Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Jay. Most people know me as a
Speaker 1: podcast host, entrepreneur, and author, But did you know that
Speaker 1: I've been writing a newsletter every single week for the
Speaker 1: last four years. It's called Weekly Wisdom. In each newsletter,
Speaker 1: I answer a question from one of my seven hundred
Speaker 1: thousand readers. I give my best insights and advice, helping
Speaker 1: my readers find purposeful and spiritual solutions to their everyday problems.
Speaker 1: My goal here isn't to tell you how to live
Speaker 1: your life, but to guide you in the direction of
Speaker 1: your best possible future. If you'd like to get my
Speaker 1: newsletter send to your inbox every Thursday, just go to
Speaker 1: jshetdynewsletter dot com to sign up. Now that's Jayshettynewsletter dot com.
Speaker 1: A brand new newsletter comes out every week. I can't
Speaker 1: wait for you to read it. A lot of us
Speaker 1: have to recognize that change is something that has to
Speaker 1: come from within. They have to feel like this new
Speaker 1: life will be good for them, but they have to
Speaker 1: know it in their language, with their reasons. They have
Speaker 1: to commit to that change. Is someone telling you they're
Speaker 1: going to change, or is someone showing you the signs
Speaker 1: that they're ready to commit to change the number one
Speaker 1: health and wellness podcast, Jay Shed Jay Sheidy, Hey everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you for trusting me
Speaker 1: with your time and energy. I don't take it for granted,
Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful that you've chosen to be with
Speaker 1: me here today. It's been an incredible few weeks. We've
Speaker 1: had everyone from Sean Mendes to Andrew Huberman on the podcast,
Speaker 1: Nicole Leperra, incredible therapist and thinker, and so many more
Speaker 1: amazing guests yet to come. I also hope you've been
Speaker 1: taking a look at my solo podcast because there have
Speaker 1: been some workshops that have resonated with you recently. But
Speaker 1: I'm guessing you're here today because there's someone in your
Speaker 1: life that you wish would change. Maybe it's your partner,
Speaker 1: maybe it's a parent, Maybe it's someone in your professional
Speaker 1: environment at work. Maybe it's a sibling. Either way, there's
Speaker 1: someone in your life that you're wishing, waiting and wanting
Speaker 1: for to change. And maybe you've tried or ready to
Speaker 1: help them change. Maybe you've pushed them to change. Maybe
Speaker 1: you even made the mistake of forcing them to change.
Speaker 1: And you're sitting there right now, going Jay, I just
Speaker 1: don't know if they're ever going to change. Can people change?
Speaker 1: That's our question for today. That's what you're thinking about,
Speaker 1: and that's what I'm going to guide you through over
Speaker 1: the next thirty minutes or so to recognize what is change?
Speaker 1: What does it look like? Is it possible? If you
Speaker 1: want to know if that person will ever change, this
Speaker 1: episodees for you. If you're struggling with someone because they're
Speaker 1: not changing, this episodes for you. And if you're someone
Speaker 1: who's just trying to figure it out, this episode is
Speaker 1: for you. Now. The first thing I want to do
Speaker 1: is take a very factual look at change. When we
Speaker 1: look at change in society, change in community, change individually.
Speaker 1: Studies show that forming a habit can take anywhere from
Speaker 1: eighteen to two hundred and fifty four days, with an
Speaker 1: average of sixty six days to form a habit. But
Speaker 1: that's not the kind of change you're talking about. When
Speaker 1: we're asking this question can people really change, We're talking
Speaker 1: about something far more core or fundamental. We're talking about values.
Speaker 1: We're talking about attitudes, behaviors, mindsets. Right, maybe you want
Speaker 1: someone to change the way they appreciate you. Maybe you
Speaker 1: want someone to change the way they think about care.
Speaker 1: Maybe you want someone to change the way they talk
Speaker 1: to you, communicate with you. Maybe you want to change
Speaker 1: the way someone behaves with you. Adapting to change, study
Speaker 1: show can take around ninety days, and seeing significant change
Speaker 1: in society can take thirty years or more. Notice the
Speaker 1: difference changing a habit average sixty six days, adapting to
Speaker 1: a change ninety days, Seeing norms set into society thirty years.
