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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to the first New Couch Talks

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Speaker 1: of My name is Cat. I am the host. And

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Speaker 1: if you are wondering what catch Talks is, it is

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Speaker 1: the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy where I

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Speaker 1: answer questions that you guys sent to me at Catherine

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Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. And quick reminder

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Speaker 1: before we get started that I always like to give you, guys,

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Speaker 1: is that although this is a podcast about mental health

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Speaker 1: and I'm a therapist and I even answer some of

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Speaker 1: your questions, this podcast does not serve as a replacement

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Speaker 1: or substitute for actual mental health services. Now, like I said,

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Speaker 1: first New Couch Talks episode of the New Year, and

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Speaker 1: I took a little break and gave you some of

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Speaker 1: my favorite episodes from the past while I did that,

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Speaker 1: And so I just wanted to check in, even though

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Speaker 1: you can't really reply to me, and let you know

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Speaker 1: that I hope you had a good holiday, a magical holiday,

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Speaker 1: whatever kind of holiday you were celebrating. I hope you

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Speaker 1: had the New Year celebration that you needed to have

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Speaker 1: and that everybody was able to at least find some

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Speaker 1: reprieve before the New year starts getting going. Although I

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Speaker 1: will say usually it seems like January tends to be

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Speaker 1: a slower month. Well for me, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: other people's professions, it feels like it's it's amping up more.

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Speaker 1: That might be true with the people that do like

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Speaker 1: the quarterly you know, business sales people. I guess you

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Speaker 1: start all over. Well, I hope you guys got a

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Speaker 1: break before it starts back up. I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: still a little bit in break mode, so I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: have a slow start to get back into full force.

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Speaker 1: Cat Now. I did take about eleven days off. I

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Speaker 1: think it was eleven days something like that, a lot

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Speaker 1: of days off in a row, and today was my

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Speaker 1: first day back at work, and somebody over the week

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Speaker 1: and asked me how I was doing, and I like

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Speaker 1: didn't know how to respond because I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I haven't been working and it's been really nice. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, I don't know what to do

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Speaker 1: with my time when I have nothing to do, because

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Speaker 1: it's not like you're on vacation, and I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to spend all of these days off doing busy work

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Speaker 1: and running errands. And so what I found is I

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Speaker 1: am something whould just like to get up out of

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Speaker 1: bed when I can, Like I I don't like just

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Speaker 1: laying in bed till like twelve, which there's nothing wrong

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Speaker 1: with that if you can do that and it works

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Speaker 1: for you. But I like to get up and get

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Speaker 1: my day started and have coffee and go to early workouts.

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Speaker 1: And so I still did that, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: what is the point of doing this? And then I

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Speaker 1: learned that if you get up and get your day

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Speaker 1: started and go work out or do whatever your morning

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Speaker 1: routine is earlier, the more time you have to do

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Speaker 1: nothing throughout the day. And that was very nice. I

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Speaker 1: sat on the couch a lot, I rested a lot,

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Speaker 1: and in case you missed it, I started watching Well,

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Speaker 1: I didn't start, but I got back into watching all

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Speaker 1: of the Harry Potter movies because I have never seen

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Speaker 1: them before. And I am thirty three, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like that was like the prime of my childhood and

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Speaker 1: I chose to ignore all of that and ignore that

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Speaker 1: it was going on. And speaking of the question that

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Speaker 1: we're getting to, I kind of regret that because I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've missed out on being a fan of

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Speaker 1: something for years that I could have been enjoying. And

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Speaker 1: I've even been to Harry Potter World, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: even really enjoy it because I didn't really get any

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Speaker 1: of it what There was no excitement, I didn't understand

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Speaker 1: what anything was, and I could have had a different

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Speaker 1: experience with that. But at the same time, I'm getting

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Speaker 1: to do that now and everything is new and I'm

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Speaker 1: really having fun and I have no idea what happens

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Speaker 1: at the end. So I wanted to get an update

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Speaker 1: for anybody who listened to Monday's episode and now it's

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Speaker 1: invested in my journey or follows me on Instagram and

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Speaker 1: sees that I've been posting Harry Potter content for about

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Speaker 1: a week now, back to back to back, a lot

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Speaker 1: of Harry Potter content. I wanted to give update. I

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Speaker 1: have finished the first seven movies and I'm currently watching

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Speaker 1: the last one. I started the last one last night,

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Speaker 1: but I only made it twenty minutes and then I

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Speaker 1: fell asleep. I didn't fall asleep because I was born.

