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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat

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Speaker 1: I am the host, and couch Talks is the special

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Speaker 1: bonus episode of You Need Therapy where I answer questions

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Speaker 1: that you guys sent to me at Catherine at you

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com. We answer one question a

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Speaker 1: week usually and we keep them always anonymous, so you

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Speaker 1: can always feel safe and secure knowing that I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to tell people who it is that sent into question,

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Speaker 1: because sometimes they're sensitive topics and subjects that you might

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Speaker 1: not want everybody knowing that you asked. I just got

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Speaker 1: back from a vacation at the beach with some of

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Speaker 1: my friends, and I feel rejuvenated and ready to get

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Speaker 1: back into work, which is really, I think a really

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Speaker 1: good way to enter back and work as an out

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Speaker 1: like oh I was which I was on vacation, was like, No,

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Speaker 1: that was long enough. I got what I needed and

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to get back into my life. So I'm

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Speaker 1: ready to get back into couch Talks. And I have

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Speaker 1: a question today from a listener. I'm going to read

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Speaker 1: it and then we're going to talk about it. Hey, kat,

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Speaker 1: I believe that everyone is going through something and that

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Speaker 1: most people would benefit from therapy. With that said, it's

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Speaker 1: hard to start. It's hard to research and choose the

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Speaker 1: therapist who you think you would respond to. It's hard

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Speaker 1: to show up knowing that you have to tell as

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Speaker 1: much of your story as you can so a therapist

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Speaker 1: can have the opportunity to help. It's hard to be

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Speaker 1: objective as you tell the story. All of the things

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Speaker 1: are hard. Can you talk about the process of the

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Speaker 1: first therapy session. I feel like it's a download of

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Speaker 1: everything that has led me to a therapist, and if

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Speaker 1: I'm honest, the first step is so hard that I

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Speaker 1: ultimately booked the session and then feel so anxious about

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Speaker 1: all the details that I cancel my session. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: when I first started reading this email, I thought it

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Speaker 1: was going to be an email asking how to find

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Speaker 1: a therapist, which we've talked about a lot, and it's

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Speaker 1: important to talk about. It's an important question, it's a

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Speaker 1: valid question. I have a highlight on my podcast Instagram

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Speaker 1: page at Union Therapy Podcast that talks about that that

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Speaker 1: if you're looking for help regarding how to find a therapist,

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Speaker 1: go to that. You can also probably google and wherever

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Speaker 1: you're finding your podcast how to find a Therapist You

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Speaker 1: Need Theory podcast, and there's an episode for that. Now,

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Speaker 1: this is a different question, and it's just as important

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Speaker 1: of a question. Yes, finding a therapist can be so

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Speaker 1: exhausting and hard, and it can take forever, and it

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Speaker 1: can really suck the energy that you have to do

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Speaker 1: hard things right out of you. So once you then

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Speaker 1: make the appointment, how do you prepare to actually go

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Speaker 1: do the thing that is therapy? The scary thing? Now,

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Speaker 1: I can only speak from my experience of going to

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Speaker 1: therapy and how I actually do things as a therapist,

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Speaker 1: So I will say your experience may vary depending on

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Speaker 1: who you see and how they structure their work. But

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Speaker 1: I am going to talk about what if first session

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Speaker 1: is like, and how to prepare for it and and

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Speaker 1: what to expect regardless, it is normal, just so everybody knows,

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Speaker 1: it's very normal to be anxious about a first session.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of unknowns, and also going into your

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Speaker 1: first session, there's probably a lot of things ahead of

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Speaker 1: you that include talking a lot about hard things, or

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Speaker 1: facing hard things, or sitting with hard things and letting

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Speaker 1: people see things that you don't really want. Anybody to see,

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Speaker 1: so that's enough to make you anxious. And then also

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Speaker 1: the first session is a lot different than any other

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Speaker 1: session in my experience, It's like one part I have

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Speaker 1: to say and go over all the things as a therapist.

