Speaker 1: Who baby, my baby, I need you, Oh hell, I
Speaker 1: need you. What to Expect is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. I'm your host Heidi Murkop and I'm a
Speaker 1: mom on a mission, a mission to help you know
Speaker 1: what to expect every step of the way. Okay, so
Speaker 1: raise your hand if you're starting to feel like you're
Speaker 1: co parenting with a cast of cartoon characters, like your
Speaker 1: little one is being raised by a tag team of
Speaker 1: Anna Elsa, Woody, Nicky and Pepper Pig and turning into
Speaker 1: a couch potato todd right before your eyes. That is,
Speaker 1: when your eyes and attention aren't focused on your own
Speaker 1: electronic devices. Not to worry, you're not alone for most parents,
Speaker 1: especially during the time of COVID, when home isn't only
Speaker 1: where the heart is, but the off us, the daycare,
Speaker 1: the school, the store, and much more, not to mention
Speaker 1: the three ring circus. You probably currently live in desperate
Speaker 1: times and desperate parents call for desperate measures, And if
Speaker 1: you're like most desperate parents, the line between screen time
Speaker 1: and the rest of the time has blurred. An hour
Speaker 1: per day has turned into two, maybe three, maybe more,
Speaker 1: leaving you stuck with the theme song to Moanna playing
Speaker 1: on a loop in your head and dealing with more
Speaker 1: than a little mom guilt and wondering what's the truth
Speaker 1: about screen time and your little ones development? How much
Speaker 1: screen time is too much? And how long can you
Speaker 1: continue giving yourself a pass on your child's all access
Speaker 1: passed to the tablet and TV during these challenging times,
Speaker 1: or on your own pass to the phone you're never without. First,
Speaker 1: let's lose any gilt you have, because, as you know
Speaker 1: by now, what to expect is a no guilt zone.
Speaker 1: Then let's talk the realities of TV tablets and you're
Speaker 1: taught speaking of moms in screen time. I'm here with Emma, Hey,
Speaker 1: Emma guiltiest charge. Yeah, let's just say she's walking the
Speaker 1: walk to the couch with those couch potato tots as
Speaker 1: we speak. And if we're being real, which we always
Speaker 1: are here on what to expect, I'm pretty sure I
Speaker 1: know your philosophy about screen time and kids because I've
Speaker 1: seen it in action, but maybe not everybody listening does,
Speaker 1: So why don't you share. I'm definitely a little or
Speaker 1: a little guilty of excess screen time situation currently, I
Speaker 1: don't think I was as bad. And then COVID happened,
Speaker 1: and I kind of threw all the push into the
Speaker 1: wind and lead with the tablet. But I also have
Speaker 1: to cook dinner, right, I have to pay it. And
Speaker 1: I have a toddler that is so far up my
Speaker 1: you know what, that he's going to sit on my
Speaker 1: lap when I'm peeing if I don't give him a
Speaker 1: screen So they love it. They love a good screen time,
Speaker 1: and I love the few minutes it gives me. But
Speaker 1: I do try to engage sometimes with them about what
Speaker 1: they're watching that's really important. So Sebby is more into
Speaker 1: TV and and Lennox is more into video. Sebby is
Speaker 1: all into YouTube. He loves Baby Jake. He wishes Baby
Speaker 1: Jake was his biffle best friend for life. Sometimes he'll
Speaker 1: like copies everything they're saying. So I feel like it's
Speaker 1: somewhat educational because he he's learning, and I do try
Speaker 1: to have him watch things that have some sort of
Speaker 1: educational value. But I mean he does like watching Peppa Pig. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so with Pepper Pig at least he learns a British accent.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's the only reason I let him watch
Speaker 1: Peppa because my goal is for him to end up
Speaker 1: with a British accent. Okay, you're on your wing. I'm
Speaker 1: love with I know you sometimes do, but I don't
Speaker 1: know if you fall through much. Do you use it
Speaker 1: as a reward or take it away as a consequence
Speaker 1: of behavior. Look, the consequence consequences me, not them. That's true.
Speaker 1: I try with Lennox more, especially because Sebby's just turned two.
Speaker 1: He barely understands what I'm saying to him normally, So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm taking the TV away from you. He'd
Speaker 1: be like, car, you know what I mean. It's not
Speaker 1: like a thing. But Lennox, I use it more of
Speaker 1: a consequence. But then sometimes I give in because I'm
Speaker 1: a pushover. Okay, more about that later. So I would say,
Speaker 1: you use it mainly as a babysitter. Look, that is
Speaker 1: my free babysitter. I'm gonna own it because honestly, I
Speaker 1: feel less inclined not to lie to you guys because
Speaker 1: of COVID and be like, look, we're all in this
Speaker 1: right now, and this is a whole thing. This is
Speaker 1: literally like their lifeline to the outside world. YouTube videos
Speaker 1: with other kids. It's the only time they're getting to,
Speaker 1: you know, see other or pigs or pigs or pigs?
