1
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:09,280
Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Um. Today

2
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:13,400
Speaker 1: we're talking about anxiety, which comes in many forms, from

3
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,319
Speaker 1: your everyday stress, which a lot of us know about,

4
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,159
Speaker 1: from worries and fears about, you know, planning like a

5
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,360
Speaker 1: big party or a meeting at work, to actual intense,

6
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,000
Speaker 1: stabilitating disorder that can completely disrupt your life. This obviously,

7
00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,759
Speaker 1: it doesn't change when you're a mom. Anxiety can pop

8
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:29,160
Speaker 1: up in many ways, and we've talked about postpartum anxiety

9
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,920
Speaker 1: a little bit on this podcast before, but in this episode,

10
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,879
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about anxiety and pretty bored broad

11
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,680
Speaker 1: excuse me terms um. You know that overwhelming feeling that

12
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,839
Speaker 1: seems to permeate through our lives as parents and in

13
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,480
Speaker 1: our kids and in the world, which is pretty interesting

14
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:48,680
Speaker 1: right now around us. I guess today is the exceptional

15
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,560
Speaker 1: Busy Phillips stop it, I love you more. And what's

16
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,320
Speaker 1: crazy is that we're not recording today in my house

17
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,800
Speaker 1: in Katie's Crib, which is usually report because Busy Phillips

18
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,800
Speaker 1: is soups fancy. Now in Busiest Crib. We're in busiest

19
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,039
Speaker 1: Crib and busy tonight. There's all this amazing busy tonight

20
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,440
Speaker 1: ship around and I'm obsessed. I can't wait for you

21
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,160
Speaker 1: to come be a guest on my show. I can't

22
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,280
Speaker 1: wait that we have to tell people how we met.

23
00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:14,479
Speaker 1: It'll be the best. I'm not gonna tell. I don't

24
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,600
Speaker 1: want to tell about the bad guy. Yeah, I want

25
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 1: to show your well. I bet there are different audiences,

26
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:26,120
Speaker 1: but still no crossover. You know, I had really horrible

27
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,400
Speaker 1: postpartum anxiety disorder and I didn't know what it was.

28
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,880
Speaker 1: And I was with Bertie. I was like, oh, I

29
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,280
Speaker 1: was the first one of any of us to have kids.

30
00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,319
Speaker 1: You were so young. I was baby, and believe you

31
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,080
Speaker 1: did that. I know I was twenty I had twenty nine.

32
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,080
Speaker 1: Did you even know you wanted to be a mom?

33
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,759
Speaker 1: I didn't. You are a baby whisper, You're a baby piercing,

34
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:51,640
Speaker 1: busy does have like strong baby. I don't know what

35
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,240
Speaker 1: that is. You just see a baby. You love a baby.

36
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,400
Speaker 1: I love a baby. I love a baby more than

37
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,800
Speaker 1: I love a person. Here's the here's the truth. You

38
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,640
Speaker 1: know what I think I'm gonna do. I think I'm

39
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:05,680
Speaker 1: gonna start volunteering holding babies at the Nikeio. You need

40
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,360
Speaker 1: to do that. I need to do a great energy

41
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,280
Speaker 1: for that, Like, do you have time? I know you're

42
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,760
Speaker 1: producing starring in the first female to have a late

43
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,760
Speaker 1: night talk show. That's four nights. Leak you guys. It's

44
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,480
Speaker 1: just a little bit of it. I'm not the first one,

45
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,000
Speaker 1: but I'm the only one right now. You're the only

46
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,320
Speaker 1: one doing. I'm the only one right now, but I'm

47
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,760
Speaker 1: not the first one. But um, it is a big deal. Okay,

48
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,840
Speaker 1: So here's here's what happened to me when I had Bertie.

49
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:33,160
Speaker 1: I was twenty Yeah, I had just hern twenty nine. Um,

50
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:38,919
Speaker 1: we hastily decided to get to try to have a baby. Um.

51
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,959
Speaker 1: The conversation was, the writer's strike was about to happen

52
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,079
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. This was in two thousand and seven. Um,

53
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,360
Speaker 1: the writer strike was about to happen in Los Angeles.

54
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,160
Speaker 1: I was not working on a television show. You were

55
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,280
Speaker 1: a writer. I was married to a writer, and we

56
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,320
Speaker 1: knew we would have extra time on our hands, and

57
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,160
Speaker 1: that he wouldn't be working, and that I wouldn't be able,

58
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,240
Speaker 1: like there wouldn't be a pilot season really, and so

59
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,800
Speaker 1: it seems like, why don't we try? And I remember

60
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,880
Speaker 1: the conversation with Mark and he was like, well, I'm

61
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,119
Speaker 1: thirty six and I've never accidentally gotten someone pregnant before.

62
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,120
Speaker 1: I don't even know how long it would take or whatever.

63
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,320
Speaker 1: And I was pregnant the next month. Still worked well,

64
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 1: it worked well, worked real well. Yeah, I got pregnant

65
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving. I know, like the day I got pregnant.

66
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,080
Speaker 1: Is that so weird? After the Thanksgiving me? Yeah, we

67
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,919
Speaker 1: did it. I'm impressed because that's probably the last fucking

68
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:29,359
Speaker 1: thing on this earth I would want to do after

69
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,200
Speaker 1: eating Thanksgiving is have sex. I teg, well, yeah, I

70
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,800
Speaker 1: mean I get that, but also you were twenty eight

71
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:39,440
Speaker 1: and it was different. Different things are different. I uh,

72
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 1: I am. I write about it in my book. I

73
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,440
Speaker 1: and one of the people I felt implantation. I woke

74
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,880
Speaker 1: up in the middle of them and it's so crazy.

75
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,600
Speaker 1: I woke up in the middle of the night and

76
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,720
Speaker 1: it felt like a lightning bolt in my gut and

77
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,720
Speaker 1: I like took a huge breath and Mark was like,

78
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,520
Speaker 1: are you okay? And I was like, I just got pregnant.

79
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 1: Did you feel like a cricket? Now? I wasn't paying it.

80
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:10,560
Speaker 1: Burtie of it all. She is truly a lightning bolt.

81
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,520
Speaker 1: She really, really truly is so anyway, So then after

82
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:20,520
Speaker 1: she was born, I was a mess, like um, all

83
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,520
Speaker 1: of these things, Like I had had anxiety when I

84
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,360
Speaker 1: was a kid, and I didn't really right, I didn't

85
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,960
Speaker 1: ever have it diagnosed when I was a kid, racing thoughts,

86
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,560
Speaker 1: unable to sleep, laying in bed, paralyzed by fear, like

87
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,920
Speaker 1: all these kinds of things, and I didn't know your

88
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,000
Speaker 1: parents never taken to a therapist. I went to it.

89
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,040
Speaker 1: I went to a therapist. I just that was never

90
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:44,080
Speaker 1: part of the diagnosis. It's so weird. You have images

91
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:48,120
Speaker 1: in memories from your childhood of just fear, crippling, yes,

92
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:53,919
Speaker 1: crippling fear. I would go through, like systematically, go through

93
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:59,440
Speaker 1: every person who was close to me and imagining like

94
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,320
Speaker 1: how they could die. You know, I just wouldn't, dude,

95
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,240
Speaker 1: I have that now. I'm in therapy right now for

96
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,479
Speaker 1: anxiety because I don't know what happened. But ever since

97
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,440
Speaker 1: I had a baby, I'm just everyone's going to die

98
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:15,000
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, I mean that's the truth, truth.

99
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,880
Speaker 1: But I'm so aware of this, sickly. Yeah, I have

100
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,200
Speaker 1: like a crazy thing too. And you hear stories and

101
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,080
Speaker 1: you know, you whatever, and the internet like all of

102
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,920
Speaker 1: these things right, like like are compounding our feelings of

103
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,680
Speaker 1: this anxiety. But I do I have moments of like

104
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,080
Speaker 1: where I get lightheaded sometimes, Like just we were parked

105
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,400
Speaker 1: in front of a restaurant and Beverly and Mark was

106
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,240
Speaker 1: taking our little one cricket who's five, out of the

107
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,119
Speaker 1: car on the driver's side, so like on the street side,

108
00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,120
Speaker 1: and just like a huge chuck pass. She was fine,

109
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,520
Speaker 1: he was fine, But like I had that like I

110
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,320
Speaker 1: saw the whole thing like do you know what I

111
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,080
Speaker 1: mean and saw your life lash before you're totally they

112
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,159
Speaker 1: were fine, Like they didn't they didn't clock it at all. Um.

