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Speaker 1: We know it's you. We know that you are gay,

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Speaker 1: we know that this is not who you are. I

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Speaker 1: thought that they were going to come after me. It

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Speaker 1: felt like a witch hunt. It was a home to me,

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Speaker 1: such good friends, and I felt like I was excommunicated.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that there was another option. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know Christians that that I thought it was okay to

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Speaker 1: be homosexual. I didn't know that it would have been

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Speaker 1: nice Today. I'm Hannah Waddingham and this is Hustle Rule,

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Speaker 1: an audio docuseries featuring the untold stories of women's soccer

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Speaker 1: players around the world, based on the book Under the

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Speaker 1: Lights and in the Dark, written by Gwendolen. Oxenham ran

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Speaker 1: full stuff for nobody, no fuon stuff for nobody. I

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Speaker 1: don't know whether it's just who I am inherently, or

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Speaker 1: whether it's because I come from theater with a mother

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Speaker 1: who was a professional opera singer. But I've been surrounded

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Speaker 1: by gay people since before I can remember. And as

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Speaker 1: for my own child, I've always brought her up with

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Speaker 1: a panel of god parents, and two of them are

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Speaker 1: a gay couple who have been together for twenty five

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Speaker 1: years and are without doubt the most successful married couple

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Speaker 1: I know in terms of their companionship and their ethos

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Speaker 1: for life and how they just support each other. And

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Speaker 1: so my brain has a really tough time computing why

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Speaker 1: religion and homosexuality wouldn't be able to get along together.

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Speaker 1: The judgment that goes on, I just can't fathom what

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Speaker 1: business it is of anybody's. It's difficult for me to

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Speaker 1: believe that in today's day and age, there are communities

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Speaker 1: where gay people are not welcome. But it's something that

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Speaker 1: I had to confront head on in this episode, and

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Speaker 1: I'm helping to tell this story because I want people

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Speaker 1: to know that it isn't a thing of the past. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: it's still very much happening today. The Charlotte Eagles is

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Speaker 1: a semi pro soccer team in North Carolina. They play

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Speaker 1: in a summer league called the w PSL, the Women's

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Speaker 1: Premier Soccer League. It's the highest level women can play

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Speaker 1: while still maintaining their college eligibility in the US, and

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Speaker 1: the Eagles aren't some random, middle of the road team

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Speaker 1: nobody has heard of. The Eagles are the best team

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Speaker 1: in the South and won the nationwide League championship in

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Speaker 1: two thousand and one. The team is also an evangelical

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Speaker 1: Christian organization, which isn't a secret. Every player who goes

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Speaker 1: there is fully aware that their summer will revolve around

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Speaker 1: worship and Bible study almost as much as soccer. But

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Speaker 1: there is one thing that many players didn't know when

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Speaker 1: they moved to Charlotte. The Eagles is not a welcoming

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Speaker 1: place if you're gay, whether you love Jesus or not.

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Speaker 1: This is the story of a team that will only

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Speaker 1: accept players who identify as straight. It's a story about

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Speaker 1: the gay players who left that team in pain, and

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Speaker 1: a story about another team that many of those players

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Speaker 1: now call home and the rivalry those teams share, culminating

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Speaker 1: in a game that means more than what ends up

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Speaker 1: on the school board. This is play away the game.

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Speaker 1: This episode, I'm handing the mic over to writer and

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Speaker 1: former player Gwendola Oxenham, who's spoken to former Eagles spanning

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Speaker 1: over a decade and has been following the team since

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Speaker 1: she was seventeen nice. This story starts in monta Vallo, Alabama,

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Speaker 1: where every year the best use soccer players in the

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Speaker 1: South gathered for six days to compete for a spot

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Speaker 1: on the Olympic development team. It was here in a

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Speaker 1: dorm room that I met Page Ledford when we were

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Speaker 1: fourteen years old. I just remember the essence of you.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, it's just just like very warm,

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Speaker 1: like Gwendolin. Thanks were still, I like we're actually talking

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Speaker 1: to each other now, you know, There's always just been

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Speaker 1: this easy thing between us. I don't know Page or

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Speaker 1: her hair down. While she played, this mess of white

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Speaker 1: hair would fly behind her, giving us all the impression

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Speaker 1: that she was a wild, fair old child from the sticks,

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Speaker 1: which wasn't too far from the truth. I grew up

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Speaker 1: in Udawah, Tennessee, best place ever, it's kind of on

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Speaker 1: the edge of the Appalachian mountains. She stopped the field

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Speaker 1: like a hunter in the woods. Deft, smart and strong.

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Speaker 1: Coaches adored her for the same reason we did. She

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Speaker 1: fit no mold. She was an only child, born to

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Speaker 1: two parents who rarely spoke. My parents were very quiet people,

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Speaker 1: hardly ever talked in the home. They didn't never asked

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Speaker 1: me questions, and I never asked them questions. They'd send

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Speaker 1: her off into the woods to play by herself, and

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Speaker 1: you could see that creativity and self reliance while she played,

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Speaker 1: and she was as quiet as her parents. We thought

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Speaker 1: of her as our silent wonder and relished each new

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Speaker 1: detail that we pulled out of her. She got a

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Speaker 1: nearly perfect score on our a CT. She was Homecoming Queen,

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Speaker 1: and she held the clean and jerk weightlifting record for

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Speaker 1: the state of Tennessee. During the summer after my freshman

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Speaker 1: year at Duke, Paige and I lived together and played

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Speaker 1: for a semi protein the Memphis Mercury, which ove around

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Speaker 1: blasting old pro medicine show and eight peaches from roadside stands.

