1 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:11,200 Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, we're back. 2 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 2: We're black brown brown, ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition, Hey. 3 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: Man, importantly, we are not in labor. How are you 4 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: feeling feeling good, feeling great, feeling like, I don't know. 5 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,519 Speaker 1: There's so much anxiety for me on the weekends, and 6 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: just like, give me one more week, one more week, 7 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 1: one more week. I just moment needs one more week 8 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: to get her stuff together. But I'm no, I'm feeling good. 9 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: I'm feeling good. I had a I have some Yeah, 10 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: I had some meetings this week that I'm excited about, 11 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 1: and then I just feel like, calendar wise, I'm coasting 12 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: until Homeboy decides to make his debut and I met 13 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: up with a. Actually, I did the thing that I do. 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: You know how I make friends. I'm just like, hey, 15 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: you do this thing, won't be friends like I recommend it. 16 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: But there is this mom at my son's daycare who 17 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: uh so she hades similar work to what I do. 18 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 1: And anyway, finally I ran into her and we've been 19 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: like texting, maybe we'll get lunch one day, but you know, 20 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: it never happens. And today I was just like, look, 21 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: I got nothing to do. You got nothing to do 22 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: wants with some coffee, and we ended up having such 23 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 1: a great two hour conversation and one of our one 24 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 1: of the things we bonded over is being like really fun, 25 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: you know, interesting women who like make friends and are exciting. Yeah, 26 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: and how we're married to like the complete opposite guy, 27 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:37,960 Speaker 1: and how that's just like the trend because every time 28 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: I hang out with someone who's really awesome, I'm like, 29 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,679 Speaker 1: and then our husbands can be friends. And then because 30 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 1: you know us, kind of when we were trying to 31 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: like create it, it never seemed like Superman Darelle needed help. 32 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: He was like a social butterfly. 33 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 2: Right oddly like not in not in groups, you know 34 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 2: what I mean, So like you never knew which like 35 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 2: I would say more so his twinter wereuld totally social 36 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 2: social Merel's partner Jylene is the opposite. She's like really quiet. 37 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 3: That makes sense. 38 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 2: So you actually wasn't as like if it's us in 39 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,960 Speaker 2: the house, maybe one or two people, but like you know. 40 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: He definitely was and with his good friends, and he 41 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: was known in the community, so it was like okay, 42 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: So at least my hypothesis stands, Yes, fun exciting women 43 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 1: attract the opposite, not that they're not fun and exciting. 44 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 2: You mean like a little quiet I mean, I know 45 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:25,799 Speaker 2: what you mean, like. 46 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 1: A little quiet shy. They're not gonna and it's like 47 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,519 Speaker 1: annoying because then you want to hang out as couples 48 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: because it's easy and your kids are there and all that. 49 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: But then the guys just I'm just like, yeah, if 50 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: we get them together, they're not going to talk to 51 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: each other, because like that's the kind of guys there, 52 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,079 Speaker 1: or if they do talk to each other, then they're 53 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: not going to like make the effort to make another 54 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 1: play date for themselves. And so it's just the wives 55 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: in the background. The wives anyway, us in the background. 56 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: What's your man doing? 57 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,119 Speaker 3: Is he free? 58 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 1: Because I think that my man might be free? Y'all 59 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,679 Speaker 1: want to, like, let's plan something for them to get 60 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 1: them out, and so because they need it. It's not 61 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: that they don't want it, they just I don't know 62 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: what it is. Guys just start in their thirties and forties, 63 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: I feel like just stopping knowing how to create connections socially, 64 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: And yet don't you need it? 65 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 3: I don't know. 66 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: I feel like I need it more than ever at 67 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: this stage. 68 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 2: No, I was just talking to one of my closest 69 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 2: guy friends, and he was saying how he was feeling lonely. No, 70 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,520 Speaker 2: he was like, you know, he moved to Like for 71 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,959 Speaker 2: him to say that mcause he's married, I want to 72 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 2: say recently recently, maybe within the last like three years 73 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 2: or so, so semmer recently. And he was just like, 74 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 2: you know, me and my wife we moved to like 75 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 2: a new city, and you know, like he was just 76 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 2: like I all my friends because he's around, Like he's 77 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 2: just like just turning forties, so he's just like all 78 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 2: my friends are similarly like getting married or having kids, 79 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 2: and I don't see them as much. And he said, 80 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 2: if I'm being honest, before my wife, he said, I 81 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: realized I wasn't as lonely because I was dating. So 82 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 2: you know, you date different people, and then dating is 83 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 2: not just like you're going out out like with this 84 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 2: one person. Oftentimes it involves you getting more social. And 85 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 2: he was just like, and I'm happily mad and I 86 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 2: love my wife, but I'm like, I don't know how 87 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 2: to create these social environments anymore. And you know, he 88 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 2: was just like, I talked to my guy friends and 89 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 2: they all say the same thing. I'm feeling a little bit, 90 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,839 Speaker 2: a little bit lonely, especially. 91 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,279 Speaker 1: As lonely, and it's not good because I don't think 92 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: I mean, lonely men are like half of our nation's problem. 93 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: It to you know, all the things that guys do 94 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: when they are not fulfilled themselves. But yeah, I'm glad 95 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: that he actually spoke up and talked about it, because Husby, 96 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: I wouldn't even be mentioning this if it hadn't finally 97 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: been a thing that we like have talked about. And 98 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,039 Speaker 1: you know, we've been here for five years and I've 99 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 1: been you know, moving and grooving and making my own 100 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 1: friends because I just I have that nature and I 101 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: really need it, Like I don't want to. I don't 102 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,920 Speaker 1: like being isolated, you know, I don't. I keep my distance, 103 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: like I have boundaries, and I'm not the person who 104 00:04:58,480 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: wants to be friends with everyone. But I need at 105 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: least two good girlfriends, you know, like in my it's 106 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 1: just someone you can text when you're pissed off. You 107 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: need someone to vent to and connect with for a 108 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,359 Speaker 1: coffee or whatnot. But my therapist, because I ended up 109 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: spending the last session talking a lot about Husby, and 110 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: she's like you know, as hard as it is for 111 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,600 Speaker 1: me to for you to, you know, process this, you're 112 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: actually not in charge of his happiness or his like 113 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: cause me, you know, I'm like, I'm I will think 114 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,039 Speaker 1: things like, oh, should I text his his best friend's 115 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: lash cousin and invite him to go with him to 116 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: this thing that I know he's been invited to, but 117 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 1: he has an RSVP too, and she's like, you can't. 118 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: You can't be doing that. He's not a toddler. And 119 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: that was tough because I feel like that's what you want. 120 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: You want your partner to be happy, but then you 121 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 1: can't force it on them. They have to sort of 122 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:48,039 Speaker 1: come to it on their own, so like, he can't 123 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: just be my project. 