Speaker 1: Who baby A baby? I need you, Oh hell, I
Speaker 1: need you? What to expect? As a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio, I'm your host, Heidi Murkop, and I'm a
Speaker 1: mom on a mission, a mission to help you know
Speaker 1: what to expect every step of the way. Congratulations, you're
Speaker 1: having a baby. And I know you want to call
Speaker 1: your mom and your sister and your best friend and
Speaker 1: every other friend you ever had. You want to shout it,
Speaker 1: or at least text it from the rooftops, alert the
Speaker 1: social media, maybe blurted out to that girl who takes
Speaker 1: your coffee order every day. You're that excited. I get it.
Speaker 1: But there are questions you might be asking yourself to
Speaker 1: even before the p on the home pregnancy test has dried,
Speaker 1: like should you tell everyone right away or hold off
Speaker 1: for a month or two or three? Should you tell
Speaker 1: selectively at first? And if you do, how can you
Speaker 1: be sure those you tell don't tell everyone else? How
Speaker 1: should you break it to your boss? And when? And
Speaker 1: even is there a fun way to announce the big
Speaker 1: it's still very little news that you haven't even thought of.
Speaker 1: Today is all about spilling the pregnancy beans. And we're
Speaker 1: here to talk about the who, what, when? Where and
Speaker 1: how of sharing your very special baby bulletin. I'm here
Speaker 1: with Emma. Hey, Emma, hey, mom. So Emma, I'm going
Speaker 1: back seven years uh at least seven right half? Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh that's right eight years ago. So yes, so was I.
Speaker 1: And we were in the parking lot at Whole Foods
Speaker 1: and I was trying to find a spot and it's
Speaker 1: hard enough to find a spotted Whole Foods. But the
Speaker 1: your your cell phone rang and you answer and you're
Speaker 1: like crying and screaming, like out of control, and I
Speaker 1: practically went like into another car. So that was the
Speaker 1: moment you found out you were pregnant with with Lennox.
Speaker 1: But you know, okay, but truth be told, I had
Speaker 1: IVF with Lennox, so that was a long road and
Speaker 1: I had that was like a two week wait after
Speaker 1: you get I don't remember what it was when they
Speaker 1: when they put the embryo inside of you. So I
Speaker 1: was on like high alert for a few weeks. And
Speaker 1: then I went and I had the blood test. So
Speaker 1: then you have to wait another like six five six hours.
Speaker 1: So when I found out, I was like, okay, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I was I flipped out. I freaked out,
Speaker 1: and you know what, there could not have been a
Speaker 1: better person with me than you, because I was so happy.
Speaker 1: And I know normally people would say, oh, I wish
Speaker 1: my husband was with me, but not the most case.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I'm really glad that it was you.
Speaker 1: It was such a special moment, especially because you know,
Speaker 1: you wrote what to expect and it's come and you
Speaker 1: delivered the proposal while you were in labor with me,
Speaker 1: and then you found out I was pregnant and it
Speaker 1: was just I don't know, but it was a really
Speaker 1: exciting moment and I couldn't have been with a better person.
Speaker 1: And I don't even remember if we went a Whole
Speaker 1: Foods after that. We didn't, probably we did it. I
Speaker 1: was like freaking out. I wanted to get home and
Speaker 1: tell dad, and I thought I also guessed the baby
Speaker 1: daddy too, but I was really excited to tell daddy. No,
Speaker 1: I don't, daddy, And when was weren't your being spilled
Speaker 1: in on the jumbo tronic Times Square it was announced
Speaker 1: I was pregnant and that was such an incredible moment.
Speaker 1: It was on all the news tickers like CNN, MSNBC,
Speaker 1: Fox News, all of them, and it was in magazines
Speaker 1: and that was a lot of responsibility. You know, that
Speaker 1: was a lot of pressure. You Yeah, that's true. It
Speaker 1: was a little more public than my first time. My
Speaker 1: pregnancy with you was such an oops and it was
Speaker 1: so unexpected. I think we were in such a state
Speaker 1: of shock that I don't even remember how we told anyone.
