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Speaker 1: Hi everybody. Hi Catherine, how are you Hi. I'm doing great.

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Speaker 1: I love your Dear Chelsea hat and that you wear

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Speaker 1: it now every episode. Thank you. It's my new look.

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Speaker 1: I know it's very vivacious and I love the coloring. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Our Dear Chelsea merch is available on Chelsea handler dot com.

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Speaker 1: We are in California, back in our studio. This is

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Speaker 1: a very exciting time to be alive. We have a

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Speaker 1: guest today. We have some letters that you wanted to

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Speaker 1: go over right and write in. You know what. We

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Speaker 1: got an update from our caller Alexa, whose parents had

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Speaker 1: started dating each other again after her dad had cheated.

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Speaker 1: She was the one who caught her dad having an

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Speaker 1: affair while trying to take that test, and her parents

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Speaker 1: had split up and we're dating again, and she found

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Speaker 1: it really yucky. But she says, Hi, Chelsea, I hope

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Speaker 1: you're doing well. I wanted to thank you both and

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Speaker 1: Tinks for taking the time to speak with me and

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Speaker 1: provide insight on my situation. I took your advice and

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Speaker 1: stopped letting my parents to suation weighs so heavily on me.

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Speaker 1: Since then, I've been able to repair my relationship with

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Speaker 1: my dad. Awesome. We're making plans for the future to

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Speaker 1: cook together since we're both foodies, and even go to

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Speaker 1: a Hayme concert. Oh wow, my family, I think it's

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Speaker 1: is it him? I think? So go to a Heim concert.

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Speaker 1: They once, they once sang a song in my garage

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Speaker 1: for my last TV show, and I think I called

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Speaker 1: them ham and was corrected. But you know what, I'm

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Speaker 1: usually fucking wrong, so well, I appreciate it. So we

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Speaker 1: made plans to go to a Heim concert. My family

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Speaker 1: and I have been able to have more meaningful and

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Speaker 1: intentional conversations, and we're showing up for one another in

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Speaker 1: ways we haven't before. Life is too short to let

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Speaker 1: things affect you that are out of your control. I

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Speaker 1: greatly appreciate all you do and hope you come back

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Speaker 1: to Florida for a show soon, although I don't blame

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Speaker 1: you if you don't want to come back to this

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Speaker 1: dumpster fire of a state. Alexa. Oh well, that's a

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Speaker 1: cute update. That's a cute update. We should do actually

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Speaker 1: show updates. Also, I added a show in Saratoga and

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Speaker 1: Mountain Winery that is coming up this summer. I added

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Speaker 1: two shows in Nashville on June tenth and I'm also

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Speaker 1: coming to Niagara Falls, and I'll be at the Montreal

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Speaker 1: Comedy Festival hosting a gala on July. And you can

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Speaker 1: go to Chelsea Handler dot com for tickets for all

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Speaker 1: my upcoming shows, because I'm going to Birmingham, Alabama, and Louisville,

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Speaker 1: Kentucky and all sorts of fun stops everywhere. When you're

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Speaker 1: doing that many shows, do they all kind of blur together?

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Speaker 1: Or no? I pretty much remember because I'm no longer

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Speaker 1: ship faced when I perform, so I have more clarity

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Speaker 1: and I pretty much remember every show like I remember,

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Speaker 1: and it is always those smaller towns that you're like,

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Speaker 1: wait what that end up being kind of the best show.

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Speaker 1: So so, just like Alexa said in her letter, Life's

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Speaker 1: too short to let things like that bother you. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's a great segue into our guest today,

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Speaker 1: who has a podcast called Life is Short. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've been on his podcast. He has a podcast called

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Speaker 1: Yes I've been. I've been a guest on his podcast.

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Speaker 1: I actually had a great time because I had ever

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Speaker 1: met him before that, so that was awesome. And he

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Speaker 1: also stars in the show f Is for Family on Netflix,

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Speaker 1: so please welcome Mr Justin Long, Catherine Guys Chelsea, what

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Speaker 1: good morning, Good? What do you think was that your

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Speaker 1: impression of me knowing that I was gonna scramble for

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Speaker 1: an excuse and start that was just my reaction to you.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you made your bed behind you because that

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Speaker 1: looks like you somewhat have your ship together. Well, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to give you a little gift because I'm late,

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Speaker 1: and this is unprofessional, but totally unprofessional. By the way,

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Speaker 1: I've never been late once in my life, and I

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Speaker 1: know that a lot of people would find that hard

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Speaker 1: to believe, but it's actually sucking true. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if the totally unprofessional part was necessary. I think it's

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Speaker 1: unprofessional covers at all. I mean, it's okay, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: I was just trying to I was just trying to

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Speaker 1: fill in something in place of so totally late. Well,

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Speaker 1: if you watched The Bachelor, it's a it's a thousand

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Speaker 1: percent or you know there's a higher percentage. A million

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Speaker 1: percent has become more tolerable than ac Yes, I would

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Speaker 1: exact infinity percent is what they should land on. I

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Speaker 1: think I just don't love catchy lingo. Justin like I

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Speaker 1: don't like trendy bullshit. I don't like when people say

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Speaker 1: obsessed or dead dead. I'm dead. I hate dead. It's

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Speaker 1: also a horrible thing to Laughter should be a joy,

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Speaker 1: like a it's a great part of life. Living well,

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Speaker 1: it's l o L Now you can't even you can't

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Speaker 1: even laugh. You just have to say lull, which dead

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Speaker 1: pen which I refuse to participate in. Good. What about slaps?

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Speaker 1: I've heard this one recently, slaps. I haven't heard that yet.

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Speaker 1: Does that mean funny? Yeah? I think I worked with

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Speaker 1: this producer who was great. The movie's great, but she

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Speaker 1: was She was in her mid twenties, late twenties, and

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Speaker 1: she would use this language so casually, and she said slaps.

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Speaker 1: And it was hard for me to tell because the

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Speaker 1: tone that she used it in was like you just

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Speaker 1: did with dad, Dad. It's just like, there's nothing joyous

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Speaker 1: about it. So she just said, oh, that slaps. That

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Speaker 1: slaps very dead pan, not even about a song or something,

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Speaker 1: or it was about something like that. It was a

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Speaker 1: good thing. It turned out to be a By the

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Speaker 1: way we sound really, I mean, well, there we are

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Speaker 1: old listen, just bake it, you know. I like being old.

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Speaker 1: I'm forty seven. Then more the other morning I woke

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Speaker 1: up and I was like, thirty eight is such a

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Speaker 1: cool age, Like I'm not yet forty. And then I'm like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: your forty seven? What are you talking about? Like I

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Speaker 1: just had this idea that I was, all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden thirty eight or thirty eight years old. That makes sense.

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Speaker 1: I mean mentally, you probably feel much closer to that.

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Speaker 1: How old are you justin I'm forty three, But I've

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Speaker 1: been identifying as an older person lately. When I you

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Speaker 1: know that commercial that I think it's Guy co. It's

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Speaker 1: a really funny commercial. They're like, don't turn into your parents,

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Speaker 1: don't be like your parents, And there's a guy who

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Speaker 1: has to instruct the younger people to not be prematurely

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Speaker 1: older than they are. And there's a whole thing about

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Speaker 1: they go to a game and they forget where they parked,

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Speaker 1: and they just talk about parking the whole time and

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Speaker 1: when they're going to leave the game. Anyway I identify,

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Speaker 1: I find myself really identifying with that commercial, wanting to

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Speaker 1: thank the clerk, wanting to point out how nice the

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Speaker 1: store clerk was that helped me out. Well, what I've

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Speaker 1: been saying, young man, what a nice young man. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you find yourself like complimenting the work ethic of a

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Speaker 1: younger generation noticing it. Yeah, yeah, Well we've been making

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Speaker 1: fun of all younger generations for a while, especially jen

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Speaker 1: X right about their ladys jen Z. I don't know

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Speaker 1: the differences between but the la the laugh will be

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Speaker 1: they'll get the last laugh, obviously, because they will outlive

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Speaker 1: us and one on it and hopefully save the planet.

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Speaker 1: And I wonder how much of my hostility is fueled

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Speaker 1: by just that, just just the biological truth that I

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Speaker 1: will be dying sooner, sooner than them. We're anyone who's

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Speaker 1: over forty is basically useless to the rest of the

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Speaker 1: world because before the tech age, we had to like,

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Speaker 1: you know, educate the next generation and kind of let

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Speaker 1: them know what heads up this is. But now with

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Speaker 1: Google and with all the information that's at everyone's fingertips,

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Speaker 1: they don't need anybody. They just need a computer or

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Speaker 1: a phone and computer, I mean, computers will even become

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Speaker 1: obsolete for most people at a certain point. So we're irrelevant.

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Speaker 1: We just have no merit on society at this point. So, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, that's true, everything's at their fingertips. I didn't

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Speaker 1: think about that. They don't need to look to an

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Speaker 1: older generation to learn anything form wisdom. That's tru I

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Speaker 1: ever thought about that. Yeah, I was just with a friend.

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Speaker 1: She was just talking about how much her culture respects

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Speaker 1: the elderly and how Japanese. No, she was in Japanese,

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Speaker 1: so it was Filipino. Yeah, maybe Filipino just stereotyping. I'm

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Speaker 1: positively scy, yes, exact always just how much respect you know,

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Speaker 1: the older generation, and how when you see somebody who's old,

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Speaker 1: they have knowledge in part with you. They're sagacious, they're

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Speaker 1: they're revere. Write that down s A G A c

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Speaker 1: io us. Yeah, thank you, and you can look it

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Speaker 1: up when we're done, And how much they revere older people.

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Speaker 1: And I was thinking, God, you're so right about how

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Speaker 1: American society and it's not every family, but how I

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Speaker 1: look at somebody who's a certain age and I dismiss

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Speaker 1: them like they're too old school, they don't understand, they're

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Speaker 1: not with it, they're not woken off, they don't get it,

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Speaker 1: they're antiquated. And I thought, oh, that's exactly true. Like

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Speaker 1: I dismiss someone who's too old because I think that

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Speaker 1: their value has lessened, even though I know intellectually that's

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Speaker 1: not right, and I'm sure I've done that. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I like to think in theory that I have great

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Speaker 1: respect for the elderly. It's one of the reasons I

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Speaker 1: love Japan. I love cultures that do revere. There's only

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Speaker 1: the elderly are only in Japan. So that's why they're

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Speaker 1: mostly elderly in Japan, because I think they've stopped having

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Speaker 1: sex for the most part. You should double check that

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Speaker 1: well before wet this ghost day. I'm so sorry. I

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Speaker 1: don't know your name. This is Katherine, This is Kine. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you did say it earlier, so you know, I saw

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Speaker 1: you on a little You're on a there's an there's

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Speaker 1: a thing of you. There's a picture of you. That's

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Speaker 1: really my fault for not introducing her. I mean, she's

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Speaker 1: my co host, so that's just my rudeness, you know. Classic. Well,

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Speaker 1: nice to meet you, Yeah, justin. I was talking about

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Speaker 1: your podcast because I had such a good time on

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Speaker 1: your podcast and we had never met before that, right, No,

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Speaker 1: we hadn't we I had, Yes, I was thinking about

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Speaker 1: that as I was scrambling to get here. To your bedroom.

