Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to I Have Some Thoughts, a
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls, minis old series where we talk
Speaker 1: about all things pop culture, but of course from a
Speaker 1: mental health lens. And I am joined today again with
Speaker 1: bria Hey, bria.
Speaker 2: Hey, doctor Joy. I'm super excited for the topics that
Speaker 2: we have this week. We have a lot of fun
Speaker 2: stuff to discuss, So first let's get into Sky University's
Speaker 2: dress code change. So to Ski University in Alabama rolls
Speaker 2: out a new dress code that people have a lot
Speaker 2: of thoughts on. Last week, President Mark Brown announced that bonnets,
Speaker 2: do rags, bedroom shoes those were banned from classrooms and
Speaker 2: the cafeterias. In the statement, he shares the policy's goal
Speaker 2: isn't to restrict anyone from enjoying the skie experience, but
Speaker 2: to prepare students for the workforce that they will encounter
Speaker 2: upon lead to speaking, I think it's kind of started
Speaker 2: this broader conversation. I think a lot of people have
Speaker 2: a lot of opinions on whether this was the right call,
Speaker 2: whether it was the wrong call, whether it's suppressing expression,
Speaker 2: all these different things. But I think the broader theme
Speaker 2: is can professionalism and cultural expression really co exist. So,
Speaker 2: in your opinion, what is the difference between maybe preparing
Speaker 2: someone for the realities of the world and asking them
Speaker 2: to change who they are to be accepted.
Speaker 1: So this is such a great tapac Bria, and I
Speaker 1: definitely have seen it all over the timelines, right, And
Speaker 1: my understanding is that this isn't necessarily like a complete change,
Speaker 1: like maybe they are kind of maybe being stricter about it,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like there has been a dress code
Speaker 1: in place for lots of years. And I've even seen
Speaker 1: some alone kind of come out and talk about like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this kind of was always the thing, right, And I
Speaker 1: am no stranger to dress code. So many of you know,
Speaker 1: I graduated from Zabor University of Louisiana, which is the
Speaker 1: only predominantly black Catholic university, and so we had nuns
Speaker 1: like live on the yard. I think some of them
Speaker 1: are still there, and so they were very strict about
Speaker 1: like our skirt length and like short length and like
Speaker 1: all of these things, right, And so I'm definitely no
Speaker 1: stranger to dress codes, even at the collegiate level. I
Speaker 1: do think there is some place to this, right, like
Speaker 1: the idea that you know there are certain things that
Speaker 1: we wear in certain situations, Like I think that that
Speaker 1: is expected, right, Like you dress differently when you're going
Speaker 1: to the club versus when you are going to a
Speaker 1: job interview, right, And so I don't think that there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong with like wanting to reinforce that on a
Speaker 1: college campus and like making sure that people understand what
Speaker 1: kinds of things are appropriate to wear when and wear.
Speaker 1: But I do think, you know, you have to be careful,
Speaker 1: and of course it's kind of bleeds into a larger
Speaker 1: conversation around respectability politics, right, Like if we dress certain ways,
Speaker 1: then you know, maybe people are less likely to discriminate
Speaker 1: against us, or maybe we are better crime to have
Speaker 1: better service, and we know actually that is not true, right,
Speaker 1: Like people can dress all kinds of ways, and if
Speaker 1: people are going to be racist of discriminatory, it's going
Speaker 1: to happen. But I do think again, like I said
Speaker 1: that there is some merit to right time, right place. Now.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have eight o'clock am classes and you don't
Speaker 1: want to get dulled up and like do too much,
Speaker 1: right And I can definitely see that the students kind
Speaker 1: of talking about like, Okay, I don't want to have
Speaker 1: to kind of be in full glam. But I think
Speaker 1: that there is lots of gray area in between, kind
Speaker 1: of like rolling out of bed just going straight to class.
Speaker 1: And I'm not sure that this was the case right like,
Speaker 1: because it especially at HBCU campuses, at least in my experience,
Speaker 1: it was always a fashion show, right like, people weren't
Speaker 1: putting on there exactly exactly. Now, it has been quite
Speaker 1: a year since I have been, you know, a student
Speaker 1: on a campus until maybe things have changed. But I
Speaker 1: think that there are lots of ways that you can
Speaker 1: still be casual dressed down without necessarily rolling out of bed. Again,
Speaker 1: I don't know that that's the case. I don't they
Speaker 1: kids are necessarily kind of just going straight out of
Speaker 1: bed and there pajamas. But if you're an emergency, right
Speaker 1: like you rushing too a final, I could definitely see
Speaker 1: something like that happening. But I do think that there
Speaker 1: are lots of ways to be casual and not like
Speaker 1: completely dulled up in your business professional kinds of thing,
Speaker 1: and still go to class in ways that meet the
Speaker 1: dress code standards.
