Speaker 1: Hi everybody. Hi Catherine, how are you Hi. I'm doing great.
Speaker 1: I love your Dear Chelsea hat and that you wear
Speaker 1: it now every episode. Thank you. It's my new look.
Speaker 1: I know it's very vivacious and I love the coloring. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Our Dear Chelsea merch is available on Chelsea handler dot com.
Speaker 1: We are in California, back in our studio. This is
Speaker 1: a very exciting time to be alive. We have a
Speaker 1: guest today. We have some letters that you wanted to
Speaker 1: go over right and write in. You know what. We
Speaker 1: got an update from our caller Alexa, whose parents had
Speaker 1: started dating each other again after her dad had cheated.
Speaker 1: She was the one who caught her dad having an
Speaker 1: affair while trying to take that test, and her parents
Speaker 1: had split up and we're dating again, and she found
Speaker 1: it really yucky. But she says, Hi, Chelsea, I hope
Speaker 1: you're doing well. I wanted to thank you both and
Speaker 1: Tinks for taking the time to speak with me and
Speaker 1: provide insight on my situation. I took your advice and
Speaker 1: stopped letting my parents to suation weighs so heavily on me.
Speaker 1: Since then, I've been able to repair my relationship with
Speaker 1: my dad. Awesome. We're making plans for the future to
Speaker 1: cook together since we're both foodies, and even go to
Speaker 1: a Hayme concert. Oh wow, my family, I think it's
Speaker 1: is it him? I think? So go to a Heim concert.
Speaker 1: They once, they once sang a song in my garage
Speaker 1: for my last TV show, and I think I called
Speaker 1: them ham and was corrected. But you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: usually fucking wrong, so well, I appreciate it. So we
Speaker 1: made plans to go to a Heim concert. My family
Speaker 1: and I have been able to have more meaningful and
Speaker 1: intentional conversations, and we're showing up for one another in
Speaker 1: ways we haven't before. Life is too short to let
Speaker 1: things affect you that are out of your control. I
Speaker 1: greatly appreciate all you do and hope you come back
Speaker 1: to Florida for a show soon, although I don't blame
Speaker 1: you if you don't want to come back to this
Speaker 1: dumpster fire of a state. Alexa. Oh well, that's a
Speaker 1: cute update. That's a cute update. We should do actually
Speaker 1: show updates. Also, I added a show in Saratoga and
Speaker 1: Mountain Winery that is coming up this summer. I added
Speaker 1: two shows in Nashville on June tenth and I'm also
Speaker 1: coming to Niagara Falls, and I'll be at the Montreal
Speaker 1: Comedy Festival hosting a gala on July. And you can
Speaker 1: go to Chelsea Handler dot com for tickets for all
Speaker 1: my upcoming shows, because I'm going to Birmingham, Alabama, and Louisville,
Speaker 1: Kentucky and all sorts of fun stops everywhere. When you're
Speaker 1: doing that many shows, do they all kind of blur together?
Speaker 1: Or no? I pretty much remember because I'm no longer
Speaker 1: ship faced when I perform, so I have more clarity
Speaker 1: and I pretty much remember every show like I remember,
Speaker 1: and it is always those smaller towns that you're like,
Speaker 1: wait what that end up being kind of the best show.
Speaker 1: So so, just like Alexa said in her letter, Life's
Speaker 1: too short to let things like that bother you. And
Speaker 1: I think that's a great segue into our guest today,
Speaker 1: who has a podcast called Life is Short. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been on his podcast. He has a podcast called
Speaker 1: Yes I've been. I've been a guest on his podcast.
Speaker 1: I actually had a great time because I had ever
Speaker 1: met him before that, so that was awesome. And he
Speaker 1: also stars in the show f Is for Family on Netflix,
Speaker 1: so please welcome Mr Justin Long, Catherine Guys Chelsea, what
Speaker 1: good morning, Good? What do you think was that your
Speaker 1: impression of me knowing that I was gonna scramble for
Speaker 1: an excuse and start that was just my reaction to you.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you made your bed behind you because that
Speaker 1: looks like you somewhat have your ship together. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you a little gift because I'm late,
Speaker 1: and this is unprofessional, but totally unprofessional. By the way,
Speaker 1: I've never been late once in my life, and I
Speaker 1: know that a lot of people would find that hard
Speaker 1: to believe, but it's actually sucking true. I don't know
Speaker 1: if the totally unprofessional part was necessary. I think it's
Speaker 1: unprofessional covers at all. I mean, it's okay, okay, well,
Speaker 1: I was just trying to I was just trying to
Speaker 1: fill in something in place of so totally late. Well,
Speaker 1: if you watched The Bachelor, it's a it's a thousand
Speaker 1: percent or you know there's a higher percentage. A million
Speaker 1: percent has become more tolerable than ac Yes, I would
Speaker 1: exact infinity percent is what they should land on. I
Speaker 1: think I just don't love catchy lingo. Justin like I
Speaker 1: don't like trendy bullshit. I don't like when people say
Speaker 1: obsessed or dead dead. I'm dead. I hate dead. It's
Speaker 1: also a horrible thing to Laughter should be a joy,
Speaker 1: like a it's a great part of life. Living well,
Speaker 1: it's l o L Now you can't even you can't
Speaker 1: even laugh. You just have to say lull, which dead
Speaker 1: pen which I refuse to participate in. Good. What about slaps?
Speaker 1: I've heard this one recently, slaps. I haven't heard that yet.
Speaker 1: Does that mean funny? Yeah? I think I worked with
Speaker 1: this producer who was great. The movie's great, but she
Speaker 1: was She was in her mid twenties, late twenties, and
Speaker 1: she would use this language so casually, and she said slaps.
Speaker 1: And it was hard for me to tell because the
Speaker 1: tone that she used it in was like you just
Speaker 1: did with dad, Dad. It's just like, there's nothing joyous
Speaker 1: about it. So she just said, oh, that slaps. That
Speaker 1: slaps very dead pan, not even about a song or something,
Speaker 1: or it was about something like that. It was a
Speaker 1: good thing. It turned out to be a By the
Speaker 1: way we sound really, I mean, well, there we are
Speaker 1: old listen, just bake it, you know. I like being old.
Speaker 1: I'm forty seven. Then more the other morning I woke
Speaker 1: up and I was like, thirty eight is such a
Speaker 1: cool age, Like I'm not yet forty. And then I'm like, bitch,
Speaker 1: your forty seven? What are you talking about? Like I
Speaker 1: just had this idea that I was, all of a
Speaker 1: sudden thirty eight or thirty eight years old. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: I mean mentally, you probably feel much closer to that.
Speaker 1: How old are you justin I'm forty three, But I've
Speaker 1: been identifying as an older person lately. When I you
Speaker 1: know that commercial that I think it's Guy co. It's
Speaker 1: a really funny commercial. They're like, don't turn into your parents,
Speaker 1: don't be like your parents, And there's a guy who
Speaker 1: has to instruct the younger people to not be prematurely
Speaker 1: older than they are. And there's a whole thing about
Speaker 1: they go to a game and they forget where they parked,
Speaker 1: and they just talk about parking the whole time and
Speaker 1: when they're going to leave the game. Anyway I identify,
Speaker 1: I find myself really identifying with that commercial, wanting to
Speaker 1: thank the clerk, wanting to point out how nice the
Speaker 1: store clerk was that helped me out. Well, what I've
Speaker 1: been saying, young man, what a nice young man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you find yourself like complimenting the work ethic of a
Speaker 1: younger generation noticing it. Yeah, yeah, Well we've been making
Speaker 1: fun of all younger generations for a while, especially jen
Speaker 1: X right about their ladys jen Z. I don't know
Speaker 1: the differences between but the la the laugh will be
Speaker 1: they'll get the last laugh, obviously, because they will outlive
Speaker 1: us and one on it and hopefully save the planet.
Speaker 1: And I wonder how much of my hostility is fueled
Speaker 1: by just that, just just the biological truth that I
Speaker 1: will be dying sooner, sooner than them. We're anyone who's
Speaker 1: over forty is basically useless to the rest of the
Speaker 1: world because before the tech age, we had to like,
Speaker 1: you know, educate the next generation and kind of let
Speaker 1: them know what heads up this is. But now with
Speaker 1: Google and with all the information that's at everyone's fingertips,
Speaker 1: they don't need anybody. They just need a computer or
Speaker 1: a phone and computer, I mean, computers will even become
Speaker 1: obsolete for most people at a certain point. So we're irrelevant.
Speaker 1: We just have no merit on society at this point. So, like,
Speaker 1: you know, that's true, everything's at their fingertips. I didn't
Speaker 1: think about that. They don't need to look to an
Speaker 1: older generation to learn anything form wisdom. That's tru I
Speaker 1: ever thought about that. Yeah, I was just with a friend.
Speaker 1: She was just talking about how much her culture respects
Speaker 1: the elderly and how Japanese. No, she was in Japanese,
Speaker 1: so it was Filipino. Yeah, maybe Filipino just stereotyping. I'm
Speaker 1: positively scy, yes, exact always just how much respect you know,
Speaker 1: the older generation, and how when you see somebody who's old,
Speaker 1: they have knowledge in part with you. They're sagacious, they're
Speaker 1: they're revere. Write that down s A G A c
Speaker 1: io us. Yeah, thank you, and you can look it
Speaker 1: up when we're done, And how much they revere older people.
