Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Um. Today
Speaker 1: we're talking about anxiety, which comes in many forms, from
Speaker 1: your everyday stress, which a lot of us know about,
Speaker 1: from worries and fears about, you know, planning like a
Speaker 1: big party or a meeting at work, to actual intense,
Speaker 1: stabilitating disorder that can completely disrupt your life. This obviously,
Speaker 1: it doesn't change when you're a mom. Anxiety can pop
Speaker 1: up in many ways, and we've talked about postpartum anxiety
Speaker 1: a little bit on this podcast before, but in this episode,
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about anxiety and pretty bored broad
Speaker 1: excuse me terms um. You know that overwhelming feeling that
Speaker 1: seems to permeate through our lives as parents and in
Speaker 1: our kids and in the world, which is pretty interesting
Speaker 1: right now around us. I guess today is the exceptional
Speaker 1: Busy Phillips stop it, I love you more. And what's
Speaker 1: crazy is that we're not recording today in my house
Speaker 1: in Katie's Crib, which is usually report because Busy Phillips
Speaker 1: is soups fancy. Now in Busiest Crib. We're in busiest
Speaker 1: Crib and busy tonight. There's all this amazing busy tonight
Speaker 1: ship around and I'm obsessed. I can't wait for you
Speaker 1: to come be a guest on my show. I can't
Speaker 1: wait that we have to tell people how we met.
Speaker 1: It'll be the best. I'm not gonna tell. I don't
Speaker 1: want to tell about the bad guy. Yeah, I want
Speaker 1: to show your well. I bet there are different audiences,
Speaker 1: but still no crossover. You know, I had really horrible
Speaker 1: postpartum anxiety disorder and I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 1: And I was with Bertie. I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: was the first one of any of us to have kids.
Speaker 1: You were so young. I was baby, and believe you
Speaker 1: did that. I know I was twenty I had twenty nine.
Speaker 1: Did you even know you wanted to be a mom?
Speaker 1: I didn't. You are a baby whisper, You're a baby piercing,
Speaker 1: busy does have like strong baby. I don't know what
Speaker 1: that is. You just see a baby. You love a baby.
Speaker 1: I love a baby. I love a baby more than
Speaker 1: I love a person. Here's the here's the truth. You
Speaker 1: know what I think I'm gonna do. I think I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start volunteering holding babies at the Nikeio. You need
Speaker 1: to do that. I need to do a great energy
Speaker 1: for that, Like, do you have time? I know you're
Speaker 1: producing starring in the first female to have a late
Speaker 1: night talk show. That's four nights. Leak you guys. It's
Speaker 1: just a little bit of it. I'm not the first one,
Speaker 1: but I'm the only one right now. You're the only
Speaker 1: one doing. I'm the only one right now, but I'm
Speaker 1: not the first one. But um, it is a big deal. Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's here's what happened to me when I had Bertie.
Speaker 1: I was twenty Yeah, I had just hern twenty nine. Um,
Speaker 1: we hastily decided to get to try to have a baby. Um.
Speaker 1: The conversation was, the writer's strike was about to happen
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. This was in two thousand and seven. Um,
Speaker 1: the writer strike was about to happen in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I was not working on a television show. You were
Speaker 1: a writer. I was married to a writer, and we
Speaker 1: knew we would have extra time on our hands, and
Speaker 1: that he wouldn't be working, and that I wouldn't be able,
Speaker 1: like there wouldn't be a pilot season really, and so
Speaker 1: it seems like, why don't we try? And I remember
Speaker 1: the conversation with Mark and he was like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty six and I've never accidentally gotten someone pregnant before.
Speaker 1: I don't even know how long it would take or whatever.
Speaker 1: And I was pregnant the next month. Still worked well,
Speaker 1: it worked well, worked real well. Yeah, I got pregnant
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving. I know, like the day I got pregnant.
Speaker 1: Is that so weird? After the Thanksgiving me? Yeah, we
Speaker 1: did it. I'm impressed because that's probably the last fucking
Speaker 1: thing on this earth I would want to do after
Speaker 1: eating Thanksgiving is have sex. I teg, well, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I get that, but also you were twenty eight
Speaker 1: and it was different. Different things are different. I uh,
Speaker 1: I am. I write about it in my book. I
Speaker 1: and one of the people I felt implantation. I woke
Speaker 1: up in the middle of them and it's so crazy.
Speaker 1: I woke up in the middle of the night and
Speaker 1: it felt like a lightning bolt in my gut and
Speaker 1: I like took a huge breath and Mark was like,
Speaker 1: are you okay? And I was like, I just got pregnant.
Speaker 1: Did you feel like a cricket? Now? I wasn't paying it.
Speaker 1: Burtie of it all. She is truly a lightning bolt.
Speaker 1: She really, really truly is so anyway, So then after
Speaker 1: she was born, I was a mess, like um, all
Speaker 1: of these things, Like I had had anxiety when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, and I didn't really right, I didn't
Speaker 1: ever have it diagnosed when I was a kid, racing thoughts,
Speaker 1: unable to sleep, laying in bed, paralyzed by fear, like
Speaker 1: all these kinds of things, and I didn't know your
Speaker 1: parents never taken to a therapist. I went to it.
Speaker 1: I went to a therapist. I just that was never
Speaker 1: part of the diagnosis. It's so weird. You have images
Speaker 1: in memories from your childhood of just fear, crippling, yes,
Speaker 1: crippling fear. I would go through, like systematically, go through
Speaker 1: every person who was close to me and imagining like
Speaker 1: how they could die. You know, I just wouldn't, dude,
Speaker 1: I have that now. I'm in therapy right now for
Speaker 1: anxiety because I don't know what happened. But ever since
Speaker 1: I had a baby, I'm just everyone's going to die
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, I mean that's the truth, truth.
Speaker 1: But I'm so aware of this, sickly. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: like a crazy thing too. And you hear stories and
Speaker 1: you know, you whatever, and the internet like all of
Speaker 1: these things right, like like are compounding our feelings of
Speaker 1: this anxiety. But I do I have moments of like
Speaker 1: where I get lightheaded sometimes, Like just we were parked
Speaker 1: in front of a restaurant and Beverly and Mark was
Speaker 1: taking our little one cricket who's five, out of the
Speaker 1: car on the driver's side, so like on the street side,
Speaker 1: and just like a huge chuck pass. She was fine,
Speaker 1: he was fine, But like I had that like I
Speaker 1: saw the whole thing like do you know what I
Speaker 1: mean and saw your life lash before you're totally they
Speaker 1: were fine, Like they didn't they didn't clock it at all. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, So I have always had those kinds of things.
Speaker 1: And after Bertie was born, it was just first of all,
Speaker 1: I was, um, I felt very alone in my baby rearing.
Speaker 1: You didn't have many friends that were probably in the
Speaker 1: same time. I didn't have many friends who had babies. Uh,
Speaker 1: my friend Michelle had had a baby a few years earlier,
Speaker 1: but she lived in New York. Um, I felt very
Speaker 1: much alone here friend wise. But then also like I
Speaker 1: felt very alone in my marriage. And he was really
Speaker 1: confused about how to be participatory and so he kind
Speaker 1: of just like pieced out, which is very common and um,
Speaker 1: and anytime I hear anyone who's like getting divorced and
Speaker 1: they have a kid that's under the age of three,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, well okay, you could put you can
Speaker 1: push through it. A lot of times, let's wait a
Speaker 1: couple of years. I always hear that, like, don't even
Speaker 1: entertain that. I always hear that, but it's true that,
Speaker 1: like let's not even talk about divorce until they're in school.
