not an excuse, but I will

923
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: like go and I I'll apologize. My therapy is huge.

924
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 1: I just realized that I haven't done therapy like almost

925
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 1: two months. That's a long time, and I need to

926
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 1: do it at least once a month, twice a month.

927
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,240
Speaker 1: I just know for me, I just need to be reminded.

928
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 1: Even if I'm sitting in my session and I'm like, oh,

929
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: I know this already. I know this already. Oh I know,

930
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: like I'm already. Yes, I need that grounded. Yes, we

931
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: all need to be guided and remind did and mentored,

932
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,879
Speaker 1: and that's what I need to stay intentional. So I'm

933
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 1: doing that. And also I'm I'm okay with being I

934
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 1: want to be in my feminine. I never felt like

935
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: that before. So I constantly I'm like, what can I

936
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 1: do to make him feel better, to help the relationship

937
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 1: to really Like before it was like I still want

938
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 1: to be me, and yes, I still want to be me,

939
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 1: but now it's us Yeah, and I now but I

940
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 1: want that.

941
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:29,840
Speaker 3: I think it's because you have you feel safe.

942
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:35,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel safe, so beautiful. Yeah, I'm just learning

943
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:39,359
Speaker 1: to step back and look from the outside in so

944
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,479
Speaker 1: that I don't you know, I like to treat people

945
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:44,840
Speaker 1: the way I want to be treated, so that also

946
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 1: goes heavily in my relationship. It can't be just one sided. Yeah,

947
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:56,439
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah and yeah, So anyways talk Yeah

948
00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: for our tech talk. I think this is a very

949
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: beautiful conversation. And thank you sisters so much for accepting

950
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: the invitation, for accepting to speak about this that could

951
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,280
Speaker 1: be a little in a way triggering to some people.

952
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: We apologize for that. It's just that's how we are.

953
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,720
Speaker 1: We're very honest with each other. We have a sister

954
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: group chat and we talk about all kinds of things

955
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 1: in there, and I thought, why not talk about something

956
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 1: that I know is very real that I think we

957
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 1: all even if you did have your parents together in

958
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 1: the same household. There are things that we pick up

959
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,240
Speaker 1: from our parents and from their relationships, and it's something

960
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: that we need to talk about and feel comfortable talking

961
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: about that. So anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode,

962
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 1: and thank you to Jennaka Lopez, to Jacqueline Rivera Campos, Jackie. Anyways,

963
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: thank you to my sisters. Thank you to my sisters

964
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,399
Speaker 1: for coming. I love you. I love you guys so much.

965
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 1: I hope you guys learned a few things from us,

966
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 1: and I feel like there has to be like a

967
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 1: part two in the next season. Me too. I have

968
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: a lot of things I want to talk about and

969
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 1: I thought I was more prepared, but you guys, like

970
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 1: it just happens, is what happened? Yeah, this is what

971
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, So next time, you know what, we

972
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 1: should do it with a little bit of tequila overcome

973
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: for podcasts. Yeah all right, yes, overcomefort positive. Yes, we'll

974
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: do it there, we'll finish our conversation. Anyways, guys, love you,

975
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:24,200
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and I will see you on

976
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 1: the next episode. Peace Out. This is a production of

977
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and Mike podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at

978
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 1: Mike Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i

979
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: q u y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit

980
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

981
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:49,280
Speaker 1: favorite shows.