Speaker 2: No, definitely, And I'm coming to it from like another
Speaker 2: side of the spectrum because I actually went to Ohiose
Speaker 2: State for undergrad which is like PWS PWI can get
Speaker 2: And it's so interesting seeing these conversations. But also from
Speaker 2: my experience kind of seeing a lot of white people
Speaker 2: just roll out of bed and just come to class however,
Speaker 2: whether it was sweatpants or pajamas, like the goal was
Speaker 2: to just be there, and so it's very interesting that,
Speaker 2: like the situations are just so different.
Speaker 1: Yeah, now, but you do bring up a great point, right,
Speaker 1: Like if it is either like put on for real
Speaker 1: clothes or miss class, definitely don't miss class, right, Like
Speaker 1: that definitely is the priority for people to be there regardless.
Speaker 1: As long as you are looking, everything is covered, so
Speaker 1: to speak. This is completely fine.
Speaker 2: Right, So from your perspective, what impact care, respectability, politics
Speaker 2: and maybe constantly monitoring your parents have on your sense
Speaker 2: of authenticity or self expression?
Speaker 1: I feel like we kind of talked about this, maybe
Speaker 1: even related to a topic from last week. Just like
Speaker 1: the enormous amount of mental text and toll it plays
Speaker 1: on you to be constantly hyper vigilant around like appearance
Speaker 1: and kind of constantly kind of scanning an environment like
Speaker 1: is this okay? And am I doing enough? Am I
Speaker 1: doing too much? Right? Like? And I think you know,
Speaker 1: as black people, we are often put in those kinds
Speaker 1: of situations, right, And so especially for young people who
Speaker 1: are just kind of coming into their own you know,
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily want to introduce that added level of
Speaker 1: anxiety because there's so much time later in life to
Speaker 1: deal with that. And I don't think it is often invisible.
Speaker 1: It is visible kind of tax, and so people don't
Speaker 1: always realize how exhausting it is to kind of constantly
Speaker 1: be thinking about how you're perceived and all of those
Speaker 1: kinds of things. And so there is a tax, even
Speaker 1: if it isn't always visible to us. And I think
Speaker 1: that that is the largest mental health impact is that
Speaker 1: it really diminishes our bandwidth for other things when we
Speaker 1: are constantly kind of scanning and paying attention to these
Speaker 1: ideas of how I'm being perceived and you know, do
Speaker 1: I look respectable? Am I representing the black culture? Well?
Speaker 1: You know, like that it does take a toll on
Speaker 1: you after a while.
Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of like this feeling that you are the
Speaker 2: representation of what black people should look like, even though
Speaker 2: that shouldn't partecularly fall on anyone's shoulders. Sorry, right, thank
Speaker 2: you for sharing that. Moving on, to our next topic.
Speaker 2: We're going to talk about how Marvel has shelf Playe
Speaker 2: and hersha Ali has spoken on it. So I think
Speaker 2: this news actually came out a couple of months ago
Speaker 2: about Marvel not moving forward with Playe. Hershal Ali, who
Speaker 2: was supposed to start in the movie as play, has
Speaker 2: finally spoken out on it as well. He shared that
Speaker 2: the project installed upon running into multiple delays and creative differences,
Speaker 2: but he also strongly believes that with the billions of
Speaker 2: dollars that Marvel has, if they wanted to make it happen,
Speaker 2: they would have made it happen. So I think that
Speaker 2: it really feels like kind of another blow when it
Speaker 2: comes to representation in the media space we only have
Speaker 2: but so many, whether it's like black superheroes or black
Speaker 2: characters in TV and film already, and brings up this
Speaker 2: larger conversation of what happens when representation just feels very
Speaker 2: conditional and not something that the studios the media companies
Speaker 2: are consistently working toward. So why can these setbacks feel
Speaker 2: especially painful after we've started to believe that meaningful change
Speaker 2: is happening and then it just gets taken away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this feels especially unfortunate because it feels like
Speaker 1: we were just giving Marvel their flowers. Lance Yea found
Speaker 1: out around about Black Panther three, right, and so this
Speaker 1: feels like the worst timing. And I do think it
Speaker 1: speaks to the larger conversations kind of happening in Hollywood
Speaker 1: on the entertainment spectrum just around the lack of investment
Speaker 1: into black and brown projects, right kind of see actors
Speaker 1: and actresses and producers talking about these kinds of things.
