Speaker 1: This may sound cliche, but in order to know where
Speaker 1: you're going, you gotta know where you're being dead ass.
Speaker 1: I I feel that, and I mean to be honest.
Speaker 1: Some days I've been looking in the mirror and be like, Girl,
Speaker 1: were you really from dead as Hey? I'm Cadine and
Speaker 1: we're the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny
Speaker 1: videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as
Speaker 1: a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy
Speaker 1: most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,
Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most
Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of
Speaker 1: a millennial married couple. Dead adds is the term that
Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,
Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take Philow talk
Speaker 1: to our whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna take this back to my elementary school days.
Speaker 1: Shout out Bethlehem Baptist Academy, also known as a Trade
Speaker 1: with Phield School, East New York, across from girlsh from
Speaker 1: Park shout out Brooklyn Cozine and Van Sicklin. Um was
Speaker 1: it sty and Linden Boulevard. So I used to take
Speaker 1: the school bus when I was in elementary school. You know,
Speaker 1: um four or five, six years old, I was a
Speaker 1: bus kid and I used take the school bus from
Speaker 1: Flatbush to Brownsville or East New York. So you know
Speaker 1: what that must have been like being on the school
Speaker 1: bus with a bunch of young kids and the cheese bus. Yes,
Speaker 1: and for people who don't know, I grew up in
Speaker 1: the Golden eras of Brooklyn the late early nineties, late eighties,
Speaker 1: early nineties, so literally it was eighty nine my first
Speaker 1: time on the cheese bus. I was five years old
Speaker 1: then two, right, so getting on this cheese bus. And
Speaker 1: Bethlehem Baptist Academy was in elementary school that transitioned all
Speaker 1: the way through junior high school, so you were there
Speaker 1: from nursery all the way through eighth grade. So there
Speaker 1: was a huge age difference. Like I was on the
Speaker 1: bus with kids who are ten years my senior. And
Speaker 1: I remember getting on the bus and all of the
Speaker 1: older kids we kind of like choose which child, like
Speaker 1: the girls would choose which child was their son quote
Speaker 1: unquote little mother hands, you know, so they you know
Speaker 1: that I was a cute kid, and it was just like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's so cute. That's my son, that's
Speaker 1: my son. And I remember this girl, Kesha. She used
Speaker 1: to like get me candy and stuff like that. And
Speaker 1: there was this one kid named round Meo. And another
Speaker 1: thing people don't understand is that you start to get
Speaker 1: like then you go through identity issues from elementary school
Speaker 1: to junior high school as your body is changed and
Speaker 1: everything's happening, and then you start to figure out who
Speaker 1: you are in the world through your peers. Your peers
Speaker 1: kind of tell you who you are. And I remember
Speaker 1: being on the bus and I think Rommel had a
Speaker 1: crush on Keisha, so he kept like just he was
Speaker 1: always around her, and Keisha was just always paying attention
Speaker 1: to me, and I guess he was kind of just
Speaker 1: like man, kind of jealous in a way, giving him
Speaker 1: no play. So he has said to Keisha like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that can't be your son. It can't be your son.
Speaker 1: Like you black, he not even black. And I remember
Speaker 1: I was six years old and that hit me because
Speaker 1: I'm like, why would he telling, why would he say
Speaker 1: I'm not black, and he's like, yo, look he mad
Speaker 1: light skin. He's not even black, he mad yellow. He Chinese, Mexican.
Speaker 1: So back in the day, like you know, well, colorism
Speaker 1: still exists today. But back in the day, when you
Speaker 1: was on the cheese bus going from Flatbush to Brownsville,
Speaker 1: you was on the bus with majority brown skin kids.
Speaker 1: So it was like when you was just the light
Speaker 1: skin kid. You know, I used to get picked on.
Speaker 1: You know, he's a light skin kid, you're liking kids.
Speaker 1: So I grew up in a time where you played
Speaker 1: the dozens and you joked on people, and people joked back.
Speaker 1: I remember going home and realizing how it was affecting me,
Speaker 1: and I said to my dad, as a dad and
Speaker 1: my black some six, you know six, you're still impression
Speaker 1: with kids. And he was like, hell, yeah, you black?
Speaker 1: Why Like why are you asking me that? And I
Speaker 1: was telling him about Ramel and everything was going on
Speaker 1: the bus and him saying I'm not black and making
Speaker 1: fun of me and that because I was like skinned.
Speaker 1: So my father used to tell me jokes to tell
Speaker 1: back on people, right, So he was just like, yo,
Speaker 1: you gotta always have a joke for everybody. When you
Speaker 1: walk in the room and have a counter joke. So
Speaker 1: he was like, what does Ramel look like? So I said,
Speaker 1: I don't know. He's a brown skinning kid, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of bigger or whatever. So he said, this is
Speaker 1: what you tell Ramelo because my pops is big on
Speaker 1: letting me handle my own conflicts. Like he wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: get on the bus and presson. No, fourteen year old.
Speaker 1: He was like, you say to Ramel, you said, Ramel,
Speaker 1: I in black. I'm telling me I'm not black, and
Speaker 1: you would be light skinned too if you took showers. Right.
Speaker 1: So I was practicing the joke. I was practicing the joke,
Speaker 1: practicing the joke, and finally, because he my father is
Speaker 1: all about the delivery, you got to say at the
Speaker 1: right time. You can't be stumbling and fumbling and bumbling
Speaker 1: on this joke. So I practiced it all day. So
Speaker 1: I went back and I gave him I told my
Speaker 1: father joke. He said, cool, I'm gonna give you a
Speaker 1: follow up joke, right, So I said, boom, Now I
Speaker 1: have two jokes going into the bus. So the next
Speaker 1: day going to the bus and you know, day that
Speaker 1: goes my son, days go my son, and of course
Speaker 1: Ral comes over, Yeah, that's not your son. You're not black.
Speaker 1: He's not even black. And I said, shut up right now.
Speaker 1: Because I was six, so my voices that high. I said,
Speaker 1: shut up right now, stop telling me I'm not black.
Speaker 1: You would be light skin too if he took showers.
Speaker 1: So since I was six, it was like cute to everybody,
Speaker 1: right like, it was like, oh, he got you right, man,
Speaker 1: we got your mouse from I was like funny and funny,
Speaker 1: but where he didn't know because I had to follow
Speaker 1: out and the one in the two. So then after
Speaker 1: everybody was laughing, I said, and why you at it?
Speaker 1: Get abroad for them titties because he was heavy sack
Speaker 1: and he had a little man boobs. At fourteen, everybody
Speaker 1: was like oh, So at that point I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like I won. I won
Speaker 1: that battle. But you know how it affected me for
Speaker 1: a long time, especially through high school. I always wondered,
Speaker 1: like why I and my soul light skin? You know?
Speaker 1: And it did affect me because for a long time
Speaker 1: from six to seven, I was like, damn, am I
Speaker 1: really black? Because I just don't look like all the
Speaker 1: other black people that was on the bus, and even
Speaker 1: though it was all jokes and it was fine, I
Speaker 1: was able to get through it. I kind of wanted
Speaker 1: to know, like, why why am I light skin? You know?
Speaker 1: If if I'm black and we're all black, and when
Speaker 1: you look at history of all the you know, prominent
Speaker 1: black people back in the day, they were brown skin,
Speaker 1: and it made me wonder why I look like that?
Speaker 1: And as a child, you want your parents to give
Speaker 1: you the history of who you are, absolutely and if
Speaker 1: they can't give you the history, baby, you're gonna search
Speaker 1: for it. Now we're searching. You want to mission y'all
Speaker 1: pull up in that monster automobile gangs with a bad
Speaker 1: bitch that came from Yeah, that Sonka color, Willy Wonka.
Speaker 1: You could be the king, but watch the queen conquer.
Speaker 1: First things first, out eat your brain. I'm gonna start
Speaker 1: rock and gold teeth and things, because that's what a
Speaker 1: motherfucking monster do. Hey, dressed up a milan, that's a
Speaker 1: monster do that? Does it? Here? The monsters? You and
Speaker 1: money is the roster and the monster crew. And in
Speaker 1: the face with the money, that money ain't I have
Speaker 1: to control my breathing. Favorite part was coming pull up
Speaker 1: all up in the bank with the funny face, and
Speaker 1: I think I noticed because your money ain't we let
Speaker 1: me get this right, shake yeah, so let me get
Speaker 1: this straight. I'm the rookie and my features in the
Speaker 1: show times you pay for no album out my money
Speaker 1: so tall that my body got a climate mentalist, the
Speaker 1: climateanta man. She killed that. She smashed that freakingverse, y'all
Speaker 1: smashed it. Um. So yeah, I hope you were able
Speaker 1: to sing along. Nikki was good for that. That that
Speaker 1: like breathing control that you had to have on that gift,
Speaker 1: that's why. And performing that, Yes, performing that is crazy.
Speaker 1: Shoutut to Nicki Minaj. Yes, yes, all right. So yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. Let me catch my
Speaker 1: breath so I can actually finish the podcast, actually talk
Speaker 1: to y'all. All right, so we let let's get back
Speaker 1: into the story time and how you were having somewhat
Speaker 1: of an identity crisis life because it wasn't it wasn't
Speaker 1: a midlife it wasn't even a quarter life crisis. I
Speaker 1: was six and I can't even say it's a tenth
Speaker 1: life crisis because I I hope to live way longer
Speaker 1: than sixty years old. Absolutely, you will, Yes, I will.
Speaker 1: I call it a fifth life crisis if I could be.
Speaker 1: Once I've reached my potential years, you have done everything
Speaker 1: you're supposed to do. But UM, I remember feeling like
Speaker 1: I just wanted to know why I looked the way
Speaker 1: I look who I was. Um, I've always been big
Speaker 1: on history, even as a child, I just wanted to know.
Speaker 1: I used to ask my grandparents a lot of questions
Speaker 1: and ask my parents a lot of questions, and look
Speaker 1: at photographs of my family and you should just see
Speaker 1: a mix of people. But I just wanted to know
Speaker 1: where did they come from? You know. That's that's UM.
Speaker 1: I can totally relate to that because growing up too,
Speaker 1: I was also kind of you know, teased in a sense,
Speaker 1: I guess, not bullied per se, but just tease. You know.
Speaker 1: Kids will always try to pick out, pick out something
Speaker 1: that they want to just kind of get on you about.
Speaker 1: And for me, it was like, um, having really hairy
Speaker 1: arms and legs, and I mean like not just no
Speaker 1: regular hairy, like hairy hairy to the point now where
Speaker 1: it was a thing where when I used to lotion
Speaker 1: my arms and legs like before gym class because my
Speaker 1: mom would like pack my gym bag with my uniform
Speaker 1: and she'll be like, you know, make sure you're not
Speaker 1: actually and put lotion on. So I put the lotion
Speaker 1: on my legs. I would have to like strategically like
Speaker 1: not go back and forth, but like like motion downward,
Speaker 1: so the hairs could all like la laid down in
Speaker 1: the same direction, because I look crazy as a girl
Speaker 1: with mad hairy legs and arms and the hair is
Speaker 1: going of mad different directions. And then and shout out
Speaker 1: to my father that eventually allowed me to shave my
Speaker 1: legs because he totally felt like the hair on my
Speaker 1: body was like the gift from God that all women
Speaker 1: should have for the rest of their life. You could
Speaker 1: love that joint on your wife, but on me, No,
Speaker 1: that was a big battle. Is like Candian shaved her legs.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, let's like send out, you know, the
Speaker 1: army and the military. Because leg told me one time,
Speaker 1: please don't repeat it, please don't um but they used
Speaker 1: to be called wolverine till teen wolves things like that.
Speaker 1: So my dad and mom would just explain it like,
Speaker 1: you know, that's just your Indian side, like you know
Speaker 1: Indian people in superheroes. So and I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't knowing. Okay, Yeah, you're Indian and you're black.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, cool. That was enough for me. Um.
