WEBVTT - Anxious AF w/ Busy Philipps 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:09.280 Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Um. Today 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:13.400 we're talking about anxiety, which comes in many forms, from 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:15.319 your everyday stress, which a lot of us know about, 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:17.159 from worries and fears about, you know, planning like a 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:20.360 big party or a meeting at work, to actual intense, 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:24.000 stabilitating disorder that can completely disrupt your life. This obviously, 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:26.759 it doesn't change when you're a mom. Anxiety can pop 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:29.160 up in many ways, and we've talked about postpartum anxiety 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:31.920 a little bit on this podcast before, but in this episode, 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:34.879 we're going to talk about anxiety and pretty bored broad 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.680 excuse me terms um. You know that overwhelming feeling that 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:40.839 seems to permeate through our lives as parents and in 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:43.480 our kids and in the world, which is pretty interesting 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:48.680 right now around us. I guess today is the exceptional 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:53.560 Busy Phillips stop it, I love you more. And what's 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.320 crazy is that we're not recording today in my house 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:58.800 in Katie's Crib, which is usually report because Busy Phillips 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:01.800 is soups fancy. Now in Busiest Crib. We're in busiest 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:05.039 Crib and busy tonight. There's all this amazing busy tonight 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:07.440 ship around and I'm obsessed. I can't wait for you 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:09.160 to come be a guest on my show. I can't 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:12.280 wait that we have to tell people how we met. 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:14.479 It'll be the best. I'm not gonna tell. I don't 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.600 want to tell about the bad guy. Yeah, I want 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:22.280 to show your well. I bet there are different audiences, 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:26.120 but still no crossover. You know, I had really horrible 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:30.400 postpartum anxiety disorder and I didn't know what it was. 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:32.880 And I was with Bertie. I was like, oh, I 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:35.280 was the first one of any of us to have kids. 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:38.319 You were so young. I was baby, and believe you 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:42.080 did that. I know I was twenty I had twenty nine. 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:44.080 Did you even know you wanted to be a mom? 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.759 I didn't. You are a baby whisper, You're a baby piercing, 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:51.640 busy does have like strong baby. I don't know what 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:54.240 that is. You just see a baby. You love a baby. 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:56.400 I love a baby. I love a baby more than 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:58.800 I love a person. Here's the here's the truth. You 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:00.640 know what I think I'm gonna do. I think I'm 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:05.680 gonna start volunteering holding babies at the Nikeio. You need 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:07.360 to do that. I need to do a great energy 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:10.280 for that, Like, do you have time? I know you're 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.760 producing starring in the first female to have a late 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:15.760 night talk show. That's four nights. Leak you guys. It's 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:17.480 just a little bit of it. I'm not the first one, 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:20.000 but I'm the only one right now. You're the only 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:22.320 one doing. I'm the only one right now, but I'm 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:26.760 not the first one. But um, it is a big deal. Okay, 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:28.840 So here's here's what happened to me when I had Bertie. 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:33.160 I was twenty Yeah, I had just hern twenty nine. Um, 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:38.919 we hastily decided to get to try to have a baby. Um. 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.959 The conversation was, the writer's strike was about to happen 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:46.079 in Los Angeles. This was in two thousand and seven. Um, 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:48.360 the writer strike was about to happen in Los Angeles. 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:51.160 I was not working on a television show. You were 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:53.280 a writer. I was married to a writer, and we 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:56.320 knew we would have extra time on our hands, and 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.160 that he wouldn't be working, and that I wouldn't be able, 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.240 like there wouldn't be a pilot season really, and so 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:04.800 it seems like, why don't we try? And I remember 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:06.880 the conversation with Mark and he was like, well, I'm 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.119 thirty six and I've never accidentally gotten someone pregnant before. 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:12.120 I don't even know how long it would take or whatever. 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.320 And I was pregnant the next month. Still worked well, 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.560 it worked well, worked real well. Yeah, I got pregnant 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:22.000 on Thanksgiving. I know, like the day I got pregnant. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.080 Is that so weird? After the Thanksgiving me? Yeah, we 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:27.919 did it. I'm impressed because that's probably the last fucking 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:29.359 thing on this earth I would want to do after 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:33.200 eating Thanksgiving is have sex. I teg, well, yeah, I 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:35.800 mean I get that, but also you were twenty eight 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:39.440 and it was different. Different things are different. I uh, 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:44.240 I am. I write about it in my book. I 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.440 and one of the people I felt implantation. I woke 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.880 up in the middle of them and it's so crazy. 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:51.600 I woke up in the middle of the night and 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:55.720 it felt like a lightning bolt in my gut and 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:58.720 I like took a huge breath and Mark was like, 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.520 are you okay? And I was like, I just got pregnant. 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:04.400 Did you feel like a cricket? Now? I wasn't paying it. 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:10.560 Burtie of it all. She is truly a lightning bolt. 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:13.520 She really, really truly is so anyway, So then after 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:20.520 she was born, I was a mess, like um, all 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:22.520 of these things, Like I had had anxiety when I 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:25.360 was a kid, and I didn't really right, I didn't 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:27.960 ever have it diagnosed when I was a kid, racing thoughts, 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.560 unable to sleep, laying in bed, paralyzed by fear, like 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:33.920 all these kinds of things, and I didn't know your 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.000 parents never taken to a therapist. I went to it. 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:39.040 I went to a therapist. I just that was never 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:44.080 part of the diagnosis. It's so weird. You have images 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:48.120 in memories from your childhood of just fear, crippling, yes, 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:53.919 crippling fear. I would go through, like systematically, go through 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:59.440 every person who was close to me and imagining like 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:03.320 how they could die. You know, I just wouldn't, dude, 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:06.240 I have that now. I'm in therapy right now for 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.479 anxiety because I don't know what happened. But ever since 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:10.440 I had a baby, I'm just everyone's going to die 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:15.000 all the time. Yeah, I mean that's the truth, truth. 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:18.880 But I'm so aware of this, sickly. Yeah, I have 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.200 like a crazy thing too. And you hear stories and 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:24.080 you know, you whatever, and the internet like all of 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:27.920 these things right, like like are compounding our feelings of 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:31.680 this anxiety. But I do I have moments of like 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:35.080 where I get lightheaded sometimes, Like just we were parked 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:37.400 in front of a restaurant and Beverly and Mark was 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:41.240 taking our little one cricket who's five, out of the 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.119 car on the driver's side, so like on the street side, 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:48.120 and just like a huge chuck pass. She was fine, 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:50.520 he was fine, But like I had that like I 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:52.320 saw the whole thing like do you know what I 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:55.080 mean and saw your life lash before you're totally they 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:59.159 were fine, Like they didn't they didn't clock it at all. Um. 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:02.880 But yeah, So I have always had those kinds of things. 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:05.920 And after Bertie was born, it was just first of all, 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:12.600 I was, um, I felt very alone in my baby rearing. 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:14.680 You didn't have many friends that were probably in the 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:18.080 same time. I didn't have many friends who had babies. Uh, 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:20.280 my friend Michelle had had a baby a few years earlier, 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:23.240 but she lived in New York. Um, I felt very 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.880 much alone here friend wise. But then also like I 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:31.760 felt very alone in my marriage. And he was really 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:35.719 confused about how to be participatory and so he kind 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:41.280 of just like pieced out, which is very common and um, 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:44.159 and anytime I hear anyone who's like getting divorced and 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.000 they have a kid that's under the age of three, 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:48.800 I'm like, yeah, well okay, you could put you can 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:51.520 push through it. A lot of times, let's wait a 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.400 couple of years. I always hear that, like, don't even 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:55.440 entertain that. I always hear that, but it's true that, 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:58.600 like let's not even talk about divorce until they're in school. 