Speaker 1: But the one place that I couldn't share was with
Speaker 1: the health insurance company because back then pregnancy was a
Speaker 1: pre existing condition. I we had just gotten married. Eric
Speaker 1: had health insurance, but I didn't, and so we had
Speaker 1: to completely fudge the dates so that I would be
Speaker 1: able to get on his plan, because otherwise I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have been able to get any coverage. So you gotta
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do. Yes, back in those days,
Speaker 1: you did. You definitely did, so, you see. I mean
Speaker 1: now everybody's making their announcements big time. I love seeing
Speaker 1: these announcements on Instagram. Like my favorite is when somebody
Speaker 1: posts like a dog or a cat or a couple
Speaker 1: of dogs reading what to expect when you're expecting because
Speaker 1: they're gonna be big siblings. Or sometimes they're reading what
Speaker 1: to expect when mommy is having a baby. My change
Speaker 1: the cover. It's amazing. Yeah, no, it's it's it's super cute.
Speaker 1: Do you have favorite Instagram announcements that you've seen, Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I go down like the rabbit hole on Snapchat and
Speaker 1: um bunny the bunny hole. Um. I love gender reveals,
Speaker 1: like I can sit there and watch gender reveals all day,
Speaker 1: and I love the announcements. I think it's so exciting.
Speaker 1: I love you know, you know me. I love a
Speaker 1: good dog announcement. I love when dogs get married on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Anything that has to do with animals, I'm in. But
Speaker 1: how did you make your announcement when you were expecting
Speaker 1: Sevy on Sevy? You mean it wasn't introduced on Times Square,
Speaker 1: Poor Sevy because it was it was a Chile problems.
Speaker 1: You know. I didn't say this, but when I found
Speaker 1: out I was pregnant with Sebby, I didn't think I
Speaker 1: could get pregnant because I had i V the first time,
Speaker 1: and so when I took my friend made me take
Speaker 1: a test and I was like, oh, it's gonna be negative.
Speaker 1: So I threw it to the side, and then I
Speaker 1: go back a little while later and said pregnant. So
Speaker 1: then I freaked out and I was excited to tell
Speaker 1: my husband my well at the time, I my fiance,
Speaker 1: and so it was interesting because the first time I
Speaker 1: was with you, from the second time, I wanted to
Speaker 1: tell me the daddy and then I called you crying,
Speaker 1: of course, I mean, how did you announce it? On
Speaker 1: what to expect? We did a picture, um where it
Speaker 1: said what to expect when Emma's expecting again, and Lennox
Speaker 1: was reading the book and um, I was with my
Speaker 1: my husband or my fiance at the time, and we
Speaker 1: were in your bed. Awkward for everyone. For everyone. The
Speaker 1: good news is the baby was not conceived in your bed.
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, I can breathe again. Yeah. No, it
Speaker 1: was Vegas and that was really cute. It was a
Speaker 1: really cute idea. I was in my second trimester when
Speaker 1: we announced it. So let's take a quick break, and
Speaker 1: when we come back, I'm answering the biggest questions you
Speaker 1: have about spilling the pregnancy beans. Okay, mom, let's talk
Speaker 1: about spilling the pregnancy beans. We always here wait until
Speaker 1: twelve weeks to tell anyone. What's the real rule here?
Speaker 1: You know me? I mean the first rule is as usual,
Speaker 1: there are no rules. There are only rules that you
Speaker 1: and your partner decide on together, and hopefully you'll be
Speaker 1: on the same page with that decision in or maybe
Speaker 1: you can negotiate a similar page. But there are a
Speaker 1: lot of things that you can think about in making
Speaker 1: that decision, and the first one is did everyone and
Speaker 1: their mothers know that you were trying to conceive? And
Speaker 1: are they going to be asking every two seconds if
Speaker 1: you've succeeded, and especially if they know about when your
Speaker 1: period usually comes because you've been keeping them that updated
Speaker 1: like clockwork every month, well then you might want to share.
Speaker 1: But how you're feeling matters too, and not just how
Speaker 1: you're feeling about the pregnancy, but how the pregnancy is
Speaker 1: making you feel. So if you're constantly excusing yourself from
Speaker 1: meetings to pee or to puke, or you're turning all
Speaker 1: shades of green when your mom puts your usually favorite
Speaker 1: chicken dish on the table, or your friend orders the
Speaker 1: sauteid salmon, or your coworker dishes out chili in the
Speaker 1: break room, well let's just say you might have trouble
Speaker 1: not spilling the beans. If you're always spilling your breakfast
Speaker 1: and your lunch and your dinner something else. Are you
Speaker 1: a social drinker. Will everyone notice when you order your
Speaker 1: jack and ginger without the jack or pass on the wine,
Speaker 1: that you're always ready to have passed your way? Well,
Speaker 1: something seems fishy to your friends when they suggest poke
Speaker 1: a and you look panicked. Well they wonder why you
Speaker 1: ordered your burger well done instead of your usual rare,
Speaker 1: and why you asked if the blue cheese on the
Speaker 1: side salad was pasteurized? And how good are you at
Speaker 1: keeping a secret? How good is your partner? How good
Speaker 1: are you at white lies? If someone catches on? And
Speaker 1: then what if you're early to the show. What if
Speaker 1: everyone seems, at least to you to be staring at
Speaker 1: your swelling belly, even if it's more bloat than bump,
Speaker 1: Or noticing that you're suddenly favoring flowing dresses instead of
Speaker 1: skinny jeans and crop top, or that your newly supersized
Speaker 1: breast can no longer be contained by the buttons on
Speaker 1: your uniform. Well, they think you've been hitting the carbs
Speaker 1: a little harder than usual, or just know that you're pregnant.