Speaker 1: But now we have resources out there like twenty three
Speaker 1: and me okay, and they're able to give us a
Speaker 1: report on where you really come from, which is pretty
Speaker 1: fascinating to me. Part of the reason why we chose
Speaker 1: to work with twenty three because it's not only about
Speaker 1: where you come from, why you look the way you look,
Speaker 1: but they also give you a report for um, some
Speaker 1: health risks that may be a product of your ancestry,
Speaker 1: so you can find out. It's not a diagnosis, it's
Speaker 1: not a cure. It's not going to tell you how
Speaker 1: to fix anything, but it will tell you because of
Speaker 1: where you've come from and what you are, these are
Speaker 1: the risk the associated risk that could be a problem
Speaker 1: for you based on your blood oh for sure, not
Speaker 1: blessing based on your genetics. Absolutely, And I feel like
Speaker 1: you know, as a parent of four boys, it's really
Speaker 1: important for us to, you know, not only model what
Speaker 1: it means to be healthy and productive, but to also
Speaker 1: use the knowledge that we have to teach them how
Speaker 1: to best take care of themselves. So in this episode,
Speaker 1: we're going to talk through the genetic risks and some
Speaker 1: strengths found in the twenty three and me profiles that
Speaker 1: we were able to get through our reports. And also too,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys listen back to a a
Speaker 1: couple episodes maybe last season, when we spoke to Dr
Speaker 1: Brown about health risk that black males face even and
Speaker 1: how to consider you know, what's the best guy that
Speaker 1: we can give our boys to live happier, long, longer,
Speaker 1: healthier lives um than we could have imagined or then
Speaker 1: our that our parents could have imagined. And a lot
Speaker 1: of it, I think too, is just feeling like we're
Speaker 1: predisposed to certain illnesses or predisposed to certain health risks
Speaker 1: because it runs in the family. That's always the thing,
Speaker 1: Oh you know, doing that that report when you get
Speaker 1: to the doctor's office and they want to know the
Speaker 1: history not just of your health but of your parents
Speaker 1: and your grandparents. Going down that entire gamut could be
Speaker 1: very exhausting for some of us because there's so many
Speaker 1: things that you hear about running in the family. But
Speaker 1: it makes me really wonder, and I've wondered this for
Speaker 1: years now, does it really run in the family or
Speaker 1: are we just products of our environment and the things
Speaker 1: that we had to endure for years. That's a good point.
Speaker 1: I mean when we talk about my family, for example,
Speaker 1: I'll just give you one brief aspect of my report
Speaker 1: that I found out. But I'm Alzheimer's. You know, I
Speaker 1: have a genetic trait that makes me at higher risk
Speaker 1: for dementia. And I look at my grandmother who end
Speaker 1: up developing dementia and currently now she has to be
Speaker 1: an assist living home Della Della may She dropped the
Speaker 1: periause Della may ellis. I love my grandma. She watched
Speaker 1: me every summer from as young as I can remember
Speaker 1: until I was about fourteen and started playing organized sports.
Speaker 1: And then my uncle Charles, who um. But Uncle Charles
Speaker 1: was like one of the most vibrant men I ever
Speaker 1: met in my life. Like he just every time you
Speaker 1: see him, you would say with something. With Charles, you
Speaker 1: say something. He had a song related to him, always singing,
Speaker 1: and he was singing, and he was just always smiling
Speaker 1: and always in a good mood. And he developed early
Speaker 1: on set Alheimer's in his late fifties, which is a
Speaker 1: shock to all of us because that's young. That's extremely wrong.
Speaker 1: But when you think about what you're predisposed to or
Speaker 1: have a higher risk got genetically, um, you can adjust
Speaker 1: your lifestyle. And I was speaking to my cousin Kimberly,
Speaker 1: who was now like his caretaker and helps take care
Speaker 1: of him a lot. UM. She was saying, had they known,
Speaker 1: you know all of these things, Um, he could have
Speaker 1: changed things in his life to either prolong his ability
Speaker 1: to have a normal life or prevented it altogether from happening.
Speaker 1: Because he developed legions in his brain and those legions
Speaker 1: came from stress, lack of sleep, also diet. Right. And
Speaker 1: the reason why this is important is because we're so
Speaker 1: used to um teaching our kids traditions and conditioning them
Speaker 1: to be a certain way, especially our our black man
Speaker 1: and I say that because we have young we have sons.
Speaker 1: So when we talked to our boys, like be tough,
Speaker 1: you know, team, no sleep, you work hard, you do this,
Speaker 1: you do that, and you really don't take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: But we spoke to Dr Brown, I remember him saying
Speaker 1: that one night of bad sleep can be the equivalent
Speaker 1: of a month of poor diet three months. That's what
Speaker 1: was most mind blowing like three months of eating bad,
Speaker 1: which is crazy because I think about how many people.
Speaker 1: For example, my uncle Charles worked two or three jobs,
Speaker 1: you know, because he was consistently trying to make ends meet,
Speaker 1: and he was trying to not only help his family,
Speaker 1: but he helped so many other people. So when he
Speaker 1: was a deacon in the church shout out seele the
Speaker 1: Missionary Baptist Church, and he had any extra time, he
Speaker 1: was also doing his deacon duties. He was also also
Speaker 1: a boy Scout leader, so he was always investing his
Speaker 1: time in his community and trying to take care of
Speaker 1: his family, and he really didn't take care of himself.
Speaker 1: And the reason why that is important is because you
Speaker 1: and I talk about using this opportunity as young parents
Speaker 1: with young kids to teach our kids how to take
Speaker 1: care of themselves from young not only in getting enough sleep,
Speaker 1: but also what you eat. You know, and mental health
Speaker 1: is important. Physical health is important, and the best way
Speaker 1: to go about creating a plan for both is knowing
Speaker 1: where you come from. Like I said in my sound bite,
Speaker 1: you can't know where you're going unless you know where
Speaker 1: you're being. You know, what's something you said? It was
Speaker 1: pretty interesting and it triggered in me the idea when
Speaker 1: you said that our parents generation, for example, like Uncle
Speaker 1: Charles generation, they worked so hard, even Nana so hard
Speaker 1: to ensure that their children were okay and their children's
Speaker 1: children because you and I were both pretty much raised
Speaker 1: by parents, but grandparents as well, which is even more
Speaker 1: special that we have the opportunity to have our parents
Speaker 1: around for our children now. But we a lot of
Speaker 1: times put the onus on our parents to say they
Speaker 1: didn't do this for us, they didn't equipped us to
Speaker 1: be like this. They dropped the ball with that. We
Speaker 1: tend to be kind of hard on our parents, but
Speaker 1: we don't realize that they were really doing everything within
Speaker 1: their power to make sure that we would be okay,
Speaker 1: to provide for us, and that in turn created environments
Speaker 1: for lack of sleep, um for stress. They were under
Speaker 1: a lot of stress just trying to be able to
Speaker 1: make things work for us. I think about my parents
Speaker 1: who came from Jamaica and St. Vincent at young ages
Speaker 1: with just a suitcase and a dream, you know. So
Speaker 1: the lack of sleep, for example, that I saw my
Speaker 1: mother have to endure because she was just trying to
Speaker 1: give us everything. We kind of have to give them
Speaker 1: a little bit of grace in that situation. Give them
Speaker 1: a little bit of grace, then all the graces. Honestly
Speaker 1: feel like millennials and gen z uh, it's a gen
Speaker 1: z Ears because we're millennials. Millennials and gen z Ears.
Speaker 1: We we do a great job of pointing out all
Speaker 1: of our parents flaws, right, Like, I think that's all
Speaker 1: the trauma. Everything is generation trauma. And even we've talked
Speaker 1: about generational trauma. But what you don't realize is that
Speaker 1: you don't know what you don't know. There was no
Speaker 1: twenty three and me back then. Technology didn't exist back then,
Speaker 1: the science wasn't as good back then, so our parents
Speaker 1: weren't given the tools we have to be parents now.
Speaker 1: And a lot of times we always talked down about
Speaker 1: what our parents did wrong, as opposed to saying, well,
Speaker 1: you know what I survived, I'm here. They had to
Speaker 1: be doing something right. You know, it's not about what
Speaker 1: you did wrong. But it's like, now that we know better,
Speaker 1: let's do better. And I agree with you on that,
Speaker 1: like our parents did not, like, for example, my father
Speaker 1: when it comes to history, Yeah, he spoke to his
Speaker 1: mom and his dad and he spoke his grandmother and
Speaker 1: his grandfather. But now I'm able to get extensive history.
Speaker 1: For example, on the report, I found out that this
Speaker 1: helped me with my um my identity crisis. But um,
Speaker 1: I found out that I'm eighty I think sub Saharan African.
Speaker 1: And so first thing I did when I found this out,
Speaker 1: and I think I'm of that eight percent, I'm sixty
Speaker 1: percent Nigerian. So I called my brother and I said,
Speaker 1: guess what, man, I'm not Gian too. And the first
Speaker 1: thing you said was all my brother, we're doing this
Speaker 1: for the green anyway. But it was like to find
Speaker 1: out to find out that, Um, I'm eighty percent Subsaharan African.
Speaker 1: Plus knowing my family's history right then I found out
Speaker 1: I'm seventeen percent or eighteen percent European, and I think
Speaker 1: two percent or less than two percentum indigenous, which is
Speaker 1: kind of maybe a flip for what you thought. You
Speaker 1: probably thought you were more and I thought I was
Speaker 1: more indigenous because of my family's history. My family's history, um,
Speaker 1: from my mom's side came from reservations and they walked
Speaker 1: the trail of tears from Virginia all the way when
Speaker 1: Western experiension happened after Africa. So we found out going back,
Speaker 1: going back and doing history. Me and my sister started
Speaker 1: to put things together and we did it only three
Speaker 1: and me, but we also just spoke to a lot
Speaker 1: of people in the family to find out who was who.
Speaker 1: And because of our complexion, we thought that we were
Speaker 1: more Indigenous than African, and we found out that we're
Speaker 1: more African and more white, which means our ancestors were
Speaker 1: part of the enslaved people that walk the trailer tears
Speaker 1: as a part of the cargo that the indigenous people
Speaker 1: received when they were forced to move out of the
Speaker 1: reservations in Virginia. So you know, it helps you not
Speaker 1: only history, so it also helps you find out not
Speaker 1: not who you are, but exactly the place you played
Speaker 1: in that social structure that walked. So, yes, we walked
Speaker 1: the trailer tears, but my family walked the trailer tears
Speaker 1: as enslaved people. They didn't walk the trailer tears as
Speaker 1: indigenous people. That you know that that went out west
Speaker 1: so and went down south. But that also made me
Speaker 1: feel super proud. Right, and this is a different take
Speaker 1: than other people take on slavery, but this is to
Speaker 1: take I take on it. Right, If my family was
Speaker 1: able as enslaved people to exist and walk thousands of
Speaker 1: miles and survive and be able to create family structure
Speaker 1: that is able to create my grandparents and then my
Speaker 1: parents and then me, that has had to be some
Speaker 1: strong people, and that has to be something you have
Speaker 1: to be proud of what I'm doing it. I mean, exactly,
Speaker 1: when did you say there's something that you can't do.
Speaker 1: It's just like bro right, My people were equipped to
Speaker 1: do this year. Absolutely absolutely. But it also explains my complexion. Right,
Speaker 1: Why do I look fairer skinned because I'm closer to
Speaker 1: European and African And I thought I was more fair
Speaker 1: skinned because I was more indigenous because my families walked.
Speaker 1: My family walked the Tale of Tears and Trailer of Tears,
Speaker 1: No excuse me. My sister went as far back is
Speaker 1: to research names associated with my family, and what we
Speaker 1: found out was we thought the Jackson's that's my which
Speaker 1: is funny because my son's name is Jackson. But we
Speaker 1: thought that Jackson's were the indigenous people who took the land,
Speaker 1: took the name, and continued to grow westward with that
Speaker 1: name Jackson. But after doing research, we found out that
Speaker 1: Jackson was the name given to the enslaved people when
Speaker 1: they were distributed to the indigenous people. M So we
Speaker 1: really found out the details that were associated with our
Speaker 1: family and was able to say, ah, so these this
Speaker 1: is where we stood in that that is so interesting.