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:01.400 Like I've heard this because it's like the first years 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:04.400 are so fucking hard and the identity crises that the 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:07.680 that both parents whatever they are go through is like 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:11.360 really fucking challenges, and your relationship is so on the 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:14.320 back burner. Even these fucking assholes who were like doing 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.280 date nights and all this ship, which I'm just like, 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.360 in what world we like who are you? And like 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:22.080 what are you talking about? Like my marriage and like 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:25.200 tomorrow mine's Valentine's Day. Haven't even thought about it? Yeah, 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:27.560 oh yeah, well Valentine's Day is not real. But also 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.240 it gets really cute, Like I'm super excited for Valentine's 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.000 Day because I have a five year old and a 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:34.600 ten year old and like we made um. I ordered 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:38.920 these little um plastic heart containers online and then we 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:42.360 made slime over the weekend, like pink and red slime, 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:45.040 and so like they're Valentine's to all their friends at school, 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:48.480 are like these little heart containers of slime. It's so cute. 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:52.000 Little bags of glitter. Was really fun. Don't you have 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:55.360 to go and get help? Like after you had Bertie 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:58.560 or what did you struggle with your your Really? I 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.080 had anxiety lie door Mint since you were a kid, 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:04.200 and then it sprung out again after you were no 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:08.520 and I had I had different manifestations of my stress 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.360 and anxiety. For instance, like when I was on Dawson's Creek, 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:16.080 I developed ibs and spastic colon and that it's a classic. 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:20.600 It's a classic. Anyone who works in Hollywood. Everyone I 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:23.600 know who works in Hollywood has ibs and spastic. It's 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:29.240 but that like developed when I was like twenty years old, brutal, 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:33.600 brutal um and did you go to a doctor that 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:35.920 and someone was like, this is stress, this is caused 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:37.800 by I did I did? Because I was like shipping 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.520 blood at one point lovely, so fun, so fun, and 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.240 then so I was like, oh I'm dying obviously at 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:46.679 age twenty four, and the got a colonoscope and they're like, 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:49.880 an I dyeing? You got a colonoscopy at because what 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.000 they were like, what is happening? Yeah, they wanted to 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:55.640 find out, so they did a colon I did all 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:57.640 the tests and then they did a colonoscopy and like 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.920 IBS is basically like there's it means nothing kind of 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:04.280 it just me. I have to work on diet and stress. 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:07.040 It's really for me, it's just stress. And the only 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.920 two times I've really been in remission with my IBS 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.400 and I haven't felt any symptoms are the two times 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:16.000 I've been pregnant, like my whole pregnancy. Both times pregnancy 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:19.000 can really cure some people, Like I know people who 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.920 have literally been lactose intolerant their entire fucking life. Like 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:23.679 they eat a pizza cheese and they're running to the 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:25.840 toilet and they were pregnant and they couldn't eat enough 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.400 cheese and ice cream and fucking dairy and like they 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.439 were fine, Like you're still I don't know what that is. 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.880 I don't either. So you had anxiety after Bertie was born, 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.360 carry alone and marrigin and your friends. But then I 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:40.160 had like, but I had like, I have a few 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:44.640 things that I specifically remember a few instances of panic attacks. 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:47.720 But I specifically remember I didn't like the idea of 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:51.680 somebody else like holding her taking care of her. I 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:53.200 felt like I was the only one that could do 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:58.000 it correctly. Hard. It was so hard. Um. I remember 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.559 the first time I left like I had like, I 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:02.880 went back to work when now he was eight weeks old, 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:05.800 and I remember having to call in like a night 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.640 nurse last minute to like Adam was also working and 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.880 all this stuff, and I screaming, crying, calling my mom. 