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Speaker 1: Midway through the summer, she bought smoke bombs from a

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Speaker 1: firework stand and for the rest of the summer she

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Speaker 1: just tossed them out the truck window as we left

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Speaker 1: the practice field. It's like an entrance, right. I don't

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Speaker 1: think I felt like that at the moment, but I can.

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Speaker 1: I can picture it as like fighters, like showing up

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Speaker 1: to the fighters. The following year at Clemson, Page got

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Speaker 1: a girlfriend. They came to visit me at Duke. My

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Speaker 1: normally silent friend was giddy, chatty, boundless, lee happy. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was totally in love with Addie. I thought I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be with her forever. By two thousand and five,

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Speaker 1: pages playing for the Charlotte Eagles. So are several of

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Speaker 1: my other soccer friends who all had girlfriends when I

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Speaker 1: knew them, now playing for the Eagles, they did not.

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Speaker 1: This mystified me. What was this conversion therapy via soccer?

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Speaker 1: What was happening? My four independent, competent, super talented friends

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Speaker 1: went to play on this team with one feeling in

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Speaker 1: their hearts and left with another. While I was suspicious

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Speaker 1: of the Eagles, my friends loved the team. Here's Amanda Martin,

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Speaker 1: who I also met in Manavallo when we were preteens,

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Speaker 1: eating granola bars and goldfish in the dorm rooms. She

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Speaker 1: was a scrappy goalkeeper with green eyes that really bored

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Speaker 1: into you. I thought it was the best place I've

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Speaker 1: ever been. To me, it was immediately home. I felt accepted.

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Speaker 1: I felt like that thing that met so much to me,

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Speaker 1: which is my faith, like to share that with everybody.

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Speaker 1: And also, we're really good at soccer, so it's like

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Speaker 1: to play at that level. And everyday practice was this

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Speaker 1: high intensity practice and then it would be followed with

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Speaker 1: like a Bible study. So to me, this was like

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Speaker 1: the best environment. I loved it. I loved it until

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Speaker 1: I got kicked off. Amanda played for the team for

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Speaker 1: three seasons, but in the middle of all of the joy,

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Speaker 1: worship and soccer, she felt conflicted and confided in her teammates.

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Speaker 1: I would not say, like I struggle with homosexual desire,

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Speaker 1: like those words have never fall out of my mouth

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Speaker 1: like that. But I think I would say in the past,

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Speaker 1: I've had really close female relationships, and I would never

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Speaker 1: talk about it like it was in the present. It was,

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Speaker 1: but I just was hiding, covering a lot of covering

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Speaker 1: who I really was. And we would pray about it.

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Speaker 1: Some of my teammates would lay hands on me, and

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Speaker 1: I would want that to like, you know, pray that

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Speaker 1: this desire goes away. And for Page, the organization encouraged

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Speaker 1: her to share her testimony. I guess because of my

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Speaker 1: story of having a girlfriend and the becoming Christian and

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Speaker 1: giving that up for for Jesus, like I a special

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Speaker 1: story that they would like me to tell to other people,

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Speaker 1: to show the power of Jesus, you know, in your life.

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Speaker 1: I guess the feeling was at the time was that

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Speaker 1: God had like freed me from it. And as for Amanda,

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Speaker 1: after her third season, it's like the off season so

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Speaker 1: it is let's say spring, it's still kind of cold.

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Speaker 1: And I get a phone call from our general manager

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Speaker 1: and he just says, hey, are you available to chat?

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Speaker 1: I would like to meet with you next week, you know,

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Speaker 1: on Tuesday. And and I immediately, like was so nervous

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Speaker 1: that I was like, we need to meet today? What

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Speaker 1: like today? It is not season, this is not like

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Speaker 1: a year round thing. It just felt so alarming, and

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Speaker 1: he said, okay, well, can you, you know, be at

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Speaker 1: the office at four pm? And I get there and

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous, like super nervous. He can't even look me

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Speaker 1: in the eyes. And you know, he's like leading me

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Speaker 1: back to an office and he's arey uncomfortable and he

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Speaker 1: just stumbles over his words and he says, I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to let you know, and I felt like I

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Speaker 1: needed to tell you this in person, but you are

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Speaker 1: no longer on this team. You're no longer a part

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Speaker 1: of this organization. And I blacked out because I at

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Speaker 1: that point I didn't even know to ask a question

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Speaker 1: or what question to ask, and it the whole thing

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Speaker 1: is really shifty, and you know, all he kept saying

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Speaker 1: was like, we wish you well with your faith, with Christ.

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Speaker 1: The only thing I know is that there are people

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Speaker 1: within the organization that know that I've had girlfriends. And

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Speaker 1: as I was walking out, head held down, like crying,

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Speaker 1: I just kept apologizing because I felt like I was

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Speaker 1: in the wrong, you know, I just kept saying, I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry, And in my mind, I'm apologizing because I'm gay,

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Speaker 1: But I don't say that because it's unspoken. We don't

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Speaker 1: talk about it. Nobody has said, Amanda, there are people

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Speaker 1: in this organization that have brought your name to us

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Speaker 1: as someone that you know dates women. I remember I

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Speaker 1: got in the car and I'm like crying hysterically. I'm embarrassed.