Speaker 1: Well listen, y'all, Usually we do an explanation of karaoke,
Speaker 1: you know, so you understand why the song had anything
Speaker 1: to do with the episode. Right, So we're talking twenty
Speaker 1: three and me wereports, we're talking about health. What does
Speaker 1: monster have to even do with this? Huh? So let
Speaker 1: me give you all a little insight. So after teaming
Speaker 1: up with twenty three and me and we were able
Speaker 1: to not only pinpoint the location of our and Stress
Speaker 1: and Street, but we're able to see all the genetics
Speaker 1: and stuff. The location was interesting for me because, like
Speaker 1: I said earlier, I was just always told, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: you're Jamaican and Indian, you're black and Indian. You look
Speaker 1: at my mom and dad's a black woman, he looks
Speaker 1: like he could be Indian. Great, So I guess we
Speaker 1: weren't too far off because according to my reports, let
Speaker 1: me pull it up, drumroll please, but that's my drum
Speaker 1: because if I clap, trouble was gonna be mad. She
Speaker 1: always tell me, don't clap into MinC. So I'm not
Speaker 1: it's gonna be my druma already. So it says that
Speaker 1: I am fifty point seven Central and South Asian, which
Speaker 1: could be Indian, however it is split between Southern Indian
Speaker 1: and Sri Lankan and Northern Indian and Pakistani. So I'm
Speaker 1: with it that came from Sri Lanka. Yeah, that's me.
Speaker 1: Nicky was talking about me, y'all end this episode? Oh no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, because there's another part too. It tells you
Speaker 1: where your family were unlikely during the slave trade landed.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, So let me give you all the rest
Speaker 1: of the tea. First about who I am. Allowed me
Speaker 1: to reintroduce you, y'all to be um. Yeah, so that's um,
Speaker 1: Southern and Northern Indian and Sri Lankan in Pakistani. So
Speaker 1: that's the region. And then I am forty one point
Speaker 1: seven percent sub Saharan African, particularly West African, with majority
Speaker 1: of that being Ganaian Liberian or Sierra Leonian Sierra Leonion.
Speaker 1: So isn't that pretty cool? Yes, my old manager at Max.
Speaker 1: She's from Sierra Leone, so I want to call her
Speaker 1: up and be like girl girl. He's also so yeah,
Speaker 1: so forty one percent or at forty one point seven percent,
Speaker 1: and then the remainder, which is another um seven percent
Speaker 1: is European, so it's actually a very small percentage of
Speaker 1: British and Irish as the majority under the European scope
Speaker 1: for me, so now the China who I really am? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really interesting for me to see. So just
Speaker 1: going under the umbrella of saying, oh, hey, I'm Indian,
Speaker 1: um not quite, I mean, it gives me a little
Speaker 1: bit more specific. And then, like you said, the great
Speaker 1: thing about this twenty three and report is that it
Speaker 1: also gives you the region that your family was most
Speaker 1: likely dropped off at, and very very very accurate. It
Speaker 1: told me Jamaica, particularly Clarinet. Part of me was like,
Speaker 1: have y'all been like being through my window? Have y'all
Speaker 1: been going through my stuff? You know, people get skeptical
Speaker 1: about these things. I might listening. If you have an iPhone,
Speaker 1: they have all your joint already anyway, so you don't
Speaker 1: have that um. But but yeah, so it made me
Speaker 1: think like, wow, you know they're very specific about where
Speaker 1: we ended up. They put Jamaica down um St. Vincent
Speaker 1: and the Grenadines, which is where my dad is from.
Speaker 1: And then um as well, we saw a little bit
Speaker 1: of Trinidad and your dad said, you have family and Trinidad,
Speaker 1: NICKI minaj just my family and trinking at she wrote
Speaker 1: a look about me like maybe she knew. That's why
Speaker 1: she kid said with a bad bitch. They came from
Speaker 1: she Lanka. Maybe she knew too. Listen, Okay, maybe her
Speaker 1: that's that is a fact, Nikki. Let me know because
Speaker 1: we can do let's let's cross let's cross reference these results,
Speaker 1: you know. Um. But it's very interesting too because when
Speaker 1: I think about it, there's so many different like, for example,
Speaker 1: in St. Vincent alone, if you go to the island,
Speaker 1: there are a ton of different people in St. Vincent.
Speaker 1: It's not just people who are from as we know
Speaker 1: now South Asia, but there are blacks, they're whites there.
Speaker 1: Same is to be said for Jamaica. Jamaica has a
Speaker 1: lot of Asian people, not just Indian Asian, but also
Speaker 1: Asian as in maybe from China. Um. So it's very
Speaker 1: very interesting to see where exactly you might have landed
Speaker 1: in this world. It makes you feel like, wow, you
Speaker 1: may potentially have a greater connection to a certain area
Speaker 1: and it explains why. So um yeah, pretty pretty cool
Speaker 1: results here. Um let's dive into more of the health now,
Speaker 1: because in the report they give you an extensive health
Speaker 1: report to let you kind of know what you may
Speaker 1: be predisposed to because of genetics. It can also be
Speaker 1: I'm thinking because of geographic location. Okay, what were the
Speaker 1: available resources to you? What was the the nurture nature
Speaker 1: side of things? And then it also makes me think
Speaker 1: about having to survive by any means necessary. So it
Speaker 1: required that our family, our ancestors be able to care
Speaker 1: for themselves or feed their families by eating certain things
Speaker 1: that then induce certain illnesses and mailments. That's more of
Speaker 1: the nurture side, right, So let's dive in. You spoke
Speaker 1: about Alzheimer's already, um from your parents uh and your
Speaker 1: grandparents sides. And then it looks like both of us
Speaker 1: after comparing the results, have hypertension that runs on on
Speaker 1: both sides. So we both have the genetic trait that
Speaker 1: makes us at higher risk for high pertension, and black
Speaker 1: people already in general have a higher risk for that
Speaker 1: UM compared to white counterparts for high blood pressure, and
Speaker 1: there it's likely to have it under control, so we
Speaker 1: can talk about they're less likely to have it under control.
Speaker 1: And this this goes to what we also spoke spoke
Speaker 1: about with Dr Brown was African Americans and Caribbean Americans
Speaker 1: disapproval and distrust in the medical system and the health
Speaker 1: care system now because of things like the Tuskegee experiment.
Speaker 1: There's been and that's not the only one, but there's
Speaker 1: been that's the most popular one that people talk about. UM.
Speaker 1: There has been a huge distrust that has grown between
Speaker 1: the Black community and the health care community because of
Speaker 1: false tests and think they were we were given UM
Speaker 1: diseases like syphilis to figure out if they can find
Speaker 1: cures and see what the long term effects would be.
Speaker 1: So for a long time, black people never felt comfortable
Speaker 1: going to their healthcare providers. So and as a Black man,
Speaker 1: I know, you know, I lost I have a buddy
Speaker 1: who lost his dad. We're at that age now where
Speaker 1: our dadifties sixty years old with him seven years old,
Speaker 1: like your dad just recently turned seventy, and my buddy
Speaker 1: lost his dad. And I was just like, man, you know,
Speaker 1: how did you lose your dad? They always have blood
Speaker 1: pressure issues and I was like, oh, it was it
Speaker 1: was issues. Said no, it wasn't really an issue. He
Speaker 1: just didn't want to take his medication. And I was
Speaker 1: just like why why wouldn't he take his medication? And
Speaker 1: he was like, well, the blood pressure medication UM gave
Speaker 1: him erectile dysfunction because the blood. You know, the penis
Speaker 1: is a muscle, but it requires blood to become erect
Speaker 1: and when the blood flow becomes an issue, it causes
Speaker 1: an issue with erectile dysfunction. And he didn't want to
Speaker 1: have that issue. So he's just like, oh, I can
Speaker 1: I can manage this on my own. Went to sleep
Speaker 1: one night and just never woke up in the morning.
Speaker 1: Because blood pressure is like a silent killer. You feel
Speaker 1: like you're fine and then boom, you know, something happens.
Speaker 1: And there are always socio economic reasons why when you
Speaker 1: reason like that, it's just like black you know, African
Speaker 1: Americans are are believed to be at a higher risk
Speaker 1: and less likely to have it under control. They say
Speaker 1: it as if we just don't have stuff under control.
Speaker 1: They don't speak about the unmitigating factors like UM, the
Speaker 1: fact that we have healthcare issues, the fact that we
Speaker 1: can't afford healthcare at a higher rate than our white counterparts,
Speaker 1: because socio economically, we majority of black people in America
Speaker 1: live below the poverty law. For sure. None of that
Speaker 1: is really unpacked. It's just kind of an umbrella term
Speaker 1: that we use for black just at a higher risk.
Speaker 1: But how do I high risk? Watch? Why? And is
Speaker 1: it nature verse nurture? Absolutely no, one of these things
Speaker 1: will help us make better decisions for our children and
Speaker 1: our future. That's why I keep saying you can't know
Speaker 1: where you're going to, you know where you've been. Think
Speaker 1: about diet when you say um. African Americans, for example,
Speaker 1: are believed to carry a gene that makes us more
Speaker 1: salt sensitive. If that's true or not, we don't know.
Speaker 1: But what tends to happen. For example, way way back
Speaker 1: in the day, during the enslaved times, Right, you're given
Speaker 1: the scraps to eat, right, they'll take they'll they'll be
Speaker 1: the pig, but they'll give you. They'll take the pork shoulders,
Speaker 1: they'll take the pork roast to take the healthier health.
Speaker 1: Meteor meets yeah, and it gave me defeat the tail
Speaker 1: the tail, what else the tongue, the tongue the intestines,
Speaker 1: which chitterlings. And it's a delicacy, a very expensive delicacy.
Speaker 1: Now listen, you know, I remember the first time tricked
Speaker 1: me into trying chitterlings. Okay, I'm walking into your house
Speaker 1: and I was like, yo, I was like, what is
Speaker 1: this like hot arm pitt in here? I'm like, what
Speaker 1: is happening? So I was like, all right, it did
Speaker 1: smell like hot arm? What is going on in here?
Speaker 1: So your father was over there, you know, making this
Speaker 1: pot of something. He didn't tell me what it was,
Speaker 1: and me being of cribbing descent, I don't think I've
Speaker 1: ever had chilings like we've had tripe. I've never actually
Speaker 1: had it, but my family will carry some tripe whenever
Speaker 1: they're ready, you know. So I remember, tripe is the
Speaker 1: intestine of the cow. So it's the same as exactly
Speaker 1: exactly like least smelled like ass too when my grandmother
Speaker 1: was making the tripe. But I definitely felt like I
Speaker 1: walked in the house and it smelled like hot ass
Speaker 1: and armpit. So I was like, damn. So your father
Speaker 1: was just like, oh man, try this, like you know,
Speaker 1: he was excited about. You know, your father get excited
Speaker 1: about and if he saying it tastes good, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: trust that it tastes good because he is definitely a
Speaker 1: good judge of food. Right, So I remember that. And
Speaker 1: he took out the hot so seeing the fre okay,
Speaker 1: so that's like the staple in your household. So he's
Speaker 1: lathering on the hot So he's like, you're like hot souce,
Speaker 1: You're like spice, right. I'm like yeah, So he's lading
Speaker 1: on that hot sauce and I'm like it, give me
Speaker 1: more hot sauce, because you know I love hot you
Speaker 1: love spicy food. Man. When I took a bite of
Speaker 1: that me trying to be polite, you ain't you ain't
Speaker 1: this This is interesting taste, the texture is quite you know,
Speaker 1: it's lot gummy. What exactly is this? And he was like, man,
Speaker 1: this is I was like, oh, I gotta can't believe
Speaker 1: it does a said. First of all, my adventist family
Speaker 1: barely eats pork. Okay, my mom was at all. My
Speaker 1: my dad, you know, he'll he'll dip in, dab in
Speaker 1: a little pork. But curry, I love a jump. You
Speaker 1: got someone that juke pool, So you know, definitely says like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm like what if I what if
Speaker 1: it was against my religion to eat these shipless? It
Speaker 1: should be against anybody's religion to eat them chitless. So
Speaker 1: in that moment, I'm just saying that to say, you
Speaker 1: get the pig intestines, you put everything you need to
Speaker 1: put in it, whether it's the salt, where there's the sugar,
Speaker 1: whether it's the butter. You have to make it taste good.
