Speaker 1: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who
Speaker 1: talked back. What's up, y'all? Le's your girl? A J.
Speaker 1: Welcome to a new episode of We Talked Back. Thank
Speaker 1: you for joining us. Hey, y'all list tam bam. I
Speaker 1: love y'all. How So, it was been at the college's
Speaker 1: homecoming this weekend, and we attended the masquerade ball on
Speaker 1: Friday night. It was a lot of fun. Did you
Speaker 1: enjoy yourself? Yeah, it was good. I like to see
Speaker 1: all the people. Girl. You lying? Girl? You lying? Like
Speaker 1: hey J. We got it to our section. A J
Speaker 1: did not leave the section the whole time. She drank
Speaker 1: her drink, kept her little crow mask on the whole
Speaker 1: night and was cute and that was it. Meanwhile, I
Speaker 1: was moving around. I was moving around. Okay, you didn't
Speaker 1: You don't remember it? Did you not remember anybody or anything?
Speaker 1: Why you wasn't mingling? I mean I spoke to the
Speaker 1: people I knew, But I don't know what you don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. God the antisocial a little bit sometimes whatever, girl,
Speaker 1: So let's get into can we get into the meeting
Speaker 1: potatoes the right episode? Because I don't want to waste
Speaker 1: time on this This is a very special episode, you guys. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's who we got on our show. Guess you ain't
Speaker 1: never gonna guess. It's our daddy's y'all. So would you'all
Speaker 1: like to introduce yourselves? Please? Sure. I'm Bryant. I am
Speaker 1: Tammy's daddy, my help from Chicago. I'm sixty one years
Speaker 1: old and I have no idea why Dammy invited me
Speaker 1: on here for advice on relationships. But here we go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna introduce yourself some all right from a little
Speaker 1: shy type of person. But I told her that I
Speaker 1: tried to do my bess and we appreciate you for that.
Speaker 1: So sho man be bad at sneaky for me to watch.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna ask you this question, both of y'all.
Speaker 1: How did y'all meet our mama's I knew it was ambush.
Speaker 1: I met your mother at cop and uh I was
Speaker 1: a freshman and I don't remember what exactly classification she
Speaker 1: was at the time, but we met in college and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, she was older than me, very cute, very polite,
Speaker 1: berry smart, and I was attracted to it. The rest
Speaker 1: is history. She is a bad red bone Alleen University. So, so,
Speaker 1: how you met my mama? Um? I met aske you
Speaker 1: mom and Charlene to my brother. She used to always
Speaker 1: say a word down the street that she was she
Speaker 1: liked me, but I always used to go down the way.
Speaker 1: You know. One day I met up and we started
Speaker 1: a communicating and everything went from there. Okay, cool cool,
Speaker 1: So all right, enough about them because you'll don't even
Speaker 1: date them no more. So we need to gonna go
Speaker 1: down that road, thank you. I'd like to establish first,
Speaker 1: I did not have daddy issues. My parents were married
Speaker 1: when I was conceived. Yeah, I had a daddy. Okay,
Speaker 1: you still got a daddy time where I had. I
Speaker 1: still got a daddy that was mad good. Twenty years
Speaker 1: same here, twenty years has to cut off. Seems like
Speaker 1: that's a good run. That's a good run, ye man.
Speaker 1: So all right, give me daddy some advice on You
Speaker 1: know me very well. You probably know me better than
Speaker 1: any man out there. Why do you think I'm still single?
Speaker 1: And be totally transparent? I think that you're still single because, uh,
Speaker 1: you move too fast and U you don't take time
Speaker 1: to cultivate a relationship. It's like you three strikes you out, um,
Speaker 1: and that's always been you. You're very stubborn independent, and
Speaker 1: things don't go your way. You out yeah, because these
Speaker 1: thinkers be playing with me. Daddy, I hear this all
Speaker 1: the time, trust you, and I give her the same advice,
Speaker 1: take your time, just taking slow. You understand. You know,
Speaker 1: guys out here have game, and you know one of
Speaker 1: your biggest pet peeves is honesty. Um. But I also
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, you may fall into that category
Speaker 1: of uh, checking the content of a man's wallet instead
Speaker 1: of checking his his character first. And then when you
Speaker 1: figure out that character is empty and the wallet may
Speaker 1: be loaded, you you kind of left holding the bag.
Speaker 1: You don't like it, so you you move on. I've
Speaker 1: heard you say, oh oh, daddy, this is the one
Speaker 1: and the first thing you go into is is where
Speaker 1: he took you? And you know how much money he
Speaker 1: got the you know, then a couple of weeks later,
Speaker 1: I can't stand that, Nick. I like a man that
Speaker 1: can provide that he what's wrong with that? But well,
Speaker 1: I mean for pro vision this one thing, but is
Speaker 1: he providing everything else? I mean, yeah, that once I
Speaker 1: see the character flawed, the money don't matter no more.
Speaker 1: And that's I wish I could like just love a
Speaker 1: man who's just rich and be fine with that, but
Speaker 1: I just want more exactly. I gotta like you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's always easy to like a broken nigga. I
Speaker 1: don't want no broke nigger. What why don't you find
Speaker 1: like a medium like he ain't got to be super rich,
Speaker 1: but he don't have to be like poor standards of
Speaker 1: a moral character whatever. Because it seemed like the more
Speaker 1: money a guy got, the more he thinks he's more
Speaker 1: privileged to take certain privileges with the women that he needs,
Speaker 1: especially if he thinks that that's all that after is
Speaker 1: his money. You know, so that's a two way street.