Speaker 1: Do you tend to use it as background noise also
Speaker 1: sometimes So you know that my childhood was a tad
Speaker 1: different and even yours was because when I was little,
Speaker 1: I was allowed literally one hour of TV per week.
Speaker 1: You're talking about my childhood. No, no, no, you had
Speaker 1: Sesame Street every day plus one hour. No. But when
Speaker 1: I was older, I only had one hour. I remember
Speaker 1: this because I watched Full House. Okay, so my mom
Speaker 1: was super strict about it, and I think I relaxed
Speaker 1: a little. I wasn't even allowed to watch TV when
Speaker 1: I was home sick. I had to read. I mean
Speaker 1: not that that's a bad thing. It was a good
Speaker 1: thing in retrospect, but at the time everybody else was
Speaker 1: watching TV constantly. I felt a little cheated. But I was,
Speaker 1: you know, on the strict side with TV when you
Speaker 1: guys were little. And I'm happy about that because you
Speaker 1: spent a lot more time reading and a lot more
Speaker 1: time playing, and you know, yeah, but I feel like
Speaker 1: you did disservice to me because now I feel guilty
Speaker 1: because I'm like, wait, I was outside do them all
Speaker 1: the stuff, and now my kids are in from those
Speaker 1: tablets and damn it, Mom, Now I feel bad. I
Speaker 1: had such a great imagination. No guilt, no guilt. We're
Speaker 1: in a no guilt zone. Remember, no no guilt. I
Speaker 1: do it to myself. We do it to ourselves. But
Speaker 1: it's funny because Lennox knows he can't turn on the
Speaker 1: TV when he gets to our house and Sabby's at
Speaker 1: our house, the TV is never on. I mean they
Speaker 1: watch it on special occasions or they have their special
Speaker 1: TV time, but they managed to get along without it,
Speaker 1: so I guess, you know, they kind of accept whatever
Speaker 1: the house rules are, which is which is super common.
Speaker 1: But it's usually the other way around. I hear from
Speaker 1: parents all the time. My parents, you know, the grandparents
Speaker 1: are always spoiling the kids by giving them so much
Speaker 1: TV time or so much iPhone time. Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: can't wait, how are you going to spoil them? Already?
Speaker 1: Give them enough. It's true. It's impossible to spoil your kids.
Speaker 1: You've already done it. I know. So let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break, and when we come back, I'm answering the
Speaker 1: biggest questions you have about screen time and your kids.
Speaker 1: No guilt allowed. Okay, mom, So let's talk screen time.
Speaker 1: What are the biggest concerns about screen times in our
Speaker 1: little ones, not that I really want to know, but
Speaker 1: I figured I should ask this. Oh look, I mean,
Speaker 1: nobody really wants to know, but it's good information to have. Really,
Speaker 1: the biggest concern about screen time is what kids are
Speaker 1: missing out when they're doing screen time, and that's a
Speaker 1: lot of actually really important stuff. It's time they would
Speaker 1: spend learning by doing and exploring and interacting and socializing,
Speaker 1: problem solving, creating, using their imaginations, you know, fine tuning
Speaker 1: fine motor skills, flexing their brain power, and flexing their
Speaker 1: actual other muscles. And that's true at any age. For babies,
Speaker 1: there's a lot more downside to screen time. First of all,
Speaker 1: babies don't get TV. They're absolutely mesmerized by it. The
Speaker 1: lights and the sounds suck them in. But studies show
Speaker 1: that infants can't learn from TV. So even when they're
Speaker 1: watching you know, so called educational programming that's supposed to
Speaker 1: speed up language development, the research shows the opposite that
Speaker 1: it actually slows down that development. And that's because babies
Speaker 1: and toddlers learn best from people. That's where they learn
Speaker 1: their language, their social skills, emotions, empathy, Like I always
Speaker 1: say human interface. There is no app for that. And
Speaker 1: for older kids, Lennox this age, too much screen time
Speaker 1: has been linked to reduced attention span and that's not
Speaker 1: a surprise because everything's bright and shiny and flashing all
Speaker 1: the time, and so when they go to something like
Speaker 1: a book, it's just by nature less exciting. And listen.
Speaker 1: I know TV is easy, I know it's fun. I
Speaker 1: know kids love it. I know it gives parents a
Speaker 1: chance to get things done. But that's what the researchers, doctors,
Speaker 1: experts worry about when when it comes to screen time
Speaker 1: becoming all the time or even a lot of the time.
Speaker 1: And that's actually what worries me too, and sometimes why
Speaker 1: I gently nag. You love nagging ever so gently. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what are the rackammended guidelines? I know you always
Speaker 1: tell me about the peak guidelines. And then when I
Speaker 1: asked the pediatrician, she's like, it's okay, don't feel too guilty.
Speaker 1: So your pediatrician is Dr and Cross me, and she
Speaker 1: happens to be on the communications team for the a
Speaker 1: P and so she's always my go to for guidelines.
Speaker 1: So it's funny she says that to you, but she
Speaker 1: knows you, and she knows me, and she knows you're
Speaker 1: already hearing it from me, so she does tread gently.