Speaker 1: Like I've heard this because it's like the first years
Speaker 1: are so fucking hard and the identity crises that the
Speaker 1: that both parents whatever they are go through is like
Speaker 1: really fucking challenges, and your relationship is so on the
Speaker 1: back burner. Even these fucking assholes who were like doing
Speaker 1: date nights and all this ship, which I'm just like,
Speaker 1: in what world we like who are you? And like
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Like my marriage and like
Speaker 1: tomorrow mine's Valentine's Day. Haven't even thought about it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, well Valentine's Day is not real. But also
Speaker 1: it gets really cute, Like I'm super excited for Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day because I have a five year old and a
Speaker 1: ten year old and like we made um. I ordered
Speaker 1: these little um plastic heart containers online and then we
Speaker 1: made slime over the weekend, like pink and red slime,
Speaker 1: and so like they're Valentine's to all their friends at school,
Speaker 1: are like these little heart containers of slime. It's so cute.
Speaker 1: Little bags of glitter. Was really fun. Don't you have
Speaker 1: to go and get help? Like after you had Bertie
Speaker 1: or what did you struggle with your your Really? I
Speaker 1: had anxiety lie door Mint since you were a kid,
Speaker 1: and then it sprung out again after you were no
Speaker 1: and I had I had different manifestations of my stress
Speaker 1: and anxiety. For instance, like when I was on Dawson's Creek,
Speaker 1: I developed ibs and spastic colon and that it's a classic.
Speaker 1: It's a classic. Anyone who works in Hollywood. Everyone I
Speaker 1: know who works in Hollywood has ibs and spastic. It's
Speaker 1: but that like developed when I was like twenty years old, brutal,
Speaker 1: brutal um and did you go to a doctor that
Speaker 1: and someone was like, this is stress, this is caused
Speaker 1: by I did I did? Because I was like shipping
Speaker 1: blood at one point lovely, so fun, so fun, and
Speaker 1: then so I was like, oh I'm dying obviously at
Speaker 1: age twenty four, and the got a colonoscope and they're like,
Speaker 1: an I dyeing? You got a colonoscopy at because what
Speaker 1: they were like, what is happening? Yeah, they wanted to
Speaker 1: find out, so they did a colon I did all
Speaker 1: the tests and then they did a colonoscopy and like
Speaker 1: IBS is basically like there's it means nothing kind of
Speaker 1: it just me. I have to work on diet and stress.
Speaker 1: It's really for me, it's just stress. And the only
Speaker 1: two times I've really been in remission with my IBS
Speaker 1: and I haven't felt any symptoms are the two times
Speaker 1: I've been pregnant, like my whole pregnancy. Both times pregnancy
Speaker 1: can really cure some people, Like I know people who
Speaker 1: have literally been lactose intolerant their entire fucking life. Like
Speaker 1: they eat a pizza cheese and they're running to the
Speaker 1: toilet and they were pregnant and they couldn't eat enough
Speaker 1: cheese and ice cream and fucking dairy and like they
Speaker 1: were fine, Like you're still I don't know what that is.
Speaker 1: I don't either. So you had anxiety after Bertie was born,
Speaker 1: carry alone and marrigin and your friends. But then I
Speaker 1: had like, but I had like, I have a few
Speaker 1: things that I specifically remember a few instances of panic attacks.
Speaker 1: But I specifically remember I didn't like the idea of
Speaker 1: somebody else like holding her taking care of her. I
Speaker 1: felt like I was the only one that could do
Speaker 1: it correctly. Hard. It was so hard. Um. I remember
Speaker 1: the first time I left like I had like, I
Speaker 1: went back to work when now he was eight weeks old,
Speaker 1: and I remember having to call in like a night
Speaker 1: nurse last minute to like Adam was also working and
Speaker 1: all this stuff, and I screaming, crying, calling my mom.
Speaker 1: I think it's hard also when your family doesn't live
Speaker 1: here and you have a newborn baby. But I was
Speaker 1: like obsessed with the idea that this person was going
Speaker 1: to shake my baby to death. Like it was an
Speaker 1: idea that I got in my head that she that
Speaker 1: he was not sleeping to the night and she was
Speaker 1: going to be super fucking tired and frustrated and angry
Speaker 1: with him, and she was going to fucking shake I
Speaker 1: was convinced I just didn't trust people. So I had
Speaker 1: a similar experience with anxiety like that. But we had
Speaker 1: had a Mark had hired like a woman that was
Speaker 1: like a baby nurse to come in and help me,
Speaker 1: and I hated her intensely and like, get out of
Speaker 1: mama bear. I'm doing this myself. Yes, And I've had
Speaker 1: other friends who like my with my set with cricket.
Speaker 1: We I had to go back to shooting cougar Town
Speaker 1: five weeks after she was born. So I had this
Speaker 1: shady nurse hired that came recommended from my friend and
Speaker 1: I had met her a bunch of times, and so
Speaker 1: I really knew that I was going to like her.
Speaker 1: And I loved her so intensely, and I recommended her
Speaker 1: to a friend of mine with her first kid, and
Speaker 1: she had like I hated her, I needed her house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think that that is especially with your first child.
Speaker 1: I think that, um, it is a thing that you
Speaker 1: can't it's biologic survival. It is like when your second
Speaker 1: kid comes along and you're like, well, we got one, right,
Speaker 1: so we're good, Like there're a little bit we're relaxed
Speaker 1: because dude, just because like there's something in your hippocampus
Speaker 1: or whatever, like something in your brain that's like you
Speaker 1: already have one kid, so it'll be fine if you
Speaker 1: lose this one. I'm not kidding. More, very deep, deep
Speaker 1: level that you are unable to access. There has to
Speaker 1: be something that happens when you have multiple children, because
Speaker 1: with Cricket, I mean I did do preventatively. I did
Speaker 1: the placenti pills, which were supposed to help with like
Speaker 1: postpartum and postpartum anxiety. So I did do that with Cricket,
Speaker 1: and I had that baby nurse. But I was just
Speaker 1: like a different mom. I was just chill, like I
Speaker 1: just didn't those fears. No, I didn't, And I just
Speaker 1: was like, I mean I remember like pulling over with
Speaker 1: Bertie when she was a baby, sobbing hysterically. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start crying, even though it's been like literally ten years, um,
Speaker 1: sobbing hysterically on the side of the road, like thinking
Speaker 1: like what fucking right did I have to have a child,
Speaker 1: Like I can't take care of this person, Like I
Speaker 1: can't even I couldn't even like figure out the baby
Speaker 1: born at the grocery store so that I could go
Speaker 1: grocery shopping with her. I had no help, And I
Speaker 1: was just like I can't. Why did I do? Why
Speaker 1: did I going to do a good job? Why did
Speaker 1: I think I could do this. Yeah. Um, it was
Speaker 1: really really like unable to drive. A few times I
Speaker 1: would get really overwhelmed with fear about driving and I
Speaker 1: would have to pull over and like either all Mark
Speaker 1: or call Michelle or like call my mom and just
Speaker 1: I wouldn't tell my mom what's happening. I would just
Speaker 1: be like, Hey, what's going on? What's happening? Attacks? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was just trying to like my God, for
Speaker 1: anyone listening who's ever had a panic attack, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: And if you haven't had one, there it's like I've
Speaker 1: had them before and had to see someone about them,
Speaker 1: but they're the worst. It's like you're you're convinced you're
Speaker 1: having a heart attack. I'm going to die, like your heart.
