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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.

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Speaker 2: I feeling fresh as a daisy, I mean, and I'm

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Speaker 2: in a really really positive space.

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Speaker 1: I had a positive mood.

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Speaker 2: I've been reading like a little chapter from Letting Go

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Speaker 2: every morning just to make sure I had my head

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Speaker 2: on straight, along with my meditation and my gratitude.

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Speaker 1: And I mean that takes a long time.

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Speaker 2: Actually, every morning I have to like get ready, like

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Speaker 2: and it takes like an hour, but it's worth it

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Speaker 2: because it puts my head on straight. I had a

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Speaker 2: lot of crazy little things this weekend, and I just

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Speaker 2: chose not to let any of them deter me and

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Speaker 2: stay positive and vibrant and high. And I was there

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Speaker 2: was a man sitting next to me on a plane

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Speaker 2: and could have gone either way. It really could have

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Speaker 2: gone south, and I made sure that it did not

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Speaker 2: good And luckily I had a huge set of headphones

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Speaker 2: on me.

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Speaker 1: Excellent, just tune everybody out, and just tune everybody out

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Speaker 1: and just keep the vibes high.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and then people were recommending me to read this

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Speaker 2: other book, Power Versus Force, which is really about physics

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Speaker 2: and quantum physics and which is really like I've never

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Speaker 2: read anything like that, and I'm into it because, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it kind of explains your energy field and why there

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Speaker 2: is energy coming off of everything, and like its relation

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Speaker 2: to kinesiology, you know how like if you're around something

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Speaker 2: that's not good for you, like say artificial sweeteners or something,

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Speaker 2: and they press your arm down on what, like, your

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Speaker 2: arm will have less strength than it. And I once

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Speaker 2: went to this spa in Salzburg, Switzerland, or maybe it

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Speaker 2: was ober Salzburg, I don't know, I don't know, somewhere

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Speaker 2: where Hitler came from. And I and they did a

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Speaker 2: lot of kinesiology testing there. They figure out what you're

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Speaker 2: allergic to, so they put like dander on your leg

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Speaker 2: and then then you do a strength test and if

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Speaker 2: you are strong, you're not allergic to dander, if you're

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Speaker 2: weak when it's on there, And it's pretty fascinating when

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Speaker 2: you see that because you like shows your allergies right away.

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Speaker 2: But all that stuff is like so hard to measure,

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Speaker 2: so like it's scientific. Yet people are a little bit

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Speaker 2: resistant to that philosophy because they don't see it as

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Speaker 2: easily measured. But anyway, I also had a Celsius this morning,

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Speaker 2: so they are out of my little energy packets from Keani.

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Speaker 2: They had me made these little natural guarana energy packets

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Speaker 2: because I don't drink coffee, so I would take those

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Speaker 2: every morning when i'd wake up, and they discontinued them. No,

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Speaker 2: so I had a Celsius on my way to Ben

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Speaker 2: Bruno this morning. No, you're really rocking, So now I'm

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Speaker 2: fucking out of my tree. Yeah, Indianapolis, Saint Louis, and

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Speaker 2: Kansas City this weekend. And if you haven't gotten your

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Speaker 2: tickets yet, I don't even even know what to say

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Speaker 2: to you.

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Speaker 1: All right, should we introduce the guest? Yes, I'm so

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Speaker 1: excited to talk to him. I haven't seen him in years,

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Speaker 1: but I've seen him on TV. Now, please welcome Zachary Quinto.

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Speaker 3: Hi, Kutie, how are you?

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Speaker 1: I was so you know what, I was so excited.

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Speaker 2: I don't really care when people actually come to my

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Speaker 2: house or not for podcast purposes, as long as I

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Speaker 2: don't really have to go far.

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Speaker 1: But I was kind of looking.

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Speaker 2: Forward to giving you a big hug with your masculine

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Speaker 2: with your big, hot, masculine body.

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Speaker 1: I haven't seen you in so long.

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Speaker 3: A long time. I was thinking today as well, how

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Speaker 3: much I was looking forward to connecting with you. It's

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Speaker 3: nice to see you again.

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Speaker 2: You know what I did something so embarrassing, but of

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Speaker 2: course I know. I can tell you. I was at

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Speaker 2: this restaurant in Santa Mona and I saw Zachary Levi

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Speaker 2: and I was talking to him like it was you

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Speaker 2: until halfway through the real conversation he said, are you

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Speaker 2: seeing anyone now? And I don't remember what he said,

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Speaker 2: but he intimated somehow. He was, you know, seeing a

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Speaker 2: woman and I was like a woman.

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Speaker 1: He said, what are you?

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Speaker 2: What are you talking about? He said, what are you

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Speaker 2: talking about? And then I was like, this is not

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Speaker 2: who I think it is.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 2: So it's like I have the condition that you have

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Speaker 2: on your show. Mind yeah, r pro subpagno show. That

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Speaker 2: sounds like a word I want to add to my

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Speaker 2: reports one.

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Speaker 3: It's a real well, it's a good out in situations

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Speaker 3: like that. I'm so sorry, exactly like I suffered from

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Speaker 3: pressy pagnosia. I thought you were someone else. That is

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Speaker 3: a good a good way to exit the awkward situation

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Speaker 3: if you have to.

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Speaker 1: And what is it called? What is the layman term

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Speaker 1: for that?

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Speaker 3: Face blindness?

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Speaker 2: Face blindness which your character on your show brilliant minds,

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Speaker 2: which is fucking awesome. By the way, I just watched

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Speaker 2: three episodes. Wow, you had me working out for three

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Speaker 2: hours this morning.

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Speaker 3: Because I was like, he looks so amazing. I'll take

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Speaker 3: all the.

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Speaker 1: Credit and that I'll play the next one.

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Speaker 2: But that's a great show on Peacock that I didn't

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Speaker 2: know about and now I know about, and we need

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Speaker 2: to tell everybody that doesn't know about it how great

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Speaker 2: it is.

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Speaker 1: Because first of all, I love a procedural, don't you too.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely I love.

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Speaker 2: And I love the premise, and I love a doctor

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Speaker 2: for good, taking chances, taking risks for the good of

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Speaker 2: everybody's because there's obviously a very metaphysical aspect to this pow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you know the it's based on a real

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Speaker 3: life person. I think that's always a good place to

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Speaker 3: start when we're talking about brilliant minds. It's based on

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Speaker 3: Oliver Sacks. Actually, this is right at my desk. I

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Speaker 3: didn't plant that, but he has a book coming out,

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Speaker 3: edited by Kate Edgar, who heads the Oliver Sacks Foundation.

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Speaker 3: Oliver Sax was a prolific author as well as a

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Speaker 3: revolutionary neurologist in the mid twentieth century, and he wrote

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Speaker 3: dozens and dozens of books case studies about his patients

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Speaker 3: and the man in Musuki's way, his for a hat,

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Speaker 3: most notably Awakenings, many many music Ophelia, Anthropologists to Mars,

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Speaker 3: and tons of books that hero. He also wrote many

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Speaker 3: essays and gave many lectures and speeches. He was an

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Speaker 3: incredible man and he was driven by the pursuit of

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Speaker 3: understanding who his patients were before they were stricken with

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Speaker 3: whatever neurologic condition, disease, disorder, or injury befell them. And

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Speaker 3: he was always that was always his north star. The

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Speaker 3: engine of his purpose was to find their dignity and

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Speaker 3: their sense of personhood within whatever they were struggling with.

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Speaker 3: And it set him apart in a lot of ways,

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Speaker 3: and he really revolutionized the field of medicine and also

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Speaker 3: the field of literature. Right because medicine has become so diagnostic,

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Speaker 3: and technology and the advancements of technology for allowed medicine

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Speaker 3: to become so diagnostic, we lost the humanity of medicine.