Speaker 1: So we've got to look at the person and we've
Speaker 1: got to empathize and be compassionate and realize are they
Speaker 1: trying to change a habit, are they adapting to a change,
Speaker 1: or really is it that we're hoping that they change
Speaker 1: a norm in their life? Now, I want to give
Speaker 1: you an answer in short that of course people can change,
Speaker 1: but different parts of them take longer to change. And
Speaker 1: there are four There are far more aspects that are
Speaker 1: unchangeable than we believe. And when I say unchangeable, I
Speaker 1: don't mean that it's impossible or will never happen. I
Speaker 1: mean that the waiting time may be so long that
Speaker 1: it may feel like forever. So one interesting study talks
Speaker 1: about this idea of how it's actually quite hard over
Speaker 1: time for people to change core personality traits. So people
Speaker 1: can change their personality, but it's hard to change core
Speaker 1: personality straits, Like if someone's an extrovert or an introvert,
Speaker 1: it's hard to change. Someone's not just going to shift
Speaker 1: from one to the other. If someone's a homebody or
Speaker 1: wants to travel the world, that's not going to change overnight.
Speaker 1: If someone is more likely to be opened than closed
Speaker 1: emotionally available, it's not easy for someone who's emotionally disconnected
Speaker 1: or unavailable to suddenly become available overnight. These are far
Speaker 1: more core personality traits that are much more difficult to
Speaker 1: see changes in now. One study I looked at talks
Speaker 1: about how hurtful behaviors such as lying, cheating, dismissing, or controlling,
Speaker 1: and this is from psych Central. They say are often
Speaker 1: habits that turn into harmful behavior patterns, and research from
Speaker 1: twenty twenty explains personality may be shaped by an interaction
Speaker 1: between multiple sources from genes to events and social relationships,
Speaker 1: rather than only one source. The study goes on to
Speaker 1: say that personality development isn't linear and changes in either.
Speaker 1: So what's really interesting about that is even when people change,
Speaker 1: we think of changes linear, We think that if someone changes,
Speaker 1: everything changes, when actually what happens in reality is that
Speaker 1: even if someone changes, chances are they're going to oscillate
Speaker 1: back and forth to their form myself. So you're going
Speaker 1: to constantly ask the question, Wait a minute, I thought
Speaker 1: you changed. Wait a minute, I thought you understood. Wait
Speaker 1: a minute, I thought you got the message. And the
Speaker 1: truth is it's more likely that someone's going to oscillate
Speaker 1: back and forth until they get there. So behavior can
Speaker 1: be learned and unlearned. But the amount of time it
Speaker 1: can take, the levels it can go to in order
Speaker 1: for that to happen can be very, very hard to
Speaker 1: go through. Now here's the reality I want to get
Speaker 1: through to you. You can't change anyone. You can only
Speaker 1: change yourself. You can't force someone to change. You can't
Speaker 1: push someone to change. You can't beg someone to change.
Speaker 1: They will change when they want to change. They will
Speaker 1: change when they feel a need to change. They will
Speaker 1: change when they're ready for change. When it impacts them
Speaker 1: so badly that they're not changing, that's when they'll choose
Speaker 1: to change. Changing someone else is not within your control,
Speaker 1: and trying to find ways to do it can be exhausting.
Speaker 1: So what I'd rather give you is signs that someone
Speaker 1: is likely to change, because often what we do is
Speaker 1: we keep asking the question can people change? And really
Speaker 1: it's the wrong question, because people can change, But is
Speaker 1: the person that you're with likely to change? Is the
Speaker 1: person that you're talking about likely to change? These are
Speaker 1: the signs that they're likely to change, And that's a healthier, better,
Speaker 1: smarter question to ask, because what you're really asking when
Speaker 1: you ask can people change? Is my person going to change?
Speaker 1: Are they going to be different? And there are certain
Speaker 1: signs that point you in the right direction. The first
Speaker 1: one is they own up and take accountability and are
Speaker 1: self aware about not only what change is acquired, but
Speaker 1: why the change is required. Sometimes someone will say to you,
Speaker 1: I know I need to change. I know it isn't right,
Speaker 1: and we get so happy and elated that they acknowledged
Speaker 1: it that we take that acknowledgment as accountability. There's a difference.
Speaker 1: There is a difference between acknowledgment and accountability. Acknowledgment is
Speaker 1: recognizing something. Accountability is reconciling something. Let me say that again.