Speaker 1: So that said, here's what she would tell anyone else,
Speaker 1: because these are the guidelines. AP recommends little to no
Speaker 1: screen time for babies and toddlers under the age of
Speaker 1: eighteen months, except for video chatting, and video chatting is
Speaker 1: especially important these days, you know, family being far away
Speaker 1: and can't visit or fair or not currently in your pod.
Speaker 1: And no more than one hour per day of high
Speaker 1: quality programming for older toddlers and preschoolers, and no more
Speaker 1: than two hours per day for school aged kids. And
Speaker 1: is that realistic? Maybe maybe not? Maybe probably not right
Speaker 1: now when everyone's stuck at home and there's no easy
Speaker 1: escape to the children's museum or the play boundary even
Speaker 1: for walk around them all or a visit to a
Speaker 1: friend's house, and your reality is trying to keep your
Speaker 1: little one busy and happy all day, every day, and
Speaker 1: your entertainment options are strained, and so is maybe your
Speaker 1: patients and ps. When you're only one person and you
Speaker 1: happen to be a human person. Okay, so it might
Speaker 1: not be that realistic, but clearly there will be days
Speaker 1: when limits are exceeded or ignored all together, like when
Speaker 1: you have to zoom meetings in a row and they're
Speaker 1: running over an hour each and having a whiny toddler
Speaker 1: on your lap, tugging on your hair and smearing banana
Speaker 1: on your keyboard. I must sound familiar. I feel that
Speaker 1: so deeply. It's not gonna cut it. The main thing
Speaker 1: is you try to set somewhat realistic limits, and then
Speaker 1: you try your realistic best to follow them under these circumstances.
Speaker 1: Keyword try, try, try exactly. And the truth said, I
Speaker 1: mean you've noticed this. Kids who are used to limits,
Speaker 1: they might not embrace them, and they'll definitely challenge them,
Speaker 1: but they're also more likely to look at them if
Speaker 1: super grudgingly, Like Lennox always says, you're so mean or
Speaker 1: you're so rude. Oh my gosh, I like hear that
Speaker 1: in my sleep. I know me too. But it is
Speaker 1: important to remember and to remind yourself and sort of
Speaker 1: make it your mantra that you're the parent. You run
Speaker 1: the show, and that includes deciding how many shows are
Speaker 1: gonna be watched and which ones, and if you don't
Speaker 1: quite buy it yourself, you just have to practice it
Speaker 1: in the mirror until you do, like an affirmation every
Speaker 1: day me, parents, you kid. Maybe I should write that
Speaker 1: on my mirror and lipstick or crayon or something, or
Speaker 1: smeared banana. Yea smeared banana. Sometimes I'm scared of my kids.
Speaker 1: I feel like they're the parent and I'm the kid.
Speaker 1: They're scary, I know, but you have to face your fears.
Speaker 1: How do you set limits when toddlers don't have concept
Speaker 1: of time? How? Yeah? So timers are actually helpful because
Speaker 1: time is, you know, a very abstract concept for toddlers,
Speaker 1: even for preschoolers, and a timer can make it more concrete.
Speaker 1: But the important part, of course is the follow through.
Speaker 1: And that's true of absolutely everything in parenting, because if
Speaker 1: you don't follow through, you're just completely screwed. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: not my strong suit. So when the episode is over
Speaker 1: or the timer rings, that is not the time to negotiate. Okay,
Speaker 1: So if you're going to allow three episodes, allow three upfront,
Speaker 1: you know, instead of negotiating one by one, because nobody
Speaker 1: out negotiates a toddler or preschool ramma. Right, Yes, So
Speaker 1: you've gotta stand firm, You've gotta stand united, if both
Speaker 1: parents are around. But once you're one more or no
Speaker 1: more turns into dad's okay, one more, two more, it's
Speaker 1: open season. This is makes me mad though, because like
Speaker 1: when we're getting ready for bad, I say, one more episode, okay, Simon.
Speaker 1: They so the episodes O where they're like one more
Speaker 1: episode and I'm like, no more episodes and Simon's like
Speaker 1: one more episode. I'm like, are you kidding me? That's
Speaker 1: where I really get piste off at him. Right, It's
Speaker 1: super important for everybody to be on the same page
Speaker 1: with this. Okay. I know you're not supposed to use
Speaker 1: screen time as a babysitter, but of course I do.
Speaker 1: So what's the point otherwise, if I'm gonna sit down
Speaker 1: and play with the boys, I'll sit down and play
Speaker 1: with them. If I have to get other stuff done,
Speaker 1: I'll put them in front of the TV or you know,
Speaker 1: let them have iPad time. So about that. The a
Speaker 1: P does recommend that screen time for little ones is
Speaker 1: interactive time. You know when you can and you do
Speaker 1: this when you can. Also parents watch alongside their kids
Speaker 1: and they can chime in, and they can ask questions,
Speaker 1: they can point out characters, they can add context comment
Speaker 1: on stories. You talked about morals of stories, and most
Speaker 1: good shows have more all any kind of life, lesson sharing,
Speaker 1: being kind, listening to teachers or parents, stuff like that,
Speaker 1: taking turns and all of that sounds great at first
Speaker 1: until you realize that the reason you turned on the
Speaker 1: TV or the iPad or the iPhone in the first
Speaker 1: place was to free yourself up to do other things.