Speaker 1: And I was thinking, God, you're so right about how
Speaker 1: American society and it's not every family, but how I
Speaker 1: look at somebody who's a certain age and I dismiss
Speaker 1: them like they're too old school, they don't understand, they're
Speaker 1: not with it, they're not woken off, they don't get it,
Speaker 1: they're antiquated. And I thought, oh, that's exactly true. Like
Speaker 1: I dismiss someone who's too old because I think that
Speaker 1: their value has lessened, even though I know intellectually that's
Speaker 1: not right, and I'm sure I've done that. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like to think in theory that I have great
Speaker 1: respect for the elderly. It's one of the reasons I
Speaker 1: love Japan. I love cultures that do revere. There's only
Speaker 1: the elderly are only in Japan. So that's why they're
Speaker 1: mostly elderly in Japan, because I think they've stopped having
Speaker 1: sex for the most part. You should double check that
Speaker 1: well before wet this ghost day. I'm so sorry. I
Speaker 1: don't know your name. This is Katherine, This is Kine. Okay,
Speaker 1: you did say it earlier, so you know, I saw
Speaker 1: you on a little You're on a there's an there's
Speaker 1: a thing of you. There's a picture of you. That's
Speaker 1: really my fault for not introducing her. I mean, she's
Speaker 1: my co host, so that's just my rudeness, you know. Classic. Well,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you, Yeah, justin. I was talking about
Speaker 1: your podcast because I had such a good time on
Speaker 1: your podcast and we had never met before that, right, No,
Speaker 1: we hadn't we I had, Yes, I was thinking about
Speaker 1: that as I was scrambling to get here. To your bedroom.
Speaker 1: I just got a car. I just bought a car,
Speaker 1: speaking sing, speaking of being speaking of being older. Yes,
Speaker 1: I have my license. I'm I'm an old looking young
Speaker 1: looking person. I mean I'm at a strange age where
Speaker 1: it looked like an old teenager. Yeah, just look like
Speaker 1: an older teenager, like a really really mature seasoned teenager,
Speaker 1: like a Stemen in high school for like seven years,
Speaker 1: possibly eight and a half. Parker Louis can lose. That's
Speaker 1: a joke for our generation. See, I watched that show. Though,
Speaker 1: I will say grantize my watch with you. I had
Speaker 1: older siblings. Yeah. Wow, I'm surprised that you that you
Speaker 1: remember that show. I don't mean that in a condest anyway.
Speaker 1: We had some good TV back in the day. We
Speaker 1: sure did. You'll like this, Chelsea and Katherine, Chelsea, I
Speaker 1: know you'll like it. I just bought a and you're
Speaker 1: the first person I'm telling because I just bought it,
Speaker 1: and I have shame about it, and I need to
Speaker 1: say it with confidence. But I am now the owner
Speaker 1: of a smart car. Goodbye everyone, than I thought you
Speaker 1: were going to say a Bill Cosby Funco. It's a
Speaker 1: little like toy thing that people love Fonco's and you
Speaker 1: can buy them and they like reps and different celebrities
Speaker 1: or athletes. Oh oh really, Oh and there's a Bill Cusp. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a smart car. I just want to let
Speaker 1: you know, really, what kind of wait what what kind
Speaker 1: of smart car? Is it called a smart car? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Smart little nugget cars, the little nugget, you know what.
Speaker 1: I bought one and I gave it away because it
Speaker 1: drove so slowly and was so ridiculous. But before I
Speaker 1: gave it away, I am blazed. Yeah, so congratulations on
Speaker 1: your new car. Hopefully it's not the one that I
Speaker 1: sold or gave. Actually I gave it away to a friend,
Speaker 1: and on the side, I had decals that said Chelsea
Speaker 1: Lately eleven thirty weeknights on E because at the time
Speaker 1: I was on that show. So my friend was driving
Speaker 1: around l A and a car that was basically a
Speaker 1: commercial for my show. It's really funny. What a good friend.
Speaker 1: It's funny that you gave it to a friend. Well,
Speaker 1: I tried that car because I thought it was so cute.
Speaker 1: And I love little small, super small sized things like
Speaker 1: I get off on that. I love like little miniature things.
Speaker 1: Me too. Yeah, Oh, I didn't know that about you.
Speaker 1: That's cute. That's why I like Japan, I think. But
Speaker 1: I'm excited to drive it. So I'm gonna and in
Speaker 1: New York. I've always fantasized about having a car that
Speaker 1: can fit into almost any are you So? Are you
Speaker 1: based out of New York? Justin? I am mostly in
Speaker 1: Connecticut and Massachusetts. I kind of go back and forth. Oh,
Speaker 1: and Japan and Japan. Ideally that would be Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the triangle Connecticut and Massachusetts. Now that's interesting. What why?
Speaker 1: What was on there? How? Not much, which is why
Speaker 1: I love it. Um. I was born in Fairfield, so
Speaker 1: I grew up in Fairfield rather and I kind of
Speaker 1: wanted to be close to my parents as they got
Speaker 1: older because you respect them. I respect them and your Japanese. Yes,
Speaker 1: I might be. I wish I was. I wish you know,
Speaker 1: I've never done one of those ancestry things, but I
Speaker 1: were I to do that, I would. I would really
Speaker 1: hope that I had some chapan you know what. I
Speaker 1: could see you having some Japanese in you. That wouldn't
Speaker 1: be too far fetched. It's a huge compliment here. I
Speaker 1: was once arrested. I lived in Santa Monica, right by
Speaker 1: the beach. I lived between Ocean and Main Street, and
Speaker 1: I lived on a street that was quite crowd It
Speaker 1: was hard to find parking and stuff, and houses were
Speaker 1: kind of stacked on each other, and I rented the
Speaker 1: bottom floor of this house. Anyway, I gotta knock at
Speaker 1: the door at like it was. It was one in
Speaker 1: the morning, I think, and I shuffled to the door
Speaker 1: and there were I saw three cops on my on
Speaker 1: my porch, and I looked out. They were really banging,
Speaker 1: you know, pretty aggressively, and I but I knew enough
Speaker 1: not to open the door right away. I said, I said,
Speaker 1: what's the what's the problem? Officers from behind the door,
Speaker 1: and they said, your car is blocking a driveway, and
Speaker 1: which is very plausible because people were always complaining about
Speaker 1: stuff like that. But I was a pretty respectful parker,
Speaker 1: and so I said, well, what kind of car is that?
Speaker 1: And I was kind of confused, like, how would they
Speaker 1: know it is my car? Why are there three cops? Uh?
Speaker 1: And I said what kind of car is it? And
Speaker 1: they said, well, what kind of car do you drive?
Speaker 1: Which should have been an indication. I said, I pray
Speaker 1: ass and they said it's a prey ass. And I said, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, not thinking the cops are gonna lie, I
Speaker 1: opened the door and they grabbed me and spun me
Speaker 1: around and put me in handcuffs right away, really, and
Speaker 1: one was particularly aggressive, and they said, what is your name? David?
Speaker 1: They kept saying David, your name, David, your name David?
Speaker 1: And I said, no, no, it's not I'm a little
Speaker 1: freaked up, but I kind of knew I hadn't done anything.
Speaker 1: But there was weed in the house, but other than that,
Speaker 1: like I knew I had, I wasn't like dealing. It
Speaker 1: wasn't like, you know, pounds of it. So I knew
Speaker 1: I was in the should be in the clear, but
Speaker 1: you know, it's still intimidating. And they kept asking me
Speaker 1: if I was this person, and there were three of them,
Speaker 1: and two were shining their lights on on something. They
Speaker 1: were conferring around some photo, and they kept shining it
Speaker 1: back and forth from the light, I mean, from the
Speaker 1: photo to my face and and finally I said, my
Speaker 1: name is justin Long. It's not David, you know, And
Speaker 1: they said, are you telling us that this isn't you?
Speaker 1: And they they showed me the photo and it was
Speaker 1: a mug shot of of an Asian person with foliation.
Speaker 1: It was like unmistakably agent. And I said, are you
Speaker 1: are you kidd? Is this a joke? I it was
Speaker 1: around the time of punk, but they were way too
Speaker 1: good to be so I did that wasn't even on
Speaker 1: my radar. I was just so fused. He had glasses,
Speaker 1: eye glasses, and and he said, are you telling me
Speaker 1: that you just haven't have similar looking glasses in the
Speaker 1: same age. I guess he had put that address years ago.
Speaker 1: My landlord had rented it out. He was a criminal.
Speaker 1: And I kept insisting that I wasn't the guy, and
Speaker 1: they didn't believe me, And so they went in to
Speaker 1: get my my license. I told them where to go.
Speaker 1: And I was living with Jonah Heill was my roommate
Speaker 1: at the time, and and they were walking towards his room.
Speaker 1: So they went past where my license was on the desk,
Speaker 1: and I said, and I stood up, and I said,
Speaker 1: oh no, no, no, officers, you're going too far. I
Speaker 1: didn't want them to wake up Joe, you know. And
Speaker 1: and one of the one of the cups just he
Speaker 1: threw me down. He goes se the fun down and
Speaker 1: when I'm nervous around authority. I kind of started to laugh.
Speaker 1: I get like giggly, I get like nervously giggly. I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, and this is funny. It's not gonna
Speaker 1: be funny. When he was like going on about prison
Speaker 1: and how you're gonna be things are going to happen
Speaker 1: to you in prison, and I said, what's a little funny,
Speaker 1: because you're gonna find out that I'm not the guy
Speaker 1: you think i'm, that I'm not an Asian criminal, and
Speaker 1: then hopefully we'll all laugh about it. Did you at
Speaker 1: any point say I'm not Asian this person? Yes, I did.
Speaker 1: I did, I did, And they ignored that, but they persisted.
Speaker 1: They insisted I was this guy. And so then one
Speaker 1: was calling in my my I d and obviously making
Speaker 1: you know, realizing that I wasn't the criminal, and the
Speaker 1: one who had been most aggressive at one point got
Speaker 1: kind of quiet and I could see him studying my
Speaker 1: face and he goes, yo, are you wait a minute,
Speaker 1: are you an actor? And I said yes, and I'm there,
Speaker 1: I'm sounding at the handcuff side and he goes, are
Speaker 1: you in Dodgeball? And I said yes, and he goes, bro,
Speaker 1: bro and he went like that to like give me
Speaker 1: a man hug shake and I was like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got that cups on and so you know, then
Speaker 1: they then they realized I wasn't the guy. They and
Speaker 1: they and the strange thing was they I said, Well
Speaker 1: then I was of course freaked out, Well what did
Speaker 1: this guy do? And is he going to come back
Speaker 1: to the house? Is he going to be He's given
Speaker 1: out the address as his and they wouldn't tell me
Speaker 1: what he did, and they said if you have any
Speaker 1: question and that. But I was also starting to think, like, well,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, there's been some violation, like something was
Speaker 1: not doesn't up about what just happened. There's this can't
Speaker 1: be the way it shouldn't go down. I said, is
Speaker 1: there a number I can call if whatever he comes back?
