1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: I would say the number one red flag I always 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: ignore is love. 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 2: Sammy Mama's boy, a man who is basically in love 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 2: with his mother. Another red flag that I consistently ignore 5 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 2: is unemployment. 6 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 1: That I love you twice the entire few years. He 7 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: wanted an open relationship, but then was upset that I 8 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: was having sex with other men. 9 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,600 Speaker 3: He introduced me to his mother like two weeks into 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 3: us seeing. 11 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 4: Each other musicians, that's good, don't I don't care to elaborate. 12 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 4: Everyone has their own idea of what red flags are, 13 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 4: whether that's founded in truth or stems from old wounds. 14 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 4: Today we're getting into what people are looking out for 15 00:00:50,040 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 4: and how we can protect ourselves. I'm hope what are 16 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 4: and welcome to boys over a space where we're learning 17 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 4: and on learning all the myths we're taught about love 18 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 4: and relationships? 19 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 5: Are we recording Yay? 20 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 4: A couple weeks ago I got into the studio with 21 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 4: my producers Christina and Emily to try something new. 22 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 6: Do we want to start in some way? 23 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 7: Well? 24 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:34,479 Speaker 4: Hope you're the hosts oh Am, I this one. 25 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 5: We're here to talk about red flags. 26 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,479 Speaker 4: For a while now, we've been asking you to send 27 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 4: in your calls about red flags and listeners. 28 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 5: Thank you so much. 29 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,319 Speaker 4: You delivered so many great insights and juicy stories that 30 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 4: we decided to dedicate a whole episode to listening to 31 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 4: your calls. 32 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 5: Emily, Christina, Welcome to Boyce SOB. 33 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 8: Thank you for having us. 34 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 5: Do you want to introduce yourselves? I'm Christina and I'm Emily, 35 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 5: and this is kind of the Boysover team. 36 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 3: This is we are. 37 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 5: It was also but he who's kind of a core 38 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 5: member as well. Y, Yeah, he's. 39 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 3: Really a core member. 40 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 6: He's one of the girls. 41 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 4: We're here to talk about some red flags. We had 42 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,919 Speaker 4: some collins, which we're really excited to listen to. Yes, 43 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 4: before we listen to the stories, let's go over where 44 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 4: we all are in romance, in dating, in our love lives, 45 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 4: so we can lay the groundwork for what kind of 46 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 4: perspective we're. 47 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 5: Bringing to the table. 48 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 4: You all hear my the downfalls of my dating life 49 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 4: all the time. Emily and I would you say we're 50 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 4: in we're in similar places trying to find love. Yeah, 51 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 4: you're on hinge. 52 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 5: I'm not on hinge. 53 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 6: Yeah, hope, it's trying to. 54 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 9: Be I feel like you're exploring to explore still I 55 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 9: feel like I also need to explore. 56 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 3: But I am. I am searching for a relationship. 57 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,639 Speaker 4: But we decided something about you in the last couple 58 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 4: of weeks. What you need a little more pleasure, a 59 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 4: little more chaos in your life? 60 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 6: Yeah, I think you think she needs more chaos. 61 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,359 Speaker 10: Yeah, I actually think I kind of think chaos is 62 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 10: I'm totally chaos. 63 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 9: Ag Well, in the red Flat conversation, I think sometimes 64 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 9: I get a little too scared off by the smallest thing. 65 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 3: I think I need to like take risks and go 66 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,079 Speaker 3: for things. Okay, I think that might be one of 67 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 3: the problems I've identified. 68 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 6: Do you feel like you're picky? 69 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 5: Yeah? Really? 70 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 3: Okay, I don't think that's a bad thing. 71 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 6: No, I don't think that's a bad thing. 72 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 9: No, No, you know, but it's to the point where 73 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 9: I'm like, oh, if something's not going to work out, 74 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 9: I won't go for it. 75 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 5: Yeah. What are you doing, Christina? 76 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 6: What am I doing with dating? 77 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 3: What's your what's what's your relationship status? 78 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:36,119 Speaker 6: Yeah? 79 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 9: What's your Facebook status? 80 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 6: Married? 81 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 11: Married? 82 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 6: Married? 83 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 5: For how many years? 84 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 6: One? 85 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: Oh? 86 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 5: My gosh, that only been one year? 87 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 6: Yeah, year and a half. 88 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 5: Oh wow? 89 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 6: Okay, I thought I'm a millennial so my perspective on 90 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 6: some of these things are a little different from you, right, right, 91 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 6: That's what makes us a fun bunch. 