Speaker 1: And finally, the most serious consideration of all, the one
Speaker 1: that keeps so many expecting couples from sharing the news
Speaker 1: right away. What happens if the pregnancy doesn't stick? What
Speaker 1: if you lose the pregnancy after you've already told everyone.
Speaker 1: Some parents worry about jinxing themselves and their baby being,
Speaker 1: especially if they've had a loss before, and some want
Speaker 1: to be sure they see a strong heartbeat on the
Speaker 1: ultrasound before telling, or even until they hear it, or
Speaker 1: until they get the first trimester screen results back, or
Speaker 1: even after any diagnostic testing is done. Many just want
Speaker 1: to pass safely into the second trimester with maybe a
Speaker 1: few extra weeks a good measure, And there's no right
Speaker 1: or wrong answer here, just what feels right for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I actually I think with Seby, I waited until after
Speaker 1: we did some like is a genetic testing, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then when the doctor said he's good to go, then
Speaker 1: I felt safe to or ready to spill mob beings. Okay,
Speaker 1: So what's the right time to announce it? Work? Who
Speaker 1: are you supposed to tell? And what does it mean
Speaker 1: for your rights as an employee? So? Okay? Again, no rules,
Speaker 1: I mean there might be some policies and regulations that
Speaker 1: you have to look into, depending on where you work
Speaker 1: and where you live, and that might take some digging
Speaker 1: in first, But in general, timing can be pretty tricky,
Speaker 1: and there's no universally perfect time to blurn out the
Speaker 1: happy news, especially if you have a hunch that your
Speaker 1: boss might not be quite as happy about the news
Speaker 1: as your family was. Right, how family only or unfriendly
Speaker 1: your workplaces is definitely going to factor in, So for instance,
Speaker 1: you might be less strussed to share if management has,
Speaker 1: you know, a recent record of supporting pregnant workers and
Speaker 1: new parents, and how you're feeling again is going to
Speaker 1: influence your timing. So if you're too tired to lift
Speaker 1: your head off the desk and you're spending more time
Speaker 1: hovering over the toilet than at your workspace, or you're
Speaker 1: skipping out on meetings because of doctor's appointments, you might
Speaker 1: want to let the kitten out of the bag sooner,
Speaker 1: especially if gossip is one of your company's chief products
Speaker 1: and you're worried that your boss will hear it at
Speaker 1: the water cooler instead of from you or on social media.
Speaker 1: If you share your your news on social media, those
Speaker 1: at your workplace might spy the announcement before you make
Speaker 1: it public on the job, and that would not be
Speaker 1: a good thing. You definitely want to tell if your
Speaker 1: job isn't or won't be pregnancy safe, like you work
Speaker 1: with hazardous chemicals or with radiation, or you do seriously
Speaker 1: heavy lifting, you'll need to request the transfer or change
Speaker 1: of duties as soon as you can, so of course
Speaker 1: you've got to tell early. On the other hand, you
Speaker 1: might want to hold off on sharing if you have
Speaker 1: a performance or a salary review coming up, because it's
Speaker 1: inherently unfair. But the reality is it's hard to prove
Speaker 1: that you've been passed up for promotion or raised just
Speaker 1: because you're pregnant, even though technically technically that's the law.
