Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Bambro a second two thousand and four.
Speaker 3: From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.
Speaker 2: This is the Daily Show with John Stuart. Let's get
Speaker 2: right to it.
Speaker 4: As America licks the last traces of dorito dust from
Speaker 4: its fingers in Houston, Texas reverts back from center of
Speaker 4: the Universe status to shithole, we take a fond look
Speaker 4: back at the pageantry, spectacle and erectile dysfunction that was
Speaker 4: Super Bowl thirty eight. To the game, but first, but first,
Speaker 4: to the pre game, which began sometime Friday morning and
Speaker 4: by yesterday had gotten so dull. CBS's Jim Nantz was
Speaker 4: forced to Bill George Network, are time talking to this guy?
Speaker 5: Guys. I've got a lot of great sports memories of Houston,
Speaker 5: Fi Slama, Jama of the Blue, Nolan Ryan, I'm still
Speaker 5: agonizing over the Astros losing to the Phillies in nineteen eighty.
Speaker 4: There you have it, he's still agonizing over a quarter
Speaker 4: century old baseball loss. Total failure of US intelligence. It happens,
Speaker 4: we'll look into it. It's ah, but the Astros and
Speaker 4: the Phillies.
Speaker 2: Ooh, still all right?
Speaker 4: Time for the game. But first Tobby Eith, whose performance
Speaker 4: game producers an opportunity to show off their cool new
Speaker 4: Matrix cameras, perfect for those moments when you think I
Speaker 4: must see the other side of Toby Keith immediately.
Speaker 1: Make it so.
Speaker 4: But enough talk game time, But first Aerosmith cook out
Speaker 4: Things rolling with a rowdy, down and dirty rock and
Speaker 4: roll tribute to the Space Shuttle Columbia and it's astronauts
Speaker 4: who lost their lives. Aerosmith, actually I did do a
Speaker 4: sort of a deep version of their dream on song
Speaker 4: and an assign of things to come. The number ended
Speaker 4: when Steven Tyler accidentally tore off rhythm guitarist Brad Whitford's
Speaker 4: denhim ass panels.
Speaker 2: Now we got a real.
Speaker 4: I know, for a band that old, that's a good
Speaker 4: looking ass panel. I gotta say, all right, now the
Speaker 4: big game we came to play. It's time to ae.
Speaker 4: I forgot the national anthem Here we Go, performed by Beyonce.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I don't think I was ready for that, Jelly.
Speaker 4: I just don't think I all right, All kidding aside,
Speaker 4: Let's go to the halftime show, which, aside from the commercials,
Speaker 4: is always the most anticipated part of the Super Bowl.
Speaker 4: This year's MTB produced extravaganz and began when Janet Jackson
Speaker 4: more on her later, came out and lip synced an
Speaker 4: old song of hers, followed by of course, P Diddy,
Speaker 4: who rushed to attend the event after apparently completing the Iditarod.
Speaker 4: The cavalcade of stars continued with our good friend Nelly,
Speaker 4: whose penis unfortunately picked an opportune time to begin itching,
Speaker 4: and then Kid Rock, who honored America by turning its
Speaker 4: flag into a poncho. Kid then sang that cowboy song
Speaker 4: he always sings, but with specific lyrics. Indeed, Kid Rock
Speaker 4: Half Bowl Super Time. That is right, and in ten
Speaker 4: years you can look forward to those lyrics being Kid Rock,
Speaker 4: bar Mitzvah, Jason Cowen and that's all I'm here, I'm bo.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 4: Poor Nelly in his itchy penis.
Speaker 1: It must really itch.
Speaker 4: We should use TALC. Sadly, what happened next turn to
Speaker 4: what had been a dignified, high brow affair into a
Speaker 4: shameless display of sexual exploitation. Janet Jackson took the stage again,
Speaker 4: surrounding herself with players from that dangerous of sports.
Speaker 6: Gay roller ball.