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Speaker 1: Just gotten kicked off of a summer league team in

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Speaker 1: the off season in March, I was shunned from a

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Speaker 1: community that I loved so much. It was such a

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Speaker 1: home base for me. I felt like I will always

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Speaker 1: be a part of this organization in some way. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what it's gonna look like like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I may not be a player, but maybe I'll be

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Speaker 1: a coach for the Eagles. And I also felt like

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Speaker 1: this was my church right so it's like it was

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Speaker 1: it was a home to me, such good friends, and

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was excommunicated. So let me take

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Speaker 1: you to the next season two thousand and eight. There's

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Speaker 1: a new flock of Eagles. It's a mix of long

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Speaker 1: timers and fresh faces, and not everybody is prepared for

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Speaker 1: the religious parts of this team. I remember then getting

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Speaker 1: my schedule for the Eagles, and I remember the first

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Speaker 1: thing on there was a Bible study, like first thing

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Speaker 1: in the next morning. That's how they're dimmer now, Davis.

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Speaker 1: After the first like three days, it felt like a

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Speaker 1: preseason of not just soccer, but a preseason of Christianity.

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Speaker 1: And so you're getting two a days of these Christian

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Speaker 1: morality lessons and Bible study and worship, and it's all

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Speaker 1: new and all overwhelming. And so I think after about

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Speaker 1: the first three days, we looked at each other and

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Speaker 1: we're wide eyed and took a moment and we're like,

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Speaker 1: what have we gotten into? And part of that is

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Speaker 1: because the Eagles aren't just teaching the Bible. They were

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Speaker 1: evangelical Christians sharing their person journeys in their faith with

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Speaker 1: each other. Then about a third of the way through

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Speaker 1: this summer, a teammate invited Heather to coffee. So we went,

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Speaker 1: we sat outside, we were just kind of chatting about,

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Speaker 1: you know, the season so far and thoughts and where

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Speaker 1: we came from. And she was a couple of years

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Speaker 1: older than me, and she was telling me about her

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Speaker 1: story and she had some rocky parts of her story

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Speaker 1: that she shared very openly with me, and so I thought, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: we're going to be vulnerable with each other and are

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Speaker 1: doing that here, And so I met her in that

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Speaker 1: and she mentioned part of her story being that she's

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Speaker 1: been with women before um, and I felt a surge

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Speaker 1: of relief that I'm not the only one here. And

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Speaker 1: I knew I wasn't the only one, but but this

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Speaker 1: was the first person to have an open conversation with

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Speaker 1: me about, as she said, her struggle. I hate that

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Speaker 1: phrasing of this is my struggle. No, it's not a

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Speaker 1: struggle that to your identity, honey. She was open with

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Speaker 1: me about her shruggle and of dating women and liking

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Speaker 1: being attracted to women, and so I shared with her, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I've also dated women and I'm currently kind of talking

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Speaker 1: to somebody on the team, which I was, but very

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Speaker 1: informally at this point. And then we continued our conversation.

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Speaker 1: It was not even like a bump in the road.

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Speaker 1: She didn't bat nye. I don't think she was surprised.

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Speaker 1: And then we went our separate ways. We hugged gotten

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Speaker 1: our cars, and then the next day we had a game,

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Speaker 1: and before the game there's always pregame chapel, so we

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Speaker 1: do we do chapel, and then the song stop, and

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Speaker 1: usually when it's just time to be like, let's get

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Speaker 1: ready to go out, let's play together, blah blah blah,

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Speaker 1: start transitioning to the game. I see this individual that

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Speaker 1: I went to coffee with walking towards the front. I'm

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Speaker 1: just tracking her with my eyes, and as I'm she

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Speaker 1: gets closer to the front, my whole body is like

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Speaker 1: having this visceral reaction of like I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: on fire and everything is sweaty, and I know exactly

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Speaker 1: what's going to happen. She gets up in front of

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Speaker 1: the room and so bravely shares that she recently has

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Speaker 1: been experiencing homosexual thoughts and attractions to other women on

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Speaker 1: the team, and that she wanted to bring this into

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Speaker 1: the light so that there can be healing around it,

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Speaker 1: and kind of like this confession, it felt more like

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Speaker 1: a confession, and she said and I know I'm not

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Speaker 1: the only one on the team that is struggling with

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Speaker 1: this slow glance my way. My eyes go straight to

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Speaker 1: the floor. I'm staring at my shoes for the next

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes. And so she goes and sits back down,

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Speaker 1: and people are applauding her for her bravery. And then

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Speaker 1: after she sits down, another woman that I think played

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Speaker 1: for the team maybe three years before, something that she

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00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 1: was a little bit older, had kids, just had been

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Speaker 1: in chapel that day. She got up and was like

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Speaker 1: noticeably angry. She was agitated, and her body, her body language,

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Speaker 1: her fists were clinched, her veins were popping on her neck,

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Speaker 1: her face was red. She was like, I had some rage,

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Speaker 1: and she just said, this is unacceptable. This is not

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Speaker 1: who the Eagles are. We do not do this. You

