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Speaker 1: The Nicky Laser Podcast. Nicky, Hello here I am. It's

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Speaker 1: the Nicki Lazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm Nicki Lazer.

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Speaker 1: I'm in Los Angeles still. Andrew Colin is holding down

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Speaker 1: my fort in St. Louis. He's in my apartment alone.

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Speaker 1: How's it going in there? Everything smells good here Nick

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Speaker 1: and Noah is of course in Arizona. Um, how are

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Speaker 1: you guys doing today? What's the vibe? I'm a vampire?

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Speaker 1: What do you mean? How pale I look? I look

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Speaker 1: so orange. I really wouldn't have you on the Sally

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Speaker 1: Hanson Today. Like, I just yeah, I just saw some

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Speaker 1: pictures yesterday in like footage where I just did not

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Speaker 1: look as tan as I wanted to be. It really does.

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Speaker 1: It just does something for my too. It makes me

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Speaker 1: feel amazing to be a bronze goddess. It just changes

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Speaker 1: everything for me. It's not worth it to me to

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Speaker 1: not stain everything that I said. I said. I just

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Speaker 1: I just did. Literally, this is my seventh hour of

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Speaker 1: talking today, and this is a seventh hour of the

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Speaker 1: Today Show. And I sat on for the last thing

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Speaker 1: I did. I was sweating so much because I think

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Speaker 1: I was revealing too much. It was like a show

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Speaker 1: about d m s and just about like who have

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Speaker 1: you d M? Who's dm D with celebrities And I

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Speaker 1: was tired and like hungry, and I just gave them

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Speaker 1: what they wanted and I said things I probably I

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Speaker 1: probably shared things I shouldn't have. And I was sweating

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Speaker 1: so much, and I got up from my seat. It

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Speaker 1: was on a white couch, and I left behind a

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Speaker 1: significant print, and you could tell they were all like

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Speaker 1: what the fought Like they weren't okay about like I'm

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Speaker 1: so used to leaving orange everywhere and people being like,

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Speaker 1: oh it's okay, we'll just working dry clean it or

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Speaker 1: you know, shout wipes and stuff. But um, they seemed

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Speaker 1: to be actually mystified. And I said, well, it's because

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Speaker 1: you guys made me sweat. I was like nervous because

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about I'm no one's going to ever DM

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Speaker 1: me again because they don't feel like their privacy can

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Speaker 1: be trusted. It looked like a dead body, Like what

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Speaker 1: was the outline? Just how much? Yeah? No, it's's just

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Speaker 1: like it's just looks like an orange apparition, like like

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Speaker 1: the markings of like a ghost are left beyond. I'm

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Speaker 1: very into ghosts right now and like the you know,

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Speaker 1: ever since watching Tyler Henry, I'm so I finished the

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Speaker 1: show like ten episodes last night. I love it so much.

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Speaker 1: So it looked like yeah, it was just looked like

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Speaker 1: there was a very tan like it was the ghost

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Speaker 1: of who's that one really tan guy that I think

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Speaker 1: he used to Clark? Yeah, yeah, oh no, it's another guy,

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Speaker 1: Tom Jones. Tom Jones is very orange. It's a good

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Speaker 1: but it's a different guy. I know, not that either

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Speaker 1: he's not dead, doesn't well, well he could be, but

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Speaker 1: he can looks so good. He looks alive. I saw

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Speaker 1: a video of a wrapper that died who got shot

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Speaker 1: to death. He was twenty four and they they put

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Speaker 1: him in a club and they just erected his body

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Speaker 1: where he was just standing there in the corner. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but like like dad, dad, like, it's that's what the

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Speaker 1: United States died. Just put me on a putting green

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Speaker 1: and yeah, well that's how you probably die. We can

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Speaker 1: just leave you there. Yeah, I comply where you found me.

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Speaker 1: Do have a party around my dead? Do you ever

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Speaker 1: get scared of getting hit by lightning? Isn't that what

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Speaker 1: happens to like golfers a lot. I'm the shortest out there.

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Speaker 1: Probably fine. I think I don't know my hairy fucking

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Speaker 1: body and my fat nipples. I'll be fine. I could

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Speaker 1: take on a strike. I think you just at the age.

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Speaker 1: And I just posted Emil is doing Emil Wachim is

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Speaker 1: doing the Tonight show tonight. He's on fallon um or

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Speaker 1: it was last night. This is going out on Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: but at Tuesday night and um. I was also twenty

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Speaker 1: four when I did my first Tonight show and I

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Speaker 1: just posted a picture of what I looked like on

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Speaker 1: my first to night show. It is so wild how

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Speaker 1: I look like I'm wearing a fat suit. And that

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Speaker 1: is not like to be offensive to anyone. It looks

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Speaker 1: like I'm wearing it looks like I'm trapped inside and

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Speaker 1: I was trapped in my body like I just was

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Speaker 1: so miserable then. But I just can't believe I went

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Speaker 1: on TV looking like that and no one was like,

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Speaker 1: and it's not about the weight, I want to be

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Speaker 1: very clear, but that my hair just looks like greasy,

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Speaker 1: I'm pale, like I just didn't know what the funk

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Speaker 1: I was doing with anything. When I was twenty four

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Speaker 1: and it's just stylist back then, or like any kind

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Speaker 1: of team entourage. No, I had no idea. It was

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Speaker 1: my first time ever getting a car service, which is

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Speaker 1: I know it sounds like bougie, but like that is

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Speaker 1: ubiquitous in my life now, like just get getting in

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Speaker 1: cars that have been that's just like what I do.

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Speaker 1: And I remember the first turn what do you mean,

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Speaker 1: oh god for my dumps? Question? Did Leno before Conan

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Speaker 1: left like the original Leno? Yeah? And it was January nine?

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Speaker 1: Did and didn't you get it? Like a day before

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Speaker 1: when happened the day of dat? I got a meals

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Speaker 1: known for seven months. I know a meal has been

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Speaker 1: that's because he's been He's known about his actual date

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Speaker 1: of doing it for probably like a couple of weeks now,

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Speaker 1: and so he's been like, oh, it's coming up. And

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Speaker 1: I mean I knew. I knew the morning of I've

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Speaker 1: got woken up. I call at eleven am and um,

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Speaker 1: but I had already had my They had proved my set,

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Speaker 1: which is like they say, you you do your set

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Speaker 1: a bunch of times for the bookers, and then they

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Speaker 1: eventually go fix this, tweak this, and then you eventually

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Speaker 1: give him one and they go, that's it, and I

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Speaker 1: I got I got the set there, like, that's the set.

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Speaker 1: We're so excited. And then I waited and I told

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Speaker 1: my family, I told my friends, like my parents told

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Speaker 1: everyone they knew. And I was, you know, struggling in

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Speaker 1: l A. Didn't have a job. I was constantly overdrafting

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Speaker 1: my account. My mom was putting in money just to

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Speaker 1: bail me out, and they were running at them. It

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Speaker 1: was just like a bad situation. But then I got

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Speaker 1: the Tonight Show and it was like, oh, everything's looking up.

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Speaker 1: And I still was like not making money, but at

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Speaker 1: least the Tonight Show. And then two years passed and

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Speaker 1: I was not booked, so I gave up. And then

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Speaker 1: that one January seven nine, I woke up to a

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Speaker 1: call from the Tonight Show saying that we had to

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Speaker 1: drop out. Are you able to do it tonight? And

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Speaker 1: I didn't remember the set that I had given them

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Speaker 1: initially to go do on the show because it had

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Speaker 1: been so long. But I had it on a DVD

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Speaker 1: because at that time the club that I did it

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Speaker 1: at gave me a DVD of that set, and I

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Speaker 1: thought I'd never forget it. But you know, two years

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Speaker 1: passes and I totally didn't remember it, but I, um,

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Speaker 1: I woke up that day, I couldn't find the DVD.

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Speaker 1: I just ran to go get my hair done because

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Speaker 1: I just thought, like, that's what you need to do.

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Speaker 1: You need to dye your hair. So I went and

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Speaker 1: got my hair like colored and highlighted, even though it

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Speaker 1: looks brown. I don't even know what I was thinking.

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Speaker 1: I should have gotten it, like I should have just

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Speaker 1: gone and gotten a ray tan. That would have been

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Speaker 1: so much better for me. But I went to Urban

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Speaker 1: Outfitters and I remember telling the girl like I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be on the tonight SHOWE and kind of being like

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Speaker 1: koy about it, but also being like it's so cool,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I remember she was just like okay, um,

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Speaker 1: I mean I don't know. I was like, you're not

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Speaker 1: You're not impressed by that at all, like at all.