Speaker 1: And he gave me the number. It was a general
Speaker 1: number that the Santa Monica Police Department. I called the
Speaker 1: next day and they had no idea what I was
Speaker 1: done talking about. Why did I tell you that? Because
Speaker 1: you're explaining why you live in Massachusetts in Connecticut? Yes,
Speaker 1: so a couple of days later, No, it was about
Speaker 1: you said I could be maybe Japanese. A couple of
Speaker 1: days later, Joan and I were at a bar in
Speaker 1: Renee's shout Out. I don't know if it's still there,
Speaker 1: and Santa Monica. I used to go there all the time. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why I did. That's where I did. The majority
Speaker 1: of my drugs in my twenties was at Rene's. Yes,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I think that's mostly what's done there. Um.
Speaker 1: But we were there and a very lovely Asian woman
Speaker 1: she said, so, what percentage Asian are you? And I
Speaker 1: started laughing, and Janah was laughing because he had of
Speaker 1: course heard the story the cops and what happened a
Speaker 1: couple days and I said, oh, did he tell you
Speaker 1: the story? And she goes, I don't know what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. And I realized he hadn't told her, and
Speaker 1: I said, oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm not Asian.
Speaker 1: She goes, now, come on, seriously, what are you like?
Speaker 1: And I said, I'm wait, I'm not. I'm not. I'm Italian.
Speaker 1: I'm sure. She goes, you know what, that's fucked up.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of mixed friends like you, and
Speaker 1: they refuse to admit that they're mixed. And I think
Speaker 1: that's really funny. She kind of stormed away. Joan was
Speaker 1: laughing so hard. But I, I said to I wish
Speaker 1: I would gladly embrace that. Yeah, I love Asian culture.
Speaker 1: I love it. Sounds like you're the victim of a
Speaker 1: lot of misunderstanding, like a lot of ethnic misunderstandings. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's safe to say. Within a couple of days, it
Speaker 1: was really funny. What about your brother though, does he
Speaker 1: look slightly Asian? Okay, girl, there you go, No, he's um.
Speaker 1: I think I don't know what it knows. We all
Speaker 1: look I guess similar. So you look very similar to
Speaker 1: your brother like I did light Instagram creeping, just of
Speaker 1: course as research. I follow you guys on Instagram. You
Speaker 1: guys look you look. I love following Chelsea. What about Katherine?
Speaker 1: Do you follow Katherine Justin? I don't up until today,
Speaker 1: I was unaware of her existence. That sounds awful, but
Speaker 1: well I will, I will say Justin just to be
Speaker 1: extra creepy. I actually did know that you drive a
Speaker 1: Prius because I live sort of near Franklin Village. It
Speaker 1: used to see you driving around your Prius all the time. Also,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I literally ran into at Gilson's one time.
Speaker 1: Liked preas have Chelsea lately emblazoned on you know what
Speaker 1: it did? It did it did? Yeah? I know, I know.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to break that to be such
Speaker 1: a big fan. I was a fan. I was a fan.
Speaker 1: Wait what do you say about Gilson's that's something you
Speaker 1: had run into. Oh you were. Actually when I first
Speaker 1: moved to l A like ten years ago, you were
Speaker 1: like one of my first celebrity side eggs and I
Speaker 1: was like, I saw him at the grocery store. Oh. Man,
Speaker 1: that's funny. It's funny to know people are thinking that, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Do you ever think that's going on in their head
Speaker 1: that you are somehow that they know you? Yeah? I don't.
Speaker 1: You know what. I always no, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: ever think that. And I'm always anytime someone's like hi Chelsea,
Speaker 1: Hi Chelsea, I'm always just like, what what do they
Speaker 1: tell my name? And then I'm like, oh, ship, you're famous.
Speaker 1: Well I assume because people often do that to me,
Speaker 1: and they do it so casually and they're so nonplussed
Speaker 1: as they should be. I'm not saying they should be
Speaker 1: freaking out, but they do it in such a way
Speaker 1: that's so familiar that I often think I know them.
Speaker 1: You know, it'll be like hey, Justin, Hey, Justin, what's up?
Speaker 1: And I start panicking, how do I know this person?
Speaker 1: I'm trying to place the face. I'm so bad with names,
Speaker 1: and and sometimes it will get a couple of sentences
Speaker 1: in and I'll have to say I'm so sorry, do
Speaker 1: we know each other? And they'll say, no, no, I
Speaker 1: I know who you are. Because it's rarely like excited
Speaker 1: and it's clear that yeah, nor should it be. I
Speaker 1: guess I love Franklin Village. I missed that area. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's great. The Oaks is back. Yeah, things are things
Speaker 1: are opening up. Yeah, oh yeah they have scar When
Speaker 1: you first ate scr goo, Chelsea, did you have to
Speaker 1: was there a moment of like leaping off the cliff.
Speaker 1: I like gross food like that because I grew up
Speaker 1: on Martha's Vineyard and I ate fried clams and scar
Speaker 1: go and like all the muscles since I was a
Speaker 1: little girl, because my mom really liked that stuff. So
Speaker 1: I've always been into that kind of stuff. But I
Speaker 1: understand that people are very disgusted by it. Well they
Speaker 1: it's funny because they shouldn't be. I think this way
Speaker 1: about other animals eating other animals like that. You're right
Speaker 1: if you can stomach a clam. So my thing with
Speaker 1: clams is that I've never been able to get past
Speaker 1: the the whole body situation, the fact that the entire
Speaker 1: digestive tract, all of it is going into your mouth.
Speaker 1: That's a hard one for me. Yeah. Oysters, right, It's
Speaker 1: fun to watch someone eat an oyster for the first time,
Speaker 1: and especially if they have a good reaction, which is seldom.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not always great because usually people are
Speaker 1: like whoa, They have a preconditioned idea of the texture
Speaker 1: that they find revolting. It is, to me, yeah, slippery
Speaker 1: and snotty. How many people have turned off, have stopped
Speaker 1: listening anyway? Justin let's move on to Sorry Chelsea before
Speaker 1: you sorry? I speaking of Instagram, I have to ask
Speaker 1: you about the skiing one that you did. Please tell
Speaker 1: me the story surrounding that. Well, it's my birthday video.
Speaker 1: I do this every year, and each year I think
Speaker 1: the first year, I had a ski jacket on, but
Speaker 1: I had underwear and socks and ski boots obviously because
Speaker 1: I need the boots on. Then the second year I decided,
Speaker 1: fuck it. You know what, what let me just ski
Speaker 1: down the hill topless with some underwear on, because you know,
Speaker 1: my brothers are still alive, so they don't need to
Speaker 1: see my Pikachu. Where is this? Where are you doing? Whistler, Canada?
Speaker 1: I have a ski place up in Whistler, So I
Speaker 1: love skiing. It's like my everything and I and I
Speaker 1: love Margarita and a joint and so I implemented the
Speaker 1: ski video and I just kind of up at each year.
Speaker 1: So this year we went into the back country and
Speaker 1: we took our sleds up you know skis. Wow, that's serious.
Speaker 1: And I have Joe this year because you know, I
Speaker 1: newly in love and yes, and he was there, so
Speaker 1: I had to incorporate him into the video and so
Speaker 1: we had to do a proper shoot. And I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. Joe seems very playful. I love how
Speaker 1: playful you two seen with each other. It's it's very inspiring. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you. I know that you're newly in love as well,
Speaker 1: justin so I want to say a big congratulations to you. Yes,
Speaker 1: and she loves you. She is a really big fan
Speaker 1: of yours. Personally, I like her as well. I do.
Speaker 1: I am I allowed to say her name is that okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's kind of out there. Ye, Kate Bosworth is who
Speaker 1: you're dating. And it's a new love affair. And I
Speaker 1: was really excited to hear about you being in love.
Speaker 1: So tell me a little bit about that, because I
Speaker 1: just want to know how you're feeling. I mean, you
Speaker 1: must be through. I know that, I know the feeling.
Speaker 1: I feel it too, and it's pretty intoxicating, it is.
Speaker 1: It's such a wonderful feeling that you were so open.
Speaker 1: I love how open you are with your happiness and
Speaker 1: your joy, and but there's something about it for me
Speaker 1: that I feel like I need to protect and keep
Speaker 1: sacred because it feels sacred. It's just the you know,
Speaker 1: it's the best. Katherine. I don't know what your situation is,
Speaker 1: but yes, married for a long time, but oh good,
Speaker 1: still in love, still in love. That's it's different. Well,
Speaker 1: look at us, the three of us, I know, just
Speaker 1: thriving as elderly people, basically elderly elderly folks in love.
Speaker 1: But it's um, we've been laughing so much and I've
Speaker 1: never had anything like this before. I've never experienced this,
Speaker 1: so it's something I want to protect and keep you know,
Speaker 1: you know her, so you know how amazing she is. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she is amazing. And I respect that. I totally get
Speaker 1: that you want to protect that. It's a funny feeling
Speaker 1: because it is something you want to shout from the rooftops,
Speaker 1: I know. And for me, whenever Joe and I like
Speaker 1: have an argument or anything like that, I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: why was I so public about it? What if we
Speaker 1: break up, Like I'm staying here shouting from the rooftops
Speaker 1: how sadly and love I am with this man, And
Speaker 1: then if it falls apart of the seems, I'm going
Speaker 1: to basically be there sitting. You know, no one's ever
Speaker 1: gonna believe me about being in love again. So I
Speaker 1: totally get it. I get that, you know that is
Speaker 1: the smart move. I'm just so open and over Sherry
Speaker 1: that that's my personality. No zero Chelsea, zero judgment. I
Speaker 1: in fact, I'm one of the people that I bask
Speaker 1: in your the glow of your love. I before I
Speaker 1: found my own, I was so happy for you, and
Speaker 1: it was inspiring to me to like find somebody that
Speaker 1: you really laughed with, you seem to really enjoy one another.