Speaker 4: The star was enjoined by Justin Timberlayku, in a premeditated
Speaker 4: display of spontaneity, accidentally tore off Jackson's bosh jay, revealing
Speaker 4: her right breast to the world. Shocking and yet oddly
Speaker 4: reminiscent of the nineteen seventy one halftime show when Carol
Speaker 4: Channing entertained fans by putting him on.
Speaker 2: The glass well, Hello.
Speaker 7: Boobies.
Speaker 4: CBS immediately apologized for the nudity, and Timberlake himself apologized
Speaker 4: for what he dubbed, quote a wardrobe malfunction.
Speaker 1: Wardrobe malfunction.
Speaker 4: It was, in fact a wardrobe malfunction. Justin was actually
Speaker 4: supposed to get both breasts out, apparently he skipped rehearsals
Speaker 4: for the left one. Now, the Jackson incident or teat
Speaker 4: gate prompted immediate expressions of outrage. CBS distanced themselves, the
Speaker 4: FCC is going to investigate, and today NFL Commissioner Paul
Speaker 4: Taglibu released this statement, reading, in part quote, we were
Speaker 4: extremely disappointed by the MTV produced halftime show. The show
Speaker 4: is offensive, inappropriate, and embarrassing to us and our fans. Clearly,
Speaker 4: the NFL wants no part of this kind of tawdry display.
Speaker 4: The NFL promotes good, clean, concussive vertebrate snapping fund for
Speaker 4: the whole family. There is no room in that for
Speaker 4: even a millisecond of partially obscured bosom. Now, well, you
Speaker 4: have to think, is there something more sinister at work
Speaker 4: here behind the NFL's outrage at Jackson's sexy display? Think
Speaker 4: about it. Which product is an official sponsor of the NFL?
Speaker 2: Camraine or snow or whatever.
Speaker 5: We play baseball taking the future challenge and you gotta
Speaker 5: love that.
Speaker 4: Do you see the problem? The NFL is sponsored by
Speaker 4: an erectile dysfunction drug for Janet Jackson to give older
Speaker 4: men an erection during the halftime show. That's copyright infringement.
Speaker 1: She is not supposed to jiggle.
Speaker 4: Her boob without the express written consent of the National
Speaker 4: Football League. Offer not ballot in Tennessee, anyway?
Speaker 1: To me?
Speaker 4: The real tragedy of the whole thing, the halftime show
Speaker 4: at the Super Bowl is supposed to be about the
Speaker 4: music sucking.
Speaker 8: We'll be right back.
Speaker 3: February fourth, twenty thirteen, Comedy Central's Worldviews headquarters in New York.
Speaker 2: This is the Daily Show with John's to.
Speaker 4: Let's begin to night with last Night the Sporting event
Speaker 4: that encapsulates so well the entirety of what it means
Speaker 4: to be an American. An event that begins with an
Speaker 4: emotional salute to the victims of gun violence quickly gives
Speaker 4: way with a promotional salute to the glorifying.
Speaker 2: Of said gun violence. Bang Bang time, Yes it is.
Speaker 4: Bang Bang time. Didn't realize two broke girls had taken
Speaker 4: such a dark turn. All right, We cheered as men
Speaker 4: committed brutal violence upon one another, and then complained bitterly
Speaker 4: at the sight of two people kissing, and a multi
Speaker 4: million dollar sound and light show was immediately followed by
Speaker 4: yet another sign that our basic infrastructure is on the
Speaker 4: verge of collapse. We uh, that's from the natural. We
Speaker 4: couldn't find a football movie where the lights were. Last
Speaker 4: night was a big Bowl of super Anybody out there
Speaker 4: with red blood coursing through their veins watch the Baltimore
Speaker 4: Ravens squeeze by the San Franzuzko forty nine ers thirty
Speaker 4: four to thirty one, all while eating food designed to
Speaker 4: stop the red blood from coursing through their veins Nacho cheese,
Speaker 4: body shots. Don't mind to fay though anybody can throw
Speaker 4: the game on and pretend to be a real American
Speaker 4: to watch it. I make sure to take it up
Speaker 4: a notch, and I skeet shoot while I watch skeet
Speaker 4: shoot all the time. Man, when I'm watching TV, I
Speaker 4: skeet shoot. I skeet shoot inside outside, And that's not photoshop.