Speaker 1: You can't breathe it all, you can't catch your breath.
Speaker 1: You immediately go to visions of death. I've had panic
Speaker 1: attacks where I've lost like sight and feeling in the
Speaker 1: mask of my face sucking horrible. Yeah, what's keeping up
Speaker 1: at night these days? Busy? Everything? No well mom? And
Speaker 1: the status of your of the world. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's so interesting, Like manage anxiety now, I manage it
Speaker 1: now with um high CBD low thhc UM. I had
Speaker 1: prescriptions for adam On and xan X for years, and
Speaker 1: I would always hate to take it because I had
Speaker 1: one small child and then two small children, and I
Speaker 1: felt like, well, that's a stupid thing to be knocked
Speaker 1: out on anyone who's taken out of anorthantics nose. It
Speaker 1: will put an end to your panic attack. But also
Speaker 1: like for me, it leaves me incapacitated like mother. No,
Speaker 1: I couldn't would like in my bed watching friends like
Speaker 1: for you know, the rest of the definitely, and I'm
Speaker 1: not driving my kids anywhere, and so it would make
Speaker 1: me very nervous to take it, and I would you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just one of those people like I'll power through,
Speaker 1: power through this panic attack, like I'll just muscle where,
Speaker 1: I'll muscle my way like you know. Um. But then
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, somebody suggested I should that
Speaker 1: I try the highest CBD low tach c gummies. They
Speaker 1: were gummies for what I send you some. I have
Speaker 1: not tried those yet, but what I just tried on
Speaker 1: like sore muscles is the CBD like rolling oils. That
Speaker 1: stuff is incredible. Did you get Lord Jones? Did they
Speaker 1: send that to it's has a mOsm or something. It's incredible. Well,
Speaker 1: so the gummies have helped. The gummies helped immensely, and
Speaker 1: especially like a lot of times, I think people you
Speaker 1: get a lot of those spinning thoughts and the you know,
Speaker 1: it's like a little whirlpool um at night or you
Speaker 1: know when you're laying down and you can't turn your
Speaker 1: brain off. And I do find that that will help
Speaker 1: me to just like be able to go to sleep,
Speaker 1: and then I don't feel there's no hangover, there's nothing
Speaker 1: from it. There's no drug hangover or anything that you
Speaker 1: just shut you need to try that. It's amazing. It's
Speaker 1: like truly changed my life. Are you in therapy now? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But off? Yeah, because I'm scheduling is a nightmare right now.
Speaker 1: So but like you're it's there if you need it,
Speaker 1: like you've been in and out, like you've had a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship with therapy for for many many years. And
Speaker 1: she and my therapist was really helpful with all of
Speaker 1: my Bertie stuff and anxiety and my kids stuff. And
Speaker 1: you know, Bertie is at an age now, my god,
Speaker 1: tell me about this. You have older kids and I'm scared.
Speaker 1: Tell me what Bertie, Like, do you see visions of
Speaker 1: your own self in Bertie? Like does yeah? And I
Speaker 1: mean they manifest their anxiety in different ways. Um, Bertie
Speaker 1: has like a deep rage, um that I also had
Speaker 1: when I was a kid. Um that my sister definitely
Speaker 1: had when we were kids. And I recognize it. Um,
Speaker 1: she's got a deep, deep rage in her and um,
Speaker 1: that's scary. Uh. And then a couple of years ago
Speaker 1: in school, she just started having like in second halfway
Speaker 1: through second grade, she started having like real anxiety. I
Speaker 1: got into him. I got trolled by the right wing
Speaker 1: for a for a tweet a couple of years ago
Speaker 1: that I posted which is true, which was true, which
Speaker 1: was that Bernie was like sobbing hysterically in her bed
Speaker 1: and I asked her what was She like, wouldn't tell
Speaker 1: us what was happening. And then finally we got it
Speaker 1: out of her and she said, like, I'm afraid I'm
Speaker 1: going to be killed by a gun um and such
Speaker 1: goose bumps right now is gonna make me collect? I
Speaker 1: mean she was seven, Yeah, she was like seven, and
Speaker 1: people like just made fun of me. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you fucking made it up, you stupid, Like left wing.
Speaker 1: I didn't like sid. I remember you coming busy as
Speaker 1: an incredible singer also, and she comes and lovingly also
Speaker 1: gives her time to my theater company and would sing
Speaker 1: for audiences for money. Thank you very much for doing that.
Speaker 1: I remember you coming once and you had said you
Speaker 1: were crying, and you said, um, I'm just kind of
Speaker 1: freaking out right now because I just picked saw my
Speaker 1: kids from school or you picked them up in there
Speaker 1: or something, and they had had a like a drill. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they shoot her in school, and drills are like yeah, lockdown.
Speaker 1: Drills are like they're all doing um And I guess
Speaker 1: it's similar to it was your first one or something
Speaker 1: when you were like, I can't even believe my kids
Speaker 1: are fucking going, Like, how are you supposed to have
Speaker 1: conversations with your kids that this is a reality that
Speaker 1: they're going to go to school and have a drill
Speaker 1: of where to fucking hide. I know, it freaks me,
Speaker 1: And now I feel like Bertie is so aware of
Speaker 1: the world. It is more upsetting to me now for Cricket,
Speaker 1: like because she's five and they're just you know, they'll
Speaker 1: be I don't know if they've done one yet at
Speaker 1: her school. They normally send us an email when they
Speaker 1: do them. Um, but did you see that? What do
Speaker 1: they do? What's the drill? I think that they go
Speaker 1: to like the back corners of the classrooms, so they
Speaker 1: go to the bathrooms and they hide. Do you remember
Speaker 1: doing like the hurricane stuff? And we were I mean
Speaker 1: when we were up in Arizona, So I didn't do her?
Speaker 1: What didn't you have? Nothing? Nothing like like East Coast.
Speaker 1: They would teach us to go into our desks, put
Speaker 1: our head between our legs and our hands over our
Speaker 1: head in case there was bad you know her dad
Speaker 1: or whatever. Yeah, I mean, in a way, kids are
Speaker 1: so resilient and they have they find a way to
Speaker 1: both like have a lot of a great deal of
Speaker 1: logic about things and be able to see things in
Speaker 1: a in a very practical way and in a way
Speaker 1: that like I don't think I think adults have a
Speaker 1: harder time doing. Does that make sense? Like? Um, but
Speaker 1: I did just see that thing that went viral yesterday,
Speaker 1: the woman that posted there. They had a real lockdown
Speaker 1: at her kids elementary school because of a bomb threat
Speaker 1: that was called in and the seven year old when
Speaker 1: she was getting ready for her bath. Oh my God,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start crying, had written on her arm like
Speaker 1: love mom and Dad, because she just wanted to know,
Speaker 1: like if she had been found dead, but her parents
Speaker 1: would know that she was thinking of that. I mean, Fuck,
Speaker 1: it's so stupid. It's so dumb. It's so dumb that
Speaker 1: this is the world. I mean, I remember I was
Speaker 1: in college when Columbine happened. So I was a fresh
Speaker 1: er sophomore in college when Columbine bend, and I remember
Speaker 1: like like going back to my dorm room and watching
Speaker 1: it and being like because you know, the news was
Speaker 1: so different then, and so it was like sort of
Speaker 1: role the information was rolling in slowly, and I remember
Speaker 1: thinking like, this won't be bad, like this is just
Speaker 1: like some kids pulling a prank, Like it'll be fine,
Speaker 1: and then you know it literally since then has only
Speaker 1: gotten exponentially scarier and scarier. Part of the reason, like
Speaker 1: I I'm very serious about the all girls education for
Speaker 1: my girls is like because I feel like it in
Speaker 1: some way, like in my brain, I feel like maybe
Speaker 1: the chances of them having a school shooting in an
Speaker 1: all girls school is lower, I swear to God, like
Speaker 1: that's like I've never thought about that but that is
Speaker 1: really smart and a good point. I mean, what did
Speaker 1: you say to Bertie that night when she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm scared of getting Like how do you talk to
Speaker 1: your kids about this ship? Like even though she's logical
Speaker 1: and kids are like, what do you say? Like, I
Speaker 1: mean you comfort them, right, And we tell her that,
Speaker 1: you know, we do the best that we can to
Speaker 1: make sure she's the safest that she can be, and
Speaker 1: that but that her fears are valid and that she
Speaker 1: has a right to be scared of those things because
Speaker 1: of the things that she hears in the world that
Speaker 1: we live in, Like I don't want your guy to
Speaker 1: keep sting like the news was on in my child
Speaker 1: every day and you can't do that. You can't do that,
Speaker 1: like and we and we noticed because it's also really brutal.
