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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host this weekly Money Making

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Speaker 1: Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and information that this show

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Speaker 1: provides offer everyone I'm talking about you. It's time to

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Speaker 1: stop reading other people's success stories and start living your

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Speaker 1: own now. If you want to be a guest on

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Speaker 1: my show, Money Making Conversations Masterclass, please visit our website,

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Speaker 1: Moneymaking Conversations dot com and click to be a guest button.

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Speaker 1: If you're a small business owner, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, influencer,

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Speaker 1: or a nonprofit now let's get started. My guests, the

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Speaker 1: visionary founder of Willow Tree Counselor and an educational center, and

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Speaker 1: a licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience

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Speaker 1: guiding women, children and families through life's most complex stages.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome to Money Making Conversation Masterclass. Marsha Evans. How

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Speaker 1: you doing, Marsha, I'm good.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 1: Okay, when I say complex stages, what does that mean?

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Speaker 2: Well, let's think about developmental stages. Let's think about life.

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Speaker 2: Have you had complex stages?

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Speaker 1: Well, so they can vary the My complexity because I'm

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Speaker 1: a Type A and I get up at two o'clock,

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Speaker 1: three o'clock and people look at like crazy. I tell

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Speaker 1: people I get two hours of sleep. They go, are you?

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Speaker 1: Are you ready to go into the grade real early? Right?

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Speaker 1: So that's what I'm saying. It varies in your world

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Speaker 1: when you use the word complexity, like how do you

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Speaker 1: make that comparison to each individual that you work with? Right?

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Speaker 2: So what I do is I become a listener. I'm

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Speaker 2: a listener. So what happens in that space is I

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Speaker 2: become a visitor in your world and we start listening.

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Speaker 2: I start listening to your story and what are some

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Speaker 2: things that are your norm? And then what are some

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Speaker 2: things that are complex that really has you trying to

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Speaker 2: figure out life? What does that look like? So sometimes

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Speaker 2: people can say middle school age is complex, and other

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Speaker 2: people be like middle school wasn't, but my twenties were.

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Speaker 2: And so what I do is just kind of look

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Speaker 2: at what are you looking for? Is it definition? Is

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Speaker 2: it balance? Is it peace? Is it contentment? Or do

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Speaker 2: you want chaos? And so sometimes people like chaos, and

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Speaker 2: so we really look at how complex is it and

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Speaker 2: how can we find tools to make it balance and

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Speaker 2: to make it peaceful and to make it content For

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Speaker 2: the person because what's balanced for you may not be

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Speaker 2: balanced for me.

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Speaker 1: Right, That's why I'm trying to find out the complexity

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Speaker 1: of life that people have to deal with. Now, your personality,

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Speaker 1: I want to go back a little bit, because you

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Speaker 1: come across as a person who's really engaged in this process,

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Speaker 1: which means that you seem to be constantly aware of

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Speaker 1: your friends or your relationships. Now, you went to an HBCU, Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: walk we through your personality in high school and then

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Speaker 1: at the college.

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to go a little bit back to

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Speaker 2: at twelve, I knew I wanted to have a scholarship

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Speaker 2: to pay for school, okay, And I was determined because

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Speaker 2: my parents were fronting all the money for AAU, for basketball,

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Speaker 2: for soccer. I played soccer, played softball, the girl scout,

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Speaker 2: all those things, and I just wanted to reward them

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Speaker 2: and pay for school. So at twelve, I was very intentional.

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Speaker 2: I set my dreams, I set my goals, and I

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Speaker 2: was aware at that age, and so I was aware

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Speaker 2: of what's going on with you, my mom, my brother.

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Speaker 2: How can I be a people pleaser? How can I

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Speaker 2: hold the space for everybody?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 2: And so what I also did was I understood that

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Speaker 2: what I did today impacted tomorrow. And I had to

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Speaker 2: understand if I wanted to go to college to play basketball,

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Speaker 2: there was a certain way I had to carry myself.

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Speaker 2: And I had to read other people of did they

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Speaker 2: have the same destination or the same place they want

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Speaker 2: to end up that I wanted to end up. And

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Speaker 2: so I just started reading people. But it was lonely.

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Speaker 2: It was solitude. But I enjoy solitude because you get

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Speaker 2: to learn a lot about yourself and other people.

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Speaker 1: So athletics played a major role in your personality. Yes, yeah, why.

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Speaker 2: It taught me about discipline, It taught me about there

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Speaker 2: was a finish line. So everybody wanted state championship, might

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Speaker 2: have want an MVP. It was team It was teamwork.