Speaker 1: Acknowledgment is recognizing something. Accountability is reconciling something. When you're
Speaker 1: accountable you actually have the ability to articulate what the
Speaker 1: problem is, why it exists, and how you're going to
Speaker 1: show up in the future. You're taking accountability for your actions,
Speaker 1: your behaviors, and you're able to see the connection between
Speaker 1: how you act and how it affects the other person.
Speaker 1: I promise you that most people that you're talking to
Speaker 1: are simply acknowledging the problem. They're not actually taking accountability.
Speaker 1: But because we don't know the difference, we assume they're
Speaker 1: the same thing. Now, assuming they're the same thing isn't
Speaker 1: a great idea, because if you assume that they're the
Speaker 1: same thing, then you think someone's taken accountability. But no
Speaker 1: accountability means I know how my actions affected you. I
Speaker 1: know why my actions affected you. I can articulate it,
Speaker 1: and I know how my actions affect you, and I
Speaker 1: know which actions I need to change, and by the way,
Speaker 1: I know why I need to change them. I know
Speaker 1: why I am that way. Notice the difference between acknowledgment
Speaker 1: and accountability. Now, once someone's taken accountability, they have to
Speaker 1: want to change. They have to have the proper motivation
Speaker 1: to change, because just because someone can articulate and take
Speaker 1: accountability doesn't mean that they feel the need to. They
Speaker 1: have to feel that change is necessary. If you look
Speaker 1: at most humans, we only change when we believe something's necessary. Right.
Speaker 1: If we think something's going to end, we change. If
Speaker 1: we think something new is going to start, we change, right,
Speaker 1: We change when it happens. Most people want to get
Speaker 1: promoted before they change their performance, not realizing that you
Speaker 1: get a promotion because you changed your performance. There's a
Speaker 1: reason why the famous phrase of you don't know what
Speaker 1: you've got until it's gone, because we wait till we
Speaker 1: lose something to know we should have changed. That's how
Speaker 1: human behavior, in the human mind works is we constantly
Speaker 1: feel that until something's necessary, until something is required of me,
Speaker 1: I won't do it. Until I feel the pressure to,
Speaker 1: I won't do it. What often we do is we
Speaker 1: try and put that pressure on that person to change.
Speaker 1: We try and force them to change, but we don't
Speaker 1: realize that if they change for us, but they don't
Speaker 1: know why they're changing, they may actually feel regret. I
Speaker 1: like to think about this through a scenario. If someone
Speaker 1: changes for you, then that means that they didn't really
Speaker 1: go through the process within themselves. They haven't really looked
Speaker 1: at the value, and therefore they may actually be depressed
Speaker 1: about that change. They may be down about that change.
Speaker 1: They may not wish that change ever happened to them.
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. RATHERI and me. Radi always
Speaker 1: told me that all she wanted to do was live
Speaker 1: close to her family. And I wanted that for her
Speaker 1: because I love her family and I know how much
Speaker 1: she loves them. And then when I got the opportunity,
Speaker 1: of course, to move across the world, to change my career,
Speaker 1: change my life and do what I get to do today,
Speaker 1: and Rather, and I've already married, and it was a
Speaker 1: hard change for Radi, and I said to Radi that
Speaker 1: I didn't want her to move for me. I wanted
Speaker 1: her to do it because she saw value it and
Speaker 1: she could find it for herself. Now she had to
Speaker 1: adapt to that change. It was hard for her, and
Speaker 1: I was trying my best to help her with that change.
Speaker 1: I didn't want her to change, and I didn't want
Speaker 1: her to feel pressure to change, because I realized that
Speaker 1: unless something comes from within, unless something comes from that person,
Speaker 1: they are never really going to fully commit to it.
Speaker 1: And that's what's really interesting. Sometimes we're trying to get
Speaker 1: people to change. On the surface, we're trying to get
Speaker 1: people to change in behavior for us, and we don't
Speaker 1: realize that when they do that, not only does it
Speaker 1: not stick, when it doesn't come from within, it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like it's meaningful to them. So they can't truly
Speaker 1: get behind that change long term, and they may even
Speaker 1: feel like it's your fault. They may feel like it's
Speaker 1: a mistake. They may feel like it was the worst
Speaker 1: decision they made in the long term, and a lot
Speaker 1: of us have to recognize that change is something that
Speaker 1: has to come from within. They have to feel like
Speaker 1: this new life will be good for them, but they
Speaker 1: have to know it in their language, with their reasons.