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Speaker 3: And Oliver Sacks was somebody who was pretty singularly interested

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Speaker 3: in resurrecting the humanity of medicine. And so our show,

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Speaker 3: while I don't play all Over Sacks. I play a

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Speaker 3: character who is based on him. In every aspect of

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Speaker 3: the character that I play is drawn from the actual

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Speaker 3: life of all Over Sacks, but the character that I

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Speaker 3: play exists in a modern day's story, in a world

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Speaker 3: that's taking place right now.

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Speaker 2: Getting this role must have really added to your own

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Speaker 2: kind of I want to say spirituality, but perhaps there's

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Speaker 2: a better word for it, consciousness. Consciousness, Yes, thank you,

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Speaker 2: there you go. Consciousness has it, Yes.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent. It's really kind of been amazing for

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Speaker 3: me to zoom out and see how all of my

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Speaker 3: experiences have brought me to this place. Just the idea of, like,

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Speaker 3: where are our journeys take us right? And that at

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Speaker 3: this moment, particular moment that I'm playing this role in

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Speaker 3: this show and putting this message out into the world,

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Speaker 3: there are no mistakes, I find, and I do feel

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Speaker 3: like it is a an evolution of where I've been.

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Speaker 3: And I think Oliver Sacks and my intersection with him.

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Speaker 3: I sadly never got to meet him while he was

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Speaker 3: still alive, but my intersection with him in this creative

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Speaker 3: way and in this profoundly meaningful way to me is

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Speaker 3: something very special and so Oliver Sacks was somebody who

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Speaker 3: was really designed to examine the last frontier of the

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Speaker 3: human experience, which is the brain, the mind, and consciousness.

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Speaker 3: And I know, Chelsea, you know we share this quest

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Speaker 3: in our own journeys in individual ways, like you and

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Speaker 3: I are both. I think one of the reasons why

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Speaker 3: I've always been so drawn to you is, you know,

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Speaker 3: we're very similar age and and we I think you're

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Speaker 3: just as you're You're curious in a similar way to me.

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Speaker 3: And what I've watched of you and read of you

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Speaker 3: and know of you, you know you and I kind

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Speaker 3: of will never stop digging. And all of our Sacks

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Speaker 3: was like that, right, So the excavation, the process of

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Speaker 3: excavation of who we are as human beings is something

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Speaker 3: that drove him and motivated him. And similarly, I think

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Speaker 3: it drives me and motivates me and you too. And

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Speaker 3: so it's no mistake that we're all talking about this

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Speaker 3: right now, and so in terms of consciousness and where

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Speaker 3: we are in consciousness right now, I think it is

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Speaker 3: a pivotal moment in our evolution as a civilization as

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Speaker 3: a species. And I think all of our Sacks is

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Speaker 3: as much a part of that conversation as you and

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Speaker 3: I are right now, it's sitting here in.

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Speaker 1: The slash yeah, and including everybody.

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Speaker 2: Actually it's a world yeah, because I think we were

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Speaker 2: just talking about that book Letting Go. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you've read that. Have you ever read that by

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Speaker 2: David Hawkins. It's a great book about consciousness.

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Speaker 1: But it's just about you know, how leading with love, and.

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Speaker 2: Like love really is the answer to everything, Like you know,

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Speaker 2: stop resisting, stop fighting, stop arguing, stop being negative, stop

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Speaker 2: getting in negative patterns that you can't get out of,

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Speaker 2: but you can get out of them. It's never too

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Speaker 2: late to get out of your negativity. And like the

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Speaker 2: vibes bring the vibes up, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: When you're around somebody and you leave them and you

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Speaker 2: feel better after having seen them, that's because they have

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Speaker 2: high vibes and then they are infecting you by osmosis

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Speaker 2: with their high vibes. And my goal and our goal

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Speaker 2: is a plant should obviously be like you know, so

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Speaker 2: much love could heal and hate doesn't bring us anything good.

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Speaker 1: It just brings us more acrimony.

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy to hear you say this, And just

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Speaker 3: to piggyback on that. You know, we are living in

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Speaker 3: this moment right now. It is such an unprecedented time

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Speaker 3: what we're experiencing right now. The ground is shifting beneath

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Speaker 3: our feet as we're standing on it. So there's an

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Speaker 3: urgent need right now. The urgent need of the time

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Speaker 3: right now is for exactly what you're saying, is for

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Speaker 3: everybody who has even the faintest inkling of that sensibility

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Speaker 3: that you just articulated, to do whatever they can do

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Speaker 3: to tune their listening to that vibration and allow that

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Speaker 3: vibration to strengthen within them, and then allow that strengthening

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Speaker 3: the vibration within them to reverberate in other people that

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Speaker 3: will then continue to amplify that out and out and out.

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Speaker 3: And what we're witnessing right now, in my estimation, is

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Speaker 3: that collectively, we have decided to focus on the wrong

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Speaker 3: things and all of this attention. If you look at

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Speaker 3: how it's built and built and built, and it's really

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Speaker 3: building to this election, isn't it right? You look at

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Speaker 3: how it's built, and I'm not just talking about in

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Speaker 3: the United States, but just in terms of you know,

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Speaker 3: the broader spectrum, we have created these paradigms that are

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Speaker 3: based in the binary one way or the other, right

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Speaker 3: or wrong, black and white. I'm on this side, you're

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Speaker 3: on that side. When the reality is that those are

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Speaker 3: all reactions that are coming from a place of completely

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Speaker 3: justifiable and understandable fear. Fear. Fear fear has driven us

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Speaker 3: to this place of binary thinking and clinging to the

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Speaker 3: constructs that we have all agreed upon for generations are

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Speaker 3: going to be the foundation of how we relate to

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Speaker 3: one another, and how we see one another, and how

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Speaker 3: we sink of one another. But when we really zoom

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Speaker 3: out and consider what we are up against and what

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Speaker 3: we are now not about to, but what we are

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Speaker 3: now entering into moving forward, right, the existential crises that

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Speaker 3: present themselves to us, namely, and there are many, I

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Speaker 3: don't need to name them all, but namely climate change

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Speaker 3: and artificial intelligence. Let's just start there. Climate change, we're

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Speaker 3: already seeing. It's not something that's going to happen. We

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Speaker 3: don't have to argue about it. I don't want to

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Speaker 3: get into the semantics of the black and white of it.

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Speaker 3: Right North Carolina, Florida, in the last two weeks, we

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Speaker 3: have seen these unprecedented catastrophic, cataclysmic experiences. They're just the beginning,

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Speaker 3: but they are happening at an accelerated rate, they're happening

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Speaker 3: more frequently, and they're happening in more anomalous situations, like

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Speaker 3: in the mountains of North Carolina, where they shouldn't be happening. Right, So,

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Speaker 3: if we take this as the harbinger of what's to come,

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Speaker 3: we recognize that within the next ten to fifteen, certainly

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Speaker 3: twenty years, the kinds of mass migrations that we're going

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Speaker 3: to see on the planet. Right, the tens of millions

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Speaker 3: of people who are going to have to move from

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Speaker 3: place to place because the place that they're in now

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Speaker 3: are no longer inhabitable. That's one thing. And then you

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Speaker 3: just blow in underneath that artificial intelligence and machine learning.

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Speaker 3: We've already invited that into the conversation. We don't know

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Speaker 3: what it's capable of, we don't know how fast or

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Speaker 3: how dramatically it's going to evolve, but we've already brought

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Speaker 3: it into the conversation. So it's already here. People are

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Speaker 3: already using chat GPT to write their cover letters, and

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Speaker 3: you know, so it's already here. We're divesting ourselves of

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Speaker 3: the experience of being human. We're outsourcing the human experience

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Speaker 3: to this artificial intelligence, and we have no idea where

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Speaker 3: that's going to take us. So collectively we are on

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Speaker 3: the precipice of change. We can't either family because if

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Speaker 3: you add just those two variables, and there are many others,

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Speaker 3: but if you add just those two variables to the equation,

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Speaker 3: then we have no idea what the future looks like.