Speaker 1: Before you belly up to your boss's desk to spill
Speaker 1: the pregnancy beans, know exactly what your rights are, or
Speaker 1: at least what your rights are supposed to be, And
Speaker 1: I am going to preach here pregnant women and parents
Speaker 1: in general in the US have fewer rights than anywhere
Speaker 1: else in the world. And that's before we even get
Speaker 1: to maternity or family leave, at least paid leave. So
Speaker 1: check with HR or in your employee handbook for specifics
Speaker 1: at your workplace so you know exactly where you stand,
Speaker 1: and also as coworkers who you can trust to share
Speaker 1: their experiences. You don't have to tell them that you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: just that you're thinking ahead. And you know, who knows,
Speaker 1: maybe you'll end up organizing at work with the rest
Speaker 1: of the parents to lobby for better parental perks and
Speaker 1: at the least you may be able to get some
Speaker 1: insider info, tips, tricks, and and find out what pitfalls
Speaker 1: to avoid. And it's something that we women do way
Speaker 1: way too much. But try not to start off your
Speaker 1: announcement with an apology. You do not have to apologize
Speaker 1: for being pregnant. You have every right to be pregnant. Instead,
Speaker 1: approach that desk with a plan in hand, a smile
Speaker 1: plastered on your face, and using confidence that you will
Speaker 1: be completely up to mixing business with both pregnancy and parenting.
Speaker 1: And I know, I'm just like me. You didn't have
Speaker 1: to make that big announcement because we both work at home.
Speaker 1: I know I didn't, but like now, after hearing this,
Speaker 1: I was, I'm like so prepared to So I need
Speaker 1: to go get a job where I can make that
Speaker 1: announcement get pregnant because I'm ready now, I feel confident,
Speaker 1: I feel ready to go tell my boss thanks, Mom,
Speaker 1: Are you ready to get pregnant, or just tell your
Speaker 1: boss that you're pregnant. I'm ready to do it all
Speaker 1: because you're right. You don't have to apologize for being pregnant,
Speaker 1: and you have every right to be pregnant. I love that. Yep, yeah,
Speaker 1: there you go. Okay, so, mom, but what's your advice
Speaker 1: for telling your first child that they're getting a sibling.
Speaker 1: I wanted to tell Lennox the day I found out
Speaker 1: I was pregnant you and though you wasn't recommended necessarily, um,
Speaker 1: but I I got after my second trimester and I
Speaker 1: got the okay from the doctor. I got a giant
Speaker 1: box and put a pink balloon and a blue balloon,
Speaker 1: put it in there, and I said, okay, Lenox, here's
Speaker 1: a big present for you. Open it up and two
Speaker 1: balloons came out. And I think he was expecting in
Speaker 1: a real present because he was what five, So I
Speaker 1: think he was excited but also semi disappointed that like
Speaker 1: a giant actual lego didn't come out. Boons. But I
Speaker 1: think you're gonna have a baby brother or sister. He's
Speaker 1: like he was happy, but again, I think I kind
Speaker 1: of blew it with the the idea that he was
Speaker 1: yet yeah, well, learned from my missive and learn next time.
Speaker 1: But you know, this is another case where there just
Speaker 1: really aren't any rules. I am going to say, when
Speaker 1: you consider timing, you have to consider that for a young,
Speaker 1: older sibling, especially, and Lennox was already five. But you know,
Speaker 1: nine months is still an eternity. I mean, it's an
Speaker 1: eternity for us. It's hard for us to wait that long,
Speaker 1: but imagine how long it is when you're two and
Speaker 1: nine months is practically half your lifetime. Seriously, yeah, no, really,
Speaker 1: And and even for little who are a little older
Speaker 1: like Lennox was, you might feel more comfortable like you
Speaker 1: did Emma, waiting until you're sure everything is well with
Speaker 1: the pregnancy, or you might be so excited that you
Speaker 1: just can't wait to share the news. And a lot
Speaker 1: of parents these days make their little ones part of
Speaker 1: the pregnancy announcement, especially on social media, and it's so
Speaker 1: super cute. Just remember that a one or two year
Speaker 1: old doesn't have the slightest clue what having a baby
Speaker 1: means or what being a big brother or sister is
Speaker 1: all about, even in the most abstract way, and they
Speaker 1: certainly don't get why everyone is saying there's a baby
Speaker 1: in mommy's belly. I mean, that's kind of a lot
Speaker 1: to swallow. And by the way, did mommy swallow the baby?
Speaker 1: Is that how she got how the baby got in
Speaker 1: her belly? So yeah, even if you share the news,
Speaker 1: and again there are no rules about the news, keep
Speaker 1: your expectations in check because a toddler or even a
Speaker 1: preschooler is not really going to be able to process
Speaker 1: the baby news. And he's going to know that something's
Speaker 1: going on and something exciting and all those balloons and everything,
Speaker 1: but he's probably not to understand in a meaningful way
Speaker 1: what the celebration is all about or the photo ops.