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Speaker 1: I fell asleep because I was really tired. This is

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Speaker 1: a spoiler alert for anybody who wasn't seeing them and

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Speaker 1: wants to see them, So if that's you, fast forward.

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Speaker 1: But I just wanted to let you guys know that

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Speaker 1: after the sixth movie, I was very upset how it ended.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why you would kill such a wonderful

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Speaker 1: person off of a movie that I supposed to be

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Speaker 1: a children's movie. I'm supposed to feel I feel I

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Speaker 1: thought I alos feel good watching these movies, and that

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Speaker 1: would may feel really sad. So I got really upset,

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Speaker 1: but of course I persevered went onto the seventh movie,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like the seventh movie is kind of

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Speaker 1: a space filler. I'm assuming it's like the backstory and

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Speaker 1: backbone of what needs to be set up for the

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Speaker 1: final movie, because I think that one is two books.

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Speaker 1: I just split it up in in two movies. I

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Speaker 1: mean one book they split up in two movies. So

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Speaker 1: I assume that's why there wasn't a great ending, and

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Speaker 1: there wasn't, because like, how do you end a movie

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Speaker 1: that you're only doing half of a book? You know,

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Speaker 1: half the story? So that was kind of a dad

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Speaker 1: but I feel like probably necessary of having all the

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Speaker 1: information to get to the last one. But I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about if I was watching it in real time

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Speaker 1: help setting, it would be to watch the seventh movie

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Speaker 1: and be like, that's the ending, and I have to

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Speaker 1: win another year to finish this. But then I looked

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Speaker 1: up the dates and it seems like you only had

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Speaker 1: to wait like six months. It's not so bad, but

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Speaker 1: I would be a little bit disappointed anyway. I will

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Speaker 1: be finishing that, hopefully today, and then I will continue

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Speaker 1: to give you my updates, and then I will start

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Speaker 1: reading the books and I'll give you my updates on

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Speaker 1: that as well. Even though you did not come here

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Speaker 1: for Harry Potter content, you will be getting that sound

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Speaker 1: this year, because that's part of my year's goals is

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Speaker 1: to invest in this read start reading these books, learn

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Speaker 1: more about all of this, and have some fun with it.

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Speaker 1: That's one of my goals for the year. And that

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Speaker 1: has a lot to do with um creating goals around

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Speaker 1: me time and fun and play, because I mean their

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Speaker 1: children's books and mostly movies for kids, although I think

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Speaker 1: all ages enjoy them, and so I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: give myself a goal that is purely just around pleasure

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Speaker 1: and enjoyment for myself. So you guys can be in

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Speaker 1: that journey with me as much as little as you want,

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Speaker 1: but I'm probably gonna keep talking about it. So let's

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Speaker 1: get onto the question now. If you're new. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: couch Talks is where I answered questions usually that you

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Speaker 1: guys sent to me, and you can email those to

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Speaker 1: meet Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. I

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Speaker 1: usually do one question a week unless I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: keep them two shorter answers um and I keep them

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Speaker 1: anonymous all the time, so I won't tell anybody who

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Speaker 1: it is that actually wrote the question, so you can

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Speaker 1: feel safe sending in the questions that you want answered.

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Speaker 1: So let's get into this week's question. Hey, Kat, I

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Speaker 1: was wondering if you could talk about your views on regret.

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Speaker 1: As I was reflecting on two I was taking some

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Speaker 1: time to look at the things that I would do

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Speaker 1: again and the things that I wouldn't. But then I

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Speaker 1: started to feel bad for regretting certain things because I

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Speaker 1: saw that some of those led to something good, and

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Speaker 1: I realized that I have no idea if some regrets

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Speaker 1: might in the future lead to good things as well.