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Speaker 1: I have to like talk about informed consent and talk

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Speaker 1: about how we do scheduling and all that. And then

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Speaker 1: also it's another part, let's get to know each other

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Speaker 1: and figure out what you need as much as we

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Speaker 1: can in less than an hour. And before I talk

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Speaker 1: more in depth about all of this, I want to

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Speaker 1: give a quick list of three things to consider before

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Speaker 1: first session that I think are important. One, get there early.

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Speaker 1: The last thing you want is to run into your

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Speaker 1: first session like ten minutes later, like huffing and puffing

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Speaker 1: because you couldn't find a parking spot and then you

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Speaker 1: couldn't figure out which door to walk through, and now

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Speaker 1: you're out of breath and you're all worked up. And

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Speaker 1: then you spend the next ten minutes talking about that

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Speaker 1: and then talking about how sorry you are and all

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Speaker 1: of the things, and then you've wasted twenty minutes and

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Speaker 1: you're anxious on top of your anxious nous. And then

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Speaker 1: number two, give yourself some free time. After the session,

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Speaker 1: so you don't know what it's going to feel like

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Speaker 1: after you're done, and you may want some time to

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Speaker 1: just process or just sit, So I would suggest blocking

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Speaker 1: off an extra thirty minutes to an hour after session

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Speaker 1: so you can just relax and not have to worry

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Speaker 1: about what you're about to run right back into. You

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Speaker 1: can really just be with it. And then the last

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Speaker 1: thing is set realistic expectations. So we're gonna talk about

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Speaker 1: some of that, but your life isn't going to be

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Speaker 1: changed in one therapy session. Definitely not an intake. You

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Speaker 1: might feel a little better at times, sometimes you might

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Speaker 1: feel worse, but set realistic expectations. You are starting something,

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Speaker 1: you are not going to finish it in one session,

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Speaker 1: and you might not get a good read on your

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Speaker 1: therapist personality or style just by their intake. So I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't write somebody off just by how they do their intake.

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Speaker 1: I would give them another shot. If you think you

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Speaker 1: don't like them, try them again and give yourself a

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Speaker 1: real chance to actually figure it out. Now, I personally

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Speaker 1: don't do consultations or like extended intake sessions. I will

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Speaker 1: just book a first session like any normal session. It's

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Speaker 1: gonna be fifty minutes. Some therapists do do that. I don't.

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Speaker 1: It just works better with my schedule, and it's just

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Speaker 1: how I do things. When I schedule a new client,

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Speaker 1: I send them the paperwork they need to fill out

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Speaker 1: for me, including informed consent, all the policies, and the

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Speaker 1: actual intake form, so they can do that as soon

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Speaker 1: as they want, or they can do it the day

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Speaker 1: before the session. I really like to have them have

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Speaker 1: it done before I'm going to see them, because then

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Speaker 1: I get to kind of like look through it and

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Speaker 1: kind of get a handle on what we might be

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Speaker 1: working on to kind of inform me. Now, if you don't,

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Speaker 1: it's not that big of a deal. We can roll

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Speaker 1: with it. But if you're somebody who gets anxious about

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Speaker 1: filling out paperwork, or you're somebody who doesn't really want

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Speaker 1: to do the intake form, don't wait till the last minute.

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Speaker 1: You can Sometimes you can do it in stages, or

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Speaker 1: you can do it and you can kind of fill

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Speaker 1: it out but not in detail, and then you can

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Speaker 1: talk about the details with the therapist. That being said,

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Speaker 1: you don't really have to do too much for a

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Speaker 1: first session. It's kind of a time for a therapist

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Speaker 1: to ask questions, get an idea of what's going on

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Speaker 1: and how we can best help. So you don't have

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Speaker 1: to like super prepare, get all your ducks in a row,

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Speaker 1: write your life story out. You don't. You get to

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Speaker 1: show up as raw as possible. I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: really start any like therapeutic initiative. Really like, we're not

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Speaker 1: going to start the work the first session. Most likely

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Speaker 1: I might feel like it to you, but if I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of formulating a plan in my head, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to need some time before we then start to embark

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Speaker 1: on that thing. We might talk about stuff, we might

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Speaker 1: start talking about one specific part of of your journey

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Speaker 1: or what you're looking for. But you don't have to

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Speaker 1: prepare to like get ready to start some big, huge

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Speaker 1: life changing exercise the first session, because most likely you're

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Speaker 1: not going to be doing that. What can be super exhausting, though,

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Speaker 1: is the amount of information you might be giving based

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Speaker 1: on the questions that the therapist is going to ask,

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Speaker 1: and it might be a really emotionally charged information for you.