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Speaker 1: I just got a car. I just bought a car,

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Speaker 1: speaking sing, speaking of being speaking of being older. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I have my license. I'm I'm an old looking young

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Speaker 1: looking person. I mean I'm at a strange age where

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Speaker 1: it looked like an old teenager. Yeah, just look like

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Speaker 1: an older teenager, like a really really mature seasoned teenager,

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Speaker 1: like a Stemen in high school for like seven years,

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Speaker 1: possibly eight and a half. Parker Louis can lose. That's

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Speaker 1: a joke for our generation. See, I watched that show. Though,

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Speaker 1: I will say grantize my watch with you. I had

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Speaker 1: older siblings. Yeah. Wow, I'm surprised that you that you

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Speaker 1: remember that show. I don't mean that in a condest anyway.

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Speaker 1: We had some good TV back in the day. We

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Speaker 1: sure did. You'll like this, Chelsea and Katherine, Chelsea, I

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Speaker 1: know you'll like it. I just bought a and you're

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Speaker 1: the first person I'm telling because I just bought it,

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Speaker 1: and I have shame about it, and I need to

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Speaker 1: say it with confidence. But I am now the owner

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Speaker 1: of a smart car. Goodbye everyone, than I thought you

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Speaker 1: were going to say a Bill Cosby Funco. It's a

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Speaker 1: little like toy thing that people love Fonco's and you

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Speaker 1: can buy them and they like reps and different celebrities

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Speaker 1: or athletes. Oh oh really, Oh and there's a Bill Cusp. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I had a smart car. I just want to let

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Speaker 1: you know, really, what kind of wait what what kind

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Speaker 1: of smart car? Is it called a smart car? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Smart little nugget cars, the little nugget, you know what.

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Speaker 1: I bought one and I gave it away because it

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Speaker 1: drove so slowly and was so ridiculous. But before I

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Speaker 1: gave it away, I am blazed. Yeah, so congratulations on

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Speaker 1: your new car. Hopefully it's not the one that I

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Speaker 1: sold or gave. Actually I gave it away to a friend,

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Speaker 1: and on the side, I had decals that said Chelsea

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Speaker 1: Lately eleven thirty weeknights on E because at the time

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Speaker 1: I was on that show. So my friend was driving

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Speaker 1: around l A and a car that was basically a

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Speaker 1: commercial for my show. It's really funny. What a good friend.

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Speaker 1: It's funny that you gave it to a friend. Well,

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Speaker 1: I tried that car because I thought it was so cute.

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Speaker 1: And I love little small, super small sized things like

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Speaker 1: I get off on that. I love like little miniature things.

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Speaker 1: Me too. Yeah, Oh, I didn't know that about you.

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Speaker 1: That's cute. That's why I like Japan, I think. But

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to drive it. So I'm gonna and in

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Speaker 1: New York. I've always fantasized about having a car that

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Speaker 1: can fit into almost any are you So? Are you

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Speaker 1: based out of New York? Justin? I am mostly in

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Speaker 1: Connecticut and Massachusetts. I kind of go back and forth. Oh,

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Speaker 1: and Japan and Japan. Ideally that would be Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: the triangle Connecticut and Massachusetts. Now that's interesting. What why?

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Speaker 1: What was on there? How? Not much, which is why

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Speaker 1: I love it. Um. I was born in Fairfield, so

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Speaker 1: I grew up in Fairfield rather and I kind of

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Speaker 1: wanted to be close to my parents as they got

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Speaker 1: older because you respect them. I respect them and your Japanese. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I might be. I wish I was. I wish you know,

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Speaker 1: I've never done one of those ancestry things, but I

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Speaker 1: were I to do that, I would. I would really

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Speaker 1: hope that I had some chapan you know what. I

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Speaker 1: could see you having some Japanese in you. That wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be too far fetched. It's a huge compliment here. I

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Speaker 1: was once arrested. I lived in Santa Monica, right by

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Speaker 1: the beach. I lived between Ocean and Main Street, and

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Speaker 1: I lived on a street that was quite crowd It

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Speaker 1: was hard to find parking and stuff, and houses were

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Speaker 1: kind of stacked on each other, and I rented the

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Speaker 1: bottom floor of this house. Anyway, I gotta knock at

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Speaker 1: the door at like it was. It was one in

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Speaker 1: the morning, I think, and I shuffled to the door

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Speaker 1: and there were I saw three cops on my on

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Speaker 1: my porch, and I looked out. They were really banging,

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Speaker 1: you know, pretty aggressively, and I but I knew enough

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Speaker 1: not to open the door right away. I said, I said,

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Speaker 1: what's the what's the problem? Officers from behind the door,

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Speaker 1: and they said, your car is blocking a driveway, and

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Speaker 1: which is very plausible because people were always complaining about

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. But I was a pretty respectful parker,

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Speaker 1: and so I said, well, what kind of car is that?

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Speaker 1: And I was kind of confused, like, how would they

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Speaker 1: know it is my car? Why are there three cops? Uh?

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Speaker 1: And I said what kind of car is it? And

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Speaker 1: they said, well, what kind of car do you drive?

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Speaker 1: Which should have been an indication. I said, I pray

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Speaker 1: ass and they said it's a prey ass. And I said, okay,

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Speaker 1: you know, not thinking the cops are gonna lie, I

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Speaker 1: opened the door and they grabbed me and spun me

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Speaker 1: around and put me in handcuffs right away, really, and

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Speaker 1: one was particularly aggressive, and they said, what is your name? David?

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Speaker 1: They kept saying David, your name, David, your name David?

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Speaker 1: And I said, no, no, it's not I'm a little

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Speaker 1: freaked up, but I kind of knew I hadn't done anything.

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Speaker 1: But there was weed in the house, but other than that,

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Speaker 1: like I knew I had, I wasn't like dealing. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't like, you know, pounds of it. So I knew

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Speaker 1: I was in the should be in the clear, but

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Speaker 1: you know, it's still intimidating. And they kept asking me

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Speaker 1: if I was this person, and there were three of them,

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Speaker 1: and two were shining their lights on on something. They

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Speaker 1: were conferring around some photo, and they kept shining it

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Speaker 1: back and forth from the light, I mean, from the

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Speaker 1: photo to my face and and finally I said, my

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Speaker 1: name is justin Long. It's not David, you know, And

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Speaker 1: they said, are you telling us that this isn't you?

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Speaker 1: And they they showed me the photo and it was

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Speaker 1: a mug shot of of an Asian person with foliation.

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Speaker 1: It was like unmistakably agent. And I said, are you

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Speaker 1: are you kidd? Is this a joke? I it was

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Speaker 1: around the time of punk, but they were way too

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Speaker 1: good to be so I did that wasn't even on

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Speaker 1: my radar. I was just so fused. He had glasses,

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Speaker 1: eye glasses, and and he said, are you telling me

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Speaker 1: that you just haven't have similar looking glasses in the

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Speaker 1: same age. I guess he had put that address years ago.

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Speaker 1: My landlord had rented it out. He was a criminal.

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Speaker 1: And I kept insisting that I wasn't the guy, and

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Speaker 1: they didn't believe me, And so they went in to

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Speaker 1: get my my license. I told them where to go.

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Speaker 1: And I was living with Jonah Heill was my roommate

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Speaker 1: at the time, and and they were walking towards his room.

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Speaker 1: So they went past where my license was on the desk,

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Speaker 1: and I said, and I stood up, and I said,

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Speaker 1: oh no, no, no, officers, you're going too far. I

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Speaker 1: didn't want them to wake up Joe, you know. And

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Speaker 1: and one of the one of the cups just he

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Speaker 1: threw me down. He goes se the fun down and

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Speaker 1: when I'm nervous around authority. I kind of started to laugh.

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Speaker 1: I get like giggly, I get like nervously giggly. I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, and this is funny. It's not gonna

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Speaker 1: be funny. When he was like going on about prison

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Speaker 1: and how you're gonna be things are going to happen

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Speaker 1: to you in prison, and I said, what's a little funny,

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Speaker 1: because you're gonna find out that I'm not the guy

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Speaker 1: you think i'm, that I'm not an Asian criminal, and

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Speaker 1: then hopefully we'll all laugh about it. Did you at

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Speaker 1: any point say I'm not Asian this person? Yes, I did.

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Speaker 1: I did, I did, And they ignored that, but they persisted.

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Speaker 1: They insisted I was this guy. And so then one

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Speaker 1: was calling in my my I d and obviously making

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Speaker 1: you know, realizing that I wasn't the criminal, and the

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Speaker 1: one who had been most aggressive at one point got

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Speaker 1: kind of quiet and I could see him studying my

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Speaker 1: face and he goes, yo, are you wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: are you an actor? And I said yes, and I'm there,

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Speaker 1: I'm sounding at the handcuff side and he goes, are

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Speaker 1: you in Dodgeball? And I said yes, and he goes, bro,

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Speaker 1: bro and he went like that to like give me

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Speaker 1: a man hug shake and I was like, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got that cups on and so you know, then

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Speaker 1: they then they realized I wasn't the guy. They and

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Speaker 1: they and the strange thing was they I said, Well

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00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,600
Speaker 1: then I was of course freaked out, Well what did

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Speaker 1: this guy do? And is he going to come back

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00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,240
Speaker 1: to the house? Is he going to be He's given

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00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,400
Speaker 1: out the address as his and they wouldn't tell me

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Speaker 1: what he did, and they said if you have any

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Speaker 1: question and that. But I was also starting to think, like, well,

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00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 1: wait a minute, there's been some violation, like something was

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00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: not doesn't up about what just happened. There's this can't

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Speaker 1: be the way it shouldn't go down. I said, is

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Speaker 1: there a number I can call if whatever he comes back?

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Speaker 1: And he gave me the number. It was a general

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Speaker 1: number that the Santa Monica Police Department. I called the

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Speaker 1: next day and they had no idea what I was

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Speaker 1: done talking about. Why did I tell you that? Because

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Speaker 1: you're explaining why you live in Massachusetts in Connecticut? Yes,

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00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,080
Speaker 1: so a couple of days later, No, it was about

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Speaker 1: you said I could be maybe Japanese. A couple of

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Speaker 1: days later, Joan and I were at a bar in

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Speaker 1: Renee's shout Out. I don't know if it's still there,

352
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Speaker 1: and Santa Monica. I used to go there all the time. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's why I did. That's where I did. The majority

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Speaker 1: of my drugs in my twenties was at Rene's. Yes,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I think that's mostly what's done there. Um.