Speaker 4: There's no way to photoshop a skeet shoot pick shirt.
Speaker 4: As with any great American conflict, this game pit brother
Speaker 4: against brother, each wondering who would finally win the game
Speaker 4: and with it the long lost love of their parents.
Speaker 4: But by halftime, with the score at twenty one to six,
Speaker 4: it appeared the game was all but over. And that's
Speaker 4: when she walked in. Beyondce amazing vocals, rett picking, choreography,
Speaker 4: and of course whatever this was, she even let two
Speaker 4: lucky contest winners join her on stage. I didn't like
Speaker 4: that one. It was actually it was very nice to
Speaker 4: see Destiny's Child back together again, or as George Stephanopolis
Speaker 4: calls them, the Pointer assistance.
Speaker 2: It was Morgan Freeman. I think.
Speaker 4: Never gets old. But you know, after Beyonce's performance, if
Speaker 4: you liked it, you should have put a fuse on it,
Speaker 4: because just as Baltimore's Jacobe Jones seemingly put the game
Speaker 4: out of reach for Baltimore with the one hundred and
Speaker 4: eight yard touchdown. Y'll return stood dunk.
Speaker 7: This was about a piece of electronic equipment that monitors
Speaker 7: the power feeding into the stadium.
Speaker 1: It sensed what Supernome officials are calling quote an abnormality.
Speaker 4: Oh right, an abnormality to Yasa souperba, why did you
Speaker 4: do ya?
Speaker 1: Sa? So?
Speaker 4: How many football players must suffer for his evil schemes?
Speaker 4: But wins and losses, blackouts and performances aside. The real
Speaker 4: contest took place amongst America's foremost products, who competed for
Speaker 4: the opportunity to be buzzed about an estimated global audience
Speaker 4: of everybody. The Super Bowl is the company's best chance
Speaker 4: to get its message across to America, messages like our
Speaker 4: candy feels pain when you eat it and our chips
Speaker 4: are so good even a goat will eat them. Interestingly,
Speaker 4: though that ad wasn't the one that wound up being
Speaker 4: the most talked about, it might.
Speaker 9: Be the most controversial ad of the Super Bowl is
Speaker 9: ad from Go Daddy called Perfect Match, where supermodels are Raphaeli.
Speaker 3: Lock's lips with a kiky looking engineer.
Speaker 4: Oh really that ad was controversial? Oh because he was
Speaker 4: kissing a Jew?
Speaker 2: Is that why?
Speaker 4: Oh? Oh, it's so disgusting to kiss a jew? Is
Speaker 4: that it because she's so disgustingly?
Speaker 1: What's that?
Speaker 4: I'm being told that That's not why people were upset.
Speaker 4: The source was apparently America's belief that affection should only
Speaker 4: take place between looks equals. He's not attractive enough, by
Speaker 4: the way, how was this objectionable? But everybody was perfectly
Speaker 4: fine with the ad about the guy who was clearly
Speaker 4: his horse. I'm not saying I blame him. That's a
Speaker 4: fine looking class.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 4: In the end, the Ravens prevail failed. The game was
Speaker 4: the swan song for seventeen year veteran linebacker Ray Lounis
Speaker 4: Array Lewis I'm sorry seen here portrayed as a very
Speaker 4: angry badger, He's an inspirational figure as his teammates. Lewis's
Speaker 4: story is complicated by some personal troubles. It's a little
Speaker 4: matter of let Boomera assize and explain.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you.
Speaker 4: Because he was involved in a double murderer, a little
Speaker 4: double murderers New Rockney. He used to call them the.
Speaker 2: Oh double murder rule.
Speaker 4: But in the pregame interview, ray Lewis offered up a
Speaker 4: novel defense for his actions. What would you like to
Speaker 4: say to the families, to the family if you knew,
Speaker 4: if you really knew.
Speaker 2: The way God works, He.
Speaker 4: Don't use people who commits anything like that.
Speaker 1: For his glory.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: Wait, it's the total opposite.