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Speaker 1: Right Like, obviously you're going to therapy to talk about

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Speaker 1: things that you might not talk about with a lot

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Speaker 1: of people might not want to talk about with a

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Speaker 1: lot of people. And the encouragement I would give to

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Speaker 1: you if you're one of those people is you don't

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Speaker 1: have to give every single detail in the beginning. You

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Speaker 1: don't have to answer every single question with a long

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Speaker 1: drawn out answer. Therapy is very weird. You walk into

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Speaker 1: a room with a person that you probably found online,

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Speaker 1: you definitely have never met before, and you're expected to

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Speaker 1: just like spill everything, including your deepest, darkest secrets, the

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Speaker 1: stuff like I said, that's the most difficult for you

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Speaker 1: to talk about. And it would make sense if you

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Speaker 1: didn't really want to do that, and it would make

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Speaker 1: sense if it freaks you out a little bit, if

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Speaker 1: you had a little hesitation. And I think personally, as

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Speaker 1: a therapist, the relationship you're building in the therapy room

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Speaker 1: is allowed to be one that takes some time. So

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Speaker 1: if you don't want to talk about some of your

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Speaker 1: trauma on your first day, you are totally allowed to

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Speaker 1: say that. You're allowed to say, I want to talk

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Speaker 1: about this with you, and I think it needs to

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Speaker 1: be talked about. I also need more time before I'm

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Speaker 1: ready to talk about it. That's a good enough answer.

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Speaker 1: You can also say, like I'm willing to go this far,

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Speaker 1: but this is what I need to stop or I want.

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Speaker 1: I'll give you the gist of it, but I'm not

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Speaker 1: ready to give the details yet. It's okay for you

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Speaker 1: to say that and to kind of pace yourself. We're

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Speaker 1: going to roll with your pace, especially in the first session.

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Speaker 1: We're not going to push push, push, push push until

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Speaker 1: you feel like you're gonna break, because we still have

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Speaker 1: to build a relationship and trust and all of that,

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Speaker 1: and we want you to feel safe and we want

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Speaker 1: you to feel like you're in the room for yourself,

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Speaker 1: not to please the therapist. So it really would encourage

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Speaker 1: you to own that part. If you're not ready to

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Speaker 1: talk about something or answer something, you can say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I really want to get to know this space, I

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Speaker 1: want to get to know you, I want to get

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Speaker 1: to know therapy. I want to talk about some other

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Speaker 1: stuff before I get down to that part. That's totally fair.

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Speaker 1: I also think it's fair to say that you might

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Speaker 1: lie during your first session. And I talk about this

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Speaker 1: in my intakes a lot, and I just tell my clients, Hey,

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Speaker 1: there may be some questions I asked that you're not

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Speaker 1: ready to be honest about and that's okay. You can

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Speaker 1: pass or you might lie, and all I can ask

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Speaker 1: is when you're ready, that you tell me and that

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Speaker 1: you know I'm not going to judge you for not

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Speaker 1: being its forthcoming right off the bat, because I can't

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Speaker 1: help you with things that you refuse to acknowledge in here.