113
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,880
Speaker 1: But yeah, So I have always had those kinds of things.

114
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,920
Speaker 1: And after Bertie was born, it was just first of all,

115
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:12,600
Speaker 1: I was, um, I felt very alone in my baby rearing.

116
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,680
Speaker 1: You didn't have many friends that were probably in the

117
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,080
Speaker 1: same time. I didn't have many friends who had babies. Uh,

118
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,280
Speaker 1: my friend Michelle had had a baby a few years earlier,

119
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,240
Speaker 1: but she lived in New York. Um, I felt very

120
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,880
Speaker 1: much alone here friend wise. But then also like I

121
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:31,760
Speaker 1: felt very alone in my marriage. And he was really

122
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,719
Speaker 1: confused about how to be participatory and so he kind

123
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:41,280
Speaker 1: of just like pieced out, which is very common and um,

124
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,159
Speaker 1: and anytime I hear anyone who's like getting divorced and

125
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,000
Speaker 1: they have a kid that's under the age of three,

126
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, well okay, you could put you can

127
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 1: push through it. A lot of times, let's wait a

128
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,400
Speaker 1: couple of years. I always hear that, like, don't even

129
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,440
Speaker 1: entertain that. I always hear that, but it's true that,

130
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,600
Speaker 1: like let's not even talk about divorce until they're in school.

131
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,400
Speaker 1: Like I've heard this because it's like the first years

132
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,400
Speaker 1: are so fucking hard and the identity crises that the

133
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,680
Speaker 1: that both parents whatever they are go through is like

134
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,360
Speaker 1: really fucking challenges, and your relationship is so on the

135
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,320
Speaker 1: back burner. Even these fucking assholes who were like doing

136
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,280
Speaker 1: date nights and all this ship, which I'm just like,

137
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,360
Speaker 1: in what world we like who are you? And like

138
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,080
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Like my marriage and like

139
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,200
Speaker 1: tomorrow mine's Valentine's Day. Haven't even thought about it? Yeah,

140
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,560
Speaker 1: oh yeah, well Valentine's Day is not real. But also

141
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,240
Speaker 1: it gets really cute, Like I'm super excited for Valentine's

142
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,000
Speaker 1: Day because I have a five year old and a

143
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,600
Speaker 1: ten year old and like we made um. I ordered

144
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,920
Speaker 1: these little um plastic heart containers online and then we

145
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:42,360
Speaker 1: made slime over the weekend, like pink and red slime,

146
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,040
Speaker 1: and so like they're Valentine's to all their friends at school,

147
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:48,480
Speaker 1: are like these little heart containers of slime. It's so cute.

148
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,000
Speaker 1: Little bags of glitter. Was really fun. Don't you have

149
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,360
Speaker 1: to go and get help? Like after you had Bertie

150
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,560
Speaker 1: or what did you struggle with your your Really? I

151
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,080
Speaker 1: had anxiety lie door Mint since you were a kid,

152
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,200
Speaker 1: and then it sprung out again after you were no

153
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:08,520
Speaker 1: and I had I had different manifestations of my stress

154
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,360
Speaker 1: and anxiety. For instance, like when I was on Dawson's Creek,

155
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:16,080
Speaker 1: I developed ibs and spastic colon and that it's a classic.

156
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:20,600
Speaker 1: It's a classic. Anyone who works in Hollywood. Everyone I

157
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,600
Speaker 1: know who works in Hollywood has ibs and spastic. It's

158
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:29,240
Speaker 1: but that like developed when I was like twenty years old, brutal,

159
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,600
Speaker 1: brutal um and did you go to a doctor that

160
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,920
Speaker 1: and someone was like, this is stress, this is caused

161
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,800
Speaker 1: by I did I did? Because I was like shipping

162
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,520
Speaker 1: blood at one point lovely, so fun, so fun, and

163
00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 1: then so I was like, oh I'm dying obviously at

164
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,679
Speaker 1: age twenty four, and the got a colonoscope and they're like,

165
00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:49,880
Speaker 1: an I dyeing? You got a colonoscopy at because what

166
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 1: they were like, what is happening? Yeah, they wanted to

167
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,640
Speaker 1: find out, so they did a colon I did all

168
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,640
Speaker 1: the tests and then they did a colonoscopy and like

169
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,920
Speaker 1: IBS is basically like there's it means nothing kind of

170
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,280
Speaker 1: it just me. I have to work on diet and stress.

171
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 1: It's really for me, it's just stress. And the only

172
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,920
Speaker 1: two times I've really been in remission with my IBS

173
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,400
Speaker 1: and I haven't felt any symptoms are the two times

174
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:16,000
Speaker 1: I've been pregnant, like my whole pregnancy. Both times pregnancy

175
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,000
Speaker 1: can really cure some people, Like I know people who

176
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,920
Speaker 1: have literally been lactose intolerant their entire fucking life. Like

177
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,679
Speaker 1: they eat a pizza cheese and they're running to the

178
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,840
Speaker 1: toilet and they were pregnant and they couldn't eat enough

179
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,400
Speaker 1: cheese and ice cream and fucking dairy and like they

180
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,439
Speaker 1: were fine, Like you're still I don't know what that is.

181
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,880
Speaker 1: I don't either. So you had anxiety after Bertie was born,

182
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,360
Speaker 1: carry alone and marrigin and your friends. But then I

183
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,160
Speaker 1: had like, but I had like, I have a few

184
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,640
Speaker 1: things that I specifically remember a few instances of panic attacks.

185
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,720
Speaker 1: But I specifically remember I didn't like the idea of

186
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,680
Speaker 1: somebody else like holding her taking care of her. I

187
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,200
Speaker 1: felt like I was the only one that could do

188
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:58,000
Speaker 1: it correctly. Hard. It was so hard. Um. I remember

189
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,559
Speaker 1: the first time I left like I had like, I

190
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,880
Speaker 1: went back to work when now he was eight weeks old,

191
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,800
Speaker 1: and I remember having to call in like a night

192
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,640
Speaker 1: nurse last minute to like Adam was also working and

193
00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:11,880
Speaker 1: all this stuff, and I screaming, crying, calling my mom.

194
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,079
Speaker 1: I think it's hard also when your family doesn't live

195
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,680
Speaker 1: here and you have a newborn baby. But I was

196
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:20,160
Speaker 1: like obsessed with the idea that this person was going

197
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,840
Speaker 1: to shake my baby to death. Like it was an

198
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,560
Speaker 1: idea that I got in my head that she that

199
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,360
Speaker 1: he was not sleeping to the night and she was

200
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,840
Speaker 1: going to be super fucking tired and frustrated and angry

201
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,440
Speaker 1: with him, and she was going to fucking shake I

202
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,520
Speaker 1: was convinced I just didn't trust people. So I had

203
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:37,880
Speaker 1: a similar experience with anxiety like that. But we had

204
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,440
Speaker 1: had a Mark had hired like a woman that was

205
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,240
Speaker 1: like a baby nurse to come in and help me,

206
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,959
Speaker 1: and I hated her intensely and like, get out of

207
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,839
Speaker 1: mama bear. I'm doing this myself. Yes, And I've had

208
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,800
Speaker 1: other friends who like my with my set with cricket.

209
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,319
Speaker 1: We I had to go back to shooting cougar Town

210
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,319
Speaker 1: five weeks after she was born. So I had this

211
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,720
Speaker 1: shady nurse hired that came recommended from my friend and

212
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,280
Speaker 1: I had met her a bunch of times, and so

213
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,720
Speaker 1: I really knew that I was going to like her.

214
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:12,040
Speaker 1: And I loved her so intensely, and I recommended her

215
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,960
Speaker 1: to a friend of mine with her first kid, and

216
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,880
Speaker 1: she had like I hated her, I needed her house. Yeah,

217
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,480
Speaker 1: And I think that that is especially with your first child.