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Speaker 1: But we were there and a very lovely Asian woman

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Speaker 1: she said, so, what percentage Asian are you? And I

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Speaker 1: started laughing, and Janah was laughing because he had of

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Speaker 1: course heard the story the cops and what happened a

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00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,760
Speaker 1: couple days and I said, oh, did he tell you

361
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Speaker 1: the story? And she goes, I don't know what you're

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00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 1: talking about. And I realized he hadn't told her, and

363
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Speaker 1: I said, oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm not Asian.

364
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,399
Speaker 1: She goes, now, come on, seriously, what are you like?

365
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,360
Speaker 1: And I said, I'm wait, I'm not. I'm not. I'm Italian.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure. She goes, you know what, that's fucked up.

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of mixed friends like you, and

368
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Speaker 1: they refuse to admit that they're mixed. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's really funny. She kind of stormed away. Joan was

370
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Speaker 1: laughing so hard. But I, I said to I wish

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Speaker 1: I would gladly embrace that. Yeah, I love Asian culture.

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00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 1: I love it. Sounds like you're the victim of a

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Speaker 1: lot of misunderstanding, like a lot of ethnic misunderstandings. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's safe to say. Within a couple of days, it

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Speaker 1: was really funny. What about your brother though, does he

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00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,479
Speaker 1: look slightly Asian? Okay, girl, there you go, No, he's um.

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00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 1: I think I don't know what it knows. We all

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00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,879
Speaker 1: look I guess similar. So you look very similar to

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Speaker 1: your brother like I did light Instagram creeping, just of

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00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,080
Speaker 1: course as research. I follow you guys on Instagram. You

381
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,439
Speaker 1: guys look you look. I love following Chelsea. What about Katherine?

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00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,760
Speaker 1: Do you follow Katherine Justin? I don't up until today,

383
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 1: I was unaware of her existence. That sounds awful, but

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00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 1: well I will, I will say Justin just to be

385
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 1: extra creepy. I actually did know that you drive a

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00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,920
Speaker 1: Prius because I live sort of near Franklin Village. It

387
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 1: used to see you driving around your Prius all the time. Also,

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00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I literally ran into at Gilson's one time.

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00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 1: Liked preas have Chelsea lately emblazoned on you know what

390
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,440
Speaker 1: it did? It did it did? Yeah? I know, I know.

391
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 1: I don't know how to break that to be such

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Speaker 1: a big fan. I was a fan. I was a fan.

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00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 1: Wait what do you say about Gilson's that's something you

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00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 1: had run into. Oh you were. Actually when I first

395
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,719
Speaker 1: moved to l A like ten years ago, you were

396
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 1: like one of my first celebrity side eggs and I

397
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,400
Speaker 1: was like, I saw him at the grocery store. Oh. Man,

398
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 1: that's funny. It's funny to know people are thinking that, Chelsea.

399
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 1: Do you ever think that's going on in their head

400
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 1: that you are somehow that they know you? Yeah? I don't.

401
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,600
Speaker 1: You know what. I always no, I don't. I don't

402
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 1: ever think that. And I'm always anytime someone's like hi Chelsea,

403
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 1: Hi Chelsea, I'm always just like, what what do they

404
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 1: tell my name? And then I'm like, oh, ship, you're famous.

405
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 1: Well I assume because people often do that to me,

406
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 1: and they do it so casually and they're so nonplussed

407
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 1: as they should be. I'm not saying they should be

408
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,399
Speaker 1: freaking out, but they do it in such a way

409
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 1: that's so familiar that I often think I know them.

410
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 1: You know, it'll be like hey, Justin, Hey, Justin, what's up?

411
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,520
Speaker 1: And I start panicking, how do I know this person?

412
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to place the face. I'm so bad with names,

413
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,640
Speaker 1: and and sometimes it will get a couple of sentences

414
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 1: in and I'll have to say I'm so sorry, do

415
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 1: we know each other? And they'll say, no, no, I

416
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 1: I know who you are. Because it's rarely like excited

417
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: and it's clear that yeah, nor should it be. I

418
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 1: guess I love Franklin Village. I missed that area. Yeah,

419
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 1: it's great. The Oaks is back. Yeah, things are things

420
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: are opening up. Yeah, oh yeah they have scar When

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Speaker 1: you first ate scr goo, Chelsea, did you have to

422
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 1: was there a moment of like leaping off the cliff.

423
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: I like gross food like that because I grew up

424
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 1: on Martha's Vineyard and I ate fried clams and scar

425
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 1: go and like all the muscles since I was a

426
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 1: little girl, because my mom really liked that stuff. So

427
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: I've always been into that kind of stuff. But I

428
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:20,479
Speaker 1: understand that people are very disgusted by it. Well they

429
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 1: it's funny because they shouldn't be. I think this way

430
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,439
Speaker 1: about other animals eating other animals like that. You're right

431
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 1: if you can stomach a clam. So my thing with

432
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: clams is that I've never been able to get past

433
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 1: the the whole body situation, the fact that the entire

434
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: digestive tract, all of it is going into your mouth.

435
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 1: That's a hard one for me. Yeah. Oysters, right, It's

436
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 1: fun to watch someone eat an oyster for the first time,

437
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 1: and especially if they have a good reaction, which is seldom.

438
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: You know, it's not always great because usually people are

439
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: like whoa, They have a preconditioned idea of the texture

440
00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: that they find revolting. It is, to me, yeah, slippery

441
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 1: and snotty. How many people have turned off, have stopped

442
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 1: listening anyway? Justin let's move on to Sorry Chelsea before

443
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 1: you sorry? I speaking of Instagram, I have to ask

444
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 1: you about the skiing one that you did. Please tell

445
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: me the story surrounding that. Well, it's my birthday video.

446
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 1: I do this every year, and each year I think

447
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: the first year, I had a ski jacket on, but

448
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 1: I had underwear and socks and ski boots obviously because

449
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: I need the boots on. Then the second year I decided,

450
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 1: fuck it. You know what, what let me just ski

451
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: down the hill topless with some underwear on, because you know,

452
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 1: my brothers are still alive, so they don't need to

453
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,479
Speaker 1: see my Pikachu. Where is this? Where are you doing? Whistler, Canada?

454
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 1: I have a ski place up in Whistler, So I

455
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: love skiing. It's like my everything and I and I

456
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 1: love Margarita and a joint and so I implemented the

457
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 1: ski video and I just kind of up at each year.

458
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: So this year we went into the back country and

459
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: we took our sleds up you know skis. Wow, that's serious.

460
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 1: And I have Joe this year because you know, I

461
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 1: newly in love and yes, and he was there, so

462
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 1: I had to incorporate him into the video and so

463
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 1: we had to do a proper shoot. And I love it.

464
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: I love it. Joe seems very playful. I love how

465
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: playful you two seen with each other. It's it's very inspiring. Well,

466
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: thank you. I know that you're newly in love as well,

467
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: justin so I want to say a big congratulations to you. Yes,

468
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 1: and she loves you. She is a really big fan

469
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 1: of yours. Personally, I like her as well. I do.

470
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 1: I am I allowed to say her name is that okay, yeah, yeah,

471
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: it's kind of out there. Ye, Kate Bosworth is who

472
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: you're dating. And it's a new love affair. And I

473
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: was really excited to hear about you being in love.

474
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 1: So tell me a little bit about that, because I

475
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: just want to know how you're feeling. I mean, you

476
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 1: must be through. I know that, I know the feeling.

477
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: I feel it too, and it's pretty intoxicating, it is.

478
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 1: It's such a wonderful feeling that you were so open.

479
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: I love how open you are with your happiness and

480
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: your joy, and but there's something about it for me

481
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 1: that I feel like I need to protect and keep

482
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: sacred because it feels sacred. It's just the you know,

483
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 1: it's the best. Katherine. I don't know what your situation is,

484
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: but yes, married for a long time, but oh good,

485
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 1: still in love, still in love. That's it's different. Well,

486
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: look at us, the three of us, I know, just

487
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 1: thriving as elderly people, basically elderly elderly folks in love.

488
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,440
Speaker 1: But it's um, we've been laughing so much and I've

489
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 1: never had anything like this before. I've never experienced this,

490
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: so it's something I want to protect and keep you know,

491
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: you know her, so you know how amazing she is. Yeah, yeah,

492
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: she is amazing. And I respect that. I totally get

493
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: that you want to protect that. It's a funny feeling

494
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: because it is something you want to shout from the rooftops,

495
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: I know. And for me, whenever Joe and I like

496
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: have an argument or anything like that, I'm like, fuck,

497
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 1: why was I so public about it? What if we

498
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 1: break up, Like I'm staying here shouting from the rooftops

499
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: how sadly and love I am with this man, And

500
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 1: then if it falls apart of the seems, I'm going

501
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: to basically be there sitting. You know, no one's ever

502
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: gonna believe me about being in love again. So I

503
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: totally get it. I get that, you know that is

504
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 1: the smart move. I'm just so open and over Sherry

505
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 1: that that's my personality. No zero Chelsea, zero judgment. I

506
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: in fact, I'm one of the people that I bask

507
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 1: in your the glow of your love. I before I

508
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: found my own, I was so happy for you, and

509
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 1: it was inspiring to me to like find somebody that

510
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: you really laughed with, you seem to really enjoy one another.

511
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 1: I had never really been able to distill what it

512
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: all is, and you know, people say, well, what are

513
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: you looking for? And people have checklists, and I've done

514
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: movies about it, and it's really like satisfying to be

515
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 1: able to distill it down to just really enjoying somebody's

516
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 1: company and wanting to be near them. And like I said,

517
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: we just laughed so much. I feel so grateful. And

518
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: I know that instinct. I have that instinct to like

519
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: shout it from the rooftops. I really do. So it's

520
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: the reason why I'm kind of gingerly stepping around it

521
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: is because I'm going against that instinct, which which I

522
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 1: totally get it. I think the moral of the story,

523
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: without getting into details about your relationship, is that for me,

524
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: it was very inspiring, not only to other people but

525
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: to myself to fall in love at this age, to

526
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: meet the person well even though I knew him, but

527
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: to fall in love at forty six. You know, there

528
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: was a period of time where I really just assumed that,

529
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 1: like I was too tough for any man to have

530
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 1: to deal with, Like it was just going to be

531
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: too bunch of a of a hill to climb for

532
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,879
Speaker 1: any man. And I accepted that, like Okay, that's not

533
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 1: what I'm going to get in this life. I've gotten

534
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 1: a lot of things, and I have a great family,

535
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: I have a great group of friends and a great network,

536
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 1: and maybe that's all I get, and that's okay, I'm

537
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: going to be grateful. But isn't that the best place

538
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: to be when it does then enter your life? I mean,

539
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 1: I think I was in a similar situation. I hadn't

540
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 1: I hadn't totally resigned myself to it, but I was

541
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: so happy. I was so content being on my own

542
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 1: and I had a great network of friends and my

543
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: brother and we were we were creative, We've been creative.