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Speaker 3: And so the constructs that we've agreed upon in the

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Speaker 3: past are rapidly dissolving. And my feeling is that consciousness

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Speaker 3: and the rapid expansion of consciousness is the only way

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Speaker 3: that we have any chance of moving forward with success,

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Speaker 3: to thrive, or to survive. Even so, for me, it

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Speaker 3: is exactly what you're saying, and I think people all

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Speaker 3: around the planet right now are feeling it and sensing it,

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Speaker 3: and even if they don't know what it is, they're

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Speaker 3: tapping into something bigger than themselves, because it's everywhere you look,

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Speaker 3: and it is our responsibility to amplify that and bring

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Speaker 3: people into the light, just like you're saying. So I'm

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Speaker 3: glad to hear you say it. I know I feel

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Speaker 3: like I've been talking about seventy some minutes about shutting up.

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Speaker 3: But I feel so strongly about it right now, and

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Speaker 3: it feels so urgent that we have to talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with you. I feel the same way.

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Speaker 2: I'm mentent on spreading infecting as many people with kindness

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Speaker 2: as I can.

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Speaker 3: Do you meditate, yes, I do? Good.

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Speaker 1: What kind of meditation do you do?

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Speaker 3: I do veading meditation, which is an offshoot of TM.

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Speaker 3: So it's the same technique as TM, it's just a

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Speaker 3: different community and it's a twice daily practice mantra based.

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Speaker 3: What about you.

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Speaker 2: I do a Choprah app mostly I do like a

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Speaker 2: guided meditation about twenty minutes each morning.

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Speaker 3: Right, So Chopra comes from the Vedic world. I mean

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Speaker 3: Deepak Chopra is that is the same. We are the

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Speaker 3: same in that practice. And I say to anybody who

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Speaker 3: has a meditation practice right now and especially for the

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Speaker 3: next three weeks before the election, meditation, meditation, meditation, it

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Speaker 3: is it is Defcon five, All hands on deck. If

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Speaker 3: you have a practice or you know people who have practices,

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Speaker 3: now is the time to come to your practice and

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Speaker 3: hold space, because not only do we have to hold

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Speaker 3: space for our own experiences, we have to be able

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Speaker 3: to hold space for the experience of the collective, because

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Speaker 3: this is a collective shift of consciousness that's happening right now.

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Speaker 3: It's not an individual shift of consciousness. It is happening

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Speaker 3: on the individual level, on the micro level. But if

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Speaker 3: you zoom out and look at the macro level, you know,

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Speaker 3: just think about what we're fighting about right Think about

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Speaker 3: what we're fighting about. Think about the Middle East. I

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Speaker 3: care not wading into those waters in terms of the politics,

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Speaker 3: the history. I have no authority or knowledge to do so. However,

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Speaker 3: I will say that it is one of the binaries

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Speaker 3: that is the most kind of volatile binaries on the

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Speaker 3: planet right now. But if you zoom out, the reality

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Speaker 3: is that what we're fighting over is land that will

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Speaker 3: be uninhabitable in the next twenty five years by anybody,

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Speaker 3: so that the Palestinians and the Jews are going to

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Speaker 3: have to shoulder to shoulder walk together to find a

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Speaker 3: place where they all can live and survive. So we

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Speaker 3: are focusing on the hatred. We're focusing on We no

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Speaker 3: longer have the luxury to be defined by the constructs

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Speaker 3: that have defined us for the last hundreds of years,

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Speaker 3: and generations. You know, we just as a civilization no

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Speaker 3: longer have the luxury of being defined by whether we're

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Speaker 3: Jewish or Palestinian, or gay or straight, or CIS or trans,

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Speaker 3: or black or white. That conversation is over, and how

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Speaker 3: we recognize the end of that conversation and evolve that

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Speaker 3: conversation into what the new conversation has to be is

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Speaker 3: the moment that we're living through right now, and as

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Speaker 3: terrifying as it is, it is also profoundly full of

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Speaker 3: beauty and possibility and creativity and joy. And that is

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Speaker 3: our job to move in that direction and to move

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Speaker 3: toward that because we're not going to change anybody's minds.

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Speaker 3: We're not going to change anybody. And the reality is

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Speaker 3: as well, that you know, the planet can sustain the

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Speaker 3: current trajectory of population that that that we're you know,

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Speaker 3: barraging it with. So the reality is that things are

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Speaker 3: going to shift cataclysmically and they already are. Look at

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Speaker 3: the wars, look at the natural disasters around the planet.

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Speaker 3: There's nothing we can do to stop that stuff. But

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Speaker 3: what we have to do is evolve adapt And you know,

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Speaker 3: that's what Oliver Sacks believed. That's why there's no mistake

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Speaker 3: that I happen to be, you know, playing this character

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Speaker 3: right now at this moment. Think about all the fucking dark, twisted,

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Speaker 3: fucked up characters I've played, so you know, and my

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Speaker 3: own journey from the dark into the light, and now

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Speaker 3: I get to play a role and tell stories and

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Speaker 3: put them into the world from a place of evolution

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Speaker 3: and adaptation and on my own personal journey, that's been true,

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Speaker 3: and I think creatively that's been true, and hopefully collectively

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Speaker 3: that will be true as well as we continue to

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Speaker 3: move forward.

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Speaker 2: This is like a sermon. Oh my god, I loved

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Speaker 2: it today, but I know, I mean, look at you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I really couldn't have said it better myself.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad to hear it. I'm sorry I went on

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Speaker 3: a rant, but I've just been thinking about it so much.

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Speaker 3: And also, there's no mistake that I'm doing fucking press

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Speaker 3: for the Igains. Swear right. It's you. I shouldn't be

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Speaker 3: in there, but you know that I'm doing press that

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Speaker 3: I have, that I have an opportunity to connect with

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Speaker 3: like minded people in this way. And I just knew

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Speaker 3: coming into this that you're probably on the same wavelength

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Speaker 3: because That's why I've always been drawn to you, even

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Speaker 3: before I met you or knew you, and I just

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Speaker 3: saw you as someone who is asking the questions, pushing

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Speaker 3: the boundaries, you know, not letting yourself off the look,

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Speaker 3: digging deeper. And that's what we need. We need to

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Speaker 3: reach out to one another and then bring the people

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Speaker 3: who are kind of aware of that sensibility, even if

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Speaker 3: they haven't completely accessed it themselves along for the journey.

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Speaker 3: That is a hat.

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Speaker 2: Because the true definition or the true meaning of consciousness

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Speaker 2: isn't just being conscious about what's happening in your life.

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Speaker 2: It's about having a collected consciousness with the entire world.

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Speaker 2: So every single person matters in the same way.

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Speaker 1: There aren't people who matter more or less at all.

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Speaker 2: And that's where yeah, and so there it does feel

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Speaker 2: like a tipping a point, especially if the election goes

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Speaker 2: the way that I want it to. I feel like

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Speaker 2: that we all want it to that are sitting here today,

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Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, then we really do have

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Speaker 2: an opportunity to change the world, because you know, climate

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Speaker 2: change is at the foot, it's out the door, it's happening.

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Speaker 2: And what we need in response to that is not

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Speaker 2: more fighting. We need all hands on deck and love

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Speaker 2: to receive these people who are not no longer going

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Speaker 2: to have a safe place to live, to actually be

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Speaker 2: able to help and aid and send aid. You know,

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Speaker 2: there are so many things that we're going to have

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Speaker 2: to deal with. Can you imagine having additional wars and

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Speaker 2: then climate change?

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Speaker 1: And you know it's like, let's stop with the wars and.