92 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 5: It doesn't gives us good insight. 93 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 4: And I good at noticing a red flag and listening 94 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 4: to it and getting. 95 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 5: Out of there. No, but who is? 96 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 6: Yeah, what about y'all? I think what the service level 97 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 6: red flags like when you are on a dating app. 98 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,720 Speaker 6: Those are much easier to spot when you're like, oh, 99 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 6: too many shirtless selfie photos, says, not looking for anything serious? 100 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 4: Yes, still figuring it out? Still, I think that's a 101 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 4: red flag. Went on Hinge the thing says like, still 102 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,239 Speaker 4: figuring out figuring Yeah. 103 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 3: Right, figuring out my relationship type I saw. 104 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 9: No, I was on Hinge last night and some and 105 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:41,600 Speaker 9: someone had listed both monogamy and non monogamy like pick one. Literally, 106 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 9: if you don't want to be monogamous, own up to it. 107 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 5: Is an it the same thing as a red flag. 108 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 6: No. 109 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,280 Speaker 3: I think you can get over an ach. 110 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:51,280 Speaker 6: You can get over an eck, especially if you like 111 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 6: the person. 112 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 4: You know, this guy he tickled me, which usually gives 113 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 4: me the. 114 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,599 Speaker 6: What cereal outside inside? 115 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 8: So you're disgusting? 116 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,839 Speaker 10: I meant you. 117 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 5: Put your fingers away. 118 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 6: I mean at the bar or like when you're getting intimate. 119 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 5: And in your house or at the bar. 120 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, both actually, and it didn't make me mad both 121 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 4: times because you liked them. 122 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,239 Speaker 5: Yeah, totally. 123 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 6: It's different where I was like, oh, wow. 124 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 5: Really, you don't gets if you like a person. 125 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 6: Yes, like that's and and then the longer you're with 126 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 6: that person, then you'll develop them. 127 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 5: And you start to hate them. 128 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 6: But then you just just accept them, or maybe you 129 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 6: did start danging and then you're like this is an ick, 130 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 6: but then you really do like them. You're kind of like, Okay. 131 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 6: So we have a lot of calls, yay, and I've 132 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 6: gone through them all and I have picked some of 133 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,280 Speaker 6: the best ones and so I'm going to play them 134 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 6: for you guys. Okay, So here is the first one. 135 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,480 Speaker 2: Hey, it's Hannah. I am Queen of annoying my flags. 136 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 2: Like I have both colored glasses on. There are pink 137 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: to me, and I love the color pink. But I 138 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,359 Speaker 2: think the one that I like ignored the most in 139 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 2: my last relationship is she was mean, oh my. 140 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 12: God, other people not to me. 141 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, it's fine, she's so sweet 142 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 2: to me, but she would be really, really not kind 143 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 2: to like a lot of people around her, and I 144 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 2: like convinced myself that, like, oh, she's just like a 145 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 2: little ruff around the edges. 146 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:23,919 Speaker 6: No. 147 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: Then she ended up being very very mean to me as. 148 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 2: Well, and I was like, shit, I should have known, 149 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 2: because she's been saying she's a not nice girl from 150 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 2: the beginning. 151 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 13: She would literally say I'm not nice. 152 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 2: I had a girl telling me I'm not nice, and 153 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 2: I was like, no, it's fine, that's not a red flag, 154 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 2: like very very delusional. 155 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 6: So, yeah, someone who was not nice to other people 156 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 6: but is nice to tea, you're still red flag. Yeah, 157 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 6: Because but here's the thing is, I do think for 158 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 6: some reason, there is something kind of hot about that. 159 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 6: Like when somebody is like kind of an asshole to 160 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,719 Speaker 6: everybody else, but then they're like very sweet to you. 161 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 5: You're like, ooh, I get to see their sweet side 162 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 5: because they love me so much. 163 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 9: Yeah, but he has an ulterior motive, yes, and that's 164 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 9: how he's treating other people. 165 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 3: It's like it's kind of see. 166 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 6: So you see when someone's like being mean to someone 167 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 6: now potentially even hurting their feelings, you think, like that's 168 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 6: a good thing. 169 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 4: I haven't dated like and when I think about someone 170 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 4: being an asshole, I don't think someone like being mean. 171 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,880 Speaker 6: Okay, if it's a guy who's like not polite to 172 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 6: their server at a restaurant, that's the whole. 173 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 4: Hold different thing, whole different thing. But an asshold to 174 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 4: a waiter, that's like being impolite. 