544
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: I was close with my family. I didn't feel this

545
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: pressure of having to find someone, having to make something work.

546
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: I just I was really content with life. I was

547
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: really quite satisfied with with where I was. And I

548
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: guess that's the most open place you can be. Yeah,

549
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: I think you have to be in a healthy place

550
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: to attract a healthy person, right, I think so? Yeah,

551
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. You have to be happy with yourself

552
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: and you have to have self love and self care.

553
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: Like I have a lot of respect for myself, probably

554
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: more so than everybody else. That's so in order for

555
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: someone to grab my attention, they have to have that

556
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: same amount of respect a for themselves and be for me,

557
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: you know totally. Well, well, because you think, what's the

558
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:40,959
Speaker 1: point when you are good in life, when you are

559
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: settled whatever that means, but I mean just being happy

560
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: with yourself, I guess it's that. Then you think, well,

561
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: why why change it? To change it, it requires something

562
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: like exceptionally positive I think, like a truly positive change

563
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: in life, and one that you you can't avoid. That

564
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 1: is unmistakable, I think. And so I've experienced that positive

565
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: change and I'm so grateful, and I just hope it

566
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 1: keeps going well. Great. On that note, I think we're

567
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: going to take some callers because you're going to impart

568
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: your wisdom and your life, your lifelong wisdom that you've learned,

569
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 1: your life learned wisdom, and we're gonna have people. Some

570
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: will be writer writing in, some will be calling in,

571
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: and we're just going to give them advice, life advice.

572
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: People take this podcast pretty seriously, justin even though you're

573
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: on it, they're still going to take it seriously. You

574
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: gotta be you gotta bring your a game. Okay, Okay,

575
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: I will try. Okay, Catherine's going to start for us.

576
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: What do we have? First of all, give us a

577
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 1: prelude of what we have in store for us to

578
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, actually some wedding stuff, interestingly, and there's

579
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: a couple of questions that I wanted really to get

580
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: a straight guys perspective on, because we don't have a

581
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 1: lot of straight men as guests on this show. So okay, yes, yes,

582
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: and some like general life stuff which I feel like

583
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 1: it's great works right with what your podcast has to

584
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: do with and straight men are often not called upon

585
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: these days. Friend's advice is invalid, So that's why we

586
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: came hiad This is a very small part of the show. Yeah,

587
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: I think we've had Jokoy and you. You are a

588
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: good company. All Right, We're gonna take a quick break

589
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back, and we're back with our

590
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: guests today, justin long and Catherine, and we are going

591
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: to hear our first email. Yes it's an email, Dear Chelsea.

592
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: As wedding season fast approaches, my husband and I have

593
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: entered what feels like an impossible situation. We have two

594
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: weddings on the same day. One is for a family

595
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 1: friend my husband has known since he was a small child.

596
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: All of his friends will be there and we've been

597
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: looking forward to it all year. However, the other wedding,

598
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: my husband has been requested to be a groomsman in.

599
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 1: We don't know any of the other attendees, and on

600
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: top of that, I will be nine months it's pregnant,

601
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: so we don't even really know if we'll be able

602
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 1: to attend at all. What do we tell the second

603
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: wedding it's a friend who was also a groomsman in

604
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: our wedding? Is it fucked up if we don't go

605
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: help Nicole? Oh? Well, first of all, are you taking

606
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: notes justin? Yeah? I love it. I love that family

607
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: friends and small child, all his friends. I'm so curious

608
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: what your thoughts are because I I share her. This

609
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 1: is a problem that I've had before, excuses to get

610
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: out of things. Well, first of all, I think it's

611
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: very simple because whoever invited you first, which it sounds

612
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: like the first person did. Like, once you've been invited

613
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: and accepted and r s v P to a wedding,

614
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: you can't reneg on that, like or you can, but

615
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: like the other person, if that invitation came in second,

616
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: and let's just pretend for the sake of argument that

617
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: it did. That's all you have to say is, oh

618
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: my god, we've already committed to a wedding on this day.

619
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I would have loved to be there

620
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: for you, you know. I mean, it's pretty simple. But

621
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: did she say that because one of them, I'm just like,

622
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,719
Speaker 1: just based on their closeness and how much value they

623
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: have as friends, the first one sounds far closer to

624
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: than the other one. Yeah, But the other one is

625
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: asking him to be a groomsman, so it's a little bit.

626
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: And he was a groomsman and his thing. I think,

627
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 1: like she mentioned not knowing anybody who's going to be

628
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: at the second wedding, that's irrelevant, And don't even bring

629
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 1: that up because that's not why you go to someone's

630
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: wedding to based on how many people you know, Yeah,

631
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 1: and then how close you are to those getting married, right, Yeah,

632
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 1: well but he was a groomsman and that guy's wedding,

633
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: so you got to return the favor. But if you've

634
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: already committed to a wedding, then you can't go to

635
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: two weddings in one day. That's just not physically possible.

636
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: And if it is and you can swing that, then

637
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 1: your husband can try to do that. But I mean,

638
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 1: I doubt that's she doesn't say the locations right now,

639
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: and probably not as a groomsman, but like you know, so, yeah,

640
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: I just I don't think it's that big of a deal.

641
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 1: So you say you accept the first one, You've already

642
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 1: accepted an offer, You've already r s v P to one,

643
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: and so then you have to tell the other one.

644
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: Regardless of how close you are to them, you have

645
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: to just tell them, I'm sorry, I have a wedding

646
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 1: that we've already committed to a wedding. There's nothing I

647
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: can do. I'm so sorry, and you know I would

648
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 1: love to make up to make this up to you

649
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: after my wife. I certainly can't swing two weddings in

650
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 1: one day with a nine month pregnant wife. That's just

651
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: not going to happen. You're right. I overthink these things though, too,

652
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: and then I think, well, if the person does, which

653
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 1: has happened to me, if they do hold it against you,

654
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,959
Speaker 1: that's kind of a good indicator that maybe maybe it's

655
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: time to move on as friends. Yeah, and if you

656
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: don't know anyone who's at the next wedding that you

657
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: were a groomsman too, or then he was a groopser too.

658
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 1: That is kind of weird, and that's an indication that

659
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: your friendship isn't that close. So that's true. Maybe he'll

660
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: be weirdly relieved that you maybe somebody else he'd right,

661
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: maybe feel some obligation to to let you be a groomsman. Right,

662
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: that's a good point. Yeah, exactly, So I don't think

663
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: that's that big of a deal. So what's her name again, Nicole?

664
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: Like I said, Kerry Nicole. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it,

665
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: just our just you know, have him call and just

666
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 1: say I'm so sorry, buddy, like sorry that this happened

667
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: on the same date. Do you struggle with excuses? It's

668
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: just you seem like somebody who's very honest, very direct.

669
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: If you don't want to go to something, do you

670
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: ever say, you know, I'd rather just not go. Yeah,

671
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 1: I'm just very honest with my friends. I just say

672
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 1: I'm brought up for it, or like, you know, if

673
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 1: I do something happened, I tell them what happened, and

674
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 1: I'd like to call people if I if I have

675
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: to cancel. I like to call them directly and just

676
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: explain why instead of a text. And I liked yes,

677
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: And I like to just say that's nice. That's interesting

678
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: because I have a problem sometimes getting off the phone.

679
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: When I'm on the phone with somebody. I I sometimes

680
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: avoid phone calls. But for this very reason, I'm not

681
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: good at ending phone calls. You know, I tried to

682
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: do the wine down, and oftentimes people won't pick up

683
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 1: on that. I have a friend Jerry O'Connell. If you've

684
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: ever had him on your show, he's the best that

685
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: he'll just say okay, anyway if he senses the slightest

686
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: bit of wine down in your voice, like well so anyway,

687
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: he'll go okay, see him and he hangs up. It's amazing. Yeah,

688
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: it's lovely. Yeah. I just say like, okay, let me

689
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: wrap this up. I've out to go to bed. I

690
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: just always go, okay, listen, I'd love to talk more

691
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: about I gotta wrap this up because I gotta go

692
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 1: do this and whatever it is I've got to do.

693
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 1: You know what, if you don't have to do anything,

694
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: that's this is what I'm saying. If I don't have

695
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 1: to do anything, yeah, like during the pandemic, it was

696
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 1: hard to come up with the ex quarantine. It's like,

697
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: I know you have nothing to do. I freaking hate

698
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: talking on the phone. I gotta be honest with you.

699
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 1: I try not to get stuck on the phone. But

700
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 1: if I'm in crisis, or any of my friends are

701
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: in crisis, then I make the time for phone calls.

702
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: But if it's just to catch up or whatever, you know,

703
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: it's like I just got to hop on another call.

704
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 1: I have a work call in ten minutes. I have

705
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 1: this in ten minutes. No, I don't want to wrap

706
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:38,399
Speaker 1: this up. Okay, okay, but don't wrap this up because

707
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: we actually haven't talked to somebody. Stay on. Well, our

708
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: next email, and this is just an email. She felt

709
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 1: it was a little too personal to talk about over

710
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: the phone with us, But Jay says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

711
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 1: thirty nine and I've been married for thirteen years. We

712
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 1: have an eleven year old son and have had our

713
00:34:56,440 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: ups and downs, but overall a happy marriage. Just this week,

714
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: I innocently looked through my husband's phone and saw that

715
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 1: he had been texting another woman. These texts were sexual, flirty,

716
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 1: and inappropriate in nature. This has crushed me. He says

717
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 1: nothing happened in person, he has shown remorse and says

718
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: he will fight for our marriage. He even said he

719
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 1: would see a therapist, which is something he never would

720
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 1: have done in the past. So I guess my question

721
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 1: is how do I get over this. I want to

722
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 1: save our marriage, but I don't know if I can

723
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: get over this and move on. Where do I go

724
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 1: from here? Jay m That's yeah, man, that is really hard.