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:14.079 I think it's hard also when your family doesn't live 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.680 here and you have a newborn baby. But I was 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:20.160 like obsessed with the idea that this person was going 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:21.840 to shake my baby to death. Like it was an 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:23.560 idea that I got in my head that she that 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:25.360 he was not sleeping to the night and she was 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.840 going to be super fucking tired and frustrated and angry 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:29.440 with him, and she was going to fucking shake I 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.520 was convinced I just didn't trust people. So I had 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:37.880 a similar experience with anxiety like that. But we had 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:41.440 had a Mark had hired like a woman that was 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.240 like a baby nurse to come in and help me, 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.959 and I hated her intensely and like, get out of 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.839 mama bear. I'm doing this myself. Yes, And I've had 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.800 other friends who like my with my set with cricket. 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.319 We I had to go back to shooting cougar Town 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:01.319 five weeks after she was born. So I had this 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.720 shady nurse hired that came recommended from my friend and 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:06.280 I had met her a bunch of times, and so 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:07.720 I really knew that I was going to like her. 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:12.040 And I loved her so intensely, and I recommended her 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:13.960 to a friend of mine with her first kid, and 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:17.880 she had like I hated her, I needed her house. Yeah, 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:20.480 And I think that that is especially with your first child. 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:25.240 I think that, um, it is a thing that you 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:29.480 can't it's biologic survival. It is like when your second 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:31.520 kid comes along and you're like, well, we got one, right, 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:35.400 so we're good, Like there're a little bit we're relaxed 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:38.960 because dude, just because like there's something in your hippocampus 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.880 or whatever, like something in your brain that's like you 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.360 already have one kid, so it'll be fine if you 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:48.760 lose this one. I'm not kidding. More, very deep, deep 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:52.080 level that you are unable to access. There has to 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:54.760 be something that happens when you have multiple children, because 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:58.680 with Cricket, I mean I did do preventatively. I did 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:00.960 the placenti pills, which were supposed to help with like 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:04.559 postpartum and postpartum anxiety. So I did do that with Cricket, 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:06.880 and I had that baby nurse. But I was just 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:11.200 like a different mom. I was just chill, like I 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:15.280 just didn't those fears. No, I didn't, And I just 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:18.280 was like, I mean I remember like pulling over with 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:21.200 Bertie when she was a baby, sobbing hysterically. I'm gonna 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:25.079 start crying, even though it's been like literally ten years, um, 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:28.720 sobbing hysterically on the side of the road, like thinking 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:33.120 like what fucking right did I have to have a child, 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.600 Like I can't take care of this person, Like I 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.760 can't even I couldn't even like figure out the baby 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:40.800 born at the grocery store so that I could go 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:43.440 grocery shopping with her. I had no help, And I 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.120 was just like I can't. Why did I do? Why 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:47.640 did I going to do a good job? Why did 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.920 I think I could do this. Yeah. Um, it was 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.720 really really like unable to drive. A few times I 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:57.679 would get really overwhelmed with fear about driving and I 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.480 would have to pull over and like either all Mark 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.600 or call Michelle or like call my mom and just 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:05.559 I wouldn't tell my mom what's happening. I would just 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:10.840 be like, Hey, what's going on? What's happening? Attacks? Yeah, 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:12.240 and I was just trying to like my God, for 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.120 anyone listening who's ever had a panic attack, I'm so sorry. 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:18.640 And if you haven't had one, there it's like I've 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:21.719 had them before and had to see someone about them, 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:23.960 but they're the worst. It's like you're you're convinced you're 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.200 having a heart attack. I'm going to die, like your heart. 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:28.680 You can't breathe it all, you can't catch your breath. 