WEBVTT - Ep 357: It's Okay To Love Love And Money 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:11.200 Hey, hey, hey, we're back. 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:23.480 We're black brown brown, ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition, Hey. 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:26.880 Man, importantly, we are not in labor. How are you 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:32.760 feeling feeling good, feeling great, feeling like, I don't know. 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:34.519 There's so much anxiety for me on the weekends, and 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:36.479 just like, give me one more week, one more week, 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:38.440 one more week. I just moment needs one more week 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:40.760 to get her stuff together. But I'm no, I'm feeling good. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:44.920 I'm feeling good. I had a I have some Yeah, 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.040 I had some meetings this week that I'm excited about, 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:50.920 and then I just feel like, calendar wise, I'm coasting 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:54.680 until Homeboy decides to make his debut and I met 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:57.360 up with a. Actually, I did the thing that I do. 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.000 You know how I make friends. I'm just like, hey, 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:03.600 you do this thing, won't be friends like I recommend it. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.920 But there is this mom at my son's daycare who 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.280 uh so she hades similar work to what I do. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:12.240 And anyway, finally I ran into her and we've been 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.480 like texting, maybe we'll get lunch one day, but you know, 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:16.880 it never happens. And today I was just like, look, 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:18.360 I got nothing to do. You got nothing to do 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:20.319 wants with some coffee, and we ended up having such 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:24.120 a great two hour conversation and one of our one 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.200 of the things we bonded over is being like really fun, 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.080 you know, interesting women who like make friends and are exciting. Yeah, 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:34.200 and how we're married to like the complete opposite guy, 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.960 and how that's just like the trend because every time 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:39.760 I hang out with someone who's really awesome, I'm like, 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.679 and then our husbands can be friends. And then because 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:45.160 you know us, kind of when we were trying to 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:49.000 like create it, it never seemed like Superman Darelle needed help. 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.040 He was like a social butterfly. 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:55.160 Right oddly like not in not in groups, you know 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.120 what I mean, So like you never knew which like 0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:59.840 I would say more so his twinter wereuld totally social 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:05.440 social Merel's partner Jylene is the opposite. She's like really quiet. 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:06.360 That makes sense. 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:09.120 So you actually wasn't as like if it's us in 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:11.960 the house, maybe one or two people, but like you know. 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:14.320 He definitely was and with his good friends, and he 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:16.680 was known in the community, so it was like okay, 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:20.080 So at least my hypothesis stands, Yes, fun exciting women 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:23.120 attract the opposite, not that they're not fun and exciting. 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.200 You mean like a little quiet I mean, I know 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:25.799 what you mean, like. 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:28.800 A little quiet shy. They're not gonna and it's like 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:31.519 annoying because then you want to hang out as couples 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:33.520 because it's easy and your kids are there and all that. 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:35.120 But then the guys just I'm just like, yeah, if 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:36.520 we get them together, they're not going to talk to 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:39.400 each other, because like that's the kind of guys there, 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.079 or if they do talk to each other, then they're 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:43.320 not going to like make the effort to make another 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:46.040 play date for themselves. And so it's just the wives 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.120 in the background. The wives anyway, us in the background. 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:51.560 What's your man doing? 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:52.119 Is he free? 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:53.919 Because I think that my man might be free? Y'all 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.679 want to, like, let's plan something for them to get 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:58.800 them out, and so because they need it. It's not 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.040 that they don't want it, they just I don't know 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:05.960 what it is. Guys just start in their thirties and forties, 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:10.120 I feel like just stopping knowing how to create connections socially, 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.600 And yet don't you need it? 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:13.280 I don't know. 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:14.720 I feel like I need it more than ever at 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:15.360 this stage. 