725
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,879
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Jay. You know I'm in no way

726
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: an authority on this guy. I've never been with somebody

727
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:44,840
Speaker 1: doing thirteen year marriage. I don't know, Chelsea Katherine, what

728
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 1: do you guys think? I do think that there's space

729
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: to work through something like this, Like I know couples

730
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,879
Speaker 1: who have come back from stuff that felt very ugly

731
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 1: or felt like in this space where it's cheating, but

732
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: it's supposedly not you know what I mean. It's like

733
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 1: not in person, Dada. That's tricky ground because I don't

734
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: know it is in the sense that they were finding

735
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: satisfaction and they were being intimate with somebody else. That

736
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 1: is I would feel very betrayed. That would be really hard,

737
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: And then I got trust with trust is always the

738
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: hardest thing I think to rebuild and if you lose that,

739
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: in my experience, it's been hard to regain that after

740
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: after an offense like that. I don't know, because you

741
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 1: have to think if that's in that person's psyche, if

742
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 1: they if they have that impulse that they're acting on

743
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: to the point where there are multiple you know that

744
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 1: there they're engaging in that. To actually pick up a

745
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,320
Speaker 1: phone and text the things, that's all very deliberate. That

746
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: that means that that person has those and everyone i'm

747
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: sure is has moments of attraction or you know, but

748
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:54,439
Speaker 1: to act on it like that as a betrayal, it's different. Yeah,

749
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 1: it's a real betrayal. It doesn't feel good to be

750
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 1: reading those things at all. It's a punch in the

751
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 1: especially after being with somebody for so long. But listen,

752
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 1: you had an instinct and you weren't wrong. Who cares

753
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,720
Speaker 1: about checking his phone? I mean, if you've checked someone's

754
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 1: phone and you find something, then you were right. And

755
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: I don't have any boundaries about that. And I don't

756
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: care if my boyfriend checks my phone, you know what

757
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 1: I mean, for him like, there's nothing fine, so go

758
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:19,279
Speaker 1: for it. But there's always space for healing. You never know,

759
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: this could be a huge opportunity for growth for you too.

760
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: You could actually the fact that he's willing to go

761
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 1: to counseling over this, it's very important you should take

762
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 1: him up on that. Do not do not like defer

763
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 1: that to another time or postpone it. Hop on that

764
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 1: right now because clearly there is a chasm between the

765
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: two of you that has been created, which is why

766
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,400
Speaker 1: he's talking to somebody else. And you want to make

767
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,800
Speaker 1: sure that the first time is the last time. He

768
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 1: disrespected your relationship, a disrespected your child, he disrespected you,

769
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: and you need to go to a counselor and have

770
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: this conversation with him and continue to go until you

771
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: build a more stronger foundation so that you're never going

772
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: to have a desire to check his phone because there's

773
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 1: never gonna be anything there. You know, was so well said,

774
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: What great advice. It's true there should be room for

775
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: growth and a person of a personal evolution and there

776
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: I love therapy, Chelsea. That was really impressive. Well, thank you.

777
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: I just think people sometimes make mistakes and we don't

778
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 1: want to just we don't want to just cancel them

779
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: like you can't do that. Just let people understand you've

780
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 1: been hurt, and if they are a deep enough person

781
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: or worthwhile enough, I should say, they're going to recognize

782
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: that they caused you pain and they're gonna want to

783
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: correct that pain. You know. So I think it's okay,

784
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: it's not. Your relationship isn't over. You can't throw that

785
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 1: relationship away because every relationship has ups and downs, and

786
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,919
Speaker 1: it's how you handle the downs that is the most

787
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 1: important thing. How do you deal with that? Can you

788
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 1: be and have a conversation with him, with the third

789
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: party who hears both of you and gets to the

790
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 1: root of the issue, and then disconnect And that is

791
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: totally plausible. And I think it's hard for a lot

792
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 1: of people to be vulnerable and to admit certain things

793
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 1: that they're In this case, something is lacking. There's some

794
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 1: intimacy component that is lacking. And that's a hard thing

795
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 1: to say to somebody that you love. You don't want

796
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: to hurt somebody. But I think through therapy there's an opportunity,

797
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:10,919
Speaker 1: like you said, to be really honest with one another

798
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 1: and and like you also said, it would make you

799
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: a lot them, a lot stronger, a lot more intimate

800
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: and also just something to remember you can get over

801
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: almost anything, Like, don't think you'll never get over this.

802
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: It's fresh. It's a fresh wound. So it feels like

803
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: it's going to be interminable. Write that down, justin but

804
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,320
Speaker 1: it's not going to be. It's you can get over this.

805
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: It's not like he had an affair. And even if

806
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 1: that had happened, that's a possible thing to get over

807
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 1: to for many, many people. So just let's you know,

808
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: just focus on the here and now and repairing what

809
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 1: has happened and just getting to the bottom of it

810
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 1: and let us know what happens. Yeah, find uself a

811
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: real good couples counselor, and you know, stick with it, because,

812
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 1: after all, there is a kid involved to the most

813
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 1: sagacious one possible, most interminably sagacious one possible. Yeah, it's funny,

814
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: I'm looking up sagacious and just as the quality of

815
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 1: being Oh it's I see having her showing keen mental

816
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 1: discernment and good judgment. Shrewd, shrewd. Yeah, discerning, Yeah, discerning.

817
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: It's the opposite of it's a good word, specious, it's

818
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 1: the opposite of fucking moron. Is what it's Yes, that

819
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 1: is true. That's one of these Yeah, fucking moron an Yeah, perfect, Well,

820
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 1: our first caller today is Cammy. Cammy, says dear Chelsea.

821
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: In about two months, I'm marrying my best friend and

822
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: the love of my life, and I'm beyond excited about it. However,

823
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: shortly after, my dad is getting remarried too, to a

824
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:41,720
Speaker 1: girl the same age as me. We'll call her Sally.

825
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: Sally is a funny name for like when you're really

826
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: hung up on somebody's age. It's a young sounding name. Yes, yeah, Sally.

827
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: We even have the same color hair, and my dad,

828
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 1: being an old guy, frequently mixes up our names when

829
00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: we're together. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and, to be honest,

830
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: a little sad every time I try to bring up

831
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: my wedding to my dad in hopes that he'll be excited,

832
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 1: supportive and wanting to help. All I get is well

833
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 1: Sally did this for our wedding, and Sally also went

834
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 1: to a bachelorette party this weekend, and Sally and I

835
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: went kick tasting. Did you get cake? It's extremely exhausting

836
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:23,359
Speaker 1: and it feels like a job to the heart. Every

837
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,439
Speaker 1: time I talked to him. I'm struggling to find ways

838
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 1: to tell him that I just want the next couple

839
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: of months to be about my wedding and all the

840
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 1: things that come with it. Cammy, Wow, Hi Cammy video.

841
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: She zoomed in. Hi, Cammy. This is our guest today,

842
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: Justin and this is my co host Catherine. Hi. So

843
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 1: nice to be here him, so nice to see you. Yeah,

844
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful day. I got a glass of wine.

845
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: It's Friday, it's heyday. She works at a vineyard. Oh, perfectly,

846
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: then you should always have a glass of wine. So,

847
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 1: cam is the issue that his wedding is competing with

848
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,760
Speaker 1: your wedding? Or is the issue that you know, she's

849
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 1: your age? What's the bigger Did they already get married? No,

850
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 1: so they're getting married in July. I'm getting married in May,

851
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 1: so it's shortly after. Um. So it's not necessarily that

852
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: it's competing. It's just every time I try to bring

853
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: it up, and you know, he's supposed to be like

854
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: part of my wedding and it's always talking about his wedding.

855
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:26,800
Speaker 1: Is he doing that in an effort to relate to you?

856
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 1: Like you know, sometimes people try to find commonality and

857
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 1: you know, if they say, like, oh, I just you know,

858
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 1: I almost stepped on a frog that's so funny a

859
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. I I also almost. That's a

860
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,240
Speaker 1: terrible analogy. But is he doing it in an effort

861
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,839
Speaker 1: to to feel closer to you know, move the conversation. Um,

862
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 1: I guess that could probably be it. I mean that

863
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,359
Speaker 1: he is probably trying to find common ground between it all.

864
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: But he never listens to when I talk about anything

865
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 1: about my wedding. It's always he's always thinking about there's

866
00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 1: never response to a single answer to what I'm planning

867
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 1: for the whole wedding. So okay, Well, I think what

868
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 1: your action needs to be is to sit down and

869
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 1: have a conversation or write him an email, whatever you prefer.

870
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: I think face to face for this would be best

871
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 1: if you're comfortable with that, And to explain to him

872
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 1: that you're planning on being married for one time in

873
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: your life and it's coming up in a month or

874
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: in two months, whatever time in May, and that this

875
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: is the only time in your life that you have

876
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 1: to celebrate this time, and that your father is your

877
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 1: only father, and that you need him to be present

878
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: for your event, and once that's done and over, then

879
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: he can be focused on his own marriage. It's it's

880
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,320
Speaker 1: marginalizing your experience and you need him. You need to

881
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: share this experience with him, and that can be said

882
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: in a really loving way, like Dad, I want to

883
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 1: be able to share this experience with you without it

884
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: being about you all the time and your wedding. You're

885
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: my dad, Like I need you here for me, just

886
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 1: for this amount of time, you know, can you do

887
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: that for me? I don't think that's how asking a lot.

888
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: It's one thing that you're even getting married so close

889
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 1: to when I'm getting married. That wasn't necessary. I'm willing

890
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:10,240
Speaker 1: to accept that. But I need your attention focused on me. Yeah, definitely.

891
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: I it's always like one of those conversations. The thing

892
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 1: was like I'm gonna say that and then it's so

893
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: much harder to say it than an actuality. If I

894
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: can add to that which I can't improve upon it.

895
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 1: But I would say I found a lot of value

896
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: in writing things. I know it sounds like cheesy and

897
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: maybe basic, but like when I have to have those

898
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,720
Speaker 1: heavy conversations, I find a lot of value in writing

899
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 1: down a clear intention. You know, my intention for this

900
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: is to communicate this and and and just boil it

901
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: down to the essence of what you want to say

902
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 1: to your father. And Chelsea said it so perfectly, so

903
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 1: I would just actually write down exactly what she said,

904
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 1: but have it so you can reference, because especially when

905
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: you're face to face things emotions get involved and he

906
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: might try to he might deflect and avoid this the

907
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 1: substance of what you're saying. But if you have it

908
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: written down in front of you, you can always go

909
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 1: back to reference the intention of what you're trying to communicate.