Speaker 4: Wow, must be quite the comfort to the families of
Speaker 4: those murder victims, the news that God makes sure everybody
Speaker 4: gets what they deserve.
Speaker 2: Still that's the case.
Speaker 4: Criminal trials should go a lot faster, your honor, what
Speaker 4: evidence do you believe the victim's blood being found in
Speaker 4: Mike Leine's limousine or my client going to thirteen pro bowls?
Speaker 4: I mean thirteen? Would God allow a murderer to go
Speaker 4: to thirteen pro bols? I rest my faith.
Speaker 2: He has.
Speaker 4: It's seen by the end of this long and complicated
Speaker 4: day that our senses had been beaten into submission and
Speaker 4: numbed by excess. Just as I began to question this
Speaker 4: annual ritual of violence and consumerism, well I saw this
Speaker 4: one final.
Speaker 2: Commercial in the eternal debate for answers.
Speaker 1: The one thing that's true is what's truth for you?
Speaker 4: And I realized after seeing that that I actually loved
Speaker 4: the Super Bowl. Guys getting hit really hard, hot girls
Speaker 4: kissing ugly dudes, hot dudes kissing hot horses, beer trucks, chips.
Speaker 4: I found my hands in scientology and it was inside
Speaker 4: my refrigerator the whole time.
Speaker 3: We'll be right.
Speaker 2: Back, February twenty sixty.
Speaker 3: From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.
Speaker 2: This is the Daily Show with Trevor No.
Speaker 8: As we all know, last night's was the super Bowl,
Speaker 8: and it seems like the real MVP of the nights
Speaker 8: was Beyonce. For more, we turned to our senior Beyonce correspondent,
Speaker 8: Jessica Williams. Everybody thanks Trevor.
Speaker 9: On Saturday, Beyonce dropped her new song Formation, and in
Speaker 9: typical Beyonce fashion, there was an epic video to go
Speaker 9: along with it. Everybody in the Bayhive went to noles
Speaker 9: con One, which is reserved only for the most intense
Speaker 9: Beyonce drops.
Speaker 1: JK were always in noles.
Speaker 9: Con One and it was awesome because there was so
Speaker 9: much in this video about black female and Parliament.
Speaker 1: But it's not just about self love.
Speaker 9: I mean, she calls out police brutality and the constant
Speaker 9: fear that black people have of the police.
Speaker 1: She even threw back to Hurricane Katrina.
Speaker 9: The black girl magic in that video was out of control.
Speaker 9: She was like a beautiful black Dumbledore, but wearing a
Speaker 9: really nice weed and three thousand dollars worth of Gucci.
Speaker 1: And that was just the tailgate before the Big Game.
Speaker 9: It really was an amazing show, but not everyone was
Speaker 9: ready for that jelly.
Speaker 10: In the end, we find out that Beyonce dressed up
Speaker 10: in a tribute to the Black Panthers, went to a
Speaker 10: Malcolm X formation and the song the lyric which I
Speaker 10: couldn't make out a syllable where basically it's telling cops
Speaker 10: to U stop shooting blacks.
Speaker 4: I thought it was really outrageous that she used it
Speaker 4: as a platform to attack police offices.
Speaker 11: Is there anything in America which can exclude race? I mean,
Speaker 11: why is race brought into the halftime show at a
Speaker 11: Super Bowl game?
Speaker 1: Why race was brought in?
Speaker 9: Because Beyonce was brought in and race yourself. You might
Speaker 9: want to sit down for this, but Beyonce is black,
Speaker 9: and as a black person, you walk around every day
Speaker 9: constantly reminded that you are black. We're more likely to
Speaker 9: get paid less, we're more likely to get sent to prison,
Speaker 9: and we're more likely to win a dance competition.
Speaker 1: But it is not all bad.
Speaker 9: The point is Beyonce is black and this song is
Speaker 9: her message. That's what artists do their messages in their music,
Speaker 9: like how Chris Martin wore his Global Citizen armband promote
Speaker 9: his message of ending worldwide poverty, or how Bruno Mars
Speaker 9: delivered his message about how Uptown was gonna plunk me up.