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:30.880 You immediately go to visions of death. I've had panic 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:34.040 attacks where I've lost like sight and feeling in the 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:38.840 mask of my face sucking horrible. Yeah, what's keeping up 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:44.560 at night these days? Busy? Everything? No well mom? And 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.600 the status of your of the world. Yeah, I mean 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:51.000 it's so interesting, Like manage anxiety now, I manage it 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:57.400 now with um high CBD low thhc UM. I had 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:01.080 prescriptions for adam On and xan X for years, and 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:04.120 I would always hate to take it because I had 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:07.320 one small child and then two small children, and I 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:09.400 felt like, well, that's a stupid thing to be knocked 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:13.560 out on anyone who's taken out of anorthantics nose. It 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.280 will put an end to your panic attack. But also 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.840 like for me, it leaves me incapacitated like mother. No, 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:22.240 I couldn't would like in my bed watching friends like 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:25.760 for you know, the rest of the definitely, and I'm 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:28.240 not driving my kids anywhere, and so it would make 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.680 me very nervous to take it, and I would you know, 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:32.600 I'm just one of those people like I'll power through, 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:36.160 power through this panic attack, like I'll just muscle where, 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:40.560 I'll muscle my way like you know. Um. But then 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:44.880 a couple of years ago, somebody suggested I should that 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:49.520 I try the highest CBD low tach c gummies. They 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:53.680 were gummies for what I send you some. I have 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:56.240 not tried those yet, but what I just tried on 0:14:56.440 --> 0:15:00.280 like sore muscles is the CBD like rolling oils. That 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.480 stuff is incredible. Did you get Lord Jones? Did they 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:06.840 send that to it's has a mOsm or something. It's incredible. Well, 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:10.880 so the gummies have helped. The gummies helped immensely, and 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.680 especially like a lot of times, I think people you 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:16.760 get a lot of those spinning thoughts and the you know, 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:20.760 it's like a little whirlpool um at night or you 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.920 know when you're laying down and you can't turn your 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:26.600 brain off. And I do find that that will help 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:29.080 me to just like be able to go to sleep, 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:31.560 and then I don't feel there's no hangover, there's nothing 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:34.040 from it. There's no drug hangover or anything that you 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:37.720 just shut you need to try that. It's amazing. It's 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.440 like truly changed my life. Are you in therapy now? Yeah? 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:45.840 But off? Yeah, because I'm scheduling is a nightmare right now. 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.280 So but like you're it's there if you need it, 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:49.840 like you've been in and out, like you've had a 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:53.200 healthy relationship with therapy for for many many years. And 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:55.760 she and my therapist was really helpful with all of 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:59.480 my Bertie stuff and anxiety and my kids stuff. And 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.720 you know, Bertie is at an age now, my god, 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.240 tell me about this. You have older kids and I'm scared. 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:11.080 Tell me what Bertie, Like, do you see visions of 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:16.800 your own self in Bertie? Like does yeah? And I 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:22.880 mean they manifest their anxiety in different ways. Um, Bertie 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:26.280 has like a deep rage, um that I also had 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.760 when I was a kid. Um that my sister definitely 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:33.000 had when we were kids. And I recognize it. Um, 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:38.320 she's got a deep, deep rage in her and um, 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:43.240 that's scary. Uh. And then a couple of years ago 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:47.160 in school, she just started having like in second halfway 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.840 through second grade, she started having like real anxiety. I 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.640 got into him. I got trolled by the right wing 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.680 for a for a tweet a couple of years ago 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.760 that I posted which is true, which was true, which 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:03.960 was that Bernie was like sobbing hysterically in her bed 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.440 and I asked her what was She like, wouldn't tell 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:09.800 us what was happening. And then finally we got it 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:11.439 out of her and she said, like, I'm afraid I'm 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:15.320 going to be killed by a gun um and such 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:16.960 goose bumps right now is gonna make me collect? I 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:20.679 mean she was seven, Yeah, she was like seven, and 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.400 people like just made fun of me. They're like, oh, 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.840 you fucking made it up, you stupid, Like left wing. 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:32.800 I didn't like sid. I remember you coming busy as 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:36.680 an incredible singer also, and she comes and lovingly also 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:38.600 gives her time to my theater company and would sing 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:40.600 for audiences for money. Thank you very much for doing that. 