WEBVTT - Ep. 41 Who Raised Y'all 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:07.160 We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:12.079 talked back. What's up, y'all? Le's your girl? A J. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.319 Welcome to a new episode of We Talked Back. Thank 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:17.680 you for joining us. Hey, y'all list tam bam. I 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:23.079 love y'all. How So, it was been at the college's 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:27.400 homecoming this weekend, and we attended the masquerade ball on 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:29.200 Friday night. It was a lot of fun. Did you 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:32.200 enjoy yourself? Yeah, it was good. I like to see 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:38.159 all the people. Girl. You lying? Girl? You lying? Like 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:43.559 hey J. We got it to our section. A J 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:46.160 did not leave the section the whole time. She drank 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:49.040 her drink, kept her little crow mask on the whole 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:52.839 night and was cute and that was it. Meanwhile, I 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:55.840 was moving around. I was moving around. Okay, you didn't 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:58.320 You don't remember it? Did you not remember anybody or anything? 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:00.520 Why you wasn't mingling? I mean I spoke to the 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.160 people I knew, But I don't know what you don't know. 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:08.479 I don't know. God the antisocial a little bit sometimes whatever, girl, 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:11.520 So let's get into can we get into the meeting 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:13.520 potatoes the right episode? Because I don't want to waste 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:17.679 time on this This is a very special episode, you guys. Yes, 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:21.560 that's who we got on our show. Guess you ain't 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:31.360 never gonna guess. It's our daddy's y'all. So would you'all 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:36.360 like to introduce yourselves? Please? Sure. I'm Bryant. I am 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:41.640 Tammy's daddy, my help from Chicago. I'm sixty one years 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:46.240 old and I have no idea why Dammy invited me 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:53.280 on here for advice on relationships. But here we go. Yeah, 0:01:55.600 --> 0:02:05.280 you're gonna introduce yourself some all right from a little 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.480 shy type of person. But I told her that I 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:12.760 tried to do my bess and we appreciate you for that. 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:19.440 So sho man be bad at sneaky for me to watch. 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.959 So I'm gonna ask you this question, both of y'all. 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:32.320 How did y'all meet our mama's I knew it was ambush. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.480 I met your mother at cop and uh I was 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:41.200 a freshman and I don't remember what exactly classification she 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:44.840 was at the time, but we met in college and uh, 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:48.760 you know, she was older than me, very cute, very polite, 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:52.280 berry smart, and I was attracted to it. The rest 0:02:52.400 --> 0:03:00.560 is history. She is a bad red bone Alleen University. So, so, 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.440 how you met my mama? Um? I met aske you 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:07.519 mom and Charlene to my brother. She used to always 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:10.800 say a word down the street that she was she 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:12.679 liked me, but I always used to go down the way. 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:20.160 You know. One day I met up and we started 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:24.200 a communicating and everything went from there. Okay, cool cool, 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:26.960 So all right, enough about them because you'll don't even 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.640 date them no more. So we need to gonna go 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:35.120 down that road, thank you. I'd like to establish first, 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:37.760 I did not have daddy issues. My parents were married 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:44.360 when I was conceived. Yeah, I had a daddy. Okay, 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:47.240 you still got a daddy time where I had. I 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:53.720 still got a daddy that was mad good. Twenty years 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.800 same here, twenty years has to cut off. Seems like 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.160 that's a good run. That's a good run, ye man. 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:11.120 So all right, give me daddy some advice on You 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:13.080 know me very well. You probably know me better than 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:17.360 any man out there. Why do you think I'm still single? 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:23.800 And be totally transparent? I think that you're still single because, uh, 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:27.880 you move too fast and U you don't take time 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:34.400 to cultivate a relationship. It's like you three strikes you out, um, 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:39.080 and that's always been you. You're very stubborn independent, and 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.279 things don't go your way. You out yeah, because these 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:48.839 thinkers be playing with me. Daddy, I hear this all 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:53.560 the time, trust you, and I give her the same advice, 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:58.680 take your time, just taking slow. You understand. You know, 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.279 guys out here have game, and you know one of 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:09.160 your biggest pet peeves is honesty. Um. But I also 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:13.279 feel like, you know, you may fall into that category 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:18.239 of uh, checking the content of a man's wallet instead 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:22.080 of checking his his character first. And then when you 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:25.920 figure out that character is empty and the wallet may 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:28.679 be loaded, you you kind of left holding the bag. 