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Speaker 1: Like I just remember being like, oh, she doesn't think

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Speaker 1: that's cool, and she you should. You should just go

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Speaker 1: look Instagram. It's like I have these black boots and

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Speaker 1: a black like, um, I guess, uh just band do

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Speaker 1: like like uh, I don't even know what's called. What's

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Speaker 1: it called? When it doesn't a sleeveless stress not sleeveless,

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Speaker 1: but it's like a like a it doesn't have any

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Speaker 1: top to it. Look I think, yeah, bando, uh like

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Speaker 1: shimmery black bando. And it was just I'm wearing stockings too,

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Speaker 1: like who wears stockings? I didn't know what the funk

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Speaker 1: I was doing. I really didn't know. I didn't. I

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Speaker 1: think I got my hair and makeup done in like

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Speaker 1: two seconds in the chair there Now it would be

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Speaker 1: like two hours and I'd get there before. It was

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Speaker 1: just it's so funny just to do your set. Did

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Speaker 1: what who else was on the show? And what did

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Speaker 1: Jay talk to you afterwards? Was there anything? Like? Well,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what the set was. So I get

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Speaker 1: home at so I the car services picking me up

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Speaker 1: at like let's say four o'clock and the show's tapes

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Speaker 1: at five. And I get home. I pulled into my driveway,

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Speaker 1: I see this black car up front, being like, wait

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Speaker 1: is that? So I get in that? And so I

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Speaker 1: was like just one second, I'm like telling the driver

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Speaker 1: like wait one second. I grabbed my roommates laptop because

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Speaker 1: I didn't have one. I couldn't afford it, and I

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Speaker 1: go searching through all the DVDs. We had to find

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Speaker 1: that one set, and I finally found it was like

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Speaker 1: a mirror. I could not believe. I found this set

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Speaker 1: and I put I watched it on the way to

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Speaker 1: the set in the back of this car, and I studied.

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Speaker 1: I just like memorized the set I did that night

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Speaker 1: that they approved. And then as soon as I got

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Speaker 1: on the lot, I opened the door and Bob and

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Speaker 1: Ross were there, the bookers, and they were like, what's

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Speaker 1: the set? We don't remember it? What is it? And

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Speaker 1: I just ran it off and they were like, that's great,

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Speaker 1: That's what we knew. We probably but at that point

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Speaker 1: would have they would have been like, what what is that?

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Speaker 1: Like it was two years later. I mean it was

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Speaker 1: significantly amount of a significant amount of time. I did

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Speaker 1: a rape joke, which I couldn't do on any network nowadays,

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Speaker 1: I don't think, let alone NBC and Rain Wilson and

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Speaker 1: who was staying for the other guest and Paul Abduel

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Speaker 1: was the one that I was filling in for. I

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Speaker 1: was a second guest, which comedians are never the second

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Speaker 1: guest ever. And yeah, before the set, I was just

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Speaker 1: like shown my like spot to go, like to stand

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Speaker 1: my parents weren't there obviously, Like my parents would have

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Speaker 1: been there had I known about it, like they would

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Speaker 1: have flown in. My friends would have been there. My

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Speaker 1: only friend there was Jen Murphy at the time. She

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Speaker 1: lived down the streets, so she was able to go.

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Speaker 1: My roommate Lisa, she was on the NBC lot. She

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Speaker 1: worked as um an assistant for someone in the lit department,

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Speaker 1: and so she was able to go. But um, I

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Speaker 1: just they so when I when they showed me my

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Speaker 1: spot where to stand when they pulled back the curtain

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Speaker 1: um before the show started, Jay was out there doing

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Speaker 1: something and he walked over and was like, hey, so

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Speaker 1: we're excited to have you on this show, and like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, just like kill it, like just do

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Speaker 1: whatever you want, Like okay, they're going to tell you

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Speaker 1: to wrap it up. It just like have fun. And

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Speaker 1: he encouraged me, like do what you want. It was

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Speaker 1: very nice and so, um, I found out later like

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Speaker 1: the booker's got in trouble because I went too long

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Speaker 1: because I was kind of following Jay's advice and I

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Speaker 1: killed like I had the best, one of the best.

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Speaker 1: I always have the best sets doing Tonight shows. But

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Speaker 1: it was a um, probably like thirty seconds to a minute,

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Speaker 1: which is everything, and in late night. But I walked

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Speaker 1: over to the couch and Um, the funniest part was

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Speaker 1: I walked over and Rain Wilson was there being interviewed

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Speaker 1: before me, so he was still on the couch and

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Speaker 1: I walked over and he got up and was like

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Speaker 1: a great job. And I was like, thanks, Dwight, and

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Speaker 1: I said Dwight very loudly, and that's obviously his character's

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Speaker 1: name on the office. And I didn't catch it until

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Speaker 1: I watched it later and I was like, oh God,

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Speaker 1: and then um and then yeah, I was just like

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Speaker 1: sitting there, no God, I was just flabbergasted and just

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Speaker 1: said wrong, just that this characters me. It was so embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: And I remember my ex boy my boyfriend at the time,

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Speaker 1: like I didn't say anything when it aired, like I

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Speaker 1: was just so hurt by him not watching it. I

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Speaker 1: remember later that night he was like all he said

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Speaker 1: was something like Rain Wilson isn't funny or something like that,

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Speaker 1: like it was just something about the show but not

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Speaker 1: about me, And I was like it was just so hurtful.

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Speaker 1: I remember that TV like just he was not capable

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Speaker 1: of like being loving and like doing it just wasn't

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Speaker 1: capable of it. And I just remember, I'm so sad

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Speaker 1: for like the girl that I was like being so

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Speaker 1: sad that night, because it's when something like that happens,

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Speaker 1: where like the person you care about lets you down

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Speaker 1: in that way so severely, where it's like there's just

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Speaker 1: no excuse for not saying something nice. You know, I

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Speaker 1: just you just know this isn't gonna work. It maybe

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Speaker 1: isn't got gonna end now, but this is it's over.

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Speaker 1: At some point, it's going to be over. And you know,

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Speaker 1: little did I know it was going to be like

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Speaker 1: a year and a half later, But at that moment,

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Speaker 1: it was just like you just know, I know, um

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Speaker 1: keep doing this to me what succeeding? It is important

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Speaker 1: that the person in your life like that. It is

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Speaker 1: important to me that people say nice things about stuff

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Speaker 1: and not try to act too cool for it or

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Speaker 1: like they're not impressed, like I really need that. I

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Speaker 1: you know, I I just feel like it's just I

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Speaker 1: don't know, I get really sad when like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's it's kind of a glazer trait to like my

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Speaker 1: family gets has such expectations for people being complimentary and

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Speaker 1: thankful and like mostly complimentary accolades. It's my dad's favorite word.

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Speaker 1: They didn't give you enough accolades? Why are they there's

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Speaker 1: I want them to like talk about your accolades. Like

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Speaker 1: they get really upset when family members or friends aren't

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Speaker 1: like'll They'll even be like, wasn't Nicky great on that thing?

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Speaker 1: They'll like kind of set someone up, and if you

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Speaker 1: don't deliver, they're like almost like you're dead to them.

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Speaker 1: And I'm always like, people are jealous, dad, and that's

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Speaker 1: not me being like, you know, they want to be us.

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Speaker 1: They're just their lives aren't going well. And it's really hard,

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Speaker 1: especially sometimes for me to celebrate other people when my

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Speaker 1: life is not going well. And it's it's literally impossible

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Speaker 1: to be enthusiastic about someone and so it's not really

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Speaker 1: you don't need to see it. So personally, I think

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Speaker 1: some people see it as a weakness to be very

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Speaker 1: congratulated congratulatory of people. You think that, oh, enthusiasm is

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Speaker 1: like being a pussy or something. Yeah, yeah, and it's

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Speaker 1: just I don't know, and it's like, well, because that

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Speaker 1: gets rewarded, you know, like being too cool for school,

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Speaker 1: if you don't. If you don't, if someone gets off

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Speaker 1: stage and you're like, dude, that was fucking awesome, man,

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Speaker 1: Like I love that joke. Like I was laughing so hard.