124 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 3: I'm just having a. 125 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: Back. I mean, since we're talking about relationships, I've just 126 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 2: been missing being part of a rid Now look at 127 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 2: me and they's face like, ah, are you doing this? 128 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: We gonna see how far we take this. 129 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 2: I missed being a control part of like being part 130 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,600 Speaker 2: like I don't I know if I'm not ready for partnership. 131 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: I'm not, but certainly I miss being you know, like 132 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 2: in a loving relationship, you know, like somebody you hear 133 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 2: some people say like, man, if this don't work out 134 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 2: with this person, I'll never go back to a relationship. 135 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 2: I don't feel that, you know, because you know, at 136 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 2: least the space where Girell and I were in when 137 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 2: he passed away, you know, it was really good. And 138 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 2: I missed that feeling of like I call it a 139 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 2: shorness of love. You know, like the world could be 140 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 2: giving you their whole behind a kiss, but I had 141 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 2: like the sureness of love at home, even when I 142 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 2: got on his nerves, even when you know I didn't clean. 143 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: Up or whatever. 144 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 2: I'm like, I know one thing you lab me you would, Okay, 145 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: I'm going around. 146 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 1: I missed that surreness of the best when you can 147 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: be your most obnoxious version of yourself and you you 148 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: just find ways to be obnoxious to that partner and 149 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: you know that you're doing it on purpose and your 150 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: is that the shortness of love? 151 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 2: I remember once, like I was in the car with 152 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 2: him one time and he's like, oh, you want to drive? 153 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 2: I said, fine. In his car and I pulled down 154 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 2: the Advisor and like one of my old cards, like 155 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 2: Valentine's Ay card or whatever, came out, and I was like, 156 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 2: what is this doing here. He was like, I don't 157 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 2: want to say. I'm like, why why do you have 158 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: this all Valentine'sday card? He was like, because whenever we 159 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 2: get in a fight, I come in the car and 160 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 2: I read it to be like she does still love me. 161 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 2: I'm like, and then I got so bad. 162 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, that's so evil, Tiffany. This made us in 163 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 1: the car like she love me, sweet soul. I know 164 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: he wasn't a sweet soul. 165 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 2: And I just was like so all in all, like 166 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 2: I said, I kind of missed that, and so I 167 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 2: told myself, like it's been it'll be a year in November, 168 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 2: so it's been like over a year and a half 169 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 2: or about a year and a half. And I said 170 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 2: I was going to like join some of these apps. 171 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 2: I'm quickly off them. I don't know how you can 172 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 2: just do it. Honestly, I don't know how I really 173 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 2: do it. 174 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 3: Girl, I don't know either. 175 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 1: I'd be I'd be just as out of it as you. 176 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 1: I just I mean, I met Enrique on an app, 177 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: but it was my only day. 178 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 2: Like I need to be I need to be at 179 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 2: Whole Food to something because I'm so one. I made 180 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 2: the mistake because it was an older black lady that 181 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 2: was like, oh, I found such a great guy. So 182 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 2: nice of that. And I was like, well, I'm actually 183 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 2: not looking for like partnership. I don't even know if I'm 184 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 2: looking at date, just maybe like hanging out. I don't know. 185 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 2: She told me black people meet dot com? 186 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: Which girl, if you're not? I told my dad is 187 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: on Say your daddy is on there. I didn't know 188 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:34,839 Speaker 1: because I had not. 189 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 2: My dad is on there. 190 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 3: Oh, I know everyone. 191 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 2: Away, everybody's dead, everybody Uncle Earl is on the air, and. 192 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,560 Speaker 1: They are happy to see you. I know they were 193 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 1: were your dms, but ooh, I bet they were lighting 194 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 1: up like a radio station. 195 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 2: I was having a really hard nights. I was like, 196 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna make a profile and whatever and then 197 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 2: I can disable in the morning. Woke up two hundred messages. 198 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 2: I said, I'm not all surprised. I had to literally 199 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 2: check the see that I uploaded the naked picture of 200 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,319 Speaker 2: by mistake. I was like, because what is going on? 201 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,719 Speaker 2: Everybody was in there looked like their name was Tyrone, 202 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,440 Speaker 2: and they smoked black like Newport. 203 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 1: I mean, average age fifty five, exactly average gudge, and. 204 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,680 Speaker 2: Everybody was like, hey, baby girl, just want to say 205 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 2: that you're so beautiful girl, just and some people message 206 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 2: me twice. I said, I just woke up. Did you 207 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,439 Speaker 2: get my message? Queen? Just wanted to let you know 208 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 2: that I'm so serious about it. I'm like, oh my god. 209 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 2: I quick like they think. 210 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: That they're on quiet storms. That's kind of the vibe 211 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: of like how they're reading them, and you can just 212 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 1: you can just smell that your car noir cologne just 213 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: emanating from the screen. 214 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 3: I bet. 215 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 2: I just was like no, no, no, no, no, no 216 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,959 Speaker 2: no no. So I quickly disabled, and then I also 217 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 2: joined Hinge, which slightly better because you can kind of 218 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 2: like set like your age range or whatever. And then 219 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 2: I quickly got like spooked because it was just like 220 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 2: so decent looking and seeming people were reaching out and 221 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 2: I was like, actually, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm 222 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 2: not not like it was baby told And then like okay, okay, 223 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 2: so I've disabled my why mey? I paid for three 224 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 2: months a hinch, so I don't know if this is disabled, 225 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 2: but I took it. 226 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: Oh you pay for Hinge, yeah, you pay for it. 227 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 2: You know. And so I took it off my phone 228 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 2: and I was just like, uh, I you know, it 229 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 2: was good to but I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, 230 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,319 Speaker 2: and so I don't know, I don't know. 231 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,839 Speaker 1: You're a catch as soon as you choose an app, 232 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: it's gonna be no. 233 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 3: You know. 234 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,440 Speaker 2: It's so strange. So when I was actually was talking 235 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,160 Speaker 2: to my friend about this earlier today, that dating has 236 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 2: like pulled up old trauma that I had when I 237 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 2: was in my late teens and early twenties, and I 238 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 2: really hated the way I looked. I hated it because 239 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 2: like it was like a really ad time when I 240 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 2: don't know, but like being like dark skin was like 241 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 2: I mean it was. I remember my first boyfriend. He 242 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 2: was really light, well light, yeah, he was light, but 243 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,080 Speaker 2: his whole family. 