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Speaker 1: Today, I fed up by leaving my date alone with

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Speaker 1: my roommates. Roommates not very trustworthy going on. I didn't

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Speaker 1: come home last night. I didn't come home alone last night. Ooh,

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Speaker 1: all right, Reddit boy, I had a girl with me.

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Speaker 1: She was confident and cute, and to be honest, I

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Speaker 1: didn't expect someone like her to be interested in spending

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Speaker 1: the night at my place considering how socially awkward I

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Speaker 1: was during her entire dates. Sounds like it checks out

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Speaker 1: for a Reddit boys. My roommate was in the living

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Speaker 1: room when we entered the apartment. I introduced the two

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Speaker 1: of them before excusing myself to use the bathroom. I

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Speaker 1: poop whenever I'm extremely nervous. Oh yeah, gang man is

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Speaker 1: not like presenting himself as the most suave character, really not,

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Speaker 1: though I don't know why, but it's been like that

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Speaker 1: since I was a kid. For most people, the possibility

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Speaker 1: of sex is usually a source of excitement, but an

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Speaker 1: inexperience introverted and socially in that person like me, it's

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Speaker 1: off to the source of anxiety. Hence the pooping. My

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Speaker 1: guys having a tough time, So before I get it on,

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Speaker 1: I got to open up my boughs. I decided to

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Speaker 1: have a quick shower afterwards wash away whatever traces that

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Speaker 1: were of my nervous reaction on the toilet. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I feel bad for this guy. I must have been

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom for more or less thirty minutes. Thirty minutes,

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Speaker 1: it's a bit much. That's a long time. That's a

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Speaker 1: long much. Actually, Yeah, like you have your date come

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Speaker 1: in and they're waiting for thirty minutes, Just go squeeze

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Speaker 1: it out and then just get discrubbing. Yeah. I knew

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Speaker 1: it was weird to disappear like that, and I was

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Speaker 1: totally prepared to awkwardly explain my absence when I needed

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Speaker 1: to poop and then wash with the poop up. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what you say. However, when I returned to

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Speaker 1: the living room, I realized no explanation was necessary. My

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Speaker 1: date was sound asleep in my roommate's arms while he

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Speaker 1: was still wide awake, and as soon as he saw me,

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Speaker 1: he did the finger in front of his lips like

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Speaker 1: the shush thing. I had no idea what the two

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Speaker 1: of them did in the short amount of time I

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Speaker 1: was gone, but I smelled weed and I noticed glowing

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Speaker 1: the dark yell yo toys and hula hoops, which explained

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Speaker 1: why the room was darker than before. My roommate suggested

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Speaker 1: I smoked some weed to pastime. I ended up smoking

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Speaker 1: too much weed and eventually fell asleep from the couch.

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Speaker 1: This morning. When I woke up, my roommate and my

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Speaker 1: date were no longer in the living room. My first

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Speaker 1: instinct was to check my roommate's room, and there they

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Speaker 1: were sleeping together. Most of their clothes were on the

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Speaker 1: floor except the underwear. We stay in a toxic king Yo. Yike,

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Speaker 1: that is terrible. Yikes, dude. The roommates swooped hard, dude,

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Speaker 1: like in thirty minutes, just crushed him. Wow, just destroyed

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Speaker 1: destroys poor man. I tiptoed to my roommate's side of

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Speaker 1: the bed and woke him the fuck up. The two

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Speaker 1: of us whispered back and forth like we were discussing

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Speaker 1: highly classified information. I accused him of fucking my date

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Speaker 1: behind my back. She did, whereas he denied that anything

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Speaker 1: sexual happened and reminded me that he's gay as fuck.

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Speaker 1: Interesting see plot twist. That's a plot twist. Plot twist. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'm confused Towards the end of her whisper war, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know what to believe anymore. I was too upset

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Speaker 1: to think clearly. By the time my date woke up,

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Speaker 1: my roommate and I were in the kitchen and preparing

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Speaker 1: breakfast in silence. Long story short, my date backed up

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Speaker 1: everything my roommate said. Nothing happened between them. Sleeping on

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Speaker 1: the couch was uncomfortable, and my roommate's bed was not.

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Speaker 1: The end. I was out numbered and a desperate plea

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Speaker 1: to diffuse the tension. I accepted whatever they said. Call

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Speaker 1: me paranoid, but I'm convinced they fucked, which means a

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Speaker 1: gay guy has more success sleeping with girls than I do.

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Speaker 1: Bro OPI, you're a king, sir. You know you take

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Speaker 1: that inner security and yeah, yeah, OPI is very insecure.

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Speaker 1: We stand a pooping king. Okay, that's what we do

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Speaker 1: on this podcast. If you want to poop before your date,

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Speaker 1: we support you. Do it. Quicker, Get get some wipes. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes is way too long. You gotta you gotta

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Speaker 1: push those numbers down. Those are rookie numbers.