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00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,800
Speaker 1: should be ashamed of yourselves. This is not what our

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Speaker 1: sisterhood is about. We are godly women, all of that,

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Speaker 1: But like with the vehemence behind it that you could

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Speaker 1: just I couldn't look at her. Heather's not the only

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Speaker 1: one shaken up by this moment. Lydia Vandenburgh had been

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Speaker 1: on the team for three years. I've dated men and

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Speaker 1: women at the time, and so hearing this meeting, I

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00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,440
Speaker 1: was definitely scared. I thought that they were going to

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Speaker 1: come after me. It felt like a witch hunt, like okay,

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Speaker 1: who else has dated women before? It kind of made

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Speaker 1: me start to think because up until that point, and

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Speaker 1: it had all been like, oh, we love everyone, but

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Speaker 1: you know, and it's like, wait, that that's not right,

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Speaker 1: like you can't that's not you know, unconditional love, like oh,

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Speaker 1: we love you, but you know, I felt duped almost

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Speaker 1: like Okay, wait, you've thought differently the whole time, and

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Speaker 1: this group of people I've trusted and been mentored underneath,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it's now like they don't love a

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Speaker 1: certain group of people, you know. So I was really

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Speaker 1: just angry. All of a sudden everything was coming to

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Speaker 1: light and I was, Okay, my time is I think

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Speaker 1: done with this organization. A week after the meeting, the

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Speaker 1: team is in Atlanta for a game, which is Heather's hometown.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like so excited to be back in my city.

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Speaker 1: I knew my folks were going to come to the game,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm just like I'm excited to be there

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Speaker 1: and to be away from Charlotte and We're at the

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Speaker 1: Holiday Inn and it was the morning we went out

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Speaker 1: for breakfast, did a walk through, and then you go

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Speaker 1: back to your rooms and just like have your legs

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Speaker 1: up for a little bit, prepping for the game. And

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Speaker 1: I get a knock on my door and I opened

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Speaker 1: it and one of my teammates is standing there and

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00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,440
Speaker 1: she asks if we can have a talk. I knew

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Speaker 1: this teammate was part of the leadership and had been

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Speaker 1: tasked with bringing this issue to light. I knew exactly

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Speaker 1: where this is going, like, right, who wouldn't. So she

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Speaker 1: takes me into the hallway. I remember there being like

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Speaker 1: an A C unit box at the end of the hallway,

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Speaker 1: like you know old school hotels. I remember sitting on

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Speaker 1: the A C box and she was standing in front

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Speaker 1: of me, and I can't make eye contact. I remember

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Speaker 1: the things of we know it's you, We know that

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00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 1: you are gay, that you struggle with this, We know

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Speaker 1: that this is not who you are. What I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you don't know me. Maybe this is who I am,

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Speaker 1: maybe this is not. But you've never had a conversation

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Speaker 1: with me before this moment. You definitely don't know me.

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Speaker 1: I say nothing. The whole time of course, and she

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Speaker 1: just says, this is not who you are, This is

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Speaker 1: not what Christ wants for you, This is not the

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Speaker 1: vision that God has for your life. This is not

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Speaker 1: why Jesus died for your sins that you might live

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Speaker 1: in eternal love, and blah blah blah, all those things.

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Speaker 1: And at some point I just kind of tune it

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Speaker 1: out and go to that place, that like deep down

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Speaker 1: place of like lockdown, of don't cry, don't say anything.

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Speaker 1: At some point she'll stop talking. She has a Bible.

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Speaker 1: I think she prays for me. I think I say amen,

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00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:04,840
Speaker 1: and then I go back to my room and just

322
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:10,920
Speaker 1: I cry for the first time. Heather's best friend, Ashley,

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00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,119
Speaker 1: was also on the team, and even though she identified

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Speaker 1: as straight and Christian, she wanted to be there for

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Speaker 1: her friend. I just remember kind of like this, this

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Speaker 1: like righteous feeling of like this is not I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to stand by and be okay with my best

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Speaker 1: friend being treated and made to feel treated badly or

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Speaker 1: made to feel like she was feeling in that time. UM,

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Speaker 1: I still think that I was probably unaware of a

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Speaker 1: lot of the context that was going on, and and

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Speaker 1: so um, you know, you say you felt sort of

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Speaker 1: righteous like, did you do anything? Mm hmm, I don't

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Speaker 1: know that I did anything. I don't know that I

335
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: did that. That's kind of a it's kind of a

336
00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 1: tough question. UM. I hope that I supported Heather. UM.

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00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 1: I hope that I made her feel loved and seen

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00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 1: and um cared for. And I think that I I

339
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: hope to her it felt like I did something. UM.

340
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 1: I didn't go to captain, I didn't go to a coach.

341
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Speaker 1: I didn't go to the g M. I didn't I

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Speaker 1: didn't go and like stand up for her publicly. I also,

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00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: I don't think that's really what she probably wanted at

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00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 1: that time. I don't think that would have made the

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00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:40,160
Speaker 1: situation any better. But if you asked Heather, she'd say

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00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 1: Ashley did more than she knows. During chapel, Ashley and

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00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: I always sat right next to each other. We're each

348
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,159
Speaker 1: other's safety for different reasons. I could help her navigate

349
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: the Bible, and she could help me navigate social relationships.