218
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,240
Speaker 1: I think that, um, it is a thing that you

219
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:29,480
Speaker 1: can't it's biologic survival. It is like when your second

220
00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,520
Speaker 1: kid comes along and you're like, well, we got one, right,

221
00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:35,400
Speaker 1: so we're good, Like there're a little bit we're relaxed

222
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,960
Speaker 1: because dude, just because like there's something in your hippocampus

223
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,880
Speaker 1: or whatever, like something in your brain that's like you

224
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,360
Speaker 1: already have one kid, so it'll be fine if you

225
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,760
Speaker 1: lose this one. I'm not kidding. More, very deep, deep

226
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,080
Speaker 1: level that you are unable to access. There has to

227
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,760
Speaker 1: be something that happens when you have multiple children, because

228
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,680
Speaker 1: with Cricket, I mean I did do preventatively. I did

229
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:00,960
Speaker 1: the placenti pills, which were supposed to help with like

230
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,559
Speaker 1: postpartum and postpartum anxiety. So I did do that with Cricket,

231
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,880
Speaker 1: and I had that baby nurse. But I was just

232
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:11,200
Speaker 1: like a different mom. I was just chill, like I

233
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:15,280
Speaker 1: just didn't those fears. No, I didn't, And I just

234
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,280
Speaker 1: was like, I mean I remember like pulling over with

235
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,200
Speaker 1: Bertie when she was a baby, sobbing hysterically. I'm gonna

236
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,079
Speaker 1: start crying, even though it's been like literally ten years, um,

237
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,720
Speaker 1: sobbing hysterically on the side of the road, like thinking

238
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:33,120
Speaker 1: like what fucking right did I have to have a child,

239
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,600
Speaker 1: Like I can't take care of this person, Like I

240
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,760
Speaker 1: can't even I couldn't even like figure out the baby

241
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,800
Speaker 1: born at the grocery store so that I could go

242
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,440
Speaker 1: grocery shopping with her. I had no help, And I

243
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,120
Speaker 1: was just like I can't. Why did I do? Why

244
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,640
Speaker 1: did I going to do a good job? Why did

245
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,920
Speaker 1: I think I could do this. Yeah. Um, it was

246
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,720
Speaker 1: really really like unable to drive. A few times I

247
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,679
Speaker 1: would get really overwhelmed with fear about driving and I

248
00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,480
Speaker 1: would have to pull over and like either all Mark

249
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,600
Speaker 1: or call Michelle or like call my mom and just

250
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,559
Speaker 1: I wouldn't tell my mom what's happening. I would just

251
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:10,840
Speaker 1: be like, Hey, what's going on? What's happening? Attacks? Yeah,

252
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,240
Speaker 1: and I was just trying to like my God, for

253
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,120
Speaker 1: anyone listening who's ever had a panic attack, I'm so sorry.

254
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,640
Speaker 1: And if you haven't had one, there it's like I've

255
00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:21,719
Speaker 1: had them before and had to see someone about them,

256
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,960
Speaker 1: but they're the worst. It's like you're you're convinced you're

257
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,200
Speaker 1: having a heart attack. I'm going to die, like your heart.

258
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,680
Speaker 1: You can't breathe it all, you can't catch your breath.

259
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 1: You immediately go to visions of death. I've had panic

260
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,040
Speaker 1: attacks where I've lost like sight and feeling in the

261
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,840
Speaker 1: mask of my face sucking horrible. Yeah, what's keeping up

262
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:44,560
Speaker 1: at night these days? Busy? Everything? No well mom? And

263
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,600
Speaker 1: the status of your of the world. Yeah, I mean

264
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,000
Speaker 1: it's so interesting, Like manage anxiety now, I manage it

265
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:57,400
Speaker 1: now with um high CBD low thhc UM. I had

266
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:01,080
Speaker 1: prescriptions for adam On and xan X for years, and

267
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,120
Speaker 1: I would always hate to take it because I had

268
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,320
Speaker 1: one small child and then two small children, and I

269
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,400
Speaker 1: felt like, well, that's a stupid thing to be knocked

270
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,560
Speaker 1: out on anyone who's taken out of anorthantics nose. It

271
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,280
Speaker 1: will put an end to your panic attack. But also

272
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,840
Speaker 1: like for me, it leaves me incapacitated like mother. No,

273
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,240
Speaker 1: I couldn't would like in my bed watching friends like

274
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,760
Speaker 1: for you know, the rest of the definitely, and I'm

275
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,240
Speaker 1: not driving my kids anywhere, and so it would make

276
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,680
Speaker 1: me very nervous to take it, and I would you know,

277
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,600
Speaker 1: I'm just one of those people like I'll power through,

278
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,160
Speaker 1: power through this panic attack, like I'll just muscle where,

279
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:40,560
Speaker 1: I'll muscle my way like you know. Um. But then

280
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, somebody suggested I should that

281
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,520
Speaker 1: I try the highest CBD low tach c gummies. They

282
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,680
Speaker 1: were gummies for what I send you some. I have

283
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 1: not tried those yet, but what I just tried on

284
00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,280
Speaker 1: like sore muscles is the CBD like rolling oils. That

285
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,480
Speaker 1: stuff is incredible. Did you get Lord Jones? Did they

286
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:06,840
Speaker 1: send that to it's has a mOsm or something. It's incredible. Well,

287
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,880
Speaker 1: so the gummies have helped. The gummies helped immensely, and

288
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,680
Speaker 1: especially like a lot of times, I think people you

289
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,760
Speaker 1: get a lot of those spinning thoughts and the you know,

290
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,760
Speaker 1: it's like a little whirlpool um at night or you

291
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,920
Speaker 1: know when you're laying down and you can't turn your

292
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,600
Speaker 1: brain off. And I do find that that will help

293
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,080
Speaker 1: me to just like be able to go to sleep,

294
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,560
Speaker 1: and then I don't feel there's no hangover, there's nothing

295
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,040
Speaker 1: from it. There's no drug hangover or anything that you

296
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 1: just shut you need to try that. It's amazing. It's

297
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,440
Speaker 1: like truly changed my life. Are you in therapy now? Yeah?

298
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 1: But off? Yeah, because I'm scheduling is a nightmare right now.

299
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 1: So but like you're it's there if you need it,

300
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,840
Speaker 1: like you've been in and out, like you've had a

301
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 1: healthy relationship with therapy for for many many years. And

302
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,760
Speaker 1: she and my therapist was really helpful with all of

303
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,480
Speaker 1: my Bertie stuff and anxiety and my kids stuff. And

304
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 1: you know, Bertie is at an age now, my god,

305
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 1: tell me about this. You have older kids and I'm scared.

306
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:11,080
Speaker 1: Tell me what Bertie, Like, do you see visions of

307
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 1: your own self in Bertie? Like does yeah? And I

308
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 1: mean they manifest their anxiety in different ways. Um, Bertie

309
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,280
Speaker 1: has like a deep rage, um that I also had

310
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,760
Speaker 1: when I was a kid. Um that my sister definitely

311
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:33,000
Speaker 1: had when we were kids. And I recognize it. Um,

312
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:38,320
Speaker 1: she's got a deep, deep rage in her and um,

313
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:43,240
Speaker 1: that's scary. Uh. And then a couple of years ago

314
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,160
Speaker 1: in school, she just started having like in second halfway

315
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 1: through second grade, she started having like real anxiety. I

316
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,640
Speaker 1: got into him. I got trolled by the right wing

317
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,680
Speaker 1: for a for a tweet a couple of years ago

318
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: that I posted which is true, which was true, which

319
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 1: was that Bernie was like sobbing hysterically in her bed

320
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,440
Speaker 1: and I asked her what was She like, wouldn't tell

321
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,800
Speaker 1: us what was happening. And then finally we got it

322
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,439
Speaker 1: out of her and she said, like, I'm afraid I'm

323
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 1: going to be killed by a gun um and such

324
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 1: goose bumps right now is gonna make me collect? I

325
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,679
Speaker 1: mean she was seven, Yeah, she was like seven, and

326
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,400
Speaker 1: people like just made fun of me. They're like, oh,

327
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,840
Speaker 1: you fucking made it up, you stupid, Like left wing.

