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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if

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Speaker 1: you need advice, I'm talking about you, talking to you.

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Speaker 1: If you need advice and relationships, on dating, on work,

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Speaker 1: on sex, on parenting, and more. Please submit your Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter to Steve Harvey f M and click submit Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: That's all you have to do. We'll get the letter

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Speaker 1: and we could be reading your letter live on the air,

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Speaker 1: just like we're gonna be reading this one right here,

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Speaker 1: right now. Why you would want that? I have no idea.

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Speaker 1: Let's buckle up, hold on tight, we got it. Call

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Speaker 1: you here. It is the Strawberry Letter. That's right. Let

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Speaker 1: us know your problem. Subject. I want a man, a

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Speaker 1: real man, not this man. Dear Stephen Shirley. I have

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Speaker 1: been married to my husband for thirteen years, but we

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Speaker 1: have been together for a total of twenty three years.

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Speaker 1: We have one son, and my husband is a great

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Speaker 1: provider for our family. I am, however, concerned about the

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Speaker 1: example of manhood that he is displaying for our son.

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Speaker 1: My husband is non confrontational, so we haven't argued in years.

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Speaker 1: If we have a disagreement, he will just agree with

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Speaker 1: me to avoid conflict. He's always eager to help others,

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Speaker 1: and he does favors for his family members all the time,

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Speaker 1: even if he is not feeling up to it. He

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Speaker 1: rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice. He is also

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Speaker 1: very pleasant at work, and he has been overlooked for

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Speaker 1: promotions because he won't be more assertive and speak up

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Speaker 1: for himself. He is always concerned about what other people

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Speaker 1: think of him, and he never wants to upset his

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Speaker 1: coworkers or the few friends we have. His behavior is

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Speaker 1: a huge turn off, and quite frankly, I've had it

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Speaker 1: with mister nice guy. I want my husband to be

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Speaker 1: my rock and my protector, but instead I wear the

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Speaker 1: pants in our household. The situation is getting worse as

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Speaker 1: he gets older and more complacent. I would love to

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Speaker 1: hear him say I got this baby and take charge,

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Speaker 1: but that hasn't happened in years. I also want him

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Speaker 1: to take charge in the bedroom so I don't always

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Speaker 1: have to initiate intimacy When we spend time as a family,

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Speaker 1: I make the decisions on what we will do, and

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Speaker 1: I always drive us around. So far, my attempts to

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Speaker 1: talk to him have not worked at all. So how

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Speaker 1: can I get him to understand that he needs to

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Speaker 1: man up without insulting him. Please advise. All right, give

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Speaker 1: me a moment here, but I'm trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: what's really going on here and what you're really upset about.

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Speaker 1: I mean, thirteen years of marriage. You say he's a

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Speaker 1: great provider, he's always eager to help others, he's non confrontational.

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Speaker 1: You guys haven't argued in years. He doesn't raise his voice,

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Speaker 1: and in your words, he's a mister nice guy. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you guys have been together for twenty three years. Surely

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Speaker 1: you knew he was a kind of like a people

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Speaker 1: pleasing kind of a guy. You know, cared about what

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Speaker 1: people thought of him, helpful guy, this non assertive person

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Speaker 1: that you talk about in the letter, especially back in

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Speaker 1: the day when you married him. That was thirteen years ago.

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Speaker 1: Bottom line, you have a problem with this now. I

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Speaker 1: guess you're growing and perhaps he's still the same or

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Speaker 1: something you want him to change, and your attempt to

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Speaker 1: talk to him it's fallen on deaf ears. He's getting worse,

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Speaker 1: you say in your opinions since you get older. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I can only suggest at this point, since you guys

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Speaker 1: are are kind of had an impass. You want things

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Speaker 1: one way and he's doing it the way he's been

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Speaker 1: doing it, and you want to change. You know, I

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Speaker 1: gotta suggest some counseling for you guys to get over

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Speaker 1: this situation. And when you do talk to him, how

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Speaker 1: are you talking to him? I mean, is it a

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Speaker 1: way that you're turning him off? You you're turning him off?

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Speaker 1: Are you nagging him? What are you? What are you doing?

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Speaker 1: You know in situation? I'm not blaming you, I'm just

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Speaker 1: asking you a a question. I would definitely contact a marriage

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Speaker 1: counselor though though to try and help you guys get

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Speaker 1: through the situation together together. All right, that's my answer, Steve.

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Speaker 1: Nice answer, Shirley, really good, well thought out. You've given

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Speaker 1: out good advice. I would recommend therapy two, but I

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Speaker 1: never do and I'm not fitnish start today. We can

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Speaker 1: work this out as pope. People who don't have money

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Speaker 1: for therapy. So now what you need is a therapeutic conversation.