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Speaker 1: We were each other's kind of like Booey. She was

351
00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 1: already very much liked at the Eagles, me just a

352
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 1: second catchman. She um has always been like my rider

353
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,679
Speaker 1: die and she would pick me up and drive me

354
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,919
Speaker 1: to practice. Some days, she would make sure I had

355
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:24,399
Speaker 1: someone to pass with. She would um stand next metering prayers.

356
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Speaker 1: So because of her, I had like one person um

357
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 1: and that was enough. And when it came to soccer,

358
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 1: the reason why they're all there in the first place. Heather,

359
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 1: who was a four year starter, a scholarship player at

360
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: a Division one university, the captain of her last summer team,

361
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: and one of the leading goal scorers in her school's history.

362
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: She rode the bench. I think I was benched because

363
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: I didn't buy into the system. I didn't sing along,

364
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: I didn't raise my hands at worship, I didn't share

365
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: my testimony. I didn't talking Bible study, I wasn't dating

366
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Speaker 1: a male Eagles player, and I was gay. But in

367
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,360
Speaker 1: spite of all of that, Heather wasn't ready to give

368
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: up soccer. So my perspective was, after all of the

369
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 1: outing and all these conversations finally have been explicit, I

370
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: realized I am going to be the gay girl on

371
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: the end of the bench and they're not going to

372
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: play me. They're they're trying to get me to quit,

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00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 1: you know, on my own. And I thought, I'm not

374
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Speaker 1: going to give them that satisfaction. I'm gonna sit here

375
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: and they can look at me the whole summer, and

376
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Speaker 1: I'm also going to play really hard. And I don't

377
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 1: really know where this came from, because I'm I was

378
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: kind of surprised by it, but it was just like,

379
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna hang on. I'm just gonna stay here

380
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 1: one because I'm gonna play soccer and and just get

381
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 1: that joy that I can get out of soccer. I

382
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: also want them to have to just deal with my

383
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 1: presence on the team, because what are you gonna do.

384
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: Are you gonna kick me off off? Okay, kick me off?

385
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 1: Are you going to put me in like a a

386
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: circle and shame me as a group? Are you going

387
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: to out me by my name? Like what comes next?

388
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: I was not invited back to play for the Eagles,

389
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,919
Speaker 1: nor would I have accepted that invitation mutually. Not a

390
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: good fit. The Eagles are just one team in a

391
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: semi pro league that only plays during the summer. But

392
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 1: it's not just the Eagles. The Fellowship of Christian Athletes

393
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,919
Speaker 1: or f c A is a nonprofit that works with

394
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,959
Speaker 1: student athletes across the world. If you played sports and

395
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 1: you believed in God, chances are you've heard of them,

396
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 1: and they too believe homosexuality is a sin. I went

397
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: on a mission trip with f c A after I

398
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 1: had become a professional athlete and had to sign their

399
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: statement of faith, which also included this like purity code,

400
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: like I won't drink, I won't do drugs, um, I

401
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 1: won't engage in any sexual relationships, and I won't engage

402
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: in homosexual activity. That's Kelsey Davis, Heather's wife, who at

403
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 1: the time was a professional soccer player. Until this moment,

404
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 1: even after being president of f c A at our

405
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: high school, Kelsey had no idea the organization believed being

406
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: gay was a sin. I wrestled with signing that paper

407
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: because that was the community in which I felt like

408
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 1: I could belong and be my fullest self because I

409
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 1: got to be a Christian and an athlete, the two

410
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: identities at the time that mattered the most to me,

411
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: and so having to sign that paper, I felt like

412
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 1: I was signing a piece of myself away in order

413
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: to belong in this group. That's just like, Okay, just

414
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: signed the paper because I wanted. I want to belong

415
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: here and I want to go on this mission trip.

416
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,880
Speaker 1: After that, trip though, because I was a professional athlete

417
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: and involved with the CIA, I was invited to write

418
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: you know, I think, like a small article or something

419
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: for their magazine in your website. And I felt really

420
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: convicted that I wasn't being fully transparent with who I was,

421
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,959
Speaker 1: and so I ended up the person who had invited

422
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: me to write the article coming out again saying, you know,

423
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 1: actually I'm in a relationship with a woman and this

424
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,959
Speaker 1: is who I am. And he said, thank you so

425
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 1: much for your honesty and basically, um, we are on

426
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: inviting you to write this this article and need to

427
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 1: cut ties. The feeling though that I remember is your

428
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,439
Speaker 1: voice is no longer welcome here because of who you

429
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: love and who you are. Thank you for being honest

430
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: with us about that and relationship. I came into FC

431
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: when I was sixteen, when on that mission trip when

432
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: I was one, And that's the problem is that you're

433
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: welcomed into this community and told that you were loved

434
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: by God, that Jesus loves you, that the community loves you,

435
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 1: and so you give your heart and your soul to

436
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: this community and then you find out down the road

437
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: that it's love. But so what are you supposed to

438
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: do with that. It's it's harmful to not be clear upfront.

439
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,919
Speaker 1: So then the next step was where can I belong

440
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: as a Christian athlete? Is there a faith community? Is

441
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 1: there a Christian community out there that I can be

442
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 1: fully loved in because of this place I thought I

443
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: had belonged. UM just said no. F C declined to

444
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: participate in this story. As for the Charlotte Eagles, after

445
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: Heather's experience, the team added their own player agreement. Now

446
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 1: in players must sign a piece of paper saying they

447
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: will not engage in homosexual behavior in order to join

448
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: the team. Instead of an unspoken contract, it's written in ink.