Speaker 1: And if you're feeding your family the scraps, you had
Speaker 1: to find a way to make a taste of slipment.
Speaker 1: Excess salt, excess sugar, butter, blard, gravy, all of those things.
Speaker 1: Do we not think that that's eventually going to affect
Speaker 1: that becomes a culturing like a blood pressure. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: eating all of that salt and sugar and then coupling
Speaker 1: it with rice, Oh my god, because running onto diabetes right,
Speaker 1: my perfect, perfect perfect se to diabetes and give them
Speaker 1: a little factor pick if you don't mind, and then
Speaker 1: you can elaborate on it. But type two diabetes has
Speaker 1: a stronger link to family history and lineage than type one,
Speaker 1: and studies of twins shown that the genetics play a
Speaker 1: very strong role in the development of type two diabetes,
Speaker 1: and race can also play a role in this as well. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: but type two diabetes is completely preventable through your lifestyle choices.
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm glad. I'm actually happy you read
Speaker 1: that first, because if you think about lifestyle choices, think
Speaker 1: about our cultures. You were both people of color, but
Speaker 1: we both have mixes of different colors in there, right,
Speaker 1: But one thing is consistent. All of those different colors
Speaker 1: have gone through hardships because of colonialism, and part of
Speaker 1: colonialism meant that their people were marginalized. And when you're marginalized,
Speaker 1: you have to find ways to survive. So you just
Speaker 1: talked about all the scribe she were given, right given
Speaker 1: the pigs out, the pigtail, the pig hoofs um, the
Speaker 1: stomach lining, and the intestines. That's not a lot of
Speaker 1: the pig. But you still have to feed a family.
Speaker 1: So how do you make this meal good enough for
Speaker 1: the family. You take all that stuff up, you make
Speaker 1: a gravy and you sprinkle it over large tubs of
Speaker 1: rice so that these people can still work and and
Speaker 1: and that becomes the culture. For example, think about the
Speaker 1: movie soul food. Think about how how ironic soul food is.
Speaker 1: Every Sunday, this family got together to fix this food
Speaker 1: that was filled with saturated facts and sugars and butters
Speaker 1: and oils and salts and starts. Big Mama, who was
Speaker 1: the epicenter of the family, ends up dying from diabetes
Speaker 1: caused by eating this food. And you know how they
Speaker 1: celebrated her death getting together to eat more food. Because
Speaker 1: that's the culture. Right. So when you say African Americans
Speaker 1: and race or Caribbean Americans are more susceptible to type
Speaker 1: two diabet these because of culture, that's true. Because we
Speaker 1: make lifestyle choices based on tradition, absolutely, and if tradition
Speaker 1: means that you're slowly killing yourself, some of us are
Speaker 1: not aware enough to realize that that's exactly what we're
Speaker 1: existing in. We're existing in a tradition that's slowly killing us.
Speaker 1: And that seguates us to talking into children and how
Speaker 1: using this twenty three and me report helped us make
Speaker 1: greater lifestyle choices for our sons. For example, telling the
Speaker 1: story about the porridge. Oh yeah, right, right right, So
Speaker 1: I actually have two stories related to like diabetes. If
Speaker 1: you want to say, it could be a segue to it.
Speaker 1: The porridge with some well, porridge is something that is
Speaker 1: very big in a Criman household. You can use different
Speaker 1: types of porrighes, planting porridges, cormeal, powrishes, how many corn
Speaker 1: porridge um And that's something that my grandmother gave us
Speaker 1: as babies. My mom and her siblings had that as
Speaker 1: they were growing up, and it's a staple. You go
Speaker 1: to any Caremian restaurant, you're gonna definitely find cornmeal, powdge
Speaker 1: of some sort of porridge as a breakfast item. But
Speaker 1: when you really dissect what it is, it's corn, which
Speaker 1: is a starch. Okay, which I learned later on in life.
Speaker 1: I always thought corner was a vegetable and it was
Speaker 1: my favorite. It ain't a vegetable. It's a starch. So
Speaker 1: you're having corn that's dried up and mild, and then
Speaker 1: you proceed to boil it in water with milk, and
Speaker 1: then you have you know, you're cinnamon. You're not saying
Speaker 1: things to make it taste good, and then you have
Speaker 1: to add the sugar, of course, and you're just adding
Speaker 1: a regular sugar. It is the condensed milk, right, You
Speaker 1: have to say it like that, the condensed right, the
Speaker 1: condensed milk or condensed milk, and that is just even
Speaker 1: more so thick sugar. It's just all sugar. It's literally
Speaker 1: all sugar between the condensed milk and the corn. You're
Speaker 1: eating sugar for breakfast. And I remember as a kid
Speaker 1: smelling it in the air when my mom would be
Speaker 1: making it, and I would start to instantly like cry
Speaker 1: because I hated parridge. It was a texture thing for me.
Speaker 1: But when it came to my children, even my grandmother,
Speaker 1: you know, bless her heart, love where she comes and
Speaker 1: stays with us, you know, pre covid like every you know,
Speaker 1: holiday season, and she would just recently here with us
Speaker 1: for a month and she was like, wait, you don't
Speaker 1: start the baby pant calm in porridge yet. And I
Speaker 1: was kind of like, well, yeah, Grandma, you know, I
Speaker 1: just you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna just give it
Speaker 1: to him in moderation because I just don't want because
Speaker 1: even when I gave it to the kids growing up,
Speaker 1: like I never put too much sugar in it, but
Speaker 1: it really is just a filler. So when I said
Speaker 1: to her, you know, Grandma, nowadays we don't really give
Speaker 1: too much porridge and cereal and all that in the milk.
Speaker 1: So you know, her and my mom look at each
Speaker 1: other and yeah, when no young people, then you like
Speaker 1: to reinvent the wheel, you know, like after after after
Speaker 1: your rears pan calm in porridge or you mean or
Speaker 1: you mean And I'm just like, well, Grandma, you know
Speaker 1: it's just a filler now, so why not give the
Speaker 1: baby like actual like protein or like vegetables for breakfast
Speaker 1: versus just giving filler stuff. And she said, and that's
Speaker 1: why the baby not sleep at night. You must put
Speaker 1: look a porridgeing in battle and then we'll drink it
Speaker 1: and sleep on a tired look Pine, you look ponder
Speaker 1: out and I'm like, I know, Grandma, I know we're tired,
Speaker 1: but we're just not going to give him like a
Speaker 1: filler just to make him sleep longer, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So that and then think about this. You
Speaker 1: go to your favorite Caribbean restaurant right look forward to
Speaker 1: going home so we can go Yard Style or any
Speaker 1: other restaurant that we enjoyed. Yeah, Golden Crusts flat Lands
Speaker 1: between A hundred and hundred for please go support yard
Speaker 1: still in Brooklyn. They make the best, the best oxtail
Speaker 1: and some really good steed chicken and some the chicken
Speaker 1: soup slap. But anyway, when you go there, my only
Speaker 1: gripe with with them. In any restaurants of Caribbean flavor,
Speaker 1: you're gonna ask for a large oxtail, for example, what
Speaker 1: kind of rice? Rice and peace. Well, first before you
Speaker 1: even get there, you have to ask do you have oxtail?
Speaker 1: Because you're liable to order it? And them said what, right,
Speaker 1: So if them you already arrest and peas and your oxtail,
Speaker 1: and you literally get rice and peace with a side
Speaker 1: of oxtail and maybe either a steam vege or a salad. Right,
Speaker 1: and then you be piste because you just paid almost
Speaker 1: thirty dollars for a large oxtail and there's about four
Speaker 1: pieces in it. But right, there's two things. Number one,
Speaker 1: it's not just the business structure. When your mom makes
Speaker 1: my play or when she used to make my place,
Speaker 1: she used to pound my plate up with rice too,
Speaker 1: and then put like a small piece of chicken. And
Speaker 1: I used to be like, yo, this is not gonna
Speaker 1: work for me. It's not that's just the culture is
Speaker 1: just rice, rice, rice, mad rice on it. And but
Speaker 1: what happened though, the rice slap right, because we're not
Speaker 1: just making any regular old rice is rice with the
Speaker 1: coconut milk. Coconut milk. You know, you put a piece
Speaker 1: of skelton in it, you put some time, you put
Speaker 1: some season, and put some piece and that in itself
Speaker 1: is in me. Like I've had moments where I'm like,
Speaker 1: just give me the rice and pieces with some gravy
Speaker 1: and I'm going to go, you know, extra graper pond
Speaker 1: the rice. So all of that essentially turns into sugar.
Speaker 1: It's the starch, and that is in turn why I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people of Caribbean descent have
Speaker 1: sugar as the same thing down. So, yeah, we have,
Speaker 1: and that's why you have diabetes because of that. And
Speaker 1: that's just the thing that we've learned over the years.
Speaker 1: If it's not going to be rising ps, its ground provision. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean those things, those are all starch rooted and
Speaker 1: they all convert to sugar. And that's what what Canina
Speaker 1: and I talked about, the nature versus nurture. That's more
Speaker 1: of nurture. Now, the next thing I want to talk
Speaker 1: about is a little bit more nature sickle cell um.
Speaker 1: Codeine has the sickle cell trade, so we necessarily didn't
Speaker 1: need the twenty three and Me report to tell us this.
Speaker 1: But with the reason why we bring this up is
Speaker 1: because in the twenty three and me report, you'll find
Speaker 1: out about that because of your genetics. And it was
Speaker 1: interesting enough for us because when Codeine got pregnant with Jackson,
Speaker 1: she was running through the full gamut of everything she
Speaker 1: needed to prepare for the pregnancy, and that's when we
Speaker 1: found out that Codeine has the sickle cell trade. So
Speaker 1: then they asked me immediately, Devout, do you have the
Speaker 1: sickle cell trade? And I had never asked my entire life.
Speaker 1: At this point, I'm twenty about to be seven years old.
Speaker 1: I've never asked my physician if I had the sickle
Speaker 1: cell trade even a thing to hear even like, of
Speaker 1: course you hear of the disease sickle cell anemia, but
Speaker 1: you never even I never even heard of the trade
Speaker 1: or potentially caring. My mom knew. My mom knew because
Speaker 1: the minute I asked, she said, no, you don't have
Speaker 1: the trade. And I said, and I guess you know
Speaker 1: now now when I think about the reason why she
Speaker 1: never told me I had the trades because since I
Speaker 1: didn't have the trade, I didn't have anything to worry about.
Speaker 1: But if I did have the trade, I would have
Speaker 1: had to say to you, I have the trade. Because
Speaker 1: if I have the sickle cell trade and Gadeen has
Speaker 1: the sickle cell trade, it's more than likely that one
Speaker 1: of our children, all of our children could be born
Speaker 1: with sickle cell anemia right blown. And it's important for
Speaker 1: you to know these I don't want to call them
Speaker 1: health risk, but these genetic traits because when you're dating someone,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't want to know, Hey, if we decided to
Speaker 1: have children, our children could be born with an immune
Speaker 1: deficiency because we both have the trade. And we found
Speaker 1: out that three of our four boys have the trade.
Speaker 1: Jackson is the only one who doesn't have the trade,
Speaker 1: but Cairo, kaz In, Dakota all have the ciicle trade.
Speaker 1: Exactly's something we have to make sure that they know. Um,
Speaker 1: when you think about it, When you think about it too,
Speaker 1: when you are pregnant, it's like your body goes under
Speaker 1: this mini stress test. So they want to test everything.