Speaker 1: I had never really been able to distill what it
Speaker 1: all is, and you know, people say, well, what are
Speaker 1: you looking for? And people have checklists, and I've done
Speaker 1: movies about it, and it's really like satisfying to be
Speaker 1: able to distill it down to just really enjoying somebody's
Speaker 1: company and wanting to be near them. And like I said,
Speaker 1: we just laughed so much. I feel so grateful. And
Speaker 1: I know that instinct. I have that instinct to like
Speaker 1: shout it from the rooftops. I really do. So it's
Speaker 1: the reason why I'm kind of gingerly stepping around it
Speaker 1: is because I'm going against that instinct, which which I
Speaker 1: totally get it. I think the moral of the story,
Speaker 1: without getting into details about your relationship, is that for me,
Speaker 1: it was very inspiring, not only to other people but
Speaker 1: to myself to fall in love at this age, to
Speaker 1: meet the person well even though I knew him, but
Speaker 1: to fall in love at forty six. You know, there
Speaker 1: was a period of time where I really just assumed that,
Speaker 1: like I was too tough for any man to have
Speaker 1: to deal with, Like it was just going to be
Speaker 1: too bunch of a of a hill to climb for
Speaker 1: any man. And I accepted that, like Okay, that's not
Speaker 1: what I'm going to get in this life. I've gotten
Speaker 1: a lot of things, and I have a great family,
Speaker 1: I have a great group of friends and a great network,
Speaker 1: and maybe that's all I get, and that's okay, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be grateful. But isn't that the best place
Speaker 1: to be when it does then enter your life? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think I was in a similar situation. I hadn't
Speaker 1: I hadn't totally resigned myself to it, but I was
Speaker 1: so happy. I was so content being on my own
Speaker 1: and I had a great network of friends and my
Speaker 1: brother and we were we were creative, We've been creative.
Speaker 1: I was close with my family. I didn't feel this
Speaker 1: pressure of having to find someone, having to make something work.
Speaker 1: I just I was really content with life. I was
Speaker 1: really quite satisfied with with where I was. And I
Speaker 1: guess that's the most open place you can be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you have to be in a healthy place
Speaker 1: to attract a healthy person, right, I think so? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You have to be happy with yourself
Speaker 1: and you have to have self love and self care.
Speaker 1: Like I have a lot of respect for myself, probably
Speaker 1: more so than everybody else. That's so in order for
Speaker 1: someone to grab my attention, they have to have that
Speaker 1: same amount of respect a for themselves and be for me,
Speaker 1: you know totally. Well, well, because you think, what's the
Speaker 1: point when you are good in life, when you are
Speaker 1: settled whatever that means, but I mean just being happy
Speaker 1: with yourself, I guess it's that. Then you think, well,
Speaker 1: why why change it? To change it, it requires something
Speaker 1: like exceptionally positive I think, like a truly positive change
Speaker 1: in life, and one that you you can't avoid. That
Speaker 1: is unmistakable, I think. And so I've experienced that positive
Speaker 1: change and I'm so grateful, and I just hope it
Speaker 1: keeps going well. Great. On that note, I think we're
Speaker 1: going to take some callers because you're going to impart
Speaker 1: your wisdom and your life, your lifelong wisdom that you've learned,
Speaker 1: your life learned wisdom, and we're gonna have people. Some
Speaker 1: will be writer writing in, some will be calling in,
Speaker 1: and we're just going to give them advice, life advice.
Speaker 1: People take this podcast pretty seriously, justin even though you're
Speaker 1: on it, they're still going to take it seriously. You
Speaker 1: gotta be you gotta bring your a game. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: I will try. Okay, Catherine's going to start for us.
Speaker 1: What do we have? First of all, give us a
Speaker 1: prelude of what we have in store for us to
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, actually some wedding stuff, interestingly, and there's
Speaker 1: a couple of questions that I wanted really to get
Speaker 1: a straight guys perspective on, because we don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of straight men as guests on this show. So okay, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and some like general life stuff which I feel like
Speaker 1: it's great works right with what your podcast has to
Speaker 1: do with and straight men are often not called upon
Speaker 1: these days. Friend's advice is invalid, So that's why we
Speaker 1: came hiad This is a very small part of the show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think we've had Jokoy and you. You are a
Speaker 1: good company. All Right, We're gonna take a quick break
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back, and we're back with our
Speaker 1: guests today, justin long and Catherine, and we are going
Speaker 1: to hear our first email. Yes it's an email, Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 1: As wedding season fast approaches, my husband and I have
Speaker 1: entered what feels like an impossible situation. We have two
Speaker 1: weddings on the same day. One is for a family
Speaker 1: friend my husband has known since he was a small child.
Speaker 1: All of his friends will be there and we've been
Speaker 1: looking forward to it all year. However, the other wedding,
Speaker 1: my husband has been requested to be a groomsman in.
Speaker 1: We don't know any of the other attendees, and on
Speaker 1: top of that, I will be nine months it's pregnant,
Speaker 1: so we don't even really know if we'll be able
Speaker 1: to attend at all. What do we tell the second
Speaker 1: wedding it's a friend who was also a groomsman in
Speaker 1: our wedding? Is it fucked up if we don't go
Speaker 1: help Nicole? Oh? Well, first of all, are you taking
Speaker 1: notes justin? Yeah? I love it. I love that family
Speaker 1: friends and small child, all his friends. I'm so curious
Speaker 1: what your thoughts are because I I share her. This
Speaker 1: is a problem that I've had before, excuses to get
Speaker 1: out of things. Well, first of all, I think it's
Speaker 1: very simple because whoever invited you first, which it sounds
Speaker 1: like the first person did. Like, once you've been invited
Speaker 1: and accepted and r s v P to a wedding,
Speaker 1: you can't reneg on that, like or you can, but
Speaker 1: like the other person, if that invitation came in second,
Speaker 1: and let's just pretend for the sake of argument that
Speaker 1: it did. That's all you have to say is, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we've already committed to a wedding on this day.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I would have loved to be there
Speaker 1: for you, you know. I mean, it's pretty simple. But
Speaker 1: did she say that because one of them, I'm just like,
Speaker 1: just based on their closeness and how much value they
Speaker 1: have as friends, the first one sounds far closer to
Speaker 1: than the other one. Yeah, But the other one is
Speaker 1: asking him to be a groomsman, so it's a little bit.
Speaker 1: And he was a groomsman and his thing. I think,
Speaker 1: like she mentioned not knowing anybody who's going to be
Speaker 1: at the second wedding, that's irrelevant, And don't even bring
Speaker 1: that up because that's not why you go to someone's
Speaker 1: wedding to based on how many people you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then how close you are to those getting married, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well but he was a groomsman and that guy's wedding,
Speaker 1: so you got to return the favor. But if you've
Speaker 1: already committed to a wedding, then you can't go to
Speaker 1: two weddings in one day. That's just not physically possible.
Speaker 1: And if it is and you can swing that, then
Speaker 1: your husband can try to do that. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I doubt that's she doesn't say the locations right now,
Speaker 1: and probably not as a groomsman, but like you know, so, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I don't think it's that big of a deal.
Speaker 1: So you say you accept the first one, You've already
Speaker 1: accepted an offer, You've already r s v P to one,
Speaker 1: and so then you have to tell the other one.
Speaker 1: Regardless of how close you are to them, you have
Speaker 1: to just tell them, I'm sorry, I have a wedding
Speaker 1: that we've already committed to a wedding. There's nothing I
Speaker 1: can do. I'm so sorry, and you know I would
Speaker 1: love to make up to make this up to you
Speaker 1: after my wife. I certainly can't swing two weddings in
Speaker 1: one day with a nine month pregnant wife. That's just
Speaker 1: not going to happen. You're right. I overthink these things though, too,
Speaker 1: and then I think, well, if the person does, which
Speaker 1: has happened to me, if they do hold it against you,
Speaker 1: that's kind of a good indicator that maybe maybe it's
Speaker 1: time to move on as friends. Yeah, and if you
Speaker 1: don't know anyone who's at the next wedding that you
Speaker 1: were a groomsman too, or then he was a groopser too.
Speaker 1: That is kind of weird, and that's an indication that
Speaker 1: your friendship isn't that close. So that's true. Maybe he'll
Speaker 1: be weirdly relieved that you maybe somebody else he'd right,
Speaker 1: maybe feel some obligation to to let you be a groomsman. Right,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. Yeah, exactly, So I don't think
Speaker 1: that's that big of a deal. So what's her name again, Nicole?
Speaker 1: Like I said, Kerry Nicole. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it,
Speaker 1: just our just you know, have him call and just
Speaker 1: say I'm so sorry, buddy, like sorry that this happened
Speaker 1: on the same date. Do you struggle with excuses? It's
Speaker 1: just you seem like somebody who's very honest, very direct.
Speaker 1: If you don't want to go to something, do you
Speaker 1: ever say, you know, I'd rather just not go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just very honest with my friends. I just say
Speaker 1: I'm brought up for it, or like, you know, if
Speaker 1: I do something happened, I tell them what happened, and
Speaker 1: I'd like to call people if I if I have
Speaker 1: to cancel. I like to call them directly and just
Speaker 1: explain why instead of a text. And I liked yes,
Speaker 1: And I like to just say that's nice. That's interesting
Speaker 1: because I have a problem sometimes getting off the phone.
Speaker 1: When I'm on the phone with somebody. I I sometimes
Speaker 1: avoid phone calls. But for this very reason, I'm not
Speaker 1: good at ending phone calls. You know, I tried to
Speaker 1: do the wine down, and oftentimes people won't pick up
Speaker 1: on that. I have a friend Jerry O'Connell. If you've
Speaker 1: ever had him on your show, he's the best that
Speaker 1: he'll just say okay, anyway if he senses the slightest
Speaker 1: bit of wine down in your voice, like well so anyway,
Speaker 1: he'll go okay, see him and he hangs up. It's amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's lovely. Yeah. I just say like, okay, let me
Speaker 1: wrap this up. I've out to go to bed. I
Speaker 1: just always go, okay, listen, I'd love to talk more
Speaker 1: about I gotta wrap this up because I gotta go
Speaker 1: do this and whatever it is I've got to do.