Speaker 1: They have to commit to that change. Is someone telling
Speaker 1: you they're going to change, or is someone showing you
Speaker 1: the signs that they're ready to commit to change. Okay,
Speaker 1: I am so excited about this because we've got the
Speaker 1: first ever merch drop for on Purpose. It's finally here
Speaker 1: and for World Mental Health. Today we're doing an exclusive
Speaker 1: limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the
Speaker 1: National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI. So now you can
Speaker 1: wear your on Purpose merch, listen to the podcast and
Speaker 1: know that you two are having an impact. I want
Speaker 1: to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait
Speaker 1: to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts,
Speaker 1: the hat t shirts. Check it out on our website,
Speaker 1: jshetdyshop dot com. That's jshettshop dot com. And remember, one
Speaker 1: hundred percent of the proceeds go to NAMI. A lot
Speaker 1: of the people will say the right thing because they're
Speaker 1: people pleasers. They don't want to lose you. They want
Speaker 1: to say all the right things to hold on to you,
Speaker 1: But they haven't committed to that change right. They haven't
Speaker 1: put steps into place, they haven't had the awkward, uncomfortable conversations,
Speaker 1: they haven't stepped up and done the things that are
Speaker 1: hard for them is someone committing to change. And often
Speaker 1: what we do is we just keep going mad. We
Speaker 1: keep getting angry at them, saying I wish you to change.
Speaker 1: You keep telling me you're going to change, but you
Speaker 1: don't change, but they're not committing to that action. One
Speaker 1: of the things I've been saying to a lot of
Speaker 1: people I know recently is don't expect change to happen
Speaker 1: in one therapy session. What we're often hoping is that
Speaker 1: lifetimes of work will become clear to someone through a
Speaker 1: couple of sessions of therapy. What I mean by that
Speaker 1: is our wiring is so deep. There are values that
Speaker 1: we've held on too because of our childhood that don't
Speaker 1: just disappear because someone else presents a better idea. I'll
Speaker 1: give an example, a silly example. If you've always put
Speaker 1: your cereal in the ball before your milk, by the way,
Speaker 1: that's the normal way, no judgment, right, and you start
Speaker 1: dating someone who puts milk in before the cereal, you
Speaker 1: don't just switch to doing that right now. That's a
Speaker 1: really silly example. It's a really easy change. It doesn't
Speaker 1: make a difference. But if you think about it, there
Speaker 1: are things you think about first. Sometimes some of you
Speaker 1: think about money before you think about people, because that's
Speaker 1: how you were raised. You're not going to change that
Speaker 1: overnight because you start dating someone who thinks about people
Speaker 1: before money, even if it makes logical sense to that person. Right.
Speaker 1: People don't just change their values, their core belief systems
Speaker 1: overnight just because someone else's sounds good. Right, If someone
Speaker 1: believes I've been watching and I'm sure many of you
Speaker 1: have seen it, monsters. Now, no matter what you believe,
Speaker 1: just taking this idea of even if someone's parents have
Speaker 1: done harm to them, have done them wrong, if they
Speaker 1: love their parents and feel positively towards them because they
Speaker 1: feel somehow, you know, whether it was they felt guilty,
Speaker 1: they felt shameful that they had to feel that way,
Speaker 1: that's how they were raised. They're not suddenly just going
Speaker 1: to see the light because you made them aware of
Speaker 1: a few things. Actually, it's very hard for people to
Speaker 1: admit that their parents have flaws, that there are challenges,
Speaker 1: that there are you know, difficulties there. And you see
Speaker 1: that in the Menendez brothers, who struggle to recognize certain challenges. Now,
Speaker 1: whatever happened in that scenario, you get the point of
Speaker 1: making that it's not easy to acknowledge things that are
Speaker 1: so counterintuitive to the way you've been raised. Right, if
Speaker 1: your parents were savers not spenders, you're not suddenly going
Speaker 1: to realize that actually spending money meaningfully is better for you.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of healing, it takes a lot
Speaker 1: of work, it takes a lot of unearthing, and so
Speaker 1: one there or a couple of therapy sessions or a
Speaker 1: month of therapy or coaching or whatever. Maybe won't make
Speaker 1: the change now by the way, you're all chipping away.
Speaker 1: But I think when we want someone to change, we're
Speaker 1: just hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting that they're just going to change. Now.