Speaker 1: So anything that potentially may show up in your life
Speaker 1: or in your history is going to show up while
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. So in that I was able to find
Speaker 1: out I had the sickle cell trade. And it was
Speaker 1: the thing where I even called my brother and my
Speaker 1: sister was like, hey, y'all, I had the trade. Turns
Speaker 1: out my mom had it as well or has it
Speaker 1: as well too, so she's the one who passed it
Speaker 1: on to me, and then in turn I passed it
Speaker 1: on to my children. So when you're looking at certain
Speaker 1: things like that, that's, you know, part of history or
Speaker 1: part of your genetics. Um. Not only is it important
Speaker 1: for you to know for yourself, but you need to
Speaker 1: know for your children. Like we said, we're gonna say
Speaker 1: something else after after that, I was saying, um, as
Speaker 1: it pertains to having children when you got the COVID.
Speaker 1: When we all got COVID the same time around my
Speaker 1: birthday last year, that's when we started to see some
Speaker 1: differences in how people with sickle cell anemia or the
Speaker 1: trade respond to COVID because their blood coagulates differently and
Speaker 1: people will get developing blood clots and some developing strokes.
Speaker 1: And the reason why this is important is because if
Speaker 1: you have a young child, male or female who's an
Speaker 1: athlete and they have sickle cell anemia, or they may
Speaker 1: have the sickle cell anemia trade and may have suffered
Speaker 1: from COVID. That could be a reason why they may
Speaker 1: have difficulty breathing or working out after they are done
Speaker 1: with COVID. For example, So the young man from Florida,
Speaker 1: I can't remember his name who passed out. I think
Speaker 1: it was two weeks after being done with COVID. He
Speaker 1: went through COVID protocols, everything was good, and this was
Speaker 1: he went out on his senior year first game, was
Speaker 1: walking out in the court after the time out and
Speaker 1: just passed out And they didn't know what was happening
Speaker 1: until they took all the blood tests. Now they didn't
Speaker 1: reveal because it's his family. What did the blood tests reveal?
Speaker 1: But over time we found out that people with sickle
Speaker 1: cell anemia or the trade are hospitalized two to one
Speaker 1: after having COVID than people who don't. So when you
Speaker 1: have children, it really makes you wonder. The more I
Speaker 1: know about my family, can I protect my children even
Speaker 1: with sports, even if it doesn't have anything to do
Speaker 1: with COVID. I should make sure they eat differently if
Speaker 1: their bodies require something different. Remember um David Price's dad,
Speaker 1: God rest his soul. He passed away from cancer. But
Speaker 1: David Price's dad used to tell David all the time, man,
Speaker 1: you guys, he's Jamaican to you guys, used to eat
Speaker 1: right for your blood type. And we used to be like,
Speaker 1: what does that even meant? Right for your blood type?
Speaker 1: But then this book came out and it was time
Speaker 1: we got the book and it was talking about eating
Speaker 1: right for your blood type and how we all have
Speaker 1: different genetic traits that require us, because of different blood types,
Speaker 1: to eat certain foods. You know what blew my mind
Speaker 1: when I read that book was that. So I don't
Speaker 1: know if I've ever shared on the podcast before, but
Speaker 1: my mother had a heart attack at Okay, and that
Speaker 1: is a large part of the reason why, aside from
Speaker 1: her helping to be a part of our village to
Speaker 1: help with our children, and you know, Develot and I
Speaker 1: have some reprieve whenever we need that. My mother worked
Speaker 1: a very stressful job. She was a director of nursing
Speaker 1: for years at a nursing home. Prior to that, worked
Speaker 1: in home care, long term care, all that, and she
Speaker 1: was under a lot of stress, a lot of stress,
Speaker 1: and in reading about our particular blood type because we
Speaker 1: have the same blood type. It showed that stress stress
Speaker 1: alone was a huge cause of potential heart attack and
Speaker 1: heart disease, heart disease because of our actual blood type
Speaker 1: over any other blood type. And that was just mind
Speaker 1: blowing to me because when my mother had the heart
Speaker 1: attack at fift, we could not figure out how you
Speaker 1: have this woman who is vibrant, she's working a lot.
Speaker 1: Granted she may not be eating the best in terms
Speaker 1: of like at all the heart attack, she hadn't eaten
Speaker 1: for thirty six hours. She had a half a bottle. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she had like a yogurt thing. And my mother has
Speaker 1: never had a big appetite. Like we put a big
Speaker 1: plate of food in front of her, she's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, food, you know. So she she for the
Speaker 1: most part, didn't eat frequently, but she didn't eat poorly.
Speaker 1: You know. She wasn't eating like the things that you
Speaker 1: say would probably need. Yeah, and she don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of Salt is a silent killer, but salt is
Speaker 1: really a silent killer. Guy. She was eating some, she
Speaker 1: wasn't the tetos, not sleeping, not drinking enough water, and
Speaker 1: she was working out and stressed and stress yea. So
Speaker 1: my mother was under just overall, her body was over
Speaker 1: and she wasn't sleeping. You know, even to this day
Speaker 1: now she'll be like, oh, I can't sleep like I can.
Speaker 1: I only need a couple of hours sleep and she
Speaker 1: doesn't have attack take the subject. But this is part
Speaker 1: of the reason why I worked so hard to take
Speaker 1: care of you, the way awake, I worked to take
Speaker 1: care of you. Right. I look at the way our parents,
Speaker 1: both of them, your parents and my parents just worked
Speaker 1: like they just worked so hard, and I admire they're
Speaker 1: ability to just work and they only worked to create
Speaker 1: a legacy for us. We we both have to We
Speaker 1: both have a brother and sister. Um they're both the
Speaker 1: leaders and their families. So they both helped them their
Speaker 1: families as well as helping their kids. But I look
Speaker 1: at your mom, I look at my mom. My mom
Speaker 1: still works, right, And I want to be able as
Speaker 1: just a man, to be able to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I made my wife's life as stress free as possible.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because if we have to
Speaker 1: look out for each other. And I noticed a little
Speaker 1: bit off topic, but just listening to you speak about
Speaker 1: it and thinking about how because this is a podcast
Speaker 1: where we talk about being of service to each other.
Speaker 1: When you know your partners um deficiencies, health deficiencies, you
Speaker 1: know they have issues, potential risk it is, it would
Speaker 1: be in your best interests if you want your partner
Speaker 1: to be there for the long haul to make sure
Speaker 1: you do everything in your power to make sure they're good.
Speaker 1: I know you need sleep all the time. I'm asked
Speaker 1: you because you remind me and your mom constantly going, going, going,
Speaker 1: going going. Did you eat yesterday? God's mind you. We
Speaker 1: went to bed late last couple of nights. The whole
Speaker 1: podcast crew is here and shout out trouble, Matt, Dave, Josh,
Speaker 1: they all here and k went to bed early last night.
Speaker 1: But before she went to bed, I think it was
Speaker 1: my twelve thirty, she said, Oh, I didn't eat today.
Speaker 1: And you see how we always talk about our parents
Speaker 1: and how our parents didn't do things the right way.
Speaker 1: Here we are doing the same ship that they did,
Speaker 1: talking about my parents should have did better for themselves.
Speaker 1: And you don't realize that. You're like, what were you doing?
Speaker 1: Why didn't you eat? And it's like, well, ship, I
Speaker 1: had to work out because you came in and we
Speaker 1: all we both hold each other accountable with working out,
Speaker 1: and that's one thing that that would be on my
Speaker 1: back about. And it's not about just me having whatever
Speaker 1: he deems a perfect figure. He wants my internal body
Speaker 1: to be okay after the postpartum Reclampson, I'm on you
Speaker 1: about trying to get sleep and working and working out,
Speaker 1: for sure, But I was like shout. I was like
Speaker 1: getting the kids, you know, kath ned his school uniform.
Speaker 1: I was taken clothes for the morning this time, and
Speaker 1: there's so many things that had to be done by
Speaker 1: the end of the night once the kids are asleep.
Speaker 1: But I didn't realize that I did even bring it
Speaker 1: eat all day, you know. So it's just we have
Speaker 1: that accountability system with each other. And I mean, let
Speaker 1: me tell you all days it ain't roses because he'd
Speaker 1: be like, did you work out to day? You come
Speaker 1: to work out now, and I'm like, attitude, I don't
Speaker 1: feel like working out. That's just tired. But then trying
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, at the very least, like
Speaker 1: we've discovered you told me recently that everybody should be
Speaker 1: trying to walk at least twenty minutes a day, that's
Speaker 1: bare minimum minimum. And here I'm gonna tell you this. People.
Speaker 1: People listen to me right now because everybody got excuses
Speaker 1: and I have time. I had so much. There's nobody
Speaker 1: in the world, no matter how busy you are, don't
Speaker 1: have twenty minutes to walk straight. Just twenty minutes straight
Speaker 1: consistently every single day. Nobody get up and just walk
Speaker 1: twenty minutes straight. And I'm not talking about a stroll,
Speaker 1: a brisk walk that develops a sweat, because when you
Speaker 1: take a stress test, the first thing they do is
Speaker 1: put you on a treadmill and make you walk for
Speaker 1: twenty minutes to see if you can sustain it. You
Speaker 1: have to be able to do that. Just good for
Speaker 1: heart health. Now, there are some physical benefits you'll gain
Speaker 1: from walking, but heart health is important. Circulation is important.
Speaker 1: We're talking about mental health, the ability for your brain
Speaker 1: to relax while you just you know, now, don't even
Speaker 1: put on music, get some meditation music, and just walk
Speaker 1: and don't think about anything else except just going twenty
Speaker 1: minutes straight at the bricks vers. Wish I was doing
Speaker 1: that for me. Sometimes I'm like, shoot, I have to
Speaker 1: check these emails, and then I'm like damn. I how
Speaker 1: to walk though, So sometimes I can't even have the
Speaker 1: opportunity to turn my mental health. But it's like, yo,
Speaker 1: if I can get on this treadmill, do a consistent
Speaker 1: walk and just like breathe through, delete emails whatever whatever,
Speaker 1: like do some housekeeping stuff, you know, little things like that,
Speaker 1: do some touch bases, jump on the phone with some
Speaker 1: money and be like, hey, and A, I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: call you back. Like, use those opportunities to be able
Speaker 1: to at least get that twenty minutes in. So that's
Speaker 1: super super important. Um, and then I'm going to divolt
Speaker 1: something that I probably never divulged. I don't think, do
Speaker 1: anyone really well? You do know because alright, prior to
Speaker 1: having Dakota and I and re gonna start something when
Speaker 1: they when you say that go ahead, either of us
Speaker 1: our something. I know because I know the Internet, I
Speaker 1: know Beyonce's Internet, and I know the minute you say
Speaker 1: this is people gonna be saying, go hey, go go ahead. No, okay,
Speaker 1: so what we're gonna out? So our preface it by
Speaker 1: saying we're not gonna go ahead, and I'll tell you
Speaker 1: why we're gonna go ahead. So this was something that
Speaker 1: was thought out. It's not something that we just arrived
Speaker 1: at all willy nilly, and was just like, I will
Speaker 1: see how it goes. So prior to even get it
Speaker 1: pregnant with the Coda, Devin and I want defense about
Speaker 1: four or five kids. Do we have one more or
Speaker 1: do we have two more? I will say that even
Speaker 1: while I was pregnant with Dakoda, through my pregnancy, I
Speaker 1: was kind of warming up to the idea of potentially
Speaker 1: having one more and hitting y'all with a back to
Speaker 1: back like like how kyro On Cass came back to that.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, if I'm if this
Speaker 1: is gonna be the end, I might as well have
Speaker 1: this fourth baby who's the coda and then just do
Speaker 1: it one more time and get it over with. And
Speaker 1: it didn't matter, and it didn't matter to us if
Speaker 1: it was a boy or a girl, because we had
Speaker 1: this conversation before and it was just like, if we
Speaker 1: have four, we have four boys. If we try for
Speaker 1: the fifth and we have five boys, we have a
Speaker 1: full basketball team, that's the fact. But if we have
Speaker 1: four and the girl, right, and we finally got our girls.
Speaker 1: So from the very beginning when we were deciding this.