Speaker 1: You got a lot of men who lead with money, right,
Speaker 1: So they lead with money, and then when I tell
Speaker 1: you I need something, now it's a problem. Yeah, Well
Speaker 1: that stelf representation, right. Everybody comes out with their best,
Speaker 1: best face forward. And then when you get into the
Speaker 1: thick of things like hey, I need uh, I need,
Speaker 1: I need my life being paid or something like that,
Speaker 1: then you know a lot of guys kind of get like,
Speaker 1: who was playing your life being before I met you?
Speaker 1: You know, I kind of think that every guy I
Speaker 1: want to help out a little you know, in a relationship,
Speaker 1: but for some reason another, So it's hard an it
Speaker 1: is going into relationship. Um, actually, litle bit tear me.
Speaker 1: She is her mother's daughter. I understand a lot about that.
Speaker 1: But she said, what does that mean exactly? Yeah? What
Speaker 1: does that mean to you when she says that, that
Speaker 1: means that you know she will take too much trash? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I believe that. Yeah, it could be a problem
Speaker 1: when it started. So we're not gonna get into your mother.
Speaker 1: I mean we can't if you want to go there. No, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Do you do you think I'm like mama? You know it,
Speaker 1: y'all can't even stay in the same room me and
Speaker 1: my mom. Yeah, okay, there's some truth to that. Very
Speaker 1: is just like my mama. I'm very catering, I'm very nurturing.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cook for you, I'm clean for you. You You
Speaker 1: gotta go on a trip, I'm gonna pack your bag,
Speaker 1: like all in all the the women womanly things that
Speaker 1: a man thinks a woman should be like, Like, that's
Speaker 1: my mom and I'm like her, But don't play with me.
Speaker 1: That's just it. So a lot of dudes they want
Speaker 1: to be able to do whatever they want to do,
Speaker 1: and they don't want you to say nothing about it,
Speaker 1: Like they just want you to shut the hell up,
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to shut up. Do you agree
Speaker 1: with that, Daddy? I agree with what aspect. That was
Speaker 1: a whole lot. She just men want want women to
Speaker 1: shut the hell up and why they do what they do. No, No,
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that. I think, like I said,
Speaker 1: I think that's uh two way street. I think sometimes
Speaker 1: women want me and to shut the hell up and
Speaker 1: do what they they tell them sacks right. I mean,
Speaker 1: everybody want their way. Everybody wants their way, and I
Speaker 1: think sometimes, like Jerome said, it's so hard today in
Speaker 1: relationships because of that very fact. Everybody wants their way.
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to understand the other person, and nobody wants
Speaker 1: to compromise. It's like my way or highway, especially with
Speaker 1: you young people. And then it's not just the women,
Speaker 1: it's the men too. It's like it's just like your
Speaker 1: young people own job. When they own jobs and they
Speaker 1: don't get their way, they quit just like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because their job. As soon as you die that job
Speaker 1: or have your space field the next day, why I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be working myself to death for a job that
Speaker 1: don't care about me. Same things in relationships. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna keep working myself to definitive relationship and you're gonna
Speaker 1: hire somebody else the next day exactly. And they keep
Speaker 1: working foot at the damn door already. And the worst
Speaker 1: part is that women, we don't have a lot of
Speaker 1: quality options out there, you know what I'm saying. Like,
Speaker 1: men know a lot of quality women, I believe, because
Speaker 1: they can move on to the next woman and it's
Speaker 1: like it might be a good catch the next person.
Speaker 1: But we don't have the option men be having like
Speaker 1: twenty quality women in the cut. What trust me, they
Speaker 1: only want one and that one that they really really
Speaker 1: really want. You will know it. You will know it
Speaker 1: because then that's when they put up with all those
Speaker 1: those things and baggages that you' all breate to the
Speaker 1: table some time. Call it what you want to call it.
Speaker 1: All that ship, all that ship. I told you, I
Speaker 1: told you, damn I want to keep it p G.
Speaker 1: I said, I know you really don't want me to
Speaker 1: start dumping. So yeah, all that ship you'll break to
Speaker 1: the table. Uh. You know, if a man really cares
Speaker 1: and he's trying to understand you. You know, it would
Speaker 1: be an agreement. They say, yes, baby, okay baby, you know,
Speaker 1: and and it's to the point where, uh if if
Speaker 1: that type of understanding is not being reciprocated, then that's
Speaker 1: when the heat comes. So you know, if you want
Speaker 1: to man, if you want to do right, man, like
Speaker 1: the song said, well it's it's the obviousite. But if
Speaker 1: you do want to do right, man, you gotta be
Speaker 1: a dude, right want man? A woman's only human just
Speaker 1: like her. Man, can we go and see what this is?
Speaker 1: How I feel like I'm in? Aman? Does He'll be like, okay, baby,
Speaker 1: to yo ship as you called it, and then go
Speaker 1: to the side check house and be like, man, let
Speaker 1: me tell you what happened over there. It's stressing me
Speaker 1: out over there. He'll talking about the side bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: now she got all amal for me. When he gonna
Speaker 1: pull up when he's supposed to right sew to me?
Speaker 1: How do you know the guy that you win has
Speaker 1: a side chick? How does he not know you got
Speaker 1: you got the back door guy yourself? Like, let me
Speaker 1: tell you you you talking to you guys, like, let
Speaker 1: me tell you what this nigga says, and the side
Speaker 1: guys sitting there talking about for real that's crazy. Yeah right, hey,
Speaker 1: look but we can't leave but that side man a
Speaker 1: woman like, at what point do you take for the side.