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Speaker 3: Start with the love and water wars and that you know,

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Speaker 3: the wars the climate change is going to ignite. Right.

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Speaker 3: So the other thing that I think is important to

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Speaker 3: kind of bring into this conversation a little bit about

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Speaker 3: about evolution is that one essential element of evolution is destruction.

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Speaker 3: That's just a simple fact of nature. Creation, maintenance, destruction,

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Speaker 3: These three operating forces are always at play in nature.

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Speaker 3: And if we consider that as human beings, we are

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Speaker 3: individual expressions of nature. If we're if we're operating from

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Speaker 3: this place which is scientifically proven, that we are all

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Speaker 3: expressions of extensions of one unified field of consciousness. Right.

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Speaker 3: This is quantum physics. This is you know, what is

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Speaker 3: far beyond my level of intellectual capacity to understand, let

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Speaker 3: alone explain, But you know, quantum physics proves the idea

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Speaker 3: that all matter comes from one source, which is on

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Speaker 3: MENSS and then becomes MENSS. Then we all do come

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Speaker 3: from the same place, right, We are all connected in

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Speaker 3: ways that we don't even come hand or understand. And

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Speaker 3: yet we have lived in a world that for millennia

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Speaker 3: has really existed on this idea of individual identity, right,

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Speaker 3: personal egoic identity. And now we are confronted with profound

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Speaker 3: transformations that no longer allow us to hide behind those constructs. Right,

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Speaker 3: those constructs are dissolving, and now we have to accept

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Speaker 3: the fact that destruction in many forms is a part

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Speaker 3: of progress. And so the election, for example, I think

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Speaker 3: represents two very different paths. Are we going to move

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Speaker 3: forward with an administration who has some awareness of and

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Speaker 3: some understanding of the contexts as it is in a

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Speaker 3: larger sense, or are we going to move forward with

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Speaker 3: an administration who is completely limited in their ability to

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Speaker 3: see what's actually happening and focused on holding on to

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Speaker 3: the past, retire turning to something that never will be Well.

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Speaker 2: On that note, we're going to take a break and

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Speaker 2: we're going to be right back with Zachary Levi. Okay,

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Speaker 2: So for Zachary Quinto, for this portion of the show,

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Speaker 2: we take callers, and I know that you're excited to

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Speaker 2: give advice to some people. You're good at it and

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Speaker 2: it's real people, so it's exciting. I find it very

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Speaker 2: very what's the word. No, it's more than satisfying and

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Speaker 2: me feels meaningful.

435
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 5: There's connection there, which is just what we've been talking about.

436
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 5: Oh great, you know this shared consciousness, and now we'll

437
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 5: share some.

438
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 2: Conscience, share our consciousness, but we're going to infect some

439
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 2: more people.

440
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 5: Yeah. Well, our first question is just an email. This

441
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 5: comes from Amanda TLDR.

442
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: I don't what does that mean?

443
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 3: What?

444
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 5: Oh it means too long? Didn't read, so it's like

445
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 5: a summary TLDR. I want to not give a shit

446
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 5: what other people in my workout bubble look like, so

447
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 5: I can stop comparing myself to them. As an athletic, healthy,

448
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,959
Speaker 5: forty four year old woman who loves to stay active,

449
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 5: I've always tried to embrace a positive relationship with my body.

450
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 5: I'm not trying to look like a twenty something anymore.

451
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 5: I've always loved the gym, and during COVID I discovered

452
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 5: the Tracy Anderson method. I've completely fallen for it. I

453
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 5: practice five to six times a week and truly enjoy

454
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 5: the process, but constantly being bombarded by this and other

455
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 5: fitness marketing online can sometimes have a negative impact on

456
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 5: my self esteem. I often find myself feeling self deprecating

457
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 5: and critical of my body, especially when I compare myself

458
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,400
Speaker 5: to the trainers and many women who post their workouts

459
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 5: with their perfect size two bodies and somehow have their

460
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 5: makeup and hair looking perfect to boot. I often will

461
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 5: record myself training, but then I see myself and I'm

462
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,920
Speaker 5: mortified and won't post it. It's like a downward spiral.

463
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 5: I know I shouldn't let these comparisons affect me, especially

464
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 5: at my age, but I find it challenging to appreciate

465
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 5: my body and health when I'm bombarded with unrealistic standards.

466
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 5: It's gotten so much worse in my forties. I'm a

467
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 5: grown ass, smart, educated woman. Why do I let this

468
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 5: bother me? And how can I stop comparing myself to

469
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 5: picture perfect bodies? I just want to feel happier about

470
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 5: my own body. Warmly, Amanda, I don't know what do

471
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 5: you think.

472
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 3: You're very You're very active. I've seen you many a

473
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:13,640
Speaker 3: mountain side.

474
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: Yes, I would say on the subject of letting go.

475
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 1: Let it go.

476
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 2: If looking at other videos and fitness videos or people

477
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 2: in your class posting or looking at them while you're

478
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 2: working out, if those things bother you.

479
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,639
Speaker 1: Focus on yourself. Just focus on yourself.

480
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 2: Everybody has these feelings that you're talking about, but it's

481
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 2: up to you to like cut the cord of comparison.

482
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 2: Like that's why I don't spend five hours a day

483
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 2: online looking at people's Instagram.

484
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: That's because it's bad for you. It's bad to compare.

485
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 3: What is it.

486
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 2: Comparison is the beef of joy. Comparison is the thief

487
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: of joy. That's the latest quote that's been going around

488
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: that I heard, and it is so true. It is

489
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 2: that is not your body. That is not your problem.

490
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 2: You're here problem and you can either make yourself victorious

491
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 2: or you could make yourself a problem.

492
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: So the fact I would say that you're working out five.

493
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 2: To six times a day doing I've done that workout before,

494
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 2: that's not easy. You should be celebratory of the fact

495
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 2: that you are doing the best that you can do

496
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 2: and stop comparing yourself to other people.

497
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 1: That is a losing scenario.

498
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 2: So write something down on your fridge or your mirror

499
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 2: or wherever you look at the most and say, comparison

500
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 2: is the thief of joy.

501
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: Write that down. That's all you need to know, and

502
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 1: imprint it on your mind.

503
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 2: And you know, once you read something enough times, you

504
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: don't need to see it every single day. You remember

505
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 2: when you wake up, you know, and then it becomes

506
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 2: part of who you are, because yeah, I just don't

507
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 2: think there's any You don't get any benefit from depleting

508
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 2: yourself of the pride that you have earned from going

509
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 2: and working out to make yourself feel better every single day?

510
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: Why are you letting anyone take that away from you?

511
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,199
Speaker 3: And I would also only just say that you know

512
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 3: this difference between where are you looking for your sense

513
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 3: of self? Where are you looking for your sense of

514
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 3: validation and purpose and meaning in the world? Are you

515
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 3: looking outside of yourself for that? So you're looking to

516
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 3: import that feeling from people's reactions to you, like oh

517
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 3: my god, you look so good, or you know you

518
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 3: lost so much weight, or you look so skinny, so

519
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 3: then you feel better about yourself. Well, that's importing that

520
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 3: feeling from somewhere else, as opposed to allowing the discipline,

521
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 3: the commitment, the endorphins, the progress that you're making in

522
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: your own life to be the source of your fulfillment,

523
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 3: which you can then radiate and export out to the world.