Speaker 1: Signs that someone's changing is they start to course correct.
Speaker 1: When they say something to you that they realize is
Speaker 1: their old voice, they call it out. They say, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, I just realized that was my old voice speaking.
Speaker 1: They start to recognize how the smallest actions are a
Speaker 1: representation of their old self. And really that's what it is.
Speaker 1: You have to think about it as a transformation from
Speaker 1: an old to new self, right, And if someone's transforming
Speaker 1: from their old to new self, they will go between
Speaker 1: their old and new self. Often it's not like you
Speaker 1: transition once. It's almost like saying I'm going to create
Speaker 1: eating sugar. It's not like you never eat sugar again. Right.
Speaker 1: If you're like I'm going to be healthy out and
Speaker 1: work out, it doesn't mean you're never going to miss
Speaker 1: a workout again. And sometimes we hold people to really
Speaker 1: crazy high standards that doesn't make sense. Right. We want
Speaker 1: them to never ever oscillate, we want them to never
Speaker 1: ever fall back. The other way we know signs of
Speaker 1: change is are we trying to change? Are we trying
Speaker 1: to make a difference right? Are we willing to change
Speaker 1: as well? Are we able to do the same work
Speaker 1: that we're expecting this person to do. Are we willing
Speaker 1: to do that same work for ourselves and for this relationship.
Speaker 1: A lot of the time, it's really easy to point
Speaker 1: out where everyone else needs to change, but it's really
Speaker 1: hard to be conscious of where we need to change.
Speaker 1: And I think for a lot of us, we're trying
Speaker 1: to mold someone into being more like us. We want
Speaker 1: them to think like us, we want them to talk
Speaker 1: like us. Now, there may be certain value to that,
Speaker 1: like you may have some really great skills, and you
Speaker 1: may have some really great attributes, But are you willing
Speaker 1: to change to some of their better attributes? Are you
Speaker 1: aware of their better attributes? Are you able to identify
Speaker 1: their better attributes? Or have you lost connection with them?
Speaker 1: There's a lot to be said for community and change.
Speaker 1: I find that if you're the only person reminding this
Speaker 1: person of the positive benefits of change, it's hard to change.
Speaker 1: We often need when we hear that phrase of we
Speaker 1: are the five people we spend the most time with.
Speaker 1: It's so true that someone will not change unless the
Speaker 1: people around them change. I've met so many people over
Speaker 1: the years who are part of a community who thinks
Speaker 1: in a very old fashioned way. They're not going to
Speaker 1: suddenly upgrade to a modern way of thinking. I'll give
Speaker 1: an example in mining community. Back at home, it's not
Speaker 1: normal for our husband and wife to travel separately. So
Speaker 1: often to me and Raley travel separately a lot, and
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm at an event and she's not. Sometimes she's
Speaker 1: at an event and I'm not, And people will always
Speaker 1: be like, there's everything okay? Because in that world, even
Speaker 1: if you're arguing in the car before you pull up
Speaker 1: to the wedding event, even if you argue on the
Speaker 1: way home from the birthday party, because you came and
Speaker 1: left together, it's seen as positive. Right. Let me just
Speaker 1: explain that again. People always ask me and Rabi, is
Speaker 1: everything okay? Because we often don't show up to the
Speaker 1: same events together because we're both busy, and people would
Speaker 1: rather argue on the way to a wedding or fight
Speaker 1: on the way back just to show that they came
Speaker 1: and left together in order to prove to society that
Speaker 1: they have a healthy relationship then actually having a healthy relationship,
Speaker 1: and so the perception in that society is togetherness. Are
Speaker 1: you arriving and leaving together is the sign of a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. Now, that perception doesn't change overnight. That's a
Speaker 1: deep seated belief, as ridiculous as it sounds, that that
Speaker 1: is what a successful relationship is. And so people live
Speaker 1: up to that falsehood, and people live up to that
Speaker 1: fake level of quality of a relationship rather than one
Speaker 1: with good communication and respect and boundaries and permission to
Speaker 1: be who we are. So that's just not going to
Speaker 1: change over now, like someone's not going to change their
Speaker 1: view overnight of what's seen as a healthy marriage is
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. And I think this hits very closely
Speaker 1: to why I partnered up with match and what I
Speaker 1: really found was I wanted to create a space where
Speaker 1: people could connect based on their values. And this was
Speaker 1: really really important to me because I feel that everything
Speaker 1: I'm saying here is because we don't realize that our
Speaker 1: core values have such a big impact in terms of
Speaker 1: long term success. If you ignore core values, you're thinking
Speaker 1: in the next five months. If you take on core values,
Speaker 1: you're living in the next five years, and for anyone
Speaker 1: who's interested and invested in building a long term, long lasting,
Speaker 1: powerful relation relationship, this mindset is huge. Ninety three percent
Speaker 1: of match members say that shared core values are a
Speaker 1: crucial indicator of relationship success. And if I'm completely honest,
Speaker 1: most people have never even looked at these ideas. Most
Speaker 1: people have never even had the opportunity, the time, the space,
Speaker 1: the energy given these thoughts a moment of thought. Most
Speaker 1: people have never even had the option to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: well let me just take a look at this for
Speaker 1: a second, like how do I feel about this? What
Speaker 1: are my beliefs about this? Most people have never even
Speaker 1: done that. So, when you're in a relationship with someone,
Speaker 1: you're actually going through the process of making someone aware
Speaker 1: of the process they need to go through. It's not
Speaker 1: even like you know, are you ready to change? Do
Speaker 1: you know you need to change? It's almost like you've
Speaker 1: got to start from scratch with yourself and the other
Speaker 1: person of like, are we even living the life we want?