244 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: Was very light. 245 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 2: He was West Indian and the first time I met 246 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 2: his mom, she came around the corner and her face 247 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 2: fell and she was like, I was like wait what 248 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 2: And I knew instantly and then she was barely civil. Meanwhile, 249 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 2: I couldn't have been more than nineteen, so I was 250 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 2: like a baby. She called him like like abruptly into 251 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 2: the kitchen and I heard her and she said, why 252 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 2: would you bring that black thing in here? That black thing, 253 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 2: like I'm not somebody's child. And I remember being so 254 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 2: I just I went through a phase where I used 255 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 2: to cover my face when I was like a like 256 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 2: a late team because I was I felt like the 257 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 2: way I looked was offensive to others? Isn't that just? 258 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 2: And it's crazy because I didn't get that at home 259 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 2: and like Nigerian culture, that's not like you know, like 260 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,079 Speaker 2: I like the standard of beauty, you know, like that's 261 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,199 Speaker 2: the I'm not outside of the standard of beauty like 262 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 2: like every like I'm the average skin complexion for a 263 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 2: Nigerian but like you know, I'm not gonna lie. I 264 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 2: told you so. 265 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:03,320 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, baby Tiffany, you know. 266 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 2: And honestly, but lately because of this like thinking about 267 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 2: what it might feel like to date again or whatever, 268 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 2: it's come up again. Well I feel like like forty 269 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,199 Speaker 2: three year old Tiffany is like girl, but then nineteen 270 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 2: year Oldiviany's like, but what if people don't think you're attractive? 271 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 2: You know? And I've just been really struggled with actually 272 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 2: have doctor Green and like, you know, like and like 273 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,199 Speaker 2: my therapist next week because I want to ask her, 274 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 2: like why is this coming up? Because I have, I've 275 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 2: not unfelt like not confident, you know what I mean, Girl, 276 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 2: I go lie, no eyebrowszone, no look gloss on. I'm 277 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:36,680 Speaker 2: on the cover of my book. 278 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: I do TV. 279 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 2: But then this like I don't know, this phase of 280 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 2: potentially thinking about what it might be like to date 281 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 2: again all of a sudden, nineteen year old Tifany's like, 282 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 2: I'm here with some of your past traumas, and what 283 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 2: if you're not good enough? What if people don't find 284 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 2: you attractive, what if you're still too dark? What if 285 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 2: you know it's too fit? I mean, like all these 286 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 2: things coming up, and it's just ugh, like I'm not 287 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 2: gonna I boohoot about it. This morning, I mean I 288 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:03,440 Speaker 2: was crying about it this morning. I was just like, 289 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 2: but I don't feel that way at forty three. But 290 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 2: sometimes it's like you're not the only Tiffany present, you know, Like, 291 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 2: and I'm like, what do you know? What do I 292 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 2: need to tell her? But I just she all have 293 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,439 Speaker 2: to say that, like it's a process, and like, you know, 294 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 2: what it tells me is that, like, you know, I'm 295 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 2: considering that life doesn does go on, you know, And 296 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 2: I will never not love Darrell and whoever I'm with, 297 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 2: I got a double lot, so I'm being married bury 298 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 2: my husband. So even if I get married again, you're 299 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,840 Speaker 2: gonna be in for a root awakening. 300 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: Wait, so you know where you're gonna be parked? 301 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 2: Girl, Like, I'm like, he's like my baby. Wait, what 302 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,959 Speaker 2: she's gonna be with Girell? Yes, always up forever. 303 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:53,439 Speaker 1: Sorry, money over there, but in the same neighborhood. 304 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 2: I just think that, like, yeah, I just I don't know. 305 00:13:58,480 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 2: I'm just trying to figure out what life looks like. 306 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 2: But yeah, that that definitely is something like I mean, 307 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 2: and if I tell you some of the crazy things 308 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 2: that people have said to me, black women, especially dark 309 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 2: skinned black women with traditional black features, the way the world, 310 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 2: it's not even I would prefer if maybe you were 311 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: ignored the way you don't even get ignored. It's literally 312 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 2: like a harassment. Like literally there are videos now that 313 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 2: like like if I do the real or I did 314 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 2: like Jennifer Hudson, and like there were some comments that 315 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 2: were like she looks like Wesley Snipes. I'm like, like, 316 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 2: forty three year old Tifany is like you jealous basically 317 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,760 Speaker 2: you seeing me on the EV or whatever. But nineteen 318 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 2: year old Tiffany is like, oh my god, I'm like, 319 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 2: you know, and so like it's it's so crazy, this 320 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 2: psychotomy because like I said, forty three year old Tiffany, 321 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 2: I just you know, doesn't feel like that. Like I 322 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 2: actually like the way I look, you know, like I 323 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 2: love I mean, I honestly love the complexion of my skin. 324 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 2: I love that I have full lips. 325 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: I love these. 326 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,480 Speaker 2: Cheek poems that Africa has given me. But nineteen year 327 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 2: old Tiffany is like, I wish I look like everybody else. 328 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 2: And I don't know why she's come back, you know, 329 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 2: not always, but she's been poking her head in and 330 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,600 Speaker 2: so yeah, it's just like I just wanted to give 331 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 2: you guys kind of like this kind of life update 332 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 2: that like Chad, I don't know, like these man's just 333 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 2: going to have to pick me up at Whole Foods 334 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 2: because I'm just so even though like you know, you 335 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 2: post your pictures or whatever you like, everybody knows what 336 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 2: you look like. Still I'm just like I have this 337 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 2: anxiety of like what if I meet My biggest fear 338 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 2: is that I meet somebody. Not my biggest fear, but 339 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 2: a fear is my nineteen year old Tiffany fears that 340 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 2: you meet somebody in person and the same look that 341 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 2: my ex boyfriend's mother gave me. 342 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: They give me like that look of like, what. 343 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 2: Is this black thing doing it? You know what I mean? 344 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: Even though I know that's not true. How could you not? 345 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 3: I know? 346 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 1: But how could you not be impacted by something so cruel? 