Speaker 1: And you know, we've had conversations on the podcast around
Speaker 1: I Think You Me and Tuscany was the latest example
Speaker 1: of this, right of oh, we got to see how
Speaker 1: well this does before we say we're going to, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of greenlight the next show or project that may
Speaker 1: be similar. And I just feel like I'm very tired
Speaker 1: of it. I know kind of black people generally are
Speaker 1: really tired of this idea that we do not support
Speaker 1: these projects because we undoubtedly come out and droves for
Speaker 1: stories that feature people from our community and our culture, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I mean millions and billions maybe even of dollars did
Speaker 1: Black Panther one and two make?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Like? People, we had this whole dress code that we were,
Speaker 1: you know, wearing all white and doing all these things
Speaker 1: like we make it a real big moment. And so
Speaker 1: how much more do we have to do to show
Speaker 1: companies and media houses that these are stories that we
Speaker 1: are invested in seeing and promoting and celebrating. I think
Speaker 1: we've done our part right, Like, I think the larger
Speaker 1: conversation is why can't people who don't look like us
Speaker 1: also celebrate these films? Right?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Now, of course some people do, but I think what
Speaker 1: we see is that they don't come out in droves
Speaker 1: in the same ways to support superheroes and main actors
Speaker 1: and actresses that don't look like them. Right. It's as
Speaker 1: if they can't connect to stories that don't feature like
Speaker 1: a white heroine or superhero when for years we've been
Speaker 1: asked to do that, right, Like, we've been asked to
Speaker 1: suspend us belief and just kind of see ourselves in
Speaker 1: the story, regardless of who the main character is. And
Speaker 1: so I think that that is really something for other
Speaker 1: people to continue with. But it doesn't feel good, right,
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel good. It doesn't I think booth morale
Speaker 1: or I think it also enginders like this sense of hopelessness,
Speaker 1: especially for people in the industry of the story that
Speaker 1: I'm working really hard on and is it ever going
Speaker 1: to see the light of day? So it just doesn't
Speaker 1: feel good. And I think especially right now when we
Speaker 1: are looking for so many things to kind of celebrate
Speaker 1: and make us feel good, when there's so many other
Speaker 1: things the other awful, this just feels like another blow no,
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 2: And I think even it's interesting because for a lot
Speaker 2: of you know, white projects, they have this majority audience
Speaker 2: that's coming out, plus a lot of the minorities that
Speaker 2: are coming out to support these things as well. Whereas
Speaker 2: a lot of the black artists, black filmmakers, they're able
Speaker 2: to capture the core audience. But a lot of these
Speaker 2: studios are looking for what's going to be bigger. You know,
Speaker 2: we're spending money on this, we need as many adds
Speaker 2: on it as possible, And it's just not a super
Speaker 2: fair comparison. So from the viewpoint of a viewer, and
Speaker 2: then also the viewpoint of a creator, someone who's hoping
Speaker 2: to have their TV series or their film at the
Speaker 2: pick screen, how can we maintain hope and continue advocating
Speaker 2: for representation even when you know we have these drokes
Speaker 2: of lots of progress. It seems like we're taking ten
Speaker 2: steps back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I've been really excited to see more the
Speaker 1: indie scene kind of continuing to develop.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So people will put a trailer out like on Instagram
Speaker 1: or TikTok or whatever, and then I love seeing the
Speaker 1: comments fill up, like where's the link? We want to
Speaker 1: support this. We got to see how this story ends, right,
Speaker 1: And I think that that is where we're going to
Speaker 1: have to lean into. Right. Of course, we can continue
Speaker 1: to advocate and continue to lobby for major studios like
Speaker 1: a Marble to kind of see our stories and invest
Speaker 1: in them, and I don't think we should stop that,
Speaker 1: but I don't want people's stories not to be told
Speaker 1: and not to be shown because we can't get the
Speaker 1: major dollars. Right. So, if you can't make the Marble
Speaker 1: version of what you want to make, is there a
Speaker 1: Kickstarter version of the show of the project that can
Speaker 1: kind of just get your feet on the ground and
Speaker 1: allow at least a part of the story to be told.
Speaker 1: I think that that is where we're really going to
Speaker 1: have to lean into, because these stories are important and
Speaker 1: they deserve to be made. But also there is an
Speaker 1: active community of people who I think want to support
Speaker 1: these kinds of things right and get really excited. We
Speaker 1: like entertainment right, like we want to see ourselves on
Speaker 1: the screen, whether it's large or small. And so I
Speaker 1: think really leaning into the community support and kind of
Speaker 1: the independent route is at least a step until we
Speaker 1: maybe can see some progress in larger places.