Speaker 1: Do you know what your values? Are? We conscious? So
Speaker 1: the question isn't do you know you need to change?
Speaker 1: You know you're wrong, right? You know there's parts of
Speaker 1: you that just meant like that's not the conversation. The
Speaker 1: conversation is, Hey, do we know where this relationship is going?
Speaker 1: Do we know what choices we've made? Are we aware
Speaker 1: of what this unfolds like? Have we talked about our
Speaker 1: past and how it's affected us? Do we know how
Speaker 1: our core values and beliefs, what kind of foundation they are.
Speaker 1: It's almost like, rather than criticizing someone for their bad
Speaker 1: taste in interior design, you're actually talking about like, hey,
Speaker 1: should we both get educated on the foundations of relationships?
Speaker 1: Shall we both become really aware of where we're going
Speaker 1: and what's going on. I really want you to reflect
Speaker 1: on this, because sometimes I think we're starting the wrong
Speaker 1: conversation because we were actually expecting people to be more
Speaker 1: emotion mature than anyone in the world has actually had
Speaker 1: the opportunity to be. And you may be the person
Speaker 1: in your relationship us to start the healthy conversation that
Speaker 1: has to start the useful conversation. I really hope that
Speaker 1: these tips help you in this person you want to change. Remember,
Speaker 1: they won't change for you, they won't change for me,
Speaker 1: they won't change for anyone. They'll only change for themselves,
Speaker 1: and you can't make them change However, you can open
Speaker 1: them to the idea of re evaluating their beliefs to
Speaker 1: become self aware, to understand where their current choices will
Speaker 1: take them, to help them understand where their current trauma
Speaker 1: and upbringing will guide them. And you can help them
Speaker 1: become more aware through self reflection. But you can't tell
Speaker 1: them it force them to it, and if you do,
Speaker 1: I promise you it won't be the change you're really
Speaker 1: looking for. So I hope this helps, I hope this
Speaker 1: serves you. I want you to remember I'm always rooting
Speaker 1: for you on forever in your corner, and I'm so
Speaker 1: grateful that you trusted me with your time and energy
Speaker 1: to join me here today. I wish you all the
Speaker 1: best in your relationships. People can change, but they don't
Speaker 1: change for me. They don't change for you. They change
Speaker 1: for themselves. They need to feel accountable, they need to
Speaker 1: be committed to it, they need time, they need patience,
Speaker 1: and ultimately you need to realize that there are parts
Speaker 1: of them that may never change. And that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: they can't love you and you can't love them, and
Speaker 1: they can't respect you and you can't respect them. Often,
Speaker 1: what we want people to change isn't integral to them
Speaker 1: loving us. It's just because we want to feel a
Speaker 1: certain way. Thank you for listening. I'll see you again
Speaker 1: on the next episode of One Purpose. I appreciate you deeply.
Speaker 1: Take care. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy
Speaker 1: my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic
Speaker 1: and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My
Speaker 1: fears are only going to continue to show me what
Speaker 1: I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
Speaker 1: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
Speaker 1: and I just want to keep doing that.