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:17.720 No, I was just talking to one of my closest 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:22.720 guy friends, and he was saying how he was feeling lonely. No, 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:25.520 he was like, you know, he moved to Like for 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.959 him to say that mcause he's married, I want to 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.560 say recently recently, maybe within the last like three years 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:33.080 or so, so semmer recently. And he was just like, 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:35.160 you know, me and my wife we moved to like 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.920 a new city, and you know, like he was just 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:41.880 like I all my friends because he's around, Like he's 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:44.400 just like just turning forties, so he's just like all 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.840 my friends are similarly like getting married or having kids, 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:50.360 and I don't see them as much. And he said, 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:53.240 if I'm being honest, before my wife, he said, I 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:55.480 realized I wasn't as lonely because I was dating. So 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:58.560 you know, you date different people, and then dating is 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:00.960 not just like you're going out out like with this 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:04.880 one person. Oftentimes it involves you getting more social. And 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:06.680 he was just like, and I'm happily mad and I 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:09.240 love my wife, but I'm like, I don't know how 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:14.200 to create these social environments anymore. And you know, he 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.080 was just like, I talked to my guy friends and 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:18.080 they all say the same thing. I'm feeling a little bit, 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:20.839 a little bit lonely, especially. 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:24.279 As lonely, and it's not good because I don't think 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:27.800 I mean, lonely men are like half of our nation's problem. 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:31.120 It to you know, all the things that guys do 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:34.680 when they are not fulfilled themselves. But yeah, I'm glad 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:37.240 that he actually spoke up and talked about it, because Husby, 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.440 I wouldn't even be mentioning this if it hadn't finally 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.200 been a thing that we like have talked about. And 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:44.039 you know, we've been here for five years and I've 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.160 been you know, moving and grooving and making my own 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.159 friends because I just I have that nature and I 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:53.320 really need it, Like I don't want to. I don't 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.920 like being isolated, you know, I don't. I keep my distance, 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:58.480 like I have boundaries, and I'm not the person who 0:04:58.480 --> 0:04:59.800 wants to be friends with everyone. But I need at 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:02.400 least two good girlfriends, you know, like in my it's 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.160 just someone you can text when you're pissed off. You 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:06.760 need someone to vent to and connect with for a 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:10.359 coffee or whatnot. But my therapist, because I ended up 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.760 spending the last session talking a lot about Husby, and 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:14.719 she's like you know, as hard as it is for 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.600 me to for you to, you know, process this, you're 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:21.320 actually not in charge of his happiness or his like 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:23.880 cause me, you know, I'm like, I'm I will think 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.039 things like, oh, should I text his his best friend's 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:29.120 lash cousin and invite him to go with him to 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:30.680 this thing that I know he's been invited to, but 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:32.839 he has an RSVP too, and she's like, you can't. 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:36.080 You can't be doing that. He's not a toddler. And 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:40.480 that was tough because I feel like that's what you want. 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:42.240 You want your partner to be happy, but then you 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:44.159 can't force it on them. They have to sort of 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:48.039 come to it on their own, so like, he can't 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:48.960 just be my project. 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:50.560 I'm just having a. 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:56.320 Back. I mean, since we're talking about relationships, I've just 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:58.200 been missing being part of a rid Now look at 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.000 me and they's face like, ah, are you doing this? 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:01.080 We gonna see how far we take this. 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:05.520 I missed being a control part of like being part 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.600 like I don't I know if I'm not ready for partnership. 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:13.520 I'm not, but certainly I miss being you know, like 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:16.320 in a loving relationship, you know, like somebody you hear 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:18.200 some people say like, man, if this don't work out 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:20.880 with this person, I'll never go back to a relationship. 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.320 I don't feel that, you know, because you know, at 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:26.039 least the space where Girell and I were in when 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:28.720 he passed away, you know, it was really good. And 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:32.200 I missed that feeling of like I call it a 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:35.640 shorness of love. You know, like the world could be 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:38.400 giving you their whole behind a kiss, but I had 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:40.240 like the sureness of love at home, even when I 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:43.680 got on his nerves, even when you know I didn't clean. 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:44.120 Up or whatever. 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:47.080 I'm like, I know one thing you lab me you would, Okay, 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:48.120 I'm going around. 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.560 I missed that surreness of the best when you can 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:55.680 be your most obnoxious version of yourself and you you 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:58.680 just find ways to be obnoxious to that partner and 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:00.719 you know that you're doing it on purpose and your 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:03.880 is that the shortness of love? 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:07.039 I remember once, like I was in the car with 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:08.599 him one time and he's like, oh, you want to drive? 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:11.400 I said, fine. In his car and I pulled down 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:14.960 the Advisor and like one of my old cards, like 0:07:15.040 --> 0:07:16.920 Valentine's Ay card or whatever, came out, and I was like, 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:18.920 what is this doing here. He was like, I don't 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.120 want to say. I'm like, why why do you have 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.560 this all Valentine'sday card? He was like, because whenever we 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.360 get in a fight, I come in the car and 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:27.600 I read it to be like she does still love me. 