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Speaker 1: They'll be like, what a fucking dude, I can't. The

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Speaker 1: kids are never gonna be on my level, you know,

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Speaker 1: And it's like, no, dude, just take it in. Your

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Speaker 1: mom was so nice after the other night. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: sure that they were very complimentary about you and and

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Speaker 1: David Spade because they know that that stuff matters, like

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Speaker 1: my parents, and I like to say that I give

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Speaker 1: as much as I expect to. Because I was just

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Speaker 1: talking about this doing this press, Like I remember Chris

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Speaker 1: Rock getting off stage one time before me at the

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Speaker 1: Comedy Cellar, and I was thinking insert slap joke here.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking, I, he doesn't need me to say

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Speaker 1: good set. But when you were following a comedian they're

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Speaker 1: walking off and you're walking on, you always say good set,

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Speaker 1: especially if it was a good set. And Chris Rock

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Speaker 1: had a good set, like you know, crazy that that happened.

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Speaker 1: But and I just remember being like, I can't say

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Speaker 1: good set to Chris Rock. He knows it's a good set.

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Speaker 1: But then I remembered, oh my god, there's no amount

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Speaker 1: of like good I'll ever be where I won't want

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Speaker 1: to hear that, Like, no amount of success will never

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Speaker 1: will not make me want the approval of my peers.

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Speaker 1: And I'm you know, so I just remember him looking

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Speaker 1: at me being like thank you. Yeah. The other thing, too,

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Speaker 1: is expecting someone to congratulate you in the way that

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Speaker 1: you want it, and then if you don't get that,

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Speaker 1: then being disappointed in them, but then also being like, no,

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Speaker 1: you're they don't. Maybe they just don't know what the

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Speaker 1: right way to congratulate you, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Does that make like like I got off stage that

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Speaker 1: other night whatever to Spade night and Brennan was like,

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Speaker 1: that was really good, babe. They were like a like

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Speaker 1: a quiet audience and yeah, and like she so didn't

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Speaker 1: mean to be like me, She's just being honest and

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Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, they were like still walking it

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Speaker 1: like they were just like they laughed quiet, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I thought it was hilarious, but yes, you know,

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Speaker 1: It's just funny how people like can also like think

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Speaker 1: you're did amazing while also like saying the wrong thing

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Speaker 1: or like just not say exactly what you want to hear. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can to ask for what I want now, as

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Speaker 1: embarrassing as that is, like, especially in a relationship like

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Speaker 1: telling it was really embarrassing for me to like tell

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Speaker 1: Chris like I need you to watch things and to

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Speaker 1: be like, wow, you were great on that, Like I

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Speaker 1: need you to do that. Like I today sent Chris

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Speaker 1: my schedule, Like my assistant Jen sent me my entire

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Speaker 1: like morning schedule of like and it was It's insane.

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Speaker 1: It was from six am until right now. It was

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Speaker 1: just I was doing a million different things and meetings

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Speaker 1: and and I just looked at it this morning and

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Speaker 1: I was like, someone needs to bear witness to this

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Speaker 1: besides me, Like I just need someone to go like

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Speaker 1: I see you. I know Jens sees it, like Jen

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Speaker 1: is like Jesus Christ, what are they doing to you?

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00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 1: But I need and I asked for this, you know,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to get people to watch my show

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Speaker 1: and I'm doing what I can to do it. And

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Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I even have the opportunities. A lot

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00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,000
Speaker 1: of networks that I've had shows on don't even promote

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Speaker 1: my show and don't even give me the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: promote it, and so I just feel like I have

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Speaker 1: to take all these opportunities that I've been given. But um,

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00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,960
Speaker 1: I sent my I sent my schedule to Chris to

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Speaker 1: be like can you just see this and just go

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Speaker 1: like wow. It's the same way I feel about gang

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Speaker 1: bangs that I've always said, like I never understand why

345
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,879
Speaker 1: they're all like fuck you, bitch, you fucking whore. I'm like,

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00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 1: can some one person just go she is doing so much?

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00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,639
Speaker 1: I just want people acknowledge like how much things are

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Speaker 1: sometimes because I'm always convinced that I'm not working hard

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Speaker 1: enough and it's never enough, Like to me, I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so I all I did was talk all day and

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Speaker 1: like sit in a chair and put my have my

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00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,560
Speaker 1: makeup put on, and like sit on a zoom call

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Speaker 1: and have people who are writing jokes for me like

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Speaker 1: get approved. Like to complain about that so stupid, But

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Speaker 1: it was just nice to have him look at it

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Speaker 1: and go, yeah, that's a lot. Just validate you. It

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00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,439
Speaker 1: would be funny though, if you were like is this

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Speaker 1: enough and he's like, yeah, you're stupid, whore. You You've

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Speaker 1: got nine interviews you dump, You're like, okay, this is

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Speaker 1: this is better. I do feel like my career is

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Speaker 1: a gangbang. That's what I always say, is like why

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Speaker 1: do I like gangbangs? And it's because I feel like

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Speaker 1: the girl in them is multitasking so hard and like

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00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,119
Speaker 1: just is able to take on so much. And I

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Speaker 1: realized that, like I, I'm my career is a gang bang.

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Speaker 1: Like I have so many different you know, there are

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Speaker 1: some different shows. Yeah, I guess calming in a way

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Speaker 1: of like doing fifteen different things where you can't focus

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Speaker 1: on one thing so much that I will, like, uh,

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Speaker 1: make you so insecure and so nervous because you're doing

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Speaker 1: so many things? Now, does that mean that the other things?

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Speaker 1: If you're doing so much, are you not giving an

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Speaker 1: A to everything? That's where I get scared? Or is

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Speaker 1: it more interesting to give a B to fifteen things

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Speaker 1: rather than maybe an A or maybe an F because

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00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 1: you're putting so much on one thing, you know what

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00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 1: I mean. It's it's it's that's what I'm constantly trying

378
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Speaker 1: to juggle. Is like if I am I starching myself

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Speaker 1: too thin, and then I'm I know when I'm about

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Speaker 1: to lose it and I'm not being funny anymore. And

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Speaker 1: that hasn't happened yet, So I'm because I, you know,

382
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 1: prioritized not doing stand up at night and like just

383
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Speaker 1: going to bed earlier than I want to just so

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Speaker 1: I can make it all work. But yeah, like I'm

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Speaker 1: doing Kelly Clarkson tomorrow, and I'll talk about that in

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Speaker 1: a second after we take this quick break. And I'm here,

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00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:12,200
Speaker 1: you know, I'm here here. So I'm doing Kelly Clarkson tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: and it's a second time I'm doing it, and fairly

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Speaker 1: short about a time. I think I did it the

390
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,280
Speaker 1: first time. Yeah, with machine gun Kelly with a medisine

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Speaker 1: Square medicine. Well, I thought it was going to be

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Speaker 1: MS tonight. I know I'm doing it tomorrow, Kelly Clark said.

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Speaker 1: And I think usually before one of these appearances where

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Speaker 1: it's like a big deal, I would I would overthink it.

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00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 1: And there is something nice about having so many things

396
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 1: that I'm just going into it like it's just another thing.

397
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Speaker 1: And and when I'm working this hard, I'm great because

398
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,360
Speaker 1: I'm getting so many reps in, Like I'm good at

399
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Speaker 1: doing press. Right now, I'm who else is on the show.

400
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 1: I don't know yet? Um oh, actually do know, Dr

401
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,240
Speaker 1: Phil And we're also doing like it's gonna air during

402
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 1: the Kentucky Derby, So we're gonna wear like Kentucky Derby

403
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 1: hats and like have a segment where we're doing some

404
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Speaker 1: kind of like I think I'm gonna ask Dr Phil

405
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Speaker 1: for some advice. I'm going to show a clip um

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Speaker 1: where I peete in the ocean when I was in Cabo,

407
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,400
Speaker 1: and I was talking about like don't fake like you're

408
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 1: like looking at the sunset just like squat and pea

409
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,680
Speaker 1: and get its on. So there's gonna be a little

410
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 1: like fun elements and Kelly is just like so real

411
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Speaker 1: and nice and um, I had a good time the

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Speaker 1: last time, and I'm excited to like wear something. Last

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Speaker 1: time I tried to style myself and it was a

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Speaker 1: big fail. So I'm excited to wear if you if

415
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Speaker 1: you dress like the what was that girl that got

416
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Speaker 1: so famous off of Dr Phil? Oh that catched me outside?

417
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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I think it's like, yeah Derby and

418
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,959
Speaker 1: she really did turn that into like she did. Oh

419
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Speaker 1: do you know how famous she's like insanely famous right

420
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Speaker 1: now even yeah, even right now. It's so funny how

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Speaker 1: famous people can be. And I have no idea of

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00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 1: anything they're doing. Yeah, I just I don't. I don't know. Um, yeah,

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00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 1: I was talking about that, like on that that d

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Speaker 1: M thing. Oh oh no, there's like bad Bunny you know.

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00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Well the d M show I was talking about.