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Speaker 2: It was problem solving, it was conflict resolution. It was

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Speaker 2: there were other people that were better than me, and

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Speaker 2: how could I become better than them? Or how could

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Speaker 2: I work on my weaknesses to become my strengths.

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Speaker 1: Okay, great, Just the background of Marshavins. She's a person

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Speaker 1: who has a gift fath lessonism, thought provoking. You read

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Speaker 1: the room, that classic statement, read the room. What is

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Speaker 1: in reading the room, the power of relationships in your

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Speaker 1: in your life, and advice you would give to people

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Speaker 1: because this is an entrepreneurial show, small business, nonprofits, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people missed reading the room, which means

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Speaker 1: they miss out on relationship buildings.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so reading the room, you got to first read yourself, okay.

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Speaker 2: And in reading yourself, what are you looking for? What

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Speaker 2: do you need? So you have to read the room

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Speaker 2: of what energy are you putting out there? Because if

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Speaker 2: you're not aware of your own energy, then you can

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Speaker 2: misread or not take advantage of the opportunities that are

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Speaker 2: in the room. Okay, So I think you've got to

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Speaker 2: start with yourself and what your relationship with yourself is,

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Speaker 2: because sometimes people don't want to read the room because

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Speaker 2: they're anxious, they don't want to come off like a

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Speaker 2: brown noser, or they don't know how to step to

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Speaker 2: the person that they that might help them navigate the space,

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Speaker 2: and they don't have they're not confident in that. And

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Speaker 2: so reading the room is who are the people you

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Speaker 2: need to talk to? And how about being authentically you?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Cool? Now before we get an interviewed Marsha Evans

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Speaker 1: right from Virginia in Hampton State former athlete was well

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Speaker 1: aware that she wanted to incentive her life so her

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Speaker 1: parents didn't have to worry about the financial commitment to

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Speaker 1: a post education. Why are you on the show?

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Speaker 2: I want people to realize that they are the ones

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Speaker 2: that are holding themselves back, and they just have to

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Speaker 2: look internally and figure out what are the things that

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Speaker 2: are holding them back, because it can come back. It

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Speaker 2: can go back to their family system. And when they

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Speaker 2: understand what's in their family system that may be holding

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Speaker 2: them back, then they can get the tools. They can

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Speaker 2: get the compass that puts them forward to where they

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Speaker 2: want to go in their business and the relationships and

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Speaker 2: be successful.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about that because a lot of people up.

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Speaker 1: I worked at IBM and I wanted to be a

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Speaker 1: stand up comedy. I pursue the career is the stand

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Speaker 1: up comedy. Of course, when I started telling my friends

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Speaker 1: I wanted to quit IBM to pursue stand up comedy,

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Speaker 1: they was like, especially at the time. Now people you

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Speaker 1: know in the area of to day, you know you

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Speaker 1: have social media, you have youtuboe, you have all these platforms.

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Speaker 1: You can kind of tell people that they might go,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, I watch YouTube but when I was doing it,

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Speaker 1: it was just we had four channels, ABC, NBC, CBS,

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Speaker 1: and I think show Time was kind of percolating there

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Speaker 1: because at the time, I was named the Funniest comic

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Speaker 1: in Texas, which means I was one of the fifty

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Speaker 1: funniest comics in the country for three years in a row.

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Speaker 1: So I thought it's time to take my Where's national

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Speaker 1: maybe the next Eddie Murphy. But fear played a role,

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Speaker 1: and it plays a role in that mass of that decision.

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Speaker 1: And with that being said, when you start talking about complexities,

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Speaker 1: fear plays a role in that's a major component of

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Speaker 1: that complex system that you're talking.

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Speaker 2: About, right, it is, And so you know what it's fear.

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Speaker 2: So can I ask you a question? Yes, okay, so fear.

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Speaker 2: So if I one of the things I was wondering

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Speaker 2: is how did fear look like in your family system?

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Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I've come from a very from

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Speaker 1: the hood. Okay, my father, third grade education, six sisters,

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Speaker 1: two brothers. So my father didn't even want me to

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Speaker 1: go to college. He wanted my sister to go to

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Speaker 1: college because he felt that in his world, right, just

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Speaker 1: give a job. Yeah, And when I didn't want that path.

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Speaker 1: It almost like rejected my thought philosophies.

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Speaker 2: There you go, so rejecting your thought philosophy. And so

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Speaker 2: when we think about the family system, right, dad didn't

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Speaker 2: want you to go to college, right, right, and so

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Speaker 2: you were going against the family system what Dad had

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Speaker 2: for you. You were going against that. But also that created

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Speaker 2: guilt and shame, and there's fear because you're doing something

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Speaker 2: different than what your family system wants. And so getting

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Speaker 2: people to understand, hey, sometimes fear is not yours. It's

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Speaker 2: coming from your family system because you're doing something different

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Speaker 2: than your what your family system wants you to do

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Speaker 2: or what they're projecting how to keep their family system

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Speaker 2: from continued to procreate.