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:30.760 I'm like, and then I got so bad. 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:32.920 I'm like, that's so evil, Tiffany. This made us in 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:37.400 the car like she love me, sweet soul. I know 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:38.680 he wasn't a sweet soul. 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.120 And I just was like so all in all, like 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.000 I said, I kind of missed that, and so I 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:48.240 told myself, like it's been it'll be a year in November, 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:49.760 so it's been like over a year and a half 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:51.600 or about a year and a half. And I said 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:53.480 I was going to like join some of these apps. 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:56.960 I'm quickly off them. I don't know how you can 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.680 just do it. Honestly, I don't know how I really 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:00.120 do it. 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:02.560 Girl, I don't know either. 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:04.480 I'd be I'd be just as out of it as you. 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:07.240 I just I mean, I met Enrique on an app, 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:09.720 but it was my only day. 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:11.600 Like I need to be I need to be at 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:14.080 Whole Food to something because I'm so one. I made 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:15.600 the mistake because it was an older black lady that 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.360 was like, oh, I found such a great guy. So 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:19.000 nice of that. And I was like, well, I'm actually 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:20.760 not looking for like partnership. I don't even know if I'm 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:23.600 looking at date, just maybe like hanging out. I don't know. 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:26.240 She told me black people meet dot com? 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:31.240 Which girl, if you're not? I told my dad is 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:34.040 on Say your daddy is on there. I didn't know 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:34.839 because I had not. 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:36.120 My dad is on there. 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:38.480 Oh, I know everyone. 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:43.760 Away, everybody's dead, everybody Uncle Earl is on the air, and. 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:45.560 They are happy to see you. I know they were 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:47.560 were your dms, but ooh, I bet they were lighting 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:48.720 up like a radio station. 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:51.400 I was having a really hard nights. I was like, 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:53.160 I'm just gonna make a profile and whatever and then 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:57.840 I can disable in the morning. Woke up two hundred messages. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.680 I said, I'm not all surprised. I had to literally 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.360 check the see that I uploaded the naked picture of 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:05.319 by mistake. I was like, because what is going on? 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:08.719 Everybody was in there looked like their name was Tyrone, 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:11.440 and they smoked black like Newport. 0:09:12.280 --> 0:09:18.200 I mean, average age fifty five, exactly average gudge, and. 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:21.680 Everybody was like, hey, baby girl, just want to say 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:25.360 that you're so beautiful girl, just and some people message 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.400 me twice. I said, I just woke up. Did you 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:29.439 get my message? Queen? Just wanted to let you know 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:33.680 that I'm so serious about it. I'm like, oh my god. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:35.040 I quick like they think. 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:36.840 That they're on quiet storms. That's kind of the vibe 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:39.000 of like how they're reading them, and you can just 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.600 you can just smell that your car noir cologne just 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:44.280 emanating from the screen. 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:44.680 I bet. 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:47.040 I just was like no, no, no, no, no, no 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:50.959 no no. So I quickly disabled, and then I also 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.640 joined Hinge, which slightly better because you can kind of 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:56.880 like set like your age range or whatever. And then 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.120 I quickly got like spooked because it was just like 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:04.520 so decent looking and seeming people were reaching out and 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:06.120 I was like, actually, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:10.560 not not like it was baby told And then like okay, okay, 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.600 so I've disabled my why mey? I paid for three 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:15.200 months a hinch, so I don't know if this is disabled, 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:15.640 but I took it. 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.080 Oh you pay for Hinge, yeah, you pay for it. 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.120 You know. And so I took it off my phone 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:21.880 and I was just like, uh, I you know, it 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:24.400 was good to but I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:27.319 and so I don't know, I don't know. 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.839 You're a catch as soon as you choose an app, 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:31.640 it's gonna be no. 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:31.920 You know. 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:35.440 It's so strange. So when I was actually was talking 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:38.160 to my friend about this earlier today, that dating has 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:40.360 like pulled up old trauma that I had when I 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:43.360 was in my late teens and early twenties, and I 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.840 really hated the way I looked. I hated it because 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.000 like it was like a really ad time when I 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:52.480 don't know, but like being like dark skin was like 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:57.640 I mean it was. I remember my first boyfriend. He 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.120 was really light, well light, yeah, he was light, but 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:01.080 his whole family. 