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Speaker 1: I was hoping you could talk a little bit on

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Speaker 1: what regret means and if we were supposed to regret

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Speaker 1: things or be thankful for where they have led us

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Speaker 1: or might lead us in the future. Okay, so my

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Speaker 1: answer here is pretty simple, and it's both right. It's

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Speaker 1: okay to have regret, and it's also okay to be

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Speaker 1: thankful and grateful for your regret because they might lead you,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of times do lead us to lessons

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Speaker 1: or things that we need. It's okay to not like

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Speaker 1: how things have turned out. It's okay to wish that

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Speaker 1: you had done something differently, even though sure we do

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Speaker 1: learn a lot from mistakes or things that we wish

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Speaker 1: we would have not have done. A friend of mine

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Speaker 1: shared recently a quote that I really like, and I've

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Speaker 1: been actually talking about a lot with friends and clients,

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Speaker 1: and it is good decisions come from experience, and experience

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Speaker 1: comes from bad decisions. And I love this because it

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Speaker 1: displays very simply how bad decisions, ones that we wish

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Speaker 1: we had not made. Maybe some regrets in there teach

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Speaker 1: us how to show up better now in a perfect world.

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Speaker 1: Do we wish that we would just not have to

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Speaker 1: learn the lesson? Yes, but that often isn't the case.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay

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Speaker 1: to acknowledge like, I don't want to have to learn

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Speaker 1: this lesson. It's annoying and frustrating that I have to

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Speaker 1: learn this lesson. It's okay to acknowledge that. We can

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Speaker 1: acknowledge that and also be like, well, I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: I know it now, even though I didn't like the

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Speaker 1: way I had to go about figuring out. So, when

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Speaker 1: it comes down to it, this is to me, really

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Speaker 1: an issue in semantics. You can look at the same

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Speaker 1: thing in the same way by saying it two different ways. Right.

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Speaker 1: You can say I don't have regrets because they taught

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Speaker 1: me something or lead me somewhere I needed to go.

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Speaker 1: You can say that, and that's that's perfectly fine. I

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Speaker 1: think when people say I don't have regrets because those

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Speaker 1: things lead me or taught me something, lead me somewhere

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Speaker 1: I need to go, or taught me something I needed

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Speaker 1: to learn, they are basically saying the same thing as

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Speaker 1: the people who are saying I do have regrets, and

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Speaker 1: at the same time, I can't be grateful for where

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Speaker 1: those things lead me. I just wish I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to learn it that way. You're saying the same thing.

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Speaker 1: I think when people are saying I don't have regrets,

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Speaker 1: they're saying that because I don't regrets because without that experience.

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Speaker 1: I would never have been here, I never would have

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Speaker 1: learned that US, and I never would have X y Z.

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Speaker 1: But it's okay to acknowledge I wish I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to do it this way. The second one, I think

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Speaker 1: can be really helpful. Phrasing it the second way can

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Speaker 1: be really helpful when you have not learned the lesson yet.

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Speaker 1: That's why I think that has a lot of power,

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Speaker 1: that version of saying things acknowledging that you might regret something,

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Speaker 1: because one, we can change our minds, right, we might

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Speaker 1: regret something now and then later we change our mind

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Speaker 1: We're we're allowed that power. We don't have to decide

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Speaker 1: if we're okay with something as soon as it happens.

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Speaker 1: We're allowed to continuously change our minds. So the second one,

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Speaker 1: I really think can be helpful when you've not learned

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Speaker 1: the lesson yet. Sometimes the lesson of our pain, or

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Speaker 1: our failure, or just some missteps that that we've made

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Speaker 1: it takes a while to show up. So we can

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Speaker 1: say I regret blank, and I'm open to this leading

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Speaker 1: to something meaningful in my future. Right now, I regret

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Speaker 1: it because I don't see that light at the end

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Speaker 1: of the in the tunnel, but also holding space, and

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Speaker 1: I'm holding holding to some hope that in the future

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Speaker 1: that might change. I've talked about this idea of turning

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Speaker 1: foresight into hindsight on the podcast before, but I don't

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Speaker 1: know when the last time I shared this was, so

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Speaker 1: I want to share it with you now. UM. I

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Speaker 1: heard somebody one time talk about how they don't have

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Speaker 1: a lot of regret in their life because they become

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Speaker 1: grateful right away. And the way that they got there

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Speaker 1: is because they said, well, if you look at a

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Speaker 1: lot of the things that you've greted in your life,

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Speaker 1: you've looked a lot of the things that you've really

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Speaker 1: felt shame or guilt or disappointment or whatever about. You

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Speaker 1: give it some time, and usually there's a lesson in that,

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Speaker 1: and you're grateful for that you didn't get that job,

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Speaker 1: or you that relationship didn't end, or that you did

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Speaker 1: learn that lesson, And so in time, you're always grateful.