Speaker 1: That's a threat. I live Uptown.
Speaker 9: I barely slept after that performance. How dare he say
Speaker 9: something like that? And why are people surprised that Beyonce
Speaker 9: would send a message during the show. She's done this
Speaker 9: since the beginning of her career. Have we forgotten when
Speaker 9: she addressed the importance of mental health and crazy in love?
Speaker 1: Oh oh oh oh No no indeed.
Speaker 9: But look I get it. Beyonce wasn't just doing any
Speaker 9: television performance. I mean this was the super Bowl and
Speaker 9: that's what got some people pissed.
Speaker 4: You're talking to middle of America when when you got
Speaker 4: a sweet and we had the super Bowl. So if
Speaker 4: you can have entertainment, let's have you know, decent wholesome entertainment.
Speaker 9: Okay, So, first of all, are you saying that you
Speaker 9: can't talk about race issues to Middle America? What are
Speaker 9: they so delicate and unaware and maybe so white that
Speaker 9: Beyonce is too much for them?
Speaker 1: You know what's right in the middle of America?
Speaker 9: Ferguson, Missouri and furthermore, furthermore, I am so sorry.
Speaker 1: That this wasn't wholesome enough for you.
Speaker 9: I didn't realize that singing about race was equivalent to
Speaker 9: Janet Jackson getting her titty pulled out at the Super Bowl.
Speaker 1: But you're right.
Speaker 9: You know what, the fans deserve wholesome entertainment like watching
Speaker 9: three hundred pounds men give each other concussions while a
Speaker 9: crowd cheers like we're extras in the movie Gladiator?
Speaker 1: So what is wrong with Beyonce? Everyone? Were you not entertained?
Speaker 2: Jessica Williams?
Speaker 1: Everyone, We'll be right back.
Speaker 3: February fIF two thousand, Ages Towny Central's World News headquarters
Speaker 3: in New York.
Speaker 2: This is the Daily Show.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: You gotta say it.
Speaker 11: Congratulations Philadelphia Eagles, well done.
Speaker 8: First Super Bowl victory ever.
Speaker 11: And from the way the fans celebrates it, you could
Speaker 11: tell that they were new at this.
Speaker 4: Overnight, Philly streets erupt celebrations turned to riots.
Speaker 10: Rowdy fans ripped down lampposts, storming the city Hall gates.
Speaker 6: The celebration quickly got routing. Fans pulled down traffic lights,
Speaker 6: started fires, and tipped over cars.
Speaker 7: They climbed on top of the Ritz Carlton Awning, which
Speaker 7: ended up collapsing.
Speaker 6: Police were left powerless as this fan hopped on top
Speaker 6: of a police van, riding it through the massive crowd.
Speaker 8: Damn, it got so crazy that the police were left powerless.
Speaker 11: The poor police, what happened? They were like, we couldn't
Speaker 11: do anything.
Speaker 2: They were white, who is just.
Speaker 1: Why would you.
Speaker 11: Burn your city down when you walked?
Speaker 1: Like now?
Speaker 11: I feel like the Eagles fans need to lose every
Speaker 11: year just so that they can go out and fix things.
Speaker 1: Oh well, there's always next year.
Speaker 2: Boys, Hand me a wrench, Hand me a wrench.
Speaker 11: You know what it feels like. Actually, it feels like
Speaker 11: the Eagles fans thought they were going to lose, so
Speaker 11: they planned the riots, but then they won and they
Speaker 11: didn't want.
Speaker 2: To let a good riot go to waste.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, let's do it anyway.
Speaker 2: I love this setting.
Speaker 11: I mean, they were jumping on top of the awning
Speaker 11: at the Rinz Carlton.
Speaker 1: How did they even get up there?
Speaker 2: How did like can you imagine?
Speaker 11: Can you imagine how terrified the fancy rich people in
Speaker 11: the Ridz Carlton were, like just.
Speaker 2: People outside them.
Speaker 1: Its been like, dear Lord.
Speaker 11: Margaret, Margaret, Margaret, the revolution is happening.
Speaker 1: It's happening.