Speaker 1: It was never about a certain sex or gender. It
Speaker 1: was just about having four or five kids, right because
Speaker 1: I felt like we were in a space where initially
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I only want like two or
Speaker 1: three kids, because I was thinking about our circumstances. We
Speaker 1: were in Brooklyn, we were still busting our ass day
Speaker 1: in and day, and we still bust our ass to
Speaker 1: this day on a different level, and we had the
Speaker 1: space here. So in my bliss being here in our
Speaker 1: new home and being pregnant with our fourth child, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: we do have extra rooms. So if we did have
Speaker 1: a fifth child, no problem with five is my favorite number.
Speaker 1: So people don't know that, yes, that's like do we
Speaker 1: do the even thing or do we do the odd thing?
Speaker 1: So UM, I was warming up to the idea of it.
Speaker 1: I will admit that the thing that put the kabash
Speaker 1: in it for me, And it's one of those things
Speaker 1: where you pray for UM a sign, you pray for
Speaker 1: some direction. You're like, God, you know, if this is
Speaker 1: for me, let me know if it ain't for me.
Speaker 1: Removing from my life. After having CODA at home, pristine pregnancy,
Speaker 1: pristine labor, and also talking about UM the way blood coagulates.
Speaker 1: They had me on blood thinner, so like a baby,
Speaker 1: I should say, not blood thinner, but a baby aspirin
Speaker 1: um every day of my pregnancy with CODA because they
Speaker 1: were concerned potentially about that being an issue for me
Speaker 1: because of the protein ski after having COVID, because I
Speaker 1: had COVID at the very beginning before I even knew
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with CODA. In retrospect now I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: it's about five weeks pregnant and I had COVID and
Speaker 1: it was pregnant with CODA. So that was alarming in
Speaker 1: itself for me. But pristine pregnancy, pristine home birth, had CODA.
Speaker 1: Nine days later, ends up with skyrocketing blood pressure, insane
Speaker 1: headache that would not go away, swelling in my my hands,
Speaker 1: at my feet. I had to go to the emergency
Speaker 1: room immediately because my midwife was concerned, and when I
Speaker 1: got there was met with a triage nurse who tried
Speaker 1: to maintain her cool, but I can also see the
Speaker 1: concern in her face when she told me that I
Speaker 1: would have to be admitted immediately because my blood pressure
Speaker 1: at that point was like over likelous, ridiculous and I'm
Speaker 1: a normal seventy kind of person. She came into me
Speaker 1: and she said, um, hey, Mr Bellis, we have we
Speaker 1: have your wife. We're gonna admit her now. It says
Speaker 1: everything okay. And she said, we're going to admit her now,
Speaker 1: right now. We have to get her started on magnesium,
Speaker 1: we have to get that blood pressure down. And it's
Speaker 1: a good thing you brought her in. And I said
Speaker 1: that she going to be okay. She was just like,
Speaker 1: it's a good thing that you brought her in. And
Speaker 1: I was just like, man, is my wife gonna be okay?
Speaker 1: She said, your wife could have went to sleep and
Speaker 1: not woke up. And she said this happens more often
Speaker 1: than not. Two people they feel like they have a headache,
Speaker 1: that something's not right, and they think it's oh, I'm
Speaker 1: not sleeping. And then he said, you know how many
Speaker 1: people coming here and they were seconds away from having
Speaker 1: an aneurysm or having a stroke or going into some
Speaker 1: sort of of cardiac arrest because something didn't feel right
Speaker 1: and they were just going to sleep it off. And
Speaker 1: that reminds me of your mom. Your mom left the
Speaker 1: gym that day, said she didn't feel well and said
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go upstairs, and your brother said, mom,
Speaker 1: let me check your vitals and said, this don't feel right.
Speaker 1: We're going into the hospital. Imagine if your brother and
Speaker 1: if if Takia or I didn't take you, or your
Speaker 1: mom's in the hospital. It's crazy how God works. Because
Speaker 1: my brother wasn't even supposed to be home that day,
Speaker 1: but you see how and he was home close that
Speaker 1: is the home. Like you see how we could have
Speaker 1: been talking about your mom not being here, and we
Speaker 1: could have talked about you not being here. And these
Speaker 1: are just regular days. It was nothing catastrophic that happened, right,
Speaker 1: This is a regular day that we made a choice.
Speaker 1: And you know why we didn't go that day was
Speaker 1: because the val had to leave for the Soul trayin
Speaker 1: awards and she was here doing his fitting and I
Speaker 1: had the baby, and I was just like, man, my
Speaker 1: head doesn't fear right. But to me in my moment,
Speaker 1: in that moment, I was like, I want to make
Speaker 1: sure you're good, like we always wanted to make sure
Speaker 1: everybody else is good, and then in turn not taking
Speaker 1: care of ourselves. So and get into the hospital and
Speaker 1: realizing that wow, I was diagnosed with postpartum preclampsha, which
Speaker 1: normally you hear about preclamption while pregnant, so that's having
Speaker 1: high blood pressure issues during the pregnancy. Never had any
Speaker 1: sign of that. So what I learned is, like I
Speaker 1: said earlier, when your body is under this mini stress
Speaker 1: tests as a pregnant woman, it kind of gives you
Speaker 1: a little bit of inclination or a little triggers to
Speaker 1: let you know, hey, having high blood pressure while pregnant
Speaker 1: means that there's a very great possibility that you will
Speaker 1: have blood pressure hypertension issues in the future. And that's
Speaker 1: something that I don't even want to speak over my
Speaker 1: life because y'all can have y'all little triggers and y'all
Speaker 1: a little you know, pregnancy signs, But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to speak high pretension over my life. However, I do
Speaker 1: know that it runs in my family. So whatever I
Speaker 1: can do now to help to prevent that, whatever lifestyle
Speaker 1: changes I need to prevent now. I mean when devoun
Speaker 1: I sometimes meal prep now that I'm trying to get
Speaker 1: myself back in shape after the baby and just try
Speaker 1: to be healthier and live healthier. We'll cook meal prep
Speaker 1: stuff and we'll eat that and then we'll go maybe
Speaker 1: to a restaurant or eat you out somewhere else, and
Speaker 1: we would like, damn, wasn't that fool really salty? Or like, damn,
Speaker 1: that was really sweet. So it's almost as if you're pale,
Speaker 1: your palette changes and it shifts. Sometimes your body requires
Speaker 1: a detox, but to kind of start over. If you
Speaker 1: can change your palette as an adult, you can curate
Speaker 1: a palette for a child. For example, our children eat
Speaker 1: sugar free ices. They don't taste any different to them
Speaker 1: because they're not even used to just eating the regular
Speaker 1: We grew up on the Italian ices with magic. I
Speaker 1: still eat them. But what we're trying to do with
Speaker 1: all this information is curate a lifestyle for our children
Speaker 1: where they can live healthier and not have to worry
Speaker 1: about those extended pre existing conditions because we didn't add
Speaker 1: to it with our traditional family things. And it's not
Speaker 1: that we're trying to take these things away from our kids,
Speaker 1: because we're still going to explain to them who they
Speaker 1: are and why we do things a certain way. But
Speaker 1: it's just making choices, you know, make sure you guys
Speaker 1: are active all the time, make sure you eat things
Speaker 1: the right way. Don't put because our kids. Yes, everything
Speaker 1: has to be done in moderation, you know. So because
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen is like, you're not gonna tell me
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna eat these candy ams on on things. Okay,
Speaker 1: but you're not gonna tell me you're gonna take that,
Speaker 1: you know, pork, what is it, the turkey, nick or
Speaker 1: whatever out of the colleague gonna have the heavy cream
Speaker 1: in the mac and cheese. That's what we're gonna have.
Speaker 1: But we're not eating that every day, So I said,
Speaker 1: I say, we're not doing it every day, but as
Speaker 1: well Thanksgiving, I'll be eating it for a couple of
Speaker 1: days after because that's what it soaked in, really really
Speaker 1: really nicely. Um. So, yeah, there's ways to even just
Speaker 1: detox the body and kind of start over and kind
Speaker 1: of refresh. I think that's needed every now and again too.
Speaker 1: If you ask my grandmother, she'd be likely to give
Speaker 1: them then wash out before school starts, you know, like
Speaker 1: the end of the summer. It's like you gotta reset
Speaker 1: the body. You got to get that laxative, that wash
Speaker 1: out to kind of make sure that you're getting rid
Speaker 1: of the things that actually your body. Yeah, so um. Well,
Speaker 1: shout out to Shaniqua um the homie on Instagram. She's
Speaker 1: high frequency tea and I did her the biddest Um
Speaker 1: detox when I first moved here, and um, yeah, that
Speaker 1: was an interesting detox because it tasted like all hell.
Speaker 1: But I felt amazingly light after that. Like she was,
Speaker 1: you don't always taste good, That's true, That's just what
Speaker 1: it is. That's how I knew it was. Vegetables are
Speaker 1: what's the real deal when you eat during something that
Speaker 1: tastes nasty. Yes, so we should have around here to
Speaker 1: talk about some natural ways and then in turn take
Speaker 1: care of the body versus having to potentially maybe get
Speaker 1: on medication later, starting that before being proactive versus reactive.
Speaker 1: Al Right, guys, So, as you guys know, twenty three
Speaker 1: and Me has given us um some health tips of
Speaker 1: what we pre disposed to genetically. But they've also given
Speaker 1: us some fun facts like carrier status and wellness and
Speaker 1: traits that can affect us on our everyday life. And
Speaker 1: I think this would be fun to go through so
Speaker 1: we can see how accurate this is based on how
Speaker 1: we interact on the daily. When Devout calls me crazy
Speaker 1: or delusional, on a random day. It may not be
Speaker 1: just crazy and delusion. It may be genetics. I wonder
Speaker 1: if you're pre disposed to d opping it because you
Speaker 1: like dropping it a lot like catching it, probably you
Speaker 1: predisposed to it and I'm predisposed to catching them. It's
Speaker 1: the perfect marriage. Let's dive in, Shelly, all right. So
Speaker 1: when we look at some of my health predispositions, I
Speaker 1: guess that we have, according to my twenty three and
Speaker 1: me report, a slightly increased risk of age related macular
Speaker 1: D generation. So that's a m D loss of eyesight
Speaker 1: that usually begins to show up in your sixties and seventies.
Speaker 1: Smoking highly increases this risk. Oh mg, am I have
Speaker 1: to put down to hookah. I don't know hooka Mommy,
Speaker 1: damn ain nobody trying to lose this eyes side. Baby.
Speaker 1: I want to see you. I want to see you
Speaker 1: well into my hundreds. I think I think you'd be.
Speaker 1: And then oh, it actually picked up that I'm a
Speaker 1: carrier status UM for not necessarily the sickle cell anemia variant,
Speaker 1: but one was detected for the beta the last mia. Lord,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give me all these big words to talk about.
Speaker 1: I thought me you know, we always see them commercials
Speaker 1: on TV. Who got Mezzo? Like, what does anybody know? What? Me?
Speaker 1: Can anybody who's actually had that? Right in for a
Speaker 1: listener letter because we see it all the time, and
Speaker 1: I just get to meet somebody who's had that. So yeah,
Speaker 1: but pretty much, it's a genetic disorder characterized by anemia
Speaker 1: and fatigue UM, as well as bone deformities and organ problems. Yikes.
Speaker 1: So a person must have two variants in the HBB
Speaker 1: gene in order to have this condition. So let's hope
Speaker 1: I an't got none of that. Well know. The reason
Speaker 1: why that's good, though, is because now you know if
Speaker 1: the kids have it and they gave someone who has
Speaker 1: the same variants or similar variant or two variants, then
Speaker 1: they are more likely to have it. So it's important
Speaker 1: to know. It's definitely important to know. And then under
Speaker 1: the wellness category, my report says that I'm like likely
Speaker 1: to drink slightly less caffeine than the average based on
Speaker 1: my gematics. Have yet to see that yet. Day Baby
Speaker 1: Air Day, which is funny, Bill. When I was pregnant,
Speaker 1: I did not like coffee at all, actually gave me
Speaker 1: more heightened morning sickness UM. But yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: can't go a date without coffee or two if I
Speaker 1: chose to. My thing is I love a warm beverage
Speaker 1: in the morning. So if it's not coffee, it's a
Speaker 1: cup of tea, I'm gonna have something. And then also
Speaker 1: recording to my report, my genetic muscle composition is common
Speaker 1: in power elite elite. You know what they're talking about,
Speaker 1: right That bum, that bubble, that's that's where the power
Speaker 1: comes from. But the hamstrings, the whole glued hamstring, posterior
Speaker 1: chain area like a track athlete volleyball. If you get
Speaker 1: that from your mother, love that was playing netball in Jamaica,
Speaker 1: running track, and then you got that the glutes. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's all genetic, baby, yes, make sure you think my
Speaker 1: mother to day. All right, all right. And I'm more
Speaker 1: likely to be a deep sleeper. Absolutely on the rare
Speaker 1: occasion that I can't actually get into a deep sleep,
Speaker 1: I'm going to sleep rare occasion though, rare occasion. And
Speaker 1: then last traits okay, okay, okay, So for my wellness,
Speaker 1: it says that my body composition is common in elite
Speaker 1: power athletes. Make sense because I've been elite power athlete.