Speaker 1: We noticed that there were grandparents visiting and like grandparents
Speaker 1: still love to watch the news, right, and and uh,
Speaker 1: this was like when there was like a threat of
Speaker 1: nuclear there was like a North Korean threat like a
Speaker 1: year and a half ago something like that, and Bertie
Speaker 1: was so like she was like, California is getting hit,
Speaker 1: Like that's what they're saying. We're gonna there's gonna be
Speaker 1: a nuclear bomb in California is gonna get hit. And
Speaker 1: I mean I walked through the things with her, and
Speaker 1: I was like, let's call your other grandfather because he's
Speaker 1: a nuclear engineer, and I'm going to have him explained
Speaker 1: to you. Yeah, I mean that was convenient, right, he's retired,
Speaker 1: but like, but I was like, I'm gonna have him
Speaker 1: explained to you, like what the reality of it is
Speaker 1: and how this is probably just like a scare tactic.
Speaker 1: And I tried to just give her all of the facts,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not a parent, I'm very non judgmental to
Speaker 1: anyone else's thing that they wanted to have their kids,
Speaker 1: unless you're an anti vaxer, and then you can go
Speaker 1: fuck yourself. But um sorry, I'm not sorry. Um but
Speaker 1: I try to give Bertie like as much information as
Speaker 1: I think is appropriate for her to handle at her age.
Speaker 1: But you're lying to her. That's what you're not into.
Speaker 1: You're not into like it's all going to be fun.
Speaker 1: I don't think that I do her any like when
Speaker 1: she was crying about being afraid of being killed by
Speaker 1: a gun. I don't think I would do her a
Speaker 1: service as a parent to be like well, that's never
Speaker 1: gonna happen, because like I don't fucking know, like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Maybe I'm wrong, but I just
Speaker 1: want to I want to tell her, like I want
Speaker 1: to empower her with enough knowledge and also assure her
Speaker 1: that we are doing everything that we can to keep
Speaker 1: her safe and that she should do be proactive and
Speaker 1: keeping herself safe because that's also like part of the deal,
Speaker 1: Like you gotta be proactive and keeping yourself safe and
Speaker 1: being aware. How do you deal? So does she other
Speaker 1: than that night and being having rage stuff? Does she
Speaker 1: also struggle with anxiety? Either of your kids? And yeah,
Speaker 1: she gets we see it, like we have to pay
Speaker 1: close attention to when they're like big things coming up
Speaker 1: for her like um and sometimes Mark, Mark and I
Speaker 1: are getting better and better at it ten years in
Speaker 1: nice getting good. That gives me hope because like, oh God,
Speaker 1: like we for a long time, her birthday really gives
Speaker 1: her a lot of anxiety, like it stresses her out
Speaker 1: and for a long time. But like inviting the friends,
Speaker 1: just like the whole thing, like all of it is
Speaker 1: just anxiety creating for her party causes her anxiety, feeling
Speaker 1: like she doesn't want people to feel left out. She doesn't.
Speaker 1: She just genuinely it's like the week before her birthday.
Speaker 1: Every year since she was like three years old, she's
Speaker 1: been a nightmare. It's like a week. It's like a
Speaker 1: week of just like like temper tantrums, bad attitude, everything's wrong.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until like two years ago, two years ago,
Speaker 1: maybe three years ago that Mark and I are like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's her birthday. Her birthday stresses her out, and we met,
Speaker 1: we need to like try to how per so what's
Speaker 1: the because it says I was like, you know, I
Speaker 1: also sometimes go into like my parents are great and
Speaker 1: weird and complicated in their own thing. But occasionally I
Speaker 1: will slip into like my mom's like nineteen fifties, like
Speaker 1: you spoil, you're spoiled. I'm canceling your birthday parties like
Speaker 1: I get, you know, like I catch myself doing this
Speaker 1: cool your jets, like I said, I said cool your
Speaker 1: jets once and I was like, okay, well now it's happened.
Speaker 1: Now it's happened, Coolie fully cool your jets to Bertie
Speaker 1: and she's like, what does that even mean? Like I
Speaker 1: don't know something my mom used to say, um so yeah.
Speaker 1: So now we try to mitigate her stress leading up
Speaker 1: to her birthday and try to like really like for me,
Speaker 1: I know that the thing that works best with anxiety
Speaker 1: is giving voice to the anxiety. Like I was having
Speaker 1: bad anxiety when I was pregnant with Cricket that I
Speaker 1: was going to have a stillborn baby and so, but
Speaker 1: I was afraid to even talk about it in therapy
Speaker 1: because it would become true, right, and so I just
Speaker 1: held it in for weeks and weeks and then like
Speaker 1: was just spinning out in the craziest way. And then
Speaker 1: finally I screamed at Mark like, you don't know how
Speaker 1: it is I'm carrying a dead baby. And he's like,
Speaker 1: oh no, oh no, what what happened? What's happening? How
Speaker 1: long has this been going on? And I'm like, I
Speaker 1: like four weeks, I don't know. And he's like it's okay,
Speaker 1: like you know so and then once I came out
Speaker 1: with it, blurted it out. I feel great. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, now that I hear it, certainly that's
Speaker 1: not true. It was at the doctor two weeks ago,
Speaker 1: like everything, I could feel the baby, everything's fine. Um.
Speaker 1: But so from knowing that about myself. We try to
Speaker 1: be very communicative with Bertie and Anne Cricket, but really
Speaker 1: with birds because she's the one that sort of tends
Speaker 1: to have more of this of the anxiety and stress
Speaker 1: and stuff. Um. But we're also really lucky because we
Speaker 1: have a girl that's highly verbal and always has been.
Speaker 1: She's amazing and I've seen her in her Yata performances.
Speaker 1: She's amazing. She's so her, she's so Oh, that's so
Speaker 1: funny that you say that, Katie, You've always like known Bertie.
Speaker 1: I said to Mark the other day, I've never met
Speaker 1: anyone more themselves than Birdie. Bertie is so Bertie, like
Speaker 1: it's crazy, Like she's just so um, it's incredible, Like
Speaker 1: she's she she's a woman of her like she knows
Speaker 1: what she wants, her opinions, she stands behind them like
Speaker 1: it's it's amazing. Like she's so and she's always been
Speaker 1: like since she was a little kid. And Cricket is
Speaker 1: not like that, like Crickets like I mean, Crickets very
Speaker 1: strong and amazing, but Cricket is like she's she's so
Speaker 1: like I feel like she's very like jovial and like
Speaker 1: like an angel, and she's truly, like a like a
Speaker 1: spirit that I feel like is just visiting me, and
Speaker 1: I'm like so lucky to be allowed to be around her.