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Speaker 1: They were like asking me like would you It was

427
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 1: called like slide or scroll, like when I slide into

428
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 1: their d M s or when I keep scrolling, And

429
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know any of these people

430
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 1: you're presenting, and it made me realize there have been

431
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 1: times that people slide. There's someone recently that slid into

432
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: my d M S And I go, Andrew, who is

433
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 1: this guy? Because I he was in pictures with like

434
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 1: some like m m A guys and like some like

435
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 1: Logan Polish people, and I was like, um, his name

436
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,360
Speaker 1: is Jeff. He just goes at Jeff. Yeah, I'm doing

437
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 1: his podcast. He's hilarious and like he just like he

438
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 1: watched my roast and was like, dude, you're killing us

439
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 1: right now. Like you tell he's just like Stone with

440
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: a bunch of his friends, Like I should have this

441
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 1: girl on my podcast. She's gonna roast me, dude, And

442
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: so he d M me being like you gotta do

443
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 1: my podcast. So I'm gonna do his podcast. It's called

444
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 1: um Jeff FM, like f f M, and so I'm

445
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 1: going to do that. But uh, he had so many followers,

446
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: and I go, who the hell is like is this?

447
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 1: It's just there's so many famous people. He's a David

448
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 1: uh guy. David Dober hid him with like a they

449
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 1: did some kind of stunt and he got really hurt.

450
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,439
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'll do my research before I go

451
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 1: on the other day, I go. He texted me and

452
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: I was like, what is what do you do? I

453
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 1: literally go, what is your podcast that I agreed to?

454
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,160
Speaker 1: What is your I don't even know his last name

455
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 1: still Jeff. Yeah, these guys can have like thirty million

456
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 1: followers and you're like, who who How what's the average

457
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 1: age of the follower of these people? I kind of

458
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 1: want to know sometimes Yeah I don't know. Yeah, I

459
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: don't know. But and they all care about like their relationships.

460
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: They're like, can you believe fucking Chester's with fucking Valerie.

461
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 1: I'm just a little bit too. They don't even do anything. Yeah,

462
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,479
Speaker 1: I'm just I I really do kind of regret not

463
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: being of like the YouTube birch and ration of like fault,

464
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 1: like having crushes on guys that had little YouTube shows

465
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: like these girls like love these guys that like we're

466
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: actually attainable because their YouTubers and you know, we're living

467
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 1: in the Midwest or can't like you know, I just

468
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 1: I think there's something cube Mr Beast. No, so he's

469
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 1: the biggest person on YouTube, Like he was on Rogan

470
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: not too long ago, and he did a Squid Games reenactment.

471
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,680
Speaker 1: Maybe you heard it about that he did on YouTube,

472
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 1: like almost like just as good as squid Games. Like

473
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: he he puts millions of dollars backs back into his videos,

474
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: like their whole thing is like he really gets back.

475
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 1: They don't. Well, he takes the money he makes from

476
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: his videos and he puts it back into the production.

477
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 1: Oh whoa like a production like a business. But he

478
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 1: drives a shitty card, niggie. My point is all these

479
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 1: people want they don't want to be on TV. They

480
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 1: just want to be big on you. Yes, they of

481
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 1: course they want to be on TV. We all want to.

482
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: Don't think they do. I don't think they do. Well.

483
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: I know I will say that I had my first

484
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: TV show when YouTube stars were first starting to be

485
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: like bigger than TV stars, And I remember there was

486
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 1: a big push to like, we gotta have YouTubers on

487
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: like because then we'll get the YouTubers to watch MTV,

488
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: and it doesn't work that way. They don't translate to TV.

489
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: Don't you think it's different? Do I mean talents? Talent?

490
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 1: But I will say that, like, it's just a different Honestly,

491
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 1: more people watch YouTube, there's no denying that than like

492
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: TV a lot of times. But there is still there's

493
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 1: you know, there's not Emmy's for youtubes. There just aren't yet. Yeah,

494
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,160
Speaker 1: I guess what were they called. There are some kind

495
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: of award for you the tubes. I know that's another platform,

496
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's the squid game that has been watched

497
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,400
Speaker 1: by more subscribers and Netflix has you know what I mean,

498
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: just kind of puts it in perspective. Nor mcd donald

499
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 1: did that YouTube award. You haven't seen that? That is

500
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: so funny. That guy on there that is the co

501
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 1: host one of the most cringe e dudes I've ever heard.

502
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: And I feel really bad for him because he was

503
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: just trying to go toe to toe with someone like

504
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 1: Norm McDonald, which is just just don't even try. Don't

505
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 1: don't try. Don't be doing the you know, I break

506
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 1: the audience's leg. Just let it be natural, Like, don't

507
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: try to make jokes back at him. I mean, what

508
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: do you do there? Do you just do? You just

509
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: shut up? You just laugh? You do what? What's his

510
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: name does? Adam? Um? Norm's old like co host and

511
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 1: you just set him up? You know your place. When

512
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 1: I am with David Spade, I am not trying to

513
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: be the quirky, equippy one. Like it's okay to take

514
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: a back seat sometimes even if you are known for

515
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: being funny, like I don't know. I mean, you can go,

516
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: you can, you can have fun, but like to try

517
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: to like Rose, this guy was trying to roast so yes,

518
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: I know, it was so comfortable. It's giving. It's making

519
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: me like, it's just making me twist in my own

520
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: there he's in like a shitty hoodie. He doesn't give

521
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: a fuck. And this guy has on like glasses that

522
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,199
Speaker 1: are probably not even prescription, like in a tuxedo like

523
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: he just I mean it made a great television though,

524
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,959
Speaker 1: seeing the opposites. But yeah, years later watch it and

525
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 1: Jenny Slate is on it today. I was having that

526
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: kind of moment. I'm doing these shows every day if

527
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 1: you want to tune in UM Daily Pop and Nightly

528
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 1: Pop on E and Daily Pop is live and the

529
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: Nightly Pop is not live, but today live on Daily Pop.

530
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: They were talking about just keep hearing this in the

531
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: instinct voice, I can Daily Pop. Nikki went to l A.

532
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: She's doing press for six hours a day. She don't

533
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: know why she agreed to it, because she's she's kind

534
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: of built that way. She's going on TV and talking

535
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,639
Speaker 1: about celebrities, a lot of them she doesn't know, and

536
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 1: the other one she just nods along. Doesn't matter if

537
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 1: Nicky wears Tan Tanner or she's pale, it doesn't matter.

538
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: We never talked about that song, but we sing that

539
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: song all the time. Once it's in your head, you

540
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: can't stop. But we were obsessed with it in high school,

541
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: Kristen and all my friends and I and we used

542
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: to go, it's the song if you don't know his

543
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: dirty pop, and I recommend everyone listening to it because

544
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 1: at the very end he goes dirty pop and it's

545
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: like pop and it's like think but the dirty, dirty pop.

546
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 1: Kirsten did this one thing one time when she called

547
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 1: me and she was like, I remember I was going

548
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: out of town to like France with my parents, and

549
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 1: I was going for like ten days, and she was like,

550
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: here's a dirty for every day You're gone dirty dirty, dirty,

551
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 1: dirty dirty, dirty dirt dirty pop. So it's so funny,

552
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 1: just good. So I always think of, like, here's a

553
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 1: dirty for every time. And we were talking about Gigi

554
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 1: Hadid and like they were like, there's a new skincare

555
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: regiment that gig is the face of putting your face

556
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: in a bowl of ice water. And I was like, yeah,

557
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: that's a good way to get down the swelling after

558
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: you've had many surgeries that you're not being honest about.

559
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: And it was just kind of like it was just

560
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 1: like we're not gonna talk. And I was like, oh,

561
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 1: are we not allowed to like call like he is

562
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: supposed to celebrate celebrities And I understand that, but and

563
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 1: I'm not judging her by doing that. What I'm judging

564
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: is like not being honest about it, and um, like

565
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: I'm not going to just buy that Gigi Hadid like

566
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: that's her secret is dumping her face and a thing

567
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: of ice water. That does not make your You're and

568
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: a doctor a little Doctor Daily Pop. Let's get to

569
00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: the new pop heard it here? First, It's Wednesday, Wednesday

570
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: when dr sounds like a off bread of Dr Pepper

571
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: from like Sam's Club D. So it's Wednesday, folks, you

572
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: know what that means. It's Wednesday, day after Tuesday, first

573
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: day before Thursday. I hope you're having all the swells

574
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: out there, And by all the swells, I mean the

575
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: swelling in your faith from getting that new gig deep cream. Alright.