Speaker 1: My whole life playing football, playing basketball. You're not together
Speaker 1: making little power leap athletes. That's why the Jackson cairo
Speaker 1: kas at the quarter. They're gonna be out here, run
Speaker 1: it all over everybody. Absolutely, it says I'm less likely
Speaker 1: to be a deep sleeper. That makes sense, it does, yes,
Speaker 1: because I to be honest, I don't think my eyes
Speaker 1: ever closed. I feel like I'll be sleeping like this
Speaker 1: the whole night and time to get up. Or you're
Speaker 1: thinking too much, you don't know, want to turn your
Speaker 1: brain off. I'm always thinking. Plus also being the man
Speaker 1: of the house, I never want to hear someone. I
Speaker 1: always want to be aware of someone's entering or exiting
Speaker 1: the house. And it's been that way since the apartment.
Speaker 1: Like I just want to know. So I don't feel
Speaker 1: like sleep heavy at all. Absolutely, all right, let's go
Speaker 1: with some traits. So do you and nine boats? It
Speaker 1: looks like have a chance of being able to match
Speaker 1: a musical pitch. So, because I think the record has
Speaker 1: shown based on karaoke, we're in season nine. That's not
Speaker 1: a talent I have. I ain't even want wow, look
Speaker 1: at this one. This is actually so spot on, slightly
Speaker 1: higher odds of disliking cilantro. Oh wow, guys, I hate cilantro.
Speaker 1: Cilantro can go somewhere and die, like literally like I
Speaker 1: have no use for it, but barely Mexican food because
Speaker 1: it's cilantro. According to the report, you are not likely
Speaker 1: to have early hair lows cat cat, right, what's so
Speaker 1: somewhat a cat? Because my hair lows is more stress
Speaker 1: based your counterparts. And when I'm when I'm resting and
Speaker 1: not filming, my hair is fuller. Whenever I get into
Speaker 1: that season of filming months and months at the time,
Speaker 1: my hair definitely things out. So that's true. But here
Speaker 1: this one, here I noticed his cat likely prefer salty
Speaker 1: over sweet. Cat. I love sugar. Less likely to have
Speaker 1: a fear of public speaking for me. Hello, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Look at your last one. But average odds of hating
Speaker 1: chewing sounds you kiss yo. Y'all know how condemia is
Speaker 1: about people who made this. I literally want to hug you.
Speaker 1: It's so true. More than average to be afraid of heights, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of heights. Yes, I can't smell. I can't
Speaker 1: stand the smell of asparagus. I mean, I'm indifferent to that. Wow,
Speaker 1: I prefer vanilla over chocolate ice cream. I do less
Speaker 1: likely to dislike chewing sounds. I could care less about
Speaker 1: chewing sounds. You want to know why I'd be focused
Speaker 1: on my food, not other people, unlike my wife here,
Speaker 1: who will stop eating her food just to see if
Speaker 1: she can hear if somebody's chewing. You're a lunatic, and
Speaker 1: now we know it's genetically. You're a genetic lunatic. That's
Speaker 1: the reason why you are the way you are. So
Speaker 1: you're calling me a lunatic all these years? Are you
Speaker 1: just calling me? As you see me? You can't help you.
Speaker 1: I love that I can't help myself, y'all. Now we
Speaker 1: know I'm crazy and he's crazier for being in this
Speaker 1: world with me. You love it here, baby, period. All right,
Speaker 1: that was a pretty cool discussion twenty three and me
Speaker 1: thank you all for that report, Like no, no, my
Speaker 1: bad bits from Street Vodka. Ya can't y'all can't tell
Speaker 1: me that's it. But what I am going to tell
Speaker 1: you that is that we need to break um so
Speaker 1: we can go into listener letters because we do still
Speaker 1: have that as a portion of the show. On season
Speaker 1: nine of Listener Letters, I'm excited to dive in, So
Speaker 1: let's take a break and we'll be right back. We
Speaker 1: are back with listener letters. I will go ahead and
Speaker 1: read this first one. All right, So this one seems
Speaker 1: very ambig uous. A man has been with a woman.
Speaker 1: He has three kids. By youngest it's eleven, and has
Speaker 1: recently moved them into a new house. Reason for moving
Speaker 1: is because he says that his kids had outgrown the
Speaker 1: house they were previously living in and his youngest daughter
Speaker 1: didn't have her own room. I've been dealing with this
Speaker 1: man for the last twenty four years, and I also
Speaker 1: have his first child, aged two. He tells me that
Speaker 1: we're going to be together and has also told me
Speaker 1: that he's going to marry me one day, but he
Speaker 1: has to make sure that they're good before he leaves
Speaker 1: so he won't have to so they won't need him
Speaker 1: or be in poverty. My question to you, does this
Speaker 1: sound like a situation I should wait for or should
Speaker 1: I hit the hills running. I'll be listening faithfully to
Speaker 1: hear your response. Okay, so this is this is a
Speaker 1: very um loaded question and there is no right or
Speaker 1: wrong answer. But I will say this in situations like
Speaker 1: these you have to look at two perspectives, right. I
Speaker 1: understand her perspective as a woman. Right. It says that
Speaker 1: they've been together for twenty four years, which means even
Speaker 1: if they were together from fifteen, they're still thirty nine, right,
Speaker 1: which means that's time. Time is of the essence. They
Speaker 1: have children together, the first and the third child of
Speaker 1: both theirs, and in the middle is not hers, So
Speaker 1: we don't know if there was a break there or not.
Speaker 1: But she says she's like, yo, he bought a house
Speaker 1: we all live in together, but she wants to get married.
Speaker 1: She wants the title. Right. I understand where she's coming from,
Speaker 1: because as a woman in society, when you live with
Speaker 1: a guy for a long time and you're not married,
Speaker 1: people look down on you. They don't look down on him,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. They're just like, oh, she's
Speaker 1: sticking around and he's playing house and he doesn't have
Speaker 1: to commit to her. So I understand where she's coming from.
Speaker 1: So the title means a lot to her. Similar to
Speaker 1: when we got married, you you would like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be your living girlfriend, and I was just like, okay,
Speaker 1: I want to get married. But I'm not ready to
Speaker 1: get married yet. This is where I talk about where
Speaker 1: I understand his perspective. Right when Codein and I were
Speaker 1: getting married, and I'm going to use us as an
Speaker 1: example because a lot of women have agreed with you
Speaker 1: in the terms, and a lot of men have agreed
Speaker 1: with me. When we were getting married, Codine's focus was
Speaker 1: on the wedding. My focus was on the marriage and
Speaker 1: my line. You know, because you wanted to have the
Speaker 1: perfect wedding, that's that you dreamed about. I wanted to
Speaker 1: have the perfect marriage in part because I felt like
Speaker 1: the pressure would be on me the same way. If
Speaker 1: you're living together with me for years and we're not married,
Speaker 1: everyone looks at you. If we go into a financial
Speaker 1: hardship and we're married, everyone's gonna look at me. So
Speaker 1: as a man, it's a little bit more difficult to
Speaker 1: make that decision to say, I want to ask this
Speaker 1: this woman to be my wife, but I'm not in
Speaker 1: a place financially where I want to be so that
Speaker 1: I can take care of anything, if everything, if something happens.
Speaker 1: I know what that feels like as a man, but
Speaker 1: I also have empathy enough to understand when a woman
Speaker 1: feels like when she feels like she's being dragged along.
Speaker 1: The way these two can come to amicable decision is
Speaker 1: by constantly having communication. She probably doesn't feel comfortable being
Speaker 1: honest with him in real time, and he probably doesn't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable being honest with her in real time. It's
Speaker 1: almost like I don't know exactly how to say what
Speaker 1: it is I want to say. But if they learn
Speaker 1: how to communicate and express what they need in order
Speaker 1: to move forward, they'll be able to do it collectively.
Speaker 1: And I think that's what the problem is, because even
Speaker 1: her asking the questions do I wait, but do I
Speaker 1: run for the hills, It's like, what are you waiting for?
Speaker 1: Be open and say what you need. You were open
Speaker 1: and said what you needed, and at the time I
Speaker 1: felt like it was pressure. But I was open and
Speaker 1: said how I felt. But it's pressure, and I told
Speaker 1: you what I needed. Where I failed in that moment
Speaker 1: was my dad always told me, when it comes to finances,
Speaker 1: you take the stress off of your wife. That's your responsibility.
Speaker 1: I know it may seem old school, but my father said,
Speaker 1: when you ask a woman to be your wife, it
Speaker 1: is your fiduciary responsibility to take care of her and
Speaker 1: the children that you had her you had asked her
Speaker 1: to have for you. So for me, I felt a
Speaker 1: different level of responsibility being a man, because I felt
Speaker 1: like it's my responsibility to take care of all of y'all,
Speaker 1: whereas you probably felt like we can do this together.
Speaker 1: We never had that conversation of what my mindset was
Speaker 1: and getting married. All I said was I wasn't ready
Speaker 1: in a moment. And when you hear I'm not ready,
Speaker 1: you think what, You're not ready to get married? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's not that I'm not ready to
Speaker 1: get married. I just don't think I'm financially prepared to
Speaker 1: go through the entire marriage right now. And you know,
Speaker 1: the expect the expectation for me was never for you
Speaker 1: to take care of me, which was I think ultimately
Speaker 1: was where we kind of like different on opinions. You
Speaker 1: according to like your dad, which shout out to Scoop
Speaker 1: again for being like a stand up dude to say, hey, bro,
Speaker 1: like you need to be able to take care of
Speaker 1: your family, where I'm just like, Bro, you and I
Speaker 1: together can do anything. Like I was excited just about
Speaker 1: the vigor you had for life, and I had the
Speaker 1: same vigor. So it's like we can do this together.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not depending on you, but I know, as
Speaker 1: a man, you have your own particular set of you know,
Speaker 1: I guess your checklist of things where we're checking off
Speaker 1: certain things like I want to be married by this
Speaker 1: time or have children by this time. You have your checklist.
Speaker 1: If I want to be able to do this, I
Speaker 1: want to be able to pay off my house, I'd
Speaker 1: get my wife this. I completely understand it. And I
Speaker 1: also understand that when things go wrong, people generally, when
Speaker 1: you're looking at a married couple, tend to blame the
Speaker 1: husband if they're having issues. You know, I know a
Speaker 1: particular situation where that's exactly what happened. The why it
Speaker 1: was just at fault for not working and taking care
Speaker 1: of her, and neither one of them work and he wasn't,
Speaker 1: so neither of them were working, and it's just like
Speaker 1: y'all you were in the situation, and it's not just
Speaker 1: him and it's not just her. Ever, everyone blame him
Speaker 1: and then and the thing is they will talk about
Speaker 1: double standards in the world and it's not fair. We
Speaker 1: get it's not fair, right, but they are what they are, right,
Speaker 1: the double standard. A man can live with a wife,
Speaker 1: will live with a woman for years and nobody will
Speaker 1: say anything to him, but they'll judge her. They can
Speaker 1: go through financial hardships, they won't say anything about her,
Speaker 1: but they'll judge him. That's the double standards, and I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people get caught up and trying
Speaker 1: not to be a part of those narratives that for
Speaker 1: women it's like, I need to get married so I
Speaker 1: don't want to be a stay at home And for
Speaker 1: a man, he's like, I don't want to seem like
Speaker 1: a dead beat husband. I gotta make sure my finances
Speaker 1: are straight. If those two people just speak and be
Speaker 1: honest about the plan and what they want to do,
Speaker 1: they'll be fine, period. So I wouldn't say run for
Speaker 1: the hills. I would say begin that dialogue about what
Speaker 1: your life is looking like and what you want to do,
Speaker 1: because you never know. And I know if it's some
Speaker 1: people that say what they've been together twenty four years,
Speaker 1: that's a long time. Listen. There's no age that you
Speaker 1: can look at someone and count their pockets and say
Speaker 1: they're prepared for life. Because I know people older than
Speaker 1: me who still need help financially and still need hope
Speaker 1: emotionally and just still need help. So it's difficult for
Speaker 1: you to look at someone forty years or he should
Speaker 1: have had his life together. There's plenty of people our
Speaker 1: age who don't have their life together, people older than
Speaker 1: us who don't. So we have to also stop doing
Speaker 1: that to people and tell them they should have their
Speaker 1: life together by their mid twenties or they've a failure.