175 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:34,640 Speaker 5: But if someone's like. 176 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 6: Not being nice to their brother or their mother, I 177 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 6: think those. 178 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 5: Two things are related. 179 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 6: I agree with you there, kindness. Yeah, I think how 180 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 6: you treat a server, well, yeah, should not be any 181 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 6: different from how you treat another person. You shouldn't. You 182 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 6: shouldn't be mean to a stranger on the street just 183 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 6: because you had a bad day. 184 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 4: I guess what I think of like mean. I don't 185 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 4: really think of like sinister. I just maybe think of 186 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 4: someone who's not. 187 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 3: Like I'm thinking. 188 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 9: I'm thinking of like the curmudgeonly like type like ray 189 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 9: fam girls. 190 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 6: Yes, I was just like nice. 191 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 10: You know, well we're wrong. 192 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 9: Okay, But it takes Shashana being like I can't be 193 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 9: the only thing you like it it's too much. It's 194 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 9: like a great cloud, it's like over you and like 195 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 9: you can't be the only bright spot. 196 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 3: That's too much pressure for someone, too. 197 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,520 Speaker 6: Right, but like Hannah is saying this person was just 198 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 6: mean to everybody, I. 199 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 5: Would like, let's say, okay, you know what I mean. 200 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 6: If they're being mean to other people, I would think, 201 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 6: like someone's holding the door for you, you're not you're just 202 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 6: walking by. You're not even saying thank you, or you 203 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 6: don't say excuse me. Or if they at a restaurant 204 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 6: that bothers me is when they say give me a coke, 205 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 6: give me a this, Oh that drives me crazy, Like. 206 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 4: Yes, this could be something I could not ignore, Like 207 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 4: if somebody was mean like that. 208 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 9: And making this more gender neutral, like I have a 209 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 9: lot of female friends that I have had falling out 210 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 9: with who were like mean in a really funny way 211 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 9: where like you're nice to someone to their face and 212 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 9: then talking behind their back, and like with that friend, 213 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 9: it would be like, oh, but like she must not 214 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 9: think that about me. Oh she's confiding in me, like, oh, 215 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 9: that's so cool, but she was probably doing it to 216 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,600 Speaker 9: me too, right. I think that's a red flag that 217 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 9: I've spotted in like friendships of like I don't want 218 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 9: to be Hey, I'm all for a little gossip, but 219 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,719 Speaker 9: I don't want to be like hating on everybody. 220 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 5: All the time. 221 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 6: No, I think that's fair. Yeah, I think it's just 222 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 6: like as a person, that just tells me a lot 223 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 6: about the person. Right, You're not the exception right now. 224 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 6: It might be in the honeymoon phase, it might be 225 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 6: the exception. But like if they're saying their mean and 226 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 6: you see that they're mean, it's only going to come 227 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 6: down to like they're gonna be mean to you at 228 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:43,319 Speaker 6: some Yeah, yeah, okay, this next one. 229 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 12: Hi boy Silver, my name's Veronica. One of the red 230 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:51,319 Speaker 12: flags I feel like I've been overlooking is being love bombed, 231 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 12: because every girl loves to be love bombed and might write. 232 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 12: But most recently, I definitely had a guy who was 233 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 12: like saying all these nice things to me. He was 234 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:07,839 Speaker 12: like fantasizing, like very early on, like the second time 235 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 12: we hung out of like what would it be like 236 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 12: if we had kids, to the point where I was like, 237 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 12: are you love bombing me? And he said no, And 238 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 12: I should have known that, but it hurts and I 239 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 12: felt for agad even though I knew it was happening. 240 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 12: And yeah, that's just one of the red flags that 241 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 12: I feel like I in the moment, I know it's wrong. 242 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,680 Speaker 12: But like I can't help but feel all the feelings 243 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 12: of like loving it there. 244 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 14: Yeah, I want to know how much she was feeding 245 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 14: into it. Yeah, she was more like he was saying 246 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 14: it to her, and she was skeptical, she was low down. 247 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 3: I love that she was like, you love bothering me. 248 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 5: That's a green flag on her part, if. 249 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 6: You can identify that, because I think that's the hardest part, right. 250 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 6: I don't think I've ever been in a situation where 251 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 6: I I realized in that moment, oh my god, I'm 252 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,720 Speaker 6: being love bomb It's like always in hindsight after I 253 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 6: get hurt, looking back and like, oh, that's right. They 254 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,719 Speaker 6: did suck. This is why. But in that moment, you're like, 255 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 6: oh my god, flowers, you planted this craway. 