Speaker 1: We can't do that for a side. They're gonna leave
Speaker 1: us when we leave. O man, I don't know. It
Speaker 1: takes two to play. So at one point in the relationship,
Speaker 1: even if you got side people, do you feel like
Speaker 1: you want to drop all that and just come together
Speaker 1: and work on on just your relations exclusive relationship because
Speaker 1: it seems like me everybody has no trust. So everybody
Speaker 1: you know, keeping their options. So when did you close
Speaker 1: them options and just work on My mama told me
Speaker 1: that a man don't close his options to his pencil
Speaker 1: on right. Well no more, that's what she told me.
Speaker 1: This is all I got to say. Now they got
Speaker 1: medicine for that. Stop writing. That's right, So you gotta
Speaker 1: come up with another option. Hold on, tam, let's stay
Speaker 1: some bills. Both of y'all have been married for twenty
Speaker 1: years and I'm not trying to put you on the spot.
Speaker 1: Mr Hart. You just said that you know there's no
Speaker 1: trust and we'd be ready to leave this at the
Speaker 1: third So in the twenty years of marriage. Can y'all
Speaker 1: say y'all were both completely faithful for twenty years. I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with that. I think that's where the
Speaker 1: trouble started. And that's why I'm speaking from experience now
Speaker 1: that I mean, if you're serious about a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone one on one, that that whole honesty piece and
Speaker 1: being transparent and old been with your partner as far
Speaker 1: as what you want and what you're looking for and
Speaker 1: what you need other than just money is important. You know,
Speaker 1: it's okay to start out a conversation with what you
Speaker 1: do for a living or whatever, but it's more important
Speaker 1: to find out who that person is, and it's this
Speaker 1: is the type of person you want to be with
Speaker 1: exclusive and if you read between the lines, they bullshit
Speaker 1: and I guess you can just step But if you
Speaker 1: finally meet somebody that's sincere, I mean, I think you
Speaker 1: have to take that risk and that chance to make
Speaker 1: it happen for but you're never gonna make it happen
Speaker 1: if you don't open up and start trusting people. Most
Speaker 1: people probably end up in marriages with somebody who they
Speaker 1: weren't supposed to be with. It happens if you rush
Speaker 1: you into it. I mean, if you take your time
Speaker 1: and learn them important aspects that I was talking about,
Speaker 1: like does this person make you laugh? You know? Do
Speaker 1: they listen to you when when you have problems or
Speaker 1: or when you really need to talk? Uh? You know,
Speaker 1: do they provide for you in a way that you
Speaker 1: you know, you feel secure? And uh, just being honest
Speaker 1: and open. You guys can talk about anything. You know,
Speaker 1: do the background research, you talk about your families, you
Speaker 1: know how you were raised and uh you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: all that do you think do both of I want
Speaker 1: to both of y'all to answer this one. Do y'all
Speaker 1: think it's natural for a man between the ages of
Speaker 1: let's start with thirty. Is it natural to be with
Speaker 1: one woman for the rest of your life for a man?
Speaker 1: But that? Is that a natural thing? Or do you
Speaker 1: think it's unrealistic to expect a man to pick a
Speaker 1: woman at the age of thirty and be with her
Speaker 1: forever and nobody else. I have a couple of friends,
Speaker 1: a few friends that I knew, but with his wife
Speaker 1: for a while, you know, yes, so like me myself,
Speaker 1: you know, other woman came in between me and my
Speaker 1: wife we just kind of like, I guess me to
Speaker 1: grow apart, you know. Um, but I wasn't the type
Speaker 1: of person that I like that I already had to
Speaker 1: go out, you know, just I was just my mama
Speaker 1: is the woman that all these guys on Instagram one.
Speaker 1: I just want a good girl who go to work,
Speaker 1: come home, and stay in the house all day. That's her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was a good woman. I think with my fault
Speaker 1: that our relationship went bad. No other woman caused it.
Speaker 1: And do you think it went bad because you wanted
Speaker 1: to go out mostly because I didn't stopped going out?
Speaker 1: Let's I'm packed this for a second. Yeah, because going
Speaker 1: out they're wrong. Yeah, maybe you gotta find then when
Speaker 1: you get back on the argument starts something make it wrong. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let's back up a second. You said no woman
Speaker 1: ever came between your relationship. Yeah, you said that of force.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to calculate it, right, because was it just
Speaker 1: going out or were you having too much fun outside
Speaker 1: the house. You see what I'm saying when you say, oh,
Speaker 1: no woman ever came between because I think it's what
Speaker 1: what men think. It's like they do, they do, they
Speaker 1: do stuff within the relationship right, And because you leave,
Speaker 1: you're you ended the relationship or you're the cause of
Speaker 1: us not being together. Not the situations that transpired for
Speaker 1: me to leave, it's because you gave up on the relationship.
Speaker 1: You know if I basically I took the blame for
Speaker 1: my relationship. But how do you say that No woman
Speaker 1: ever came in between a relationship? Nothing never did. I well,
Speaker 1: I don't remember that. I'm blurried. But I'm trying to understand,
Speaker 1: is what the conversation was, you know, let me help you.