910
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,280
Speaker 1: I think that really helps. Yeah, that's a great ideas,

911
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:10,320
Speaker 1: a great suggestion finally from Justin. You should write that

912
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 1: down and you can even write what you want to

913
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 1: say in a letter and read it to him to

914
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 1: his face. But I think with a father and daughter dynamic,

915
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: it's more powerful to just sit in front of him

916
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 1: and show him. And it's got to be with so

917
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 1: much love, you know, like I love you that I

918
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: want to have this moment with you. This is the

919
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 1: one time in my life that I get to have

920
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 1: this experience hopefully, and I want to share it with you,

921
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: and I want you to be present for me, you know,

922
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: And how meaningful your relationship is, and just try and

923
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: make it all about the positive things and that there's

924
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 1: a time to celebrate your wedding and then there will

925
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: be a time to celebrate his, yeah, and and validate

926
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: his his thing too, because it sounds like he might

927
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,760
Speaker 1: be trying to overcompensate for having feeling. Maybe he doesn't

928
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 1: feel like you've totally embraced his situation. Maybe he maybe

929
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 1: that's why he keeps bringing it up and overpowering your

930
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 1: wedding stuff. But Chelsea, it was so well said. I

931
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: think you have to really let him know that you

932
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: know you're you're your daughter, and he's got to be

933
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: there for you, and he's got to hold his space

934
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 1: for you during this time. I might also let me

935
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: to add to the bottom of the letter that he

936
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 1: really needs to think about whose name he's saying, Oh,

937
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: that's wild? In what context does he messing it up?

938
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: Like We'll be like sitting and having dinner and he'll

939
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: be like, oh, Sally, Oh, I mean not Cammy, and

940
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, in reality, our name is kind of rhyme,

941
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: so it's actually quite h Did you laugh about it? Like?

942
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 1: What what's your reaction when it happened this Sally is

943
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 1: Sally like, oh geez, I don't know. I just go

944
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 1: dead silent, and I'm like, oh Jesus, not again. If

945
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,760
Speaker 1: I helped to laugh about are you close? I agree?

946
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 1: I think that that is just laught like that is

947
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:49,319
Speaker 1: something to laugh at. You know, it's ridiculous that your

948
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 1: father's get us in your name with his girlfriends real

949
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,879
Speaker 1: is a true chestament to his age. How how old

950
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 1: is he? A sixty three? Okay, well he's not battle

951
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 1: you know, he's with it enough for you to have

952
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,360
Speaker 1: a conversation with him about this and for him to

953
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: understand that it's a little bit you know, inappropriate his

954
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 1: what what's your How does your mother factor into all

955
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:14,920
Speaker 1: of this? She's quite the comical one about is she

956
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 1: hates it because every everything to say about this is

957
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 1: she remarried. She is. Yeah, she's happily remarried to a

958
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: wonderful man. We love him. Oh good good. But other

959
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 1: than the age thing, I mean, which I know bothers,

960
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: you do you like Sally herself? I mean, do you

961
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: guys get along? To be honest, I've only really had

962
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: a few conversations with her. Try to keep my distance

963
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: so well, maybe maybe you'd wanna not Maybe you want

964
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: to kind of lean into it instead of keeping your distance.

965
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 1: Maybe there's an opportunity to, as hard as it might

966
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 1: be too to you know, reach out to her and say, hey,

967
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,320
Speaker 1: we should let's let's see, I don't know, try to

968
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 1: connect with her. That might be bothering your dad. That

969
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: maybe one of the reasons. I don't mean to keep

970
00:47:57,239 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: defending him men men defending each other, um, but that

971
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: there might be some reason why he keeps over compensating,

972
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,160
Speaker 1: you know, and mentioning her. Yeah. Yeah, And I think

973
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: also like this is your time, this is your moment,

974
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 1: and you know, your relationship with her can develop over time,

975
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: which is a more natural way for things like that

976
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: to happen, like force it. Yeah, you don't have to

977
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,919
Speaker 1: rush into that, like you know, you can even relay

978
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: that to your father, like I'm I'm totally willing to

979
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,320
Speaker 1: support you and be there for you. I need this

980
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: from you. I'm asking you. I'm sitting in front of

981
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 1: you asking you to be here for me. And this

982
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,479
Speaker 1: is your daughter, it's not Sally, just so you know, Yeah,

983
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: and wear a big nameplate on your clear Yeah. No,

984
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:43,239
Speaker 1: that's definitely very helpful and just stutting boundaries. I think

985
00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 1: it's to be really important and yes, maybe getting to

986
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 1: know her a little bit better, but it's pretty weird

987
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 1: to relate to her because obviously we have a lot

988
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: of common being for the same age. Yeah, out, No,

989
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: I get it. It's a it's an icky thing for

990
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: girls to have to deal with their father's girlfriends that

991
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 1: are the same age them. It just makes you question

992
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: a lot of different things. So I can relate to that.

993
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 1: But you know, as long as you're not taking it

994
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,399
Speaker 1: out on her, you know whatever, Like she's irrelevant really

995
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 1: at this point, it's more about your dad's you know,

996
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 1: attention span and understanding of this time in your life

997
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 1: and how important it is to you. Yes, absolutely so.

998
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 1: Do you feel like that's a conversation that you can

999
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 1: have with him, Yes, but I think I'm going to

1000
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: have to write it down because they're also going to

1001
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: say I don't mean yeah, yeah, And take your time

1002
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 1: with the conversation. Try not to be reactive if he

1003
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: says something that brings it up, you know, just try

1004
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:36,319
Speaker 1: and take a breath, because I do. You don't want

1005
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:40,280
Speaker 1: that conversation to escalate. You really want it to land.

1006
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,439
Speaker 1: So even if he says stuff, just take a breath

1007
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 1: and go, you know, like, don't respond in a way

1008
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 1: that is going to like denude the entire meaning of

1009
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: your conversation. You know, you really want to have an

1010
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 1: impact with it, So meditate before, write down your intentions,

1011
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 1: write down what you want to say, and then go

1012
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 1: in like you are just going to win this conversation,

1013
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, And I think when you're applying to

1014
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 1: his like nature as a dad, like I need you

1015
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 1: to just be like my dad walking me down the aisle,

1016
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: go to that sentimental place, and I think he'll he'll

1017
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 1: be very much on your team. It's such a good point. Yeah, well,

1018
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Cammie. Yeah. Yeah, you on your

1019
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: dad's marriage, on your on your on your wedding. Yes,

1020
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. It was so nice to be on

1021
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,800
Speaker 1: this show. And Chelsea, I'm so excited I get to

1022
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 1: do in a couple of weeks live So how awesome

1023
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 1: in Santa Rosa? Oh cool? Santa Rose? Is that where

1024
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 1: you work? I yeah? Close by? Oh okay, cool? Okay, Well,

1025
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 1: let us know, like follow up and let us know

1026
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 1: how the conversation with your dad went and if he

1027
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 1: was able to hear you. Yeah, thank you so much. Okay,

1028
00:50:55,000 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 1: thanks Kavy c sup by Oh what a sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1029
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 1: I'm so glad. When my mom died, we found my

1030
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,760
Speaker 1: father naked in the kitchen with his cleaning lady. About

1031
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 1: two weeks later, as my mom was dying, she said

1032
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,320
Speaker 1: to me, your father is a piece of work, and

1033
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,600
Speaker 1: you guys are all about to find out how fucked

1034
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 1: up he is. She didn't stay fucked up because she

1035
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 1: never cursed. But she never cursed, so she was She

1036
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,840
Speaker 1: was like the opposite of me. She was quiet and demure,

1037
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: and she was like, wait, I she said, I will

1038
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: be laughing at you in heaven when you find out

1039
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 1: what I've been protecting you girls from and my father.

1040
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: Within two weeks, my brother Roy text us going just

1041
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 1: went over to check on dad. His cleaning lady was

1042
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: naked in the kitchen cleaning while my father had his

1043
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 1: pants down sitting on the couch. And I just thought

1044
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 1: to myself, thank God, my mother is in heaven and

1045
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 1: not privy to this. And then I looked up and

1046
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,240
Speaker 1: I just smiled at her, like you were right all along,

1047
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,800
Speaker 1: and I yeah, yeah, and then I ate, Then I

1048
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,399
Speaker 1: ate an orange and started laughing with my mother in heaven.

1049
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:00,719
Speaker 1: That's great, that's wild. You're so, did you're did your

1050
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:02,879
Speaker 1: dad end up remarrying or did you know? I think

1051
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: he just slept with all the people that worked at

1052
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:07,359
Speaker 1: the house, so, you know, but I mean, I don't

1053
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 1: even think my father was in any physical condition to

1054
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 1: be having sex, So I think it was more of

1055
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: just like a voyeuristic you know, you know what I mean. Yes,

1056
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: so we don't really need to delve any further. But

1057
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: that's interesting. But you you, yeah, so you can relate

1058
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 1: to a daughter marrying somebody young, yea father marrying it

1059
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,919
Speaker 1: if he had had been spry enough by the time

1060
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: my mother died, Like he completely fell apart when my

1061
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,240
Speaker 1: mom died, had he been able to keep his ship together,

1062
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,399
Speaker 1: he definitely would have brought some women around. That would

1063
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:38,240
Speaker 1: have been a hard pill to swallow for my family

1064
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,720
Speaker 1: and I yeah, and my family and me, excuse my grammar.

1065
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 1: That's interesting. Are your parents still married? They're still married,

1066
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 1: And I can't imagine, mean, even if they weren't, I'm

1067
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 1: trying to imagine like what that would be like. I

1068
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 1: guess it's different for guys. Maybe there's I think there's

1069
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 1: something uniquely strange maybe for a young you know, for

1070
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 1: a daughter to have her father dating somebody her age,

1071
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: you know, to to I don't know, just just the

1072
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 1: sexual implications that it brings up. And yeah, right right, strange, Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

1073
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:15,080
Speaker 1: I also wonder if Sally feels just as weird about it.

1074
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 1: She probably feels weird about having a step daughter to

1075
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 1: be that it's her age. Now I'm I'm kind of

1076
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 1: contradicting what I said earlier about wanting to respect the elderly,

1077
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 1: but I have to question, and I shouldn't, but I do.

1078
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:32,240
Speaker 1: I find myself questioning the person that age their motivation

1079
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:34,920
Speaker 1: for being with somebody who is sixty three, just because

1080
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 1: I would imagine it'd be so hard to relate to

1081
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 1: somebody that much younger. Yeah. Yeah. I had a driver

1082
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:44,320
Speaker 1: this weekend who said that he has a girlfriend. He

1083
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 1: was seventy three and his girlfriend is thirty three and

1084
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 1: there's a forty year age difference. And man, I said it, really, like,

1085
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 1: how does that work out? He goes, great, it's my

1086
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:58,040
Speaker 1: third wife. You know. When I when I got married,

1087
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 1: I thought, oh wow, you know, I was sixty and

1088
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 1: she was twenty and and I'm like, and what drugs

1089
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,759
Speaker 1: was she smoking? That she was attracted to a six

1090
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: year old man, and when I was forty two she

1091
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:20,320
Speaker 1: was too. That's crazy. So just that disturbed me. I

1092
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,560
Speaker 1: just like, I guess it depends on what at that

1093
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,320
Speaker 1: age you value and if you value enough, if you

1094
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 1: value youth and that whatever, that person's vitality, enough, hotness,

1095
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 1: if you value that enough that it's enough to overwhelm

1096
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 1: the lack of common ground and inability to have like

1097
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: a really like challenging conversation. I don't know, maybe, Yeah,

1098
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 1: I tried not to be too judgy because, like, you know,

1099
00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 1: some people really are in love. Like when I was

1100
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:52,879
Speaker 1: twenty I dated. When I was twenty two, I dated

1101
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 1: a thirty six year old and that was a pretty

1102
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,800
Speaker 1: big age difference. And I but I was a baby.