256 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 4: I feel like love bombing rarely involves thoughtful things, and 257 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 4: it's a lot of just like mental emotional, right, like 258 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:28,480 Speaker 4: obsessive things and like really intense think. 259 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 6: What they pick up on what you like? Right, If 260 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 6: they're like, oh, she likes things, then sometimes people can 261 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 6: probably be like suckered into the gifts. 262 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,079 Speaker 4: I think it's a lot of the fans showizing though, 263 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 4: it's like a lot of the like you could be 264 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 4: my wife. 265 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,199 Speaker 5: I could have your kids. Da da da da dad. 266 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 6: Like second the date is extreme. 267 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 4: Sorry, the second date would be crazy if somebody was like, 268 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 4: I don't want that. But something I do think about 269 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 4: dating now is like, could I have this guy's kids. 270 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 6: Yeah. 271 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 9: I think it's a natural thing to like think that, 272 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 9: to think ahead, especially for women when we're like playing right, 273 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,439 Speaker 9: I definitely am guilty of like even just a crush 274 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 9: being like. 275 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 3: Well like if we had kids, then he. 276 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 5: Would be like this. 277 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 3: That maybe you should try it. 278 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 6: Last name sounds on me. 279 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,679 Speaker 4: Okay, ultimately red flag, but ultimately it's a little bit 280 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 4: fun to do sometimes, you know the. 281 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 9: Great I also think when I say I want a 282 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 9: little bit of chaos, I actually do want to like 283 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 9: indulge in that a little bit. 284 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 3: I think you because I tend I tend to be 285 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 3: like her. 286 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,079 Speaker 9: I'm very skeptical and like if someone's doing that to me, 287 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 9: I'm like, no, this isn't real, Like get over yourself, 288 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 9: like you're confused. 289 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 3: But I think that's also a bit of a self defense. 290 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 6: It has to do with maybe like the two people 291 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 6: being in sync, right, like if they're more into you 292 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 6: and it feels like they're bombing you that that's like 293 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 6: too much. But if you're as into them at the 294 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,559 Speaker 6: same time, and you guys are just on the right 295 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,079 Speaker 6: path into them. 296 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,079 Speaker 3: But I'd only met them for like an hour. The 297 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 3: person I'm thinking of, Okay, it's. 298 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 4: Extreme me and this guy that I've been seeing for 299 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 4: the past week, are you? 300 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 5: And then he talked about having kids. He's also twenty four. 301 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 15: Yeah four world, Okay, I know, Okay, next Okay. 302 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 7: Hi ladies, my name is Bren. I have so many 303 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 7: red flags that I have previously ignored. But one of 304 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 7: the red flags that I did not ignore was when 305 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,520 Speaker 7: I went on a date with a co worker. Within 306 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 7: the date, he told me he's not gay, he's a homosexual, 307 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 7: which hello, what. The second thing, he was of Latin 308 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 7: or Hispanic descent, and this was around the time of 309 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 7: the twenty sixteen election, and he was like, build the wall, 310 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 7: like literally chanting that at a small intimate dinner table loudly, 311 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 7: build the wall, Build the wall. But most concerning thing 312 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 7: that happened we got on the conversation of sleep and 313 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 7: he asked me what I wear to bed, and I 314 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 7: was like, I don't sleep with many clothes on. When 315 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 7: I go to bed and he was like, oh wow, 316 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 7: that's so hot. And I was like, what do you 317 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 7: wear to bed? And he was like, well, I don't 318 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 7: sleep much. And I was like, oh, why is that? 319 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 7: And he says, well, this is typically more of a 320 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 7: third date kind of share. But I trust you. I 321 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 7: was cursed by my grandmother in the womb with insomnia, 322 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 7: and I get a vision of my grandmother anytime I 323 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 7: feel this heavy feeling and I get over on the 324 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 7: side of the road or find the nearest place I 325 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 7: can to go to sleep, because when I see a 326 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 7: vision of my grandmother, I get cursed with sleep for 327 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 7: eight hours. Thank god, I was smart enough to be like, 328 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 7: you know what, No, that's going to cross the line. 329 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 7: Grandmother's curse. Can't do that. 330 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 3: I think this man has an ecolepsy. 331 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 4: There's a lot going solid eight hours blessings, But. 332 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 6: That's my question. 333 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 8: Why is the grandmother cursing her future crew. 334 00:15:59,320 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 6: That's a friend. 335 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 4: Oh God, It's like, yeah, I remember trauma happening at 336 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 4: this table. 