524
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 3: So this difference between importing a sense of validation and

525
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 3: exporting a sense of validation. When you're importing a sense

526
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 3: of validation, you need to keep looking for it. You

527
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: need to keep looking for it from other people. You

528
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 3: need to keep looking for it from you know, is

529
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 3: it comparison, is it I'm successful, i am in love,

530
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,159
Speaker 3: I'm whatever. So you're looking for it somewhere else, and

531
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 3: then it's unsustainable. But if you're able to gift that

532
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 3: focus and recognize that what you're doing by committing to

533
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 3: your own well being, committing as a forty four year

534
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 3: old woman, I think she said to, you know, embracing

535
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 3: life and staying active and keeping your body engaged, that's

536
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 3: more than ninety five percent of the people on the

537
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 3: planet are doing. So shift your focus to recognize how

538
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 3: wonderful that is, what a generous thing you're doing for

539
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,360
Speaker 3: yourself right, and then you can, hopefully, you know, focus

540
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 3: that energy on yourself and then cultivate a place from

541
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 3: which that gratitude and that pride, that well deserved self

542
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 3: directed pride can then be something that other people see

543
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 3: in you and recognize as something that inspires them. Then

544
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 3: you're magnetizing people into your experience who are drawn to

545
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 3: you because you have generated this light that brings them in,

546
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 3: not because you're looking for other people to shine their

547
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 3: lead on you to make you feel better.

548
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 5: Right, it doesn't matter how bang your body is, if

549
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 5: your vibration is low.

550
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, Or it doesn't matter how better of your body is,

551
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 3: if all you care about is that other people see

552
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 3: that or feel that way.

553
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 2: See, yeah, exactly exactly. But I love what you just

554
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 2: said because it's you know you can. You can attract

555
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 2: people on so many different levels and in so many

556
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 2: different ways. You're focusing on the wrong thing. Like infuse

557
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 2: yourself with the positivity that you derive from working out

558
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 2: and just let that be and I promise you you're

559
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 2: going to have a different outlook.

560
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, this might be a great place to to incorporate.

561
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 5: Chelsea recommends a lot of gratitude journal and do that

562
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 5: for thirty days, like just focusing on like here's what

563
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 5: my body can do, Here's what I was able to

564
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 5: do yesterday, Here's how strong I feel today and really

565
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 5: focusing on that for thirty days.

566
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

567
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 2: And you know what, also, I just talked to someone

568
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 2: about this and it was somebody who was very unexpectedly

569
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 2: wrote a gratitude journal that I was like, really, he

570
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 2: must have been a straight man. But anyway, he was

571
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 2: saying to me that he did do it, not at

572
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: my behest, but that someone else is a mind. And

573
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 2: he said, I mean it's vibrationally, like how you can

574
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 2: change your attitude, how you can change your outlook, like

575
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 2: it's a matter of days if you just put that

576
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:10,959
Speaker 2: down to practice, like all these little things you can

577
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 2: do to keep the vibes high.

578
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 5: Zachary Levi wasn't.

579
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 1: I mean, most things are Zachary Levi with me.

580
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 5: So thanks, Amanda, and let us know if that changes

581
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 5: things for you. Our next question comes from Brian and

582
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 5: he's going to be calling in is it Zachary Levi?

583
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 3: And he identified he does.

584
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 5: So Brian says, Dear Chelsea, I've recently started dating a

585
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 5: new guy and he's absolutely wonderful. He's got a great job,

586
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 5: he's super sweet and has a good support system around

587
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 5: him and texts in full complete sentences. I know, Chelsea

588
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 5: will appreciate that one.

589
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 1: I do appreciate that.

590
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 5: There's just one caveat. He's undetectable untransmittable HIV positive, meaning

591
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 5: his viral load is so low that he's not able

592
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 5: to pass it along, or so the science says. I have, however,

593
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 5: heard of cases where this has still occurred. I'm also

594
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 5: on PREP, so that's another layer of protection. And obviously

595
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 5: condoms can be used as well, although I'm allergic to

596
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 5: late text and haven't used condoms in yours. I really

597
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 5: like this guy, and we're at the point of exploring

598
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 5: things physically. I just have some worries with this, as

599
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 5: it's a huge potential risk. I feel it's a risk

600
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 5: I'm willing to take in the right situation for sure.

601
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 5: I just don't know when that time is. Sincerely, Brian, Hi, Brian, Brian, Hi.

602
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 4: Hi.

603
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: This is our special guest, Zachary Quinto today.

604
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: Hi, nice to meet you. Say Kinto or Quinto, You're right,

605
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 3: You're right? Shows this Quinto Pinto?

606
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 2: Okay, Sorry, sorry he's telling you he's a fan. I'm like,

607
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 2: is it Quinto?

608
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 4: Please?

609
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 2: Quick here like an asshole? Sorry, anyway, welcome to our show.

610
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 2: I'm glad you're both here. That's a great question. Have

611
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 2: you spoken to your doctor about this?

612
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 6: That was my first question too, not specifically about this situation,

613
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 6: about you know, protection and to begin with, I think

614
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 6: that's why I started PREP about a year and a

615
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 6: half ago, so I've had kind of the general over

616
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 6: overlying conversation, but not specifically about this situation yet.

617
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 3: I mean, I would I agree with Chelsea. I think

618
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 3: that is certainly the place to start. To sit down

619
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,479
Speaker 3: with your doctor and explain the situation and come up

620
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 3: with a plan that your doctor feels is reliable, you know,

621
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 3: medically sound and reliable. But I mean, the evolution of

622
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 3: medical technology is so incredible and you know, our generation

623
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 3: is benefited from that SOT greatly. So you know, between PREP,

624
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: which you're on, and his treatment which keeps him undetectable,

625
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 3: I mean, the percentage chance of transmission is like point something, right,

626
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 3: like point zero something. I think it's really really low.

627
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 3: And so how long have you been together?

628
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 4: Not long, I'd say about a month.

629
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 3: Uh oh okay, but it's a little.

630
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 7: Bit long distance. So we've been on probably like six

631
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 7: or seven days. I'm supposed to see him tonight actually, so.

632
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 3: Oh wow, exciting and how openly are you able to

633
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 3: talk about it with him?

634
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 4: Communication has been really great.

635
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 7: He was very you know, forth coming from the beginning

636
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 7: and you know, give a lot of information on answered

637
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 7: any and all questions.

638
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 4: So that was good. I think it's just for me.

639
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 7: The big question is do I want to and even

640
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 7: though the risk is super super low, do you want

641
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 7: to take that risk if it's not something that's going

642
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 7: to work out. Yeah, And so that's the question that

643
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 7: I think I have for him. But I just I

644
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 7: don't know exactly how to phrase that and come across

645
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 7: obviously endearing with compassion.

646
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I would just say you're from my

647
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 3: experience communication, communication, communication, you know, share your feelings, because

648
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 3: if if your relationship is meant to evolve into something

649
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 3: substantive and meaningful and sustainable, then communication is the only

650
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 3: foundation on which you can build a relationship for which

651
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 3: that will be true. So you have to be able

652
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 3: to bring all the parts of yourself, the scared parts,

653
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 3: the vulnerable parts, the parts that you feel like might

654
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 3: get rejected to the conversation from the beginning, because if

655
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 3: what you're navigating is, hey, is there youeeling this way

656
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 3: that I'm feeling like this could be something significant and

657
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 3: he is feeling that way, then the conversation will lead

658
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 3: you to the next phase or the next chapter. Right,

659
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 3: But I don't think you can make it all about

660
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 3: this one issue. I think what you need to do

661
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 3: is figure out a way to maybe separate out that

662
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 3: concern with the bigger question, which is like, hey, are

663
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 3: we doing this thing? Because if you're doing this thing

664
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 3: and you're together, then as long as you have a

665
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 3: foundation who open this honesty and communication, there's nothing else

666
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 3: you can't figure out.

667
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 4: Oh, absolutely, And I really appreciate that.

668
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 7: I speaking of making it about the whole conversation, there's

669
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 7: been an update since I wrote in and since I

670
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 7: talked to Catherine last week.

671
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:45,960
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, you're pregnant.