Speaker 1: And once you make like you said, TV time together time,
Speaker 1: there goes the time you were planning to spend on
Speaker 1: getting stuff drawne So, whether it's work, and especially if
Speaker 1: you're working at home, laundry, social media, ordering groceries, or
Speaker 1: the other thousand fill in the blank things that you
Speaker 1: have to get done, which means realistically you will use
Speaker 1: screen time as a babysitter at least some of the time.
Speaker 1: And even when you do, you can still swoop in
Speaker 1: every few minutes and engage and interact before your toddler
Speaker 1: slips into that screen time trance that's really hard to break,
Speaker 1: and that's value added to whatever he's hearing or seeing
Speaker 1: and actually puts the educational into educational programming. But what
Speaker 1: if it's too late and your toddler is already a
Speaker 1: screen addict okay, and it's like so stubborn about it
Speaker 1: like Sebby, and hasn't melt on every time we even
Speaker 1: if we grab the remote to turn off the TV.
Speaker 1: That doesn't sound like Sebby at all. I'm so confirmed here.
Speaker 1: It's never too late. It's never too late. Listen. There's
Speaker 1: a lot for talks to love about TV and videos.
Speaker 1: They're big fans of anything bright and shiny, especially bright
Speaker 1: and shiny things that move and make noise, and it's
Speaker 1: super easy for them to get sucked into that video
Speaker 1: vortex and go all you know, zoned out zombie in
Speaker 1: front of the screen, and it's hard going right back
Speaker 1: to that dark screen and the dark reality that TV
Speaker 1: time is over and it's all of a sudden, really
Speaker 1: rude awakening, and that's what he's experiencing. And also watching
Speaker 1: TV and playing games on the iPad. It's so much
Speaker 1: easier for um then, you know, playing from scratch, having
Speaker 1: to use their imaginations, and especially for someone Seppi's age,
Speaker 1: his attention span is so fleeting and playing by himself
Speaker 1: is not as much fun, and plus he has a
Speaker 1: serious jones for attention, so it's definitely easy to grow
Speaker 1: a couch potato or two couch potatoes. But even Sepi,
Speaker 1: even sepy tantrum throwing two year old Seby, he is
Speaker 1: still relatively mashed potatoes in your hands. He really is.
Speaker 1: So you can reshape mold his TV watching habits more
Speaker 1: easily now than you're ever going to be able to
Speaker 1: in the future once he starts growing some of those
Speaker 1: couch potato roots on the sofa. And even Lennox, you know, Lennox,
Speaker 1: you can you can reshape his Also, he's not that bad.
Speaker 1: Lennox isn't that bad, Like Lennox, Like this morning, was
Speaker 1: dressed up as a knight in shining armor, and he
Speaker 1: put a basket on my head and told me I
Speaker 1: was a princess or the queen, So like I gotta cut.
Speaker 1: I saw some slap. They're not that bad. I think
Speaker 1: it could be worse. Yeah, but that's the thing when
Speaker 1: you when you turn on the TV, there goes the imagination.
Speaker 1: So if it's off, he has a chance to actually
Speaker 1: tap into it. And with SEV two, I mean he's
Speaker 1: always playing imaginary games with Sevy as well. So the
Speaker 1: TV doesn't inspire Lennox though, He'll be like watching something
Speaker 1: he'll stop watching, he'll turn it off and just like
Speaker 1: copy that. So he does use his imagination during screen
Speaker 1: time sometimes that that's probably just my child. He's just
Speaker 1: very imaginative. No, I mean, it's all about limits, and
Speaker 1: if you set the limits, then they'll find something else
Speaker 1: to do. And I know it's hard, but I promise
Speaker 1: it'll work. Okay. Transition is always so hard when we
Speaker 1: say no more, and there's always an argument, so what
Speaker 1: do we do with this? All toddlers, to a certain extent,
Speaker 1: are bad at transition. They have trouble going from A
Speaker 1: to B. So if A is well when it used
Speaker 1: to be the playground and then be his home, they
Speaker 1: have trouble making that transition. That's or transitional objects come from.
Speaker 1: But there's always going to be an argument. I don't
Speaker 1: know many kids who wouldn't lobby for more TV if
Speaker 1: they if they had a choice of extra screen time,
Speaker 1: they're going to choose it because it's fine, it's relaxing,
Speaker 1: it's easy for everyone involved. It takes no effort on
Speaker 1: either side, and the screen does all the work. And
Speaker 1: so you plant those little butts and you buy yourself
Speaker 1: some peace and quiet. It helps to have a distraction
Speaker 1: so I talked about transitional objects or when I used
Speaker 1: to have to pry you away from the playground to
Speaker 1: go to the house, or from the house to go
Speaker 1: to the playground, it helped to distract you, to create
Speaker 1: a diversion. And the same thing when you're turning off
Speaker 1: the TV. If you have an activity set up so
Speaker 1: that they don't have to be left to their own
Speaker 1: devices completely after they come down from those electronic devices,
Speaker 1: and of course that means you have to turn on
Speaker 1: the attention. You have to hopefully at least engage periodically
Speaker 1: in whatever activity they've been set up was so that
Speaker 1: you have a chance of them keeping going on it.