337 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 3: But I feel like we can't comment on like that. 338 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 5: Two men are on a date. One man is saying 339 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 5: he's not gay. 340 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 4: He's homosexual, and what the that's something we got. 341 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 3: Those weren't the ones that got it. Wasn't that on 342 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 3: that but the curse. 343 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 7: No. 344 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 5: I'm so proud of Brents, and I'm proud that he 345 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 5: went on the date. Are you I guess so I 346 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 5: already went on the date because. 347 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 4: Like you know, it's something I keep saying, what the 348 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 4: hell go for it? 349 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,560 Speaker 6: But if they're seemingly nice, normal, you go on the 350 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 6: date and this sleep conversation comes up on the second date, 351 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 6: what would you say? Everything else seems great. 352 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 3: Weirdly, the sleep conversation is the one I could get over. 353 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,160 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well like that. 354 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 8: That's kind of just like a can't sleep and. 355 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 6: They have to pull over on the side of the 356 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 6: road when they see their grandmother. 357 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 5: A vision. 358 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 3: Solid. I would kind I would like to see this 359 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 3: in action. I'd be like, can I get you? Can 360 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 3: I get you a sleep doctor? 361 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 6: You want to say, sorry, mister wedding, he got tired 362 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 6: and we want the. 363 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,160 Speaker 3: Altar because a vision of his grandmother. 364 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 4: Okay, well, proud of him ultimately, yes, red flags all 365 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 4: around around. 366 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 16: Next collar, Hey, hope, I'm jen I'm a therapist and 367 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 16: found myself in a narcissistic relationship. Ignoring so many red flags. 368 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 16: But you know, I think so many people either see 369 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 16: a red flag and run from it or they collect 370 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:50,719 Speaker 16: them like a bouquet. And I think, honestly, red flags 371 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,439 Speaker 16: are gifts if we use them correctly. Because while I 372 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 16: could have looked at this person and pointed out a 373 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 16: million things that I found, or I could look at 374 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 16: myself and ask myself like why did love bombing feels 375 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 16: so good? Why did triangulation feel normal? And I think 376 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 16: this is where the gifts of reflex comn. 377 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 5: I love her. 378 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,199 Speaker 6: I love that she called it is very interesting that 379 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 6: she's a therapist. 380 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 4: What I mean, do y'all have an answer to that 381 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 4: of like, what have the red flags that you've ignored 382 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 4: taught you about yourself? 383 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:31,680 Speaker 6: I think I allowed lusting and infatuation obsession to take over. 384 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 6: I mean it really just clouded everything. And so I 385 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:41,399 Speaker 6: literally have had one time somebody full on say I 386 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 6: remember it was a very casual conversation where I'm like, 387 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 6: have you cheated before? Yeah? And they said it with 388 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 6: like no shame, no hesitation. Yeah. And then you know, 389 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 6: they told me the story and I'm like okay, And 390 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 6: of course they're trying to like rationalize why they did, 391 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 6: and you're like, oh, I like you so much. 392 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,919 Speaker 5: Okay, I'm gonna start asking people out on the first date. 393 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 6: Honestly, should have left right then. It got the crazy 394 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,679 Speaker 6: guy that was the guy who cheated on me dozens 395 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 6: of times. Oh my god. But I always thought, you know, 396 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 6: like not with me. 397 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 5: Or what does that show you? What does that teach 398 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 5: you about yourself? 399 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 3: Is it like not taking people for their word. 400 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 9: I think that's something I'm working on right now, maybe 401 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 9: of like you know, when someone says I'm not ready 402 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 9: for a relationship, they're actually not. 403 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 6: Yeah, I think it was like that I could fix them, 404 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 6: that i'd be the right person. Oh just wait, And 405 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 6: looking back in hindsight, like I should have pumped the 406 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 6: brakes right then and there well and not get more involved. 407 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 6: But I absolutely just ignored it and was like that 408 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 6: was a one time thing. I don't think it'll happen again. 409 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 4: What's that cliche that's like listen to people and they'll 410 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 4: tell you who you are or whatever or who they are. 411 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,360 Speaker 6: Really butchered that, I mean, it's just in plain sight. 412 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah, how are you what are 413 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 5: you thinking? 414 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 9: I think I fall a red flag I fall for 415 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,119 Speaker 9: is emotionally unavailable, but I think it's and I can 416 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,480 Speaker 9: fix something. I think it's like, oh, I'll get I'll 417 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 9: get them to open up. 418 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,120 Speaker 8: And then the challenge. 419 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 9: Yeah, exactly what strategic question can I ask that you 420 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,159 Speaker 9: tell me about? 