Speaker 1: She's five years old, but she still has such magical
Speaker 1: thinking sometimes, like she says things to be a market.
Speaker 1: We're just like, what, why are you talking about? Where
Speaker 1: did you get that from? How does she deal with
Speaker 1: Bertie's rage stuff? Like does that? Well, that's been tough
Speaker 1: and that's something that we're working on as a family.
Speaker 1: And we're going to go back to charts. Charts, chart charts,
Speaker 1: tell me what behavioral chart we're going. We're gonna go
Speaker 1: back to that um but we're but only in a
Speaker 1: positive way because Brite is very smart obviously, but she
Speaker 1: also but also like I need to take the negative
Speaker 1: all all across the board, Like negative talks. So instead
Speaker 1: of like, don't be rude, it's bad at use your
Speaker 1: kind voice, you know, use your quiet use your quiet void.
Speaker 1: These are some of the things that will be on
Speaker 1: the chart. Use your kind voice, use your quiet voice.
Speaker 1: And instead of when she starts getting into one of
Speaker 1: her things saying like what's wrong with you? I almost
Speaker 1: feel which is older than she is, Like I feel
Speaker 1: like she's going through like teenage stuff now and how
Speaker 1: old she's ten. But remember fourth and fifth grade as
Speaker 1: a girl. I remember what that felt like a drama,
Speaker 1: and that was the hardest year for me with fifth grade.
Speaker 1: Fifth grade was no joke. It was no joke. So
Speaker 1: that's what she's experiencing right now. It's almost like the
Speaker 1: pre hormone surge is worse than when they really get
Speaker 1: there they go through puberty at their period. So she
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to and it's for me too, because
Speaker 1: I think I feel like a failure so many days
Speaker 1: of the week with my kids where I feel like
Speaker 1: I didn't remember to use a positive way of talking
Speaker 1: to her when she was giving me attitude or refusing
Speaker 1: to do her homework. I want to say, like, wrong
Speaker 1: with you? And I know you're not supposed to say
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you because then they start thinking that
Speaker 1: something's wrong with them. But I know sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 1: what is wrong with you? I don't think it's necessarily
Speaker 1: I mean, I read a lot of books on this stuff,
Speaker 1: and I feel like we're so like being in l
Speaker 1: A and being you know, busy and Katie, I feel
Speaker 1: like we're very good, you know, we're going to make
Speaker 1: such an effort to make sure everything is so love
Speaker 1: filled and stuff. But sometimes I think in this stuff
Speaker 1: I read, we overdo it and like sometimes we have
Speaker 1: to just be like it's not cool. Not cool, dude,
Speaker 1: we're not being great. Yeah, we definitely knew that, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back. She I know, just obviously know
Speaker 1: her so well. Um, she responds only to positive reinforcement.
Speaker 1: She is like, there is nothing Bertie is so strong willed.
Speaker 1: There is nothing in the world you could take away
Speaker 1: from her or punish her with that she would care
Speaker 1: about in that moment. Like if she if she was
Speaker 1: like angry about something or like fixated on something, I
Speaker 1: could be like, I'm taking away every thing in your room.
Speaker 1: You'll have a mattress on the floor and she'll be like, great,
Speaker 1: look forward to it. That is oh yeah, but then
Speaker 1: you know that no, huh was Mark like that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That's Mark. Yeah. See, I think my son is Adam.
Speaker 1: I wasn't like that either. My son's very like wants
Speaker 1: what he wants when he wants it, and I'm not
Speaker 1: like that at all. And we we tried when she
Speaker 1: was a little like you get what you get, and
Speaker 1: you don't get upset the monastory thing. And she was like,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to get upset and here we are.
Speaker 1: How do you tell the difference between this for me?
Speaker 1: Like what would be like normal kid anxiety or normal
Speaker 1: kid rage? And and I hate you to use that word,
Speaker 1: but like versus okay, Like it's time to like see
Speaker 1: a therap side help. We have outside help and we've
Speaker 1: got how do you know how a therapist for UM
Speaker 1: her for a little over a year now because it
Speaker 1: was untenable in our home. It was like really and
Speaker 1: I felt over whelmed and like I wasn't capable of
Speaker 1: dealing with it and I didn't know. And I want
Speaker 1: to give and I am able to provide these resources,
Speaker 1: and I like and I know that I suffered from
Speaker 1: anxiety that I didn't get help for when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, and I wish I had because maybe I
Speaker 1: would have developed some self soothing mechanisms and some ways
Speaker 1: to handle these things UM earlier in life, you know,
Speaker 1: and it could have benefited me. Might not have had ibs.
Speaker 1: We don't know. Maybe I wouldn't have become an actor,
Speaker 1: is right? So what does she does she like it?
Speaker 1: Does she like going is she like and I don't
Speaker 1: want to go. No, she likes it. No, she looks
Speaker 1: forward to it. She likes it. Um, but a lot,
Speaker 1: a lot, a lot of her friends also see people.
Speaker 1: I just got a text from my mom literally five
Speaker 1: minutes ago looking for someone for her ten year old. Um.
Speaker 1: There's just a lot going on in the world and
Speaker 1: it's a lot for them to process. And I think
Speaker 1: for kids that are aware, um and are paying attention.
Speaker 1: And like you said, Bertie, it does seem so much
Speaker 1: older than her ten years. It's wild. She seems like
Speaker 1: a fourteen year old. I mean, I know I only
Speaker 1: said because I've babies, had a lot of kids, but
Speaker 1: I really feel that way. When are you gonna do
Speaker 1: shave a phone? When when am I allowing how the
Speaker 1: to do that? Well, I don't know the rule. I mean,
Speaker 1: like this is scaring the ship out of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I know you're super open and cool too.
Speaker 1: You know, they're on your social media and I think
Speaker 1: that's but I but you know, I have but like
Speaker 1: you know, I have, like I have my own roles
Speaker 1: about that. You have your own rules with what you
Speaker 1: allow to be on about them? Well, like what you post, Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, they both have approval always, like I
Speaker 1: ask permission before I ever post any photo of either
Speaker 1: of them. I say, Cricket, her understanding of it is
Speaker 1: obviously way less, but I still obviously ask her that
Speaker 1: I show her the picture, and I say, I'm going
Speaker 1: to post this on my social media, so lots of
Speaker 1: people are going to see it, like people that I'm
Speaker 1: friends with, and then people that I'm not friends with
Speaker 1: in real life but like they like looking at my pictures?
Speaker 1: Is this okay for me to post? And she's like, yeah, um, Bertie,
Speaker 1: major joy to my life, Bertie. Bertie has not only
Speaker 1: photo approval, Bertie has caption approval as well. Because one
Speaker 1: trend that I don't particularly love, although again I try
Speaker 1: to be not judging, is like a snarky a snarky
Speaker 1: like comment that's meant to be funny about like how
Speaker 1: much of an asshole your kids are? Like I, you know,
Speaker 1: and I've seen that, like with people who like choose
Speaker 1: to not show their children's faces on social media, but
Speaker 1: then are like, but my kids a fucking dick, And
Speaker 1: it's like, well, okay, what are we doing? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean, what are we doing? What are we doing?