1103
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 1: I just I was. So I had the biggest crush

1104
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,840
Speaker 1: on this guy. You know, why he was dating me

1105
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 1: is a separate issue, but so show I try not

1106
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 1: to be too judgy because you know, people do fall

1107
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,920
Speaker 1: in love at different ages in their lives, so it's

1108
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 1: not all it's not all badly motivated or motivated for

1109
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:25,760
Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. Yeah, that's true. Well. Our next email

1110
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: comes from Mary. We are old people in love, so

1111
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 1: hopefully we can give some advice to you with this

1112
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: very young person and love. Dear Chelsea. I'm nineteen and

1113
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:36,799
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, since

1114
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. In the past six months, I've accepted

1115
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:42,560
Speaker 1: that I'm bisexual, and I had a conversation with him

1116
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:45,879
Speaker 1: about that when I was ready. He accepted my sexuality,

1117
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 1: but my attraction to something he can't give me made

1118
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,520
Speaker 1: him a little insecure. I had little time to explore

1119
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 1: many sexual or relationship experiences before being with him. Since

1120
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 1: the conversation, I've had the recurring thought that I'm so

1121
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 1: young and have so much to experience. I'd like to

1122
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 1: be with a woman, but I don't foresee myself ending

1123
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: things with him, and we're not polyamorous people. If he

1124
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: was okay with it, I'd like to explore my sexuality

1125
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 1: while still loving him, but I would not be okay

1126
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,320
Speaker 1: with him experiencing other women. He's very straight. If he

1127
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 1: had the need to explore his sexuality and wanted to

1128
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 1: see men, I would be okay with it. The advice

1129
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 1: I need is how should I empathetically approach a conversation

1130
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 1: like this to a sensitive person like him. Also, is

1131
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: it too early in the relationship to ask about something

1132
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: like this? Is it better to bring this up years

1133
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,479
Speaker 1: down the road when we have established even more trust

1134
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 1: than we already have. Ps A threesome is off the table, thanks, Mary.

1135
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 1: Got a lot of rules, very strict boundaries, Yeah, a

1136
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 1: lot of boundaries yet, okay, conflicting boundaries? Yeah, okay, Well

1137
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,799
Speaker 1: I think a you need to bring it up immediately.

1138
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:55,239
Speaker 1: There's that is dishonest to lead somebody on without giving

1139
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:58,240
Speaker 1: them all the facts and all the information. You're very clear,

1140
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:00,799
Speaker 1: or you seem to be very here about what your

1141
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 1: desires are and what your boundaries are, so you just

1142
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 1: all all you need. All you can do is present

1143
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 1: them in an honest way and accept whether or not

1144
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:13,279
Speaker 1: he's going to be okay with that. And if he's

1145
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 1: not going to be okay with that, then you need

1146
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 1: to respect that as well and either end the relationship

1147
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 1: based on what you want to do moving forward or

1148
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 1: except that you're not going to be able to act

1149
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,600
Speaker 1: like that within the countfines of that relationship. But you

1150
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 1: cannot lie to him or lead him on. You have

1151
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,439
Speaker 1: to give everyone the information they need, and then there

1152
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 1: everyone is allowed to make their own choice for themselves.

1153
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:37,080
Speaker 1: You don't get to decide how your boyfriend is going

1154
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 1: to exist within a relationship. A year's plenty of time

1155
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 1: to lay it on the table. Yes, that's a well said,

1156
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:45,400
Speaker 1: you're so good at this. I mean, I hope that

1157
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 1: doesn't sound so it's true. I was, I was like,

1158
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: what is that? Because I guess the proposition is that

1159
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 1: she wants to be with women while still being with him,

1160
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: but she doesn't want him to be with anybody anybody else,

1161
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 1: but she wants to be allowed to be with other people. Yeah,

1162
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: that's a pretty tough put. He could be with a

1163
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 1: man if he wants to. Yeah, but he there's he

1164
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 1: showed no indication of being kidd or bi sexual, So like, yeah,

1165
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 1: so what Yah, what if a woman were to dress

1166
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 1: as a man, or to identify maybe as a man,

1167
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: or said she you know, you could maybe fudge the

1168
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 1: rules a little bit. Yeah, there's a lot of fudging

1169
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 1: for the rules. I just think she's the nineteen Like,

1170
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: when you're nineteen, you are changing, you're learning about yourself,

1171
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,320
Speaker 1: and it's easy to want the best of both worlds,

1172
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 1: Like I want us to love him, but I want

1173
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 1: to experiment. You don't know that there's space for that.

1174
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: I know I have a feeling she'll look back and think, Oh,

1175
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,640
Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't strung him along or been I

1176
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 1: wish I had, you know, maybe ended things sooner, been

1177
00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:57,400
Speaker 1: honest sooner, because there's so much to explore at nineteen.

1178
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,320
Speaker 1: I mean, you've got the whole It's it's Mary, Mary,

1179
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 1: you have the whole world to explore. You're so you know,

1180
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:07,760
Speaker 1: it's such a great time to be unfettered. So I

1181
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 1: feel bad for his her boyfriend, but um, well yeah

1182
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 1: I don't. And just you know, Mary, something to remember

1183
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: is like whatever you put out is coming back at you.

1184
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 1: That's like just the law of physics. You know, there's

1185
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 1: an action, there's a reaction. So you want to treat

1186
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 1: him with the same amount of respect that you want

1187
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 1: to be treated with, because down the road, if you

1188
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,440
Speaker 1: don't treat him with respect, someone's gonna come along and

1189
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:30,959
Speaker 1: someone's gonna do that to you and you're not gonna

1190
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: like it. So you have to treat him with all

1191
00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:36,720
Speaker 1: the honesty, even if it's uncomfortable and it hurts you.

1192
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 1: You have to treat him with all that honesty and

1193
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 1: respect and be as honest as you can, and then

1194
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 1: it's up to him whether or not he's willing to

1195
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 1: accept that. It sounds like she is. She wrote a

1196
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: really he's very honest in her letter and yeah, yeah,

1197
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:53,080
Speaker 1: so just get onto Mary, just you know, deal with

1198
00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 1: the subject matter, and then you know, who knows, Maybe

1199
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: you guys take a break, maybe you go explore your

1200
00:59:57,560 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 1: feelings of bisexuality, and maybe you come right back to

1201
01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:02,680
Speaker 1: him and think, wait, this is what I want. Or

1202
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 1: maybe there's a whole new world for you that you're

1203
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,920
Speaker 1: postponing by prolonging it by being in a relationship. And

1204
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:10,720
Speaker 1: I had her a normative relationship. Yeah, I'm always so

1205
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:13,360
Speaker 1: curious at what that moment is. She said she accepted

1206
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 1: it six months ago. I'm always wondering what the catalyst.

1207
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 1: Maybe there's not one particular thing, but I'm always curious

1208
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 1: at that age when when somebody's you know, had a

1209
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 1: couple of years of sexuality, let's say, or being a

1210
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 1: sexualized person. Mary right back and let us know. Yeah,

1211
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: let us know, Mary, what happened triggered your bisexuality? And yeah,

1212
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 1: what triggered it? And act with integrity, okay, because I

1213
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 1: know you're nineteen, and sometimes integrity doesn't come to us

1214
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,200
Speaker 1: until we're a little bit older. But try to get

1215
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:45,960
Speaker 1: after it. Yeah. So this person who wrote in is

1216
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 1: going by younger than I sound, Dear Chelsea, She says,

1217
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven, and I've manifested myself into living a

1218
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 1: very small life. I have a computer job, and I

1219
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,440
Speaker 1: work from home. I live out of state from my family,

1220
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 1: and I was dumped last year. We didn't survive the pandemic.

1221
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 1: I guess, anyway, did you ever have a year or

1222
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:07,480
Speaker 1: two in your twenties, even late twenties like me, where

1223
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 1: you were all alone doing it all yourself. I want

1224
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:13,640
Speaker 1: to thrive in my career, independence and living alone, but

1225
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,720
Speaker 1: I usually just feel like a sixty five year old

1226
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 1: widow living alone with her cats and waiting for the

1227
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 1: next big HBO show to come out. Younger than I sound,

1228
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:27,919
Speaker 1: she sounds funny and sweet. I have felt that way

1229
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,919
Speaker 1: late twenties. I would try to fill that void, whether

1230
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 1: it was going out and drinking and drugs, relationships that

1231
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have been in. But I in a way,

1232
01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 1: I think she's doing a really healthy thing by by

1233
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 1: being by herself and kind of expressing those feelings of

1234
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 1: loneliness maybe, and on we and on we. But I'm

1235
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 1: so curious what Chelsea's going to say, because I remember

1236
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:55,120
Speaker 1: that feeling, and I don't think I behaved in a

1237
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 1: as healthier way as younger than I sound as behaving.

1238
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 1: She she's actually she sounds older. Yeah, you do sound older,

1239
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 1: but that's okay. I think everybody goes through different phases

1240
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 1: in their lives. I just read a book for my friend,

1241
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 1: Lily Saying wrote a book called Be a Triangle and

1242
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,080
Speaker 1: it's a short read. I read it in an hour

1243
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 1: and a half, like you can pick it up and

1244
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: put it down. But it's just a reminder that the

1245
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 1: times in your life where you feel loneliest or just

1246
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 1: are not forever. And there are a bunch of tools

1247
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:24,400
Speaker 1: there about creating a foundation for your life where you

1248
01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 1: can build on that you know and your your relationship

1249
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:30,120
Speaker 1: with yourself is really the most important one to be

1250
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:33,240
Speaker 1: focused on. And when you have a healthy relationship with

1251
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,280
Speaker 1: yourself and you're confident in the decisions you're making, that's

1252
01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 1: when you can bring other people into your life in

1253
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:41,960
Speaker 1: a more meaningful way. Full circle. Yeah, that's when we're

1254
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 1: talking about earlier. Yeah, totally. And it's like this period

1255
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 1: of time doesn't define you, you know, I totally. I

1256
01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 1: was a person in my twenties, and I was a

1257
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:51,760
Speaker 1: different person in my thirties, and I you know, and

1258
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 1: I'm now in my forties and I'm a different person.