347 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 3: Yeah? You know, and. 348 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 1: How could you not? And I also feel like, you know, 349 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 1: you have gotten to where you are in your business, 350 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: and it's not like the kind of business where it's 351 00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: about your looks. And obviously Jarelle loved you and everything 352 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: about you, and I think maybe dating has just brought 353 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 1: you back to that place where when are in our 354 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: early teens and twenties, it does feel like you are 355 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: like you, you should be attracting, you should be attractive 356 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 1: to others, and you I always felt inadequate because I 357 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: was never the girl with any boyfriends or anyone calling me, 358 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: and you know, no one wanting to like ask me out, 359 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: and all my friends would and like that girl still 360 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: is a little bit inside for sure, And I think 361 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: maybe I like the way that you even phrase it, 362 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 1: like as she's a separate person, but she's still worth 363 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 1: like listening to and it's almost like, how do what 364 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: do we say to her to sort of put her 365 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: at ease and heal that? Heal that woman, young woman. 366 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 3: You know. 367 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 1: So I'm glad that you're going to be talking to 368 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: doctor Green about it and just talking about it here, 369 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: because I think so many of us. 370 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 3: Have. 371 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: You know, those insecurities are things people said. Girl twenty 372 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 1: years ago, my mom said, why are you doing? Why 373 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 1: are you working out? Your thighs are already big enough. 374 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: I love you, mom, But she's a white woman who 375 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: had a girl who had a daughter with thick thus 376 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 1: and it made me feel like they had to go away. 377 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, God, I'm sorry. 378 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,439 Speaker 2: I just yeah, I just it's okay. 379 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: I wear shorts now. That took a long time for 380 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: me to wear shorts. 381 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 2: And meanwhile, I wish y'all could have seen Mandy at Berna. 382 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 2: So we both went to Berna. I'm not is I 383 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 2: Hena's last name. I think it's a nat that I 384 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: don't know, And so hey, Berna, that's that's her, like 385 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 2: social media name. She's got a new book called Money 386 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,440 Speaker 2: Out Loud, and we're so proud of her. So I 387 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 2: did a like I guess you could say, like a 388 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 2: fireside chat on her day of launch the last Tuesday, 389 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 2: and Mandy was there and she was wearing this like 390 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 2: purple pink. 391 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 1: She looked so freaking radiant, and I just love the 392 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 1: way people were like the two of you to kill. 393 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 2: I just love it. 394 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: I know. 395 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 3: It was so fun. 396 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 1: And I always feel like I get to kind of 397 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: like lurk behind you and and you know, get to 398 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 1: benefit from your your shine train that just follows you. 399 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 1: I get to like get some because some of that 400 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: sunshine too. People were so sweet and thank you because 401 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 1: that's my uniform dress. Now if I leave the house, 402 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 1: you will see me in that pink sweater dress because 403 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,679 Speaker 1: it is like the one of two things that fits me. 404 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: So if I have to be seen from the waist down, 405 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: that's what she's going to be wearing. 406 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,200 Speaker 2: Okay, it was so pretty. I was like, man, it 407 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 2: just looks so pretty. She just looked like glowing, and 408 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 2: the dress was like such a good like like what's 409 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 2: her name that came on that was like like the 410 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 2: colors that are good for our complexions and things. 411 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:32,120 Speaker 1: Oh yes, Kendra, Kendra, so yeah, so yeah, so you 412 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 1: just so you guys will hear about here from in 413 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: the later episode, but. 414 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, she like I was like, Kench would be like, yes, girl, 415 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 2: this is one of your class. 416 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, you just looked really beautiful. 417 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 2: And I was just like, oh so yeah, yeah that's 418 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,360 Speaker 2: my update. I'm like, so you know, I'm running back 419 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 2: to my cave. But at least I you know, my 420 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 2: baby toes dipping and I mean, like your girl. 421 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: Still got it, cause I was like, well, damn, okay. Well, 422 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: I know it's a lot of people, and because you're 423 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: well known a Newark too, I just know that there's 424 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 1: a lot of men who are just like Tiffany making 425 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: any signs of I hope they don't listen to the 426 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 1: show because they're gonna hear that you're maybe you know, 427 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 1: peeking out you what's out there, and then your dam. 428 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 2: Friends, kids and cousins are like, sell my brother. I'm like, girl, 429 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 2: just honestly, I kind of a prop for it. Maybe 430 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 2: someone who just knows me is like, because what I 431 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 2: put on the social apps is like I'm a teacher. 432 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 2: But every once in a while, like someone hit me 433 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 2: yesterday because I sometimes. 434 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 3: I check all interesting okay, and. 435 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 2: Then people will say like the one guy was like 436 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 2: I love you work with financial education. 437 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 1: I was like the late I don't know, really, why 438 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 1: don't you want them to know? I don't know, because 439 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: why would you diminish your your I mean not that 440 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 1: teachers diminished, you know what I mean, but like you're 441 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: not just a teacher. 442 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 2: I know, but I kind of just want to get 443 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 2: someone to know, somebody like as just like Tiffany, not 444 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 2: like the budgetista. You know so well. 445 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: I hope that you attract men who are prepared to 446 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: be with the budgetista because when they find out what 447 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 1: you do do, they're going to need to have a 448 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: lot of confidence, a lot of respect for a badass woman. 449 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 3: You know. 450 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: This actually brings up for me something that I've wanted 451 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: to I've had it on my list of like brown breaks, 452 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,640 Speaker 1: but I have and I wonder how you feel about 453 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,239 Speaker 1: this too. Every once in a while, I think on 454 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: TikTok or social media, someone will post and be like, 455 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,119 Speaker 1: you know, I would I you know, I kind of 456 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: want to share about my personal relationship because maybe they've 457 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: been single for a while and now they're with someone. 