576
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: A father and daughter from Chicago were struck by lightning

577
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: as they were heading to their car. And there's two

578
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: stories here that you brought up. Heading to their car

579
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: from Steinbrenner Field in Tampa after the baseball game they

580
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: came to watch got cut short because of weather conditions.

581
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: Here's here's what happened. Um. From the daughter's perspective, there

582
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 1: was a big bright flash and a loud boom, and

583
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: next thing I know, my ears are ringing. I see

584
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 1: my dad flying in the air, smacking his head on

585
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,719
Speaker 1: the ground, and I'm flying through the air. I actually

586
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: got blasted out of my shoes and I landed on

587
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 1: the pavement. For about ten seconds. I thought my dad

588
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: was dead, and I thought I was dying. Oh my god,

589
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: did the dad survive? He did. He was like a

590
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: paralyzed for a couple of seconds, but after that he

591
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: was able to move. And um, this got the attention

592
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: of the team they went to see, which was the Yankees,

593
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: and um they sent them autographs and and tickets in Chicago. Okay,

594
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: worth it? Um? Wait, do you know that if you

595
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: get struck by lightning, you're more likely to get struck

596
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: by lightning again? Like lightning nose? They always say lightning

597
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: never starts the same place twice, Like that's some kind

598
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: of saying, But it actually like the people that have

599
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 1: been struck before are more likely to get struck again

600
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: than other people. I heard that the other day. When

601
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: I think some guy has been struck seven times, I

602
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: know someone had died from getting struck by lightning in Florida. Wait,

603
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: wasn't it like your teacher, Yeah, my teacher popped. Is

604
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: that going to be your segment? Huh? Because I wasn't there. Unfortunately, Okay,

605
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 1: segment where Andrew is going to tell a story, but

606
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 1: it won't be that one. Um. Yeah, lightning is not

607
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: something that I fear. I have a lot of irrational fears,

608
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: but in my mom I always remember being very scared

609
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: of lightning. I do know that sometimes light No one

610
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: ever thinks they're going to get hit by lightning, you

611
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like you always think like, oh,

612
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: that's an obvious thing, like, but it happens very fast,

613
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: and it happens sometimes when there's no rain, and it's like,

614
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 1: you know, there's a lot of people. It happens on

615
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: the golf course, a lot, I think is a commonplace. Well,

616
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 1: a tree could get struck and the now we'll get you.

617
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: So that doesn't help. Awesome, you're carrying around metal. I

618
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: forget what you're supposed to do. There was something I

619
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: just learned. No, I think you're supposed to like put

620
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: you're supposed to bend your like you're supposed to crouch

621
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: in a way where your souls of your shoes are

622
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: the only things touching the Like there's some way to

623
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: touch the ground. I mean, there's what can we look

624
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: up how to if you get hit by lightning? Wasn't

625
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: it wasn't storm, Like the storm was far away, Like

626
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 1: it didn't make sense. Like at that point you're just like, okay,

627
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: your time to go. Yeah, well I do know this

628
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: if you're ever in a tornado and you're driving, do

629
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 1: not go under a bridge. And I know you think

630
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: that's like that would be the best place to go

631
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 1: if you're like an overpass, but those become wind vor

632
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: Texas and all the debris and the most violent like

633
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: debris that's like shooting through is going to go through

634
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: that bridge, And the best thing to do is get

635
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: out of your car. I know this is wild. Get

636
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 1: out of your car and go lay flat in a ditch,

637
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 1: like in the grass and lay flat, which I don't

638
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: even know if I'd be able to do that, you

639
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean where they say like punch a

640
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: shark in the face, or like when a bear is

641
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: attacking you just come at it like do the opposite.

642
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: Like that seems like I would just go No, it's

643
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: not gonna work. I can't believe that would work. I

644
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: can't do it. Yeah I would. I would never be

645
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 1: able to in a in a second earthquake outside what

646
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 1: really even if you go away from you no, because

647
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 1: it's like falling trees and buildings, Do not go outside

648
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 1: an earthquake. Literally stay inside, find a doorway or like

649
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: an under a table. No, what do you do in

650
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: a little in lightning, all right, crouched crouched down in

651
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 1: a ball like position with your head tucked and hands

652
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: over your ears, so that you are down low with

653
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: minimal contact with the ground. And that's from the c

654
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: d C. Okay, well that's good to know, all right.

655
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 1: I trust the CDC, even though most people don't anymore. Matter.

656
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: But I there was something that I I think I

657
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 1: actually did. A had an Instagram where I or sorry,

658
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: a reddit that I saved that was like a I

659
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: follow the subreddit called cool Guides guides g U I

660
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 1: d e S And it was like, what about getting

661
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: struck by lightning on a golf course? And I was

662
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: going to send it to you because I was scared

663
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 1: that you might die? And then I didn't because I,

664
00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: you know, got distracted by something and I was like, oh,

665
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 1: he'll help. Fine, Um, what's what's the next news story?

666
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: You almost save my life? It isn't that nice of

667
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: me to that? Yeah, I'm thinking of you. And then

668
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 1: I stopped, Oh, here it is here. It is how

669
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 1: to survive a lightning strike. Found it. Okay, so this

670
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,760
Speaker 1: is the interesting part. Crouched down like a baseball catcher,

671
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: get as low as you can um. And then the

672
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: thing that I liked was touched the heels of your

673
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 1: feet together. So when you're crouched down, touch the heels

674
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: of your feet together. If electricity from a ground strike

675
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: enters through your feet, this increases the chances of the

676
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: electricity going in one foot and out of the other

677
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 1: rather into the rest of your body, so it might

678
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: just go brup back into the ground as opposed to

679
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 1: b You know, my hemorrhoid would save me. I would

680
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: get the roid and not get what it would Yeah.

681
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: I would light that thing up and it would just

682
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: burn it off, and it would have flaps they put

683
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: on the back of cars. Yeah, from getting static electricity.

684
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 1: I wonder if, like when you got shocked, we would

685
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,879
Speaker 1: see the little skeleton inside the hemorrhoid, you know how

686
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 1: like when you get electrocuted, you see your skeleton. That

687
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: happen in the next story. Yeah. Sexual health experts say

688
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 1: that we need to stop using the term g spot

689
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 1: because it's actually a zone made up of five erratogenic regions. Okay,

690
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: so it should be spots. I don't know what's going

691
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:40,399
Speaker 1: on here. I think Kylie Jenner is stating him. Um,

692
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 1: I don't know the uh Okay, So they say there's no,

693
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:52,320
Speaker 1: there's no single spot. It's a five separate uh eratogenic

694
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:56,760
Speaker 1: tissues that performed the pleasure sensations ascribed to the G spot.

695
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 1: And then what I say, what does that small miss them? All? Yeah,

696
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: if you're aiming for one little spot and then you

697
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: have five zones around that spot, you're going to get something. Yes.

698
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: That's why I always say, like, just go like all

699
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 1: over and you'll hit something like really hard, like instead

700
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,880
Speaker 1: of going like because the little is a little like

701
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: twinkling a bell. Yeah, the sports center, But G spot,

702
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 1: I don't. I think that I've probably had. I think

703
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: that's the squirt spot where they where they frack you

704
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: with your finger, And I think that's what they're hitting

705
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 1: back there because it's in the back, it's in the

706
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: come hither motion. That's where that zone is. Now that

707
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: we're calling it the G zone, which is a new

708
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 1: roller coaster coming to six Flags Great America. Just think

709
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: of like like the ball zone, you know what I mean.

710
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: I really my newest erogenous zone that I'm so excited

711
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 1: about that I had no idea is right behind my ear,

712
00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: like on my neck, like right here, like whenever there's

713
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: like a whispering or any kind of like tingling, it

714
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: is like I'm like one of those dogs with my

715
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: legs shaking. I had no idea. It's so exciting to

716
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: find out something new that you like and that really

717
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 1: makes you like, I've just never had a guy like

718
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: whisper back there be behind, But that makes sense because

719
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: most you know, humans, when we would mate, we would

720
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,399
Speaker 1: do doggie style and like that's where the guy would

721
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: kind of this head would be, and so it makes sense.

722
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: It's like from behind. That's why my dad always has

723
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: the grossest kind of like evolution, Like that's why this

724
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 1: because we used to have sex this way, and I'm

725
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: just like, I don't want to hear about the way

726
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: we used to funk. Dad, Like he always says that

727
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 1: it's so the other day he did it, Luigi, He's

728
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: like he was telling someone who's like dogs like to

729
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 1: be scratched straight male dogs like the they're like chest

730
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: because and it calms them because that's what's being hit

731
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: when they're humping when they're having sex, is like that's

732
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: what they're leaned up against the woman and that's the

733
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: part that's being touched. So it's like, I'm like, so,

734
00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 1: you're just like getting your dog like all horned up

735
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 1: when you pet it there, even though I do bet

736
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 1: Luigi there all the time, But it's not because I

737
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: and my dad used to say that men love cleavage

738
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 1: because we humans used to have sex from behind, and um,

739
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 1: cleavage looks like a butt crack, and butt cracks make

740
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: us turned on because that's what we're looking at when

741
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,359
Speaker 1: men are penetrating us, or that's what they're looking at.