Speaker 1: Why are we doing this? And like, I know we
Speaker 1: can all agree that, like there are frustrating moments in
Speaker 1: parenting and things are tough, and like I've posted like
Speaker 1: Bertie giving me an attitude face before, which she's like
Speaker 1: approved me. She's all about it, She's like, yeah, post
Speaker 1: my attitude. So but do you know what I mean? So, Like,
Speaker 1: so that's one of the rules. Um, if I'm ever
Speaker 1: doing like a paid post for Instagram and they're involved
Speaker 1: in it, I pay them. They have an account, that's
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. Well they're working, I mean they're working. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem right. I mean, like you know that's
Speaker 1: so we so we have they have separate account obviously,
Speaker 1: they have like separate bank accounts. And then we pull
Speaker 1: like a percentage. What well, it's like I think I
Speaker 1: just give them ten percent of what I make on
Speaker 1: the post. When is Bertie and Cricket when are they
Speaker 1: allowed to have their own social media accounts? Like when
Speaker 1: does that happen? Bertie has a private one, like a
Speaker 1: deep private one that I that we monitor closely, because
Speaker 1: part of what I felt like was important was that
Speaker 1: I'm not again like I feel like knowledge is hour
Speaker 1: and so I want to give her, like all of
Speaker 1: the tools and help her and in making good decisions
Speaker 1: about what how to communicate on social media and what
Speaker 1: to communicate on social media. And that's part of the
Speaker 1: reason too, why, Like very early on, I um included
Speaker 1: them in the process of you know, approving the pictures
Speaker 1: and the captain explaining to them what the captions mean
Speaker 1: or whatever. You know. Um so I feel like you
Speaker 1: have such a good relationship all stuff, and it doesn't
Speaker 1: cause you much stress or anxiety, Like I don't. You're
Speaker 1: pretty good with this. I don't have stress about it.
Speaker 1: Like I got a little bit. I got really upset
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago because I did post a photo
Speaker 1: of Bertie and there were a bunch of people like
Speaker 1: commenting about her, ears like about her, and I started
Speaker 1: and I got like and I that I got panicky
Speaker 1: and like I got I delete anything for my social media.
Speaker 1: I've never deleted anything, and I have like a thing
Speaker 1: about it. But because you feel like it should be
Speaker 1: up there, like that's why, Because I feel like if
Speaker 1: I make the decision to put it up there, then
Speaker 1: I'm going to leave it up. It's not it's something
Speaker 1: that I've thought about. Do you ever delete comments. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I delete, like the really crazy I block and delete people.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no, but I don't delete like my
Speaker 1: own personal plan. Do you make the decision to post,
Speaker 1: then I've made that choice to deal, right right, that's great.
Speaker 1: What's a good rule to have? You need to like
Speaker 1: write this book. I love your book and also the
Speaker 1: book of how to live with social media in a
Speaker 1: way that works for you. Because I think, I mean,
Speaker 1: I haven't posted pictures of valb me not because I
Speaker 1: don't want to. I'm just completely anxious written whatever the
Speaker 1: word with the decision. I can't decide. So therefore I'm
Speaker 1: just like I don't know, I don't know, no know,
Speaker 1: today's today. I don't know. I can't decide. Like Adam
Speaker 1: and I are like it's almost become too big of
Speaker 1: a thing now, releas and cons of like yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think that, like, um, because I want to
Speaker 1: hear how crazy I am, though truly I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like this is how crazy I am. I sort of
Speaker 1: like I'm like terrified of my kids getting kidnapped always,
Speaker 1: and I feel like because they're so recognizable, they have
Speaker 1: they have less of a chance of getting kidnapped That's
Speaker 1: how I've like justified a lot of it in my
Speaker 1: brain and like because at one point I was like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe they're too recognizable, and then like blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, no, no, it's the opposite.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you're going the opposite people Like what
Speaker 1: if you pose a picture of your kid and then
Speaker 1: people think you're really rich and their famous and they
Speaker 1: take you from their school for ransom. Yeah. The other
Speaker 1: point is I think the kidnapping. I mean again, I
Speaker 1: read a lot of books on this ship, but like
Speaker 1: since we came about in the age of like kids
Speaker 1: being on milk curtains, the actual statistics of kids being
Speaker 1: kidnapped is like, especially with strangers, the kids are kidnapped
Speaker 1: one of the parents and it's ugly it is, but
Speaker 1: actual strangers coming to take your child. It's very how
Speaker 1: you're younger than you, Yeah, you're younger than me. I'm
Speaker 1: thirty nine, but like, yeah, for me growing up, the
Speaker 1: two things that were the biggest fears were kidnappings and
Speaker 1: then AIDS because we came of like age harding. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like Ryan White Also, by the way, you heard that
Speaker 1: like the AIDS epidemic is up again because they've stopped
Speaker 1: teaching AIDS awareness in school because it was condoms. We
Speaker 1: were drilled into me and you like business, I mean gross,
Speaker 1: they were drilled into us like serious as very serious
Speaker 1: and you have sex out econom you're getting as well.
Speaker 1: They really have pulled back on that and it's about AIDS.
Speaker 1: I just like had to car to your kids about sex.
Speaker 1: Yet Oh yeah, I need to talk to me what
Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm scared. First of all, I know for girls.
Speaker 1: I don't know about alb I don't know what we're
Speaker 1: doing with him, but I do know it. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm completely horrified. Like I watched the watch No, I
Speaker 1: mean yes, and no, I was a girl there who
Speaker 1: was crying and she said, I have something really dark
Speaker 1: to say, but like, I this is so fucked up.
Speaker 1: But she was like I was at a frat party
Speaker 1: and I was there was wine, there was something put
Speaker 1: in my wine, and I woke up the next morning
Speaker 1: and I was raped by multiple men and they took
Speaker 1: photos and I was sexually assaulted. And it was actually
Speaker 1: like an incredible moment for the batchler to have to
Speaker 1: be honest because it was like not edited and not
Speaker 1: with too music and there weren't roses involved. It was
Speaker 1: actually like and I was so fucking upset to have
Speaker 1: a son, Like I was like, Adam, who the funk
Speaker 1: are these guys? What the funk is wrong with these people?
Speaker 1: Like now that I'm raising a son in this day
Speaker 1: and age, it's like, I'm so worried about his penis,
Speaker 1: like and the choices he will make, and how I
Speaker 1: will raise a son to treat women like I want
Speaker 1: him Adams, like Albie will be horrified at all times.
Speaker 1: He's just gonna be scared women. I'm like, great, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to be scared of, Like, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: just two Who are these people? But anyway, you're raising girls,
Speaker 1: I'm raising boys. How do you talk to them about sex?
Speaker 1: If you have yet? Um? Well not the five year
Speaker 1: old Bertie asked me a year and a half ago.
Speaker 1: She said, I have a question for you. Something doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense to me. If I have half of your
Speaker 1: DNA and half of Dad's DNA, but you grew me
Speaker 1: inside your uterus, how did half of Dad's DNA get
Speaker 1: in me? And I was like, well, if we're gonna
Speaker 1: be scientific about it, And I was convinced that somebody
Speaker 1: had told her at school, and she was like testing me.
Speaker 1: The thing that Michelle had told me and that I
Speaker 1: had read in another book is that like you kind
Speaker 1: of want to be as like chill about it as
Speaker 1: possible and not make it like the talk. And so
Speaker 1: we were just in the car on the way to
Speaker 1: school and I was like, oh, well, that's because there's
Speaker 1: this thing called sex that you do when you want
Speaker 1: a baby. That's how you get a baby. Great actress,
Speaker 1: because that just sounds really believable, throw away, you know,
Speaker 1: it seems really And she's like, what is sex? And
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, wow, so you know how boys
Speaker 1: have penises and girls have vaginas. And I just explained
Speaker 1: it to her like very plain, and she was laughing
Speaker 1: hysterically thought it was like the funniest thing on earth.