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:33.000 You don't like it, so you you move on. I've 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:35.640 heard you say, oh oh, daddy, this is the one 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:39.040 and the first thing you go into is is where 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.719 he took you? And you know how much money he 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:48.640 got the you know, then a couple of weeks later, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:57.920 I can't stand that, Nick. I like a man that 0:05:58.040 --> 0:06:00.840 can provide that he what's wrong with that? But well, 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:04.599 I mean for pro vision this one thing, but is 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:10.279 he providing everything else? I mean, yeah, that once I 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:12.960 see the character flawed, the money don't matter no more. 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:16.279 And that's I wish I could like just love a 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:19.040 man who's just rich and be fine with that, but 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:22.560 I just want more exactly. I gotta like you. Yeah, 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:26.840 but it's always easy to like a broken nigga. I 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.599 don't want no broke nigger. What why don't you find 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:34.160 like a medium like he ain't got to be super rich, 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:39.400 but he don't have to be like poor standards of 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:42.800 a moral character whatever. Because it seemed like the more 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:46.840 money a guy got, the more he thinks he's more 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:51.960 privileged to take certain privileges with the women that he needs, 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:55.880 especially if he thinks that that's all that after is 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:59.919 his money. You know, so that's a two way street. 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:03.040 You got a lot of men who lead with money, right, 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:05.120 So they lead with money, and then when I tell 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:08.440 you I need something, now it's a problem. Yeah, Well 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:12.800 that stelf representation, right. Everybody comes out with their best, 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.200 best face forward. And then when you get into the 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:20.000 thick of things like hey, I need uh, I need, 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.920 I need my life being paid or something like that, 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.560 then you know a lot of guys kind of get like, 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.600 who was playing your life being before I met you? 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:39.960 You know, I kind of think that every guy I 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.960 want to help out a little you know, in a relationship, 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:46.800 but for some reason another, So it's hard an it 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:51.200 is going into relationship. Um, actually, litle bit tear me. 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:58.320 She is her mother's daughter. I understand a lot about that. 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:02.120 But she said, what does that mean exactly? Yeah? What 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:05.680 does that mean to you when she says that, that 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:11.000 means that you know she will take too much trash? Yeah, 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:13.400 and I believe that. Yeah, it could be a problem 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:19.800 when it started. So we're not gonna get into your mother. 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:23.520 I mean we can't if you want to go there. No, ma'am. 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:27.600 Do you do you think I'm like mama? You know it, 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:32.000 y'all can't even stay in the same room me and 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:40.880 my mom. Yeah, okay, there's some truth to that. Very 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:44.520 is just like my mama. I'm very catering, I'm very nurturing. 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.240 I'm gonna cook for you, I'm clean for you. You You 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:47.920 gotta go on a trip, I'm gonna pack your bag, 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:52.080 like all in all the the women womanly things that 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:55.280 a man thinks a woman should be like, Like, that's 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:57.600 my mom and I'm like her, But don't play with me. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.760 That's just it. So a lot of dudes they want 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:02.400 to be able to do whatever they want to do, 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:04.280 and they don't want you to say nothing about it, 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:05.920 Like they just want you to shut the hell up, 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.400 and I'm not going to shut up. Do you agree 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:12.920 with that, Daddy? I agree with what aspect. That was 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.920 a whole lot. She just men want want women to 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:20.319 shut the hell up and why they do what they do. No, No, 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.319 I don't agree with that. I think, like I said, 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:27.400 I think that's uh two way street. I think sometimes 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:31.040 women want me and to shut the hell up and 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:40.959 do what they they tell them sacks right. I mean, 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:45.000 everybody want their way. Everybody wants their way, and I 0:09:45.040 --> 0:09:49.800 think sometimes, like Jerome said, it's so hard today in 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:54.160 relationships because of that very fact. Everybody wants their way. 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:57.360 Nobody wants to understand the other person, and nobody wants 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:01.560 to compromise. It's like my way or highway, especially with 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:03.840 you young people. And then it's not just the women, 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:06.880 it's the men too. It's like it's just like your 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.719 young people own job. When they own jobs and they 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.800 don't get their way, they quit just like that. Yeah, 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:15.360 because their job. As soon as you die that job 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:17.560 or have your space field the next day, why I'm 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.640 gonna be working myself to death for a job that 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:23.319 don't care about me. Same things in relationships. Well, I'm 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:26.680 gonna keep working myself to definitive relationship and you're gonna 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.360 hire somebody else the next day exactly. And they keep 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:32.880 working foot at the damn door already. And the worst 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.959 part is that women, we don't have a lot of 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:38.679 quality options out there, you know what I'm saying. Like, 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.520 men know a lot of quality women, I believe, because 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.400 they can move on to the next woman and it's 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.440 like it might be a good catch the next person. 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.040 But we don't have the option men be having like 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:54.199 twenty quality women in the cut. What trust me, they 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.920 only want one and that one that they really really 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:01.520 really want. You will know it. You will know it 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:05.880 because then that's when they put up with all those 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:09.080 those things and baggages that you' all breate to the 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.920 table some time. Call it what you want to call it. 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:17.760 All that ship, all that ship. I told you, I 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:19.839 told you, damn I want to keep it p G. 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:22.080 I said, I know you really don't want me to 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:28.360 start dumping. So yeah, all that ship you'll break to 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:32.600 the table. Uh. You know, if a man really cares 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.560 and he's trying to understand you. You know, it would 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:39.160 be an agreement. They say, yes, baby, okay baby, you know, 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:43.600 and and it's to the point where, uh if if 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:48.480 that type of understanding is not being reciprocated, then that's 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:51.320 when the heat comes. So you know, if you want 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:54.320 to man, if you want to do right, man, like 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.920 the song said, well it's it's the obviousite. But if 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.360 you do want to do right, man, you gotta be 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:05.040 a dude, right want man? A woman's only human just 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:15.880 like her. Man, can we go and see what this is? 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:19.760 How I feel like I'm in? Aman? Does He'll be like, okay, baby, 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.360 to yo ship as you called it, and then go 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:24.280 to the side check house and be like, man, let 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.760 me tell you what happened over there. It's stressing me 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:30.959 out over there. He'll talking about the side bit. Yeah, 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:33.960 now she got all amal for me. When he gonna 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:39.800 pull up when he's supposed to right sew to me? 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:43.559 How do you know the guy that you win has 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:48.000 a side chick? How does he not know you got 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:51.560 you got the back door guy yourself? Like, let me 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:54.760 tell you you you talking to you guys, like, let 0:12:54.800 --> 0:13:01.240 me tell you what this nigga says, and the side 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:09.240 guys sitting there talking about for real that's crazy. Yeah right, hey, 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.640 look but we can't leave but that side man a 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:16.760 woman like, at what point do you take for the side. 