1259
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 1: I was a recluse for like periods of time in

1260
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 1: my twenties because it's just everyone just drove me fucking crazy.

1261
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 1: I would TV, I would lie in bed for hours

1262
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 1: a day, like for periods of like you know, sometimes months,

1263
01:03:06,640 --> 01:03:10,160
Speaker 1: I mean interspersed with like activities, but like overall, I

1264
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:12,280
Speaker 1: would have termed to myself as a recluse. I didn't

1265
01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 1: want to go to bars, I didn't want to hang out.

1266
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 1: And then there were periods of time where that's all

1267
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:18,600
Speaker 1: I did was hang out and party and meet up

1268
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: and hook up and and date. And then I'd have

1269
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 1: a boyfriend and that would last for a year, and

1270
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 1: then that was my focus. And so there are we

1271
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 1: have similar paths. Yes, yes, I wanted to touch the flame.

1272
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 1: And then but then you find that you're a lot happier.

1273
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,320
Speaker 1: I mean everyone's seeking happiness, I suppose, but I found

1274
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:36,840
Speaker 1: that I was a lot happier when I would just

1275
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 1: settle and I was by myself, and I was able

1276
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 1: to cultivate interests alone and in silence. There's something really

1277
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:46,000
Speaker 1: I mean, embrace that time because it won't last for long. Change.

1278
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,000
Speaker 1: Chelsea's right, So it's a good time to kind of

1279
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 1: cultivate your own thing and interests. And even if it's

1280
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 1: just sitting around with your cats, being still in present

1281
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 1: in the world is a beautiful thing. And coming to

1282
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:59,560
Speaker 1: appreciate nature and being alive is a really special thing.

1283
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 1: So don't don't short change that. Yeah, and if you think, oh,

1284
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 1: I spend too much time alone, like, just add some

1285
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:07,680
Speaker 1: things to that. You know, go outside, go for a

1286
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 1: hike once a day, or whatever outdoor activities you're interested in.

1287
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 1: Go for a walk with your cat, or go for

1288
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 1: a walk alone, or find a friend to go for

1289
01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:18,560
Speaker 1: a walk with. Just like, incorporate little things that are

1290
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:21,000
Speaker 1: going to boost your mood. Being outdoor will always help

1291
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 1: you be in a better mood and being a more

1292
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 1: positive kind of headspace. So just remember that and also

1293
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:28,840
Speaker 1: just kind of add things to your life that does.

1294
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 1: You know, make plans with a friend, make plans with

1295
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:33,919
Speaker 1: a relative, do things that are so you can see

1296
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:36,080
Speaker 1: if you enjoy that and if you want to continue

1297
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:39,000
Speaker 1: doing that, and you know, there's nothing wrong with spending

1298
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 1: a lot of time with yourself and using that time

1299
01:04:41,160 --> 01:04:43,120
Speaker 1: wisely to kind of get to know yourself and what

1300
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:45,040
Speaker 1: what you're going to accept in your life and what

1301
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:47,520
Speaker 1: you're not, you know, kind of setting standards for yourself

1302
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 1: moving forward. A man. Yes, sorry, what's that book? Be

1303
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:55,080
Speaker 1: a Triangle? Yeah? By Lily saying she just wrote it. Yeah,

1304
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:58,040
Speaker 1: and she was a guest on this show last season. Yeah,

1305
01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:00,640
Speaker 1: it's a cute little book, and it's just about positive

1306
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 1: relationships with yourself to remember that you don't you know,

1307
01:05:03,480 --> 01:05:05,480
Speaker 1: a lot of times we spend our lives proving things

1308
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,480
Speaker 1: to other people when in in fact, your relationship with

1309
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:13,120
Speaker 1: yourself and your spiritual relationship with the universe and nature

1310
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 1: and touch and giving and instead of just receiving or

1311
01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:20,479
Speaker 1: you know, giving instead of taking is just a huge

1312
01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 1: component of how to be a more well rounded person.

1313
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,560
Speaker 1: I found a lot of value in this book I have.

1314
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:28,760
Speaker 1: I interviewed Dr Mark Epstein on life is Short. It's

1315
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 1: going to pieces without following out Oh yeah, yeah. A

1316
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:33,640
Speaker 1: Buddhist perspective on wholeness. I've really found a lot of

1317
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:36,760
Speaker 1: value in that. And The xenop Therapy is his latest book.

1318
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:38,440
Speaker 1: I don't mind plugging all of his work, but I

1319
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:41,920
Speaker 1: like Mark Epstein. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, and taking

1320
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:44,480
Speaker 1: walks and being present in nature has really helped me

1321
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 1: to I'm really rooting for this person. She sounds really

1322
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 1: cool and sweet and yeah, yeah, I'm wishing you the best.

1323
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: Younger than I sound. Yeah, younger than I sound. I

1324
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:55,840
Speaker 1: wish you the best too, So don't be too harsh

1325
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:59,120
Speaker 1: with judgment on yourself. Okay, Yeah, take it easy, take

1326
01:05:59,160 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 1: it slow, and you know, keep moving. Yeah. Well, let's

1327
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:05,280
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be back to close

1328
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:08,560
Speaker 1: it out. Okay, we'll take a loof a break, we'll

1329
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:10,480
Speaker 1: be right back. Justin, keep your hands where we can

1330
01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:19,200
Speaker 1: see them. Okay, I'm just getting my loof and we're back. Well,

1331
01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 1: we're back to close it out and justin. Did you

1332
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:25,360
Speaker 1: have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea. I've also

1333
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:27,760
Speaker 1: found myself getting now that I have the smart card,

1334
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:29,600
Speaker 1: it's going to be a little bit more of a problem,

1335
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 1: but getting my reactivity. You mentioned reactivity, which is I

1336
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:35,440
Speaker 1: think so important for a lot of these colors. It's

1337
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:37,320
Speaker 1: been so important in my life to be aware of.

1338
01:06:37,800 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 1: But on the road, I still tend to get people

1339
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,760
Speaker 1: drive like maniacs here and I find myself getting very

1340
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:45,720
Speaker 1: reactive on the road. I had an encounter yesterday where

1341
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 1: guy swerved into my lane and just to let him

1342
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:50,280
Speaker 1: know he was coming to my lane, I gave him

1343
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:52,240
Speaker 1: the bet beep. It wasn't an angry beat, but it

1344
01:06:52,360 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 1: was just a pop up you're coming in and he

1345
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:58,040
Speaker 1: gave me the finger. It was wild, and I said,

1346
01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 1: what's me? And he started swerving purposefully into my lane

1347
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:06,560
Speaker 1: to because angry. Now, I don't know in those moments.

1348
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 1: I've been really working on reactivity and I've loved meditation,

1349
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 1: but sometimes those moments I find very challenging. What do

1350
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:17,919
Speaker 1: you do? I'm curious what you do on the road

1351
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:21,640
Speaker 1: if we're something like that to happen. I mean, my

1352
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:26,919
Speaker 1: whole therapy was about my reactivity. So I am able

1353
01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 1: to laugh at anyone who acts like that, Like I'm

1354
01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:33,120
Speaker 1: able to go, oh God, that person is obviously having

1355
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:37,040
Speaker 1: a really bad day or time or life, Like no

1356
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:39,240
Speaker 1: one needs to give anyone the finger on the road,

1357
01:07:39,440 --> 01:07:43,920
Speaker 1: like and it shouldn't you and you reacting to it

1358
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:46,960
Speaker 1: is just getting right down to his level instead of

1359
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 1: elevating to your level. So I don't know what the

1360
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:53,880
Speaker 1: right thing is, but recognizing that reaction in yourself is

1361
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:56,840
Speaker 1: the first step by going, Oh, I was just about

1362
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:59,200
Speaker 1: to give him the finger back, but I'm not going

1363
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:02,280
Speaker 1: to do that because this is so silly. We're driving

1364
01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:06,680
Speaker 1: and superficially, I'm wondering if you can recommend a strain

1365
01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:11,439
Speaker 1: of sativa that is inedible potentially good for driving. Yeah,

1366
01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:14,080
Speaker 1: that being out in the world, maybe younger than I

1367
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:15,640
Speaker 1: sound might want to try it on one of the

1368
01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 1: nature walks, just being a little bit more so you

1369
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 1: don't get you don't crash. I've been really crashing and

1370
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:23,040
Speaker 1: getting tired. Yeah, I like uh I I don't like

1371
01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:26,200
Speaker 1: strong edibles during the daytime. I love. I think the

1372
01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:29,680
Speaker 1: most popular one are those Kiva blueberries, you know what

1373
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Those are light and they're kind of

1374
01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:35,800
Speaker 1: fun and giggly. And also another really light option are

1375
01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:39,760
Speaker 1: those Breeze mints. They are two at point five milligrams

1376
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:42,760
Speaker 1: for really new beginners, and they're an upper Like that's

1377
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:45,320
Speaker 1: a fun thing to like go outside and do something with.

1378
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:49,760
Speaker 1: So those are two good suggestions. I think great. Thank you.

1379
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,240
Speaker 1: Oh you're so welcome justin. What a great way to

1380
01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:55,640
Speaker 1: wrap up the episode. Yes, yeah, and it was a

1381
01:08:55,720 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 1: terrible beginning, terrible beginning. We really really cleaned it out

1382
01:09:01,439 --> 01:09:04,280
Speaker 1: of the end. It's a great ending. I'm really good

1383
01:09:04,320 --> 01:09:06,880
Speaker 1: at endings. This was so fun. Thank you for having

1384
01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:08,680
Speaker 1: me well, thank you for being here. It was a

1385
01:09:08,720 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 1: pleasure to see you again too. And I'm so happy

1386
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 1: that you're in love. Congratulations. Tell Kate give her my

1387
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:16,120
Speaker 1: love for me. Well, I don't know if you heard her,

1388
01:09:16,200 --> 01:09:17,680
Speaker 1: she said as she came in looking for she was

1389
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 1: looking for a plug. She said, hello, I did, okay, okay, Well,

1390
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:24,519
Speaker 1: thank you guys, and so nice to meet you. Catherine. Likewise,

1391
01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:28,760
Speaker 1: give Kate my best. I will. Well, thank you, guys.

1392
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:31,880
Speaker 1: I'd have a great day in Massachusetts and Connecticut justin. Okay,

1393
01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,360
Speaker 1: thank you, l and give my best I will. I

1394
01:09:34,920 --> 01:09:36,840
Speaker 1: hope we all get to hang out one that'd be fine.

1395
01:09:36,960 --> 01:09:40,320
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Bye bye. So, if you'd like to

1396
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:43,920
Speaker 1: ask Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project

1397
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:45,200
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.