Speaker 1: You know, things take time for different people. Absolutely, so
Speaker 1: good Luxus, thank you for being a faithful listener, and
Speaker 1: I hope you got your answer all right. Number two,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on supporting your partner as they
Speaker 1: build a business that but you aren't married? Wow? This
Speaker 1: is actually a perfect second question. By support, I mean
Speaker 1: doing the admin side or groundwork for free. Should this
Speaker 1: be reserved for married couples since there is more security
Speaker 1: in marriage. Girls ain't security and nothing period, first and foremost,
Speaker 1: um or as just a girl or guy. I don't
Speaker 1: know who wrote it, as it was a man or
Speaker 1: a woman. Um there ain't no security and nothing. So
Speaker 1: just feeling like, oh, because I'm married now, their security
Speaker 1: absolutely not because things fall apart. Okay, um I guess
Speaker 1: they're more at stake in terms of like how things
Speaker 1: will be divided if you're married and then you end
Speaker 1: up divorcing, and like what does that business look like
Speaker 1: and what does the revenue look like? How it's going
Speaker 1: to be split. That's different. But I supported Devout for
Speaker 1: free when he had just a dream, absolutely, and I
Speaker 1: worked as your I guess, your administrative assistant when you
Speaker 1: were starting, for example, your prototype business with the kids
Speaker 1: and training. Um, I would work in the right We
Speaker 1: were engaged at the time, and yeah, I mean at
Speaker 1: that time it was just an idea for Devout, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to be able to do this,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, all right, cool. I was always down
Speaker 1: for the cause, even from day one. When Devout told
Speaker 1: me about all his hopes and dreams, I'm like, awesome,
Speaker 1: how are we gonna make this happen? But that's but
Speaker 1: I think that's the question though. It's like, and I
Speaker 1: just I'm asking you personally because I don't want to
Speaker 1: know to like, because I know what my answer is
Speaker 1: to this question for you, I don't hear you. What
Speaker 1: was it about me that you said I feel safe
Speaker 1: helping this person even without any commitment when I think
Speaker 1: about you helping me read my dog. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And it went both ways because I remember
Speaker 1: when you were an audio video class and you needed
Speaker 1: someone to hold the camera and you know, hold the
Speaker 1: white paper to be your your white balance. You were
Speaker 1: actor in a music video I had to do in class.
Speaker 1: You remember, listen, you're acting day started. You're the first
Speaker 1: person to cast me in my first Make sure you're
Speaker 1: give me my credits when you get your ascar. Okay,
Speaker 1: so they always ask this is why? So now I'm
Speaker 1: gonna ask the question. This answer the question. This is
Speaker 1: why you don't help people when you're not married, because
Speaker 1: they come back later on when she gave them. But
Speaker 1: we've always been supportive of each other. And I know
Speaker 1: why I was supportive you, But why um de value?
Speaker 1: From day one have exhibited such a charisma and such
Speaker 1: unyielding work ethic for anything that you want. That seeing
Speaker 1: that early on was enough for me to be brought
Speaker 1: into your dreams as well. You always worked hard. You
Speaker 1: had all these ideas in your mind, and you may
Speaker 1: not be the the best that like administrative follow up
Speaker 1: or just things like that, because you're you're you're creative
Speaker 1: to the max. So but you do know how to
Speaker 1: delegate responsibility, and you do know how to empower people
Speaker 1: around you to be at their best potential in whatever
Speaker 1: facet they're working at. Because if there's a collective goal,
Speaker 1: a collective dream, a collective business, you're really great about
Speaker 1: mapping that out. And I saw that early on UM
Speaker 1: and it was starting from even just your NFL days.
Speaker 1: You know, you were trying to just you know, start
Speaker 1: that nest day, and you say, if I get to
Speaker 1: the NFL, this would be a great way for me
Speaker 1: to have that nest day to start my life for
Speaker 1: my family, so then I can in turn not be
Speaker 1: a starving actor. You put the wheels in ocean, and
Speaker 1: that was enough for me to be brought into your
Speaker 1: dream because I said, this man is motivated, so we
Speaker 1: can do this together. So what you're saying was it
Speaker 1: wasn't the talking, it was you watching me work. So
Speaker 1: we're on the same page. Because when now this is
Speaker 1: this is actually a great topic because I just had
Speaker 1: a conversation with a bunch of dudes, my young boys
Speaker 1: who are graduating in college now. They's like, yo, coach devout, Like,
Speaker 1: how much time should I put into a chick that
Speaker 1: I'm not that's not going to be my wife or whatever,
Speaker 1: because the city girls out here trying to get paid
Speaker 1: and I ain't trying to get got And now the
Speaker 1: city boys is like these bitches, I'm going out for me,
Speaker 1: and it is, yes, the thing, that's the full thing.
Speaker 1: Everybody's out for self, or at least on social media.
Speaker 1: I mean, shoot, if you're not on TikTok, you oh,
Speaker 1: and I'm not on TikTok, I own that I had
Speaker 1: you hurt and looking at TikTok. But I've started to
Speaker 1: realize even listening to people's comments or commentary on social media,
Speaker 1: their example of why, for example, niggas ain't ship or
Speaker 1: bitches ain't ship always goes back to their choices. I
Speaker 1: was dealing with this nigga and and I was dealing
Speaker 1: with this bit and she la. So maybe you should
Speaker 1: check your choices. Rather than rather than passing a wide
Speaker 1: net over all of the people in the world, you
Speaker 1: should be more have more discernment with who you choose
Speaker 1: to give your time to. So, for example, if you
Speaker 1: notice that a dude or a girl is always talking
Speaker 1: about what they're gonna do and not do it, and
Speaker 1: you feel like you're going to be the person to
Speaker 1: push them, and you realize that you're doing all the work.
Speaker 1: You should have noticed that before they started working and
Speaker 1: they was just talking. But I see people do this
Speaker 1: all the time. They hear someone talk about their dreams
Speaker 1: and they're like, I'll help them do their dreams. And
Speaker 1: even sometimes you help that person do their dream, they
Speaker 1: take the dream and they move on. It's like they
Speaker 1: never asked you to help them with the dream. You
Speaker 1: chose to step in and do it. You gotta start
Speaker 1: looking at people and letting them tell you who they
Speaker 1: are and believing them. The first time, Yeah, with you,
Speaker 1: I was like, she actually working, She actually doing all
Speaker 1: the stuff. Are a A D R D one r
Speaker 1: A A D and R D of the year every
Speaker 1: single year? When you started at MAC, you went from
Speaker 1: a third key, I mean you were from part time
Speaker 1: to a third key to a manager. All of this
Speaker 1: was quick. So I was like that she works hard.
Speaker 1: So I felt like if I could help her, I
Speaker 1: could give her autonomy to move in the world that's
Speaker 1: always marginalizes women. You know what I'm saying, We still
Speaker 1: exist in the patriarchy. So for me, because we don't
Speaker 1: know if there's a man or a woman I look
Speaker 1: at I look at my girl at the time, because
Speaker 1: you weren't my wife, my girl, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I want her to be able to feel comfortable making
Speaker 1: moves and know when somebody got her. So for me,
Speaker 1: that's what it was. It wasn't it wasn't even. It
Speaker 1: was just about being present so that you felt comfortable
Speaker 1: that if you fell, I was there, or if you
Speaker 1: need somebody to step in and be a bull going
Speaker 1: into these things, you had somebody with you. So for me,
Speaker 1: it wasn't so much about what I could gain, but
Speaker 1: it was about seeing you actually put in the working
Speaker 1: and me wanting to be a part of seeing you
Speaker 1: do your dreams. So I think that's really what it
Speaker 1: should be. And I don't think it should just be
Speaker 1: reserved for couples once they get married, because how do
Speaker 1: you know you're building a foundation with someone before marriage
Speaker 1: unless you start working before them before then exactly. That's
Speaker 1: a good point. That's a really good point. I hope
Speaker 1: that helped you out, y'all. Really good listener letters for today.
Speaker 1: A nice way to round out this twenty three and
Speaker 1: Me Report episode. Um, let's give him a moment of truth.
Speaker 1: But before we do that, make sure if you are
Speaker 1: trying to be considered as a listener letter email us
Speaker 1: at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's d E A D A S S A D
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. All right,
Speaker 1: and moment of truth time. I guess my moment of
Speaker 1: truth is actually what my initial karaoke song was. I
Speaker 1: was gonna go do going into this until I found
Speaker 1: out I was a bad bit from Sri Lankan that
Speaker 1: changed it. Um. But thinking about Diana Ross and mahogany Um,
Speaker 1: do you know we're going to do you know the
Speaker 1: things that life are showing you? Do you know? Do
Speaker 1: you know? And if you don't know, now you know
Speaker 1: perfect segue um. But there are resources, there are ways
Speaker 1: out there for you to find out who you really are,
Speaker 1: being able to date it back to location, um, dating
Speaker 1: back to health um. Knowing more and having the tools
Speaker 1: and the opportunity to be able to advance your knowledge
Speaker 1: on history, your own history, I mean, even if you're
Speaker 1: not interested in all the other histories that are happening
Speaker 1: at least no yours at least nor yours and and
Speaker 1: and tap into resources that will allow you to do
Speaker 1: so so you can make the changes you need to
Speaker 1: make to make this life the best and the healthiest
Speaker 1: and the longest you can facts. My moment of truth
Speaker 1: is extremely simple. Shout out to twenty three and me
Speaker 1: for these beautiful reports. It helped me dive even deeper
Speaker 1: into the role my ancestors played in what is America?
Speaker 1: Number one and number two the role they played in
Speaker 1: who I am today? Both physically knowing why I look
Speaker 1: the way I look, mentally why um I have the
Speaker 1: type of fortitude I have also emotionally why I feel
Speaker 1: so strongly about the things I feel about that going
Speaker 1: on in the world, but also helping me figure out
Speaker 1: how I'm going to create a plan to have my
Speaker 1: children exists in a space that's more um beneficial for
Speaker 1: them health wise, physically, mentally, and emotionally by understanding what's
Speaker 1: nature versus nurture and using what I can nurture to
Speaker 1: make the nature less prominent. Oh that was a word.
Speaker 1: That was That was a word A little fine as
Speaker 1: look at you sitting over there, stop playing all right, y'all,
Speaker 1: just saying okay, this as holding this way together today, baby,
Speaker 1: Because one thing we are is type. Be sure to
Speaker 1: follow us on social media you'll if you have not
Speaker 1: been already, We have the podcast page which is pretty
Speaker 1: straightforward dead As the Podcast, and then of course you
Speaker 1: can give me a little follow you know, if you
Speaker 1: ain't yet. Um cadean I am is my handle on
Speaker 1: all the social media, that's right, and I m devo
Speaker 1: on all the social media. And if you're listening on
Speaker 1: Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe Dead
Speaker 1: as y'all season nine season dead Ass is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by
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Speaker 1: at dead as the Podcast and never miss a Thing