458 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,359 Speaker 1: But I just know if I post it, I'm going 459 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: to get so much more engagement. I'm going to get 460 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:35,400 Speaker 1: so many likes. I don't want to and I don't 461 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: want to do it because I just feel like, isn't 462 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,919 Speaker 1: it you know, why am I not getting this that 463 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: much engagement for my business, you know, at my business 464 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 1: strategy or my business milestones and things like that. And 465 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: while I get it and I see it. Hell, I 466 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 1: post something on my anniversary with old ass pictures of 467 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: me from six years ago, and it's like I went viral, 468 00:20:55,560 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: you know. But and I and I understand, as women, 469 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: you you kind of like resist that, like being celebrated 470 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: for being like being a being attractive enough to get 471 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,280 Speaker 1: a man or get a person or be in a relationship. 472 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 1: And what does it say about you if you can't 473 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: or you don't by choice. But at the same time, 474 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,000 Speaker 1: like the way that I feel about it is it's 475 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 1: so universal. Love partnership, companionship who at the end of 476 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 1: the day, I do feel like humans, the vast majority 477 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:33,439 Speaker 1: of us are meant to be with someone and have 478 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 1: a partner whoever that whatever that person looks like, and 479 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: whether it's not even a love partner but a companion 480 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: of you know, just someone that you can experience and 481 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 1: share life with. And it's so it's so universal that 482 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: we all desire and it's not a thing it's wrong 483 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,880 Speaker 1: to desire that. And I just feel like, because it's 484 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: so universal, of course it's the thing that people really 485 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: relate to and they want to. Like, it's not as 486 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: relatable as getting a New York Times bestselling book or 487 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 1: you know, launching a business people like that. But I 488 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 1: feel like when it's love, you know, or even expanding 489 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: your family, like it's just such a special, beautiful experience 490 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 1: that so many of us can share that I understand 491 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,679 Speaker 1: why it gets more attention, and I just don't. I 492 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: just don't like that we're kind of getting into that 493 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,160 Speaker 1: space where if you do share that that you are 494 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 1: diminishing your own success or like pandering to people to 495 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:29,680 Speaker 1: give them what you think that they want. 496 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,720 Speaker 3: And I'm not making any sense. 497 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,680 Speaker 2: No, you are, because I want I saw the phone 498 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,400 Speaker 2: when I saw your comment that, I was like, look 499 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 2: at me, diyat here Meanwhile like. 500 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 1: The two No, you do be paying attention. Well you 501 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: know it's rad. 502 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,400 Speaker 2: Because I'd never gone TikTok. But then the post came 503 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 2: up and then I looked in the comments. I said, 504 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 2: look at me, Andre, given good advice, would you basically said, hey, 505 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 2: share anyway, like it's a beautiful thing. 506 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 1: You said that. 507 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 2: You were like, don't hold back, like don't let anyone 508 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 2: not let you share, Like that's awesome. But yeah, I think, No, 509 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 2: you're right, I think and I could see their point 510 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,120 Speaker 2: of view as well, because it's true. I never got 511 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,399 Speaker 2: more posts. And when I posted me and Jirell like 512 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,440 Speaker 2: the truth is, I used to lean into it. I'm like, girl, 513 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,680 Speaker 2: I need some especially like if a brand partner would 514 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 2: pay me. I'm like, Jerrell, come take this picture with me, 515 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 2: like he and I both want to raise our credit 516 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 2: score with this credit monitoring draw. 517 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: Because I knew that. 518 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 2: Because people, to your point, they love love and you know, 519 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 2: so I knew literally I would that was that was 520 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,680 Speaker 2: a tactic to be like, girl, you want three or 521 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 2: four thousand. You know most of the comments will be like, 522 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 2: oh I love y'all. I'm like, yeah, focus on the tool. 523 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 2: But I just say all that to say that certainly, 524 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 2: you know you can be as private or as public 525 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 2: as as you like, and you know that's up to you. 526 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,120 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think that moving forward, if I 527 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 2: don't know how life is, you know what life is 528 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 2: going to I don't know. I At first, I used 529 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 2: to be really public with my relationship with Drell, but 530 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 2: that's when social media was a lot more close knit 531 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 2: and it was like you know, and then over time 532 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,200 Speaker 2: I started to share less and less only because because 533 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 2: I just wanted to keep some things for us, and 534 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 2: I would post him like maybe on his birthday or 535 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,439 Speaker 2: anniversary or whatever. So I just think that if I 536 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 2: do get into another relationship again, you know, I don't know, 537 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 2: like I'm I don't I don't think one, I'll post 538 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 2: as much as I used to post about Jorelle if 539 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,000 Speaker 2: at all. Certainly, I'll share as much as I feel 540 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,359 Speaker 2: comfortable here as I navigate, if that's you know, like 541 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,480 Speaker 2: like I said, I'm not ready at all. I need 542 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,920 Speaker 2: to get into my new condo first and get myself 543 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,679 Speaker 2: like like situated and things like that. But yeah, I 544 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 2: just think that, like, there's nothing wrong with sharing love 545 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 2: if that's what you want. But I also know that 546 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 2: in the sharing, you know that people then will feel, 547 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: you know, they'll feel like engaged in your life. So 548 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,199 Speaker 2: like I prefer like I was married to Jerrelle, you know, 549 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 2: so it's like you know, this is your boyfriend and 550 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 2: then you guys break up, then it's like, well what happened? 551 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: Girl? 552 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,360 Speaker 2: Well, I know it's not my business, but you made 553 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,760 Speaker 2: him my business. So I'm like girl. 554 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 1: And now I'm looking back through old posts and you've 555 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,800 Speaker 1: seen like TikTokers go through divorces and stuff, and it's 556 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: like who got the account? You know, who's going to 557 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: get the handle? Now, I for sure I understand those 558 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,200 Speaker 1: those intricacies. I can't even share pictures of E because 559 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: he doesn't take any and he's not fun. He won't 560 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: let me dress him up and take a picture with me. 561 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: It's probably for the better. He's like a government spy, 562 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:23,640 Speaker 1: so you know, he's incognito. 563 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,960 Speaker 2: But the only time the Dure will let me do 564 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 2: that is when I was like, people like we gotta 565 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,640 Speaker 2: get this money, I'm like yes, He's like. 566 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:34,160 Speaker 1: All right, that's actually not a bad idea. I feel 567 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 1: very protective of my son, like I don't want lots 568 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: of pictures of him out, but at the same time, 569 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: like you know, I just feel so happy with all aspects. 570 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 1: I just don't want it's we talk about brad Ambition, 571 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 1: where we talk about achieving your business and your financial 572 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 1: dreams and your career goals and all of that. But 573 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:55,800 Speaker 1: I think, at least for me, that's just not enough. 