421 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 3: Yeah? 422 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,159 Speaker 6: Okay, next, Okay, thisn's a dooozy. 423 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 5: Hold on, Oh my gosh. 424 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 1: Hey, this is hunter. I've definitely ignored some red flags. 425 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: Holy shit, have I ignored red flags? And likely every relationship, 426 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: but this last one was really the one that sunk 427 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:41,239 Speaker 1: at home. So I met Marshall six months after I 428 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: broke up with my four year relationship fifteen year age gaps, 429 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: but honestly, there was a whole hell of a lot 430 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 1: so mined and we were both able to acknowledge the 431 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 1: inherent power dynamic that can come with a large age 432 00:20:56,119 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: gap and really have deep, meaningful conversation and respected boundaries 433 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: across the board about like my experience as a young 434 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,159 Speaker 1: woman is different than his experience at that stage of 435 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: life that he has had as a mouse, So that 436 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,479 Speaker 1: when I asked for advice, he was willing to give it, 437 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: but it wasn't something that he would offer freely for 438 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: the sake of allowing me to have my own life experience. 439 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,480 Speaker 1: They were really good for a little while. About three 440 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:32,439 Speaker 1: months into the relationship, I got genital herpes from him. No, 441 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 1: despite going through the appropriate motions in life and looking 442 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:44,160 Speaker 1: at their paperwork and having honest conversations about protection, he 443 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: didn't know he how to. His tests were negative, and 444 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 1: then even after retesting, they were negative. I'll never understand 445 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: how that came about, but he was the only person 446 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: that I was seeing, the only new person into the 447 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: dying Can. 448 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 5: I pause it. 449 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 4: People are really judgmental about herpes, and honestly, it's not 450 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 4: that big of a deal. Just want to make that 451 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,399 Speaker 4: bland and statement, like I understand how much sadness she 452 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,120 Speaker 4: must have felt when she got that diagnosis, like, of course, 453 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 4: but like a lot of people have herpes regardless. 454 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:20,400 Speaker 1: He told me that he was really trying to accept 455 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: this and to roll with this new thing that had 456 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: happened in our life. And granted, I, oh, I fucking 457 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: get it. Neither one of us wanted to be dealing 458 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 1: with something like that three months into a new relationship, 459 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,040 Speaker 1: so we we skept seeing each other. I moved in 460 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 1: with him, but you know, he told me. He didn't 461 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: want that shit on his face, and I knew in 462 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 1: that what so he felt that way about himself having 463 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: herpees That's exactly how he felt about me having it, 464 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 1: and I wasn't willing to build a life with someone 465 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 1: who was that uncomfortable with me. I still lived with 466 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: him for like a year after this, and we had 467 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: really amicable life, like deep conversation, We cooked together, we 468 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: remodeled the bedroom together, but we never touched ever again. 469 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: After that, he went back and started seeing his ex 470 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 1: within a few months of me ending the relationship. And 471 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: I think that was the hardest part of this breakup, 472 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: was that I broke my own heart technically, Like sure 473 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:32,720 Speaker 1: he did harmful things, but I'm the one who ended 474 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: the relationship. I'm the one who decided to step away, 475 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: and it was just incredibly difficult. The red flags just 476 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 1: kind of kept coming in. And you know, why say 477 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,439 Speaker 1: you want to build a life with someone when you 478 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,880 Speaker 1: can't take a small risk with them. 479 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 5: It's just like now she caught Its really sad. 480 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 6: I just wish she less after that rather than stick 481 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 6: around for a year. 482 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 4: That's something I'm thinking, is like an hunter, this is 483 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 4: no shade, but It's like you can identify the power dynamic, 484 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 4: and that doesn't totally mean that it's not like fully 485 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 4: taking over the relationship. I'm sort of wondering, like, Okay, 486 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 4: did we continue to live together because he was fifteen 487 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,440 Speaker 4: years older and he was paying rent? Like was there 488 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 4: a financial power dynamic involved? Like where is her? What 489 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 4: is her family system? Like, I'm wondering like did he 490 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 4: become that sort of family system? Like I'm so familiar 491 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 4: with that experience. 492 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,400 Speaker 6: What are your thoughts about moving in with somebody? 493 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 5: I have never lived with a partner either. 