Speaker 1: You know what, if you don't have to do anything,
Speaker 1: that's this is what I'm saying. If I don't have
Speaker 1: to do anything, yeah, like during the pandemic, it was
Speaker 1: hard to come up with the ex quarantine. It's like,
Speaker 1: I know you have nothing to do. I freaking hate
Speaker 1: talking on the phone. I gotta be honest with you.
Speaker 1: I try not to get stuck on the phone. But
Speaker 1: if I'm in crisis, or any of my friends are
Speaker 1: in crisis, then I make the time for phone calls.
Speaker 1: But if it's just to catch up or whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like I just got to hop on another call.
Speaker 1: I have a work call in ten minutes. I have
Speaker 1: this in ten minutes. No, I don't want to wrap
Speaker 1: this up. Okay, okay, but don't wrap this up because
Speaker 1: we actually haven't talked to somebody. Stay on. Well, our
Speaker 1: next email, and this is just an email. She felt
Speaker 1: it was a little too personal to talk about over
Speaker 1: the phone with us, But Jay says, Dear Chelsea, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty nine and I've been married for thirteen years. We
Speaker 1: have an eleven year old son and have had our
Speaker 1: ups and downs, but overall a happy marriage. Just this week,
Speaker 1: I innocently looked through my husband's phone and saw that
Speaker 1: he had been texting another woman. These texts were sexual, flirty,
Speaker 1: and inappropriate in nature. This has crushed me. He says
Speaker 1: nothing happened in person, he has shown remorse and says
Speaker 1: he will fight for our marriage. He even said he
Speaker 1: would see a therapist, which is something he never would
Speaker 1: have done in the past. So I guess my question
Speaker 1: is how do I get over this. I want to
Speaker 1: save our marriage, but I don't know if I can
Speaker 1: get over this and move on. Where do I go
Speaker 1: from here? Jay m That's yeah, man, that is really hard.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Jay. You know I'm in no way
Speaker 1: an authority on this guy. I've never been with somebody
Speaker 1: doing thirteen year marriage. I don't know, Chelsea Katherine, what
Speaker 1: do you guys think? I do think that there's space
Speaker 1: to work through something like this, Like I know couples
Speaker 1: who have come back from stuff that felt very ugly
Speaker 1: or felt like in this space where it's cheating, but
Speaker 1: it's supposedly not you know what I mean. It's like
Speaker 1: not in person, Dada. That's tricky ground because I don't
Speaker 1: know it is in the sense that they were finding
Speaker 1: satisfaction and they were being intimate with somebody else. That
Speaker 1: is I would feel very betrayed. That would be really hard,
Speaker 1: And then I got trust with trust is always the
Speaker 1: hardest thing I think to rebuild and if you lose that,
Speaker 1: in my experience, it's been hard to regain that after
Speaker 1: after an offense like that. I don't know, because you
Speaker 1: have to think if that's in that person's psyche, if
Speaker 1: they if they have that impulse that they're acting on
Speaker 1: to the point where there are multiple you know that
Speaker 1: there they're engaging in that. To actually pick up a
Speaker 1: phone and text the things, that's all very deliberate. That
Speaker 1: that means that that person has those and everyone i'm
Speaker 1: sure is has moments of attraction or you know, but
Speaker 1: to act on it like that as a betrayal, it's different. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a real betrayal. It doesn't feel good to be
Speaker 1: reading those things at all. It's a punch in the
Speaker 1: especially after being with somebody for so long. But listen,
Speaker 1: you had an instinct and you weren't wrong. Who cares
Speaker 1: about checking his phone? I mean, if you've checked someone's
Speaker 1: phone and you find something, then you were right. And
Speaker 1: I don't have any boundaries about that. And I don't
Speaker 1: care if my boyfriend checks my phone, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, for him like, there's nothing fine, so go
Speaker 1: for it. But there's always space for healing. You never know,
Speaker 1: this could be a huge opportunity for growth for you too.
Speaker 1: You could actually the fact that he's willing to go
Speaker 1: to counseling over this, it's very important you should take
Speaker 1: him up on that. Do not do not like defer
Speaker 1: that to another time or postpone it. Hop on that
Speaker 1: right now because clearly there is a chasm between the
Speaker 1: two of you that has been created, which is why
Speaker 1: he's talking to somebody else. And you want to make
Speaker 1: sure that the first time is the last time. He
Speaker 1: disrespected your relationship, a disrespected your child, he disrespected you,
Speaker 1: and you need to go to a counselor and have
Speaker 1: this conversation with him and continue to go until you
Speaker 1: build a more stronger foundation so that you're never going
Speaker 1: to have a desire to check his phone because there's
Speaker 1: never gonna be anything there. You know, was so well said,
Speaker 1: What great advice. It's true there should be room for
Speaker 1: growth and a person of a personal evolution and there
Speaker 1: I love therapy, Chelsea. That was really impressive. Well, thank you.
Speaker 1: I just think people sometimes make mistakes and we don't
Speaker 1: want to just we don't want to just cancel them
Speaker 1: like you can't do that. Just let people understand you've
Speaker 1: been hurt, and if they are a deep enough person
Speaker 1: or worthwhile enough, I should say, they're going to recognize
Speaker 1: that they caused you pain and they're gonna want to
Speaker 1: correct that pain. You know. So I think it's okay,
Speaker 1: it's not. Your relationship isn't over. You can't throw that
Speaker 1: relationship away because every relationship has ups and downs, and
Speaker 1: it's how you handle the downs that is the most
Speaker 1: important thing. How do you deal with that? Can you
Speaker 1: be and have a conversation with him, with the third
Speaker 1: party who hears both of you and gets to the
Speaker 1: root of the issue, and then disconnect And that is
Speaker 1: totally plausible. And I think it's hard for a lot
Speaker 1: of people to be vulnerable and to admit certain things
Speaker 1: that they're In this case, something is lacking. There's some
Speaker 1: intimacy component that is lacking. And that's a hard thing
Speaker 1: to say to somebody that you love. You don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt somebody. But I think through therapy there's an opportunity,
Speaker 1: like you said, to be really honest with one another
Speaker 1: and and like you also said, it would make you
Speaker 1: a lot them, a lot stronger, a lot more intimate
Speaker 1: and also just something to remember you can get over
Speaker 1: almost anything, Like, don't think you'll never get over this.
Speaker 1: It's fresh. It's a fresh wound. So it feels like
Speaker 1: it's going to be interminable. Write that down, justin but
Speaker 1: it's not going to be. It's you can get over this.
Speaker 1: It's not like he had an affair. And even if
Speaker 1: that had happened, that's a possible thing to get over
Speaker 1: to for many, many people. So just let's you know,
Speaker 1: just focus on the here and now and repairing what
Speaker 1: has happened and just getting to the bottom of it
Speaker 1: and let us know what happens. Yeah, find uself a
Speaker 1: real good couples counselor, and you know, stick with it, because,
Speaker 1: after all, there is a kid involved to the most
Speaker 1: sagacious one possible, most interminably sagacious one possible. Yeah, it's funny,
Speaker 1: I'm looking up sagacious and just as the quality of
Speaker 1: being Oh it's I see having her showing keen mental
Speaker 1: discernment and good judgment. Shrewd, shrewd. Yeah, discerning, Yeah, discerning.
Speaker 1: It's the opposite of it's a good word, specious, it's
Speaker 1: the opposite of fucking moron. Is what it's Yes, that
Speaker 1: is true. That's one of these Yeah, fucking moron an Yeah, perfect, Well,
Speaker 1: our first caller today is Cammy. Cammy, says dear Chelsea.
Speaker 1: In about two months, I'm marrying my best friend and
Speaker 1: the love of my life, and I'm beyond excited about it. However,
Speaker 1: shortly after, my dad is getting remarried too, to a
Speaker 1: girl the same age as me. We'll call her Sally.
Speaker 1: Sally is a funny name for like when you're really
Speaker 1: hung up on somebody's age. It's a young sounding name. Yes, yeah, Sally.
Speaker 1: We even have the same color hair, and my dad,
Speaker 1: being an old guy, frequently mixes up our names when
Speaker 1: we're together. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and, to be honest,
Speaker 1: a little sad every time I try to bring up
Speaker 1: my wedding to my dad in hopes that he'll be excited,
Speaker 1: supportive and wanting to help. All I get is well
Speaker 1: Sally did this for our wedding, and Sally also went
Speaker 1: to a bachelorette party this weekend, and Sally and I
Speaker 1: went kick tasting. Did you get cake? It's extremely exhausting
Speaker 1: and it feels like a job to the heart. Every
Speaker 1: time I talked to him. I'm struggling to find ways
Speaker 1: to tell him that I just want the next couple
Speaker 1: of months to be about my wedding and all the
Speaker 1: things that come with it. Cammy, Wow, Hi Cammy video.
Speaker 1: She zoomed in. Hi, Cammy. This is our guest today,
Speaker 1: Justin and this is my co host Catherine. Hi. So
Speaker 1: nice to be here him, so nice to see you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful day. I got a glass of wine.
Speaker 1: It's Friday, it's heyday. She works at a vineyard. Oh, perfectly,
Speaker 1: then you should always have a glass of wine. So,
Speaker 1: cam is the issue that his wedding is competing with
Speaker 1: your wedding? Or is the issue that you know, she's
Speaker 1: your age? What's the bigger Did they already get married? No,
Speaker 1: so they're getting married in July. I'm getting married in May,
Speaker 1: so it's shortly after. Um. So it's not necessarily that
Speaker 1: it's competing. It's just every time I try to bring
Speaker 1: it up, and you know, he's supposed to be like
Speaker 1: part of my wedding and it's always talking about his wedding.
Speaker 1: Is he doing that in an effort to relate to you?
Speaker 1: Like you know, sometimes people try to find commonality and
Speaker 1: you know, if they say, like, oh, I just you know,
Speaker 1: I almost stepped on a frog that's so funny a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. I I also almost. That's a
Speaker 1: terrible analogy. But is he doing it in an effort
Speaker 1: to to feel closer to you know, move the conversation. Um,
Speaker 1: I guess that could probably be it. I mean that
Speaker 1: he is probably trying to find common ground between it all.