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.120 We can't do that for a side. They're gonna leave 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:20.880 us when we leave. O man, I don't know. It 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:25.199 takes two to play. So at one point in the relationship, 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.440 even if you got side people, do you feel like 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:31.040 you want to drop all that and just come together 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:36.360 and work on on just your relations exclusive relationship because 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:40.439 it seems like me everybody has no trust. So everybody 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.240 you know, keeping their options. So when did you close 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:47.320 them options and just work on My mama told me 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:50.600 that a man don't close his options to his pencil 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:52.760 on right. Well no more, that's what she told me. 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:04.480 This is all I got to say. Now they got 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:11.120 medicine for that. Stop writing. That's right, So you gotta 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:15.800 come up with another option. Hold on, tam, let's stay 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:22.880 some bills. Both of y'all have been married for twenty 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:26.120 years and I'm not trying to put you on the spot. 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:31.400 Mr Hart. You just said that you know there's no 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:33.760 trust and we'd be ready to leave this at the 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.840 third So in the twenty years of marriage. Can y'all 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.520 say y'all were both completely faithful for twenty years. I wasn't. 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:42.760 I'll be honest with that. I think that's where the 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:48.240 trouble started. And that's why I'm speaking from experience now 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:53.080 that I mean, if you're serious about a relationship with 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:58.320 someone one on one, that that whole honesty piece and 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.720 being transparent and old been with your partner as far 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.480 as what you want and what you're looking for and 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:09.240 what you need other than just money is important. You know, 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:13.880 it's okay to start out a conversation with what you 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.360 do for a living or whatever, but it's more important 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.640 to find out who that person is, and it's this 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:21.360 is the type of person you want to be with 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:25.040 exclusive and if you read between the lines, they bullshit 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.360 and I guess you can just step But if you 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:32.200 finally meet somebody that's sincere, I mean, I think you 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.120 have to take that risk and that chance to make 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.280 it happen for but you're never gonna make it happen 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:43.760 if you don't open up and start trusting people. Most 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:46.960 people probably end up in marriages with somebody who they 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:50.080 weren't supposed to be with. It happens if you rush 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.160 you into it. I mean, if you take your time 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.720 and learn them important aspects that I was talking about, 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:59.280 like does this person make you laugh? You know? Do 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:02.440 they listen to you when when you have problems or 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:06.640 or when you really need to talk? Uh? You know, 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:09.040 do they provide for you in a way that you 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:13.320 you know, you feel secure? And uh, just being honest 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:15.720 and open. You guys can talk about anything. You know, 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:19.320 do the background research, you talk about your families, you 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:25.040 know how you were raised and uh you know, yeah, 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:28.480 all that do you think do both of I want 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.240 to both of y'all to answer this one. Do y'all 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:34.840 think it's natural for a man between the ages of 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:37.840 let's start with thirty. Is it natural to be with 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.200 one woman for the rest of your life for a man? 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:43.720 But that? Is that a natural thing? Or do you 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:46.480 think it's unrealistic to expect a man to pick a 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.440 woman at the age of thirty and be with her 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.840 forever and nobody else. I have a couple of friends, 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:55.680 a few friends that I knew, but with his wife 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:59.880 for a while, you know, yes, so like me myself, 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.760 you know, other woman came in between me and my 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:06.000 wife we just kind of like, I guess me to 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:09.720 grow apart, you know. Um, but I wasn't the type 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:11.919 of person that I like that I already had to 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:17.800 go out, you know, just I was just my mama 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.280 is the woman that all these guys on Instagram one. 