Speaker 1: But there's also you can involve them in whatever you
Speaker 1: have to do. So if you have to clean, I
Speaker 1: know Sebby likes to clean at least a little bit,
Speaker 1: you can give them each a bottle as you know,
Speaker 1: spray bottle of water and some rags and and challenge
Speaker 1: them to a team clean competition. Right, have you done that? No?
Speaker 1: But Sebby will do anything Lennox is doing. And also Sebby.
Speaker 1: When Sebby cleans, he makes a mess. You're just making
Speaker 1: this harder for me. Okay, scratch that, but you don't
Speaker 1: want to be a cave mom. If you give into
Speaker 1: the argument, you've already said no more TV, you're gonna
Speaker 1: get a meltdown every time, right with a lot of toddlers.
Speaker 1: If you just you know, you turn off the TV,
Speaker 1: you suggest a different activity. But if that doesn't work
Speaker 1: and he's having a full on tantrum, you can just
Speaker 1: ignore it and calmly go about your business, because that's
Speaker 1: one of the best ways to deal with tantrums anyway.
Speaker 1: Or you can try a hug and a little chat
Speaker 1: about limits. Maybe not with Sebby, but Lennox. That works
Speaker 1: well Seby. When Sebby sometimes has a meltdown though, like
Speaker 1: he crows on my leg, it's a lot. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's when you know, sometimes a big hug will
Speaker 1: calm them down and then you move sometimes and then
Speaker 1: you move on. Okay, So you always tell me not
Speaker 1: to keep the TV on in the background even if
Speaker 1: the kids aren't listening, And I know that you do
Speaker 1: that at your house when we come over, but what
Speaker 1: about when their babies, Like can you have the TV
Speaker 1: on in the background. You have heard this from maybe
Speaker 1: Pore maybe a few times. I would point out that
Speaker 1: it's better when possible to keep the TV off when
Speaker 1: the kids aren't actively watching, because even a baby, they
Speaker 1: might seem to care less about the TV when it's on,
Speaker 1: and I think they're not paying attention, but the research
Speaker 1: shows they actually will shift their gaze to a screen
Speaker 1: in the room three times per minute, and that's a
Speaker 1: lot that's going to distract a baby from doing things
Speaker 1: that she needs to be here and seeing. And also
Speaker 1: the background visual and the background noise from a TV
Speaker 1: that's always on, it kind of becomes something that kids
Speaker 1: and an adult become used to. They even need it
Speaker 1: as kind of the background to their lives, and that's
Speaker 1: why it's probably a better idea to keep it off.
Speaker 1: And also, let's face this too. Adult programming is for adults,
Speaker 1: and if you're watching something adult, it's not for kids.
Speaker 1: And Emma, you've also learned this the hard way that
Speaker 1: kids here and understand way more than we usually give
Speaker 1: them credit for, and that includes things and words that
Speaker 1: they're better off not knowing at a tender age. And
Speaker 1: you always say they're not they're not paying attention, but
Speaker 1: they are. Oh yes they are, Oh yes they are.
Speaker 1: They So get all up, So do screen time and
Speaker 1: meal time mix. Okay, so I know the concept has
Speaker 1: been around for a long time, actually going way way back.
Speaker 1: That's why TV dinners were invented to eat in front
Speaker 1: of the TV. They had little tables that you in
Speaker 1: front of the TV, and it was exactly it was.
Speaker 1: It was a big thing at the time. Of course,
Speaker 1: my mother didn't let me watch TV, never mind eat
Speaker 1: in front of TV. And let's not even get started
Speaker 1: on her thoughts about processed food. So I grew up
Speaker 1: without ever eating a single meal in front of a TV.
Speaker 1: And yeah, at the time, I felt like I was
Speaker 1: left out because all my friends had TV dinners and
Speaker 1: in front of the TV. But in retrospect, if you
Speaker 1: think about it, she had a really good point. She did.
Speaker 1: Eating is supposed to be about getting nourishment, and let's
Speaker 1: face it, it's not exactly something that frozen dinners are
Speaker 1: known for. But it's also supposed to be a social activity.
Speaker 1: It's supposed to be family time. It's time to talk
Speaker 1: and share about your day, and that's not easy with
Speaker 1: the toddler who's not yet fully talking or understanding everything
Speaker 1: that's being talked about. But it's worth it because family
Speaker 1: styled dinners feed the body and the soul. Once you
Speaker 1: turn on the TV, you turn off that social engagement
Speaker 1: that was supposed to be built into meal times. And
Speaker 1: when you're eating in front of the TV, it's really
Speaker 1: easy for eating to become mindless. And even for little ones,
Speaker 1: mindless eating can lead to over eating and eventually to overweight.