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:01.280 Was very light. 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.520 He was West Indian and the first time I met 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:06.440 his mom, she came around the corner and her face 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:09.880 fell and she was like, I was like wait what 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:14.120 And I knew instantly and then she was barely civil. Meanwhile, 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:15.600 I couldn't have been more than nineteen, so I was 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.640 like a baby. She called him like like abruptly into 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:20.640 the kitchen and I heard her and she said, why 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:23.760 would you bring that black thing in here? That black thing, 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:27.800 like I'm not somebody's child. And I remember being so 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:31.600 I just I went through a phase where I used 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.080 to cover my face when I was like a like 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:36.720 a late team because I was I felt like the 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:39.920 way I looked was offensive to others? Isn't that just? 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:41.720 And it's crazy because I didn't get that at home 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:44.960 and like Nigerian culture, that's not like you know, like 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:48.079 I like the standard of beauty, you know, like that's 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.199 the I'm not outside of the standard of beauty like 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:54.280 like every like I'm the average skin complexion for a 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.800 Nigerian but like you know, I'm not gonna lie. I 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.240 told you so. 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.320 I'm so sorry, baby Tiffany, you know. 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:07.480 And honestly, but lately because of this like thinking about 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:09.520 what it might feel like to date again or whatever, 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:12.920 it's come up again. Well I feel like like forty 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.199 three year old Tiffany is like girl, but then nineteen 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.839 year Oldiviany's like, but what if people don't think you're attractive? 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.000 You know? And I've just been really struggled with actually 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:22.640 have doctor Green and like, you know, like and like 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:26.199 my therapist next week because I want to ask her, 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.680 like why is this coming up? Because I have, I've 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:32.920 not unfelt like not confident, you know what I mean, Girl, 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:35.520 I go lie, no eyebrowszone, no look gloss on. I'm 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:36.680 on the cover of my book. 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:37.640 I do TV. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.280 But then this like I don't know, this phase of 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.680 potentially thinking about what it might be like to date 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.560 again all of a sudden, nineteen year old Tifany's like, 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.120 I'm here with some of your past traumas, and what 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.120 if you're not good enough? What if people don't find 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.920 you attractive, what if you're still too dark? What if 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:56.800 you know it's too fit? I mean, like all these 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.760 things coming up, and it's just ugh, like I'm not 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:01.480 gonna I boohoot about it. This morning, I mean I 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:03.440 was crying about it this morning. I was just like, 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.840 but I don't feel that way at forty three. But 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:10.280 sometimes it's like you're not the only Tiffany present, you know, Like, 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.280 and I'm like, what do you know? What do I 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.880 need to tell her? But I just she all have 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:18.439 to say that, like it's a process, and like, you know, 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:22.800 what it tells me is that, like, you know, I'm 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:27.000 considering that life doesn does go on, you know, And 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.000 I will never not love Darrell and whoever I'm with, 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.000 I got a double lot, so I'm being married bury 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:34.320 my husband. So even if I get married again, you're 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:35.840 gonna be in for a root awakening. 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:40.600 Wait, so you know where you're gonna be parked? 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:44.600 Girl, Like, I'm like, he's like my baby. Wait, what 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:46.959 she's gonna be with Girell? Yes, always up forever. 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:53.439 Sorry, money over there, but in the same neighborhood. 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:58.480 I just think that, like, yeah, I just I don't know. 0:13:58.480 --> 0:13:59.880 I'm just trying to figure out what life looks like. 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.360 But yeah, that that definitely is something like I mean, 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:03.959 and if I tell you some of the crazy things 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:07.240 that people have said to me, black women, especially dark 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:11.320 skinned black women with traditional black features, the way the world, 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.040 it's not even I would prefer if maybe you were 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:17.720 ignored the way you don't even get ignored. It's literally 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:21.080 like a harassment. Like literally there are videos now that 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.360 like like if I do the real or I did 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:27.400 like Jennifer Hudson, and like there were some comments that 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.480 were like she looks like Wesley Snipes. I'm like, like, 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:33.600 forty three year old Tifany is like you jealous basically 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:35.760 you seeing me on the EV or whatever. But nineteen 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:38.360 year old Tiffany is like, oh my god, I'm like, 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:42.040 you know, and so like it's it's so crazy, this 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:44.400 psychotomy because like I said, forty three year old Tiffany, 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:46.960 I just you know, doesn't feel like that. Like I 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:49.120 actually like the way I look, you know, like I 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:52.680 love I mean, I honestly love the complexion of my skin. 