Speaker 11: Margaret hid the Zilva Hi de silva like it's you know,
Speaker 11: it's hard enough for me to understand why happy people
Speaker 11: are burning things and trashing cars, like that's already strange
Speaker 11: to me. But one fan was so excited that for
Speaker 11: some reason, and this is a real thing, he got
Speaker 11: so excited he was eating horseshit.
Speaker 2: What the hell?
Speaker 11: Like I never thought I would say this, but we
Speaker 11: found the one guy who actually needs to eat tide pods.
Speaker 2: We found them.
Speaker 11: Congratulations Eagles.
Speaker 2: February third, twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.
Speaker 2: This is the Daily Show with travel Money.
Speaker 8: Let's kick it off with the super Bowl. Yesterday's big
Speaker 8: game was very exciting. Like, I don't know why they
Speaker 8: don't just make every football game the Super Bowl. You
Speaker 8: know that way, you get more people watch it, and
Speaker 8: the best thing about it, even if you don't like
Speaker 8: the sport, you're bound to find something else exciting.
Speaker 2: And they have. Johnnats Chiefs are Super.
Speaker 7: Bowl champions, superstar quarterback Patrick Mahomes leading to charge in
Speaker 7: a thrilling comeback defeating the San Francisco forty nine ers,
Speaker 7: Mahomes making history at just twenty four years old, becoming
Speaker 7: the youngest quarterback to be named Super Bowl MVP.
Speaker 10: I'm going to.
Speaker 4: Disney World, Shakira and Jennifer Lupez would the crowd singing
Speaker 4: and dancing up a storm.
Speaker 9: There's one person, though, at the Super Bowl who wasn't
Speaker 9: that impressed?
Speaker 2: God all this guy? One fan in the stands.
Speaker 4: Then we got a picture of this This guy is
Speaker 4: out cold.
Speaker 2: A sports reporter caught him catching some Super game.
Speaker 4: He most likely, of course, paid a lot of money
Speaker 4: to score a seat.
Speaker 8: The average price for a Super Bowl ticket is close
Speaker 8: to seven grand.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay. There are two ways to see this.
Speaker 8: Either you can be mad because this guy wasted a
Speaker 8: lot of money just to miss an incredible experience, or
Speaker 8: you can see it as this dude bowling out so hard.
Speaker 8: He spent seven thousand dollars just to take a nap.
Speaker 1: That's a serf.
Speaker 8: But seriously, how chaotic is this guy's life that he's like,
Speaker 8: I need to go to the super Bowl just so
Speaker 8: I can't have a quiet place to sleep.
Speaker 1: Like how noisy is his home?
Speaker 11: He must have like thirteen kids and every one of
Speaker 11: them is Bernie Sanders, Dad, Dad, Dad.
Speaker 1: I can't find my toys.
Speaker 2: The DNCA stole them from me, Dad dad.
Speaker 11: But we're just kidding around.
Speaker 1: This guy is clearly dead now.
Speaker 8: The big moment from last night that everyone was talking
Speaker 8: about raving about rather was Jlo and Shakira.
Speaker 1: They killed it, already killed.
Speaker 8: But but some people were really pissed that j Loo
Speaker 8: pulled out a strip of pole to do some moves. Now, look,
Speaker 8: I understand some parents might be angry because there are
Speaker 8: kids who watched the game.
Speaker 1: So for all those parents, just tell your kid Jlo's
Speaker 1: a fireman. I probably saw right. And here's another thing.
Speaker 8: Jalo spent months learning how to be a professional pole
Speaker 8: dancer for her movie Hustle. Let me say something, if
Speaker 8: I spend that much time learning how to pull down,
Speaker 8: I would be pulled on sing every chance I get,
Speaker 8: I don't care where I am.
Speaker 1: I would be doing it. I'll be in the subway
Speaker 1: like jump Bone it last joy.
Speaker 2: Riding my pull lit.
Speaker 3: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 3: searching The Daily Show wherever you.
Speaker 2: Get your podcasts.
Speaker 3: Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Speaker 3: Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount
Speaker 9: Plus Paramount Podcasts