Speaker 1: He's saying it wasn't a woman, but it was something
Speaker 1: that came between the relationship. He made felt like he
Speaker 1: was neglecting whatever he started out with it for this man,
Speaker 1: I'm helping him out, Yeah, because he's trying to say
Speaker 1: it wasn't a woman, but he was. Yeah, it wasn't
Speaker 1: another relationship at all, not another relationship, but situations. Of course,
Speaker 1: it wasn't another not it wasn't you having a whole
Speaker 1: another relationship outside my mom. That's what you're right, because
Speaker 1: you didn't leave her for a woman's right. But she
Speaker 1: might think that what I'm trying to she was gonna
Speaker 1: have that thoughts for there book to me, it wasn't
Speaker 1: that way, you know, Yeah, right, daddy. Do you think
Speaker 1: that's something that's natural for a man thirty enough to
Speaker 1: be with one woman forever and that's it? I don't
Speaker 1: know the word natural just kind of you know, it's
Speaker 1: kind of messing with me in my head. Uh, I
Speaker 1: think that. No, naturally, No, it's not. I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker 1: The thirty year old man um a thirty year old
Speaker 1: man if he's in love with his wife, his woman,
Speaker 1: et cetera. Yes, but nowadays, from what I've witnessed and
Speaker 1: what I know, it's more an exception than the rule.
Speaker 1: But it's possible. So if a man is married thirty
Speaker 1: year old, let's not even say third, let's say thirty five.
Speaker 1: Let's be realistic, thirty five year old man is married.
Speaker 1: Do you do men consider cheating meaning you don't love
Speaker 1: your wife. I would say, if you cheat on your wife,
Speaker 1: you don't love your wife enough, because if you were
Speaker 1: really in love with your wife and you respect that,
Speaker 1: your vows and all that good stuff, no, you wouldn't cheat.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't cheat on your wife. See. I don't know
Speaker 1: how well I agree with that, just because I feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes cheating don't have nothing to do with the
Speaker 1: other person. You know, the choice that you may cheating
Speaker 1: is a choice. Yeah, it has. It has everything to
Speaker 1: do with internal issues ego. Things are personal sometimes and
Speaker 1: they don't even have to do with the person over
Speaker 1: here that you do love. You know. I'm not making
Speaker 1: excuses for it, but yeah, because my een, um, it
Speaker 1: took us out of Africa, but then it took an
Speaker 1: African out us. Our African listener's gonna be mad at that. Wait,
Speaker 1: what does that mean that you believe? Like, imagine having
Speaker 1: more than one wife, Like, that's the culture over there.
Speaker 1: I was, I was back home in the land. You know,
Speaker 1: I have more than one wife. Yeah, and that and that,
Speaker 1: and that's natural over there. You know. Now you like
Speaker 1: the word natural? Okay, got it? Well? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: that's why I said the word natural just kind of
Speaker 1: go screw in my head because, uh, what what I
Speaker 1: mean when you say nature natural? I mean exactly what
Speaker 1: are you talking about? Monogamy? Is monogamy natural for a
Speaker 1: man forever all of us? Some woman's you know, they
Speaker 1: won't they don't. Yeah, let's let's let's flip that is
Speaker 1: it natural? Thirty five year old woman to want to
Speaker 1: be with one man for the rest of their life.
Speaker 1: I will say, no, it's not natural. But however, oftentimes
Speaker 1: women practice restraint better you know than men. Like we
Speaker 1: have the same type of feelings y'all have, but we
Speaker 1: may not go out and act out act on them,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying until it should get real
Speaker 1: ugly right. It's a societal norm that we practice restraint with.
Speaker 1: But I don't think it's natural for any one of
Speaker 1: us to be with one person forever and and then
Speaker 1: another thing is just like what am I getting? I'm
Speaker 1: always like, what am I getting out this other situation
Speaker 1: that you know what I'm saying, like, because I feel
Speaker 1: like if I cheat, I'm going to be ready to
Speaker 1: leave with that person too. But do you know the
Speaker 1: big the big C words is it's the main ingredient
Speaker 1: into that relationship, and that's commitment. You know, what what
Speaker 1: level of commitment are you prepared? I mean, even let's
Speaker 1: say you in that committed relationship and hopefully no one
Speaker 1: does have a relationship outside of that marriage, but if
Speaker 1: that happens, what is the level of commitment to repair
Speaker 1: whatever happened and to continue in that relationship? Whereas the
Speaker 1: commitment for forgiveness and to move on and understand it,
Speaker 1: because that's not into the today's society. Nobody. That commitment
Speaker 1: level is not as strong as it used to be,
Speaker 1: like when my parents were. Commitment can't be one sided.
Speaker 1: That's the thing to commit being committed you while you
Speaker 1: do whatever you agree and I agree and that one
Speaker 1: and I'm when I'm speaking of commitment, I'm talking about
Speaker 1: on both partners. And you know it can't be one side.
Speaker 1: It has to be a commitment on both. And I
Speaker 1: think that you know, sometimes you run into some rough
Speaker 1: patches in any relationship, and you know, keeping that open
Speaker 1: communications and and and sticking to the commitment is better
Speaker 1: than maybe some unrealistic goal. Like Dammy said, everybody is
Speaker 1: just completely one faithful, especially the man. I I do
Speaker 1: believe that women are creatures who are more devoted and
Speaker 1: nurturing and loving where they they can, you know, be
Speaker 1: with one man for the rest of their life. But
Speaker 1: you know, it's an exception to the rule with both me.
Speaker 1: I admire man that that's been with one woman and
Speaker 1: that's the only woman they loved, and so you don't
Speaker 1: think he'll sucker. You admire no, No, that's that's okay.