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Speaker 1: Well, isn't it tied to like I want? Just it's

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Speaker 1: an ugly word, but I gotta say ignorance.

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Speaker 2: Yes it is. But that if we think about it,

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Speaker 2: if you thinking about your fear, the fear of the unknown, right,

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Speaker 2: so if we think if we followed your dad's guidance,

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Speaker 2: he knows that that particular, he knows what it's going

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Speaker 2: to yield. So he knows that you can go get

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Speaker 2: a job. He knows that Okay, he knows that you

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Speaker 2: can take care of your family because he has, so

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Speaker 2: even if it's ignorance, he knows the outcome of that,

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Speaker 2: but he doesn't know the outcome of you doing something different.

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Speaker 1: And that moves forward to meet with Sean McGaugh. I

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Speaker 1: remember Steve Harvey and I who were Elie Reed, had

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Speaker 1: this big event in New York and he wants to

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Speaker 1: come there and meet Barack Obama before Barack Obama became

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Speaker 1: Barack Obama, you know, and and it was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: money raising for him to get launched, and everybody was there,

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Speaker 1: jay Z be honest, it was like who's who room

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Speaker 1: and then uh and so. But in this in the

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Speaker 1: whole room, you're an opportunity to take a photo with Barack.

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Speaker 1: And I remember always said, are you gonna take a

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Speaker 1: photo with it? He's not gonna win a name like

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Speaker 1: Barack Obama in our world.

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Speaker 2: Barack Obama is.

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Speaker 1: Going to be president in this country, would never elect

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Speaker 1: and Staves just looked at me, go, man, you so silly?

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Speaker 1: I go, hey, brother, I'm just being truth. And so

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Speaker 1: that was a level of I want to say the

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Speaker 1: word ignorance because I was like that already made a

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Speaker 1: decision that that a lot of times people do. They

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Speaker 1: will stop you based on the color your skin, based

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Speaker 1: on your height, based on your agenda and stereo type

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Speaker 1: your success story. And that's what I did for BARACKO,

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Speaker 1: which eventually became back the next president of the United States.

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Speaker 1: But hey, Risa has no photos of Barack Obama that

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Speaker 1: I could have had. But guess what, fast forward, I'm

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Speaker 1: in the White House and photos all over my house

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Speaker 1: of being over office with Barack Obama. I could have

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Speaker 1: told the story to him to say, you, brother, I

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Speaker 1: think you gonna get here because of Barack Obama. But

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Speaker 1: you have to understand that you can't let people stop

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Speaker 1: defining your dreams.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: Is that part of your practice?

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Speaker 2: Yes, it is, it is, And so what it is

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Speaker 2: is also looking back right when you talked about yourself

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Speaker 2: of your like, I'm not taking a picture of him, right,

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Speaker 2: But it's also how society teaches us. How do people

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Speaker 2: around us? How you know I got into NYU for

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Speaker 2: grad school. My mom said, can't you just be okay

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Speaker 2: with getting in? And I said, huh, I want to go.

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Speaker 2: There's something there for me. But I was being different

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Speaker 2: than the family and the system that I came from.

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Speaker 2: And so you have to, really I believe that you

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Speaker 2: have to have a relationship with yourself so you know

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Speaker 2: your internal compass and know what you want to do

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Speaker 2: and why not, Because like I wanted, people were saying

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Speaker 2: you didn't want to go overseas and play basketball. No,

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Speaker 2: I just wanted basketball to pay for my college education.

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Speaker 2: And people say you still playing basketball. No, the yoga

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Speaker 2: Matt is my basketball pint. And so you have to

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Speaker 2: always have a really good relationship with self and make

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Speaker 2: sure you're not being influenced by the outside as much

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Speaker 2: because now, more so than ever, we're plugged into a

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Speaker 2: plug that's not ours.

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Speaker 1: Now we talk about generational patterns, you know, there's something

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Speaker 1: that you wanted to discuss spoken and unspoken, and we

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Speaker 1: kind of have went that little bit with my father

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Speaker 1: and me, but there are patterns in everybody's family. And now,

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Speaker 1: before we go into further, how does one get in

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Speaker 1: touch with you, Marsha Evans?

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Speaker 2: So they can find me on Marshall Listens dot com

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Speaker 2: or they can go on my YouTube channel, Marshall Listens.

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Speaker 1: But Marshall, what is Marshall listens dot com? What is that?