328
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:32,800
Speaker 1: I didn't like sid. I remember you coming busy as

329
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,680
Speaker 1: an incredible singer also, and she comes and lovingly also

330
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 1: gives her time to my theater company and would sing

331
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 1: for audiences for money. Thank you very much for doing that.

332
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,680
Speaker 1: I remember you coming once and you had said you

333
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 1: were crying, and you said, um, I'm just kind of

334
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,159
Speaker 1: freaking out right now because I just picked saw my

335
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 1: kids from school or you picked them up in there

336
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:55,280
Speaker 1: or something, and they had had a like a drill. Yeah,

337
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 1: they shoot her in school, and drills are like yeah, lockdown.

338
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 1: Drills are like they're all doing um And I guess

339
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,879
Speaker 1: it's similar to it was your first one or something

340
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,200
Speaker 1: when you were like, I can't even believe my kids

341
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 1: are fucking going, Like, how are you supposed to have

342
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 1: conversations with your kids that this is a reality that

343
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,600
Speaker 1: they're going to go to school and have a drill

344
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 1: of where to fucking hide. I know, it freaks me,

345
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,199
Speaker 1: And now I feel like Bertie is so aware of

346
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,680
Speaker 1: the world. It is more upsetting to me now for Cricket,

347
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 1: like because she's five and they're just you know, they'll

348
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,640
Speaker 1: be I don't know if they've done one yet at

349
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,639
Speaker 1: her school. They normally send us an email when they

350
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,200
Speaker 1: do them. Um, but did you see that? What do

351
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,159
Speaker 1: they do? What's the drill? I think that they go

352
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,439
Speaker 1: to like the back corners of the classrooms, so they

353
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,720
Speaker 1: go to the bathrooms and they hide. Do you remember

354
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 1: doing like the hurricane stuff? And we were I mean

355
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 1: when we were up in Arizona, So I didn't do her?

356
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:51,520
Speaker 1: What didn't you have? Nothing? Nothing like like East Coast.

357
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,400
Speaker 1: They would teach us to go into our desks, put

358
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,640
Speaker 1: our head between our legs and our hands over our

359
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 1: head in case there was bad you know her dad

360
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 1: or whatever. Yeah, I mean, in a way, kids are

361
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 1: so resilient and they have they find a way to

362
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,959
Speaker 1: both like have a lot of a great deal of

363
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 1: logic about things and be able to see things in

364
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 1: a in a very practical way and in a way

365
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 1: that like I don't think I think adults have a

366
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 1: harder time doing. Does that make sense? Like? Um, but

367
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,920
Speaker 1: I did just see that thing that went viral yesterday,

368
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 1: the woman that posted there. They had a real lockdown

369
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 1: at her kids elementary school because of a bomb threat

370
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,120
Speaker 1: that was called in and the seven year old when

371
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 1: she was getting ready for her bath. Oh my God,

372
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,119
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start crying, had written on her arm like

373
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,640
Speaker 1: love mom and Dad, because she just wanted to know,

374
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,320
Speaker 1: like if she had been found dead, but her parents

375
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 1: would know that she was thinking of that. I mean, Fuck,

376
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:51,159
Speaker 1: it's so stupid. It's so dumb. It's so dumb that

377
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 1: this is the world. I mean, I remember I was

378
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:57,160
Speaker 1: in college when Columbine happened. So I was a fresh

379
00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 1: er sophomore in college when Columbine bend, and I remember

380
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: like like going back to my dorm room and watching

381
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,159
Speaker 1: it and being like because you know, the news was

382
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 1: so different then, and so it was like sort of

383
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 1: role the information was rolling in slowly, and I remember

384
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 1: thinking like, this won't be bad, like this is just

385
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,959
Speaker 1: like some kids pulling a prank, Like it'll be fine,

386
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 1: and then you know it literally since then has only

387
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 1: gotten exponentially scarier and scarier. Part of the reason, like

388
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 1: I I'm very serious about the all girls education for

389
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 1: my girls is like because I feel like it in

390
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 1: some way, like in my brain, I feel like maybe

391
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 1: the chances of them having a school shooting in an

392
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 1: all girls school is lower, I swear to God, like

393
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 1: that's like I've never thought about that but that is

394
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 1: really smart and a good point. I mean, what did

395
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 1: you say to Bertie that night when she was like,

396
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 1: I'm scared of getting Like how do you talk to

397
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 1: your kids about this ship? Like even though she's logical

398
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: and kids are like, what do you say? Like, I

399
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: mean you comfort them, right, And we tell her that,

400
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: you know, we do the best that we can to

401
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 1: make sure she's the safest that she can be, and

402
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: that but that her fears are valid and that she

403
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 1: has a right to be scared of those things because

404
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 1: of the things that she hears in the world that

405
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 1: we live in, Like I don't want your guy to

406
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 1: keep sting like the news was on in my child

407
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 1: every day and you can't do that. You can't do that,

408
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,400
Speaker 1: like and we and we noticed because it's also really brutal.

409
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 1: We noticed that there were grandparents visiting and like grandparents

410
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 1: still love to watch the news, right, and and uh,

411
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 1: this was like when there was like a threat of

412
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 1: nuclear there was like a North Korean threat like a

413
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: year and a half ago something like that, and Bertie

414
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 1: was so like she was like, California is getting hit,

415
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 1: Like that's what they're saying. We're gonna there's gonna be

416
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: a nuclear bomb in California is gonna get hit. And

417
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 1: I mean I walked through the things with her, and

418
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 1: I was like, let's call your other grandfather because he's

419
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: a nuclear engineer, and I'm going to have him explained

420
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: to you. Yeah, I mean that was convenient, right, he's retired,

421
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 1: but like, but I was like, I'm gonna have him

422
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: explained to you, like what the reality of it is

423
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: and how this is probably just like a scare tactic.

424
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 1: And I tried to just give her all of the facts,

425
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 1: Like I'm not a parent, I'm very non judgmental to

426
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: anyone else's thing that they wanted to have their kids,

427
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 1: unless you're an anti vaxer, and then you can go

428
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 1: fuck yourself. But um sorry, I'm not sorry. Um but

429
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: I try to give Bertie like as much information as

430
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: I think is appropriate for her to handle at her age.

431
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 1: But you're lying to her. That's what you're not into.

432
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 1: You're not into like it's all going to be fun.

433
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,640
Speaker 1: I don't think that I do her any like when

434
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 1: she was crying about being afraid of being killed by

435
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 1: a gun. I don't think I would do her a

436
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: service as a parent to be like well, that's never

437
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 1: gonna happen, because like I don't fucking know, like you

438
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Maybe I'm wrong, but I just

439
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,360
Speaker 1: want to I want to tell her, like I want

440
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 1: to empower her with enough knowledge and also assure her

441
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,640
Speaker 1: that we are doing everything that we can to keep

442
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 1: her safe and that she should do be proactive and

443
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 1: keeping herself safe because that's also like part of the deal,

444
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: Like you gotta be proactive and keeping yourself safe and

445
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 1: being aware. How do you deal? So does she other

446
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: than that night and being having rage stuff? Does she

447
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 1: also struggle with anxiety? Either of your kids? And yeah,

448
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: she gets we see it, like we have to pay

449
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 1: close attention to when they're like big things coming up

450
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: for her like um and sometimes Mark, Mark and I

451
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: are getting better and better at it ten years in

452
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: nice getting good. That gives me hope because like, oh God,

453
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 1: like we for a long time, her birthday really gives

454
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,679
Speaker 1: her a lot of anxiety, like it stresses her out

455
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: and for a long time. But like inviting the friends,

456
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: just like the whole thing, like all of it is

457
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 1: just anxiety creating for her party causes her anxiety, feeling

458
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 1: like she doesn't want people to feel left out. She doesn't.

459
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:33,360
Speaker 1: She just genuinely it's like the week before her birthday.

460
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:37,120
Speaker 1: Every year since she was like three years old, she's

461
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: been a nightmare. It's like a week. It's like a

462
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 1: week of just like like temper tantrums, bad attitude, everything's wrong.