449
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: When we reached out to the president of the Charlotte Eagles,

450
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: we asked why players must sign a team document that

451
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 1: says they will not participate in homosexual behavior. Here is

452
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: their response. Players are representatives of Missionary Athletes International m AI.

453
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: While they are on the team. Because they represent m

454
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 1: a I, we asked them to abide by our player Agreement,

455
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 1: which outlines organizational conduct policies consistent with God's word. Players

456
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: are asked to sign the player Agreement prior to the

457
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 1: start of the season so they understand the ex dictations

458
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,719
Speaker 1: of them while playing for the Charlotte Eagles. It was like, Nope,

459
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: you're not engaging in premarital sex. You will not engage

460
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: in homosexual activities, you will not drink, smoke, long list

461
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: of things, and you were abiding by this and it's

462
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: a spiritual contract. I'm playing at a very high level

463
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: of course I'm gonna sign this. Like you want me

464
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: to come play soccer and talk about the board. Yes,

465
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: I don't care what what's your piece of paper says, like,

466
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: who is your piece of paper to tell me what

467
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: my relationship with prices? Like so, um, that was really

468
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 1: crazy to meet. But if I have to sign a

469
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: piece of paper, says, I'm not gonna do. It's to

470
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: play quality soccer. That's fine with me because you and

471
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: me have nothing to do with he not. That was

472
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: Chloe McClary small and she's a former Eagles player. She's

473
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: now married to a woman and these days she's playing

474
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: for a different team. A hundred miles down the road

475
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: in Asheville, North Carolina, a city nestled in the Blue

476
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: Ridge Mountains, a proverbial blue dot in a red state.

477
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: This is a community that loves its people, just as

478
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: much as it loves It's It's a Saturday night in June, Pride,

479
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: Money and the Asheville City Blues are playing the Charlotte Eagles.

480
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: The Eagles are good this season, just like every year.

481
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: They're undefeated, and no Asheville City FC team, men's or

482
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: women's has ever beaten the Eagles. It's a sold out prayer.

483
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: Nobody was sitting there and everybody was on the seat.

484
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 1: The South Fork Blues are screaming their heads on, banging

485
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: their drums. The fireworks are going off with screams and

486
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: shotts and people jumping up and down as they create

487
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: this atmosphere like no other. That was Stacy Enos, one

488
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: of Ashville's owners and a member of the very first

489
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 1: US women's national team. She's been married to her wife

490
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: for more than twenty years. In fact, the whole team

491
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: is owned and coached by gay women and rainbow loving allies. Lydia,

492
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: the player who left the Eagles after the witch hunt,

493
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: is another owner, and the assistant coaches Heather and Kelsey Davis.

494
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 1: You know what, We're trying to create an environment with

495
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 1: people who feel like they can be here. That's Megan Burke,

496
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: another owner. She's a former professional player who now heads

497
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: the NWSL Players Union. She's married to Jasmine Beach Ferrara,

498
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: a gay pastor with a Harvard Divinity degree who's currently

499
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: running for Congress. A beautiful night for soccer in Asheville,

500
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: North Carolina. Thanks for joining us, Miss Charlotte. FIDE has

501
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: proven that they are a strong team. They've got speed

502
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: and athleticism to spare, and they proved it. They're coming

503
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: into this confidence, but as Phil is, coming into it

504
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: with a little bit of a fire. This is a

505
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: game between two different cultures. It's a culture war. But

506
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: you're playing in a league that is very open about

507
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 1: their support of gays and gays being in the league.

508
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: But then you have a team that says you can't

509
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: be gay on our team. Like, it just does not

510
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: make sense. It really does not make sense. It really doesn't.

511
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: It's a rivalry, it's a Darby, it's whatever label you

512
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: want to put on it. But it's palpable, it's tangible.

513
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: It puts a knock in your stomach and a lump

514
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 1: in your throat because you want to prove that loath winds.

515
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: The fans care in a way you would not expect.

516
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 1: They're beating drums and leading sing alongs. This is a

517
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: scene that's hard to find even at the professional level,

518
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: and for the players themselves, especially the gay players. Playing

519
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 1: the Eagles is no small thing. Here's Asheville's Crystal Goss.

520
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: You take the wanting to win factor and you amplify

521
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: that by ten maybe twenty. You know, you've got people

522
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: that are basically praying for you to like become a

523
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: different person or become someone that you're not. And here's

524
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 1: Asheville's Bianca Knisio. It clicks in the back of your mind,

525
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: what are these individuals really thinking about me? Just that

526
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: moment the ball goes out of bounds and your head

527
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 1: looks up and you're looking at their bench staring. It

528
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: was like, what do they actually think of me as

529
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: a human being? What's actually being said behind closed doors

530
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,479
Speaker 1: about us? You know, how do you really feel in

531
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: your heart? M Kennis Silver is a star forward for Asheville,

532
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: but she actually played for Charlotte last season, and she

533
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 1: remembers playing against Asheville on Pride night. Before kickoff, players

534
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: from both teams lined up at midfield for the national anthem.