Speaker 1: We like, later that afternoon, got home, like got into
Speaker 1: the driveway at the same time as Mark, and she
Speaker 1: got out of the car and she's like, Mom, tell
Speaker 1: dad what you told me about so bert so Bertie.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I told Bertie about sex and
Speaker 1: about how babies are made, how she has why she
Speaker 1: has half of my d your DNA and my d
Speaker 1: N A by the way, obviously Mark already knew because
Speaker 1: I called him like hysterical after I like put her
Speaker 1: on the bus and and he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, buddy,
Speaker 1: would you think about that? She's like it's grows And
Speaker 1: I was like, cool, I think you're such a great mom.
Speaker 1: You really are. I don't know, I feel like I
Speaker 1: was feeling. I like had to pay. I had a
Speaker 1: panic attack at the Busy Tonight offices because I couldn't
Speaker 1: figure out cookie selling for Girl Scouts And I was like, what,
Speaker 1: I don't understand it, and the moms, all the other moms, no,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, and how do you get a thing?
Speaker 1: And my sister, who's a producer on the show, was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll walk you through the website. It's not a big deal.
Speaker 1: It's just a website. It doesn't mean anything about you
Speaker 1: as a fair How did they feel about you working
Speaker 1: crazy hours? Are they used to it because you always
Speaker 1: have been? No? Because I haven't been, and especially for
Speaker 1: like about three years between Cougar Town. Yeah, well I
Speaker 1: did Vice Principles, but it was so so the schedule
Speaker 1: was so chill. Are they cool with coming with you
Speaker 1: when you like travel for shooting. Um, well, I don't
Speaker 1: travel like by rule really for that much stuff. Vice
Speaker 1: Principles was a special case because Danny McBride had said,
Speaker 1: we're going to shoot it over the summer, so they're
Speaker 1: out of school. So they're out of school. Anyway, in Charleston,
Speaker 1: we had like the best time ever delicious, So they
Speaker 1: don't even really think of that as that I was
Speaker 1: on a TV show then, like I was, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they didn't. They didn't notice. Do you have any sort
Speaker 1: of rules like I don't go more than three nights?
Speaker 1: I'll putting into bed if you're here? Like are they
Speaker 1: good with being put to bed with someone else? Like
Speaker 1: how do you deal with all that? Yeah, well I'm
Speaker 1: lucky here. I only miss one bedtime a week. I
Speaker 1: mean dreams. It's a dreams, um. And that's because you
Speaker 1: probably made your own schedule, yes, and then beyond that, um,
Speaker 1: you know, in the last several years, like since Cougar
Speaker 1: Trying to ended, I had been offered a bunch of
Speaker 1: different projects that didn't shoot in Los Angeles, and you know,
Speaker 1: to be fair, none of them were you know, Shonda
Speaker 1: Rhymes or um like starring Meryl Street. So it was
Speaker 1: like easier for me to say now, um, but it's
Speaker 1: just not it's not something that I'm able to do.
Speaker 1: I turned down like a part. I was offered a
Speaker 1: part in a really big movie and I turned it
Speaker 1: down because I would miss crickets third birthday a few
Speaker 1: years ago, and I was just like, it's just not
Speaker 1: fucking worth it ultimately, and like find that movie was
Speaker 1: huge and fine, but like it doesn't have the priority shift.
Speaker 1: It is a really I mean, I didn't believe it
Speaker 1: before I got pregnant. I was always like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like moms, you know, the baby becomes you know, the
Speaker 1: top priority all these things, and it's not going to
Speaker 1: be that way for me. Like and now that I'm
Speaker 1: on the other side, it really just is. Well it is.
Speaker 1: But it's also like if you're able to, if you
Speaker 1: have you know, it's a privilege that I'm able, you
Speaker 1: know what the best way and the want the I mean,
Speaker 1: the priority shift is like in in no way shape
Speaker 1: form the bat It's like like I did Broadway and
Speaker 1: it almost I started counting down and show eight nine,
Speaker 1: not because it wasn't a great experience, but because only
Speaker 1: putting my kid to bed one night week sucked and
Speaker 1: I hated it. And that's the most I mean to me,
Speaker 1: bedtime is the most special thing, and like that was
Speaker 1: the thing that always when I was working on Cougar Town.
Speaker 1: The hours were crazy, Like I felt so lucky when
Speaker 1: I would get to go put Bertie to bed or
Speaker 1: you know. And then when Cricket was born and I
Speaker 1: went back to work immediately, I was so lucky that
Speaker 1: I was able to afford that baby nurse who just
Speaker 1: like came to work with me in the baby and
Speaker 1: I made my dressing room and nursery and every you
Speaker 1: know break I had. I was like upstairs with this newborn,
Speaker 1: falling in love with her, her little weird, magical elfself.
Speaker 1: She's just wild, She's so wild. Busy Phillips, Yes, what
Speaker 1: a great name, Busy Pips of busy tonight. What do
Speaker 1: you have any advice for parents who might be struggling
Speaker 1: with anxiety themselves because of the world around them, or
Speaker 1: with kids that are struggling with anxiety. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: like to not to. I think that destigmatizing all of
Speaker 1: this stuff is the where we're where we're at now,
Speaker 1: like culturally, and I think it's so important. It's why
Speaker 1: I talked about on social media. It's why I think
Speaker 1: like podcasts like this are all important. Um and I
Speaker 1: think that you have to understand that, um, there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with you and be willing to reach out and
Speaker 1: get help. And if and if you know, budgetary constraints
Speaker 1: are a concern, it's like we're not budgeted to find
Speaker 1: our kids a therapist. There are plenty of resources for
Speaker 1: parents both you know you can get. There are lots
Speaker 1: of books. People love books, You love books, love books.
Speaker 1: There's also like a lot. I remember when I first
Speaker 1: moved l A and I was so fucking broken. I
Speaker 1: was so um depressed and like not well and I
Speaker 1: really needed a therapist. But I found one who was like,
Speaker 1: you know, not an assistance assistant. She was a therapist,
Speaker 1: but she had just graduated and she was looking for
Speaker 1: her hours, yes, and she was sliding scale. So I
Speaker 1: could only give her. I could only give her twenty
Speaker 1: five dollars. And I gotta say, I've been with her
Speaker 1: now for ten years, and every job I get, I've
Speaker 1: gone up and now I'm matter of fee. We came
Speaker 1: up together. But like when I started, I was like,
Speaker 1: I have but I need I need help. I know
Speaker 1: I can't do this by myself, and my friends are
Speaker 1: sick of there me and they can't hear it either.
Speaker 1: And I really feel like my life is swelling apart
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to be able to Like honestly,
Speaker 1: I truly don't think I would have had success in
Speaker 1: as an actor or been able to find Adam without
Speaker 1: my therapist at all. I mean, I think it's just
Speaker 1: an important thing for people. My sister and I talked
Speaker 1: about it because she lived in Arizona for a early
Speaker 1: long time and she was like, people busy people in
Speaker 1: Arizona don't talk about about like this kind of thing,
Speaker 1: like mental people don't talk about mental illness, and like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe we all need to start talking about mental illness.