Speaker 1: So of course you will. You'll know what they're about,
Speaker 1: and you'll love sharing the precious results and I'll love
Speaker 1: seeing them. And one of my I love this one. Recently,
Speaker 1: I saw a one year old in a chef's hat
Speaker 1: falling a recipe for baking a baby bunt it. I
Speaker 1: thought that was just so cute as I made what
Speaker 1: to expect post it. That's amazing. Yeah, make your day
Speaker 1: and make my day and tag me at Heidi Murkoff please,
Speaker 1: she lives for this, I do, I do, you know,
Speaker 1: Just keep in mind. Also, the toddlers and preschoolers have
Speaker 1: really fleeting attention spans and they can overload pretty fast
Speaker 1: on the baby stuff. So as you, as you progress
Speaker 1: very very slowly through pregnancy, definitely mentioned the baby here
Speaker 1: and there, and encourage the older sibling to kiss the
Speaker 1: baby belly and talked to the baby and sing to
Speaker 1: the baby, and start reading books about babies and about
Speaker 1: becoming a big brother or sister. You can buy a
Speaker 1: baby doll to practice on. Just don't go all baby
Speaker 1: all the time unless that's what your older child seems
Speaker 1: to want. Like Emma, you totally wanted to hear about
Speaker 1: the baby all the time, but maybe Lennox not so much,
Speaker 1: because otherwise they're going to reach baby saturation point long
Speaker 1: before the little bundle arrives. Yeah. I think I have
Speaker 1: a tendency also just to go like overboard on things,
Speaker 1: and I think, um, yeah, I think. And so I
Speaker 1: think Lennox probably was like over the first day. But
Speaker 1: you know, he was a good sport. I I think
Speaker 1: I I bought a doll um and I made in practice.
Speaker 1: But he's he's an amazing big brother. I think that
Speaker 1: he was at the perfect age because he understood as
Speaker 1: much as he possibly could, and he was really helpful
Speaker 1: during my pregnancy, so I got lucky. Okay, So should
Speaker 1: people post pictures of their ultra sounds? Are their privacy concerns?
Speaker 1: I definitely don't have any privacy in my life and
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. However, I have never posted an
Speaker 1: ultrasound photo while I was pregnant, only after. But that's
Speaker 1: just me. Oh see, I find that surprising. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I felt like I wanted to keep one part of
Speaker 1: this secret, like I would talk about my discharge, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to keep my my baby a secret. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So there are no rules here. This is is just
Speaker 1: for the two of you to decide. And you're the
Speaker 1: ones who made the little sprout that you're contemplating sharing
Speaker 1: on social and it's your comfort level that matters, not
Speaker 1: anyone else's. And maybe you'll be comfortable sharing if your
Speaker 1: accounts are private, and my ears is so not private,
Speaker 1: and maybe you'll be fine with the entire world having
Speaker 1: access to your blurry baby being unfiltered, and that's okay too.
Speaker 1: Don't feel pressured to post, and don't feel pressured not
Speaker 1: to post. Just make sure you're on the same page.
Speaker 1: If you're choosing to be an open book when you're
Speaker 1: expecting with your partner. Don't post without your partner's consent.
Speaker 1: Please don't do that, And make sure you block your
Speaker 1: name and the doctor's name and the facility's name from
Speaker 1: the ultrasound image if you don't want them disclosed to
Speaker 1: the public. And you know, speaking of consent, some do
Speaker 1: worry about getting the baby's consent, and of course that's
Speaker 1: really it's difficult to obtain because there's no app for
Speaker 1: that in utero, no docu sign for fetuses. But it's
Speaker 1: a completely valid point, and it's why some parents choose
Speaker 1: not to post photos of their little ones even after
Speaker 1: they were born, and especially not in their birthday suits,
Speaker 1: because if you think about it, pregnancies nine months babies
Speaker 1: grow up in a heartbeat, but the Internet is forever.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, okay, on that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I have posted naked pictures of both my children on
Speaker 1: I blur out the business. But um and also now
Speaker 1: you know you say that, but it's interesting because now
Speaker 1: I need to get consent from my my seven year old.
Speaker 1: He's like, no pictures, don't take my picture. I have
Speaker 1: the same problem with Lennox yeah. And then you know,
Speaker 1: one thing that I hear a lot about, especially on
Speaker 1: on social media, is that a lot of times parents
Speaker 1: don't agree on what's okay to post and what's not
Speaker 1: okay to post. And it's hard because one of them
Speaker 1: wants to post, Oh I'm pregnant, and the others like
Speaker 1: not yet. So I mean, it's it's it's a little touchy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why you gotta you gotta make that decision together.