494 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 9: It scares me how quickly people move in together in 495 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 9: a city like New York. 496 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,879 Speaker 4: I'll move in with someone when I think I'm going 497 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,159 Speaker 4: to marry that I think I'm so. 498 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,200 Speaker 6: I considered it at. 499 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 4: One point, right, Yeah, and he never wanted to move 500 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,119 Speaker 4: in together, and I'm pretty sure. 501 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 6: That that was a good thing. I think that's fair. 502 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 9: I think people rush into things way too quickly for 503 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 9: the financial split the apartment which is targe like, yeah, 504 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 9: it's hard to tell them not to cut I mean, 505 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 9: this is my soapbox. 506 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:05,880 Speaker 7: One. 507 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 3: Bedrooms in New York are priced for couples. They are 508 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 3: not priced for single people. 509 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,360 Speaker 9: Even two bedrooms are priced for like one couple who 510 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 9: needs a little office and that's not a bedroom. Like 511 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,359 Speaker 9: real estate is skewed towards couples and as single people 512 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 9: are struggling. 513 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 13: Say it, Emily, Hey, my name is Rachel. My red 514 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,720 Speaker 13: flag that I ignored was on the first date with this 515 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 13: man that literally everybody who knew him told me not. 516 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 10: To go on a date with. 517 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:52,120 Speaker 13: He got me arrested for publican talks, but he ran 518 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 13: from the cops. 519 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: I was an innocent my standard really, And then. 520 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 2: After I got out of jail with him, I still 521 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,880 Speaker 2: dated him for a little bit. 522 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,920 Speaker 5: After that they were bonded. They were bonded. 523 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 8: How were they bonded when he runs from her? 524 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 5: Did they both get arrested? 525 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,679 Speaker 3: This also bringing a new meaning to cuffing season? 526 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 6: God, but like no, they were both publicly intoxicate. 527 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 9: She got around one a piece of ship. 528 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 5: What a bitch ass loser. 529 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,800 Speaker 6: Right, but she still went out with him the bar. 530 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 5: I mean, I'd probably do the same thing. I'm not 531 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,680 Speaker 5: even trying to judge her for that. Yeah, I would 532 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 5: absolutely do that. Let me go to my man, Come on. 533 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 1: No. 534 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,920 Speaker 6: Joke, Okay, last one. 535 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:47,240 Speaker 2: Last summer I was seeing a guy who we've seen 536 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,360 Speaker 2: each other like twice. It was fine. 537 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 1: He was an average dude, total neither. 538 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 2: But we finally were sleeping together and we decided to 539 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,360 Speaker 2: mess around. He's kind of freaking the sheet. He likes 540 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 2: butt stuff, I know, personally not my thing, not that 541 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 2: that matters to this story, but. 542 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 5: What is going to happen to her? 543 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 6: Asshole? 544 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,720 Speaker 5: No events, hopefully nothing not bad, okay. 545 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,360 Speaker 2: And that's not a red flag. It is, honestly kind 546 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,439 Speaker 2: of a green flag for me. But the red flag 547 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:26,199 Speaker 2: was immediately after we got done doing the nasty he 548 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:30,439 Speaker 2: turns over but still naked and in the air, and 549 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 2: he starts weeping, and I said, well, I didn't say anything. Actually, 550 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,199 Speaker 2: I kind of just sat there in silence for probably 551 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,360 Speaker 2: a solid minute, because what do you do? 552 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 12: What do you do? 553 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,760 Speaker 2: What the fuck do you do? And I said, are 554 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 2: you okay? And he said, I'm so sorry. I just 555 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 2: can't stop thinking about how much my stepdad really fucking 556 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 2: hates me. That was the only time that I saw him. 557 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,640 Speaker 2: I saw him two more times after that. Ignore that friend, 558 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 2: Oh he ghosted me. I should I should say. The 559 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,680 Speaker 2: story is that I didn't cut things off with him. 560 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 1: That's all. I love that girl. 561 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:29,480 Speaker 5: That is so mean to be the one who gets 562 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:34,920 Speaker 5: ghosting me. He sucks, like and that is the. 563 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 4: Moral of this story, is that really girls will ignore 564 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 4: red and be like, I don't like this dude. 565 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,520 Speaker 5: He's saying weird stuff to me. Weird stuff is happening. 566 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 8: Let's keep going. 567 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 9: I can also like going back to my ship. I 568 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 9: could be like, oh, he's being so emotional. I can 569 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 9: him daddy issue, we can talk about it. 570 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 5: And also let's just clarify it is not what was 571 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 5: being done to her her asshole. 572 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 3: It was his asshole. Also, he could have just been like. 573 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 10: Crying, what is his stepdad? 574 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 6: I'm worried about him. 575 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 5: I'm worried about him too. That sucks, dude. And then 576 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,160 Speaker 5: here's the question. 577 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 4: Is he gonna go around terrorizing women because he can't 578 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,000 Speaker 4: like go to therapy, like, be like he needs to 579 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 4: get some therapy. I think, I mean, don't we all 580 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 4: me too desperately? Oh wait, so red or green flag? 581 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 6: Okay, what's the question. The guy starts crying after sex, 582 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 6: red flag, green flag? 583 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 11: It depends, I know, like girls don't something doesn't happen 584 00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 11: to guys sometimes, don't that a chronic illness. 