Speaker 2: Definitely, And as you're talking, I actually thought of one
Speaker 2: other thing that I think it's so cool how the
Speaker 2: media industry is always just evolving and doing new things.
Speaker 2: Are you familiar with it? Was who Ray Studios did
Speaker 2: like a TikTok short microdrama. Those are becoming just so popular.
Speaker 2: Like even if you're like scrolling TikTok, you might can
Speaker 2: add for like this microdrama and the story that you're
Speaker 2: kind of following. And so I think it gives us
Speaker 2: an opportunity to kind of step into these spaces while
Speaker 2: people are kind of figuring it out and telling those
Speaker 2: stories from different perspectives, because you know the post of
Speaker 2: TikTok series, it takes time, it takes effort, it takes creativity.
Speaker 2: But as far as the resources that you need, you
Speaker 2: don't need as much as you maybe would to shoot
Speaker 2: something Marvel level.
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, and it's a great way, you know,
Speaker 1: to kind of get your product out there, right, like
Speaker 1: it shows proof of concept, you know. So that Hooray
Speaker 1: microdrama did really really well, right, and I mean, of
Speaker 1: course it's already has major backing, but I mean there's
Speaker 1: no reason why somebody else who is in the same
Speaker 1: space couldn't do a version of that for themselves. And
Speaker 1: then maybe you get on the radar of somebody who
Speaker 1: has deeper pockets, right for sure. But you know, Bria,
Speaker 1: the funny thing about when I saw and I don't
Speaker 1: know if PISA's the Horay Studio was the first microdrama,
Speaker 1: but it reminds me of Quibi. Do you remember Quibbi? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so it kind of feels like that what Quibi's
Speaker 1: kind of premise was all along. So it feels like
Speaker 1: maybe they were just a little too early, because I
Speaker 1: wonder if we're going to see kind of an explosion
Speaker 1: of these micro dramas and people are really leaning into
Speaker 1: that forman.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw Bravo was doing something i'ven't looked into it,
Speaker 2: but some type of microdrama or reality TV. I was like, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: we'll see how that goes. So it seems like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you're right, they might have just been a little too
Speaker 2: early because it always comes back around.
Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, all.
Speaker 2: Right, and for our last topic, we're going to enter
Speaker 2: WNBA world again. WNBA star Britney Griner has filed for
Speaker 2: divorce from her wife, Cherill Grinder, after eight years of marriage. Now,
Speaker 2: we don't have any details outside of the filing stating
Speaker 2: that the marriage was irritrievedly broken. But as many of
Speaker 2: the headlines are rolling out, I started to see a
Speaker 2: common theme in the framing of the headlines that I
Speaker 2: was love. That's on a lot of the headlines that
Speaker 2: some version of Britney Grinder has filed for divorce from Cherrell,
Speaker 2: despite Cherrell fighting for Britney's freedom while she was in
Speaker 2: the Russian prison. Now for the listeners, if you need
Speaker 2: a reminder, back in February twenty twenty two, Brittany Grinder
Speaker 2: was detained in Moscow after Russian officials found fape cartridges
Speaker 2: in her carry on luggage. She was arrested, charged with
Speaker 2: smuggling narcotic drugs and received a nine year sentence. Cherrell
Speaker 2: was extremely vocal during the ten months that Britney spent
Speaker 2: in Russia fighting for her release. But I think the
Speaker 2: thing that I kind of struggle with the framing is
Speaker 2: do we owe someone a relationship because of what they've
Speaker 2: done for us? So I love your initial thoughts on
Speaker 2: the framing and maybe your thoughts on, you know, in
Speaker 2: what ways we can feel indebted to someone and how
Speaker 2: it makes it a little harder to assess whether a
Speaker 2: relationship is healthy or not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with you, Ria, Like the framing of
Speaker 1: that I think is incredibly unhealthy and not fair. I
Speaker 1: think in a lot of ways, right, if you are
Speaker 1: in a committed relationship, that is the whole idea is
Speaker 1: that you are supposed to help and support one another,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that you hold that over their head, right,
Speaker 1: And so of course she advocated for her wife to
Speaker 1: be released because it's her wife, right, And so that
Speaker 1: is kind of what you're supposed to do in a committed,
Speaker 1: healthy relationship, and so you know, she did I think
Speaker 1: what any of us would do. It's something similar. We're
Speaker 1: happening to a partner, But that doesn't mean that now
Speaker 1: Berty is like obligated to stay with her, right, Like
Speaker 1: I think you get into very dangerous territory, especially as women,
Speaker 1: right and you know, many women, especially in a heterosexual relationship,
Speaker 1: this idea that you owe somebody something. We know that
Speaker 1: that can lead to lots of different kinds of complications
Speaker 1: and an abuse kind of situation. This idea that I
Speaker 1: can't leave now because they did so much for me,
Speaker 1: right like, that is really messing with some danger is
Speaker 1: I think in imbalance power dynamics in a relationship, which
Speaker 1: are never healthy, right like, that is not a good setup.