Speaker 1: I know, I know you're doing the heavy lifting and
Speaker 1: the delivery and all that stuff, but he gets the sadness.
Speaker 1: He does. What are the benefits of finding out the
Speaker 1: sex of your baby? And should you tell anyone when
Speaker 1: you find out? I mean, of course I did. Look,
Speaker 1: I did every single thing I possibly could to like
Speaker 1: find out what it was like. The second day, I
Speaker 1: did the ring test, I did the baking soda, urine test, everything,
Speaker 1: and they were all wrong. The Chinese counter wrong, the
Speaker 1: ring test wrong, the baking soda wrong. I was on Share.
Speaker 1: I was gonna have a girl. But also, you did
Speaker 1: the your symptoms were different, weren't they? Yeah? They were.
Speaker 1: I was I was wanting sweets. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm having a girl. No, No, it's funny, Mother Nature.
Speaker 1: It's funny. But we did the big reveal on what
Speaker 1: to expect live with Lennox and that was fun. We
Speaker 1: have to probably bribe Lennox to to do it, but yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I probably did. I bribe Lennox for everything. Not my
Speaker 1: best parenting advice. Yeah, but you know, here's the thing,
Speaker 1: and you know this is coming. There are no rules there.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a case for both sides, and really
Speaker 1: only you and your partner can decide which side that
Speaker 1: you're on, whether it's team pink or blue or or
Speaker 1: team question mark. So what are the benefits of finding
Speaker 1: out the gender? Well, clearly there's the retail angle, and
Speaker 1: you can buy out the girl's department or you can
Speaker 1: buy out the boys department, though of course it's true
Speaker 1: the boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue,
Speaker 1: and browns or grays might be more your style, do
Speaker 1: m anyway, And let's face it, no baby looks good
Speaker 1: and yellow and white ends up staining yellow with spit
Speaker 1: up anyway, So so so much for white. And finally,
Speaker 1: practically speaking, newborn wardrobes are less about the style and
Speaker 1: more about the washability, comfort and easy access. To the
Speaker 1: poop desk, and you can just ask any second time
Speaker 1: parent about that. Yep. As for nursery decord, it's not
Speaker 1: like bunnies or giraffes or monkeys or genter specific I mean,
Speaker 1: don't tell bunnies or drafts or monkeys that I said that.
Speaker 1: But still, but if you are super committed to princess
Speaker 1: themes for your baby girl, no matter what, you're probably
Speaker 1: gonna want to make sure you're having a baby girl
Speaker 1: before you commit to the princess theme. And guess what,
Speaker 1: your baby is actually going to be rooming with you
Speaker 1: for the first six months at least, maybe up to
Speaker 1: a year, because that's what's recommended for safety's sake anyway.
Speaker 1: So it's not like there's a really a major rush
Speaker 1: to get the nursery all dolled up or fire engined up.
Speaker 1: Now of course, yeah, knowing Sabby loves a good fire
Speaker 1: and Jesse does. But you thought you were having a girl,
Speaker 1: so you have the princess all plan. Okay, okay, you
Speaker 1: know the other The other thing that knowing the gender
Speaker 1: makes easier is picking the name right. So some names
Speaker 1: work for both genders, and you might already have a
Speaker 1: list from column boy and Calumn Girl. But the bonuses
Speaker 1: you get to say he or she when you're referring
Speaker 1: to the baby instead of it all the time, which
Speaker 1: isn't exactly cozy. And of course it's hard to do
Speaker 1: a gender reveal without knowing the gender. Some would call
Speaker 1: that a definite plus one less thing to plan or
Speaker 1: produce because gender reveals these days have become serious production numbers.
Speaker 1: And I actually love like you do, m I love
Speaker 1: watching them on on Instagram. You know, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: are my favorite thing on earth to watch. I can
Speaker 1: watch them for hours, hours hours. They're reaction from family
Speaker 1: members and then sometimes people are disappointed. I live for
Speaker 1: gender reveals. Sorry, and the toddler you know who was
Speaker 1: wanting a baby sister starts crying with it's a baby brother. Yes.