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:22.320 I just want a good girl who go to work, 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:25.840 come home, and stay in the house all day. That's her. Yeah, 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:30.879 she was a good woman. I think with my fault 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:35.040 that our relationship went bad. No other woman caused it. 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:37.320 And do you think it went bad because you wanted 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.280 to go out mostly because I didn't stopped going out? 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:44.240 Let's I'm packed this for a second. Yeah, because going 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.960 out they're wrong. Yeah, maybe you gotta find then when 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:53.119 you get back on the argument starts something make it wrong. Okay, 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.040 so let's back up a second. You said no woman 0:17:56.200 --> 0:18:00.359 ever came between your relationship. Yeah, you said that of force. 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.520 I'm trying to calculate it, right, because was it just 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:07.800 going out or were you having too much fun outside 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:09.640 the house. You see what I'm saying when you say, oh, 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.320 no woman ever came between because I think it's what 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:14.959 what men think. It's like they do, they do, they 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:18.440 do stuff within the relationship right, And because you leave, 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:21.280 you're you ended the relationship or you're the cause of 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:25.040 us not being together. Not the situations that transpired for 0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:29.320 me to leave, it's because you gave up on the relationship. 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.639 You know if I basically I took the blame for 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:37.040 my relationship. But how do you say that No woman 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:43.160 ever came in between a relationship? Nothing never did. I well, 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:49.080 I don't remember that. I'm blurried. But I'm trying to understand, 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:53.800 is what the conversation was, you know, let me help you. 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:58.320 He's saying it wasn't a woman, but it was something 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.719 that came between the relationship. He made felt like he 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:05.360 was neglecting whatever he started out with it for this man, 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:11.680 I'm helping him out, Yeah, because he's trying to say 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:18.960 it wasn't a woman, but he was. Yeah, it wasn't 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:24.879 another relationship at all, not another relationship, but situations. Of course, 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:27.640 it wasn't another not it wasn't you having a whole 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:32.040 another relationship outside my mom. That's what you're right, because 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:35.959 you didn't leave her for a woman's right. But she 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:41.960 might think that what I'm trying to she was gonna 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:44.639 have that thoughts for there book to me, it wasn't 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:49.200 that way, you know, Yeah, right, daddy. Do you think 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:53.439 that's something that's natural for a man thirty enough to 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:56.960 be with one woman forever and that's it? I don't 0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:01.120 know the word natural just kind of you know, it's 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:04.239 kind of messing with me in my head. Uh, I 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:08.160 think that. No, naturally, No, it's not. I'm gonna be honest. 0:20:08.200 --> 0:20:11.720 The thirty year old man um a thirty year old 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:15.080 man if he's in love with his wife, his woman, 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:19.680 et cetera. Yes, but nowadays, from what I've witnessed and 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:23.440 what I know, it's more an exception than the rule. 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:27.960 But it's possible. So if a man is married thirty 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:30.040 year old, let's not even say third, let's say thirty five. 0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:32.960 Let's be realistic, thirty five year old man is married. 0:20:33.800 --> 0:20:36.800 Do you do men consider cheating meaning you don't love 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:40.960 your wife. I would say, if you cheat on your wife, 0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:43.560 you don't love your wife enough, because if you were 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:47.200 really in love with your wife and you respect that, 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:50.240 your vows and all that good stuff, no, you wouldn't cheat. 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:52.320 You wouldn't cheat on your wife. See. I don't know 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:54.880 how well I agree with that, just because I feel 0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:57.320 like sometimes cheating don't have nothing to do with the 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:00.520 other person. You know, the choice that you may cheating 0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:04.800 is a choice. Yeah, it has. It has everything to 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:08.879 do with internal issues ego. Things are personal sometimes and 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:10.520 they don't even have to do with the person over 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:14.120 here that you do love. You know. I'm not making 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:19.000 excuses for it, but yeah, because my een, um, it 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.040 took us out of Africa, but then it took an 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:29.720 African out us. Our African listener's gonna be mad at that. Wait, 0:21:30.000 --> 0:21:32.720 what does that mean that you believe? Like, imagine having 0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:34.880 more than one wife, Like, that's the culture over there. 