Speaker 1: But he never listens to when I talk about anything
Speaker 1: about my wedding. It's always he's always thinking about there's
Speaker 1: never response to a single answer to what I'm planning
Speaker 1: for the whole wedding. So okay, Well, I think what
Speaker 1: your action needs to be is to sit down and
Speaker 1: have a conversation or write him an email, whatever you prefer.
Speaker 1: I think face to face for this would be best
Speaker 1: if you're comfortable with that, And to explain to him
Speaker 1: that you're planning on being married for one time in
Speaker 1: your life and it's coming up in a month or
Speaker 1: in two months, whatever time in May, and that this
Speaker 1: is the only time in your life that you have
Speaker 1: to celebrate this time, and that your father is your
Speaker 1: only father, and that you need him to be present
Speaker 1: for your event, and once that's done and over, then
Speaker 1: he can be focused on his own marriage. It's it's
Speaker 1: marginalizing your experience and you need him. You need to
Speaker 1: share this experience with him, and that can be said
Speaker 1: in a really loving way, like Dad, I want to
Speaker 1: be able to share this experience with you without it
Speaker 1: being about you all the time and your wedding. You're
Speaker 1: my dad, Like I need you here for me, just
Speaker 1: for this amount of time, you know, can you do
Speaker 1: that for me? I don't think that's how asking a lot.
Speaker 1: It's one thing that you're even getting married so close
Speaker 1: to when I'm getting married. That wasn't necessary. I'm willing
Speaker 1: to accept that. But I need your attention focused on me. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: I it's always like one of those conversations. The thing
Speaker 1: was like I'm gonna say that and then it's so
Speaker 1: much harder to say it than an actuality. If I
Speaker 1: can add to that which I can't improve upon it.
Speaker 1: But I would say I found a lot of value
Speaker 1: in writing things. I know it sounds like cheesy and
Speaker 1: maybe basic, but like when I have to have those
Speaker 1: heavy conversations, I find a lot of value in writing
Speaker 1: down a clear intention. You know, my intention for this
Speaker 1: is to communicate this and and and just boil it
Speaker 1: down to the essence of what you want to say
Speaker 1: to your father. And Chelsea said it so perfectly, so
Speaker 1: I would just actually write down exactly what she said,
Speaker 1: but have it so you can reference, because especially when
Speaker 1: you're face to face things emotions get involved and he
Speaker 1: might try to he might deflect and avoid this the
Speaker 1: substance of what you're saying. But if you have it
Speaker 1: written down in front of you, you can always go
Speaker 1: back to reference the intention of what you're trying to communicate.
Speaker 1: I think that really helps. Yeah, that's a great ideas,
Speaker 1: a great suggestion finally from Justin. You should write that
Speaker 1: down and you can even write what you want to
Speaker 1: say in a letter and read it to him to
Speaker 1: his face. But I think with a father and daughter dynamic,
Speaker 1: it's more powerful to just sit in front of him
Speaker 1: and show him. And it's got to be with so
Speaker 1: much love, you know, like I love you that I
Speaker 1: want to have this moment with you. This is the
Speaker 1: one time in my life that I get to have
Speaker 1: this experience hopefully, and I want to share it with you,
Speaker 1: and I want you to be present for me, you know,
Speaker 1: And how meaningful your relationship is, and just try and
Speaker 1: make it all about the positive things and that there's
Speaker 1: a time to celebrate your wedding and then there will
Speaker 1: be a time to celebrate his, yeah, and and validate
Speaker 1: his his thing too, because it sounds like he might
Speaker 1: be trying to overcompensate for having feeling. Maybe he doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like you've totally embraced his situation. Maybe he maybe
Speaker 1: that's why he keeps bringing it up and overpowering your
Speaker 1: wedding stuff. But Chelsea, it was so well said. I
Speaker 1: think you have to really let him know that you
Speaker 1: know you're you're your daughter, and he's got to be
Speaker 1: there for you, and he's got to hold his space
Speaker 1: for you during this time. I might also let me
Speaker 1: to add to the bottom of the letter that he
Speaker 1: really needs to think about whose name he's saying, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's wild? In what context does he messing it up?
Speaker 1: Like We'll be like sitting and having dinner and he'll
Speaker 1: be like, oh, Sally, Oh, I mean not Cammy, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, in reality, our name is kind of rhyme,
Speaker 1: so it's actually quite h Did you laugh about it? Like?
Speaker 1: What what's your reaction when it happened this Sally is
Speaker 1: Sally like, oh geez, I don't know. I just go
Speaker 1: dead silent, and I'm like, oh Jesus, not again. If
Speaker 1: I helped to laugh about are you close? I agree?
Speaker 1: I think that that is just laught like that is
Speaker 1: something to laugh at. You know, it's ridiculous that your
Speaker 1: father's get us in your name with his girlfriends real
Speaker 1: is a true chestament to his age. How how old
Speaker 1: is he? A sixty three? Okay, well he's not battle
Speaker 1: you know, he's with it enough for you to have
Speaker 1: a conversation with him about this and for him to
Speaker 1: understand that it's a little bit you know, inappropriate his
Speaker 1: what what's your How does your mother factor into all
Speaker 1: of this? She's quite the comical one about is she
Speaker 1: hates it because every everything to say about this is
Speaker 1: she remarried. She is. Yeah, she's happily remarried to a
Speaker 1: wonderful man. We love him. Oh good good. But other
Speaker 1: than the age thing, I mean, which I know bothers,
Speaker 1: you do you like Sally herself? I mean, do you
Speaker 1: guys get along? To be honest, I've only really had
Speaker 1: a few conversations with her. Try to keep my distance
Speaker 1: so well, maybe maybe you'd wanna not Maybe you want
Speaker 1: to kind of lean into it instead of keeping your distance.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's an opportunity to, as hard as it might
Speaker 1: be too to you know, reach out to her and say, hey,
Speaker 1: we should let's let's see, I don't know, try to
Speaker 1: connect with her. That might be bothering your dad. That
Speaker 1: maybe one of the reasons. I don't mean to keep
Speaker 1: defending him men men defending each other, um, but that
Speaker 1: there might be some reason why he keeps over compensating,
Speaker 1: you know, and mentioning her. Yeah. Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: also like this is your time, this is your moment,
Speaker 1: and you know, your relationship with her can develop over time,
Speaker 1: which is a more natural way for things like that
Speaker 1: to happen, like force it. Yeah, you don't have to
Speaker 1: rush into that, like you know, you can even relay
Speaker 1: that to your father, like I'm I'm totally willing to
Speaker 1: support you and be there for you. I need this
Speaker 1: from you. I'm asking you. I'm sitting in front of
Speaker 1: you asking you to be here for me. And this
Speaker 1: is your daughter, it's not Sally, just so you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and wear a big nameplate on your clear Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: that's definitely very helpful and just stutting boundaries. I think
Speaker 1: it's to be really important and yes, maybe getting to
Speaker 1: know her a little bit better, but it's pretty weird
Speaker 1: to relate to her because obviously we have a lot
Speaker 1: of common being for the same age. Yeah, out, No,
Speaker 1: I get it. It's a it's an icky thing for
Speaker 1: girls to have to deal with their father's girlfriends that
Speaker 1: are the same age them. It just makes you question
Speaker 1: a lot of different things. So I can relate to that.
Speaker 1: But you know, as long as you're not taking it
Speaker 1: out on her, you know whatever, Like she's irrelevant really
Speaker 1: at this point, it's more about your dad's you know,
Speaker 1: attention span and understanding of this time in your life
Speaker 1: and how important it is to you. Yes, absolutely so.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like that's a conversation that you can
Speaker 1: have with him, Yes, but I think I'm going to
Speaker 1: have to write it down because they're also going to
Speaker 1: say I don't mean yeah, yeah, And take your time
Speaker 1: with the conversation. Try not to be reactive if he
Speaker 1: says something that brings it up, you know, just try
Speaker 1: and take a breath, because I do. You don't want
Speaker 1: that conversation to escalate. You really want it to land.
Speaker 1: So even if he says stuff, just take a breath
Speaker 1: and go, you know, like, don't respond in a way
Speaker 1: that is going to like denude the entire meaning of
Speaker 1: your conversation. You know, you really want to have an
Speaker 1: impact with it, So meditate before, write down your intentions,
Speaker 1: write down what you want to say, and then go
Speaker 1: in like you are just going to win this conversation,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, And I think when you're applying to
Speaker 1: his like nature as a dad, like I need you
Speaker 1: to just be like my dad walking me down the aisle,
Speaker 1: go to that sentimental place, and I think he'll he'll
Speaker 1: be very much on your team. It's such a good point. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Cammie. Yeah. Yeah, you on your
Speaker 1: dad's marriage, on your on your on your wedding. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. It was so nice to be on
Speaker 1: this show. And Chelsea, I'm so excited I get to
Speaker 1: do in a couple of weeks live So how awesome
Speaker 1: in Santa Rosa? Oh cool? Santa Rose? Is that where
Speaker 1: you work? I yeah? Close by? Oh okay, cool? Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: let us know, like follow up and let us know
Speaker 1: how the conversation with your dad went and if he
Speaker 1: was able to hear you. Yeah, thank you so much. Okay,
Speaker 1: thanks Kavy c sup by Oh what a sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad. When my mom died, we found my
Speaker 1: father naked in the kitchen with his cleaning lady. About
Speaker 1: two weeks later, as my mom was dying, she said
Speaker 1: to me, your father is a piece of work, and
Speaker 1: you guys are all about to find out how fucked
Speaker 1: up he is. She didn't stay fucked up because she
Speaker 1: never cursed. But she never cursed, so she was She
Speaker 1: was like the opposite of me. She was quiet and demure,
Speaker 1: and she was like, wait, I she said, I will
Speaker 1: be laughing at you in heaven when you find out
Speaker 1: what I've been protecting you girls from and my father.
Speaker 1: Within two weeks, my brother Roy text us going just
Speaker 1: went over to check on dad. His cleaning lady was
Speaker 1: naked in the kitchen cleaning while my father had his
Speaker 1: pants down sitting on the couch. And I just thought
Speaker 1: to myself, thank God, my mother is in heaven and
Speaker 1: not privy to this. And then I looked up and
Speaker 1: I just smiled at her, like you were right all along,
Speaker 1: and I yeah, yeah, and then I ate, Then I
Speaker 1: ate an orange and started laughing with my mother in heaven.