574 00:25:55,920 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 1: You know, I want partnership, Yeah, connectedness, people, humans and hell. 575 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know. 576 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,640 Speaker 1: I'm trying to be sensitive to people who don't feel 577 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 1: the same way, but at least I feel like, you know, 578 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,879 Speaker 1: there's so much shit out there. Like I got on 579 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: Instagram earlier, the first damn story I saw was about 580 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,440 Speaker 1: a baby who drowned, and I'm just like, you know, 581 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 1: if you have some good news to share, whatever it is, Like, 582 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: I just wish we would lean into sharing that light 583 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: because if we all shared more light, maybe it would, 584 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,360 Speaker 1: you know, get some of this darkness out of the way, 585 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,959 Speaker 1: get some of the shadows lit up, especially now. So 586 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: I choose to continue to be a part of that 587 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: as much as I can. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay 588 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: to love love and love money. 589 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,320 Speaker 2: I like them love. 590 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 3: I'm not going to say which. 591 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,680 Speaker 1: More cause I don't know what I'm supposed to say, 592 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,000 Speaker 1: but and that'll be the clip that it will be 593 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 1: post on social and people will grow me for it. 594 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 2: But no, I like them binns and love is so 595 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 2: important and so like it's not Yeah, it's not. 596 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:08,399 Speaker 1: Money, so this was a mushy. Should we take a break? Yeah, 597 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,200 Speaker 1: let's take a break. I gotta take this jacket off, 598 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 1: not because you tease me for it, but because there's 599 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 1: so many zippers that I'm having a hard time moving 600 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:20,640 Speaker 1: because I'm like, they're gonna be mad. I was told, y'all, we. 601 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:28,400 Speaker 2: Will be back with brown break brown booze, and we're 602 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 2: back and black and now it's time to boosto break, 603 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 2: Oh boosto break, oh boosto breakdown? Are you going to booze? 604 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: Are you going to break? What? 605 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 2: You're gonna do? 606 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: What you go take? 607 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 2: I wouldn't people get to see the rhythm nation shoulders 608 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 2: that be and Mady be doing like well you can 609 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,680 Speaker 2: if you watch on YouTube, go ahead and watch. 610 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 3: It was it was and jacket they got me grooving? 611 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 1: Are you boothy or are you breaking? 612 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 3: Boost? One is? 613 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,879 Speaker 1: I got out the dress. I got out the house 614 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,680 Speaker 1: this weekend and I wore that dress because that's my 615 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: going out dress. It's the same one that you saw 616 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,879 Speaker 1: me in. And I met up in person with about 617 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: ten or twelve of my nandy money makers in New 618 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: York and we had such a lovely they they brave 619 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 1: y'all know, black women getting out in the rain and 620 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: torrential downpour rain. Yeah, it was crazy and I thy. 621 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. 622 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,200 Speaker 1: So I got them together as like a last minute, 623 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 1: just wanted to meet and get to talk to them. 624 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: And it was so lovely. As much as my business 625 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 1: as virtual, I love the opportunity to get to meet 626 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,480 Speaker 1: my people in person. So to everyone who braved the elements, 627 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: drove from Long Island to Manhattan, like from Westchester down, 628 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 1: it was a lot. So I just thank y'all. And 629 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 1: it was beautiful. It was a really beautiful time. And 630 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,239 Speaker 1: every time I plan an event and people show up, 631 00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 1: I heal that Like thirteen year old girl who had 632 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: a surprise party, no one came to speaking about healing 633 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: our our young sol. I want to go and be like, 634 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 1: I want to come. I would have been. No one came, Tiffany, 635 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: they didn't have Uber back then. No one came. 636 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 2: About the house anyway, right, No, I love that. I 637 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 2: I too am going to I guess it's kind of 638 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 2: like a boot slash break because today I finally submitted 639 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 2: the final draft. I pray to Jesus teenage, Jesus, no man, Jesus, baby, 640 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 2: Jesus all to Jesus of my workbook version of gek 641 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 2: Go with Money. It's called Made Whole. It's a get 642 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:43,719 Speaker 2: Go with Money workbook. And I mistakenly thought that when 643 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 2: you do the workbook version of your book, it's. 644 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 1: Like less work still in the blanks, it actually was. 645 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 2: It wasn't. I mean, I wouldn't say it was as 646 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 2: much work as Get Go with Money, but not half 647 00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 2: you know. 648 00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 1: Not not work. 649 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a lot of And so because I wanted, 650 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,920 Speaker 2: you know that if you read Geka with Money that 651 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 2: you were like, oh, here's some additional added resources and 652 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 2: benefit and whatever. But then I wondered, if you didn't 653 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,120 Speaker 2: read Giga with Money, you're missing out on critical things 654 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 2: in order to reach financial wholeness in these ten core steps. 655 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:21,440 Speaker 2: So it was like this balancing it that was not easy. 656 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,480 Speaker 2: Plus two, you know, gig Go with Money is literally 657 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 2: like a textbook. It's a big, hardy book. And I 658 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 2: really wanted Made Whole to really be like, you know, 659 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 2: not to be as dense, because I want you to 660 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 2: be able to get to the work. Put it in 661 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 2: your bag, get to the work. I made sure that 662 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 2: it was wider so when you lay it open, you 663 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 2: can like write in it. And so yeah, so Madhole 664 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,000 Speaker 2: is going to come out in November. It's available for 665 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 2: pre order like everywhere, you know, but it doesn't come 666 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 2: out to November, so you know, do what that would 667 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 2: you will? But yeah, so I'm just really it was 668 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,560 Speaker 2: such a relief because when something like that, I mean 669 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,680 Speaker 2: many you know, like as you're working on a big 670 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 2: old project, it's it's looming, it's looming. And to finally 671 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 2: submit it this morning, I. 672 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 1: Was like, oh my god, can this be the end? 673 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 2: Place? 674 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:05,120 Speaker 1: It was like last bit edits cluse. 675 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 2: I'm just it just anybody who thinks that they want 676 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,640 Speaker 2: to write a book know that it's a lot of 677 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 2: work and it feels really good when it's done. But 678 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 2: it's a lot of work, you know, and so and 679 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 2: just it could be like a lot of stress and 680 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 2: so yeah, so it's like a boost that it's done 681 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 2: and a break because I'm like, I don't I don't 682 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 2: anticipate in writing anything. 683 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:26,400 Speaker 1: For a while. 684 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 2: Sorry Penguin, Oh, because. 