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Speaker 1: So i'd rather you come to me and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I lied, I actually blah blah blah blah blah, whatever

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Speaker 1: that lie is, or I wasn't totally honest about that,

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Speaker 1: or I said that I do this, but I really

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Speaker 1: do that. I'd rather say that and then we can

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Speaker 1: work on things and talk about Okay, well, tell me

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Speaker 1: why it was helpful for you to lie about that

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Speaker 1: in the moment. I'd rather do that than like never

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Speaker 1: come back to something that might be a pivotal piece

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Speaker 1: of information and I might even have like a hunch

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Speaker 1: that you're lying about. I'm more interested in helping you

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Speaker 1: heal the things that you need to heal than maintaining

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Speaker 1: the idea that you're perfect, because we already know we're humans,

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Speaker 1: so were not, so we can get that out of

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Speaker 1: the way. We all lie at times, So I also

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Speaker 1: want to give you, guys permission the sounds we were saying.

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Speaker 1: But I want to give you, guys permission like lie,

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Speaker 1: but I also want to give you permission to come

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Speaker 1: back around and say, hey, there's something I need to

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Speaker 1: talk about with you, because you're allowed to do that. Also,

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Speaker 1: this is important and can be applied to so much.

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Speaker 1: I think that very often when we feel a sense

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Speaker 1: of nervousness or anxiety, we want to hide it or

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Speaker 1: what we want to make it go away. However, that

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Speaker 1: very well might not be possible, Like I might not

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Speaker 1: just be able to snap my fingers and make my

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Speaker 1: something for the most part, so I have found it

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Speaker 1: extremely helpful to just call it out. Then I don't

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Speaker 1: have to spend extra energy trying to conceal what I'm feeling.

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Speaker 1: I just like get to let it be. If I

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Speaker 1: might be able to tell but I just needed to

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Speaker 1: put that out there. Then you get to be nervous,

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Speaker 1: and just the very idea that you get to do

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Speaker 1: so can calm your nerves. So even just calling it

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Speaker 1: out might kind of take some of that anxiety away

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Speaker 1: from you. And this can be applied to a lot

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Speaker 1: of stuff, not just therapy sessions. I think about it

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Speaker 1: like giving presentations, like when I can go into something

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Speaker 1: saying like, hey, I'm nervous about this. If I'm walking

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Speaker 1: into a room or a class or anything and saying like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I got some nerves. I want this to go well.

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Speaker 1: It kind of lets me relax rather than sucking it

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Speaker 1: all in and having to be like cool, common collected,

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Speaker 1: but inside like kind of dying. And usually when I'm

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Speaker 1: able to just acknowledge that I don't have it all

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Speaker 1: together and I'm feeling a little nervous, I do better

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Speaker 1: be myself. So I would encourage you guys, if you

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Speaker 1: are feeling really anxious, you can even email the therapist. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I just want you to know I'm feeling really anxious

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Speaker 1: about tomorrow. I just wanted to put that out there, period,

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Speaker 1: and they might email something very kind back. Or you

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Speaker 1: walk in and how are you I'm really nervous. I

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Speaker 1: I don't really know what to expect. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about this stuff. Or you can just say

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous, that's okay. When it comes to a therapist,

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Speaker 1: they probably can spot anxiety and also it's normal and

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Speaker 1: possibly why you're even there in the first place. So

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Speaker 1: there's no need to put on a show for the

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Speaker 1: person who's most likely to see through that show. So

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Speaker 1: with all that being said, I just want to encourage

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Speaker 1: everybody who is getting ready to book a first session

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Speaker 1: or maybe go to a first session for therapy. You

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Speaker 1: can just show up as yourself. What's probably going to happen.

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Speaker 1: You're going to either fill out paperwork there or you're

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Speaker 1: gonna go through paperwork with the therapist. They're going to

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Speaker 1: ask you some questions you're going to answer. Um, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna get to know each other. You're going to make

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Speaker 1: sure you both understand the policies and how things work.