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:38.919 I was, I was back home in the land. You know, 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:44.359 I have more than one wife. Yeah, and that and that, 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:48.000 and that's natural over there. You know. Now you like 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:51.520 the word natural? Okay, got it? Well? Yeah, I mean 0:21:52.280 --> 0:21:54.919 that's why I said the word natural just kind of 0:21:55.280 --> 0:21:59.280 go screw in my head because, uh, what what I 0:21:59.320 --> 0:22:03.000 mean when you say nature natural? I mean exactly what 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:09.520 are you talking about? Monogamy? Is monogamy natural for a 0:22:09.560 --> 0:22:16.920 man forever all of us? Some woman's you know, they 0:22:16.960 --> 0:22:20.159 won't they don't. Yeah, let's let's let's flip that is 0:22:20.160 --> 0:22:24.080 it natural? Thirty five year old woman to want to 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:26.160 be with one man for the rest of their life. 0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:32.440 I will say, no, it's not natural. But however, oftentimes 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:36.320 women practice restraint better you know than men. Like we 0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:38.520 have the same type of feelings y'all have, but we 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:41.160 may not go out and act out act on them, 0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:43.240 you know what I'm saying until it should get real 0:22:43.359 --> 0:22:49.159 ugly right. It's a societal norm that we practice restraint with. 0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:51.760 But I don't think it's natural for any one of 0:22:51.880 --> 0:22:54.480 us to be with one person forever and and then 0:22:54.480 --> 0:22:57.440 another thing is just like what am I getting? I'm 0:22:57.480 --> 0:22:59.840 always like, what am I getting out this other situation 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:02.359 that you know what I'm saying, like, because I feel 0:23:02.359 --> 0:23:04.040 like if I cheat, I'm going to be ready to 0:23:04.160 --> 0:23:06.680 leave with that person too. But do you know the 0:23:07.040 --> 0:23:11.480 big the big C words is it's the main ingredient 0:23:11.640 --> 0:23:16.800 into that relationship, and that's commitment. You know, what what 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:20.760 level of commitment are you prepared? I mean, even let's 0:23:20.760 --> 0:23:24.840 say you in that committed relationship and hopefully no one 0:23:24.960 --> 0:23:30.080 does have a relationship outside of that marriage, but if 0:23:30.119 --> 0:23:35.680 that happens, what is the level of commitment to repair 0:23:35.800 --> 0:23:40.159 whatever happened and to continue in that relationship? Whereas the 0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:44.320 commitment for forgiveness and to move on and understand it, 0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:49.639 because that's not into the today's society. Nobody. That commitment 0:23:49.720 --> 0:23:51.760 level is not as strong as it used to be, 0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:55.760 like when my parents were. Commitment can't be one sided. 0:23:55.800 --> 0:24:00.560 That's the thing to commit being committed you while you 0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:03.600 do whatever you agree and I agree and that one 0:24:03.680 --> 0:24:06.080 and I'm when I'm speaking of commitment, I'm talking about 0:24:06.880 --> 0:24:09.480 on both partners. And you know it can't be one side. 0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:13.560 It has to be a commitment on both. And I 0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:17.160 think that you know, sometimes you run into some rough 0:24:17.200 --> 0:24:21.840 patches in any relationship, and you know, keeping that open 0:24:22.080 --> 0:24:27.159 communications and and and sticking to the commitment is better 0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:32.639 than maybe some unrealistic goal. Like Dammy said, everybody is 0:24:32.680 --> 0:24:37.479 just completely one faithful, especially the man. I I do 0:24:37.600 --> 0:24:41.119 believe that women are creatures who are more devoted and 0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:44.320 nurturing and loving where they they can, you know, be 0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:46.640 with one man for the rest of their life. But 0:24:47.200 --> 0:24:49.680 you know, it's an exception to the rule with both me. 0:24:50.280 --> 0:24:53.919 I admire man that that's been with one woman and 0:24:54.000 --> 0:24:56.720 that's the only woman they loved, and so you don't 0:24:56.720 --> 0:25:04.120 think he'll sucker. You admire no, No, that's that's okay. 0:25:04.560 --> 0:25:07.120 I think the sucker is the cat that keeps bouncing 0:25:07.160 --> 0:25:10.680 from woman the woman. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, 0:25:11.040 --> 0:25:12.520 like I said, I got a lot of friends that 0:25:12.840 --> 0:25:15.360 But with the wife thirty seven year for the years, 0:25:16.520 --> 0:25:26.520 it's still happy. The only down This is what I'm 0:25:26.520 --> 0:25:28.639 trying to get to though, they sot together because of 0:25:28.680 --> 0:25:32.160 the woman's endurance. Y'all think that it's not from the man. 0:25:33.359 --> 0:25:35.560 You don't think it takes indoors for a man to 0:25:35.600 --> 0:25:38.280 stay with a woman thirty five for the years. That's 0:25:38.320 --> 0:25:42.720 a lot of endurance. Well, yeah, I agree, it is 0:25:42.760 --> 0:25:45.320 a lot of endurance. But well from what I from 0:25:45.359 --> 0:25:51.040 what I've seen, right, for what I've seen, if somebody 0:25:51.160 --> 0:25:54.000 stays together, like people joke about this stuff all the time, like, yeah, 0:25:54.119 --> 0:25:56.359 women is just we just pick up and leave whatever 0:25:56.440 --> 0:25:59.480 is easy for us to leave. Men nowadays, their grandmother's 0:25:59.520 --> 0:26:01.320 stuck it out to send a third They really didn't 0:26:01.320 --> 0:26:04.240 have a choice, right because financially they couldn't leave a 0:26:04.240 --> 0:26:06.920 lot of the time. Right. But now we have enough 0:26:06.960 --> 0:26:10.000 money to survive on our own, exactly. We got some 0:26:10.080 --> 0:26:21.840 fucking money. So yeah, well get the staff and I 0:26:22.000 --> 0:26:24.720 know what I'm just what I'm saying is that's the 0:26:24.840 --> 0:26:32.840