Speaker 1: That's great, that's wild. You're so, did you're did your
Speaker 1: dad end up remarrying or did you know? I think
Speaker 1: he just slept with all the people that worked at
Speaker 1: the house, so, you know, but I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: even think my father was in any physical condition to
Speaker 1: be having sex, So I think it was more of
Speaker 1: just like a voyeuristic you know, you know what I mean. Yes,
Speaker 1: so we don't really need to delve any further. But
Speaker 1: that's interesting. But you you, yeah, so you can relate
Speaker 1: to a daughter marrying somebody young, yea father marrying it
Speaker 1: if he had had been spry enough by the time
Speaker 1: my mother died, Like he completely fell apart when my
Speaker 1: mom died, had he been able to keep his ship together,
Speaker 1: he definitely would have brought some women around. That would
Speaker 1: have been a hard pill to swallow for my family
Speaker 1: and I yeah, and my family and me, excuse my grammar.
Speaker 1: That's interesting. Are your parents still married? They're still married,
Speaker 1: And I can't imagine, mean, even if they weren't, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to imagine like what that would be like. I
Speaker 1: guess it's different for guys. Maybe there's I think there's
Speaker 1: something uniquely strange maybe for a young you know, for
Speaker 1: a daughter to have her father dating somebody her age,
Speaker 1: you know, to to I don't know, just just the
Speaker 1: sexual implications that it brings up. And yeah, right right, strange, Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: I also wonder if Sally feels just as weird about it.
Speaker 1: She probably feels weird about having a step daughter to
Speaker 1: be that it's her age. Now I'm I'm kind of
Speaker 1: contradicting what I said earlier about wanting to respect the elderly,
Speaker 1: but I have to question, and I shouldn't, but I do.
Speaker 1: I find myself questioning the person that age their motivation
Speaker 1: for being with somebody who is sixty three, just because
Speaker 1: I would imagine it'd be so hard to relate to
Speaker 1: somebody that much younger. Yeah. Yeah. I had a driver
Speaker 1: this weekend who said that he has a girlfriend. He
Speaker 1: was seventy three and his girlfriend is thirty three and
Speaker 1: there's a forty year age difference. And man, I said it, really, like,
Speaker 1: how does that work out? He goes, great, it's my
Speaker 1: third wife. You know. When I when I got married,
Speaker 1: I thought, oh wow, you know, I was sixty and
Speaker 1: she was twenty and and I'm like, and what drugs
Speaker 1: was she smoking? That she was attracted to a six
Speaker 1: year old man, and when I was forty two she
Speaker 1: was too. That's crazy. So just that disturbed me. I
Speaker 1: just like, I guess it depends on what at that
Speaker 1: age you value and if you value enough, if you
Speaker 1: value youth and that whatever, that person's vitality, enough, hotness,
Speaker 1: if you value that enough that it's enough to overwhelm
Speaker 1: the lack of common ground and inability to have like
Speaker 1: a really like challenging conversation. I don't know, maybe, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I tried not to be too judgy because, like, you know,
Speaker 1: some people really are in love. Like when I was
Speaker 1: twenty I dated. When I was twenty two, I dated
Speaker 1: a thirty six year old and that was a pretty
Speaker 1: big age difference. And I but I was a baby.
Speaker 1: I just I was. So I had the biggest crush
Speaker 1: on this guy. You know, why he was dating me
Speaker 1: is a separate issue, but so show I try not
Speaker 1: to be too judgy because you know, people do fall
Speaker 1: in love at different ages in their lives, so it's
Speaker 1: not all it's not all badly motivated or motivated for
Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. Yeah, that's true. Well. Our next email
Speaker 1: comes from Mary. We are old people in love, so
Speaker 1: hopefully we can give some advice to you with this
Speaker 1: very young person and love. Dear Chelsea. I'm nineteen and
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, since
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. In the past six months, I've accepted
Speaker 1: that I'm bisexual, and I had a conversation with him
Speaker 1: about that when I was ready. He accepted my sexuality,
Speaker 1: but my attraction to something he can't give me made
Speaker 1: him a little insecure. I had little time to explore
Speaker 1: many sexual or relationship experiences before being with him. Since
Speaker 1: the conversation, I've had the recurring thought that I'm so
Speaker 1: young and have so much to experience. I'd like to
Speaker 1: be with a woman, but I don't foresee myself ending
Speaker 1: things with him, and we're not polyamorous people. If he
Speaker 1: was okay with it, I'd like to explore my sexuality
Speaker 1: while still loving him, but I would not be okay
Speaker 1: with him experiencing other women. He's very straight. If he
Speaker 1: had the need to explore his sexuality and wanted to
Speaker 1: see men, I would be okay with it. The advice
Speaker 1: I need is how should I empathetically approach a conversation
Speaker 1: like this to a sensitive person like him. Also, is
Speaker 1: it too early in the relationship to ask about something
Speaker 1: like this? Is it better to bring this up years
Speaker 1: down the road when we have established even more trust
Speaker 1: than we already have. Ps A threesome is off the table, thanks, Mary.
Speaker 1: Got a lot of rules, very strict boundaries, Yeah, a
Speaker 1: lot of boundaries yet, okay, conflicting boundaries? Yeah, okay, Well
Speaker 1: I think a you need to bring it up immediately.
Speaker 1: There's that is dishonest to lead somebody on without giving
Speaker 1: them all the facts and all the information. You're very clear,
Speaker 1: or you seem to be very here about what your
Speaker 1: desires are and what your boundaries are, so you just
Speaker 1: all all you need. All you can do is present
Speaker 1: them in an honest way and accept whether or not
Speaker 1: he's going to be okay with that. And if he's
Speaker 1: not going to be okay with that, then you need
Speaker 1: to respect that as well and either end the relationship
Speaker 1: based on what you want to do moving forward or
Speaker 1: except that you're not going to be able to act
Speaker 1: like that within the countfines of that relationship. But you
Speaker 1: cannot lie to him or lead him on. You have
Speaker 1: to give everyone the information they need, and then there
Speaker 1: everyone is allowed to make their own choice for themselves.
Speaker 1: You don't get to decide how your boyfriend is going
Speaker 1: to exist within a relationship. A year's plenty of time
Speaker 1: to lay it on the table. Yes, that's a well said,
Speaker 1: you're so good at this. I mean, I hope that
Speaker 1: doesn't sound so it's true. I was, I was like,
Speaker 1: what is that? Because I guess the proposition is that
Speaker 1: she wants to be with women while still being with him,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't want him to be with anybody anybody else,
Speaker 1: but she wants to be allowed to be with other people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a pretty tough put. He could be with a
Speaker 1: man if he wants to. Yeah, but he there's he
Speaker 1: showed no indication of being kidd or bi sexual, So like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so what Yah, what if a woman were to dress
Speaker 1: as a man, or to identify maybe as a man,
Speaker 1: or said she you know, you could maybe fudge the
Speaker 1: rules a little bit. Yeah, there's a lot of fudging
Speaker 1: for the rules. I just think she's the nineteen Like,
Speaker 1: when you're nineteen, you are changing, you're learning about yourself,
Speaker 1: and it's easy to want the best of both worlds,
Speaker 1: Like I want us to love him, but I want
Speaker 1: to experiment. You don't know that there's space for that.
Speaker 1: I know I have a feeling she'll look back and think, Oh,
Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't strung him along or been I
Speaker 1: wish I had, you know, maybe ended things sooner, been
Speaker 1: honest sooner, because there's so much to explore at nineteen.
Speaker 1: I mean, you've got the whole It's it's Mary, Mary,
Speaker 1: you have the whole world to explore. You're so you know,
Speaker 1: it's such a great time to be unfettered. So I
Speaker 1: feel bad for his her boyfriend, but um, well yeah
Speaker 1: I don't. And just you know, Mary, something to remember
Speaker 1: is like whatever you put out is coming back at you.
Speaker 1: That's like just the law of physics. You know, there's
Speaker 1: an action, there's a reaction. So you want to treat
Speaker 1: him with the same amount of respect that you want
Speaker 1: to be treated with, because down the road, if you
Speaker 1: don't treat him with respect, someone's gonna come along and
Speaker 1: someone's gonna do that to you and you're not gonna
Speaker 1: like it. So you have to treat him with all
Speaker 1: the honesty, even if it's uncomfortable and it hurts you.
Speaker 1: You have to treat him with all that honesty and
Speaker 1: respect and be as honest as you can, and then
Speaker 1: it's up to him whether or not he's willing to
Speaker 1: accept that. It sounds like she is. She wrote a
Speaker 1: really he's very honest in her letter and yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so just get onto Mary, just you know, deal with
Speaker 1: the subject matter, and then you know, who knows, Maybe
Speaker 1: you guys take a break, maybe you go explore your
Speaker 1: feelings of bisexuality, and maybe you come right back to
Speaker 1: him and think, wait, this is what I want. Or
Speaker 1: maybe there's a whole new world for you that you're
Speaker 1: postponing by prolonging it by being in a relationship. And
Speaker 1: I had her a normative relationship. Yeah, I'm always so
Speaker 1: curious at what that moment is. She said she accepted
Speaker 1: it six months ago. I'm always wondering what the catalyst.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's not one particular thing, but I'm always curious
Speaker 1: at that age when when somebody's you know, had a
Speaker 1: couple of years of sexuality, let's say, or being a
Speaker 1: sexualized person. Mary right back and let us know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let us know, Mary, what happened triggered your bisexuality? And yeah,
Speaker 1: what triggered it? And act with integrity, okay, because I
Speaker 1: know you're nineteen, and sometimes integrity doesn't come to us
Speaker 1: until we're a little bit older. But try to get
Speaker 1: after it. Yeah. So this person who wrote in is
Speaker 1: going by younger than I sound, Dear Chelsea, She says,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven, and I've manifested myself into living a
Speaker 1: very small life. I have a computer job, and I
Speaker 1: work from home. I live out of state from my family,
Speaker 1: and I was dumped last year. We didn't survive the pandemic.