Speaker 1: And the thing is with your kids too, Like here's
Speaker 1: the way we talked about it with Bertie, Like, dude,
Speaker 1: we take you to the dentist, you go to the orthodontist,
Speaker 1: you go to your pediatrician, you get your shots. You're
Speaker 1: going to this doctor because the same thing. It's just
Speaker 1: for your brain, and your brain needs to be tuned
Speaker 1: up to like just like your teeth need to be
Speaker 1: white and clean and no cavities, like we need to
Speaker 1: get the cavities out of your brain, and like if
Speaker 1: it's preventing you from doing your best at school, doing
Speaker 1: your best with your friends, doing your best at home
Speaker 1: with us, like what, there's nothing weird about that, Like
Speaker 1: people are That's what this guy's job is. He's there
Speaker 1: to help us. And I'm so grateful for him. And
Speaker 1: so I think, like, if you have a kid, if
Speaker 1: you see, especially when your kids get older, like don't wait.
Speaker 1: The other thing is schools. I know, I know that
Speaker 1: school systems go through different things, and so your your
Speaker 1: school system might not have the resources available to you,
Speaker 1: but teachers by and large do want to help, and
Speaker 1: like reaching out and being communicative with teachers is a
Speaker 1: game changer. And it was something that weirdly, I was
Speaker 1: afraid to do because like tell these you're like, we're
Speaker 1: struggling with this plan. It's because our representative. We're like
Speaker 1: we don't want to show. It's always lately in us
Speaker 1: as mom that like nothing's wrong, don't look over here.
Speaker 1: We're perfect, Like it's perfect, I'm perfect. We're all good.
Speaker 1: But also I had a thing just from my own
Speaker 1: childhood and my own life where I felt like um
Speaker 1: like almost like afraid to talk to the teachers and administrators.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get in trouble my own kids school.
Speaker 1: But now I've realized, like we especially this year, like
Speaker 1: being communicative with the teachers and the administrators and the
Speaker 1: school therapists and the people who are there and are
Speaker 1: you know, they want your kid to succeed to that's
Speaker 1: their this is their job. It's literally their business, you know.
Speaker 1: And um, they didn't get into it because they're like
Speaker 1: bad people children got They got into it because they
Speaker 1: want to They want to help kids, and they want
Speaker 1: to help kids, um, you know, become the best versions
Speaker 1: of themselves. And so like to really as a parent
Speaker 1: know that you can find resources within your child school
Speaker 1: as well. It's a great call to because there's always
Speaker 1: and also like taught to your kids to like there's
Speaker 1: always like a teacher that a kid really connects to. Always,
Speaker 1: like whether it's like like right now, my daughter is
Speaker 1: having like just a total love affair with her art
Speaker 1: teacher and her art She's like eating lunch with her
Speaker 1: art teacher, and like she's just taken this like vested
Speaker 1: interest in Bertie and her talents and abilities and like
Speaker 1: so reaching out to that person and saying like, hey,
Speaker 1: have you noticed this? What's it like at school? This
Speaker 1: is what I'm hearing, like, this is what we're dealing
Speaker 1: with after school. Because also for a long time with
Speaker 1: Bertie and her anxiety, it was only manifesting at home,
Speaker 1: like she wasn't at school. She was like holding it,
Speaker 1: to holding it, to holding it, holding it, holding it,
Speaker 1: holding it, and then she would get home and you know,
Speaker 1: and so like I was like, well, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to tell the school that she's having you. We can
Speaker 1: hide it behind our doors. But I wish I would
Speaker 1: have earlier because then I would have known some of
Speaker 1: the things that were happening, and they could have helped
Speaker 1: me with the intervention at school, like hey, are you
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed right now? Do you want to take a walk?
Speaker 1: Like do you need a break? And I think that
Speaker 1: that's just I don't know, valid it's hard for bath. No,
Speaker 1: it's brilliant. It's hard for us to ask for help
Speaker 1: even still like it just istally it's like still even
Speaker 1: though I know it's like the number one thing to
Speaker 1: being like the best mom I can be is asking
Speaker 1: other people to help me do it. You know what else?
Speaker 1: Really all anxiety at some salt baths. Why do I
Speaker 1: not like that? You post your fucking photos in a
Speaker 1: bath and it looks so great, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't think I've taken a bathroom tenures? Do you do
Speaker 1: have some salts? I get like weird about bathing and
Speaker 1: dirty water. First, that's insane, like like water with skin
Speaker 1: cells in it. I'm like, think about how like every
Speaker 1: baby book you read before you have a baby, they
Speaker 1: were like set the bedtime routine, a warm bath, and
Speaker 1: then like it makes sense, it's part of the wine down,
Speaker 1: and then you lose it, like somewhere around I want
Speaker 1: to say first or second grade, like the bath that's
Speaker 1: go away because you're just like you don't have time
Speaker 1: throw in the Yeah, the kids like kids prefer showers
Speaker 1: like whatever. We've recently come back to the baths as
Speaker 1: like a chill down, brilliant chill down for you and
Speaker 1: for Bernie and Cricket. We don't take them together, no,
Speaker 1: but like you have a bath before you go to
Speaker 1: bed when you're stressed, and Bernie does, yes, and now
Speaker 1: and now if I see Bertie, if I can feel it,
Speaker 1: it's like a little itch, like from the inside out,
Speaker 1: and I can see it on her face. I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna run an EPs some salt bath for you.
Speaker 1: Put a little lavender oil in there. Out children, right out,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. That's almost eleven. She's like it's great,
Speaker 1: and sometimes she's like I don't want to do it,
Speaker 1: and then she gets in and she gets out afterwards,
Speaker 1: and she's so chill. It's like without fail every time.
Speaker 1: And whenever I'm feeling like a lot of anxiety, you
Speaker 1: take a bath. But epsom salts the key. I have
Speaker 1: them sitting next to my bath. Never used it. Going
Speaker 1: to tonight. EPs some salts also, like I am, I
Speaker 1: should be sponsored by UP some salts. But like that
Speaker 1: some salt counsel. There has to be some salts. Hello. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I can't even say the word what the fund
Speaker 1: is it? I don't even know it's magnesium. And it's
Speaker 1: like you act but anyway you all I think about
Speaker 1: it too, is like actors don't they take baths in
Speaker 1: like a ton of salt when they have to drop
Speaker 1: a shipload away before a sex scene. Yeah, it also
Speaker 1: makes too skinny, so there eight never even saw that
Speaker 1: to at least two cups of EPs, some salts. You
Speaker 1: make careful with EPs some salts and little kids though,
Speaker 1: because you can't drink it. So like, if your kid
Speaker 1: is still drinking bath, it's not for you. This is
Speaker 1: a helpful tip tip. But if you have an older child,
Speaker 1: like I have an older child who's not like sucking
Speaker 1: on the wath flattery doesn't know, she's like would never
Speaker 1: dream of it. Um, she can take an epsom salt bath.
Speaker 1: And she also has like growing pains now, so helps everything.
Speaker 1: This is all coming down the pipe, busy Phillips. Thank
Speaker 1: you for taking time. I love you very much. Thank
Speaker 1: you for all of your wise words and advice and
Speaker 1: guidance and just experiences. We all benefit from them. We're
Speaker 1: all of us doing your best. Thank you guys so
Speaker 1: much for listening and for your amazing feedback and tweets
Speaker 1: and messages and reviews and sharing Katie's crib with your
Speaker 1: friends and your family. It means so so much to me.
Speaker 1: So please keep it coming and check us out on
Speaker 1: shaunda land dot com. Make sure to subscribe so you
Speaker 1: never miss an episode. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher,
Speaker 1: and wherever you get your podcasts.