463
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until like two years ago, two years ago,

464
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 1: maybe three years ago that Mark and I are like, oh,

465
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 1: it's her birthday. Her birthday stresses her out, and we met,

466
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: we need to like try to how per so what's

467
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: the because it says I was like, you know, I

468
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 1: also sometimes go into like my parents are great and

469
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 1: weird and complicated in their own thing. But occasionally I

470
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,199
Speaker 1: will slip into like my mom's like nineteen fifties, like

471
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 1: you spoil, you're spoiled. I'm canceling your birthday parties like

472
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: I get, you know, like I catch myself doing this

473
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: cool your jets, like I said, I said cool your

474
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 1: jets once and I was like, okay, well now it's happened.

475
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: Now it's happened, Coolie fully cool your jets to Bertie

476
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: and she's like, what does that even mean? Like I

477
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 1: don't know something my mom used to say, um so yeah.

478
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,719
Speaker 1: So now we try to mitigate her stress leading up

479
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 1: to her birthday and try to like really like for me,

480
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,439
Speaker 1: I know that the thing that works best with anxiety

481
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 1: is giving voice to the anxiety. Like I was having

482
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: bad anxiety when I was pregnant with Cricket that I

483
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: was going to have a stillborn baby and so, but

484
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: I was afraid to even talk about it in therapy

485
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 1: because it would become true, right, and so I just

486
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: held it in for weeks and weeks and then like

487
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 1: was just spinning out in the craziest way. And then

488
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: finally I screamed at Mark like, you don't know how

489
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 1: it is I'm carrying a dead baby. And he's like,

490
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: oh no, oh no, what what happened? What's happening? How

491
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: long has this been going on? And I'm like, I

492
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: like four weeks, I don't know. And he's like it's okay,

493
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: like you know so and then once I came out

494
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: with it, blurted it out. I feel great. Yeah. I

495
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 1: was like, oh, now that I hear it, certainly that's

496
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: not true. It was at the doctor two weeks ago,

497
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: like everything, I could feel the baby, everything's fine. Um.

498
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 1: But so from knowing that about myself. We try to

499
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: be very communicative with Bertie and Anne Cricket, but really

500
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: with birds because she's the one that sort of tends

501
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: to have more of this of the anxiety and stress

502
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 1: and stuff. Um. But we're also really lucky because we

503
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: have a girl that's highly verbal and always has been.

504
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: She's amazing and I've seen her in her Yata performances.

505
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 1: She's amazing. She's so her, she's so Oh, that's so

506
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 1: funny that you say that, Katie, You've always like known Bertie.

507
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 1: I said to Mark the other day, I've never met

508
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,679
Speaker 1: anyone more themselves than Birdie. Bertie is so Bertie, like

509
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: it's crazy, Like she's just so um, it's incredible, Like

510
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 1: she's she she's a woman of her like she knows

511
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: what she wants, her opinions, she stands behind them like

512
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 1: it's it's amazing. Like she's so and she's always been

513
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: like since she was a little kid. And Cricket is

514
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 1: not like that, like Crickets like I mean, Crickets very

515
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: strong and amazing, but Cricket is like she's she's so

516
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 1: like I feel like she's very like jovial and like

517
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: like an angel, and she's truly, like a like a

518
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: spirit that I feel like is just visiting me, and

519
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: I'm like so lucky to be allowed to be around her.

520
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 1: She's five years old, but she still has such magical

521
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: thinking sometimes, like she says things to be a market.

522
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: We're just like, what, why are you talking about? Where

523
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 1: did you get that from? How does she deal with

524
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: Bertie's rage stuff? Like does that? Well, that's been tough

525
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 1: and that's something that we're working on as a family.

526
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 1: And we're going to go back to charts. Charts, chart charts,

527
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: tell me what behavioral chart we're going. We're gonna go

528
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 1: back to that um but we're but only in a

529
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: positive way because Brite is very smart obviously, but she

530
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: also but also like I need to take the negative

531
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: all all across the board, Like negative talks. So instead

532
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: of like, don't be rude, it's bad at use your

533
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 1: kind voice, you know, use your quiet use your quiet void.

534
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: These are some of the things that will be on

535
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: the chart. Use your kind voice, use your quiet voice.

536
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 1: And instead of when she starts getting into one of

537
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: her things saying like what's wrong with you? I almost

538
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: feel which is older than she is, Like I feel

539
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: like she's going through like teenage stuff now and how

540
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: old she's ten. But remember fourth and fifth grade as

541
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: a girl. I remember what that felt like a drama,

542
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 1: and that was the hardest year for me with fifth grade.

543
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: Fifth grade was no joke. It was no joke. So

544
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: that's what she's experiencing right now. It's almost like the

545
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: pre hormone surge is worse than when they really get

546
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: there they go through puberty at their period. So she

547
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to and it's for me too, because

548
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: I think I feel like a failure so many days

549
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 1: of the week with my kids where I feel like

550
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: I didn't remember to use a positive way of talking

551
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: to her when she was giving me attitude or refusing

552
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 1: to do her homework. I want to say, like, wrong

553
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 1: with you? And I know you're not supposed to say

554
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you because then they start thinking that

555
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: something's wrong with them. But I know sometimes I'm like,

556
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: what is wrong with you? I don't think it's necessarily

557
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I read a lot of books on this stuff,

558
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 1: and I feel like we're so like being in l

559
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: A and being you know, busy and Katie, I feel

560
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: like we're very good, you know, we're going to make

561
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: such an effort to make sure everything is so love

562
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: filled and stuff. But sometimes I think in this stuff

563
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: I read, we overdo it and like sometimes we have

564
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: to just be like it's not cool. Not cool, dude,

565
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: we're not being great. Yeah, we definitely knew that, but

566
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back. She I know, just obviously know

567
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: her so well. Um, she responds only to positive reinforcement.

568
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: She is like, there is nothing Bertie is so strong willed.

569
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 1: There is nothing in the world you could take away

570
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: from her or punish her with that she would care

571
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: about in that moment. Like if she if she was

572
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: like angry about something or like fixated on something, I

573
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: could be like, I'm taking away every thing in your room.

574
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: You'll have a mattress on the floor and she'll be like, great,

575
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: look forward to it. That is oh yeah, but then

576
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: you know that no, huh was Mark like that? Yeah?

577
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: That's Mark. Yeah. See, I think my son is Adam.

578
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 1: I wasn't like that either. My son's very like wants

579
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: what he wants when he wants it, and I'm not

580
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: like that at all. And we we tried when she

581
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: was a little like you get what you get, and

582
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: you don't get upset the monastory thing. And she was like,

583
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: but I'm going to get upset and here we are.

584
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: How do you tell the difference between this for me?

585
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: Like what would be like normal kid anxiety or normal

586
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: kid rage? And and I hate you to use that word,

587
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: but like versus okay, Like it's time to like see

588
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: a therap side help. We have outside help and we've

589
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 1: got how do you know how a therapist for UM

590
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: her for a little over a year now because it

591
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: was untenable in our home. It was like really and

592
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: I felt over whelmed and like I wasn't capable of

593
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: dealing with it and I didn't know. And I want

594
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: to give and I am able to provide these resources,

595
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: and I like and I know that I suffered from

596
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: anxiety that I didn't get help for when I was

597
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: a kid, and I wish I had because maybe I

598
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:19,959
Speaker 1: would have developed some self soothing mechanisms and some ways

599
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 1: to handle these things UM earlier in life, you know,

600
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: and it could have benefited me. Might not have had ibs.

601
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 1: We don't know. Maybe I wouldn't have become an actor,

602
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 1: is right? So what does she does she like it?

603
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: Does she like going is she like and I don't

604
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 1: want to go. No, she likes it. No, she looks

605
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 1: forward to it. She likes it. Um, but a lot,

606
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: a lot, a lot of her friends also see people.

607
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: I just got a text from my mom literally five

608
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: minutes ago looking for someone for her ten year old. Um.

609
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 1: There's just a lot going on in the world and

610
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: it's a lot for them to process. And I think

611
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: for kids that are aware, um and are paying attention.

612
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: And like you said, Bertie, it does seem so much

613
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: older than her ten years. It's wild. She seems like

614
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,479
Speaker 1: a fourteen year old. I mean, I know I only

615
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: said because I've babies, had a lot of kids, but

616
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: I really feel that way. When are you gonna do

617
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: shave a phone? When when am I allowing how the

618
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: to do that? Well, I don't know the rule. I mean,

619
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 1: like this is scaring the ship out of it. Yeah,

620
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I know you're super open and cool too.