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.680 I remember you coming once and you had said you 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:46.840 were crying, and you said, um, I'm just kind of 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.159 freaking out right now because I just picked saw my 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:50.600 kids from school or you picked them up in there 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:55.280 or something, and they had had a like a drill. Yeah, 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:59.000 they shoot her in school, and drills are like yeah, lockdown. 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:02.720 Drills are like they're all doing um And I guess 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:04.879 it's similar to it was your first one or something 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.200 when you were like, I can't even believe my kids 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:09.879 are fucking going, Like, how are you supposed to have 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:12.040 conversations with your kids that this is a reality that 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:13.600 they're going to go to school and have a drill 0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:17.359 of where to fucking hide. I know, it freaks me, 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:20.199 And now I feel like Bertie is so aware of 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.680 the world. It is more upsetting to me now for Cricket, 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:26.200 like because she's five and they're just you know, they'll 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:28.640 be I don't know if they've done one yet at 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:30.639 her school. They normally send us an email when they 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:33.200 do them. Um, but did you see that? What do 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:36.159 they do? What's the drill? I think that they go 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:39.439 to like the back corners of the classrooms, so they 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.720 go to the bathrooms and they hide. Do you remember 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:44.800 doing like the hurricane stuff? And we were I mean 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:46.840 when we were up in Arizona, So I didn't do her? 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:51.520 What didn't you have? Nothing? Nothing like like East Coast. 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:53.400 They would teach us to go into our desks, put 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:55.640 our head between our legs and our hands over our 0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:58.080 head in case there was bad you know her dad 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.600 or whatever. Yeah, I mean, in a way, kids are 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:04.520 so resilient and they have they find a way to 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:08.959 both like have a lot of a great deal of 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:13.240 logic about things and be able to see things in 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:16.080 a in a very practical way and in a way 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:17.960 that like I don't think I think adults have a 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.720 harder time doing. Does that make sense? Like? Um, but 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:24.920 I did just see that thing that went viral yesterday, 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.520 the woman that posted there. They had a real lockdown 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:30.960 at her kids elementary school because of a bomb threat 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.120 that was called in and the seven year old when 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:35.720 she was getting ready for her bath. Oh my God, 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:38.119 I'm gonna start crying, had written on her arm like 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:40.640 love mom and Dad, because she just wanted to know, 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:43.320 like if she had been found dead, but her parents 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:46.600 would know that she was thinking of that. I mean, Fuck, 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:51.159 it's so stupid. It's so dumb. It's so dumb that 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:53.240 this is the world. I mean, I remember I was 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:57.160 in college when Columbine happened. So I was a fresh 0:19:57.359 --> 0:20:01.080 er sophomore in college when Columbine bend, and I remember 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.080 like like going back to my dorm room and watching 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:07.159 it and being like because you know, the news was 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:08.879 so different then, and so it was like sort of 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:11.840 role the information was rolling in slowly, and I remember 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:14.760 thinking like, this won't be bad, like this is just 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:17.959 like some kids pulling a prank, Like it'll be fine, 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:21.320 and then you know it literally since then has only 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:25.240 gotten exponentially scarier and scarier. Part of the reason, like 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:29.040 I I'm very serious about the all girls education for 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.760 my girls is like because I feel like it in 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:37.040 some way, like in my brain, I feel like maybe 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:40.240 the chances of them having a school shooting in an 0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:43.280 all girls school is lower, I swear to God, like 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.879 that's like I've never thought about that but that is 0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:51.160 really smart and a good point. I mean, what did 0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:53.840 you say to Bertie that night when she was like, 0:20:53.840 --> 0:20:56.040 I'm scared of getting Like how do you talk to 0:20:56.080 --> 0:20:59.800 your kids about this ship? Like even though she's logical 0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:03.159 and kids are like, what do you say? Like, I 0:21:03.200 --> 0:21:08.080 mean you comfort them, right, And we tell her that, 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:11.840 you know, we do the best that we can to 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:16.800