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Speaker 2: So Marshall Listens dot Com is all about my wellness,

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Speaker 2: about wellness and what's the importance of building a wellness team,

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Speaker 2: being able to be in relationship with yourself. A lot

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Speaker 2: of people are divorced from themselves, and I teach people

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Speaker 2: how to get married to themselves and start dating themselves

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Speaker 2: so they can be successful in every aspect of their lives.

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Speaker 1: Okay, cool, Now the unspoken and unspoken, the generational patterns. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm coming to you. What's the process?

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Speaker 2: So what we do? We start having story time, right,

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Speaker 2: so I become a visitor in your world. Then second,

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Speaker 2: we do a geniogram. So geniogram is a visual family tree.

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Speaker 1: We say we you're not a one woman operation.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm not, okay, So what we'll do but and

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Speaker 2: so in the session, just like this.

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Speaker 1: It's you and I okay, okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: So we'll do a genio graham, and a genial graham

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Speaker 2: will go back three generations, so it'll include you, your parents,

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Speaker 2: and your grandparents.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: And so what we do is we look at the

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Speaker 2: psychological hereditary Yes.

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Speaker 1: Can as your question, is this something you figured out

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Speaker 1: or this something that's out there in the books.

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Speaker 2: It's out there?

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Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, it's out there. But I've never heard it,

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Speaker 1: but again I'm being educated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah it's out there. It's fine. No, no, no, it's

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Speaker 2: out there. And so what we do is look at

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Speaker 2: major events, we look at deaths, we look at births,

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Speaker 2: and we pay attention to the themes that are there, so

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Speaker 2: that are there in generational themes that are passing down.

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Speaker 2: So a lot of times people are like, oh, my

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Speaker 2: mama gave me my good looks. Okay, Well, if your

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Speaker 2: mom gave you your good looks, what else did she

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Speaker 2: give you? What else? You know was that, hey, she

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Speaker 2: had issues with her mother and she doesn't know how

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Speaker 2: to communicate. And so then is that showing up in

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Speaker 2: your relationship with your daughter. And so one of the

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Speaker 2: things that I've done, I had a complicated relationship with

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Speaker 2: my mother, and I realize I've been in business with

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Speaker 2: for myself since two thousand an eight. Once I accepted

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Speaker 2: my mom where she was as my mom, because she

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Speaker 2: gave me the best gift possible, which is life, my

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Speaker 2: company and my business started flourishing because I started accepting me,

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Speaker 2: because I'm a part of her. Once I started accepting her,

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Speaker 2: then life started. I was a tomboy growing up, and

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Speaker 2: so I was a tomboy growing up. But I rejected

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Speaker 2: my mom because I said, if this is how a

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Speaker 2: woman's going to be, I don't know if I want

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Speaker 2: any parts of that. And so as I started accepting her,

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Speaker 2: I started accepting me. And as I started accepting me,

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Speaker 2: then I was able to step into my truths and

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Speaker 2: connect with people that I couldn't connect with before. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and so I started recognizing those patterns. And through a geniogram,

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Speaker 2: you can recognize the patterns that you can see. So

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Speaker 2: things that are in your blind spot now becomes into

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Speaker 2: your visual trajectory now.

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Speaker 1: And hearing you explain your process, it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: what doctors do when they come and go in past

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Speaker 1: history of cancer, past history of disease, exactly want to

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Speaker 1: know your daughter, not so much all your parents or

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Speaker 1: or your sisters or your siblings. So they kind of

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Speaker 1: like get a pattern that, Okay, you might be a

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Speaker 1: person that may we need to look into this because

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Speaker 1: your family history. So you take it from a mental

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Speaker 1: or a.

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Speaker 2: Lifestyle, so it's psychological and then it's psychological, and then

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Speaker 2: it's looking at the events that have taken place. So

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Speaker 2: for example, my mother's father passed when she was five. Okay,

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Speaker 2: my grandmother there were some issues, a major event that

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Speaker 2: happened when she was twelve. My niece had a similar

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Speaker 2: event at twelve. So it's looking at some of the

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Speaker 2: things that are happening generationally that you know when people

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Speaker 2: talk about generational curses, it's looking at things that are

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Speaker 2: happening in a generational way of what's stopping you, what's

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Speaker 2: in your way. So it's the same thing doctors do,

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Speaker 2: but it's looking at what are some of the things

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Speaker 2: that are happening in your family that are seeming to

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Speaker 2: repeat itself. And you take it like that because a

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Speaker 2: lot of people think, hey, they're a puzzle, but they're

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Speaker 2: really a piece of the puzzle.

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Speaker 1: Don't go anywhere. We will be right back with more

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Speaker 1: insights from Money Making Conversation MASTIC Class. Welcome back to

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Speaker 1: Money Making Conversation Masteric Class hosted by me Rashawn McDonald.