Speaker 1: I think the sucker is the cat that keeps bouncing
Speaker 1: from woman the woman. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I said, I got a lot of friends that
Speaker 1: But with the wife thirty seven year for the years,
Speaker 1: it's still happy. The only down This is what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get to though, they sot together because of
Speaker 1: the woman's endurance. Y'all think that it's not from the man.
Speaker 1: You don't think it takes indoors for a man to
Speaker 1: stay with a woman thirty five for the years. That's
Speaker 1: a lot of endurance. Well, yeah, I agree, it is
Speaker 1: a lot of endurance. But well from what I from
Speaker 1: what I've seen, right, for what I've seen, if somebody
Speaker 1: stays together, like people joke about this stuff all the time, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: women is just we just pick up and leave whatever
Speaker 1: is easy for us to leave. Men nowadays, their grandmother's
Speaker 1: stuck it out to send a third They really didn't
Speaker 1: have a choice, right because financially they couldn't leave a
Speaker 1: lot of the time. Right. But now we have enough
Speaker 1: money to survive on our own, exactly. We got some
Speaker 1: fucking money. So yeah, well get the staff and I
Speaker 1: know what I'm just what I'm saying is that's the
Speaker 1: attitude to everybody now, Like you know, I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's good or bad, That's what I'm talking. I
Speaker 1: don't want to know if those women in those relationships
Speaker 1: would have gotten the same type of grace that they
Speaker 1: were moving like the husbands. If I was moving like
Speaker 1: my husband, and I caught my husband sheating so many
Speaker 1: times in its thirty forty year marriage. Well we have
Speaker 1: made it to thirty forty years because a man's ego
Speaker 1: cannot handle his woman stepping out on him like women
Speaker 1: are supposed to handle it. Yeah, but you know with
Speaker 1: women are so clever. Man that never know anywhere he
Speaker 1: asked for though, We asked him to look till that
Speaker 1: woman tells him, till that woman tells him when she
Speaker 1: just fed up. That's why eyes so and so another nigger,
Speaker 1: And that's it. That's when the ship starts. Baby come
Speaker 1: out looking like the no, he said, that's that's when
Speaker 1: the ship starts. The ship starts. She tells you she
Speaker 1: smashed somebody else, but they all start the thirty times
Speaker 1: you've been smatching beck around the corner. Yeah, but dammy,
Speaker 1: I'm just expounding on the fact that Tammy said that
Speaker 1: a man's ego cannot handle of his woman sleeping with
Speaker 1: another man. And you know what, I'm happy to give
Speaker 1: you that's true. That's true. It's a lot more deeper
Speaker 1: for a man than than for some reason to one,
Speaker 1: you know, a woman is more forgiven. It still comes
Speaker 1: back to the big C word, a big commitment, you know,
Speaker 1: are you committed? Are you ready? And some people get
Speaker 1: confused with love. You know, yeah to somebody, but the
Speaker 1: woman loved you. Someone think that dude be beating up
Speaker 1: on him he loved them? Yeah, No, I know people
Speaker 1: like that. This guy said that the woman he was
Speaker 1: dealing with, if he didn't beat her, she wouldn't feel
Speaker 1: like he loved her. Someone some people think that way.
Speaker 1: That's that's crazy right there, And that's why you gotta
Speaker 1: be That's why you got to know people background and
Speaker 1: how they were raised first of all. Right, the only
Speaker 1: way you can experience like some type of love or
Speaker 1: that that type of feeling is by somebody putting in
Speaker 1: hands with me or yelling custom screaming you got a problem.
Speaker 1: We got some type of emotional trauma that you need
Speaker 1: to unpack with the therapist. At that point hold on, tim,
Speaker 1: let's stay and they'll I was gonna ask them, um,
Speaker 1: what advice would they give two young men right now
Speaker 1: who are looking for love or men that are in relationships.
Speaker 1: The advice I would give this is to be honest.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with that woman what your intentions are.
Speaker 1: And if you express your intentions and they're noble, then
Speaker 1: live up to it and save you a whole lot
Speaker 1: of heartache and it and money, most importantly money. That's
Speaker 1: my advice. I think both of them need to be honest.
Speaker 1: The man and the woman need to be honest with
Speaker 1: each other. UM, and and any relationship. What I do,
Speaker 1: I try to stay on it, but facially my daughters.
Speaker 1: I got three dogs, so I just try to listen
Speaker 1: more than anything when they come to me and ask me,
Speaker 1: you know, innions, especially if they're going with somebody. I
Speaker 1: just I tried, basis, just listen to them that I
Speaker 1: get something, and I don't try to get in bold man,
Speaker 1: he don't say nothing. You hear me like you know
Speaker 1: how I be talking to him. I'll go on on on.
Speaker 1: It's probably sounding like my mom or whatever, like I'm
Speaker 1: really needed some type of advice, like I really need
Speaker 1: my daddy to help me through, like am I tripping? Like?