685 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: I'm surprised, because yeah, because you were so out of 686 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:32,400 Speaker 1: it about that was huge. 687 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 3: You know, I'm done. 688 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 1: But the workbook, I agree, it does kind of sound like, oh, 689 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 1: it's just like, I don't know. I just figured it 690 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: was like a journal entry thing they got girl, it's 691 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: a lot light workbook. And I was like, this is 692 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: not a little Did you have to negotiate a new deal? 693 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 3: How does that work? 694 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 1: Yeah? 695 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,800 Speaker 2: So what I happened with the workbook is that you 696 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 2: negotiate a new deal and the amount obviously it's less 697 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,800 Speaker 2: typically because you know, like a book book is different 698 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 2: than like, you know, like a work book, because I 699 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:02,720 Speaker 2: think I think the stat that Penguin gave me is 700 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 2: that they anticipate usually your workbook will sell about twenty 701 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:09,560 Speaker 2: percent of what your book sold, you know, so you're 702 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:11,920 Speaker 2: not going to get the same. So I don't know 703 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,560 Speaker 2: that the numbers have to correlate between what you got, 704 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 2: like your book deal. Let's just say you got one 705 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 2: hundred thousand dollars book deal, and the workbook deal might 706 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,240 Speaker 2: be twenty like twenty thousand dollars. Not really, it really 707 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,360 Speaker 2: will depend on how well your book did and how 708 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:27,760 Speaker 2: what you can negotiate. And certainly, you know, I negotiated 709 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,880 Speaker 2: like I got. I spoke to some of my friends 710 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,400 Speaker 2: who had workbooks and understood kind of like how the 711 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,720 Speaker 2: workbook game worked. And so the amount that they gave 712 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 2: me was similar to what I was first offered, but 713 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 2: I just felt like, this seems low for someone who's 714 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,480 Speaker 2: slaying in the streets right now. And so I spoke 715 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 2: to one of my This is why mentorship is so important. 716 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,520 Speaker 2: I spoke to one of my mentors, Lynette cal Fonie Cox. 717 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 2: She's everyone's financial fairy godmother. 718 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: She's so awesome. 719 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 2: And Lynette actually did the math with me. I had 720 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,080 Speaker 2: never done book math. Hey, book bath will have you 721 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 2: mad at your advance If you said yeah, I was like, 722 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 2: hold up, hold up. So with book match, she had 723 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,800 Speaker 2: me figure out, like, okay, how many books I sold, 724 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 2: how much roughly Penguin made based upon the books I sold, 725 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,240 Speaker 2: which the truth of the matter is and advance is 726 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:14,920 Speaker 2: money you get to keep no matter what. So there's 727 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,120 Speaker 2: no guarantee I'll pay it back. Oh but I paid 728 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 2: my advent and I had. 729 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 3: A good advance, did you ever? 730 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 2: And so I paid by advanced time about six So 731 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 2: hanging right now is like, that's our girl, sady. 732 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: So she was like that you have some leverage to say. 733 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 2: I know normally you give this kind of money for workbooks, 734 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,959 Speaker 2: but you ain't talking to no regular degular, I need 735 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 2: a little bit more, and so Lynnette gave me a 736 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 2: number that she said I would not take less than this, 737 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 2: And so I told them me and my book agent, 738 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 2: this is why your agent is so important. We talked 739 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,240 Speaker 2: through it, and my agent not only got me what 740 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:49,000 Speaker 2: Lynette said, but more so, I would say it was 741 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,800 Speaker 2: about four times more than a workbook normally gets. Like 742 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,840 Speaker 2: it was about the as it should Yes, basically my 743 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 2: book book. My advance was about what you would like 744 00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,600 Speaker 2: a good advance for a book. That's how I work, 745 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 2: Rahma to our workbook advance was like if you got 746 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 2: this for a regular book, you'd be like, I got 747 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,640 Speaker 2: a really good advance, So I feel good about it. 748 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,560 Speaker 1: Which like twenty percent of your book sales are even 749 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,600 Speaker 1: still above what a regular book sells, you know what 750 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,479 Speaker 1: I mean, Like, Yeah, what's the staff that you share, 751 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,759 Speaker 1: like over the life tome of a book that usually shares. 752 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,800 Speaker 2: Like cells less than two thousand copy. 753 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean the average book the cells are less 754 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:22,800 Speaker 1: than two thousand. 755 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,399 Speaker 2: We're like, I like two seventy five now two years later, and. 756 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: So I'm glad that they got an opportunity to renegotiate 757 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,239 Speaker 1: or negotiate as a separate thing, whereas I feel like, 758 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 1: I wonder if publishers are going to get like wise 759 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,799 Speaker 1: to that and start trying to incorporate the workbook into 760 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,120 Speaker 1: the initial deal before you know how success. 761 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,920 Speaker 2: They do try they did, they would try to loup 762 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,319 Speaker 2: everything together and then and that's a whole lot because 763 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 2: they were like, how about your workbook and whatever magical 764 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:49,240 Speaker 2: book that you might want to do in the future, 765 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,160 Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I don't even know that 766 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 2: I want to. I mean, I know one day I 767 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,719 Speaker 2: probably will write another book, but I don't even know 768 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 2: what's she going to be about. I don't know who 769 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,399 Speaker 2: I'm going to be. I might have a show girl, 770 00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 2: might be the president of the United State. 771 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:03,360 Speaker 1: I hope it's about your experience Black people meet dot com. 772 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:07,680 Speaker 2: One man persistently every week, I'm like, mister Earle, I 773 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 2: don't want I don't want to see awl. 774 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:14,400 Speaker 1: If you see anyone named big al topcat Alton, stay away, 775 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,880 Speaker 1: I'll say I'll give his name while my uncle. 776 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,600 Speaker 2: Every week, baby girl, I don't know if you see 777 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:28,719 Speaker 2: I sing mister Earl, I sing I stuff exactly, but 778 00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,919 Speaker 2: like yeah, so yeah, So it's just like the book. 779 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 2: You know, the book industry. It's interesting. And so because 780 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,279 Speaker 2: I know a lot of people would be like, well, 781 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,080 Speaker 2: aren't you mad that you know you made them more 782 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,840 Speaker 2: money than you received. No, because one, with your first book, 783 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 2: you don't know what it's going to do. I don't care. 784 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 2: You could be famous, you could be not famous. 785 00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:44,600 Speaker 3: You don't. 786 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,400 Speaker 2: No one knows. And so that advances your money to 787 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,560 Speaker 2: keep no matter what, because you can literally get one 788 00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,760 Speaker 2: hundred thousand dollars advance and only make them two dollars 789 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 2: and they will let you keep that hundred thousand. They'll 790 00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,319 Speaker 2: be mad and you won't get another hundred. But that's 791 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,720 Speaker 2: how that works. And so you the way it advance 792 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,239 Speaker 2: works is that you pay it off. Now, the thing 793 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 2: is what I didn't understand with book math Hey, is 794 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:09,759 Speaker 2: that book math says? I thought, at first, let's just 795 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 2: say my book was ten dollars, and let's just say 796 00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 2: my advance was one hundred thousand. I thought for every 797 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 2: ten dollars book I sold, I would chip down what 798 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 2: I owed in the advance by ten dollars. Like, sold 799 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,080 Speaker 2: ten dollars, book ten dollars comes off the one hundred 800 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 2: thousand that I owe you no, no, no, no no. 801 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:29,560 Speaker 2: So typically your like, you get a cut of sales 802 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,879 Speaker 2: once you pay back your advance, and that can range 803 00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,279 Speaker 2: anywhere from like ten to fifteen percent, right, so let's 804 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 2: just say ten percent. So if a book sells for 805 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 2: ten dollars, ten percent of ten dollars is one dollar. 