621
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: You know, they're on your social media and I think

622
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: that's but I but you know, I have but like

623
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: you know, I have, like I have my own roles

624
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,959
Speaker 1: about that. You have your own rules with what you

625
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: allow to be on about them? Well, like what you post, Well,

626
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: first of all, they both have approval always, like I

627
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: ask permission before I ever post any photo of either

628
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:56,479
Speaker 1: of them. I say, Cricket, her understanding of it is

629
00:33:56,600 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: obviously way less, but I still obviously ask her that

630
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: I show her the picture, and I say, I'm going

631
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 1: to post this on my social media, so lots of

632
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: people are going to see it, like people that I'm

633
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 1: friends with, and then people that I'm not friends with

634
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 1: in real life but like they like looking at my pictures?

635
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: Is this okay for me to post? And she's like, yeah, um, Bertie,

636
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 1: major joy to my life, Bertie. Bertie has not only

637
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: photo approval, Bertie has caption approval as well. Because one

638
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 1: trend that I don't particularly love, although again I try

639
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: to be not judging, is like a snarky a snarky

640
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 1: like comment that's meant to be funny about like how

641
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 1: much of an asshole your kids are? Like I, you know,

642
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: and I've seen that, like with people who like choose

643
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: to not show their children's faces on social media, but

644
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: then are like, but my kids a fucking dick, And

645
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: it's like, well, okay, what are we doing? You know

646
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: what I mean, what are we doing? What are we doing?

647
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 1: Why are we doing this? And like, I know we

648
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 1: can all agree that, like there are frustrating moments in

649
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: parenting and things are tough, and like I've posted like

650
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: Bertie giving me an attitude face before, which she's like

651
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 1: approved me. She's all about it, She's like, yeah, post

652
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 1: my attitude. So but do you know what I mean? So, Like,

653
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,399
Speaker 1: so that's one of the rules. Um, if I'm ever

654
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 1: doing like a paid post for Instagram and they're involved

655
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 1: in it, I pay them. They have an account, that's

656
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. Well they're working, I mean they're working. Yeah,

657
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem right. I mean, like you know that's

658
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 1: so we so we have they have separate account obviously,

659
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 1: they have like separate bank accounts. And then we pull

660
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: like a percentage. What well, it's like I think I

661
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 1: just give them ten percent of what I make on

662
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 1: the post. When is Bertie and Cricket when are they

663
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: allowed to have their own social media accounts? Like when

664
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: does that happen? Bertie has a private one, like a

665
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: deep private one that I that we monitor closely, because

666
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 1: part of what I felt like was important was that

667
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 1: I'm not again like I feel like knowledge is hour

668
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: and so I want to give her, like all of

669
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: the tools and help her and in making good decisions

670
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: about what how to communicate on social media and what

671
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 1: to communicate on social media. And that's part of the

672
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: reason too, why, Like very early on, I um included

673
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: them in the process of you know, approving the pictures

674
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 1: and the captain explaining to them what the captions mean

675
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 1: or whatever. You know. Um so I feel like you

676
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: have such a good relationship all stuff, and it doesn't

677
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,919
Speaker 1: cause you much stress or anxiety, Like I don't. You're

678
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: pretty good with this. I don't have stress about it.

679
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 1: Like I got a little bit. I got really upset

680
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago because I did post a photo

681
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: of Bertie and there were a bunch of people like

682
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: commenting about her, ears like about her, and I started

683
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,360
Speaker 1: and I got like and I that I got panicky

684
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: and like I got I delete anything for my social media.

685
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 1: I've never deleted anything, and I have like a thing

686
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 1: about it. But because you feel like it should be

687
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: up there, like that's why, Because I feel like if

688
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: I make the decision to put it up there, then

689
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to leave it up. It's not it's something

690
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,359
Speaker 1: that I've thought about. Do you ever delete comments. Yeah,

691
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: I delete, like the really crazy I block and delete people.

692
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no, but I don't delete like my

693
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:26,280
Speaker 1: own personal plan. Do you make the decision to post,

694
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: then I've made that choice to deal, right right, that's great.

695
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: What's a good rule to have? You need to like

696
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: write this book. I love your book and also the

697
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: book of how to live with social media in a

698
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: way that works for you. Because I think, I mean,

699
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: I haven't posted pictures of valb me not because I

700
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: don't want to. I'm just completely anxious written whatever the

701
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 1: word with the decision. I can't decide. So therefore I'm

702
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: just like I don't know, I don't know, no know,

703
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 1: today's today. I don't know. I can't decide. Like Adam

704
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 1: and I are like it's almost become too big of

705
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,919
Speaker 1: a thing now, releas and cons of like yeah yeah,

706
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 1: and I think that, like, um, because I want to

707
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: hear how crazy I am, though truly I don't know,

708
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: Like this is how crazy I am. I sort of

709
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: like I'm like terrified of my kids getting kidnapped always,

710
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 1: and I feel like because they're so recognizable, they have

711
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 1: they have less of a chance of getting kidnapped That's

712
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 1: how I've like justified a lot of it in my

713
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: brain and like because at one point I was like, well,

714
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: maybe they're too recognizable, and then like blah blah blah,

715
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: and then I was like, no, no, it's the opposite.

716
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 1: I don't know, you're going the opposite people Like what

717
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 1: if you pose a picture of your kid and then

718
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 1: people think you're really rich and their famous and they

719
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 1: take you from their school for ransom. Yeah. The other

720
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 1: point is I think the kidnapping. I mean again, I

721
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: read a lot of books on this ship, but like

722
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 1: since we came about in the age of like kids

723
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: being on milk curtains, the actual statistics of kids being

724
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:55,280
Speaker 1: kidnapped is like, especially with strangers, the kids are kidnapped

725
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 1: one of the parents and it's ugly it is, but

726
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 1: actual strangers coming to take your child. It's very how

727
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 1: you're younger than you, Yeah, you're younger than me. I'm

728
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: thirty nine, but like, yeah, for me growing up, the

729
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: two things that were the biggest fears were kidnappings and

730
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 1: then AIDS because we came of like age harding. Yeah,

731
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: like Ryan White Also, by the way, you heard that

732
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: like the AIDS epidemic is up again because they've stopped

733
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 1: teaching AIDS awareness in school because it was condoms. We

734
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: were drilled into me and you like business, I mean gross,

735
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: they were drilled into us like serious as very serious

736
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 1: and you have sex out econom you're getting as well.

737
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 1: They really have pulled back on that and it's about AIDS.

738
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,879
Speaker 1: I just like had to car to your kids about sex.

739
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: Yet Oh yeah, I need to talk to me what

740
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm scared. First of all, I know for girls.

741
00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 1: I don't know about alb I don't know what we're

742
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 1: doing with him, but I do know it. I mean,

743
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: I'm completely horrified. Like I watched the watch No, I

744
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: mean yes, and no, I was a girl there who

745
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: was crying and she said, I have something really dark

746
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: to say, but like, I this is so fucked up.

747
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 1: But she was like I was at a frat party

748
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: and I was there was wine, there was something put

749
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: in my wine, and I woke up the next morning

750
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 1: and I was raped by multiple men and they took

751
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 1: photos and I was sexually assaulted. And it was actually

752
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: like an incredible moment for the batchler to have to

753
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 1: be honest because it was like not edited and not

754
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 1: with too music and there weren't roses involved. It was

755
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: actually like and I was so fucking upset to have

756
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 1: a son, Like I was like, Adam, who the funk

757
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: are these guys? What the funk is wrong with these people?

758
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: Like now that I'm raising a son in this day

759
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 1: and age, it's like, I'm so worried about his penis,

760
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 1: like and the choices he will make, and how I

761
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: will raise a son to treat women like I want

762
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 1: him Adams, like Albie will be horrified at all times.

763
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,239
Speaker 1: He's just gonna be scared women. I'm like, great, I

764
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: just wanted to be scared of, Like, I mean, it's

765
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 1: just two Who are these people? But anyway, you're raising girls,

766
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 1: I'm raising boys. How do you talk to them about sex?