Speaker 1: So when it came to Eric and me, we decided
Speaker 1: to be on team Green both times and go for
Speaker 1: the baby surprise like we were going to find out
Speaker 1: when the business end popped out, And of course we
Speaker 1: guess wrong both times. What are the odds? But I
Speaker 1: still think for me, there are so few true surprises
Speaker 1: in life, which is why I'm always a little extra
Speaker 1: excited when a mom tells me, we're waiting to find out,
Speaker 1: or she tells me it's her and her hobbies, a
Speaker 1: little secret, the one that they're not sharing with anyone,
Speaker 1: not even me. I feel like surprises are are coming
Speaker 1: back somewhat a little bit, but of course that's just
Speaker 1: based they are unscientific study. They stressed me out though,
Speaker 1: because once gonna post their pregnant on Instagram, literally like,
Speaker 1: I'm like stalking them until they tell the gender, and
Speaker 1: then they like are like, I'm gonna be surprised. I
Speaker 1: was like, what about me? I want to know what
Speaker 1: it is, But I mean, I guess it's not about me.
Speaker 1: It's about that good point. Okay, a good point. And
Speaker 1: up next it's helped me, Heidi, And now it's time
Speaker 1: for help me, Heidi. We're all answer you're pressing pregnancy
Speaker 1: and parenting questions. No hold barred, no filter allowed, t
Speaker 1: am I, no such thing. We're all moms here or
Speaker 1: dad's and chances are if you have this question, other
Speaker 1: parents have it too. You're not alone. Motherhood is the
Speaker 1: ultimate sisterhood, and we're here to help a sister out.
Speaker 1: So Emma, who needs some help today? Okay, So this
Speaker 1: comes from a listener says, help. I was so excited
Speaker 1: to tell my family the name we picked out for
Speaker 1: our baby, and they hate it. I love the name,
Speaker 1: and so does my husband. So now what do we do?
Speaker 1: Will they get used to it once they meet the baby,
Speaker 1: or do I have to change it? What do I do? God? People, filters, filters, people.
Speaker 1: Here we go again with one of my pet people, peeves.
Speaker 1: I am not sure why I've got my theories. There
Speaker 1: is something about a belly or a baby that brings
Speaker 1: out the busy body in everybody. For some reason, even
Speaker 1: people who are usually pretty disciplined about minding their own
Speaker 1: business suddenly can't manage to They feel free to weigh
Speaker 1: in on waking and food choices and birth choices, and
Speaker 1: of course, baby names. Those are always up for debate, except,
Speaker 1: of course they aren't, and they shouldn't be. Of all
Speaker 1: the many personal choices that a pair of parents make,
Speaker 1: choosing baby's name is probably the most personal. It's not
Speaker 1: something other people, even people you're close to, people you love,
Speaker 1: get to vote on unless you've specifically asked them to vote.
Speaker 1: And I've been asked to vote plenty of times, but
Speaker 1: operative word asked. And this is even more personal for
Speaker 1: me and for Eric, because after we shared Emma's middle
Speaker 1: name with our family, my own mother wrote a page
Speaker 1: long letter to me telling me all the reasons why
Speaker 1: we had picked the wrong name and how disappointed she
Speaker 1: was that we'd picked it. There was more than a
Speaker 1: little subtle pressure to change it, and Eric and I
Speaker 1: were so thrown by this, plus I was so hormonal
Speaker 1: and reading its sobbing in my hospital bed, that we
Speaker 1: actually ended up adding another name to the birth certificate,
Speaker 1: one we didn't even like, to make her happy and
Speaker 1: to avoid more family drama. To ist credit, Eric resisted.
Speaker 1: I felt like I didn't have a choice. I felt
Speaker 1: backed into a corner, and I just I didn't have
Speaker 1: it in me to push back after all the pushing
Speaker 1: I had just done. But it was how our choice
Speaker 1: all along, and in retrospect, I wish someone had told
Speaker 1: me that, besides Eric, so that I could have felt
Speaker 1: better about sticking to the original name game plan, so
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have caved. And we never actually used the name,
Speaker 1: but it was there on her birth certificate. You know,
Speaker 1: some people say the baby's name themselves, and plenty of
Speaker 1: parents I talked to wait until they hold their baby
Speaker 1: to name their baby, and I know parents who have
Speaker 1: stayed undecided for days, in one case, three weeks okay,
Speaker 1: that was my sister, just to be sure they picked
Speaker 1: the one that fit their baby. Bundle to a tiny tea.
Speaker 1: Some parents settle on a name and then last minute
Speaker 1: changed their minds, maybe because something more meaningful came along,
Speaker 1: or they suddenly realized that their baby's initials spelled out
Speaker 1: something unfortun in it, or found that the first and
Speaker 1: middle and last names didn't sound as good once they
Speaker 1: were strung together out loud. Now, in our family, Eric
Speaker 1: has always been in charge of naming babies and eventually dogs.