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Speaker 1: You're going to figure out how scheduling is going to go.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna do a lot of homeworky things. And then

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Speaker 1: again you're going to go through maybe the intake or

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Speaker 1: they're just gonna start talking about, Hey, what brought you in.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about that. You might talk about the history

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Speaker 1: of that problem, you might talk about the history of

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Speaker 1: your family and all. It's like when you meet a

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Speaker 1: new doctor too, they have to go through your medical history.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of what you're gonna be doing. And then

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Speaker 1: if there's time left, you might start working on something,

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Speaker 1: but you're not going to dig into the deep, deep, deep, deep,

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Speaker 1: deep deep depths of your stuff unless that therapist just

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Speaker 1: does it differently than most therapists, or that's really what

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Speaker 1: you want to do. If you don't want to do that, regardless,

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Speaker 1: you always get to say, I don't want to do that,

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Speaker 1: and that's something I want to always continue to come

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Speaker 1: back to. When it comes to therapy, we are experts

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Speaker 1: as therapists. We usually are the ones in charge of

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Speaker 1: coming up with a plan, figuring things out, helping you

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Speaker 1: put some pieces together. And at the same time, you're

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Speaker 1: the client and you're the most important person in that room,

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Speaker 1: and you're the expert of your life, and we might

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Speaker 1: have a hunch about things that might help you get

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Speaker 1: to where you want to go. But you get to

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Speaker 1: be the one that says yes, and you get to

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Speaker 1: be the one that says no. You are in charge

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Speaker 1: of those two things, and we can't force you to

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Speaker 1: do anything. And if you feel like you're being forced,

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Speaker 1: I would call that out, because maybe you are. And

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Speaker 1: the therapist is kind of being inappropriate or pushing too hard,

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Speaker 1: or maybe that's part of your story. And you feel

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Speaker 1: oppressed a lot with and you feel like you don't

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Speaker 1: have choices when really you do, and it's it's easy

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Speaker 1: to forget that long, long way to say you're in charge.

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Speaker 1: So I hope that you go to the next therapy

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Speaker 1: session that you book. Whoever wrote this email speaking to you,

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Speaker 1: I hope you go to it, and instead of waiting

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Speaker 1: for that anxiety about the therapy session to go away

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Speaker 1: on or it own it, call it out and bring

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Speaker 1: it with you because it might actually be helpful. Our

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Speaker 1: feelings are tools and guides and they kind of show

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Speaker 1: us what we need in life, and if we ignore them,

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Speaker 1: then we don't ever get to really get the gift

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Speaker 1: of what that feeling is telling us that we need.

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Speaker 1: So I hope that was helpful. If you guys have

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Speaker 1: any questions, you can email them to Catherine at you

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Speaker 1: need Therapy podcast dot com. And if you have any questions,

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Speaker 1: even about episodes, they don't have to just be personal questions.

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Speaker 1: You can ask clarifying questions of couch talks. You can

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Speaker 1: ask clarifying questions of episodes that I've done, or you

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Speaker 1: can just like write an email and say hi to me.

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Speaker 1: I want to start reading more emails that are just

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Speaker 1: of listeners talking about how the podcast has helped or

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Speaker 1: just helpful tips that they have found themselves. I want

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Speaker 1: to start doing that to kind of bring us into

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Speaker 1: a more like community. So I'm not always the one

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Speaker 1: telling you guys from up top expert level. I want

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Speaker 1: to kind of be in it together. So if you

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Speaker 1: have just want to say something, you just want to

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Speaker 1: email me say hi, you could do that Cather or

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Speaker 1: not You Need Therapy Podcast dot com. If you want

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Speaker 1: to follow me, you can follow me at Cat dot

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Speaker 1: de thought out on Instagram and at you Need Therapy

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Speaker 1: Podcast on Instagram my personal instagram at Cat dot de fata.

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Speaker 1: That's going to be way more just of my life.

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Speaker 1: So if you don't really care about my life, follow

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Speaker 1: the podcast that's going to have more mental health content,

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Speaker 1: more stuff around the podcasts and guests and episodes and

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Speaker 1: all that. But I would love for you to follow

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Speaker 1: both that. That'd be great if that's what you wanted

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Speaker 1: to Anyway, I hope that you guys have the day

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Speaker 1: that you need to have. I'll be back on Monday

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Speaker 1: for a new episode of Need Therapy. Bye