Speaker 1: Am I tripping on his man? Or is he tripping
Speaker 1: on me? Like give me some type of something. And
Speaker 1: he'd be like, baby, just do your best. I hear that,
Speaker 1: that's like friend, but he was. I was working up
Speaker 1: there Columbia with him, trying to help him get that
Speaker 1: food truck together, and he used to expressing me all
Speaker 1: the time. I tell him, I feel you to say,
Speaker 1: I'm playing just you know, kind of ignore without giving
Speaker 1: him any advice. So you've been thing was to stay
Speaker 1: out of it. Yeah, like hes gonna stay out of
Speaker 1: it like completely though, Yeah, I try to stay out
Speaker 1: the way. I just feel like when I asked my
Speaker 1: daddy for advice when I'm actually in a relationship, it's
Speaker 1: always this is how you're sucking up, and let me
Speaker 1: tell you, and I get mad. You can't tell that
Speaker 1: man to go to bed. Remember that time I tried
Speaker 1: to make my ex go to bed because I had
Speaker 1: to go to bed. Yea, my ex used to make
Speaker 1: me go to bed. It was lights out, like prison
Speaker 1: TV off on me and everything. I couldn't even I
Speaker 1: used to have my handphones on to meditate when he
Speaker 1: would be complaining about being able to hear the meditation
Speaker 1: music on my headphone. Like at this point we need
Speaker 1: to sleep in step the bedrooms because god damn, that's controlling. Said,
Speaker 1: Maybe I was being controlling too people sail phone right,
Speaker 1: all that crazy. I don't do that. No, I never
Speaker 1: do that. But you know, Tam, I mean you can't
Speaker 1: be a bit the man in that time kids, all
Speaker 1: of us. It was a long time ago, right, So
Speaker 1: now look I'm out here. I've been breaking up for
Speaker 1: the last year. So whatever I've been having going on
Speaker 1: in life. But what kind of advice do you do
Speaker 1: y'all have for y'all single? Uh, thirty something year old daughters?
Speaker 1: As far as relationships, should we get into one? Should
Speaker 1: we just stay single and die that way? Like? What
Speaker 1: should we do? No, you can't single. Single A long
Speaker 1: time before I got married and a man, I used
Speaker 1: to go out all the time. Um, when you're single,
Speaker 1: you're single. I want to say, stay single and die,
Speaker 1: But that is easier that way. Yeah, single people do
Speaker 1: live longer. Yeah, you ain't saying the world when you
Speaker 1: say life it's easy because that's where you'd be sitting here, Like,
Speaker 1: I want a relationship. I want somebody. I wants some boy.
Speaker 1: You get somebody, and it's like, why the hell did
Speaker 1: I manifest this bullshit? But the real question is is
Speaker 1: what do you want? I mean, that's that's that's the key.
Speaker 1: What do you want? Yeah, because everybody go through that's
Speaker 1: a single person, you know. I just just lonely, nobody
Speaker 1: talking to you? Five six friends, you're talking. I want
Speaker 1: somebody when it's cold, and I want to be single
Speaker 1: when it's hot. That's what you want for real town? No, No,
Speaker 1: I just want to season no boyfriends. Yeah, I am
Speaker 1: tired of using my mama as emergency contact. Okay to
Speaker 1: me too. No, I do want I do want something
Speaker 1: real one day, but I'm not going to I waited
Speaker 1: this long, so I'm not going to force it or
Speaker 1: lay my standards down by the riverside at this point. So, daddy,
Speaker 1: what's your advice? Well, I mean you you just say
Speaker 1: that you I mean, keep your standards, but you gotta
Speaker 1: continue to live your life. But whatever standards that you have,
Speaker 1: you have to present the same standards as well. So
Speaker 1: don't have expectations of someone that you're not gonna meet yourself.
Speaker 1: That's fair advice. He's out there. The next one is
Speaker 1: out there somewhere. Yeah, if you're listening, baby, I'm here
Speaker 1: girl talking. So Daddy, I'm surprised you didn't say anything
Speaker 1: about my mouth. I'm surprised. I mean everybody knows about
Speaker 1: that by now. I mean, you know, I don't need
Speaker 1: to speak on that. No, I think you should for
Speaker 1: our listeners. They don't know. They don't they don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. He don't. Well, I tell you she
Speaker 1: has a mouth on her and she's always at a
Speaker 1: mouth on her since she started learning to talk. You ever,
Speaker 1: mad ast mama. She said she's her mama Donna. And
Speaker 1: I actually told her when she said she was having
Speaker 1: this show, and she said she was getting paid to talk,
Speaker 1: I said, well, that's got to be a god sent occupation,
Speaker 1: because that's definitely your gift. We're bore communicators shout. I mean,
Speaker 1: we always effective, but we are healthy. Yeah, because we're
Speaker 1: being kind of so, I would tell you Tammy talks ship.
Speaker 1: I'm working on it. Though. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's
Speaker 1: not so, and sometimes it's not meant to be funny,
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it can be just all right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but I listen. I have been actively working
Speaker 1: on that because it's sometimes I'll be thinking of some
Speaker 1: shing I'm about to say and I don't say it,
Speaker 1: and then I don't even say it, and I'd be like,
Speaker 1: look at the growth in the name of Jesus, Holland,
Speaker 1: Holland Luia, hold it back. You know what what I've
Speaker 1: been I've been starting to do is I think, how
Speaker 1: would I be affected if someone said the same exact
Speaker 1: words to me, and that are determined if I should
Speaker 1: say it now. Sometimes I'd be like, fun that and
Speaker 1: I say it anyway. But there's a lot of times
Speaker 1: where I just, you know, I think about how I
Speaker 1: would feel and I don't say nothing. I just think
Speaker 1: it well. As my dad U tell me, and I
Speaker 1: never understood until I got a little bit older. He said,
Speaker 1: you got to know when the hole and know when
Speaker 1: the folks right, and that's where to live by. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but if I get too quiet, it's really over. As
Speaker 1: long as I'm yelling, we good. I think that's what
Speaker 1: most women, that's what most women are. A silent woman
Speaker 1: is dead. Do you think Black women are not submissive
Speaker 1: enough in comparison to other women? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't have anything to compare with. H I've always known
Speaker 1: black women, and uh, I love black women, and I
Speaker 1: don't I don't think I would want to super submissive
Speaker 1: woman because of the type of person that I am,
Speaker 1: I would run all over. Yeah, so I need, I
Speaker 1: need to be checked sometimes. So I like a strong
Speaker 1: black woman that voices her opinion and makes her standards known.