672
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 7: But again, it's been moving forward, and so it's been

673
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 7: moving in the right direction of all that. However, on Thursday,

674
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 7: I was with him and he told me that he's

675
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 7: kind of unhappy at his place of work right now,

676
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 7: but there's one boss that's kind of kept in there

677
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 7: that he's very very close with, and he got worried

678
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 7: that that boss is potentially leaving for a job out

679
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 7: of state, and they've asked him to go if it

680
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 7: all works out, so he has some big decisions to

681
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 7: make with that. It wouldn't happen for like four to

682
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 7: six months even if it did happen. So that's kind

683
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 7: of a new wrinkle that's been thrown in.

684
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 2: Well, where would he go because it's already long distance,

685
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:24,439
Speaker 2: so where would he move?

686
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 7: Well, long distance Now, it's only about forty five minutes

687
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 7: to an hour, so it's not bad. It's definitely cable

688
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 7: to see each other a couple times a week at least,

689
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 7: but this would be five hours away.

690
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 2: Uh huh okay, Well that's so manageable. I mean, listen,

691
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 2: that's a gift sometimes to distance.

692
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 4: It is.

693
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 2: I mean, every relationship that I know that's successful is

694
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:49,479
Speaker 2: because the two people are traveling extensively. So please don't

695
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 2: use that as like our reason to not be with someone.

696
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 2: It's very good to have space and to have someone

697
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 2: five hours away.

698
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: It is no big deal. That's an hour flight, or

699
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:58,959
Speaker 1: do you mean a five hour flight?

700
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 7: It's a five hours but it's in the middle of nowhere,

701
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 7: so there is no direct.

702
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 1: Flight or well you could parachute in.

703
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 2: Don't worry about that, right, Yeah, I wouldn't worry about

704
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 2: those problems until they arise and they're actually concrete, and

705
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,319
Speaker 2: I wouldn't consider it a problem, you know what I mean,

706
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 2: Just kind of like reframe everything you're talking about. The

707
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 2: fact that you guys had this conversation a month in

708
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:23,760
Speaker 2: means that this guy is responsible, is respectful, and actually

709
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 2: cares about you, right, I mean, he told you everything

710
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 2: he needed to tell you before anything happened.

711
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: The risk sounds very low.

712
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 2: Obviously, I'm not going to give you any medical advice

713
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 2: because I'm not a doctor, even though I want to be,

714
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 2: and I love medications and pills and I love giving advice.

715
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: But I don't want to be responsible for that.

716
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 2: But I just as a gut I think, I think

717
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 2: you're going to be fine, and I understand all of

718
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 2: the concerns you have. But we are living at a

719
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 2: time that is much different than when AIDS came on

720
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 2: the scene, you know what I mean. This is a

721
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 2: much different world. People live with it healthfully for decades,

722
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 2: you know, look at Magic Johnson.

723
00:35:58,680 --> 00:35:58,839
Speaker 4: Look.

724
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: And it's not just wealthy people. I have friends who

725
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 2: have AIDS or HIV. Well. So yeah, not that you're

726
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 2: trying to get it, but I'm just saying it's just

727
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 2: not what it was. So I want you to think

728
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 2: about it in that in that frame too, because it's

729
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 2: really important to find somebody that you can trust, that

730
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 2: you can love, that respects you and the feeling is mutual.

731
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 2: So I would focus on those issues first and anything

732
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 2: else you can navigate.

733
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 4: I appreciate that.

734
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, And he says so sweet, and it's been such

735
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 7: a breath or fresh air, and it's definitely something that

736
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 7: I want to explore.

737
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 4: So I really really appreciate all.

738
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 3: The Yeah, you should explore it, see where it takes you.

739
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 3: It sounds like a nice beginning to something that even

740
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 3: though there's a lot of unknowns, you can't miss what's

741
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 3: meant for you. So if this is something that is

742
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 3: supposed to be in your life, then everything will unfold

743
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 3: so that that is possible.

744
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 4: Right now. That's that's really really great advice. I appreciate it.

745
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:52,240
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, thank you, Brian.

746
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 4: You in a month, I'll be at one of your

747
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 4: shows in Texas.

748
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 2: Oh go Texas. You're in Texas, well, try to get

749
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 2: out of there as quickly as are you there?

750
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 1: All right, thank y'all, all right, thanks for calling in.

751
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:10,720
Speaker 5: All right, Our next caller is Chris. He says, Dear Chelsea,

752
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 5: I recently got engaged to my partner after eighteen years.

753
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 5: Marriage was never a must, and it just felt like

754
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 5: the right time for us. But our relationship is not

755
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 5: what my email is about. So when we got engaged,

756
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 5: I called to tell my mom the news and got

757
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 5: a less than excited response. To be honest, it was

758
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 5: exactly the response I expected, so it wasn't a disappointment. However,

759
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 5: before she even said her lackluster congratulations, the first thing

760
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 5: she said was, we won't tell your father. This is

761
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 5: where I need advice. I've never been particularly close to

762
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 5: my dad, and when I came out, it made a

763
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 5: not great relationship pretty bad for a few years. I

764
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 5: didn't come around for a while. While things have improved,

765
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 5: my being gay and in a relationship is just never

766
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 5: discussed or talked about. My dad is ninety five years old,

767
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,439
Speaker 5: I'm forty, and my mom says he won't be able

768
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,080
Speaker 5: to handle the news of my engagement, almost implying it

769
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 5: would kill him.

770
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: Literally. I don't feel.

771
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 5: Right not telling my dad, and I don't need his

772
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 5: approval and I'm not looking for him to all of

773
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,839
Speaker 5: a sudden embrace my relationship. But I'm also not going

774
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 5: to hide my future marriage. How do I handle this?

775
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 3: Yes?

776
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 2: Hi, how are you nice to meet you? This is Agricanco,

777
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 2: our special guest today.

778
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 3: How are you nice to meet you? How are you good?

779
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 8: Good?

780
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 1: Here comes Doug. This is my big black magic Doug.

781
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: Here you goes? Okay.

782
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 4: Hi.

783
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: So congratulations, by the way.

784
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 3: So your engagement, that's exciting.

785
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 2: That's exciting with your partner eighteen years Okay.

786
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 1: Fantastic, it was time cool geez. Eighteen years and you're forty.

787
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 2: Ye, so you're twenty two years twenty two years old

788
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: and you're still together college.

789
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 8: Yeah.

790
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: Is he the same age as you are?

791
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 8: Oh he's a bit older. He's in his sixties.

792
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 1: Oh interesting. Okay. So does your mother know him already?

793
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 3: Yeah?

794
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 8: My mom does.

795
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay.

796
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 2: Is she venting you from telling your father or suggesting

797
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 2: that you not tell your father because of who it is,

798
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 2: or because of just the fact that you're gay.

799
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,320
Speaker 8: Just the fact that I'm gay? I mean, he knows.

800
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 9: He's never met my partner, Jeff for a while once.

801
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 9: He when I first came out. You know, I sort

802
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 9: of stayed away from the family for several years. Slowly

803
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 9: I sort of got back in with the family and

804
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 9: you know, went back to doing some family events. Jeff

805
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:31,280
Speaker 9: has never met my dad. It's just never not something

806
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 9: that's talked about. It's just I'm around just to help

807
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 9: keep the peace. Almost sometimes it seems.

808
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that that's been your experience. That's pretty disappointing.

809
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry too. That is difficult and challenging and

810
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 3: I'm sure probably a heavy thing to carry in the

811
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 3: face of such a celebratory moment. So I'm sorry that

812
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 3: you're at that crossroads.

813
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 5: And Chris, I wanted to just drop in here as well.

814
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 5: Something that came up when we were chatting in our

815
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,399
Speaker 5: pre interview, was that, really you said that your dad

816
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,280
Speaker 5: has sort of softened. He's been saying I love you more, hugging.