Speaker 1: And the other thing about family dinners for a busy family,
Speaker 1: and every family is busy, that might be the only
Speaker 1: time during the day when everyone's together and attention is undivided.
Speaker 1: And even when you go to a restaurant, there's always
Speaker 1: the temptation to pull out the iPad for the kids
Speaker 1: instead of engaging them in conversation. But I'd rather see
Speaker 1: them bring books and toys or crayons. But here's the thing,
Speaker 1: no devices at dinner means no devices at dinner, and
Speaker 1: it's got to be across the table, right, It's gonna
Speaker 1: be for everyone involved. So you can't have a double
Speaker 1: standard where you know you or Simon pull out your
Speaker 1: iPhone you know it's work or I just gotta check
Speaker 1: something really fast, or I gotta post something or whatever,
Speaker 1: I gotta respond to someone, Because that's fair. It's got
Speaker 1: to be no exceptions for that. Now, in the car,
Speaker 1: a lot of parents use the iPad in the car
Speaker 1: to keep kids distracted, keep them from crying, keep them
Speaker 1: from asking when are we going to be there? But
Speaker 1: we just came home. We went to all as a
Speaker 1: family to the lake and we were driving back and
Speaker 1: I was amazed because Lennox talked the entire time and
Speaker 1: you had a great conversation. Yes it was about video
Speaker 1: and games, but it was a conversation for almost two hours,
Speaker 1: and I thought that was amazing. But you can play
Speaker 1: games like I spy, listen to music, have a sing along,
Speaker 1: so your kids won't let you sing. So that's another story.
Speaker 1: Semi started yelling at me when I sing. I know.
Speaker 1: He said, no, Mommy, no, people are just me. Kids
Speaker 1: are just honest. We listened to our YouTube songs in
Speaker 1: the car instead of watching them, and you play name
Speaker 1: that tune, right, little Lennox. But he does it about
Speaker 1: Mario games, which I have no idea what he's talking about,
Speaker 1: but I just humor him. What should toddlers be watching?
Speaker 1: I mean, doesn't matter if it's TV or an I pad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean they're all considered screen time. So technically, if
Speaker 1: there are allotted one hour, that doesn't mean an hour
Speaker 1: of each Oh it doesn't. So the obvious advantage of
Speaker 1: the TV is that you can't bring it everywhere you go,
Speaker 1: like you can't bring it into the bathtub with you,
Speaker 1: or the market or the restaurant whatever, or to bed
Speaker 1: unless there's a TV in the kid's room, and I
Speaker 1: hope there isn't. So it's it is easier to limit
Speaker 1: a TV compared to the phone that's always within your
Speaker 1: reach or your pocket, your hand. That said, it's really
Speaker 1: more about the content than the device. So for little ones,
Speaker 1: the more interactive the programming the better. So it should
Speaker 1: invite participation and not just random swiping, open ended play, exploration, creativity,
Speaker 1: learning about shapes and concepts and words and then using
Speaker 1: words and later on spelling words. And of course no
Speaker 1: commercials as a plus, because Lennox always asked for everything
Speaker 1: he sees in a commercial. So if you watch age
Speaker 1: appropriate movies or shows that have positive messaging and modeling
Speaker 1: that aren't scary or violent, that's fine too, especially when
Speaker 1: you do it together. And Emma, it's easier for you
Speaker 1: because you like cartoons and Simon likes cartoons. But it
Speaker 1: was always hard for me because I never like cartoons,
Speaker 1: so that was dad territory. You know, we all have
Speaker 1: our limits, right, I like Papa Pig. I can't. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. I like okay. So can TV ever
Speaker 1: be a good thing for kids? Can they ever learn something?
Speaker 1: I feel like some things are pretty educational more they're
Speaker 1: they're more educational than me. So no, no, that's not
Speaker 1: true at all. That's not true at all. Of course
Speaker 1: they are. They're gonna learn things because they're a little
Speaker 1: sponges and they can soak up pretty much anything they're
Speaker 1: exposed to, and that goes for the good and the bad,
Speaker 1: depending on what they're watching and how often they're watching.
Speaker 1: But I'd compare to fruit snacks, right, if you think
Speaker 1: about it, Even if fruit snacks have vitam and see added,
Speaker 1: they're not supposed to stand in for meal because I treat,
Speaker 1: And the same thing for screen time. So a toddler
Speaker 1: can learn lots from a TV program or from a video.
Speaker 1: You know, animals will never see in their lifetime, probably
Speaker 1: in person. They're not going to see it in their backyards.