Speaker 1: And I admire you about that, Tim, You should always
Speaker 1: be that type of person. You don't compromise the lower
Speaker 1: standards for anyone, especially a Maine Thank you daddy. So
Speaker 1: we right. So basically keep talking ship no, no when
Speaker 1: to hold them and know when the okay. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: only been a relationship with black people. It is I
Speaker 1: never another national. I know my brother, you woman is now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you have to say a problem because you
Speaker 1: can't steal with him. I hope your brother not listening
Speaker 1: to this show. You know. His problem is he be
Speaker 1: getting white women who who don't take ship like black women.
Speaker 1: So he got the best of both worlds. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: He can't, I think to him. But he had asked
Speaker 1: some bluffs the days. Uh. Yeah, he had a son
Speaker 1: of Germany and he got contact with my family up
Speaker 1: at Baltimore. So you finally touched with him after thirty
Speaker 1: some years. How nice is that? M So my uncle
Speaker 1: was in a military child he got probably got returning
Speaker 1: all over and over one in Germany. He don't know
Speaker 1: because I didn't asked him before. You don't know about one.
Speaker 1: I got a question, what's one piece of practical advice
Speaker 1: you wish you knew sooner? I probably man married with
Speaker 1: the one woman. Practically place stay married to one woman.
Speaker 1: That set you back along way? Is now when you
Speaker 1: got to start? Yeah? I realized that what about your daddy?
Speaker 1: You know, you just gotta keep going. It's cheaper to
Speaker 1: keep him. Yeah, that's basically what he's said too. But
Speaker 1: you can't. You got to keep me, That's right. No.
Speaker 1: I wish I would have been more a little bit
Speaker 1: more open and more honest and try to understand my
Speaker 1: woman instead of trying to command all the time. And
Speaker 1: that's basically it. Yeah, so y'all listening out there. Stop
Speaker 1: trying to command us and just listen some damn time. Ship.
Speaker 1: I don't think I said that, he looks. So what
Speaker 1: I'm here herring is do what I'm saying. The time
Speaker 1: work out you don't have no damn no, no input
Speaker 1: though you're listening. Imagine you got a man who like y'all,
Speaker 1: like he listened, he listening, but he ain't got no
Speaker 1: like there's no exchange right after that, that's just as
Speaker 1: bad advice. Guys, just after listen woman talk talk, No,
Speaker 1: my daddy is definitely going to exchange. My mom talked
Speaker 1: circles around you. We're gonna have their ass on here too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have them next. That should be an interest
Speaker 1: in show. I don't know about your mom, but that's
Speaker 1: Sarah heart, Daddy. I need you alone together because oh no,
Speaker 1: no wait, sorry to start bringing up. Oh shit, it's
Speaker 1: gonna get nasty. Oh it's gonna get ring. I know
Speaker 1: I didn't call you. My mama called him my ball
Speaker 1: head and met for a real cluck. But crazy thing is,
Speaker 1: my mom and my dad are the best of friends
Speaker 1: to this day, best of friends. Right, This is true.
Speaker 1: Art didn't get alone pretty good too when I told
Speaker 1: her the podcast, that's that's suicide. That's that's gonna be
Speaker 1: our Christmas episode. What your talking about your final show? Goodness? Well,
Speaker 1: in a relationship, was there something that you always wanted
Speaker 1: to do but never had the chance to do it.
Speaker 1: That's an interesting question that I'm gonna let you fail out.
Speaker 1: I think I didn't basically everything in the relationship. That
Speaker 1: relationship calls for um because if you started, we didn't
Speaker 1: have anything with poets help. We worked together and accumulated.
Speaker 1: But if we did accumulated, try to raise three daughters
Speaker 1: the best we can. So um, I think that's about it.
Speaker 1: And I left for me to really think that. I
Speaker 1: I mean, I wish I had, like I said, being
Speaker 1: more patient, but more understanding and more um I understand,
Speaker 1: I said, I understanding, and the relationship you got to
Speaker 1: have a d understanding each other. Everybody got and both
Speaker 1: parties got to be able to communicate and talk. Once
Speaker 1: you lose the communication and that left. That's a fact
Speaker 1: that you I'm agree with drawne. I mean, I've been
Speaker 1: saying that since since top for the show, that that communication,
Speaker 1: fact and understanding is the key. You know. It's unfortunate
Speaker 1: it took me so many years to realize that. But
Speaker 1: so what I'm hearing is y'all telling us to wait
Speaker 1: until me about sixty to get married. No, that is
Speaker 1: not what your theory. That's what it sound like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see. I was hoping you what what I think?