742
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 1: Does that check out? Because because cleavage is not plea

743
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: was not a thing when we all didn't wear bras bra.

744
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 1: If you're behind the woman, it's a butt crack, then

745
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: the cleavage resembles a butt crack. The butt crack is

746
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 1: the thing they were saying, Oh, I got you, Not

747
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 1: while you're actually having sex. At a later date, like

748
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: later in the day, you're like, holy shit, I've seen

749
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: that ass. You get corned up by cleavage because it

750
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,760
Speaker 1: looks like a butt crack that you would be looking

751
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: at when your penis is inside someone. So it like

752
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 1: makes you go like, oh, like when girls put up

753
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: their hair, guys always like get turned on because they

754
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: think it means like a blow job. Or whatever, but

755
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: it really just means I'm about to wash my face,

756
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 1: wash all that come off it. All right, we gotta

757
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: take a break and we'll come back with our new

758
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 1: segment that I can't wait for Andrew to introduce us

759
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 1: to right after this, Let's do Why do I care?

760
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:13,240
Speaker 1: Really quickly? What do I care? Why do I care? Okay,

761
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 1: what's what's happening? Nikki Glazer tour opener and mel Waki

762
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: to appear on the tonight show Jimmy fallon Yes last night.

763
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm guessing he killed because how could he not? Um,

764
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 1: I would love you guys to go give that a watch,

765
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 1: to give you know, just a hit and give it

766
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: a thumbs up on YouTube. Go support our boy. A

767
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:38,839
Speaker 1: Meal so proud of him. I wish I could be there. Um.

768
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: I got a text from Seth Herzog, who is the

769
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: you know warm up act. He also did the warm

770
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: up for My special and got to hang out with

771
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 1: We hung out with Seth all that night of My

772
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: special taping, and he got to know a Meal that

773
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: night and they just sent me a selfie picture and

774
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: I think he's taping it right now. What time is it?

775
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 1: It's three o'clock Oh my god, Wait a second, I

776
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 1: think they taped it at four. Hold on, let me

777
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 1: just see it's six the other day. Wait a second,

778
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 1: hold that, let's see it's he said the show starts

779
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: at five, so he just finished it. Oh my god,

780
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: he's done that. It's so exciting. I love to think about,

781
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: like all of his hard work is now just just

782
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: paid off, Like he's right now he's having the best

783
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 1: moment of his life, like either doing a set right

784
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 1: now and saying thank you good night. Um. I just

785
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: love that. I love thinking about. Do you ever do

786
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: that when people get like murdered or there's some like

787
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 1: event and you go, what was I doing? And you know,

788
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: like the exact minute, and you go, what was I

789
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: doing in that minute? Do you ever think that, like

790
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: when a tsunami hit, They'll be like like whenever there's like, um,

791
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 1: a plane crash at eight fifty two a m I'll

792
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, that was Eastern time. I means it

793
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: was six fifty two where I was What was I

794
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 1: doing at that moment? Do you not do that? I

795
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: do that with literally any time there is like a

796
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: time stamp on something, even the other night of when

797
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,080
Speaker 1: the actual thing happened where you were. Yeah, I don't like,

798
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 1: was I like wiping my ass when you know? Um,

799
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm trying to like when Elizabeth Smart

800
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 1: was found or something like I really think about, Like

801
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,439
Speaker 1: I love when there's like a specific minute when things happen,

802
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 1: or like a mass shooting started. Like the other day,

803
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 1: I was reading about a mass shooting and that started

804
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: and they were like the shooting started at UM eleven

805
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 1: fifty two and I was like what was I doing?

806
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god. I was like

807
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 1: waking up and going like, oh I don't want today

808
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 1: to start. And I was like how crazy that. I

809
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: was just like kind of blearly walking to the bathroom

810
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 1: when someone was like, oh my god, Like do you

811
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: I think about that stuff all the time. You're probably

812
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: like that too. After you've held your ship for six weeks,

813
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: it's gonna you think you're gonna ship before the ring

814
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: comes off. Oh my god, Maybe it's the ring that's

815
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 1: stopping it up. Maybe there's a what if my asshole

816
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 1: has turned into the ring the tightness level and nothing

817
00:41:56,360 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: can get through. You saw your the people that dressed

818
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: you for that, did they want to help you? Take

819
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: the ring off. No, it was actually their assistant. I

820
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,760
Speaker 1: told them about it, but they're just like, it's fine,

821
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 1: it's whatever. So it's just it's staying on. It's the

822
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:16,399
Speaker 1: biggest commitment I've ever had in my life. It's still

823
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 1: on and it's been on since. Wait when do we

824
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 1: take the finale for Perfect Strangers? March eighth, So it's

825
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: going on a month. You know when people put rings

826
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: around their neck and then their neck gets longer, Yeah,

827
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: I don't need that from my finger. It's long enough longer.

828
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 1: If your finger is getting a little longer, yeah, And

829
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 1: when that finger is longer than your pointer finger, it

830
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 1: means you might be a lesbian. That's a that's that's

831
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: not confirmed, but it often is. When girls have a

832
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: longer that finger than the pointer finger, that means there

833
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 1: it might be gay because most men have that, and

834
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 1: it means a lot of testosterone or something I don't understand.

835
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,879
Speaker 1: Let's get to the new segment, Andrew. Let's find out

836
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 1: what the segments called. And uh, I can't wait Andrews

837
00:42:55,920 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: to sink short story circles segment. That's right, it's time

838
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: for Andrews. The sing st story is certain segments Yeah,

839
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: we wanted a place to put all of your great

840
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 1: stories that you have accrued in your long, illustrious life.

841
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 1: Um that is coming to a close and we want

842
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:22,439
Speaker 1: to celebrate you. So any day now. I'm trying to think,

843
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 1: like if no, I really liked that because it was

844
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 1: so true, you know, so tested. Yeah, that's what I meant.

845
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm going out and on top, you know what I mean,

846
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 1: you know, like at least I'm going out towards the bottom,

847
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 1: waiting for a trust fund. You know. Let's not get

848
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: too honest here. Okay, what what story You're gonna regal

849
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 1: us with your um no, so, I thought I would.

850
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: I think I've told I don't think i've told this

851
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: story on here, but I think I've told you in person, Nikki,

852
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: So pretend I like to hear your stories again. It's

853
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 1: a good way to like remember them so I can

854
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 1: pass them on when you were gone pretty soon. Yeah,

855
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 1: so yeah, I mean, just remember his story and I'll

856
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: remember the name of Wilco and h or whatever. So,

857
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 1: um so I was I was. I think funeral a

858
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 1: dirty performed you were alive and it's thirties seven dirties, Okay, dirty,

859
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding any more. That reminds me of that

860
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: Bill Wither song or Bruce I No, okay, okay, So

861
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 1: that's the story. Do we still have listeners? What I

862
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: wanted to do was get rid of all our listeners

863
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: before you get your own segment. Yeah, thank you, I

864
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: appreciate that. What's your story? Sorry? No? So? I um.

865
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: I was in I think eighth or ninth grade and

866
00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 1: my best friend in middle school or a freshman year whatever,

867
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 1: his dad always had weed and like stalks of I'm

868
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: talking like, and it was always in the garage and

869
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 1: it was above like it was in an area where

870
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 1: you didn't think anyone would look, but everyone would look,

871
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you know when people

872
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 1: hide things in a way of like also we could

873
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 1: probably smell it. It's probably hanging out of a raft

874
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 1: or you know what I mean. Like so much weed.