817
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 5: Can you tell us a little bit about that.

818
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 9: Yeah, he's ninety five, so he's getting up there in age,

819
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 9: so you know, part of it's just like as he

820
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 9: just set in his ways, you know, but just over

821
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,800
Speaker 9: the years, you know, whenever I see him and whenever

822
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 9: you know, me and my siblings when we leave for

823
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 9: whatever gathering we're at, you know, he's definitely more affectionate. Recently,

824
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 9: you know, he's saying, I love you, giving a kiss.

825
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:30,319
Speaker 3: You know it interestingly to me, it's an interesting I

826
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 3: guess most things tie back to consciousness. But but you know,

827
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 3: you have to give him grace, you know. And I

828
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 3: guess my advice to you, or my sort of reflection

829
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,919
Speaker 3: back at you, is, if you've observed a softening him,

830
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 3: you know, and you've observed this kind of desire to

831
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 3: connect more, I think you have to recognize what you're

832
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 3: up against, right, And for somebody who's ninety five years old,

833
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 3: that's that's not getting up there, that's that's got He's

834
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 3: already got there, you know what I mean. That's that's

835
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 3: really really no matter how you cut it, he's coming

836
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,359
Speaker 3: to the end of this part of his experience. And

837
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 3: so you know, if you feel like sharing this news

838
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 3: with him is going to cause him any kind of

839
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 3: pain or exacerbate his suffering or complicate the end of

840
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 3: his life, then, as his son, even though you clearly

841
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 3: had a complicated relationship with him, I'm sure that's not

842
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 3: your motivation here. You don't want to make his life

843
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,840
Speaker 3: any harder. So maybe there's a way to just find

844
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 3: an intimate moment with him and just say something to

845
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 3: the effect of, Dad, you know, I know that we've

846
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 3: never really seen eye to eye on certain aspects of

847
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 3: who I am. And I understand that you know that

848
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean you love me any less, but it

849
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 3: just means that you weren't able to process the reality

850
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 3: of who I am in the same way. But I

851
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 3: just want you to know that I am really, really happy.

852
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 3: You know, like, if there's a way for you to

853
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 3: communicate to him that this moment in your life where

854
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 3: you're telling him without telling him, if your mom is

855
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 3: concerned that you telling him that you're getting married to

856
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 3: your longtime partner who's never met because he couldn't hold

857
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 3: space for you to have that experience, is going to

858
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 3: make his suffering worse, then is there an opportunity for

859
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 3: you to just tell him what you need him to know,

860
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 3: which is that he raised a son who is capable

861
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 3: of love and who is capable of navigating all of

862
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 3: the challenges and all the obstacles that your father, in

863
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 3: his limited consciousness, forced upon you, not intentionally and not

864
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 3: because he wanted to, but because he didn't know any better.

865
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 3: And now that he's coming to the end of his

866
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 3: journey with compassion and forgiveness. I think there's a way

867
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 3: for you to let him know that you don't resent

868
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 3: him for that, and that he can move on from

869
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,880
Speaker 3: this experience, from his human experience, and know that you

870
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 3: are happy and safe. And any father wants to know

871
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 3: that their child.

872
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 8: Yeah, and I believe he does.

873
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 2: So that's very beautiful. That is very beautiful, and exactly

874
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 2: I completely agree. I think there is a way to

875
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 2: say that. And you know, and I think you're probably

876
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 2: going to hear what you want to hear when his

877
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 2: time is up. And if you have the luxury of

878
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:20,399
Speaker 2: spending you know, a last few days with him, even

879
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 2: if it's the last few hours with him, hopefully he

880
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 2: you know, you'll have that opportunity. And I guarantee you, well,

881
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 2: I don't guarantee you, but I would strongly suspect that

882
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 2: during that time you're going to have an opportunity to

883
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 2: share this with him. There is really no rush, right Like,

884
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,359
Speaker 2: it's not an emergency. You don't have to tell him,

885
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 2: right and you know in those moments or when you

886
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,439
Speaker 2: if there is a moment that happens before that, great,

887
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 2: but if you know, if it's not until then, then

888
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 2: that's it. A good opportunity too, and when you're saying goodbye,

889
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 2: to let him know how happy you are and how

890
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 2: happy you are to live a fully realized, actualized existence

891
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 2: where you're not hiding, you know, and you're being who

892
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:00,080
Speaker 2: you are.

893
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 1: And there's not a person who doesn't want that for

894
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: their child.

895
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 5: Right, And that you've found a partner who loves you

896
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 5: and treats you well, and that you've made a life

897
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 5: together and.

898
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:10,839
Speaker 3: You've been together for eighteen years. So this isn't a lark,

899
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 3: I know.

900
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 2: I just I'm just so curious how you get how

901
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,760
Speaker 2: you get engaged after eighteen years, Like what happens?

902
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,240
Speaker 9: I just you know, I've been thinking about the last

903
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 9: year or two.

904
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 8: Just you know, I just felt it was time we

905
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 8: took it.

906
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 3: We're in Pittsburgh, Oh you are, that's where from?

907
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:31,399
Speaker 4: Yeah?

908
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know a lazy well I know my fair

909
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,800
Speaker 3: share about you know, stubborn, Dunian, older Pittsburgh. So I

910
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 3: know what you're up against there, and like I get it.

911
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 3: You know, that's a tough metocrack. So so just like

912
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,400
Speaker 3: I just think compassion and forgiveness can be your guide

913
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,919
Speaker 3: and that you know you'll find a place with him

914
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 3: of mutuality and love, because that's that's that's what's there,

915
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 3: you know, eventually.

916
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:01,760
Speaker 8: Definitely, Yeah, Yeah, I think it'll I'm hoping it would

917
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 8: go better than what my mind is thinking it will go.

918
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 3: So yeah, and I do agree with Chelsea there is

919
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 3: no rush.

920
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just know that you're gonna You're gonna have

921
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:13,720
Speaker 2: the conversation with him at the appropriate time and surrender it.

922
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 2: Just be like, Okay, I've decided what I'm going to

923
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 2: do here, Now let me let it go, and then

924
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 2: when the opportunity arises, take that opportunity.

925
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 4: Yeah.

926
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 9: I think the more I think about it, it's more

927
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 9: for me than it really is for him.

928
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 8: I think too. No, I mean, he knows, but he

929
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 8: doesn't know the extent of it.

930
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,360
Speaker 3: Maybe it's hard in families when you have open secrets,

931
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 3: you know, it's a difficult thing to navigate because it's

932
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 3: such a oh, it's such an unfortunate byproduct of trauma, right,

933
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 3: like open secrets, Like that's the worst.

934
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 4: Right.

935
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 3: So he knows, but he doesn't know, or he knows

936
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 3: but he won't acknowledge it or something. So yeah, And

937
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,720
Speaker 3: I also recognize as a gay man myself, I also

938
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,760
Speaker 3: recognize your position, which is like, I shouldn't have to hide,

939
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have to sublimate my love to please this person.

940
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,919
Speaker 3: But there is that you know, he did the best

941
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 3: he could and it wasn't good enough, and I'm sorry

942
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 3: that it wasn't good enough for you. You you deserve better.

943
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 3: But it sounds like you've found better. It sounds like

944
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 3: you've created better for yourself. You've evolved beyond the limitations

945
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 3: of what he provided for you or your you know,

946
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,320
Speaker 3: your family of origin provided for you, and so now

947
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: you have the opportunity to, from that place of expansion,

948
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 3: embrace his limited point of view and let him know

949
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:37,399
Speaker 3: that it doesn't diminish your appreciation for him. Your love

950
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 3: for him and the person that you are today is

951
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 3: informed at least partially and certainly significantly by him, and

952
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,280
Speaker 3: so there is gratitude there. And how can you focus

953
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 3: on that now that he's in the very you know,

954
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 3: the last chapter of his experience.