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Speaker 1: Let's get back into it. Patterns do create duplicate patterns.

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Speaker 1: In other words, if you're in an abusive parenting relationship,

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Speaker 1: that can carry over to you how you allow a

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Speaker 1: man or a woman to treat you. Correct?

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Speaker 2: Yes, correct? So if that so your first relationships that

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Speaker 2: you have is with your parents or the person that's

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Speaker 2: raising you. And so if that parent was an emotionally

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Speaker 2: abusive relationship, which is exactly, then you're going to see

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Speaker 2: that as acceptable in your nervous system, your autonomic nervous system,

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Speaker 2: it's already programmed your body that that's right or you

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Speaker 2: can navigate that chaos. You'll know how to navigate it.

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Speaker 2: Even if you are communicating to people that that wasn't right,

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Speaker 2: your body is saying something else. So your body keeps

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Speaker 2: the score. So what I also do if somebody comes

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Speaker 2: in like that, we will then look at holistic modalities

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Speaker 2: to how do we heal the body from another? How

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Speaker 2: do we heal the body so it's not carrying that good.

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Speaker 1: But that being said, what are some of the practical

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Speaker 1: steps someone could take to identify and shift limiting beliefs

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Speaker 1: inherit it from their family system.

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Speaker 2: So one of the things I think is really important

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Speaker 2: is giving time to yourself, sitting in solitude and really

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Speaker 2: being in a relationship with yourself. I think that we

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Speaker 2: are in a world that we're constantly moving, and people

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Speaker 2: don't like to sit by themselves and listen to themselves,

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Speaker 2: and so I think one of it.

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Speaker 1: Is really themselves. What does that mean?

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Speaker 2: So we all have a frequency in a language. So

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Speaker 2: you've picked up my language before I even said anything, right,

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Speaker 2: and I picked up yours, and before we we already connected.

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Speaker 2: We already connected it, so we didn't have to So

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Speaker 2: from a soul level, we already connected. And so a

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Speaker 2: lot of people don't know their internal or their personal language,

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Speaker 2: and so it's getting them to start being in community

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Speaker 2: with themselves. That's one thing. But if somebody doesn't like that,

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Speaker 2: they don't have to do it because they're fearful of

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Speaker 2: what they may hear or see or come to grips with.

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Speaker 2: One of the things I recommend is guided meditation. You

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Speaker 2: can get on a yoga, matt movement, because it really

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Speaker 2: is getting back in, getting in their body and understanding

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Speaker 2: what their body has been holding. Once they get in

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Speaker 2: their body, we can go to therapy if they want to,

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Speaker 2: They can go to yoga, they can start dancing in

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Speaker 2: terms of like movement, so they can start getting informed.

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Speaker 2: But I also thinks being able to have conversations with

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Speaker 2: their family members, sitting down with those things and understanding.

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Speaker 2: But the big thing is reducing their quarters all levels

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Speaker 2: so they can understand what's going on in their bodies.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's really interesting because I can read people immediately.

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Speaker 1: That's my gift. You know. I can just know how

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Speaker 1: far I can take a conversation. I know how far

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Speaker 1: I can joke. And immediately when you came into my presence,

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Speaker 1: I immediately went okay. Just the way you walk, the

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Speaker 1: way you all those things tell a story to me.

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Speaker 1: And I just have natural like you've been trained. I've

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Speaker 1: just through life have going okay. This two plus two

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Speaker 1: is four four eight, and I get these patterns who experience.

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Speaker 1: I get to read people. But that is an art,

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Speaker 1: that is a skill that people learn how to when

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Speaker 1: they said and I'm going back to what I said

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Speaker 1: earlier on reading the room because in my platform, money

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Speaker 1: Making Conversations, Master Cliss, people go to meetings, they're competing

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Speaker 1: for RFPs, They're in all these different sessions and conferences,

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Speaker 1: and they walk away because they have not understood or

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Speaker 1: mastered the art of reading the room or how to

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Speaker 1: develop relationships. Can you help somebody with that?

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Speaker 2: I can help somebody with that, and I want to

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Speaker 2: because when I met you and I heard about you,

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Speaker 2: you get up at four o'clock in the morning. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: four thirty, four thirty, and you said there was something

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Speaker 2: that you said that was profound. You have a date

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Speaker 2: with yourself every morning. You're consistent with yourself. Absolutely, that

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Speaker 2: is important. Consistency. If we're looking for consistency for other

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Speaker 2: people and you're not consistent with yourself, you're not going

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Speaker 2: to get the results that you want. You probably when

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Speaker 2: you said, hey, you eight two plus two is four,

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Speaker 2: and you can. I can help people figure that out.