767
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 1: If you have yet? Um? Well not the five year

768
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: old Bertie asked me a year and a half ago.

769
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 1: She said, I have a question for you. Something doesn't

770
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,399
Speaker 1: make sense to me. If I have half of your

771
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,360
Speaker 1: DNA and half of Dad's DNA, but you grew me

772
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:26,439
Speaker 1: inside your uterus, how did half of Dad's DNA get

773
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,880
Speaker 1: in me? And I was like, well, if we're gonna

774
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:34,280
Speaker 1: be scientific about it, And I was convinced that somebody

775
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: had told her at school, and she was like testing me.

776
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 1: The thing that Michelle had told me and that I

777
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: had read in another book is that like you kind

778
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 1: of want to be as like chill about it as

779
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 1: possible and not make it like the talk. And so

780
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 1: we were just in the car on the way to

781
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: school and I was like, oh, well, that's because there's

782
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: this thing called sex that you do when you want

783
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: a baby. That's how you get a baby. Great actress,

784
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 1: because that just sounds really believable, throw away, you know,

785
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:05,759
Speaker 1: it seems really And she's like, what is sex? And

786
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,919
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, wow, so you know how boys

787
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 1: have penises and girls have vaginas. And I just explained

788
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: it to her like very plain, and she was laughing

789
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: hysterically thought it was like the funniest thing on earth.

790
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 1: We like, later that afternoon, got home, like got into

791
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 1: the driveway at the same time as Mark, and she

792
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: got out of the car and she's like, Mom, tell

793
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 1: dad what you told me about so bert so Bertie.

794
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 1: And I was like, I told Bertie about sex and

795
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: about how babies are made, how she has why she

796
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: has half of my d your DNA and my d

797
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,439
Speaker 1: N A by the way, obviously Mark already knew because

798
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: I called him like hysterical after I like put her

799
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 1: on the bus and and he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, buddy,

800
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 1: would you think about that? She's like it's grows And

801
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 1: I was like, cool, I think you're such a great mom.

802
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: You really are. I don't know, I feel like I

803
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: was feeling. I like had to pay. I had a

804
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: panic attack at the Busy Tonight offices because I couldn't

805
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: figure out cookie selling for Girl Scouts And I was like, what,

806
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: I don't understand it, and the moms, all the other moms, no,

807
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 1: and I don't know, and how do you get a thing?

808
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: And my sister, who's a producer on the show, was like, Okay,

809
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: I'll walk you through the website. It's not a big deal.

810
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 1: It's just a website. It doesn't mean anything about you

811
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: as a fair How did they feel about you working

812
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: crazy hours? Are they used to it because you always

813
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: have been? No? Because I haven't been, and especially for

814
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: like about three years between Cougar Town. Yeah, well I

815
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 1: did Vice Principles, but it was so so the schedule

816
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 1: was so chill. Are they cool with coming with you

817
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,439
Speaker 1: when you like travel for shooting. Um, well, I don't

818
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 1: travel like by rule really for that much stuff. Vice

819
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: Principles was a special case because Danny McBride had said,

820
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 1: we're going to shoot it over the summer, so they're

821
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 1: out of school. So they're out of school. Anyway, in Charleston,

822
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 1: we had like the best time ever delicious, So they

823
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 1: don't even really think of that as that I was

824
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:10,919
Speaker 1: on a TV show then, like I was, yeah, yeah, yeah,

825
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,839
Speaker 1: they didn't. They didn't notice. Do you have any sort

826
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,439
Speaker 1: of rules like I don't go more than three nights?

827
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: I'll putting into bed if you're here? Like are they

828
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 1: good with being put to bed with someone else? Like

829
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,879
Speaker 1: how do you deal with all that? Yeah, well I'm

830
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: lucky here. I only miss one bedtime a week. I

831
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: mean dreams. It's a dreams, um. And that's because you

832
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: probably made your own schedule, yes, and then beyond that, um,

833
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,280
Speaker 1: you know, in the last several years, like since Cougar

834
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: Trying to ended, I had been offered a bunch of

835
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: different projects that didn't shoot in Los Angeles, and you know,

836
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: to be fair, none of them were you know, Shonda

837
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: Rhymes or um like starring Meryl Street. So it was

838
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 1: like easier for me to say now, um, but it's

839
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: just not it's not something that I'm able to do.

840
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 1: I turned down like a part. I was offered a

841
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: part in a really big movie and I turned it

842
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 1: down because I would miss crickets third birthday a few

843
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 1: years ago, and I was just like, it's just not

844
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: fucking worth it ultimately, and like find that movie was

845
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 1: huge and fine, but like it doesn't have the priority shift.

846
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 1: It is a really I mean, I didn't believe it

847
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 1: before I got pregnant. I was always like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

848
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 1: like moms, you know, the baby becomes you know, the

849
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: top priority all these things, and it's not going to

850
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 1: be that way for me. Like and now that I'm

851
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: on the other side, it really just is. Well it is.

852
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 1: But it's also like if you're able to, if you

853
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 1: have you know, it's a privilege that I'm able, you

854
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 1: know what the best way and the want the I mean,

855
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 1: the priority shift is like in in no way shape

856
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 1: form the bat It's like like I did Broadway and

857
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: it almost I started counting down and show eight nine,

858
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: not because it wasn't a great experience, but because only

859
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 1: putting my kid to bed one night week sucked and

860
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 1: I hated it. And that's the most I mean to me,

861
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 1: bedtime is the most special thing, and like that was

862
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,439
Speaker 1: the thing that always when I was working on Cougar Town.

863
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: The hours were crazy, Like I felt so lucky when

864
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 1: I would get to go put Bertie to bed or

865
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 1: you know. And then when Cricket was born and I

866
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 1: went back to work immediately, I was so lucky that

867
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 1: I was able to afford that baby nurse who just

868
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: like came to work with me in the baby and

869
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 1: I made my dressing room and nursery and every you

870
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 1: know break I had. I was like upstairs with this newborn,

871
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 1: falling in love with her, her little weird, magical elfself.

872
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: She's just wild, She's so wild. Busy Phillips, Yes, what

873
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 1: a great name, Busy Pips of busy tonight. What do

874
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 1: you have any advice for parents who might be struggling

875
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 1: with anxiety themselves because of the world around them, or

876
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,479
Speaker 1: with kids that are struggling with anxiety. Yeah, I think

877
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 1: like to not to. I think that destigmatizing all of

878
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: this stuff is the where we're where we're at now,

879
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,839
Speaker 1: like culturally, and I think it's so important. It's why

880
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,919
Speaker 1: I talked about on social media. It's why I think

881
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 1: like podcasts like this are all important. Um and I

882
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 1: think that you have to understand that, um, there's nothing

883
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 1: wrong with you and be willing to reach out and

884
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: get help. And if and if you know, budgetary constraints

885
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 1: are a concern, it's like we're not budgeted to find

886
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 1: our kids a therapist. There are plenty of resources for

887
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: parents both you know you can get. There are lots

888
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: of books. People love books, You love books, love books.

889
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 1: There's also like a lot. I remember when I first

890
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: moved l A and I was so fucking broken. I

891
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: was so um depressed and like not well and I

892
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,399
Speaker 1: really needed a therapist. But I found one who was like,

893
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 1: you know, not an assistance assistant. She was a therapist,

894
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: but she had just graduated and she was looking for

895
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 1: her hours, yes, and she was sliding scale. So I

896
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:54,280
Speaker 1: could only give her. I could only give her twenty

897
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 1: five dollars. And I gotta say, I've been with her

898
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: now for ten years, and every job I get, I've

899
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 1: gone up and now I'm matter of fee. We came

900
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: up together. But like when I started, I was like,

901
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 1: I have but I need I need help. I know

902
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,399
Speaker 1: I can't do this by myself, and my friends are

903
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: sick of there me and they can't hear it either.

904
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: And I really feel like my life is swelling apart

905
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to be able to Like honestly,

906
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 1: I truly don't think I would have had success in

907
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: as an actor or been able to find Adam without

908
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: my therapist at all. I mean, I think it's just

909
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 1: an important thing for people. My sister and I talked

910
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 1: about it because she lived in Arizona for a early

911
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 1: long time and she was like, people busy people in

912
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 1: Arizona don't talk about about like this kind of thing,

913
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 1: like mental people don't talk about mental illness, and like, well,

914
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 1: maybe we all need to start talking about mental illness.