Speaker 1: What drown and I are saying, don't wait until you
Speaker 1: get that age to start realizing that communication and understanding
Speaker 1: and it's not always about your way of the highway
Speaker 1: is as a key ingredient in a relationship. You got
Speaker 1: to have some type of compromise and commitment with somebody
Speaker 1: that you actually really love and you want to take
Speaker 1: that long walk down that road. I was hoping that
Speaker 1: you were gonna say something like I wish that I
Speaker 1: took your mother to Paris, or I took your mother
Speaker 1: to the moon, or something that saddled it and lasted
Speaker 1: and pulled it down to her. That was the answer
Speaker 1: I was looking for. Well, I wasn't exactly thinking that
Speaker 1: in terms of I was thinking something else. But you know,
Speaker 1: this is a PG show, But no, it ain't. Well,
Speaker 1: I wanted to three something in my back right, so
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do that. So but no, that
Speaker 1: was you know, her friend Paula, Remember her friend Paula. Yeah,
Speaker 1: goodness from Africa. He was Chicago, Illinois. That's closing up,
Speaker 1: all right, y'all. Thank you all for joining us today
Speaker 1: for this lightning conversation. I need to shut up sometimes
Speaker 1: I need to communicate and be understanding, and I need
Speaker 1: to wait till my nigga sixty five. That's all I got.
Speaker 1: That's all I got from it on. We talked about
Speaker 1: money earlier. Can we bring a broke nigger home? Like
Speaker 1: y'all bring a man that you knew couldn't take care
Speaker 1: of me to your house? Like, I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: ask that question because I know my daddy would look
Speaker 1: at me like, what the hell? I already know what's home?
Speaker 1: That is, if you don't get this brokenig up out
Speaker 1: of here right now, I'm asking about ten dollars for
Speaker 1: gas to get my daughter home. You broke ass, I
Speaker 1: think my old daughter home. I put the dog on him.
Speaker 1: He's gonna put mysk on uh. Yeah. So they got
Speaker 1: higher standards for their daughters in their half, for the
Speaker 1: women that they married, apparently. Yeah, well I understand, woman,
Speaker 1: because as like I said, I got three girls and
Speaker 1: I haven't understand. So I understand they got three three
Speaker 1: girls too. Yeah, yeah, a little more protective of them.
Speaker 1: Do you do you feel like fathers that are loving
Speaker 1: to their daughters and their wives and should it be
Speaker 1: that way. Yeah, I mean, I mean, your daughters are
Speaker 1: your baby, so I don't know. But but the Bible says,
Speaker 1: my daddy, that your wife should become your wife, and
Speaker 1: your husband should come first, and then the children because
Speaker 1: the children go on with their lives and your spouse
Speaker 1: is with you forever. Yeah, that's that's what the Bible says.
Speaker 1: But does it always work that way? It don't never
Speaker 1: work that way? So then why why y'all get mad?
Speaker 1: All right? So I saw where, uh they said, who
Speaker 1: gets the biggest piece of chicken? The and who should
Speaker 1: eat first? The kids or the daddy? Who do you
Speaker 1: feel like I should eat first at the table the kids?
Speaker 1: Like you know in the back of the old rap,
Speaker 1: you see the rab got the big piece of chicken.
Speaker 1: You ain't lives wrote? My daddy said. When he was
Speaker 1: a kid, he wanted to be a preacher because he
Speaker 1: always got the biggest piece of chicken standing the man.
Speaker 1: That is so true. Women back then would be worshiping
Speaker 1: the church and the reverend more than they worshiped the
Speaker 1: person who actually putting the food on the table. That's right.
Speaker 1: M was the type of person like this here. Um,
Speaker 1: my wife always I didn't mind cooking a little dinner,
Speaker 1: cleaning loans, you know, because she had a job. Well,
Speaker 1: these men nowadays, we got to cook, we got to clean,
Speaker 1: and work, work, We got to raise kids, got to
Speaker 1: help you build a business. We got to do all
Speaker 1: of these things and have sex on the man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all of that and be and be happy. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's fine. I have two job, guys, and not like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had two jobs back in the day when I
Speaker 1: was first up. Man, I still have to come on ticket,
Speaker 1: but this too. That's why I go to my second job.
Speaker 1: And you was tired to wasn't you drawn like choice?
Speaker 1: Pretty sure? Y'all wanted the business more than my mom.
Speaker 1: You are no mama. You don't think like man. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I can't speak for my mom on that one, now,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, it's trying to wrap it up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's time for me to go. You know, some people know. Listen, guys,
Speaker 1: thank y'all so much. I love you both for coming
Speaker 1: on our show and being so transparent and honest with
Speaker 1: us and our listeners. Y'all helped us out a lot.
Speaker 1: We're both gonna have new husbands next year. Watch based
Speaker 1: on this. This enlightenment. We gotta speak. If we gotta
Speaker 1: meet them, we got to meet them soon, like this
Speaker 1: next weekend. Let's go out again and get my fire
Speaker 1: to juice from. I'm gonna pray for you and whoever
Speaker 1: you need. Please, all right, y'all listen. If you guys
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode with our daddy's like our real daddy's,
Speaker 1: because you know, you can't choose your father, but you
Speaker 1: can choose your daddy. Look, if y'all enjoyed this episode,
Speaker 1: please tune in every Thursday on the I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: app or wherever you get your podcasts at. This is
Speaker 1: Your Girl a j Holiday two point on Instagram. Make
Speaker 1: sure y'all hit us up on We Talked Back podcast
Speaker 1: on Instagram and year and it's tam Bam Official tam
Speaker 1: Bam on Instagram. Y'all follow me. We are definitely looking
Speaker 1: for some interns, you guys. So if you're good with
Speaker 1: social media, if you're good with graphic design, if you
Speaker 1: have any skills, hit us up. We're looking for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we need some young people because alright, God bet y'all