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Speaker 2: But they have to be consistent with themselves right in

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Speaker 2: order to get the results that they desire. But they

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Speaker 2: also have to ask themselves the results that they want.

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Speaker 2: Is it the results that they that's internally programmed and

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Speaker 2: written on their hearts, or is it the results that

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Speaker 2: society saying, Hey, I want you to do this, because

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Speaker 2: then you'll be famous and you'll look this way, but

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Speaker 2: you'll be you'll be shallow, right, And.

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Speaker 1: I would tell you this that I want to have.

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Speaker 1: When I don't get that I want to have, my

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Speaker 1: whole day is messed up, and I'm trying to recapture

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Speaker 1: it or reclaim it. You know, like sometimes you go, okay,

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Speaker 1: I get up a shit, you know, I get up

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Speaker 1: at six and I'm like, Okay, I'm scrambling because I'm

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Speaker 1: behind because the time that I was with myself, I

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Speaker 1: figured out what I was going to do in six,

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Speaker 1: not waking up at six trying to figure out what

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Speaker 1: I'm doing at six. And so all I will do

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Speaker 1: prep or might even emails and our stuff, and I'll

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Speaker 1: just program them to go out at eight o'clock. So

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Speaker 1: sometimes I send my four people, go you up before?

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Speaker 1: Were you crazy? You know, well kind of you?

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Speaker 2: Did you read.

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Speaker 1: You crazy? And so with that being said, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's all about how to recognize considers money making conversations masterclass,

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Speaker 1: How recognizing your family's money story empowered to build a

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Speaker 1: new narrative of abundance, which is kind of like churchy

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Speaker 1: and success.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so one of the things is getting people to

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Speaker 2: understand looking at let's just start with their parents. What

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Speaker 2: was their relationship with money? Did they talk about money,

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Speaker 2: did they share?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: And so if you're not having if that wasn't what

435
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 2: was happening in the household, then one needs to examine

436
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 2: what is their relationship like with money because it goes

437
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,719
Speaker 2: back to their first relationship with their parents. If they

438
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,880
Speaker 2: weren't talking about money, if they were a struggle. Then

439
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 2: that is the foundation of money and what the concept

440
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 2: of money is with a person. So once you can

441
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 2: look at that, because a lot of people won't look back,

442
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 2: they'll be like, oh, money, this, money that. But it's

443
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 2: looking back and saying what's the foundation of it? And

444
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 2: how do you just say, Okay, this is what my

445
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 2: dad or my mom had to do with money, but

446
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 2: I can do something different. But it's honoring them. It's

447
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 2: not saying you're better, because when you're better, you're excluding

448
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 2: your family system that you come from. You can't say, oh,

449
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 2: I'm better than them because I'm doing this. They just

450
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 2: set the foundation. And a lot of times people don't

451
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 2: want to do that of honoring people. It's like using

452
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 2: the word ignorant. They're ignorant. Well, if they didn't have

453
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 2: the information, it'd be one thing. And so once you

454
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 2: can start accepting, but you got to look back accepting

455
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 2: they did this that way, and you can say thank

456
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 2: you dad or mom for doing this, and I honor

457
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 2: what you do. I'm going to do something different. And

458
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 2: once you can start doing that and really putting it

459
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 2: and digesting it in your system, then things can open up.

460
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 2: But one thing You can't reject your parents, right, you can't.

461
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 2: You have to honor them. And when you can honor them,

462
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 2: because mom is the face of life and if you

463
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 2: reject your mother, you reject life, which you reject success.

464
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: And so I have a whole thought about your maturity.

465
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 1: I want to go back to that because it's very engaging,

466
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,199
Speaker 1: because you're very mature, because you are mature. But that

467
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 1: same maturity I think was twelve thirteen fifty and that's

468
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: kind of scary. But let's talk about the process of

469
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 1: who you are. You know, I'm talking to Marshall Evans.

470
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: She's a visionary founder, a willed free counselor and the

471
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 1: Education Center and the licensed Professional counselor with over seventeen

472
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: years of experience, a guy in women, children and families

473
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: through life's most complex stages. Now, when you say twelve,

474
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: I always admire people who get it. People always saw

475
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: things in me that I rejected. I will tell you this, honestly,

476
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: I didn't accept who Rashan McDonald was until I was

477
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: in my forties. I ran from the process that there

478
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: were unique abilities that I had. I don't know why,

479
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: and I think it comes back from the fact that

480
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,160
Speaker 1: you know my best friends in high school, Michelle Roberts

481
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 1: and REGIEA. Roddy. They probably didn't think about any but

482
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: those two names are locked in mind. I would go

483
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: to the grave, one with the rise, one with the

484
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: Purduding University. They knew exactly what they wanted to do.