535
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,719
Speaker 1: I saw before believe that where all people are treated

536
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: as people remember what things they are or whom they love,

537
00:33:55,360 --> 00:34:01,959
Speaker 1: we're all more free. The team wore rainbow socks, and

538
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: right before kickoff, rainbow colored smoke bombs exploded across a

539
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 1: desk colored sky. That was really tough because I was

540
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: wrestling with a lot of things and I was like,

541
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: I'm definitely on the wrong side of this right now.

542
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 1: But it wasn't that simple because McKenna also loved her

543
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 1: time on the Eagles. I think up front it's it's

544
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,359
Speaker 1: very welcoming, and it's tough now looking back because I

545
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: was never upfront about my sexuality while I was there. Ever,

546
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: I hadn't. I didn't tell anybody until I came out

547
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 1: in December UM, which was like probably like four or

548
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,240
Speaker 1: five months after I had left. And because they didn't

549
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: know that aspect about me, it was like, oh, like,

550
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 1: we except to you. We love you, and that's what

551
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 1: I was hoping to go back to. So you you

552
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: mean so when you played for the team, everyone was

553
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 1: super accepting and loving because I thought I was straight. Yeah.

554
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 1: McKenna went back to college and she met her girlfriend.

555
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,439
Speaker 1: It was a big life change and she wasn't sure

556
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 1: she'd still be welcome on the Eagles. I called the

557
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 1: coach and I asked her straight up. I was like,

558
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 1: I just need you to tell me straight up if

559
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 1: I can come back and play. Can I come back

560
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: while I am dating Katie, which is my girlfriend. And

561
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 1: then it kind of got silent for a couple of minutes,

562
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: and she was kind of like, well, if it were

563
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: up to me, we would try and find a spot

564
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 1: for you on the team. And I mean, I had

565
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: my answer at that point, because I knew there was

566
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: a butt coming. And she said, but the organization is

567
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,959
Speaker 1: pretty clear on what those rules look like. She said,

568
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 1: so we could do a couple of things, or one

569
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 1: of those options was cutting off communication with your girlfriend

570
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 1: and coming here, and then you could revisit things with

571
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: her after the summer. And I remember sitting there being

572
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 1: absolutely floored to even hear that request come out of

573
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: somebody's mouth, not even for my sake, but for the

574
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 1: sake of this person that I was in that I'm

575
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: in a relationship with. After that, I shut the conversation

576
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: down pretty quickly because as I knew that I was

577
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: I was deeply hurt in that moment. But MCN I

578
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 1: found out home in Ashville and she loves it. It's

579
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,919
Speaker 1: just really cool for me. It's to think a year

580
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: ago I was in such a dark spot, thinking that,

581
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 1: like I said, I couldn't be out and I couldn't

582
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: love Jesus. And yet here I am witnessing and seeing

583
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: people in the community and representation, meaning there are outwardly

584
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:30,919
Speaker 1: gay people in the church and in Asheville and all

585
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 1: over the place that are making it work and figuring

586
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 1: it out because it is possible and it's it's the

587
00:36:36,360 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 1: right thing. Start fast, everyone, everyone wanted to Silber running

588
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: towards the middle. Silver has in space touched me into

589
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: the box collision and pointing at the spots Silver during

590
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: the penalty right now, Piquet, who nashvill City against Charlotte,

591
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: goes seventy seven minutes, Andy, what how much that book?

592
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: We clows the whistle, the schools City gets to the

593
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 1: begs Baschool left the door lady again in your final

594
00:37:48,000 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: store right, sure r goes here. The Ashville players sprint

595
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: to the stands after the final whistle, celebrating with their supporters,

596
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 1: and then they do something else because after every game,

597
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 1: the Eagles always invite the other team into a prayer

598
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: circle where they pray for their opponent win or lose.

599
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: But at the end of this game, Asheville invited the

600
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 1: Eagles instead, Chloe led the group not vitually. And and

601
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: this community has grown me to be who I am today.

602
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: Um And it's a community of love. No matter who

603
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: you are, where you from, what color your skin is,

604
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 1: your sexual orientation, prol now, what you believe in, who

605
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: you got is this is a place that I call home.

606
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: It will always call home, no matter what that means

607
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 1: to you. You will always be welcomed in this circle

608
00:38:48,239 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: every time. So we appreciate you. Anyone tectures Hi, who

609
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 1: are you? And as for Gwen's friend Page, it's been

610
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 1: years since she left the Eagles. Page is now married,

611
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 1: she has five kids, and she identifies as queer. I

612
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:21,399
Speaker 1: think several years ago I just realized, like the word

613
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: queer actually helps me understand myself a lot. I now

614
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 1: realized that kind of lost like ten years of my

615
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 1: life person, you know, as a human being. But I

616
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 1: had really shut off, just put like a big iron

617
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: door on my emotions and feelings and didn't want to

618
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: trust those things. I was just gonna live by the

619
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: Bible followed Jesus to it. He said, when I just

620
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 1: kind of shut up, like listening to my actual self

621
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: and my intuition, my humanity, all that stuff, it just

622
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: showed it off. I think it led to a lot

623
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,879
Speaker 1: of health problems that just bogged me down. I was so,

624
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I need to be figure out

625
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 1: what it's like to be human, and that's I'm gonna

626
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 1: be Page. I'm gonna be Paige and find out who pages.