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Speaker 1: I fitting to get to you right now. I've been

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Speaker 1: married to my husband thirteen years. We've been together twenty three,

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Speaker 1: we got one son. Now here's a compliment. Your husband's

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Speaker 1: a great provider. I'm however, concerned about the example of

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Speaker 1: manhood that he's displaying to my son. I pumped the brakes.

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Speaker 1: My question to you is this, you're concerned about the

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Speaker 1: of manhood he's displaying to your son. What level of

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Speaker 1: manhood did he display to you to make you stay

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Speaker 1: for twenty three years. Let's back up now, lady, you

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Speaker 1: talking to somebody who thinks these things out. I am, however,

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Speaker 1: concerned about the example. My husband is non confrontational, so

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Speaker 1: we haven't argued in years. Wait a minute, you're writing

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Speaker 1: a letter of complaint because you and your husband hasn't

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Speaker 1: argued in years. Okay, let's mark that down. If we

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Speaker 1: have a disagreement, he would just agree with me to

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Speaker 1: avoid conflict. So you mean to tell me you're writing

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Speaker 1: a letter because you keep getting your weight. Okay, let's

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Speaker 1: mark that down. Now. He's always eager to help others,

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Speaker 1: and he does favors for his family members all the time.

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Speaker 1: Excuse me, you're writing a letter because you're married to

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Speaker 1: a good, a nice man. Okay, let's write that down.

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Speaker 1: Even if he's not filling up to it. He rarely

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Speaker 1: wait here help people if he don't feel like it.

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Speaker 1: This is what we're complaining about. I just want y'all

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Speaker 1: to hit it. He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice.

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Speaker 1: You mean he's an actual calming force at his house

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Speaker 1: and on his job. I'm just I want y'all to

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Speaker 1: hear with this woman to say. He is also very

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Speaker 1: pleasant at work. I'll be damn if you don't get

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Speaker 1: down there and start acting like a butthole on that job,

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Speaker 1: having everybody like you. All right, coming up Part two

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Speaker 1: of Steve's response to this letter, I want a real man,

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Speaker 1: not this man. We'll be back at twenty three after

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Speaker 1: the hour you're listening. Let's recap today's Strawberry Letters, Steve,

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Speaker 1: and get back to your response subject, I want a

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Speaker 1: real man, not this man. This woman just been complaining

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Speaker 1: about her husband because he's non confrontation. They ain't argued

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Speaker 1: in years. They're have an agree a disagreement. He'll just

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Speaker 1: agree with her to avoid the conflict. He's eager to

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Speaker 1: help other people do family for his new favors for

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Speaker 1: his families and friends, even if he don't want to.

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Speaker 1: He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice. He's also

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Speaker 1: very pleasant at work, and he's been overlooked for promotion

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Speaker 1: because he won't be more assertive and speak up for himself.

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Speaker 1: Maybe that ain't the reason. He's also concerned about what

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Speaker 1: other people think of him, and we never wants upset.

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Speaker 1: His co workers are a few friends we do have

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Speaker 1: him and y'all got friends, probably because he's such a

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Speaker 1: nice guy. Right here's where the letter turned ugly. His

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Speaker 1: behavior is a huge turn off. So now she's not

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Speaker 1: attracted to him anymore. And quite frankly, I've had it

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Speaker 1: with mister nice guy. See what she wanted? Somebody coming

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Speaker 1: in there in ass whipping mode. Want somebody coming over

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Speaker 1: here taking over furniture, Well what do you want? You

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Speaker 1: want somebody coming in the house and ask for more?

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Speaker 1: Where so he just walking in the house as ready

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Speaker 1: made conflict, wants to start arguments. Don't want to agree

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Speaker 1: with nothing you say. You want a man to quit

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Speaker 1: giving you your way, You won't opposition, See you crazy?

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Speaker 1: Now what you're saying is I've had it with mister

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Speaker 1: knice guy that I've never heard. I've had it with

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Speaker 1: mister knights And see you ain't tracked to it. Y'all

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Speaker 1: probably ain't having sex no more. None of this the

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Speaker 1: situation that gets worse as he getting older and more complacent.