915
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 1: And the thing is with your kids too, Like here's

916
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: the way we talked about it with Bertie, Like, dude,

917
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: we take you to the dentist, you go to the orthodontist,

918
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,319
Speaker 1: you go to your pediatrician, you get your shots. You're

919
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 1: going to this doctor because the same thing. It's just

920
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,760
Speaker 1: for your brain, and your brain needs to be tuned

921
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 1: up to like just like your teeth need to be

922
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 1: white and clean and no cavities, like we need to

923
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 1: get the cavities out of your brain, and like if

924
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,919
Speaker 1: it's preventing you from doing your best at school, doing

925
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: your best with your friends, doing your best at home

926
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 1: with us, like what, there's nothing weird about that, Like

927
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 1: people are That's what this guy's job is. He's there

928
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 1: to help us. And I'm so grateful for him. And

929
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: so I think, like, if you have a kid, if

930
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 1: you see, especially when your kids get older, like don't wait.

931
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 1: The other thing is schools. I know, I know that

932
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 1: school systems go through different things, and so your your

933
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: school system might not have the resources available to you,

934
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,399
Speaker 1: but teachers by and large do want to help, and

935
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 1: like reaching out and being communicative with teachers is a

936
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: game changer. And it was something that weirdly, I was

937
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 1: afraid to do because like tell these you're like, we're

938
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: struggling with this plan. It's because our representative. We're like

939
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 1: we don't want to show. It's always lately in us

940
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:01,879
Speaker 1: as mom that like nothing's wrong, don't look over here.

941
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 1: We're perfect, Like it's perfect, I'm perfect. We're all good.

942
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 1: But also I had a thing just from my own

943
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 1: childhood and my own life where I felt like um

944
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: like almost like afraid to talk to the teachers and administrators.

945
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get in trouble my own kids school.

946
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: But now I've realized, like we especially this year, like

947
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 1: being communicative with the teachers and the administrators and the

948
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 1: school therapists and the people who are there and are

949
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,239
Speaker 1: you know, they want your kid to succeed to that's

950
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 1: their this is their job. It's literally their business, you know.

951
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 1: And um, they didn't get into it because they're like

952
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 1: bad people children got They got into it because they

953
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:47,839
Speaker 1: want to They want to help kids, and they want

954
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 1: to help kids, um, you know, become the best versions

955
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:54,280
Speaker 1: of themselves. And so like to really as a parent

956
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 1: know that you can find resources within your child school

957
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:03,760
Speaker 1: as well. It's a great call to because there's always

958
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,879
Speaker 1: and also like taught to your kids to like there's

959
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 1: always like a teacher that a kid really connects to. Always,

960
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 1: like whether it's like like right now, my daughter is

961
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 1: having like just a total love affair with her art

962
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 1: teacher and her art She's like eating lunch with her

963
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 1: art teacher, and like she's just taken this like vested

964
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: interest in Bertie and her talents and abilities and like

965
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:25,399
Speaker 1: so reaching out to that person and saying like, hey,

966
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:27,839
Speaker 1: have you noticed this? What's it like at school? This

967
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 1: is what I'm hearing, like, this is what we're dealing

968
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 1: with after school. Because also for a long time with

969
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 1: Bertie and her anxiety, it was only manifesting at home,

970
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: like she wasn't at school. She was like holding it,

971
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 1: to holding it, to holding it, holding it, holding it,

972
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 1: holding it, and then she would get home and you know,

973
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: and so like I was like, well, I'm not going

974
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: to tell the school that she's having you. We can

975
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: hide it behind our doors. But I wish I would

976
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 1: have earlier because then I would have known some of

977
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 1: the things that were happening, and they could have helped

978
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 1: me with the intervention at school, like hey, are you

979
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed right now? Do you want to take a walk?

980
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 1: Like do you need a break? And I think that

981
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: that's just I don't know, valid it's hard for bath. No,

982
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,399
Speaker 1: it's brilliant. It's hard for us to ask for help

983
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:16,839
Speaker 1: even still like it just istally it's like still even

984
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:19,360
Speaker 1: though I know it's like the number one thing to

985
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 1: being like the best mom I can be is asking

986
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: other people to help me do it. You know what else?

987
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:29,920
Speaker 1: Really all anxiety at some salt baths. Why do I

988
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 1: not like that? You post your fucking photos in a

989
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 1: bath and it looks so great, and I'm like, I

990
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 1: don't think I've taken a bathroom tenures? Do you do

991
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 1: have some salts? I get like weird about bathing and

992
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 1: dirty water. First, that's insane, like like water with skin

993
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 1: cells in it. I'm like, think about how like every

994
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,799
Speaker 1: baby book you read before you have a baby, they

995
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: were like set the bedtime routine, a warm bath, and

996
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: then like it makes sense, it's part of the wine down,

997
00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 1: and then you lose it, like somewhere around I want

998
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 1: to say first or second grade, like the bath that's

999
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:06,439
Speaker 1: go away because you're just like you don't have time

1000
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: throw in the Yeah, the kids like kids prefer showers

1001
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 1: like whatever. We've recently come back to the baths as

1002
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 1: like a chill down, brilliant chill down for you and

1003
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 1: for Bernie and Cricket. We don't take them together, no,

1004
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: but like you have a bath before you go to

1005
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: bed when you're stressed, and Bernie does, yes, and now

1006
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 1: and now if I see Bertie, if I can feel it,

1007
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,799
Speaker 1: it's like a little itch, like from the inside out,

1008
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: and I can see it on her face. I'm like, dude,

1009
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 1: I'm gonna run an EPs some salt bath for you.

1010
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 1: Put a little lavender oil in there. Out children, right out,

1011
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:42,800
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. That's almost eleven. She's like it's great,

1012
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 1: and sometimes she's like I don't want to do it,

1013
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:47,280
Speaker 1: and then she gets in and she gets out afterwards,

1014
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 1: and she's so chill. It's like without fail every time.

1015
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 1: And whenever I'm feeling like a lot of anxiety, you

1016
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 1: take a bath. But epsom salts the key. I have

1017
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 1: them sitting next to my bath. Never used it. Going

1018
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: to tonight. EPs some salts also, like I am, I

1019
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: should be sponsored by UP some salts. But like that

1020
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 1: some salt counsel. There has to be some salts. Hello. Yeah,

1021
00:54:11,719 --> 00:54:13,520
Speaker 1: Like I can't even say the word what the fund

1022
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 1: is it? I don't even know it's magnesium. And it's

1023
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 1: like you act but anyway you all I think about

1024
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 1: it too, is like actors don't they take baths in

1025
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 1: like a ton of salt when they have to drop

1026
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 1: a shipload away before a sex scene. Yeah, it also

1027
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 1: makes too skinny, so there eight never even saw that

1028
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: to at least two cups of EPs, some salts. You

1029
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 1: make careful with EPs some salts and little kids though,

1030
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 1: because you can't drink it. So like, if your kid

1031
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 1: is still drinking bath, it's not for you. This is

1032
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: a helpful tip tip. But if you have an older child,

1033
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 1: like I have an older child who's not like sucking

1034
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 1: on the wath flattery doesn't know, she's like would never

1035
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 1: dream of it. Um, she can take an epsom salt bath.

1036
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: And she also has like growing pains now, so helps everything.

1037
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 1: This is all coming down the pipe, busy Phillips. Thank

1038
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 1: you for taking time. I love you very much. Thank

1039
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 1: you for all of your wise words and advice and

1040
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:11,399
Speaker 1: guidance and just experiences. We all benefit from them. We're

1041
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: all of us doing your best. Thank you guys so

1042
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: much for listening and for your amazing feedback and tweets

1043
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 1: and messages and reviews and sharing Katie's crib with your

1044
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 1: friends and your family. It means so so much to me.

1045
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,360
Speaker 1: So please keep it coming and check us out on

1046
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 1: shaunda land dot com. Make sure to subscribe so you

1047
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 1: never miss an episode. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher,

1048
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:33,880
Speaker 1: and wherever you get your podcasts.