806 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 2: And if that's your cut that you would get once 807 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,560 Speaker 2: you pay back your advance, you are only lowering the 808 00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 2: one hundred thousand that you owe per book a dollar 809 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,839 Speaker 2: for every book that you sell. 810 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,160 Speaker 1: So you see how long you have to say, yeah, 811 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:59,320 Speaker 1: I made that math equation. That math that's something beneficial 812 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: to the publisher. 813 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,720 Speaker 2: So I was like, we haven't sold out my advance yet, 814 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 2: because I girl, I've literally my book has made millions, 815 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 2: pot millions, and so my advance was not millions. So 816 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,640 Speaker 2: but like I said, that was I'm not mad at 817 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,840 Speaker 2: it because I still got a really good advance and 818 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 2: it was still relatively like I mean for a book 819 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 2: that was going to be unknown for what it's going 820 00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:23,920 Speaker 2: to do. But now that we know that it's very 821 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,640 Speaker 2: likely to sell, now we can negotiate differently. And so 822 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 2: like my next advance if I do another big book, 823 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,760 Speaker 2: definitely will reflect the fact that, like I've sold before, 824 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,879 Speaker 2: and so these are things like you know, to I mean, 825 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 2: my agent does say, like, well, if you wait too long, 826 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,640 Speaker 2: they might say, well, you sold that, but that was 827 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 2: five years ago. I'm like, girl, I don't care about 828 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 2: not that you know, like I get it, but like 829 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,759 Speaker 2: I you know, if I write another book, you know, 830 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 2: then I do. But maybe by then I might have 831 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,920 Speaker 2: the top Netflix show in the in the world, you 832 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,360 Speaker 2: know what I mean. Like, so I don't want to 833 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,120 Speaker 2: lock myself into like a number now and not know 834 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,040 Speaker 2: certainly it might be lower later because maybe later, you know, 835 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,240 Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm not as vie and that's fine, 836 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 2: but maybe I'm even more viable if I decide to 837 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,399 Speaker 2: do something. But yeah, so these are just some things 838 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 2: that I didn't even know. I mean, meanwhile, I went 839 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,160 Speaker 2: through this whole process and I didn't really understand book 840 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 2: Math until Lynetteki Finick Cocks broke it down for me. 841 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, And she said, that's why 842 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 2: you're gonna go back and say you want more money 843 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 2: because book Math is like no, girl, Like, in order 844 00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 2: for you to have paid them back what you made, 845 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,240 Speaker 2: they had to make millions about millions of five millions 846 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 2: before you can pay back what you made. And I'm like, 847 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,759 Speaker 2: oh okay, and so like now I finally have paid 848 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,960 Speaker 2: it back. It took about two years. And so now 849 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,920 Speaker 2: my next statement, I think you get it twice a year. 850 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,800 Speaker 2: I should see my percentage, like I should get a 851 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,960 Speaker 2: check now twice. Royalty is now a royalty, yes, which 852 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,360 Speaker 2: is kind of exciting. Yeah, you know, talk about passive income. 853 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,719 Speaker 2: I know. I was like ooh, so like I mean 854 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,480 Speaker 2: I can imagine for a book for example, like I 855 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 2: will teach you to be rich that like yeah, it's 856 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,720 Speaker 2: been a twenty years later, that thing is cooking with grease, 857 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,360 Speaker 2: so you know, and even now more so that re 858 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,120 Speaker 2: meat has to show on Netflix, I know, like his 859 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,800 Speaker 2: book has sold out everywhere and so like that's the 860 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,520 Speaker 2: thing about books is like you know, you have to 861 00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,840 Speaker 2: really ask us. So even Mandy, as you are navigating, 862 00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:13,080 Speaker 2: you will have to ask yourself big advance up front, 863 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,759 Speaker 2: you know, or you know, do I want like you know, negotiating, 864 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:19,600 Speaker 2: Like I'll give you what my percentage is, so you know, 865 00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,520 Speaker 2: like what you're going to ask for because I've gotten 866 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,400 Speaker 2: the top percentage like everyone who I've asked there like, 867 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,600 Speaker 2: that's the most book publisher is going to give you. 868 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,360 Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay for as far as your percentage, 869 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,759 Speaker 2: and so like I hope one day what I'd like 870 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:32,480 Speaker 2: to do one day is have more of a partnership 871 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:36,440 Speaker 2: with the with the publisher where it's like I'm not getting, like, 872 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,400 Speaker 2: you know, the smaller percentage on the back end that 873 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,319 Speaker 2: like I'd rather get quite honestly, less upfront and then 874 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,360 Speaker 2: more on the back end. Most publishers will tell you 875 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:44,560 Speaker 2: no one who's going to do that. I'm like, no, 876 00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 2: you're not doing that. 877 00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:48,320 Speaker 1: But somebody out there bites. 878 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:51,120 Speaker 2: So we'll see. I think the publishing industry that there's 879 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 2: some shifting that has to happen if you want people 880 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,400 Speaker 2: to work with you. So yeah, so as you like navigate, 881 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 2: I'm excited to hear, like you know where you are 882 00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:58,760 Speaker 2: in your process. 883 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,759 Speaker 3: I for you get to keep paving that way, baby girl, 884 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 3: hear my Lynette. 885 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:06,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, tell me, it's a lot. 886 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,719 Speaker 2: I'm telling you when I tell you the mouth they 887 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,720 Speaker 2: offered me versus Wellnette, because I was gonna be like, okay, 888 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,320 Speaker 2: this have just said calling that girl before you agree. 889 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,680 Speaker 2: So I'm gonna let you know. I'm not sure I'm 890 00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:16,640 Speaker 2: allowed to talk numbers. 891 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll get it. We'll get the green tea later. 892 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,120 Speaker 1: I like that girl. Oh I like that degree. 893 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:24,920 Speaker 3: You so clever. Thank you. 894 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: I washed my hair today and I feel different. I 895 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:29,960 Speaker 1: feel smart. 896 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:31,759 Speaker 3: All right, y'all. 897 00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,680 Speaker 1: Well, this was a fun, juicy, juicy episode of Brown Ambition. 898 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: We'll see y'all Friday for B, a Q and a. 899 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,239 Speaker 1: Don't forget to submit your questions, but take care, be well, 900 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:46,920 Speaker 1: Bye bye, Hey, ba fam. We could not do this 901 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,919 Speaker 1: show without your support or the support of our team 902 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,319 Speaker 1: behind the scenes. The Brown Ambition podcast is produced by 903 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,600 Speaker 1: Imani Crosby and Dennis and Plinsky is our in house 904 00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,960 Speaker 1: tech guru. I am your co host Mandy woodrif Santo's 905 00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,080 Speaker 1: and we will see y'all next week, ba Fam.