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Speaker 1: I would love to him say I got this baby

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Speaker 1: and take charge. This ain't happening years. I also want

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Speaker 1: him take charge in the bedroom so I don't have

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Speaker 1: to do all that initiate intimies man week time. As

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Speaker 1: a family, I make decision what we do or where

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Speaker 1: we go who. I always drive us around. So far

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Speaker 1: my attempts to talk to him and not worked out

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Speaker 1: at all. How could I get him to understand he

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Speaker 1: needs a man up without his setting him? Please say

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Speaker 1: about he don't want in the letter to me, I

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Speaker 1: always drive us around, Always drive us because you're jumping

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Speaker 1: in you jumping behind the wheel, Joe, bossy ass, I

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Speaker 1: tell you what's wrong? Yeah, let me let me tell

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Speaker 1: you what you wear? The pass and the family take

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Speaker 1: him off. I think the man tie to you. I

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Speaker 1: really do you sound exhausting to me? He ain't arguing

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Speaker 1: with you no more, He ain't getting in no conflict,

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Speaker 1: so you no more. I think you run your mouth

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Speaker 1: at the house all the time. I think you complain

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Speaker 1: a lot because you don't got sick of him, so

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Speaker 1: you didn't wrote a letter. Any woman gets sick of

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Speaker 1: a man. She gonna voice it in the marriage. You

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Speaker 1: ain't just sitting there quietly seething. You keep telling me

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Speaker 1: about itself? Right? And and how when did he get

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Speaker 1: like this? The older he get the worst he getting.

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Speaker 1: He sounded like a cool guy to me. Damn what

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Speaker 1: you want? But see, here's what didn't happen. Has he changed? Maybe?

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Speaker 1: But let me ask her something? Did she change too?

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Speaker 1: And I think what didn't happened is is the people

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Speaker 1: that you all have become. Y'all don't like each other. No, bo,

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Speaker 1: it's called growing a part. See what used to be

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Speaker 1: okay with you is now on your nerves. You married

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Speaker 1: the man probably because he was kind, he was non conflict.

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Speaker 1: He gave you your weight, he took care of you.

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Speaker 1: It was great provider. I bet that's why you married.

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Speaker 1: Now all of a sudden you tired of that. And

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Speaker 1: I didn't understand the woman that don't want a good guy?

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Speaker 1: Damn what your world? What you want to happen? Here?

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Speaker 1: So let's have a reenact. Man, Jane, I'm here here,

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Speaker 1: we're going, right, you the woman, I'm the guy. Let's

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Speaker 1: go here we go. Let's where you been? Oh? I

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Speaker 1: just can't know what you mean when we've been I've

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Speaker 1: been sitting here. I don't have waiting on you enough.

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Speaker 1: Where you've been, just been trying to get to you,

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Speaker 1: trying to get to me. Who I'm here? You know

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Speaker 1: where I'm at? What you mean you're trying to get

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Speaker 1: to me? You know where I'm at? You left, I

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Speaker 1: was here, and when you come back, I was here

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Speaker 1: waiting on you. I know how long it take you

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Speaker 1: to get home. I know the round you take. I

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Speaker 1: did you go someplace else today? You know? Getting him fast?

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Speaker 1: Drive faster tomorrow you should get You should be hit

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Speaker 1: faster because I'm sitting here waiting. You got me here,

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Speaker 1: sitting waiting on you by day, every day I wait.

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Speaker 1: I sit out there and I wait on you. Why

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Speaker 1: am I waiting? Why? I need to know? Why? Didn't

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Speaker 1: where you are? And tell me why I'm waiting? Why

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Speaker 1: do you think I'm waiting? Why do you askause I

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Speaker 1: was driving too slow? No? No, no? Where were you?

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Speaker 1: And then answer why am I waiting? Go ahead, answer

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Speaker 1: that I was in the car driving my waiting and

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Speaker 1: then the answer you know what? Right? I don't like

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Speaker 1: to answer me? Why am I waiting? And why are

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Speaker 1: you where you've been. I need to know all of

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Speaker 1: those three questions right now. Baby, I can't. I can't

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Speaker 1: answer quick. You won't let me. Where have you been?

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Speaker 1: Why am I waiting? And why I just told you

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Speaker 1: where you've been? Why am I asking you these questions

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Speaker 1: I need? I'm like man, sound like I'm man? Do

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Speaker 1: I sound like I man? No? You know what I'm mad?

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Speaker 1: My bad? Let me stop being man? O your man?

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Speaker 1: Now I was mad. I was mad. Now you're mad.

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Speaker 1: You being mad because you being mad? O man? I

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Speaker 1: want to know why you take so long to get home?

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Speaker 1: And why do you want me to tell you? Do

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Speaker 1: you want me to tell you? You tell me? I

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Speaker 1: can't stay in your fucking as. I'm tired of your

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Speaker 1: ass at the time. I can't not do it's right,

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Speaker 1: and I won't a damn divorce. That's the nice guy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: come on, I ain't what she won't she won't just

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Speaker 1: heal you rarely get frustrated and raise your voice. I

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Speaker 1: knew this was coming. I knew it. My mama did. Well.

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Speaker 1: You know all Strawberry. Letders don't end happy but your

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Speaker 1: own feelings. Yeah, sure, we get your part, all right. Listen,

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Speaker 1: we gotta get out of here. Please email us our

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Speaker 1: Instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter. At Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey f M. You're listening to The Steve Harvey Morning

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Speaker 1: Show