485
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: I graduated from high school equally academically trained as they were,

486
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,679
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be a forklift driver. And guess what,

487
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,239
Speaker 1: I got a job as a forklift driver. Here they

488
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: went the riots, some scholars said, with the Purduer scholars,

489
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 1: and they were my best friends. And my teachers are

490
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: all that talented to me, And I often wondered why

491
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: I didn't see it in myself? Can you help me?

492
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 2: Yeah? So one of those things is kind of I

493
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 2: ask you a question, what were you fearful of?

494
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 1: I wasn't so much fearful. I just didn't understand who

495
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 1: I was. My father, you know, my mom, she challenged

496
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 1: me to well, actually my parents allowed me to be me, okay,

497
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 1: in a sense that my father didn't push me okay, okay,

498
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: And I grew up with six sisters. But I just

499
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:55,479
Speaker 1: knew that everybody saw more in me and put and

500
00:27:55,560 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 1: demanded more in me, and I was always smart enough

501
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: to take the quick route.

502
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:10,880
Speaker 2: Okay, were you the oldest boy? And so dad did

503
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 2: he have any brothers?

504
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: I don't know.

505
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 2: I don't even know my father's background. So there's a

506
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: lot of unknown. And so if you came to me

507
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,399
Speaker 2: and you said, hey, Marsha right, not finding yourself fine,

508
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 2: being able to stand in your truth that way, what

509
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 2: would life look like? There's the not necessarily the fear

510
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 2: of the unknown, but you don't know how to navigate

511
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 2: that part of life. And did you see anybody who

512
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 2: navigated that part of life? And if you didn't see

513
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 2: anybody that navigated that part of life that you could

514
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 2: reach out in touch, then being a forklift driver was

515
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 2: easier because you knew what that looked like. The one

516
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 2: thing I have to say about you is when you

517
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 2: put your mind to something, you complete it and you're

518
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 2: diligent and nobody gets in the way of that. And

519
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 2: so there was something in you and timing you had

520
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 2: to live life a little bit longer and more to

521
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 2: then come out. And I think that is the thing

522
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: that I work with people of how do you step

523
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 2: into this world as you authentically you and find your tribe,

524
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 2: and I think that's when it's hard for people to

525
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 2: go read the room and what we talked about because

526
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 2: they're not them. They can't find themselves. They need to

527
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 2: be able to be in a relationship with themselves and

528
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 2: be able to, like you said, be authentically you. You

529
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 2: didn't find yourself until all of you until forty in

530
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 2: your forties.

531
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: Okay, now I'm one question. I want to ask you

532
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: about relationships. We kind of like talked about it. But

533
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: relationships have so many levels. You know, you have the romantic,

534
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: the professional, and the personal, and they all have to

535
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: be handled differently. Let's break them up, the romantic the romantic.

536
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 2: What do you want to know about the romantic.

537
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,959
Speaker 1: From a standpoint of how do you fit in and

538
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 1: how your personality can make a relationship because that's a

539
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: disaster based on you not understanding who you are. As

540
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: the word complexity, Yes, you're right, So.

541
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 2: Relationships are complex, especially romantic because in the romantic sense

542
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 2: it's a mirror. So those relationships nowadays people are like

543
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 2: if they're toxic, leave But the best and the best

544
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 2: relationships actually may look toxic as long as there's not

545
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 2: emotional physical abuse because it's bringing those things up that

546
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 2: we can tuck away in our platonic and professional relationships.

547
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 2: So I'll give you an example, and my relationship, my

548
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: partner had really pulled, had pulled something that made me

549
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 2: emotionally irritated, and I responded in a way that I

550
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 2: was little Marsia. And I recognize that the last time

551
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 2: I like that was with my mom when I was

552
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 2: nine years old, and it happened twice. And so through

553
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: my own healing work, I said, Hm, I'm in my forties,

554
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 2: I'm not nine. Why am I projecting this onto my

555
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: partner when he's not my mom? And that's not fair.