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Speaker 1: So if I know that to be a consistent truth

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Speaker 1: in my life, when something happens, I use my hindsight.

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Speaker 1: I turned that foresight into hindsight, right instead of oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't know where this is going to lead me,

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Speaker 1: you say, hey, I from what I know and I past,

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Speaker 1: this has led me to have some kind of gratitude.

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna be grateful for this now because I

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Speaker 1: know in time this will teach me a lesson. Now,

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Speaker 1: I want you guys to know that that's a lot

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Speaker 1: easier said than done. And so that's why I love

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Speaker 1: this idea, like a lot of times of holding two

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Speaker 1: things to be true at once. And if you're somebody

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Speaker 1: who's going through something right now, whether that's a breakup

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Speaker 1: or a loss of a job, or a change of

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Speaker 1: something that you weren't expecting, or um, maybe you recently

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Speaker 1: said something that when you think back on it, you

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Speaker 1: just cringe and and you feel some shame or guilt.

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Speaker 1: Know that most of the time when we give experiences time,

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Speaker 1: there is something uncovered in that that pushes us in

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Speaker 1: a space that we really do love in our lives.

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Speaker 1: And so if we start with that idea, we start

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Speaker 1: with holding that knowledge is true. I can both feel

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Speaker 1: I don't like that or I don't like the experience

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Speaker 1: I'm in, and I regret ever signing up to date

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Speaker 1: that person, I regret ever going to that show, or

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Speaker 1: I regret ever taking this job because where I am

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Speaker 1: is really not fun. I can hold that to be

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Speaker 1: true because that's my present experience, and also know that

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Speaker 1: chances are given time, I will be grateful for whatever

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Speaker 1: comes out of this experience, and so I can have

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Speaker 1: regret and gratitude at the same time. And it is

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Speaker 1: really hard to comprehend that, I think, because it's like

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Speaker 1: why those things contradict each other. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: a lot of what goes on emotionally with us doesn't

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Speaker 1: always make sense. And I think the more we try

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Speaker 1: to make sense of things, the more we convolute our

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Speaker 1: actual experience. So if we can just accept our experience

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Speaker 1: as what it is and we don't have to dig

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Speaker 1: through what have to make this logical, then we actually

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Speaker 1: have a lot more freedom and things end up even

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Speaker 1: like regret feeling a lot better than trying to like

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Speaker 1: weed through the logic of it all. So I hope

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Speaker 1: that was helpful. And like I said, if you wanted

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Speaker 1: the simple answer, it's it's both. So that is going

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Speaker 1: to do it for me today. For the first couch

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Speaker 1: Shocks of twin twenty three, if you guys have a question,

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Speaker 1: a thought of feeling, anything that you would like to

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Speaker 1: share with me. You can email that to me a

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Speaker 1: Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. You can

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Speaker 1: follow me at at cat dotr fata on Instagram and

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Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy Podcast. And also I forgot to

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Speaker 1: say this. I'll probably say it again next week to

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Speaker 1: since I didn't say that at the top of the episode,

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Speaker 1: But you Need Therapy Podcast one best podcast for or

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Speaker 1: Best Local Podcasts for Nashville Fit Magazine's Best of awards,

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Speaker 1: And so I know what I've I talked about being

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Speaker 1: nominated for that, and so I wanted to thank everybody

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Speaker 1: who voted. That meant a lot to me. And I

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Speaker 1: know these kind of awards are kind of silly because

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Speaker 1: it really has a lot to do with like who

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Speaker 1: gets the most people to get up there and vote

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Speaker 1: for them. Then really me being the best local podcast

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Speaker 1: because there's a lot of podcasts in Nashville and I

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Speaker 1: don't think that we can objectively categorize them as best.

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Speaker 1: But it still means a lot to me because it

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Speaker 1: means that some of you guys felt hit was worth

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Speaker 1: your time to get up on the internet and vote

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Speaker 1: for me. So thank you so much. I appreciate it

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Speaker 1: a lot, and I am looking forward to everything that

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Speaker 1: this year is going to bring with the podcast, and

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Speaker 1: with that, I'm going to leave you my most favorite

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Speaker 1: way I love to leave you, and that is saying

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Speaker 1: I hope you have the day you need to have.

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Speaker 1: I will be back with you guys on Monday,