Speaker 1: And so I think this does speak to larger conversations
Speaker 1: around these expectations and maybe unspoken rules that people feel
Speaker 1: like they have in relationships. And so, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't think and that's kind of what the purpose of
Speaker 1: this podcast is anyway, is right like, not to say
Speaker 1: whether one person is wrong or one person is right,
Speaker 1: but how can we think about our own relationships and
Speaker 1: this idea that we owe somebody something because they did
Speaker 1: something nice for us? Right? So, I completely agree with you.
Speaker 1: I think the framing of that, of course, is designed
Speaker 1: to make you click and see what is happening. But
Speaker 1: I think when we kind of peel back the layers,
Speaker 1: we can recognize that that is not a fair framing.
Speaker 1: Nor do we want to reinforce the idea that somebody
Speaker 1: is obligated to stay in a relationship just because sacrifices
Speaker 1: have been made on their behalf.
Speaker 2: Yep, absolutely, And so how can the listeners, if they
Speaker 2: maybe feel like they front into something like this, how
Speaker 2: can you possess if this relationship is healthy and I'm
Speaker 2: staying in this healthy relationship? Or am I here just
Speaker 2: because I maybe feel like I owe someone something or
Speaker 2: you know, they've already done so much for me, or
Speaker 2: we've been here so long already even that you might
Speaker 2: as well just not walk away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that is not an uncommon sentiment, right, like
Speaker 1: this idea that I've been with them for twenty five years?
Speaker 1: Like is this really what I want to walk away from?
Speaker 1: Is the you know, is the grass greener on the
Speaker 1: other side? And those are I think valid questions to
Speaker 1: ask yourself. So I think with the support of other people,
Speaker 1: maybe that is a trusted friend group, maybe that is
Speaker 1: a pastor maybe that is a mental health professional. Like
Speaker 1: I think, if you are questioning those kinds of things,
Speaker 1: it's good to give voice to those kinds of things
Speaker 1: with somebody who can help you peel back the layers
Speaker 1: on what you're considering now. I do think it's important
Speaker 1: to be mindful of your audience, right, So I wouldn't
Speaker 1: necessarily go to your sister in law and have this
Speaker 1: conversation because she's not likely going to be unbiased. Going
Speaker 1: to somebody who can be neutral and who can kind
Speaker 1: of hear where you're coming from, I think can be
Speaker 1: really helpful. But I think journaling can also be great
Speaker 1: for something like this. And again, I think making sure
Speaker 1: that this is not a place where somebody's gonna stumble
Speaker 1: upon it, right, Like, you don't dcessarily want your partner
Speaker 1: to kind of read this and listen until you're ready
Speaker 1: to maybe share some of these things, but just getting
Speaker 1: your thoughts out right, Like what actually am I feeling
Speaker 1: in this moment? And am I feeling like I am
Speaker 1: only in this relationship because maybe they pay for me
Speaker 1: to go to school or because the kids are not
Speaker 1: old enough, right, Like, I think there are all kinds
Speaker 1: of stories that we create for ourselves when ultimately the
Speaker 1: goal is for everybody to be happy and feeling like
Speaker 1: they are seen and valued in the relationship. And if
Speaker 1: you are not feeling that way, it is not enough.
Speaker 1: History is not enough to keep you in a situation,
Speaker 1: if you are not feeling valued, if you feel like
Speaker 1: you're being abused in any way like, there are lots
Speaker 1: of different opportunities and options for you to explore, I think,
Speaker 1: especially with the supportive person are in the confines of
Speaker 1: your journal.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely totally agree. Well, thank you, doctor Joy. This
Speaker 2: was great and that was our last topic for the week.
Speaker 1: Perfect. Thank you so much for real excellent topics as always,
Speaker 1: And if there are things happening in your circles, things
Speaker 1: that are running down your timeline, are being promoted by
Speaker 1: your algorithm that you want us to weigh in on,
Speaker 1: please send those topics you will. You can do that
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash mailbox. And until
Speaker 1: next time, take good care of yourself.