556
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: So I had to look in myself and I had

557
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 2: to nurture the little girl and me do my inner

558
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 2: work and mother me. So I didn't bring that into

559
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 2: my romantic relationship. And a lot of people don't know

560
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 2: how to do that. They make their partner carry the

561
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 2: burden that their parents couldn't carry. And so you can't

562
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 2: let your partner, your fiance, your spouse, you can't let

563
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 2: them carry the burden of your mother or your father,

564
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 2: and saying you got to be like my mom or

565
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 2: my dad, because that is a burden that your parents

566
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 2: couldn't even carry and so that's really important to them

567
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 2: to get for them to understand your parents can't, your

568
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 2: partner can't carry the burdens of your professional professional Yeah,

569
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 2: you got to be consistent and you got to treat

570
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 2: people the way you want to be treated. And it's

571
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: the same thing with that. Sometimes people will expect their

572
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 2: professional relationships to be similar to their parents or understanding

573
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 2: as a family. They can't tell everybody professionally, they're all

574
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 2: their business to their professional relationships, but there's a certain

575
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 2: boundary that they need. But they have to ask themselves

576
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 2: if they have those boundaries within themselves.

577
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: So now now they're boundaries because you know, the professional relationship.

578
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: In the romantic relationship, different boundaries because there's intimacy there right, Okay,

579
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: Now the professional relationship, there's no intimacy and in fact

580
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: is against the human resources rule. Okay. So that means

581
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: that certain people who need emotional support can't always get

582
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: it in that professional relationship. Where do they go.

583
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 2: Well, they can, they can. It's a fine line. I

584
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 2: think it's a fine line. It depends on what industry

585
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 2: they're in. So if you're in an engineering or a

586
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 2: scientific where they kind of think black and white. No,

587
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 2: you can't do that. You might need to use your

588
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 2: EAP benefits and go get counseling right, or you need

589
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 2: to be able to have emotional outlet. I think in

590
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: all relationships you can't put everything on one So in

591
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 2: the professional relationship, your emotional needs are not going to

592
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 2: be met in that professional space, and so you have

593
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 2: to the complexities. Going back to complexities, it can be

594
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: very complex, but in the professional place, you can't maybe

595
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 2: expect your manager to emotionally hold you down. Maybe when

596
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 2: you're going through something, you can just be very objective

597
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 2: in saying, hey, I'm having a family emergency and then

598
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 2: discuss your emotional issues or the emotional complexities that you're

599
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 2: navigating with somebody in your personal relationship that you're in

600
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 2: a personal relationship or a romantic relationship with.

601
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: You said it personal, Yes, let's close it out with

602
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 1: the personal thought process, which I don't want to because

603
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: it's you kind of like answer some of them. But

604
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 1: it is a personal relationship which tends to be into

605
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 1: the best friends people you hang out with, and sometimes

606
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,839
Speaker 1: you might feel you've been boxed out and you can

607
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: feel like a person in that relationship is your relationship

608
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 1: and then they start look like they're being shared. You

609
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 1: can be offended by that, right.

610
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 2: So the personal relationships, I think we got to identify

611
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 2: what each relationship means to us. So what my relationship

612
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: may mean to you may not mean the same to

613
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 2: you to me. And when we can identify those things

614
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 2: and be able to have open communications. So there was

615
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 2: a lot of friends when maybe in my twenties and thirties,

616
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 2: that I was their best friend. They weren't my best

617
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 2: friend because I am usually holding the space for people.

618
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,959
Speaker 2: But also I didn't want to be vulnerable, so they weren't.

619
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: They were like, oh when I could cut them off,

620
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 2: they were like, how can you do that? And I said,

621
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 2: I wasn't as close to you as you were close

622
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: to me, But I had to work through that and

623
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 2: be vulnerable. So sometimes we have to look at our

624
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: personal relationships and see what parts of our lives do

625
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 2: they take what parts in our story do they take up?

626
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 2: Do they say, Okay, well our mom didn't give us this,

627
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 2: So this person's going to be a motherly figure and

628
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: when they step out of that role, I'm going to

629
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,919
Speaker 2: try to put them back into that space. But that's

630
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 2: not their role. They're here to be a friend, and

631
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 2: so it's just really taking inventory. I'm usually like I've

632
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,840
Speaker 2: been the mother or the supportive one, but when I

633
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 2: step out of it, people don't like that.

634
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: Her name is Marcia Evans, founder of Willtree Counselor and

635
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,720
Speaker 1: Education Center. It's based where.

636
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 2: It's based in Fairfax, Virginia.

637
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: And we can do services provided online. Yes okay. And

638
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: licensed professional counselor with over seventeen years of experience HBCU graduate.

639
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 2: Yes, it's Virginia State not Hampton State.

640
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: Oh big difference. Okay, But friend, thank you for coming

641
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: on Money Making Conversation master Class.

642
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 2: Thank you.

643
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,880
Speaker 1: This has been Money Making Conversation master Class with me

644
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: Rashaun McDonald. Thanks to our guest and our audience. Visit

645
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 1: Moneymakingconversation dot com to listen. Are registered to be a

646
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:51,720
Speaker 1: guest on my show. Keep leading with your gifts, Keep winning,