955
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 9: No, I agree, I agree, So I would definitely be

956
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 9: having this conversation and for the best.

957
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 2: And also framing everything in the right pace way, like

958
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 2: you know, what you said is important. This is more

959
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 2: for me than for him, So take that back and

960
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 2: think about that, because if it is more for you,

961
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 2: then hold on to it for a little bit.

962
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 1: Okay, and thanks for calling it. Yeah, thanks, great to

963
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 1: meet you.

964
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 3: I have a good one.

965
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:17,399
Speaker 1: Thanks Chris, Bye bye. Okay, do we have to take

966
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 1: a break and come back to wrap it up?

967
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 2: Okay, We're going to take a break and come back,

968
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 2: and we're back with Zachary Quintop.

969
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: Zachary, I have a question about your show.

970
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: So your character is gay in the show, and Oliver

971
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 2: Sacks was he?

972
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: He wasn't gay?

973
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 3: Was he? Yeah? He was?

974
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 1: Oh?

975
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 3: He was? Oh?

976
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, So then I guess I don't know if it

977
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 2: was also So that was a request that you made.

978
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 3: No, No, Oliver Sacks was a gay man who was

979
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 3: celibate for thirty five years of his life, and that

980
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:51,359
Speaker 3: was a real roadblock for me in terms of understanding

981
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 3: the character. I couldn't fathom when I first was presented

982
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 3: with that fact how someone could make a choice like that,

983
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 3: or why someone make a choice like that. And then

984
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 3: the more I did it, the more I realized that

985
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 3: he recognized that if he came out in his day

986
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 3: and age, and you know, he lived and worked in

987
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 3: the middle of the twentieth century, mostly the seventies, eighties

988
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 3: and nine dais and he died in twenty fifteen at

989
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 3: the age of eighty three. So, you know, had he

990
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 3: come out, he would have been defined by that aspect

991
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 3: of who he was, right, he would have been diminished

992
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 3: in his capacity to make the contributions to the field

993
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 3: of neurology that he was singularly designed to make. And

994
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:32,879
Speaker 3: so he chose to separate himself, to divorce himself from

995
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 3: that part of who he was, and to compartmentalize and

996
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,479
Speaker 3: split off from that part of his identity in order

997
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 3: to be able to serve his patients and make the

998
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 3: incredible and indelible mark on a medicine that he was

999
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 3: able to make. Thankfully, late in his life he came

1000
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 3: to terms with his sexuality and he came out, and

1001
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 3: he was in a relationship for the last decade or

1002
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 3: so of his life with a very loving partner, and

1003
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,040
Speaker 3: he found his way to that. But you know, so

1004
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 3: my character on the show is gay. It's the first

1005
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 3: openly gay lead of a primetime network medical drama, A

1006
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 3: big deal in that way. But it's a big deal

1007
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 3: because it's not a big deal, right, It's a big deal,

1008
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 3: because we live in a world, and I live in

1009
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 3: a world as an openly gay actor where that aspect

1010
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 3: of my personality, of my identity is only one of

1011
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 3: many aspects of the identity that I moved through the

1012
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 3: world with, and I benefited from the sacrifices of people

1013
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 3: like Oliver Sacks who didn't have that same opportunity. So

1014
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 3: there is some really wonderful through line in that narrative

1015
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 3: right between the life that Oliver Sacks lived, the life

1016
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,799
Speaker 3: that the character I play, Oliver Wolf lives, and the

1017
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 3: life that I live, you know, as an actor and

1018
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 3: as a person in this modern day. So I feel

1019
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 3: grateful for that.

1020
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: Was there ever a time in your career that you

1021
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:54,800
Speaker 1: weren't out?

1022
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:58,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I didn't come out until twenty eleven.

1023
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 3: I started working. I mean, Heroes was the show that

1024
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 3: really changed my life my career. People started to know

1025
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 3: me in two thousand and six. So it was the

1026
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 3: end of two thousand and six that I became a

1027
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 3: known quantity, right like that, I ever had to deal

1028
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 3: with the idea of what being famous was. And then

1029
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 3: it was five years later that I came around public.

1030
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 3: So there was a five year period of time where

1031
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,919
Speaker 3: I was out in my life and people who knew

1032
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 3: me knew I was gay, but I never spoke of

1033
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:29,720
Speaker 3: it publicly until twenty eleven.

1034
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 1: And how did that feel?

1035
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 3: Well, that was one of the most liberating experiences that

1036
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 3: I've ever had. I made the decision to come out

1037
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 3: on my own. I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell

1038
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 3: my publicists. I didn't tell my agents or my manager,

1039
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 3: anybody that I worked with. I didn't tell anybody in

1040
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,359
Speaker 3: my life, my boyfriend at the time, my family. I

1041
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 3: just gave an interview and I referred to myself as

1042
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 3: a gay man twice within the interview, so that I

1043
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 3: put you a fine point on it in case they

1044
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,799
Speaker 3: missed it the first time. And that to me was

1045
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:58,760
Speaker 3: I did it in my own time, on my own terms.

1046
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,359
Speaker 3: I didn't seek advice or councilor you know. It wasn't

1047
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 3: a decision by committee. It was a decision that I

1048
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:08,920
Speaker 3: made myself, and so I was able to hold that

1049
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:11,759
Speaker 3: decision for whatever it ended up, you know, whatever the

1050
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 3: reaction to it was, it was my decision, you know,

1051
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:16,800
Speaker 3: And so that felt really liberating.

1052
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, thank you

1053
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:21,280
Speaker 1: for being with us today.

1054
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 2: You guys, everybody, you can watch this wonderful human being

1055
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,400
Speaker 2: on his show on Peacock on the Peacock Network. I

1056
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 2: think they want you to call it the Peacock.

1057
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,359
Speaker 3: I don't. It's on NBC on Monday nights at ten

1058
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 3: pm for people who watch TV in real time, and

1059
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 3: then it streams on Peacock on the Peacock the next.

1060
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,399
Speaker 1: Day, probably way off.

1061
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:46,800
Speaker 3: I think it might just be I'm.

1062
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 2: Getting confused with all the different platforms and their names.

1063
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 3: Is It's very good. It will be something different tomorrow.

1064
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:53,840
Speaker 1: And I hope I get to see you in person

1065
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 1: sometime soon, Zachary.

1066
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 3: I was just about to say that very thing. It

1067
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 3: is always good to connect with you. You know, I really

1068
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,879
Speaker 3: admire you, respect you and appreciate you and like you,

1069
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 3: and I hope we can have a meal and you know,

1070
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 3: like see each other outside of this context at some point.

1071
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 3: I'm in New York. I'm doing a play here this

1072
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 3: fall from the end of November until February. If you're

1073
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:15,439
Speaker 3: in New York, please come to see my play called

1074
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 3: Culton Love at the Helen Hayes Theater on Broadway. And

1075
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 3: if you come, let me know and we can go

1076
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 3: it after.

1077
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:23,959
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to write that down right now. Cult

1078
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 1: of Love.

1079
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, come see it. It's really I'm really excited.

1080
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 1: I would love to be good. Okay, Okay, it was

1081
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: such a pleasure to see.

1082
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 3: So good to see you both. Have a good day YouTube.

1083
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

1084
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 3: You well. Thanks.

1085
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 2: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you guys, I'm

1086
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 2: coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City,

1087
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 2: and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at

1088
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:46,720
Speaker 2: the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.

1089
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm coming to.

1090
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Speaker 2: Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November eighth,

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Speaker 2: and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of

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Speaker 2: the year in December, So if you're in a city

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Speaker 2: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans

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Speaker 2: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 5: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

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Speaker 5: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

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Speaker 5: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

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Speaker 5: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

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Speaker 5: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

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Speaker 5: com