Speaker 1: They can go to space, you know, and see the
Speaker 1: stars and the planets. But they can also learn those
Speaker 1: things through books, and books are better brain boosters because
Speaker 1: they require more focus and a kid as to use
Speaker 1: more of his imagination to visualize things, especially if there
Speaker 1: aren't as many pictures. And they're especially educational if they're
Speaker 1: read in the mother tongue by their mother or by
Speaker 1: their fathers. So try to think of screen time, you know,
Speaker 1: as a fun educational supplement, not as a mainstay of
Speaker 1: your little ones learning life. So it's like a treat
Speaker 1: with a little value added, like a fruit snack that
Speaker 1: gives your kid vitamin C, but it's just something that's
Speaker 1: super yummy, and you choose the best that you can.
Speaker 1: So with a fruit snack, you'd go for one that
Speaker 1: has lower sugar and no artificial colors or flavors. And
Speaker 1: when it comes to programming, you choose something educational and interactive.
Speaker 1: You can also boost learning by like what Lennox does,
Speaker 1: by taking something from the episode that they've been watching
Speaker 1: and then applying it to play. So you can encourage
Speaker 1: a toddler to, you know, to be a monkey just
Speaker 1: like the one she saw on TV, or or go
Speaker 1: to the doctor like the Big Red Dog did. Or
Speaker 1: you can make cookies together like the Pig family did.
Speaker 1: I'm not stereotyping because their pigs. I was gonna say, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, or break out the real crowns after she's
Speaker 1: all done with the virtual crans. But Emma, this is
Speaker 1: what you have to remember. And all the moms and
Speaker 1: dads out there, you are your little one's first and
Speaker 1: most important and best teacher. So if you're looking to
Speaker 1: help your little one learn, you don't have to look
Speaker 1: to educational programs or flash cards or apps. You just
Speaker 1: have to look to yourself. So you're not giving yourself
Speaker 1: enough credit. And that partment okay, and up next, it's
Speaker 1: helped me, Heidi, And now it's time for help me, Heidi.
Speaker 1: We're all answer you're pressing pregnancy and parenting questions, no
Speaker 1: holds barred, no filter allowed, t m I, no such thing.
Speaker 1: We're all moms here or dad's. Chances are if you
Speaker 1: have this question, other parents have it too. You are
Speaker 1: not alone. Motherhood is the ultimate sisterhood, and we're here
Speaker 1: to help the sister out. So, Emma, who needs help today?
Speaker 1: This one hits a little close to home for me.
Speaker 1: I feel this listener. I'm intrigued. This comes from a listener.
Speaker 1: Who says I often feel guilty because I'm always on
Speaker 1: my phone or iPad. Well, I try to limit how
Speaker 1: much I am working well home with my son. I'm
Speaker 1: stressed that I'm teaching him my bad habits. Help. So
Speaker 1: remember what I always say about you're not alone. You
Speaker 1: really really aren't alone. Most moms use their smartphones more
Speaker 1: than they feel that they should, and actually, at what
Speaker 1: to Expect dot Com, we did a survey last year
Speaker 1: of moms with kids under the age of five and
Speaker 1: found that two thirds used a smartphone for two or
Speaker 1: more hours a day, and over a third use it
Speaker 1: three or more hours a day. And that's self reporting,
Speaker 1: so the numbers are probably a lot higher than that.
Speaker 1: And you're also not alone with the guilt. A full
Speaker 1: sixty eight percent of moms felt guilty about their use
Speaker 1: of a smartphone and six wish that they used it less.
Speaker 1: And the top reasons given for guilt no surprise, feeling
Speaker 1: that they were neglecting their little ones or weren't fully
Speaker 1: present for them when they were using the phone or
Speaker 1: teaching bad habits. And it sounds like this mom, You're
Speaker 1: solidly in that mom majority. But instead of loading up
Speaker 1: on remorse and regret every time you pick up your phone,
Speaker 1: or your tablet or your laptop. After all, we're in
Speaker 1: a no guilt zone here. Let's figure out a way
Speaker 1: to find balance between your electronic life and your real
Speaker 1: life at home with your little one, and it can
Speaker 1: be done clearly. Electronic Life is here to say none
Speaker 1: of us are going to move off the grid anytime soon.
Speaker 1: In last week, it casts on a reality show on
Speaker 1: a desert island, and for most of us, virtual life
Speaker 1: will continue to be a reality when it comes to
Speaker 1: work and workouts in school, all on top of an
Speaker 1: already demanding social media life. Emma will tackle working at
Speaker 1: home in another episode of What to Expect. I promise,
Speaker 1: let's just say I've been working at home since the
Speaker 1: day I started writing What to Expect When You're Expecting
Speaker 1: With Emma, you at my breast, literally at my breast,
Speaker 1: because that was the only way to keep you quiet
Speaker 1: while I worked. I discovered then, as many parents are
Speaker 1: discovering now, that working at home isn't exactly the dream
Speaker 1: job that you might have envisioned, except, of course, you
Speaker 1: don't have to commute or change out of this what's
Speaker 1: that you wore last night, or even wash your hair
Speaker 1: unless you have a zoom meeting, So that's a plus.