Speaker 1: I guess, anyway, did you ever have a year or
Speaker 1: two in your twenties, even late twenties like me, where
Speaker 1: you were all alone doing it all yourself. I want
Speaker 1: to thrive in my career, independence and living alone, but
Speaker 1: I usually just feel like a sixty five year old
Speaker 1: widow living alone with her cats and waiting for the
Speaker 1: next big HBO show to come out. Younger than I sound,
Speaker 1: she sounds funny and sweet. I have felt that way
Speaker 1: late twenties. I would try to fill that void, whether
Speaker 1: it was going out and drinking and drugs, relationships that
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have been in. But I in a way,
Speaker 1: I think she's doing a really healthy thing by by
Speaker 1: being by herself and kind of expressing those feelings of
Speaker 1: loneliness maybe, and on we and on we. But I'm
Speaker 1: so curious what Chelsea's going to say, because I remember
Speaker 1: that feeling, and I don't think I behaved in a
Speaker 1: as healthier way as younger than I sound as behaving.
Speaker 1: She she's actually she sounds older. Yeah, you do sound older,
Speaker 1: but that's okay. I think everybody goes through different phases
Speaker 1: in their lives. I just read a book for my friend,
Speaker 1: Lily Saying wrote a book called Be a Triangle and
Speaker 1: it's a short read. I read it in an hour
Speaker 1: and a half, like you can pick it up and
Speaker 1: put it down. But it's just a reminder that the
Speaker 1: times in your life where you feel loneliest or just
Speaker 1: are not forever. And there are a bunch of tools
Speaker 1: there about creating a foundation for your life where you
Speaker 1: can build on that you know and your your relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself is really the most important one to be
Speaker 1: focused on. And when you have a healthy relationship with
Speaker 1: yourself and you're confident in the decisions you're making, that's
Speaker 1: when you can bring other people into your life in
Speaker 1: a more meaningful way. Full circle. Yeah, that's when we're
Speaker 1: talking about earlier. Yeah, totally. And it's like this period
Speaker 1: of time doesn't define you, you know, I totally. I
Speaker 1: was a person in my twenties, and I was a
Speaker 1: different person in my thirties, and I you know, and
Speaker 1: I'm now in my forties and I'm a different person.
Speaker 1: I was a recluse for like periods of time in
Speaker 1: my twenties because it's just everyone just drove me fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: I would TV, I would lie in bed for hours
Speaker 1: a day, like for periods of like you know, sometimes months,
Speaker 1: I mean interspersed with like activities, but like overall, I
Speaker 1: would have termed to myself as a recluse. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to go to bars, I didn't want to hang out.
Speaker 1: And then there were periods of time where that's all
Speaker 1: I did was hang out and party and meet up
Speaker 1: and hook up and and date. And then I'd have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend and that would last for a year, and
Speaker 1: then that was my focus. And so there are we
Speaker 1: have similar paths. Yes, yes, I wanted to touch the flame.
Speaker 1: And then but then you find that you're a lot happier.
Speaker 1: I mean everyone's seeking happiness, I suppose, but I found
Speaker 1: that I was a lot happier when I would just
Speaker 1: settle and I was by myself, and I was able
Speaker 1: to cultivate interests alone and in silence. There's something really
Speaker 1: I mean, embrace that time because it won't last for long. Change.
Speaker 1: Chelsea's right, So it's a good time to kind of
Speaker 1: cultivate your own thing and interests. And even if it's
Speaker 1: just sitting around with your cats, being still in present
Speaker 1: in the world is a beautiful thing. And coming to
Speaker 1: appreciate nature and being alive is a really special thing.
Speaker 1: So don't don't short change that. Yeah, and if you think, oh,
Speaker 1: I spend too much time alone, like, just add some
Speaker 1: things to that. You know, go outside, go for a
Speaker 1: hike once a day, or whatever outdoor activities you're interested in.
Speaker 1: Go for a walk with your cat, or go for
Speaker 1: a walk alone, or find a friend to go for
Speaker 1: a walk with. Just like, incorporate little things that are
Speaker 1: going to boost your mood. Being outdoor will always help
Speaker 1: you be in a better mood and being a more
Speaker 1: positive kind of headspace. So just remember that and also
Speaker 1: just kind of add things to your life that does.
Speaker 1: You know, make plans with a friend, make plans with
Speaker 1: a relative, do things that are so you can see
Speaker 1: if you enjoy that and if you want to continue
Speaker 1: doing that, and you know, there's nothing wrong with spending
Speaker 1: a lot of time with yourself and using that time
Speaker 1: wisely to kind of get to know yourself and what
Speaker 1: what you're going to accept in your life and what
Speaker 1: you're not, you know, kind of setting standards for yourself
Speaker 1: moving forward. A man. Yes, sorry, what's that book? Be
Speaker 1: a Triangle? Yeah? By Lily saying she just wrote it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and she was a guest on this show last season. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a cute little book, and it's just about positive
Speaker 1: relationships with yourself to remember that you don't you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of times we spend our lives proving things
Speaker 1: to other people when in in fact, your relationship with
Speaker 1: yourself and your spiritual relationship with the universe and nature
Speaker 1: and touch and giving and instead of just receiving or
Speaker 1: you know, giving instead of taking is just a huge
Speaker 1: component of how to be a more well rounded person.
Speaker 1: I found a lot of value in this book I have.
Speaker 1: I interviewed Dr Mark Epstein on life is Short. It's
Speaker 1: going to pieces without following out Oh yeah, yeah. A
Speaker 1: Buddhist perspective on wholeness. I've really found a lot of
Speaker 1: value in that. And The xenop Therapy is his latest book.
Speaker 1: I don't mind plugging all of his work, but I
Speaker 1: like Mark Epstein. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, and taking
Speaker 1: walks and being present in nature has really helped me
Speaker 1: to I'm really rooting for this person. She sounds really
Speaker 1: cool and sweet and yeah, yeah, I'm wishing you the best.
Speaker 1: Younger than I sound. Yeah, younger than I sound. I
Speaker 1: wish you the best too, So don't be too harsh
Speaker 1: with judgment on yourself. Okay, Yeah, take it easy, take
Speaker 1: it slow, and you know, keep moving. Yeah. Well, let's
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be back to close
Speaker 1: it out. Okay, we'll take a loof a break, we'll
Speaker 1: be right back. Justin, keep your hands where we can
Speaker 1: see them. Okay, I'm just getting my loof and we're back. Well,
Speaker 1: we're back to close it out and justin. Did you
Speaker 1: have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea. I've also
Speaker 1: found myself getting now that I have the smart card,
Speaker 1: it's going to be a little bit more of a problem,
Speaker 1: but getting my reactivity. You mentioned reactivity, which is I
Speaker 1: think so important for a lot of these colors. It's
Speaker 1: been so important in my life to be aware of.
Speaker 1: But on the road, I still tend to get people
Speaker 1: drive like maniacs here and I find myself getting very
Speaker 1: reactive on the road. I had an encounter yesterday where
Speaker 1: guy swerved into my lane and just to let him
Speaker 1: know he was coming to my lane, I gave him
Speaker 1: the bet beep. It wasn't an angry beat, but it
Speaker 1: was just a pop up you're coming in and he
Speaker 1: gave me the finger. It was wild, and I said,
Speaker 1: what's me? And he started swerving purposefully into my lane
Speaker 1: to because angry. Now, I don't know in those moments.
Speaker 1: I've been really working on reactivity and I've loved meditation,
Speaker 1: but sometimes those moments I find very challenging. What do
Speaker 1: you do? I'm curious what you do on the road
Speaker 1: if we're something like that to happen. I mean, my
Speaker 1: whole therapy was about my reactivity. So I am able
Speaker 1: to laugh at anyone who acts like that, Like I'm
Speaker 1: able to go, oh God, that person is obviously having
Speaker 1: a really bad day or time or life, Like no
Speaker 1: one needs to give anyone the finger on the road,
Speaker 1: like and it shouldn't you and you reacting to it
Speaker 1: is just getting right down to his level instead of
Speaker 1: elevating to your level. So I don't know what the
Speaker 1: right thing is, but recognizing that reaction in yourself is
Speaker 1: the first step by going, Oh, I was just about
Speaker 1: to give him the finger back, but I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do that because this is so silly. We're driving
Speaker 1: and superficially, I'm wondering if you can recommend a strain
Speaker 1: of sativa that is inedible potentially good for driving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that being out in the world, maybe younger than I
Speaker 1: sound might want to try it on one of the
Speaker 1: nature walks, just being a little bit more so you
Speaker 1: don't get you don't crash. I've been really crashing and
Speaker 1: getting tired. Yeah, I like uh I I don't like
Speaker 1: strong edibles during the daytime. I love. I think the
Speaker 1: most popular one are those Kiva blueberries, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Those are light and they're kind of
Speaker 1: fun and giggly. And also another really light option are
Speaker 1: those Breeze mints. They are two at point five milligrams
Speaker 1: for really new beginners, and they're an upper Like that's
Speaker 1: a fun thing to like go outside and do something with.
Speaker 1: So those are two good suggestions. I think great. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh you're so welcome justin. What a great way to
Speaker 1: wrap up the episode. Yes, yeah, and it was a
Speaker 1: terrible beginning, terrible beginning. We really really cleaned it out
Speaker 1: of the end. It's a great ending. I'm really good
Speaker 1: at endings. This was so fun. Thank you for having
Speaker 1: me well, thank you for being here. It was a
Speaker 1: pleasure to see you again too. And I'm so happy
Speaker 1: that you're in love. Congratulations. Tell Kate give her my
Speaker 1: love for me. Well, I don't know if you heard her,
Speaker 1: she said as she came in looking for she was
Speaker 1: looking for a plug. She said, hello, I did, okay, okay, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you guys, and so nice to meet you. Catherine. Likewise,
Speaker 1: give Kate my best. I will. Well, thank you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'd have a great day in Massachusetts and Connecticut justin. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, l and give my best I will. I
Speaker 1: hope we all get to hang out one that'd be fine.
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Bye bye. So, if you'd like to
Speaker 1: ask Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.