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:54.600 I love that I have full lips. 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:55.360 I love these. 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:57.480 Cheek poems that Africa has given me. But nineteen year 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:59.960 old Tiffany is like, I wish I look like everybody else. 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:03.200 And I don't know why she's come back, you know, 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:06.080 not always, but she's been poking her head in and 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:07.600 so yeah, it's just like I just wanted to give 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:09.240 you guys kind of like this kind of life update 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:13.320 that like Chad, I don't know, like these man's just 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:14.760 going to have to pick me up at Whole Foods 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:16.840 because I'm just so even though like you know, you 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:18.840 post your pictures or whatever you like, everybody knows what 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:21.080 you look like. Still I'm just like I have this 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.760 anxiety of like what if I meet My biggest fear 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:25.880 is that I meet somebody. Not my biggest fear, but 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:28.400 a fear is my nineteen year old Tiffany fears that 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:31.080 you meet somebody in person and the same look that 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:32.640 my ex boyfriend's mother gave me. 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:36.240 They give me like that look of like, what. 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:37.960 Is this black thing doing it? You know what I mean? 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.040 Even though I know that's not true. How could you not? 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:41.320 I know? 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:44.360 But how could you not be impacted by something so cruel? 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:45.760 Yeah? You know, and. 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.000 How could you not? And I also feel like, you know, 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:54.360 you have gotten to where you are in your business, 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.240 and it's not like the kind of business where it's 0:15:56.280 --> 0:16:00.400 about your looks. And obviously Jarelle loved you and everything 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:04.080 about you, and I think maybe dating has just brought 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.000 you back to that place where when are in our 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.160 early teens and twenties, it does feel like you are 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:11.440 like you, you should be attracting, you should be attractive 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:16.080 to others, and you I always felt inadequate because I 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.720 was never the girl with any boyfriends or anyone calling me, 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:21.840 and you know, no one wanting to like ask me out, 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.160 and all my friends would and like that girl still 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:27.480 is a little bit inside for sure, And I think 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:30.080 maybe I like the way that you even phrase it, 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:33.120 like as she's a separate person, but she's still worth 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:36.200 like listening to and it's almost like, how do what 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:37.840 do we say to her to sort of put her 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:41.600 at ease and heal that? Heal that woman, young woman. 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:41.880 You know. 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:45.640 So I'm glad that you're going to be talking to 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.400 doctor Green about it and just talking about it here, 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.280 because I think so many of us. 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:52.160 Have. 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:56.520 You know, those insecurities are things people said. Girl twenty 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.320 years ago, my mom said, why are you doing? Why 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.320 are you working out? Your thighs are already big enough. 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.600 I love you, mom, But she's a white woman who 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.000 had a girl who had a daughter with thick thus 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:10.600 and it made me feel like they had to go away. 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:12.480 Yeah, God, I'm sorry. 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:14.439 I just yeah, I just it's okay. 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:16.639 I wear shorts now. That took a long time for 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:17.520 me to wear shorts. 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:20.600 And meanwhile, I wish y'all could have seen Mandy at Berna. 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.960 So we both went to Berna. I'm not is I 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:27.560 Hena's last name. I think it's a nat that I 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:31.600 don't know, And so hey, Berna, that's that's her, like 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:33.600 social media name. She's got a new book called Money 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.440 Out Loud, and we're so proud of her. So I 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:39.080 did a like I guess you could say, like a 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.720 fireside chat on her day of launch the last Tuesday, 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:43.320 and Mandy was there and she was wearing this like 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:44.320 purple pink. 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.440 She looked so freaking radiant, and I just love the 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.800 way people were like the two of you to kill. 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:51.000 I just love it. 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:51.320 I know. 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:52.480 It was so fun. 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:54.879 And I always feel like I get to kind of 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.280 like lurk behind you and and you know, get to 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.800 benefit from your your shine train that just follows you. 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:02.280 I get to like get some because some of that 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.520 sunshine too. People were so sweet and thank you because 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:07.600