Speaker 1: When my kids were little, avoiding a smartphone or a
Speaker 1: tablet was really easy because there weren't any There wasn't
Speaker 1: even much of an Internet back then, and socializing was
Speaker 1: still something that you did in person. So for me,
Speaker 1: staying away from the phone and off social media while
Speaker 1: I play with Lennox and Sebastian it's no big deal. Now.
Speaker 1: For Emma and and you and pretty much every other
Speaker 1: mom out there in the parenting trenches right now, it
Speaker 1: is a lot more challenging. Checking notifications and feeds, likes,
Speaker 1: posting stories and photos. It's it's as reflective as breathing,
Speaker 1: and it's nearly as hard to go without. So I
Speaker 1: get it. Your phone is addicting, it's rewarding. It gives
Speaker 1: you a sense of community and connection with other moms
Speaker 1: you know, helps keep you saying, and of course it
Speaker 1: gives you advice when you need it the most. It
Speaker 1: keeps you in the loop, in the know in the moment,
Speaker 1: and when you power off your phone you worry that
Speaker 1: you might be missing something, or think about it this way,
Speaker 1: you might actually notice something that you would have missed
Speaker 1: if you'd been on the phone. And that's kind of
Speaker 1: my point here. Children can't be paused. They can't be paused,
Speaker 1: and childhood can't be paused. And believe me, I've been
Speaker 1: looking for that pause button for a long time, though
Speaker 1: I think I was looking for the fast forward button
Speaker 1: when Emma was a teenager. Fair enough, But you know
Speaker 1: how I always say stop and smell the babies. That's
Speaker 1: for a reason. The fact is that children grow up
Speaker 1: in a blink of an eye, and that's a compelling
Speaker 1: case for keeping your eyes on your kids for as
Speaker 1: many moments of the day as you possibly can. And
Speaker 1: you can't always, of course you can't, and you shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to, and nobody's expecting you to. But just as
Speaker 1: you think about screen time for your little one as
Speaker 1: something you should limit, you can start trying to think
Speaker 1: the same way about your screen time for your sake
Speaker 1: and for his sake, because, after all, little monkeys tend
Speaker 1: to do what they see, and yours is going to
Speaker 1: model his habits after yours as he grows, including that
Speaker 1: screen habit. For me, compartmentalizing real life and electronic life
Speaker 1: just works better than trying to mix them together. And
Speaker 1: of course that's easy for me to say because I'm
Speaker 1: not with kids seven anymore. I just see them on
Speaker 1: weekends unfortunately. And for you, it might be easier to
Speaker 1: put limits on your screen time. And maybe you'll choose
Speaker 1: to do your screen time while your little one is
Speaker 1: doing his screen time, so you can do it side
Speaker 1: by side with lots of opportunities to cuddle and to interact.
Speaker 1: Or maybe you'll wait until he's napping or in bed
Speaker 1: to dig into social or even to catch up on
Speaker 1: messages that you've been ignoring all day. Of course, you're
Speaker 1: going to do some of your parenting while distracted by
Speaker 1: your phone, and maybe you'll continue to do more than
Speaker 1: you'd like. Like you know what I say, Just keep trying,
Speaker 1: keep trying, one day at a time. Challenge yourself to
Speaker 1: put the phone down in a place that you can't
Speaker 1: reach it as many times during the day as you can,
Speaker 1: and go gradually if that's easier than going cold turkey,
Speaker 1: or go cold turkey if that's easier than going gradually.
Speaker 1: But when you're in with your child, try to go
Speaker 1: all in so that means eyes, ears, and yes, even thumbs.
Speaker 1: Your little guy will love that you are present pretty
Speaker 1: much The best present for a little one is your attention,
Speaker 1: but you'll also get something out of it. Kids who
Speaker 1: aren't always having to compete with Facebook for some face
Speaker 1: time with your parents might not feel as compelled to
Speaker 1: scream for attention when they crave it. And who knows,
Speaker 1: he might even become a better listener as he grows
Speaker 1: because he'll be listened to more, and he'll also be
Speaker 1: learning one of life's most important lessons about life in
Speaker 1: the age of social media, face to face interface is
Speaker 1: the best kind of all, hands down, and one more time,
Speaker 1: just because I literally can't say it enough, you are
Speaker 1: not alone, mom. We are all in this together, and
Speaker 1: I really really hope that perspective helps who baby love,
Speaker 1: my baby love. I need you, Oh hell, I need you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Remember I'm always here for you. What
Speaker 1: to Expect is always here for you. We're all in
Speaker 1: this together. For more on what you heard on today's episode,
Speaker 1: visit what to Expect dot com slash of podcast. You
Speaker 1: can also check out what to Expect when You're Expecting,
Speaker 1: What to Expect the First Year, and the what to
Speaker 1: Expect app. And we want to hear from you. Connect
Speaker 1: with us on our community message board or on our
Speaker 1: social media. You can find me at Heidi Murkoff and
Speaker 1: Emma at Emma Being w t E. And of course
Speaker 1: at What to Expect. Baby Love is performed by Riley Beater.
Speaker 1: What to Expect is a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: From more shows from I Heart Radio check out the
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
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