Speaker 1: We actually named Whyatts. Site still unseen and gender still unknown,
Speaker 1: but only after Eric backed out of the name he
Speaker 1: had previously been stuck on and I had previously agreed to.
Speaker 1: And this happened at thirty eight weeks. That name was Winston,
Speaker 1: and looking back, Wyatt is so not a Winston, but
Speaker 1: of course that's probably just perception, because he's been Wyatt
Speaker 1: since he was born, and we would have loved him
Speaker 1: just as much if he had been a Winston. Of Course, admittedly,
Speaker 1: Winston probably wouldn't have been as much fun to play with,
Speaker 1: like when why it was a baby, we wouldn't have
Speaker 1: been able to call him Wyatt or say why it
Speaker 1: be quiet or why you're a riot. Still, the truth
Speaker 1: is everyone who loves your baby will end up loving
Speaker 1: your baby's name no matter what it is. And if
Speaker 1: they don't, well, I'm not gonna say what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: They will still love your baby. A baby by any
Speaker 1: other name still definitely smells as sweet. You know. I
Speaker 1: actually brought this topic up recently with my Facebook bombs,
Speaker 1: and I was surprised, though I probably shouldn't have been,
Speaker 1: to hear so many stories just like this one, and
Speaker 1: like my story, really too many to count unthinkable but
Speaker 1: unabashed name bashing, a mother in law who left the
Speaker 1: table in tears when she heard her future grandson's name,
Speaker 1: an aunt who volunteered, oh, let me know if you
Speaker 1: decide to change that, and a grandmother who said you
Speaker 1: can't name your baby that period and left it at that.
Speaker 1: And for the record, this isn't my choice to make either.
Speaker 1: But here goes opinions from the Peanut Gallery about your
Speaker 1: peanuts name maybe her full, but they ultimately shouldn't matter.
Speaker 1: You made this baby, You've carried this baby. You'll be
Speaker 1: nurturing this baby and raising this baby. You and your
Speaker 1: husband get to name her. And what's more, the only
Speaker 1: person who gets to change the name that you've selected
Speaker 1: besides the two of you is her when she's eighteen.
Speaker 1: But of course she won't change it because she's gonna
Speaker 1: love it too. I mean, honestly, I hated my name
Speaker 1: for a long time. I wanted to be named Michelle
Speaker 1: from Michelle Tanner on a full House. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess that's another story that isn't remember when I
Speaker 1: told you I want to change my name to Michelle.
Speaker 1: Thankfully I hadn't because I'm I'm happy to be Emma now.
Speaker 1: So when you say she'll love it too, it's gonna
Speaker 1: go yes. But the guy knows you weren't eighteen when
Speaker 1: you settled on that. I mean not, I know, I
Speaker 1: was like ten. I love the name Michelle, right, Michelle Obama,
Speaker 1: But I do too. But I am just glad I
Speaker 1: did it change it because I like Emma too, but
Speaker 1: I didn't when I was seven or ten. Whatever. So
Speaker 1: you guys out there, whenever and however you decide to
Speaker 1: spill your pregnancy beings, whether you want to tell the
Speaker 1: world or just tell your mom, or not tell anyone
Speaker 1: at all. You do you, This is your choice, this
Speaker 1: is your baby, this is your business. You make that decision.
Speaker 1: There's no right or wrong way to do it. Whatever
Speaker 1: makes you feel comfortable, whatever makes you feel happy, and
Speaker 1: you know what. And some people don't even tell until
Speaker 1: they're in the hospital and give and give birth. Some
Speaker 1: celebrities do that and like, you are my hero, How
Speaker 1: did you do that? How did you pull that off?
Speaker 1: But you know what? Whatever works for you? Who babylf
Speaker 1: my baby belof I need you, Oh how I need you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Remember I'm always here for you. What
Speaker 1: to Expect is always here for you. We're all in
Speaker 1: this together. For more on what you heard on today's episode,
Speaker 1: visit what to Expect dot com slash podcast. You can
Speaker 1: also check out What to Expect when You're Expecting, What
Speaker 1: to Expect the First Year, and the What to Expect
Speaker 1: app And we want to hear from you. Connect with
Speaker 1: us on our community message board or on our social media.
Speaker 1: You can find me at Heidi Murkoff and Emma at
Speaker 1: Emma Being w t E and of course at What
Speaker 1: to Expect. Baby Love is performed by Riley Biterer. What
Speaker 1: to Expect is a production of I Heart Radio from
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