875
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: It was like an insane amount of weeks. Now, were

876
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: you doing weed at this point or drinking or doing

877
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 1: anything like? Or was this your first foray into that

878
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: We haven't bought and I don't think any of us

879
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,319
Speaker 1: at that point has bought we Why would you buy

880
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: it if your friend's dad is growing it? But in

881
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 1: like cornfields. That makes sense. Yeah, I agree. Okay, so

882
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:41,719
Speaker 1: this was the first time you were like, let's steal

883
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: it from your dad. Yeah, and we wouldn't well know

884
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,359
Speaker 1: we we did it multiple times because we could take

885
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: literally an ounce and he'd have no I He'd be like, oh,

886
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 1: I think I have more weed. Yeah. That's the thing

887
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: about how keep traveling either. Yeah, yeah, so we so

888
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: we steal, we keep stealing the weed. We keep stealing

889
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 1: the weed. We're not caught and um whatever I say,

890
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 1: all this to go. We were at a party and

891
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 1: it was out by the river. That's what you do

892
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 1: in Florida. You party out by the river. And we're

893
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: in like a field in a river, and like a

894
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 1: in a gated community where a multimillion dollar house hasn't

895
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: gone up yet. It's like right out of like d

896
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,879
Speaker 1: O C. Like we're just partying. We think we're cool,

897
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: having a couple of brud Skis. Middle school. Now this

898
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:28,919
Speaker 1: is like ninth grade. Ninth people were driving. Yeah. Yeah,

899
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: so I'm a junior in college and so your I

900
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: started growing like gray hair on my balls just then.

901
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: It was weird. No, so maybe it was tenth grade.

902
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't driving yet I know I wasn't driving yet,

903
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you why. So I was probably fifteen.

904
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 1: I'm going fifteen here. So yeah, dude, permit d I

905
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 1: was five three on that permit. You hadn't got to

906
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 1: drive those lessons since yet, because you failed that to

907
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,240
Speaker 1: three times. So we're at this party and we're fucking

908
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 1: you know, I'm doing my thing. You know, probably got

909
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: like a letterman, jacking on and uh and uh, you know,

910
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: just sucking, just chilling, and and the cops come. We

911
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: see the cop, one cop and I don't even know.

912
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 1: I don't think he was like the security cop. He

913
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: was a cop cop. And I fucking freaked out and

914
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,919
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. Everyone was fucking people

915
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: started running and I didn't, And so I just had

916
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 1: cigarettes on me and I threw the cigarettes on. Oh

917
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 1: my god, I threw this. I threw a cigarette there.

918
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 1: You weren't allowed to have cigarettes. You're fifteen. That's an

919
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 1: eighteen year old purchase. But can you have them at

920
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: that age? I don't know. I don't think so, but

921
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:46,240
Speaker 1: I'm sure he would have looked the other way. But okay,

922
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:49,880
Speaker 1: you threw the cigarette. I threw a cigarette back underneath

923
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: and explorer. I still remember. I remember that and uh,

924
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 1: my buddies like did you just throw a cigarette? I

925
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: just remember him looking at me going, did you just

926
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 1: throw a siaretes? Like right before the cop came. I

927
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: was like, dude, I was like yeah, I mean I'm nervous.

928
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: You know. He's like, what are you getting rid of

929
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 1: the contraband? And I was like okay, dude, okay whatever.

930
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: So then the cop comes. I have two of my

931
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 1: buddies jump the sea walls so Florida, swim in the river,

932
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 1: risking their lives with alligators and swim like a mile away.

933
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: The cop wasn't gonna We were all like private rich kids,

934
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 1: like this cop is probably just gonna be like, yeah,

935
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 1: like you just run though, because you're so afraid. It's

936
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 1: kind of like what you're saying with the bridge thing

937
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: with the tornado. They went under the bridge, so they

938
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 1: brain they're swimming away. They swim like a mile and

939
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,239
Speaker 1: a half, like they like lived on an island for

940
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: a year, they grew a beard out, you know, they

941
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 1: changed their whole life. So there so um no, so

942
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 1: they swim away, and uh, the compents of like yeah,

943
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 1: you guys, can't party here. Also, did someone throw cigarettes?

944
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: I was like, so the cop goes to where your high, Like,

945
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 1: after you run the cop find you, did they change

946
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 1: kind of run? I didn't run. I I just I

947
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:05,839
Speaker 1: just you just stayed through My friends My friends ran.

948
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 1: Did you also throw like the sugar you had, the

949
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 1: candy you had got earlier that day? What about the

950
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 1: comic books and that picture of the girl with the

951
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: big boobs you drew, ay man, you don't know what

952
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 1: the CODs are gonna get you forward? Back then you

953
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 1: were like, I cussed an hour ago. Fuck. I hope

954
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 1: he didn't hear that. That's so funny you say that,

955
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 1: because that's actually setting up the next part of his story.

956
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: So my friends they swim away. I finally, like, I

957
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 1: end up passing out at one of the kids houses

958
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 1: by the party because the kid that I was supposed

959
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 1: to go home with is the one that ran and swam.

960
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:45,799
Speaker 1: So I get to his house the next morning and

961
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: it's the kid whose dad we steal the weed from.

962
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 1: So so you guys don't know if these kids survived

963
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,359
Speaker 1: or not. No, No, he was one of the kids

964
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 1: that swam. That swam. Those guys came back though eventually

965
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 1: eventually they came bad. Were the cops like, um, we

966
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: have to go searching for their bodies now? Like were

967
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 1: they alarmed that they swam off or that they don't care?

968
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: They're not calling the boat cops on kids. They just

969
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 1: are like they're probably laughing at these there. I mean

970
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:17,879
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, yeah, that's actually a good point. Maybe

971
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: they're worried about them drowning. Yeah, yeah, I guess not implored.

972
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 1: Everyone can swim early, so uh you know they're riding

973
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 1: amnatey just chilling. So anyway, so then we're getting I

974
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,760
Speaker 1: get back to the house, the house that we initially

975
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: stole the weed from, and the kids sitting there with

976
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: his parents literally doing do you remember, um, what's the

977
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 1: movie with slick shoes where they try to find uh fuck? Um,

978
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 1: don't you know this reference isn't even lighting up anything

979
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 1: in my head? Dude, I know you've seen this movie Goonies.

980
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 1: Remember I know Goonies, but I've never seen it. Okay,

981
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 1: So there's this kid and Goonies who gets in trouble

982
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 1: and he ends up they go tell us everything everything,

983
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 1: and he goes in third grade. Still, it's literally where

984
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: you're just talking about I still a twinkie from Mrs.

985
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: So my buddy's doing that. I walk into him telling

986
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 1: his parents every bad thing we've done our whole childhood

987
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:17,760
Speaker 1: because he ran away from the girl. Oh my god,

988
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: Now mind you, I can't give away too much and

989
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 1: I can't give away that, but I'll tell you that

990
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:27,279
Speaker 1: all fair. But so then the mom is like reprimanding us,

991
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,440
Speaker 1: and the dad he's the one who's weed we stole.

992
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: He's pretending like he cares, but he can't. He has

993
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,240
Speaker 1: no argument because his eyes are red and it's his weed.

994
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 1: So he's just going, oh, like's just making noises, right,

995
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 1: and my buddy's spilling all the beans everything, saying everything

996
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 1: we've done bad since fifth grade. My mom comes to

997
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:54,760
Speaker 1: pick me up, and I just remember the my friend's

998
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: mom going, you're you know, you know our sons have

999
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: been smoking pot, and my mom I just remember, like

1000
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 1: she wouldn't have really cared, but you gotta, like course,

1001
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 1: but she has to pretend because the parents are expecting

1002
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 1: her to. And our moms care more about what other

1003
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,360
Speaker 1: parents think than actually doing what they like. Why you

1004
00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: just droven out? You just drove an hour drunk to

1005
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 1: pick me up like, you know, like you you hit

1006
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 1: like the same thing. So then she looks at me

1007
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: and it gets real quiet, and she goes, you smoked

1008
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 1: marijuana like it was the most PARENTI parent parent thing

1009
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 1: and you were just like cool, mom, Yeah, okay, yeah,

1010
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: who know how what are you gonna ground me? Is?

1011
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: So you come out of your room, mom, and maybe

1012
00:52:51,560 --> 00:53:01,920
Speaker 1: I'll go to mine. It's the browning yourself mom with

1013
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 1: the wine you drink on the rocks. Hilarious, Holy sh it.