627
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,479
Speaker 1: And that's going to make me more like Jesus because

628
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to be more human. I'm gonna be more myself.

629
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: And I started feeling myself come back alive, Like I

630
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 1: started just feeling love in my life, and like just

631
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: things became more beautiful. Honestly, the conversation around religion and

632
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 1: sexual orientation can sometimes feel limited, like there are only

633
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: two options, as if you can be queer and not religious,

634
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 1: or you can be religious and not queer. You've seen

635
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,719
Speaker 1: this debate play out for many of the players in

636
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 1: this episode over and over again. And while this episode

637
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,840
Speaker 1: has focused on Charlotte, North Carolina and the Fellowship of

638
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 1: Christian Athletes, this is global, but women athletes all over

639
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 1: the world are helping change the narrative. God has always

640
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: been with me always. We've been in a relationship for

641
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 1: eight years and we've only told people about our relationship

642
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: two years ago. That's Andressa alvez Da Silva. She's a

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00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 1: forward on the Brazilian national team. Religion flows strong through Brazil.

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00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 1: The country has both the largest Catholic population in the

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00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 1: world and rapidly growing evangelical Christian population. About one third

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00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: of Brazilians identify as evangelical. And when you're a professional

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00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: player and a star of the national team, a lot

648
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 1: is at stake. So in Brazil, we were afraid of

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00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:37,399
Speaker 1: coming out and missing out on campaigns because we were gay.

650
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 1: Big brands, big events, so that was one of the

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00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,879
Speaker 1: concerns that we had, so that's why we didn't come out.

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00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: And the afraid of any repercussions against our family, things

653
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 1: that happened when you're gay. But we talked about that together, right,

654
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 1: our family was besides us, and we came out. It

655
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 1: was the best thing we did. After that, a relationship

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00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 1: really evolved, and I can see that in a way

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00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 1: that I can help other people that may be afraid

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00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 1: of coming out because they may be afraid of losing

659
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: something because they're gay. The fact that a gay player,

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00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: gay person didn't take me away from God quiet. On

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00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 1: the contrary, everything I owe all of that to God.

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00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 1: If you go around and keep a secret your whole life,

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00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 1: I think there will always be a part of you

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00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: that's like not happy. I felt that myself before I

665
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 1: was open about my sexuality. That's Denmark's Panela Harder. She

666
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 1: is a superstar, one of the top strikers in the world.

667
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: In Denmark failed to qualify for the World Cup, but

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00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 1: Panela attended as a fan cheering on her partner, Swedish

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00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 1: footballer Magdalena Ericsson, and after Sweden beat Canada in the

670
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: round of sixteen, she kissed Magna in a moment that

671
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 1: went viral. No, I don't think anything's racial, like it

672
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,720
Speaker 1: was just natural kiss. I actually didn't even think about

673
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: that someone would take a picture of us in that moment.

674
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 1: I think the day after I woke up to like

675
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: ten thousand new fans on Instagram and I on Twitter also.

676
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: It exploded in Denmarga and Sweden. It's it is quite

677
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 1: accepted to be gay, but there is many areas in

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00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: the world where it's not. And I think for places

679
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 1: where it's not accepted. I think a picture like this

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00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 1: means a lot if you look at my career. It

681
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 1: actually after I became a couple with Market that started

682
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: to to really explode. And yeah, I think that's a

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00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 1: part of it too, that that I feel free on

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00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 1: and off the pitch. Freedom, freedom to be who you

685
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 1: are and to love who you love. That's the ideal,

686
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 1: I think. To be pushed out because of your sexual preference,

687
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: the ripple effect and the downward spiral of mental health

688
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,720
Speaker 1: is massively dangerous. And here's what myself and the women

689
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: you've heard from want you to know. If your family,

690
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 1: or your team, or your religion doesn't accept you, you

691
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 1: can build your own family, your own team, and your

692
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: own religion. Maybe look to Asheville City, a place where

693
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: they shoot rainbow colored smoke bombs into the sky and

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00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 1: wave banners that proclaim y'all means all. Join us for

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00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 1: the next episode of Hustle Rule. La Gringer the Alley

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00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:58,840
Speaker 1: Long Story. Hustle Rule is a production of Waffle Iron Entertainment,

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00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: Range Media, Partner US Observatory Audio UP Media, and I

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00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Written and directed by Gwendolyn oxen Um, hosted

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00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 1: by me Hannah wading Um and is based on the

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00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: book Under the Lights and in the Dark, written by

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00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: Gwendolyn oxen Um. The executive producers are Justin Biskin from

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00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 1: Waffle Iron Entertainment, Bob Alligan from Range Media Partners, and

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00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 1: Seawan Titan from iHeart Radio. Co written by Ruth Hilton,

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00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 1: Produced by Gwendolen oxen Um, Ruth Hilton and Jordana Glick Franzheim.

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00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: Co produced by Jimmy Jellinek and Jared Goodstadt, Edited by

706
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,240
Speaker 1: Carry Caulfield, Eric sound design and mixing by Jeremiah's Immerman.

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00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 1: Music by Jeff Peters and Bill mart Theme song performed

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00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: by a One La Flair. You'll find more podcasts from

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00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 1: iHeart Radio on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or

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00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:53,439
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts. Good Body