585 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 5: Ever cried after sex with me? 586 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 8: Is that a red flag or a green flag? 587 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 6: Dude? 588 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:14,760 Speaker 4: I mean like if a man is like that was 589 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 4: so good, like the emotional release of it, it's just like, 590 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 4: thank you so much. 591 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 5: But this sounds like it wasn't about sounds like he 592 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,760 Speaker 5: was triggered, he was deeply ashamed of himself. 593 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 6: I think it's like my biggest takeaway is that girls 594 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 6: needle to start raising the bar or all the more 595 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 6: we cannot settling. 596 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,040 Speaker 4: We cannot keep because I think it's not just like 597 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 4: I need to fix the mentality. There's a mix of things. 598 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,920 Speaker 4: It's like it's better than being alone being with someone, 599 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 4: like sex, If you're having sex with a person, it's 600 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 4: really easy to ignore red flags because you're like, this 601 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 4: is awesome. Sex is awesome. I don't have to think 602 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 4: about anything. It's such a beautiful time to disassociate. 603 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 6: If the sex is good, Yeah, it's it's bad. 604 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 5: Like I don't have to look at my phone for 605 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 5: forty five minutes. 606 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,680 Speaker 4: But it is just like a distracting thing. And then 607 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 4: there's like maybe it is just like it's better than 608 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 4: being alone. Mentality that keeps us hanging on what do 609 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 4: y'all think. 610 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 6: I think it's the eye can fix that. 611 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 8: He seems like he's opening up to her. Maybe she 612 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 8: saw it like, oh I could fix him, like. 613 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 3: Help him, like talk about his emotions and be real. 614 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 3: And the ass is. 615 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 8: Up, nake. 616 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,560 Speaker 3: I keep, I keep forgetting the position. 617 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 6: My God, do not settle for these men who are 618 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,160 Speaker 6: not ready. 619 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 5: Here's just the. 620 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 4: Thing about these dudes that it's like, you really cannot 621 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 4: be taking your shit out on all the girls around 622 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 4: you like that. 623 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 3: Why are you doing that? 624 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 4: Like that's not fun for any. 625 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 9: Men are just so desperate to be close to someone 626 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 9: because they don't think that they can open up to 627 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:01,480 Speaker 9: their friends. 628 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 3: Like they're like, so. 629 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 4: We already have enough ship they don't know, and that's 630 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 4: a societal thing. 631 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 5: That's the patriarchy hurting us all. 632 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 4: So I'm like, you know, there's a lot about masculinity 633 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,080 Speaker 4: and ship like that that like dudes need to figure out. 634 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 4: But it's just like that's not helping anybody, and like 635 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:26,440 Speaker 4: you're not gonna find who you want if you're like 636 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 4: I don't know, yeah, just sort of using women like that. 637 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:40,040 Speaker 4: I feel bad that I laughed so hard at that story. 638 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:38,520 Speaker 5: For both of them. 639 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 3: We have a lot of people to call back. 640 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 5: I know we're gonna have to call everyone back. 641 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 8: Thanks for having us. 642 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 5: This is real. This is so we're all experts on 643 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:53,880 Speaker 5: dating because we're. 644 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:54,880 Speaker 6: Just doing it. 645 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 5: I'm such an amateur, but yeah, god, all right. 646 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 9: We're always learning, learning and unlearning and on learning classically. 647 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 4: Ray, Thank you everyone who called in with your stories. Honestly, 648 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 4: they made me feel way less crazy. We're falling for 649 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 4: the same stuff out there, and I hope listening to 650 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 4: this and talking about them will help us protect ourselves 651 00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 4: in the future. But sometimes I guess you do have 652 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 4: to live through the red flags to learn your lessons. 653 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,120 Speaker 5: That's what I'm telling myself. 654 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 4: I guess until next time, talk to you all next week. 655 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 5: Boysover is a production of iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host, Hopewordard. 656 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:53,480 Speaker 4: Our executive producers are Christina Everett and Julie Pinero. Our 657 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 4: supervising producer is Emily Meronoff. Our assistant producer is Logan Palau. 658 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 4: Engineer by Bahid Fraser and mixing and mastering by Abu Zafar. 659 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,799 Speaker 4: If you liked this episode, please tell a friend and 660 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 4: don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to boy sober 661 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,799 Speaker 4: on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, and wherever you get 662 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:16,760 Speaker 4: your favorite shows.