1014
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,919
Speaker 1: So anyhow, so I end up having to ride back

1015
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 1: home with my and like we still stole weed from them. Yeah,

1016
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 1: like that didn't stop. So anyways, but that was the fun,

1017
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: little hi were the ones that got upset and told

1018
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 1: your mom. Those seem like the cool parents. Any parents

1019
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,360
Speaker 1: that are growing weed, aren't they the ones that are like,

1020
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,360
Speaker 1: we'll let you do it if it's in front of us, Like,

1021
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:30,720
Speaker 1: aren't they the cool? They were somewhat cool, but they

1022
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 1: they you know, there's just peer pressure there. One now,

1023
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,839
Speaker 1: the dad who was the biggest fucking deadhead you would

1024
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 1: ever meet, like was crying when Jerry Garcia died, followed

1025
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:45,439
Speaker 1: the dead is the biggest fucking trumper you'd ever meet now,

1026
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 1: and it's just like, you know, capitalism and living in

1027
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,919
Speaker 1: a small town like Dad where a lot of people

1028
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 1: are Trump heads, you just you forget about how you

1029
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:57,719
Speaker 1: used to fucking drop L S. D And hang with

1030
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 1: fucking Jerry Garcia and can roll around in grass and

1031
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 1: be naked in the mud. And now it's like, no,

1032
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 1: I want to fucking sit on a golden chair and

1033
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 1: listen to a guy that's never even fucking how to

1034
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 1: drink or smoke, you know what I mean, Like I

1035
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,839
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening. But anyhow, that was a fun

1036
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:18,720
Speaker 1: high school story and made me think it final thought,

1037
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: it really reminds me of a couple of things. Actually,

1038
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: the first time I got caught drinking to my parents,

1039
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 1: they you know, my friend's parents like drove me and

1040
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:32,280
Speaker 1: Kirsten to my parents house, which is in the same neighborhood,

1041
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 1: and was like, we caught the girls drinking over at

1042
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: our house and my parents, were you drinking? Where did

1043
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: you get the still beer from the from her parents garage?

1044
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:43,880
Speaker 1: And we were just like up in her room like

1045
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: chugging beer, chugging wine, like whatever. You just schnops whatever

1046
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 1: you can find. And it's so gross, and I remember

1047
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:53,719
Speaker 1: the boys sprints it away, and I just remember we

1048
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: were outside. We had drank in her bedroom. We were

1049
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 1: keeping it all like in this trunk, and then we

1050
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 1: went outside in our front yard. It was like twilight,

1051
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: and there were like boys that came up to meet us,

1052
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 1: and it was freshman year, and I remember the garage,

1053
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 1: her garage door slowly opening and her dad was just

1054
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 1: standing there with our with the booze, just like busted ladies,

1055
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 1: and he was just slowly revealed like it was being downloaded,

1056
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,840
Speaker 1: you know, like in with like a bad boom, and

1057
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,319
Speaker 1: he was just appearing slowly. And then they drove us

1058
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 1: home to my parents knocked on the door, and I

1059
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 1: remember like kind of expecting my parents to be a

1060
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,360
Speaker 1: little upset, but they were mainly they were just like

1061
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 1: get in here, like what they didn't care. I always

1062
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 1: I obeyed my parents because and I wasn't a bad

1063
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 1: kid who did stuff, not because I didn't know my

1064
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 1: parents were not going to punish me for stuff, because

1065
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:43,840
Speaker 1: they weren't. They allowed me to make mistakes, but I

1066
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:47,359
Speaker 1: just did it because I just knew for whatever reason

1067
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 1: my parents I thought they potentially could even though when

1068
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 1: they did doll out like go to your room. I

1069
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:55,319
Speaker 1: followed it, and I was scared of them, but they

1070
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 1: still never really followed through with any punishment. Like I

1071
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 1: used to have really big crying fits and they would

1072
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,360
Speaker 1: be super embarrassed by them and say, the way you

1073
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 1: were acting right now, if this continues, you are not

1074
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 1: You're not gonna go to six Flags. Not only are

1075
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 1: you not gonna go tonight to the thing you're crying about,

1076
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,920
Speaker 1: You're not gonna And then I go and I was

1077
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: just like, I mean, I'm an adult, nearly an adult

1078
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 1: woman throwing herself on the floor and just I just

1079
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 1: remember them. Yeah, Like one night, I remember when I

1080
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:27,640
Speaker 1: was like maybe five, I threw a fit in um

1081
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 1: a convenient story my mom. I was on the floor sobbing,

1082
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 1: crying because my mom was like, let's pick out a

1083
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 1: comic book and I wanted to get the Barbie one

1084
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 1: and she was like, let's get Batman for your dad.

1085
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: He'll love that. And I just started crying instantly, and

1086
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 1: she was like, well, then we're definitely not getting Barbie,

1087
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:43,080
Speaker 1: like you're not gonna win this. And I remember just

1088
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 1: feeling so helpless, like there's no way I can get

1089
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:48,080
Speaker 1: this Barbie thing, and the only what the only thing

1090
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:50,359
Speaker 1: to do is to just double down on the thing

1091
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: I've just started, because I've already embarrassed myself in front

1092
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:54,840
Speaker 1: of my mom. She's like in front of other people.

1093
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 1: And I just fell to the ground, screaming, crying, and

1094
00:56:57,239 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: I remember I remember being humiliated by it. Her finally

1095
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:02,640
Speaker 1: like picking me up and pulling me out. And then

1096
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 1: I went home and she was like, you're going to bed,

1097
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 1: You're going to your room, and I had never happened before.

1098
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:08,800
Speaker 1: I went to my room and I remember my dad

1099
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,439
Speaker 1: bringing my dinner on a plate like to my room

1100
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 1: and like being like, you have to eat in your room.

1101
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 1: And I remember it was fried chicken, and I remember

1102
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 1: me like, I'm not going to eat this because I'm

1103
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:21,160
Speaker 1: gonna show them that I don't. I'm if they don't

1104
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:22,360
Speaker 1: let me do it the way I want to, I'm

1105
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 1: not gonna And then I was like really hungry, and

1106
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:27,360
Speaker 1: I was years yeah, and then I was like I'm

1107
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 1: never gonna eat again. But something that really made me

1108
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: sad that it reminded me of was there was this

1109
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 1: comedian Brett Clawson in St. Louis when I started so funny.

1110
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 1: One of the guys that like, he was probably like

1111
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 1: in his mid to late twenties, but he seemed so

1112
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 1: much older to me. But he was just one of

1113
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 1: those guys that a comics comic like, Oh my god,

1114
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 1: that's the guy everyone wants to be. And he had

1115
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 1: put out an album and he was having a little successes,

1116
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 1: but um, he was just a guy that like drank

1117
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 1: a lot and had like just a problem with cahol,

1118
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 1: even though he was so nice and so he reminiately

1119
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: reminded me of Jesse Camp, remember him who won the contest.

1120
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: Very lanky, funny like kind he was. He got pulled

1121
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:13,800
Speaker 1: over for like a d u I and he ran

1122
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 1: from the cops and he jumped over what he thought

1123
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 1: was like a guardrail thing and it was a like

1124
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 1: two story drop onto concrete and he was in a

1125
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 1: comma and then he died. And it was all because

1126
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 1: he was trying to run from the cops. So the

1127
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 1: lesson years, don't run from the fucking cops. Um, I

1128
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 1: think that's a lesson, right, And I know it was

1129
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: so fucking sad, And I'm trying to think where I was.

1130
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 1: You were throwing cigarettes underneath the Forward Explorer they're part

1131
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:48,640
Speaker 1: of them in lights, Dude, that's six seven. It was

1132
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 1: so tragic. It was there was like a sweep. There

1133
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 1: was like a lot of like bad things that right

1134
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 1: after Brett's death. This was a Funny Bone comedian in St. Louis,

1135
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: another Funny Bone comedian named Keith Cecil. It was the

1136
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 1: night before I was moving to New York. Um I

1137
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 1: had moved back home after I did the Tonight show.

1138
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 1: I moved back home to St. Louis and I was

1139
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 1: just biding my time until I saved him money to

1140
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 1: move to New York. And it was the night before

1141
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:12,920
Speaker 1: I was leaving to go to New York, and I

1142
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 1: remember I went to the Funny Bone for like one

1143
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 1: last hang with all the comics, and that night I

1144
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 1: like said goodbye to Keith. He was like really drunk,

1145
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:21,960
Speaker 1: and I remember like giving him a hug and then

1146
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:24,280
Speaker 1: he left, and then my friend Josh left behind him,

1147
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: Josh Arnold, and then we got a call that Keith

1148
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 1: right outside the Funny Bone, like on getting on the

1149
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 1: highway was uh. Josh came up, was the first person

1150
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 1: on the scene to his scene. He I don't think

1151
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:39,840
Speaker 1: it was wearing a seatbelt and he nearly died, like

1152
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 1: probably should have died, and he lost his ear, but

1153
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: now he does comedy again and he like talks about

1154
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 1: not having an ear. But like we were like, oh

1155
00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 1: my god, tragedy keeps striking and it was always like

1156
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: kind of a drunk driving incident, so be careful out there,

1157
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 1: and uh, Derety Pop, Direted, Dirted, Direted Pop and Jack

1158
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: Art Pap